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1
00:00:10,390 --> 00:00:12,670
Flagstaff doesn't look so bad.
2
00:00:12,690 --> 00:00:16,450
They've got a water slide
and a dinosaur footprint.
3
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,660
Hey, Barb, this is not
a pleasure trip, okay?
4
00:00:20,670 --> 00:00:24,000
We have to suffer through
three days with my parents.
5
00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:25,750
You know what, next year,
we're going to the Bahamas.
6
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,680
We're spending Thanksgiving
with your family.
7
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:31,690
I told you, we don't celebrate
Thanksgiving in the Bahamas.
8
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,140
Oh, right, because this is your summer.
9
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,650
That's right.
10
00:00:37,660 --> 00:00:40,960
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
My mom's gonna love you.
11
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,240
No. No, don't do that.
12
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:46,280
She's already nervous
Mom's not gonna like her.
13
00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:48,960
I told her she'll be fine.
14
00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:53,850
What? Why are you laughing?
What's gonna happen to me?
15
00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:57,000
Bad things. Bad things
happen in that house.
16
00:00:57,010 --> 00:00:59,510
Okay, no, just stop scaring her.
17
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,400
You're gonna... you'll be fine.
18
00:01:01,410 --> 00:01:03,510
Yeah. Moms like me.
19
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,690
Not when you steal their boyfriends.
20
00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:08,860
I am not her boyfriend. We
have a normal relationship.
21
00:01:08,870 --> 00:01:12,460
She kisses him on the lips.
22
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,030
- You're just jealous.
- You're right.
23
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:20,440
I am jealous, because while Mom is busy
making love to you, she is making hate to me.
24
00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:25,630
You'll see. She can turn any conversation
into a comment about my failed marriage.
25
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,110
Really, just give me
anything, okay, like a,
26
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,930
I don't know, location or
a word or a type of fabric.
27
00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:34,080
Wool.
28
00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:37,040
Okay, that'sasy. Wool...
wool comes from sheep.
29
00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:39,800
You count sheep to sleep. I
stopped sleeping with Richard.
30
00:01:39,810 --> 00:01:42,230
I killed my marriage.
31
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,180
There you go. Just had a
conversation with my mother.
32
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,880
Except she would do
it in a British accent.
33
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,040
Your mom's British?
34
00:01:49,050 --> 00:01:50,600
Oh, not the classy kind.
35
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,040
Or the polite kind.
36
00:01:52,050 --> 00:01:56,670
Yeah, not like the queen kind.
More like the Simon Cowell kind.
37
00:01:58,190 --> 00:01:59,390
- Hi, Mom.
- Hey, sweetie.
38
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,850
Okay, go upstairs and use the
bathroom before we leave, okay,
39
00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:04,370
'cause it's a long drive, and you're
too old to pee in my travel mug.
40
00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:06,510
Okay.
41
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,700
Why does Richard still get to
come to your parents' Thanksgiving?
42
00:02:12,730 --> 00:02:16,410
Because, for some reason, even though
Richard and I were both married,
43
00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:18,240
I'm the only one who got divorced.
44
00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:20,030
Like, everything is my fault.
45
00:02:20,050 --> 00:02:22,500
That's why I like going there.
46
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:26,220
I like it because she
calls me the Good Christine.
47
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,380
Okay, I'm ready.
48
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,790
All right, everybody, let's go.
49
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,380
We'll take two
cars-- I'll drive.
50
00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:35,110
Okay, I'll take my car, too.
51
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,580
A seven-hour drive through the
desert... that will do me good.
52
00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:40,690
I feel a good cry coming on.
53
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:42,420
- I'll go with you.
- I'll go with you.
54
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,580
- I'll go with you.
- I'll go with you.
55
00:02:50,390 --> 00:02:52,260
Okay, just go.
56
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:57,480
-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
proudly presents
57
00:02:57,490 --> 00:03:03,480
-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
sync:������
58
00:03:03,490 --> 00:03:05,390
The New Adventures
of Old Christine Season04 Episode10
59
00:03:05,490 --> 00:03:06,460
Grammy.
60
00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:09,920
There's my little boy.
61
00:03:15,370 --> 00:03:16,850
Hi, Mom.
62
00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:21,280
Oh, it's so lovely to see everyone.
63
00:03:21,630 --> 00:03:24,370
Oh, and this must be Lucky.
64
00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:25,610
It's Lucy.
65
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:29,270
You're with my son. You're lucky.
66
00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:31,700
Grandma, can I go play in the basement?
67
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:37,050
Yes, dear, but stay away from Granddad's
microbrewery and his filthy magazines.
68
00:03:37,370 --> 00:03:38,700
Okay.
69
00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:41,310
Please, everyone, sit.
70
00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:44,300
Oh, Richard, you look wonderful.
71
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,160
So happy and relaxed.
72
00:03:47,170 --> 00:03:48,730
Well, life is good.
73
00:03:48,740 --> 00:03:50,720
New Christine is takin
really good care of me.
74
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,920
Oh, I just give him what he
deserves. It's not that hard.
75
00:03:53,930 --> 00:03:56,760
Richard? Richard, you jackass.
76
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,510
Why didn't you stop?
Didn't you see my blinker?
77
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:03,970
I didn't have any money in my wallet, so
I had to dine and dash at that coffee shop,
78
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,680
thanks to you, you idiot.
79
00:04:06,690 --> 00:04:08,250
I miss her, though.
80
00:04:08,270 --> 00:04:10,580
Hey, Dad. Hi, Mom.
81
00:04:11,190 --> 00:04:12,990
Christine, coffee breath.
82
00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:14,860
Oh, sorry, I'll brush my teeth.
83
00:04:14,870 --> 00:04:16,710
Oh, don't bother.
84
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,610
Breath doesn't have to be a
concern when you're divorced.
85
00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:24,260
Oh, that is fantastic.
86
00:04:24,270 --> 00:04:27,380
Mom, you just went from
coffee to divorce in two steps.
87
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:28,440
That was quick.
88
00:04:28,450 --> 00:04:31,100
Not as quick as your marriage.
89
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,500
You know what, Mom, I'm not the
only one who's divorced, okay?
90
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,970
Richard's divorced. Barb is divorced.
91
00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:40,740
No, I'm not. Smell my breath. Minty.
92
00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:45,880
All right. I'm divorced, Angela.
93
00:04:45,890 --> 00:04:49,240
Well, I'm sure you'll
meet someone wonderful.
94
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,480
You never said that to me.
95
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:54,030
No.
96
00:04:54,470 --> 00:04:58,620
Okay, I've got New Christine
and Lucky sleeping in here.
97
00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:01,490
We've got the sofa bed and a
very comfortable air mattress.
98
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:03,500
Ritchie can stay in the basement.
99
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,080
The boys can bunk
together in Matthew's room.
100
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,690
And Barb and Christine can
take Christine's old room.
101
00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:10,160
She means the garage.
102
00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:13,690
We converted the garage to a lovely
bedroom for her in high school.
103
00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:15,500
She never appreciated it.
104
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,470
You moved the car over three feet,
and you threw a futon in there.
105
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:23,790
And the garage door
is always open for you.
106
00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:27,320
So, everyone should make
themselves comfortable.
107
00:05:27,330 --> 00:05:29,330
Boys, watch the game with Daddy.
108
00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:32,750
And girls, there's linens
in the upstairs hallway.
109
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:36,150
Happy Thanksgiving, Larry.
110
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,190
- Uh, Mom, where's Dad?
- In his chair.
111
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,160
Uh, no, he's not. I'm
looking at his chair.
112
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:43,710
He's not?
113
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:48,820
Oh, look at that. He must have run
out to pick up those pickles I needed.
114
00:05:48,830 --> 00:05:52,500
I told him to sit still.
He does too much for me.
115
00:05:52,510 --> 00:05:55,220
What? Who are you talking about?
116
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,480
Your father.
117
00:05:56,500 --> 00:06:00,520
After 44 years of marriage, he
still treats me like a queen.
118
00:06:00,530 --> 00:06:04,870
I tell you, that sweet man
would do anything for me.
119
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,490
What the hell? Treats her like a queen?
120
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:10,390
Sweet man?
121
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:13,670
Something's weird here-- why is she
saying all these nice things about Dad?
122
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:16,240
You know, she once told me
she walks three miles a day
123
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:20,430
just so she can outlive him and
have a few good days at the end.
124
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:22,640
Yeah, that's why Dad quit smoking.
125
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,490
It's a hateful game of chicken.
126
00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,530
Richard, wake up.
127
00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:40,400
What?
128
00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:42,240
New Christine wants to switch.
129
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:44,380
She does?
130
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,770
Who brought it up, you or her?
131
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:53,500
I mean, I know she had a crush on Matthew,
but I never thought you'd go for it.
132
00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:55,520
She wants you to come downstairs.
133
00:06:55,530 --> 00:06:58,200
The three of us?
134
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,190
Is Matthew gonna be cool with this?
135
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,770
I'm gonna stay here.
136
00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:09,100
Just go.
137
00:07:16,550 --> 00:07:19,670
Mom, I'm sleeping.
138
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,580
Matthew!
139
00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:25,430
What a you doing here?
140
00:07:25,470 --> 00:07:28,340
I don't know. Thought I'd come see you.
141
00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:30,350
This is your room, huh?
142
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,180
I bet I'd hear some stories
if these walls could talk.
143
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,590
If these walls could talk, they'd say,
"This guy's got to get a girlfriend.
144
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,960
He's gonna hurt himself."
145
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:45,180
Spent a lot of time alone. I
was into Dungeons and Dragons.
146
00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:49,520
You know, I've never
been with a Jedi Knight.
147
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:54,710
That-that's Star Wars. It's
vastly different from D and D.
148
00:07:57,650 --> 00:08:01,880
Wait a second, what are you doing? We're
at my mom's house. It's Thanksgiving.
149
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:06,470
I know, I thought we'd do
something to make us thankful.
150
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:10,290
Are you kidding me? I'm
gonna get laid in this room.
151
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:13,570
Ooh, did you hear that, walls?
152
00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:15,770
Oh, do you have any birth control?
153
00:08:15,790 --> 00:08:19,660
You mean besides the Dungeons
and Dragons wall mural?
154
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:26,210
Oh, if the rumors were true in high school,
Christine has a condom dispenser in her bedroom.
155
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,690
I'll brush my teeth.
We'll meet back here...
156
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:34,610
under the Cloak of Invisibility.
157
00:08:34,620 --> 00:08:39,320
That's Harry Potter, but I... I
so appreciate that you're trying.
158
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,860
- Morning.
- Morning.
159
00:08:41,870 --> 00:08:43,810
No snacking.
160
00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,240
We're gonna be eating at noon.
161
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:47,700
I don't want you to spoil your appetite.
162
00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:51,330
You're gonna have to find
something else to fill the hole.
163
00:08:52,590 --> 00:08:56,110
You know, because of the divorce.
164
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,310
Thanks. I wasn't sure whe
you were going with that.
165
00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:02,750
Hey, Mom, where was Dad last night?
166
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:03,810
What are you talking about?
167
00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:06,670
Your dad was right here in this house.
168
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:10,140
Mom, he parks in my bedroom.
169
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,920
I would have noticed if he wasn't here.
170
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:14,850
Well, he must have parked on the
street so he wouldn't bother you.
171
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:17,560
You know how considerate your father is.
172
00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:18,730
Oh, yeah, I do.
173
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:20,800
Last time I was here, he
overshot the parking space.
174
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,660
He pned me up against the headboard.
175
00:09:23,670 --> 00:09:25,560
Mom, I don't think he
came home last night.
176
00:09:25,630 --> 00:09:31,290
Maybe you should worry a little less about where my
husband is and a little more about where your husband is.
177
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,690
I don't have a husband.
178
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,460
Oh, I see what you did.
179
00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:40,820
Hey, honey. How did you sleep?
180
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:42,660
How does it look like I slept?
181
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:45,630
Richard, I can't move my neck.
182
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:49,200
The stupid air mattress deflated
in the middle of the night.
183
00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:53,400
I think I'm paralyzed.
184
00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:57,340
Paralyzed? I can't handle that.
185
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,440
We need to talk.
186
00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:06,030
Richard, if I am paralyzed because you insisted that I
spend my Thanksgiving at your ex-wife's parents' house,
187
00:10:06,050 --> 00:10:08,830
then you are never leaving me.
188
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,660
Hey, you guys, I think
something is seriously wrong.
189
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:18,830
You know, my dad didn't come home last night,
and my mom is lying like crazy about it.
190
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:24,870
What? What is so hard
to understand about that?
191
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:28,680
No, shs paralyzed.
192
00:10:28,690 --> 00:10:31,840
And I have to stay with her.
193
00:10:35,410 --> 00:10:36,620
Oh, Barb, you're up.
194
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:41,230
Of course I'm up. Matthew was making
so much noise rooting around out there.
195
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,520
What were you looking for?
196
00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:44,860
I was looking for Christine's
condoms from high school.
197
00:10:44,870 --> 00:10:48,780
Lucy got turned on by my
Dungeons and Dragons room.
198
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:52,510
What, did you put a nerd curse on her?
199
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,540
Okay, first of all, if I wanted
her to be attracted to me,
200
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:59,140
I'd have used an
incantation, not a curse.
201
00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:02,390
Who's the nerd now?
202
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,050
Still you.
203
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:10,010
Listen, guys, seriously,
something is wrong with Mom.
204
00:11:10,030 --> 00:11:11,660
She does seem a little distracted.
205
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,770
She's less affectionate
to me than usual.
206
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:17,140
I didn't get a single butterfly
kiss when she tucked me in.
207
00:11:17,170 --> 00:11:18,710
And where the hell is Dad?
208
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,150
There's only one explanation.
209
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,790
Your mom killed your dad.
210
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:27,160
Barb! Come on, don't even say that.
211
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:28,160
It's ridiculous.
212
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:30,270
Is it?I mean, you say
they hate each other,
213
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,930
and they're always
fighting, and where is he?
214
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:37,320
- I'm sure he'll be home any minute.
- Christine.
215
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,200
- What?
- Look.
216
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,050
He left his Gas-Tac?
217
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,780
Oh, my God, he never
leaves home without these.
218
00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:53,770
Hey, Matthew, what's going on?
219
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:58,760
Bad things. Bad things
happen at this house.
220
00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:07,790
There you are.
221
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,610
There you all are! Matthew!
222
00:12:11,540 --> 00:12:12,950
Sorry, it's an emergency.
223
00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:15,390
We need to talk where
my mom can't hear us.
224
00:12:15,410 --> 00:12:18,980
So, we're not doing it?
225
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,700
Barb, this is ridiculous.
226
00:12:22,730 --> 00:12:23,950
What are we talking about here?
227
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,700
My mother would not kill my father.
228
00:12:25,710 --> 00:12:26,980
How do you know?
229
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,660
Because my mother doesn't kill people.
230
00:12:28,670 --> 00:12:31,180
She just tortures them.
231
00:12:31,190 --> 00:12:35,060
Millions of people are killed each year
by someone they didn't think would kill tm.
232
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:38,220
I'm telling you, it's on
Dateline every single night.
233
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:44,640
And during the holidays, people you'd never suspect
start slicing each other up like Christmas hams.
234
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:50,720
This is crazy. We have no proof that my
mom sliced up my dad like a Christmas ham.
235
00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:56,580
Look at the facts-- 50% of all
American marriages end in divorce;
236
00:12:56,610 --> 00:13:01,080
murder affects something like one in
two families, which is another 50%.
237
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:05,520
50% plus 50% is 100.
238
00:13:05,970 --> 00:13:09,180
Which means if you're not divorced,
239
00:13:09,190 --> 00:13:14,780
there's a 100% chance you either
killed or were killed by your spouse.
240
00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:19,240
I need to see that written out.
241
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,000
I've been around your mom a lot.
242
00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:24,720
I can see her killing someone.
243
00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:28,400
People snap. I might snap.
244
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,520
And if they're going to snap,
the holidays are when they do it.
245
00:13:34,470 --> 00:13:36,100
What are you all doing up here?
246
00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:38,980
Smoking pot.
247
00:13:40,670 --> 00:13:45,040
Well, come downstairs. I
need help setting the table.
248
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:46,500
Nice cer.
249
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,570
She didn't even flinch.
250
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:51,410
And you have weed?
251
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,250
I left my othes on the bathroom
floor, and now they're gone.
252
00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:56,660
Oh, Mom probably scooped them up.
253
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,180
Dirty clothes on the floor
don't last long around here.
254
00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:03,060
Plus, if she had all those bloody
clothes of your father's to wash,
255
00:14:03,070 --> 00:14:06,890
she's probably doing a load anyway.
256
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,100
Is it time for dinner?
257
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,120
No, not yet, sweetie.
Go wash your hands.
258
00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:15,030
I'm gonna go see if Grandma
will give me a piece of turkey?
259
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,330
No, Ritchie, Ritchie, you stay
away from Grandma. Do you hear me?
260
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:19,190
But I'm hungry.
261
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,610
Go, Ritchie, go!
262
00:14:22,370 --> 00:14:24,190
Okay, what are we going
to do? What's the plan?
263
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,600
Someone has to confront her.
264
00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:29,490
Amateurs don't do this.
We need Stone Phillips.
265
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,930
Maybe New Christine should go.
266
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,860
Why,ichard? Because I'm damaged goods?
267
00:14:37,870 --> 00:14:41,590
Yes. You're the weakest.
268
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:45,250
If we have to make a run for it,
she's going to catch you anyway.
269
00:14:47,510 --> 00:14:50,260
Just look at this turkey.
270
00:14:50,270 --> 00:14:54,360
I think it's my best yet.
271
00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:56,640
Mom? Where's Dad?
272
00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:58,880
- He's running errands.
- No.
273
00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:00,870
- He's watching TV.
- No.
274
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,320
- Smoking pot.
- Mom...
275
00:15:02,330 --> 00:15:05,280
Everybody sit!
276
00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:08,120
Is it dinner?
277
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:11,120
Ritchie, get out! Get out!
278
00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:14,520
Christine, why are you shouting?
279
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:18,490
This is a hoday, not your marriage.
280
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:21,320
Okay, Mom, just tell us what's going on.
281
00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:24,740
We found Dad's Gas-Tac, and we know he
doesn't leave the house without that.
282
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,510
Oh, please.
283
00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:31,460
Your father had to go to
prescription strength two years ago.
284
00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:34,050
He made a mockery of the
over-the-counter stuff.
285
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:37,360
He might as well have
been popping breath mints.
286
00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:41,590
Then where is he? And no lies.
287
00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:46,530
We had a fight.
288
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:50,010
- Is that why you killed him?
- What?
289
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,820
Barb!
290
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,430
Is that why you killed him?
291
00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:58,430
No, I didn't kill your father.
292
00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:01,750
We had a fight and he
left to go cool off.
293
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,920
When, when was that?
294
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,990
- Four days ago.
- What?
295
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,130
Oh, my God! Dad left you?
296
00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:10,200
Of course not.
297
00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:12,550
Larry would never leave me.
298
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:15,340
He went away to cool off,
but he'll be back today.
299
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,510
He loves Thanksgiving, and he loves me.
300
00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:19,780
Nobody left anybody.
301
00:16:19,810 --> 00:16:22,800
Except Richard left Christine.
302
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:29,520
Now until Daddy comes home, nobody eats.
303
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,970
I'm going to warm this up.
304
00:16:40,990 --> 00:16:44,140
Your father hates cold turkey.
305
00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:45,450
Christine, go talk to her.
306
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:46,350
Why me?
307
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,220
Because you understand what she's going
through. Your husband left you, too.
308
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:50,620
Hey, I left him.
309
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:53,560
Only because you beat me to the door.
310
00:16:57,790 --> 00:17:00,890
- Is that... What are you opening?
- Nothing.
311
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,380
- I smell chocolate.
- And caramel.
312
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:06,630
Somebody's got a Twix.
313
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:07,790
Do you?
314
00:17:07,820 --> 00:17:09,740
It's mine.
315
00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:12,370
We're getting married.
You're supposed to share.
316
00:17:12,380 --> 00:17:13,880
We're not married yet.
317
00:17:13,890 --> 00:17:16,900
And you were going to leave
me because I have a stiff neck.
318
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,030
Kill her! Get the Twix!
319
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,690
Matthew, I thought you
were getting my clothes.
320
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,720
Oh, shoot.
321
00:17:25,730 --> 00:17:27,310
I can't believe you left me up there.
322
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,930
Lucy, I'm so sorry. I think
my parents are splitting up.
323
00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:31,870
Oh, is there anything I can do?
324
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,070
Well, you're standing there
naked in my Dungeon Master's cape.
325
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:40,030
If you were holding the Sword of Narlock, you
would have fulfilled my every teenage fantasy.
326
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,380
I bet you spent a lot of time in high
school holding your Sword of Narlock.
327
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:51,270
Mom, what are you doing?
328
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,050
I'm just looking for celery.
329
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:55,570
Where's the celery?
330
00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:58,350
The celery's gone!
331
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:03,540
Gone forever! And
it's never coming back!
332
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:10,090
Mom, please get your hea
out of the refrigerator.
333
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:13,190
You're not really
upset about the celery.
334
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:18,070
I am. The celery is my whole life.
335
00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:22,550
Well, I know you're used to the...
336
00:18:22,580 --> 00:18:25,520
celery, but I mean, maybe you
could be happy without it, Mom.
337
00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:31,190
I mean, the celery w
inconsiderate and gassy
338
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,520
and had that one thick toenail
that looked like a hoof.
339
00:18:34,550 --> 00:18:38,190
You know, the one he
uses as a letter opener.
340
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,330
Mom, come on. Come on. Mommy, come.
341
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:44,210
Come and sit down, okay?
342
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:48,610
Listen, I want you to understand I-I
really know what you're going through.
343
00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:52,950
Oh, you have no idea what
I'm going through, Christine.
344
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:57,110
I've been married to
that man for 44 years,
345
00:18:57,420 --> 00:19:00,660
and I was raised to believe
that marriage was forever.
346
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,700
Till the bitter end.
347
00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:05,460
Not something you abandon
when things get hard.
348
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,030
What if he never comes home?
349
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:13,670
Well, no matter happens, it's
not the end of the world, Mom.
350
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,340
No, it isn't. It wasn't
for me, it won't be for you.
351
00:19:17,350 --> 00:19:21,890
You know, sometimes marriages
just run their course.
352
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:27,070
I'm happy now. See?
353
00:19:29,050 --> 00:19:32,500
I guess I was pretty hard on you.
354
00:19:32,510 --> 00:19:34,830
I looked at your divorce as a failure.
355
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:38,320
And if I admitted your father was
gone, I'd be saying I'm a failure, too,
356
00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:43,450
and I think we both know
I'm not going to say that.
357
00:19:43,460 --> 00:19:45,120
No, you don't have to say that.
358
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,800
Why don't you just
have a piece of turkey?
359
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:49,590
No, no, I can't eat anything
till your father comes home.
360
00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:51,100
He always gets the first piece.
361
00:19:51,110 --> 00:19:55,090
No, not this time. Come
on, Mom, just take a bite.
362
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,680
- Yeah.
- Okay.
363
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,790
Oh, it's good.
364
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:04,760
Good for you, Mom.
365
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:08,140
Yeah, enjoy it. You deserve it.
366
00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:11,380
Everything is going to be okay, really.
367
00:20:11,390 --> 00:20:14,020
Thank you, Christine.
368
00:20:14,030 --> 00:20:15,540
- Dad's back.
- What?
369
00:20:15,550 --> 00:20:18,220
- What?
- And he's hungry.
370
00:20:18,230 --> 00:20:22,720
Oh, my God!
371
00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:26,570
The turkey is ruined!
372
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:29,150
Look what you made me do!
373
00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:31,570
I knew your father was coming home.
374
00:20:31,610 --> 00:20:33,790
That's the problem with
you divorced people.
375
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:37,000
You're never satisfied till
everybody else is divorced, too.
376
00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:40,240
No, I'm sorr Mom, I
was just trying to help.
377
00:20:40,270 --> 00:20:43,500
You know, everybody else in that
room thought you had killed him.
378
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,570
I'm the good one, Mom!
379
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:47,600
Your father's waiting.
380
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:49,140
How do I look?
381
00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:53,150
- You always look good.
- Yeah? You look pretty, too.
382
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,500
I'm sorry about the turkey, Larry.
383
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,270
Christine ruined it.
384
00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:04,060
She said I'm pretty.
385
00:21:05,660 --> 00:21:10,690
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386
00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:15,290
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