All language subtitles for American Dad s12e12 Bazooka Steve

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,113 --> 00:00:03,148 (Hawaiian music playing) 2 00:00:07,653 --> 00:00:08,887 Banana, Sheriff? 3 00:00:09,021 --> 00:00:10,255 Banana, Sheriff? 4 00:00:10,289 --> 00:00:12,157 How about a banana, Sheriff? 5 00:00:12,191 --> 00:00:15,160 A banana? That does sound good. 6 00:00:15,194 --> 00:00:17,195 What's wrong with my bananas? 7 00:00:19,165 --> 00:00:20,899 Oh. Right. 8 00:00:22,668 --> 00:00:25,136 (gasps) 9 00:00:25,171 --> 00:00:25,737 (blorp!) 10 00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:27,805 Dear God, a suspicious package! 11 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,007 Banana, Sheriff? 12 00:00:29,041 --> 00:00:30,508 Not now, man! 13 00:00:30,543 --> 00:00:32,677 Clear the beach! 14 00:00:34,713 --> 00:00:36,714 Go for bomb unit. 15 00:00:40,219 --> 00:00:42,320 Steady... 16 00:00:42,354 --> 00:00:44,522 Don't rush it. 17 00:00:46,692 --> 00:00:48,860 Damn it, he got spooked! 18 00:00:53,732 --> 00:00:56,367 Phew, just a white devil. 19 00:00:56,402 --> 00:00:59,971 Everyone can go back to handing each other different fruits! 20 00:01:00,005 --> 00:01:02,507 (dramatic music plays) 21 00:01:11,550 --> 00:01:12,750 _ 22 00:01:12,751 --> 00:01:14,152 ROGER: Really? 23 00:01:14,186 --> 00:01:16,221 I mean, what the [bleep] are we doing here? 24 00:01:19,024 --> 00:01:21,492 Good morning, U.S.A. 25 00:01:21,527 --> 00:01:25,363 I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day 26 00:01:25,397 --> 00:01:28,399 The sun in the sky has a smile on his face 27 00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:32,770 And he's shinin' a salute to the American race 28 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,076 Oh, boy, it's swell to say 29 00:01:38,110 --> 00:01:40,545 - Good... - Good morning, U.S.A. 30 00:01:40,579 --> 00:01:41,579 Aah! 31 00:01:42,948 --> 00:01:45,950 Good morning, U.S.A. 32 00:01:46,378 --> 00:01:48,851 _ 33 00:01:48,921 --> 00:01:51,923 I am so jealous you guys are going to the game! 34 00:01:51,957 --> 00:01:55,226 I can't believe the Bazooka Sharks made the playoffs! 35 00:01:55,261 --> 00:01:57,762 That's what the five-week regular season was all about. 36 00:01:57,796 --> 00:01:58,796 3-2, baby! 37 00:01:58,831 --> 00:02:01,199 Sure there's no extra ticket? 38 00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,433 Damn sure... 39 00:02:02,468 --> 00:02:04,369 - that there is one. - What?! 40 00:02:04,403 --> 00:02:06,537 And it's going to my boy, Steve. 41 00:02:06,572 --> 00:02:08,539 Why would you bring me? 42 00:02:08,574 --> 00:02:11,743 Yeah!Nobody loves the 'Zooks more than Klaus! 43 00:02:11,777 --> 00:02:14,212 I bleed silver and ocean lime. 44 00:02:14,246 --> 00:02:15,580 Klaus, you're not coming 45 00:02:15,614 --> 00:02:17,415 because you're wearing a t-shirt jersey. 46 00:02:20,085 --> 00:02:25,123 Oh. The guy at Marshalls said this was the real deal. 47 00:02:25,157 --> 00:02:26,891 Dad, take the fish. 48 00:02:26,925 --> 00:02:29,494 I'm almost through my annual re-read of "The Joy Luck Club." 49 00:02:29,528 --> 00:02:31,429 No, Steve, I need a human torso. 50 00:02:31,463 --> 00:02:32,764 Dick has community service, 51 00:02:32,798 --> 00:02:34,766 so you have to step in as our "A." 52 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,268 "R"? "A"? 53 00:02:37,303 --> 00:02:39,604 What's the team name, the Ragamuffins? 54 00:02:39,638 --> 00:02:41,673 Yeah, Marshalls customer service, please. 55 00:02:41,707 --> 00:02:44,208 It doesn't exist?! 56 00:02:48,314 --> 00:02:50,948 So we're just gonna hang out in the parking lot 57 00:02:50,983 --> 00:02:52,283 for three hours before the game? 58 00:02:52,318 --> 00:02:53,351 No, Steve. 59 00:02:53,385 --> 00:02:55,119 We're also gonna pound Jagerbombs 60 00:02:55,154 --> 00:02:57,488 and maybe get into a fist fight with a middle-aged woman. 61 00:02:57,523 --> 00:02:58,990 It's called tailgating. 62 00:02:59,024 --> 00:03:00,291 Excellent! 63 00:03:00,326 --> 00:03:02,760 You brought the child, as we discussed. 64 00:03:02,795 --> 00:03:04,162 (can rattles) 65 00:03:05,297 --> 00:03:07,265 What are you doing?! Stop it! 66 00:03:07,299 --> 00:03:09,600 Look at that blank canvas. 67 00:03:09,635 --> 00:03:11,102 - Dad? - Wait! 68 00:03:11,136 --> 00:03:13,604 Steve's right. If anyone's gonna spray his "A," 69 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:15,807 it should be his father. 70 00:03:15,841 --> 00:03:19,444 Tickets! Tickets! Need tickets, I got 'em. 71 00:03:19,478 --> 00:03:20,778 Have tickets, I want 'em. 72 00:03:20,813 --> 00:03:22,246 Thanks, Roger, but we're good. 73 00:03:22,246 --> 00:03:24,949 Got a great pair on the 50-yard line, handicapped zone. 74 00:03:24,983 --> 00:03:26,451 Need a wheelchair, I got it. 75 00:03:26,485 --> 00:03:28,019 Have a wheelchair, I want it. 76 00:03:28,053 --> 00:03:30,455 Need a high-protein snack on the go? Try walnuts! 77 00:03:30,489 --> 00:03:31,789 Eh, we're just here for the tailgate. 78 00:03:31,824 --> 00:03:33,157 We don't really care about football. 79 00:03:33,192 --> 00:03:34,826 Oh, I can make you care. 80 00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:36,828 You just need a little skin in the game. 81 00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:38,229 - What? - I'll take that action. 82 00:03:38,263 --> 00:03:40,064 Put you down for a dime on the Sharks. 83 00:03:40,099 --> 00:03:41,399 A dime on the Sharks? 84 00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:42,834 Smart bet. They got a lot of heat 85 00:03:42,868 --> 00:03:44,202 coming out of the regular season. 86 00:03:44,236 --> 00:03:46,871 3-2, baby! 87 00:03:46,905 --> 00:03:48,373 This is gonna be incredible. 88 00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:50,007 Been looking forward to it all week... 89 00:03:50,042 --> 00:03:51,342 The game, not the pee. 90 00:03:51,377 --> 00:03:52,844 I peed a couple days ago. 91 00:03:52,878 --> 00:03:54,379 (zipper zips) 92 00:03:54,413 --> 00:03:57,081 Remember to toss a penny in before you leave. 93 00:03:57,116 --> 00:03:59,217 Ew! That splashed me! 94 00:03:59,251 --> 00:04:01,452 Dude, that's eight months of good luck! 95 00:04:01,487 --> 00:04:03,154 Could you move down a little bit? 96 00:04:03,188 --> 00:04:04,856 Oh, I'm the weirdo. 97 00:04:04,890 --> 00:04:07,892 You haven't peed a drop the whole time I've been watching. 98 00:04:11,152 --> 00:04:12,552 When's the game gonna start? 99 00:04:12,587 --> 00:04:14,921 Not until Sky Crooner says it does. 100 00:04:14,956 --> 00:04:17,224 SKY CROONER: It's game time, honey! 101 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:21,395 I've been waiting all day for Saturday at noon 102 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,629 Whoa! 103 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:25,065 Whoo! Ohh! 104 00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:28,435 Some say the ropes don't keep him from falling to the Earth, 105 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,904 but rather, from flying to the heavens. 106 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,140 Some say. 107 00:04:33,174 --> 00:04:34,741 Take his head off! 108 00:04:34,776 --> 00:04:36,443 - Kill him! - Slit his throat! 109 00:04:43,818 --> 00:04:46,653 That was savage! I-Is he all right?! 110 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:55,862 (cheers and applause) 111 00:04:55,897 --> 00:04:57,464 He's dead?! 112 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,733 Welcome to the Sharks' nest, baby! 113 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,234 Mama, you like this? 114 00:05:01,269 --> 00:05:04,237 Hell, yeah, I like Sharks' ball on the 30. 115 00:05:04,272 --> 00:05:08,642 (crowd chanting) 116 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,645 The Dreyer's Ice Cream-A-Torium? 117 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,280 We get a free scoop at half-time. 118 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,781 The widow picks the flavor. 119 00:05:14,816 --> 00:05:16,550 Here comes Johnny! 120 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:21,655 The quarterback. 121 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:25,625 That's Juan Consuelo, A.K.A. Johnny Concussion. 122 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,360 Without a doubt, the greatest player 123 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:30,297 in arena football history... Probably. 124 00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:32,199 No one keeps records. 125 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,676 (cheers and applause) 126 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,418 Dad, Mr. Concussion isn't moving. 127 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,919 Is he dead, too? 128 00:05:52,954 --> 00:05:54,254 Brain dead, maybe. 129 00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:55,856 Real dead, no way. 130 00:05:55,890 --> 00:05:58,258 Johnny Concussion always gets back up. 131 00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:02,129 ANNOUNCER: Bazooka Sharks fans, looks like Johnny's out cold. 132 00:06:02,163 --> 00:06:05,499 Let's help him shake out those cobwebs! 133 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,702 (upbeat music plays) For goodness sakes 134 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,972 I got the hippy, hippy shakes 135 00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:14,975 Yeah, I got the shakes 136 00:06:15,009 --> 00:06:18,879 I got the hippy, hippy shakes 137 00:06:18,913 --> 00:06:20,747 See? He's totally fine. 138 00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,015 This is barbaric. 139 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,683 And you're cheering for it. 140 00:06:23,718 --> 00:06:25,218 I think I'm gonna be sick. 141 00:06:26,287 --> 00:06:28,688 Do you have something with the essence of ginger 142 00:06:28,723 --> 00:06:31,024 or anything to settle a rumbly tumbly? 143 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,692 I got a 'Zooka Zinger. 144 00:06:32,727 --> 00:06:34,861 That's Goldschlager and Mountain Dew. 145 00:06:34,896 --> 00:06:37,030 Maybe just some nachos. 146 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,566 And take your time, I'm in no rush to... 147 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,201 Johnny Concussion?! 148 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:45,038 Excuse me, young lady, could you point me toward the field? 149 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,240 The field? What... What's wrong with you? 150 00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:48,875 You almost died on the field. 151 00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:50,544 Yeah, the field. 152 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,212 That's where Johnny goes. 153 00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:54,915 Do you have any idea what concussions do to your brain? 154 00:06:54,949 --> 00:06:56,583 They're killing you! 155 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,886 You're looking at me. Am I supposed to do something? 156 00:06:59,921 --> 00:07:01,288 Am I supposed to throw a football? 157 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,428 Johnny! 158 00:07:03,629 --> 00:07:04,629 Where did you go? 159 00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:06,680 Your team needs ya. 160 00:07:06,681 --> 00:07:09,131 Okay, Johnny. You want to get back to the field? 161 00:07:09,299 --> 00:07:10,332 Right through here. 162 00:07:11,748 --> 00:07:14,191 I can't go back without my Johnny. 163 00:07:16,023 --> 00:07:17,534 Anyone care for a nacho? 164 00:07:17,617 --> 00:07:19,151 Oh, Steve, it's terrible! 165 00:07:19,185 --> 00:07:20,819 Johnny Concussion is missing. 166 00:07:20,853 --> 00:07:23,955 Oh, no! They're putting in the backup quarterback, 167 00:07:23,990 --> 00:07:25,824 Donny Forfeit! 168 00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:27,459 Don't do it, Donny! 169 00:07:27,493 --> 00:07:30,796 I got to do it! I don't have a choice! 170 00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:31,997 Red 42. 171 00:07:32,031 --> 00:07:33,532 Omaha! 172 00:07:33,566 --> 00:07:36,468 - (whistle toots) - ANNOUNCER: Sharks forfeit! 173 00:07:36,502 --> 00:07:38,336 Why did we draft him?! 174 00:07:38,371 --> 00:07:40,305 The season's over! 175 00:07:40,339 --> 00:07:42,174 Steve, tell me the truth. 176 00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:44,815 Did they write two letters on me because I'm fat? 177 00:07:47,873 --> 00:07:49,697 Last night after the Pizza Rockets 178 00:07:49,698 --> 00:07:52,467 defeated the Bazooka Sharks, the town of Aberdeen 179 00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:54,269 came together for a night of terrifying, 180 00:07:54,303 --> 00:07:55,770 but well-deserved rioting. 181 00:07:55,804 --> 00:07:57,272 This is shameful. 182 00:07:57,306 --> 00:07:59,641 That should be our elementary school on fire. 183 00:07:59,675 --> 00:08:02,410 I can't believe Johnny Concussion disappeared 184 00:08:02,444 --> 00:08:03,912 in the middle of the game. 185 00:08:03,946 --> 00:08:04,879 Yeah, that's weird. 186 00:08:04,879 --> 00:08:07,248 But it's a mystery we don't have time to solve. 187 00:08:07,283 --> 00:08:09,617 What, with indoor lacrosse season only a month off. 188 00:08:09,652 --> 00:08:11,786 Laser Rats, baby! 189 00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:14,923 I bleed tangerine and razzmatazz-red! 190 00:08:14,957 --> 00:08:16,424 Lacrosse is for girls. 191 00:08:16,458 --> 00:08:17,759 You're a girl. 192 00:08:17,793 --> 00:08:20,128 Look! They found Johnny Concussion! 193 00:08:20,162 --> 00:08:23,464 Johnny, your surprise mid-game retirement shocked everyone. 194 00:08:23,499 --> 00:08:24,933 Take us through your decision. 195 00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:27,435 Honestly, I-I didn't make the decision. 196 00:08:27,469 --> 00:08:29,103 My guardian a-angel did. 197 00:08:29,138 --> 00:08:30,638 Guardian angel? 198 00:08:30,673 --> 00:08:32,140 Oh, yeah. 199 00:08:32,174 --> 00:08:34,375 My angel said concussions were killing me, 200 00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:36,177 and I had to stop playing. 201 00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:39,547 He had angel glasses and a high-pitched angel voice. 202 00:08:39,581 --> 00:08:41,849 (deep-voice) I'm gonna be late for school. 203 00:08:41,884 --> 00:08:44,152 It was this little baby 204 00:08:44,186 --> 00:08:48,022 with a giant "A" painted on his little, baby chest. 205 00:08:49,591 --> 00:08:52,493 So, the hunt is on for Johnny's guardian angel. 206 00:08:52,528 --> 00:08:55,396 Wait, I'm receiving word that it's Steve Smith. 207 00:08:55,431 --> 00:08:56,764 Thanks, Francine! 208 00:08:56,799 --> 00:08:59,467 It's your fault our season's over? 209 00:08:59,501 --> 00:09:00,836 (sobbing) 210 00:09:00,924 --> 00:09:02,603 I just gave him the facts! 211 00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:03,938 You should leave, Steve. 212 00:09:03,973 --> 00:09:05,840 And come back right after school? 213 00:09:05,874 --> 00:09:08,810 'Cause I'll always be loved here? 214 00:09:08,844 --> 00:09:11,646 Hey, Steve? Since I'll never see your bitch ass again, 215 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,348 I might as well tell you. 216 00:09:13,382 --> 00:09:17,318 I'm the one who snaked all your Kit-Kats last Halloween. 217 00:09:17,353 --> 00:09:20,321 (gasps) 218 00:09:20,356 --> 00:09:21,656 (crunches) 219 00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:23,157 (coughs) 220 00:09:23,192 --> 00:09:24,993 I'm choking! 221 00:09:25,027 --> 00:09:30,331 Steve, my dearest friend, you must save me! 222 00:09:30,366 --> 00:09:33,067 In a school fire, you got to know what you want, 223 00:09:33,102 --> 00:09:35,336 'cause the clock is ticking, but I nailed it. 224 00:09:35,371 --> 00:09:36,838 I got an overheard projector, 225 00:09:36,872 --> 00:09:38,906 a hand turkey by Emily C., 226 00:09:38,941 --> 00:09:41,876 and two dozen smoke-damaged copies of "Hatchet." 227 00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:44,078 You were a part of those riots in Aberdeen? 228 00:09:44,113 --> 00:09:46,547 A part? How dare you?! 229 00:09:46,582 --> 00:09:48,616 I picked the targets, I set the fires... 230 00:09:48,650 --> 00:09:50,118 I was an integral part! 231 00:09:50,152 --> 00:09:52,587 Oh, okay, yeah, I was a part, but I was excited. 232 00:09:52,621 --> 00:09:54,956 It's not every day you win a big sports bet. 233 00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:57,091 Oh, right. I owe you a dime. 234 00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:58,593 Just grab it out of the change bowl. 235 00:09:58,627 --> 00:10:00,928 Is there a thousand dollars cash in that bowl, 236 00:10:00,963 --> 00:10:03,431 'cause that's what a dime is in gambler's lingo. 237 00:10:03,465 --> 00:10:04,732 Who knows that?! 238 00:10:04,767 --> 00:10:06,467 Everyone knows that, babe. 239 00:10:06,502 --> 00:10:08,403 I thought you were crazy to make that bet. 240 00:10:08,437 --> 00:10:09,971 I almost said something. 241 00:10:10,005 --> 00:10:12,106 I'll never be able to pay you a thousand dollars. 242 00:10:12,141 --> 00:10:14,142 Sure you will. And here's how. 243 00:10:14,176 --> 00:10:16,778 Whoa! We were just in the kitchen! 244 00:10:16,812 --> 00:10:19,113 You put a taxi meter in my car?! 245 00:10:19,148 --> 00:10:21,783 Yep, and you're gonna pay me back for that, too. 246 00:10:21,817 --> 00:10:24,652 But... I don't want to be a cab driver. 247 00:10:24,686 --> 00:10:26,187 If it makes you feel any better, 248 00:10:26,221 --> 00:10:29,957 behind the wheel of every taxi is a sad, confused person 249 00:10:29,992 --> 00:10:32,660 who was tricked into a bet they didn't understand. 250 00:10:32,694 --> 00:10:34,328 You're on the clock for the next 10 hours. 251 00:10:34,363 --> 00:10:37,298 Here's a pee cup and some rigatoni I made last week. 252 00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:38,966 I would try to eat it today. 253 00:10:39,001 --> 00:10:41,502 There's no visible mold, but things are happening. 254 00:10:41,906 --> 00:10:43,897 _ 255 00:10:44,907 --> 00:10:46,407 Sorry I'm late. 256 00:10:46,442 --> 00:10:48,376 A principal in a Bazooka Sharks jersey 257 00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:51,012 stopped me in the hall, ate my entire bag lunch, 258 00:10:51,046 --> 00:10:53,281 and then told me my mama's cooking sucks. 259 00:10:56,218 --> 00:10:58,186 Things are getting a little hot for me, boys. 260 00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:00,021 But as long as we all stick together, 261 00:11:00,055 --> 00:11:02,190 you'll be able to absorb some of that heat. 262 00:11:02,224 --> 00:11:03,791 - Follow me? - I don't think so. 263 00:11:03,826 --> 00:11:05,359 I said it in a weird way. 264 00:11:05,394 --> 00:11:08,162 Picture this... The whole town is freezing me out, boys. 265 00:11:08,197 --> 00:11:09,697 We can't help you, Steve! 266 00:11:09,731 --> 00:11:12,700 - We're huge Johnny Concussion fans! - What?! 267 00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:15,036 Johnny has a half-Asian girlfriend, 268 00:11:15,070 --> 00:11:17,138 and I respect the hell out of that. 269 00:11:17,586 --> 00:11:19,232 _ 270 00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:21,885 _ 271 00:11:22,211 --> 00:11:24,545 The dad is Asian, Steve. 272 00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:26,380 Do you understand that?! 273 00:11:27,783 --> 00:11:31,018 Is this the girlfriend's parents' wedding photo? 274 00:11:31,053 --> 00:11:32,854 I mean, is it sold in stores? 275 00:11:32,888 --> 00:11:34,388 This is the dad. 276 00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:36,791 _ 277 00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:38,359 Here we are at the museum. 278 00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,261 - Wonderful! - And you owe me... 279 00:11:40,295 --> 00:11:41,696 nothing for the ride, 280 00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:43,030 since you won't let me turn the meter on. 281 00:11:43,065 --> 00:11:44,065 Right, right, right, right, right. 282 00:11:44,099 --> 00:11:45,533 You need paying customers 283 00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:47,235 to pay me back, right. Obviously. 284 00:11:47,269 --> 00:11:50,104 I'll get out of your hair. 285 00:11:50,139 --> 00:11:52,640 - 138 and Lex. - _ 286 00:11:52,674 --> 00:11:55,076 (sighs) 287 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:57,712 So, you drive a cab, huh? That's cool. 288 00:11:57,746 --> 00:11:59,413 I love to dance. 289 00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:01,516 I love to feel people's eyes on me. 290 00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:03,718 I had a little bit to drink tonight. 291 00:12:03,752 --> 00:12:05,553 Ahh! 292 00:12:05,587 --> 00:12:07,388 Long Island ice teas, right? 293 00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:10,358 They're so sweet, but the boys keep buying them for me. 294 00:12:10,392 --> 00:12:12,860 If my fianc? knew, he'd kill all of them. 295 00:12:12,895 --> 00:12:14,762 He's Dominican. He's crazy. 296 00:12:14,796 --> 00:12:16,063 The sex is good, though. 297 00:12:16,098 --> 00:12:18,733 He calls me his little Chihuahua. 298 00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:22,403 When I was a kid, my dad beat the shit out of me. 299 00:12:25,274 --> 00:12:26,574 Hey, thanks for reaching out to us. 300 00:12:26,608 --> 00:12:27,730 Happy to have you on our show. 301 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:30,578 Well, I just wanted a chance to tell my side of the story. 302 00:12:30,612 --> 00:12:32,580 I think you're doing the right thing. 303 00:12:32,614 --> 00:12:35,816 Welcome back to The Fist, Langley's home for sports radio, 304 00:12:35,851 --> 00:12:37,485 where I'm joined by Steve Smith, 305 00:12:37,519 --> 00:12:39,587 the little bastard who tricked Johnny Concussion 306 00:12:39,621 --> 00:12:41,255 - into retiring. - Oh, what?! 307 00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,424 Can you pinpoint the exact moment 308 00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:46,260 you decided to destroy the very fabric of this community? 309 00:12:46,295 --> 00:12:47,995 I wasn't trying to destroy anything. 310 00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:50,264 He was wandering around in a daze. 311 00:12:50,299 --> 00:12:52,300 - Because you drugged him. - No! 312 00:12:52,334 --> 00:12:53,668 I didn't give Johnny any drugs! 313 00:12:53,702 --> 00:12:55,670 Because you needed them all for yourself. 314 00:12:55,704 --> 00:12:57,405 If you're just joining us, Steve Smith is here, 315 00:12:57,439 --> 00:12:58,739 and he's high on the drugs 316 00:12:58,774 --> 00:13:00,942 he was planning to use on Johnny Concussion. 317 00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:02,743 None of that is true! 318 00:13:02,778 --> 00:13:05,079 I just helped a guy who was in bad shape! 319 00:13:05,113 --> 00:13:06,914 Any decent person would have done it! 320 00:13:06,949 --> 00:13:09,317 Mike in Lanceston, what's your two cents? 321 00:13:09,351 --> 00:13:11,986 MIKE: Uh, yeah, I think it's too bad the boy's on drugs, 322 00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:14,655 'cause I want him to feel what I'm gonna do to him. 323 00:13:14,690 --> 00:13:16,324 Strong take, Mike. Stay on the line, 324 00:13:16,358 --> 00:13:18,659 we're gonna hook you up with some Laser Rats tickets. 325 00:13:18,694 --> 00:13:20,928 Oh, my God! I'm going to the Rat Hive! 326 00:13:20,963 --> 00:13:23,164 Randy, what do you think of Steve Smith? 327 00:13:23,198 --> 00:13:24,632 Hate him. Want to murder him. 328 00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:26,267 (chuckling nervously) No one needs to die. 329 00:13:26,301 --> 00:13:29,170 Not me, not Johnny. It's just a game! 330 00:13:29,204 --> 00:13:31,205 Just a game? Really? 331 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,474 Was World War II just a game? 332 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:35,009 My grandfather was born in the '40s, 333 00:13:35,043 --> 00:13:37,645 so I find what you're suggesting deeply offensive. 334 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:39,680 Caller, can you reason with this animal? 335 00:13:39,715 --> 00:13:41,716 FRANCINE: Steve Smith is a scumbag! 336 00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,484 - Mom? - (dial tone) 337 00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:46,520 I'm done! This town has gone completely insane! 338 00:13:46,555 --> 00:13:49,490 If anyone wants to continue the conversation, 339 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,859 Steve will be leaving by our southeast exit 340 00:13:51,893 --> 00:13:53,661 - in about 30 seconds. - Hurry up! 341 00:13:53,695 --> 00:13:55,162 Where am I gonna go? Where am I gonna go?! 342 00:13:55,197 --> 00:13:57,098 (crowd yelling indistinctly) 343 00:13:57,132 --> 00:13:58,833 - (horns honking) - Me, too! 344 00:14:02,137 --> 00:14:04,705 That's the boy we agreed to kill! 345 00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:06,307 Aah! 346 00:14:06,341 --> 00:14:09,343 347 00:14:15,017 --> 00:14:16,817 Dad! 348 00:14:16,852 --> 00:14:19,353 Drive the boy towards me! 349 00:14:19,388 --> 00:14:21,355 CROWD: Kill! Kill! 350 00:14:23,725 --> 00:14:25,559 It's fine. First time throwing a bolo, 351 00:14:25,594 --> 00:14:27,328 not gonna beat myself up for missing. 352 00:14:27,362 --> 00:14:29,096 It's important to try new weapons. 353 00:14:35,037 --> 00:14:36,037 (sighs) 354 00:14:36,071 --> 00:14:37,438 Can I help you? 355 00:14:37,472 --> 00:14:38,706 Is it possible to mail a human 356 00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:40,274 to the other side of the world? 357 00:14:40,309 --> 00:14:42,209 It is the policy of Packages Etc. 358 00:14:42,244 --> 00:14:43,911 to not ship humans. 359 00:14:43,945 --> 00:14:45,613 But since you are not human, 360 00:14:45,647 --> 00:14:47,248 but in fact, human garbage, 361 00:14:47,282 --> 00:14:49,383 I'd love to put you in a box. 362 00:14:49,418 --> 00:14:51,285 All right, you said your piece. Just ship me. 363 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,887 How does overnight sound? 364 00:14:52,921 --> 00:14:55,222 Probably my best chance of getting there alive. 365 00:14:55,257 --> 00:14:56,791 Well, that's not how you're going. 366 00:14:58,039 --> 00:14:59,962 _ 367 00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:04,532 Phew! Just a white devil. 368 00:15:04,566 --> 00:15:07,702 Everyone can go back to handing each other different fruits! 369 00:15:07,736 --> 00:15:09,503 STEVE: Okay, Steve, 370 00:15:09,538 --> 00:15:13,207 this is your only chance to make a first impression. 371 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:16,744 (as Rip Taylor) I'm here! 372 00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,925 Where are you from, Box Boy? 373 00:15:22,009 --> 00:15:25,645 I come from a land far, far away, 374 00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:28,615 many moons across the great sea. 375 00:15:28,649 --> 00:15:31,317 A place called America. 376 00:15:31,352 --> 00:15:33,253 I know where the United States is. 377 00:15:33,287 --> 00:15:34,821 We're not primitives. 378 00:15:34,855 --> 00:15:36,923 Oh, you'll needed to get fitted for a dick pouch. 379 00:15:36,957 --> 00:15:40,093 No need. I'm exactly the size of a "C" battery. 380 00:15:40,127 --> 00:15:41,694 Boy, this is great! 381 00:15:41,729 --> 00:15:44,330 I'm getting away from a very fraught situation, 382 00:15:44,365 --> 00:15:47,534 so chilling out and enjoying a little island life 383 00:15:47,568 --> 00:15:49,002 is just what I need. 384 00:15:49,036 --> 00:15:51,738 On this island, everybody works! 385 00:15:54,508 --> 00:15:55,975 Baskets. 386 00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:57,744 Hmm. 387 00:15:57,778 --> 00:16:00,079 So what am I, the distribution guy? 388 00:16:00,114 --> 00:16:01,247 Get them into stores? 389 00:16:01,282 --> 00:16:02,982 No, no, you make the baskets. 390 00:16:03,017 --> 00:16:04,751 I don't have any training. 391 00:16:04,785 --> 00:16:06,753 I'm still kind of a little boy. 392 00:16:06,787 --> 00:16:07,954 Come on. It's easy. 393 00:16:07,988 --> 00:16:10,356 Over, under, over, under. 394 00:16:15,029 --> 00:16:16,829 395 00:16:16,864 --> 00:16:21,301 Over and over and over and over and over 396 00:16:21,335 --> 00:16:25,038 Like a monkey with a miniature cymbal 397 00:16:25,072 --> 00:16:28,841 The joy of repetition really is in you 398 00:16:32,846 --> 00:16:37,016 Under and under and under and under and under 399 00:16:37,051 --> 00:16:41,154 The smell of repetition really is on you 400 00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:44,591 And when I feel this way, I really am with you 401 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,595 (sighs) Finished. 402 00:16:49,897 --> 00:16:54,100 Hmm. If I could give you some criticism, it's a little small. 403 00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:55,868 Also, it took you three months. 404 00:16:55,903 --> 00:16:57,971 Oh, while I got you here, Magunga, 405 00:16:58,005 --> 00:17:00,306 I wanted to put in a vacation request. 406 00:17:00,341 --> 00:17:02,175 Oh, when were you thinking? 407 00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:04,644 Any couple of days within the next... 408 00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:06,045 Can't do it. 409 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,581 (slow, jazzy saxophone plays) 410 00:17:12,086 --> 00:17:14,721 HAYLEY: I hadn't seen my brother in months. 411 00:17:14,755 --> 00:17:16,889 Almost forgotten his face. 412 00:17:16,924 --> 00:17:19,058 The streets were becoming my brother. 413 00:17:19,093 --> 00:17:20,994 ROGER: Hayley, you paid me off two days ago. 414 00:17:21,028 --> 00:17:22,195 You don't have to keep dr... 415 00:17:22,229 --> 00:17:24,530 But I did have to keep driving. 416 00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:26,432 Because as I was saying, 417 00:17:26,467 --> 00:17:28,701 the streets were becoming my brother. 418 00:17:28,736 --> 00:17:30,403 ROGER: It had been days 419 00:17:30,437 --> 00:17:33,773 since Hayley watched "Master Chef Jr" with me. 420 00:17:33,807 --> 00:17:35,875 I told her I'd wait for her, 421 00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:38,044 but I didn't. I couldn't. 422 00:17:38,078 --> 00:17:40,079 Peyton made a souffle. 423 00:17:40,114 --> 00:17:42,282 Eight years old, making a souffle. 424 00:17:42,316 --> 00:17:44,117 Imagine that. 425 00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,558 Okay, can I just say something? 426 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,161 I know one of you ate my fish, 427 00:17:55,195 --> 00:17:56,763 and it's bumming me out a little bit 428 00:17:56,797 --> 00:17:58,031 because I wrote my name... 429 00:17:58,065 --> 00:17:59,699 (rumbling) 430 00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:03,069 Oh, I just bent a reed on my base stitch. 431 00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:05,238 Is it me, or is management giving us 432 00:18:05,272 --> 00:18:07,040 a lot of dry reeds lately? 433 00:18:07,074 --> 00:18:09,442 Forget work! The volcano's active! 434 00:18:09,476 --> 00:18:12,461 Oh, will it kill us all? That might be nice. 435 00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,615 If you're looking to sacrifice a virgin, 436 00:18:15,649 --> 00:18:17,250 your prayers have been answered. 437 00:18:17,284 --> 00:18:19,252 No, it's boulder-pushing season. 438 00:18:19,286 --> 00:18:22,422 Every time the volcano erupts, each village sends 439 00:18:22,456 --> 00:18:27,293 the strongest man, and they race to push a boulder into it. 440 00:18:27,328 --> 00:18:29,128 Does that, like, stop it from exploding? 441 00:18:29,163 --> 00:18:30,663 No, it's just fun! 442 00:18:30,698 --> 00:18:32,632 Micah's from our village. 443 00:18:32,966 --> 00:18:35,301 (cheers) 444 00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:37,270 Hey, I've seen him around. 445 00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:38,805 I'm Team Micah! 446 00:18:38,839 --> 00:18:41,174 (horn blows) 447 00:18:43,844 --> 00:18:46,346 (drums beating) 448 00:18:53,153 --> 00:18:55,788 Wow! The volcano is so steep! 449 00:18:55,823 --> 00:18:57,724 I can't believe how strong they are. 450 00:18:57,758 --> 00:18:59,926 Uh-oh! Our boy's in trouble. 451 00:19:06,033 --> 00:19:08,267 - (bones crunch) - Aah! 452 00:19:08,302 --> 00:19:09,469 Oh, no! 453 00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:11,604 (grunting) 454 00:19:11,638 --> 00:19:12,939 Aah! 455 00:19:12,973 --> 00:19:15,141 Yeah, Micah! Kill him! 456 00:19:17,878 --> 00:19:20,179 (grunting) 457 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,488 (laughs) 458 00:19:28,522 --> 00:19:31,124 We did it! We won! 459 00:19:31,158 --> 00:19:32,825 Look how excited everyone is. 460 00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:35,995 And why? 'Cause they're not basket-weaving. 461 00:19:36,029 --> 00:19:38,364 I get it now. 462 00:19:38,399 --> 00:19:41,501 People spend all day at work. 463 00:19:41,535 --> 00:19:46,005 The daily grind, the rat race, the old punch-in, punch-out. 464 00:19:46,039 --> 00:19:49,409 And the only relief is the promise of the weekend. 465 00:19:49,443 --> 00:19:51,844 When you get together with your sad friends, 466 00:19:51,879 --> 00:19:54,514 numb yourself with enough vodka to kill a horse, 467 00:19:54,548 --> 00:19:57,049 and watch an athlete do the physically impossible 468 00:19:57,084 --> 00:20:00,086 or get gravely injured trying. 469 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,522 And that's where you come in, Johnny Concussion. 470 00:20:02,556 --> 00:20:04,557 Will you strap on the pads again? 471 00:20:04,591 --> 00:20:07,026 Be the shiny something that distracts us 472 00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:08,428 from our crappy lives? 473 00:20:10,097 --> 00:20:13,332 JOHNNY: They tell me that's the ball from my first touchdown. 474 00:20:14,768 --> 00:20:17,136 Okay, kid, I'll do it. 475 00:20:17,171 --> 00:20:19,405 But what about my dead brain? 476 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,007 Okay, kid, I'll do it. 477 00:20:22,443 --> 00:20:24,177 That's my Johnny! 478 00:20:26,613 --> 00:20:29,081 ANNOUNCER: Another late hit! 479 00:20:29,116 --> 00:20:32,785 Johnny really has 'em frustrated. 480 00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:35,488 You did a good thing getting Johnny back on the field, Steve. 481 00:20:35,522 --> 00:20:36,956 Thanks, Dad. 482 00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:40,293 - And I'm sorry your job makes you so sad. - What? 483 00:20:40,327 --> 00:20:42,195 SKY CROONER: You shake it to the left 484 00:20:42,229 --> 00:20:43,796 You shake it to the right 485 00:20:43,831 --> 00:20:45,198 My wife, she caught me cheating 486 00:20:45,232 --> 00:20:46,632 Now I sleep here at night 487 00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,968 Ooh, yeah 488 00:20:49,002 --> 00:20:51,471 Inside the jumbotron 489 00:20:51,505 --> 00:20:53,840 Hoo, wa-wa-whoo! 490 00:20:55,109 --> 00:20:57,143 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 491 00:20:57,193 --> 00:21:01,743 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35201

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