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1
00:00:22,035 --> 00:00:25,424
- 9:25, this is the latest
the staff have arrived
2
00:00:25,424 --> 00:00:26,735
in living memory.
3
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,027
- Well, Captain Peacock, last night's
4
00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,960
blizzard wast the worst in living memory.
5
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,886
I reckon we'll be lucky
to see them at all.
6
00:00:31,886 --> 00:00:33,871
- I'm surprised you're here, Mr. Spooner.
7
00:00:33,871 --> 00:00:35,896
I would have thought you
would have taken advantage
8
00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:38,240
of the inclement weather
to take the day off.
9
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:39,223
- Oh not me, sir.
10
00:00:39,223 --> 00:00:41,346
I slept in the all-night
cinema down the road.
11
00:00:41,346 --> 00:00:43,084
I can't afford to miss payday.
12
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,946
'Specially today when we get our rise.
13
00:00:44,946 --> 00:00:47,114
- Hm, so we've been led to believe.
14
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:50,488
9:28, I shall have to
report this to Mr. Rumbold
15
00:00:50,488 --> 00:00:52,311
and see if we can borrow
some temporary staff
16
00:00:52,311 --> 00:00:53,617
from other departments.
17
00:00:53,617 --> 00:00:55,028
- Oh, they'll be here, sir.
18
00:00:55,028 --> 00:00:57,152
When they heard the
weather forecast yesterday,
19
00:00:57,152 --> 00:00:58,789
I heard them making contingency plans.
20
00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:00,313
- What had they in mind?
21
00:01:00,313 --> 00:01:01,500
- Well for a start,
they were all gonna stay
22
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:03,581
at Mrs. Slocombe's house
'cuz she lives the nearest.
23
00:01:03,581 --> 00:01:05,164
- But she lives at the
end of the cul-de-sac,
24
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:06,553
backing onto a common.
25
00:01:06,553 --> 00:01:07,959
They'll never get across the foot path
26
00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,003
to get to the bus stop.
27
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:09,836
- As they're all holed up,
28
00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:12,788
I reckon they'll make every effort.
29
00:01:12,788 --> 00:01:15,348
- 9:29 and 45 seconds.
30
00:01:15,348 --> 00:01:17,344
At 9:30 I shall assume
they're not going to arrive
31
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,500
and act accordingly.
32
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,163
Five seconds left.
33
00:01:21,163 --> 00:01:25,915
Five, four, three, two, one,
34
00:01:25,915 --> 00:01:27,772
(elevator rings) not
35
00:01:27,772 --> 00:01:30,769
(audience laughing)
36
00:01:42,518 --> 00:01:44,230
- Oh, I'm so sorry we're late,
37
00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,395
but we lost our transport.
38
00:01:47,695 --> 00:01:49,517
- What did you have, a snow plow?
39
00:01:49,517 --> 00:01:51,944
- I had six Yorkshire
Terriers at the end of this
40
00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,533
(audience laughing)
41
00:01:53,533 --> 00:01:55,270
when we left the backyard door.
42
00:01:55,270 --> 00:01:57,811
- Arthur cleared a path with a shovel.
43
00:01:57,811 --> 00:02:01,369
- I shouted, mush, mush,
and nothing happened.
44
00:02:01,369 --> 00:02:04,891
- But then they spotted my
pussy and took off like madmen.
45
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:06,346
(audience laughing)
46
00:02:06,346 --> 00:02:08,048
- I hung on 'til the
end of the house street,
47
00:02:08,048 --> 00:02:10,694
but they slipped their
collars and they went off.
48
00:02:10,694 --> 00:02:13,223
- By that time we're going
flat out down the hill.
49
00:02:13,223 --> 00:02:15,749
- And we went straight
through a red traffic light
50
00:02:15,749 --> 00:02:17,296
at some road works.
51
00:02:17,296 --> 00:02:18,426
- That was very dangerous.
52
00:02:18,426 --> 00:02:19,428
Did anyone see you?
53
00:02:19,428 --> 00:02:21,978
- No, it was very useful for overtaking.
54
00:02:21,978 --> 00:02:25,852
They moved to one side
every time I flashed.
55
00:02:25,852 --> 00:02:27,783
(audience laughs)
56
00:02:27,783 --> 00:02:29,204
One, two, three, four.
57
00:02:29,204 --> 00:02:30,248
♫ Hi ho
58
00:02:30,248 --> 00:02:31,196
♫ Hi ho
59
00:02:31,196 --> 00:02:34,421
♫ It's off to work we go
60
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,023
- And the failure of management
61
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:39,666
to meet the promised 10% pay
demand is most unfortunate,
62
00:02:39,666 --> 00:02:42,927
but I understand the
company's difficult position.
63
00:02:42,927 --> 00:02:45,789
I'm confident that my
department will continue to put
64
00:02:45,789 --> 00:02:49,725
their shoulders to the wheel
with their usual enthusiasm.
65
00:02:49,725 --> 00:02:53,760
Copies to Mr. Grace,
accounts, file, et cetera.
66
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,249
- It's ever so cold in here.
67
00:02:56,249 --> 00:02:57,938
- (laughs) You should
have worn a warmer dress.
68
00:02:57,938 --> 00:02:59,983
- It's all I have, sir.
69
00:02:59,983 --> 00:03:01,233
- Well, I'll put the blow heater on
70
00:03:01,233 --> 00:03:02,574
under my desk for a moment.
71
00:03:02,574 --> 00:03:03,407
(knock at door)
72
00:03:03,407 --> 00:03:04,758
Enter.
73
00:03:04,758 --> 00:03:07,031
I'll see if I can find the right button.
74
00:03:07,031 --> 00:03:08,306
(fan whirring)
75
00:03:08,306 --> 00:03:10,368
- Oh! (screams)
76
00:03:10,368 --> 00:03:12,696
- I'm sorry, wrong button.
77
00:03:12,696 --> 00:03:16,368
I couldn't see very well under the desk.
78
00:03:16,368 --> 00:03:17,879
- You oughta fan where I am.
79
00:03:17,879 --> 00:03:19,638
(audience laughs)
80
00:03:19,638 --> 00:03:22,764
You just made a happy man feel very old.
81
00:03:22,764 --> 00:03:24,543
(audience laughs)
82
00:03:24,543 --> 00:03:26,223
Oh, your morning cuppa, sir.
83
00:03:26,223 --> 00:03:27,410
Sorry about the dried milk,
84
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:28,985
it's all part of the economy plan.
85
00:03:28,985 --> 00:03:30,742
Oh, and there's the hot water,
86
00:03:30,742 --> 00:03:32,365
- Where's the tea?
87
00:03:32,365 --> 00:03:33,720
- You have to supply your own.
88
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:34,996
(audience laughs)
89
00:03:34,996 --> 00:03:37,236
The governor's cutting cost to the bone.
90
00:03:37,236 --> 00:03:39,997
- We can't drink hot dried milk.
91
00:03:39,997 --> 00:03:42,417
- Well if you don't tell
anyone and you want a tea bag,
92
00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:43,689
I do have a supply.
93
00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,623
- Ha ha, I knew I could rely on you.
94
00:03:45,623 --> 00:03:47,980
- Extra tea, five pence.
95
00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:48,870
- Well worth it.
96
00:03:48,870 --> 00:03:49,738
- Thank you very much, indeed.
97
00:03:49,738 --> 00:03:50,776
One or two?
98
00:03:50,776 --> 00:03:52,368
- Oh two please, I like it strong.
99
00:03:52,368 --> 00:03:54,044
- Thank you.
100
00:03:54,044 --> 00:03:54,877
One,
101
00:03:56,239 --> 00:03:57,071
two.
102
00:03:59,433 --> 00:04:00,634
- Is that it?
103
00:04:00,634 --> 00:04:02,152
- Well you're lucky you get a first go.
104
00:04:02,152 --> 00:04:03,131
That's gonna do the lift girls
105
00:04:03,131 --> 00:04:04,561
and half the accounts department.
106
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:05,901
(audience laughs)
107
00:04:05,901 --> 00:04:08,118
- Why only half the accounts department?
108
00:04:08,118 --> 00:04:09,178
- The other half like coffee.
109
00:04:09,178 --> 00:04:10,913
(audience laughs)
110
00:04:10,913 --> 00:04:12,245
Have a nice tea.
111
00:04:15,249 --> 00:04:16,801
- While Captain Peacock's off the floor,
112
00:04:16,801 --> 00:04:18,799
could you lend me 50
pence 'til me wages come,
113
00:04:18,799 --> 00:04:20,260
I want to send out for a coffee.
114
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,925
- Oh, I'm sorry love, but look at that.
115
00:04:23,925 --> 00:04:24,764
See?
116
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,306
Not one coin, I'm flat broke.
117
00:04:27,306 --> 00:04:30,556
I've never been flat
broke in my life before.
118
00:04:30,556 --> 00:04:33,152
- Me and all, that rise is
coming right at the right time.
119
00:04:33,152 --> 00:04:34,656
- You can say that again.
120
00:04:34,656 --> 00:04:38,074
You know, I always keep
a couple of pound notes
121
00:04:38,074 --> 00:04:41,880
tucked away in me knickers,
just for emergencies you know.
122
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,641
Unfortunately, last
week I had an emergency.
123
00:04:45,641 --> 00:04:46,891
- Oh, what happened?
124
00:04:46,891 --> 00:04:48,126
- The elastic broke.
125
00:04:48,126 --> 00:04:49,666
(audience laughs)
126
00:04:49,666 --> 00:04:52,694
And I dropped one in the haymarket.
127
00:04:52,694 --> 00:04:54,458
And it blew off down the street.
128
00:04:54,458 --> 00:04:55,595
(audience laughs)
129
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:58,016
Two seconds later, the
other one followed it.
130
00:04:58,016 --> 00:04:59,378
(audience laughs)
131
00:04:59,378 --> 00:05:01,449
Mr. Humphries, get back
behind your counter.
132
00:05:01,449 --> 00:05:04,510
- Captain Peacock, I normally
would obey every command
133
00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:06,269
you give me, but let's face it,
134
00:05:06,269 --> 00:05:07,942
as far as customers are concerned,
135
00:05:07,942 --> 00:05:09,451
they could be in the North Pole.
136
00:05:09,451 --> 00:05:10,689
I'm just waiting for my wages
137
00:05:10,689 --> 00:05:12,813
so I can send for a coffee to thaw me out.
138
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,076
Just feel that.
139
00:05:14,076 --> 00:05:15,975
- Oh, your tiny hand is frozen.
140
00:05:15,975 --> 00:05:17,021
(audience laughs)
141
00:05:17,021 --> 00:05:18,851
- I said, get back.
142
00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:20,507
- Now if you'd spoken like that before--
143
00:05:20,507 --> 00:05:21,339
- Yes?
144
00:05:21,339 --> 00:05:22,475
- I'd have gone straight away.
145
00:05:22,475 --> 00:05:25,595
(audience laughs)
146
00:05:25,595 --> 00:05:27,613
- Do you want the good
news or the bad news first?
147
00:05:27,613 --> 00:05:28,618
- What do you mean?
148
00:05:28,618 --> 00:05:30,791
- Well the good news is,
here's your pay packets.
149
00:05:30,791 --> 00:05:32,767
The bad news is, we ain't go no rise.
150
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:33,678
- What was that?
151
00:05:33,678 --> 00:05:35,012
- No rise. And I can tell you now
152
00:05:35,012 --> 00:05:36,953
it's causing a right old stand in packing.
153
00:05:36,953 --> 00:05:39,481
Toiletries are having a sit-in.
154
00:05:39,481 --> 00:05:41,746
- I've been held down for over a year.
155
00:05:41,746 --> 00:05:42,841
- I think we should go and complain
156
00:05:42,841 --> 00:05:44,104
to Mr. Grace, personally.
157
00:05:44,104 --> 00:05:45,968
- Let me tell you, that
man is approachable,
158
00:05:45,968 --> 00:05:47,747
'cuz I've just approached
him in his office.
159
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:49,441
Look at my attire, I said.
160
00:05:49,441 --> 00:05:51,630
Look at the frayed cuffs
on the end of my shirt.
161
00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:52,462
- And did he look?
162
00:05:52,462 --> 00:05:54,370
- Yeah, I shoved it right
under his nose, like that.
163
00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:56,543
And I said, look, the left sole of my shoe
164
00:05:56,543 --> 00:05:58,351
is parting company with the other.
165
00:05:58,351 --> 00:05:59,907
And bang, I shoved it right on his desk.
166
00:05:59,907 --> 00:06:00,995
- Did he look?
167
00:06:00,995 --> 00:06:02,594
- Long and hard.
168
00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:04,047
And then he took out
of his pocket a great,
169
00:06:04,047 --> 00:06:07,118
thick wide of fivers done
up with an elastic band.
170
00:06:07,118 --> 00:06:08,565
Removing the elastic band,
171
00:06:08,565 --> 00:06:10,908
he put the situation to
right there and then.
172
00:06:10,908 --> 00:06:11,755
- What did you get?
173
00:06:11,755 --> 00:06:13,146
- The elastic band to keep me sole on.
174
00:06:13,146 --> 00:06:14,205
(audience laughs)
175
00:06:14,205 --> 00:06:16,068
- After that, what chance have we got?
176
00:06:16,068 --> 00:06:17,106
- After that, nothing.
177
00:06:17,106 --> 00:06:18,667
I can't give me mother any less.
178
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,311
She's taking in washing as it is.
179
00:06:20,311 --> 00:06:22,069
- I didn't know that.
180
00:06:22,069 --> 00:06:24,074
- Neither did I, 'til I
caught her down by the canal
181
00:06:24,074 --> 00:06:26,144
with a big boulder and a packet of bold.
182
00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:28,628
(audience laughs)
183
00:06:28,628 --> 00:06:29,806
- Oh, well that settles it.
184
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:33,441
I'm not standing for this
and I am unanimous in that.
185
00:06:33,441 --> 00:06:35,128
(audience laughs)
186
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:39,019
I say that we go to Mr.
Rumbold and demand our rise.
187
00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:40,670
Mr. Grace must be off his rocker
188
00:06:40,670 --> 00:06:42,960
if he thinks he's going
to get away with this.
189
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,399
- Well for once, I'm on your side.
190
00:06:44,399 --> 00:06:47,998
- Do you know, I'd get more if
I was an old aged pensioner.
191
00:06:47,998 --> 00:06:49,381
- Well you haven't got long to wait.
192
00:06:49,381 --> 00:06:51,577
(audience laughs)
193
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,734
- Now I've got my dander
up, so just watch it.
194
00:06:54,734 --> 00:06:57,938
- No, no, no, I suggest that you hang on,
195
00:06:57,938 --> 00:07:00,254
grit your teeth and tighten your belts.
196
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,725
Just rushing in and demanding your rise
197
00:07:02,725 --> 00:07:04,151
will achieve nothing.
198
00:07:04,151 --> 00:07:06,721
- I'm glad to hear you
say that, Captain Peacock.
199
00:07:06,721 --> 00:07:08,471
'Cuz you ain't got one either.
200
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:09,325
- What?
201
00:07:09,325 --> 00:07:11,463
No, no, no, no, I'm middle management.
202
00:07:11,463 --> 00:07:14,640
My rise has been agreed at
the table in the board room.
203
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,033
- Well according to Mr. Patel of accounts,
204
00:07:17,033 --> 00:07:20,075
middle management are gonna
be asked to take a cut.
205
00:07:20,075 --> 00:07:21,030
- What?
206
00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:22,279
This is monstrous.
207
00:07:22,279 --> 00:07:23,112
You're sure?
208
00:07:23,112 --> 00:07:25,442
- Mr. Patel was middle management
'til he heard the news.
209
00:07:25,442 --> 00:07:27,213
The last time I saw him,
he was going upstairs
210
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,990
to hand in his notice and
cash in his curry vouchers.
211
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:30,988
- Thank you.
212
00:07:32,396 --> 00:07:33,847
Well that settles it.
213
00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:35,209
We must be united in this.
214
00:07:35,209 --> 00:07:37,580
- All for one and one for all.
215
00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:39,438
- Right, so who's going in first?
216
00:07:39,438 --> 00:07:41,484
- Well, I suggest we all go in together.
217
00:07:41,484 --> 00:07:43,067
- The doorway isn't big enough.
218
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:45,402
- We could all bunch up
tightly behind Captain Peacock.
219
00:07:45,402 --> 00:07:46,920
(audience laughs)
220
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,116
- No, we could go in side by side.
221
00:07:49,116 --> 00:07:50,873
- Except Mrs. Slocombe.
222
00:07:50,873 --> 00:07:53,415
- I should be pleased to lead the way.
223
00:07:53,415 --> 00:07:56,126
And that daft boy can bring up the rear.
224
00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,566
Mr. Grace is off his rocker
225
00:07:57,566 --> 00:07:59,374
if he thinks he's going to diddle us.
226
00:07:59,374 --> 00:08:00,935
- Yeah, but what are you going to say?
227
00:08:00,935 --> 00:08:03,580
- I shall be succinct and to the point.
228
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:05,925
- That's all very well, but
what are you going to say?
229
00:08:05,925 --> 00:08:07,958
- Give us the money, jug-ears, or else.
230
00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:10,788
(audience laughs)
231
00:08:11,648 --> 00:08:12,970
- Yes sir, I'll tell him.
232
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:16,799
It's Mr. Wooten in the pet department.
233
00:08:16,799 --> 00:08:18,352
- Yes, Mr. Wooten?
234
00:08:18,352 --> 00:08:19,580
What?
235
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:21,330
You've lost a monkey?
236
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:23,033
(audience laughs)
237
00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:24,286
Good lord.
238
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:25,535
Bit you, where?
239
00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:28,685
That must have been painful.
240
00:08:28,685 --> 00:08:30,004
(audience laughs)
241
00:08:30,004 --> 00:08:31,622
Make a note of this.
242
00:08:31,622 --> 00:08:33,543
What sort of monkey?
243
00:08:33,543 --> 00:08:36,027
Paraguayan, what do they look like?
244
00:08:36,027 --> 00:08:39,774
Long arms, bald head, and big ears.
245
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,355
That sounds hideous.
246
00:08:47,482 --> 00:08:48,741
Have you got all that down.
247
00:08:48,741 --> 00:08:51,608
- I think I can remember it.
248
00:08:51,608 --> 00:08:54,249
- Right, I'll alert the department.
249
00:08:54,249 --> 00:08:55,582
That was very careless of them.
250
00:08:55,582 --> 00:08:57,137
(phone rings)
251
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,429
- Mr. Rumbold.
252
00:08:58,429 --> 00:09:00,588
- Shoosh, shoosh, I'm on
to Mr. Grace's office.
253
00:09:00,588 --> 00:09:01,420
Yes, sir.
254
00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:04,506
I heard the bad news about a moment ago.
255
00:09:04,506 --> 00:09:06,144
- Don't say something's
happened to Mr. Grace.
256
00:09:06,144 --> 00:09:07,154
- Sh, sh, sh.
257
00:09:07,154 --> 00:09:09,653
- It seems that when they
tried to restrain him,
258
00:09:09,653 --> 00:09:12,971
he bit Mr. Wooten on the nose.
259
00:09:12,971 --> 00:09:14,466
- You said he'd gone off his rocker.
260
00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,346
(audience laughs)
261
00:09:16,346 --> 00:09:18,978
- He's probably hiding in the lift shaft.
262
00:09:18,978 --> 00:09:20,503
(audience laughs)
263
00:09:20,503 --> 00:09:24,167
Have you tried dangling
a banana down there?
264
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:27,429
See if that would tempt him.
265
00:09:27,429 --> 00:09:28,939
- This does not seem to
be an opportune moment
266
00:09:28,939 --> 00:09:31,120
to talk about our rise.
267
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,722
- Right, I'll tell the rest of the staff.
268
00:09:32,722 --> 00:09:34,580
Yes, yes Mr. Grace.
269
00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:36,782
- Oh, was that Mr. Grace on the phone?
270
00:09:36,782 --> 00:09:39,409
- Well I'd hardly be calling
anybody else Mr. Grace.
271
00:09:39,409 --> 00:09:41,511
- You said he was hiding
down the lift shaft.
272
00:09:41,511 --> 00:09:45,176
- No, no, no, that was a
bald-headed Paraguayan monkey
273
00:09:45,176 --> 00:09:46,814
that's just escaped
from the pet department.
274
00:09:46,814 --> 00:09:48,111
I presume you came in to tell me
275
00:09:48,111 --> 00:09:49,198
you've just heard the same news,
276
00:09:49,198 --> 00:09:50,991
but there's no need to panic.
277
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,386
Just get back to your counters
and keep your eyes open.
278
00:09:53,386 --> 00:09:56,427
- We didn't come in here
to discuss a monkey.
279
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:58,391
We've come about our pay rise.
280
00:09:58,391 --> 00:09:59,965
- What we ain't got.
281
00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:00,826
- And what we ain't happy about.
282
00:10:00,826 --> 00:10:02,639
(audience laughs)
283
00:10:02,639 --> 00:10:05,175
- Well we're living in
very difficult times.
284
00:10:05,175 --> 00:10:07,201
- Mine was agreed and ratified.
285
00:10:07,201 --> 00:10:09,862
And we, and I speak for everyone here,
286
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:12,255
are not leaving this office
until we get your assurance
287
00:10:12,255 --> 00:10:15,715
that during this day, that
rise will be forthcoming.
288
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,712
- (laughs) I was expecting
the increase too,
289
00:10:17,712 --> 00:10:19,443
I'm just as disappointed as you are,
290
00:10:19,443 --> 00:10:20,678
but what can I do?
291
00:10:20,678 --> 00:10:22,936
- Nothing, because you
haven't got the guts.
292
00:10:22,936 --> 00:10:25,442
- Look, the general economy is on the up.
293
00:10:25,442 --> 00:10:28,465
I feel sure that in the course of time,
294
00:10:28,465 --> 00:10:30,646
the pay rise will be forthcoming.
295
00:10:30,646 --> 00:10:33,315
- The course of time has run
out as far as I'm concerned.
296
00:10:33,315 --> 00:10:34,146
- Me too.
297
00:10:34,146 --> 00:10:35,926
I'd be better off if I was fired.
298
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:38,066
At least I'd get severance pay
299
00:10:38,066 --> 00:10:40,302
and then I could go
straight away on the dole,
300
00:10:40,302 --> 00:10:42,062
and be out looking for another job.
301
00:10:42,062 --> 00:10:42,893
(audience laughs)
302
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,744
- There's no reason to fire anyone.
303
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:47,235
- Yeah, you wouldn't get anyone
to work here for our wages.
304
00:10:47,235 --> 00:10:48,887
That's why he can't fire us.
305
00:10:48,887 --> 00:10:50,921
- So, all you need is a reason?
306
00:10:50,921 --> 00:10:53,596
- Naturally, I can't just say to Mr. Grace
307
00:10:53,596 --> 00:10:55,820
that I've fired all my staff.
308
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:57,937
That would have put my
credibility at risk,
309
00:10:57,937 --> 00:10:59,655
not to mention my job in jeopardy.
310
00:10:59,655 --> 00:11:01,389
I must have a reason.
311
00:11:01,389 --> 00:11:04,055
- Well, we'll give you a reason.
312
00:11:05,619 --> 00:11:09,292
I take it this is on behalf of all of us?
313
00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:10,123
- Agreed.
314
00:11:11,042 --> 00:11:13,873
(audience laughs)
315
00:11:14,768 --> 00:11:17,766
(audience applause)
316
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:27,073
- That was very naughty, Mrs. Slocombe.
317
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:29,911
But let it not be said that I
haven't got a sense of humor.
318
00:11:29,911 --> 00:11:31,282
(laughing)
319
00:11:31,282 --> 00:11:32,410
Now, get back to your counters.
320
00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:33,646
I've got work to do.
321
00:11:33,646 --> 00:11:34,903
- Well you're the only one.
322
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:35,735
Come on.
323
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,807
Well open the door, you daft boy.
324
00:11:38,807 --> 00:11:41,284
(audience laughs)
325
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:42,328
- Do you think they mean it?
326
00:11:42,328 --> 00:11:43,885
- I'm afraid so.
327
00:11:43,885 --> 00:11:45,456
Due to our cashflow problem,
328
00:11:45,456 --> 00:11:47,512
we can't even afford their severance pay.
329
00:11:47,512 --> 00:11:49,558
Mr. Grace, Rumbold here.
330
00:11:49,558 --> 00:11:50,921
Bad news I'm afraid, sir.
331
00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:53,189
Yes, the staff are trying
to get themselves fired.
332
00:11:53,189 --> 00:11:56,173
What's that, you've got even worse news?
333
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,020
(gasps)
334
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,060
It's a Japanese takeover bid.
335
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:00,648
What would that mean, sir?
336
00:12:00,648 --> 00:12:01,721
I see.
337
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,027
We'd all get fired.
338
00:12:03,027 --> 00:12:05,458
- That's it then, we do no more work
339
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,608
and then they'll get the message
340
00:12:06,608 --> 00:12:08,160
and they'll have to fire us.
341
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,434
- And we can nip out quick and
get on the dole immediately.
342
00:12:10,434 --> 00:12:11,987
- I must say withdrawal of labor
343
00:12:11,987 --> 00:12:13,599
would bring the point home to them.
344
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,243
- You mean like a sit down strike?
345
00:12:15,243 --> 00:12:17,031
- They don't fire people for striking.
346
00:12:17,031 --> 00:12:18,356
They just don't pay them.
347
00:12:18,356 --> 00:12:19,332
- But we'd be no better off then,
348
00:12:19,332 --> 00:12:20,679
then what we are now.
349
00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:22,008
- She's right.
350
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:25,722
No, we must do something that
they can't forgive us for.
351
00:12:25,722 --> 00:12:28,178
- I've often done that, but
I've always been forgiven.
352
00:12:28,178 --> 00:12:29,750
(audience laughs)
353
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,510
Mind you, it was always by the same vicar.
354
00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,358
(audience laughs)
355
00:12:33,358 --> 00:12:34,581
- Yeah, but that Mrs. Comlose,
356
00:12:34,581 --> 00:12:37,482
she got fired from cosmetics
for being rude to a customer.
357
00:12:37,482 --> 00:12:38,344
(elevator dings)
358
00:12:38,344 --> 00:12:39,704
- Well now's your chance.
359
00:12:39,704 --> 00:12:42,868
- Yes, now then, you go on
and be first to get fired.
360
00:12:42,868 --> 00:12:44,781
- No, you're senior.
361
00:12:44,781 --> 00:12:47,802
- We're going to start at the
bottom and work our way up.
362
00:12:47,802 --> 00:12:48,883
Now, get over there.
363
00:12:48,883 --> 00:12:49,965
- Oh alright.
364
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:54,989
I've just come over to tell
you, I ain't serving ya.
365
00:12:54,989 --> 00:12:56,444
- Oh, I don't expect you to.
366
00:12:56,444 --> 00:12:57,699
You're obviously a junior.
367
00:12:57,699 --> 00:13:01,073
I need a senior salesperson,
as I wish to purchase
368
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,927
a fur coat for my sec- second cousin.
369
00:13:03,927 --> 00:13:04,760
(audience laughs)
370
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,675
something in the region
of 5,000 pounds or more.
371
00:13:07,675 --> 00:13:09,799
- Yeah, just hang on a minute, will ya.
372
00:13:09,799 --> 00:13:10,994
(audience laughs)
373
00:13:10,994 --> 00:13:13,185
Did you hear that, they want
to spend over five grand,
374
00:13:13,185 --> 00:13:14,509
what are we gonna do?
375
00:13:14,509 --> 00:13:15,525
- Stand firm.
376
00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:16,775
- You're not on commission.
377
00:13:16,775 --> 00:13:18,284
- Oh, what a dilemma.
378
00:13:18,284 --> 00:13:20,234
- What happened to all
for one and one for all?
379
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,419
- But we could share it.
380
00:13:21,419 --> 00:13:24,067
- No, no, we've agreed
and we'll stick to it.
381
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:27,955
I will go over there and be
the first to sacrifice myself.
382
00:13:27,955 --> 00:13:30,433
As an example to the rest of you.
383
00:13:30,433 --> 00:13:32,107
(audience laughs)
384
00:13:32,107 --> 00:13:33,817
- Joan of Arc all over again.
385
00:13:33,817 --> 00:13:35,376
(audience laughs)
386
00:13:35,376 --> 00:13:36,632
- With one slight difference,
387
00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:39,329
Joan of Arc had Kali
printed across her heart.
388
00:13:39,329 --> 00:13:41,531
- And what do you think
Mrs. Slocombe will go with?
389
00:13:41,531 --> 00:13:43,281
- Kami written across her knickers.
390
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,786
(audience laughs)
391
00:13:44,786 --> 00:13:47,665
- I'm Mrs. Slocombe, senior salesperson
392
00:13:47,665 --> 00:13:48,937
on the ladies counter.
393
00:13:48,937 --> 00:13:49,799
- Ah, good.
394
00:13:49,799 --> 00:13:51,224
I'd like a fur coat,
395
00:13:51,224 --> 00:13:54,325
something in the region
of 5,000 pounds or more.
396
00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:55,392
What do you suggest?
397
00:13:55,392 --> 00:13:58,044
- I suggest that you buy a gun,
398
00:13:58,044 --> 00:14:01,849
fly a plane to Canada, climb up a tree,
399
00:14:01,849 --> 00:14:02,826
and wait.
400
00:14:02,826 --> 00:14:05,989
(audience laughs)
401
00:14:05,989 --> 00:14:07,612
- I don't quite understand you.
402
00:14:07,612 --> 00:14:10,964
- Well to put it another way, get stuffed.
403
00:14:10,964 --> 00:14:11,797
- Really!
404
00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:14,563
- Now I expect you'll
want to get me fired.
405
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,324
The manager's office is over there.
406
00:14:16,324 --> 00:14:18,419
Kick up as much stink as you like.
407
00:14:18,419 --> 00:14:21,450
Oh, yes, yes, you might
like to ring the papers.
408
00:14:21,450 --> 00:14:22,289
- The papers?
409
00:14:22,289 --> 00:14:24,076
I can't be in the papers with uh-
410
00:14:24,076 --> 00:14:25,443
- Percival, Miss Percival.
411
00:14:25,443 --> 00:14:26,652
- I know your name, you idiot.
412
00:14:26,652 --> 00:14:28,424
So does my wife, come on.
413
00:14:28,424 --> 00:14:29,384
Let's get out of here.
414
00:14:29,384 --> 00:14:30,591
- Oh, stinks.
415
00:14:30,591 --> 00:14:32,009
(audience laughs)
416
00:14:32,009 --> 00:14:33,315
- It's not gonna be easy.
417
00:14:33,315 --> 00:14:34,911
- We'll burn the place
down, that'll do it.
418
00:14:34,911 --> 00:14:35,864
(audience laughs)
419
00:14:35,864 --> 00:14:37,961
- We want to get fired, not jailed.
420
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,521
- Well, I did my best.
421
00:14:39,521 --> 00:14:42,514
- I can't bare the thought
of us all going one by one.
422
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,451
Tell you what, why don't
we go up to the lift,
423
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,701
wait 'til the doors open
and all be rude together.
424
00:14:46,701 --> 00:14:47,943
That should do it.
425
00:14:47,943 --> 00:14:49,498
- Hands up, those in favor.
426
00:14:49,498 --> 00:14:50,723
- What we gonna say?
427
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,291
- Buzz off you ugly git.
428
00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:53,772
(audience laughs)
429
00:14:53,772 --> 00:14:55,655
- Yeah, but supposing they're foreign.
430
00:14:55,655 --> 00:14:57,247
They might not understand.
431
00:14:57,247 --> 00:14:59,809
- We need an international gesture.
432
00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:02,200
- What about a loud raspberry?
433
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,117
- No, no, no, something more telling.
434
00:15:05,117 --> 00:15:06,959
- What about the old two finger salute?
435
00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:08,237
- Exactly.
436
00:15:08,237 --> 00:15:10,383
Universal and unmistakably an insult.
437
00:15:10,383 --> 00:15:12,324
- Right, come on, let's get to it.
438
00:15:12,324 --> 00:15:15,155
(audience laughs)
439
00:15:17,486 --> 00:15:18,410
- I can hear 'em coming.
440
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:19,243
- Are we ready?
441
00:15:19,243 --> 00:15:21,884
- We'll throw in a raspberry,
just for good measure.
442
00:15:21,884 --> 00:15:22,717
(audience laughs)
443
00:15:22,717 --> 00:15:23,918
- I agree.
444
00:15:23,918 --> 00:15:26,486
- Now, raspberries and fingers ready.
445
00:15:26,486 --> 00:15:28,259
(elevator dings)
446
00:15:28,259 --> 00:15:29,840
(raspberry sounds)
447
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,670
(audience laughs)
448
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,526
(raspberry sound)
449
00:15:34,526 --> 00:15:38,606
(audience laughter and applause)
450
00:15:45,823 --> 00:15:48,144
- Well, in the absence
of anyone to be rude to,
451
00:15:48,144 --> 00:15:49,125
I'm going over to the pub
452
00:15:49,125 --> 00:15:51,490
for an unspecified
number of gin and tonics.
453
00:15:51,490 --> 00:15:52,712
- I think I'll join you.
454
00:15:52,712 --> 00:15:53,617
- Me too.
455
00:15:53,617 --> 00:15:55,846
I'm always more outspoken
after two or three
456
00:15:55,846 --> 00:15:57,166
pints of Guinness.
457
00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:58,318
(audience laughs)
458
00:15:58,318 --> 00:15:59,617
- I'd have thought you'd
have been more everything.
459
00:15:59,617 --> 00:16:01,656
(elevator dings)
460
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:03,357
- I've got bad news for all of us.
461
00:16:03,357 --> 00:16:05,335
The Japs have invaded.
462
00:16:05,335 --> 00:16:06,895
- What are you talking about?
463
00:16:06,895 --> 00:16:09,075
- I was earwigging a shareholders meeting
464
00:16:09,075 --> 00:16:10,967
and they voted to sell us to the Japs.
465
00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:12,705
We're all gonna get booted out.
466
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,066
- They can't do that to
us, we're British workers.
467
00:16:15,066 --> 00:16:16,695
- It's a fait accomplish.
468
00:16:16,695 --> 00:16:18,071
- We haven't even been consulted.
469
00:16:18,071 --> 00:16:19,823
- Yeah, we have our rights.
470
00:16:19,823 --> 00:16:21,814
- I've got bad news, I'm afraid.
471
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:22,676
- We've just heard.
472
00:16:22,676 --> 00:16:24,545
- Ah, well I'm not taking this lying down.
473
00:16:24,545 --> 00:16:26,205
I think we should fight this takeover.
474
00:16:26,205 --> 00:16:27,453
- For once I'm in agreement.
475
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,268
- Ten minutes ago, we were
all trying to get fired.
476
00:16:29,268 --> 00:16:31,654
- Yes, but not by the Japanese.
477
00:16:31,654 --> 00:16:33,209
- Oh, it ain't definitely definite.
478
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:35,080
They're sending their
head man, Mr. Yomoto,
479
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,696
to have a quick go over the building
480
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:37,741
and make sure they can modernize it
481
00:16:37,741 --> 00:16:39,274
and make it pay.
482
00:16:39,274 --> 00:16:42,182
I expect your job'll be
taken over by a robot.
483
00:16:42,182 --> 00:16:43,093
Breaking off once a week
484
00:16:43,093 --> 00:16:46,029
to have a quick plate of
microchips in the canteen.
485
00:16:46,029 --> 00:16:46,861
(audience laughs)
486
00:16:46,861 --> 00:16:48,463
- Where is this Mr. Yomoto?
487
00:16:48,463 --> 00:16:50,262
Runway 4, Heathrow.
488
00:16:50,262 --> 00:16:52,830
The doors of his executive
jet is all frozen up.
489
00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:54,808
Once they get a blow lamp, he'll be here.
490
00:16:54,808 --> 00:16:56,502
- Do you think he'll keep any of us on?
491
00:16:56,502 --> 00:16:57,970
- Oh, I don't think I could live off
492
00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:59,255
of a bowl of rice a day.
493
00:16:59,255 --> 00:17:00,681
(audience laughs)
494
00:17:00,681 --> 00:17:02,418
My eyes are small enough as it is.
495
00:17:02,418 --> 00:17:04,084
(audience laughs)
496
00:17:04,084 --> 00:17:05,941
- One feels so helpless.
497
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:09,180
I fear we at Grace Brothers are
about to become a statistic.
498
00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:11,172
- Well, the Prime Minister said
the medicine would be bitter
499
00:17:11,172 --> 00:17:12,596
and she was right.
500
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:13,429
- That's it!
501
00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:14,261
That is it.
502
00:17:14,261 --> 00:17:15,108
You've got it.
503
00:17:15,108 --> 00:17:17,074
Other people have done it, why can't we.
504
00:17:17,074 --> 00:17:19,375
I bet they even do it in Japan.
505
00:17:19,375 --> 00:17:21,754
- What, commit hara-kiri?
506
00:17:21,754 --> 00:17:23,116
- Buffoon.
507
00:17:23,116 --> 00:17:26,965
No, we'll go to Number 10 and
put our case on the table.
508
00:17:26,965 --> 00:17:29,712
She's a woman, she'll understand.
509
00:17:29,712 --> 00:17:31,217
- Yeah, that's a good idea.
510
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,611
- Mind you, what we need is a spokesman.
511
00:17:33,611 --> 00:17:35,938
Or spokeswoman.
512
00:17:35,938 --> 00:17:37,923
The question is, who?
513
00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:40,252
- (Clears throat) My workers
are solidly behind me
514
00:17:40,252 --> 00:17:41,578
and I'd be happy to go to Number 10
515
00:17:41,578 --> 00:17:44,318
and put our motion on the table.
516
00:17:44,318 --> 00:17:46,274
What we need is shorter working hours,
517
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,352
a guaranteed in ink pay raise,
518
00:17:48,352 --> 00:17:50,522
early retirement and
better canteen dinners.
519
00:17:50,522 --> 00:17:52,922
Now, in exchange for our
demands being met in total,
520
00:17:52,922 --> 00:17:55,520
I am prepared to form
a workers cooperative
521
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,863
elected by a semi-secret ballot.
522
00:17:57,863 --> 00:17:59,776
And I ask you brothers and sisters
523
00:17:59,776 --> 00:18:02,883
to vote for me and I will be on the bacon.
524
00:18:02,883 --> 00:18:04,698
Give me the tolls, I'll do the job.
525
00:18:04,698 --> 00:18:06,780
(audience laughs)
526
00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:10,663
- (clears throat) Yes,
527
00:18:10,663 --> 00:18:13,993
hands up, those who vote for Mr. Harman.
528
00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:17,387
- Have you anymore to say?
529
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:18,961
- Yes, I have.
530
00:18:18,961 --> 00:18:19,825
Anybody got an elastic band?
531
00:18:19,825 --> 00:18:20,658
This one's broke.
532
00:18:20,658 --> 00:18:22,389
(audience laughs)
533
00:18:22,389 --> 00:18:26,490
- No, what we need is someone
with charm and charisma,
534
00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:29,759
someone who's not too
far one way or the other.
535
00:18:29,759 --> 00:18:30,974
(audience laughs)
536
00:18:30,974 --> 00:18:32,101
- That's very kind of you.
537
00:18:32,101 --> 00:18:33,705
(audience laughs)
538
00:18:33,705 --> 00:18:36,062
I don't think I'm forceful enough.
539
00:18:36,062 --> 00:18:38,358
- Oh dear, I didn't actually mean you.
540
00:18:38,358 --> 00:18:41,994
- Well who else isn't too
far one way or the other?
541
00:18:41,994 --> 00:18:44,217
- I mean in his views.
542
00:18:44,217 --> 00:18:47,288
I had in mind Captain Peacock.
543
00:18:47,288 --> 00:18:48,854
- Captain Peacock?
544
00:18:48,854 --> 00:18:52,343
- Well, I'm thinking
about the firm, you see.
545
00:18:52,343 --> 00:18:55,460
And in that Anthony Eden
hat, he does look the part.
546
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:58,414
And he can charm when he wants to.
547
00:18:58,414 --> 00:19:00,157
- Well (laughing
uncomfortably), I'm very touched
548
00:19:00,157 --> 00:19:02,062
by Mrs. Slocombe's confidence in me.
549
00:19:02,062 --> 00:19:03,120
I would have thought
550
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,794
she would have put herself
up for an election.
551
00:19:04,794 --> 00:19:06,728
- Well that was my first thought.
552
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,201
But you see, I've been
making up the manifesto
553
00:19:09,201 --> 00:19:11,042
so you'd better do the chat
554
00:19:11,042 --> 00:19:12,999
and Mr. Humphries can be a minister
555
00:19:12,999 --> 00:19:14,522
without a thingy-ma-bob.
556
00:19:14,522 --> 00:19:15,602
(audience laughs)
557
00:19:15,602 --> 00:19:16,434
- Beg your pardon?
558
00:19:16,434 --> 00:19:17,437
- Portfolio.
559
00:19:17,437 --> 00:19:19,069
- That's the word I was looking for.
560
00:19:19,069 --> 00:19:20,051
- I'm glad he found it.
561
00:19:20,051 --> 00:19:21,886
(audience laughs)
562
00:19:21,886 --> 00:19:25,105
- And the rest of you
can be in the cabinet.
563
00:19:25,105 --> 00:19:26,357
- We are not a government.
564
00:19:26,357 --> 00:19:30,678
We're just a delegation,
don't let's get carried away.
565
00:19:30,678 --> 00:19:34,364
I wonder if this is more Anthony Eden.
566
00:19:34,364 --> 00:19:35,365
Mirror, Mr. Humphries.
567
00:19:35,365 --> 00:19:36,863
- Mirror, Mr. Spooner.
568
00:19:36,863 --> 00:19:39,106
- You know, I feel we're
doing this for the workers
569
00:19:39,106 --> 00:19:42,158
all over this great country of ours.
570
00:19:42,158 --> 00:19:43,802
It reminds me of that poem,
571
00:19:43,802 --> 00:19:45,434
this sceptered isle,
572
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:48,348
this jewel set in a silver sea.
573
00:19:48,348 --> 00:19:49,181
This--
574
00:19:49,181 --> 00:19:50,063
- This England.
575
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:50,896
Let's have the Reed.
576
00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:51,761
(audience laughs)
577
00:19:51,761 --> 00:19:52,920
- I'll call for a cab.
578
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,028
- Oh yes, but we're not going
579
00:19:54,028 --> 00:19:56,438
until me and Miss Brahms has changed.
580
00:19:56,438 --> 00:19:58,308
We're not going looking like just anybody.
581
00:19:58,308 --> 00:19:59,932
- Listen, what if she's not in?
582
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,612
- Then we'll camp on the door step.
583
00:20:01,612 --> 00:20:04,034
- If we do that, we'll be
on the six o'clock news.
584
00:20:04,034 --> 00:20:06,731
- If my mother sees me camping
on the doorstep of Number 10,
585
00:20:06,731 --> 00:20:08,912
she'll never be able to show
her face at bingo again.
586
00:20:08,912 --> 00:20:10,400
(audience laughs)
587
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,002
- Are you with us or against us?
588
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,280
Or one of the don't knows?
589
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,320
- Actually, I'm a don't know (laughs).
590
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,351
I'm with you.
591
00:20:16,351 --> 00:20:19,422
(audience laughs)
592
00:20:19,422 --> 00:20:20,756
- Wait in here, will you.
593
00:20:20,756 --> 00:20:22,424
Now the PM is aware of
the reason for your visit
594
00:20:22,424 --> 00:20:23,849
and will give you a moment of her time
595
00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:24,886
as soon as she is free.
596
00:20:24,886 --> 00:20:26,142
- Oh, how kind.
597
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,973
(audience laughs)
598
00:20:31,715 --> 00:20:34,036
- Where's Mr. Humphries?
599
00:20:34,036 --> 00:20:35,808
- He was with us at the front door.
600
00:20:35,808 --> 00:20:38,440
- I ain't seen him since he
fell over that golf club.
601
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,308
- Do you think he's got lost
in the corridors of power?
602
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:43,163
- He'll get himself arrested.
603
00:20:43,163 --> 00:20:46,049
This whole place is top secret.
604
00:20:46,049 --> 00:20:49,286
- Oh, fancy us being in
Number 10 Downing Street.
605
00:20:49,286 --> 00:20:50,923
- Yes, just think.
606
00:20:50,923 --> 00:20:52,761
Winston probably sat here.
607
00:20:52,761 --> 00:20:56,661
- Entertaining Lady
Astor and all that mob.
608
00:20:56,661 --> 00:20:58,858
- Yes, it's certainly got atmosphere.
609
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:03,092
Lloyd George, Baldwin, all
of them must have sat here.
610
00:21:03,092 --> 00:21:05,489
Yes, what fascinating conversations.
611
00:21:05,489 --> 00:21:08,088
Think what great decisions
have been taken at this table.
612
00:21:08,088 --> 00:21:12,663
- I'll bet Wilson tapped his
pipe out on that very ash tray.
613
00:21:12,663 --> 00:21:15,091
- Think of it, Lloyd George keeping secret
614
00:21:15,091 --> 00:21:17,534
the fact that his secretary
was also his mistress.
615
00:21:17,534 --> 00:21:18,889
(laughs)
616
00:21:18,889 --> 00:21:21,093
I wonder what words were used
617
00:21:21,093 --> 00:21:23,887
when they were alone
together in this room.
618
00:21:23,887 --> 00:21:26,005
- It's not as big as
I thought it would be.
619
00:21:26,005 --> 00:21:28,887
(audience laughs)
620
00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:31,086
- That's 'cuz you don't have to dust it.
621
00:21:31,086 --> 00:21:33,449
(audience laughs)
622
00:21:33,449 --> 00:21:36,306
She hasn't been round lately either.
623
00:21:36,306 --> 00:21:38,401
- Shouldn't we go and
look for Mr. Humphries?
624
00:21:38,401 --> 00:21:40,334
- He's probably looking everywhere for us.
625
00:21:40,334 --> 00:21:41,396
(phone rings)
626
00:21:41,396 --> 00:21:43,499
- If that's the red one,
I'm under the table.
627
00:21:43,499 --> 00:21:45,165
- No, it's this one.
628
00:21:45,165 --> 00:21:46,224
- Ten to one it's Mr. Humphries
629
00:21:46,224 --> 00:21:48,906
saying he's under close arrest
and would we vouch for him.
630
00:21:48,906 --> 00:21:50,291
- When I go to my doctor,
631
00:21:50,291 --> 00:21:51,722
the phone rings in the waiting room
632
00:21:51,722 --> 00:21:53,517
to say that the next patient's required.
633
00:21:53,517 --> 00:21:55,415
- Then probably that means
that we can go and see her.
634
00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:56,749
- I don't think we should touch anything.
635
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,860
- Yeah, but they know
there's a delegation in here,
636
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:00,247
it must be for us.
637
00:22:00,247 --> 00:22:02,657
Otherwise somebody else
would have answered it.
638
00:22:02,657 --> 00:22:03,780
- No, Mrs. Slocombe, don't!
639
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,046
- Mrs. Slocombe, here.
640
00:22:06,046 --> 00:22:07,503
(audience laughs)
641
00:22:07,503 --> 00:22:09,153
Slocombe.
642
00:22:09,153 --> 00:22:13,317
Well, I'm sort of second
in the party as it were.
643
00:22:14,671 --> 00:22:15,670
Ronald, who?
644
00:22:18,539 --> 00:22:20,178
Get away.
645
00:22:20,178 --> 00:22:22,869
(exclaims)
646
00:22:22,869 --> 00:22:24,450
It's Ronald Reagan!
647
00:22:25,373 --> 00:22:28,917
Actually, I don't think
I'm quite the person
648
00:22:28,917 --> 00:22:31,332
to whom you wish to speak to.
649
00:22:31,332 --> 00:22:33,978
But, no no, wait a minute,
hang on, just before you go,
650
00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:35,673
while I have your attention,
651
00:22:35,673 --> 00:22:39,858
may I say on behalf of my department
652
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:42,039
and of the rest of Britain,
653
00:22:42,039 --> 00:22:45,442
how much we admire you.
654
00:22:45,442 --> 00:22:46,275
We do,
655
00:22:47,688 --> 00:22:49,770
I've seen all your films.
656
00:22:51,728 --> 00:22:56,336
You're ringing because you're
worried about Ann, who?
657
00:22:56,336 --> 00:22:58,573
Ann Dropoff, what film was she in?
658
00:22:58,573 --> 00:23:01,404
(audience laughs)
659
00:23:02,378 --> 00:23:04,659
We've been cut off.
660
00:23:04,659 --> 00:23:05,969
It really was him.
661
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:07,960
- That's what we were afraid of.
662
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:12,042
- I didn't say anything
out of place, did I?
663
00:23:12,042 --> 00:23:13,573
- (chuckles) Not from putting
the western lines back
664
00:23:13,573 --> 00:23:15,606
about 20 years.
665
00:23:15,606 --> 00:23:18,271
- We'll all end up in the Tower of London.
666
00:23:18,271 --> 00:23:19,348
- Listen, someone's coming.
667
00:23:19,348 --> 00:23:22,446
Remember, we tried to stop
her, but she overpowered us.
668
00:23:22,446 --> 00:23:24,383
- Well, I'm sorry that call got misrouted,
669
00:23:24,383 --> 00:23:27,186
but whoever answered it
certainly put him in a good mood.
670
00:23:27,186 --> 00:23:29,855
And I must say your Mr.
Humphries has charmed Pierre.
671
00:23:29,855 --> 00:23:30,687
- Where is he?
672
00:23:30,687 --> 00:23:33,109
- Helping her choose a hat for
question time in the house.
673
00:23:33,109 --> 00:23:35,989
(audience laughs)
674
00:23:35,989 --> 00:23:40,498
- [Woman] Goodbye, and
thank you so very much.
675
00:23:40,498 --> 00:23:41,767
- Great pleasure.
676
00:23:41,767 --> 00:23:43,462
Thanks for the tea.
677
00:23:43,462 --> 00:23:45,786
Mind the feather in the door.
678
00:23:45,786 --> 00:23:48,239
(door closes)
679
00:23:48,239 --> 00:23:50,030
Apparently she's running late.
680
00:23:50,030 --> 00:23:51,089
- You spoke to her?
681
00:23:51,089 --> 00:23:52,373
- Oh, nonstop.
682
00:23:52,373 --> 00:23:54,012
- About the Japanese takeover?
683
00:23:54,012 --> 00:23:56,073
- No, about my mother taking in washing.
684
00:23:56,073 --> 00:23:57,731
She gave me some very good advice.
685
00:23:57,731 --> 00:23:58,607
- What was it?
686
00:23:58,607 --> 00:24:00,623
- Well apparently it's
two buckets of canal water
687
00:24:00,623 --> 00:24:04,129
to one of bold and don't touch SDP.
688
00:24:04,129 --> 00:24:05,226
- What's that?
689
00:24:05,226 --> 00:24:06,668
- Serf das in person.
690
00:24:06,668 --> 00:24:09,498
(audience laughs)
691
00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:16,702
- Well, I'm going to enter this hat
692
00:24:16,702 --> 00:24:19,097
for the Guinness Book of Records
693
00:24:19,097 --> 00:24:21,488
for the shortest political career.
694
00:24:21,488 --> 00:24:24,243
- Well it's not my fault we
didn't get in to see her.
695
00:24:24,243 --> 00:24:25,570
- No, Mr. Humphries had his chance.
696
00:24:25,570 --> 00:24:27,136
He let it slip by.
697
00:24:27,136 --> 00:24:28,796
- I didn't know she was running late.
698
00:24:28,796 --> 00:24:30,779
By the time I talked her
out of the green shoes
699
00:24:30,779 --> 00:24:32,694
with the red handbag
and sold her on the hat,
700
00:24:32,694 --> 00:24:33,693
she was off.
701
00:24:34,870 --> 00:24:36,724
- (sighing) Well, I'm
gonna go see Mr. Grace
702
00:24:36,724 --> 00:24:38,519
to have one last try.
703
00:24:38,519 --> 00:24:39,791
Are you all behind me?
704
00:24:39,791 --> 00:24:41,958
- We've lost the one
chance we might have had.
705
00:24:41,958 --> 00:24:44,599
Far as I'm concerned, this is the end.
706
00:24:44,599 --> 00:24:45,743
- Isn't anybody coming?
707
00:24:45,743 --> 00:24:48,837
- You won't move Mr.
Grace, he's a mean old man.
708
00:24:48,837 --> 00:24:51,160
- The power from that has been toppled.
709
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,600
- Yeah, you go upstairs and
try and save your own skin.
710
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:54,893
We've had it down here.
711
00:24:54,893 --> 00:24:56,544
- Barring a miracle.
712
00:24:56,544 --> 00:24:58,507
- Well, if we don't meet again,
713
00:24:58,507 --> 00:25:00,548
at least nobody can say we didn't try.
714
00:25:00,548 --> 00:25:02,138
Goodbye, Stephen,
715
00:25:02,138 --> 00:25:03,388
Betty,
716
00:25:03,388 --> 00:25:04,870
Shirley,
717
00:25:04,870 --> 00:25:05,869
Wilberforce,
718
00:25:06,988 --> 00:25:08,623
and you Bert.
719
00:25:08,623 --> 00:25:09,977
Good luck.
720
00:25:09,977 --> 00:25:12,011
And to you, Harry.
721
00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:14,094
- He knew all our names.
722
00:25:14,094 --> 00:25:16,530
He never used them, but he knew them.
723
00:25:16,530 --> 00:25:18,336
(audience laughs)
724
00:25:18,336 --> 00:25:20,371
- He was quite human, really.
725
00:25:20,371 --> 00:25:22,080
He gave me a little smile at the end.
726
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:22,954
(audience laughs)
727
00:25:22,954 --> 00:25:24,276
- Isn't it funny how disasters
728
00:25:24,276 --> 00:25:26,217
bring everybody closer together?
729
00:25:26,217 --> 00:25:27,734
- This is true.
730
00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:29,852
- Do you know, I never
knew your name was Harry.
731
00:25:29,852 --> 00:25:31,207
- It ain't, it's Beverley.
732
00:25:31,207 --> 00:25:32,886
(audience laughs)
733
00:25:32,886 --> 00:25:34,906
But it's the thought that counts.
734
00:25:34,906 --> 00:25:37,602
(woman screams)
735
00:25:37,602 --> 00:25:39,212
- Something's terrible's happened.
736
00:25:39,212 --> 00:25:40,916
- Oh, she's as white as a sheet.
737
00:25:40,916 --> 00:25:42,996
- It's sitting in his
chair, eating a banana.
738
00:25:42,996 --> 00:25:44,064
- What is?
739
00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:46,153
- That baldheaded monkey
with the big ears.
740
00:25:46,153 --> 00:25:49,146
It climbed in the window and
it sat in Mr. Rumbold's chair.
741
00:25:49,146 --> 00:25:50,649
- I'll go and alert Mr. Wooten.
742
00:25:50,649 --> 00:25:53,398
(elevator dings)
743
00:25:58,027 --> 00:26:01,524
- I am Mr. Kyoto, assistant to Mr. Yomoto.
744
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:05,814
He does not speak English,
745
00:26:05,814 --> 00:26:08,425
but would like to see workers and manager.
746
00:26:08,425 --> 00:26:10,147
- We are the workers.
747
00:26:10,147 --> 00:26:12,152
(speaks in Japanese)
748
00:26:12,152 --> 00:26:14,914
- Mr. Yomoto said, you
should be at your positions.
749
00:26:14,914 --> 00:26:17,270
Such idle behavior is not good discipline.
750
00:26:17,270 --> 00:26:18,768
- Really?
751
00:26:18,768 --> 00:26:20,810
- We would like to speak to manager,
752
00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:23,545
(speaks in Japanese), must go that way.
753
00:26:23,545 --> 00:26:24,446
- I think I should tell you--
754
00:26:24,446 --> 00:26:25,908
(yells in Japanese)
755
00:26:25,908 --> 00:26:28,832
- When Mr. Yomoto wants your
opinion, he will tell you.
756
00:26:28,832 --> 00:26:29,840
(speaks in Japanese)
757
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,588
(elevator dings)
758
00:26:33,848 --> 00:26:36,670
- I'm afraid I was too late.
759
00:26:36,670 --> 00:26:38,452
Mr. Grace said that the subject
760
00:26:38,452 --> 00:26:42,006
of Mr. Yomoto's final decision,
the deal's going through.
761
00:26:42,006 --> 00:26:44,159
The good news is, we're all to be kept on.
762
00:26:44,159 --> 00:26:45,394
- I very much doubt that,
763
00:26:45,394 --> 00:26:48,000
those two Japs have just
gone into your office.
764
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,222
- And that flaming monkey
is sitting in your chair.
765
00:26:50,222 --> 00:26:51,474
(audience laughs)
766
00:26:51,474 --> 00:26:52,708
- Good heavens!
767
00:26:52,708 --> 00:26:55,287
Judging by the size of the
plaster on Mr. Wooten's nose,
768
00:26:55,287 --> 00:26:56,774
it's a most ferocious animal.
769
00:26:56,774 --> 00:26:58,192
- What are we going to do?
770
00:26:58,192 --> 00:26:59,704
- Apart from sending for the ambulance,
771
00:26:59,704 --> 00:27:02,344
it's too late to do anything.
772
00:27:02,344 --> 00:27:04,964
- Mr. Yomoto will not be
buying Grace Brothers.
773
00:27:04,964 --> 00:27:06,828
- I'm terribly sorry, but
I think I can explain.
774
00:27:06,828 --> 00:27:08,395
- No explanation necessary.
775
00:27:08,395 --> 00:27:11,284
He will not be insulted
by middle management.
776
00:27:11,284 --> 00:27:12,743
- Don't tell me he got
the two fingered salute
777
00:27:12,743 --> 00:27:13,806
and a raspberry?
778
00:27:13,806 --> 00:27:16,196
- That English welcome, we understood.
779
00:27:16,196 --> 00:27:19,281
But in our country,
getting a banana in the ear
780
00:27:19,281 --> 00:27:21,573
is an insult we cannot forgive.
781
00:27:21,573 --> 00:27:22,850
Good day.
782
00:27:22,850 --> 00:27:25,406
(audience laughs)
783
00:27:25,406 --> 00:27:26,960
- British workers farewell?
784
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:27,793
- Agreed.
56122
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