All language subtitles for 30 Rock S04 E17 Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter.eng

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And I think we can both conclude

that we finished q1 with better
than expected results.

And I can promise
that my performance will improve,

especially if you're a little more
flexible on your end.

I love it when you talk dirty to me.
I cannot wait to see you tonight.

- What are you going to wear?
- To the museum gala?

Think slutty Grace Kelly.

God bless you.
I'm picturing it right now.

And the opposite of that
just walked in.

- Tell Liz I said hi.
- I will.

Happy birthday, Jack.
I got you a card.

It's one of those new ones
where you can record a message.

Test, test, test.

This is a test for Jack's card.

Wonder woman

How do you re-record on these things?
Whatever. I'll definitely figure it out.

But my true present
is that exquisite ensemble.

You look like a prison weed dealer.

I'm coming back
from a singles dodgeball match, okay?

- Good God.
- The YMCA near my apartment

offers a variety
of singles activities,

and I am forcing myself
to go to all of them.

I'm glad you're trying,
but I wish you didn't have to...

Are you wearing a cup?

I forgot,
only guys can get hurt there.

I just wish it were easier for you.

You need an Avery...
Simple, fun, uncomplicated.

As my friend
and fox-hunting partner Mary J. Blige

would say, "no more drama".

Happy birthday!

- Nancy, what are you doing here?
- It's done, Jack.

I'm divorced!

- Feygnasse Team -

.:: La Fabrique ::.

Arrow - mpm

Valpi - Jarick - Collioure

4x17: Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter

How did your dodgeball thing go?
Did you meet anyone?

Not really.
I mean, there was one okay guy.

Eat it, bitch!

What is wrong with you?

He was flirting.

Did you ever even talk to him?

I yelled at him
about a rule violation.

His foot was over the line.

- How many more are you going to?
- Line dancing this afternoon,

then tomorrow
is the wine and cheese tasting.

Or, as I like to call it,
singles fart suppression.

- I should go with you, be your wingman.
- Thanks, but you don't want to do that.

No, it would be good
acting research for me.

I'm up for a role in National lampoon's
Van Wilder's wingman, incorporated.

I look forward
to not watching that on an airplane.

And this is our wardrobe department.

This is the star of our show,
Tracy Jordan.

- This is...
- Not now, Jackie D.

I heard on the walkie-talkies
that there's a redheaded MILF

walking around with some executive.

You know what,
that felt really good.

So I'll see you at lunch.

Would you please show Mrs. Dougherty...
I'm sorry,

Ms. Donovan, to the elevator?

- Have we met before?
- You shut your mouth!

Now you're having lunch?
Does Avery know about this?

The grown-up dating world
is like your haircut.

- Sometimes awkward triangles occur.
- You've been saving that one.

Obviously, this is unexpected.

I really didn't think that Nancy
would ever get divorced.

Why would a lady get divorced at 50?

Stick it out!

Men die first, then you have
two wonderful years, then you die.

Yes, Nancy showing up
is a game changer.

But if I blow this up now,
all three of us will suffer.

- So what are you gonna do?
- I'm going to seize this opportunity.

I'm going to pursue both relationships,
see how they develop,

and make an informed decision.

You're gonna juggle them? No.

Even you can't pull this off.

Mrs. Doubtfire shimself
could not do this.

You are gonna blow it,
you're gonna end up alone,

you're gonna have to go
to singles dodgeball.

Put on these rec specs.
This is your future. Put 'em on.

The band is soaking!

You will not believe
what just happened to me.

A guy on the subway
just called me a biggledeeboo.

What's that?

It's an 18th-century word
for "dark-skinned moor".

I've learned the word "black"
in every language,

just so I'll know
when to be offended.

Russian, chernyi.

Korean, hoog-een.

Dolphin...

- It was just an isolated incident.
- I'm telling you, Dotcom,

old-school racism is back.

How can racism be back
when we elected a black president?

Barry Obams is the one
who brought it back!

So you're saying that racism is back

because white people
no longer feel sorry for us?

Something's going on.
You know what I seen last night?

A Slovin shield commercial
with a black burglar!

Black man!

That's not good.

Come to think of it, I saw a white judge
on Law & Order last night.

It's back on!

Get ready, son. All you've ever known
is your affirmative-action job

and Queen Latifah
covergirl commercials.

And one, two, and hip, four,

five, six, and seven, eight.

I'm sorry,
are we expecting more men?

I'm Jerem!
I collect posters.

Look at me, Jerem.
I know all the steps.

Kind of.

So I know you're, like,
the man who has everything.

You know, two of everything,
in fact.

Right.

Hilarious.

But I got you a birthday present.

It's goofy.
It's nothing.

Schwitzer's saltwater taffy!

I haven't had this

since that summer
we worked on cape bilge.

I didn't tell Mrs. Schwitzer
that you've moved to New York,

so I told her you were
in jail for manslaughter.

I even got them to make you that flavor
we invented.

Peanut butter and miller high life.

I love it.

I'm only in town a couple of days.

Do you have to go
to this black-tie thingy tonight?

Is it really better than me?

It's not better.
It's different.

There's no way of knowing
at this point

which is better.

What?

You're a wackadoo, Donaghy.

I want to spend as much time
with you as possible.

- Why don't we meet for drinks after?
- You sure?

Definitely.

You always know
you're at the right party

when it feels like the riddler
is about to attack.

Look at this guest list.

Harvey Weinstein,
Glenn Beck, Ashley Olsen.

These are the people
that make New York great.

Let's do the red carpet together.
The Post will love it!

"Money bunny Avery Jessup steps out
with sexecutive Jack Donaghy."

I can't have my picture taken with you.
Someone might see it.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm just saying
you're a business reporter,

and I'm trying to get FCC approval
for the Kabletown deal.

It wouldn't look right.
Like Santa Claus taking a shower.

I get that.

You go ahead. I'll meet you
on the other side with a drink.

- Avery, over here!
- I'm Jarem!

Chelsea, hey,
Chelsea Handler, over here!

Liz, I work here
because I'm hilarious, right?

Is this a trap?

Earlier today,
Tracy made the accusation

that I am the beneficiary
of affirmative action.

Tracy is a buffoon.

That is a 15th-century term
for a black pirate! Racist!

Is my presence on this staff
tokenism?

You are an invaluable member
of our team.

Why are my paychecks
a different color than Frank?

Because your salary

does not come out of our budget.

Toof, you provide
a point of view that is essential

to keeping the diversity guy
from bothering us.

I do not want a job I did not earn.

I am about to utter two words
a Harvard man never says.

"I'm cool"?
No, I'm sorry.

You can't set me up like that.
Don't quit.

I quit!

You look like Mr. Monopoly.

And you look like you won
second prize

in a beauty contest...
collect $10.

You sure you don't mind
just having a drink up here?

I walked all the way to battery park
in high-heeled boots, like a moron.

No, I prefer it.
Something from the minibar?

No, are you kidding me?
At those prices?

Left over from my Amtrak ride.

That's my Donovan.

So listen...

I know we've waited a long time
for me to be single,

and I really want
our first evening together

to be special and...

God, this is so queer.

I guess what I'm trying to say is

can we wait until the morning
to fool around?

'cause I'm exhausted,
and I got the night bloats.

Yes, the morning.
I'm exhausted too.

Let's just watch TV.

There's a Lee Marvin marathon
on Turner Classics.

I thought you said
this wasn't going to be sexual.

This is perfect.

I should take this.

- Is everything okay?
- Is everything okay?

Here are the bullet points:
Jeter's apartment.

We're playing beer pong.

It's New York Yankees
versus former Mayors.

I got 10 grand on the Mayors.
Get down here.

Come on, Dinkins!
You're killin' me!

- What's going on?
- It's work.

I've gotta go.

I have to go. I'm sorry.

I'll call you.

Don't work too hard.

How's your episode
of Three's company going?

Like Three's company,
it's titillating,

yet anxiety-producing.

I need your help, Janet.

Man, being Janet sucks!

After the party,
I went to Nancy's hotel room.

Then Avery called and made
an offer I couldn't refuse.

Were you with both of them
on one night?

You are officially
a John Mayer-style garbage...

I didn't have sex with anybody.

You were right. I can't do this.

Whichever one I'm with,
I think she's the one.

How do you choose between
Lee Marvin and Derek Jeter?

On looks, Lee Marvin.

I feel like I'm being pulled apart,
and I need your help.

Today I'm going
to the boat show with Nancy.

Tonight is my birthday dinner
with Avery.

I hate the idea of Nancy having dinner
alone at the hotel tonight,

so I told her that you wanted
to take her out.

No, I have singles
wine and cheese tonight.

Then take Nancy with you.

This whole thing is unfair.
You're juggling two beautiful women

while I have to pay to have
kickballs whipped at me.

This is gender inequity
out the yang!

This has nothing to do with the slight
difference in our genders.

Yes, it does.

The older you get,
the more distinguished you are.

Meanwhile, I'm reading a book called

hiding your arms, hiding your anger:
dating over 35.

I am successful romantically
because I am confident,

open, and positive.

You are negative, pessimistic,
in danger of becoming permanently sour.

Is this you asking me for a favor?

If I don't handle this situation right,
I'm going to lose both of these women.

And even worse,
they're both going to lose me.

Fine. I'll do it.

My eyes are stuck.
Help me!

I can't believe Toofer quit!

Do you know how much paperwork
I have to fill out because of this?

He left with his I.D.

Buddy, will you call Toofer
and talk some sense into him?

Ask the black guy,
'cause we all know each other.

Pete, could you tell a bald eagle
to stop scaring me at zoos?

I've been wanting to say this
for a few seconds now.

This workplace has become a hotbed
of old-school racism.

No one here is racist.

How come I'm always forced to play
ridicarus characters

that don't enununciate well.

So what? Look at Italians.

We're always portrayed
either as goombahs or guidos,

but we don't care because
we're successful members of society.

So maybe your problem is that
you're finally being treated

like everybody else.

You could play it off,
but I know you're all secretly mad

'cause we finally have
a black Disney princess.

There actually
hasn't been a white princess since 1991.

Tiana, Mulan, Pocahontas, Jasmine...
She's right!

There are blonde girls in this country
who have no idea they can be beautiful.

That's why I started "Jenna's kids".

It's a summer camp that teaches
pretty blonde girls how to be mean.

You, call Toofer.
Beg him to come back.

- Absolutely not.
- Of course not.

The Aryan hates and fears
the African man,

as we so clearly saw
in the Blade movies.

What? No, I didn't want Toofer to quit,
but I respect his decision.

- As a woman in this business...
- Shut up, Liz.

In this world, I have never
received special treatment,

at work or in love.

So why should anybody else?

I love coming here. One of the only
restaurants with a veal tank.

It just tastes better
when you pick your own.

I think I know the real reason

you were acting weird
about doing the red carpet with me.

You're self-conscious
about our age difference,

and you thought you'd look old
standing next to me.

I see.

- You're very perceptive.
- I get why it's on your mind,

what, with your birthday
and my amazing skin.

And sure, people in this restaurant
might think you're my dad...

Or that you're my prostitute.

Exactly.

But what does it matter?

Maybe it does matter.

If I'd met you 20 years ago...

Not you, because you would
have been 16, which is,

of course... wrong.

I'm just saying,
are we kidding ourselves with this?

I'm 51 years old.

Do you even know who Lee Marvin is?

The sportscaster who bites ladies.
Who cares?

Then again,
if I were with someone my own age,

I'd miss out
on a lot of things I want.

I'd never have a family...

Relax.
We've only been together a month.

We don't need to worry
about this stuff now.

Especially not on your birthday.

- Are these the cufflinks...
- Reagan was buried in.

Don't ask how I got them.
But I do know the access code

to his pyramid.

Avery, this is too much.

No, it's perfect, Jack.

Someday you'll be
as a great a man as he was.

I do like jelly beans.

Look at me,
I'm at a singles event in New York City.

Sure, it's a little bright in here,
and they could have rescheduled

that youth karate class...

Yes, Sensel.

But this is fun!

Come on, it's pathetic.
Why am I doing this?

'cause you're living life.

- How you doing? You see Avatar?
- Yeah. That new 3-D is amazing.

I don't know, I found myself rooting

for our boys in uniform,
not those blue hippies.

But full disclosure,
I had a couple of drinks prior to.

- You know Liz?
- I thought that marine robot thing...

They weren't marines.
Some of them were former marines,

but they were mercenaries
working for a space mining company.

All right.

See you later.

What are you doing?
I was warming him up for you,

and you start talking
about space mining?

Do you want to sit around
and be wrong?

Come on, Liz,
every man in this room is single.

Who do you want to meet?

Nobody.

I mean, that guy has a beard.
Who knows what's under there?

Tattoo guy, too promiscuous.

T-shirt tucked into jeans...

That guy looks like
he'd just be mean to me.

You're so negative.

- Now you just sound like Jack.
- I'm no relationship expert.

The last time I used
a birth control device, it was the '70s,

and it looked like soap on a rope.

But every time you say
what you don't want,

you sound like a cranky cow,
and you're not that.

You're smart and you're fun.

So stop talking about
what you don't want,

and start figuring out
what you do want. And then go get it.

Jerem, look how drunk I am,

and how full of cheese my mouth is!

That's not that much cheese.

No, no, don't.

No, it's okay.
I don't want to hurt you.

I'll tell you what I do want.

I want someone who will be monogamous
and nice to his mother.

And I want someone
who likes musicals,

but knows to just shut his mouth
when I'm watching Lost.

And I want someone who thinks
being really into cars is lame,

and strip clubs are gross.

I want someone who will
actually empty the dishwasher

instead of just taking out forks
as needed,

like I do.

I want someone with
clean hands and feet,

and beefy forearms,
like a damn Disney prince.

And I want him to genuinely like me,

even when I'm old.

And that's what I want.

You making much English.

This is fun alcoholics meeting!

Well, well, well. Never got a hand up...
Is that right, Liz Lemon?

- What? Come on, I'm in a good mood.
- And it's over!

While trying to find Toofer's
dental records in personnel,

down on the basement mezzanine,

I pulled your file.

"Elizabeth"...

I don't know how to pronounce
your middle name...

You attended
the university of Maryland

on a partial competitive
jazz dance scholarship.

- So?
- So NCAA competitive jazz dance

was created as part of title IX.

You were able to pay for college
because of a program

that favored women.

Favored women
to correct an imbalance.

There's more.

You were only hired
by the second city

because they needed someone who could
remember to feed the theater cat!

You're gonna hate this one.
The only reason nbc picked up

The girlie show is because
of the flak they got from women's groups

after airing the action drama
Bitch Hunter.

Happy birthday, bitches!

Oh, my God!

I'm no better than Toofer...

Or Lutz, with his BS inuit ancestry,

or you, whose dad was in the masons
with Dave Garroway.

- I shouldn't be here.
- This is America.

- None of us are supposed to be here.
- I need to dance this out.

Jack, would TGS have gotten on TV
if I was a dude?

No, it was affirmative action.

Why do you think your checks
aren't the same color as Howie Mandel's?

Two amazing gifts
from two amazing women.

Each gift symbolic of the woman
who gave it to you.

One, the past...

A connection to home
and the man that you were.

The other, the future...
The promise...

Yes, Lemon, I get it.

I can't let this go on any longer.

I choose...

Avery!

Right? Yes.

But are you sure
it's not because you saw Avery last?

How'd it go
with the guys at dodgeball?

You let one in?

Into your heart, I mean.
God.

It went okay.

I'm sorry you and I couldn't
get together last night.

Yeah, me too.
But now I gotta run.

But what do you say I come back
in a couple of weeks,

I cook you a pot roast,
we drink too much wine,

and see how it goes?

That sounds amazing.

We'll be keeping an eye
on this story as it develops,

but it's clearly
a conflict of interests.

And at the risk of editorializing,
I am personally outraged.

Mum always said, it's rude to leave
when there more 30 rock coming.

You should call her after this.

What are you doing here?

Liz has invited me back
as a budgeted employee.

Apparently, I am
the only one among us who can spell.

- Welcome back, James.
- Hang on, who's James?

As a condition of my re-employment,

I have requested
that I no longer be called "Toofer".

Great!
New nickname suggestions. Go!

Victoria Q. Nerdballs.

- Kanye East.
- Super virgin!

Splock.
Short for "black Spock".

- Three-fer, 'cause you're also gay.
- Fine!

I'll just go back to Toofer.

Welcome back!

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