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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
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oh, um, mom, you don't have to
stay, if you don't want to.
3
00:00:04,599 --> 00:00:05,765
Of course I want
to stay, buddy.
4
00:00:05,766 --> 00:00:07,300
I want to see how
your project goes over.
5
00:00:07,301 --> 00:00:09,069
Plus there are a bunch
of moms out there trying
6
00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:13,506
to recruit volunteers
for campus cleanup.
7
00:00:13,507 --> 00:00:16,309
Got to wait for that
to blow over.
8
00:00:16,310 --> 00:00:19,446
Oh, hello, Ms. Campbell.
Hi!
9
00:00:19,447 --> 00:00:20,914
Ritchie, let's
see how you did
10
00:00:20,915 --> 00:00:22,182
on your geography
project.
11
00:00:22,183 --> 00:00:24,818
Oh, wow! You've been to
a lot of places, huh?
12
00:00:24,819 --> 00:00:25,852
Four.
13
00:00:25,853 --> 00:00:28,655
Yeah, pretty good, huh?
14
00:00:28,656 --> 00:00:32,025
He's only 13 and he's been
all over California.
15
00:00:32,026 --> 00:00:35,562
See, that's, uh, Santa Rosa
for Uncle Joe's funeral
16
00:00:35,563 --> 00:00:38,064
and Bakersfield for
Grandpa Lou's funeral
17
00:00:38,065 --> 00:00:41,735
and... I don't remember
who died in San Diego,
18
00:00:41,736 --> 00:00:44,571
but I remember
the spread that they had.
19
00:00:44,572 --> 00:00:46,640
They had real shrimp.
20
00:00:46,641 --> 00:00:48,942
Ooh.
It was really good.
21
00:00:48,943 --> 00:00:53,847
Wow! That is a lot
of funerals.
22
00:00:53,848 --> 00:00:56,316
Is there anyone left
in your family?
23
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:58,318
What are you talking
about, Christine?
24
00:00:58,319 --> 00:01:00,820
These are all the places we've
been to on family vacations.
25
00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:02,355
Oh, come on.
26
00:01:02,356 --> 00:01:05,225
Wha...?
You took your kids to China?
27
00:01:05,226 --> 00:01:07,928
That's Brazil, but yes.
28
00:01:07,929 --> 00:01:09,863
Oh, that must be
Ritchie's globe.
29
00:01:09,864 --> 00:01:12,299
My cat's globe has
more pins in it.
30
00:01:13,768 --> 00:01:17,604
We had a blast at each and every
one of those memorials.
31
00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:20,674
And I'm not gonna feel bad
just because my 13-year-ol$
32
00:01:20,675 --> 00:01:22,976
hasn't been to Paris.
33
00:01:22,977 --> 00:01:25,879
That's India.
34
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,982
I can't keep up with all
these new countries.
35
00:01:28,983 --> 00:01:30,650
It doesn't matter,
Ms. Campbell.
36
00:01:30,651 --> 00:01:33,787
Ritchihas a whole lifetime
to fill up his globe.
37
00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:34,854
Oh, and don't forget,
38
00:01:34,855 --> 00:01:36,456
spring break is right
around the corner,
39
00:01:36,457 --> 00:01:38,124
so I'm sure you'll go
someplace wonderful.
40
00:01:38,125 --> 00:01:40,727
Hopefully to a
geography class.
41
00:01:43,698 --> 00:01:45,966
She doesn't need a vacation,
her life is a vacation.
42
00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:47,434
She lives in a cabin.
43
00:01:47,435 --> 00:01:49,736
What?
I don't live in a cabin.
44
00:01:49,737 --> 00:01:52,405
Oh. Well, it smells
like bear poop.
45
00:01:53,841 --> 00:01:56,443
Well, maybe you could pack that
odd little family of yours
46
00:01:56,444 --> 00:01:57,510
into your Prius and pretend
47
00:01:57,511 --> 00:01:59,012
you're on
a crowded subway in Japan.
48
00:01:59,013 --> 00:02:00,013
Okay,
49
00:02:00,014 --> 00:02:01,381
okay, enough
with these jokes, okay?
50
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:02,649
For your information,
51
00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:05,418
our family does have a trip
planned for spring break.
52
00:02:05,419 --> 00:02:06,786
Oh, oh, that's wonderful.
53
00:02:06,787 --> 00:02:08,455
You're allowed
to fly again.
54
00:02:08,456 --> 00:02:11,291
We're going
on vacation?
55
00:02:11,292 --> 00:02:14,995
Yeah, remember, Ritchie,
we talked about this?
56
00:02:14,996 --> 00:02:16,496
BevMo?
57
00:02:17,598 --> 00:02:21,401
N- No, a-a different
conversation, remember?
58
00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:27,941
Uh, we're going, uh...
to North Korea.
59
00:02:29,343 --> 00:02:31,811
Americans aren't allowed
to travel there.
60
00:02:31,812 --> 00:02:34,614
But BevMo's very nice
this time of year.
61
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:37,917
Can we go to Disney World?
62
00:02:37,918 --> 00:02:39,853
Well, sure.
63
00:02:39,854 --> 00:02:42,489
Actually,
that's a great idea,
64
00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:46,059
because cousin Edgar in Orlando
just took a turn for the worse.
65
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:48,428
Two birds, one pin.
66
00:02:49,163 --> 00:02:53,031
The New Adventures of Old Christine
5x17 Up in the Airport - April 7, 2010
67
00:02:57,872 --> 00:02:59,773
Okay, you know want
to know what I realized
68
00:02:59,774 --> 00:03:01,007
when I went to school today?
69
00:03:01,008 --> 00:03:03,209
You went there
with your pants unzipped?
70
00:03:05,679 --> 00:03:06,880
No.
71
00:03:06,881 --> 00:03:09,215
You found out what smells
like bear poop.
72
00:03:09,216 --> 00:03:11,885
Still looking.
73
00:03:13,054 --> 00:03:16,189
But everybody at school takes
a family vacation but us.
74
00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:17,223
Everyone!
75
00:03:17,224 --> 00:03:19,459
Do you know where Marly
and Lindsay went
76
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,428
last spring break
with their kids?
77
00:03:21,429 --> 00:03:23,496
Dubai. Where did we go?
78
00:03:23,497 --> 00:03:24,497
Nowhere.
79
00:03:24,498 --> 00:03:25,799
Well, not nowhere.
80
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,501
We went to Medieval
Times in Buena Park.
81
00:03:28,502 --> 00:03:29,636
Oh, God, Buena Park!
82
00:03:29,637 --> 00:03:32,005
I forgot to put a pin there!
83
00:03:32,006 --> 00:03:33,673
God, I wish I could forget
about that.
84
00:03:33,674 --> 00:03:36,609
I had to sit across from you and
watch you eat that turkey leg
85
00:03:36,610 --> 00:03:38,611
with your bare hands.
86
00:03:38,612 --> 00:03:39,979
So primal.
87
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:42,115
It was like
When Animals Attack.
88
00:03:42,116 --> 00:03:44,317
So you know what
we're gonna do?
89
00:03:44,318 --> 00:03:46,953
We're are going
on a family trip...
90
00:03:46,954 --> 00:03:48,188
to Florida!
91
00:03:48,189 --> 00:03:51,257
Florida? Is there news
about cousin Edgar?
92
00:03:51,258 --> 00:03:52,559
No.
93
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,761
Unfortunately,
he's a fighter.
94
00:03:55,696 --> 00:03:57,397
But we're going
to Disney World!
95
00:03:58,199 --> 00:03:59,866
Yeah, it's gonna be our first
96
00:03:59,867 --> 00:04:01,768
normal family vacation,
and we're gonna take it
97
00:04:01,769 --> 00:04:03,369
just like normal families do.
98
00:04:03,370 --> 00:04:04,370
It's important for Ritchie.
99
00:04:04,371 --> 00:04:05,538
I think it's a great idea.
100
00:04:05,539 --> 00:04:07,240
I'll have to ask my doctor
about flying,
101
00:04:07,241 --> 00:04:09,476
but I'd hate
to miss a family vacation.
102
00:04:09,477 --> 00:04:12,378
Oh, dear.
103
00:04:13,614 --> 00:04:16,382
You know, how do I say
this nicely?
104
00:04:16,383 --> 00:04:17,984
Um...
105
00:04:17,985 --> 00:04:21,988
when I said family vacation,
I didn't mean you.
106
00:04:22,990 --> 00:04:25,158
You got it.
107
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,660
Christine!
What?
108
00:04:27,661 --> 00:04:29,729
She's not even
related to any of us.
109
00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:32,799
And that is just going
to slow us down.
110
00:04:34,435 --> 00:04:37,036
"That" is my unborn child.
111
00:04:37,037 --> 00:04:38,705
How are we going
to pay for this?
112
00:04:38,706 --> 00:04:40,440
Airfare alone is, like,
$500 round-trip.
113
00:04:40,441 --> 00:04:42,475
I have half a million miles
we could have used,
114
00:04:42,476 --> 00:04:44,144
but I don't want
to slow anybody down.
115
00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:45,745
Oh, don't listen to Barb.
116
00:04:45,746 --> 00:04:48,047
We want you there!
Boop!
117
00:04:49,783 --> 00:04:52,619
How'd you get
half-a-million miles?
118
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,587
Before Richard,
I dated an airline pilot.
119
00:04:54,588 --> 00:04:56,322
He used to give me miles
as gifts.
120
00:04:56,323 --> 00:04:58,892
He got her
into the Mile-High Club.
121
00:05:00,194 --> 00:05:02,495
That's when you fly a lot.
122
00:05:02,496 --> 00:05:05,632
Yeah, that's what it is.
123
00:05:06,867 --> 00:05:07,901
Okay, great.
124
00:05:07,902 --> 00:05:09,102
So it's settled.
125
00:05:09,103 --> 00:05:11,304
We're gonna go
on our first family vacation.
126
00:05:11,305 --> 00:05:13,173
Hey, Barb, you and I
will share a room.
127
00:05:13,174 --> 00:05:17,944
And what happens in Florida
stays in Florida.
128
00:05:17,945 --> 00:05:19,579
You can stay in Florida.
129
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:20,947
I'm staying here.
130
00:05:20,948 --> 00:05:25,919
Not to be rude,
but I'm sick of all of you.
131
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,020
Come on!
132
00:05:27,021 --> 00:05:28,188
You're gonna
be here all alone.
133
00:05:28,189 --> 00:05:29,222
What are you gonna do?
134
00:05:29,223 --> 00:05:30,557
I'll house-sit for you.
135
00:05:30,558 --> 00:05:33,927
It'll be like my own little trip
to the wine country.
136
00:05:36,452 --> 00:05:37,485
All right, come on. Let's go!
137
00:05:37,486 --> 00:05:39,253
I've got to get you
to the airport.
138
00:05:39,575 --> 00:05:41,309
Flight doesn't leave
for five hours.
139
00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:43,278
I know, but I was serious-
I'm sick of you.
140
00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:44,179
Come on, Christine!
141
00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:45,747
Get your ass down here!
142
00:05:49,452 --> 00:05:52,053
I'm here!
143
00:05:52,054 --> 00:05:53,588
Right here.
144
00:05:53,589 --> 00:05:55,657
Oh, no... it
finally happened.
145
00:05:55,658 --> 00:05:57,959
Her liver shut down.
146
00:05:58,961 --> 00:06:01,496
Oh, quiet! I got a spray tan.
147
00:06:01,497 --> 00:06:04,332
I wanted to get a base
before I hit the beach.
148
00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:06,434
A base of what, Cheetos?
149
00:06:08,104 --> 00:06:10,405
Hey, we ready to go?
150
00:06:13,309 --> 00:06:15,877
Back in time to 1967 Miami?
151
00:06:15,878 --> 00:06:18,179
This is high-end resort wear.
152
00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:19,414
It's very comfortable.
153
00:06:19,415 --> 00:06:22,584
I like it- you look
like Jimmy Buffet...
154
00:06:22,585 --> 00:06:23,918
on safari...
155
00:06:25,588 --> 00:06:27,422
...in a nursing home.
156
00:06:27,423 --> 00:06:28,990
Okay, okay, I get it, I get it.
157
00:06:28,991 --> 00:06:30,425
It's not a great look for me.
158
00:06:30,426 --> 00:06:31,359
I'm gonna go change.
159
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,661
Uh-uh, no time-
come on, come on,
160
00:06:32,662 --> 00:06:34,629
I want you all
the hell out of here.
161
00:06:35,731 --> 00:06:36,965
Ritchie, come on!
Let's go, buddy!
162
00:06:36,966 --> 00:06:38,066
We gotta get a move on!
163
00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:40,135
Okay, Mom.
I'm all packed.
164
00:06:40,136 --> 00:06:42,203
Except that I can't find
my Nintendo DS.
165
00:06:42,204 --> 00:06:44,139
Oh, honey, we're not gonna bring
your Nintendo.
166
00:06:44,140 --> 00:06:47,242
Why not? I'll be bored. No,
you're not gonna be bored.
167
00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:48,510
We're going on a
family vacation.
168
00:06:48,511 --> 00:06:49,844
It's gonna bring us
closer together.
169
00:06:49,845 --> 00:06:51,413
So?
170
00:06:51,414 --> 00:06:52,247
Okay, not "so. "
171
00:06:52,248 --> 00:06:54,916
How about "Thank you"?
172
00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:56,351
How about,
"Thank you, Mom,
173
00:06:56,352 --> 00:06:58,420
"for taking us on a fabulous
family vacation
174
00:06:58,421 --> 00:07:00,355
that we're gonna cherish
for a lifetime"?
175
00:07:00,356 --> 00:07:03,258
You ruin everything.
176
00:07:04,393 --> 00:07:06,261
He's not wrong.
177
00:07:06,262 --> 00:07:07,595
All right,
come on!
178
00:07:07,596 --> 00:07:09,664
Move it, move it! Let's go!
179
00:07:12,902 --> 00:07:15,236
So here we are
at the airport,
180
00:07:15,237 --> 00:07:17,138
getting ready to go
through security.
181
00:07:17,139 --> 00:07:19,007
There's Richard
and New Christine.
182
00:07:19,008 --> 00:07:20,408
Say hi, guys.
183
00:07:20,409 --> 00:07:22,944
Hi.
184
00:07:22,945 --> 00:07:24,112
And there's Barb.
185
00:07:24,113 --> 00:07:26,214
She was nice enough to
take us to the airport.
186
00:07:26,215 --> 00:07:27,882
Anything you want
to say before we go?
187
00:07:27,883 --> 00:07:28,883
Let's keep it moving.
188
00:07:28,884 --> 00:07:31,386
Less talking, more walking.
189
00:07:31,387 --> 00:07:32,320
Matthew...
190
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:34,255
Oh, geez! Come on!
Not so close.
191
00:07:34,256 --> 00:07:35,790
You know I'm afraid
of Oompa-Loompas.
192
00:07:35,791 --> 00:07:36,991
Wait, just come, come, come.
193
00:07:36,992 --> 00:07:39,494
I want you to take some video
of me and Ritchie.
194
00:07:39,495 --> 00:07:40,729
I want to remember this.
195
00:07:40,730 --> 00:07:41,896
Lookit- look,
look, look.
196
00:07:41,897 --> 00:07:44,899
Are you ready
for our vacation, sweetie?
197
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:47,068
You smell weird.
198
00:07:47,069 --> 00:07:49,904
Oh, that's not me,
that's the spray-on tan.
199
00:07:49,905 --> 00:07:52,607
I think my body is rejecting it.
200
00:07:52,608 --> 00:07:55,009
He's excited.
201
00:07:55,010 --> 00:07:57,946
You can edit
this, right, Matthew?
202
00:07:57,947 --> 00:07:58,913
I'm leaving.
203
00:07:58,914 --> 00:08:00,115
Oh, Barb!
204
00:08:00,116 --> 00:08:01,116
Ooh, you stink.
205
00:08:01,117 --> 00:08:02,283
Don't touch me.
206
00:08:03,886 --> 00:08:07,288
She's gonna miss me.
207
00:08:07,289 --> 00:08:10,091
You can edit
this, right, Matthew?
208
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:14,028
I can't wait to spend
some time alone with you.
209
00:08:14,029 --> 00:08:15,764
We never get
to talk anymore.
210
00:08:15,765 --> 00:08:17,766
You know we're not
having sex, right?
211
00:08:20,002 --> 00:08:21,569
What?
212
00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:24,139
Richard, I told you.
I'm uncomfortable.
213
00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:25,306
I don't feel sexy.
214
00:08:25,307 --> 00:08:28,676
Well, what are we gonna
do the whole time, talk?
215
00:08:28,677 --> 00:08:31,212
Actually, I'm a little
sick of that, too.
216
00:08:32,314 --> 00:08:36,451
I'm looking forward to
five silent, sexless days.
217
00:08:36,452 --> 00:08:39,220
You ruin everything.
218
00:08:41,991 --> 00:08:44,359
What is taking so long?
219
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,895
This line hasn't moved
in 20 minutes.
220
00:08:46,896 --> 00:08:50,331
By the time we get there,
my tan is gonna be gone.
221
00:08:50,332 --> 00:08:54,269
But hopefully, the smell
will be with you forever.
222
00:08:54,270 --> 00:08:57,906
I mean, seriously, you smell
like old pork lo mein.
223
00:09:00,776 --> 00:09:02,143
Hey... What?!
224
00:09:02,144 --> 00:09:03,778
There's a line!
225
00:09:03,779 --> 00:09:06,447
Who the hell do these people
think they are?
226
00:09:06,448 --> 00:09:08,483
Here you go- we have
30 pieces of luggage.
227
00:09:08,484 --> 00:09:09,350
Lindsay, it's me.
228
00:09:09,351 --> 00:09:11,286
It's Christine.
229
00:09:11,287 --> 00:09:12,253
Oh, Christine.
230
00:09:12,254 --> 00:09:13,988
I forgot you worked
at the airport.
231
00:09:15,858 --> 00:09:16,958
Here's a dollar.
232
00:09:16,959 --> 00:09:18,459
Make sure our luggage
doesn't get scratched.
233
00:09:23,032 --> 00:09:24,833
We can edit that, right?
234
00:09:30,105 --> 00:09:31,339
Thank you.
Have a nice trip.
235
00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:33,541
Yeah, it's not gonna be.
236
00:09:36,178 --> 00:09:38,079
Ticket and I.D., please.
237
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,581
Oh, no.
238
00:09:39,582 --> 00:09:41,916
Oh, Richard, I think I left
my wallet at Old Christine's.
239
00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:44,719
I took it out for a second
to make sure I had everything,
240
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,588
and I left it on the table.
241
00:09:46,589 --> 00:09:47,856
Hey, what's going on?
242
00:09:47,857 --> 00:09:49,157
You're holding up
the line here.
243
00:09:49,158 --> 00:09:51,059
New Christine left her wallet
at your house.
244
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,560
She doesn't have any I.D.
245
00:09:52,561 --> 00:09:54,529
Or sex drive.
246
00:09:54,530 --> 00:09:57,165
Okay, I'll handle this.
247
00:09:57,166 --> 00:09:59,100
Okay, uh, she's okay.
248
00:09:59,101 --> 00:10:00,235
She's with us.
249
00:10:00,236 --> 00:10:01,469
We're on a family vacation.
250
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,438
I mean,
she's not technically family,
251
00:10:03,439 --> 00:10:05,240
but she's got, like,
half a million miles
252
00:10:05,241 --> 00:10:06,341
in her Mile-High Club account,
253
00:10:06,342 --> 00:10:08,376
so, here's my I.D.
254
00:10:08,377 --> 00:10:09,777
I need to see her I.D.
255
00:10:09,778 --> 00:10:11,646
Yeah, okay,
here's the thing-
256
00:10:11,647 --> 00:10:13,882
she doesn't really
have an I.D.,
257
00:10:13,883 --> 00:10:15,083
but I can vouch for her.
258
00:10:15,084 --> 00:10:17,452
Her name is New Christine.
259
00:10:17,453 --> 00:10:19,487
New Christine what?
260
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:22,557
Uh, oh, let... it's, uh...
261
00:10:22,558 --> 00:10:23,524
uh, Himmner.
262
00:10:23,525 --> 00:10:24,659
No, no, no, Himmel.
263
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:25,827
No, no, Hammer.
264
00:10:25,828 --> 00:10:27,762
Yeah, yeah, it's
New Christine Hammer.
265
00:10:27,763 --> 00:10:30,732
What's the matter
with you? It's Harper.
266
00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:31,866
No, it's not.
267
00:10:31,867 --> 00:10:32,901
God, you guys!
268
00:10:32,902 --> 00:10:34,302
It's Hunter.
269
00:10:34,303 --> 00:10:35,770
Christine Marcia Hunter.
270
00:10:35,771 --> 00:10:37,805
No, it's not.
271
00:10:39,275 --> 00:10:42,143
Christine Marcia Hopper?
272
00:10:42,144 --> 00:10:43,511
Hooper?
273
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:46,381
My middle name is Liesl.
274
00:10:46,382 --> 00:10:47,782
Liesl?!
275
00:10:47,783 --> 00:10:49,083
Oy.
276
00:10:49,084 --> 00:10:51,786
Okay, so, are we good here?
277
00:10:51,787 --> 00:10:52,854
Sure, go ahead.
278
00:10:52,855 --> 00:10:54,122
Of course
you're not good.
279
00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:56,090
I can't let her
on the flight without I.D.
280
00:10:56,091 --> 00:10:57,392
And there's no food beyond
this point,
281
00:10:57,393 --> 00:10:58,960
so wherever you're hiding that
Chinese food,
282
00:10:58,961 --> 00:11:00,495
you better get rid of it.
283
00:11:02,865 --> 00:11:05,833
I need you to move
off to the side.
284
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:07,168
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
285
00:11:07,169 --> 00:11:09,037
But are we going
to make our flight?
286
00:11:09,038 --> 00:11:10,171
Not my problem.
287
00:11:10,172 --> 00:11:11,139
Oh, but please.
288
00:11:11,140 --> 00:11:12,407
This is our
family vacation.
289
00:11:12,408 --> 00:11:13,775
It's our first one.
290
00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:14,876
Oh, you're kidding.
No.
291
00:11:14,877 --> 00:11:16,277
Your first family vacation?
Yeah.
292
00:11:16,278 --> 00:11:18,112
Then you move to the
first family vacation line.
293
00:11:18,113 --> 00:11:19,113
, thank you.
294
00:11:19,114 --> 00:11:20,715
I appreciate that.
295
00:11:20,716 --> 00:11:23,217
Oh, wait- you're being
an ass again, right?
296
00:11:23,218 --> 00:11:24,519
Okay, never mind.
297
00:11:40,636 --> 00:11:42,337
Damn, Christine.
298
00:11:42,338 --> 00:11:44,505
You ruin everything.
299
00:11:51,386 --> 00:11:52,718
Come on, baby.
300
00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:55,222
Middle names don't
mean anything.
301
00:11:55,223 --> 00:11:57,591
I know everything
else about you.
302
00:11:57,592 --> 00:12:00,060
I know your favorite ice
cream is pecan praline.
303
00:12:00,061 --> 00:12:02,429
And that you broke
your ankle ice skating
304
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,864
when you were
eight years old.
305
00:12:03,865 --> 00:12:05,833
And that you're
very, very ticklish
306
00:12:05,834 --> 00:12:07,434
at the small
of your back.
307
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:10,871
That's weird- she's
the exact same as me.
308
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:20,581
Oh... Oh, no.
309
00:12:23,718 --> 00:12:24,918
Ah, there he is.
310
00:12:24,919 --> 00:12:26,153
The whole reason
we're doing this.
311
00:12:26,154 --> 00:12:27,421
Are you having
fun, buddy?
312
00:12:27,422 --> 00:12:28,956
No. Are you?
313
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:29,957
Can't say.
314
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,459
I don't know how
to edit this.
315
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,728
Come on, give
me a smile.
316
00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:38,565
There's that smile.
317
00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:42,136
Oh, great,
Barb is here.
318
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,438
Okay, Florida,
here we come.
319
00:12:44,439 --> 00:12:46,307
Vacation
starts now.
320
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,375
Uh-oh.
321
00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:50,878
Oh, I think I just
started my period.
322
00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:54,948
Okay... Vacation starts
323
00:12:54,949 --> 00:12:56,984
right after I get back
from the bathroom.
324
00:13:00,355 --> 00:13:01,855
Thank you so much
for bringing this.
325
00:13:01,856 --> 00:13:04,024
I'm so sorry to bother you
on your vacation.
326
00:13:04,025 --> 00:13:05,459
When I realized
there was a chance
327
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:06,894
of you coming
back to the house,
328
00:13:06,895 --> 00:13:10,731
I called my cousin to get
a police escort over here.
329
00:13:10,732 --> 00:13:13,033
Your cousin's a cop?
330
00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:15,302
He has a badge.
331
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,573
Okay, okay,
great news.
332
00:13:19,574 --> 00:13:21,175
False alarm.
333
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:23,711
It was just my tan
dripping down my leg.
334
00:13:23,712 --> 00:13:25,946
Okay.
335
00:13:25,947 --> 00:13:28,549
Vacation starts now.
336
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,792
Okay, uh, tape two, take one.
337
00:13:39,794 --> 00:13:41,829
Um... well,
we're almost on the plane.
338
00:13:41,830 --> 00:13:44,965
We're going to put
our rough start behind us.
339
00:13:44,966 --> 00:13:46,333
Ritchie!
340
00:13:46,334 --> 00:13:49,803
Okay, we're going to talk
about this after the vacation.
341
00:13:50,939 --> 00:13:52,740
Okay.
342
00:13:52,741 --> 00:13:55,743
Tape two, take two.
343
00:13:57,312 --> 00:14:00,447
In two hours,
we're gonna be in Florida.
344
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:01,782
It's a five-hour flight.
345
00:14:01,783 --> 00:14:03,550
Oh, right.
Because of the time change?
346
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,253
Aah! Matthew!
347
00:14:06,254 --> 00:14:08,322
God!
348
00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:09,656
There's a problem.
349
00:14:09,657 --> 00:14:10,924
The flight's
overbooked.
350
00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:12,860
And since we were
the last people to check in,
351
00:14:12,861 --> 00:14:14,628
one of us is gonna
have to get bumped.
352
00:14:15,663 --> 00:14:17,464
One of us, huh?
353
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,666
I wonder how we're
gonna decide that.
354
00:14:20,702 --> 00:14:22,403
Me?
355
00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,138
Oh, thank you.
356
00:14:24,139 --> 00:14:26,974
That's
the right thing to do.
357
00:14:26,975 --> 00:14:28,075
Are you kidding?
358
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:29,643
You're using my miles
for this trip.
359
00:14:29,644 --> 00:14:30,611
Oh, come on.
360
00:14:30,612 --> 00:14:31,912
You're the logical choice.
361
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,047
I mean, who else is
going to stay? I'll stay.
362
00:14:34,048 --> 00:14:36,483
I'll stay.
I'll stay.
363
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:37,751
You guys, come on.
364
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:40,487
That really hurts my
feelings, all right?
365
00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,723
Please try to be a
little more sensitive.
366
00:14:42,724 --> 00:14:45,092
No, preg-o is staying
'cause she's not family.
367
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:47,394
She doesn't go,
I don't go.
368
00:14:47,395 --> 00:14:49,363
No, Richard.
You have to go.
369
00:14:49,364 --> 00:14:50,731
It's your son's
first family vacation.
370
00:14:50,732 --> 00:14:52,266
I didn't really
want to go, anyway.
371
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:53,967
Neither did I.
Neither did I.
372
00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:55,302
Neither did I.
373
00:14:55,303 --> 00:14:57,871
Hey! Hurtful!
374
00:14:57,872 --> 00:15:00,441
Have you decided who in your
party is going to stay?
375
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,309
Me, I guess.
All right.
376
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:03,877
Well, here's your
first class voucher,
377
00:15:03,878 --> 00:15:05,078
good for your next flight,
378
00:15:05,079 --> 00:15:08,415
and a $20 coupon for
any TGIF in any airport.
379
00:15:08,416 --> 00:15:10,984
Oh! TGIF...?
380
00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:14,021
God.
381
00:15:14,022 --> 00:15:15,956
Honey, are you sure
you're okay with that?
382
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,858
I'm fine.
I just need to find a way home.
383
00:15:17,859 --> 00:15:18,926
Oh, I'll call Barb.
384
00:15:18,927 --> 00:15:20,828
No, I don't want
to bother her again.
385
00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:22,729
Oh, please.
It's not a bother.
386
00:15:22,730 --> 00:15:24,898
She's not doing anything.
387
00:15:26,401 --> 00:15:28,635
Just sitting around,
drinking all my booze.
388
00:15:32,707 --> 00:15:34,174
Do you need
to get that?
389
00:15:34,175 --> 00:15:37,177
No. There's only
one person that could be.
390
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,083
Are you sure?
391
00:15:43,084 --> 00:15:45,586
You're getting so tense.
392
00:15:45,587 --> 00:15:48,255
Your-Your back is actually
starting to hurt my hands.
393
00:15:49,891 --> 00:15:52,292
I'm fine.
Just keep going.
394
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:56,630
Christine!
395
00:15:56,631 --> 00:15:58,398
I'm bored.
396
00:15:58,399 --> 00:15:59,566
We've been
here forever.
397
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:00,901
I know, bud.
398
00:16:00,902 --> 00:16:03,103
It's been a long day
for all of us, okay?
399
00:16:03,104 --> 00:16:07,074
I blew my nose
and it came out orange.
400
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:13,413
I don't know how
my tan got on the inside.
401
00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:16,650
Okay, so did you find out
what's taking so long?
402
00:16:16,651 --> 00:16:18,018
There's
a problem.
403
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,820
Our flight's been delayed
because of a snowstorm.
404
00:16:19,821 --> 00:16:21,488
What? In Florida?
405
00:16:21,489 --> 00:16:22,890
No, in Toronto.
406
00:16:22,891 --> 00:16:24,925
That's the route you take
when you use free miles
407
00:16:24,926 --> 00:16:27,094
on an airline
called Shanniff.
408
00:16:28,930 --> 00:16:30,030
Well, how long is the delay?
409
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,265
Five hours.
410
00:16:31,266 --> 00:16:32,966
But then there's another
20 hours on the plane.
411
00:16:32,967 --> 00:16:34,468
That's assuming you
make your connection
412
00:16:34,469 --> 00:16:37,037
from Toronto
to Salt Lake City.
413
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,539
Salt Lake City?!
414
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:40,340
That's Shanniff's hub.
415
00:16:41,276 --> 00:16:42,643
Can we please
just go home?
416
00:16:42,644 --> 00:16:43,810
Yeah, I want
to go, too.
417
00:16:43,811 --> 00:16:45,045
I feel bad about
New Christine.
418
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:45,979
No. Come on.
419
00:16:45,980 --> 00:16:47,614
We are going
on a family vacation,
420
00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:49,016
just like everybody else does.
421
00:16:49,017 --> 00:16:50,851
Okay? We're gonna stay up late,
422
00:16:50,852 --> 00:16:53,320
we're gonna order room service,
we're gonna play card games,
423
00:16:53,321 --> 00:16:55,689
we're gonna go swimming in
the ocean, go water-boarding...
424
00:16:55,690 --> 00:16:56,890
I don't think
that's what you mean.
425
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:57,858
Okay.
426
00:16:57,859 --> 00:16:59,593
Shut up! Okay?
427
00:16:59,594 --> 00:17:01,662
Shut up!
This is important to me.
428
00:17:01,663 --> 00:17:02,896
And it's important
to Ritchie.
429
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,498
And I don't want
his only memories to be
430
00:17:04,499 --> 00:17:05,966
that we never went anywhere
431
00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:07,534
because his mother had
to work every day.
432
00:17:07,535 --> 00:17:10,170
I don't think anyone's going
to be remembering that.
433
00:17:10,171 --> 00:17:12,139
Come on, now,
you know what?
434
00:17:12,140 --> 00:17:13,640
I know this
hasn't been easy,
435
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,576
but when are things
ever easy for us? Okay?
436
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,611
We're going
on a family vacation.
437
00:17:17,612 --> 00:17:18,712
We can do this.
438
00:17:18,713 --> 00:17:19,913
You know what?
Maybe we can't.
439
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,648
Maybe we're not
strong enough.
440
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:25,352
Maybe, maybe we're not cut out
for family vacations.
441
00:17:25,353 --> 00:17:26,853
Oh, don't be silly.
442
00:17:26,854 --> 00:17:28,922
In a couple hours,
we're gonna be on our plane,
443
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,357
we're gonna
be drinking our wine,
444
00:17:30,358 --> 00:17:33,160
we're gonna be laughing
about how funny all this was.
445
00:17:33,161 --> 00:17:34,928
Oh, we won't
be having any wine.
446
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:35,729
Why not?
447
00:17:35,730 --> 00:17:38,432
Shanniff is
a dry airline.
448
00:17:39,567 --> 00:17:41,501
I think they're
Mormons.
449
00:17:41,502 --> 00:17:45,305
All right, I'm calling Barb
to come pick us up.
450
00:17:45,306 --> 00:17:47,507
We're going home, bud.
451
00:17:49,577 --> 00:17:51,044
I can't believe
they went without me.
452
00:17:51,045 --> 00:17:54,281
I can't believe
you're upset.
453
00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:56,917
I don't think
they're ever going
454
00:17:56,918 --> 00:17:58,652
to consider me
part of their family.
455
00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:01,421
Congratulations.
456
00:18:01,422 --> 00:18:03,724
Why would you want to
be part of that family?
457
00:18:03,725 --> 00:18:06,693
They ruin everything.
458
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:08,562
If you're not part
of the family,
459
00:18:08,563 --> 00:18:10,931
then you can't be part
of the family feuds,
460
00:18:10,932 --> 00:18:12,833
they can't ask for money,
461
00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:15,702
you don't have to help them
find their car at the mall...
462
00:18:16,838 --> 00:18:19,706
Except for the occasional
Al-Anon meeting,
463
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,074
you're off the hook.
464
00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:26,780
Stay on the outside
as long as you can.
465
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,452
Outside.
466
00:18:39,093 --> 00:18:40,560
Barb?
467
00:18:40,561 --> 00:18:42,195
What the hell?
468
00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:44,831
Why didn't you
answer your phone?
469
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,901
God! I had to call
a taxi to get home.
470
00:18:47,902 --> 00:18:49,703
Shut up.
471
00:18:51,406 --> 00:18:52,472
What?
472
00:18:52,473 --> 00:18:53,640
What did she just say?
473
00:18:53,641 --> 00:18:54,841
She has a name.
474
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:55,909
It's New Christine.
475
00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:58,045
And she said "shut up. "
476
00:18:58,046 --> 00:19:00,614
What is going
on with her?
477
00:19:00,615 --> 00:19:02,315
Barb, what
did you do to her?
478
00:19:02,316 --> 00:19:04,217
I set her free.
479
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,854
Oh, well, this is just great.
480
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,656
No family vacation.
481
00:19:09,657 --> 00:19:11,825
New Christine's all mouthy.
482
00:19:11,826 --> 00:19:14,027
I peed orange.
483
00:19:15,229 --> 00:19:17,197
And all I wanted to do
484
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:19,966
was have Ritchie be able
to put a pin in another country.
485
00:19:19,967 --> 00:19:23,236
You know Florida's
not another country, right?
486
00:19:24,972 --> 00:19:27,040
Well, I could lie
and say that I did,
487
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,775
but I think we both
know the truth.
488
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:31,978
You're an idiot.
489
00:19:31,979 --> 00:19:35,682
Barb, you have to put her back
the way she was.
490
00:19:35,683 --> 00:19:38,385
God, I'm having
the worst day.
491
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:42,422
All I wanted to do was
something nice for my son.
492
00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:44,057
All right, fine.
493
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,358
Let's go for a drive.
494
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:46,960
What? Why?
495
00:19:46,961 --> 00:19:48,995
We're going
to fix this right now.
496
00:19:48,996 --> 00:19:51,198
We're getting
Ritchie that pin.
497
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,835
What business do
you have in Mexico?
498
00:19:54,836 --> 00:19:56,636
Um, we're just going
to make a U-turn,
499
00:19:56,637 --> 00:19:58,205
so we can get a pin.
500
00:20:02,176 --> 00:20:03,977
Gracias.
501
00:20:03,978 --> 00:20:06,079
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