All language subtitles for Cuckoo s01e01 The Homecoming.eng

THUNDER RUMBLES

MUSIC: "We Found Love"
by Rihanna

This programme contains
strong language.

Kes, we need to get indoors.

OK. I'm coming.

Is your friend OK?

A few too many fish bowls.

I understand.

Is that...a Phi Ta Khon mask?

It's the sky spirit Thaen.

Four million years ago,
on a night like tonight,

he mated with the wolf goddess Mazu,

and the fruits of their love were
the ocean, the sand and the stars.

Sounds like a good session.

It was THE session.

Rachel.

Hello, Rachel.

They call me Cuckoo.

Rach, I'm good.

I'm going in.

Shouldn't we get out of the rain?

Huh.

Is it raining?

I hadn't noticed.

? Outside there's children laughing

? The radio plays my favourite song

? The sun is shining

? Oh, and peace is the
sweetest sound I've ever heard

? And baby's coming back to me

? Yeah, baby's coming back to me... ?

? Salt-N-Pepa's here... ?

Yes, I know now.

? Rachel's coming home... ?

But I...

? Only the sexy people, baby... ?

I'm just saying as your solicitor
I should look at it first, OK?

Thank you. Bye-bye. Lorna!

? Rachel's coming home... ?

I was on the phone.

? Salt-N-Pepa's here
and we're in effect

? Want you to push it, babe

? Coolin' by day and by night
? Workin' up a sweat

? Come on, girls, let's go
show the guys that we know

? How to become number one
in a hot party show

? Now push it!
Ah, push it!

? Push it good!
Ah, push it!

? P-Push it real good! ?

I hope she hasn't taken any drugs.

That's a bit rich.
You used to shovel them back.

Shovel?

Oh, actually that's fair.

That's her. Rachel! Rachel!

Yoo-hoo!

It is her. Rachel!

Oh, my God!
Rachel-roo, you look amazing.

Guys, did you miss me?
Yes. Do I get another shot?

Oh, dad joke!

Well, here he is.

Sorry?

It's an honour, Ken,
just a great, great honour.

Hi.

Dad, this is Cuckoo.

Did you not get my Facebook message?

Don't check Facebook, Rach. I'm 45.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.
Sorry, what was your name again? Cuckoo.

Ooh. And how do you and
Rachel know each other?

She's my spouse.

I'm sorry?

Dad...

I got married!

HE SIGHS

Yep.

Thank you.

She's beautiful.

It was a genuine Thai
ceremony on the beach,

with this transcendental sunset.

All the locals came and danced.
They got their thing on!

There was this big fat forest monk

with, like, no teeth and a
hunchback. He gave me away.

Oh, great(!)

Everyone there found my name
impossible to pronounce

so he was like, "Wachel, Wachel."

"Wachel, Wachel."

THEY LAUGH

It was the perfect day.

I just wish you guys
could have made it.

So, Cuckoo, what line
of work are you in?

Er, well, it's sort of
hard to explain, Lorna.

I suppose you could say
part teacher, part visionary,

part firebrand, part friend.

Right. And do you get paid for that?

Oh, I wouldn't accept payment, Ken.
That would be...

That would be weird.

You know Cuckoo's been travelling
for, like, 12 years.

He's been absolutely everywhere.

You must have seen a lot.

You know, I have.

But, Ken, Lorna,

would you like to know the
longest journey I've ever taken?

Well, go on, then. Tell us.

The journey into my mind.

Yes, it was lonely and perilous, and
the only map I had was my own heart.

Aw! Yeah.

She's married, Ken. She got married!

We need to stay calm, Lorna.

He seems like an interesting guy.
Maybe it'll be fine.

You encouraged her
to go on that gap year.

She went away with
everything in front of her.

Now she's wrecked her life and
I didn't get to see the wedding.

Hey, guys. Hi, Rachel. Hi, Rach.

So, you like him?

Like him? We love him.

I mean, we don't even know him yet
but I'm sure, in time...

So we're wondering, um,
what are your plans?

Where are you thinking
of living, et cetera?

Dylan! You sister's home from
Thailand. Oh, you all right, Rach?

See the Amazon?
No, Dylan, I didn't see the Amazon.

Missed a trick there, then,
didn't you? I did get married.

So?

What, am I supposed to
congratulate you?

Anyone could get married. I
could get married. Congratulate me.

But you didn't get married.

But I could, so fuck off.

So, plans?

Cuckoo and I were thinking
we could stay here with you.

I could switch university,
somewhere local.

Obviously I'm going to
have to reapply and then,

in three years, when I'm qualified,

we're going to do something
like set up a leper colony

in some violent,
war-torn failed state

where no westerners go
because it's, like, too dangerous.

Well, I'm glad
you've thought it through.

Yay! So that's sorted, then.

Yeah. I think it's going
to be all right, Lorna.

It's a bit of a shock, a bit sudden,
but I think we'll get used to it.

In fact, I'm starting to feel more
relaxed about it already, really.

I mean, it's fine. It's no biggie.

That hurts, Ken. Hm?
I said that hurts. What?

Mmm!

You know, the fishermen
of Phuket have a saying.

"Once a woman enters her 40s,
her food is her lovemaking."

Very tasty, Lorna.

Oh, thank you, Cuckoo!

You're welcome.

What is this?

It's lamb noisettes.

No, what is this?

It's a jacket potato!

Jack-et potato?

Yeah.

Well, Lorna, I have to say...

It's fucking delicious!

Oh, thanks!

Jack-et potato.

So, um, what's with the stupid name?

Dylan!

Dylan's asking if
Cuckoo's your real name.

You want to know my birth name?

Well, my birth name
is Dale Ashbrick.

Dale Ashbrick?

Actually, kind of a funny story. A
few years back... Oh, not this bit.

..I was boating on the Moctezuma
River with some of these Huichol...

Cuckoo! Not this bit.

No, it's fine, your mum and dad
are people of the world.

So I'd just taken a triple dose
of the hallucinogen peyote...

Are you with me, Ken? Yes. Great.

I'm out on the river and
I'm buzzing like a handsaw...

HE IMITATES HANDSAW

Like, engine, brain,
together, molecules.

And suddenly, I realised...

I am not a person.

I am all people.

I'm not sure
I understand that, Cuckoo.

I am all people, you know?
So I am me, Dale Ashbrick,

but I'm also you, Lorna,

and you, Dylan,

and you, Rachel, my wife,

and I am you, Ken.

Well, obviously not literally.

Hey, I'm not sitting here
bullshitting you, Ken!

I am you

and I am in you.

I'm deep...

..inside you.

Right there.

Anyways, once I realised
I was all people,

I decided it didn't matter
what my name was.

Right. Well, if it didn't matter
what your name was, why did you bother changing it?

Well, I guess I was just high!

Jack-et potato!

Ah, lovely. Here we are.

A little vino.

A little wine.

There you go, Cuckoo. Thanks.

So, Rachel, Cuckoo, I suppose
I should say a few words.

Ooh, actually, Dad,
Cuckoo is going to make a toast.

Yeah, do you mind, Dad?

No, please. Great.

Could you just...?
Everyone have a seat.

I gave this speech
on our wedding day.

Now I'd like to give it
again with clothes on,

and you, our family, present.

'Rachel' by Cuckoo.

What can I say about Rachel,

your only daughter?

Rachel is unique,

she's loving,

she's enthusiastic,

she's adventurous,

always seeking new things,

new ways of doing things.

This girl's the kind of girl
who says yes to EVERYTHING.

She's open, welcoming,

warm inside.

She can be fiery. Oh, God!

I mean, sometimes,
you cannot hold her down.

She's frisky,

never standoffish,

and finally,

and most importantly,

grateful.

Well, wow!

Relieved mum right here.

What?! You like him?

He may be a little unconventional,

but he's winning and
inspiring and profound.

We should never have doubted Rachel.

Oh, that speech!
It made me feel 16 again.

He reminds me of...

Oh, who's that author I like, Ken?

Jane Austen.

Yes. And you remember that book,
the one I really liked?

Pride And Prejudice.

Yes. Well, there was this
one particular character.

I confess I had a little bit of a...
Mr Darcy.

Yes! Yes, Ken.

Cuckoo reminds me of Mr Darcy.

See, I didn't really see it that way.
I found him a little...vapid.

Vapid?

Were we at the same dinner?

Come on, grumpy.

You never like anyone at first.

Maybe I am judging him too quickly.

I'll take him out tomorrow morning,
we'll have some fun. Good idea.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

HEADBOARDS BANG IN DISTANCE

Lorna? Yes.

Can you hear that?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes.

Ohhh!

Oh, God, England!

Here I come!

Oh, yes!

Am I allowed to go and stop them?
Is that allowed?

Come on, Ken, she's married.

YEAH!

Remember when you
and I were like this?

I mean, not exactly like this.

Never lasted
anything like this long.

Goodnight.

I'll move them to
Dylan's room tomorrow.

I'll buy him something,
soften the blow.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

ARRRGHHH!

Rachel, you feel so good!
Oh, God!

Ken? Yes, love?

Do you think he's got a big one?
Please go to sleep.

ARRRGHHH!

We'll be back about four. All right.

Have a good time. We will.

Mwah.

(Good luck.)

HE SIGHS

Cuckoo.

I thought we could take the car
out for a drive, see the sights,

get to know each other.
I've brought you a cup of tea.

Cuckoo. Wakey-wakey.

Cuckoo.

Cuckoo. GET OUT!

HE YELLS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE

Get out!

GET OUT!

Oh!

(What did you do?)

Ken, I am so embarrassed
about what happened.

I'm always like that when
I'm woken, you know,

cranky.

Cuckoo, it's water under the bridge.

I'm just not an early morning
type of person, you know?

I think it's because I have
so many profound thoughts that my brain needs time to regenerate.

My late father used to bring me
up here, you know, in the '80s.

He was old school left, you know,
proper Black Country.

Me, I was one of those
new romantics.

Surprised you, huh?

Yeah, I had it all, the long hair,
painted fingernails.

Can I stop you there, Ken?

You're not holding my attention.

Oh.

I just meant it's very beautiful
up here, isn't it? I mean...

I've done a lot of thinking up here.

Yeah, I guess it's just a question
of perspective, though, right?

Because when you've spent two months
yak-tracking through the Himalayas,

places like this just
look a bit...shit.

You know?

Anyway, just one guy's opinion.

It is just beautiful.
I keep pinching myself.

Thanks, Mum.
You've thanked me already, Dilly.

I know, but I'm just always
so locked up in my head

with all these thoughts
of existence and shit,

and you still look after me
and give me cool stuff.

I really love you, Mum.

You silly, Dilly, woo-woo.

I need you and Rachel to swap rooms.
You're fucking shitting me?

It's only a room, Dylan.

It's my room. I've worked on it.
It's got ambience.

Is ambience a new word
for smells of wank?

I don't wank. I don't.

Mum, I have never wanked.

Of course you haven't, Dilly.

Do it for me.
Do it for your Mum-Mum.

Rachel mentions you're
writing a book.

Mm, about my political
philosophies, yeah.

It's going to be the most
important book of the 21st century.

Is it? Yeah, I just need
a little bit more time.

I figure I'll stay with you
guys for a couple of years,

make sure I get enough sleep,
keep my brain strong.

I'll get there.

Right.

But obviously you can't expect to
stay with us indefinitely, so...

No. Kenderson,
may I call you Kenderson?

No.

Ken, I'm a great
believer in society.

So am I. Oh, great. Awesome.

So, in the most basic human
societies, you would have hunters,

you know, people like you, guys that
were good at the simple stuff.

You know, there - food, there -
money, go get. Urgh! You know?

But then, at the same time, you
would have the thinkers, you know?

They weren't good at hunting,
just like I'm not good at jobs,

but they would eat the food
provided by the hunters

and in exchange they would think up
a lot of really cool stuff

for the future and shit.

And that's me, Ken.

Thinker.

Hunter.

Hunter.

Thinker.

Yeah?

Right.

I'm going to have to
pick you up on a few things.

Like what?

Hello-oh!

Did you have a good time?
Oh, you love him, don't you?

It went bad.

What's wrong, Ken?

Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.

I just want to spend some
time on my bed relaxing.

No, I can tell something's wrong.

He refuses to work, Lorna.

Who? Cuckoo?

Of course, Cuckoo. Who else would
I mean? Mr Dunn from the office.

Mr Dunn? What?

You're always complaining about him.

Dunn Nothing -
that's what you call him.

KNOCK ON DOOR

It's Rachel, I'm coming in.

I think your father
would like a bit of privacy.

Did you tell Cuckoo
he had to get a job?

No. No!

Well, yes. Yes, he did.

You weren't even there, Lorna.
I wasn't there. Don't blame me.

Dad, you have got no right to
interfere in my life like that.

Interfere? Yes, interfere.

You have brought a man I have
never met before into my house.

He's never going to leave.

He expects me to pay his way.

By comparison with that,
what I did is not interfering.

It is like a gentle grope.

Or, if what I have
done is interfering,

then what you have done is like...

..a rape.

You have raped your mother and me.

Rachel, ignore your father.
You haven't raped me.

OK, then, you don't have to
worry about Cuckoo paying our way

because I'm going to get a job. You
can't. You're going to university.

Well, obviously not.
You need somebody to pay the rent.

Cuckoo needs to concentrate
on his book, so it has to be me.

Oh, don't be stupid!
You don't have to pay the rent.

Oh, even better!
I can put some money aside,

and Cuckoo and I can get a
place of our own, away from you.

I don't know, Rach. I mean,
maybe your dad's right.

In a lot of ways, all I've ever
really done is travel and party.

I mean, maybe it's arrogant to
think I can just write a book

and solve all the world's problems.

Baby, I don't want you
ever thinking like that.

You're a genius.

HE SIGHS

I know.

I know.

I tried my new room.
I don't like it.

Give it a bit longer
than two hours, eh, Dylan?

Ken, why are you
sitting in the dark?

This Cuckoo guy is
ruining everything.

Why can't we just pay him off,
send him back to Thailand?

Dylan, he's Rachel's husband
and we all love him.

Why does he want to be here anyway,

living with you two
and married to Rachel who,

I don't want to be rude,
is a massive dog?

Just give him some money and
he'll be out of here. I would be.

I'm going to pretend you never
said that. Cuckoo's family now.

This is the man who will
father our grandchildren,

be there for us in our old age,

carry your father's coffin.

Tell him, Ken. Ken! What?

Yes, Dylan, it's an absurd idea.

Anyone home?

Hello?

Cuckoo. Hey, Ken!
Come here, come here.

Sit, sit.

It's whale music. Oh.

Um...

Wait, wait. Wait.

Ah!

I love that part.

HE CHUCKLES

What's up?

OK. So I was thinking about
our conversation yesterday.

Yes. We argued,

and in that white heat of emotion,
we discovered a bond.

Did we know each other
in a previous life Ken?

I don't think so. I wonder.

Maybe we were brothers.

You were small, weak,
frightened by everything,

but I was strong. I saved your life.

Many times.

So about yesterday -

I came away thinking that your world
and my world are different places.

So different, yeah.

But in my world,

very different from yours,
Rachel had really good prospects.

She was going to Bristol University,
which she worked really hard for.

Ken, I love Rachel very much.

And then I thought about you.

You must miss Thailand.

Sometimes. Yeah!

Cooped up in this house,
far away from your home,

and then I thought maybe if you had
some money things would be different.

You'd be able to go your own way and
Rachel - maybe she'd be happier, too.

Do we, um, understand each other?

I think we do.

So...

Oh, Ken, I-I don't think
I can take this.

She needs a guy who can support her.

You feel bad about this now,

but if you really love her, Cuckoo,
you'll make the sacrifice.

Just take the money, walk out of
that door, it's as simple as that.

Goodbye, Cuckoo.

'Rach, there's no easy way
for me to say this.'

Cuckoo told me this morning
that he was considering...

What?

..leaving you, going back
to Thailand without you.

No.

Yeah. He, he told me he could
never feel at home here.

He told me to tell you
that he loved you,

but that being with him
wasn't your path.

He said he wanted you to go to
university, set yourself up,

marry someone nice,
maybe a doctor or a lawyer,

someone with a steady income.

Maybe a Villa supporter.

Cuckoo said that?

I don't know.
It was something like that. I...

I was just so emotional at the time,
it was so sad to see him go.

Is that a bonfire in the garden?

Cuckoo left some of his stuff.
I couldn't leave it hanging around. Rachel would find it too painful.

You'll be all right, love. I won't.

You will. I won't!

DYLAN: She might not be. Dylan!

What? I'm just saying, she's been
married now. Kind of used goods.

If we lived in a Muslim state,
we'd probably have to stone her.

SHE SOBS

Rachel, however much you love Cuckoo,

your mum and I love you just as much.

You'll get through this because
I will do anything, anything,

to make you happy,

in the long run.

Thanks, Dad.

HORN BEEPS

Cuckoo, what's going on?
I thought we had a deal.

We did, and here it is!

You likey?

Cuckoo!

You're back!

God! Where have you been?

Rach, your dad was right.

If I'm not willing to support you,
I don't deserve you.

What's this?

It's a jack-et potato van.

I mean, who knew?

Apparently you can sell them
out of a van. It's perfect!

You're going to sell
jacket potatoes?

Yes.

That is, Lorna, if you'd
honour me with the recipe?

Yes, of course!

Great. Then it's settled!

Only cost me 10,000 squids.

�10,000?

I know. A steal, right?

Cuckoo, where did you get the money?

Dad gave it to me. Dad?!

You gave Cuckoo �10,000
to set up a business?

Yes. Surprise!

(�10,000, Ken?)

Yes.

Because...I was saying

that he didn't have a job and so...

Well, why did you tell me
he'd gone back to Thailand?

And why did you burn all his stuff?
You burnt my stuff, Ken?

Why would you do that?

To...make it an
even bigger surprise!

You should see your faces!

It's all worked out
exactly as I planned.

Oh!

Oh! You funny man.

Yeah! Well, come on,
let's get inside.

LAUGHTER

KEN SIGHS

Well, it's me and you, Ken.

Burnt my stuff!?

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