Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,705
Mm-hmm.
2
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:08,141
Is this important?
3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,576
It'll just take a second.
4
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,345
Fine, but Mr. Donaghy
is on another call right now
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,748
and doesn't have time for a
separate interaction with you.
6
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,383
Everything he
says will have
7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,550
to work for
both conversations.
8
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:18,551
Really?
9
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:19,686
Lemon.
10
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,121
"Lemon" works for your business call?
11
00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:22,389
Oh, right, uh...
12
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,090
Well, I just wanted
to let you know that
13
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,593
I have to go to Chicago for jury
duty because I never changed
14
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:27,660
my residence to New York.
15
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,062
Why not?
16
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,765
Because I wanted to vote
in a swing state, Jack.
17
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:33,533
Also, I want to stay
18
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,734
on the mailing list at
Chicago Pizza Explosion.
19
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:36,469
How fast can you turn it around?
20
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,470
Who, me?
21
00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:38,505
Oh, right.
22
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:39,806
Uh, I'll fly back in the morning.
23
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,207
I never get
put on a jury.
24
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,777
I wear my Princess Leia costume
and they dismiss me immediately.
25
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,445
Well, that sounds good for both of us.
26
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:46,613
Thank you very much, sir.
27
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,782
Ha, that last part didn't work both ways.
28
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,983
You said "sir."
29
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,785
I think it worked fine.
30
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:52,786
I'll have Jonathan
31
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,454
call Travel and upgrade your flight.
32
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,455
Sweet!
33
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:56,723
What do you
take to fly?
34
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,324
Candy and magazines.
35
00:00:58,324 --> 00:00:59,826
No, pills.
36
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,694
Nobody flies without medication anymore.
37
00:01:01,694 --> 00:01:04,597
Why shouldn't you enjoy
the same luxuries as a dog?
38
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:07,088
"Comanapracil"?
39
00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:11,104
"May cause dizziness, sexual
nightmares and sleep crime."
40
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,366
It's very good.
41
00:01:14,607 --> 00:01:15,875
Tyler Brody on two, sir.
42
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:18,078
Tyler Brody, the dude from the Olympics?
43
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,680
Yes, he was the silver
medalist in tetherball.
44
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,482
Speedman's caught an angle!
45
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:23,583
Tyler Brody is flailing!
46
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,852
And there's the coil!
47
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,720
Lance Speedman is the Olympic
Tetherball Champion...
48
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,490
and Tyler Brody can't believe it!
49
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:33,660
Boy, there are a lot of weird
Olympic events these days.
50
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:37,464
Not that weird, Lemon.
51
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,299
Tetherball, we faked.
52
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,767
What? Why would you fake an Olympic event?
53
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,168
For ratings.
54
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:45,505
We staged several events so that
Americans could win more medals.
55
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:48,408
That's despicable.
56
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,643
It took years of planning and
now Tyler Brody
57
00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:52,312
is threatening to go public
and ruin everything.
58
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:54,047
So obviously, I have a lot on my plate
59
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:55,682
and no time to baby-sit the sixth floor.
60
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,817
So before you go gallivanting
off to Chicago
61
00:01:57,817 --> 00:02:00,285
make sure you get your people under control.
62
00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:02,689
Be a manager.
63
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:03,656
Yeah, yeah.
64
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,095
Liz, Tracy is countersuing me!
65
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,730
For "defamation of character."
66
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,166
How can you "defame" someone
who's been arrested
67
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,901
in three different Chuck E. Cheeses?
68
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,036
Do you know who I am?!
69
00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:20,340
Seriously, please tell me who I am!
70
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,076
Jenna, I'm not taking sides
in this lawsuit thing.
71
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,310
It's ridiculous.
72
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:25,345
Tracy's video game
never would have worked
73
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,346
without my voice acting.
74
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,381
I deserve to get paid.
75
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,749
Liz Lemon!
76
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,117
Nemesis.
77
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:33,381
Liz, will you tell Tracy I don't
even want to speak to him?
78
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,156
Okay, two can play at that game.
79
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,258
Liz, could you please tell
Kenneth that Liz wants him?
80
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,059
That's not even...
Okay, that's it.
81
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:42,095
I am calling Human Resources
82
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,596
and setting up a mediation for you.
83
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:46,966
I told you, I don't
drink that much at work.
84
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:49,230
Mediation is a binding form of
non-judicial dispute resolution.
85
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,505
I watched "Boston Legal" nine
times before I realized
86
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,073
it wasn't a new "Star Trek."
87
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:57,443
Liz, you have to admit
this is unfair.
88
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,745
I got nothing.
89
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,614
Meanwhile, Grizz and
Dotcom bought a boat.
90
00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:03,883
Cape Hatteras is lovely
this time of year.
91
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:06,920
Well, of course Tracy takes
care of his boys and not you.
92
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,054
He thinks he can
93
00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:09,622
take advantage of you
because you're a woman.
94
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:12,325
Men think they can get
away with anything.
95
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,993
It's like when Adrien Brody
kissed Halle Berry
96
00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:15,261
at the Oscars.
97
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,763
No one has it harder in this
country today than women.
98
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,731
It turns out we can't be president.
99
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:21,167
We can't be network news anchors.
100
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:23,770
Madonna's arms
look crazy.
101
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,772
Tyler, I know you're upset we
didn't pick you for the gold
102
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,373
and I'm going to
make it up to you.
103
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,676
How would you like to
host "Deal or No Deal"
104
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,778
in the privacy of your own home?
105
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,279
I think I'll hold a press
conference instead...
106
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:36,942
tell the world there's no such
thing as Olympic tetherball.
107
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:41,154
...or synchronized running.
108
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,089
Or octuples tennis!
109
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,357
It's all a lie.
110
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,959
A white lie that
did a lot of good
111
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,256
for this country's morale.
112
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,729
Did you know that
President Bush's approval rating
113
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,798
was almost as high as 15%
following the Olympics?
114
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:56,035
Gasp! Olympic hero Tyler Brody!
115
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,637
Olympic fraud!
116
00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:00,340
There's no such thing as Olympic tetherball.
117
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,175
They made it all up for the ratings.
118
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,144
What are you saying?
119
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,279
Tyler...
120
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,648
You can be the voice of "Knight Rider..."
121
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:11,751
the film!
122
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,776
I'm listening.
123
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
124
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:39,712
Okay, I'm Jeffrey, I am a mediator.
125
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:43,449
And you two are having
a dispute, now why is that?
126
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,684
Because Tracy thinks he can
treat me unfairly
127
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,219
because I'm a woman.
128
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,720
What?! Please.
129
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,222
We're here because white folks
think they can do
130
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,057
whatever they want to do to black folks.
131
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,292
It's like when Adrien Brody
kissed Halle Berry
132
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,493
at the Oscars.
133
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:56,329
White people stole
jazz, rock-n-roll
134
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:58,698
Will Smith and heart disease.
135
00:04:58,698 --> 00:04:59,899
Now they think
136
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,134
they can take my hard-earned money.
137
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,802
Okay, well, if we look at how voice actors
138
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,037
are normally compensated...
139
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,571
Liz says,
in today's America
140
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,206
it's harder to be
a woman than a black man.
141
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:08,975
Liz Lemon? That chick is dumb!
142
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,310
Okay...
143
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,811
Tracy, do you know women still
get paid less than men
144
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,146
for doing the same job?
145
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,581
Do you know it's still illegal
to be black in Arizona?!
146
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:17,250
Do you have any idea
how hard it is
147
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,616
to be an overweight transgender
in this country?!
148
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,519
No, Grandma, no...
149
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,738
"Believe in the stars."
150
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,740
It's like that doesn't even
mean anything anymore.
151
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,608
Kenneth...
152
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,610
I'm sure I can trust
your discretion about
153
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:45,845
what happened in
my office today.
154
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,613
What you overheard was some rather
155
00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:49,615
grown-up talk.
156
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,684
Was any of it real,
Mr. Donaghy?
157
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,887
Beer pong? Jazzercise?
Women's soccer?
158
00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:56,923
You're not in Stone Mountain
anymore, Kenneth.
159
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,758
This is the
real world
160
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,026
and not everything is in black and white.
161
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,119
There's always a right thing
to do, Mr. Donaghy.
162
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,831
Just, sometimes, it's not
the easy thing to do.
163
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:11,938
Tyler Brody was not the only
hero I lost today, sir.
164
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,707
The other hero was you,
in case that wasn't...
165
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:15,696
I got it, Kenneth.
166
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,148
If it weren't for you people,
I'd still be in Africa...
167
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,550
gorgeous, politically
stable Africa!
168
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,551
My people?
169
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,320
Women are the oppressed ones.
170
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,981
And it's even harder
being a beautiful woman.
171
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,558
Everyone assumes I don't try
in bed, it's discrimination!
172
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:35,161
Whatever, You couldn't last
one day in my shoes, Maroney!
173
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:36,162
Right, Toof?
174
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,430
No, thank you.
175
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,965
I could totally be black.
176
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:39,966
You should try
being a white woman!
177
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,067
Okay, I will!
178
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,168
No, no, no, no, no!
179
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,469
I don't like where
this is heading.
180
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,304
"Freaky Friday" social experiment!
181
00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:46,362
Oh, it's on!
182
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,175
Where is Liz Lemon?
183
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,344
I don't really think it's fair
for me to be on a jury
184
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,745
because I can read thoughts.
185
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,113
Dismissed!
186
00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:59,085
Welcome aboard
Flight 1876 to New York...
187
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,090
Hello?
188
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,792
Lemon, as part of our deal
to keep him quiet
189
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,994
Tyler Brody is going to be on
your show this week.
190
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,562
But he won't do any tetherball stuff.
191
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:11,431
Boy, Jack, it must be nice to
dump your problems
192
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,432
on other people.
193
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,800
It is.
194
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,601
Lemon, do you think Kenneth admires you?
195
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,770
Sure, that kid looks up to everybody.
196
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,639
He calls Tracy's lizard "sir."
197
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:20,773
So someone would have to
be a complete monster
198
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,008
to lose his respect.
199
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,010
Yeah... I don't know what
we're talking about.
200
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,578
We're talking
about nobody...
201
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,671
a hillbilly nobody that
doesn't know anything.
202
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,954
Hello?
203
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,389
Tracy is a white woman, Liz.
204
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,457
What?
205
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,624
He's trying to prove
206
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:40,593
that being a white woman is
easier than being a black man.
207
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:42,595
Wait, no...
what about the mediation?
208
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:43,729
We are way past that.
209
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:45,898
This is gonna be bigger than
when Tyra Banks
210
00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:47,066
put on that fat suit.
211
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,401
And don't worry...
212
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,736
When I prove Tracy wrong,
you'll get all the credit.
213
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,636
What are you
gonna do, J...?
214
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:59,178
Hello?
215
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,215
Liz, it's
Becky, your college roommate!
216
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,249
I'm sorry, who?
217
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,884
See, Liz Lemon?
218
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:05,952
You're already treating me
with more respect.
219
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,320
Oh, God, Tracy...
220
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,721
You wait till I test
this noise out on society.
221
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,857
Minds will be blown!
222
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,191
No! No society.
223
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:15,294
Do not go outside, do not
let Jack Donaghy see you!
224
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,964
Tracis,
listen to meem... oh, boy.
225
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,031
This pills am strong.
226
00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:21,100
You can't fix this, Liz Lemon!
227
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,569
It's about race, It's about being a woman.
228
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:26,105
It's about money.
It's about being on TV!
229
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:29,108
And no one understands all that.
230
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,097
Hello.
231
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:36,105
I'ma call you back, I snitting nexta Borpo.
232
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:45,224
Well, Portland's got a fun, little waterfront.
233
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,262
Would you mind if I closed
this window shade...
234
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,564
I'm trying to adopt a baby but my job
235
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,598
is making it impossible
236
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,000
because my Work Self
237
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,135
is suffocating my Life Me!
238
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,169
I'm Liz Lemon
239
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:59,228
and I lost my virginity at 25.
240
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,207
I saw the show about
following your fear
241
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,543
and it inspired me to wear
shorts to work.
242
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,669
It didn't go great.
243
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,546
Do you know Tracy Jordan?
244
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,915
I took
a pill earlier, but...
245
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:10,349
I didn't get my
September issue
246
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,943
of "O" magazine, do you have
the number for subscriptions?
247
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,652
Why would you?! Aah!
248
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:18,991
I eat emotionally.
249
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:21,360
And, one time, at summer camp,
I kissed a girl on a dare
250
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,795
but then she drowned!
251
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:26,332
And here comes some more stuff,
I hate my feet.
252
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,367
And, once, I had a sex dream
about Nate Berkus
253
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:30,369
but halfway through,
he turned into Dr. Oz.
254
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,004
Has that ever
happened to you?
255
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:34,373
A hug! This is happening!
256
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:35,499
It's all right, Liz,
it's all right.
257
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,109
I'm okay.
258
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:38,177
Please stay close.
259
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,112
Uh, can you keep your hands
outside my clothes?
260
00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:40,846
Okay.
261
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:41,813
Good.
262
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,785
Kenneth, I'm a good person.
263
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,386
If you say so, sir.
264
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:50,189
But sometimes,
life is complicated.
265
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:52,592
There isn't always a right answer.
266
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,393
Say you're in a lifeboat...
267
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,028
"You're in a lifeboat."
268
00:09:56,028 --> 00:10:00,566
The boat holds eight people...
but you have nine onboard.
269
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:01,901
Either you will capsize
270
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,836
and everyone will drown
or one person can be
271
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,771
sacrificed to save the others.
272
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,040
Now, how do you decide
who should die?
273
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,543
Oh, I don't believe in
hypothetical situations
274
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,879
Mr. Donaghy, That's like
lying to your brain.
275
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,514
Kenneth, you've lived
a sheltered life.
276
00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:17,683
Virtue never tested is no virtue at all.
277
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,674
Oh, I have been tested, sir.
278
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,155
There are only two things
I love in this world...
279
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,191
everybody and television.
280
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,893
But up in my neighborhood,
we can't even afford cable.
281
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:30,262
So my neighbor,
the Colonel, and I
282
00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:33,232
just watched whatever the ol'
rabbit ears pick up.
283
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:34,867
A lot of folks have chosen to go ahead
284
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,102
and steal cable
285
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,537
from the poor, defenseless
cable company.
286
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:40,873
But not me.
287
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:44,677
As bad as I want all those
channels, I don't do it
288
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:46,278
because stealing is wrong.
289
00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:49,015
Kenneth, I'm familiar
with the 10 Commandments.
290
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,279
10?
291
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:56,022
A lot of us women eat
emotionally, Liz.
292
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:58,424
And while we're not always
in control of our feelings
293
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:01,060
we do control of
the decisions we make.
294
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,395
I know, of course.
295
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,193
Now, you say that
you want a child
296
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:09,965
and yet, you let Jenna and Tracy
fill that role in your life.
297
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,604
Maybe you're afraid
298
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,406
of taking that next step.
299
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,041
Oh, my God, that's it!
300
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,709
Now that we've
leveled off
301
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:18,144
I think they're gonna
serve us a little snack.
302
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,079
So true, so wise.
303
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,348
You know, when you say
that to everything
304
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,216
it makes me feel like
you're not listening.
305
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,851
Sorry.
306
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,086
Here, try this.
307
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:30,623
It's wonderful salt-water
taffy from Rhode Island.
308
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,392
Wow, is this one of
your "favorite things"?
309
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,160
Oh, yes.
310
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,495
And I have so many wonderful
favorite things this year.
311
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,658
Sweater capes,
calypso music...
312
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,730
paisley tops...
Chinese checkers
313
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:44,904
High-heel
flip-flops
314
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,840
that lift up your butt
and give you a work-out.
315
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,241
And you...
316
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,106
Liz Lemon.
317
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:54,241
Too many women are wearing
themselves too thin these days.
318
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,716
And what suffers
because of that?
319
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:57,650
Your bowel movements.
320
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:58,651
Your personal life.
321
00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,752
Personal life, yes.
322
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:02,588
I want to help you,
what can I do?
323
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,290
Oh, my God,
would you say...
324
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:07,359
"Please welcome, Liz Lemon!"
325
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:08,427
No.
326
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,595
But here is what
I will do.
327
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:11,731
While I'm in New York,
if you want
328
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,899
I can stop by
and I can talk
329
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,127
to Tracy and Jenna.
330
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,670
Solve that little
problem for you
331
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,772
so you can
concentrate
332
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,607
on Liz for once.
333
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:24,610
Oh, you are the best
person in the whole world.
334
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:37,022
Good grief.
335
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:38,324
Hi, strangers!
336
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:41,761
Do you think I'm sexy?
Giggle, giggle, giggle!
337
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:45,097
Tracy, I know it's you.
And, yeah, I do.
338
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,600
I'm meeting my girlfriends
for brunch!
339
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,468
I hope we can sit outside!
340
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:50,833
Lipstick!
341
00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,879
Jack, what are you
doing down here?
342
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,580
It's been a real
crazy day, Lemon.
343
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,715
We're bidding to build a wind
farm in Turkey
344
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,049
and I'm trying
to convince the board
345
00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:06,018
to sell the
Locomotive Division
346
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:08,320
and Kenneth is being
a real stick in the mud.
347
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,413
Well, there's nothing
to see down here!
348
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:14,193
Everything is under
control in Studio 6H.
349
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:15,594
Good morning!
350
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,255
No! No, no, no!
351
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:19,565
No, no, no!
352
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:22,261
No, no, no...
wait, stop!
353
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:24,870
Why do you have a monster claw?
354
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,605
They ran out of
white make-up 'cause I insisted
355
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:27,594
they do my buttocks.
356
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:30,609
Good morning!
357
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:32,444
What is going on here?
358
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:33,712
Jenna and I are
doing a social experiment.
359
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:34,713
No, you're not.
360
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,615
Wait, what is
Jenna doing?
361
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:37,716
? You gotta ease on down?
362
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:39,618
? Ease on down the road?
363
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:40,642
Jenna, stop that right now.
364
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:44,056
This is worse than when you
wore your shorts to work.
365
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:45,925
You realize this
is incredibly offensive.
366
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:46,659
Yes.
367
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,261
And you realize blackface makeup
reignites racial stereotypes
368
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:50,629
African-Americans have worked
369
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:52,331
for hundreds of years
to overcome.
370
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,299
Here we go.
371
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,099
Yeah, it's bad.
372
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,234
I get it,
Go get some baby wipes!
373
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:56,702
We're trying to prove
374
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,071
women or black men.
375
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,674
white men.
376
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,309
We make the unpopular,
difficult decisions...
377
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,977
the tough choices.
378
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,779
We land on the moon and Normandy
Beach, and yet, they resent us.
379
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,314
Well, sir...
380
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,616
I'm sorry to disagree,
but I am also a white man...
381
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,618
No, you are not,
socio-economically speaking
382
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:14,320
you are more like
an inner-city Latina.
383
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,922
The point is, men like
me have to step in
384
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,090
and clean up messes like this.
385
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,726
No, you don't, I've got
this under control!
386
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:23,395
She's coming, Jack,
Oprah is coming!
387
00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:26,558
And she's gonna fix everything,
Oprah!
388
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,575
Oh, my, what was that?
389
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,344
We've tripped the
emergency brake, Kenneth.
390
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,045
Mr. Donaghy?
391
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,081
And I've hermetically
sealed this elevator car.
392
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,183
No air can get
in or out.
393
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:47,152
Don't worry, folks,
help will be here soon
394
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:49,788
and we have enough oxygen...
for eight people.
395
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:52,658
Unfortunately, there are
nine of us in here.
396
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:54,493
Now... one must die.
397
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,629
Mr. Donaghy!
398
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,030
In the panel where the
elevator phone should be
399
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,964
I placed a pistol
loaded with one bullet.
400
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:10,342
It's empty!
401
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:13,312
Then you'll have to choke me
with my belt.
402
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,542
I will fight you. It's human nature.
403
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,184
What is wrong with you?!
404
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:25,891
Oprah smells like rosewater
and warm laundry.
405
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:29,361
Did she tell you any of her new
favorite things for this year?
406
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:35,334
Calypso, paisley, Chinese
checkers and sweater capes.
407
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,902
Let's go to
the mall!
408
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,234
Did she touch you?
409
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:48,847
Well, Kenneth, I give up.
410
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,684
I thought pure morality
died with Chuck Heston
411
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:52,851
but you proved me wrong.
412
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,853
You are better
than all of us.
413
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:58,057
You are one Latina fantastica.
414
00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,992
Hola.
415
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:01,560
Kenneth Ellen Parcell...
416
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,562
you are my hero.
417
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:05,931
You don't mean "hero" like
"sandwich," do you?
418
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:08,491
No, Kenneth... not like sandwich.
419
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,382
Oh, no.
420
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:09,528
Oprah's coming.
421
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,630
I haven't
seen Oprah since
422
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,966
she did that episode about
the worst celebrity dads.
423
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,267
Um, Liz?
424
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,394
Your guest is here.
425
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:19,531
Oprah!
426
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:22,532
Hello, Liz Lemon!
427
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,415
Uh, how you doin'?
428
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:30,616
Hi!
429
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,584
What were you on?
That's a kid.
430
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:35,254
That does explain some
of the stuff she said.
431
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,848
I get to fly first class 'cause
my mom is a flight attendant!
432
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:40,016
I lost my headgear at Six Flags.
433
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:42,861
My boyfriend's in ninth grade!
434
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,697
It's not Oprah.
435
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:46,965
I thought
it was Oprah.
436
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,934
It's a spunky, little tween.
437
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:52,871
Now, as I am sure Liz has told
you, I am Pam.
438
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,273
Pam.
439
00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:55,638
I'm a middle school
class vice president...
440
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,011
a certified and trained
baby-sitter
441
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,046
and I recently got Internet
in my room!
442
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,648
I think I gave her wine.
443
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,183
I believe I can achieve anything.
444
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:07,786
So let's get down
to solving this problem.
445
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,253
Now which one of you is "Jana"?
446
00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:16,028
Hello, Mr. Donaghy.
447
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,296
Did you have a
good night, Kenneth?
448
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:20,632
Oh, yes, sir, hardly any
screaming from the Colonel.
449
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:22,835
Actually,
I was thinking...
450
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:27,739
We all try to be perfect,
but the world...
451
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,575
maybe, well...
452
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,643
uh, what I'm
trying to say...
453
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:35,781
There's a whole channel on
the cable that just tells you
454
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,583
what's on the other channels!
455
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,151
I know, Kenneth, it's okay.
456
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:42,988
I am glad I'm not
a white man, Mr. Donaghy.
457
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:47,092
Is SpongeBob
SquarePants
458
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:48,660
supposed to be terrifying?
459
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,288
You're darn right he is, Kenneth.
460
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:57,102
Yesterday, Liz
and I realized
461
00:18:57,102 --> 00:19:01,406
that she's probably wearing
the wrong bra size.
462
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,203
Oh.
463
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,613
Yup... that one's
definitely bigger.
464
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,948
And that
made me feel sad.
465
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,314
Now show me your
emotion drawings.
466
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:16,555
Tracy, your emotion
is upside-down.
467
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:20,292
That's the way
my world is right now.
468
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,060
I guess I'm gonna have to
clean up your mess after all.
469
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:24,196
She's 12, how did I...
470
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:25,731
It's okay, it happens
to the best of us.
471
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:28,400
In-flight medication is how
I met M. Night Shyamalan
472
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,568
until it turned out to be...
473
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,737
That was the best
day of my life.
474
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:32,804
Liz...
475
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:33,805
we worked it out.
476
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:35,240
I've been hearing...
477
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,576
but I haven't been listening.
478
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:42,548
And I need to stop being a
frenemy and be your real B.F.F.
479
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:46,541
Well... Iooks like
my work here is done.
480
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:50,556
So, I'll see you at my
parents' house for dinner.
481
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:51,990
My best friend
Gayle can't make it
482
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,926
because she has some
algebra test tomorrow.
483
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,915
Oh, Gayle!
484
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,596
Good job, Lemon.
485
00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,464
Good job, Pam, really.
486
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:00,799
take credit.
487
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,096
Hmm.
488
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:07,172
? Lean on me...
when you're not strong?
489
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,807
We're not doing that now.
490
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,707
Stop that, do you hear me?
491
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,112
I don't think I should be
drinking this.
492
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:16,081
Oh, come on, like you
never have a drink.
493
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,784
Well, I did have some champagne
at my cousin's wedding once.
494
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,086
Yeah, you did! To Oprah!
495
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:23,422
My name is Pam.
496
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,322
Oh, Oprah!
497
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,124
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
498
00:20:29,174 --> 00:20:33,724
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35698
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof