All language subtitles for 30 Rock s07e05.eng

Do you know what this means?

No.
I need a "previously on."

Previously on 30 Rock...

It all comes down
to Florida.

And they will do
whatever I say.

[All cheer]

Jenna and her 2 million
Twitter followers

might decide the election.

And if we figured this out,

that means Jack figured it out
10 minutes ago.

Go! Now!
Before I lose interest!

[Exciting orchestral music]

- Going somewhere, Lemon?
- Nothing!

Damn it!

Liz, there you are.

I need you to marry me so I
don't get sent back to Canada.

Really?
Now you have a thing?

Don't know why
I was so worried

about bringing
my marble collection to work.

Butterfingers!

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

Why do we have that?

Both: Jenna, we have to talk.
- Me first,

because I'm your best friend
and this is very important.

You know what?
Talk to Lemon.

I'll find someone else for
my thing you're not right for.

What thing?
I was born for it.

Am I not blonde enough?

Because I'll put
my head in a microwave.

Jenna, stop.
It's a trick.

He just needs you,
because you're gonna decide

the presidential election.

It's all about northern Florida,
and they love you down there.

Tell me about it.

Jacksonville's naming
their new airport...

Sized strip club after me.

No bottoms.

Just one tweet from you
to your fans, and Romney wins.

It'll be historic.

The first really,
really rich president.

No, don't listen to him.

What America needs
is four more years

of the stuff
Obama's been doing.

Like, um...

Uh, the one with the guy.

It was at night, and I feel like
he was standing next to a fence.

This country
needs Mitt Romney.

Like it needs
a hole in the head.

A head has five holes,
and they are all needed.

Okay, you two can
talk about America all you want,

but I'm not gonna listen,

because there's
no "I" or "me" in America.

There's both.

I mean,
if I'm gonna get political,

it's gonna be to build a better
country for Jenna Maroney.

Jenna,
this is a really big deal.

I agree.

It's an opportunity
to finally

put a pro-Jenna president
in the White House.

Someone who respects
the human fetus

and recognizes its value
as a hair volumizer.

You have 24 hours,
then we'll all meet back here,

and you present your cases.

Maybe I'll ask questions.

Maybe you two
can take turns arguing.

Like debate?

Like debarge?
I love debarge!

No, Jenna, I said...

I love debarge too,
Jenna.

Point Jack. Looks like
you have some work to do, Liz.

[Upbeat jazz music]

30 Rock
S07 Ep05 - There's no I in America

Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com

Mr. Jordan, it's here.

- It's finally here!
- What is?

My absentee ballot
from Stone Mountain.

Until this year,
I wasn't allowed to vote

because Reverend Gary
said choosing is a sin,

but then Reverend Todd said,
"Reverend Gary is dead.

Long live Reverend Todd,"
so here we are!

Good for you, K-Rock.

Voting is
a great American tradition

like laziness, or, uh...

Eh...
I'm so excited!

I mean, the Parcells
have been in this country

since we went berserk and
murdered everybody at Roanoke,

but I never felt like
a true American until today.

Like how you must've felt
four years ago

when you finally got to vote for
a president who looks like you.

Black Shrek
ran for president?

No, sir. Obama.

I forgot
about that half-nerd.

Probably because
I get all my news

from social media, and I've been
banned from all social media.

You have? Why?

Someone has to be
the first person

to make a joke
after a celebrity dies.

I guess I was a little
"too soon" with Andy Griffith.

What did you say?

I can't un-hear it.
I can't un-hear it!

Happy Election Eve!
Obama 2012.

The first
African-American president

ever to be up for reelection.
Whoo! Historical.

Dude, that's not
happening this year.

- No one's that excited.
- Then get excited.

Remember how fun
it was in 2008?

Come on, we'll have a party,
watch the returns,

maybe invite
the security guards.

Oh, my God.
Is this about Maria?

[All cheering]

Barack Obama is elected
to be the next president

of the United States
of America.

America!

That whole night
was a one-time thing, Pete.

No one's gonna
get that psyched a second time.

Why not? It's like when you do
karaoke and everyone's like,

"that was a really good
American pie, Pete.

You knew all the words,"

and then you put it on again

and everyone leaves
because no one can top it.

That's what this
is gonna be like.

Four more years!

Four more years!
That's the spirit!

Four more years!

Okay, Jack.

I was hoping that we could
get through this "campaign"

without going negative.

I agree.

You're the one
using negative words

like "without"
and "negative."

Uhhuh.

So, what was that attack ad
that I saw on the TGS feed?

Liz Lemon says
she's Jenna Maroney's friend,

but let's
look at the facts.

In 2011, Liz said...

The same polyps
Jenna had prayed for.

And what does Liz say
when she's behind closed doors?

Really, Liz?

Liz Lemon...

Research indicates
that that ad is polling

quite well with both
manic and depressive Jenna.

You know Jenna's
a liberal, Jack.

She's a slut monster,

and one of gay America's
top hags.

But this is what you do.

You trick people into voting
against their own interests,

and then you sell them out
at the drop of a hat.

First of all, I have never
dropped a hat in my life.

And don't be so sure
about Jenna's politics.

She's aging, mean, and rich.
That sounds republican to me.

Jenna is overly sensitive,
prone to hysteria,

and having been shot
and left for dead

in three different deserts,
pro gun control.

She is one of us.

Unbelievable.

Seven years
I've been mentoring you,

and I haven't been able
to move you an inch.

Good God, Lemon.

Enough with the histrionics.

Herstrionics.

Since you've known me,
I've been right about no less

than everything always,
yet you persist

in this impotent emotional
weltanschauung.

And it's not just politics.

For instance, I bet you bought
those hideous shoes

for some emotional reason.

For every pair you buy,
they give a pair to a child

that was forced to work in the
factory that makes these shoes.

It's not great,
but you know what?

I'm the one who's in
a stable relationship, Jack.

I like my job,

and I am one punch
away from getting

a free deviled egg at that
cool new deviled egg place.

So maybe you should
let me rub off on you.

You wish, you pervert.

Let me leave you
with this, Jack.

You may have
your dirty tricks,

but don't ever underestimate me
when it comes to...

[Phone plays
the Trashmen's Surfin' bird]

It's my gynecologist.

Doctor, thank you
for calling me back.

Did anyone leave a bag
of Burger King in your office?

Local ballot initiatives.

Proposition one

empowers the Mayor
of Stone Mountain to perform

necessary repairs on the town's
historic clock tower.

Oh, that old clock tower.

Nobody knows
what it's counting down to.

Well, I want to vote yes,

but how do I know
that's the right thing to do?

Well, what do the pro/con
statements say?

Okay, writing in favor
is Mayor Debbie herself.

Hey! I'm gonna
take the clock apart myself

then put it back together.

I wanna see how it works.

My friend jojo did it with
a toaster, and it's still good.

Lemme do it!

She makes
some good points.

But the con is written

by the hermit what lives
in the clock tower.

Ain't nobody
touch my clock.

It's my wife, and it's where
I do my sniperin'.

Now I don't know
what to think.

Voting
is a big responsibility.

To this day,
I have to live with the fact

that I cast
the deciding vote

[choked up]
That made white

the newest flavor
of Mountain Dew.

But I guess that's
just life in a democracy.

Hola. Mi amo Dora.

[Chuckles]
Hey, Maria.

- Hey, it's election day.
- Mm hmm.

Huge party upstairs tonight.
Just like 2008.

- I'll see you there?
- Oh, I wish.

My shift ends at 6:00 now.

So, you'll be gone
before they declare a winner?

Unless they call it early.

Yes!

Anything can happen.

[Chuckles]
Hope and change.

I think the slogan
this year is "forward."

Oh, yeah!
[Laughs]

Welcome to the first
and only debate

of the Jenna-ral election.

[Both laugh]

Insincere.

Today, we choose
the future for a nation

and for a woman
People magazine once called,

"an unnamed friend
of the deceased."

Today, finally,
it is truly all about me.

Liz, we'll start
with your opening statement.

When your time is up,
you'll hear this sound.

Jenna, this election
is about emotion.

It's about which candidate
cares the most

cares the most
about the issues

that truly matter
to Jenna Maroney.

For example,
your reproductive rights.

Do you want a bunch of old men
behind closed doors

deciding what you can
and cannot do with your body?

Ooh. And how do they
tell me their decisions?

Do I get shocked
whenever I do the wrong thing?

What? No, Jenna, not that.

God.

Earlier today,
I met a family.

The Alfreds
from Lakecity, Florida.

Sorry. Lake City.

The Alfreds are huge
Jenna Maroney fans

because Jenna Maroney
is so, so talented.

[Claps]

Please hold your applause
until the end.

But under Mitt Romney,

the arts program
at Traci Lords middle school,

where little Shauna
is a seventh grader,

would be gutted.

Without
music appreciation class,

how would Shauna know
how much she appreciates you?

A world without arts programs
sounds terrible.

Where would young blonde girls
like Shauna

learn to act and sing?

Why, if arts funding was cut,
within a short time,

our schools would be
producing no new actresses.

And Jenna Maroney
would get every part.

That's my America.
That's Mitt Romney's America.

[Clapping]

My next question
refers to an issue that I know

deeply affects the vast majority
of Jenna Maroney.

Which political party
is cooler?

That's no contest, Jenna.

The president listens
to hip-hop rappings.

We have the coolest
celebrities.

Scarlett Johansson,
Blake Lively, Jessica Biel.

Wow.

Those are all
very beautiful women.

Do you really want to be
photographed next to them?

Let me tell you
who we have.

Craig T. Nelson, Chuck Norris,
and Charlton Heston's skull.

You'd be the only
cool republican.

Jenna, you need
to trust me, here.

Have I ever
steered you wrong?

I stopped you
when you wanted to join

that white tiger magic show.

I stopped you when you tried
to drive us into Lake Michigan

because Scottie Pippin
got married.

Listen to me, Jenna.

And listen to your heart.

Miss Lemon,
I know Scottie Pippin.

I own a fuddruckers
with Scottie Pippin.

And you, sir,
look like Scottie Pippin.

Mr. Donaghy,
your closing statements.

When our founding fathers
first set out

time and time again,
our nation horizon.

Prosperity, dreams, freedom.

But the spirit,
journey, Destiny.

Mitt Romney values,
Jenna values.

I've met people.

For this generation,
and generations to come,

thank you, America.

[Clapping]

Good God,
those are load-bearing balloons!

Everyone run for your lives!

[Knock on door]

Mr. Jordan,
I need your help.

What's wrong, Ken?

I haven't
been able to make

a single decision
on this absentee ballot.

Should we take apart
the clock tower?

Should we let old man merkel
marry his daughter?

Or make him bury her
like the rest of the dead folks?

I'll never know enough
to make an informed decision.

Informed decision?

Do you think this country was
founded on informed decisions?

Well, of course.

Columbus thought
he was in India!

And did he worry
about being wrong? No.

He just called
everybody Indians.

And we still do it today.
Why? 'Cause.

You want to be
an American?

You fill out that ballot

because you don't
know what you're doing.

Just like when
we named this country after

the fourth or fifth guy
who discovered it.

Amerigo Vespucci.
Who cares?

America.
That's my boy.

How do you sleep at night,
Jack?

I don't. I take thousands
of micro naps during the day.

Well, you know what?

[Snores]
No, Lemon, what?

I'm glad you never succeeded
in turning me into you.

Because I would rather lose
with my head held high...

Partly because when I have it
down it looks like this...

Than win the wrong way.

Lemon, I don't enjoy

manipulating Jenna
for my own ends.

To be perfectly honest,
I don't like Mitt Romney.

The man doesn't drink.

How does he let a moment land?
[Chuckles]

But I'm not going to
allow those feelings

get in the way
of doing what is right.

Think of the children,
Jack.

What if Jenna
had picked the president

when you were a little boy?

Where would
that kid be today?

Maybe we should ask him.

Boston. 1968.

[Bad Boston accent]
Later, ma!

I'm goin' down the park
to play ball!

I sure love America.

Almost as much
as I love chowder!

I'm sorry,
are you trying to make

one of your
emotional appeals to me?

Oh, my God,
it's future me!

Lemon, this kind
of sentimental nonsense

didn't work with Jenna.

It certainly won't work
with the man

who didn't cry
at Field of Dreams,

not even when the bank

failed to recoup
its investment in the farm.

Fine. Enjoy your president.
I'm moving to France.

Except I can't get a decent
iced tea there. Forget it.

[Snores]

Everyone ask to
vote immediately.

This election has
to be over by 6:00!

- Thanks for coming by.
- Okay.

Williams!

Williams, I need you to call it
for Obama right now.

[Scoffs]

Remember that time
you got a haircut,

and I was
the first person to say,

"someone got a haircut"?
You owe me!

Pete, you know
we don't do that.

Is this about Maria?

It's not
gonna happen this year.

Look, get a hobby.
Like me and my gymnastics.

He's wrong. It's gonna be
2008 all over again.

Remember? Hope, change,

a Facebook that wasn't
crawling with old, bald guys?

Shut up, Pete.

There's no hope.
Not for you or for this country.

If Joni Mitchell were here,
she'd be like,

Seriously, dude, let it go.
It was just one kiss.

Yeah.

If you need a kiss so bad,

why don't you kiss a potato
like the rest of us?

The kiss
wasn't just a kiss!

Don't you people get it?
The kiss was Obama.

It was proof
that things could change.

That night in 2008,
everything felt possible,

like my whole life
was ahead of me.

I was gonna
drive a sports car

and say cool stuff like,
"wiki-what?"

And none of that
has happened!

Nothing has changed!

For Pete or America!

And if we can't
get that feeling back tonight,

for Pete's sake, when are we
ever gonna get it back?

[Quietly]
For Pete's sake.

[Inspirational music]

- Jenna,
it's 4:30 in Florida.

Your fans should be
waking up on a beach

or getting fired from their

telemarketing jobs
right about now.

Send the tweet.

One sec.

I got caught up in this Twitter
war with this stupid spam bot.

"Screw you, donna1dsdeluge.

I don't need Viagra,
you need Viagra!"

Sorry. Now, who am I telling
these turds to vote for?

Mike Romney?

Mitt. It stands for motorized
intelligent technodrone termin...

It's a human's name.
[Growls]

Excuse me.

Does miss Maroney
have a minute?

Just to sign
some autographs?

Look, you don't really
want Jenna's autograph.

She's not
a great role model.

Where is the flash
on this thing?

I want to send esteluge
a picture,

but it's too dark
inside my pants.

No, my role model
is Sara Blakely,

the billionaire
founder of Spanx.

She's a genius.

It's just kid's bike shorts
for fatties.

I'm gonna sell these
on eBay.

Well, it's always nice
to meet a young entrepreneur.

You know,
when I was a boy,

I used to go to Fenway
and sell my urine.

[Sighs] For fans to throw
with Mickey Mantle.

You'll be happy to know

that things are looking up
for capitalists like us.

Between you and me,
Mitt Romney's going to win.

But people
haven't voted yet.

[Chuckles] Shauna, this will
be a good lesson for you.

Voters don't really
pick the president.

That's up to
important people

like corporations
and celebrities.

This year, Jenna Maroney
is picking the president.

Ah, got it.

She is?

Today, Jenna is the most
important person in America.

Wow. Maybe she should
be my role model.

What? No. No.
No, no, no, no, no.

I'm just saying, if I stop
saving for business school

and started saving
for implants,

I could be just like her.

Thanks, sir.

Okay, Jack.

Now, what should I tweet
about Ron Mee?

Wait, he's not Asian, is he?

Hey.

I wasn't watching
cute little kitten videos,

I was watching pornography.

Who put these sleepy kitten
videos on here?

Tracy, are you still
banned from Twitter?

For life. So you know,
a couple more months.

You must have a lot of bad
jokes about deceased celebrities

just filling up your brain.

Yes, and they're pushing out
important information.

I don't know
where I live, lady.

If I got you
back on Twitter,

how quickly could you
get kicked off again?

10, 15 minutes.

Less if I count genocide
as celebrities.

Okay, well, you're getting
back on on Jenna's account.

No, I can't do that
to my dear friend and co-worker

Jenna Jameson.

No, Tracy, Jenna Maroney.

- Cool.
- Okay.

All I have to do is figure out
Jenna's password.

How 'bout "me69"?

Yep.

Oh, Tracy, no.

No, I can say that word.
I'm black.

But Dick Clark wasn't.

Hey! You're not
really leaving, are ya?

I know it's the second time,

but it's our last shot
at feeling...

This.

Then what? Someday maybe
we elect a wheelchair guy?

Okay, great, but not fun.

Look, Pete,
this isn't 2008.

I don't know, maybe if
more stuff really had changed.

Hey, sugar lips.

Let's make like
a black magazine and Jet.

What's up, guy?

Thanks for keeping
my lady warm

while I turn on my hot tub
with my phone.

Come on, baby.

My 2012 corvette's
parked outside.

'Cause I always
find a parking spot.

- You're him.
- That's right, pops.

I'm Peter horn.

All day...

And all night.

Well, well,

well, well,
well, well, well,

well...
Nope, that's too many "Wells."

I'm gonna reenter.

Just spit it out, Lemon.

I stole a page
from your playbook, Jack.

I used Tracy,
I committed cyber crime,

I got Jenna kicked off Twitter
before she could endorse Romney.

Deviousness? I guess two
can play at that game.

Just like most games.

And now you're smiling

because you're gonna
try to tell me

that this was your plan
all along.

"Oh, I turned you
into me, Lemon.

It was my plan all along."

No, I'm smiling because
I ended up telling Jenna

not to do anything at all.

I didn't want her
choosing our president.

No one should grow up
in Jenna Maroney's America.

'Cause of the children?

Did my one-woman show
actually change your mind?

Should I workshop it
at the fringe festival?

- Sure.
- Typical Donaghy.

You sentimental, self-righteous,
badger-faced shrew.

Typical Lemon.

You cynical, manipulative,
cold-blooded adonis.

So maybe we rubbed off
on each other after all.

[Glasses clink]

Mm...

Oh, yours dripped on me
and now I'm drunk.

Good Lord in heaven.

The Georgia polls close
in two minutes.

[Whistles]

[Eagle screeching]

Mr. Hornberger,

I just voted!

Doesn't it just
fill you with hope?

Like anything can happen?

All day, all night, baby.

Mmm! Hmm?

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for www.addic7ed.com

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