All language subtitles for A.P Bio s01e07

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian Download
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,368 [LAUGHING] Yes! 2 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,384 Yes! 3 00:00:09,078 --> 00:00:10,090 Death. 4 00:00:10,312 --> 00:00:11,376 Mr. Griffin? 5 00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:13,045 What? What? I-I told you 6 00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,446 today was a day for quiet reflection. 7 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,248 Can we at least do a Miles Mission? 8 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,716 Not needed today. 9 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,559 I'm writing a book that's going to crush him, 10 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,086 so everyone stop talking. 11 00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:23,722 Just go to sleep. Does anyone know any lullabies? 12 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,958 ? The sun is yawning ? 13 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,627 ? It's sleepy-time ? 14 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,929 ? Dreams are spawning ? 15 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,765 ? Clouds decline ? 16 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,448 O-okay. Interesting. 17 00:00:34,488 --> 00:00:36,268 Is that an original? Yeah? 18 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,270 All right, well, I have a lot of follow-up questions, 19 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,472 but I will not get sucked into any of this today. 20 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:43,442 [PIXIES' "U-MASS"] 21 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:49,681 ? 22 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,917 ? In the sleepy west ? 23 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,253 - ? Of the woody east ? - _ 24 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,388 ? Is a valley full ? 25 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,624 ? Full o' pioneer ? 26 00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,993 - ? We're not just kids ? - 27 00:01:00,995 --> 00:01:02,961 ? To say the least ? 28 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:05,230 ? We got ideas ? 29 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,366 ? To us that's dear ? 30 00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,501 - ? Like capitalist ? - _ 31 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,936 ? Like communist ? 32 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:11,904 [MECHANICAL CLANKING] 33 00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:12,905 [YELPS] Ah! 34 00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:13,939 Stupid water heater! 35 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,241 ? You've heard about ? 36 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,377 ? And redneckers ? 37 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:21,280 - ? They get us pissed ? - _ 38 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,848 - [MUSIC STOPS] - [EXHALES] 39 00:01:25,121 --> 00:01:27,920 Jack, my friend, you just wrote your way 40 00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,664 out of this dried-up turd of a town. 41 00:01:30,711 --> 00:01:33,733 Did you just call Toledo a dried-up turd town? 42 00:01:33,758 --> 00:01:36,078 I did. I did, and it is. 43 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,763 And thanks to this book I finished, 44 00:01:37,788 --> 00:01:40,665 I will not be here much longer, hence the champagne. 45 00:01:41,148 --> 00:01:42,832 It's a beautiful day outside. 46 00:01:42,832 --> 00:01:44,258 Why don't we call it early? 47 00:01:44,259 --> 00:01:45,523 Cheers, guys! 48 00:01:45,792 --> 00:01:47,448 [CHUCKLES] 49 00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:49,869 - [DOOR CLOSES] - We've got some time. 50 00:01:49,894 --> 00:01:51,426 How about the rest of that lullaby? 51 00:01:51,428 --> 00:01:52,501 Sure! 52 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,464 ? The sun is yawning ? 53 00:01:55,466 --> 00:01:57,266 [RAMONES' "LISTEN TO MY HEART"] 54 00:01:57,268 --> 00:01:59,201 - ? It's sleepy-time ? - One, two, three, four! 55 00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,069 ? Next time, I'll listen to my heart ? 56 00:02:01,071 --> 00:02:04,173 ? Next time, well, I'll be smart ? 57 00:02:04,175 --> 00:02:11,146 ? 58 00:02:20,291 --> 00:02:22,558 [CELL PHONE CHIMING] 59 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:25,738 Hey! Jack-O! 60 00:02:25,738 --> 00:02:27,031 I got your text. 61 00:02:27,173 --> 00:02:28,568 What's the big news? 62 00:02:28,568 --> 00:02:30,535 Well, I just finished writing a new book, 63 00:02:30,538 --> 00:02:33,145 and I'm gonna expose you for the fraud you are. 64 00:02:33,169 --> 00:02:34,673 Yeah, it's my friend Jack. 65 00:02:34,675 --> 00:02:35,808 He wrote a book! 66 00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:37,543 - Jack! - Way to go! 67 00:02:37,545 --> 00:02:39,211 - Are you at a party? - Uh, no, more of a... 68 00:02:39,213 --> 00:02:41,434 It's like a chill sesh, really. 69 00:02:41,539 --> 00:02:44,821 Um, that's David Eggleston, my, uh, publisher. 70 00:02:45,271 --> 00:02:47,871 Steve Jones... from the Sex Pistols! 71 00:02:47,872 --> 00:02:50,039 [LAUGHS] And, uh, Bill Nye! 72 00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:51,474 I'm sorry, what is happening? 73 00:02:51,476 --> 00:02:53,508 We're all in the same meditation class. 74 00:02:53,645 --> 00:02:55,521 Oh, and this is Fiona. 75 00:02:55,624 --> 00:02:56,924 Uh, she's a model. 76 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,361 At Warby Parker! 77 00:02:59,237 --> 00:03:00,394 Clever as well. 78 00:03:00,396 --> 00:03:01,462 Where are you? 79 00:03:01,464 --> 00:03:02,797 Oh, I'm, um... 80 00:03:02,998 --> 00:03:04,832 I'm actually also... I'm at my 81 00:03:04,834 --> 00:03:06,667 lady friend's apartment. 82 00:03:06,669 --> 00:03:08,235 Is she 75? [LAUGHS] 83 00:03:08,237 --> 00:03:10,671 All this old lady stuff is... She's being ironic. 84 00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:12,139 - You know. - Yo, what's up, Jack? 85 00:03:12,141 --> 00:03:14,851 Oh! Flav's here with the nachos! 86 00:03:14,914 --> 00:03:17,421 Wait, Flavor Flav was in your meditation class? 87 00:03:17,446 --> 00:03:19,446 No. I'm just a fan of Miles. 88 00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:21,181 His book changed my life. 89 00:03:21,183 --> 00:03:22,716 Philosophy, boy-ee! 90 00:03:22,718 --> 00:03:25,953 Ah! So, what's your book about... boy-ee? 91 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,488 Well, I can tell you what it isn't. 92 00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:28,922 It's not some upbeat pop philosophy 93 00:03:28,924 --> 00:03:30,891 with a dumb title like "A Hundred Smiles" 94 00:03:30,893 --> 00:03:32,693 - "in Your Pocket" or some... - [LAUGHS] 95 00:03:32,695 --> 00:03:34,628 Yeah, no, my book is the real deal. 96 00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:36,630 It's called "The End: A Philosophy of Death." 97 00:03:36,632 --> 00:03:39,299 It's tough stuff, but I think it's really gonna resonate. 98 00:03:39,301 --> 00:03:41,935 Hey! Eggleston's one of the top boys as Colfax. 99 00:03:41,937 --> 00:03:43,403 Have you sent them a copy? 100 00:03:43,405 --> 00:03:45,038 Yes, Miles, I didn't forget to send 101 00:03:45,063 --> 00:03:46,091 my book out to one of the biggest 102 00:03:46,116 --> 00:03:47,118 publishing houses in the country. 103 00:03:47,147 --> 00:03:48,951 Great, then I shall put in a good word. 104 00:03:48,992 --> 00:03:51,959 Not to brag, but they're kind of obsessed with me. 105 00:03:51,984 --> 00:03:53,821 - He's the best! - Oh, shut up. 106 00:03:53,846 --> 00:03:55,079 Oh, it... Ah, he... 107 00:03:55,081 --> 00:03:56,514 Listen, we gotta go, Jack, uh, 108 00:03:56,516 --> 00:03:58,516 because David Blaine's about to levitate 109 00:03:58,518 --> 00:03:59,750 on the driveway. 110 00:03:59,752 --> 00:04:00,885 See ya! 111 00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:03,754 Why is Miles getting to hang out with a Sex Pistol? 112 00:04:03,756 --> 00:04:05,456 I should be hanging out with a Sex Pistol. 113 00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:06,757 [UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 114 00:04:06,759 --> 00:04:08,884 - You gotta get the... - I know... 115 00:04:09,862 --> 00:04:13,232 Oh, look at you two sharing another Cobb salad. 116 00:04:13,264 --> 00:04:14,565 You know what I say. 117 00:04:14,567 --> 00:04:16,433 Share everything except negativity. 118 00:04:16,435 --> 00:04:18,169 - BOTH: Mm-hmm. - And napkins. 119 00:04:18,171 --> 00:04:20,004 - Yeah, we're with you. - Oh, crap! 120 00:04:20,166 --> 00:04:22,821 Superintendent's been on hold for 42 minutes. 121 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,233 - Wow. - Good job, Helen. 122 00:04:24,582 --> 00:04:27,250 Okay, guys, uh, we need to update 123 00:04:27,252 --> 00:04:29,434 everyone's emergency contact info. 124 00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:32,472 As you know, last week, Mrs. Kenwood had a fall. 125 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,438 We called her emergency contact. 126 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,016 Turns out it was her ex-boyfriend 127 00:04:37,223 --> 00:04:38,522 and current stalker. 128 00:04:38,524 --> 00:04:40,090 Long story short, he already knew. 129 00:04:40,092 --> 00:04:41,425 Not a good guy. Okay. 130 00:04:41,427 --> 00:04:42,926 So let's get started. 131 00:04:42,928 --> 00:04:46,230 Michelle has put down her husband, Keith. 132 00:04:46,232 --> 00:04:47,470 Dreamboat alert! 133 00:04:47,470 --> 00:04:49,003 Michelle, please, we need to get through this quickly. 134 00:04:49,005 --> 00:04:50,471 Stef has put down Mary. 135 00:04:50,473 --> 00:04:51,806 Cobb club! 136 00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,602 Okay, can we just... Thank you. 137 00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:57,193 Mary has put down Michelle, and Cathy has put down Ben... 138 00:04:57,218 --> 00:04:59,395 Wait. What did you just say? 139 00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:02,488 Mary, what is the deal, girl? 140 00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:04,223 We were sitting next to each other 141 00:05:04,225 --> 00:05:05,348 when we filled these out. 142 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,180 I put you down, and I told you to put me down. 143 00:05:08,216 --> 00:05:10,979 Right, you definitely told me to put you down, 144 00:05:10,979 --> 00:05:12,679 but I'm a grown-ass woman, so I decided 145 00:05:12,681 --> 00:05:14,052 to put Michelle down. 146 00:05:14,149 --> 00:05:16,183 Don't have a Stef freak-out and start yelling. 147 00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:17,417 I am not yelling! 148 00:05:17,419 --> 00:05:18,618 Ralph, am I yelling? 149 00:05:18,620 --> 00:05:19,753 Ralph, would you call this yelling? 150 00:05:19,755 --> 00:05:21,354 Would you consider this a yell? 151 00:05:21,356 --> 00:05:23,290 'Cause I think this is a very low-decibel "Ralph"! 152 00:05:23,292 --> 00:05:25,792 - Ralph, when someone yells... - I don't even yell, Ralph! 153 00:05:25,794 --> 00:05:27,120 I have a change of voice, Ralph! 154 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,830 Hey! Oh, I can't do this. Walk away, Ralph. 155 00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:29,958 You know what? 156 00:05:30,198 --> 00:05:32,331 You can share your lunch with someone else. 157 00:05:32,852 --> 00:05:35,260 And give me my damn tomato. 158 00:05:35,323 --> 00:05:36,402 This is mine. 159 00:05:39,327 --> 00:05:41,160 You can have half my beefy broccoli. 160 00:05:41,416 --> 00:05:43,495 It really needs to be eaten today. 161 00:05:43,495 --> 00:05:45,708 It's right on the edge. 162 00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:50,806 - [UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] - _ 163 00:05:50,831 --> 00:05:52,690 - All right, well, you didn't get it. - _ 164 00:05:53,104 --> 00:05:55,238 - ? - _ 165 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,240 - Oh, come on. - _ 166 00:05:57,242 --> 00:06:00,525 - ? - _ 167 00:06:00,525 --> 00:06:02,091 Even the Germans? 168 00:06:04,522 --> 00:06:06,489 Tell you guys, man, the whole publishing world now 169 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,290 is filled with a bunch of corporate frat guys 170 00:06:08,292 --> 00:06:10,259 just so busy high-fiving themselves 171 00:06:10,261 --> 00:06:12,945 and quoting "Scarface" to appreciate real genius. 172 00:06:13,495 --> 00:06:15,831 I'm gonna be stuck in this dead-end hell town forever. 173 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,133 Yesterday you called it a dried-up turd town. 174 00:06:18,313 --> 00:06:20,528 Sounds like you're warming up to Toledo. 175 00:06:20,528 --> 00:06:21,639 [CELL PHONE CHIMING] 176 00:06:21,639 --> 00:06:22,972 Uh, quick, everybody, uh, pretend 177 00:06:22,974 --> 00:06:25,007 you're at a fancy cocktail party. 178 00:06:25,415 --> 00:06:27,282 This is a wonderful fancy cocktail. 179 00:06:27,284 --> 00:06:30,487 Free shrimp, I can just... eat as much shrimp as I want? 180 00:06:30,487 --> 00:06:31,982 - All of it? - Alcohol. 181 00:06:32,529 --> 00:06:33,928 Because we're grown-ups. 182 00:06:34,113 --> 00:06:36,847 - Stop! Okay. All right. - That's enough. Plan B. 183 00:06:36,849 --> 00:06:38,115 Just cover your mouths and shut up. 184 00:06:38,117 --> 00:06:39,917 Don't say anything. Hello! Miles! 185 00:06:39,919 --> 00:06:40,989 Hey! Jack-O. 186 00:06:40,989 --> 00:06:42,020 Brilliant news. 187 00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:43,490 My publishers want to work with you. 188 00:06:43,492 --> 00:06:45,358 Your publishers want to work with me? 189 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,926 Great, well, tell 'em they better hurry up 190 00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,628 'cause I'm about to close a number of deals 191 00:06:48,630 --> 00:06:50,230 on "A Philosophy of Death." 192 00:06:50,232 --> 00:06:51,398 You know, big deals. 193 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,233 A big number of-of big deals. 194 00:06:53,235 --> 00:06:55,502 No, uh, not a problem, 'cause the guys at Colfax 195 00:06:55,504 --> 00:06:57,337 didn't actually want that book. 196 00:06:57,339 --> 00:06:59,654 They felt it was a little dark. 197 00:06:59,679 --> 00:07:01,150 But they loved your other idea. 198 00:07:01,175 --> 00:07:02,252 What other idea? 199 00:07:02,252 --> 00:07:03,785 "A Hundred Smiles in Your Pocket." 200 00:07:04,035 --> 00:07:06,669 - I was being sarcastic. - Uh, oh, were you? 201 00:07:06,671 --> 00:07:08,137 Well, they love it. 202 00:07:08,139 --> 00:07:10,572 A hundred fun, easily digestible 203 00:07:10,574 --> 00:07:12,574 philosophy nuggets that help you smile! 204 00:07:12,576 --> 00:07:13,909 I've got the lemons! 205 00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:15,711 Steve, mate, I'm on the blower here, bro. 206 00:07:15,713 --> 00:07:18,347 S-sorry, Jack, it's Steve Jones. 207 00:07:18,349 --> 00:07:20,282 Steve Jones from the Sex Pistols? 208 00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:22,373 Are you kidding me, Miles, what is happening over there? 209 00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:23,430 I know, right? 210 00:07:23,587 --> 00:07:25,222 Weirdest week ever. 211 00:07:25,222 --> 00:07:26,537 Yeah, all right, well, you know, 212 00:07:26,562 --> 00:07:27,723 look, I'm not a sellout, 213 00:07:27,725 --> 00:07:28,824 so why don't you go ahead 214 00:07:28,826 --> 00:07:29,992 and find some other clown 215 00:07:29,994 --> 00:07:31,144 to fill your pants with smiles? 216 00:07:31,144 --> 00:07:33,398 Ah, mm, that's a shame, 'cause, I mean, 217 00:07:33,423 --> 00:07:35,962 it would mean a $40,000 advance. 218 00:07:36,526 --> 00:07:39,156 Uh, 40... Well, yeah, I'm gonna do it! 219 00:07:39,477 --> 00:07:41,610 I mean, of course I'm gonna... 220 00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:42,935 What was the idea, though, again? 221 00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:45,046 "A Mile of Smiles in Your Bonnet"? 222 00:07:45,206 --> 00:07:46,572 I'll write it down this time. 223 00:07:49,351 --> 00:07:50,384 [CHUCKLES] 224 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:52,567 Oh, magnificent. 225 00:07:52,592 --> 00:07:54,058 Your new water heater's ready to go. 226 00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:56,488 - Great! - Thank you, Jiffy. 227 00:07:56,816 --> 00:07:58,196 That's the name of the company. 228 00:07:58,198 --> 00:08:00,164 - My name's Don. - Your name's Don? 229 00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:01,792 Well, how was I supposed to know that? 230 00:08:02,135 --> 00:08:03,267 All right, well, I don't have time 231 00:08:03,269 --> 00:08:04,602 to read your whole shirt, pal. 232 00:08:04,604 --> 00:08:06,223 All right, thanks. Take care. 233 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,473 All right, you're all set. 234 00:08:08,475 --> 00:08:09,907 Time for you to get to know your remote. 235 00:08:09,909 --> 00:08:11,309 I-I think I got it, man. 236 00:08:11,311 --> 00:08:13,144 Um, and do me a favor, leave the box. 237 00:08:13,146 --> 00:08:14,946 I think I'm gonna be moving to New York City soon. 238 00:08:14,948 --> 00:08:16,147 Yeah, oh, and, uh, why don't you get 239 00:08:16,149 --> 00:08:17,415 something nice for your wife? 240 00:08:17,417 --> 00:08:18,716 Ooh. Thank you. 241 00:08:18,718 --> 00:08:20,279 But I do not have a wife. 242 00:08:20,387 --> 00:08:21,652 I want a wife so much. 243 00:08:21,654 --> 00:08:23,187 Okay. All right. Off you go. 244 00:08:23,189 --> 00:08:24,253 Thank you. 245 00:08:25,825 --> 00:08:28,059 [CELL PHONE CHIMING AND BUZZING] 246 00:08:32,499 --> 00:08:34,565 Hey! Miles. 247 00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,968 Howdy-hi, Jack-O! How's the book coming along? 248 00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:38,736 It's going great... Hey, speaking of, uh, 249 00:08:38,738 --> 00:08:41,806 when can I expect that, uh, money to hit my account? 250 00:08:41,808 --> 00:08:43,508 Listen, that's why I'm calling you. 251 00:08:43,510 --> 00:08:45,243 You need to fly out to New York on Friday 252 00:08:45,245 --> 00:08:47,211 and just do a little dog and pony show 253 00:08:47,213 --> 00:08:48,726 for the guys at Colfax. 254 00:08:48,726 --> 00:08:50,425 So, what, I gotta bro out with a bunch of middle-aged 255 00:08:50,427 --> 00:08:52,461 frat guys who know nothing about good writing? 256 00:08:52,463 --> 00:08:54,723 No, you just gotta present some "smiles." 257 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,287 Sure, man. Uh, yeah, whatever. 258 00:08:57,289 --> 00:08:59,155 Well, then, I shall tell them full steam ahead. 259 00:08:59,157 --> 00:09:01,391 Listen, I've gotta go... Me and David Blaine 260 00:09:01,393 --> 00:09:02,525 are getting our teeth whitened. 261 00:09:02,527 --> 00:09:03,874 More. [LAUGHS] 262 00:09:03,874 --> 00:09:05,283 Mental. Ciao for now. 263 00:09:05,315 --> 00:09:06,314 Aw! 264 00:09:06,316 --> 00:09:07,615 Why does he get to... 265 00:09:07,617 --> 00:09:10,752 [UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 266 00:09:10,754 --> 00:09:11,978 Excuse me. 267 00:09:12,756 --> 00:09:13,921 Hey, Jack! 268 00:09:14,357 --> 00:09:16,324 Have you ever seen a turtle 269 00:09:16,326 --> 00:09:18,536 with a kitten riding on its back? 270 00:09:19,129 --> 00:09:20,517 Uh, no. 271 00:09:20,517 --> 00:09:22,524 Well, you got somethin' to look forward to, hon. 272 00:09:22,524 --> 00:09:24,519 You know, this incessant happy talk 273 00:09:24,521 --> 00:09:25,745 is a form of harassment. 274 00:09:25,770 --> 00:09:26,821 Aww. 275 00:09:27,159 --> 00:09:28,654 What you got there? 276 00:09:28,654 --> 00:09:31,221 It's an Italian espresso maker for the faculty lounge. 277 00:09:31,223 --> 00:09:33,423 Fancy. Does it make cocoa? 278 00:09:33,425 --> 00:09:35,192 Because I'm a strict cocoa-tarian. 279 00:09:35,194 --> 00:09:36,585 [WHEEZES] 280 00:09:36,584 --> 00:09:38,362 You know, I mean this in the nicest possible way, 281 00:09:38,364 --> 00:09:41,249 but you might be the worst person I've ever met. 282 00:09:42,771 --> 00:09:45,569 I'm gonna squeeze the candy out of ya! 283 00:09:45,571 --> 00:09:48,305 See, I really don't like blue cheese. 284 00:09:48,307 --> 00:09:49,451 Oh, just... 285 00:09:51,423 --> 00:09:53,457 Just laugh real hard at whatever I say. 286 00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:54,525 Just... yes? 287 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,926 Oh-ho-ho! 288 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,603 [BOTH LAUGHING] 289 00:09:57,603 --> 00:09:59,443 - Hoo! - Oh-ho! 290 00:09:59,972 --> 00:10:01,538 [BOTH LAUGHING] 291 00:10:01,540 --> 00:10:03,106 Quick, tell me the funniest thing 292 00:10:03,108 --> 00:10:04,674 you've ever heard in your entire life. 293 00:10:04,676 --> 00:10:06,776 Um... oh, well, Keith made me the cutest lunch. 294 00:10:06,778 --> 00:10:09,194 [LAUGHS] Yes! 295 00:10:10,148 --> 00:10:12,616 - Ha-ha! You... - [LAUGHS] 296 00:10:12,618 --> 00:10:15,485 [ALL LAUGHING] 297 00:10:17,089 --> 00:10:19,256 - [CLOCK TICKING] - _ 298 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,993 You're just staring. You're not doing anything. 299 00:10:22,911 --> 00:10:23,960 Actually... 300 00:10:25,505 --> 00:10:27,038 You know what I want to know from you guys? 301 00:10:27,134 --> 00:10:28,733 Tell me, what makes you smile? 302 00:10:28,997 --> 00:10:31,111 - This feels like a trap. - No, no, it's not a trap. 303 00:10:31,111 --> 00:10:32,407 Come on, guys. Extra credit. 304 00:10:32,407 --> 00:10:33,835 Wh-what makes you happy? 305 00:10:33,835 --> 00:10:35,208 Getting my biology book back. 306 00:10:35,210 --> 00:10:36,609 Mutant strains. 307 00:10:36,611 --> 00:10:38,381 - My iPhone. - "Star Wars" LEGOs. 308 00:10:38,381 --> 00:10:39,412 Dinner with my dad 309 00:10:39,414 --> 00:10:40,918 every third Wednesday. 310 00:10:40,918 --> 00:10:42,851 I got one... So an African-American, 311 00:10:42,853 --> 00:10:45,020 a Mexican-American, and a honky walk into a bar... 312 00:10:45,022 --> 00:10:46,544 No. No. Uh-uh. 313 00:10:46,569 --> 00:10:47,956 No, we're not gonna... We're not gonna do that. 314 00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:49,541 That's-that's not what I'm talking about. 315 00:10:49,541 --> 00:10:51,686 Think more, like, warm and fuzzy, you know? 316 00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:53,751 And-and don't be afraid to share somethin' 317 00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,319 that just makes you feel good. 318 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,881 It feels really good to pee in the shower. 319 00:10:57,921 --> 00:10:59,287 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. I know. 320 00:10:59,289 --> 00:11:01,056 But that's-that's not what I mean. 321 00:11:01,058 --> 00:11:02,290 - [FEEDBACK WHINES] - Sorry to interrupt 322 00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:04,090 all the learnin', but I got a little bad news. 323 00:11:04,092 --> 00:11:06,880 The wasps have overtaken the band room again, 324 00:11:06,905 --> 00:11:08,571 so practice is canceled. 325 00:11:08,927 --> 00:11:10,124 Don't be sad, though, 326 00:11:10,123 --> 00:11:12,590 because every frown is just a smile 327 00:11:12,593 --> 00:11:14,393 you're lookin' at the wrong way! 328 00:11:14,395 --> 00:11:15,560 [FEEDBACK WHINES] 329 00:11:15,562 --> 00:11:17,696 Oh, Helen, you beautiful idiot. 330 00:11:17,698 --> 00:11:20,832 [UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 331 00:11:20,834 --> 00:11:21,804 [DOOR CLOSES] 332 00:11:21,969 --> 00:11:28,040 ? 333 00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:29,213 Hey! 334 00:11:29,213 --> 00:11:30,609 Good morning! 335 00:11:30,611 --> 00:11:33,111 There she is. Uh, Helen, would you like 336 00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:34,993 to come to dinner tonight at my place? 337 00:11:35,103 --> 00:11:37,770 I knew I shouldn't have worn this low-cut blouse. 338 00:11:37,772 --> 00:11:40,840 Jack, I am sorry, but you're just not my type. 339 00:11:40,842 --> 00:11:41,941 No! No, it's not that. 340 00:11:41,943 --> 00:11:43,109 I just thought it might be nice 341 00:11:43,111 --> 00:11:44,610 for us to get to know each other. 342 00:11:44,612 --> 00:11:45,630 Really? 343 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,373 Well, I would love that! 344 00:11:48,524 --> 00:11:50,958 Looks like somebody got bit by the sweetie bug! 345 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,226 Right on my li'l bum-bum. 346 00:11:52,228 --> 00:11:53,694 - Oh! - [LAUGHS] 347 00:11:53,696 --> 00:11:55,257 Your bum-bum! 348 00:11:55,665 --> 00:11:57,604 Oh, that's so cute! 349 00:11:57,604 --> 00:11:59,804 I have not heard "bum-bum." 350 00:12:00,221 --> 00:12:02,497 I am gonna have a nip slip on this. 351 00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:05,991 Jack. 352 00:12:06,195 --> 00:12:08,465 That was the most sumptuous plate of food 353 00:12:08,502 --> 00:12:10,101 I have ever had in my whole life. 354 00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:11,959 Yeah. Spaghetti's good. 355 00:12:11,961 --> 00:12:13,794 Uh, but listen, there is... 356 00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:15,867 another reason why I brought you here tonight. 357 00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:17,385 Damn this blouse! 358 00:12:17,385 --> 00:12:19,503 No, Helen, it's not the... It's never gonna be the blouse, 359 00:12:19,528 --> 00:12:21,361 all right, I just, I'm working on a book 360 00:12:21,363 --> 00:12:23,854 to help people smile, and I thought, 361 00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:27,222 well, who makes me smile more than anyone? 362 00:12:27,636 --> 00:12:29,327 - Helen? - Yeah. 363 00:12:29,538 --> 00:12:31,138 Ha-ha. Helen does. 364 00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:33,273 So, um, I need your help. 365 00:12:33,275 --> 00:12:36,076 Oh, I'd be so honored to help you with your book. 366 00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:37,544 You know what I always say. 367 00:12:37,546 --> 00:12:40,180 Always go for a second helping of helping! 368 00:12:40,182 --> 00:12:42,049 Okay, yes! That's the stuff I need. 369 00:12:42,051 --> 00:12:43,450 Yeah, I-I need... I need more of those. 370 00:12:43,452 --> 00:12:44,918 You got a bunch of those? 371 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,687 Well, how about we get together tomorrow, 372 00:12:46,689 --> 00:12:48,255 maybe lunchtime, 373 00:12:48,257 --> 00:12:49,656 and I can give you a whole bunch of 'em... 374 00:12:49,658 --> 00:12:51,458 No, no, no. No, uh, now. 375 00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:52,626 I need 'em now. 376 00:12:52,628 --> 00:12:54,394 Oh, Jack, I-I'm tuckered out. 377 00:12:54,396 --> 00:12:55,996 It's almost 8:30. 378 00:12:55,998 --> 00:12:57,331 Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, just... 379 00:12:57,333 --> 00:12:59,233 I just need... I need 75 more of these, 380 00:12:59,235 --> 00:13:00,901 and then we're good... Come on, we can do it. 381 00:13:00,903 --> 00:13:03,495 Look, I'll, uh, I'll make us some coffee. 382 00:13:03,672 --> 00:13:06,498 - Oh, I-I really shouldn't. - Helen. 383 00:13:07,222 --> 00:13:08,455 What's one cup? 384 00:13:08,457 --> 00:13:10,229 Ugh, God, that smells good. 385 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:18,695 High fives and low fives are better than no fives! 386 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:19,699 Ha-ha! 387 00:13:19,701 --> 00:13:21,434 If somebody calls you a wet blanket, 388 00:13:21,436 --> 00:13:23,269 ask 'em how they'd like it in a desert 389 00:13:23,271 --> 00:13:24,371 if they saw you there. 390 00:13:24,373 --> 00:13:25,572 Are you getting this? 391 00:13:25,574 --> 00:13:27,208 Yes. Yes. M-more. More. 392 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:30,508 If you step on a berry, you just made some jam! 393 00:13:31,242 --> 00:13:32,975 I think I need more coffee, Jack. 394 00:13:35,093 --> 00:13:37,053 If you pass gas when you leave a room, 395 00:13:37,053 --> 00:13:38,319 it's called a toodle-oo! 396 00:13:38,588 --> 00:13:40,061 That the first half of something? 397 00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:41,594 If you spill your milk, 398 00:13:41,596 --> 00:13:43,998 it's just a paper towel gettin' a promotion! 399 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,007 Oh, my God, here's a good one, Jack. 400 00:13:46,009 --> 00:13:48,999 If you escape the womb, you can escape anything! 401 00:13:48,998 --> 00:13:50,084 Boom! 402 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,112 I am gonna be rich. 403 00:13:52,935 --> 00:13:54,769 [UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC] 404 00:13:54,771 --> 00:13:56,604 [PHONE RINGING] 405 00:13:56,606 --> 00:13:58,305 [SNORING] 406 00:13:59,175 --> 00:14:01,976 So that was the Wikipedia entry, 407 00:14:01,978 --> 00:14:04,880 and this is your paper. 408 00:14:05,448 --> 00:14:06,747 Okay, Ralph. 409 00:14:06,772 --> 00:14:08,749 It is the third Friday of the month. 410 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,401 Funky Friday? 411 00:14:10,401 --> 00:14:12,334 The day that Mary and I usually break out the karaoke machine? 412 00:14:12,336 --> 00:14:14,169 Well, today, Mary can suck an egg, 413 00:14:14,171 --> 00:14:17,473 because you and I are going to crush a duet. 414 00:14:17,475 --> 00:14:19,341 Oh, no, I haven't performed in years. 415 00:14:19,343 --> 00:14:22,778 I mean, I played trombone in a ska band in college. 416 00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:24,413 You know, the Skanky Doodles. 417 00:14:24,415 --> 00:14:26,448 We had a killer rendition of "Proud to Be an American," 418 00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,817 all ska'd out, and, you know, it was ironic. 419 00:14:28,819 --> 00:14:31,120 But also, no, we were very patriotic 420 00:14:31,358 --> 00:14:33,022 but also questioned everything. 421 00:14:33,024 --> 00:14:35,650 You know, the... '90s were nuts! 422 00:14:35,737 --> 00:14:36,926 You'll be fine. 423 00:14:36,928 --> 00:14:38,560 No one's gonna be looking at you anyway. 424 00:14:38,562 --> 00:14:39,707 See you later, girl! 425 00:14:39,732 --> 00:14:40,754 [DOOR HANDLE SHUFFLES] 426 00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:47,976 - What is this? - Hey, hey, hey, hey. 427 00:14:47,978 --> 00:14:50,178 That's my presentation. Give me that. 428 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,713 Don't ever go through my stuff again, 429 00:14:51,715 --> 00:14:54,730 or I'll beat your ass with whatever I can... find. 430 00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:56,263 Aw, you seem upset. 431 00:14:56,265 --> 00:14:57,918 Yo, maybe this will cheer you up. 432 00:14:57,918 --> 00:15:00,987 Fries are like jeans... They, uh, go with anything. 433 00:15:01,299 --> 00:15:03,236 [LAUGHS] That's very funny. 434 00:15:03,261 --> 00:15:04,822 You know what's really gonna cheer me up? 435 00:15:04,824 --> 00:15:06,190 All the money I'm gonna get from the millions 436 00:15:06,192 --> 00:15:07,558 of people who buy my new book. 437 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:08,826 "Hundred Smiles in Your Pocket"? 438 00:15:08,828 --> 00:15:09,661 That's lame. 439 00:15:09,663 --> 00:15:11,061 "You grow each day. 440 00:15:11,061 --> 00:15:12,630 Just ask your fingernails." 441 00:15:12,632 --> 00:15:14,132 Yeah, well, of course it sounds terrible 442 00:15:14,134 --> 00:15:15,366 when Marcus reads it. 443 00:15:15,368 --> 00:15:17,574 This is the book you told Miles you weren't gonna write. 444 00:15:17,574 --> 00:15:19,665 It seems like you're selling out, boss. 445 00:15:19,707 --> 00:15:21,173 No, this isn't selling out. 446 00:15:21,175 --> 00:15:22,841 Let me just explain how the world works. 447 00:15:22,843 --> 00:15:24,143 You see, sometimes, you write something 448 00:15:24,145 --> 00:15:25,343 that's just so brilliant 449 00:15:25,368 --> 00:15:27,179 that dum-dums don't want to publish it. 450 00:15:27,571 --> 00:15:30,983 So you go schmooze with a couple Chad Bro Chillingtons, 451 00:15:30,985 --> 00:15:32,518 you know, and then you crank out 452 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,400 whatever drivel they want, get paid. 453 00:15:34,628 --> 00:15:36,822 That is the exact definition of selling out. 454 00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:38,490 Yeah, well, I'll be sure to explain that 455 00:15:38,492 --> 00:15:39,925 to the Sex Pistols when we're watching 456 00:15:39,927 --> 00:15:41,860 David Copperfield levitate in my hot tub. 457 00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:45,126 Maybe he can pull your integrity out of a hat. 458 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,567 He certainly made your principles disappear. 459 00:15:48,569 --> 00:15:50,402 - Right? - Ha. Magic puns. 460 00:15:50,404 --> 00:15:51,703 Yeah, nice. 461 00:15:51,705 --> 00:15:53,639 The ultimate indicator of popularity. 462 00:15:53,641 --> 00:15:55,507 You know what? I'm gonna take off, 463 00:15:55,509 --> 00:15:57,142 go to the airport early, 464 00:15:57,144 --> 00:15:58,165 grab a Cinnabon. 465 00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:01,980 I got it... "Maybe David Copperfield 466 00:16:01,982 --> 00:16:03,148 could pull a rabbit out of..." 467 00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:04,542 Dude, he left. 468 00:16:08,361 --> 00:16:11,206 It is Friday! Who's ready to get funky? 469 00:16:11,439 --> 00:16:12,564 Hey, guys. 470 00:16:12,566 --> 00:16:15,962 Me and my bestie are going to sing it out. 471 00:16:15,987 --> 00:16:19,104 - Come on, Durbs. - All right. Ahem. 472 00:16:19,106 --> 00:16:20,672 ? I tell you what I want, what I really ? 473 00:16:20,674 --> 00:16:22,507 ? Really want, so tell me what you want ? 474 00:16:22,509 --> 00:16:24,309 ? What you really, really want ? 475 00:16:24,311 --> 00:16:26,111 ? I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna ? 476 00:16:26,113 --> 00:16:28,666 ? Really, really, really want to zig-a-zig-nope! ? 477 00:16:28,666 --> 00:16:32,024 Guys, I'm sorry, this... ugh, this is wrong. 478 00:16:32,049 --> 00:16:33,873 All right? And I don't mean my singing. 479 00:16:33,898 --> 00:16:36,565 I think I surprised everyone, including myself, 480 00:16:36,567 --> 00:16:40,202 with how good I was, but Mary and Stef, 481 00:16:40,204 --> 00:16:42,583 you guys, you've had the smallest disagreement, 482 00:16:42,583 --> 00:16:44,705 a-and you're both being so stubborn. 483 00:16:44,929 --> 00:16:46,742 I mean, one of you has gotta step up 484 00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:48,143 and be the bigger woman. 485 00:16:48,145 --> 00:16:50,417 I know he did not just say "bigger woman." 486 00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:53,723 Fine, you know what, I guess... 487 00:16:53,724 --> 00:16:55,791 I guess I did freak out a little bit 488 00:16:55,793 --> 00:16:58,060 because I was jealous that you picked Michelle, 489 00:16:58,062 --> 00:17:00,929 and I thought we agreed we were picking each other. 490 00:17:00,931 --> 00:17:02,287 But we didn't agree. 491 00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:03,753 You told me to put you down and just thought 492 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,323 I would follow along, and I usually do. 493 00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:08,359 Cobb club. Funky Friday. 494 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,652 Getting our nails done on the 14th of every month. 495 00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,529 Gotta come up with a name for that one. 496 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,798 So you don't like all of that stuff. 497 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,600 No, I love it! 498 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:19,362 But that doesn't mean I'm gonna blindly do everything you say. 499 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:22,139 Besides, I only chose Michelle as my emergency contact 500 00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,774 'cause if something crazy happened to me, 501 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,343 well, you'd be right by my side doing it too. 502 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,778 Remember the last time we almost died? 503 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,547 Drunk, topless, parasailing in the Bahamas? 504 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,950 Mm-hmm. Girl, you're right. 505 00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,318 I guess if there was an emergency, 506 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,640 chances are we'd be in it together. 507 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:38,622 You know what, Ralph? 508 00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:41,225 Make Michelle my emergency contact too. 509 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,227 Aww! You're so sweet! 510 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,495 Mm-hmm. 511 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:45,996 So, okay, worst-case scenario, 512 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,331 how long do you want me to wait 513 00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,400 before I give that plug a little yank? 514 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:53,070 - Jeez, Michelle! - Long! Very long! 515 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,972 Okay. Okay. 516 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:58,175 [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC] 517 00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:02,767 ? 518 00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:03,914 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 519 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,135 ? 520 00:18:06,135 --> 00:18:07,621 All right, come on, bitch. 521 00:18:08,784 --> 00:18:10,310 Come on, bitch. 522 00:18:10,895 --> 00:18:12,518 You got this, bitch. 523 00:18:13,765 --> 00:18:15,670 Don't be a bitch! 524 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:16,799 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 525 00:18:16,801 --> 00:18:17,900 [MUSIC STOPS] 526 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,821 Come on, bitch. You little bitch! 527 00:18:24,075 --> 00:18:26,142 Hey! What's up, bro? 528 00:18:26,144 --> 00:18:27,243 What's up, bronies? 529 00:18:27,245 --> 00:18:28,778 Hey, brosephinas. Nice. 530 00:18:28,780 --> 00:18:32,548 Oh! It's the Egg-Man from the FaceTime. 531 00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:35,089 [AS AL PACINO] Say hello to my little friend. 532 00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:38,029 - Mm? Oh? Yep. - [IMITATES FIREWORKS] 533 00:18:39,699 --> 00:18:41,132 Hey, Jack. 534 00:18:41,259 --> 00:18:42,925 Uh, we're really excited about this. 535 00:18:42,927 --> 00:18:44,032 Totally. 536 00:18:48,266 --> 00:18:49,596 You okay, Jack? 537 00:18:52,103 --> 00:18:53,102 No. 538 00:18:53,104 --> 00:18:54,771 No, guys, I can't, uh... 539 00:18:54,773 --> 00:18:56,071 I can't do this. 540 00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:58,391 [SIGHS] Look, I, uh... 541 00:18:58,695 --> 00:19:00,397 I want to tell you guys about something better. 542 00:19:00,830 --> 00:19:03,476 It's called "The End: A Philosophy of Death." 543 00:19:04,168 --> 00:19:05,287 That's me. 544 00:19:05,287 --> 00:19:06,914 That's what I'm about. 545 00:19:07,423 --> 00:19:09,122 Yeah, I thought Miles told you. 546 00:19:09,124 --> 00:19:10,791 It's not something we're interested in. 547 00:19:10,793 --> 00:19:13,174 Well, that's the only book on the table today, so... 548 00:19:13,462 --> 00:19:15,186 We get it, Jack, I mean, 549 00:19:15,186 --> 00:19:18,454 the smile book must have been pretty tough for you to write. 550 00:19:18,929 --> 00:19:21,162 Hold on a second there. Who said it was tough? 551 00:19:21,164 --> 00:19:22,897 'Cause that wasn't tough, all right? 552 00:19:22,899 --> 00:19:24,933 And if you guys read what I wrote, you'd love it. 553 00:19:24,935 --> 00:19:26,668 You'd go nuts. You'd buy it in a heartbeat. 554 00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:28,514 Here, let me just... Hold on. 555 00:19:29,147 --> 00:19:30,513 Oh, God. 556 00:19:30,515 --> 00:19:32,048 Who threw away all this potato salad? 557 00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:33,717 That was mine. Sorry. 558 00:19:33,719 --> 00:19:35,952 All right, well, whatever, I'm just gonna hit you guys 559 00:19:35,954 --> 00:19:37,554 with a couple of these smiles here. 560 00:19:37,556 --> 00:19:38,722 Uh, number 22. 561 00:19:38,724 --> 00:19:40,805 "It's not a flat tire, it's a swing." 562 00:19:41,601 --> 00:19:42,592 [LAUGHS] 563 00:19:42,594 --> 00:19:44,494 Smile 46: "If you step on a berry, 564 00:19:44,496 --> 00:19:45,662 you just made jam." 565 00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:46,963 See, I think I've proven my point. 566 00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:48,665 You know, I can... I can crank out 567 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:50,182 the kind of crap you guys want, but guess what? 568 00:19:51,570 --> 00:19:53,136 You're never gonna get any of it. 569 00:19:53,138 --> 00:19:56,161 Yeah, none of this is what we wanted, at all. 570 00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:57,507 You know what, I'm glad I'm not moving 571 00:19:57,509 --> 00:19:58,574 to this stupid city. 572 00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:00,043 It's just filled with a bunch of sellouts 573 00:20:00,045 --> 00:20:01,177 like you, Eggleston. 574 00:20:01,179 --> 00:20:02,412 Yeah, you're all just a bunch 575 00:20:02,414 --> 00:20:04,014 of fedora-wearing phonies! 576 00:20:05,232 --> 00:20:07,347 None of us have fedoras. 577 00:20:07,653 --> 00:20:11,032 Buddy... you are a fedora. 578 00:20:11,032 --> 00:20:13,199 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 579 00:20:13,621 --> 00:20:15,487 So, I wasn't able to hit Eggleston, 580 00:20:15,487 --> 00:20:17,053 but I pee-peed on his building, 581 00:20:17,055 --> 00:20:18,721 and I popped one of the interns pretty good. 582 00:20:18,723 --> 00:20:20,790 There's a warrant for my arrest in New York, 583 00:20:20,792 --> 00:20:21,791 but guess what? 584 00:20:21,793 --> 00:20:23,033 I ain't in New York. 585 00:20:23,407 --> 00:20:25,720 So, a bunch of us read your book about death. 586 00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:29,370 Yeah, yeah, it's... You know, it's... bleak. 587 00:20:29,954 --> 00:20:31,180 It was awesome. 588 00:20:31,182 --> 00:20:33,582 I can't stop thinking about it. 589 00:20:33,584 --> 00:20:35,317 Parts of it were, like, scary. 590 00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:37,186 And I like the part about how, uh, 591 00:20:37,188 --> 00:20:39,355 destruction and creation are basically the same thing. 592 00:20:39,357 --> 00:20:41,357 Oh, or the mouse trap analogy. 593 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:42,858 That was about destruction, right? 594 00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:44,493 No, no, it was about creation. 595 00:20:44,495 --> 00:20:46,362 They're the same thing, idiot. 596 00:20:46,364 --> 00:20:49,031 No, that's the thing, it's a cyclical process, right? 597 00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:52,868 [ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY] 598 00:20:53,344 --> 00:20:54,810 - I'm dying. - Totally. 599 00:20:54,812 --> 00:20:56,567 We're dying. Man, you dying! 600 00:20:56,848 --> 00:20:58,180 You're dying... You got a little sister? 601 00:20:58,182 --> 00:20:59,381 She dying too! 602 00:20:59,528 --> 00:21:01,766 [UPLIFTING MUSIC] 603 00:21:01,766 --> 00:21:04,134 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 604 00:21:04,184 --> 00:21:08,734 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 43180

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.