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1
00:00:01,113 --> 00:00:03,148
(Hawaiian music playing)
2
00:00:07,653 --> 00:00:08,887
Banana, Sheriff?
3
00:00:09,021 --> 00:00:10,255
Banana, Sheriff?
4
00:00:10,289 --> 00:00:12,157
How about a banana, Sheriff?
5
00:00:12,191 --> 00:00:15,160
A banana? That does sound good.
6
00:00:15,194 --> 00:00:17,195
What's wrong with my bananas?
7
00:00:19,165 --> 00:00:20,899
Oh. Right.
8
00:00:22,668 --> 00:00:25,136
(gasps)
9
00:00:25,171 --> 00:00:25,737
(blorp!)
10
00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:27,805
Dear God, a suspicious package!
11
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,007
Banana, Sheriff?
12
00:00:29,041 --> 00:00:30,508
Not now, man!
13
00:00:30,543 --> 00:00:32,677
Clear the beach!
14
00:00:34,713 --> 00:00:36,714
Go for bomb unit.
15
00:00:40,219 --> 00:00:42,320
Steady...
16
00:00:42,354 --> 00:00:44,522
Don't rush it.
17
00:00:46,692 --> 00:00:48,860
Damn it, he got spooked!
18
00:00:53,732 --> 00:00:56,367
Phew, just a white devil.
19
00:00:56,402 --> 00:00:59,971
Everyone can go back to handing
each other different fruits!
20
00:01:00,005 --> 00:01:02,507
(dramatic music plays)
21
00:01:11,550 --> 00:01:12,750
_
22
00:01:12,751 --> 00:01:14,152
ROGER: Really?
23
00:01:14,186 --> 00:01:16,221
I mean, what the [bleep]
are we doing here?
24
00:01:19,024 --> 00:01:21,492
Good morning, U.S.A.
25
00:01:21,527 --> 00:01:25,363
I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day
26
00:01:25,397 --> 00:01:28,399
The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face
27
00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:32,770
And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race
28
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,076
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
29
00:01:38,110 --> 00:01:40,545
-
Good...
-
Good morning, U.S.A.
30
00:01:40,579 --> 00:01:41,579
Aah!
31
00:01:42,948 --> 00:01:45,950
Good morning, U.S.A.
32
00:01:46,378 --> 00:01:48,851
_
33
00:01:48,921 --> 00:01:51,923
I am so jealous you guys
are going to the game!
34
00:01:51,957 --> 00:01:55,226
I can't believe the Bazooka
Sharks made the playoffs!
35
00:01:55,261 --> 00:01:57,762
That's what the five-week
regular season was all about.
36
00:01:57,796 --> 00:01:58,796
3-2, baby!
37
00:01:58,831 --> 00:02:01,199
Sure there's no extra ticket?
38
00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,433
Damn sure...
39
00:02:02,468 --> 00:02:04,369
- that there is one.
- What?!
40
00:02:04,403 --> 00:02:06,537
And it's going to my boy, Steve.
41
00:02:06,572 --> 00:02:08,539
Why would you bring me?
42
00:02:08,574 --> 00:02:11,743
Yeah!Nobody loves
the 'Zooks more than Klaus!
43
00:02:11,777 --> 00:02:14,212
I bleed silver and ocean lime.
44
00:02:14,246 --> 00:02:15,580
Klaus, you're not coming
45
00:02:15,614 --> 00:02:17,415
because you're wearing a t-shirt jersey.
46
00:02:20,085 --> 00:02:25,123
Oh. The guy at Marshalls
said this was the real deal.
47
00:02:25,157 --> 00:02:26,891
Dad, take the fish.
48
00:02:26,925 --> 00:02:29,494
I'm almost through my annual
re-read of "The Joy Luck Club."
49
00:02:29,528 --> 00:02:31,429
No, Steve, I need a human torso.
50
00:02:31,463 --> 00:02:32,764
Dick has community service,
51
00:02:32,798 --> 00:02:34,766
so you have to step in as our "A."
52
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,268
"R"? "A"?
53
00:02:37,303 --> 00:02:39,604
What's the team name, the Ragamuffins?
54
00:02:39,638 --> 00:02:41,673
Yeah, Marshalls customer service,
please.
55
00:02:41,707 --> 00:02:44,208
It doesn't exist?!
56
00:02:48,314 --> 00:02:50,948
So we're just gonna hang
out in the parking lot
57
00:02:50,983 --> 00:02:52,283
for three hours before the game?
58
00:02:52,318 --> 00:02:53,351
No, Steve.
59
00:02:53,385 --> 00:02:55,119
We're also gonna pound Jagerbombs
60
00:02:55,154 --> 00:02:57,488
and maybe get into a fist fight
with a middle-aged woman.
61
00:02:57,523 --> 00:02:58,990
It's called tailgating.
62
00:02:59,024 --> 00:03:00,291
Excellent!
63
00:03:00,326 --> 00:03:02,760
You brought the child, as we discussed.
64
00:03:02,795 --> 00:03:04,162
(can rattles)
65
00:03:05,297 --> 00:03:07,265
What are you doing?! Stop it!
66
00:03:07,299 --> 00:03:09,600
Look at that blank canvas.
67
00:03:09,635 --> 00:03:11,102
- Dad?
- Wait!
68
00:03:11,136 --> 00:03:13,604
Steve's right.
If anyone's gonna spray his "A,"
69
00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:15,807
it should be his father.
70
00:03:15,841 --> 00:03:19,444
Tickets! Tickets!
Need tickets, I got 'em.
71
00:03:19,478 --> 00:03:20,778
Have tickets, I want 'em.
72
00:03:20,813 --> 00:03:22,246
Thanks, Roger, but we're good.
73
00:03:22,246 --> 00:03:24,949
Got a great pair on the 50-yard line,
handicapped zone.
74
00:03:24,983 --> 00:03:26,451
Need a wheelchair, I got it.
75
00:03:26,485 --> 00:03:28,019
Have a wheelchair, I want it.
76
00:03:28,053 --> 00:03:30,455
Need a high-protein snack on the go?
Try walnuts!
77
00:03:30,489 --> 00:03:31,789
Eh, we're just here for the tailgate.
78
00:03:31,824 --> 00:03:33,157
We don't really care about football.
79
00:03:33,192 --> 00:03:34,826
Oh, I can make you care.
80
00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:36,828
You just need a little skin in the game.
81
00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:38,229
- What?
- I'll take that action.
82
00:03:38,263 --> 00:03:40,064
Put you down for a dime on the Sharks.
83
00:03:40,099 --> 00:03:41,399
A dime on the Sharks?
84
00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:42,834
Smart bet. They got a lot of heat
85
00:03:42,868 --> 00:03:44,202
coming out of the regular season.
86
00:03:44,236 --> 00:03:46,871
3-2, baby!
87
00:03:46,905 --> 00:03:48,373
This is gonna be incredible.
88
00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:50,007
Been looking forward to it all week...
89
00:03:50,042 --> 00:03:51,342
The game, not the pee.
90
00:03:51,377 --> 00:03:52,844
I peed a couple days ago.
91
00:03:52,878 --> 00:03:54,379
(zipper zips)
92
00:03:54,413 --> 00:03:57,081
Remember to toss a penny
in before you leave.
93
00:03:57,116 --> 00:03:59,217
Ew! That splashed me!
94
00:03:59,251 --> 00:04:01,452
Dude, that's eight months of good luck!
95
00:04:01,487 --> 00:04:03,154
Could you move down a little bit?
96
00:04:03,188 --> 00:04:04,856
Oh, I'm the weirdo.
97
00:04:04,890 --> 00:04:07,892
You haven't peed a drop the
whole time I've been watching.
98
00:04:11,152 --> 00:04:12,552
When's the game gonna start?
99
00:04:12,587 --> 00:04:14,921
Not until Sky Crooner says it does.
100
00:04:14,956 --> 00:04:17,224
SKY CROONER: It's game time, honey!
101
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:21,395
I've been waiting all
day for Saturday at noon
102
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,629
Whoa!
103
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:25,065
Whoo! Ohh!
104
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:28,435
Some say the ropes don't keep
him from falling to the Earth,
105
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,904
but rather, from flying to the heavens.
106
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,140
Some say.
107
00:04:33,174 --> 00:04:34,741
Take his head off!
108
00:04:34,776 --> 00:04:36,443
- Kill him!
- Slit his throat!
109
00:04:43,818 --> 00:04:46,653
That was savage! I-Is he all right?!
110
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:55,862
(cheers and applause)
111
00:04:55,897 --> 00:04:57,464
He's dead?!
112
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,733
Welcome to the Sharks' nest, baby!
113
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,234
Mama, you like this?
114
00:05:01,269 --> 00:05:04,237
Hell, yeah,
I like Sharks' ball on the 30.
115
00:05:04,272 --> 00:05:08,642
(crowd chanting)
116
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,645
The Dreyer's Ice Cream-A-Torium?
117
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,280
We get a free scoop at half-time.
118
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,781
The widow picks the flavor.
119
00:05:14,816 --> 00:05:16,550
Here comes Johnny!
120
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:21,655
The quarterback.
121
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:25,625
That's Juan Consuelo,
A.K.A. Johnny Concussion.
122
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,360
Without a doubt, the greatest player
123
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:30,297
in arena football history... Probably.
124
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:32,199
No one keeps records.
125
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,676
(cheers and applause)
126
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,418
Dad, Mr. Concussion isn't moving.
127
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,919
Is he dead, too?
128
00:05:52,954 --> 00:05:54,254
Brain dead, maybe.
129
00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:55,856
Real dead, no way.
130
00:05:55,890 --> 00:05:58,258
Johnny Concussion always gets back up.
131
00:05:58,292 --> 00:06:02,129
ANNOUNCER: Bazooka Sharks fans,
looks like Johnny's out cold.
132
00:06:02,163 --> 00:06:05,499
Let's help him shake out those cobwebs!
133
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:08,702
(upbeat music plays)
For goodness sakes
134
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,972
I got the hippy, hippy shakes
135
00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:14,975
Yeah, I got the shakes
136
00:06:15,009 --> 00:06:18,879
I got the hippy, hippy shakes
137
00:06:18,913 --> 00:06:20,747
See? He's totally fine.
138
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,015
This is barbaric.
139
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,683
And you're cheering for it.
140
00:06:23,718 --> 00:06:25,218
I think I'm gonna be sick.
141
00:06:26,287 --> 00:06:28,688
Do you have something
with the essence of ginger
142
00:06:28,723 --> 00:06:31,024
or anything to settle a rumbly tumbly?
143
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,692
I got a 'Zooka Zinger.
144
00:06:32,727 --> 00:06:34,861
That's Goldschlager and Mountain Dew.
145
00:06:34,896 --> 00:06:37,030
Maybe just some nachos.
146
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,566
And take your time, I'm in no rush to...
147
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,201
Johnny Concussion?!
148
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:45,038
Excuse me, young lady,
could you point me toward the field?
149
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,240
The field?
What... What's wrong with you?
150
00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:48,875
You almost died on the field.
151
00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:50,544
Yeah, the field.
152
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,212
That's where Johnny goes.
153
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:54,915
Do you have any idea what
concussions do to your brain?
154
00:06:54,949 --> 00:06:56,583
They're killing you!
155
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,886
You're looking at me.
Am I supposed to do something?
156
00:06:59,921 --> 00:07:01,288
Am I supposed to throw a football?
157
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,428
Johnny!
158
00:07:03,629 --> 00:07:04,629
Where did you go?
159
00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:06,680
Your team needs ya.
160
00:07:06,681 --> 00:07:09,131
Okay, Johnny. You want
to get back to the field?
161
00:07:09,299 --> 00:07:10,332
Right through here.
162
00:07:11,748 --> 00:07:14,191
I can't go back without my Johnny.
163
00:07:16,023 --> 00:07:17,534
Anyone care for a nacho?
164
00:07:17,617 --> 00:07:19,151
Oh, Steve, it's terrible!
165
00:07:19,185 --> 00:07:20,819
Johnny Concussion is missing.
166
00:07:20,853 --> 00:07:23,955
Oh, no! They're putting
in the backup quarterback,
167
00:07:23,990 --> 00:07:25,824
Donny Forfeit!
168
00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:27,459
Don't do it, Donny!
169
00:07:27,493 --> 00:07:30,796
I got to do it! I don't have a choice!
170
00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:31,997
Red 42.
171
00:07:32,031 --> 00:07:33,532
Omaha!
172
00:07:33,566 --> 00:07:36,468
- (whistle toots)
- ANNOUNCER: Sharks forfeit!
173
00:07:36,502 --> 00:07:38,336
Why did we draft him?!
174
00:07:38,371 --> 00:07:40,305
The season's over!
175
00:07:40,339 --> 00:07:42,174
Steve, tell me the truth.
176
00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:44,815
Did they write two letters
on me because I'm fat?
177
00:07:47,873 --> 00:07:49,697
Last night after the Pizza Rockets
178
00:07:49,698 --> 00:07:52,467
defeated the Bazooka Sharks,
the town of Aberdeen
179
00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:54,269
came together for a night of terrifying,
180
00:07:54,303 --> 00:07:55,770
but well-deserved rioting.
181
00:07:55,804 --> 00:07:57,272
This is shameful.
182
00:07:57,306 --> 00:07:59,641
That should be our
elementary school on fire.
183
00:07:59,675 --> 00:08:02,410
I can't believe Johnny
Concussion disappeared
184
00:08:02,444 --> 00:08:03,912
in the middle of the game.
185
00:08:03,946 --> 00:08:04,879
Yeah, that's weird.
186
00:08:04,879 --> 00:08:07,248
But it's a mystery we
don't have time to solve.
187
00:08:07,283 --> 00:08:09,617
What, with indoor lacrosse
season only a month off.
188
00:08:09,652 --> 00:08:11,786
Laser Rats, baby!
189
00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:14,923
I bleed tangerine and razzmatazz-red!
190
00:08:14,957 --> 00:08:16,424
Lacrosse is for girls.
191
00:08:16,458 --> 00:08:17,759
You're a girl.
192
00:08:17,793 --> 00:08:20,128
Look! They found Johnny Concussion!
193
00:08:20,162 --> 00:08:23,464
Johnny, your surprise mid-game
retirement shocked everyone.
194
00:08:23,499 --> 00:08:24,933
Take us through your decision.
195
00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:27,435
Honestly, I-I didn't make the decision.
196
00:08:27,469 --> 00:08:29,103
My guardian a-angel did.
197
00:08:29,138 --> 00:08:30,638
Guardian angel?
198
00:08:30,673 --> 00:08:32,140
Oh, yeah.
199
00:08:32,174 --> 00:08:34,375
My angel said concussions
were killing me,
200
00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:36,177
and I had to stop playing.
201
00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:39,547
He had angel glasses and a
high-pitched angel voice.
202
00:08:39,581 --> 00:08:41,849
(deep-voice) I'm gonna
be late for school.
203
00:08:41,884 --> 00:08:44,152
It was this little baby
204
00:08:44,186 --> 00:08:48,022
with a giant "A" painted
on his little, baby chest.
205
00:08:49,591 --> 00:08:52,493
So, the hunt is on for
Johnny's guardian angel.
206
00:08:52,528 --> 00:08:55,396
Wait, I'm receiving word
that it's Steve Smith.
207
00:08:55,431 --> 00:08:56,764
Thanks, Francine!
208
00:08:56,799 --> 00:08:59,467
It's your fault our season's over?
209
00:08:59,501 --> 00:09:00,836
(sobbing)
210
00:09:00,924 --> 00:09:02,603
I just gave him the facts!
211
00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:03,938
You should leave, Steve.
212
00:09:03,973 --> 00:09:05,840
And come back right after school?
213
00:09:05,874 --> 00:09:08,810
'Cause I'll always be loved here?
214
00:09:08,844 --> 00:09:11,646
Hey, Steve? Since I'll never
see your bitch ass again,
215
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,348
I might as well tell you.
216
00:09:13,382 --> 00:09:17,318
I'm the one who snaked all
your Kit-Kats last Halloween.
217
00:09:17,353 --> 00:09:20,321
(gasps)
218
00:09:20,356 --> 00:09:21,656
(crunches)
219
00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:23,157
(coughs)
220
00:09:23,192 --> 00:09:24,993
I'm choking!
221
00:09:25,027 --> 00:09:30,331
Steve, my dearest friend,
you must save me!
222
00:09:30,366 --> 00:09:33,067
In a school fire,
you got to know what you want,
223
00:09:33,102 --> 00:09:35,336
'cause the clock is ticking,
but I nailed it.
224
00:09:35,371 --> 00:09:36,838
I got an overheard projector,
225
00:09:36,872 --> 00:09:38,906
a hand turkey by Emily C.,
226
00:09:38,941 --> 00:09:41,876
and two dozen smoke-damaged
copies of "Hatchet."
227
00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:44,078
You were a part of
those riots in Aberdeen?
228
00:09:44,113 --> 00:09:46,547
A part? How dare you?!
229
00:09:46,582 --> 00:09:48,616
I picked the targets, I set the fires...
230
00:09:48,650 --> 00:09:50,118
I was an integral part!
231
00:09:50,152 --> 00:09:52,587
Oh, okay, yeah, I was a part,
but I was excited.
232
00:09:52,621 --> 00:09:54,956
It's not every day you
win a big sports bet.
233
00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:57,091
Oh, right. I owe you a dime.
234
00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:58,593
Just grab it out of the change bowl.
235
00:09:58,627 --> 00:10:00,928
Is there a thousand
dollars cash in that bowl,
236
00:10:00,963 --> 00:10:03,431
'cause that's what a dime
is in gambler's lingo.
237
00:10:03,465 --> 00:10:04,732
Who knows that?!
238
00:10:04,767 --> 00:10:06,467
Everyone knows that, babe.
239
00:10:06,502 --> 00:10:08,403
I thought you were
crazy to make that bet.
240
00:10:08,437 --> 00:10:09,971
I almost said something.
241
00:10:10,005 --> 00:10:12,106
I'll never be able to pay
you a thousand dollars.
242
00:10:12,141 --> 00:10:14,142
Sure you will. And here's how.
243
00:10:14,176 --> 00:10:16,778
Whoa! We were just in the kitchen!
244
00:10:16,812 --> 00:10:19,113
You put a taxi meter in my car?!
245
00:10:19,148 --> 00:10:21,783
Yep, and you're gonna pay
me back for that, too.
246
00:10:21,817 --> 00:10:24,652
But... I don't want to be a cab driver.
247
00:10:24,686 --> 00:10:26,187
If it makes you feel any better,
248
00:10:26,221 --> 00:10:29,957
behind the wheel of every taxi
is a sad, confused person
249
00:10:29,992 --> 00:10:32,660
who was tricked into a bet
they didn't understand.
250
00:10:32,694 --> 00:10:34,328
You're on the clock
for the next 10 hours.
251
00:10:34,363 --> 00:10:37,298
Here's a pee cup and some
rigatoni I made last week.
252
00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:38,966
I would try to eat it today.
253
00:10:39,001 --> 00:10:41,502
There's no visible mold,
but things are happening.
254
00:10:41,906 --> 00:10:43,897
_
255
00:10:44,907 --> 00:10:46,407
Sorry I'm late.
256
00:10:46,442 --> 00:10:48,376
A principal in a Bazooka Sharks jersey
257
00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:51,012
stopped me in the hall,
ate my entire bag lunch,
258
00:10:51,046 --> 00:10:53,281
and then told me my
mama's cooking sucks.
259
00:10:56,218 --> 00:10:58,186
Things are getting
a little hot for me, boys.
260
00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:00,021
But as long as we all stick together,
261
00:11:00,055 --> 00:11:02,190
you'll be able to absorb
some of that heat.
262
00:11:02,224 --> 00:11:03,791
- Follow me?
- I don't think so.
263
00:11:03,826 --> 00:11:05,359
I said it in a weird way.
264
00:11:05,394 --> 00:11:08,162
Picture this...
The whole town is freezing me out, boys.
265
00:11:08,197 --> 00:11:09,697
We can't help you, Steve!
266
00:11:09,731 --> 00:11:12,700
- We're huge Johnny Concussion fans!
- What?!
267
00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:15,036
Johnny has a half-Asian girlfriend,
268
00:11:15,070 --> 00:11:17,138
and I respect the hell out of that.
269
00:11:17,586 --> 00:11:19,232
_
270
00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:21,885
_
271
00:11:22,211 --> 00:11:24,545
The dad is Asian, Steve.
272
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:26,380
Do you understand that?!
273
00:11:27,783 --> 00:11:31,018
Is this the girlfriend's parents'
wedding photo?
274
00:11:31,053 --> 00:11:32,854
I mean, is it sold in stores?
275
00:11:32,888 --> 00:11:34,388
This is the dad.
276
00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:36,791
_
277
00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:38,359
Here we are at the museum.
278
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,261
- Wonderful!
- And you owe me...
279
00:11:40,295 --> 00:11:41,696
nothing for the ride,
280
00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:43,030
since you won't let
me turn the meter on.
281
00:11:43,065 --> 00:11:44,065
Right, right, right, right, right.
282
00:11:44,099 --> 00:11:45,533
You need paying customers
283
00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:47,235
to pay me back, right. Obviously.
284
00:11:47,269 --> 00:11:50,104
I'll get out of your hair.
285
00:11:50,139 --> 00:11:52,640
- 138 and Lex.
- _
286
00:11:52,674 --> 00:11:55,076
(sighs)
287
00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:57,712
So, you drive a cab, huh? That's cool.
288
00:11:57,746 --> 00:11:59,413
I love to dance.
289
00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:01,516
I love to feel people's eyes on me.
290
00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:03,718
I had a little bit to drink tonight.
291
00:12:03,752 --> 00:12:05,553
Ahh!
292
00:12:05,587 --> 00:12:07,388
Long Island ice teas, right?
293
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:10,358
They're so sweet,
but the boys keep buying them for me.
294
00:12:10,392 --> 00:12:12,860
If my fianc? knew,
he'd kill all of them.
295
00:12:12,895 --> 00:12:14,762
He's Dominican. He's crazy.
296
00:12:14,796 --> 00:12:16,063
The sex is good, though.
297
00:12:16,098 --> 00:12:18,733
He calls me his little Chihuahua.
298
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:22,403
When I was a kid,
my dad beat the shit out of me.
299
00:12:25,274 --> 00:12:26,574
Hey, thanks for reaching out to us.
300
00:12:26,608 --> 00:12:27,730
Happy to have you on our show.
301
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:30,578
Well, I just wanted a chance
to tell my side of the story.
302
00:12:30,612 --> 00:12:32,580
I think you're doing the right thing.
303
00:12:32,614 --> 00:12:35,816
Welcome back to The Fist,
Langley's home for sports radio,
304
00:12:35,851 --> 00:12:37,485
where I'm joined by Steve Smith,
305
00:12:37,519 --> 00:12:39,587
the little bastard who
tricked Johnny Concussion
306
00:12:39,621 --> 00:12:41,255
- into retiring.
- Oh, what?!
307
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,424
Can you pinpoint the exact moment
308
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:46,260
you decided to destroy the
very fabric of this community?
309
00:12:46,295 --> 00:12:47,995
I wasn't trying to destroy anything.
310
00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:50,264
He was wandering around in a daze.
311
00:12:50,299 --> 00:12:52,300
- Because you drugged him.
- No!
312
00:12:52,334 --> 00:12:53,668
I didn't give Johnny any drugs!
313
00:12:53,702 --> 00:12:55,670
Because you needed
them all for yourself.
314
00:12:55,704 --> 00:12:57,405
If you're just joining us,
Steve Smith is here,
315
00:12:57,439 --> 00:12:58,739
and he's high on the drugs
316
00:12:58,774 --> 00:13:00,942
he was planning to use
on Johnny Concussion.
317
00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:02,743
None of that is true!
318
00:13:02,778 --> 00:13:05,079
I just helped a guy
who was in bad shape!
319
00:13:05,113 --> 00:13:06,914
Any decent person would have done it!
320
00:13:06,949 --> 00:13:09,317
Mike in Lanceston,
what's your two cents?
321
00:13:09,351 --> 00:13:11,986
MIKE: Uh, yeah, I think
it's too bad the boy's on drugs,
322
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:14,655
'cause I want him to feel
what I'm gonna do to him.
323
00:13:14,690 --> 00:13:16,324
Strong take, Mike. Stay on the line,
324
00:13:16,358 --> 00:13:18,659
we're gonna hook you up with
some Laser Rats tickets.
325
00:13:18,694 --> 00:13:20,928
Oh, my God! I'm going to the Rat Hive!
326
00:13:20,963 --> 00:13:23,164
Randy, what do you think of Steve Smith?
327
00:13:23,198 --> 00:13:24,632
Hate him. Want to murder him.
328
00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:26,267
(chuckling nervously)
No one needs to die.
329
00:13:26,301 --> 00:13:29,170
Not me, not Johnny. It's just a game!
330
00:13:29,204 --> 00:13:31,205
Just a game? Really?
331
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,474
Was World War II just a game?
332
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:35,009
My grandfather was born in the '40s,
333
00:13:35,043 --> 00:13:37,645
so I find what you're suggesting
deeply offensive.
334
00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:39,680
Caller, can you reason with this animal?
335
00:13:39,715 --> 00:13:41,716
FRANCINE: Steve Smith is a scumbag!
336
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,484
- Mom?
- (dial tone)
337
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:46,520
I'm done! This town
has gone completely insane!
338
00:13:46,555 --> 00:13:49,490
If anyone wants to
continue the conversation,
339
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,859
Steve will be leaving
by our southeast exit
340
00:13:51,893 --> 00:13:53,661
- in about 30 seconds.
- Hurry up!
341
00:13:53,695 --> 00:13:55,162
Where am I gonna go?
Where am I gonna go?!
342
00:13:55,197 --> 00:13:57,098
(crowd yelling indistinctly)
343
00:13:57,132 --> 00:13:58,833
- (horns honking)
- Me, too!
344
00:14:02,137 --> 00:14:04,705
That's the boy we agreed to kill!
345
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:06,307
Aah!
346
00:14:06,341 --> 00:14:09,343
347
00:14:15,017 --> 00:14:16,817
Dad!
348
00:14:16,852 --> 00:14:19,353
Drive the boy towards me!
349
00:14:19,388 --> 00:14:21,355
CROWD: Kill! Kill!
350
00:14:23,725 --> 00:14:25,559
It's fine. First time throwing a bolo,
351
00:14:25,594 --> 00:14:27,328
not gonna beat myself up for missing.
352
00:14:27,362 --> 00:14:29,096
It's important to try new weapons.
353
00:14:35,037 --> 00:14:36,037
(sighs)
354
00:14:36,071 --> 00:14:37,438
Can I help you?
355
00:14:37,472 --> 00:14:38,706
Is it possible to mail a human
356
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:40,274
to the other side of the world?
357
00:14:40,309 --> 00:14:42,209
It is the policy of Packages Etc.
358
00:14:42,244 --> 00:14:43,911
to not ship humans.
359
00:14:43,945 --> 00:14:45,613
But since you are not human,
360
00:14:45,647 --> 00:14:47,248
but in fact, human garbage,
361
00:14:47,282 --> 00:14:49,383
I'd love to put you in a box.
362
00:14:49,418 --> 00:14:51,285
All right, you said your piece.
Just ship me.
363
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,887
How does overnight sound?
364
00:14:52,921 --> 00:14:55,222
Probably my best chance
of getting there alive.
365
00:14:55,257 --> 00:14:56,791
Well, that's not how you're going.
366
00:14:58,039 --> 00:14:59,962
_
367
00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:04,532
Phew! Just a white devil.
368
00:15:04,566 --> 00:15:07,702
Everyone can go back to handing
each other different fruits!
369
00:15:07,736 --> 00:15:09,503
STEVE: Okay, Steve,
370
00:15:09,538 --> 00:15:13,207
this is your only chance
to make a first impression.
371
00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:16,744
(as Rip Taylor) I'm here!
372
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,925
Where are you from, Box Boy?
373
00:15:22,009 --> 00:15:25,645
I come from a land far, far away,
374
00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:28,615
many moons across the great sea.
375
00:15:28,649 --> 00:15:31,317
A place called America.
376
00:15:31,352 --> 00:15:33,253
I know where the United States is.
377
00:15:33,287 --> 00:15:34,821
We're not primitives.
378
00:15:34,855 --> 00:15:36,923
Oh, you'll needed to get
fitted for a dick pouch.
379
00:15:36,957 --> 00:15:40,093
No need.
I'm exactly the size of a "C" battery.
380
00:15:40,127 --> 00:15:41,694
Boy, this is great!
381
00:15:41,729 --> 00:15:44,330
I'm getting away from a
very fraught situation,
382
00:15:44,365 --> 00:15:47,534
so chilling out and enjoying
a little island life
383
00:15:47,568 --> 00:15:49,002
is just what I need.
384
00:15:49,036 --> 00:15:51,738
On this island, everybody works!
385
00:15:54,508 --> 00:15:55,975
Baskets.
386
00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:57,744
Hmm.
387
00:15:57,778 --> 00:16:00,079
So what am I, the distribution guy?
388
00:16:00,114 --> 00:16:01,247
Get them into stores?
389
00:16:01,282 --> 00:16:02,982
No, no, you make the baskets.
390
00:16:03,017 --> 00:16:04,751
I don't have any training.
391
00:16:04,785 --> 00:16:06,753
I'm still kind of a little boy.
392
00:16:06,787 --> 00:16:07,954
Come on. It's easy.
393
00:16:07,988 --> 00:16:10,356
Over, under, over, under.
394
00:16:15,029 --> 00:16:16,829
395
00:16:16,864 --> 00:16:21,301
Over and over and
over and over and over
396
00:16:21,335 --> 00:16:25,038
Like a monkey with
a miniature cymbal
397
00:16:25,072 --> 00:16:28,841
The joy of repetition
really is in you
398
00:16:32,846 --> 00:16:37,016
Under and under and
under and under and under
399
00:16:37,051 --> 00:16:41,154
The smell of repetition
really is on you
400
00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:44,591
And when I feel this way,
I really am with you
401
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,595
(sighs) Finished.
402
00:16:49,897 --> 00:16:54,100
Hmm. If I could give you
some criticism, it's a little small.
403
00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:55,868
Also, it took you three months.
404
00:16:55,903 --> 00:16:57,971
Oh, while I got you here, Magunga,
405
00:16:58,005 --> 00:17:00,306
I wanted to put in a vacation request.
406
00:17:00,341 --> 00:17:02,175
Oh, when were you thinking?
407
00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:04,644
Any couple of days within the next...
408
00:17:04,678 --> 00:17:06,045
Can't do it.
409
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,581
(slow, jazzy saxophone plays)
410
00:17:12,086 --> 00:17:14,721
HAYLEY: I hadn't seen
my brother in months.
411
00:17:14,755 --> 00:17:16,889
Almost forgotten his face.
412
00:17:16,924 --> 00:17:19,058
The streets were becoming my brother.
413
00:17:19,093 --> 00:17:20,994
ROGER: Hayley,
you paid me off two days ago.
414
00:17:21,028 --> 00:17:22,195
You don't have to keep dr...
415
00:17:22,229 --> 00:17:24,530
But I did have to keep driving.
416
00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:26,432
Because as I was saying,
417
00:17:26,467 --> 00:17:28,701
the streets were becoming my brother.
418
00:17:28,736 --> 00:17:30,403
ROGER: It had been days
419
00:17:30,437 --> 00:17:33,773
since Hayley watched
"Master Chef Jr" with me.
420
00:17:33,807 --> 00:17:35,875
I told her I'd wait for her,
421
00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:38,044
but I didn't. I couldn't.
422
00:17:38,078 --> 00:17:40,079
Peyton made a souffle.
423
00:17:40,114 --> 00:17:42,282
Eight years old, making a souffle.
424
00:17:42,316 --> 00:17:44,117
Imagine that.
425
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,558
Okay, can I just say something?
426
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,161
I know one of you ate my fish,
427
00:17:55,195 --> 00:17:56,763
and it's bumming me out a little bit
428
00:17:56,797 --> 00:17:58,031
because I wrote my name...
429
00:17:58,065 --> 00:17:59,699
(rumbling)
430
00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:03,069
Oh, I just bent a reed
on my base stitch.
431
00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:05,238
Is it me, or is management giving us
432
00:18:05,272 --> 00:18:07,040
a lot of dry reeds lately?
433
00:18:07,074 --> 00:18:09,442
Forget work! The volcano's active!
434
00:18:09,476 --> 00:18:12,461
Oh, will it kill us all?
That might be nice.
435
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,615
If you're looking to sacrifice a virgin,
436
00:18:15,649 --> 00:18:17,250
your prayers have been answered.
437
00:18:17,284 --> 00:18:19,252
No, it's boulder-pushing season.
438
00:18:19,286 --> 00:18:22,422
Every time the volcano erupts,
each village sends
439
00:18:22,456 --> 00:18:27,293
the strongest man,
and they race to push a boulder into it.
440
00:18:27,328 --> 00:18:29,128
Does that, like, stop it from exploding?
441
00:18:29,163 --> 00:18:30,663
No, it's just fun!
442
00:18:30,698 --> 00:18:32,632
Micah's from our village.
443
00:18:32,966 --> 00:18:35,301
(cheers)
444
00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:37,270
Hey, I've seen him around.
445
00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:38,805
I'm Team Micah!
446
00:18:38,839 --> 00:18:41,174
(horn blows)
447
00:18:43,844 --> 00:18:46,346
(drums beating)
448
00:18:53,153 --> 00:18:55,788
Wow! The volcano is so steep!
449
00:18:55,823 --> 00:18:57,724
I can't believe how strong they are.
450
00:18:57,758 --> 00:18:59,926
Uh-oh! Our boy's in trouble.
451
00:19:06,033 --> 00:19:08,267
- (bones crunch)
- Aah!
452
00:19:08,302 --> 00:19:09,469
Oh, no!
453
00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:11,604
(grunting)
454
00:19:11,638 --> 00:19:12,939
Aah!
455
00:19:12,973 --> 00:19:15,141
Yeah, Micah! Kill him!
456
00:19:17,878 --> 00:19:20,179
(grunting)
457
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,488
(laughs)
458
00:19:28,522 --> 00:19:31,124
We did it! We won!
459
00:19:31,158 --> 00:19:32,825
Look how excited everyone is.
460
00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:35,995
And why?
'Cause they're not basket-weaving.
461
00:19:36,029 --> 00:19:38,364
I get it now.
462
00:19:38,399 --> 00:19:41,501
People spend all day at work.
463
00:19:41,535 --> 00:19:46,005
The daily grind, the rat race,
the old punch-in, punch-out.
464
00:19:46,039 --> 00:19:49,409
And the only relief is the
promise of the weekend.
465
00:19:49,443 --> 00:19:51,844
When you get together
with your sad friends,
466
00:19:51,879 --> 00:19:54,514
numb yourself with enough
vodka to kill a horse,
467
00:19:54,548 --> 00:19:57,049
and watch an athlete do
the physically impossible
468
00:19:57,084 --> 00:20:00,086
or get gravely injured trying.
469
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,522
And that's where you come in,
Johnny Concussion.
470
00:20:02,556 --> 00:20:04,557
Will you strap on the pads again?
471
00:20:04,591 --> 00:20:07,026
Be the shiny something that distracts us
472
00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:08,428
from our crappy lives?
473
00:20:10,097 --> 00:20:13,332
JOHNNY: They tell me that's the
ball from my first touchdown.
474
00:20:14,768 --> 00:20:17,136
Okay, kid, I'll do it.
475
00:20:17,171 --> 00:20:19,405
But what about my dead brain?
476
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,007
Okay, kid, I'll do it.
477
00:20:22,443 --> 00:20:24,177
That's my Johnny!
478
00:20:26,613 --> 00:20:29,081
ANNOUNCER: Another late hit!
479
00:20:29,116 --> 00:20:32,785
Johnny really has 'em frustrated.
480
00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:35,488
You did a good thing getting
Johnny back on the field, Steve.
481
00:20:35,522 --> 00:20:36,956
Thanks, Dad.
482
00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:40,293
- And I'm sorry your job makes you so sad.
- What?
483
00:20:40,327 --> 00:20:42,195
SKY CROONER:
You shake it to the left
484
00:20:42,229 --> 00:20:43,796
You shake it to the right
485
00:20:43,831 --> 00:20:45,198
My wife, she caught me cheating
486
00:20:45,232 --> 00:20:46,632
Now I sleep here at night
487
00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,968
Ooh, yeah
488
00:20:49,002 --> 00:20:51,471
Inside the jumbotron
489
00:20:51,505 --> 00:20:53,840
Hoo, wa-wa-whoo!
490
00:20:55,109 --> 00:20:57,143
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
491
00:20:57,193 --> 00:21:01,743
Repair and Synchronization by
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