All language subtitles for Victor Borge act 1

good evening and welcome to Minneapolis

I have been looking forward to this

evenings performance ever since 7:30 two

weeks ago we are going to have an

intermission pretty soon come right into

it

pardon me pardon me pardon me pardon me

where do you come from well oh you don't

know each other

I come from Copenhagen I was here before

you anyway

are there any children in the audience

yes okay oh we do have some children

here that means I can't do the second

half in the nude I've wear the tie the

wrong one very long one yet I have a

request I usually do not do requests

numbers unless of course I have been

asked to do so and that has happened I

have a request from a lady called me at

the hotel she said mr. boogie would you

be kind enough to play and then she

could remember the title of the things

you wanted to hear so I said perhaps you

could come and sing it for me

and if I know it I will play it and she

said well I can't remember go and then

she said you're the musician you oughta

know the piece I said I'm sorry I can't

help you in this instant then she said

it really doesn't matter because I'm not

going to be there tonight so now I'm

going to play something else

now I'm going to play a little piece by

a Danish composer Mozart unchristian

Mozart as you know many of you know

Mozart was only from here up you have

seen replicas of Mozart of course Mozart

was what we call a bust

stood on many pianos and the new windows

and things and the scholars and sisters

in spite of that physical handicap

Mozart was fairly happily married but

mrs. Mozart wasn't

she went all the way to the floor I'm

gonna pair composition he rolled in four

flats because he had to move three times

he never stayed long enough in any of

them to finish this piece and this is

called a Bagatelle and it's in the key

of C for who killed I hope you will

enjoy it and if you don't as absolutely

nothing I can do about it

why were you so late

three pedals they only have two feet

mozart's Bagatelle the key of C now

where the heck is see

you didn't mock the sea

now I understand why so many people in

America say long time no see

initiate these big fat opera singers

always leaned against the pianos and

pencil the heavy arias Mozart

I'm always asked to play something

straight and you know it is not easy

oh my time is up

sorry upside down my grandfather gave me

this one few minutes before he died for

20 bucks

plus tax he was a Danish inventor he

invented the soft drink which he called

for up but the Danes didn't care for

that so he added some sugar I think and

then he called it five up still no good

then he tried once more at that time he

called it six up well but no luck so he

finally gave up and died heart problem

little did you know how close he came

come right in pardon me pardon me pardon

me pardon me

you haven't missed much but I'm afraid

you will never know who gave me this

watch

I don't tell them as a matter of fact he

added something to music my grandfather

he wasn't very musically and he was not

a composer but he evoked this and that

is very important because without this

we should never have this

I gave my first concert at 8:00 a few

minutes after 8:00 because you know for

12 years that was concert izing and I

often had an opportunity to do an encore

which I generated early in the evenings

so the people when they left early could

hear some of the uncles of these some of

my favorite uncles were a series of

Viennese waltzes by a Japanese by a

was that serious I said Japanese I speak

there are three things you know I must

tell you there are three things I can

never remember

for I speak a little Japanese and you

know how I learned to speak of course

you don't but there's a wonderful method

which I will tell you about with which

you can speak or learn to speak any

language you make sure anything you want

to learn while you sleep not your God

but just under the pillow in your bed or

in any bed you put a cassette player and

then you insert a tape on which must be

what you wish to learn of course in my

case it was lessons in the Japanese

language and then you run it every night

until you have absorbed subconsciously

what is on the tape may take weeks or

months maybe a year but that's the way I

learnt I know you won't believe it of

course but this is true I don't speak it

perfectly well but I can get along and I

have been doing so unfortunately I can

only speak of and I'm sound asleep

but I remember words like Toyota here's

a good word Negi any GI naked means

onion in English nega nega to onions

such an easy language I mentioned this

particular word because if you ever are

near a Japanese person who has eaten

onions and it kind of bothers you just

say nega nega yes so polite they really

mean you say also and back up

and then they will take your picture

and remember they are not very tall

people there's only get you from here

down yeah the rest is Mozart

player of saris uncle I was speaking

about

so these Viennese waltzes as a matter of

fact it is very difficult you know to

choose a music program for an audience

who is not present on the count of a

specific music program such as a baja

recital for instance first of all which

box Johan Sebastian often I found that

generally have an audience like three

rows this kind of music and the other

half slice through love that's kind of

music and so I'm going to play a little

of this kind and I am going to clearly

love that kind so that it would be

something for each one of you to enjoy I

have a problem as you have noticed

pronouncing th particularly when they

are close together it's easy not easy

when you have to learn to speak English

and you're not brought up in an

english-speaking country you have to

stick out your tongue now I this thing

like that now to stick out your tongue

you never know how far you know

in Denmark where I grew up we speak way

back here

that's just a small country and we don't

have much room to fool around it and

it's cold in the wintertime over there I

can assure you and we don't stick out

anything on this because let's go get it

back in again

well I have some music and a piano bench

a little list a little tack and that's

more and more play a little awesome I

can assure you I pray for better by ear

bang bang oh this is supposed to be a

book not Lucy well I'm sorry about you

you care for piano music here's some

that'll be 85 cents do you read music

you do there will be a dollar fifty this

is supposed to be a real listen look

that this see these are all this is it's

not a singing that among these the one I

gave you is that or this or that that's

this you keep that what's that oh that's

this also say this is this that goes

between those this is

thus well that's that

actually that's a this but you know

different my my glasses my glasses

they're not in the piano Oh a stagehand

I told the doctor that I don't need done

you always trying to sell you something

we have enabled well who doesn't but he

he is our next window neighbor because

we do not have a door in that end of the

house

I'll give you five seconds more on that

one he is the physician a good friend of

the family his own of course and I went

to see him and he said you need glasses

so on my way out of his office I took

pills and now he wants to see me when I

get back home but he can't because I

caught the glasses where the doctor told

me that and he's a doctor he knows what

he's talking about he said a person with

one eye can see more than a person the

two eyes can see and I doubted that of

course but he said that's true because

the one with one eye can see the other

person's twice whereas the person with

the two eyes can only see the other

that's what you said

sorry

but I'm sorry about that but somebody

come and help me please

I need somebody to turn the pages for me

anybody here you work here

oh I thought you were breathing what do

you do I call the whites I'm been given

I call the lights I don't think you

heard me I said what do you do here like

all the lights you call the lights and

that's what you do

what do you call their lies you don't

know I do bulbs

what happened what happens is the lights

don't come when you call them you don't

know that I do

long time no see I've run the lights

what I run the lights you'll run tonight

that's against the law

that's against the law are you afraid of

losing your hand you're holding onto it

you make your own clothes the polymer

like that ha ha ha so what can I do for

you oh yeah I'm sorry would you be kind

enough to turn then I forgot Oliver will

you turn the pages for me yes big you

thank you nice fellow but the fertilised

him a lot because he

wait a minute it's when I'm playing I

should have told you that I'm sorry hon

me madam are you laying eggs

okay nega nega

Oh

you

apparently you don't read music well I'm

sorry I should have asked them please do

another hint do a slow one which gives

me a chance to tell you what to do and

where to do it

this is a nice dough should be kind

enough it begins here and it comes up

you're very good and here it says PP but

don't pay attention to that because that

means T an easy mode that is an Italian

abbreviate just the opposite of so when

I say now you take this this Kolar a

single sheet and you tell it like that

you don't have to say Zoop you can just

look okay but take it up here otherwise

you block my view we should put down

there simple as that

see I need the back of it you see then I

go over here and finish there simple as

that once English what this is

liebestraum by cliffs list listen this F

list young man is frist you don't say em

oh sorry

Lepus drown by frist hope you enjoyed

could you put a foot of water too far

too far okay press down press press

here's an early American folk song 5:30

in the morning from the vine vine west

hahaha

if the seats welcome Marilyn

excuse me what happened to your arms

there might be a moat sarsaparilla

Marilyn has sung in many operas and has

also not sung sung in many operas also

not sung in many operas yes this is sung

in many a person has also not sung in

many opposite sir exactly what I meant

and it's exactly what I said hands off

please she has a habit you shouldn't

lean against the pianos Marian because

sometimes I might not be a pillar 59 of

the piano next to you when you say maybe

a flute player you can hang on to this

you can't flout the flute well in the

celebrating actually today she

celebrating her second wedding

anniversary is that true

that's how long were you married

Oh two years yes I see that's what it is

yeah that's the second anyway hands off

gluten but have you chosen to sing for

us this evening I'd like to start with a

folk song uh-huh Oh one of the folk

songs your uncle brought from from where

Croatia yeah that's right her uncle is

an archaeologist and has been

archaeologist thing recently in the very

far where Croatia is and he found in an

old monkey in the basement of the

monastery

or you can say nunnery why can't you say

mockery well anyway that's not my

problem

but anyway ah hands up to the mound is

uncle brought back some manuscript he

found in that wherever it was and there

are six songs and Marilyn sings all six

not now but you know the more these are

some old folk songs for the old folks

effort some old folks and which one have

you chosen to sing tonight do you think

I should start sing the one you like the

most because I'm gonna play the one I

like but oh no no I tried not to

Marilyn remember she wants we say don't

hum along because you know musicians

when we play friend you play a chord

shot you sit there and you sing along

without really knowing it you hung me on

the violates name oh did you all these

things over and I have the habit myself

and I must remember not handsome this is

one of those songs to Maggie

too late man if you don't know the song

you were gonna sing

don't sing it you're an opera singer you

should sing opera

melanin is a collateral and shooting why

don't you sing an aria from what is this

you you like areas wait should you hear

what she is conscious

thank you when this ovation has died

down what have you chosen to sing them

I'd like to sing the acara know me from

Rigoletto Oh God

alright for the ones of you who are

staying Maryland will sing the Kaka may

devote the kagome kagome aria from the

opera Rico motif by by all means

who wrote that man

Giuseppe Verdi why I mean why yes well

yes I guess that's an expression

why yes it's your language I'm just

trying to use it

why yes you seppia Verity

Joe Greene to your hands up

it should take long

uh if I can help

oh you don't

what's the matter don't you know it oh

one more mine sorry

Oh

we do have an agreement she doesn't

touch my piano I don't lay hands on her

quarter oh you can set that twice I

thought you had that fixed

you