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1
00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:03,464
So, what movie are
we watching tonight?
2
00:00:03,465 --> 00:00:05,793
Max is picking up a
movie on his way over.
3
00:00:05,794 --> 00:00:07,061
What? No!
4
00:00:07,062 --> 00:00:08,796
It's going to be French or Dutch
5
00:00:08,797 --> 00:00:12,131
or something that got
nominated for Best Costume.
6
00:00:12,132 --> 00:00:13,666
Oh, give him a chance.
7
00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:16,469
It's nice for us to do something
highbrow every once in awhile.
8
00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:19,071
I'm even serving my
nine-dollar bottle of wine.
9
00:00:19,072 --> 00:00:22,074
All I'm saying is if
he brings another movie
10
00:00:22,075 --> 00:00:25,010
starring a violin, I'm leaving.
11
00:00:25,011 --> 00:00:27,745
You guys are going to love
this documentary I got.
12
00:00:27,746 --> 00:00:29,781
There's this family
that's been making shoes
13
00:00:29,782 --> 00:00:33,084
for over 600 years in the
same small hamlet in Denmark.
14
00:00:34,453 --> 00:00:38,255
This is their story,
as told by their blind neighbor.
15
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:40,657
I can't do it.
16
00:00:40,658 --> 00:00:42,358
Guys,
17
00:00:42,359 --> 00:00:43,726
I'm kidding.
Would I do that to you?
18
00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:45,728
I rented Meatballs!
19
00:00:45,729 --> 00:00:47,196
And got meatball subs.
20
00:00:47,197 --> 00:00:49,531
You did a theme night?
21
00:00:49,532 --> 00:00:51,166
Oh, my God. I love you.
22
00:00:51,167 --> 00:00:52,233
I love him, too.
23
00:00:52,234 --> 00:00:53,768
I loved him first.
24
00:00:53,769 --> 00:00:55,570
Hey, guys. What are we doing?
25
00:00:55,571 --> 00:00:57,471
Max brought a movie
over for movie night.
26
00:00:57,472 --> 00:00:59,439
Good night. No, no, no!
27
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:00,740
It's Meatballs.
28
00:01:00,741 --> 00:01:02,074
Good movie.
29
00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:05,444
Hey, where's the baby?
I thought you were bringing her over.
30
00:01:05,445 --> 00:01:07,946
I was going to, but New
Christine was feeding her.
31
00:01:07,947 --> 00:01:09,314
I'll bring her over next time.
32
00:01:09,315 --> 00:01:11,115
Christine won't let you
hold the baby, will she?
33
00:01:11,116 --> 00:01:13,084
What? Why would you say that?
34
00:01:13,085 --> 00:01:15,452
Of course not. Did you talk to her?
35
00:01:15,453 --> 00:01:17,955
You know, a lot of new
mothers are overprotective.
36
00:01:17,956 --> 00:01:20,323
Yeah, remember how I was with Ritchie?
Very protective.
37
00:01:20,324 --> 00:01:22,625
I wouldn't let him out of my sight.
Where is Ritchie?
38
00:01:22,626 --> 00:01:24,793
I think someone took
him to Disneyland.
39
00:01:25,995 --> 00:01:29,264
Oh... I've got to take this.
40
00:01:29,265 --> 00:01:30,798
It's Tony. I won't be long.
41
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,500
Set up the movie.
We better get watching
42
00:01:32,501 --> 00:01:34,369
if you also want to see...
43
00:01:34,370 --> 00:01:36,037
Meatballs 2.
44
00:01:38,173 --> 00:01:40,273
I just love how he
fits in with our group.
45
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,542
That's not easy. people hate us.
46
00:01:42,543 --> 00:01:45,044
I hate us.
47
00:01:45,045 --> 00:01:46,412
What are his friends like?
48
00:01:46,413 --> 00:01:47,813
I don't know.
I haven't met them yet.
49
00:01:47,814 --> 00:01:49,314
That's a little weird.
50
00:01:49,315 --> 00:01:50,648
No, it's not.
51
00:01:50,649 --> 00:01:52,950
He just hasn't gotten around
to introducing me yet.
52
00:01:52,951 --> 00:01:54,785
He loves me. Everything is perfect.
53
00:01:54,786 --> 00:01:56,820
And I'm sure he'll introduce
me to his friends soon.
54
00:01:56,821 --> 00:01:59,055
It's not like he's
embarrassed of me, you know?
55
00:01:59,056 --> 00:02:01,891
Why would he be embarrassed of me?
56
00:02:01,892 --> 00:02:03,593
Aah! Hot! Hot!
57
00:02:04,461 --> 00:02:06,161
Oh! That...!
58
00:02:07,397 --> 00:02:10,464
♪The New Adventures of Old Christine 5x21 ♪
Get Smarter Original Air Date on May 12, 2010
59
00:02:10,467 --> 00:02:13,301
-- Sync corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
60
00:02:13,502 --> 00:02:15,869
Why are you registering
for gifts when
61
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:17,638
you han't even set a de
for your wedding yet?
62
00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:19,206
So people will know
what to bring me
63
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,807
at my surprise engagement party.
64
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:25,044
Who's throwing you a
surprise engagement party?
65
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,746
You are.
66
00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:30,149
Surprise.
67
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,618
I'm not throwing you a party.
68
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:34,520
I'm busy. I have a business to run.
69
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:35,721
Your business.
70
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,690
Oh, come on. Barb, please?
71
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,959
I mean, I need to
meet Max's friends
72
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,062
so he'll know that there's
nothing to be nervous about.
73
00:02:42,063 --> 00:02:44,698
And you know what? If you do it,
then you can pick out
74
00:02:44,699 --> 00:02:47,868
anything you want here
and I'll register for it.
75
00:02:49,504 --> 00:02:52,972
Fine, I'll take this
crystal peacock.
76
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:56,241
You know how bad I always
wanted one of those.
77
00:02:57,475 --> 00:02:59,709
Okay, Matthew,
I'm going to need you
78
00:02:59,710 --> 00:03:02,676
to steal Max's phone,
and go into his contacts
79
00:03:02,677 --> 00:03:04,143
and text all of his friends.
80
00:03:04,144 --> 00:03:06,245
And then, replace his
phone without him knowing.
81
00:03:06,246 --> 00:03:08,380
And if you get caught,
you don't know me.
82
00:03:10,215 --> 00:03:12,416
I wish I didn't know you.
83
00:03:15,051 --> 00:03:18,153
Listen, I'm not helping you
with your crazy scheme.
84
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,254
All right, fine.
85
00:03:19,255 --> 00:03:20,722
Then Max and I won't get married
86
00:03:20,723 --> 00:03:22,423
and you and I can
grow old together.
87
00:03:23,258 --> 00:03:24,724
Okay, here's the plan.
88
00:03:25,559 --> 00:03:27,560
Every day,
Max talks with his mother
89
00:03:27,561 --> 00:03:28,727
between 11:00 and 12:00.
90
00:03:28,728 --> 00:03:30,696
His mother? Oh, no.
91
00:03:30,697 --> 00:03:32,230
Yeah, and then he
writes in his journal
92
00:03:32,231 --> 00:03:33,798
for about a half hour after that.
93
00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:35,832
His journal? Oh, no.
94
00:03:35,833 --> 00:03:37,334
Yeah, then he takes
a very long walk,
95
00:03:37,335 --> 00:03:39,235
and he leaves his phone
behind him on his desk.
96
00:03:39,236 --> 00:03:40,902
That's when I'll get
his friends' numbers.
97
00:03:40,903 --> 00:03:43,571
You know, you could have just
told me the part about the walk.
98
00:03:43,572 --> 00:03:46,806
Yeah, and you could've just
asked to me his friends.
99
00:03:48,675 --> 00:03:51,309
We don't do things the easy way.
100
00:03:56,494 --> 00:03:58,695
Wasn't expecting this many people.
101
00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:00,696
I figured Max had as many friends
102
00:04:00,697 --> 00:04:04,066
as Christine does, so I only
bought one pizza and a 12-pack.
103
00:04:05,868 --> 00:04:07,602
Oh, hey, you brought the baby.
104
00:04:07,603 --> 00:04:09,036
If you brought any baby food,
105
00:04:09,037 --> 00:04:12,339
why don't you go ahead and
sit it out on the counter.
106
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:14,741
We can use it as dip.
107
00:04:14,742 --> 00:04:16,442
Can I hold her?
108
00:04:16,443 --> 00:04:18,544
No. You can't even look at her.
109
00:04:18,545 --> 00:04:20,179
She's sleeping.
110
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:21,714
And she's a light sleeper.
111
00:04:21,715 --> 00:04:23,549
The reason I know that
is because I'm her dad
112
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:25,284
and I'm allowed to hold her.
113
00:04:28,889 --> 00:04:31,958
Hey, everybody, Christine is
on her way up the driveway.
114
00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:33,225
Should we yell "surprise"?
115
00:04:33,226 --> 00:04:35,292
No. You'll wake the baby.
116
00:04:36,393 --> 00:04:38,826
Oh, and if you already
had a slice of pizza,
117
00:04:38,827 --> 00:04:40,761
that's it.
118
00:04:43,964 --> 00:04:47,630
What did you guys do?
119
00:04:48,965 --> 00:04:50,765
We threw you a surprise
engagement party
120
00:04:50,766 --> 00:04:52,366
just like you asked.
121
00:04:53,901 --> 00:04:56,569
Max, look at what they did!
122
00:04:56,570 --> 00:04:59,138
All of our friends are here:
123
00:04:59,139 --> 00:05:02,176
Barb and Matthew and, and...
124
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,779
Well, that's all I know.
125
00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:06,481
I texted all your favorites
126
00:05:06,482 --> 00:05:07,984
from your phon and invited them.
127
00:05:07,985 --> 00:05:11,520
That explains why my Chinese
food delivery guy is here.
128
00:05:13,089 --> 00:05:14,556
You knew about this?
129
00:05:14,557 --> 00:05:16,925
Yeah, well, I thought it
would be a great opportunity
130
00:05:16,926 --> 00:05:19,560
to meet some of your friends,
since you know all mine--
131
00:05:19,561 --> 00:05:22,296
Barb and Matthew and...
132
00:05:24,132 --> 00:05:25,899
Okay, well, we're here.
133
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:28,468
Let me, uh, introduce you.
Okay, oh!
134
00:05:28,469 --> 00:05:30,703
Is Tony here? I want to
meet your best friend.
135
00:05:30,704 --> 00:05:33,940
Uh, yeah, yeah,
Tony's talking to my locksmith.
136
00:05:33,941 --> 00:05:36,075
Uh, I'll, I'll go get her.
137
00:05:36,076 --> 00:05:38,144
"Her"?
138
00:05:38,145 --> 00:05:40,077
Tony's a girl?
139
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:42,311
Now, don't freak out.
Men can be friends with women.
140
00:05:42,312 --> 00:05:44,046
No, I know, Matthew.
I'm not going to freak out.
141
00:05:44,047 --> 00:05:45,747
I know men can be
friends with women.
142
00:05:45,748 --> 00:05:47,582
I have a lot of male friends.
143
00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:49,984
You and...
144
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:54,054
Christine, I would like
for you to meet Tony.
145
00:05:54,055 --> 00:05:55,622
Finally, I get to meet Christine.
146
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,190
I was starting to think
he was embarrassed of me.
147
00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,192
It is so nice to meet you. I've heard,
literally, everything about you.
148
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,894
Oh, it is so nice to meet you, too.
149
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,396
I've heard, literally,
nothing about you.
150
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:06,364
Well, good.
151
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,832
Who wants to hear stories
about someone's ex-wife?
152
00:06:11,235 --> 00:06:12,935
Ex-what? What?
153
00:06:12,936 --> 00:06:16,737
Tony's my ex-wife.
Did I not mention that?
154
00:06:16,738 --> 00:06:20,006
This is a good surprise party.
155
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
156
00:06:26,823 --> 00:06:28,123
Max, can I pull you away
157
00:06:28,124 --> 00:06:30,492
from your ex-wife
just for a minute?
158
00:06:30,493 --> 00:06:31,893
You don't mind, do you, Tony?
159
00:06:31,894 --> 00:06:33,427
Help yourself to
some pizza and beer.
160
00:06:33,428 --> 00:06:35,062
Ah, bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
161
00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:40,134
Max!
162
00:06:40,135 --> 00:06:43,003
What the hell? What?
163
00:06:43,004 --> 00:06:45,505
I cannot believe that the person
164
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:48,374
you are calling every
day is your ex-wife.
165
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,042
You're not jealous of
my friendship with Tony,
166
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,576
because that would be
really hypocritical.
167
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,044
You have conversations
with your ex-husband
168
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,678
while we're having sex.
169
00:06:54,679 --> 00:06:58,280
Oh, well, come on,
I needed him to TiVo something.
170
00:06:59,616 --> 00:07:01,116
I-I just, I just think
171
00:07:01,117 --> 00:07:03,385
that it's weird that
you didn't mention it.
172
00:07:03,386 --> 00:07:06,322
Okay, look, I was avoiding
having you two meet,
173
00:07:06,323 --> 00:07:08,657
because I was afraid
you wouldn't get along.
174
00:07:08,658 --> 00:07:11,392
What?! I get along with everybody.
175
00:07:11,393 --> 00:07:13,194
Ask any of my friend.
176
00:07:15,029 --> 00:07:17,063
It's not you.
177
00:07:17,064 --> 00:07:18,197
Tony's not easy.
178
00:07:18,198 --> 00:07:19,598
You know, she's intimidating.
179
00:07:19,599 --> 00:07:22,233
She's trilingual.
She's a published author.
180
00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:24,636
She got her first
PhD when she was 19.
181
00:07:24,637 --> 00:07:28,005
So what? I got my first
period when I was 14.
182
00:07:31,142 --> 00:07:34,277
Well, she's finally met her match.
183
00:07:34,278 --> 00:07:36,613
Yeah, and you know,
just so you know,
184
00:07:36,614 --> 00:07:39,782
I did trilingual
once in college, too,
185
00:07:39,783 --> 00:07:42,884
but it's not something that I
go bragging about at parties.
186
00:07:44,954 --> 00:07:47,054
Marly and Lindsay,
187
00:07:47,055 --> 00:07:48,122
what are you doing here?
188
00:07:48,123 --> 00:07:49,289
Well, we were invited.
189
00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:51,358
Barb called us and told
us to show up at 7:00
190
00:07:51,359 --> 00:07:53,160
and bring our own peacock.
191
00:07:54,529 --> 00:07:55,929
Oh, and look, Lindsay, the party
192
00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:58,865
is just as lovely
as the invitation.
193
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,201
What's my locksmith doing here?
194
00:08:03,203 --> 00:08:05,137
What could they be talking about
195
00:08:05,138 --> 00:08:06,772
this whole time?
196
00:08:06,773 --> 00:08:08,674
I mean, Max and I can't get through
197
00:08:08,675 --> 00:08:10,076
three minutes of conversation
198
00:08:10,077 --> 00:08:12,945
without one of us putting a
hand down the other's pants.
199
00:08:12,946 --> 00:08:15,781
You two have something special.
200
00:08:15,782 --> 00:08:17,782
You really think so, Barb?
201
00:08:17,783 --> 00:08:20,384
Yeah, I won't shake
either of your hands.
202
00:08:20,385 --> 00:08:22,753
I mean, what could be so
interesting over there?
203
00:08:22,754 --> 00:08:24,387
Why are you just standing here?
204
00:08:24,388 --> 00:08:26,022
Go and get in on it.
205
00:08:26,023 --> 00:08:28,992
Go show that woman where
your hand belongs.
206
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,696
Richard?
207
00:08:33,697 --> 00:08:35,664
What's going on?
What are you wearing?
208
00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:37,166
What's happening on your front?
209
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,602
This is my baby.
210
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:44,406
Wow, I've never seen a white
man hold a baby before.
211
00:08:44,407 --> 00:08:46,276
W-Why are you doing it?
212
00:08:47,144 --> 00:08:48,978
Because I'm allowed to.
213
00:08:48,979 --> 00:08:50,546
Because I'm her dad
214
00:08:50,547 --> 00:08:52,147
and New Christine totally
trusts me with her.
215
00:08:52,148 --> 00:08:54,149
Um, it was a rhetorical question.
216
00:08:54,150 --> 00:08:55,550
I'm only talking to you
'cause my locksmith's
217
00:08:55,551 --> 00:08:57,619
in the bathroom, so...
218
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,821
Oh...
219
00:09:05,594 --> 00:09:07,828
Okay, what's going on?
220
00:09:07,829 --> 00:09:09,229
I have faked enough pregnancies
221
00:09:09,230 --> 00:09:10,698
to know when something's up.
222
00:09:10,699 --> 00:09:12,500
What are you talking about?
223
00:09:12,501 --> 00:09:14,235
Nothing's up. She's sleeping.
224
00:09:14,236 --> 00:09:15,903
Oh, gross. Oh, no. What?
225
00:09:17,171 --> 00:09:19,139
Boy... Hey... look,
don't tell anyone.
226
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:21,008
New Christine doesn't
trust me with the baby.
227
00:09:21,009 --> 00:09:23,375
I wouldn't even trust
you with a doll.
228
00:09:24,742 --> 00:09:26,607
I'm just tired of
people making fun of me,
229
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:29,706
so I brought this fake one
to show what a good dad I am.
230
00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:31,305
Oh. Perfect plan.
231
00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:34,470
No, you're wrong.
232
00:09:34,471 --> 00:09:36,169
Once the prefrontal
cortex has developed,
233
00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:38,503
there's no changing the synapse
structures of the brain.
234
00:09:38,504 --> 00:09:40,167
I mean, how can you
possibly believe
235
00:09:40,168 --> 00:09:41,968
that psychotherapy can
change physiology?
236
00:09:41,969 --> 00:09:44,434
Show me your research.
I've shown you my research.
237
00:09:44,435 --> 00:09:47,036
The New England Journal of Medicine
has shown you their research.
238
00:09:47,037 --> 00:09:48,437
You are so stubborn.
239
00:09:48,438 --> 00:09:50,939
Hey, what are you guys
talking about? Ah, nothing.
240
00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:52,239
Something incredibly boring.
241
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,775
Oh, I doubt that. What is it?
242
00:09:54,776 --> 00:09:56,642
The physical manifestations
of psychotherapy
243
00:09:56,643 --> 00:09:58,744
on the structures of
the cerebral cortex.
244
00:09:58,745 --> 00:10:00,879
Boring? What, are you kidding me?
245
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,014
I just read an article about
that on my AOL home page.
246
00:10:04,015 --> 00:10:05,815
Really, because
247
00:10:05,816 --> 00:10:07,583
I'd be interested in your opinion.
248
00:10:07,584 --> 00:10:10,084
Do you think that cognitive
behavioral therapy
249
00:10:10,085 --> 00:10:12,186
is capable of changing
the brain's physiology?
250
00:10:12,187 --> 00:10:16,758
Well, I personally
believe that the brain
251
00:10:16,759 --> 00:10:21,228
is a complicated situation,
such as...
252
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:26,065
that doesn't exist with therapy
and the like, such as...
253
00:10:26,066 --> 00:10:29,768
physiology and the like, so...
254
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,640
Good job, sweetie.
255
00:10:39,077 --> 00:10:42,213
Hey, Barb, this party sucks.
256
00:10:42,214 --> 00:10:46,584
Hey, I almost spent
$16 on this party.
257
00:10:49,788 --> 00:10:52,557
I just made a complete
fool of myself.
258
00:10:52,558 --> 00:10:54,792
I had no idea what they
were talking about.
259
00:10:54,793 --> 00:10:56,327
They were using all these big words
260
00:10:56,328 --> 00:10:58,863
like "cortex" and "such as""
261
00:11:00,866 --> 00:11:03,167
I know that that Tony
was doing it on purpose.
262
00:11:03,168 --> 00:11:05,937
She was trying to make me
look bad in front of Max.
263
00:11:05,938 --> 00:11:07,905
Well, why do you let
her do that to you?
264
00:11:07,906 --> 00:11:10,675
Well, because I don't know
anything about psychology,
265
00:11:10,676 --> 00:11:12,777
and science and the like.
266
00:11:14,513 --> 00:11:15,947
And why should you?
267
00:11:15,948 --> 00:11:17,782
That's what they do for a living.
268
00:11:17,783 --> 00:11:19,384
Go talk about something you know.
269
00:11:19,385 --> 00:11:22,086
Yeah.
270
00:11:22,087 --> 00:11:24,722
You can say what you
want about Russell,
271
00:11:24,723 --> 00:11:29,493
but never has a player in the
history of Survivor
272
00:11:29,494 --> 00:11:33,798
found three immunity idols
without a single clue, okay?
273
00:11:33,799 --> 00:11:35,466
And I will even go on record saying
274
00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:36,834
that it is never
gonna happen again.
275
00:11:36,835 --> 00:11:38,636
Now, Amazing Race,
on the other hand, that...
276
00:11:38,637 --> 00:11:39,737
Um...
277
00:11:39,738 --> 00:11:41,305
I'm gonna have to
stop you right there.
278
00:11:41,306 --> 00:11:42,506
I don't even own a TV.
279
00:11:42,507 --> 00:11:45,476
What?! Oh, my God!
280
00:11:45,477 --> 00:11:47,077
Who doesn't own a TV? Wow!
281
00:11:47,078 --> 00:11:50,513
How do you keep up
with the Kardashians?
282
00:11:50,514 --> 00:11:53,448
God, I don't think I
could live without my TV.
283
00:11:53,449 --> 00:11:55,249
Well, maybe you should consider it.
284
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:57,184
There have actually
been several studies...
285
00:11:57,185 --> 00:11:58,152
Oh, here we go.
286
00:11:58,153 --> 00:12:00,554
She's gonna cite
the Feltheim study,
287
00:12:00,555 --> 00:12:02,556
which was flawed from the get-go.
288
00:12:02,557 --> 00:12:03,557
It wasn't flawed.
289
00:12:03,558 --> 00:12:04,691
The studies clearly showed
290
00:12:04,692 --> 00:12:06,059
there's a diminished attention span
291
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:07,126
among children who watch
292
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,894
more than three hours
of television a day.
293
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:13,598
Did it say anything about
people who watch six hours?
294
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,766
I think you're fine.
295
00:12:16,835 --> 00:12:19,303
♪ Uh-oh... ♪
296
00:12:20,905 --> 00:12:22,005
There you are.
297
00:12:22,006 --> 00:12:24,374
I've been looking for
you for ten minutes.
298
00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:27,076
Really? 'Cause I've been
out here for 45 minutes.
299
00:12:27,077 --> 00:12:28,844
Sorry.
300
00:12:28,845 --> 00:12:32,148
Tony and I got into a thing.
301
00:12:32,149 --> 00:12:33,983
She will never admit she's wrong.
302
00:12:33,984 --> 00:12:35,384
And since I'm never wrong,
303
00:12:35,385 --> 00:12:38,086
there's no end to the conversation.
304
00:12:38,087 --> 00:12:42,289
Really? Why don't you just
have sex with her then?
305
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:44,257
What?
306
00:12:44,258 --> 00:12:45,725
What are you talking about?
307
00:12:45,726 --> 00:12:47,427
I don't want to sleep with Tony.
308
00:12:47,428 --> 00:12:50,129
When we were married,
I didn't want to sleep with Tony.
309
00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:51,597
We weren't compatible that way.
310
00:12:51,598 --> 00:12:53,999
Mostly she was a fantastic
Scrabble partner.
311
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,335
Oh, really? Well, then why don't
you have sex with her then?
312
00:12:57,336 --> 00:12:59,403
We're just friends.
313
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,205
Well, I don't understand
314
00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:04,173
how you can like
me if you like her.
315
00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:05,208
We're so different.
316
00:13:05,209 --> 00:13:06,442
It was a long time ago.
317
00:13:06,443 --> 00:13:08,177
We were in love with
each other's brains.
318
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:09,578
That's where it ended.
319
00:13:09,579 --> 00:13:12,680
Oh, really? Then why don't
you have sex with her then?
320
00:13:14,583 --> 00:13:17,183
Christine...
321
00:13:17,184 --> 00:13:19,714
I love you and only you.
322
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:24,354
And I want to sleep
with you and only you.
323
00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:27,390
I love you, too.
324
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,159
I only want to sleep with you, too.
325
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,827
Although, I might be willing
326
00:13:31,828 --> 00:13:34,161
to give trilingual one more shot.
327
00:13:35,863 --> 00:13:37,132
Mmm. Come on.
328
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,067
I'm sorry. I just...
329
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,371
I get, you know, a little insecure.
330
00:13:40,372 --> 00:13:41,639
You don't have to be.
331
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,305
I like you exactly the way you are.
332
00:13:44,306 --> 00:13:47,608
I couldn't care less
if you're smart.
333
00:13:52,545 --> 00:13:54,045
Christine's gonna be happy.
334
00:13:54,046 --> 00:13:55,477
She got five corkscrews.
335
00:13:55,478 --> 00:13:56,509
No, she won't.
336
00:13:56,510 --> 00:13:59,207
She registered for 15.
337
00:13:59,208 --> 00:14:01,675
Okay, I think I'm gonna take off.
338
00:14:01,676 --> 00:14:02,808
Uh, I don't think so.
339
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,808
You left your baby's
head on the chair.
340
00:14:08,575 --> 00:14:11,708
Oh, shoot!
341
00:14:16,179 --> 00:14:20,748
All right,
this isn't the real baby.
342
00:14:20,749 --> 00:14:23,317
Are you sure?
343
00:14:23,318 --> 00:14:26,553
Try taking the legs
off just to be safe.
344
00:14:28,322 --> 00:14:29,923
Okay, you were right.
345
00:14:29,924 --> 00:14:33,025
New Christine won't let
me hold the real baby.
346
00:14:33,026 --> 00:14:34,026
I feel useless.
347
00:14:34,027 --> 00:14:35,260
There's nothing for me to do.
348
00:14:35,261 --> 00:14:37,262
And the baby's on the
boob all the time.
349
00:14:37,263 --> 00:14:38,563
That's where I used to be!
350
00:14:38,564 --> 00:14:39,964
What are you talking about?
351
00:14:39,965 --> 00:14:41,331
You were great with Ritchie.
352
00:14:41,332 --> 00:14:44,099
You were the only one who could
ever get him to stop crying.
353
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,600
How did you do that?
354
00:14:45,601 --> 00:14:47,702
I used to use my
famous burrito wrap.
355
00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:49,803
You wrap them up real
tight in a blanket.
356
00:14:49,804 --> 00:14:51,204
It puts them right to sleep.
357
00:14:51,205 --> 00:14:52,505
I was good at it
358
00:14:52,506 --> 00:14:55,039
because in high school I
used to work at Taco Bell.
359
00:14:56,275 --> 00:14:58,475
I never understood why that works.
360
00:14:58,476 --> 00:15:00,877
It makes 'em feel safe.
361
00:15:00,878 --> 00:15:03,378
I wonder if I still
know how to do it.
362
00:15:03,379 --> 00:15:06,747
I know you start with a triangle.
363
00:15:06,748 --> 00:15:08,215
There we go.
364
00:15:08,216 --> 00:15:10,683
Who can I practice on?
365
00:15:10,684 --> 00:15:13,251
I'll do it.
366
00:15:13,252 --> 00:15:16,787
I haven't felt safe since
I lost my gun permit.
367
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:20,990
Okay, let's see.
368
00:15:20,991 --> 00:15:27,227
This folds across here,
and this tucks in under there.
369
00:15:27,228 --> 00:15:29,963
Yeah, it's all coming back to me.
370
00:15:29,964 --> 00:15:31,130
Hey, you know what?
371
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,398
This feels nice.
372
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:38,802
I'm just gonna close
my eyes for a second.
373
00:15:45,174 --> 00:15:46,507
That doesn't count.
374
00:15:46,508 --> 00:15:48,409
She had six beers.
375
00:15:49,577 --> 00:15:52,145
Okay, let me wrap you then.
376
00:15:52,146 --> 00:15:56,982
All right, but I guarantee
it won't do anything.
377
00:15:56,983 --> 00:15:59,817
Lie down right in there. Okay.
378
00:15:59,818 --> 00:16:01,985
This folds across
379
00:16:01,986 --> 00:16:06,856
like that; this comes here
like that, and that...
380
00:16:06,857 --> 00:16:09,658
and there we go.
381
00:16:09,659 --> 00:16:14,029
All right, I'm gonna close my eyes,
just to humor you.
382
00:16:24,770 --> 00:16:27,138
What happened to them?
383
00:16:27,139 --> 00:16:29,638
They've been Taco Bell'd.
384
00:16:33,642 --> 00:16:37,109
I bet if I still worked there,
I'd be assistant manager by now.
385
00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:39,744
I can't wait to show New Christine.
386
00:16:41,013 --> 00:16:42,413
Is everything okay?
387
00:16:42,414 --> 00:16:45,615
Yeah, I'm just glad
that party's over.
388
00:16:45,616 --> 00:16:48,450
I hate Max's friends.
389
00:16:48,451 --> 00:16:50,485
Hey, do you think I'm dumb?
390
00:16:50,486 --> 00:16:52,653
Oh, look who's up!
391
00:16:57,357 --> 00:17:00,725
Hello, beautiful girl! Hello!
392
00:17:00,726 --> 00:17:03,827
Hello! It's your Auntie Christine!
393
00:17:05,329 --> 00:17:07,530
Christine, that's a fake baby.
394
00:17:07,531 --> 00:17:10,765
What?
395
00:17:15,536 --> 00:17:17,172
Oh, no.
396
00:17:17,173 --> 00:17:19,444
I am dumb.
397
00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:26,687
Hey! Somebody looks beautiful.
398
00:17:26,688 --> 00:17:29,360
Me.
399
00:17:31,098 --> 00:17:33,470
Tony called this morning,
raving about you.
400
00:17:33,471 --> 00:17:34,773
She had a great time last night.
401
00:17:34,774 --> 00:17:36,241
She's even thinking
about buying a TV.
402
00:17:36,242 --> 00:17:37,910
Oh, that's great.
403
00:17:37,911 --> 00:17:40,648
If I can change one person's
mind about television,
404
00:17:40,649 --> 00:17:42,184
it's all been worth it.
405
00:17:42,185 --> 00:17:43,386
She really liked you.
406
00:17:43,387 --> 00:17:45,155
She thought you were funny-
which you are.
407
00:17:45,156 --> 00:17:47,357
Funny and smart. Absolutely.
408
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,893
In fact, you're a whole lot
smarter than you need to be,
409
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:51,028
considering how adorable you are.
410
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,897
What does that mean?
411
00:17:52,898 --> 00:17:55,637
It means cute, charming, pretty.
412
00:17:55,638 --> 00:17:58,411
No, I know what adorable means.
413
00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:00,046
Do you think I'm as smart as Tony?
414
00:18:00,047 --> 00:18:02,183
I'm not even as smart as Tony.
415
00:18:02,184 --> 00:18:03,618
You think I'm as smart as you?
416
00:18:03,619 --> 00:18:05,123
I don't know. Who cares?
417
00:18:05,124 --> 00:18:06,158
I care.
418
00:18:06,159 --> 00:18:08,060
It's important to me
419
00:18:08,061 --> 00:18:09,896
that you see me as your
intellectual equal,
420
00:18:09,897 --> 00:18:13,000
because I was in a marriage
where that wasn't the case,
421
00:18:13,001 --> 00:18:14,334
and it didn't work out very well.
422
00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:17,103
Oh, come on. You're at
least as smart as Richard.
423
00:18:18,439 --> 00:18:19,906
I know!
424
00:18:19,907 --> 00:18:21,941
I'm saying that I was
the smarter one...
425
00:18:21,942 --> 00:18:23,442
Oh, yes, yes!
426
00:18:23,443 --> 00:18:26,277
You're definitely
smarter than Richard.
427
00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:30,581
Listen, Max, I need you
to know that I am smart,
428
00:18:30,582 --> 00:18:34,484
because what's adorable now is
gonna become irritating later.
429
00:18:34,485 --> 00:18:36,586
Really. You're gonna
start rolling your eyes
430
00:18:36,587 --> 00:18:37,787
when I start talking.
431
00:18:37,788 --> 00:18:39,989
You're gonna be thinking
"dumb-ass" in your head.
432
00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:43,625
And pretty soon, you'll start
saying "dumb-ass" out loud.
433
00:18:43,626 --> 00:18:46,293
I would never do that.
434
00:18:46,294 --> 00:18:48,195
Yeah, I didn't think
I would either,
435
00:18:48,196 --> 00:18:50,997
until I was married a dumb-ass.
436
00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:56,101
Christine, how woulde even
measure who's smarter?
437
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,570
By counting diplomas?
438
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,972
Harvard, UCLA and Columbia,
but who cares?
439
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,108
And-And-And I.Q.
numbers don't mean anything--
440
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:06,276
158-- and I, you know, I might be,
441
00:19:06,277 --> 00:19:08,578
you know, a little more
well-read than you.
442
00:19:08,579 --> 00:19:11,180
I probably understand
politics a little better.
443
00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:12,548
My vocabulary...
444
00:19:12,549 --> 00:19:13,649
Okay, I get it.
445
00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:15,517
But I don't care about any of that.
446
00:19:15,518 --> 00:19:16,952
I love you.
447
00:19:16,953 --> 00:19:19,453
I don't care if you know things
or you understand my work
448
00:19:19,454 --> 00:19:21,822
or if you know what a mammal is.
449
00:19:21,823 --> 00:19:24,691
Okay, I said...
450
00:19:24,692 --> 00:19:26,826
I said I get it, okay?
451
00:19:26,827 --> 00:19:27,960
Ugh!
452
00:19:27,961 --> 00:19:30,062
Oh, I don't think I can
go through with this.
453
00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:31,096
Oh, God, what are you saying?
454
00:19:31,097 --> 00:19:32,163
You're breaking up with me?
455
00:19:32,164 --> 00:19:34,599
No, dumb-ass, I'm saying...
456
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,102
that I am not ready
to marry you yet.
457
00:19:38,103 --> 00:19:39,970
You know, meeting
Tony made me realize
458
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,872
that I'm not living up
to my full potential.
459
00:19:41,873 --> 00:19:44,407
And I don't want to marry you
until you're as interested
460
00:19:44,408 --> 00:19:47,843
in what I can do with my brain
as what I can do with my body.
461
00:19:47,844 --> 00:19:49,478
In that department,
you are definitely
462
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:51,013
living up to your potential.
463
00:19:52,949 --> 00:19:54,115
Listen, I think
464
00:19:54,116 --> 00:19:55,950
that I'm going to
go back to college.
465
00:19:55,951 --> 00:19:58,252
You don't have to do that for me.
466
00:19:58,253 --> 00:19:59,920
It's not for you.
467
00:19:59,921 --> 00:20:03,789
It's for "I" this time.
468
00:20:07,526 --> 00:20:10,059
A couple of classes couldn't hurt.
469
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,316
Okay, you guys,
470
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:20,418
enjoy this now, because I am about
471
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:21,919
to become a serious person.
472
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,321
I was with you in
college the first time.
473
00:20:24,322 --> 00:20:27,790
Your nickname was "Pants Party."
474
00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:31,894
Those were the best
six years of my life.
475
00:20:31,895 --> 00:20:33,428
Well, I think it's great.
476
00:20:33,429 --> 00:20:35,263
Do you know what
you're gonna study?
477
00:20:35,264 --> 00:20:37,532
Maybe engineering.
478
00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:40,868
Train travel's so romantic.
479
00:20:42,137 --> 00:20:45,238
Well, good luck to you,
Pants Party.
480
00:20:45,248 --> 00:20:50,148
-- Sync corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
481
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:54,132
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482
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