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1
00:00:03,398 --> 00:00:06,470
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
2
00:00:06,472 --> 00:00:09,273
Hey, where is everyone?
3
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:11,675
Stan? Francine?
4
00:00:11,677 --> 00:00:12,810
Hayley?
5
00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:15,012
Snot's friend with the glasses?
6
00:00:15,014 --> 00:00:18,182
Anybody home? It's me, Roger!
7
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:19,884
Roger, what's all the fuss about?
8
00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,318
A new steakhouse just opened.
9
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,187
Apparently they have
an amazing porterhouse.
10
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,088
Let's go.
11
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,090
Sorry, Roger, but it's date night.
12
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,092
Stan and I are going to the opera.
13
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,260
Wha?
14
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:30,127
We're trying to do
15
00:00:30,129 --> 00:00:31,695
more things together as a couple,
16
00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:33,030
and we both love the opera.
17
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:35,099
I like watching people sing in Italian.
18
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,133
They're all...
19
00:00:36,135 --> 00:00:39,336
? Ravioli with a cappuccino ?
20
00:00:39,338 --> 00:00:44,808
? Mark Wahlberg's "The Italian Job" ?
21
00:00:44,810 --> 00:00:47,011
[Both moaning]
22
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,078
Mm-kay.
23
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,747
I guess I could go to dinner solo.
24
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:53,417
Maybe I'll try out a character
who's okay with eating alone.
25
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:54,919
This isn't so bad.
26
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:57,087
And I got to eat all the
insides of the breads
27
00:00:57,089 --> 00:00:58,455
without anyone giving me shit.
28
00:00:58,457 --> 00:01:01,458
A Christine Lucy L'amour...
that's my name...
29
00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:02,826
could get used to this.
30
00:01:02,828 --> 00:01:04,795
Good evening, ma'am.
What can I get for you?
31
00:01:04,797 --> 00:01:07,231
A 6'6" black man with a dong to match?
32
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,934
[Laughs] There's...
There's some waiter humor for you.
33
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:11,869
All right, I'd...
I'd like the porterhouse, please.
34
00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:14,371
I'm sorry,
but the porterhouse is for two,
35
00:01:14,373 --> 00:01:17,274
not for one person who
smells like ChapStick.
36
00:01:17,276 --> 00:01:18,742
Mean person!
37
00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:21,879
[Sobbing]
38
00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,714
Whoa, this hollowed-out bread
39
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:26,216
would make the perfect shell
for my hermit crab, Herman!
40
00:01:26,218 --> 00:01:30,054
But as usual, he probably
won't show me any gratitude.
41
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,823
Well, that's life
as a hermit-crab owner.
42
00:01:32,825 --> 00:01:34,525
Now you know everything about me.
43
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:35,726
[Ting!]
44
00:01:35,728 --> 00:01:37,461
[Sentimental music plays]
45
00:01:37,463 --> 00:01:39,196
[Birds chirping]
46
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:55,212
[Bicycle bell rings]
47
00:01:55,214 --> 00:01:58,248
Why does everyone have someone?!
48
00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:07,658
Do you think we were
meant to find each other?
49
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,426
Is this a fairy tale?
50
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:13,630
Yeah, it's a fairy tale called
"Jackin' This Guy's Bean Stalk."
51
00:02:13,632 --> 00:02:15,232
Hey, that's pretty funny.
52
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:17,001
Did you just come up with that?
53
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,335
[Garbled] I did.
54
00:02:18,337 --> 00:02:21,739
[Sobbing]
55
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,510
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
56
00:02:26,512 --> 00:02:30,381
? I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
57
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:33,484
? The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ?
58
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:38,188
? And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ?
59
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:43,227
? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
60
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,996
- ? Good... ?
- ? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
61
00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:47,031
Aah!
62
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:51,769
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
63
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:57,775
Tough crossword this morning,
but I got through it.
64
00:02:57,777 --> 00:02:59,877
213 black squares.
65
00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:02,079
Took me two pens.
66
00:03:02,951 --> 00:03:05,549
Oh-ho! Walk of shame!
67
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:06,884
Big night, Roger?
68
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:11,088
[Sobbing] Why am I so sad?!
69
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:13,290
Uh, you...
you got this, right, Francine?
70
00:03:13,292 --> 00:03:16,894
'Cause I-I just remembered
I have a... thing.
71
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:21,765
Roger, what's wrong?
72
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:23,734
You wouldn't understand, Franny.
73
00:03:23,736 --> 00:03:25,002
You have Stan.
74
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,371
You've never been alone in your life.
75
00:03:28,507 --> 00:03:30,274
Can someone get the door?
76
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,042
Oh, quit being so dramatic.
77
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:34,244
- Ow!
- You're just lonely.
78
00:03:34,246 --> 00:03:36,680
Maybe you should try online dating.
79
00:03:36,682 --> 00:03:40,184
There's an old man who
invented an E-Harmony machine.
80
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:42,820
What? Roger doesn't need that shit.
81
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:45,222
Me and him... we're lone wolves, baby.
82
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:48,092
Punch in, punch out.
That's how we do it.
83
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,027
Bam-bam! Bam-bam-bam!
84
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:52,029
Come on, Rog! Give me a "bam."
85
00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:53,497
- Bam.
- Yeah!
86
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:56,366
Now you get it! Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam!
87
00:03:56,368 --> 00:03:58,135
? I'm a lone wolf, baby-y-y ?
88
00:03:59,438 --> 00:04:00,371
Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam!
89
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:02,873
Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam!
90
00:04:05,675 --> 00:04:06,607
[Grunts]
91
00:04:06,609 --> 00:04:07,776
Hey, guys, what's going on?
92
00:04:07,868 --> 00:04:09,501
Why are you all acting so sporty?
93
00:04:09,503 --> 00:04:12,771
Because the school's bringing back
94
00:04:12,773 --> 00:04:15,407
the Presidential Fitness Test!
95
00:04:15,409 --> 00:04:17,779
My name is General Robert James.
96
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,311
I used to oversee the
Presidential Fitness Test
97
00:04:20,313 --> 00:04:22,147
before it was foolishly disbanded.
98
00:04:22,149 --> 00:04:25,083
That's why students
today are all so soft.
99
00:04:25,085 --> 00:04:27,485
That's my belly button, asshole.
100
00:04:27,487 --> 00:04:31,456
Students will be required
to complete a timed mile,
101
00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:34,726
the sit-and-reach, and a set of pull-ups
102
00:04:34,728 --> 00:04:36,428
all in front of your peers.
103
00:04:36,430 --> 00:04:38,696
Pull-ups? In front of everyone?
104
00:04:38,698 --> 00:04:40,965
People will finally
realize I'm not athletic.
105
00:04:40,967 --> 00:04:45,770
The only people who can't
do pull-ups wear pull-ups.
106
00:04:45,772 --> 00:04:47,305
Snot, we're screwed.
107
00:04:47,307 --> 00:04:49,007
This guy's gonna put us back in diapers.
108
00:04:49,009 --> 00:04:51,076
What do you mean, "back in"?
109
00:04:51,078 --> 00:04:53,778
Some of us never left.
110
00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:56,881
?
111
00:04:58,961 --> 00:05:01,226
_
112
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:03,870
_
113
00:05:03,990 --> 00:05:05,857
- [Sighs]
- _
114
00:05:05,859 --> 00:05:07,225
Mmm!
115
00:05:07,227 --> 00:05:09,694
Roger, have you seen
my bottle of cocoa butter?
116
00:05:09,696 --> 00:05:11,029
It keeps disappearing.
117
00:05:11,031 --> 00:05:12,797
Have you ruled out the possibility
118
00:05:12,799 --> 00:05:13,965
it's doing a "Toy Story"?
119
00:05:13,967 --> 00:05:15,333
Not yet.
120
00:05:15,335 --> 00:05:17,235
Never mind that. Look! I got matched!
121
00:05:17,237 --> 00:05:19,137
And we have so much in common.
122
00:05:19,139 --> 00:05:20,972
He's a huge Packers fan.
123
00:05:20,974 --> 00:05:22,540
I'm a huge Packers fan.
124
00:05:22,542 --> 00:05:23,741
- [Cellphone dings]
- [Gasps]
125
00:05:23,743 --> 00:05:25,076
He wants to meet up!
126
00:05:25,078 --> 00:05:26,778
The texts were popping up earlier,
127
00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:28,179
but you're standing there now.
128
00:05:28,181 --> 00:05:31,816
"I'm in. I'll be the one
holding a red rose."
129
00:05:31,818 --> 00:05:33,284
[Cellphone dings]
130
00:05:33,286 --> 00:05:35,320
He says he'll be the one
in the Packers helmet."
131
00:05:35,322 --> 00:05:37,021
Oh, my God! It's happening!
132
00:05:37,023 --> 00:05:38,743
Hey, did you not get my hint earlier?
133
00:05:38,743 --> 00:05:40,692
Move.
134
00:05:40,694 --> 00:05:42,694
Oh, I see them now!
135
00:05:42,696 --> 00:05:44,362
That's so cool!
136
00:05:44,364 --> 00:05:47,432
[Screams] What is this?!
137
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:50,427
Oh, text bubbles are made
out of flesh-eating bacteria.
138
00:05:50,427 --> 00:05:52,170
You didn't know that? Okay.
139
00:05:52,172 --> 00:05:55,006
I'd love to help you, but I got a date!
140
00:05:56,343 --> 00:06:00,111
[Grumbling] [Whimpering]
141
00:06:00,113 --> 00:06:02,580
[Chanting]
142
00:06:02,582 --> 00:06:05,483
Sorry, Steve, but I can't
get you out of gym this week.
143
00:06:05,485 --> 00:06:07,652
The general has made it very clear
144
00:06:07,654 --> 00:06:09,988
everyone has to take the fitness test.
145
00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:11,656
But... But I'm totally sick.
146
00:06:11,658 --> 00:06:14,626
Cough, cough. Big sniffle.
Cough, cough, achoo.
147
00:06:14,628 --> 00:06:16,194
Can't get a boner.
148
00:06:18,215 --> 00:06:20,462
- Hayley?
- I'm not Hayley. I'm Vicki.
149
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:22,330
I'm 17, ya dig, nuttabutta?
150
00:06:22,332 --> 00:06:23,899
[Whispering] I don't have insurance
151
00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:25,425
'cause I'm kind of
between jobs right now.
152
00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:26,668
So I'm pretending to be a student
153
00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:28,503
to see Nurse Margaret about my pink eye.
154
00:06:28,505 --> 00:06:30,305
Pink eye? Give me some!
155
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,474
[Screams] What are you doing, psycho?!
156
00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:33,508
I got to get out of this test!
157
00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:34,676
Robert: What's this?
158
00:06:34,678 --> 00:06:35,944
Is someone trying
159
00:06:35,946 --> 00:06:37,646
to get out of the
Presidential Fitness Test?
160
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:41,616
I was... just trying to bang this nurse,
if you'd let me work.
161
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:43,685
I'm keeping my eye on you.
162
00:06:47,858 --> 00:06:49,491
[Gasps] It's him!
163
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:51,293
This is it.
164
00:06:51,295 --> 00:06:53,895
The first day of the rest of your life.
165
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,465
Hey, you forgot your helmet.
166
00:06:57,467 --> 00:06:59,000
Hey!
167
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,902
Roger? What are you doing here?
168
00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:02,871
I'm on a date, but he just left.
169
00:07:02,873 --> 00:07:04,206
Why do you have a red rose?
170
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:06,842
My date's supposed to be holding a rose.
171
00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:08,610
My date's supposed to be...
172
00:07:08,612 --> 00:07:11,313
in a Packers helmet.
173
00:07:11,315 --> 00:07:14,049
[Both chuckling]
174
00:07:14,051 --> 00:07:16,751
I-I-I didn't know you
were online-dating.
175
00:07:16,753 --> 00:07:18,854
Well, if I'm being honest,
176
00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:22,390
this lone wolf is
actually howlingly lonely.
177
00:07:22,392 --> 00:07:25,627
Excuse me, your table is ready.
Party of two?
178
00:07:25,629 --> 00:07:28,897
Well, I-I have been wanting to
try this porterhouse for two.
179
00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:31,099
Do... Do you want to...?
I mean, we are friends.
180
00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:33,435
Of course. We can have a meal together.
181
00:07:33,437 --> 00:07:34,736
Why not?
182
00:07:36,149 --> 00:07:39,670
That was incredible!
183
00:07:40,622 --> 00:07:42,845
I can't believe we
haven't done that before.
184
00:07:42,847 --> 00:07:45,148
And the crazy thing is
it didn't feel weird.
185
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:47,310
It's like we got matched for a reason.
186
00:07:47,312 --> 00:07:49,545
Does this... Does this make us gay?
187
00:07:49,547 --> 00:07:52,982
God, no, I'm an alien.
I wish people thought I was gay.
188
00:07:55,286 --> 00:07:57,787
Stan's gonna freak when
we tell him about this.
189
00:07:57,789 --> 00:07:59,555
He's always had a major crush on me.
190
00:07:59,557 --> 00:08:01,991
Roger,
we can't tell the family about this.
191
00:08:01,993 --> 00:08:03,259
They won't understand.
192
00:08:03,261 --> 00:08:04,760
I guess we could keep it a secret.
193
00:08:04,762 --> 00:08:06,829
Are you okay being out
of the water like this?
194
00:08:06,831 --> 00:08:09,966
Oh, I'm actually in a puddle
of sweat from our lovemaking.
195
00:08:11,369 --> 00:08:12,602
[Door creaks]
196
00:08:14,472 --> 00:08:15,605
[Door creaks]
197
00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:17,073
Klaus, what are you doing
up in Roger's attic?
198
00:08:17,075 --> 00:08:18,641
Oh, hey, I was, um,
199
00:08:18,643 --> 00:08:20,549
not having mind-blowing,
200
00:08:20,550 --> 00:08:22,150
- sweaty sex with Roger.
- Huh.
201
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,080
You know,
people are always talking about
202
00:08:24,082 --> 00:08:25,648
what they were doing, but you're right.
203
00:08:25,650 --> 00:08:27,650
We should talk more about
what we weren't doing.
204
00:08:27,652 --> 00:08:30,253
I mean, obviously,
you weren't just having sex with Roger.
205
00:08:30,255 --> 00:08:32,021
He has a major crush on me.
206
00:08:32,023 --> 00:08:33,956
- Oh, yeah, totally.
- Wait, he admitted it?
207
00:08:33,958 --> 00:08:35,892
Klaus, you got to tell me these things.
208
00:08:35,894 --> 00:08:37,663
When I heard Tuttle had a crush on you,
209
00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:39,462
I told you immediately.
210
00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:44,934
Now pull up! Up!
211
00:08:44,936 --> 00:08:47,303
- [Grunting]
- [Crowd booing]
212
00:08:47,305 --> 00:08:50,506
You can't even do one pull-up,
Pok�mon?!
213
00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:53,242
You've failed the
Presidential Fitness Test,
214
00:08:53,244 --> 00:08:55,311
which means on the
authority of the president,
215
00:08:55,313 --> 00:08:58,347
I will now deport your favorite cousin.
216
00:08:59,751 --> 00:09:02,585
Now we know who it is! Go!
217
00:09:06,057 --> 00:09:08,357
[Both moaning]
218
00:09:08,359 --> 00:09:10,626
I want to put you in my mouth.
219
00:09:12,964 --> 00:09:15,431
Roger, stop. Someone's coming.
220
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:18,901
Oh, great! You guys are joining
us for family movie night?
221
00:09:18,903 --> 00:09:21,704
Tonight's feature... "Basic Instinct."
222
00:09:21,706 --> 00:09:24,373
[Man and woman moaning]
223
00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:27,777
Is this...
Are we sure this is a family movie?
224
00:09:27,779 --> 00:09:30,379
[Moaning continues]
225
00:09:34,485 --> 00:09:36,552
Roger, can I see you in the kitchen?
226
00:09:36,554 --> 00:09:38,621
Oh, yes, kitchen!
227
00:09:42,794 --> 00:09:46,128
Oh, Klaus! Yes! Yes, Klaus!
228
00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:47,663
Oh, my God, yes!
229
00:09:47,665 --> 00:09:50,199
Be quiet.
Stan and Francine are right outside.
230
00:09:50,201 --> 00:09:51,834
I don't care if they find out.
231
00:09:51,836 --> 00:09:53,669
You're crazy, and I love it.
232
00:09:53,671 --> 00:09:56,472
[Both moaning]
233
00:09:56,474 --> 00:09:58,941
What the...? Were you two making out?
234
00:09:58,943 --> 00:10:01,110
No! Are you nuts?!
235
00:10:01,112 --> 00:10:03,946
Sorry, this pink eye
is making me see things.
236
00:10:03,948 --> 00:10:05,448
Nurse Margaret gave me eye drops,
237
00:10:05,450 --> 00:10:07,149
but I-I think it's getting worse.
238
00:10:07,151 --> 00:10:09,185
- I might have to...
- Get the [bleep] out!
239
00:10:09,187 --> 00:10:10,987
Oh, that was so hot!
240
00:10:10,989 --> 00:10:12,822
[Both moaning]
241
00:10:12,824 --> 00:10:15,024
[Both laugh]
242
00:10:17,169 --> 00:10:20,696
? Thought that I was going crazy ?
243
00:10:20,698 --> 00:10:23,466
- [Gasps]
- ? Just having one of those days, yeah ?
244
00:10:23,468 --> 00:10:24,800
[Sighs]
245
00:10:24,802 --> 00:10:27,603
? Didn't know what to do ?
246
00:10:28,288 --> 00:10:30,539
- ? Then there was you ?
- [Wink!]
247
00:10:31,355 --> 00:10:34,710
? And everything went
from wrong to right ?
248
00:10:34,712 --> 00:10:38,714
? And the stars came out
and filled up the sky ?
249
00:10:38,716 --> 00:10:42,251
? The music you were playing
really blew my mind ?
250
00:10:42,253 --> 00:10:44,120
? It was love ?
251
00:10:44,122 --> 00:10:46,088
? It felt safe ?
252
00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:50,826
- ? 'Cause, baby, when I heard you ?
- [Both moaning]
253
00:10:50,828 --> 00:10:53,329
? For the first time, I knew ?
254
00:10:53,331 --> 00:10:55,798
- Ahh!
- ? We were... ?
255
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,867
- [Record rips]
- What the hell's going on here?!
256
00:10:57,869 --> 00:11:00,169
It's not what you think!
257
00:11:00,171 --> 00:11:01,470
I believe you. Goodbye.
258
00:11:01,472 --> 00:11:02,905
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
259
00:11:02,907 --> 00:11:04,340
I can't hide it anymore.
260
00:11:04,342 --> 00:11:07,043
In fact, I want to shout it
from the rooftops!
261
00:11:07,045 --> 00:11:09,111
Klaus and I are in love!
262
00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:12,148
[Laughs]
263
00:11:12,150 --> 00:11:14,583
You guys! You really got me!
264
00:11:14,585 --> 00:11:16,185
I actually started believing it.
265
00:11:16,187 --> 00:11:18,220
Well, you should because we're a couple.
266
00:11:18,222 --> 00:11:20,156
Tell them, honey pie.
267
00:11:20,158 --> 00:11:22,024
It's true.
268
00:11:22,026 --> 00:11:24,060
Roger and I have been intimate.
269
00:11:24,062 --> 00:11:27,463
Oh, my God! I'm so happy for you two!
270
00:11:27,465 --> 00:11:30,234
Stan, I know
this is hard for you to accept,
271
00:11:30,269 --> 00:11:31,333
what with your feelings for me,
272
00:11:31,335 --> 00:11:33,969
but why don't you and
Francine come over for dinner?
273
00:11:33,971 --> 00:11:35,337
I'll make pesto.
274
00:11:38,876 --> 00:11:40,309
Damn it! 19.
275
00:11:40,311 --> 00:11:43,312
Sure, we'd be happy
to accept your invitation.
276
00:11:43,314 --> 00:11:46,082
Maybe I should stop using this thing.
277
00:11:46,084 --> 00:11:47,616
[Sighs] Guess not.
278
00:11:47,618 --> 00:11:49,552
[Sing-song voice] Hayley.
279
00:11:49,554 --> 00:11:52,221
I baked you cookies because you're sick.
280
00:11:52,223 --> 00:11:53,656
Really? That's so nice!
281
00:11:53,658 --> 00:11:55,057
Let me at those eyes!
282
00:11:55,059 --> 00:11:56,158
[Both screaming]
283
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,526
Get away from her!
284
00:11:57,528 --> 00:12:00,262
Don't be such a dick, Hayley!
Share your pink eye!
285
00:12:00,264 --> 00:12:01,964
The general has it out for me!
286
00:12:01,966 --> 00:12:04,633
Whoa, Steve, you want
to get away from a military man?
287
00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:07,078
You should have come to me.
I know all the tricks.
288
00:12:07,113 --> 00:12:07,636
You do?
289
00:12:07,638 --> 00:12:10,206
Yeah, if I put as much work into working
290
00:12:10,208 --> 00:12:12,708
as I do into not working...
291
00:12:13,811 --> 00:12:15,377
I don't know.
292
00:12:18,015 --> 00:12:20,282
So, how do you two... you know?
293
00:12:20,284 --> 00:12:22,685
Stan, that's a very personal question.
294
00:12:22,687 --> 00:12:24,954
Ask them something less personal.
295
00:12:24,956 --> 00:12:27,523
- Who's on the $50 bill?
- Grant.
296
00:12:27,525 --> 00:12:29,425
Got to admit, Stan,
they know their stuff.
297
00:12:29,427 --> 00:12:31,494
Now that our relationship's
out in the open,
298
00:12:31,496 --> 00:12:33,696
we can finally do all the
things that couples do,
299
00:12:33,698 --> 00:12:36,332
like go to the opera or
take a hot-air-balloon ride.
300
00:12:36,334 --> 00:12:38,901
Klaus loves hot-air balloons,
don't you, babe?
301
00:12:38,903 --> 00:12:40,269
I mentioned it once.
302
00:12:40,271 --> 00:12:41,570
He loves them.
303
00:12:41,572 --> 00:12:43,439
Maybe the four of us
could take a long weekend,
304
00:12:43,441 --> 00:12:44,773
rent a house on Lake Havasu.
305
00:12:44,775 --> 00:12:45,708
What do you say?
306
00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:47,610
I've always wanted to go places.
307
00:12:47,612 --> 00:12:49,278
You know,
I thought this was gonna be weird,
308
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,514
but it turns out you two
are just a normal couple.
309
00:12:51,516 --> 00:12:53,315
That's what I've been saying all along.
310
00:12:53,317 --> 00:12:54,650
Isn't this great, babe?
311
00:12:54,652 --> 00:12:55,918
Yeah!
312
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,287
- No! I hate this!
- What?
313
00:12:58,289 --> 00:13:00,956
Look, I don't want to be a normal couple
314
00:13:00,958 --> 00:13:03,893
going on double dates
with Stan and Francine.
315
00:13:03,895 --> 00:13:07,196
What made it hot was
all the sneaking around.
316
00:13:07,198 --> 00:13:10,833
It was so wrong, so dangerous, so taboo.
317
00:13:10,835 --> 00:13:13,536
But now you want me to
go hot-air ballooning
318
00:13:13,538 --> 00:13:16,172
with these two
professional boner killers?
319
00:13:16,174 --> 00:13:19,208
Sorry, boy, but I am out!
320
00:13:21,309 --> 00:13:22,888
We're still gonna have pesto, right?
321
00:13:22,923 --> 00:13:25,681
Both: Pesto! Pesto! Pesto!
322
00:13:29,327 --> 00:13:31,160
[Sobbing]
323
00:13:31,162 --> 00:13:33,296
How could Klaus leave me?!
324
00:13:33,298 --> 00:13:35,732
Roger, just have a look around.
325
00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:38,835
There are plenty of
other fish in the sea.
326
00:13:38,837 --> 00:13:41,071
I know you're proud of yourself
for coming up with that,
327
00:13:41,073 --> 00:13:42,672
but I just want Klaus back.
328
00:13:42,674 --> 00:13:46,176
Well, when you love someone,
you have to go after them.
329
00:13:46,178 --> 00:13:47,611
Is that how you got Stan?
330
00:13:47,613 --> 00:13:49,546
Bitch, I look like this.
331
00:13:49,548 --> 00:13:51,047
Homegirl don't chase.
332
00:13:51,049 --> 00:13:52,816
Homegirl gets chased.
333
00:13:52,818 --> 00:13:56,119
Klaus wanted taboo and danger.
334
00:13:56,121 --> 00:13:57,287
I can give that to him.
335
00:13:57,289 --> 00:13:58,521
I'm gonna make this work.
336
00:13:58,523 --> 00:14:00,490
Homegirl don't even have to work.
337
00:14:00,492 --> 00:14:04,160
Homegirl get that paper all on her own.
338
00:14:04,162 --> 00:14:05,262
Stop that. You're white.
339
00:14:05,264 --> 00:14:07,497
I'm homegirl.
340
00:14:10,235 --> 00:14:12,802
This is nice. Just the two of us bros.
341
00:14:12,804 --> 00:14:15,972
99 problems,
but a chick ain't one, am I right?
342
00:14:15,974 --> 00:14:17,307
Hit me.
343
00:14:17,309 --> 00:14:18,908
Hey, daddy.
344
00:14:20,178 --> 00:14:23,580
Welp, looks like you're in
the middle of something, so...
345
00:14:26,218 --> 00:14:27,884
It's finally done, Klaus!
346
00:14:27,886 --> 00:14:30,287
My lawyer character
bribed my judge character
347
00:14:30,289 --> 00:14:32,722
to push the adoption paperwork
through the district courts.
348
00:14:32,724 --> 00:14:34,557
You officially adopted me!
349
00:14:34,559 --> 00:14:36,026
What are you talking about?
350
00:14:36,028 --> 00:14:37,727
Well, you said you wanted taboo, right?
351
00:14:37,729 --> 00:14:39,062
Well, what's more taboo
352
00:14:39,064 --> 00:14:41,598
than making sexy with your own daughter?
353
00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:43,833
Roger, this is sick.
354
00:14:43,835 --> 00:14:46,303
Look, we had fun, but now it's over.
355
00:14:46,305 --> 00:14:48,571
Let's just go back to being friends.
356
00:14:48,573 --> 00:14:50,674
No! I thought you wanted this!
357
00:14:50,676 --> 00:14:52,442
We were supposed to be a couple!
358
00:14:52,444 --> 00:14:54,711
We were gonna go yachting
and host game nights
359
00:14:54,713 --> 00:14:57,614
and argue over what religion
to raise our future child!
360
00:14:57,616 --> 00:14:59,149
Obviously Muslim!
361
00:14:59,151 --> 00:15:00,917
I can't do this, Klaus!
362
00:15:00,919 --> 00:15:03,386
I am not raising Mohammed alone!
363
00:15:03,388 --> 00:15:05,021
[Pound on door]
364
00:15:05,023 --> 00:15:08,391
Excuse me, but your neighbors
reported a noise complaint,
365
00:15:08,393 --> 00:15:09,693
and...
366
00:15:09,695 --> 00:15:12,195
they say they heard the name Mohammed?
367
00:15:13,148 --> 00:15:15,565
Sorry, officer,
but everything's fine here.
368
00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:18,001
Everything's not fine!
He broke up with me!
369
00:15:18,003 --> 00:15:19,936
He won't sleep with me anymore!
370
00:15:19,938 --> 00:15:20,804
Who's he?
371
00:15:20,806 --> 00:15:23,540
He's my father and my lover!
372
00:15:23,542 --> 00:15:25,008
But I'm a fish!
373
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:29,145
A sick fish who's going
away for a long time.
374
00:15:29,147 --> 00:15:30,580
Fine, take me to jail.
375
00:15:30,582 --> 00:15:32,982
As long as I'm nowhere near her.
376
00:15:32,984 --> 00:15:35,385
Wait, I didn't mean for you
to take him away from me.
377
00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:37,821
No! Oh, what have I done?!
378
00:15:37,823 --> 00:15:39,322
Klaus!
379
00:15:41,526 --> 00:15:44,694
Oh, my, I think
it's time you see a doctor.
380
00:15:44,696 --> 00:15:46,730
But I can't afford to go
to a doctor right now.
381
00:15:46,732 --> 00:15:47,864
I'm unemployed.
382
00:15:47,866 --> 00:15:50,533
I'm starting to think
you're not a student here.
383
00:15:50,535 --> 00:15:54,003
I'm getting pretty suspicious myself.
384
00:15:54,005 --> 00:15:55,572
Nurse Margaret, we need you.
385
00:15:55,574 --> 00:15:58,341
Some kid's losing it at the
Presidential Fitness Test.
386
00:15:58,343 --> 00:16:00,477
Jesus will rise again,
387
00:16:00,479 --> 00:16:03,847
and there's no room for
sinners in His kingdom!
388
00:16:03,849 --> 00:16:04,948
I taught him that!
389
00:16:04,950 --> 00:16:07,217
He's doing the classic
draft-dodging technique
390
00:16:07,219 --> 00:16:08,852
"Yelling About Jesus."
391
00:16:08,854 --> 00:16:09,853
[Warbling]
392
00:16:09,855 --> 00:16:12,122
Son, I've seen every trick in the book.
393
00:16:12,124 --> 00:16:15,725
You're doing the [warbling]
You're yelling about Jesus.
394
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:19,462
But you're not gonna get out
of pull-ups by acting crazy.
395
00:16:19,464 --> 00:16:22,599
Now grab that bar!
396
00:16:22,601 --> 00:16:27,203
?
397
00:16:27,205 --> 00:16:29,372
What's happening? I can't see anything.
398
00:16:29,374 --> 00:16:31,207
But can you see with your ears?
399
00:16:31,209 --> 00:16:32,942
Stop trying to turn me into Daredevil.
400
00:16:32,944 --> 00:16:34,411
Grab that bar, Smith!
401
00:16:34,413 --> 00:16:37,580
No! I will not be humiliated!
402
00:16:37,582 --> 00:16:38,515
[Grunting]
403
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:40,049
What are you doing there, Smith?
404
00:16:40,051 --> 00:16:42,018
[Grunting continues]
405
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:43,653
Are you...?
406
00:16:43,655 --> 00:16:45,922
You wouldn't dare.
407
00:16:45,924 --> 00:16:47,023
[Grunting stops]
408
00:16:47,025 --> 00:16:48,158
[All gasp]
409
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,826
That boy just pooed hisself!
410
00:16:49,828 --> 00:16:53,696
Smith, you're excused from
the Presidential Fitness Test.
411
00:16:53,698 --> 00:16:57,000
[Sighs] And I did it
with my dignity intact.
412
00:16:57,002 --> 00:16:58,334
In all my years,
413
00:16:58,336 --> 00:17:01,971
I've never seen anyone
try to get out of pull-ups
414
00:17:01,973 --> 00:17:03,540
by soiling themselves.
415
00:17:03,542 --> 00:17:08,511
For that tremendous act of courage,
you deserve this.
416
00:17:08,513 --> 00:17:10,246
My medal for bravery.
417
00:17:10,248 --> 00:17:12,549
The President of El Pollo
Loco will be very pleased.
418
00:17:12,551 --> 00:17:15,051
He's the president I've been
referring to this whole time.
419
00:17:15,053 --> 00:17:17,420
All: Steve! Steve! Steve!
420
00:17:17,422 --> 00:17:18,455
[Whistle blows]
421
00:17:18,457 --> 00:17:20,523
And now dropping from the ceiling,
422
00:17:20,525 --> 00:17:23,560
El Pollo Loco's new
genetically modified,
423
00:17:23,562 --> 00:17:26,729
all-dark-meat chicken!
424
00:17:26,731 --> 00:17:28,431
All: Dark meat! Dark meat!
425
00:17:28,433 --> 00:17:32,268
Jeff, it sounds crazy,
but I can see the chicken with my ears.
426
00:17:32,270 --> 00:17:35,271
Babe, it doesn't sound crazy at all.
427
00:17:35,273 --> 00:17:38,208
- You're the new Daredevil!
- I must be!
428
00:17:38,210 --> 00:17:41,244
I'm catching so much chicken!
429
00:17:44,249 --> 00:17:46,716
This is nothing like
"Orange is the New Black."
430
00:17:46,718 --> 00:17:48,218
Where are all the babes?
431
00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:51,554
Please, my ex was one of the
hottest babes in history.
432
00:17:51,556 --> 00:17:53,089
She was crazy.
433
00:17:53,091 --> 00:17:55,892
Thank God I won't be
seeing her for a long time.
434
00:17:55,894 --> 00:17:59,162
Guess who got himself arrested!
435
00:17:59,164 --> 00:18:01,431
- Oh, donkey balls.
- Uh, yes?
436
00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:03,266
No, not you, Donkey Balls.
437
00:18:03,268 --> 00:18:07,203
I trust I'll see you at rehearsals
for "My Fair Lady."
438
00:18:07,932 --> 00:18:09,639
I knew I couldn't be without you,
439
00:18:09,641 --> 00:18:12,442
so I started shooting at
passing cars on the highway.
440
00:18:12,444 --> 00:18:14,177
They didn't get me for that, though.
441
00:18:14,179 --> 00:18:16,446
It was a pair of batting
gloves I stole from Modell's.
442
00:18:16,448 --> 00:18:19,415
Isn't that great?!
Now we can do it in prison!
443
00:18:19,417 --> 00:18:22,418
Move along, pal.
The fish is already taken.
444
00:18:22,420 --> 00:18:24,687
No! Klaus is my man.
445
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:27,490
Then I guess you'll
have to fight for him.
446
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:29,459
Klaus is mine!
447
00:18:29,461 --> 00:18:31,628
- Aah! Aah!
- Stab yourself much?
448
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:34,130
Roger, stop, please!
449
00:18:34,132 --> 00:18:35,732
No prison fights!
450
00:18:35,734 --> 00:18:37,333
You... You're going to solitary.
451
00:18:37,335 --> 00:18:39,202
No, no, no, no, no, no! I'm with Klaus!
452
00:18:39,204 --> 00:18:41,504
Please! I can't be without him!
453
00:18:41,506 --> 00:18:45,074
All right! Looks like
I'm back on the market!
454
00:18:45,076 --> 00:18:48,811
Strike that! Looks like I'm spoken for!
455
00:18:48,813 --> 00:18:52,015
?
456
00:19:02,027 --> 00:19:05,194
?
457
00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:23,313
[Laughing]
458
00:19:29,019 --> 00:19:31,169
_
459
00:19:31,356 --> 00:19:33,790
Now that Roger and
Klaus are coming home,
460
00:19:33,792 --> 00:19:36,459
do you think we'll have to
take sides in the break-up?
461
00:19:36,461 --> 00:19:39,128
Yes, and it's very important
we choose the same side.
462
00:19:39,130 --> 00:19:41,531
On the count of three,
say who you'd support.
463
00:19:41,533 --> 00:19:43,800
One, two, three.
464
00:19:43,802 --> 00:19:45,168
- Roger.
- Don't care.
465
00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:53,076
I don't want to talk about
what happened in prison.
466
00:19:53,078 --> 00:19:55,280
Uh-oh. If Klaus is this bad,
467
00:19:55,315 --> 00:19:57,780
Roger's gonna be even
worse coming from solitary.
468
00:20:00,485 --> 00:20:02,085
- Hey, guys.
- Roger?
469
00:20:02,087 --> 00:20:05,054
- You seem... okay.
- Never been better.
470
00:20:05,056 --> 00:20:06,689
See, after a month in solitary,
471
00:20:06,691 --> 00:20:09,325
I realized that I was
never in love with Klaus.
472
00:20:09,327 --> 00:20:11,194
I was just afraid of being alone.
473
00:20:11,196 --> 00:20:13,796
But after being by myself
for 30 days straight,
474
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:16,966
I learned that I'm never alone
with all the voices in my head.
475
00:20:16,968 --> 00:20:18,334
Isn't that right, Lucas?
476
00:20:18,336 --> 00:20:19,502
You're right, Roger.
477
00:20:19,504 --> 00:20:21,337
It took you a while
to forget about Klaus.
478
00:20:21,339 --> 00:20:24,240
But then you realized you
have me to fill the void.
479
00:20:24,242 --> 00:20:27,644
Lucas is my workout buddy.
He came to me in a night terror.
480
00:20:27,646 --> 00:20:28,945
[Deep voice] And you have me,
481
00:20:28,947 --> 00:20:31,681
sports commentator and
woman Mary Carrillo.
482
00:20:31,683 --> 00:20:34,183
Do not go in there!
483
00:20:34,185 --> 00:20:35,918
[Normal voice] That's Ace Ventura.
484
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,554
Well, I'm just glad
everything's back to normal.
485
00:20:38,556 --> 00:20:40,123
Yep, I'm no longer depressed,
486
00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:42,992
and Klaus and I will just be
friends again from now on.
487
00:20:42,994 --> 00:20:44,527
It's like it never happened.
488
00:20:44,529 --> 00:20:45,862
That's big of you, Roger.
489
00:20:45,864 --> 00:20:47,697
[Deep voice] Game set, and match.
490
00:20:47,699 --> 00:20:49,599
[Shouting] Somebody stop me!
491
00:20:49,601 --> 00:20:51,034
I'm Mask now!
492
00:20:51,036 --> 00:20:53,102
[Normal voice] Guys, guys,
don't speak all at once.
493
00:20:53,104 --> 00:20:54,037
You're making me sound crazy.
494
00:20:54,038 --> 00:20:54,330
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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495
00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:58,930
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