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[SOFT JAZZY MUSIC]
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_
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My girl Oprah coming through with
4
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yet another dope rec.
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I know they say don't judge a
book by its cover, but [GRUNTS]
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00:00:11,525 --> 00:00:13,825
this book jacket got me
feeling some kind of way.
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I got so flushed reading
the "about the author" that
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when Keith came home, I threw
the book in my naughty drawer.
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- BOTH: Ooh.
- Get it, Michelle.
10
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What else you got in there?
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Well, my naughty drawer's
just really actually
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Keith's normal underwear drawer.
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Nothing gets my pizza oven fired up
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quite like my hubby's undies. [SOFT LAUGH]
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Ooh, I respect that you
know what works for you.
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- Yeah.
- Yes.
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Jack, you're always reading in here.
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Want to join our book club?
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Oh, you should.
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We're reading "The Question Is the Answer"
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by this hot buttered
crumpet named Miles Leonard.
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BOTH: Ooh.
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I think you would like it, Jack.
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It's philosophy, but
there's, like, a point to it.
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And how, pray tell, did you come by
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this fine piece of literature?
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It was Oprah's book club pick this month.
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She says the best place
to read it is, quote...
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[AS OPRAH] "on a beach that you own."
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- Okay.
- [LAUGHTER]
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And you just follow along blindly, huh?
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Is that it?
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Well, listen to me, and listen well, okay?
34
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Philosophy is not a
popularity contest, okay?
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It is a precise and rigorous expression
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of universal truths.
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Yeah? It's not about
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who's "getting good buzz" and who's on TV
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on the stupid Oprah sho... You know what?
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You've ruined my empanada!
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Damn, could've just said no.
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Hey, Jack, guess what?
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Oh, you're in a bad mood. Cool beans.
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I'll tell you later.
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What are you gonna tell him later, Ralph?
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Is it a private medical thing?
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No, he does not let me
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share that stuff with him.
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But, ladies,
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I am a finalist for Innovative
Principal of the Year.
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- Oh, my God!
- Oh, I'm so proud!
52
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- [ALL ENCOURAGING]
- A little bit awesome.
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Just a little bit of good
news during a rough year,
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you know, with my
marriage collapsing and...
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- Uh, boo.
- No, please.
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Durbs, don't bum us out
while we're trying to dance.
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Okay, you guys, well,
while I have you on pause,
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this superintendent and her crew
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are coming tomorrow to
observe the school and me.
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So if each of you could put together
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an out-of-the-box
presentation,
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something big, something memorable,
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something tied into your subject...
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- Mm-hmm.
- Would really appreciate it.
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Oh, I know what I'ma do.
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- What is it?
- Girl, I'm not telling.
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You gotta get your own thing.
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Ooh, we got you, Durb.
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- We got you.
- Oh, I love it. I love it.
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And if I win, I'm gonna
take you all to Bennigan's.
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- Oh! You swear?
- Hit it out the park!
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? Next time I'll listen to my heart ?
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? Next time, well,
I'll be smart ?
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?
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[CLOCK TICKING]
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_
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We definitely shouldn't open it. Right?
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But what if it's presents?
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[SIGHS] I'm going for it.
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[DRAWER OPENS]
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Fetal pigs!
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
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- Oh, my God.
- [HAPPY CLAMORING]
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This is so great.
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I've been waiting my whole
life to dissect a fetal pig.
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- [SNIFFS]
- Mr. Griffin must be
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rewarding us for being good little angels.
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Everything's starting to go my way.
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Think these pigs went to Hell?
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Looks like there's only eight.
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Eight piggy presents.
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We're gonna have to pair up.
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- Oh.
- Oh, okay.
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- Hey, Dan.
- You want to team up?
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My dad owns a butcher shop, so
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I know my way around the inside of a pig.
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Uh, yeah, I'm down.
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[SNIFFS]
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Where does Oprah even got off
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endorsing Miles' book?
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It's insane. Unbelievable.
102
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It's got Stedman written all over it.
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That's who it was.
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Get out...
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_
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Oh, I set up a Google Alert
so we can stay on top of Miles.
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- Printed that out for you, boss.
- Oh.
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00:03:47,815 --> 00:03:49,718
Well, thank you, Heather. Nice.
109
00:03:50,017 --> 00:03:52,918
What is that god-awful
smell? Is that meth?
110
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I swear, the wind blows
the wrong way in Ohio
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you get that meth whiff.
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The fetal pigs are here.
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We've already paired up and
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we'll dissect them really quietly.
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You wouldn't even have to do anything.
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Absolutely not.
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00:04:03,097 --> 00:04:04,396
You guys are not doing a lab in my class.
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But we've been good little angels.
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00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:08,295
No, you know what we've got here?
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A Miles mission.
121
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[ALL SIGH]
122
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Please let us dissect them, Mr. Griffin.
123
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Yeah, boss, you know how much
I love sticking it to Miles,
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but this kind of means a lot.
125
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,179
This is literally all I've got.
126
00:04:21,181 --> 00:04:22,915
I'm sorry. What I'm gonna do is
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00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:25,038
take these little piglets, and
I'm gonna send them to Miles.
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00:04:25,063 --> 00:04:27,374
Totally freak him out. It's
a truly perfect Miles mission.
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Mailing him pigs?
130
00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:30,576
Feels like it's missing a twist.
131
00:04:30,578 --> 00:04:32,778
Uh, Marcus, shut up.
It's... it's a solid plan.
132
00:04:32,780 --> 00:04:34,246
Yeah, I don't know, Mr. Griffin,
133
00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:35,781
I feel like maybe this needs a twist.
134
00:04:35,783 --> 00:04:36,822
A twist?
135
00:04:37,963 --> 00:04:40,264
Twist. Yeah, good point, Dan.
136
00:04:40,265 --> 00:04:42,324
- I said it, twist...
- This could use a twist.
137
00:04:43,068 --> 00:04:44,600
All right, let me go think about this.
138
00:04:44,602 --> 00:04:47,076
Twist, yeah. Have a good night, dudes.
139
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[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
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?
141
00:04:51,115 --> 00:04:53,423
[BELL RINGING]
142
00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:54,950
?
143
00:04:54,952 --> 00:04:57,179
[CELL PHONE CHIMING]
144
00:04:59,138 --> 00:05:00,404
Go for Chops.
145
00:05:00,406 --> 00:05:01,872
Chops, it's Jack.
146
00:05:01,874 --> 00:05:03,267
Our task rabbit's all set.
147
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The box of pigs should arrive today,
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00:05:05,177 --> 00:05:06,610
along with the T-shirt cannon,
149
00:05:06,612 --> 00:05:08,545
which really brings the whole plan to life.
150
00:05:08,547 --> 00:05:11,081
I need you to fire in the
direction of Miles Leonard,
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whose address I've included.
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Really terrify him.
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Can I just say this is, like, straight-up
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the sickest task I've ever had to rabbit.
155
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So, like, you're giving me
life right now, you feel me?
156
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Yeah, just get it done.
157
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Hey, Jack, Jack? A quick word?
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- Yeah.
- ...fire that.
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00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:29,599
And then we'll just, like, ghost on that.
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Hello? Hello?
161
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- Yeah, what's up, Ralph?
- Well, I... I'm not really sure.
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Overnight, I got this anonymous note
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saying that you had cancelled
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the fetal pig dissection.
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Who sent you this absurd accusation?
166
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Regardless of who sent it, is it true?
167
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Is it true? No.
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Why... why... why would I
cancel the dissection, man?
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I don't know, but it
would be really bad timing
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because the superintendent's coming.
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Really? Why?
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It's... I...
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Well, I'm up for Innovative
Principal of the Year.
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- You didn't know that?
- You are?
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Listen, I planned to end her tour
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with a live fetal pig dissection
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by a former Harvard professor.
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Wait, so she's coming to my class?
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Tomorrow? To observe?
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Yeah. Oh, I can't wait.
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I still can't for the life of me
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figure out what this note means.
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00:06:19,761 --> 00:06:20,963
Well, I'll tell you what it means.
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00:06:21,697 --> 00:06:24,060
You got pranked, my friend. [CHUCKLES]
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00:06:24,566 --> 00:06:26,133
But I'm gonna find out who the culprit is.
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Believe me, yeah.
187
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Look at me, Ralph.
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I'm gonna kill whoever pranked you.
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We're not supposed to kill the students.
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Shh.
191
00:06:37,913 --> 00:06:40,213
Hey, it's Jack. Call me back.
192
00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:41,781
I need you to return the dead pigs.
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00:06:41,783 --> 00:06:44,885
I repeat, do not blast the dead baby pigs
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at my British nemesis.
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00:06:46,755 --> 00:06:47,809
[YELLS] What?
196
00:06:48,023 --> 00:06:50,023
[BROODING DRAMATIC MUSIC]
197
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We have a rat.
198
00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:58,165
?
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00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:00,467
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
200
00:07:01,486 --> 00:07:03,770
[CHUCKLING]
201
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Oh, and you'll see what I mean, too.
202
00:07:06,373 --> 00:07:07,964
Uh-huh. Yes.
203
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,652
Oh... oh, well, I am so sorry
204
00:07:10,677 --> 00:07:13,244
to hear about your catastrophe.
205
00:07:13,246 --> 00:07:16,681
Yes, Principal Durbin will
be there on Wednesday to help.
206
00:07:17,023 --> 00:07:20,429
Yes, and he... he will bring
clean water to your village.
207
00:07:20,429 --> 00:07:21,689
Uh-huh. For sure.
208
00:07:21,898 --> 00:07:23,731
All right, Thursday at the latest.
209
00:07:23,733 --> 00:07:24,832
Take care. Bye.
210
00:07:25,289 --> 00:07:27,366
Superintendent Bullard!
211
00:07:27,637 --> 00:07:29,436
You look smooth.
212
00:07:29,438 --> 00:07:31,535
Ellen. Always a pleasure.
213
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,762
We're so dal-gone excited
for you to be here and...
214
00:07:35,478 --> 00:07:36,877
I gotta say...
215
00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,812
[WHISPERS] You find me a better guy
216
00:07:38,814 --> 00:07:40,881
than Principal Durbin and I will find you
217
00:07:40,883 --> 00:07:44,407
a guy who is on, like,
Seal Team Six or something,
218
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:47,881
because that is the guy!
219
00:07:48,583 --> 00:07:51,442
Hey, oh, they took your doo-hickies off.
220
00:07:51,551 --> 00:07:52,828
My leg braces?
221
00:07:52,828 --> 00:07:55,262
Yeah, uh, I'm fully ambulatory now.
222
00:07:55,264 --> 00:07:57,397
- Oh, congrats.
- Good Christ, Helen.
223
00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:59,499
[EXHALES] Superintendent Bullard,
224
00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:02,135
I... I am so excited to show you around.
225
00:08:02,137 --> 00:08:03,470
We're excited to see
226
00:08:03,472 --> 00:08:05,056
the innovative school you've created.
227
00:08:05,081 --> 00:08:08,284
Oh, well, our teachers
think outside the box,
228
00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:10,316
so brace yourself.
229
00:08:10,813 --> 00:08:11,940
Mm.
230
00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:14,030
Sorry. [CLEARS THROAT]
231
00:08:14,783 --> 00:08:16,796
Oh, you think you got me, huh?
232
00:08:16,821 --> 00:08:18,018
[BROODING MUSIC]
233
00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:19,152
One of you rats me out,
234
00:08:19,154 --> 00:08:20,454
you're all sitting there thinking,
235
00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:22,187
"I got him. I won."
236
00:08:23,492 --> 00:08:24,727
Well, know this.
237
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,761
I won't be made to look like a fool
238
00:08:27,763 --> 00:08:29,052
in front of anyone.
239
00:08:29,398 --> 00:08:30,848
Certainly not some
240
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:34,101
Midwest superintendent with a degree from a
241
00:08:34,103 --> 00:08:36,340
religious liberal arts college.
242
00:08:37,206 --> 00:08:39,806
?
243
00:08:39,808 --> 00:08:42,256
Now, one of you is gonna
come forward and confess,
244
00:08:43,119 --> 00:08:45,243
or you're all missing your next class.
245
00:08:45,948 --> 00:08:51,685
?
246
00:08:51,687 --> 00:08:53,197
Now, one of you sinned.
247
00:08:53,556 --> 00:08:55,722
Ya sinned real bad.
248
00:08:59,294 --> 00:09:00,814
Anything you want to admit, Vic?
249
00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,963
I got a boner when we learned CPR.
250
00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:05,294
Oh. Gross.
251
00:09:05,860 --> 00:09:07,259
How'd your partner feel about that?
252
00:09:07,261 --> 00:09:09,556
- Well, I think she, like...
- Never mind, I...
253
00:09:09,556 --> 00:09:10,755
Don't tell me. I don't want to know.
254
00:09:10,757 --> 00:09:12,014
?
255
00:09:12,014 --> 00:09:13,586
I've got all the time in the world, guys.
256
00:09:14,383 --> 00:09:17,451
?
257
00:09:17,453 --> 00:09:19,524
Looks like I'm gonna
have to turn up the heat.
258
00:09:19,788 --> 00:09:22,722
?
259
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,099
[CLEARS THROAT]
260
00:09:24,326 --> 00:09:26,326
This is Stef Duncan,
261
00:09:26,328 --> 00:09:28,728
a phenomenal history teacher
262
00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:31,565
who endeavors to prove
that if we're not careful,
263
00:09:31,762 --> 00:09:34,601
the past can become the future.
264
00:09:34,603 --> 00:09:36,269
Thank you, Principal Durbin.
265
00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,134
All right, now the year
266
00:09:38,134 --> 00:09:40,374
is A.D. 79.
267
00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:42,008
I now present...
268
00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:43,710
- Mount Vesuvius.
- [ROUSING MUSIC]
269
00:09:43,712 --> 00:09:45,579
[SOFT CHUCKLE] Oh, Vesuvius.
270
00:09:45,581 --> 00:09:47,414
I'm sure everything's gonna be okay.
271
00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:48,687
Or will it?
272
00:09:48,884 --> 00:09:52,619
?
273
00:09:52,621 --> 00:09:54,354
[FIZZING]
274
00:09:54,356 --> 00:09:57,224
Oh, no. What is this, lava?
275
00:09:57,226 --> 00:09:59,192
"Ow, mama, my toga's burning."
276
00:09:59,194 --> 00:10:00,994
"Oh, my God, I'm dying."
277
00:10:00,996 --> 00:10:02,195
"Too much lava."
278
00:10:02,197 --> 00:10:03,892
What about the horses?
279
00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:06,183
"Oh, no, my sandals."
280
00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:09,803
[BROODING MUSIC]
281
00:10:09,805 --> 00:10:11,734
[SMACKING] I'll ask you nicely
282
00:10:13,373 --> 00:10:15,174
one more time.
283
00:10:16,678 --> 00:10:18,298
Are you the rat?
284
00:10:18,413 --> 00:10:20,821
Oh, God, please, stop.
285
00:10:22,251 --> 00:10:24,284
?
286
00:10:24,504 --> 00:10:27,554
Admit it was you or
your bio textbook gets it.
287
00:10:27,556 --> 00:10:28,688
?
288
00:10:28,690 --> 00:10:30,924
Huh? Fine.
289
00:10:30,926 --> 00:10:32,759
Guess we'll never know the definition of...
290
00:10:32,761 --> 00:10:34,738
"heterozygous advantage."
291
00:10:34,763 --> 00:10:35,729
Redacted.
292
00:10:35,731 --> 00:10:36,815
I don't know anything!
293
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,231
You know everything!
294
00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:45,305
?
295
00:10:47,442 --> 00:10:50,944
That was the most devastating
moment of my entire life.
296
00:10:50,946 --> 00:10:52,112
For real?
297
00:10:52,114 --> 00:10:54,197
Girl, you need to read Anne Frank.
298
00:10:55,184 --> 00:10:58,118
[JAUNTY CHAMBER MUSIC]
299
00:10:58,585 --> 00:11:00,287
When you think of art,
300
00:11:00,289 --> 00:11:02,656
think of the three important M's:
301
00:11:02,658 --> 00:11:06,025
Manet, Monet, and Mar-ray.
302
00:11:06,428 --> 00:11:07,766
And who's Mar-ray?
303
00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:09,796
Why, it's art teacher extraordinaire
304
00:11:09,798 --> 00:11:10,997
Mary Wagner.
305
00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:12,884
Art is a feast
306
00:11:13,035 --> 00:11:15,535
that you cook in your mind oven
307
00:11:15,857 --> 00:11:19,048
and serve on your heart plate.
308
00:11:19,408 --> 00:11:20,407
[CLEARS THROAT]
309
00:11:20,409 --> 00:11:21,563
I like art.
310
00:11:21,743 --> 00:11:23,276
Take it away, Mary.
311
00:11:23,278 --> 00:11:25,009
Thank you, Principal Durbin.
312
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,480
Art is beautiful.
313
00:11:27,482 --> 00:11:28,949
Art is intense.
314
00:11:28,951 --> 00:11:31,401
It's provocative. It's subversive.
315
00:11:31,587 --> 00:11:33,754
And sometimes it can be...
316
00:11:35,886 --> 00:11:37,513
explosive.
317
00:11:38,269 --> 00:11:39,969
Another volcano, huh?
318
00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,771
Okay.
319
00:11:41,773 --> 00:11:45,041
?
320
00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:46,442
[FIZZING]
321
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,910
I added sparkles.
322
00:11:47,912 --> 00:11:49,712
[SOFT LAUGH] Ya welcome.
323
00:11:49,714 --> 00:11:53,316
?
324
00:11:53,985 --> 00:11:56,986
[PLAYING SAXOPHONE BADLY]
325
00:11:56,988 --> 00:12:02,325
?
326
00:12:02,327 --> 00:12:03,477
Louder.
327
00:12:04,629 --> 00:12:05,828
Jazzier.
328
00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:07,296
?
329
00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:09,065
You can stop this at any moment.
330
00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:11,992
You know, people say they
like jazz, but they don't.
331
00:12:12,737 --> 00:12:13,936
They don't.
332
00:12:13,938 --> 00:12:15,660
Less discernible melody!
333
00:12:16,741 --> 00:12:18,874
Yeah. You guys like that?
334
00:12:18,876 --> 00:12:20,903
Can't pick out any of the notes.
335
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,204
That's great, man. That sucks.
336
00:12:25,185 --> 00:12:27,319
Unlike other schools, where they
337
00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:29,642
dress up like broccoli and rap about diet,
338
00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:33,071
we here at Whitlock treat
health like a real class.
339
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,036
Take it away, Mrs. Jones.
340
00:12:35,038 --> 00:12:36,516
Don't tell me what to do.
341
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,556
You're not my dad!
342
00:12:38,942 --> 00:12:40,508
I have a crush on the track captain
343
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,210
and I'm addicted to e-cigarettes!
344
00:12:42,212 --> 00:12:43,807
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
345
00:12:44,948 --> 00:12:46,915
That's what it's like to be a teenager.
346
00:12:46,917 --> 00:12:49,050
So many emotions bottled up,
347
00:12:49,052 --> 00:12:51,820
and you have to express
them all in a healthy way,
348
00:12:51,822 --> 00:12:53,822
- even the negative ones.
- _
349
00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:56,024
Oh, thank you, Mrs. Jones.
350
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,659
Or what can happen is...
351
00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:00,244
- [MUSIC BUILDS]
- _
352
00:13:00,269 --> 00:13:01,296
Oh, my God.
353
00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:02,990
A volcano!
354
00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:06,401
- [LIQUID POURS]
- Ooh.
355
00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:09,304
- [FIZZING]
- Whoa!
356
00:13:09,306 --> 00:13:13,024
[EXCITED GROANING]
357
00:13:18,115 --> 00:13:21,116
[SINISTER MUSIC]
358
00:13:21,118 --> 00:13:24,052
?
359
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,487
Unless the rat comes forward,
360
00:13:25,489 --> 00:13:27,122
I will pick a phone at random
361
00:13:27,124 --> 00:13:29,430
and start reading your
search history out loud.
362
00:13:29,493 --> 00:13:30,892
Just to get ahead of it,
363
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:33,962
"ISIS" is also the name of a
junior women's bowling league.
364
00:13:33,964 --> 00:13:36,464
?
365
00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:37,974
Hey, that's mine, dude.
366
00:13:37,999 --> 00:13:39,200
And I'm not giving you my passcode.
367
00:13:39,202 --> 00:13:40,902
Oh, really? [SCOFFS]
368
00:13:41,273 --> 00:13:42,604
That's too bad.
369
00:13:42,606 --> 00:13:43,772
Yo, what the hell?
370
00:13:43,774 --> 00:13:45,807
[SHOUTING] Who is the rat?
371
00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:47,876
?
372
00:13:47,878 --> 00:13:50,345
[PHONE BUZZING]
373
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,600
- Yello?
- Jack attack.
374
00:13:52,602 --> 00:13:55,021
Got your message. Bad
news though, papi.
375
00:13:55,021 --> 00:13:56,788
The pigs are already gone.
376
00:13:56,790 --> 00:13:58,289
Wait, you used them on Miles?
377
00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:00,410
- Was he freaked?
- Uh, no dude.
378
00:14:00,412 --> 00:14:03,079
So it turns out the cannon
is kind of specifically
379
00:14:03,081 --> 00:14:05,548
calibrated for one type of ammunition.
380
00:14:05,550 --> 00:14:07,564
And that ammunition is T-shirts
381
00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:09,828
and is not pigs.
382
00:14:10,068 --> 00:14:11,767
So I tried to fire pigs out of it.
383
00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:14,937
They kind of just 'sploded
on the inside of it.
384
00:14:14,939 --> 00:14:17,239
Okay, so you're telling
me that the mission failed
385
00:14:17,714 --> 00:14:19,041
and the pigs are destroyed?
386
00:14:19,043 --> 00:14:20,409
I mean, I don't like to think of it...
387
00:14:20,411 --> 00:14:21,911
Did you say the pigs are destroyed?
388
00:14:21,913 --> 00:14:23,279
We can't do the lab?
389
00:14:23,579 --> 00:14:24,780
Heather, relax.
390
00:14:25,078 --> 00:14:26,211
It was me.
391
00:14:26,214 --> 00:14:28,781
- I'm the rat!
- It was you?
392
00:14:28,783 --> 00:14:31,571
Why didn't you say that an hour
ago before he threw my phone?
393
00:14:37,425 --> 00:14:39,425
[DOOR OPENS, SHUTS]
394
00:14:39,427 --> 00:14:41,761
[PENSIVE JAZZY MUSIC]
395
00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:43,429
- I mean... Dave, this does nothing for me.
- _
396
00:14:43,431 --> 00:14:44,730
Do you understand that?
397
00:14:44,732 --> 00:14:46,365
You went with your first thought.
398
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:48,134
But I'm the geology teacher.
399
00:14:48,136 --> 00:14:50,803
I'm the only one it makes sense for.
400
00:14:50,805 --> 00:14:53,306
You boned me, Dave. Go take a lap.
401
00:14:53,308 --> 00:14:55,099
Yeah. Go.
402
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:56,509
Eh.
403
00:14:56,511 --> 00:14:58,067
Don't "eh" me.
404
00:14:58,813 --> 00:14:59,766
Kfft.
405
00:14:59,791 --> 00:15:01,372
And don't "kfft" either.
406
00:15:03,484 --> 00:15:04,417
Ralph.
407
00:15:04,419 --> 00:15:05,618
We just wanted to say
408
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:07,720
we're really sorry we let you down.
409
00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:09,589
Why did you all do the same thing?
410
00:15:09,591 --> 00:15:11,223
Well, we didn't plan to, but we all
411
00:15:11,225 --> 00:15:12,425
learned how to make volcanoes at the same
412
00:15:12,427 --> 00:15:14,093
teachers' conference last summer.
413
00:15:14,095 --> 00:15:15,953
ALL: Ohio Teach-tastic!
414
00:15:16,004 --> 00:15:18,330
Yes, and it all was a
hit for the teachers there,
415
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,533
so we figured that it would help you win.
416
00:15:20,535 --> 00:15:22,335
I understand, okay? But I really need
417
00:15:22,337 --> 00:15:24,136
Jack to nail this dissection tomorrow.
418
00:15:24,138 --> 00:15:26,639
I mean, he and Coach and
basically my last hope.
419
00:15:26,641 --> 00:15:29,485
Make way for the volleyball-cano!
420
00:15:29,677 --> 00:15:30,705
Ralph.
421
00:15:30,845 --> 00:15:34,280
[TENSE MUSIC]
422
00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:36,627
I can't believe Heather was the rat.
423
00:15:38,492 --> 00:15:40,526
Stay here, guys. I'ma go take care of this.
424
00:15:41,456 --> 00:15:42,722
[DOOR OPENS]
425
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,090
If Mr. Griffin can't get the pigs back,
426
00:15:44,092 --> 00:15:45,558
how are we gonna perform the dissection
427
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,193
in front of the superintendent tomorrow?
428
00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:48,493
We won't.
429
00:15:48,518 --> 00:15:49,617
[ROUSING MUSIC]
430
00:15:49,642 --> 00:15:50,974
He'll make a fool out of himself.
431
00:15:51,065 --> 00:15:53,208
And then we'll get a new teacher by Monday.
432
00:15:53,801 --> 00:15:55,128
Heather's a genius.
433
00:15:55,536 --> 00:15:57,058
[SOFT LAUGH]
434
00:15:57,572 --> 00:16:02,041
?
435
00:16:02,356 --> 00:16:03,943
What in the hell are you doing?
436
00:16:04,183 --> 00:16:05,882
You know, I'm the one who should be mad.
437
00:16:05,884 --> 00:16:07,117
You betrayed me.
438
00:16:07,119 --> 00:16:08,651
You ruined everything!
439
00:16:08,652 --> 00:16:09,886
The hell are you talking about?
440
00:16:09,888 --> 00:16:11,079
You wrote the note.
441
00:16:11,123 --> 00:16:12,255
And by the way, this is Michelle's car.
442
00:16:12,257 --> 00:16:13,613
Mine's across the lot.
443
00:16:13,613 --> 00:16:15,045
God, you don't get it!
444
00:16:15,302 --> 00:16:17,314
You ruined my shot with Dan.
445
00:16:17,316 --> 00:16:19,179
Wait... Dan Decker?
446
00:16:19,264 --> 00:16:21,197
Before you cancelled the lab,
me and Dan were partnered up.
447
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,633
We were gonna spend the whole week
448
00:16:22,635 --> 00:16:24,401
carving up pigs and falling for each other.
449
00:16:24,403 --> 00:16:26,710
Hold on a second. So you betrayed me
450
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,635
for some stupid high school crush?
451
00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:30,527
This was my chance to show him something
452
00:16:30,529 --> 00:16:32,164
that I'm really good at.
453
00:16:32,431 --> 00:16:33,963
And now you screwed it all up.
454
00:16:33,965 --> 00:16:35,532
Yeah, well now we're both screwed,
455
00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:37,033
'cause I gotta go find
something else to dissect
456
00:16:37,035 --> 00:16:39,027
or, thanks to you, I'm gonna
look like a fool tomorrow.
457
00:16:40,405 --> 00:16:43,008
You know, I might have
hurt you on accident,
458
00:16:43,575 --> 00:16:45,008
but you hurt me on purpose.
459
00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:47,944
[LIGHT MUSIC]
460
00:16:47,946 --> 00:16:51,548
?
461
00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:56,288
[CLOCK TICKING]
462
00:16:56,313 --> 00:16:58,680
- [DOOR OPENS]
- All right, everyone shut up.
463
00:16:58,682 --> 00:17:00,482
Uh, apologies in advance
464
00:17:00,484 --> 00:17:02,984
for the brutal condition of this squirrel.
465
00:17:03,259 --> 00:17:04,400
Didn't really have...
466
00:17:06,169 --> 00:17:07,946
All right, what's the story here?
467
00:17:09,259 --> 00:17:11,904
This thing's beautiful. Organs all intact.
468
00:17:11,904 --> 00:17:13,318
Professionally butchered.
469
00:17:14,807 --> 00:17:15,883
Ah.
470
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,550
I stole it from my dad's shop, boss.
471
00:17:18,878 --> 00:17:20,077
- [SOFT LAUGH]
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
472
00:17:20,146 --> 00:17:21,445
Knock knock, Jack.
473
00:17:21,514 --> 00:17:22,813
Here to bring the superintendent's tour
474
00:17:22,882 --> 00:17:24,115
to a close.
475
00:17:24,183 --> 00:17:26,117
We've all got high hopes for this one.
476
00:17:26,185 --> 00:17:27,585
Of course. Welcome, everyone.
477
00:17:27,654 --> 00:17:30,187
Oh, please tell me
this isn't a pig volcano.
478
00:17:30,256 --> 00:17:32,456
- A what?
- Pig volcano.
479
00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:35,204
I'm so sorry. I'm hearing "pig volcano."
480
00:17:35,283 --> 00:17:38,551
I was told this would
be a fetal pig dissection.
481
00:17:38,576 --> 00:17:39,778
This is a full-grown hog.
482
00:17:39,821 --> 00:17:41,989
Uh, yes. Well, um,
483
00:17:42,324 --> 00:17:44,647
piglets' organs are much too small
484
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:47,339
to be properly observed
by the untrained eye.
485
00:17:47,408 --> 00:17:49,842
But Principal Durbin
gives us a lot of freedom,
486
00:17:49,911 --> 00:17:51,710
which Aristotle defines as
487
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:55,014
"obedience to self-formulated rules."
488
00:17:55,082 --> 00:17:56,082
Now, that...
489
00:17:56,629 --> 00:17:57,850
That's innovation.
490
00:17:57,919 --> 00:17:59,351
Very innovative, yeah.
491
00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:00,737
So, shall we begin?
492
00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:02,688
All right.
493
00:18:02,757 --> 00:18:05,424
Welcome to A.P. Bio.
Let's begin the dissection.
494
00:18:05,493 --> 00:18:07,743
Heather, if you'd care to
assist the demonstration?
495
00:18:09,196 --> 00:18:11,349
- Sure thing, Mr. Griffin.
- Mm-hmm.
496
00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:13,866
All right. Now, keep in mind
497
00:18:13,935 --> 00:18:16,268
this can be an emotionally
difficult process,
498
00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:18,037
especially if you are working with a pig
499
00:18:18,105 --> 00:18:19,305
that you yourself raised.
500
00:18:19,796 --> 00:18:20,940
First thing you're gonna do
501
00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:22,041
is hack off the snout.
502
00:18:22,109 --> 00:18:23,208
It goes directly in the trash.
503
00:18:23,277 --> 00:18:24,543
The customers do not want that,
504
00:18:24,612 --> 00:18:25,711
unless they're French.
505
00:18:25,780 --> 00:18:27,379
- [KNIFE WHACKS]
- [ALL GASP]
506
00:18:27,448 --> 00:18:28,781
[SNOUT THUDDING]
507
00:18:28,849 --> 00:18:31,107
I'm sorry. Uh, did you say "customers"?
508
00:18:31,188 --> 00:18:32,184
Yeppers.
509
00:18:32,184 --> 00:18:33,886
Next we're gonna hack off the hooves.
510
00:18:33,955 --> 00:18:35,455
Those also go directly in the trash.
511
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:36,679
[KNIFE WHACKS]
512
00:18:37,224 --> 00:18:39,992
[MILITARISTIC MUSIC]
513
00:18:40,061 --> 00:18:43,395
?
514
00:18:43,464 --> 00:18:44,570
Mr. Griffin.
515
00:18:44,571 --> 00:18:46,170
Maybe you could explain the dissection
516
00:18:46,239 --> 00:18:48,955
using more standard scientific
517
00:18:49,188 --> 00:18:50,698
biological terms?
518
00:18:53,642 --> 00:18:55,513
You're right, Sarika. Of course.
519
00:18:55,582 --> 00:18:56,692
Thank you.
520
00:18:57,517 --> 00:18:58,646
Uh.
521
00:18:58,671 --> 00:18:59,703
[SOFT SQUELCHING]
522
00:18:59,734 --> 00:19:02,662
Behold... the adrenal glands.
523
00:19:03,289 --> 00:19:05,123
The part of the endocrine
system responsible
524
00:19:05,191 --> 00:19:06,958
for producing various hormones:
525
00:19:07,026 --> 00:19:09,026
uh, cortisol, adrenaline, et cetera.
526
00:19:09,450 --> 00:19:12,597
Now here we find them on the
cephalic end of the kidneys
527
00:19:12,665 --> 00:19:14,799
instead of on top, which is what
528
00:19:14,868 --> 00:19:16,442
we would observe in humans.
529
00:19:17,437 --> 00:19:19,578
[SOFTLY] I never said
I didn't know biology.
530
00:19:20,129 --> 00:19:22,047
I'm just never gonna teach it to you.
531
00:19:22,776 --> 00:19:23,908
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
532
00:19:23,977 --> 00:19:25,910
Now, we use pigs because
533
00:19:25,979 --> 00:19:28,713
they have the same thoracic
and abdominal organs...
534
00:19:28,782 --> 00:19:34,051
?
535
00:19:34,076 --> 00:19:35,156
There we go.
536
00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:38,917
I, uh, strongly recommend
a Memphis rub on those cuts.
537
00:19:38,988 --> 00:19:41,926
Mr. Griffin, this was very informative
538
00:19:41,995 --> 00:19:43,995
and certainly innovative.
539
00:19:44,063 --> 00:19:45,096
- Ah.
- [SOFT CHUCKLE]
540
00:19:45,165 --> 00:19:46,931
Whitlock is lucky to have you.
541
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,806
Ah, thank you very much.
542
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,938
Thank you Jack for bringing it home.
543
00:19:54,007 --> 00:19:54,972
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, my God.
544
00:19:55,041 --> 00:19:56,307
No sweat, Ralph.
545
00:19:56,376 --> 00:19:57,775
Thanks to you, I am in serious running
546
00:19:57,844 --> 00:20:00,085
for the Innovative Principal of the Year!
547
00:20:01,715 --> 00:20:03,581
Could I, uh, get a loin?
548
00:20:07,654 --> 00:20:10,087
[BELL RINGING]
549
00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:11,559
- Hey, yo, H
-Bomb,
550
00:20:11,584 --> 00:20:12,731
check this crap out.
551
00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:15,895
- Hey, yo, Dan Decker, hold up.
- What's up?
552
00:20:15,895 --> 00:20:18,074
Um, Heather could probably
use a little bit of help
553
00:20:18,099 --> 00:20:19,997
cleaning this whole mess up. Cool, bud?
554
00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:21,409
Let me guess, if I don't...
555
00:20:21,477 --> 00:20:22,877
- I get an F?
- You get an F, yeah.
556
00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:24,562
Let's go. All right.
557
00:20:33,838 --> 00:20:36,257
Yo, that was pretty dope
the way you sliced that pig up.
558
00:20:37,052 --> 00:20:39,226
Yeah, yeah. Guess I'm kind of a boss.
559
00:20:39,295 --> 00:20:40,461
[BADFINGER'S "NO MATTER WHAT"]
560
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:43,798
? No matter what you are ?
561
00:20:43,866 --> 00:20:48,102
? I always be with you ?
562
00:20:48,171 --> 00:20:49,103
? 'Cause no matter what... ?
563
00:20:49,172 --> 00:20:50,337
[SOFT LAUGH]
564
00:20:50,406 --> 00:20:52,239
- I really suck at this.
- Yeah.
565
00:20:52,308 --> 00:20:55,442
? Ooh, girl, with you ?
566
00:20:55,466 --> 00:20:57,466
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
567
00:20:57,516 --> 00:21:02,066
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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