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1
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[Cheering]
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,407
Okay, guys, I just want to say
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00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:10,276
congratulations on our 50th show!
4
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:11,778
[Cheering]
5
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That's 50 hours of comedy, over 300 sketches
6
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:16,642
one unsolved crew death...
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,120
and an "Emmy" magazine cover story.
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[Applause]
9
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Hey, and someone got us booze gifts.
10
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They're all empty. What the hell?.
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00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,794
Jack: Congratulations on 50 shows, everyone.
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Enjoy your decorative air holders.
13
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,865
You deserve them.
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Lemon, a word.
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That's a pretty lame present, Jack.
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Cutbacks.
17
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,173
Our parent company
18
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:42,275
Sheinhardt Wigs, is announcing
losses this quarter
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00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:43,867
for the first time since the Civil War.
20
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,881
And even I am not immune.
I had to let Jonathan go today.
21
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,482
Oh, my God.
How did he take it?.
22
00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:50,650
Better than I expected.
23
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:54,020
??? I can't live
if living is without you ???
24
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,522
Okay, last verse, Jonathan.
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00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:56,790
??? I can't live... ???
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00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,825
I'm warning you now that
the entertainment division
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00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,520
is going to come under
some very close scrutiny.
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00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,563
The days of your wild coke parties are over.
29
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,665
Well, if by "coke," you mean soda...
30
00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:07,929
I do. It's... really bad.
It's so bad...
31
00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:11,171
the Sheinhardts are hiring an
outside consulting firm.
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00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:12,572
What does that mean?.
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00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,340
It means they're bringing in
hatchet men to trim the fat.
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And on Monday, you will have to present
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and justify your budget to them.
Can you handle that?.
36
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,914
Handle a presentation?.
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00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:24,684
Jack, I put on a live show every
week, unless there's wrestling.
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I'm on it.
39
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,921
Good. I've got some more
downsizing to do upstairs
40
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,656
so I've got no time for hand-holding.
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00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,124
Let's get this right.
42
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:32,759
I've got some tricks up my sleeve.
43
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That's my girl.
44
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,418
No, Trix, the cereal.
Some fell in my sleeve.
45
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It's sticking to the fibers.
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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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[Knocking on door]
48
00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,223
You wanted to see me, sir?.
49
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:05,792
Kenneth, as you may have heard,
Jonathan no longer works here.
50
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,128
Yeah. The assistants talked
about it last night
51
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,063
at Finnegan's, the bar we all
go to after work...
52
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,265
in my dreams.
53
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,400
Yes. Uh, well, obviously,
I'm going to need an assistant
54
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,036
and I'm going to have to ask you to fill in.
55
00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:19,038
But what about my page duties?.
56
00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:21,207
Oh, don't worry.
I've taken care of that.
57
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,710
You'll do both jobs. This is a
very difficult time, Kenneth.
58
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,278
I'm going to be counting on you.
59
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,647
You'll do fine so long as
you follow my three "D's..."
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00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,917
Discretion, Docility, and Don't Use My Bathroom.
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[Phone rings]
62
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,424
Mr. Donaghy's office.
63
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,016
This is Kenneth.
How may I help you?.
64
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,229
It's Greg Windham from Aviation.
65
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I'm not here.
66
00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:48,668
But you are here, I can see you.
67
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,970
I don't want to talk to him.
68
00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:54,565
Oh... corporate intrigue.
69
00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:58,174
He's not in right now.
I'll tell him you called.
70
00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:01,814
I feel like I'm in The Pelican Brief.
71
00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:03,748
Do I already know too much?.
72
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:10,254
Liz?
73
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:12,625
Brad Halster...
74
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:14,994
The Himler Group, a division of
Advantrix Consulting.
75
00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,863
Liz Lemon. This is my
associate, Peter Hornberger.
76
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,331
Liz, is there a conference room
77
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,333
where we can sit down and get started?.
78
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:23,131
Actually, I thought we'd do
this outside the box.
79
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:31,211
I'd like to tell you about
three television programs...
80
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:35,448
a comedy show, a musical variety show
81
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:38,585
and a live television event.
82
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Comedy... music show... Iive show.
83
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,991
Comedy... music... Iive.
84
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,960
Are you getting it?.
85
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,597
Yeah, they're all the same show.
They're all T.G.S.
86
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:52,599
Now, I could stand here, Brad
87
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,033
and I could bore you with numbers.
88
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:56,669
I could tell you that we are
the number one late night show
89
00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:59,205
among men nine to 1 3
90
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:01,541
and the morbidly obese.
91
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:05,078
I could tell you that we're in final negotiations
92
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,547
to create exclusive content for America's jails.
93
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:09,849
But I'm not the one being judged here.
94
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:14,252
So, I thought I'd let the show
speak for herself.
95
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,717
Dessert! [Gagging]
96
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,597
Someone put too many farts in this engine!
97
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,566
It's about to explode!
98
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,668
I'm Flava Obama and I'd like to introduce
99
00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:30,693
our undersecretary of housing
and crystal meth. Boy-ee!
100
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,974
Announcer: It's the
"Bear and Robot Talk Show!"
101
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,209
[Rapping]:
??? My name is Suri Cruise ???
102
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,011
??? Put your hands in the air ???
103
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,980
??? I came out of the womb with
a full head of hair ???
104
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,716
It's farting!
It's farting!
105
00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:46,286
That's our show for tonight!
See you next week!
106
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,587
Jenna: Good night!
107
00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:52,718
All: This is T.G.S.!
108
00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:55,451
So where's that conference room?.
109
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:01,534
Oh, golly!
110
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:03,136
Whoa, K.
111
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,737
I'm sorry, Mr. Jordan.
112
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:06,239
I'm just overworked.
113
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,775
With my page duties and being
Mr. Donaghy's assistant
114
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,376
there's not enough hours in the day.
115
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:11,844
I'm sorry about that.
116
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:14,369
But just let me know if
there's any way I can help.
117
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,550
Actually... there is one thing.
118
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:18,818
No! I was just saying that!
119
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,809
Why can't you read human facial cues?.
120
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:23,556
All right. What is it?.
121
00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,024
Well, with both these jobs
122
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:26,426
I don't know when I'm going
to be able to get home.
123
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,161
I'm worried about my bird,
Sonny Crockett.
124
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,130
Would you mind going to my
apartment and feeding him?.
125
00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:33,166
Yeah, okay.
126
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,934
Birds are like little dinosaurs.
127
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:38,071
So, what I'll be doing is
actually pretty cool and brave.
128
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,539
Ah, thank you, sir.
Here are my keys.
129
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:44,644
Oh, and one thing, don't go into my bedroom.
130
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:45,645
What?.
131
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,170
Do not go into my bedroom.
132
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:54,253
25%?. How am I supposed to cut
a quarter of our budget?.
133
00:05:54,253 --> 00:05:56,723
Well, there is some fat.
What about Sid?.
134
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,091
Liz: Sid?
135
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,426
I can't fire our announcer.
He'll lose his insurance.
136
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,761
You know, he has a lot of health problems.
137
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,229
Yeah, because he was
hit by lightning
138
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,430
and can't really talk anymore.
139
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:07,200
Sid [slurring]: It's... Tergis
140
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:12,638
with Tracky Jong-Jong and Jimmy Moop!
141
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:15,041
No, Sid is off the table.
142
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,442
I'm not firing any of my people.
143
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:18,211
I'm not doing that to their families.
144
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,246
Or, in Sid's case, their much
younger wife with whom
145
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,981
they have an open relationship.
146
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,282
All right, we'll find the
money somewhere else.
147
00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:24,550
The food budget...
148
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,952
No!
149
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:29,822
All right, what about straws?.
We spend $1 200 a year on straws.
150
00:06:29,822 --> 00:06:31,324
Okay, fine. No more straws.
151
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,559
Everyone drinks from the can from now on.
152
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:34,994
Pete: [Gasps] Ooh, no, we need straws.
153
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:37,397
Oh, God!
That's its bathroom!
154
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,432
Listen, Liz, I'm going
to need your revised budget
155
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:40,800
by the end of today.
156
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,603
I don't know, Brad. T.G.S. is
a complicated machine.
157
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:45,338
Every part's important.
158
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:46,973
I get it... you don't want to be the bad guy.
159
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,041
But if you don't make the cuts, I will.
160
00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:51,009
And I don't give a crap about anyone here.
161
00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:55,214
[Liz sighs]
162
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:56,582
Matthew, I know this isn't easy
163
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,717
but the company's facing cutbacks.
164
00:06:57,717 --> 00:06:59,118
And you have to admit
165
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,254
your Boom Box Division is a
little bit behind the times.
166
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,055
We're not behind the times.
We're groovy.
167
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,390
I can offer you two weeks severance.
168
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:06,159
Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy...
169
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,828
I know you said only interrupt
you if it was very important.
170
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:11,531
But Tashonda from Time Warner
Cable is on the phone
171
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:14,133
and she's offering three
free months of Showtime.
172
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,601
But we have to act now!
173
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,870
Kenneth, this does not qualify
as something important.
174
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,672
I do not want Showtime.
175
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,374
Okay. I'm sorry.
176
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,942
I just didn't want you to miss out
177
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,410
on this exciting opportunity.
178
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:25,877
Thank you, Kenneth.
179
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:31,282
Take your time.
180
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:52,037
Hey, little guy.
181
00:07:58,945 --> 00:07:59,912
[Squawks] Don't go in the bedroom!
182
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:02,148
Don't go in the bedroom!
183
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,640
I wasn't going to!
I wasn't going to! [Squawks]
184
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,288
Kenneth: Hello, Miss Lemon.
185
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,023
Are you here to see Kenneth, the page
186
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:12,525
or Kenneth, the Mr. Donaghy's assistant?.
187
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,293
Well, I need to see Jack.
188
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,662
Hello, Miss Lemon.
189
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,831
Mr. Donaghy is in an important meeting
190
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,533
and I've been told not to interrupt him.
191
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:21,901
What is this pertaining to?.
192
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:24,537
[Sighs] The T.G.S. budget.
193
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,672
Oh, my. That sounds very important.
194
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:27,840
Mr. Donaghy!
195
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,308
Jack: Kenneth!
196
00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:30,676
Man [sobbing]:
I've worked here for 20 years...
197
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:35,113
I was wrong. That was
not important enough.
198
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:40,517
It's me, Kenneth the page.
This job is hard!
199
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,885
Please have a seat. Mr. Donaghy
will be right with you.
200
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,931
Do you know what
these meetings are about?.
201
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,466
I hear people are getting fired.
202
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,034
Yeah, I don't know.
203
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:56,469
Do you know Jack Donaghy well?.
204
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,870
Pretty well.
205
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,672
Do you happen to know if he's
a boob man or a butt man?.
206
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:01,240
What?. Why would you ask that?.
207
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,209
Because I don't
want to get fired.
208
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,977
So I'm going to have to go in
there and boink my way
209
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:07,880
out of this one.
I'm Cheryl, by the way.
210
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:11,317
You're going to try to have sex with Jack?.
211
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:14,120
I have to. I have 1 5 employees.
I'm responsible for them.
212
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,955
Do you have any idea what that's like?.
213
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:19,191
Well, yeah. I have 200 people
under me, but...
214
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,726
Wow. Maybe we could team up.
215
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,061
Go in there together
216
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:24,230
Iez out, give him a show...
217
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,198
No! Cheryl, get a grip.
218
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,893
Liz: Oh, boy.
219
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,267
Miss Lemon, Mr. Donaghy will see you now.
220
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:34,974
Jack: Make it quick, Lemon.
221
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:37,176
I'm in the middle of a very unpleasant day.
222
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:39,545
Okay, well, so am I.
223
00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:41,347
I know this cutback stuff is difficult.
224
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,782
I don't want to fire anyone.
225
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,550
And I don't want to take
anything away from my crew.
226
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,420
And I want to keep making free
long-distance prank calls
227
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,423
to people like Seattle's
Richard Sacmuncher.
228
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,091
And I think that's reasonable.
229
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,926
So what do I do to get out of this?.
230
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,561
The only thing to do is make your cuts
231
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:56,662
and live to fight another day.
232
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:58,230
What?. That's it?.
233
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,900
I thought you'd tell me to cook the numbers
234
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,001
or shred something
235
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:03,536
or do some Pelican Brief stuff.
236
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,204
Why is everyone talking about that movie?.
237
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:06,606
It's been playing on Showtime.
238
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,873
Kenneth, get me Showtime.
239
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:11,243
What?. Why now?.
240
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:12,478
I'm sorry.
241
00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:13,779
I know this is hard, but
there's no way out of it.
242
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:16,882
Well, little heads up. Your next
meeting might disagree.
243
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:18,217
She's planning to change your mind
244
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:20,753
by hitting... that.
245
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,521
Oh, no. Not again.
246
00:10:22,521 --> 00:10:23,889
This last guy tried to take my belt off.
247
00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:26,125
But the sad thing is,
it sometimes works.
248
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,760
Sexual bartering pays off...
249
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,062
Salome, Mata Hari, Deborah Norville.
250
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:31,530
Well, good luck downstairs.
251
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:32,732
I'm sure you'll figure it out.
252
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,767
Oh, and one more thing.
253
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,202
Uh, don't cut the straw budget
254
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,269
because I've already cut the exterminators.
255
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:40,706
[Groans]
256
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:43,509
Jenna, something weird is going on.
257
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,011
You mean this budget stuff?.
258
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,612
Don't worry about it, Tracy.
259
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:48,614
It's just going to affect the non-specials.
260
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:50,816
No, it's not that.
261
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,986
Jenna, you're the smartest
person I know.
262
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,287
Do you think Kenneth
263
00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:56,322
could be a murderer?.
264
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,257
What?. Why would you think that?.
265
00:10:58,257 --> 00:10:59,986
Well, I might be crazy...
266
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,418
but neither he nor his bird
would let me into his bedroom.
267
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,565
And why wouldn't you want to let
Tracy Jordan into your bedroom
268
00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:08,267
unless you've got a bunch of
dead nurses in there?.
269
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,569
Well, I had to study serial killers to prepare
270
00:11:10,569 --> 00:11:12,972
for my role as criminal profiler Jill St. Ferrari
271
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:15,341
in the Lifetime original
miniseries Hushed Rapings.
272
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,343
And all mass murderers
273
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,246
share three characteristics:
cruelty to animals...
274
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,681
He grew up killing pigs.
275
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,782
Bed-wetting...
276
00:11:22,782 --> 00:11:24,984
No wonder he's fascinated when I do that.
277
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,486
And an inability to read human facial cues.
278
00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:28,954
I admonished him for that earlier!
279
00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:30,690
Three for three!
280
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,124
He's a monster!
281
00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:33,626
Okay, we've got to go tell Jack.
282
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,362
You know, if Kenneth is actually a killer
283
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,624
we're going to be heroes.
284
00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:45,464
Liz, our food is gone. They took it.
285
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,274
It happened this morning.
286
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,275
Do you have a cookie?.
287
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,573
Mommy's baby needs his yum-yums!
288
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,213
Oh, my God...
289
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,848
Sid, did you get fired?.
290
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:57,713
Good-bye, "Lerz."
291
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:01,554
Liz, it's a massacre.
292
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,122
What is going on?.
293
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,558
Brad came in this morning
and started making cuts.
294
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,826
I can't go back to teaching high school math.
295
00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:08,227
Those girls pretend they're not
women yet, but they are.
296
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,361
Do something, Liz!
297
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:10,328
You're our only hope.
298
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,126
[Sighs] Oh.
299
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,994
Halster...
300
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,141
you look hot in those trousers.
301
00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:23,676
How about we grab drinks tonight?.
302
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,736
Marissa?. Update my "schedge."
303
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:35,588
Good morning, sir.
304
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,156
Kenneth...
305
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:40,259
I know there's a learning curve
here, but I need you to focus.
306
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:44,423
No mistakes now. Think before
you speak... understand?.
307
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:49,701
Yes.
308
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,581
[Jenna gasps]
309
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:03,949
Oh!
310
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:04,984
Hey, K...
311
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:07,286
Where's Jonathan?.
312
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,788
Jonathan's not here anymore.
313
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,723
How may I help you?.
314
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,291
Um, we need to see Jack.
315
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,893
I don't know if I can allow that.
316
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:17,797
I've made some mistakes
lately... terrible mistakes.
317
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,565
Uh-huh.
318
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,167
So I need to know what this is about.
319
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,202
I can't have you getting me into trouble.
320
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:24,637
It's not about you.
321
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,205
Tracy: Yeah, it's about someone else.
322
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:29,642
I'm afraid this guy I know in
Canada might be a serial killer.
323
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,876
And what is his name?.
324
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:33,445
Kenneth. I mean, I'll tell you his name.
325
00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:37,449
It's Kenneth.
326
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:39,652
Excellent. I will be sure to let him know
327
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:43,455
as soon as he's done firing
Steven Lee from Microwaves.
328
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:44,723
What?.
329
00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:46,826
Kenneth: Oh, Mr. Lee. I forgot.
330
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,726
He's ready for you now.
331
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:55,167
I've got chills. He's evil.
332
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,203
If I had any doubts about this
before, and I don't think I did
333
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,604
they're gone now.
334
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:01,073
We've got to go to his apartment
and save who we can.
335
00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:03,409
We're definitely gonna be heroes.
336
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:06,105
Yeah! Like Julia and Denzel
in The Pelican Brief!
337
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:13,352
Lee, I need that dress Jenna
wore for the hooker sketch
338
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,553
the heels Tracy wears
339
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,989
when he plays Michelle Obama, and double...
340
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,650
wait... triple Spanx.
341
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:20,959
I need a make-up artist!
342
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:23,118
No. The sluttier one.
343
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,769
Thanks, Liz!
344
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:33,005
You're our hero.
345
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:37,343
[Slow clapping]
346
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:41,247
They may take my dignity...
347
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:44,917
but they will never take our straws!
348
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:48,420
All: Yeah! [Cheering]
349
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:49,788
Oh, my God.
350
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:51,657
Why does he have a rolled-up towel
351
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:52,725
against the bottom of the door?.
352
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,093
It's so creepy!
353
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:56,595
Jenna, I just want you
to know that if we find
354
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,597
any human remains in there
355
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,724
I'm going to throw up all over your face.
356
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:10,809
Oh, no!
357
00:15:10,809 --> 00:15:13,145
Kenneth's a murderer and
The Riddler is coming!
358
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:14,980
No! It's a bug bomb.
359
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,382
Get out! Get out!
360
00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:18,117
It's poisonous!
361
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,152
[Both scream]
362
00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:22,154
[Squawks weakly]
363
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:24,123
So... thanks for dinner.
364
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,225
You sure know a lot about sushi.
365
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,660
Well, you've got to be careful
366
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,094
or they'll try to up-sell you to real crab.
367
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,597
Both: So...
368
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,465
[Laughs] Listen, I've got to get going.
369
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:36,101
I've got a lot of... work tomorrow.
370
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:39,238
All right, listen, we're both adults here.
371
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:41,106
We know the deal. Let's cut to the chase.
372
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,409
That's certainly direct.
373
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:44,944
[Sighs] We go upstairs,
20 minutes, open mouth.
374
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:45,945
I will work your ears.
375
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,579
I don't know, Liz.
376
00:15:47,579 --> 00:15:49,148
What you're asking me to do is a big deal.
377
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:50,749
If I go through with this,
I need to know it's worth it.
378
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:52,318
Fine, 30 minutes.
379
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,912
I'll make some sounds, and you
can say one weird thing to me.
380
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,623
All right, hardball!
381
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,491
30 minutes, sounds, top front of
my body is now in play. Deal?.
382
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:00,788
Deal.
383
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,531
Jack: Uh, Lemon?.
384
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,199
I heard a rumor that you went out
385
00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:08,600
with one of the consultants last night.
386
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:09,835
Well, I had no choice.
387
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:11,603
I had to give him a little taste
of the Lemon.
388
00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:13,973
And it was not sour, my friend.
Not sour.
389
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,874
It's interesting you
put it that way
390
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:17,843
because your writers' room
is now the headquarters
391
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:21,013
for Telemundo's coverage of
World Cup soccer qualifying.
392
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:22,913
[Announcer speaks Spanish]
393
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:25,514
What the what?.
394
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:29,188
Brad and I had a deal!
I gave him top front!
395
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:32,316
Top front?. Good lord, Lemon.
That's your worst quadrant.
396
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,562
Kenneth...
397
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,197
you know how you told Tracy
398
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:39,465
not to go into your bedroom?.
399
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,300
Well, naturally, we assumed
you were a serial killer
400
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,368
and, as you can imagine
401
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:43,802
your bird is dead.
402
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,838
Tracy: Yeah, but on the bright
side, you've been downgraded
403
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,102
from "suspect" to "person of interest."
404
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,566
Someday, we're going to look
back on this and laugh.
405
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,313
[Laughs] Time does heal all wounds!
406
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:55,647
[Jenna sighs]
407
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:58,050
Kenneth: Now, you wait just one minute!
408
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:01,086
I am sorry to be using my barn
voice in front of a lady
409
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:02,855
but I am riled up.
410
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,390
It is not enough that
you killed the bird
411
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,425
I've had for almost 60 years.
412
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:09,094
But the fact that you didn't
trust me is unforgivable.
413
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:12,531
But what should I expect?.
414
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,234
Look at you two, walking around
without a care in the world
415
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:18,771
as budgets are slashed and
people keep getting called
416
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,705
into Mr. Donaghy's office to be fired.
417
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:24,710
I may just be a non-special.
418
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,840
But what you two did
is inexcusable. Good day.
419
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,753
[Frank and Pete
argue indistinctly]
420
00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:35,754
What did you do?.
421
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,089
We trusted you!
422
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,957
You ruined it with your
talking, didn't you?.
423
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:42,027
Hey! Why are you still
messing with my show?.
424
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,729
What about last night?.
425
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,197
Liz, last night was what it was.
426
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:46,899
But... business is business.
427
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,201
Right, and last night, I gave you "the business."
428
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:50,769
We had an agreement...
429
00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:52,805
top front and some light ear work.
430
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,274
You got your quid, Halster.
Where's my quo?.
431
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:57,076
Oh, my God...
432
00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,045
Iast night was about the show?.
433
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:01,380
Oh, please, you know it was.
434
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:02,848
You were all, "Ooh, it's got to be worth it"
435
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,583
and "What you're asking me
to do is such a big deal."
436
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,085
[Emotional]:
It was a big deal.
437
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,787
Being with a woman for the first
time since my wife died?.
438
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:10,823
Oh, snap.
439
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,258
It was just a transaction?.
What kind of person are you?.
440
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:14,660
Does it help if I tell you
441
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,395
I thought we were doing sexual espionage?.
442
00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:20,661
[Crying]: Oh, God! Sharon!
My angel!
443
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,536
I swore to you the next one
would be worthy, but she's not!
444
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,197
She's a monster!
445
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,332
Marissa, add Dr. Walters
to my "schedge"! [Sobs]
446
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:35,614
[Quietly]: Okay. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.
447
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:38,317
Okay, so Mr. Halster has filed
448
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:40,752
a complaint against you
with Human Resources.
449
00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:43,422
Specifically, his claim
suggests that you tried
450
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:46,550
to barter sex in exchange for
professional consideration.
451
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,561
In the Human Resource world
452
00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,358
we refer to that as being
"a filthy prostitute."
453
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,566
Now, since this is your first incident
454
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:55,667
and, uh, Mr. Donaghy has explained
455
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:57,136
the mitigating circumstances...
456
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,871
Jack: I'm convinced that
457
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,273
this sexual outburst was
brought on by menopause.
458
00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:03,275
We are recommending only
459
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:05,377
a two-week suspension without pay.
460
00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:07,646
Okay. That's fair.
461
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,314
Jack: And obviously, Mr. Halster
462
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,150
cannot function in this hostile
work environment.
463
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,019
His company has reassigned him
and your budget review process
464
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:17,556
will start over again under my supervision.
465
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,158
Really?.
466
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,126
Yes, really. I hope you've
learned your lesson, Miss Lemon.
467
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:24,062
When you harass sexually in the workplace
468
00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:26,131
things do not somehow just work out in the end.
469
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:27,199
Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy...
470
00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:29,635
I thought you'd like to know
471
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:32,538
that there's a spider on the printer.
472
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:35,374
Oh, no. Am I interrupting?.
473
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:37,042
Is this another firing meeting?.
474
00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:39,510
It is now.
475
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,273
Kenneth, have a seat.
476
00:19:49,421 --> 00:19:51,514
Ken?.
477
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,227
We feel bad that we, but mostly
Jenna, gassed your bird.
478
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:56,562
I agree.
479
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:57,829
Not to name names...
480
00:19:57,829 --> 00:19:59,898
but it's so sad that a certain black individual
481
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,533
found it necessary to trick someone
482
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:04,770
so pretty into believing
you were a murderer.
483
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,104
I'm sorry, is there a point to all this?
484
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:07,873
I've had a bad couple of days.
485
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,434
Well... we feel terrible
about what happened.
486
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:15,539
So we did a little something
to make it up to you.
487
00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:26,358
Oh!
488
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:30,996
Looks like I've got some naming to do!
489
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:34,032
Pat... Balthazar... Donna...
490
00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:36,000
Lorne... Michael...
491
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,101
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