All language subtitles for Celebrity.SAS.Who.Dares.Wins.S05E03.1080p.HDTV.H264-DARKFLiX[eztv.re]_track4_eng

Hands by your side. Sit.

HE EXHALES

For the select few,
this process might make them,

but for the majority
of these celebrities...

Guard!

...it will completely break them.
Hands. Walk.

Move! Keep coming, let's go!

In this series... Squeeze it in!

...16 celebrity recruits...

Crawl! Zip it!

...will leave their glamorous lives
behind.

Lay down on the ground!

Get in there!
They will be put through

the most gruelling stages
of SAS selection...

Down!

...by an elite team
of ex-Special Forces soldiers.

Honesty, integrity, trust -

everything we've installed in you
from day one. Everything!

No allowances or exceptions
will be made.

Get on your stomach!
I'm not scared of getting dirty,

but I'm going to have to
change these.

I can just about open my car door.

Wow, whoa, whoa...

My mum does not want me to do this.
She's scared I'm going to get injured.

She's really, really
not looking forward to that.

I've seen pressure.

I need support now!

So what I'm going to face on this
course is water off a duck's back.

Take him down!

Ugh! Agh! Like an injured slug.

Lift up your boat!
No other test asks as much...

Ah! Ah! You've got it. Let's go.

Well done, Zozo. ..or means as
much...

Well done.
..to the few who make it through.

Welcome to your worst nightmare.

This program me contains strong
language, discussions

of domestic abuse and suicide which
some viewers might find upsetting

Get a move on!
We never said have a rest, did we?

That's it, step it out, nine.

Of the 16 celebrity recruits
who began...

Step it up, let's go.
..15 now remain

for the third phase of the course.

At the beginning of each phase,
we ramp it up.

All the way, number 15.
In the Special Forces,

there is no room or time
for carrying people.

Let's go, four.
If we think recruits are too weak,

we will get rid of them,
we will cull them.

It is for their own safety.

Stop fidgeting.

You have all completed

two phases of this course.

So well done. However,

it doesn't mean you are capable
to go forward.

If I call your number,

move swiftly to the DS on my left -
Foxy -

and just hand him your armband.

Number four.

Dress forward. Swiftly.

Give me your armband.

Number four, singer Michelle Heaton,

is the second recruit
to leave the course.

I'd like to see how far
I can be pushed,

but if the DS tell me I'm not good
at something, at least I've tried.

I see this as just another part
of my story

and I've got loads of chapters

and this is going to be the one

that puts me in good stead
for the rest of my life.

Number one.

Stop moving, keep still.

Number 15, dress forward.

Number 15, TV presenter
Melinda Messenger,

is the third recruit
to leave the course.

Doing this, I can't imagine
that I would not find out

things about myself
that I didn't know.

You know, even if it's that I really
am hopeless and helpless

and can't do any of it,

at least I'll be able to go, "Well,
you had the courage to give it a go,

"you had the courage to show up.”

What remains goes forward
to the next phase.

We've pushed your fear,
asked you to think on your feet,

we'll add another ingredient
right now and that's resilience.

It's going to get harder.

You need to be tough now.
You'd better dig deep

and find what is required.

Go!

The key thing
to passing this course

will be resilience
and determination.

Then listen out for the next detail.
Go!

But physical strength alone
will not be enough.

Let's go, let's go!

It's going to be mental application
that'll see you over the line.

Ah, I'm going to miss Michelle.

I'm going to miss Melinda.
Sweethearts, both of them.

Yeah. Was anyone else
shitting them self

when he was talking about
phase three? Fuck.

What is resilience?
So basically, like...

Blood, piss, everything.
Everything out. What?

OK, just listening to me.

Fucking stinks in here. Yes, staff.

LAUGHTER
We all stink.

Jesus. Right, grab a seat
on your beds so you can hear me.

Thank you, staff.
Right, going out on an operation,

always assume it could be your last

because, unfortunately, in our
world, people don't come back.

So what we do is write
our final letters home.

I personally have actually
done this.

I wrote a letter to my family,
to my daughters,

just to tell them what I wanted
to tell them should I not come back.

When going into combat,
you have to accept

that "This is where I could die."

The day I was going into battle
was my daughter's birthday,

so I wrote a letter.

What would you say to somebody
that you didn't get a chance to speak to?

In the SF world,
communication back home

is very, very limited,
if any at all.

So there was one way I knew
that a message,

should I need to leave it,
would be left.

When you're done with it, put it
in your box until told otherwise.

Happy? ALL: Yes, staff. Crack on.

As part of the resilience phase
of the course,

the DS want to ensure
that the recruits can deal with

the harsh realities of war.

Matt, is this, like, if you die,
this is the letter to your family?

To whoever you want to, yeah.

If you die. Yeah.

Fucking hell.

I'm very emotional.

That is my...super power.

I used to be called
Sensitive Siva growing up.

People who pass this course,
they're pretty tough

and if I get to the end,
that would feel just amazing.

Are you just writing about, like,
your family, your kids and stuff?

Yeah. Does it not make you
feel sad? Yeah.

I'm trying not to cry.
I'd be balling my eyes out.

People will probably know me
from being a glamour model,

being in Playboy,

but I want to show people
that there's more to me than that.

I feel like, mentally,
I can be strong.

This is to fuck your head up,
this is.

SHE SIGHS

But I definitely think I've bitten
off more than I can chew.

This is what I need to master,
my emotions.

I feel like I'm such a cry-baby.

Writing that letter is different
for every single person.

If you don't have the correct
mental resilience to deal with it,

you ain't no use to nobody
on the battlefield.

Everybody, let's get a move on!

Ahh... Ready? Heading down.

Close the gaps everywhere.

Get tight, 11.

Same.

The DS have taken the recruits
ten miles south of the base.

With minimum fuss, get your bergens
and dress off the boat.

Quick as you can, let's go!

Get a fucking move on. Ooh.

The recruits must ascend a cliff face

with slopes of up to 70 degrees
in sweltering heat.

It's really slippy going up here,
guys.

Just get on with it!
Oh, God. Wow, this is intense.

Push it, push it, push it!

I've had so many times as a comic

where I've come home,
slung my bag down and I've gone,

"That's it, I'm done.
I'm not doing this any more"...

Stop fucking about, Zozey.

...and I've had to sit down and go,
"Don't give up, give it one more go."

Whurgh!

I think, given the determination you
need to do what I've done as a career,

that will come into play
during the course.

Let's get on with it! Let's go!

I think I'm going to struggle
with quite a lot of things,

but my competitive nature
is that I like to get to the end.

I like to test my resilience. So it'd be nice
to be put in environments where you're tested

to see your character and what
it brings out of you in that moment.

Come on then, hurry up!
Let's keep it moving!

After a gruelling 75-minute climb,

what the recruits don't know is that
the task has only just begun.

In the Special Forces,
things can change just like that.

You may be geared up for a specific
mission and then it changes.

You have to compartmentalise
your pain,

stay resilient and finish the fight.

Go!

To get back down,

the recruits must carefully negotiate
a 200-foot drop

into a mountain cave.

Jesus Christ.

That is unreal. Fuck.

Is it far down, Gareth?
I haven't seen it. Mate.

Bro, I can't even see down.

Oh, my God!

If you look over, you can't see
the bottom. The rope goes down...

Can't even see the bottom?
You can't see it.

The celebrity recruits are about
to face a 200-foot descent

into a mountain cave.

I said, right, if I wasn't a footballer,
1'd like to be in the military.

I take that back.

Going into the unknown
requires resilience.

To pass the task,
the celebs must keep calm,

control their speed and be silent

so the enemy don't know
that they're coming.

All right, five, move to me.

Right through this way.

Facing the task is number five,

ex-Premier League footballer
Jermaine Pennant.

This right hand
is on the right rope.

This is your brake hand.
This is your guide hand.

Physically, I feel I'll be
in a good place,

but, mentally, that's going to be

the...the tough part.

Push that hand away
and open up your fist,

the rope's going to slide through.
Yep.

And if you start going too fast,
bring it back.

Usually I run away from trouble.

I don't tackle things head on,

so this is going to be
a massive test for me.

You're confident in the instruction?
Yes, staff.

Execute.

Walk it down.

That's it. Confidence.

That's it, now you're free.

Control your descent.
Look over your right shoulder.

That's good, nice rate of descent.

Keep it coming.

Start to look
for a landing point now.

That's good.

Control, control,
all the way to the floor.

How was that?

I enjoyed it. Yeah? Nervous?

Yeah. You had control, it was good.

Overall, that was not a bad attempt,
all right? Well done. Away you go.

After a confident performance,

number five, Jermaine,
passes the task.

Make your way to me, 14. That's it.

Taking on the drop is pop singer
from The Wanted,

recruit number 14, Siva Kaneswaran.

Do you still get nerves when
you play your rock and roll shows?

Not like this. Not like this,
all right. Not like this.

I don't really cope very well
out of my comfort zone.

But over the past few months,
I feel like I've been through a lot.

Your whole life is controlled
with that right arm.

And now I try to live life
to the fullest

and not sweat the small stuff

because you never know
when it's going to be your last day.

Start going down.

Keep those legs together,
strong position.

Get some speed, 14.

Got to get down to your mates
and fight the fight.

Come on.

Feed it through, let's go.
Go faster!

Get the right arm
away from your hip.

HE BREATHES HARD

That's good.

Control. Yes, staff.

You OK? Yes, staff.

Overall, not bad.
A little bit slow at the start.

I know it's fucking scary,
I know it's new,

but you must control that descent.
Away you go.

Come on, then, gorgeous George.
Let's get over here.

Seen tectonic plates move quicker.

It was actually all right towards
the end and you redeemed yourself.

Right, take your Bergen off
when you get over there,

dump it with the others.

Let's go, number two!

Right, number two, execute.

I think I could be quite good
at following orders.

I don't really have
a big ego as such.

Control your right hand! Now!

I can follow instruction,
definitely.

Control, you fucking buffoon!

You're going to fucking
break your legs.

What the fuck was that about?

Go. Confidence.

Special Forces operators
are trained

to be mentally robust
to execute the mission.

Very good, number nine.
Look where you're going.

Good effort, number nine.
Thanks, staff.

When it's go time,
if a recruit panics...

Ah! Ah! It's all right, it's all
right. Look up, look up, hold it.

...if they lose control,

if they do anything other than
what is instructed,

then all is lost.

Are you ready? Ah... Descend.

I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie

and I quite get off on it.

Whoa, whoa!

Control it. Whoa! Oh, God!

I'm very bad at heights.

I'm going to have to really
bite my lip and get through it.

Open your eyes
and shut your fucking mouth.

Whaa, whaa, whaa...

Right, right, all right,
congratulations. Thank you.

What did you have, a boy or a girl?
It was both, twins.

I think it fucking was,
the noise you were making.

Shat myself and pissed myself,
staff.

Oh, fuck. Ohh...

About to descend into the cave

is number 11, Danielle Lloyd.

Make your way down, 11.

That's it.

Because I've been through so much,

I don't like feeling out of control.

It gives me sort of like
that sicky feeling in my stomach.

Sit down. It's all right, sit down.

I can't hold it, can't hold it.
OK, come back up. I'm scared.

It's all right. Look at me. You have to have
confidence in your abilities, all right?

Usually, in stressful situations,

I freak out.

And I swear a lot as well!

Hit it.

Oh, my God. Keep control. Oh!

Shut up. Ohh... Oh, my God.

Oh... Oh.

Oh...

Oh!

Come on, then,
be aware of your surroundings.

Start to look for a landing point.
Fuck.

Ow. Shut up!

I'm really trying, staff.
Well, fucking try harder.

Oh. And come to me.

Oh, my God. Fuck.
Don't call me God. Sorry.

Call me staff. Staff.

Stand still, calm down.
You ain't going anywhere.

I'm just emotional, I'm sorry. I've
never done anything like that in my life.

You've got to remember,
this could be a tactical thing

where you're going in quietly.
Fucking howling and crying

ain't a good idea, is it? No, staff.

Following the lack of self-control,

number 11, Danielle, fails the task.

I needed to be quieter.

No shit.
It was like, slow yet emotional.

Compose yourself.

Right, take your Bergen off,
put it over there

and then find somewhere to sit.

Ohh...

Fucking hell.

With the task complete,

the DS assess
the recruits' performance.

They're not sinking in
what is fucking important,

they're too busy breathing heavy,
kind of yelping to themselves,

as opposed to
what the task really is. Mm-hm.

But they know where they are. It's to
do with different people's head spaces

because some of them are getting it
and some of them aren't.

Number five,
I thought he was excellent,

had it together and kept quiet,
did his job.

Number 11, she was crying,
shaking like a leaf.

I reckon we have a look at her,
dig into her a bit.

All right, let's get ready to move.
Let's go!

Fuck me. That was scary, man.

My fucking legs are killing me.

Oh, my feet are melting.

SHE SIGHS

Recruit number 11!

Go on, Dani. God.

Right. Go on, Danielle.
Good luck, Danielle.

Quick as you can.

Stand down there.
Put your hands on the fence.

After her reaction
to the cave descent,

the DS want to find out
if recruit number 11, Danielle,

has the resilience to take on
the remainder of the course.

DOOR SLAMS

How do you think you're doing?

Erm, I'm not the fittest person.

I'm trying my hardest, I am.

That's all I can do.

We're not looking for
the fittest person.

I think I'm quite mentally strong,
but I don't know.

I've had five children,
so I've got to be. Wow.

Fucking hell.

How are you finding
the psychological side

of some of the tasks that we've set?

I just don't like feeling
not in control.

Maybe take a breath when something
don't go all your way.

Just compose yourself.
SHE EXHALES

Why have you come here?

I feel like I'm so used
to doing things for other people,

like, I felt like I needed to...

...do something for myself

and, like,
I've been through a lot in my life.

Do you want to talk through that?

I've been in really
controlling relationships.

SHE SNIFFS

How did this come about?
I was really young... Right.

...and naive.

My boyfriend at the time
almost, like,

segregated me from my family.

There'd be days when
I'd be locked in the house

and I wasn't allowed out.

And for a long period of time,
I'd be beaten up every day.

How long were you
in that situation for?

About three...three or four years.

Why the fuck did you put up
with that?

I suppose you just start to believe
that that's just normal.

I just thought that
that's...that I deserved it.

So how did you...
How did you break that cycle?

My mum started to know that
there was something wrong

and...she put me in for Miss England

to try and give me
some kind of confidence back.

My boyfriend didn't like it

and, erm, when I tried
to break up with him, he...

...he punched me so hard
in the face that he knocked me out

and broke my eye socket.

Fucking hell.

I moved to London to get away
and try and start afresh...

...but I didn't really deal with

what I'd actually gone through,

I just started to take drink
and drugs to numb the pain

and I ended up wanting
to take my own life

because I couldn't take it any more.

So what happened?

My mum and dad put me into rehab

and tried to get me some help.
SHE SNIFFS

It was hard.

I feel like now I've come through
the other side,

that's why I just wanted
to come and show I can do this.

I think unloading
what you've just unloaded there

is going to help you,
get rid of that shit now.

Yeah.

How long do you reckon
you're going to last?

I hope till the end, like,
that's what I've come here for.

I haven't come to leave, so...
I think everything what's happened,

including that situation,
has just made me stronger,

made me realise that I can't
put up with that again

and I have to be strong for my kids

because nobody else is
going to be there for them.

This is for you.

The raw, real version of you.

Every minute you're here,
every day you're here,

you'll start finding out who
that is and you'll start liking it.

This is just a mechanism

for you to find out
a little bit more about yourself

and we're going to put you
into difficult situations.

The reason for that is
we're wanting you to find out

how you control yourself.

Yeah. Because the way
you feel about things

and the way you react
to things emotionally,

it's yours to control.

Every time you feel like
you're going to give up,

just give yourself fucking ten
seconds before you make a decision.

OK.

Guard.
DOOR OPENS

Let's go.

Going through that period
in my life,

I've had to build myself up
and start to love myself.

How long was I in there for?
It felt like for ever.

But thankfully, I've got
a really supportive family

who've helped me along the way
and made me the person I am today.

Uhh... God, that was a lot.

Now I'm up for the challenge.

I want to just try and get
as far as I can.

SHE SIGHS

BIRD CALLS

After three days,
the rain has stopped.

Somebody has gone wild
with the sawdust in here.

It's now 40 degrees.

Ah, the fucking smell.

RUNNING WATER

That was nasty.

Mm, ew... Uhh...

Let's play 20 questions.

So you can think
of anyone, famous or fiction,

yes or no answers
and you only get 20 questions.

13 celebrity recruits are four days
into their jungle training.

OK, but can I put a rule out there
that, like...

Let's pick someone that everyone is going
to know... Yeah. ..not random footballers

that no-one cares about.
Not you, obviously.

THEY LAUGH
Savage, you know, this, honestly.

I wasn't talking about you!

This lot at the minute,
they're coasting along,

you know, like they're on
a fucking holiday.

This ain't a fucking tropical island
with fucking pina coladas.

Halfway through
the resilience phase of the course,

the DS want to focus on
the recruits' progress.

I think it's spot-on.

For me, it's more about
the fucking mentality. Yeah.

Just because we're not
barking at them all the time,

they feel they can just
fucking drift back,

so we need to reintroduce
that fucking spark.

We need to really turn it up. Yeah.

Full kit, ready to go!

Let's do this!

Let's hustle.

We're burning daylight, let's go!

Get down the fucking bank!
Go! Get down there!

What are we waiting for?! Get down!

I'm reasonably fit,
but the lifestyle of an MP

doesn't make it all that easy
to be, like, Olympic-style fitness!

Get into there! Get out there!
Go, go, go, go!

I know what I've signed up for,
just get stuck in.

Resilience is definitely
my middle name.

But she's not that Olympic athlete
that she was how many years back,

but she still tries
and there's a warrior inside.

On the battlefield, we have
to engage, mix it with the enemy.

It's important
that we show resilience.

To that end, the next task

is murder ball.

When I say go, you're going to
spread your bergens out

and that will create
a straight line. Go!

Come on, then, all the way over
here, quickly. Go, go, go, go, go!

Right, line there. Bergens down.

The recruits have been separated
into two teams

and will be pitted
against each other by the DS.

Team leaders.

Number one, you're team Alpha.

Number three. Yes, staff.

Team Bravo.

This is the ball, we throw it in

and yous meet in the middle.

To score, recruits must get
the coconut

past the opposing team's bergens
at either end of the pitch.

Line out.
Get the ball and chuck it forward.

Team Bravo -
number five, number seven!

Team Alpha - number one, number 14!

Stand by.

Being in The Wanted,
a lot of people take one look at me

and think, "Pretty boy,
some boy-band pretty boy."

But mentally,
I've got a thick head...

Go!

...and I think how you respond
to those challenges

says a lot about you.

Get it! Matt, Matt, Matt!

Get it, 14!

Get that coconut out!

Number three, get in there!

Number two!

Go on, take him out!

That's it!

Drag him off! Come on!

Get stuck in there!

That's it!

Number five, Jermaine, breaks away...

What a fucking good effort.

...scoring the first point
for Team Bravo.

Let's go again, let's go again.

Go!

Get it! Haa...

Murderball is a great task.
SHRIEKING

It replicates the battlefield.

Oh, that's it, fuck!

On a mission, you have
got to throw yourself in,

get down and dirty and fight.

Help him!
Somebody's standing in between you

and getting home to your family.
You've got to go through that person.

I've never even been pushed
out of my comfort zone before.

I've... I've never been camping.

You know, I've never been
in the wild like that!

But I love a challenge that really
pushes your mental resilience.

That's it!
Yeah, it's going to be a lot!

Get it!

People expect, like, a glamour
model to be quite a soft person.

Get it off her!

One thing that people don't realise
about me, they think I'm weak,

but actually I'm, like, really
thick-skinned and I'm very strong.

Get in there, 11!

Stop!

Fucking good effort.

Number 11, Danielle,
scores a point for Team Alpha...

Great work, Danielle.
..making it one all.

Number two and number five.

With the scores level,

number two, James, from Team Alpha,

will go head-to-head with number
five, Jermaine, from Team Bravo.

It was always my dream
to become a footballer.

Everywhere I went, so did my ball.

I always knew I was going to
make it. There was never a doubt.

Go!

Throughout my life, I've always
tried to reach the end goal -

that is what I'm striving for.

Take him out, number five.

That's it! That's it, five!

Get up, get up, get up!

Go on, number five!
Number 10, get in there!

Get it!

Get it, ten!
Number one, get her out!

That's it!

Good effort, five!

Go on, yes.

Recruit number five, Jermaine,
scores a second point...

Go on, boys!

...putting Team Bravo two-one up.

Come on, Jermaine.
Find another gear, bruv.

HE EXHALES

Resilience.
This is where it counts.

All the recruits will now compete.

Whoever's going to the ball first,
someone drop back.

Go on, Gareth,
you tell us what to do.

It's a fucking simple object. Just
get the ball to that fucking side, right?

Otherwise, fucking hit them
as fucking hard as you can

and get the ball off them.

With Team Alpha a point down,

number 12, ex-rugby international
Gareth Thomas,

takes control in an attempt
to even the scores.

Stand by.

Go!

Get it! That's it!

Go on, 12!

Bring it forward! Move forward!

Strip it, get amongst it!

Take him down, take him down!

Get amongst it,
get that coconut out!

Throw it. Yes!

That's it, push!

DS LAUGHS

Jermaine breaks free from Gareth
to score a hat-trick.

Good effort, number five!
Number five again.

...and secure the win for Team Bravo.

Agh...

Get back up, let's go!

You got it, Gareth.

Gareth, go easy, go easy, all right?

All right?
Oh, my fucking hamstring's gone.

Right, listen in. Good effort.

Every single one of yous stepped up
to the plate and mucked in.

Number five,

man of the match,
get that in your Bergen.

Congratulations. You can keep it.
Cheers, staff.

Get your kit on. Off you go.

Come on, let's go.

Get in there, 12!

On this course, I want to kind
of be like that 18-year-old again

who went to bed after his first game
of rugby with a smile on my face.

Because of the sense of
satisfaction, the sense of achievement,

I literally woke up in the morning and my
cheeks were still hurting because I was smiling.

Push him on, push him on, let's go!

Well done, Jermaine. Well done.
Well deserved.

Where did you hurt yourself?
Ah, my leg.

Just going to press down
on your left leg first.

Having sustained an injury,
recruit number 12, Gareth,

is being checked over by
the Chief Medical Adviser, Dr Raj.

Yeah, I think, unfortunately,
it is your hamstring.

It looks like your right has gone.

Back on the chair for the moment.

Number 12, I'm going to have to

medically withdraw you from course.

Yeah.

Am I allowed to have a chance?

I can't see what you are
going to do, physically.

You are just going to do yourself
more damage.

No.

Purely is on a medical basis
you've been withdrawn.

So if I can take your armband first.
Yeah.

You've fucking given 100 per cent,
mate,

and feel proud and stand tall,
brother. Cheers, mate.

In this course,
I will be the best version of me.

I'll do what I can and I'll do it
to the best of my ability, right?

But, for me,
the achievement is the start line,

not the finish line.

BIRD CALLS

SCRAPING

OK, Chris, do the honours.

With 12 recruits remaining
following a medical withdrawal...

Number 12, unfortunately,
the end of the road for him,

but that's the way it goes.
..the DS regroup

to discuss their performance
in today's task.

OK, the second task
of the day was murder ball.

It was a good effort
by all the course.

The girls got stuck in. That talk's
fucking helped number 11.

She fucking went for it. I was
impressed. She turned a corner.

And then 14
started to come through.

I thought he was going to be
a pretty boy...

Me too. ..that didn't get
amongst it. Not too bad.

But, yeah, number one put in
a good shift as well. OK.

I will highlight that it was
a strong performance

from number five for me.

He gives it his very best
every time.

He's my frontrunner right now.
He wants to impress,

but other than that,
I don't really know much about him.

He might be playing
the old grey-man sketch.

Let's open the book and see inside
it, see what he's really about.

Drag him in and have a good look.
Yep. You got it.

Number five!

Five. Oh, shit!

This way, number five,
right over here.

Good hustle.

Put your hands against
that bulkhead right there.

The DS have identified
recruit number five, Jermaine,

as one of the physically strongest
on the course.

But, due to his reserved demeanour,

they want to test
his mental resilience.

Sit.

DOOR CLANGS

How do you think it's going,
number 57

Um, OK.

Trying to compete in everything
that we're doing.

What is it that you're trying
to achieve by coming on the course?

To...get rid of a lot of shit

that I've been carrying

for...my whole life.

From...
Do you want to talk through that?

From the age of three,
I was abandoned...by my mother.

You know, my dad did his best

to raise me,

but...

...in the most important times,
he neglected me.

As a child,

you know, I don't think anyone,

or I can remember anyone
saying, "Oh, I love you."

And, you know, I thought that
I was worthless,

I felt like I was just baggage.

And my dad turned to drugs...

...and, in the house, it was...

...like a drug den at times.

Sometimes I'd just roam the street
with a football,

I just didn't want to be at home.

Wow.

I fucking can feel the pain. Yeah.

So that's had a massive impact,
right?

Oh, huge, yeah. Erm...

So I built up a...a barrier
to protect myself.

Now I know
it's all the hurt and pain

that I've actually been going
through for my whole life.

Wow, fuck.

OK, so then you get into football.

People start to recognise
you've got talent.

Erm,

it...it was hard...
HE SNIFFS

...because there was no guidance,
no support,

all of a sudden,
you've come from nothing... Yeah.

...and then you're getting
your money, you're noticed,

you're getting things
thrown at you.

I just wanted to make myself
feel better.

So I'd make rash decisions,
take risks

to mask how I was feeling.

Trouble with the police? Yeah.

I was, you know, drink-driving.

That was a decision
that I bitterly regret.

Decisions were made. You can't
always blame what was your past.

You've got your own fucking mind.
You're a smart guy, right?

I guess that's the easiest thing,
to use the past. Yeah.

You've had horrible
fucking experiences,

but the only person
I believe can help is you.

We're going to put you through
some fucking places

that you'd probably never wish to be, but
it's going to make a better version of you.

You've got a lot about you,
don't waste it. Yep.

Guard!

Dig deep. Thanks, staff.

Stand.

It's crazy because you...
In his own right, mate,

he's, fuck, he's played
for England, Arsenal.

It just shows you, you know,

the depth of what is really
behind the person.

The kid's in a lot, a lot of pain.

How did you do?

Growing up in a drug den,
I had to take care of myself.

You OK, Jermaine? Yeah.

I had no-one to turn to.
If I cried, no-one would hear.

So I had to be strong
and always in survival mode.

When you get a lot off your shoulders,
it does take it out of you a little bit.

I was let down by my father

and I know now
it's about letting go.

And hopefully, this course
can help me release

a lot of hurt and pain
and suffering.

This is a very wet situation.

My boxers have just dried.

HE LAUGHS The ones that
got wet on the first day. Yep.

To me, number five!
Two more days of rain,

it would be a horrendous situation.
That's absolutely right.

There would be blood
all over the floor. Yeah.

Right, number five. Yes, staff.
So what I want to happen now is

reading your letters one at a time,

I want all the way around, OK.
Yes, staff.

Do that now.

With the rains resuming,

the DS are unable to test
the recruits physically,

so it's time to test
their mental resilience.

30 seconds to finish up,

then we've got to
read our letters out.

Resilience is more about what
your brain thinks you can do.

SHE SNIFFLES

OK. Breathe.

It's 70 per cent mental,
so whatever you've been through,

you really do have to draw a line
under it so you can move on.

"To my beautiful family."

"I'm writing this letter in case I
don't make it home from my mission."

"I want to let you all know that
I miss you all so much

"and it's been so hard
not seeing all your faces.

I've been in the public eye
for so long now

and when you're in
that celebrity bubble,

you just get lost in yourself,
really. It's not reality.

VOICE WAVERS: "I hope you're all
being good for your dad.”

Having my five kids
has definitely grounded me.

They are the most important thing
in the world

and I want them to be proud of me.

"I want to let you know
I love you so much."”

"I hope my beautiful baby girl

"enjoys her first birthday...

"..and everything I do,
I do it for you all.”

"Until we meet again.”

All right.

"Dear Dad,
I hope this letter finds you

"because I didn't make it
back from tour."

"I know there is a lot you wanted
to say to me over the years

"and you would've
done things differently

"and, yeah, I wish you did because
the hurt and pain I suffered as a child

"had major implications."

HE PUFFS

"But, Dad, this is a letter
saying I forgive you

"and I've always loved you."

"And I know you was a proud dad."”

"Love you, your eldest son.”

Well done, J. That's so good.

Well done, mate.

Right.
"You are receiving this letter

"because I'm sadly not coming home."

"I'm the luckiest man on Earth."

"I've loved and deeply been loved...

"..and couldn't have asked
for a better life.”

Being in a boy band,
you live your dream.

It's been some of the most
happiest memories of life.

HE EXHALES AND SNIFFS

I get to sing, I get to make music
with my best friends -

we're like brothers.

"And, boys,

"know that I've always held...

"..know that I've always held
a tender place

"in my heart for you all."

When I found out
my band-mate Tom had brain cancer,

it was heartbreaking.

HE SNIFFS

It was like time stood still.

"Find me in your favourite song."

HE SNIFFS AND EXHALES

It's hard to talk about Tom.

I'm thinking about
such wonderful memories

and then I'm here and he's not here.

"I'm off to see Tom...

"..and I'll send you a postcard.”

"Love you all."

"See you soon,

"but not too soon."

"Love, Siva."

I'm so glad that experience is over.
That was horrendous.

Cor, they're trying
to fucking break us.

Next time...

There's no finish line!
Lift up your boat!

When you're on a mission
and chaos is raining all around,

you have to remain a strong unit
and work together.

Off we go!
That's it, march forwards...

Because, ultimately,
everyone's lives are in your hands.

I need support now!

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