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1
00:00:00,338 --> 00:00:02,504
Announcer: It's game day!
2
00:00:02,506 --> 00:00:06,008
And the Rockville Gorilla Stars
are coming to the Sharks' Nest!
3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,806
A capacity crowd is expected
4
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,674
for the first Bazooka Sharks game
5
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,910
since quarterback Johnny
Concussion's death.
6
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:15,013
Johnny's ashes and carbonized
bone chunks will be on display
7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,548
in a football-shaped urn,
8
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,584
which should be a real
treat for the kiddies!
9
00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:22,187
Hey, bud.
Got a little kink in your line.
10
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,451
It's okay. No one's perfect.
11
00:00:24,486 --> 00:00:25,790
Except everyone who works for me!
12
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,025
You're fired!
13
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,761
I want you to crank the
pressure on these tanks.
14
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,197
People want to see their juice drink
15
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,599
really hit the walls and cascade around.
16
00:00:35,115 --> 00:00:38,336
These foam fingers are
heavier than they usually are.
17
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:41,172
And you're not the usual delivery guy.
18
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:44,342
There's usually one of you, not eight.
19
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:46,678
And you all have ponytails.
20
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:50,215
I hate ponytails. I am not signing...
21
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:56,087
It's gonna be a hell of a game.
22
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:59,591
[Horns honking]
23
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:03,128
Rockin' Ronnie:
It's gonna be a hell of a game!
24
00:01:04,017 --> 00:01:07,832
People are saying it's...
gonna be a hell of a game.
25
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:09,467
I heard that.
26
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,937
When I, uh, got these tickets from work,
27
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:15,340
I was surprised you were
down to take the other one.
28
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,142
When I said yes, I thought you had four,
29
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:20,178
so Mom and Steve could kind of
keep the conversation going.
30
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,947
You know what? This will be great.
31
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,348
Just us.
32
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:26,151
And now, Rockin' Ronnie's
gonna rest his voice
33
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:27,652
till the game starts.
34
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,521
[Sighs]
35
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,890
[Dramatic music plays]
36
00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:35,174
_
37
00:01:38,192 --> 00:01:39,675
_
38
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,267
[Crowd cheering]
39
00:01:44,055 --> 00:01:47,205
Look at all the people. Good crowd.
40
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:49,207
Popular place.
41
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:52,077
Well, I'm gonna pop out
and get us some Zooka Dogs.
42
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,345
Hey, you could stay here.
43
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,480
Hot hot dogs... right at your seat!
44
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:56,781
No need to walk around.
45
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,150
But this guy doesn't have any beers.
46
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:00,518
I got two extra beers.
47
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,420
You'd be doing me a
favor if you took them.
48
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,745
It's very rude to eavesdrop.
49
00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:07,492
Before the game,
a reminder that all noise makers,
50
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:11,963
vuvuzelas, and air horns
are strictly encouraged!
51
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,398
[Horns blaring]
52
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,867
Never let the decibels drop!
53
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,103
Except at halftime, when,
in memory of Johnny Concussion,
54
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:20,038
there will be a respectful
moment of silence.
55
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,241
A moment of bone-crushing silence,
56
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,510
presented by Baby Bel Cheese!
57
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,846
So, when's the game start?
58
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,482
Kickoff's in 15 minutes...
which sounds like a lot,
59
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,950
but if we just break it down
60
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:35,907
into 900 easy-to-digest
one-second chunks...
61
00:02:35,942 --> 00:02:36,821
You know what? I need something
62
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,623
I can only get in the concourse...
a key chain!
63
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,191
Here you go, mister. Take mine.
64
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,693
Leave me alone!
65
00:02:45,401 --> 00:02:48,693
Smartest move I ever made,
buying the Bazooka Sharks.
66
00:02:48,693 --> 00:02:50,635
All these fools are
67
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,923
literally paying to
sit in this building.
68
00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:55,440
They're idiots!
69
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,239
We are supposed to eat these, right?
70
00:02:57,239 --> 00:02:58,810
I believe so, yes.
71
00:02:59,871 --> 00:03:01,429
Excuse me. Cutting in front.
72
00:03:01,464 --> 00:03:02,680
It's okay, I'm a hired escort.
73
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,449
Hmm. Don't be so shocked.
74
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,617
All the girls are escorts.
75
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,352
What, you think hot girls like us
76
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,120
would hang out with toads like you?
77
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,221
Ha! Dream on!
78
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:11,623
What's your name, darling?
79
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,259
Tawny Luxardo...
one of the escorts you hired...
80
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:15,822
to have sex for money.
81
00:03:15,857 --> 00:03:17,350
Listen, I got V.I.P.s here.
82
00:03:17,385 --> 00:03:18,963
Stop telling everyone you're an escort.
83
00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:20,865
Gotcha. Low-key, I'm all over it.
84
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,068
I'll circulate,
but give me the signal...
85
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:26,304
Two taps on the nose and I'll
come running to suck you off.
86
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,006
Did you just do it? I blinked.
87
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,174
[Groans]
88
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:30,575
[Knock on door]
89
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,413
It's the luxury box dessert cart!
90
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:36,815
- All right!
- Well done!
91
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,783
I want the biggest chocolate cake!
92
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,352
Gotta watch my figure, though.
I'm a hooker.
93
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,521
Say, aren't you fellas a little early?
94
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:45,323
[All gasp]
95
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:48,493
Oh, I'd say we're right on time.
96
00:03:50,245 --> 00:03:51,491
Huddle up, team.
97
00:03:51,526 --> 00:03:53,765
I'm the quarterback and here's the play.
98
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,634
We get the combination to the safe,
and then we disappear.
99
00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,536
No one gets hurt and everybody wins.
100
00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:00,205
It will be a real touchdown.
101
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:03,508
I'm Cyrus Mooney, boy.
I don't negotiate with...
102
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:04,809
[Silenced gunshot]
103
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,544
- [Gasps]
- Oh, my God!
104
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:09,889
- I was just talking to him!
- Cyrus fumbled.
105
00:04:09,924 --> 00:04:11,480
Now, while we crack the safe,
106
00:04:11,515 --> 00:04:13,618
my men are putting
bombs around the arena.
107
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,221
So if anyone tries to call an audible
108
00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:19,757
and contact someone
outside this room, kablooey.
109
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,225
- My God!
- We're gonna die!
110
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:23,828
Oh, of course...
right after I do a huge Costco run.
111
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,930
Bury me with all my almonds.
112
00:04:30,477 --> 00:04:34,147
Okay, okay, but how many napkins
do you go through in a day?
113
00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:36,248
Look, buddy, it seems like
you're avoiding something
114
00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:38,550
or someone by asking me
ridiculous questions.
115
00:04:38,552 --> 00:04:41,320
It's not ridiculous to ask
how many pepperoni slices
116
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,021
go on a personal pan pizza.
117
00:04:43,023 --> 00:04:44,456
And I told you, it's four.
118
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:47,392
And I told you I saw five once.
119
00:04:47,394 --> 00:04:50,128
Avoiding someone. The nerve!
120
00:04:50,130 --> 00:04:52,764
[Gasps] It's Dwight the Great White!
121
00:04:52,766 --> 00:04:54,296
Dwight, do the Shark Shuffle!
122
00:04:54,296 --> 00:04:56,301
The Shark Shuffle, Great Dwight.
123
00:05:00,741 --> 00:05:02,007
[Door closes]
124
00:05:02,009 --> 00:05:04,076
How hard is it to do this?
125
00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:09,047
Is that a bomb, Great Dwight?
126
00:05:09,049 --> 00:05:10,949
[Grunts]
127
00:05:12,019 --> 00:05:12,750
[Gasps]
128
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:15,382
You're not the Asian woman
who plays Great Dwight!
129
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:17,756
What have you done with Lee Tran?
130
00:05:17,758 --> 00:05:20,025
[Grunting]
131
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:29,134
? And the rocket's red glare ?
132
00:05:29,136 --> 00:05:32,671
? The bombs bursting up the air ?
133
00:05:32,673 --> 00:05:33,692
Where's Dad?
134
00:05:33,692 --> 00:05:36,775
He loves Sky Crooner... for some reason.
135
00:05:36,777 --> 00:05:38,944
[Grunting]
136
00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:39,687
[Steam hisses]
137
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:44,182
- [Screams]
- Yes! Enjoy the facial.
138
00:05:44,184 --> 00:05:47,285
Wow. That is really hot steam.
139
00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:49,955
Terrorist: Hans, what's taking so long?
140
00:05:49,957 --> 00:05:51,390
Hans?!
141
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:53,480
I was bragging to everyone
about how fast you were.
142
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,027
Nobody's faster than Hans, I said.
143
00:06:01,869 --> 00:06:03,201
Dad?
144
00:06:04,872 --> 00:06:07,439
Lee Tran's dead?!
145
00:06:07,441 --> 00:06:10,442
And you guys must be,
fingers crossed, her husbands,
146
00:06:10,444 --> 00:06:11,877
looking to avenge her death...
147
00:06:11,879 --> 00:06:13,311
with their new friend Hayley?
148
00:06:16,083 --> 00:06:18,341
Terrorist: Hans,
why aren't you responding, Hans?
149
00:06:18,341 --> 00:06:20,152
Hans, are you mad at me?
150
00:06:20,154 --> 00:06:22,888
Yeah, he's real steamed.
151
00:06:22,890 --> 00:06:24,092
What?! Who is this?!
152
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,291
Your worst nightmare, bad guy.
153
00:06:26,293 --> 00:06:28,794
Foiling your plans will
be the perfect distraction
154
00:06:28,796 --> 00:06:31,496
from having awkward
conversation with my daughter.
155
00:06:31,498 --> 00:06:33,331
- God, why is it so...
- Hello!
156
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,056
You have to hold the button down.
157
00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:37,102
You can't just push it once.
158
00:06:37,104 --> 00:06:38,603
Get your hands off me!
159
00:06:38,605 --> 00:06:40,300
- They have Hayley!
- Put her with the others!
160
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,307
Roger: Hayley,
welcome to the luxury box, girl!
161
00:06:43,410 --> 00:06:44,810
Grab a glass of sparkling wine
162
00:06:44,812 --> 00:06:47,345
and come hang with me
by the owner's brains.
163
00:07:10,334 --> 00:07:13,068
The terrorists have
Hayley in the owner's box.
164
00:07:13,070 --> 00:07:15,236
How did Francine not see this coming?
165
00:07:15,238 --> 00:07:17,472
"Stan, you should take
Hayley to the game.
166
00:07:17,474 --> 00:07:20,208
It'll be nice, eat some nachos,
have some laughs."
167
00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:21,743
"Francine, it'll be awkward."
168
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:24,946
"Stan, what could go wrong
at a Bazooka Sharks game?"
169
00:07:24,948 --> 00:07:26,488
"Hey, Mom, where's the applesauce?"
170
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,088
"In the fridge, Steve."
171
00:07:28,088 --> 00:07:30,028
[Echoing] "I only see watery-ass Kroger.
172
00:07:30,028 --> 00:07:31,157
Where's the Mott's?"
173
00:07:31,157 --> 00:07:34,489
"They taste the same."
"Have you lost your mind?!"
174
00:07:34,491 --> 00:07:36,358
So we've got ourselves a hero.
175
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,927
The bomb in the rafters is armed.
176
00:07:38,929 --> 00:07:40,462
Excellent.
177
00:07:40,464 --> 00:07:42,831
- Hey, baddie, guess what?
- What?
178
00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:45,433
Chicken butt. I'm in your head now, son.
179
00:07:45,435 --> 00:07:48,703
Team, switch walkies to back-up channel.
180
00:07:48,705 --> 00:07:51,439
Hey, gang, it's me... one of the gang.
181
00:07:51,441 --> 00:07:55,210
Looks like I forgot the
back-up channel... again!
182
00:07:55,212 --> 00:07:57,979
Dad's gonna come here,
but I have to warn him
183
00:07:57,981 --> 00:08:00,248
about the other bombs first. How?
184
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:01,449
[Knock on door]
185
00:08:01,451 --> 00:08:02,484
Man: Dessert cart.
186
00:08:02,486 --> 00:08:04,586
- Ooh, dessert!
- Real dessert cart!
187
00:08:04,588 --> 00:08:06,054
Mmm, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet!
188
00:08:06,056 --> 00:08:07,989
Nobody get cute and try anything,
189
00:08:07,991 --> 00:08:11,092
because we're definitely
letting the dessert cart in.
190
00:08:18,402 --> 00:08:19,634
[All munching]
191
00:08:19,636 --> 00:08:22,203
I need you to get this
message to Stan Smith.
192
00:08:22,205 --> 00:08:23,983
He's in the arena,
but I don't know where.
193
00:08:23,983 --> 00:08:26,708
All the food venders
here are very connected.
194
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:27,976
We'll find him.
195
00:08:27,978 --> 00:08:29,422
We're kind of like a family.
196
00:08:29,422 --> 00:08:30,907
I can't be seen talking...
197
00:08:30,907 --> 00:08:32,814
We get drinks after work all the time.
198
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:34,049
Please go.
199
00:08:34,051 --> 00:08:36,017
Almost all of us drive pickup trucks.
200
00:08:36,019 --> 00:08:38,386
I've never even thought
about hiring a mover.
201
00:08:39,013 --> 00:08:41,761
I got Cracker Jacks! I got peanuts.
202
00:08:41,796 --> 00:08:44,192
I got a secret message for Stan Smith!
203
00:08:44,294 --> 00:08:47,362
I got a secret message for Stan Smith!
204
00:08:47,364 --> 00:08:50,498
I got big, spicy pickles in bags!
205
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,667
I'm Stan Smith, the man in the vents.
206
00:08:52,669 --> 00:08:54,169
Your daughter says she's fine
207
00:08:54,171 --> 00:08:56,204
and go to the rafters to defuse a bomb.
208
00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:58,373
So Hayley's communicating with me.
209
00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:01,076
Why is that so hard
for us to do in person?
210
00:09:01,078 --> 00:09:03,311
[Sighs] You got a daughter, buddy?
211
00:09:03,313 --> 00:09:04,946
- I used to.
- Whatever.
212
00:09:04,948 --> 00:09:06,614
I gotta get to the rafters.
213
00:09:06,616 --> 00:09:08,980
So, real quick,
give me a Zooka Dog, Chicago style.
214
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:11,519
Pile the onions up high like I like.
215
00:09:11,521 --> 00:09:13,588
And more mustard.
More mu... there you go.
216
00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:15,890
Another fistful of onions.
Perfect, perfect.
217
00:09:15,892 --> 00:09:17,525
Now push it through the vent.
218
00:09:19,563 --> 00:09:25,834
? And that's how you sing the
end of the first quarter song ?
219
00:09:27,637 --> 00:09:29,404
Yeah, yeah!
220
00:09:29,406 --> 00:09:31,039
Sky Crooner! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
221
00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:32,540
Don't be scared, don't be scared.
222
00:09:32,542 --> 00:09:34,409
My name is Stan, and I need your help.
223
00:09:34,411 --> 00:09:36,444
No one knows the
rafters better than you.
224
00:09:36,446 --> 00:09:38,580
Have you noticed anything suspicious?
225
00:09:38,582 --> 00:09:40,482
That blinky thing is new.
226
00:09:40,484 --> 00:09:42,050
[Beeping]
227
00:09:42,052 --> 00:09:43,551
I'm gonna defuse that bomb,
228
00:09:43,553 --> 00:09:46,521
and I need you to shoot
anyone who tries to stop me.
229
00:09:46,523 --> 00:09:48,089
Is there a bad man?
230
00:09:48,091 --> 00:09:50,291
You got that right, Sky Crooner.
231
00:09:52,796 --> 00:09:55,196
Sky Crooner: Stan, I can't kill!
232
00:09:55,198 --> 00:09:57,332
? Life is sacred! ?
233
00:09:57,334 --> 00:10:00,535
? And it begins at conception! ?
234
00:10:01,505 --> 00:10:04,506
You know, someone
went to a lot of trouble
235
00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:05,940
to put that bomb there.
236
00:10:05,942 --> 00:10:08,144
I do want us to have a
fist fight on this girder.
237
00:10:08,144 --> 00:10:09,644
It will look hella cool.
238
00:10:09,646 --> 00:10:12,413
- Just promise me one thing.
- Anything.
239
00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:14,315
Don't look down.
240
00:10:17,821 --> 00:10:19,287
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Ha ha!
241
00:10:19,289 --> 00:10:20,955
Works every... Whoa, whoa!
242
00:10:20,957 --> 00:10:23,658
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
243
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:25,727
[Screams]
244
00:10:25,729 --> 00:10:27,395
[Screams]
245
00:10:27,397 --> 00:10:28,463
[Whistle blows]
246
00:10:28,465 --> 00:10:31,232
Too many men on the field. 10 yards.
247
00:10:31,234 --> 00:10:34,802
Not getting up? Delay of game.
Another 5 yards.
248
00:10:34,804 --> 00:10:36,271
Still not getting up.
249
00:10:36,273 --> 00:10:38,106
Unsportsmanlike conduct.
250
00:10:38,108 --> 00:10:39,407
Another 15 yards.
251
00:10:39,409 --> 00:10:41,743
Had enough? I can go all day.
252
00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:45,213
Terrorist: Strannix?
Strannix? You there?
253
00:10:45,215 --> 00:10:47,215
Damn it! He got him!
254
00:10:47,217 --> 00:10:49,417
How does he keep finding us?
255
00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:51,686
Maybe he's spotting our ponytails.
256
00:10:51,688 --> 00:10:52,954
Team, switch to braids.
257
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,522
Still, the clock is ticking,
258
00:10:54,524 --> 00:10:56,958
and he'll never track down all the bombs
259
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,293
before we crack the safe.
260
00:10:58,295 --> 00:11:00,995
[Laughs] Ouch, too tight!
261
00:11:00,997 --> 00:11:02,297
[Laughs]
262
00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:07,168
I need to figure out a way
263
00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:08,736
to get the bomb locations to Dad.
264
00:11:08,738 --> 00:11:11,017
And I need to prank
the stadium announcer
265
00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:13,237
with these raisins I
picked out of a scone.
266
00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:16,644
So we both have something, Hayley.
Equal.
267
00:11:16,646 --> 00:11:21,149
Present today's ticket to save
5% at Sculpa Family Car Wash.
268
00:11:21,151 --> 00:11:22,750
Sculpa Family Car Wash.
269
00:11:22,752 --> 00:11:25,687
They found out which
towel guy was the thief!
270
00:11:25,689 --> 00:11:27,855
Big flies today at the Sharks' Nest.
271
00:11:27,857 --> 00:11:30,925
They're not biting,
but they are landing heavily.
272
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:32,594
[Laughs]
273
00:11:32,596 --> 00:11:34,229
Roger, you're a genius.
274
00:11:34,231 --> 00:11:36,264
I got those big brains.
275
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:40,235
My producer doesn't normally
write my announcements
276
00:11:40,237 --> 00:11:42,170
on napkins and drop them from the sky.
277
00:11:42,172 --> 00:11:44,439
"Don't ask questions."
278
00:11:44,441 --> 00:11:45,807
Okey-doke.
279
00:11:45,809 --> 00:11:49,344
Attention, Shark fans,
a message here from a Hayley,
280
00:11:49,346 --> 00:11:52,046
who wants her dad to keep going.
281
00:11:52,048 --> 00:11:53,248
That's sweet.
282
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:54,882
Also, the loge men's room is closed
283
00:11:54,884 --> 00:11:58,019
due to someone leaving a huge
bomb in one of the toilets.
284
00:11:59,856 --> 00:12:01,155
That's disgusting.
285
00:12:01,157 --> 00:12:03,691
Another announcement just fluttered in.
286
00:12:03,693 --> 00:12:06,728
To the owner of the car
with license plate "DABOMB,"
287
00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:10,298
you are illegally parked
in the Shark's locker room?
288
00:12:13,570 --> 00:12:15,503
[Grunting]
289
00:12:22,646 --> 00:12:23,678
Another message...
290
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,847
"It's on the visitor's goalpost"...
291
00:12:25,849 --> 00:12:27,148
whatever that means.
292
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:29,751
Oh, now I'm being handed a note
by John, the P.A.
293
00:12:29,753 --> 00:12:32,186
This is how I typically get messages.
294
00:12:32,188 --> 00:12:34,088
It says I've been fired.
295
00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:35,657
Oh. I see.
296
00:12:35,659 --> 00:12:39,427
I'll just gather up 40 years of things.
297
00:12:39,429 --> 00:12:41,229
The bomb is on the goalpost.
298
00:12:41,231 --> 00:12:43,865
How am I supposed to get on the field?
299
00:12:44,694 --> 00:12:45,670
Hey, champ.
300
00:12:45,705 --> 00:12:47,101
Forgot my lucky steroids.
301
00:12:47,103 --> 00:12:49,103
You're the quarterback!
302
00:12:49,105 --> 00:12:52,140
Hey, it's me, guys, the quarterback.
303
00:12:52,142 --> 00:12:54,609
Get in there, Ignatowski!
304
00:12:56,413 --> 00:12:58,146
You guys are enormous.
305
00:12:58,148 --> 00:13:00,581
What's the play, Ignatowski?
306
00:13:02,652 --> 00:13:04,686
[Beeping]
307
00:13:05,889 --> 00:13:08,256
We're gonna drive all
the way down the field
308
00:13:08,258 --> 00:13:09,457
and get to that goalpost.
309
00:13:09,459 --> 00:13:11,926
Yeah, no shit. What's the play?
310
00:13:11,928 --> 00:13:14,162
Uh... flea-flicker.
311
00:13:14,164 --> 00:13:15,630
Announcer: A flea-flicker...
312
00:13:15,632 --> 00:13:17,932
the most worn-out trick play there is...
313
00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:20,501
somehow picks up 20
yards for the Sharks.
314
00:13:20,503 --> 00:13:22,670
How happy are we Dad
only had two tickets?
315
00:13:22,672 --> 00:13:24,706
The game's so much better on TV anyway.
316
00:13:24,708 --> 00:13:26,774
- [Gasps] Who said that?!
- [Panting]
317
00:13:28,296 --> 00:13:30,658
I can't believe that worked. Now what?
318
00:13:30,693 --> 00:13:32,246
Another flea-flicker, no question.
319
00:13:32,248 --> 00:13:33,881
Another flea-flicker.
320
00:13:33,883 --> 00:13:35,383
Puerile, yet effective.
321
00:13:35,385 --> 00:13:38,219
- [Gasping]
- Is that you gasping, Steve?
322
00:13:38,221 --> 00:13:40,621
Enough with all the gasping, Steve.
323
00:13:40,623 --> 00:13:43,591
The Gorilla Stars finally
wise up to the flea-flickers,
324
00:13:43,593 --> 00:13:46,227
forcing the Sharks to
settle for a field goal.
325
00:13:46,229 --> 00:13:48,262
The hell we will.
326
00:13:48,264 --> 00:13:50,531
?
327
00:13:52,602 --> 00:13:54,402
Touchdown!
328
00:13:54,404 --> 00:13:57,705
Ignatowski enjoys a well-deserved dance.
329
00:13:57,707 --> 00:13:58,906
What's this?!
330
00:13:58,908 --> 00:14:00,708
Now he's shinnying up the goalpost
331
00:14:00,710 --> 00:14:03,010
like a burlesque dancer,
shocking the crowd
332
00:14:03,012 --> 00:14:06,914
with a sensual celebratory
acrobatics display.
333
00:14:06,916 --> 00:14:09,751
What a disgrace.
334
00:14:09,753 --> 00:14:10,985
[Beeping]
335
00:14:10,987 --> 00:14:12,954
You did it, Dad!
336
00:14:12,956 --> 00:14:14,389
Dad?
337
00:14:14,391 --> 00:14:19,026
Ignatowski, your walkie-talkie's
crackling like crazy!
338
00:14:19,028 --> 00:14:20,294
Shello.
339
00:14:20,296 --> 00:14:22,196
Terrorist: Nice play, Daddy.
340
00:14:22,198 --> 00:14:24,035
That was the last of my little bombs.
341
00:14:24,035 --> 00:14:25,633
You almost beat me.
342
00:14:25,635 --> 00:14:27,201
But then I realized I had the key
343
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:29,189
to stopping you the whole time.
344
00:14:29,189 --> 00:14:32,573
- A poison sandwich.
- What?
345
00:14:32,575 --> 00:14:34,308
No, I have your daughter.
346
00:14:34,310 --> 00:14:36,344
Hayley: Dad.
347
00:14:36,346 --> 00:14:37,812
[Grunts]
348
00:14:37,814 --> 00:14:39,147
Dad, I'm so sorry.
349
00:14:39,149 --> 00:14:41,549
We'll get out of this.
350
00:14:43,235 --> 00:14:45,853
So, um... that, uh...
351
00:14:45,855 --> 00:14:48,732
Miley Cyrus is pretty outrageous,
isn't she?
352
00:14:48,858 --> 00:14:50,858
Stop this terrible conversation!
353
00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:52,226
[Grunts]
354
00:14:53,135 --> 00:14:54,635
[Crowd cheering]
355
00:14:54,637 --> 00:14:57,573
You're a wild card, I'll grant you that.
356
00:14:57,608 --> 00:15:01,041
The thing is, the wild-card
team rarely wins the Super Bowl.
357
00:15:01,043 --> 00:15:02,852
It's happened, like, six times.
358
00:15:02,852 --> 00:15:04,428
Then I'd say that's pretty rare.
359
00:15:04,428 --> 00:15:06,189
That's like 12% of the time.
360
00:15:06,189 --> 00:15:08,849
In your mind, that's rare?
I don't get you, buddy.
361
00:15:08,851 --> 00:15:11,485
You don't have to. You'll be dead soon.
362
00:15:11,487 --> 00:15:13,921
Not before we'll all be dead soon.
363
00:15:13,923 --> 00:15:15,789
Recognize these?
364
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,157
[All gasp]
365
00:15:17,159 --> 00:15:19,260
Ah, yes... my fake bombs.
366
00:15:19,262 --> 00:15:20,728
What?
367
00:15:20,730 --> 00:15:22,150
Cream cheese.
368
00:15:22,150 --> 00:15:23,420
Roger: There's cream cheese?!
369
00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:26,200
I've been eating dry bagels!
370
00:15:27,429 --> 00:15:28,302
We're in!
371
00:15:28,304 --> 00:15:32,606
You see, the fake bombs were
simply a diversion to buy time.
372
00:15:32,608 --> 00:15:35,009
Time we needed to get this.
373
00:15:35,011 --> 00:15:36,944
Johnny Concussion's jersey
374
00:15:36,946 --> 00:15:40,147
from the last game he ever played.
375
00:15:40,149 --> 00:15:41,815
Of course! You can turn around
376
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:44,251
and sell it to Steve Wynn for a fortune.
377
00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,253
The perfect crime.
378
00:15:46,255 --> 00:15:48,255
Oh, I won't be selling it.
379
00:15:48,257 --> 00:15:49,490
You son of a bitch!
380
00:15:49,492 --> 00:15:51,158
Steve Wynn's gonna be heartbroken!
381
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,259
I'll be wearing it!
382
00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:53,527
You son of a bitch!
383
00:15:53,529 --> 00:15:55,429
Only Johnny Concussion can wear that!
384
00:15:55,431 --> 00:15:59,166
I couldn't agree with you more.
385
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:00,834
Johnny Concussion?
386
00:16:00,836 --> 00:16:03,570
The owner kicked me off the team
387
00:16:03,572 --> 00:16:06,173
because of all my brain booms.
388
00:16:06,175 --> 00:16:07,708
Didn't he sound smarter before?
389
00:16:07,710 --> 00:16:11,845
Ha! I was only pretending
to be a genius.
390
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,314
Here come more surprise.
391
00:16:13,316 --> 00:16:15,516
Johnny's got a buddadda-duddadda.
392
00:16:15,518 --> 00:16:18,385
Ultimate frisbee!
393
00:16:22,325 --> 00:16:25,359
Johnny go bye-bye!
394
00:16:25,361 --> 00:16:27,561
Ultimate frisbee!
395
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:33,734
[Crying] Oh, God! We almost died!
396
00:16:33,736 --> 00:16:36,203
I thought it was curtains for old Tawny!
397
00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:39,006
I realize now life is precious!
398
00:16:39,008 --> 00:16:40,274
I want a baby!
399
00:16:40,276 --> 00:16:43,277
Who wants to give old Tawny a baby?!
400
00:16:43,346 --> 00:16:44,346
_
401
00:16:44,347 --> 00:16:46,547
[Whirring]
402
00:16:46,549 --> 00:16:49,465
Who wants to support
old Tawny and her baby
403
00:16:49,465 --> 00:16:52,553
for the rest of their lives?!
404
00:16:52,555 --> 00:16:54,955
[Dramatic music plays]
405
00:16:57,526 --> 00:17:00,060
Get away from Johnny!
406
00:17:00,574 --> 00:17:02,353
Wow! I caught a pass
407
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:04,732
from beloved football
hero Johnny Concussion!
408
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:07,334
Right in the numbers... incredible!
409
00:17:07,336 --> 00:17:08,836
I'm gonna go long this time, Johnny!
410
00:17:08,838 --> 00:17:10,037
Dad, no!
411
00:17:16,045 --> 00:17:17,185
Johnny, why?!
412
00:17:17,185 --> 00:17:19,546
Why did you commit the
crime of the century?
413
00:17:19,548 --> 00:17:22,015
- What about your fans?!
- Fans?
414
00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,650
The same fans who cheered
415
00:17:23,652 --> 00:17:26,053
as I banged my head into madness?
416
00:17:26,055 --> 00:17:29,990
Well, soon they'll see
just how mad I can be!
417
00:17:29,992 --> 00:17:32,826
They'll be blown away!
418
00:17:34,497 --> 00:17:36,730
[Gasps] My fly fly!
419
00:17:43,806 --> 00:17:45,739
Oh, come on!
420
00:17:49,512 --> 00:17:51,078
We did it!
421
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,313
Now for our special
halftime presentation,
422
00:17:53,315 --> 00:17:56,165
Johnny Concussion's
ashes will be brought out
423
00:17:56,165 --> 00:17:59,386
for our memorial moment of silence!
424
00:17:59,388 --> 00:18:02,189
Wait. Johnny's not in that urn.
425
00:18:02,191 --> 00:18:04,491
"Blown away"!
426
00:18:04,493 --> 00:18:05,959
The urn's a bomb. A real one!
427
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,761
He is gonna blow up the stadium.
428
00:18:07,763 --> 00:18:09,163
We'll never get down there in time!
429
00:18:09,165 --> 00:18:11,665
- [Falsetto singing]
- Wait! Do you hear that?
430
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:14,334
? I'll take you, Stan! ?
431
00:18:14,336 --> 00:18:16,036
Do you trust me?
432
00:18:16,038 --> 00:18:21,508
? I do ?
433
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:23,510
Let's do this.
434
00:18:25,614 --> 00:18:27,281
- [Crowd booing]
- This ain't cream cheese.
435
00:18:27,283 --> 00:18:29,183
- [Booing gets louder]
- _
436
00:18:29,185 --> 00:18:30,175
Ladies and gentlemen,
437
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:33,987
let's put your lips together
for our moment of silence!
438
00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:36,490
It's gonna go off when
the meter reaches zero.
439
00:18:36,492 --> 00:18:38,325
We can't let the crowd get quiet.
440
00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:39,860
Come on, make some noise!
441
00:18:39,862 --> 00:18:41,528
Johnny Concussion was a bad guy!
442
00:18:41,530 --> 00:18:42,996
I said it!
443
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:45,499
Now yell at me nonstop for,
like, two minutes!
444
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:48,435
- You no good...
- Avery.
445
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:53,340
No, no, no!
446
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:56,443
Say stuff... thoughts and words!
447
00:18:56,445 --> 00:18:58,212
[Squawking]
448
00:18:58,214 --> 00:19:00,147
Um, uh!
449
00:19:00,149 --> 00:19:02,749
Ben is one of the all-time
greatest bachelors.
450
00:19:02,751 --> 00:19:05,018
He's on the Mount Rushmore
of Bachelor Nation.
451
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:07,488
And in the produce section,
you'll find onion,
452
00:19:07,490 --> 00:19:09,656
banana, blueberry,
strawberry, Halle Berry.
453
00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:11,625
Oh, oh, Halle Berry, Phylicia Rashad,
454
00:19:11,627 --> 00:19:14,127
Esther Rolle, Mo'Nique,
Viola Davis, Gabrielle Union,
455
00:19:14,129 --> 00:19:16,697
Jurnee Smollett-Bell,
Regina King, Ruby Dandridge,
456
00:19:16,699 --> 00:19:18,298
Ruby Dee, Tia Mowry, Tamera Mowry,
457
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:21,134
the mom from "Family Matters"
who never anticipated Urkel.
458
00:19:21,136 --> 00:19:23,103
Urkel, Urkel, Urkel!
Urkel, Urkel, Urkel!
459
00:19:23,105 --> 00:19:24,271
Urkel, Urkel!
460
00:19:24,273 --> 00:19:26,373
Oh, my first sexual dream
was about Urkel!
461
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:27,441
Sorry, Dad!
462
00:19:27,443 --> 00:19:28,642
Cookie Crisp!
463
00:19:28,644 --> 00:19:29,843
? A-B-C-D-E-F-G ?
464
00:19:29,845 --> 00:19:31,512
? H-I-J-K Elemeno-P ?
465
00:19:31,514 --> 00:19:32,646
- ? Q-R-S... ?
- [Chuckles]
466
00:19:32,648 --> 00:19:33,981
Dad, stay with me!
467
00:19:33,983 --> 00:19:35,516
We've gotta talk for another 90 seconds.
468
00:19:35,518 --> 00:19:37,084
I know, it's just...
it's just elemeno...
469
00:19:37,086 --> 00:19:38,568
That reminds me of when you were little
470
00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:40,437
and you thought elemeno was one letter.
471
00:19:40,437 --> 00:19:41,680
I remember that!
472
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,257
And when I told you it was four letters,
473
00:19:43,259 --> 00:19:45,259
you thought I was the
smartest man in the world.
474
00:19:45,261 --> 00:19:47,224
It's been a long time since
you thought that about me.
475
00:19:47,224 --> 00:19:48,702
Angela Bassett, Cicely Tyson.
476
00:19:48,702 --> 00:19:50,831
What are you talking about?
I still think you're smart!
477
00:19:50,833 --> 00:19:52,165
? When it's late at night ?
478
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:53,734
? And you want a tasty bite ?
479
00:19:53,736 --> 00:19:55,068
? What are you gonna pick? Hot Pockets ?
480
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:56,937
I don't always feel smart,
but I'm your dad.
481
00:19:56,939 --> 00:19:58,639
So when we talk, I feel pressure,
482
00:19:58,641 --> 00:20:00,741
like I'm still supposed
to be teaching you stuff.
483
00:20:00,743 --> 00:20:02,643
But everything got more complicated
after "elemeno."
484
00:20:02,645 --> 00:20:03,944
And I want to help you,
485
00:20:03,946 --> 00:20:05,646
but I'm afraid I'm getting it wrong...
486
00:20:05,648 --> 00:20:07,114
Or worse,
you're gonna think I'm an idiot.
487
00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:08,181
Stacey Dash!
488
00:20:08,183 --> 00:20:09,650
Can't believe I almost forgot the Dash.
489
00:20:09,652 --> 00:20:10,695
You're not an idiot, Dad.
490
00:20:10,695 --> 00:20:12,129
I thought it was my
fault we didn't talk.
491
00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:13,453
I always worry you won't be interested
492
00:20:13,453 --> 00:20:14,387
in what I have to say.
493
00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:15,861
I mean, you travel the world as a spy,
494
00:20:15,861 --> 00:20:18,926
and I live in my childhood
bedroom with my husband.
495
00:20:18,928 --> 00:20:20,794
Uh! Hattie McDaniel, Cicely Tyson.
496
00:20:20,796 --> 00:20:22,329
I already said Cicely Tyson.
497
00:20:22,331 --> 00:20:23,463
Then Kerry Washington!
498
00:20:23,465 --> 00:20:24,798
If we stop blaming ourselves,
499
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,266
we'll have lots to talk about.
500
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,168
Our shared passion for black actresses
501
00:20:28,170 --> 00:20:30,604
and not blowing up,
and who needs a third thing?
502
00:20:30,606 --> 00:20:32,706
And when it gets quiet between us,
503
00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,484
it doesn't mean it's somebody's fault.
504
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,844
Right. It's not gonna
kill us to sit in silence.
505
00:20:40,137 --> 00:20:41,955
Both: Elemeno, elemeno, Pam Grier!
506
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:42,723
[Buzzer sounds]
507
00:20:42,723 --> 00:20:46,320
This concludes Baby
Bel's moment of silence.
508
00:20:46,322 --> 00:20:49,323
Baby Bel, cheese for your purse.
509
00:20:49,325 --> 00:20:51,058
[Crowd booing]
510
00:20:52,328 --> 00:20:54,628
It's Lee Tran!
511
00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:58,165
She's okay!
512
00:20:58,167 --> 00:21:01,268
I think we're all gonna be okay.
513
00:21:10,546 --> 00:21:14,214
Johnny Concussion always gets up.
514
00:21:14,215 --> 00:21:15,215
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
515
00:21:15,265 --> 00:21:19,815
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