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1
00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:10,410
( banjo playing )
2
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:13,680
( whistling to music )
3
00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:22,221
♪ SING A SONG
OF YESTERDAY... ♪
4
00:00:22,254 --> 00:00:24,223
Girl: I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT THIS IS NOT A STORY
5
00:00:24,256 --> 00:00:26,692
ABOUT MY MOTHER
AND HOW SHE GOT FAMOUS.
6
00:00:26,725 --> 00:00:27,761
IT'S A STORY ABOUT ME.
7
00:00:29,595 --> 00:00:33,666
MY NAME IS ERICA INGELS.
I HAVE A SISTER, OPAL.
8
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:36,335
OKAY.
IT'S ABOUT MY SISTER, TOO.
9
00:00:36,368 --> 00:00:38,571
I'M ALMOST READY.
10
00:00:38,604 --> 00:00:41,307
OKAY. IT'S ABOUT MY MOTHER TOO,
BUT NOT COMPLETELY.
11
00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:44,444
THIS IS MY LIFE.
12
00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:48,214
Erica: OKAY. SO THIS TIME
YOU BE ED AND I'LL BE JOHNNY.
13
00:00:48,247 --> 00:00:50,550
Opal: I WAS
ED McMAHON THE LAST TIME.
14
00:00:48,247 --> 00:00:50,550
Erica: YOU WERE NOT.
15
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:52,751
WAS TO.
16
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:52,751
WAS NOT!
17
00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:55,455
ERICA.
18
00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:55,455
YOU'RE ALWAYS ON OPAL'S SIDE.
19
00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:58,124
Woman: YOU'RE PROBABLY
WONDERING HOW ALL THIS
HAPPENED TO ME.
20
00:00:58,157 --> 00:01:01,126
WELL, I WAS LIVING IN QUEENS
WITH MY TWO GIRLS
21
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,696
AND WE WERE ALL CRAMMED INTO
THIS UNBELIEVABLY SMALL HOUSE
22
00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:06,566
WITH MY AUNT HARRIET.
HOW SMALL WAS IT?
23
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:09,102
IT WAS SO SMALL THAT
WHEN YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH,
24
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:12,572
YOU COULDN'T BRUSH SIDEWAYS...
ANYWAY, THERE I WAS,
25
00:01:12,605 --> 00:01:15,108
WE ARE TALKING
TOTAL OBSCURITY HERE.
26
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:19,112
OF COURSE NOW AND THEN I WAS
ON THE JOHNNY CARSON SHOW.
27
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,580
AND NOW, LIVE FROM HOLLYWOOD,
CALIFORNIA, THE TONIGHT SHOW
28
00:01:21,614 --> 00:01:25,685
STARRING JOHNNY CARSON
AND NOW, HERRREEE'S JOHNNY!
29
00:01:25,718 --> 00:01:28,721
♪ DA-DA-DA-DA-DA ♪
30
00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:31,124
GOOD EVENING
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
31
00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,426
TONIGHT WE WELCOME BACK ONE OF
OUR TONIGHT SHOW REGULARS.
32
00:01:33,459 --> 00:01:36,429
WHO'S BECOME INCREDIBLY POPULAR
SINCE HER FIRST APPEARANCE HERE.
33
00:01:36,462 --> 00:01:39,432
LET US WELCOME HER NOW,
DOTTIE INGELS!
34
00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:41,434
( cheers and applause )
35
00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:43,436
Dottie: THAT'S WHAT
I DID AT NIGHT.
36
00:01:43,469 --> 00:01:45,705
IN THE DAY,
I WAS ALSO ON TELEVISION.
37
00:01:45,738 --> 00:01:48,708
THANK YOU, MIMMIE.
I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA BE HAPPY.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
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00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:50,843
Dottie: DON'T LAUGH.
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00:01:50,876 --> 00:01:52,411
THIS IS MY LIFE.
40
00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:55,581
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
41
00:01:55,614 --> 00:01:59,919
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
42
00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:02,722
Dottie:
EXCUSE ME, SWEETHEART,
IN THE BEIGE BLAZER,
43
00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,723
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
44
00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,723
JOANNE.
45
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:07,593
JOANNE,
ARE YOU MARRIED?
46
00:02:07,626 --> 00:02:10,596
OH, DEAR. SINGLE
BUT WITH MARRIED SKIN.
47
00:02:10,628 --> 00:02:12,732
WE ALL KNOW
WHAT MARRIED SKIN IS
48
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:15,434
DON'T WE?
49
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:15,434
OH, DON'T WE.
50
00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:18,604
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
51
00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:18,604
♪ EVEN IN A HURRICANE ♪
52
00:02:18,637 --> 00:02:22,441
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
53
00:02:18,637 --> 00:02:22,441
♪ CONTACT LENS
GOES DOWN THE DRAIN ♪
54
00:02:22,474 --> 00:02:24,944
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
55
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:27,213
HAVE I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
56
00:02:27,246 --> 00:02:31,551
THIS IS ANTI-AGING
PLACENTA EXTRACT.
57
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:36,422
WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT
WHOSE PLACENTA OR WHAT PLACENTA.
58
00:02:36,455 --> 00:02:38,424
BUT TRUST ME, EVELYN,
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00:02:38,457 --> 00:02:40,760
THIS IS PROBABLY
A JEWISH PLACENTA.
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00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:43,462
A JEWISH SHEEP'S
PLACENTA THAT IS.
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00:02:43,495 --> 00:02:46,732
♪ SOME FOLKS
LIKE TO STAY AT HOME ♪
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00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:50,936
♪ SOME FOLKS
LIKE TO BE ALONE ♪
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00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:54,440
♪ SO WHEN THEY FINALLY
COME OUT OF THEIR NESTS ♪
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00:02:54,473 --> 00:02:58,945
♪ I'VE GOT TO TURN IT ON
I'VE GOT TO BE MY BEST ♪
65
00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,980
Dottie: AS SHE'S APPLYING
THE LENGTHENER...
66
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:03,616
CAN YOU SEE THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING?
67
00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:05,418
MEN ARE GATHERING.
68
00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:05,418
REALLY?
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00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,320
THEY ARE?
70
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,589
LIKE OXEN
TO THE WATERING HOLE.
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00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:13,259
♪ WHEN I'M IN THE SPOTLIGHT
IT'S GOT TO BE A HOT NIGHT ♪
72
00:03:13,292 --> 00:03:15,928
♪ EVEN WHEN I'M FEELING DOWN ♪
73
00:03:15,961 --> 00:03:18,931
THIS IS THE VERY LATEST
DEVELOPMENT FOR MAKING SURE
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00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:21,934
THAT NO ONE CAN GUESS THAT YOU,
EVELYN, COULD POSSIBLY HAVE A
75
00:03:21,967 --> 00:03:25,504
DAUGHTER AT THE ADVANCED AGE OF,
WHAT ARE YOU SWEETHEART, 35?
76
00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:27,340
32.
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00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,608
SHE COULD BE 32.
78
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:32,278
IT'S THE SUN, RIGHT DARLING?
IT KILLS THE SKIN.
79
00:03:32,311 --> 00:03:34,847
DON'T GO
TO FLORIDA ANYMORE.
80
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,451
♪ I'VE WON SOME
AND I HAVE LOST ♪
81
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:42,288
♪ BUT WHAT I ENJOYED
THE MOST ♪
82
00:03:42,321 --> 00:03:45,958
♪ IS NEVER KNOWING
HOW THE EVENING WILL END ♪
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00:03:45,991 --> 00:03:50,463
♪ WILL I BE THE JOKE
OR THE COMEDIAN ♪
84
00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:51,530
Dottie:
I WAS READING THIS ARTICLE,
85
00:03:51,563 --> 00:03:53,732
"WHAT DO MEN
REALLY WANT IN A WOMAN?"
86
00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:56,269
WHAT DO THEY WANT? WHAT?
87
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:58,938
THE NUMBER ONE RESPONSE,
LONG EYELASHES.
88
00:03:58,971 --> 00:04:02,375
YOU THINK I'M KIDDING?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
89
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:06,445
♪ WHEN I'M IN THE SPOTLIGHT
IT'S GOT TO BE A HOT NIGHT ♪
90
00:04:06,478 --> 00:04:08,848
♪ EVEN WHEN I'M SHIVERING COLD ♪
91
00:04:06,478 --> 00:04:08,848
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SWEETHEART?
92
00:04:11,950 --> 00:04:14,619
In Unison: IF YOU'RE TIRED
AND FEELING DROOPY,
93
00:04:14,653 --> 00:04:16,622
SETTLE DOWN AND JUST RELAX,
94
00:04:16,654 --> 00:04:18,757
PUT YOUR FEET UP
ON THE BATHTUB,
95
00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:20,660
USE EXFOLIATING WAX.
96
00:04:20,692 --> 00:04:23,929
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
97
00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:27,466
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
98
00:04:27,499 --> 00:04:29,635
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
99
00:04:29,668 --> 00:04:32,638
YOU KNOW, SWEETHEART, YOU HAVE A
LITTLE TINY RED SPOT RIGHT HERE.
100
00:04:32,671 --> 00:04:34,907
I'M SURE IT'S NERVES. BUT
I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE FOR YOU
101
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:37,343
IN CASE IT SPREADS OVER
YOUR ENTIRE BODY.
102
00:04:37,376 --> 00:04:40,078
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
103
00:04:40,112 --> 00:04:42,948
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
104
00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:45,751
TRUST ME, WHEN I SAY
BIBBITY-BOBBETTY-BOO, JESSICA,
105
00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:48,621
YOU ARE NO LONGER A PUMPKIN.
YOU ARE A COACH.
106
00:04:48,654 --> 00:04:51,090
JASON FINKELMAN IS GONNA TAKE
ONE LOOK AT YOUR EYES
107
00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:53,092
AND FORGET ABOUT
VALERIE NOVAK.
108
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:55,761
AM I EXAGGERATING?
NO, I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.
109
00:04:55,794 --> 00:05:00,399
AM I ERICA?
NEVER MIND.
110
00:05:00,432 --> 00:05:01,834
IF SHE WORE
A LITTLE MAKEUP...
111
00:05:01,867 --> 00:05:03,569
I AM NEVER,
EVER WEARING MAKEUP.
112
00:05:03,602 --> 00:05:05,638
HER EYES
WOULDN'T LOOK SO BEADY.
113
00:05:05,671 --> 00:05:08,974
LAY OFF YOUR SISTER, OPAL.
ERICA IS JUST LIKE ME.
114
00:05:09,007 --> 00:05:12,978
AND EVENTUALLY SHE'S
GOING TO COME INTO HER OWN,
JUST THE WAY I DID.
115
00:05:13,011 --> 00:05:16,615
I WAS 14 YEARS OLD--
DON'T CHEW YOUR HAIR,
SWEETHEART--
116
00:05:16,648 --> 00:05:18,818
I WAS SENT OFF TO CAMP...
117
00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:21,620
RAISE YOUR HAND IF
YOU'VE HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE.
118
00:05:21,653 --> 00:05:23,856
EVERYONE ELSE SPENT
THE SUMMER DOING ARCHERY.
119
00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:26,625
I SPENT THE SUMMER
LOOKING IN THE MIRROR.
120
00:05:26,658 --> 00:05:29,628
AND I REALIZED THIS IS IT,
121
00:05:29,661 --> 00:05:31,964
YOU'D BETTER
MAKE THE BEST OF IT.
122
00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:35,468
AND EVER SINCE
I HAVE MADE THE BEST OF IT.
123
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,770
WITH ONLY A BRIEF DETOUR
INTO TOTAL FOLLY,
124
00:05:38,804 --> 00:05:41,640
BUT LET'S LEAVE
YOUR FATHER OUT OF THIS.
125
00:05:41,673 --> 00:05:45,978
THE POINT IS, ERICA,
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE
A CONVENTIONAL BEAUTY.
126
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,781
BUT YOU ARE GOING TO BE SPECIAL.
I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE IT.
127
00:05:48,814 --> 00:05:51,450
I THOUGHT YOU
ALREADY READ THAT BOOK?
128
00:05:51,483 --> 00:05:53,652
SHE'S READ IT SIX TIMES.
129
00:05:53,685 --> 00:05:56,122
OPAL, PLEASE, WOULD YOU
GET OFF YOUR SISTER'S BACK?
130
00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:58,090
( doorbell rings )
131
00:05:58,123 --> 00:06:00,960
WHO IS IT?
132
00:05:58,123 --> 00:06:00,960
THE VCR REPAIR MAN, THANK GOD.
133
00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:04,029
WELL, YOU BE CAREFUL WITH HIM.
HE STEPS ONE FOOT IN THE DOOR,
134
00:06:04,062 --> 00:06:06,832
IT'S A $32 MINIMUM.
135
00:06:04,062 --> 00:06:06,832
I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT
THE VCR WORKING.
136
00:06:06,865 --> 00:06:09,101
I HAVE TO TAPE
OTHER PEOPLE'S ACTS.
137
00:06:09,134 --> 00:06:11,103
I HAVE TO STUDY TIMING.
DELIVERY. BESIDES,
138
00:06:11,136 --> 00:06:14,673
IT'S A BUSINESS EXPENSE.
I CAN DEDUCT IT.
139
00:06:11,136 --> 00:06:14,673
FROM WHAT?
140
00:06:14,706 --> 00:06:17,777
IT'S FATE.
TOTALLY FATE.
141
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:19,779
I DON'T SEE THAT.
142
00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:21,781
THE VCR COULD HAVE BROKEN
AT ANY TIME.
143
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,483
WHEN DOES IT BREAK?
THURSDAY.
144
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,483
SO?
145
00:06:24,516 --> 00:06:27,486
THE DAY BEFORE
THE VCR REPAIRMAN
IS GOING TO SEE
146
00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:29,955
HIS FIRST COUSIN, AN AGENT,
SO HE CAN TELL HIM ABOUT ME,
147
00:06:29,988 --> 00:06:32,625
WHO HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
THE DAY BEFORE.
148
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,827
WHAT'S AN AGENT?
149
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:36,829
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW
A ROBBER CRACKS OPEN A SAFE?
150
00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:39,632
WELL, AN AGENT IS SOMEONE
WHO CRACKS OPEN YOUR CAREER.
151
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,767
SO, WHO ELSE
IS HE AN AGENT FOR?
152
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,637
OH, MANY JACKIES
YOU NEVER EVEN HEARD OF.
153
00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:47,640
SO WHY IS HE SEEING YOU?
154
00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:47,640
BECAUSE HIS COUSIN ASKED HIM TO.
155
00:06:47,673 --> 00:06:50,643
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
LISTEN CAREFULLY, GIRLS.
THIS IS A LIFE LESSON.
156
00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:53,111
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD
IS ONLY TWO PHONE CALLS AWAY
157
00:06:53,145 --> 00:06:55,647
FROM EVERYONE
ELSE IN THE WORLD.
158
00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:57,983
YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW
WHO THE PHONE CALLS ARE.
159
00:06:58,016 --> 00:07:00,486
PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T
DO THIS TO ME. START.
160
00:07:00,519 --> 00:07:03,789
OH, RIGHT. LIKE I'M
ONLY TWO PHONE CALLS AWAY
FROM J.D. SALINGER.
161
00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:06,792
OH, I'M SURE YOU ARE.
162
00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:06,792
MOM, I DON'T EVEN THINK
HE HAS A PHONE.
163
00:07:06,825 --> 00:07:09,027
OF COURSE HE HAS A PHONE.
HE DATES.
164
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:12,998
Man: ( laughing )
165
00:07:13,031 --> 00:07:15,801
HE'S LAUGHING.
THAT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT?
166
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:18,671
MAYBE HE'S JUST POLITE.
167
00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,774
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE
YOUR KIDS THINK YOU'RE FUNNY
DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE.
168
00:07:25,143 --> 00:07:27,179
THANKS FOR COMING IN.
169
00:07:25,143 --> 00:07:27,179
WELL, THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.
170
00:07:27,212 --> 00:07:28,881
YOU BET.
171
00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:33,652
IS HE GONNA BE
YOUR AGENT?
172
00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:33,652
SOME DAY.
173
00:07:33,685 --> 00:07:36,655
SOME DAY HE'S
GOING TO BEG TO BE MY AGENT.
174
00:07:36,688 --> 00:07:38,890
I KNEW IT.
175
00:07:36,688 --> 00:07:38,890
BUT HE WAS LAUGHING.
176
00:07:43,829 --> 00:07:47,500
SUPPOSE DAD SEES MOM ON TV?
177
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:51,504
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT THAT JUST YET, OPAL.
178
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:55,508
OKAY, BUT IF SHE GETS
AN AGENT AND GETS FAMOUS
179
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:58,143
AND BECOMES A
GUEST STAR ON SOMETHING.
180
00:07:58,176 --> 00:08:01,013
LIKE SUPPOSE HE'S SITTING HOME
ONE DAY AND WATCHING
181
00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:04,984
THE $25,000 PYRAMID SHOW
AND SUDDENLY SEES MOM?
182
00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:07,653
AND SUDDENLY REMEMBERS
HE HAS CHILDREN?
183
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:10,756
AND COMES TO SEE US.
184
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:10,756
I DON'T THINK SO, OPAL.
185
00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:15,760
I CAN HARDLY REMEMBER HIM.
186
00:08:17,162 --> 00:08:19,131
I KNOW.
187
00:08:19,164 --> 00:08:21,534
SOME DAYS
I SCRUNCH UP MY EYES
188
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:25,004
AND I CAN'T EVEN GET HIS FACE
TO FLOAT INTO MY BRAIN PAN.
189
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:27,138
THERE'S JUST THIS
BIG BLANK SCREEN.
190
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:30,309
DARLINGS, JUST FORGET ABOUT HIM.
YOUR MOTHER'S THE ONE
191
00:08:30,342 --> 00:08:33,011
WHO KEEPS THIS WHOLE
KIT AND CABOODLE TOGETHER.
192
00:08:33,044 --> 00:08:35,813
YOUR MOTHER WORKS HER FINGERS
TO THE BONE ALL WEEK LONG.
193
00:08:35,847 --> 00:08:39,318
In Unison:
WE KNOW. WE KNOW.
194
00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:43,155
BUT WHAT WAS HE LIKE?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW HIM AGAIN,
195
00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:46,125
BUT AREN'T THERE
THINGS WE SHOULD KNOW?
196
00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:46,125
LIKE WHAT?
197
00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:50,029
LIKE, DID ANYONE IN HIS FAMILY
HAVE DIABETES OR ANYTHING?
198
00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:53,332
I HAVE NO IDEA.
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
199
00:08:53,365 --> 00:08:58,003
YES, THERE IS DIABETES.
NO, THERE ISN'T DIABETES.
WHAT DIFFERENCE IS IT?
200
00:08:58,036 --> 00:09:01,006
IT WAS A MISTAKE
FOR YOUR MOTHER TO MARRY HIM.
201
00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:04,143
SHE ONLY MARRIED HIM
TO PROVE SHE COULD GET
SOMEBODY TO MARRY HER.
202
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,679
WHO WAS SHE PROVING IT TO?
203
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:06,679
HER MOTHER.
204
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,682
HER MOTHER WAS DEAD.
205
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,682
ONLY IN THE TECHNICAL SENSE.
206
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,985
YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER
HAD A FIGHT AT THEIR OWN
WEDDING RECEPTION.
207
00:09:13,018 --> 00:09:15,821
ASIDE FROM THAT,
IT WAS A LOVELY PARTY.
208
00:09:15,854 --> 00:09:18,824
$15 PER PERSON
BUT WORTH CONSIDERABLY MORE.
209
00:09:18,857 --> 00:09:20,826
ALL THEY DID WAS FIGHT.
210
00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:23,696
FISHKA FISHKA FOON.
211
00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:23,696
WHAT?
212
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:26,865
THAT'S WHAT WE USED TO SAY SO
WE WOULDN'T HEAR THEM FIGHTING.
213
00:09:26,898 --> 00:09:29,335
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
214
00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:31,937
FISHKA FISHKA FOON.
FISHKA FISHKA FOON.
FISHKA FISHKA FOON.
215
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:34,273
ERICA!
216
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:34,273
FISHKA FISHKA--
217
00:09:34,306 --> 00:09:36,675
ERICA,
NOW LISTEN TO ME.
218
00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:38,810
YOU GIRLS ARE
THE ONLY GOOD GOOD THING
219
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:41,313
TO COME FROM THAT MARRIAGE.
220
00:09:41,346 --> 00:09:43,816
NOW COME HERE,
MADAM FIFI.
221
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:47,820
HMM-HMM. SALTY KISS.
222
00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:50,256
AND YOU,
MY TCHOTCHKKELA.
223
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,826
OOOO!
224
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:56,829
NOW GO TO SLEEP.
225
00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:58,798
GOODNIGHT.
226
00:10:03,869 --> 00:10:06,138
HE HATED CARPETING.
227
00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:08,307
HE DID?
228
00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:11,010
I DON'T KNOW
WHY I REMEMBER THAT.
229
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:13,779
THE MIND IS A
VERY WEIRD THING, OPAL.
230
00:10:16,715 --> 00:10:19,018
THERE WAS THIS DOG
THAT LIVED ACROSS THE STREET
231
00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:21,320
NAMED TRISCUIT.
AND YOU USED TO THINK
232
00:10:21,353 --> 00:10:24,022
THAT BOYS' PENISES
LOOK LIKE TRISCUIT'S PENIS,
233
00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:26,325
KIND OF LIKE A CRAYOLA
BUT RETRACTABLE.
234
00:10:26,358 --> 00:10:28,694
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT.
235
00:10:26,358 --> 00:10:28,694
YES, YOU DID.
236
00:10:28,727 --> 00:10:30,696
I DIDN'T.
237
00:10:28,727 --> 00:10:30,696
YES, YOU DID.
238
00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:33,165
I DID NOT.
239
00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:33,165
GOODNIGHT, OPAL.
240
00:10:33,198 --> 00:10:35,167
I DIDN'T THINK THAT.
I DID NOT THINK THAT.
241
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,269
I KNOW I DIDN'T THINK THAT.
242
00:10:37,302 --> 00:10:40,706
Erica: ANYWAY,
THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE.
243
00:10:40,739 --> 00:10:43,008
WE WERE A NORMAL FAMILY
IN OUR OWN PECULIAR WAY.
244
00:10:43,041 --> 00:10:44,209
HELLO.
245
00:10:44,242 --> 00:10:47,445
AND THEN, JUST LIKE THAT,
AUNT HARRIET DIED.
246
00:10:47,479 --> 00:10:50,816
SHE DIED FAST.
IT WAS OVER LIKE THAT.
247
00:10:50,849 --> 00:10:53,686
IT WASN'T A LONG
AND PAINFUL DEATH.
248
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:57,156
Dottie: SWEETHEART,
SHE DIED IN LOEHMANN'S.
249
00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:00,025
SHE HAD A HEART ATTACK
IN ONE OF THOSE DRESSING ROOMS
250
00:11:00,058 --> 00:11:02,394
WITH 29 OTHER WOMEN
IN HER GIRDLE AND BRA.
251
00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:05,698
AND WHEN IT WAS OVER, NO ONE
KNEW WHICH CLOTHES WERE HERS.
252
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:08,033
THEY HAD TO DRESS HER
IN NEW CLOTHES
253
00:11:08,066 --> 00:11:10,703
BUT THEY FORGOT TO REMOVE
THOSE BIG WHITE BURGLAR TAGS,
254
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:12,705
AND WHEN THEY
CARRIED AUNT HARRIET OUT
255
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:16,175
SHE SET OFF
ALL THE STORE ALARMS. REALLY.
256
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:20,713
NO. NOT REALLY.
LISTEN. WE WERE ALL WRECKS.
257
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,180
WE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT WE WERE GOING TO DO.
258
00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:24,383
BUT...BUT...
259
00:11:24,416 --> 00:11:27,186
WELL, EVERY PROBLEM
IS AN OPPORTUNITY, ISN'T IT?
260
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:29,855
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
LET'S BE HONEST ABOUT THIS.
261
00:11:29,888 --> 00:11:32,991
YOUR AUNT
LEFT YOU HER HOUSE
262
00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:35,294
SO THAT YOU CAN CONTINUE
TO LIVE IN COMFORT.
263
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,963
HOW MUCH IS IT WORTH?
264
00:11:37,996 --> 00:11:40,499
SHE WAS CONCERNED
THAT YOU AND THE CHILDREN
265
00:11:40,532 --> 00:11:43,168
SHOULD LIVE
WITHOUT DISRUPTION.
266
00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:45,104
IS IT 80,000?
120,000?
267
00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:50,042
AH, SLIGHTLY MORE THAN THAT.
YOU SEE THERE'S NO MORTGAGE
268
00:11:50,075 --> 00:11:52,978
SO YOU'D ONLY BE PAYING
THE CARRYING COST, THE HEAT,
THE UTILITIES AND SO FORTH.
269
00:11:53,011 --> 00:11:56,048
SO I COULD SELL IT?
I COULD SELL IT.
270
00:11:56,081 --> 00:11:59,852
I COULD TAKE THE MONEY
AND I COULD SEE...
271
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,354
WHAT?
272
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,354
I COULD.
273
00:12:02,387 --> 00:12:04,857
I COULD.
I COULD DO IT.
274
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,526
I COULD DO IT.
275
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:11,863
UM, HOW MUCH MORE THAN
120,000 DO YOU FIGURE?
276
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,399
SLIGHTLY, SLIGHTLY.
277
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,399
SLIGHTLY? SLIGHTLY?
278
00:12:14,432 --> 00:12:17,336
SLIGHTLY COULD BE A LOT MORE.
279
00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:19,338
I WANT TO PUT UP
THE HOUSE FOR SALE IMMEDIATELY.
280
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:21,807
DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD HELP ME WITH THAT?
281
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,843
WHERE IS MY PURSE?
WHERE IS MY PURSE?
282
00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:27,045
YOU LEFT IT IN THE CAR.
283
00:12:27,078 --> 00:12:29,348
SWEETHEART,
DON'T CHEW YOUR HAIR.
284
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:32,117
COME ON, GIRLS.
COME ON. LET'S GET IN THE CAR.
285
00:12:37,055 --> 00:12:40,324
OKAY. FOLD ON THAT
SUITCASE THERE.
286
00:12:40,358 --> 00:12:42,426
I GOT MY...
( mumbling )
287
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,563
JERK.
288
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:47,366
JUST 'CAUSE YOU DON'T
HAVE ANY FRIENDS YOU'RE
NEVER GONNA SEE AGAIN.
289
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:49,368
SHE HAS FRIENDS.
290
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:49,368
NO, I DON'T.
291
00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,137
WELL,
YOU WILL IN MANHATTAN.
292
00:12:57,876 --> 00:13:00,279
COME HERE,
A THREE-WAY HUG. COME ON.
293
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,116
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S BURN RUBBER.
294
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:12,858
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
295
00:13:12,891 --> 00:13:15,861
THINK OF IT
AS AN ADVENTURE, GIRLS.
296
00:13:15,894 --> 00:13:17,830
( tires squealing )
297
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:27,540
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T
GO TO HEAVEN ♪
298
00:13:28,907 --> 00:13:30,909
COME ON.
299
00:13:30,942 --> 00:13:33,378
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T GO TO HEAVEN ♪
300
00:13:30,942 --> 00:13:33,378
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T GO TO HEAVEN ♪
301
00:13:33,411 --> 00:13:36,214
♪ IF YOU WORK IN A STORE ♪
302
00:13:33,411 --> 00:13:36,214
♪ IF YOU WORK IN A STORE ♪
303
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:37,516
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU WORK
IN A STORE ♪
304
00:13:37,549 --> 00:13:38,851
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU WORK
IN A STORE ♪
305
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:40,452
♪ YOU HAVE
TO LOOK AT A PORE ♪
306
00:13:40,485 --> 00:13:42,187
♪ YOU HAVE
TO LOOK AT A PORE ♪
307
00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,523
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T GO TO HEAVEN
IF YOU WORK IN A STORE ♪
308
00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:46,892
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU WORK IN A STORE
YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT A PORE ♪
309
00:13:46,925 --> 00:13:50,329
♪ I AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE
MY LORD NO MORE ♪
310
00:13:52,564 --> 00:13:54,031
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T
GO TO HEAVEN ♪
311
00:13:54,065 --> 00:13:55,367
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T
GO TO HEAVEN ♪
312
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,069
♪ WITH OPAL'S FRIENDS ♪
313
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,069
♪ WITH OPAL'S FRIENDS ♪
314
00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:00,539
♪ 'CAUSE OPAL'S FRIENDS ♪
315
00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:00,539
♪ 'CAUSE OPAL'S FRIENDS ♪
316
00:14:00,572 --> 00:14:04,076
♪ ALL HAVE SPLIT ENDS ♪
317
00:14:00,572 --> 00:14:04,076
♪ ALL HAVE SPLIT ENDS ♪
318
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,545
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T GET TO HEAVEN
WITH OPAL'S FRIENDS ♪
319
00:14:06,578 --> 00:14:09,081
♪ 'CAUSE OPAL'S FRIENDS
ALL HAVE SPLIT ENDS ♪
320
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:12,885
♪ OH, I AIN'T GONNA GRIEVE
MY LORD NO MORE ♪
321
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,953
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T
GET TO HEAVEN ♪
322
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:16,221
♪ OH, YOU CAN'T
GET TO HEAVEN ♪
323
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:19,057
♪ WITH ERICA'S HAIR ♪
324
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:19,057
♪ WITH ERICA'S HAIR ♪
325
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:20,659
'CAUSE SHE'LL
CHEW IT UP AND SWALLOW IT
326
00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:23,295
AND MAKE A BIG GLOB
OF HAIR IN HER STOMACH.
327
00:14:23,328 --> 00:14:26,365
♪ SO IF YOU LIVE IN QUEENS
YOU'RE FULL OF BEANS ♪
328
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:29,434
♪ 'CAUSE MOM'S HIGH HEELS
NEED TRAINING WHEELS ♪
329
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:32,204
♪ 'CAUSE ERICA'S GLASSES ♪
330
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:32,204
♪ 'CAUSE ERICA'S GLASSES ♪
331
00:14:32,237 --> 00:14:34,006
♪ LOOK TERRIBLE ♪
332
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,641
♪ 'CAUSE THIS FAMILY
ALWAYS HAS TO PEE ♪
333
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:39,210
♪ 'CAUSE DOTTIE'S GIRLS ♪
334
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:39,210
♪ 'CAUSE DOTTIE'S GIRLS ♪
335
00:14:39,244 --> 00:14:41,213
♪ ARE PRECIOUS PEARLS ♪
336
00:14:41,246 --> 00:14:44,549
Carly Simon:
♪ YOU'RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ♪
337
00:14:44,582 --> 00:14:47,987
♪ YOU ARE THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE ♪
338
00:14:50,622 --> 00:14:53,558
♪ YOU ARE THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE ♪
339
00:14:53,591 --> 00:14:57,329
♪ YOU ARE THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE ♪
340
00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:04,369
♪ FROM THE MOMENT
I FIRST SAW YOU ♪
341
00:15:04,402 --> 00:15:08,206
♪ THE SECOND
THAT YOU WERE BORN ♪
342
00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:12,210
♪ I KNEW THAT
YOU WERE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ♪
343
00:15:12,243 --> 00:15:14,346
♪ QUITE SIMPLY ♪
344
00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:17,182
♪ THE LOVE ♪
345
00:15:17,215 --> 00:15:21,186
♪ OF MY LIFE ♪
346
00:15:21,219 --> 00:15:25,390
♪ I LOVE LUCY ♪
347
00:15:25,423 --> 00:15:30,395
♪ AND PUMPERNICKEL BREAD ♪
348
00:15:30,428 --> 00:15:35,233
♪ THE STATUE OF LIBERTY ♪
349
00:15:35,266 --> 00:15:37,569
♪ THE STANDING OVATIONS ♪
350
00:15:37,602 --> 00:15:42,207
♪ AND FALLING INTO BED ♪
351
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:47,079
♪ BUT GET IT
THROUGH YOUR HEAD ♪
352
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,680
♪ THAT YOU'RE
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ♪
353
00:15:49,714 --> 00:15:54,186
♪ YOU ARE
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ♪
354
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:57,089
IT'S FATE. IT'S FATE.
THE RABBI WHO DID THE FUNERAL
355
00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:00,092
HAS A SISTER WHO
USED TO BE MARRIED TO THE
LANDLORD OF THIS BUILDING.
356
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,228
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD
IS ONLY TWO PHONE CALLS AWAY...
357
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:06,098
In Unison:
FROM EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD.
358
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,766
SO THEN I ASKED MARTIN,
DO YOU KNOW A HOUSEPAINTER
359
00:16:07,799 --> 00:16:10,736
AND HE SAID...
360
00:16:07,799 --> 00:16:10,736
MY COUSIN.
361
00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:13,305
SEE? DO YOU SEE THAT,
IT'S AMAZING.
362
00:16:13,338 --> 00:16:16,708
RUBY'S BROTHER IS A POLICEMAN,
BUT ON THE SIDE HE DOES FLOORS.
363
00:16:16,741 --> 00:16:19,578
THE LIVING ROOM IS HUGE.
364
00:16:16,741 --> 00:16:19,578
YEP.
365
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,580
WHERE ARE THE BEDROOMS?
366
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,580
DOWN THERE.
367
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,582
YOU CAN HAVE ANYONE
BUT THE BIG ONE.
368
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:25,550
Erica: I GOT DIBS
ON THE MIDDLE BEDROOM.
369
00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:28,219
Opal: I LIKE THIS ONE.
THIS ONE'S MINE.
370
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:30,722
I LOVE THIS BEDROOM.
371
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:30,722
THE KITCHEN'S GREAT.
372
00:16:30,755 --> 00:16:33,525
THE LIFESTYLES OF
THE RICH AND FAMOUS,
HERE WE COME. OKAY!
373
00:16:33,558 --> 00:16:36,661
HUP, HUP, OOO-DA!
374
00:16:36,694 --> 00:16:39,664
GOOD WORK.
YOU ONLY BROKE
A COUPLE OF THINGS.
375
00:16:39,697 --> 00:16:42,667
AND THE MING VASE
WAS A FAKE ANYWAY, SO...HUH...
376
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:45,671
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THANKS AGAIN. BYE-BYE.
377
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,583
YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU BEEN
378
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:06,819
GOING HERE YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
COME HERE. BIG SQUEEZE.
379
00:18:09,754 --> 00:18:11,689
LOVE YOU.
380
00:18:09,754 --> 00:18:11,689
BYE.
381
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:15,828
ERICA. ERICA.
DON'T CHEW YOUR HAIR.
382
00:18:23,468 --> 00:18:26,605
Dottie: ALL THE GREAT COMEDIANS,
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE LEGENDS,
383
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:29,274
THEY ALL HAVE SOMETHING
THAT MAKES THEM UNFORGETTABLE,
384
00:18:29,307 --> 00:18:31,576
LUCILLE BALL; RED HAIR,
385
00:18:31,609 --> 00:18:35,780
JACKIE GLEASON; FAT.
W.C. FIELDS; NOSE.
386
00:18:35,813 --> 00:18:38,250
WHAT DOES
ROBIN WILLIAMS HAVE?
387
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,552
A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT
OF BODY HAIR.
388
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:45,157
IT'S JUST SOMETHING
SO THEY'LL REMEMBER ME.
389
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:48,260
DOZENS OF PEOPLE
JUST LIKE ME TURN UP
AT THESE CLUBS EVERY WEEK.
390
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,928
I'M THE ONE IN THE DOTS.
391
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,928
Erica: THAT IS FOR SURE.
392
00:18:50,962 --> 00:18:53,431
Opal: ARE YOU
GONNA WEAR THEM ALL THE TIME?
393
00:18:53,464 --> 00:18:54,765
I HAVEN'T DECIDED.
394
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:57,802
MAYBE IT WON'T WORK OUT.
395
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:57,802
DON'T YOU GIRLS WORRY.
396
00:18:57,835 --> 00:19:00,272
IT IS DEFINITELY
GOING TO WORK OUT.
397
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,175
WHERE IS MY PURSE?
JUST ONCE I WOULD LOVE
398
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:05,744
TO BE ABLE TO WALK OUT THE DOOR
AND KNOW WHERE MY PURSE IS.
399
00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:07,946
WISH ME LUCK.
LOVE AND POLKA DOTS.
400
00:19:07,979 --> 00:19:09,948
Dottie:
SO THAT'S HOW I STARTED
401
00:19:09,981 --> 00:19:12,818
"LOVE AND POLKA DOTS"?
402
00:19:09,981 --> 00:19:12,818
BREAK A LEG.
403
00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:16,521
Erica: SHE WENT OFF
TO THE COMEDY CLUB AT NIGHT.
404
00:19:16,554 --> 00:19:18,890
FLAPJACKS!
405
00:19:18,923 --> 00:19:21,259
Dottie: AT NIGHT
I WENT OFF TO THIS COMEDY CLUB
406
00:19:21,292 --> 00:19:24,763
WHERE I PERSONALLY WOULD NOT
DRINK FROM THE GLASSES.
407
00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:27,666
HEY, I SAID,
"FLAPJACKS"!
408
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,436
HOW WAS IT?
409
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,436
HOW WAS IT?
410
00:19:31,469 --> 00:19:33,438
DID THEY LAUGH?
411
00:19:31,469 --> 00:19:33,438
DID YOU BOMB?
412
00:19:33,471 --> 00:19:36,708
I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH
IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO TELL.
413
00:19:36,741 --> 00:19:41,246
PROMISE.
414
00:19:36,741 --> 00:19:41,246
WHO WOULD WE TELL?
WE DON'T KNOW ANYBODY.
415
00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:44,950
THEY LAUGHED.
THEY LAUGHED AT ME.
416
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:47,284
Erica: AND SOMETIMES
IT WAS GREAT...
417
00:19:47,318 --> 00:19:51,289
Dottie: AND BACK AGAIN
BY POPULAR DEMAND, FLAPJACKS!
418
00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:53,891
Erica:
AND SOMETIMES IT WASN'T.
419
00:19:53,925 --> 00:19:56,595
IT WAS AN OFF NIGHT, THAT'S ALL.
WHEN YOU'RE STARTING...
420
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:58,929
Dottie: YOU WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT BOMBING?
421
00:19:58,963 --> 00:20:01,733
SWEETHEART, SOME NIGHTS
THE AUDIENCE WAS SO DEAD,
422
00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:03,935
THEY WERE WEARING TOE TAGS.
423
00:20:03,968 --> 00:20:06,271
GOD, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
IF IT DOESN'T WORK?
424
00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,940
IT'LL WORK.
425
00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,940
YOU COULD GET MARRIED AGAIN.
426
00:20:08,973 --> 00:20:11,610
NO I COULD NOT.
I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED AGAIN.
427
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:14,279
THE TRUTH IS
I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE.
428
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:16,747
BUT YOU LOVE US.
429
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:16,747
THAT KIND OF LOVE, SURE.
430
00:20:16,781 --> 00:20:19,417
BETWEEN A MOTHER
AND A CHILD, SURE.
431
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:21,587
OKAY, WHO WANTS MORE?
432
00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:27,292
OH, LIGHTEN UP, ERICA.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
433
00:20:27,325 --> 00:20:29,961
Erica: OKAY.
IT WASN'T ALWAYS WONDERFUL.
434
00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:32,630
BUT IN THE BEGINNING WE FELT
LIKE WE WERE A PART OF IT.
435
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:34,432
YOU KNOW THE AUNT HARRIET
THING WENT GREAT.
436
00:20:34,465 --> 00:20:36,601
WHAT AUNT HARRIET THING?
437
00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,737
I DO THIS THING ABOUT
AUNT HARRIET IN HEAVEN.
438
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:42,440
THAT WAS MY IDEA.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
439
00:20:42,473 --> 00:20:44,943
WELL, YOU KNOW,
AUNT HARRIET GOES TO HEAVEN
440
00:20:44,976 --> 00:20:47,445
AND DOES IT CHEAPER
THAN ANYONE ELSE.
441
00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:50,515
IT'S VERY FUNNY.
442
00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:50,515
THAT WAS MY IDEA.
443
00:20:50,548 --> 00:20:53,285
WELL, WHAT ABOUT
AUNT HARRIET?
444
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,820
WHAT ABOUT HER?
445
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,820
WHAT ABOUT HER FEELINGS?
446
00:20:55,853 --> 00:20:58,390
SHE'S DEAD, OPAL.
447
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:00,625
PART OF BEING AN ARTIST
448
00:21:00,658 --> 00:21:03,395
IS USING THINGS
THAT COME FROM YOUR LIFE.
449
00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:06,464
OH.
450
00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:10,769
( overlapping conversations )
451
00:21:10,802 --> 00:21:12,771
Dottie:
DON'T LET ME DROP IT.
452
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:15,640
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD
TO CRY TONIGHT.
453
00:21:15,673 --> 00:21:17,609
CAN I HELP YOU
WITH SOMETHING HERE?
454
00:21:17,642 --> 00:21:20,078
CAN YOU FINISH
CUTTING THE CORNBREAD?
455
00:21:20,111 --> 00:21:22,747
YOU CAN PUT IT
IN THE BASKET OVER THERE.
456
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:25,083
HOW IS IT?
457
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:25,083
VERY GOOD.
458
00:21:25,116 --> 00:21:27,619
AUNT HARRIET'S
SPECIAL DRESSING.
459
00:21:27,652 --> 00:21:29,954
I'M SO GLAD I'M HERE
AND NOT WITH MY FAMILY.
460
00:21:29,987 --> 00:21:32,090
THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME.
RIGHT NOW ME AND MY SISTER
461
00:21:32,123 --> 00:21:34,626
WOULD BE GETTING IN TROUBLE
FOR FOR MAKING FUN OF
462
00:21:34,659 --> 00:21:37,095
MY BROTHER'S WIFE
WHO SQUINTS.
463
00:21:37,128 --> 00:21:39,964
HER BROTHER WOULD BE
SCREAMING AT HIS KIDS
464
00:21:39,997 --> 00:21:42,634
AND MY MOTHER WOULD BE REPEATING
MY DADS JOKES REALLY LOUD.
465
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:44,769
CAN I GIVE YOU A HAND.
466
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:44,769
YES, MARIANNE, PLEASE.
467
00:21:44,802 --> 00:21:47,639
YOU CAN TAKE THESE
STRING BEANS OUT.
468
00:21:47,672 --> 00:21:51,643
OLIVER, I THINK
WE NEED SOME MORE WINE
IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
469
00:21:51,676 --> 00:21:53,645
DO YOU KNOW THAT
LESTER'S GETTING A DIVORCE?
470
00:21:53,678 --> 00:21:55,447
WHY DID HE EVER GET MARRIED
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
471
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,649
AH, HE MARRIED YOUNG.
472
00:21:57,682 --> 00:21:59,617
IT'S EASY TO GET MARRIED YOUNG.
IT'S LATER THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
473
00:21:59,650 --> 00:22:02,420
WHAT IF LESTER ASKED ME OUT?
474
00:21:59,650 --> 00:22:02,420
WHAT IF HE ASKED ME OUT?
475
00:22:02,453 --> 00:22:05,090
IF I SAID NO, WILL HE EVER
PUT ME IN THE LINEUP AGAIN?
476
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:08,093
SUPPOSE MY COMEDY CAREER IS OVER
BECAUSE I TURN SOMEONE DOWN
477
00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:10,762
FOR A DATE?
THAT WOULD BE SO IRONIC.
478
00:22:10,795 --> 00:22:12,630
TA-DA!
479
00:22:12,663 --> 00:22:14,632
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE...
480
00:22:14,665 --> 00:22:17,101
YOU THINK IT'S
BIG ENOUGH FOR US?
481
00:22:17,135 --> 00:22:19,771
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
482
00:22:19,804 --> 00:22:21,806
PLEASE HELP YOURSELF.
483
00:22:21,839 --> 00:22:24,642
SO I PUT ON THE HAT, I SAY,
484
00:22:24,675 --> 00:22:27,111
"I THINK THAT
I SHOULD NEVER WISH
485
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:30,115
A MAMMAL NOBLER
THAN THE FISH."
486
00:22:30,148 --> 00:22:32,783
WHICH SORT OF SETS IT UP
BECAUSE THEY REALIZE
487
00:22:32,817 --> 00:22:35,787
THAT WHAT I DO ARE
COUPLETS ABOUT FISH.
488
00:22:35,820 --> 00:22:37,789
BUT A FISH
ISN'T A MAMMAL.
489
00:22:37,822 --> 00:22:39,791
I KNOW, BUT NOTHING ELSE
FITS THE METER.
490
00:22:39,824 --> 00:22:41,760
ALL RIGHT.
THEN I HIT THEM WITH THIS,
491
00:22:41,793 --> 00:22:44,928
"MANY FOR BRAVERY
PRAISE THE STATE TROOPER,
492
00:22:44,962 --> 00:22:49,033
WHILE I ADMIRE THE
STATELY GROUPER."
493
00:22:49,066 --> 00:22:52,637
AND A "GROUPER" IS A...
494
00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:54,639
IT'S A FISH.
495
00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:54,639
A FISH.
496
00:22:54,672 --> 00:22:58,643
"ON SUBJECT ICHTHYOLOGICAL,
I DON'T MEAN TO HARP,
497
00:22:58,676 --> 00:23:01,812
BUT WHO IS GRANDER
THAN THE CARP?"
498
00:23:03,114 --> 00:23:05,083
IT'S A GOOD ONE.
499
00:23:05,116 --> 00:23:07,452
YOU DO KNOW WHAT A CARP IS?
500
00:23:07,485 --> 00:23:11,121
SURE. A CARP IS A GOLDFISH
THAT COMPLAINS A LOT.
501
00:23:11,155 --> 00:23:13,992
ANYTHING SHE SAYS
BELONGS TO ME.
502
00:23:14,025 --> 00:23:16,161
SEE MY PROBLEM IS
I DON'T BELONG IN A COMEDY CLUB.
503
00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:19,129
I'M TOO SOPHISTICATED FOR THAT.
THEY WANT SET UP, PUNCH.
504
00:23:19,163 --> 00:23:21,900
SET UP, PUNCH. SET UP, PUNCH.
505
00:23:19,163 --> 00:23:21,900
HERE'S THE HIDEOUS THING.
506
00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:24,102
SKIP "THE LOON" TYLER
GOT AN AGENT.
507
00:23:24,135 --> 00:23:26,471
SKIP "THE LOON"?
508
00:23:24,135 --> 00:23:26,471
YES, HE DID.
509
00:23:26,504 --> 00:23:28,973
HE STINKS.
HE DOES MY MATERIAL.
510
00:23:29,006 --> 00:23:31,643
MORTY BASHES IS HIS AGENT.
511
00:23:29,006 --> 00:23:31,643
DOES HE HAVE A CONTRACT?
512
00:23:31,676 --> 00:23:34,212
NO. HE DOESN'T HAVE
PAPER IN HIS OFFICE.
513
00:23:34,245 --> 00:23:37,081
THAT'S A RUMOR.
MORTY BASHES IS HIS UNCLE.
THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
514
00:23:37,114 --> 00:23:40,618
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GUYS
ARE SO HUNG UP ABOUT AGENTS.
515
00:23:40,651 --> 00:23:43,621
I HAD AN AGENT FOR FOUR YEARS.
I HAD TO PAY HIM A SIGNING BONUS
516
00:23:43,654 --> 00:23:46,124
PLUS 20% COMMISSION AND HE
NEVER RETURNED MY PHONE CALLS.
517
00:23:46,157 --> 00:23:50,128
I HAVE AN AGENT.
518
00:23:46,157 --> 00:23:50,128
YOU DO? THAT'S GREAT.
519
00:23:50,161 --> 00:23:52,898
CONGRATULATIONS, MOM.
520
00:23:50,161 --> 00:23:52,898
( balloon pops )
521
00:23:54,832 --> 00:23:56,768
WHO IS IT?
522
00:23:57,835 --> 00:23:59,237
ARNOLD MOSS.
523
00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:02,173
ARNOLD MOSS?
YOU'RE KIDDING.
524
00:24:02,206 --> 00:24:03,774
MOSS HIMSELF, MOSS?
525
00:24:03,808 --> 00:24:05,777
WELL, HIS ASSISTANT,
CLAUDIA CURTIS.
526
00:24:05,810 --> 00:24:07,779
OH, SHE'S GOOD.
527
00:24:07,812 --> 00:24:10,514
I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY
MET MOSS HIMSELF.
528
00:24:10,548 --> 00:24:13,651
I COULDN'T IMAGINE
IT WOULD BE MOSS HIMSELF.
529
00:24:13,684 --> 00:24:15,954
WELL, IF SHE MAKES IT
IT WOULD BE MOSS HIMSELF.
530
00:24:15,987 --> 00:24:18,990
THAT'S GREAT, DOTTIE.
CONGRATULATIONS.
531
00:24:19,023 --> 00:24:21,259
YEAH. WE'RE ALL
VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.
532
00:24:21,292 --> 00:24:23,660
( sobbing )
533
00:24:23,694 --> 00:24:26,664
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE HAS AN AGENT
AND WE DON'T HAVE AN AGENT.
534
00:24:26,697 --> 00:24:29,501
SHE HAS AN AGENT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
535
00:24:29,534 --> 00:24:32,804
HEY! COME ON, EVERYBODY.
THIS IS GREAT NEWS.
536
00:24:32,837 --> 00:24:35,507
THANKS, MIA. THANKS.
537
00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:38,109
( sobbing continues )
538
00:24:38,142 --> 00:24:41,813
I WOULDN'T SAY "TALL,"
BUT I'M VERY CUTE...
539
00:24:41,846 --> 00:24:44,115
HI, LESTER.
540
00:24:44,148 --> 00:24:46,684
HELLO, DOTTIE.
541
00:24:46,717 --> 00:24:48,786
GIRLS, YOU'RE GONNA
SIT WITH CLAUDIA, OKAY?
542
00:24:48,819 --> 00:24:50,788
HEY, CHRIS.
543
00:24:50,821 --> 00:24:53,291
HI, THIS IS
CLAUDIA CURTIS.
544
00:24:53,324 --> 00:24:55,793
THIS IS OPAL.
THIS IS ERICA.
545
00:24:55,826 --> 00:24:58,296
HAVE A SEAT, SWEETIE.
OKAY, SO...
546
00:24:58,329 --> 00:25:00,298
GET READY.
I GOT THIS COVERED.
547
00:25:00,331 --> 00:25:03,801
I'LL SEE YOU LATER, OKAY?
DON'T FORGET TO LAUGH.
548
00:25:03,834 --> 00:25:06,304
I'LL GET YOU TWO
SOME DRINKS.
549
00:25:06,337 --> 00:25:08,306
I'LL BE WITH YOU
IN A MINUTE.
550
00:25:08,339 --> 00:25:11,309
HOW ARE YOU?
551
00:25:08,339 --> 00:25:11,309
FINE. HOW ARE YOU?
552
00:25:11,342 --> 00:25:14,112
UGH, DON'T ASK.
SO WHAT ARE WE HAVING? COKES?
553
00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:17,916
YOU ALREADY HAD
ONE COKE TODAY.
554
00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:17,916
SO?
555
00:25:17,949 --> 00:25:20,318
TWO COKES AND I'LL HAVE
THE WHITE WINE SPRITZER, PLEASE.
556
00:25:20,351 --> 00:25:23,321
I'M BASICALLY TERRIBLE.
I'M TRYING TO KICK
557
00:25:23,354 --> 00:25:27,859
MY DEPENDENCY ON MR.
CAN'T-FINISH-HIS-ANALYSIS.
558
00:25:27,892 --> 00:25:30,161
I'M THINKING
OF GOING TO A HYPNOTIST.
559
00:25:30,194 --> 00:25:32,263
I FIGURE THEY COULD
STOP YOU FROM SMOKING,
560
00:25:32,296 --> 00:25:34,766
THEY CAN CURE YOU FROM BEING
ATTRACTED TO A CRAZY PERSON
561
00:25:34,799 --> 00:25:36,801
NEARLY 20 YEARS
OLDER THAN YOU.
562
00:25:36,834 --> 00:25:39,804
HI, GIRLS.
563
00:25:36,834 --> 00:25:39,804
MIA, HI, WE'RE HERE.
564
00:25:39,837 --> 00:25:43,007
HI. MIA JABLON.
565
00:25:39,837 --> 00:25:43,007
CLAUDIA CURTIS.
566
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,677
YOUR MOTHER IS A
NERVOUS WRECK TONIGHT BECAUSE
567
00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:48,146
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
YOU'VE EVER SEEN HER PERFORM.
568
00:25:48,179 --> 00:25:51,316
AND ARNOLD MOSS IS COMING.
569
00:25:48,179 --> 00:25:51,316
MOSS HIMSELF?
570
00:25:51,349 --> 00:25:53,318
WHEN'S OUR MOM GONNA BE ON?
571
00:25:53,351 --> 00:25:56,588
LESTER'S PUTTING
HER ON FIRST BECAUSE OF YOU.
572
00:25:56,621 --> 00:25:59,758
WELL, AND BECAUSE
OF ARNOLD MOSS.
573
00:25:56,621 --> 00:25:59,758
HIMSELF.
574
00:26:02,326 --> 00:26:05,029
IF YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM YOU SHOULD DO IT NOW.
575
00:26:05,062 --> 00:26:08,032
I THINK I KNOW WHEN I HAVE
TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, ERICA.
576
00:26:08,065 --> 00:26:11,669
WHEN MR. THERAPY-FOREVER,
MR. LEGEND-IN-HIS-OWN-MIND
577
00:26:11,702 --> 00:26:14,105
SHOWS UP,
HE'S ALWAYS LATE.
578
00:26:14,138 --> 00:26:17,809
I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE SEEING
A FAT PERSON, DON'T YOU THINK?
579
00:26:17,842 --> 00:26:21,012
I HAD A DREAM
ABOUT THIS ENORMOUS BLIMP,
580
00:26:21,045 --> 00:26:23,681
I MEAN WE'RE TALKING
FOOTBALL FIELD SIZE BLIMP.
581
00:26:23,714 --> 00:26:26,117
AND YOU KNOW WHO THAT
BLIMP TURNED OUT TO BE?
582
00:26:26,150 --> 00:26:29,020
Lester: OKAY, REAL CHIVAS
FOR MR. MOSS FROM MY BOTTLE.
583
00:26:29,053 --> 00:26:31,689
AND COMP THE TABLE.
584
00:26:29,053 --> 00:26:31,689
THANKS, I'LL PAY.
585
00:26:31,722 --> 00:26:34,692
SO, I HOPE YOU HAVE NOT DRAGGED
ME HERE TO SEE YET ANOTHER
586
00:26:34,725 --> 00:26:38,062
FEMALE COMEDIAN
WHO THINKS HOUSEWIVES ARE
IDENTICAL TO PROSTITUTES.
587
00:26:38,095 --> 00:26:40,164
NO, NO.
588
00:26:38,095 --> 00:26:40,164
SO WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
589
00:26:40,197 --> 00:26:42,332
DOTTIE ENGELS.
REMEMBER?
590
00:26:42,366 --> 00:26:45,837
DOES SHE PRETEND
TO TAKE A SHOWER?
591
00:26:42,366 --> 00:26:45,837
NO.
592
00:26:45,870 --> 00:26:48,005
IS SHE THE ONE THAT
GIVES BIRTH TO A MOUSE?
593
00:26:48,039 --> 00:26:49,706
NO.
594
00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:52,043
DOTTIE ENGELS
IS A VERY FUNNY PERSON.
595
00:26:52,076 --> 00:26:54,312
AND SHE DOESN'T ACT
ABOUT OUR AUNT.
596
00:26:54,345 --> 00:26:57,148
ERICA HELPED HER.
597
00:26:57,181 --> 00:26:59,784
WHO ARE THESE.
598
00:26:57,181 --> 00:26:59,784
HER KIDS.
599
00:26:59,817 --> 00:27:01,953
KIDS.
600
00:27:01,986 --> 00:27:04,822
Lester: GOOD EVENING.
WELCOME TO ANOTHER NIGHT
OF HILARITY HERE.
601
00:27:04,855 --> 00:27:06,391
HOW ARE YOU?
602
00:27:06,424 --> 00:27:09,160
YOU ALL KNOW MY REPUTATION
FOR BRINGING THE FRESHEST,
603
00:27:09,193 --> 00:27:11,863
THE FINEST, FUNNY PEOPLE
TO THE FOREFRONT.
604
00:27:11,896 --> 00:27:15,033
TONIGHT IS NO EXCEPTION BECAUSE
THIS LADY IS EXCEPTIONAL.
605
00:27:15,066 --> 00:27:17,702
SHE'S GONNA TICKLE YOUR HEART
AND BREAK YOU FUNNY BONE.
606
00:27:17,735 --> 00:27:19,837
PLEASE WELCOME
DOTTIE ENGELS.
607
00:27:19,870 --> 00:27:24,108
( applause )
608
00:27:24,141 --> 00:27:26,645
THANK YOU, LESTER.
THANK YOU.
609
00:27:28,879 --> 00:27:32,716
OKAY, THIS IS MY LIFE.
UNTIL SIX MONTHS AGO,
610
00:27:32,750 --> 00:27:34,686
I WAS WORKING
THE MAKEUP COUNTER
611
00:27:34,719 --> 00:27:36,821
AT THE MACY'S
ON QUEENS BOULEVARD.
612
00:27:36,854 --> 00:27:39,023
NOW, I'M NOT PROUD OF THIS,
613
00:27:39,056 --> 00:27:42,160
BUT I HAVE ACTUALLY CONVINCED
A WOMAN TO BUY PLACENTA CREAM.
614
00:27:42,193 --> 00:27:43,695
( laughter )
615
00:27:43,728 --> 00:27:45,863
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS,
DO YOU?
616
00:27:45,896 --> 00:27:48,866
I MEAN, I KNOW HOW THEY
INVENTED A GRILLED STEAK.
617
00:27:48,899 --> 00:27:50,868
A PIECE OF MEAT
FELL INTO THE FIRE.
618
00:27:50,901 --> 00:27:55,707
BUT HOW DID THEY FIND OUT THAT
PUTTING PLACENTAS ON YOUR FACE
619
00:27:55,740 --> 00:27:58,843
MADE YOU LOOK YOUNGER.
I CAN'T IMAGINE.
620
00:27:58,876 --> 00:28:01,045
SOMEWHERE IN THIS WORLD
621
00:28:01,078 --> 00:28:03,848
THERE'S A 90-YEAR-OLD
OBSTETRICIAN WHO LOOKS LIKE 20.
622
00:28:03,881 --> 00:28:06,851
RIGHT? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
623
00:28:06,884 --> 00:28:09,287
IT'S A GIRL. IT'S A GIRL.
624
00:28:10,888 --> 00:28:14,492
AND I LOOK STUNNING.
625
00:28:14,525 --> 00:28:17,495
( laughter and applause )
626
00:28:17,528 --> 00:28:20,031
Erica: THE FIRST NIGHT
I SAW MY MOM PERFORM
627
00:28:20,064 --> 00:28:22,867
I WAS THE MOST NERVOUS
I EVER WAS IN MY LIFE.
628
00:28:22,900 --> 00:28:25,503
BUT SHE GOT UP
AND SHE WAS SO FUNNY,
629
00:28:25,536 --> 00:28:28,473
AND EVERYONE WAS LAUGHING,
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
630
00:28:28,506 --> 00:28:32,176
IT WAS MY MOM UP THERE.
I MEAN, I KNEW IT WAS MY MOM,
631
00:28:32,209 --> 00:28:34,178
BUT IT WASN'T.
632
00:28:34,211 --> 00:28:36,514
IT WAS LIKE
SHE WAS SOMEONE ELSE, TOO.
633
00:28:36,547 --> 00:28:41,853
( laughter continues )
634
00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:44,489
ST. PETER,
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
635
00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:48,192
I'VE HEARD-- I'VE HEARD
I'M HAPPY TO SAY...
636
00:28:48,225 --> 00:28:51,529
Dottie: THE NIGHT I MET
ARNOLD MOSS, WHAT CAN I SAY?
637
00:28:51,562 --> 00:28:56,199
IT WAS LIKE MEETING ELVIS,
OR BRANDO, OR ORSON WELLES,
638
00:28:56,233 --> 00:29:00,171
OR SOME OTHER
HUGE LEGENDARY FIGURE.
639
00:29:00,204 --> 00:29:03,040
HE WAS SITTING
IN THE AUDIENCE WITH CLAUDIA
640
00:29:03,073 --> 00:29:05,943
AND THE GIRLS WERE THERE,
AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
641
00:29:05,976 --> 00:29:09,847
I MEAN, ONE MINUTE
I'M AUDITIONING FOR THESE
BRILL BUILDING LOWLIFES
642
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,183
AND SIX MONTHS LATER,
I'M ON STAGE
643
00:29:12,216 --> 00:29:14,851
AND ARNOLD MOSS
IS WATCHING ME.
644
00:29:14,885 --> 00:29:16,921
( laughter )
645
00:29:16,954 --> 00:29:20,524
THIS IS ALSO NOT MY LIFE.
646
00:29:20,558 --> 00:29:23,194
AS A RULE I DON'T
BREAST-FEED IN RESTAURANTS.
647
00:29:23,227 --> 00:29:26,063
CALL ME CRAZY.
648
00:29:26,096 --> 00:29:28,566
"THE LA LECHE LEAGUE."
HAVE YOU MET THESE WOMEN?
649
00:29:28,599 --> 00:29:31,535
THEY THINK THAT
YOU SHOULD BREAST-FEED YOUR KID
650
00:29:31,569 --> 00:29:34,539
UNTIL HE'S OLD ENOUGH
TO UNBUTTON YOUR BLOUSE.
651
00:29:34,572 --> 00:29:39,075
THEY LOVE IT.
I'M BONDING WITH MY BABY.
652
00:29:39,109 --> 00:29:43,848
THE BABY IS 48 YEARS OLD
AND OPENING A DAIRY QUEEN.
653
00:29:43,881 --> 00:29:47,485
( laughter and applause )
654
00:29:58,095 --> 00:30:01,532
MOM, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU WERE SWELL.
655
00:30:01,565 --> 00:30:03,534
MOM, YOU WERE GREAT.
YOU KILLED THEM.
656
00:30:03,567 --> 00:30:05,536
I'M SO GLAD
YOU LIKED IT.
657
00:30:05,569 --> 00:30:07,872
SHE'S GOING TO BE
EVEN BETTER IN L.A.
658
00:30:07,905 --> 00:30:09,874
ARNOLD MOSS.
659
00:30:07,905 --> 00:30:09,874
HI.
660
00:30:09,907 --> 00:30:11,876
EXCELLENT.
EXCELLENT.
661
00:30:11,909 --> 00:30:14,078
IT JUST HAPPENED.
662
00:30:11,909 --> 00:30:14,078
WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE?
663
00:30:14,111 --> 00:30:17,081
SHE'S GOING TO BE
IN THE FAMOUS COMEDY SHOP
ON THE FAMOUS SUNSET STRIP.
664
00:30:17,114 --> 00:30:20,084
MOM?
665
00:30:17,114 --> 00:30:20,084
LOOK, LET HER
TALK TO ARNOLD MOSS.
666
00:30:20,117 --> 00:30:22,854
WHEN ARE WE GOING?
667
00:30:20,117 --> 00:30:22,854
IT'S NOT A TRIP FOR CHILDREN.
668
00:30:22,887 --> 00:30:27,390
MOM? MOM, WHEN ARE YOU
GOING TO L.A.?
669
00:30:27,424 --> 00:30:30,528
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
670
00:30:27,424 --> 00:30:30,528
WE WON'T BE IN THE WAY.
I PROMISE.
671
00:30:30,561 --> 00:30:33,430
CHILDREN DO NOT LEAVE SCHOOL
WHEN THEIR MOTHERS GO ON
672
00:30:33,464 --> 00:30:36,200
SHORT BUSINESS TRIPS.
673
00:30:33,464 --> 00:30:36,200
IT'S NOT SHORT.
674
00:30:36,233 --> 00:30:39,303
IT IS, TOO.
675
00:30:36,233 --> 00:30:39,303
IT'S THREE WEEKS.
676
00:30:39,336 --> 00:30:42,206
OPAL, SHE IS GOING TO PERFORM
AT THE FAMOUS COMEDY SHOP
677
00:30:42,239 --> 00:30:44,408
ON THE FAMOUS SUNSET STRIP.
678
00:30:44,441 --> 00:30:47,545
BIG DEAL.
679
00:30:44,441 --> 00:30:47,545
IT IS A BIG DEAL.
AND THEY'RE PAYING HER.
680
00:30:47,578 --> 00:30:50,548
THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE
OPPORTUNITY FOR ALL OF US.
681
00:30:50,581 --> 00:30:53,216
ARNOLD MOSS SAYS
THAT IF THIS WORKS...
682
00:30:53,250 --> 00:30:55,887
MOM, HE EATS PAPER.
683
00:30:53,250 --> 00:30:55,887
HE DOES?
684
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,889
HE ATE A WHOLE NAPKIN.
685
00:30:57,922 --> 00:30:59,858
HE DID?
686
00:31:02,059 --> 00:31:04,528
THE PEDIATRICIANS NUMBER
IS ON THE WALL ABOVE THE PHONE.
687
00:31:04,561 --> 00:31:07,197
I THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO OLD
FOR A PEDIATRICIAN, ERICA?
688
00:31:07,231 --> 00:31:10,067
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT
WHEN I GET BACK.
689
00:31:10,100 --> 00:31:12,535
THE BATHROOM DOOR DOESN'T SHUT.
GET THE SUPER TO FIX THAT.
690
00:31:12,569 --> 00:31:15,406
ACTUALLY WHEN YOU
THINK ABOUT IT,
691
00:31:15,439 --> 00:31:18,209
THE REAL DIFFERENCE
IN WHERE YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK
IS YOUR BATHROOM DOOR.
692
00:31:18,242 --> 00:31:20,678
ON THE EAST SIDE THEY SHUT.
ON THE WEST SIDE THEY DON'T.
693
00:31:20,711 --> 00:31:22,680
AND DOWNTOWN
THERE ARE NONE.
694
00:31:22,713 --> 00:31:24,682
THEY WOULDN'T
GET THAT IN L.A.
695
00:31:24,715 --> 00:31:27,083
ANYWAY,
IT'S NOT VERY GOOD.
696
00:31:27,117 --> 00:31:29,687
YEAH, YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT.
I TOLD THE BABY-SITTERS
YOU HATE MAYONNAISE.
697
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,089
DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
698
00:31:32,122 --> 00:31:34,358
IF YOU DON'T WATER
THE PLANTS I DON'T CARE.
699
00:31:34,391 --> 00:31:36,560
EAT SOME BREAKFAST, OKAY?
700
00:31:36,593 --> 00:31:39,096
YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORCE
YOURSELVES WITH OAT BRAN.
701
00:31:39,129 --> 00:31:42,099
OPAL, CAN YOU GET THESE
OUT OF MY PURSE, PLEASE?
702
00:31:42,132 --> 00:31:45,102
THESE ARE JOURNALS, SWEETHEARTS.
TAKE NOTES WHILE I'M GONE.
703
00:31:45,135 --> 00:31:47,538
DON'T WRITE LETTERS.
THIS IS A LIFE LESSON.
704
00:31:47,571 --> 00:31:49,674
LETTER WRITING IS RIDICULOUS.
705
00:31:49,707 --> 00:31:52,543
NOTHING EVER ARRIVES
WITHIN A WEEK.
706
00:31:52,576 --> 00:31:54,679
AND SOMEONE ELSE ENDS UP
WITH WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE;
707
00:31:54,712 --> 00:31:57,081
A RECORD OF YOUR LIFE.
708
00:31:57,114 --> 00:31:59,684
WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK?
709
00:31:57,114 --> 00:31:59,684
THREE WEEKS, SWEETHEART.
710
00:31:59,717 --> 00:32:01,319
TAXI!
711
00:32:01,352 --> 00:32:04,388
I TOLD YOU JUST THREE WEEKS.
OH, A CREDIT CARD...
712
00:32:04,421 --> 00:32:07,391
A CREDIT CARD.
713
00:32:04,421 --> 00:32:07,391
FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY.
714
00:32:07,424 --> 00:32:09,694
YOU HAVE ALL THE NUMBERS
WHERE I AM?
715
00:32:09,727 --> 00:32:12,096
YES, I GOT ALL THE NUMBERS.
716
00:32:12,129 --> 00:32:13,697
YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH
ONCE IN A WHILE?
717
00:32:12,129 --> 00:32:13,697
YES.
718
00:32:13,731 --> 00:32:15,700
SO WILL I. ALL RIGHT.
719
00:32:15,733 --> 00:32:17,702
THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YOU.
720
00:32:15,733 --> 00:32:17,702
YOU THINK?
721
00:32:17,735 --> 00:32:20,103
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
722
00:32:20,137 --> 00:32:22,706
I'LL BE CALLING YOU EVERYDAY.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU.
723
00:32:22,740 --> 00:32:25,109
YOU'RE GONNA BE GREAT.
724
00:32:25,142 --> 00:32:27,345
I'M NERVOUS.
725
00:32:25,142 --> 00:32:27,345
I KNOW, BUT YOU'RE
GONNA BE GREAT.
726
00:32:27,378 --> 00:32:29,547
BYE.
727
00:32:27,378 --> 00:32:29,547
LOVE AND POLKA DOTS.
728
00:32:29,580 --> 00:32:31,482
Dottie:
I MISS YOU ALREADY.
729
00:32:33,717 --> 00:32:35,653
NOW WHAT?
730
00:32:45,729 --> 00:32:49,000
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
731
00:32:54,405 --> 00:32:56,639
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
732
00:32:56,673 --> 00:32:59,710
Erica: THE FIRST BABY-SITTER
WE HAD AFTER MOM LEFT WAS ED,
733
00:32:59,743 --> 00:33:02,046
WHO DOES IMITATIONS.
734
00:33:02,079 --> 00:33:04,415
AND HE EVEN DOES
AN IMITATION OF MOM.
735
00:33:04,448 --> 00:33:06,584
HE SAYS IF SHE EVER GETS
FAMOUS ENOUGH,
736
00:33:06,617 --> 00:33:09,220
EVERYONE WILL DO HER BECAUSE
SHE IS LARGER THAN LIFE.
737
00:33:09,253 --> 00:33:11,222
READY.
738
00:33:11,255 --> 00:33:13,691
Dottie: OKAY,
REACH IN AND PULL OUT THE BAG.
739
00:33:13,724 --> 00:33:16,627
REACH IN
AND PULL OUT THE BAG.
740
00:33:16,660 --> 00:33:19,697
BAUCK, BAUCK!
741
00:33:16,660 --> 00:33:19,697
EASY. IT'S OKAY.
742
00:33:19,730 --> 00:33:22,566
BAUCK, BAUCK, BAUCK!
743
00:33:22,599 --> 00:33:25,703
ALL RIGHT.
744
00:33:22,599 --> 00:33:25,703
( makes suction noise )
745
00:33:25,736 --> 00:33:27,705
Ooh!
746
00:33:25,736 --> 00:33:27,705
( giggling )
747
00:33:27,738 --> 00:33:29,774
( making cackling sounds )
748
00:33:29,807 --> 00:33:31,709
ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO HELP ME ON THIS ONE.
749
00:33:31,742 --> 00:33:35,245
GO AHEAD PUSH. BUACK--
PUSH IT. BUACK--
750
00:33:35,279 --> 00:33:37,548
OKAY, PUSH. BUACK...
751
00:33:37,581 --> 00:33:41,151
( giggling )
752
00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:42,720
( farting noise )
753
00:33:42,753 --> 00:33:45,723
( giggling )
754
00:33:45,756 --> 00:33:48,426
In Unison: EEWWWW!
755
00:33:48,459 --> 00:33:52,096
♪ ( Theme from
"Swan Lake" Playing ) ♪
756
00:33:52,129 --> 00:33:54,564
Erica: THE NEXT BABY-SITTER
WE HAD WAS ANGELA.
757
00:33:54,598 --> 00:33:57,568
ANGELA IS DEVELOPING
A ROUTINE ABOUT MODERN BALLETS.
758
00:33:57,601 --> 00:33:59,703
SHE SAYS THERE
ARE TOO MANY SWANS
759
00:33:59,736 --> 00:34:02,340
AND NOT ENOUGH HOUSEWIVES.
760
00:34:06,743 --> 00:34:08,712
MY EAR HURTS.
761
00:34:08,745 --> 00:34:11,114
Dottie:
I KNOW, HONEY. I KNOW.
762
00:34:11,148 --> 00:34:13,417
I'M SURE IT'S JUST
AN EAR INFECTION.
763
00:34:13,449 --> 00:34:15,418
WE'LL GET YOU SOME MEDICINE.
764
00:34:15,452 --> 00:34:17,388
TELL ANGELA TO BUY YOU A
WHOLE BUNCH OF DUMB MAGAZINES.
765
00:34:17,420 --> 00:34:19,123
OKAY.
766
00:34:19,156 --> 00:34:21,125
GOD, I CAN'T HEAR
ANYTHING HERE.
767
00:34:21,158 --> 00:34:23,594
I KNOW. I CAN'T HEAR YOU
VERY WELL OVER HERE EITHER.
768
00:34:23,627 --> 00:34:26,263
WELL, LET ME SPEAK
TO ANGELA FOR A MINUTE.
769
00:34:26,295 --> 00:34:29,732
OKAY, HANG ON. ANGELA,
MOM WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!
770
00:34:29,766 --> 00:34:33,104
DOTTIE, YOU FAMOUS YET?
771
00:34:29,766 --> 00:34:33,104
NO, NOT QUITE.
772
00:34:33,137 --> 00:34:35,573
LISTEN, ANGELA. WOULD YOU
CALL DR. MURPHY AND ASK HIM
773
00:34:35,606 --> 00:34:37,575
TO PHONE IN A PRESCRIPTION
TO THE ALL-NIGHT PHARMACY?
774
00:34:37,608 --> 00:34:40,244
Erica:
AND THEN CAME DENNIS,
775
00:34:40,277 --> 00:34:42,713
WHO WAS NO LONGER
WRITING COUPLETS ABOUT FISH.
776
00:34:42,746 --> 00:34:45,583
WHAT IS IT ABOUT
LAWRENCE WELK
777
00:34:45,616 --> 00:34:50,454
THAT BRINGS TO MIND
THE DAINTY ELK?
778
00:34:50,487 --> 00:34:54,125
YOU'RE KIDDING?
HE WAS IN THE AUDIENCE?
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
779
00:34:54,158 --> 00:34:56,726
OPAL, GET ON THE PHONE.
YOU HAVE TO HEAR THIS.
780
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,130
HI, MOM.
781
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,130
HI, SWEETHEART.
782
00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:03,734
AND THEN HE CAME BACK STAGE AND
HE SAID, "I LOVE YOUR WORK".
783
00:35:03,767 --> 00:35:06,736
STEVE MARTIN LOVES MY WORK.
784
00:35:06,770 --> 00:35:09,607
WHAT WAS HE LIKE?
785
00:35:06,770 --> 00:35:09,607
I HAVE NO IDEA.
786
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:12,643
THAT WAS THE SUM TOTAL OF
OUR RELATIONSHIP. FOUR WORDS.
787
00:35:12,676 --> 00:35:15,712
THEN I SAID, "WHAT?".
788
00:35:15,746 --> 00:35:18,415
SO THAT'S ONE MORE WORD.
789
00:35:18,448 --> 00:35:21,417
BUT CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?
IT'S HAPPENING, SWEETHEARTS.
790
00:35:21,451 --> 00:35:24,622
IT'S REALLY HAPPENING.
I'M NOT CRAZY.
791
00:35:24,655 --> 00:35:26,724
IT'S LIKE A DREAM.
792
00:35:24,655 --> 00:35:26,724
IT'S SO GREAT, MOM.
793
00:35:26,757 --> 00:35:28,726
WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?
794
00:35:28,759 --> 00:35:31,729
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THAT.
795
00:35:31,762 --> 00:35:34,365
THINGS ARE
GOING VERY WELL
796
00:35:34,398 --> 00:35:37,268
SO I WANTED
TO STAY OUT HERE
797
00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:39,937
A LITTLE LONGER
THAN I WAS GOING TO.
798
00:35:39,970 --> 00:35:42,939
HOW MUCH LONGER?
799
00:35:39,970 --> 00:35:42,939
JUST TWO MORE WEEKS,
SWEETPEAS.
800
00:35:42,973 --> 00:35:46,410
I LOVE YOU.
PLEASE SAY IT'S ALL RIGHT.
801
00:35:46,443 --> 00:35:48,612
TWO MORE WEEKS?
802
00:35:48,645 --> 00:35:51,415
I'LL BRING YOU...
WHAT CAN I BRING YOU?
803
00:35:51,448 --> 00:35:53,750
I DON'T KNOW.
804
00:35:53,784 --> 00:35:57,388
MOM, GOD, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO BRIBE US.
805
00:35:59,623 --> 00:36:02,726
IT'S OKAY.
806
00:35:59,623 --> 00:36:02,726
OH, YOU'RE TERRIFIC.
807
00:36:02,759 --> 00:36:05,930
YOU ARE TWO TERRIFIC GIRLS.
808
00:36:05,963 --> 00:36:08,399
I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW MUCH I MISS YOU.
809
00:36:08,432 --> 00:36:11,435
YEAH,
WE MISS YOU, TOO.
810
00:36:11,468 --> 00:36:14,404
( drumroll sounds off
and applause )
811
00:36:14,438 --> 00:36:16,607
WHERE IS MY PURSE? WHERE--
812
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:18,942
IS THIS NOT WHAT HAPPENS?
I MEAN, DO YOU EVER KNOW...
813
00:36:18,976 --> 00:36:21,445
Dottie: AFTER A WHILE,
DOING STANDUP STARTS TO FEEL
814
00:36:21,478 --> 00:36:25,816
FAMILIAR, EVEN ROUTINE. FIRST,
IT'S THE SWEATY PALM PHASE.
815
00:36:25,849 --> 00:36:29,954
FOLLOWED BY THE
I CAN'T DO IT, I'M NAUSEOUS,
I'M GOING TO THROW-UP PHASE.
816
00:36:29,987 --> 00:36:32,289
FOLLOWED BY
HEY, I'M DOING IT.
817
00:36:32,322 --> 00:36:34,625
FOLLOWED BY,
818
00:36:34,658 --> 00:36:38,462
I AM THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON
ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!
819
00:36:38,495 --> 00:36:40,598
THAT PHASE IS THE BEST PHASE.
820
00:36:40,631 --> 00:36:44,234
YOU KNOW I'VE ALWAYS
SECRETLY WANTED SOMEONE
TO SNATCH THIS BABY.
821
00:36:44,268 --> 00:36:45,736
( laughter )
822
00:36:45,769 --> 00:36:49,740
"HEY LADY,
HAND OVER YOUR PURSE".
823
00:36:49,773 --> 00:36:52,710
( laughter and applause )
824
00:36:56,046 --> 00:36:59,783
Dottie: ARNOLD MOSS
WAS HERE LAST NIGHT.
825
00:36:59,816 --> 00:37:01,018
THE SPONGY BOG WAS THERE.
826
00:36:59,816 --> 00:37:01,018
YUCK.
827
00:37:01,051 --> 00:37:03,754
HE TOOK ME OUT TO DINNER
AND WHEN IT WAS OVER
828
00:37:03,787 --> 00:37:06,457
HE ATE THE BILL.
829
00:37:03,787 --> 00:37:06,457
WHAT?
830
00:37:06,490 --> 00:37:08,758
HE TOOK HER TO DINNER
AND HE ATE THE BILL.
831
00:37:08,792 --> 00:37:10,761
HE DID.
832
00:37:08,792 --> 00:37:10,761
JUST KIDDING.
833
00:37:10,794 --> 00:37:13,631
I SWEAR TO GOD.
834
00:37:13,664 --> 00:37:16,300
Erica: THE NEXT BABY-SITTER
WE HAD WAS MIA.
835
00:37:16,333 --> 00:37:18,836
SHE STIR FRIES EVERYTHING.
836
00:37:18,869 --> 00:37:21,605
AND SHE TOOK US
TO AN ABORTION RALLY
837
00:37:21,638 --> 00:37:24,375
AND WE ALL DRESSED UP AS
SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR.
838
00:37:24,408 --> 00:37:27,745
MIA HAS THIS THEORY
THAT ALL GIRLS ARE EITHER
BETTY OR VERONICA.
839
00:37:27,778 --> 00:37:31,749
WHO WILL BE MY MYSTERY DATE?
840
00:37:31,782 --> 00:37:33,718
TURN THE KNOB.
841
00:37:35,485 --> 00:37:38,455
OH, MY GOD,
I GOT THE DUD AGAIN.
842
00:37:38,488 --> 00:37:41,558
I ALWAYS GET THE DUD.
843
00:37:38,488 --> 00:37:41,558
IT'S JUST A GAME.
844
00:37:43,327 --> 00:37:45,296
DO YOU THINK MOM DATES?
845
00:37:45,329 --> 00:37:47,631
SHE WOULDN'T.
SHE WOULD NEVER.
846
00:37:47,664 --> 00:37:49,633
WHY DON'T YOU PLAY
MYSTERY DATE WITH US?
847
00:37:49,666 --> 00:37:52,303
I ALWAYS GET DREAM DATE,
BUT IF YOU DON'T MIND.
848
00:37:52,336 --> 00:37:54,305
HERE I GO.
849
00:37:54,338 --> 00:37:56,774
I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM!
I GOT DREAM DATE.
850
00:37:56,807 --> 00:37:58,776
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
851
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:01,912
I'M SO JEALOUS.
852
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:01,912
EAT YOUR HEART OUT.
853
00:38:01,945 --> 00:38:04,948
IF YOU ALWAYS LAND ON DREAM DATE
THEN YOU MUST BE VERONICA.
854
00:38:04,981 --> 00:38:08,619
ERICA, OPAL, THIS IS A VERY
IMPORTANT THING TO UNDERSTAND.
855
00:38:08,652 --> 00:38:11,622
IS IT A LIFE LESSON?
856
00:38:08,652 --> 00:38:11,622
DEFINITELY.
857
00:38:11,655 --> 00:38:14,958
VERONICA ALWAYS GETS THE GUY.
OR WHATEVER SHE WANTS.
858
00:38:14,991 --> 00:38:18,962
AND BETTY ALWAYS WANTS
WHATEVER VERONICA GETS.
859
00:38:18,995 --> 00:38:22,766
I'M VERONICA.
860
00:38:18,995 --> 00:38:22,766
I SUPPOSE
THAT MAKES ME BETTY?
861
00:38:22,799 --> 00:38:24,768
OH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL
ACCEPT IT.
862
00:38:24,801 --> 00:38:29,106
YOU, MY ERICA,
ARE A LOVER OF MISERY.
863
00:38:29,139 --> 00:38:30,974
IT'S MY TURN TO GO FIRST.
864
00:38:31,007 --> 00:38:34,678
ARE YOU A BETTY
OR A VERONICA FOREVER?
865
00:38:34,711 --> 00:38:39,415
NO. A BETTY CAN
GROW UP TO BE A VERONICA.
LOOK AT YOUR MOM.
866
00:38:39,449 --> 00:38:41,485
WHO WANTS TOFU PUFFS?
867
00:38:41,518 --> 00:38:43,821
OPAL,
GET OUT OF THE WAY!
868
00:38:43,854 --> 00:38:45,955
OH, MY GOD,
IT'S STILL A COMMERCIAL.
869
00:38:45,989 --> 00:38:48,492
THIS IS IT.
PLEASE, GOD, MAKE IT
BE ALL RIGHT.
870
00:38:48,525 --> 00:38:51,395
( introduction music plays )
871
00:38:51,428 --> 00:38:54,932
Talk Show Host: OUR NEXT GUEST,
I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE HER,
872
00:38:54,965 --> 00:38:57,368
IS PERFORMING AT
THE COMEDY SHOP IN LOS ANGELES.
873
00:38:57,401 --> 00:38:59,770
LET'S WELCOME DOTTIE INGELS.
874
00:38:59,803 --> 00:39:01,772
( cheering )
875
00:39:01,805 --> 00:39:04,640
I SWEAR,
I'M GONNA DIE.
876
00:39:04,674 --> 00:39:07,644
I NEVER MET THIS MAN BEFORE
IN MY LIFE AND AM I THRILLED.
877
00:39:07,677 --> 00:39:11,982
JAMES.
I'M A BIG FAN.
878
00:39:12,015 --> 00:39:15,652
IT'S NICE TO
HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW.
879
00:39:12,015 --> 00:39:15,652
IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.
880
00:39:15,685 --> 00:39:18,788
ACTUALLY, IT'S
UNBELIEVABLE TO BE HERE.
881
00:39:18,822 --> 00:39:21,658
LESS THAN A YEAR AGO I WAS
WORKING THE MAKEUP COUNTER
882
00:39:21,691 --> 00:39:24,495
AT MACY'S ON QUEENS BOULEVARD.
THERE I WAS SELLING MAKEUP,
883
00:39:24,528 --> 00:39:27,598
LIVING IN OZONE PARK...
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS,
884
00:39:27,631 --> 00:39:30,033
DO YOU GARY?
NOT A CLUE, RIGHT?
885
00:39:27,631 --> 00:39:30,033
NO.
886
00:39:30,066 --> 00:39:32,035
WHO DOES?
887
00:39:32,068 --> 00:39:34,037
WE DO!
888
00:39:32,068 --> 00:39:34,037
WE DO!
889
00:39:34,070 --> 00:39:36,974
THERE I WAS LIVING WITH MY
AUNT HARRIET AND MY TWO GIRLS,
890
00:39:37,007 --> 00:39:39,610
OPAL, ERICA,
IF YOU'RE WATCHING,
891
00:39:39,643 --> 00:39:42,012
IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED NOW.
892
00:39:42,045 --> 00:39:45,583
AHHH!
893
00:39:42,045 --> 00:39:45,583
AHHH!
894
00:39:54,491 --> 00:39:56,727
SHHH! SHHH! SHHH!
895
00:40:00,030 --> 00:40:02,800
SHE'S BACK. SHE'S BACK.
SHE'S BACK. SHE'S HERE.
896
00:40:02,833 --> 00:40:05,469
ERICA, SHE'S HERE.
COME ON.
897
00:40:05,502 --> 00:40:07,438
MOM! MOM!
898
00:40:14,811 --> 00:40:16,780
MOM!
899
00:40:14,811 --> 00:40:16,780
MOM!
900
00:40:16,813 --> 00:40:19,483
THERE'S MY COOKIES,
I MISSED YOU.
901
00:40:19,516 --> 00:40:22,786
OH, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
902
00:40:22,819 --> 00:40:24,788
MOM, GUESS WHAT,
GUESS WHAT?
903
00:40:24,821 --> 00:40:26,490
WHAT? WHAT?
904
00:40:26,523 --> 00:40:29,493
I'M GOING TO BE
ONE OF THE HOLLOW MEN.
905
00:40:26,523 --> 00:40:29,493
YOU ARE!
906
00:40:29,526 --> 00:40:31,995
SHAWN, LISA AND I ARE GONNA BE
ALL TIED TOGETHER IN BURLAP AND
907
00:40:32,028 --> 00:40:34,497
MRS. FABRICANT IS MAKING US LOOK
LIKE DEAD PEOPLE WITH NO FLESH.
908
00:40:34,531 --> 00:40:36,500
ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
909
00:40:34,531 --> 00:40:36,500
YES.
910
00:40:36,533 --> 00:40:39,136
LOOK, WHAT CAN I SAY, CLAUDIA?
IF IT TAKES MORE THAN A WEEK,
911
00:40:39,169 --> 00:40:42,004
IT TAKES MORE THAN A WEEK.
BUT YOU HAVE TO CALL
912
00:40:42,038 --> 00:40:46,009
AND TELL THEM THAT
I'M NOT GOING TO BE BACK
IN L.A. UNTIL NEXT MONTH.
913
00:40:46,042 --> 00:40:49,011
NEXT MONTH? YOU'RE GOING
BACK TO L.A. NEXT MONTH?
914
00:40:49,045 --> 00:40:51,248
CLAUDIA, CAN YOU HOLD ON?
I HATE THIS CALL WAITING.
915
00:40:51,281 --> 00:40:54,116
I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT.
916
00:40:54,150 --> 00:40:56,487
HELLO? YES.
917
00:40:58,021 --> 00:41:00,991
AH, CAN YOU HOLD ON FOR
JUST ONE MINUTE PLEASE? THANKS.
918
00:41:01,024 --> 00:41:03,794
BAH, BAH, BAH,
BAH, BAH, BAH, BAH!
919
00:41:01,024 --> 00:41:03,794
SHH, SHH, SWEETIE.
920
00:41:03,827 --> 00:41:06,497
CLAUDIA, IT'S SOMEONE
FROM NEWSDAY.
921
00:41:06,530 --> 00:41:08,799
THEY WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK
ABOUT WOMEN IN COMEDY.
922
00:41:08,832 --> 00:41:10,801
I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK.
923
00:41:10,834 --> 00:41:13,504
HELLO.
924
00:41:13,537 --> 00:41:15,506
WELL, I JUST GOT IN
FROM THE COAST.
925
00:41:15,539 --> 00:41:18,509
WELL, I'VE EATEN MY LAST CHINESE
CHICKEN SALAD FOR A MONTH...
926
00:41:18,542 --> 00:41:21,511
Erica: REVOLTING.
SHE WAS COMPLETELY REVOLTING.
927
00:41:21,545 --> 00:41:24,014
AND HER DOTS
WERE GETTING BIGGER.
928
00:41:24,047 --> 00:41:25,816
ALSO, AND THIS IS
REALLY PATHETIC,
929
00:41:25,849 --> 00:41:27,818
SHE LOST THE ABILITY
TO BE ALONE.
930
00:41:27,851 --> 00:41:31,788
SHE TOOK CLAUDIA EVERYWHERE.
931
00:41:31,821 --> 00:41:34,024
CLAUDIA WAS LIKE TONTO.
932
00:41:34,057 --> 00:41:36,660
IF YOU WERE A MAN,
933
00:41:36,693 --> 00:41:39,129
WOULD YOU THINK I HAD
CAPPED TEETH?
934
00:41:39,162 --> 00:41:41,832
DO YOU REALLY?
935
00:41:39,162 --> 00:41:41,832
FOUR.
936
00:41:41,865 --> 00:41:45,002
REALLY?
937
00:41:41,865 --> 00:41:45,002
WELL, SIX ACTUALLY.
938
00:41:45,035 --> 00:41:47,803
Dottie: I SHOULD SAY
THAT I COULD NEVER EVER
HAVE GOTTEN THROUGH
939
00:41:47,837 --> 00:41:50,307
THOSE EARLIER DAYS
AS A PERFORMER
940
00:41:50,340 --> 00:41:52,309
WITHOUT CLAUDIA CURTIS.
941
00:41:52,342 --> 00:41:55,679
SHE WAS MORE THAN AN AGENT.
SHE WAS A FRIEND.
942
00:41:55,712 --> 00:41:59,149
I SAW YOU ON TELEVISION.
YOU WERE GREAT.
943
00:41:55,712 --> 00:41:59,149
REALLY?
944
00:41:59,182 --> 00:42:01,817
SOMEBODY HAS A FAN.
945
00:42:01,851 --> 00:42:03,153
SHHH.
THIS IS OPAL'S NIGHT.
946
00:42:03,186 --> 00:42:05,155
OKAY.
947
00:42:05,188 --> 00:42:07,791
♪ ( Theme to 2001:
A Space Odyssey Playing) ♪
948
00:42:12,862 --> 00:42:15,666
I CAN'T FIND MY TAIL.
949
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:18,135
Girl: SHAWN,
CAN'T YOU GO ANY FASTER?
950
00:42:18,168 --> 00:42:21,138
( overlapping conversations )
951
00:42:21,171 --> 00:42:25,676
Lisa: I THINK
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
952
00:42:25,709 --> 00:42:28,145
WAIT. SHE ALMOST
PULLED US ALL DOWN.
953
00:42:28,178 --> 00:42:30,681
I THINK I HAVE
TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
954
00:42:30,714 --> 00:42:33,016
WELL,
JUST YOU FORGET IT.
955
00:42:33,049 --> 00:42:35,686
Boys: "...WHAT BRANCHES
GROW OUT OF THIS STONY RUBBISH?
956
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:38,288
"SON OF A MAN,
YOU CANNOT SAY, OR GUESS."
957
00:42:38,321 --> 00:42:41,091
( music ends )
958
00:42:47,364 --> 00:42:50,167
In Unison:
"WE ARE THE HOLLOW MEN,
959
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,836
WE ARE THE STUFFED MEN,
LEANING TOGETHER,
960
00:42:52,869 --> 00:42:54,972
HEADPIECE FILLED WITH STRAW.
961
00:42:55,005 --> 00:42:56,807
ALAS!
962
00:42:56,840 --> 00:43:00,077
( overlapping dialogue )
963
00:43:09,886 --> 00:43:12,923
...OVER BROKEN GLASS
IN OUR DRIED CELLAR.
964
00:43:14,724 --> 00:43:16,827
( music plays )
965
00:43:16,860 --> 00:43:19,797
( applause )
966
00:43:26,970 --> 00:43:29,673
WHY WERE YOU LAUGHING?
DID I BOMB?
967
00:43:29,706 --> 00:43:32,175
BOMB? OH, GOD, NO.
968
00:43:32,208 --> 00:43:35,846
YOU WERE JUST SO DEAR,
THAT'S ALL.
969
00:43:35,879 --> 00:43:38,682
YOU WERE GREAT, OPAL.
TO DIE.
970
00:43:38,715 --> 00:43:40,817
MAYBE I SHOULD SIGN YOU.
YOU NEED AN AGENT?
971
00:43:40,850 --> 00:43:42,819
I'M WAITING
FOR MOSS HIMSELF.
972
00:43:42,852 --> 00:43:45,689
DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.
973
00:43:42,852 --> 00:43:45,689
ERICA.
974
00:43:45,722 --> 00:43:49,159
YOU WERE WONDERFUL, SWEETHEART.
REALLY. I MEAN THAT.
975
00:43:49,192 --> 00:43:50,928
KEEP THE CHANGE.
976
00:43:54,064 --> 00:43:56,299
WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS
HOLD HER BREAST LIKE THAT?
977
00:43:56,332 --> 00:43:58,134
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
978
00:43:58,168 --> 00:44:01,205
BECAUSE SHE'S AFRAID
THEY MIGHT ESCAPE.
979
00:44:03,106 --> 00:44:05,208
Dottie: SUPPOSE I DO
THIS COMMERCIAL,
980
00:44:05,241 --> 00:44:08,211
AND FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFE, I'M KNOWN AS
"MISS COUNTRY CHICKEN".
981
00:44:08,244 --> 00:44:10,814
Claudia: IF YOU WERE
JUST GOING TO BE A CHICKEN,
I'D SAY DON'T TOUCH IT
982
00:44:10,847 --> 00:44:13,016
WITH A 10-FOOT POLE.
983
00:44:13,049 --> 00:44:15,886
BUT THIS IS MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU
THAN IT IS ABOUT CHICKEN.
984
00:44:15,919 --> 00:44:18,355
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
985
00:44:15,919 --> 00:44:18,355
I DON'T KNOW.
986
00:44:18,388 --> 00:44:21,223
SWEETHEART, WOULD YOU
MAKE YOUR MOTHER HAPPY
987
00:44:21,257 --> 00:44:23,994
AND AT LEAST
LOOK LIKE YOU'RE EATING?
988
00:44:24,027 --> 00:44:26,697
WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
IS VISIBILITY.
989
00:44:26,730 --> 00:44:28,699
AND MONEY. I MEAN,
WHO ARE WE KIDDING?
990
00:44:28,732 --> 00:44:31,735
I HEARD THAT IF YOU EVEN JUST
HAVE YOU HAND IN A COMMERCIAL,
991
00:44:31,768 --> 00:44:36,006
YOU CAN MAKE A FORTUNE.
LIKE YOU CAN GET RICH
JUST OFF YOUR KNEE.
992
00:44:36,039 --> 00:44:39,943
WHAT'S WRONG, ERICA?
993
00:44:36,039 --> 00:44:39,943
NOTHING.
994
00:44:39,976 --> 00:44:42,345
Opal: CAN WE COME WHEN YOU
MAKE THE COMMERCIAL, MOM?
995
00:44:42,378 --> 00:44:44,715
I DON'T KNOW.
CLAUDIA, CAN THEY?
996
00:44:42,378 --> 00:44:44,715
SURE.
997
00:44:44,748 --> 00:44:47,884
YOU REALLY WANT
TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG?
998
00:44:44,748 --> 00:44:47,884
YES.
999
00:44:47,917 --> 00:44:50,886
LAST MONTH, WHEN MY CLASS
DID FRANZ KAFKA NIGHT,
1000
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,356
YOU DIDN'T COME.
AND NOW, YOU JUST
1001
00:44:53,389 --> 00:44:56,893
CONVENIENTLY MAKE IT
TO OPAL'S PERFORMANCE.
1002
00:44:56,926 --> 00:45:00,163
HONEY, LAST MONTH I WAS
IN L.A. I COULDN'T HAVE COME.
1003
00:45:00,196 --> 00:45:03,165
YOU KNOW I WOULD HAVE COME
IF I COULD HAVE.
1004
00:45:03,199 --> 00:45:06,203
WE TALKED ABOUT IT.
DIDN'T WE TALK ABOUT IT?
1005
00:45:06,236 --> 00:45:10,507
SHE WASN'T EVEN IN THE PLAY.
SHE WAS IN THE LIGHTING BOOTH.
1006
00:45:10,540 --> 00:45:14,211
CAN I GET YOU
SOMETHING ELSE?
1007
00:45:14,244 --> 00:45:18,048
Claudia: WELL,
FIFTH WHEEL TIME.
GOTTA RUN.
1008
00:45:18,081 --> 00:45:19,850
GOT A LATE DATE WITH
MR. MUCH-TOO-CRAZY.
1009
00:45:19,883 --> 00:45:22,018
CALL YOU TOMORROW.
1010
00:45:22,051 --> 00:45:23,287
( sighs )
1011
00:45:25,789 --> 00:45:28,358
MY GIRLS. LOOK,
I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN HARD.
1012
00:45:28,391 --> 00:45:31,161
IT'S BEEN HARD, I KNOW IT.
1013
00:45:31,194 --> 00:45:33,363
I DON'T WANT TO BE IN L.A.
1014
00:45:33,396 --> 00:45:36,032
DO YOU THINK I WANT
TO BE AWAY FROM YOU?
1015
00:45:36,065 --> 00:45:38,368
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
1016
00:45:38,401 --> 00:45:41,238
BUT I CAN'T JUST PICK YOU UP
AND PULL YOU OUT OF SCHOOL
1017
00:45:41,271 --> 00:45:44,875
SO YOU CAN GO TO SOME HORRIBLE
HOTEL ON FOUNTAIN AVENUE.
1018
00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:49,513
YOU'D HATE L.A.
IT'S ALL SWIMMING POOLS
AND VALET PARKING.
1019
00:45:49,546 --> 00:45:52,381
PLEASE, JUST BEAR WITH ME.
1020
00:45:52,415 --> 00:45:55,986
ISN'T THIS WHAT WE WANTED,
ISN'T IT?
1021
00:45:56,019 --> 00:45:59,022
( sighs )
1022
00:45:59,055 --> 00:46:01,024
SURE.
1023
00:46:01,057 --> 00:46:03,026
HERE.
1024
00:46:03,059 --> 00:46:05,529
( rooster crowing )
1025
00:46:05,562 --> 00:46:06,496
( sheep baaing )
1026
00:46:06,529 --> 00:46:08,365
( cow mooing )
1027
00:46:08,398 --> 00:46:12,402
Erica: THIS IS MY MOTHER,
AS A CHICKEN.
1028
00:46:12,435 --> 00:46:15,205
THIS IS ME WATCHING MY MOTHER
AS A CHICKEN.
1029
00:46:16,573 --> 00:46:18,841
THIS IS MY MOTHER LEAVING.
1030
00:46:21,277 --> 00:46:23,547
IF YOU COULD BE A CHICKEN
INSTEAD OF A PERSON
1031
00:46:23,580 --> 00:46:25,248
YOU'D WANT TO BE ME!
1032
00:46:25,281 --> 00:46:27,517
BAUCK, BAUCK, BAUCK, BAUCK
BAUCK, BAUCK!
1033
00:46:27,550 --> 00:46:30,353
MISS CHEMICAL FREE.
1034
00:46:30,386 --> 00:46:33,457
( cow mooing )
1035
00:46:37,260 --> 00:46:40,363
YOU KNOW AUNT HARRIET'S BATHROBE
THAT LOOKED LIKE HER BEDSPREAD?
1036
00:46:40,396 --> 00:46:43,000
CHENILLE.
IT'S CALLED CHENILLE.
1037
00:46:46,569 --> 00:46:50,540
DO YOU THINK THAT
MOM FELT LIKE A JERK DRESSED
IN ALL THOSE FEATHERS?
1038
00:46:50,573 --> 00:46:52,542
SHE DIDN'T ACT LIKE IT.
1039
00:46:52,575 --> 00:46:55,479
HEY, GIRLS,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
AN AIR CONDITIONER.
1040
00:47:05,288 --> 00:47:07,524
WELL, I'LL BE PERFECTING THIS IN
THE OTHER END OF THE APARTMENT
1041
00:47:07,557 --> 00:47:09,426
IF YOU NEED ME.
1042
00:47:13,263 --> 00:47:15,899
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY
WAS NOT APPROPRIATE
1043
00:47:15,932 --> 00:47:18,067
FOR HER TO BRING CLAUDIA
TO YOUR SHOW.
1044
00:47:18,101 --> 00:47:20,237
AFTER ALL, CLAUDIA
IS NOT A RELATIVE
1045
00:47:20,270 --> 00:47:22,906
AND THAT'S REALLY WHO SHOULD BE
AT YOUR CHILD'S PERFORMANCE.
1046
00:47:22,939 --> 00:47:25,542
WHY CAN'T MOM BE A REGULAR MOM,
THE WAY SHE WAS BEFORE?
1047
00:47:27,076 --> 00:47:29,512
MOM WAS NEVER A REGULAR MOM.
1048
00:47:29,545 --> 00:47:32,249
BUT SHE MADE FLAPJACKS.
1049
00:47:32,282 --> 00:47:35,051
REGULAR MOMS
DON'T MAKE FLAPJACKS.
1050
00:47:35,084 --> 00:47:37,020
THEY MAKE PANCAKES.
1051
00:47:39,289 --> 00:47:42,259
Erica: AND REGULAR MOMS DON'T
GO OFF TO LOS ANGELES JUST AS
1052
00:47:42,292 --> 00:47:45,929
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN
YOUR LIFE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
1053
00:47:49,098 --> 00:47:51,534
HI, JORDAN.
1054
00:47:51,567 --> 00:47:53,337
HI.
1055
00:47:58,408 --> 00:48:02,045
SO, WHAT'S IT LIKE
HAVING A FAMOUS MOTHER?
1056
00:48:02,078 --> 00:48:05,048
SHE'S NOT FAMOUS.
1057
00:48:05,081 --> 00:48:08,051
I SAW HER ON HBO LAST WEEK.
1058
00:48:08,084 --> 00:48:10,654
SHE'S FUNNY.
SHE'S REALLY VERY FUNNY.
1059
00:48:14,090 --> 00:48:16,059
DOES SHE ALWAYS
WEAR THOSE DOTS?
1060
00:48:16,092 --> 00:48:17,327
WHY?
1061
00:48:19,595 --> 00:48:22,031
I-- I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST WAS WONDERING.
1062
00:48:25,435 --> 00:48:28,071
DOES SHE
WEAR THEM TO SLEEP?
1063
00:48:28,104 --> 00:48:31,040
SHE WEARS THEM EVERYWHERE.
1064
00:48:49,092 --> 00:48:53,063
MY PARENTS
ARE ENDOCRINOLOGISTS.
1065
00:48:53,096 --> 00:48:55,732
ENDOCRINOLOGISTS?
1066
00:48:53,096 --> 00:48:55,732
MM-HMM.
1067
00:48:55,765 --> 00:48:58,401
DOCTORS, RIGHT?
1068
00:48:55,765 --> 00:48:58,401
YEAH. YEAH.
1069
00:48:58,434 --> 00:49:01,071
THEY STUDY GLANDS.
1070
00:49:01,104 --> 00:49:04,040
THEY'RE GLAND EXPERTS.
1071
00:49:30,299 --> 00:49:33,269
Opal: WE SAW
THE COMMERCIAL LAST NIGHT
RIGHT BEFORE THE NEWS.
1072
00:49:33,302 --> 00:49:35,739
HOW MANY TIMES DOES IT HAVE
TO BE ON BEFORE WE'RE RICH?
1073
00:49:35,772 --> 00:49:38,408
Dottie: ABOUT TWO MILLION.
1074
00:49:35,772 --> 00:49:38,408
WELL, IT WAS GREAT.
1075
00:49:38,441 --> 00:49:40,410
THANKS, HONEY.
HOW DID ERICA LIKE IT?
1076
00:49:40,443 --> 00:49:43,079
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
I'M SURE SHE LIKED IT.
1077
00:49:43,112 --> 00:49:45,081
MOM, YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS,
1078
00:49:45,114 --> 00:49:47,584
BUT ERICA THINKING
OF CHANGING HER NAME.
1079
00:49:47,617 --> 00:49:50,420
I WANTED TO CHANGE MY NAME TOO,
WHEN I WAS HER AGE.
1080
00:49:50,453 --> 00:49:53,123
I WANTED TO BE CALLED DEBI
WITH AN "I".
1081
00:49:53,156 --> 00:49:55,592
MOM, SHE'S NOT
CHANGING HER FIRST NAME.
1082
00:49:55,625 --> 00:49:59,062
OH. OH, REALLY.
WELL, WHERE IS YOUR SISTER?
1083
00:49:59,095 --> 00:50:02,098
CAN I SPEAK TO HER WHILE
HER LAST NAME IS STILL INGELS?
1084
00:50:02,131 --> 00:50:05,402
SHE'S NOT HOME YET.
EVERY SINGLE DAY SHE WALKS
HOME WITH THAT CREEP.
1085
00:50:05,435 --> 00:50:08,270
AND DO YOU KNOW
HOW LONG IT TAKES HER?
1086
00:50:08,304 --> 00:50:11,274
THREE HOURS.
1087
00:50:08,304 --> 00:50:11,274
MAYBE ERICA'S IN LOVE.
1088
00:50:11,307 --> 00:50:14,410
OH, PLEASE.
PLEASE, DON'T MAKE ME SICK.
1089
00:50:14,444 --> 00:50:17,279
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN HIM.
HE LOOKS LIKE A POLE.
1090
00:50:17,313 --> 00:50:20,283
YOU MEAN A POLISH PERSON?
1091
00:50:17,313 --> 00:50:20,283
NO, A FLAG POLE.
1092
00:50:20,316 --> 00:50:23,752
I'D RATHER BE FRIED IN OIL
THAN KISS JORDAN STRANG.
1093
00:50:23,786 --> 00:50:26,423
IS HE AT LEAST NICE?
1094
00:50:23,786 --> 00:50:26,423
HE HAS TO BE.
1095
00:50:26,456 --> 00:50:28,091
WHAT ELSE DOES HE HAVE
GOING FOR HIM?
1096
00:50:28,124 --> 00:50:30,593
( romantic classical music
playing )
1097
00:50:30,626 --> 00:50:32,696
THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART.
1098
00:51:28,451 --> 00:51:31,421
DO YOU WANT TO?
1099
00:51:31,454 --> 00:51:34,224
HAVE YOU--
HAVE YOU EVER DONE IT?
1100
00:51:34,257 --> 00:51:36,893
NO.
1101
00:51:36,926 --> 00:51:39,429
DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING?
1102
00:51:48,938 --> 00:51:49,873
AH!
1103
00:52:41,490 --> 00:52:44,227
IT'S OVER.
1104
00:52:41,490 --> 00:52:44,227
IT IS.
1105
00:52:45,828 --> 00:52:48,431
( door opens )
1106
00:52:45,828 --> 00:52:48,431
OH, MY GOD.
1107
00:52:48,464 --> 00:52:50,433
WHO IS IT?
1108
00:52:48,464 --> 00:52:50,433
MY MOTHER.
1109
00:52:50,466 --> 00:52:52,234
AH...HURRY UP.
1110
00:52:52,268 --> 00:52:54,237
YOUR MOTHER?!
1111
00:52:54,270 --> 00:52:56,538
JORDAN, ARE YOU HOME?
1112
00:52:56,572 --> 00:52:59,943
Jordan: OH, MY GOD,
SHE'S NEVER HOME THIS EARLY.
1113
00:52:59,976 --> 00:53:04,781
OH, GOD,
THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.
PLEASE, ERICA, HURRY.
1114
00:53:04,814 --> 00:53:07,350
GET DRESSED.
1115
00:53:04,814 --> 00:53:07,350
WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'M DOING?
1116
00:53:07,383 --> 00:53:08,917
JORDAN!
1117
00:53:08,951 --> 00:53:11,921
OH, HELLO.
1118
00:53:11,954 --> 00:53:14,925
AND WHO IS THIS?
1119
00:53:17,493 --> 00:53:20,930
THIS IS ERICA, MOM.
1120
00:53:17,493 --> 00:53:20,930
HELLO, ERICA.
1121
00:53:20,963 --> 00:53:24,867
HELLO.
1122
00:53:20,963 --> 00:53:24,867
NICE TO MEET YOU.
1123
00:53:24,900 --> 00:53:28,438
WOULD YOU KIDS
LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT?
1124
00:53:28,471 --> 00:53:30,673
HOW ABOUT A NICE CUP OF COCOA?
1125
00:53:30,706 --> 00:53:36,446
NO-- NO. AH,
I WAS JUST LEAVING.
I HAVE TO GET HOME.
1126
00:53:36,479 --> 00:53:38,881
YOUR MOTHER'S PROBABLY
EXPECTING YOU, I IMAGINE.
1127
00:53:40,650 --> 00:53:44,654
NO, SHE'S AWAY.
1128
00:53:40,650 --> 00:53:44,654
AND YOUR FATHER?
1129
00:53:47,623 --> 00:53:50,660
HE LIVES SOMEWHERE ELSE.
1130
00:53:50,693 --> 00:53:52,896
WHY DON'T YOU TWO COME AND TALK
TO ME FOR A MINUTE, WILL YOU?
1131
00:53:56,032 --> 00:53:58,801
I'M SO GLAD
I CAME HOME EARLY.
1132
00:53:58,834 --> 00:54:01,337
TWO APPOINTMENTS
CANCELLED BACK TO BACK.
1133
00:54:01,370 --> 00:54:03,806
OH, JORDAN, WE HAVE A WONDERFUL
LETTER FROM AUNT JUDITH.
1134
00:54:03,839 --> 00:54:06,808
THEY APPARENTLY HAVE GONE BACK
TO THAT DUDE RANCH IN WYOMING,
1135
00:54:06,842 --> 00:54:09,779
AND THEY ENCLOSED A PHOTO OF
BERNICE TRYING TO LASSO A HORSE.
1136
00:54:09,812 --> 00:54:12,382
HA-HA-HA! IT LOOKED
LIKE FUN, ACTUALLY.
1137
00:54:13,949 --> 00:54:17,320
OHH, MY ACHING DOGS.
1138
00:54:17,353 --> 00:54:20,323
OOO! I WONDER WHY
THEY CALL THEM DOGS?
1139
00:54:20,356 --> 00:54:22,592
THAT'S THE KIND OF THING
JORDAN ALWAYS SEEMS TO KNOW.
1140
00:54:22,625 --> 00:54:25,328
I DO NOT.
1141
00:54:25,361 --> 00:54:28,330
ERICA, PERHAPS YOUR MOTHER
HAS SPOKEN TO YOU ABOUT THIS,
1142
00:54:28,364 --> 00:54:30,933
BUT SINCE SHE'S AWAY,
I'D LIKE TO OFFER YOU
1143
00:54:30,966 --> 00:54:33,737
A BIT OF UNSOLICITED ADVICE,
IF I MAY.
1144
00:54:35,004 --> 00:54:36,939
OH, NO. NOT THIS.
1145
00:54:36,972 --> 00:54:39,809
I'M JUST GOING
TO RUN THROUGH THE BASICS,
1146
00:54:39,842 --> 00:54:41,811
PERHAPS REMIND YOU
OF A FEW THINGS.
1147
00:54:41,844 --> 00:54:46,683
YOU RECOGNIZE THESE, I BET.
( chuckles ) YOUR OVARIES.
1148
00:54:46,716 --> 00:54:49,652
BUT THE VERY TRICKY
THING ABOUT OVARIES
1149
00:54:49,685 --> 00:54:52,622
IS THAT WHEN YOU'RE
A TEENAGE GIRL AND PERHAPS
1150
00:54:52,655 --> 00:54:56,025
A TEENY TINY BIT
IRREGULAR, HMMM?
1151
00:54:56,058 --> 00:54:59,329
YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHEN
ONE OF THESE IS GOING TO KICK IN
1152
00:54:59,362 --> 00:55:01,931
AND RELEASE THAT LITTLE EGG,
SENDING IT OFF ON ITS JOURNEY
1153
00:55:01,964 --> 00:55:04,967
WHERE IT COULD GET INTO
A HEAP OF TROUBLE.
1154
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:08,338
ERICA! ERICA!
1155
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:08,338
LEAVE ME ALONE, OPAL.
1156
00:55:08,371 --> 00:55:11,341
YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE ALL NIGHT.
DON'T YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING?
1157
00:55:11,374 --> 00:55:14,109
DON'T YOU WANT
TO HYPERVENTILATE
OR SOMETHING?
1158
00:55:14,143 --> 00:55:15,879
GO AWAY.
1159
00:55:35,965 --> 00:55:37,901
( cries out )
1160
00:56:04,994 --> 00:56:07,597
♪ ♪
1161
00:56:15,604 --> 00:56:18,473
SYLVIA, DARLING.
I'M OPENING AT THE TROP.
1162
00:56:18,507 --> 00:56:20,476
THE TROPICANA?
1163
00:56:20,509 --> 00:56:22,812
LOOK AT ME.
EIGHT MONTHS AGO
1164
00:56:22,845 --> 00:56:26,149
I THOUGHT IT WAS A JUICE.
1165
00:56:22,845 --> 00:56:26,149
HA-HA! SHE THOUGHT...
1166
00:56:26,182 --> 00:56:28,817
NOW I NOT ONLY KNOW THAT
IT'S A HOTEL IN LAS VEGAS,
1167
00:56:28,851 --> 00:56:31,020
BUT I REFER TO IT
ONLY BY ITS NICKNAME.
1168
00:56:31,053 --> 00:56:33,823
HA-HA! YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
SO YOU'RE GONNA BE THERE
1169
00:56:33,856 --> 00:56:36,492
THE 29th - 31st
OF THIS MONTH...
1170
00:56:36,525 --> 00:56:38,961
Opal: SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT CHANGING HER HAIR.
1171
00:56:38,994 --> 00:56:41,831
DO YOU LIKE IT?
1172
00:56:38,994 --> 00:56:41,831
I DON'T KNOW.
1173
00:56:41,864 --> 00:56:44,834
ERICA, COME SEE MOM'S HAIR.
IT'S DIFFERENT.
1174
00:56:44,867 --> 00:56:46,903
YOU'RE FABULOUS.
YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
1175
00:56:46,936 --> 00:56:48,905
...ON THE BUSES I'M SURE PEOPLE
WILL STOP YOU AND GO "BAUCK".
1176
00:56:48,938 --> 00:56:51,841
I DO, I GET A LOT OF,
"BAULK, BAULK". I DO, I GET--
1177
00:56:51,874 --> 00:56:55,477
HOWEVER, SHORTLY AFTER THAT
COMMERCIAL, MY OLDER DAUGHTER
1178
00:56:55,511 --> 00:56:58,147
DECIDED SHE WANTED
TO CHANGE HER LAST NAME.
1179
00:56:58,180 --> 00:57:01,817
OH NO, THAT'S HORRIBLE.
HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?
1180
00:57:01,851 --> 00:57:04,220
WELL, NOT THAT I FELT
REJECTED OR ANYTHING...
1181
00:57:04,253 --> 00:57:08,558
I MEAN IF SHE WANTS
TO CALL HERSELF SCHNERTLE
INSTEAD OF INGELS...
1182
00:57:08,591 --> 00:57:10,827
WHAT DID YOU THINK?
1183
00:57:10,860 --> 00:57:15,031
ERICA, I'M WATCHING.
1184
00:57:10,860 --> 00:57:15,031
YOU TOLD HER, DIDN'T YOU?
1185
00:57:15,064 --> 00:57:17,500
TAKE IT EASY, ERICA.
1186
00:57:15,064 --> 00:57:17,500
IT'S JUST A JOKE.
1187
00:57:17,533 --> 00:57:19,502
HA-HA-HA!
1188
00:57:19,535 --> 00:57:21,971
ARTISTS ALWAYS USE THINGS
FROM THEIR LIVES, ERICA.
1189
00:57:22,004 --> 00:57:23,973
SHUT UP, OPAL.
JUST SHUT UP!
1190
00:57:24,006 --> 00:57:25,975
( slams door )
1191
00:57:26,008 --> 00:57:29,712
Dottie:
I WAS PLAYING LAS VEGAS.
1192
00:57:29,745 --> 00:57:32,515
ME, I WAS UP THERE IN LIGHTS.
1193
00:57:32,548 --> 00:57:34,850
LIKE, SINATRA,
AND "STARRING
1194
00:57:34,884 --> 00:57:38,988
"ENGLEBERT HUMPERDINCK" AND
"ALL YOU CAN EAT FOR 3.99".
1195
00:57:39,021 --> 00:57:41,491
I LOVE LAS VEGAS.
1196
00:57:41,524 --> 00:57:43,493
Erica: JORDAN SAYS
LAS VEGAS IS A PLACE
1197
00:57:43,526 --> 00:57:47,497
WHERE PEOPLE WITH EMPTY LIVES
AND NO VALUES GO TO HAVE FUN.
1198
00:57:47,530 --> 00:57:51,067
IT'S A MORAL DESERT,
AND WE WERE THERE.
1199
00:57:51,100 --> 00:57:54,002
I SEE HER! I SEE HER!
1200
00:57:51,100 --> 00:57:54,002
WHO DOESN'T?
1201
00:57:54,036 --> 00:57:56,506
OPAL, ERICA.
HELLO, SWEETHEARTS.
1202
00:57:56,539 --> 00:57:58,841
I'M NEVER
SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN.
1203
00:57:58,874 --> 00:58:02,245
HONEY, HONEY, YOU'RE GOING
THE WRONG WAY. IT'S THIS WAY.
1204
00:58:02,278 --> 00:58:04,981
ARE YOU PLANNING ON
TELLING ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?
1205
00:58:05,014 --> 00:58:07,717
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?
1206
00:58:05,014 --> 00:58:07,717
SCHMERTLE.
1207
00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:09,986
HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU USE
THINGS THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT ME
1208
00:58:10,019 --> 00:58:14,189
IN PUBLIC.
1209
00:58:10,019 --> 00:58:14,189
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
1210
00:58:14,223 --> 00:58:17,192
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE
WHAT IT'S LIKE ON THESE SHOWS.
1211
00:58:17,226 --> 00:58:19,662
THERE'S NOTHING IN YOUR HEAD,
YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING,
1212
00:58:19,695 --> 00:58:21,831
THEN THIS THING POPS OUT.
1213
00:58:21,864 --> 00:58:23,966
DOTTIE, WE WERE AT
THE 10:00 SHOW LAST NIGHT.
1214
00:58:23,999 --> 00:58:25,968
COULD WE HAVE
YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
1215
00:58:26,001 --> 00:58:28,170
WELL, OF COURSE.
1216
00:58:28,203 --> 00:58:30,640
YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST HAD THE
DECENCY TO WAIT UNTIL I'M DEAD.
1217
00:58:30,673 --> 00:58:32,841
WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS
IN A SECOND.
1218
00:58:32,875 --> 00:58:34,844
OH, I DON'T HAVE A PEN.
1219
00:58:34,877 --> 00:58:36,846
I HAVE A PEN.
WHAT ARE YOUR NAMES?
1220
00:58:36,879 --> 00:58:38,848
MY NAME IS DAWNA.
SHE'S CHARLENE.
1221
00:58:38,881 --> 00:58:40,850
HI, CHARLENE.
1222
00:58:38,881 --> 00:58:40,850
D-A-W-N-A.
1223
00:58:40,883 --> 00:58:43,852
DO YOU LIKE THIS?
PEOPLE JUST COME UP TO YOU
AND DON'T EVEN KNOCK?
1224
00:58:43,886 --> 00:58:45,988
COULD YOU GET
A PICTURE OF US?
1225
00:58:46,021 --> 00:58:48,858
OH, MY PLEASURE.
ALL RIGHT.
1226
00:58:48,891 --> 00:58:51,861
OKAY, ONE, TWO,
THREE...CHEESE!
1227
00:58:51,894 --> 00:58:54,997
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
COME BACK AND SEE ME.
1228
00:58:55,030 --> 00:58:57,934
ERICA,
THAT'S ENOUGH! ERICA!
1229
00:59:02,037 --> 00:59:05,308
I HAVE TO USE MY LIFE
TO MAKE THINGS UP.
1230
00:59:05,341 --> 00:59:08,176
THAT'S WHAT COMEDIANS DO.
YOU KNOW THAT.
1231
00:59:08,210 --> 00:59:13,182
YOUR LIFE,
BUT NOT MINE.
1232
00:59:08,210 --> 00:59:13,182
I'M SORRY.
1233
00:59:13,215 --> 00:59:16,252
IT'S JUST THAT OUR LIVES
ARE ALL TANGLED UP TOGETHER.
1234
00:59:18,187 --> 00:59:19,622
COME ON.
1235
00:59:22,224 --> 00:59:24,994
SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS
ARE HAPPENING FOR ME RIGHT NOW,
1236
00:59:25,027 --> 00:59:26,996
IT HAS TO BE
OKAY WITH YOU.
1237
00:59:27,029 --> 00:59:28,998
WHAT WONDERFUL THINGS?
1238
00:59:29,031 --> 00:59:31,000
JUST EVERYTHING.
1239
00:59:31,033 --> 00:59:35,337
♪ BACK THE WAY
IT WAS BEFORE ♪
1240
00:59:35,371 --> 00:59:37,340
♪ BEFORE THE DOOR
WAS OPEN... ♪
1241
00:59:37,373 --> 00:59:39,342
THIS IS US.
1242
00:59:39,375 --> 00:59:41,344
LIFESTYLES OF THE
RICH AND FAMOUS!
1243
00:59:41,377 --> 00:59:44,013
WELL, I'M NOT QUITE RICH
AND NOT QUITE FAMOUS,
1244
00:59:44,046 --> 00:59:45,982
BUT LOOK WHERE WE ARE!
THANKS.
1245
00:59:47,983 --> 00:59:50,853
Dottie:
WELCOME TO LIFESTYLES
1246
00:59:50,886 --> 00:59:53,154
OF THE NOT QUITE RICH
AND NOT QUITE FAMOUS.
1247
00:59:53,188 --> 00:59:56,192
TODAY WE ARE VISITING
OPAL AND ERICA INGELS.
1248
00:59:56,225 --> 00:59:58,694
ALTHOUGH I AM NOT SURE
WE'RE GOING TO BE ABLE
1249
00:59:58,727 --> 01:00:01,798
TO VISIT WITH ERICA INGELS
BECAUSE SHE IS INTO PRIVACY.
1250
01:00:03,332 --> 01:00:05,701
OH, ALL RIGHT.
1251
01:00:05,734 --> 01:00:10,172
♪ ...BACK THE WAY IT
USED TO BE ♪
1252
01:00:10,205 --> 01:00:14,210
♪ EVERYONE THOUGHT
I WAS FUNNY ♪
1253
01:00:14,243 --> 01:00:17,712
♪ BUT THAT DIDN'T
EARN ME A PENNY ♪
1254
01:00:17,746 --> 01:00:22,251
♪ BACK THE WAY
IT WAS BEFORE ♪
1255
01:00:22,284 --> 01:00:25,888
♪ BUT NOW MY PRAYERS
ARE ANSWERED ♪
1256
01:00:25,921 --> 01:00:29,225
♪ AND MY STAR
IS ON THE RISE ♪
1257
01:00:29,258 --> 01:00:30,692
Opal: THAT'S MY MOM!
1258
01:00:30,726 --> 01:00:33,329
♪ FLASHBULBS POPPIN' ♪
1259
01:00:33,362 --> 01:00:34,997
♪ TRAFFIC STOPPIN' ♪
1260
01:00:35,030 --> 01:00:39,001
♪ EVERYONE'S MY BEST FRIEND ♪
1261
01:00:39,034 --> 01:00:41,003
HERE WE ARE.
1262
01:00:41,036 --> 01:00:43,205
PHIL, CAN YOU
PUT THOSE IN MY ROOM
1263
01:00:43,238 --> 01:00:45,875
AND THE BAGS
IN THE GIRLS' ROOM, PLEASE?
1264
01:00:45,908 --> 01:00:48,210
HOW DID YOU GET ROSES?
1265
01:00:45,908 --> 01:00:48,210
AND YOU KNOW THE BEST THING?
1266
01:00:48,243 --> 01:00:51,212
AFTER THESE DIE, BOOM,
NEW ONES. IMMEDIATELY.
1267
01:00:51,246 --> 01:00:53,716
ANYTHING YOU WANT.
RED ONES, PINK ONES...
1268
01:00:53,749 --> 01:00:55,817
SILVER ONES?
1269
01:00:53,749 --> 01:00:55,817
SILVER ONES, TOO.
1270
01:00:55,851 --> 01:00:57,753
LOOK AT THIS,
A BAR...
1271
01:00:57,786 --> 01:01:01,891
♪ ...FROM ALL THE TINY LITTLE
SANDWICHES SENT UP TO MY ROOM ♪
1272
01:01:01,924 --> 01:01:04,894
Dottie: YOU SEE THAT?
1273
01:01:01,924 --> 01:01:04,894
Opal: YEAH.
1274
01:01:04,927 --> 01:01:07,229
THAT'S THE MAIN SPOT.
MY SPOT.
1275
01:01:07,262 --> 01:01:09,865
IT HAPPENS TO BE THE ONLY ONE
THAT I KNOW HOW TO OPERATE.
1276
01:01:09,898 --> 01:01:12,334
HEY, BILLY.
THESE ARE MY GIRLS.
1277
01:01:12,367 --> 01:01:14,870
THIS IS ERICA AND THIS IS...
1278
01:01:14,903 --> 01:01:17,339
VERONICA.
VERONICA LODGE.
1279
01:01:17,372 --> 01:01:20,009
AND I'M ARCHIE ANDREWS.
1280
01:01:20,042 --> 01:01:22,478
SO, VERONICA,
YOU WIN ANY MONEY YET?
1281
01:01:22,511 --> 01:01:24,880
I'M TOO YOUNG.
1282
01:01:24,913 --> 01:01:26,983
MMM, WELL YOU WANT
TO COME FOR A SPIN?
1283
01:01:29,051 --> 01:01:31,453
I'LL SHOW YOU THE SIGHTS.
1284
01:01:33,956 --> 01:01:36,225
( laughter )
1285
01:01:36,258 --> 01:01:39,028
WHO HERE IS IN LOVE?
LET ME SEE SOME HANDS.
ANYBODY IN LOVE HERE?
1286
01:01:39,061 --> 01:01:42,098
OH, QUITE A FEW.
A VERY LUCKY BUNCH.
1287
01:01:42,131 --> 01:01:44,899
I USED TO HAVE
A PROBLEM WITH LOVE.
1288
01:01:44,933 --> 01:01:47,103
I MEAN, I BELIEVED IN LOVE
BETWEEN A MOTHER AND A CHILD,
1289
01:01:47,136 --> 01:01:49,105
BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS CAR...
1290
01:01:49,138 --> 01:01:51,073
( laughter )
1291
01:01:51,106 --> 01:01:53,275
BUT THIS OTHER KIND
OF LOVE I...
1292
01:01:53,308 --> 01:01:56,212
YOU KNOW THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN YOU REALLY ARE IN LOVE
1293
01:01:56,245 --> 01:01:58,881
AND YOU'RE ALMOST
COMPLETELY DERANGED.
1294
01:01:58,914 --> 01:02:01,884
YOU'RE SURE THAT PEOPLE CAN TELL
JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU,
1295
01:02:01,917 --> 01:02:04,487
BECAUSE YOU
CANNOT STOP SMILING.
1296
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:07,288
( laughter )
1297
01:02:07,322 --> 01:02:12,128
A HORRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT HAPPENS
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES.
1298
01:02:12,161 --> 01:02:15,931
( laughter )
1299
01:02:15,964 --> 01:02:18,334
TWENTY-THREE PEOPLE
GET WHIPLASH.
1300
01:02:18,367 --> 01:02:21,237
( laughter )
1301
01:02:21,270 --> 01:02:23,906
YOU WAKE UP IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
1302
01:02:23,939 --> 01:02:27,042
SOMETHING NICE HAPPENED.
WHAT WAS IT?
1303
01:02:27,075 --> 01:02:29,779
RIGHT. IT WAS LOVE.
1304
01:02:37,286 --> 01:02:41,223
...AND THEN HE
LET ME WEAR HIS HAT,
AND IT WAS SO AMAZING,
1305
01:02:41,256 --> 01:02:44,026
BECAUSE WHEN MOM
WAS TALKING ABOUT LOVE,
1306
01:02:44,059 --> 01:02:47,229
I FELT LIKE IT WAS
TOTALLY ABOUT ME.
1307
01:02:47,262 --> 01:02:50,032
IT WAS EVERYTHING I WAS FEELING
AND SHE WAS JUST SAYING IT.
1308
01:02:50,065 --> 01:02:52,902
IT WAS LIKE A DEJA VU.
1309
01:02:52,935 --> 01:02:55,004
THAT'S NOT WHAT DEJA VU IS.
1310
01:02:56,405 --> 01:02:58,374
I COULDN'T BELIEVE
ALL THAT STUFF.
1311
01:02:58,407 --> 01:03:01,076
SHE DOESN'T
BELIEVE IN LOVE.
1312
01:03:01,109 --> 01:03:04,380
ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE,
SHE'S BECOME A GIANT FAKE.
1313
01:03:04,413 --> 01:03:07,249
THEN I HAD TO GIVE
THE HAT BACK.
1314
01:03:07,282 --> 01:03:09,919
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M
EVER GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN.
1315
01:03:09,952 --> 01:03:12,488
OH GOD, ERICA, IS THIS
WHAT MY LIFE'S GONNA BE LIKE?
1316
01:03:16,058 --> 01:03:18,227
( door opens )
1317
01:03:18,260 --> 01:03:20,896
Man Whispering:
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS OKAY?
1318
01:03:20,929 --> 01:03:23,299
Dottie: SHHH! LET ME JUST SEE
IF THEY'RE ASLEEP.
1319
01:03:29,972 --> 01:03:32,441
( door closes )
1320
01:03:45,554 --> 01:03:47,490
GIVE ME THE GLASS.
1321
01:03:52,094 --> 01:03:54,030
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
1322
01:04:00,402 --> 01:04:03,038
THEY'RE GOING INTO
THE BEDROOM.
1323
01:04:03,071 --> 01:04:05,908
( door closes )
1324
01:04:05,941 --> 01:04:08,144
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
1325
01:04:05,941 --> 01:04:08,144
SHHH!
1326
01:04:44,379 --> 01:04:46,682
HOW OLD WOULD YOU
SAY HE WAS?
1327
01:04:46,715 --> 01:04:49,518
TWENTY-SOMETHING
AT THE MOST.
1328
01:04:49,551 --> 01:04:51,520
THIS IS JUST REVOLTING.
1329
01:04:51,553 --> 01:04:53,489
HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?
1330
01:04:55,090 --> 01:04:57,059
MIND IF WE JOIN YOU?
1331
01:04:57,092 --> 01:04:59,261
HERE'S YOUR
BREAKFAST, GIRLS.
1332
01:04:59,294 --> 01:05:02,064
HOW DO YOU TWO DO
AT THE TABLES LAST NIGHT?
WIN A BUNDLE?
1333
01:05:02,097 --> 01:05:04,934
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
IF I TOLD YOU OUR MOTHER
1334
01:05:04,967 --> 01:05:08,270
WAS SLEEPING WITH SOMEBODY
TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE?
1335
01:05:08,303 --> 01:05:10,538
THAT'S THE ONLY TYPE
I EVER SLEEP WITH.
1336
01:05:10,572 --> 01:05:12,942
WE KNOW.
1337
01:05:12,975 --> 01:05:15,411
SOMEONE WHO IS
COMPLETELY THE WRONG AGE.
1338
01:05:15,444 --> 01:05:18,948
WE'RE TALKING
PARENT-CHILD HERE.
1339
01:05:18,981 --> 01:05:20,516
Dottie:
GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE.
1340
01:05:22,417 --> 01:05:24,386
SOMETHING HAPPENING?
1341
01:05:24,419 --> 01:05:27,256
WHAT'S THE MATTER, SWEETIE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
1342
01:05:27,289 --> 01:05:30,259
I WAS JUST TALKING
WITH YOUR WONDERFUL GIRLS
HERE AND I'M AFRAID
1343
01:05:30,292 --> 01:05:32,995
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TELL THEM
WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON.
1344
01:05:33,028 --> 01:05:36,265
JUST PUT EVERYTHING
ON THE TABLE.
1345
01:05:36,298 --> 01:05:39,401
OPAL THINKS YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH
SOMEONE WHO'S WRONG FOR YOU.
1346
01:05:39,434 --> 01:05:43,072
INAPPROPRIATE.
1347
01:05:39,434 --> 01:05:43,072
REALLY?
1348
01:05:43,105 --> 01:05:45,574
NOW, I HAVE
A LOT OF EXPERIENCE.
1349
01:05:45,607 --> 01:05:48,577
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU'RE AS OLD AS I AM.
1350
01:05:48,610 --> 01:05:50,980
AND I HAPPEN TO KNOW
1351
01:05:51,013 --> 01:05:53,649
THAT CHILDREN
WHOSE PARENTS ARE DIVORCED
ALWAYS HAVE A ROUGH TIME
1352
01:05:53,682 --> 01:05:56,417
WITH THE IDEA THAT
THEIR MOTHER IS WITH SOMEONE NEW
1353
01:05:56,451 --> 01:05:58,420
BECAUSE SOMEWHERE
THEY HAVE THIS FANTASY
1354
01:05:58,453 --> 01:06:00,990
THAT THEIR FATHER
IS COMING BACK.
1355
01:06:01,023 --> 01:06:03,726
I DON'T HAVE ANY FANTASIES
ABOUT MY FATHER.
1356
01:06:03,759 --> 01:06:06,595
I DON'T EVEN
REMEMBER MY FATHER.
1357
01:06:06,628 --> 01:06:09,264
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ONE
SINGLE THING ABOUT MY FATHER.
1358
01:06:09,297 --> 01:06:12,267
WELL, BELIEVE ME, SWEETHEART,
THE FANTASY IS THERE.
1359
01:06:12,300 --> 01:06:15,270
THIS ISN'T ABOUT OUR FATHER.
THIS IS ABOUT MOM SLEEPING WITH
1360
01:06:15,303 --> 01:06:17,740
SOMEONE YOUNG ENOUGH WHO'S YOUNG
ENOUGH TO BE OPAL'S BOYFRIEND.
1361
01:06:17,773 --> 01:06:20,409
I'M SLEEPING WITH HIM.
1362
01:06:17,773 --> 01:06:20,409
WITH "THE MOSS"?
1363
01:06:20,442 --> 01:06:22,678
YOU'RE SLEEPING
WITH "THE MOSS"?
1364
01:06:22,711 --> 01:06:25,513
"THE MOSS"?
1365
01:06:25,547 --> 01:06:28,417
WHAT ABOUT CLAUDIA?
1366
01:06:25,547 --> 01:06:28,417
WHAT ABOUT ME?
1367
01:06:28,450 --> 01:06:31,086
YOU'RE IN LOVE
WITH "THE MOSS".
1368
01:06:31,119 --> 01:06:33,255
WHAT ON EARTH
GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?
1369
01:06:33,288 --> 01:06:36,291
YOU SAID SO.
YOU SAID YOU WERE HUNG UP
1370
01:06:36,324 --> 01:06:39,094
ON SOME CRAZY FAT GUY WHO WAS
ABOUT 20 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU.
1371
01:06:39,127 --> 01:06:41,296
I'M NOT 20 YEARS
OLDER THAN HER.
1372
01:06:41,329 --> 01:06:43,732
THAT JUST ABOUT DESCRIBES JUST
ABOUT EVERY GUY I GO OUT WITH.
1373
01:06:43,765 --> 01:06:46,067
WHEN YOU'RE MY AGE, HONEY,
THAT'S ALL THERE IS.
1374
01:06:46,101 --> 01:06:49,304
WHAT ABOUT THE HAT?
1375
01:06:46,101 --> 01:06:49,304
WHAT HAT?
1376
01:06:49,337 --> 01:06:51,440
THE METS HAT.
1377
01:06:51,473 --> 01:06:54,375
THE LIGHTING GUY
GAVE THAT TO ME.
THAT'S FOR YOU.
1378
01:06:54,409 --> 01:06:56,412
IT'S MINE.
1379
01:06:54,409 --> 01:06:56,412
YES.
1380
01:06:56,445 --> 01:06:59,281
HE GAVE IT TO ME?
BILLY GAVE IT TO ME?
1381
01:06:59,314 --> 01:07:02,051
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT AT A TIME LIKE THIS.
1382
01:07:02,084 --> 01:07:06,055
AT A TIME LIKE WHAT?
1383
01:07:02,084 --> 01:07:06,055
ARE YOU IN LOVE?
1384
01:07:13,595 --> 01:07:16,464
DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT
ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO HAVE US
1385
01:07:16,498 --> 01:07:19,368
AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE SO SHE
COULD JUST CARRY ON WITH HIM?
1386
01:07:21,169 --> 01:07:23,605
SUPPOSE THEY GET MARRIED
AND HE ADOPTS US?
1387
01:07:23,638 --> 01:07:25,574
COULD HE DO THAT?
1388
01:07:25,607 --> 01:07:27,543
THEY COULD DO
ANYTHING THEY WANT.
1389
01:07:27,576 --> 01:07:30,546
OUR LAST NAME WOULD BE MOSS.
1390
01:07:30,579 --> 01:07:33,349
I'D BE OPAL MOSS.
1391
01:07:34,783 --> 01:07:37,053
WE'D ALL BE "THE MOSS".
1392
01:07:38,787 --> 01:07:41,756
DAD HAS TO STOP THIS
FROM HAPPENING.
1393
01:07:38,787 --> 01:07:41,756
DAD?
1394
01:07:41,790 --> 01:07:43,759
HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT US.
1395
01:07:43,792 --> 01:07:46,428
DO YOU THINK HE WANTS
SOMEONE ELSE TO ADOPT US?
1396
01:07:46,461 --> 01:07:49,098
IF ARNOLD MOSS ADOPTS US,
YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN?
1397
01:07:49,131 --> 01:07:51,100
SHE'LL GO AWAY
ON BUSINESS TRIPS,
1398
01:07:51,133 --> 01:07:53,602
AND GUESS WHO
WE'LL BE LIVING WITH?
1399
01:07:53,635 --> 01:07:55,604
THE MOSS?
1400
01:07:53,635 --> 01:07:55,604
DUH.
1401
01:07:55,637 --> 01:07:57,606
WE'VE GOT TO TELL DAD.
1402
01:07:57,639 --> 01:07:59,608
HOW ARE WE GONNA FIND HIM?
1403
01:07:59,641 --> 01:08:03,579
Erica: THE AMAZING THING WAS
THAT MOM WAS RIGHT, FOR ONCE.
1404
01:08:03,612 --> 01:08:06,315
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD
IS TWO PHONE CALLS AWAY FROM
1405
01:08:06,348 --> 01:08:09,418
EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD.
FIRST I CALLED RUBY.
1406
01:08:09,451 --> 01:08:11,887
RUBY, HI. THIS IS ERICA.
1407
01:08:11,920 --> 01:08:14,890
FINE. SHE'S FINE.
1408
01:08:14,923 --> 01:08:17,593
RUBY, DIDN'T YOU
TELL US ONCE
1409
01:08:17,626 --> 01:08:20,596
THAT YOU KNEW
A PRIVATE DETECTIVE?
1410
01:08:20,629 --> 01:08:24,198
WELL, I'M DOING THIS
PROJECT FOR SCHOOL, AND...
1411
01:08:24,232 --> 01:08:27,136
Erica: AND THEN I CALLED
THIS PRIVATE DETECTIVE
ON WEST 53rd STREET.
1412
01:08:27,169 --> 01:08:31,340
YES, THIS IS ERICA INGELS.
I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
1413
01:08:31,372 --> 01:08:34,776
IT'S ABOUT A
MISSING PERSONS CASE.
1414
01:08:34,809 --> 01:08:37,546
COULD IT BE A LITTLE LATER,
AFTER 3:15?
1415
01:08:39,814 --> 01:08:43,318
THAT'S FINE. THANKS.
DOES HE TAKE VISA?
1416
01:08:43,350 --> 01:08:45,453
Detective: MISS, DO YOU
KNOW WHERE HE USED TO WORK?
1417
01:08:45,487 --> 01:08:46,654
NO.
1418
01:08:46,688 --> 01:08:50,559
DID YOU BRING ME
A PHOTOGRAPH OF HIM?
1419
01:08:50,591 --> 01:08:52,560
WE DON'T HAVE ONE.
1420
01:08:52,594 --> 01:08:54,897
HE HATED CARPETING.
1421
01:08:57,432 --> 01:08:59,868
MUCHAS GRACIAS.
1422
01:09:02,237 --> 01:09:04,907
HOW DID HE FIND HIM?
1423
01:09:02,237 --> 01:09:04,907
I DON'T KNOW.
1424
01:09:04,939 --> 01:09:07,308
CREDIT CARDS OR SOMETHING.
1425
01:09:07,341 --> 01:09:10,312
IT WAS SO EASY.
IT WAS JUST LIKE HE'S BEEN
IN THE LOST AND FOUND,
1426
01:09:10,345 --> 01:09:12,781
ONLY HE HASN'T.
HE'S BEEN IN ALBANY.
1427
01:09:12,814 --> 01:09:15,918
YOU'RE JUST GOING
TO GO LIVE IN ALBANY?
1428
01:09:15,951 --> 01:09:18,888
JUST LIKE THAT?
1429
01:09:15,951 --> 01:09:18,888
I'M NOT SURE.
1430
01:09:21,356 --> 01:09:23,791
SHE'S NOT REALLY
A SUITABLE MOTHER.
1431
01:09:23,825 --> 01:09:25,794
I MEAN, I'M ALREADY
PRACTICALLY GROWN UP,
1432
01:09:25,827 --> 01:09:28,463
BUT WHAT ABOUT OPAL?
SHE STILL NEEDS A PARENT.
1433
01:09:28,496 --> 01:09:31,900
MAYBE HE'S WORSE
THAN YOUR MOM.
MAYBE HE DRINKS.
1434
01:09:31,933 --> 01:09:34,269
MAYBE HE'S A MANIAC.
1435
01:09:34,301 --> 01:09:38,573
MAYBE YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
1436
01:09:38,607 --> 01:09:43,912
MAYBE THE HELL YOU KNOW
1437
01:09:43,944 --> 01:09:46,615
IS BETTER THAN
THE ONE YOU DON'T.
1438
01:09:51,620 --> 01:09:53,555
WHAT ABOUT US?
1439
01:09:56,591 --> 01:10:00,896
Mimicking TV In Unison:
"LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH
AND FAMOUS".
1440
01:10:03,965 --> 01:10:06,669
VERY RICH.
1441
01:10:03,965 --> 01:10:06,669
LIFESTYLES.
1442
01:10:08,970 --> 01:10:12,407
( giggling )
1443
01:10:12,440 --> 01:10:14,942
MOM'S IN LOVE.
GUESS WHO WITH?
1444
01:10:14,976 --> 01:10:16,945
I HAVEN'T A CLUE.
1445
01:10:14,976 --> 01:10:16,945
ARNOLD MOSS.
1446
01:10:16,978 --> 01:10:19,915
YOUR MOTHER
DOES NOT MESS AROUND.
1447
01:10:19,948 --> 01:10:22,317
IT'S SO DISGUSTING.
1448
01:10:22,350 --> 01:10:24,319
NO, LISTEN, OPAL.
I THINK THAT'S VERY NICE
1449
01:10:24,352 --> 01:10:26,388
THAT YOUR MOTHER'S
HAVING A RELATIONSHIP.
1450
01:10:26,421 --> 01:10:28,991
SEX.
SHE'S HAVING SEX.
1451
01:10:29,024 --> 01:10:31,793
YES, WELL, I GUESS
THAT'S PART OF IT,
BUT IT'S NOT ALL OF IT.
1452
01:10:31,826 --> 01:10:34,596
I MEAN, IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE,
I MEAN, NOT WITH THE MOSS.
1453
01:10:34,629 --> 01:10:37,332
( giggling )
1454
01:10:37,365 --> 01:10:39,034
I'M SORRY.
OH, GOD, I'M SORRY.
1455
01:10:39,067 --> 01:10:42,804
I SHOULD NOT BE
LAUGHING AT YOUR TRAGEDY.
1456
01:10:42,837 --> 01:10:44,940
DO YOU DO IT?
1457
01:10:42,837 --> 01:10:44,940
WHAT?
1458
01:10:44,973 --> 01:10:47,476
DO YOU HAVE SEX?
1459
01:10:44,973 --> 01:10:47,476
OH, YES, SURE.
1460
01:10:47,509 --> 01:10:49,411
DO YOU.
1461
01:10:47,509 --> 01:10:49,411
SURE.
1462
01:10:50,979 --> 01:10:53,548
YOU KNOW, YOUR MOTHER
WILL PROBABLY
1463
01:10:53,581 --> 01:10:56,318
BE ON THIS SHOW SOME DAY.
IF SHE'S SLEEPING WITH THE MOSS,
1464
01:10:56,351 --> 01:10:58,786
SHE'S HEADED
STRAIGHT FOR THE TOP.
1465
01:10:58,820 --> 01:11:01,322
YOU'RE RIGHT. WE'LL PROBABLY
NEVER SEE HER AGAIN
1466
01:11:01,356 --> 01:11:03,791
UNLESS SHE'S ON TELEVISION.
OR UNLESS SHE CAN MANAGE
1467
01:11:03,825 --> 01:11:07,263
TO COMBINE BEING HOME
WITH BEING ON TELEVISION.
1468
01:11:11,366 --> 01:11:13,935
WELCOME TO LIFESTYLES OF
THE ALMOST RICH, NEARLY FAMOUS
1469
01:11:13,968 --> 01:11:16,338
AND NEVER HOME.
1470
01:11:16,371 --> 01:11:19,408
TONIGHT, WE TRAVEL THE SUBWAY
TO THE WEST SIDE OF MANHATTAN
1471
01:11:19,441 --> 01:11:22,943
TO VISIT THE APARTMENT OF
COMEDIAN DOTTIE INGELS.
1472
01:11:22,977 --> 01:11:25,814
THIS IS MARTIN THE DOORMAN
WHOSE COUSIN
1473
01:11:25,847 --> 01:11:30,052
PAINTED DOTTIE INGELS' WALLS
THAT SHE ALMOST NEVER SEES.
1474
01:11:30,085 --> 01:11:32,821
MARTIN, TELL ME,
HOW OFTEN WOULD YOU SAY
1475
01:11:32,854 --> 01:11:35,791
THE ALMOST RICH, NEARLY FAMOUS
AND NEVER HOME DOTTIE INGELS
1476
01:11:35,824 --> 01:11:39,327
IS ACTUALLY IN RESIDENCE?
IS IT FAIR TO SAY NEVER?
1477
01:11:39,361 --> 01:11:40,929
WE'LL TAKE THAT SHRUG
TO MEAN ALMOST NEVER,
1478
01:11:40,962 --> 01:11:43,799
BECAUSE ON THIS
CLOUDY DAY IN MAY WHEN
1479
01:11:43,832 --> 01:11:46,468
LIFESTYLES OF THE ALMOST RICH,
NEARLY FAMOUS AND NEVER HOME
1480
01:11:46,501 --> 01:11:48,804
DECIDED TO VISIT
COMEDIAN DOTTIE INGELS,
1481
01:11:48,837 --> 01:11:51,473
SHE AGREED FOR ONCE TO BE THERE
SINCE HER APPEARANCE
1482
01:11:51,506 --> 01:11:54,009
WILL BE ON TELEVISION AND WILL
POSSIBLY FURTHER HER CAREER.
1483
01:11:54,042 --> 01:11:57,946
DOTTIE AND I SAT IN
HER BEDROOM AMIDST THE DOTS
SHE IS NEARLY FAMOUS FOR
1484
01:11:57,979 --> 01:12:00,949
AND TALKED.
DOTTIE, TELL ME,
1485
01:12:00,982 --> 01:12:03,752
WHERE DO YOU
GET YOUR MATERIAL?
1486
01:12:06,855 --> 01:12:09,491
ALL ARTISTS USE THINGS
FROM THEIR LIVES, ROBIN,
1487
01:12:09,524 --> 01:12:12,361
AND I AM NO EXCEPTION.
NO SIRREE.
1488
01:12:12,394 --> 01:12:15,530
FOR INSTANCE, MY AUNT,
WHO SAVED ME AND MY TWO GIRLS,
1489
01:12:15,563 --> 01:12:17,499
OR IS IT BOYS?
1490
01:12:17,532 --> 01:12:21,136
NO, I BELIEVE I HAVE GIRLS.
AND, WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES?
1491
01:12:21,169 --> 01:12:24,139
AH, NEVER MIND,
IT'LL COME TO ME.
1492
01:12:24,172 --> 01:12:27,442
MY AUNT, WHO SAVED ME FROM
STARVATION AND POVERTY DIED
1493
01:12:27,475 --> 01:12:30,379
AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
SHE WAS A JOKE IN MY ACT.
1494
01:12:30,412 --> 01:12:33,949
MY DAUGHTER GOT ALL UPSET
AND THE FIRST CHANCE I HAD,
I BLABBED IT ON TELEVISION.
1495
01:12:33,982 --> 01:12:37,486
I USE PEOPLE UP
AND I SPIT THEM OUT.
1496
01:12:37,519 --> 01:12:40,455
NOW I AM SLEEPING
WITH A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON
1497
01:12:40,488 --> 01:12:43,058
AND PRETENDING TO BE IN LOVE.
I MEAN, WHAT, I ASK YOU,
1498
01:12:43,091 --> 01:12:45,827
WHAT IS THE POINT OF LOVE
IF IT CAN'T GET YOU SOMEWHERE?
1499
01:12:45,860 --> 01:12:47,862
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
1500
01:12:47,896 --> 01:12:51,833
OH, THERE ARE MY TWO GIRLS NOW.
OH, AT LEAST I THINK IT'S THEM.
1501
01:12:51,866 --> 01:12:55,437
ERICA, DON'T CHEW YOUR HAIR.
OPAL, YOU'RE PERFECT.
1502
01:12:55,470 --> 01:12:58,940
OPEN YOUR EARS, CLOSE YOUR EYES,
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?
1503
01:12:58,973 --> 01:13:01,910
THIS IS A LIFE LESSON.
EVERYTHING IS MATERIAL.
1504
01:13:01,943 --> 01:13:03,945
I'LL BE BACK IN 20 YEARS.
1505
01:13:03,978 --> 01:13:07,048
THINK OF IT
AS AN ADVENTURE, GIRLS.
1506
01:13:07,081 --> 01:13:11,587
MIA, LYNN...
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US.
1507
01:13:20,528 --> 01:13:24,166
YOU UNGRATEFUL, SELFISH...
1508
01:13:20,528 --> 01:13:24,166
BITCH!
1509
01:13:24,199 --> 01:13:26,701
SHUT YOUR MOUTH, ERICA.
1510
01:13:24,199 --> 01:13:26,701
NO!
1511
01:13:26,734 --> 01:13:30,705
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
THAT I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM YOU
IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
1512
01:13:30,738 --> 01:13:34,676
DON'T I EVER GET A TURN?
ISN'T IT EVER OKAY FOR ME
TO HAVE A LIFE?
1513
01:13:34,709 --> 01:13:37,679
YOU KNOW, I REALLY DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS.
1514
01:13:37,712 --> 01:13:40,182
WHEN I WAS UNHAPPY,
MY DAUGHTERS WERE HAPPY.
1515
01:13:40,215 --> 01:13:42,517
HOW THAT I'M HAPPY,
YOU'RE MISERABLE.
1516
01:13:42,550 --> 01:13:44,519
IS THAT FAIR? IS IT?
1517
01:13:44,552 --> 01:13:46,655
I'M NOT TALKING
WITH HIM IN THE ROOM.
1518
01:13:46,688 --> 01:13:50,025
HE'S WITH ME.
1519
01:13:46,688 --> 01:13:50,025
OH, SO YOU'RE
CHOOSING BETWEEN US?
1520
01:13:50,058 --> 01:13:52,694
MY DAD WOULD REALLY LOVE THIS
IF HE KNEW ABOUT IT.
1521
01:13:52,727 --> 01:13:55,497
YOUR DAD?
IF YOU'RE SO UNHAPPY,
1522
01:13:55,530 --> 01:13:57,499
WHY DON'T YOU
GO LIVE WITH YOUR DAD?
1523
01:13:57,532 --> 01:14:00,035
MAYBE I WILL.
1524
01:13:57,532 --> 01:14:00,035
GOOD.
1525
01:14:00,068 --> 01:14:02,838
OH, RIGHT, I FORGOT.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
1526
01:14:02,871 --> 01:14:04,706
AND I DON'T KNOW
WHERE HE IS.
1527
01:14:04,739 --> 01:14:07,576
COULD THAT BE BECAUSE HE DOESN'T
GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANY OF US?!
1528
01:14:07,609 --> 01:14:10,178
NO! OF COURSE NOT!
1529
01:14:07,609 --> 01:14:10,178
JUST BECAUSE
HE COULDN'T STAND YOU
1530
01:14:10,211 --> 01:14:12,781
DOESN'T MEAN HE DOESN'T
CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO US.
1531
01:14:12,814 --> 01:14:15,083
YOU SHUT UP!
1532
01:14:12,814 --> 01:14:15,083
I HATE YOU!
1533
01:14:18,553 --> 01:14:20,856
( slams door )
1534
01:14:20,889 --> 01:14:22,657
EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE HOMEWORK.
1535
01:14:22,690 --> 01:14:24,526
ON THE WEEKEND?
1536
01:14:24,559 --> 01:14:26,595
I HAVE HOMEWORK EVERY WEEKEND,
BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW.
1537
01:14:30,532 --> 01:14:33,168
WHAT DO THEY
EXPECT ME TO DO?
1538
01:14:33,201 --> 01:14:35,938
DO THEY WANT ME TO GO BACK
TO THE COSMETICS COUNTER?
1539
01:14:42,210 --> 01:14:45,680
DO YO WANT ME
TO SELL COSMETICS FOREVER,
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
1540
01:14:45,713 --> 01:14:47,983
GET OUT! JUST GET OUT!
1541
01:14:48,016 --> 01:14:49,951
ALL RIGHT!
1542
01:14:55,223 --> 01:14:57,859
WHO WAS I SUPPOSE
TO LEAVE THEM WITH?
1543
01:14:57,892 --> 01:15:00,963
OTHER PEOPLE HAVE
HUSBANDS, RELATIVES, SOMEBODY.
1544
01:15:06,701 --> 01:15:09,304
WHO WAS I SUPPOSE
TO LEAVE YOU WITH ANYWAY?
1545
01:15:09,337 --> 01:15:12,173
YOU SOLVE THIS PROBLEM!
YOU TELL ME, ALL RIGHT!
1546
01:15:12,206 --> 01:15:14,976
FISHKA FISHKA FOON,
FISHKA FISHKA FOON...
1547
01:15:15,009 --> 01:15:19,848
ERICA,
I DON'T HAVE ANYONE!
1548
01:15:19,881 --> 01:15:23,318
I DON'T HAVE
ANYONE TO HELP ME!
1549
01:15:23,351 --> 01:15:25,987
SHE REALLY DOESN'T.
1550
01:15:26,020 --> 01:15:27,989
SORRY, ERICA.
1551
01:15:28,022 --> 01:15:29,991
FISHKA FISHKA FOON,
FISHKA FISHKA FOON,
1552
01:15:30,024 --> 01:15:31,960
FISHKA FISHKA FOON.
1553
01:15:44,706 --> 01:15:48,944
OPENING ON WEST END AVENUE,
A REVIVAL OF FLAPJACKS.
1554
01:15:51,045 --> 01:15:53,949
COME ON. HEY, COME ON,
WE CAN TALK.
1555
01:16:02,223 --> 01:16:03,926
( knocking on door )
OPAL, SWEETHEART?
1556
01:16:10,698 --> 01:16:12,667
( knocking on door )
1557
01:16:12,700 --> 01:16:15,003
ERICA?
1558
01:16:15,036 --> 01:16:17,639
( knocking continues ) ERICA?
1559
01:16:20,041 --> 01:16:21,977
ERICA?
1560
01:16:29,317 --> 01:16:31,953
( sighs )
1561
01:16:31,986 --> 01:16:35,690
♪ BACK THE WAY
IT WAS BEFORE ♪
1562
01:16:35,723 --> 01:16:39,693
♪ BEFORE THE HEART
WAS BROKEN ♪
1563
01:16:39,727 --> 01:16:43,999
♪ PLAYING HOOKY
MAKING COOKIES ♪
1564
01:16:44,032 --> 01:16:47,002
♪ WE WERE ALWAYS JOKING ♪
1565
01:16:47,035 --> 01:16:52,206
♪ BACK THE WAY
IT USED TO BE ♪
1566
01:16:52,240 --> 01:16:56,010
♪ TALKS DIDN'T END
IN A QUARREL ♪
1567
01:16:56,044 --> 01:16:59,347
♪ EVERYTHING SEEMS SO NORMAL ♪
1568
01:16:59,380 --> 01:17:04,019
♪ BACK THE WAY
IT WAS BEFORE ♪
1569
01:17:04,052 --> 01:17:09,023
♪ BUT NOW THE LIMO
PULLS UP TO THE DOOR ♪
1570
01:17:09,057 --> 01:17:11,860
♪ AND SHE GET IN ♪
1571
01:17:11,893 --> 01:17:16,698
♪ SHE CALLS "BYE-BYE, HONEY,
HERE IS SOME MONEY ♪
1572
01:17:16,731 --> 01:17:21,637
♪ I FORGOT THE GROCERIES ♪
1573
01:17:25,039 --> 01:17:27,876
HI, YOU BEEN WAITING LONG?
1574
01:17:25,039 --> 01:17:27,876
NO.
1575
01:17:27,909 --> 01:17:30,010
OH, THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE I'VE
GOT THE TV GOING AND THE VACUUM,
1576
01:17:30,044 --> 01:17:32,213
I DIDN'T HEAR A DAMN THING.
1577
01:17:32,246 --> 01:17:34,249
WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?
I'M ALWAYS LOOKING.
1578
01:17:34,282 --> 01:17:38,219
I'M ERICA INGELS.
THIS IS OPAL.
1579
01:17:38,252 --> 01:17:40,889
OH, THEN YOU MUST BE
RELATIVES OF NORM'S.
1580
01:17:40,922 --> 01:17:44,025
I'M HIS WIFE, MARTHA.
1581
01:17:40,922 --> 01:17:44,025
WE'RE HIS CHILDREN.
1582
01:17:44,058 --> 01:17:47,028
YOU DON'T SAY.
1583
01:17:47,061 --> 01:17:49,764
( stammering )
1584
01:17:49,797 --> 01:17:53,867
I DO BELIEVE THAT HE MENTIONED
HE HAD KIDS ONCE UPON A TIME.
1585
01:17:53,901 --> 01:17:57,105
WELL, COME ON IN.
WON'T NORM BE SURPRISED.
1586
01:18:06,380 --> 01:18:08,850
( dialing phone )
1587
01:18:12,386 --> 01:18:17,358
NORM? HI. I'VE GOT
A BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU.
1588
01:18:17,391 --> 01:18:19,161
YOUR GIRLS ARE HERE.
1589
01:18:21,062 --> 01:18:23,231
Whispering:
ERICA AND OPAL.
1590
01:18:23,264 --> 01:18:26,034
NO KIDDING.
1591
01:18:26,067 --> 01:18:27,002
OKAY.
1592
01:18:29,971 --> 01:18:33,275
HE WAS REAL SURPRISED.
HE'LL BE HERE IN TWO SHAKES.
1593
01:18:38,513 --> 01:18:41,216
WHAT DOES HE DO?
1594
01:18:41,249 --> 01:18:44,219
OH, DEAR. YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DOES?
1595
01:18:44,252 --> 01:18:46,888
HE'S A MIDDLEMAN,
AND TO TELL THE TRUTH,
1596
01:18:46,921 --> 01:18:49,357
I DON'T KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS,
1597
01:18:49,390 --> 01:18:52,227
EXCEPT IT DOES HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO WITH FRUIT.
1598
01:18:52,260 --> 01:18:56,164
YOU MEAN HE GETS A BUNCH
OF APPLES FROM SOMEPLACE
AND GETS THEM TO A AND P?
1599
01:18:56,197 --> 01:18:59,234
MAYBE. HE TOLD ME
A COUPLE OF TIMES,
1600
01:18:59,267 --> 01:19:01,536
BUT IT JUST FLEW
RIGHT OUT OF MY HEAD.
1601
01:19:01,569 --> 01:19:04,405
HON, JUST THE OTHER DAY.
I WAS READING THIS ARTICLE IN
1602
01:19:04,438 --> 01:19:08,009
PEOPLE MAGAZINE ABOUT THAT MAN
WHO MURDERED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY
1603
01:19:08,042 --> 01:19:10,545
INCLUDING THE GRANDMA
18 YEARS AGO, THEN HE WENT OFF,
1604
01:19:10,578 --> 01:19:15,250
GOT MARRIED AGAIN. AND HIS
NEW WIFE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
1605
01:19:15,283 --> 01:19:18,520
I SAID TO MYSELF,
MARTHA, THAT COULD BE YOU.
1606
01:19:18,553 --> 01:19:21,022
YOU DON'T KNOW THE
LEAST LITTLE THING ABOUT NORM
1607
01:19:21,055 --> 01:19:23,491
AND WHAT HE TELLS YOU,
YOU FORGET.
1608
01:19:23,524 --> 01:19:26,027
YOU WANT SOME LEMONADE?
1609
01:19:26,060 --> 01:19:28,463
NO, THANK YOU.
1610
01:19:26,060 --> 01:19:28,463
YES, THANKS.
1611
01:19:32,533 --> 01:19:34,502
LOOK.
1612
01:19:32,533 --> 01:19:34,502
WHAT?
1613
01:19:34,535 --> 01:19:36,905
THEY HAVE CARPETING.
1614
01:19:36,938 --> 01:19:39,374
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE SAID
ANYTHING TO YOU ABOUT CARPETING.
1615
01:19:39,407 --> 01:19:40,976
YOU'RE OBSESSED
WITH CARPETING.
1616
01:19:42,543 --> 01:19:44,478
( dial tone )
1617
01:19:47,081 --> 01:19:49,918
I CALLED ALL THEIR FRIENDS.
1618
01:19:49,951 --> 01:19:52,253
I CALLED THE BABY-SITTERS.
1619
01:19:52,286 --> 01:19:54,923
SHOULD I CALL THE POLICE?
1620
01:19:52,286 --> 01:19:54,923
THEY'RE GOING TO BE BACK.
1621
01:19:54,956 --> 01:19:56,925
I PROMISE YOU
THEY'RE GOING TO BE BACK.
1622
01:19:56,958 --> 01:19:59,027
SIT TIGHT.
THE PHONE IS GONNA RING.
1623
01:19:59,060 --> 01:20:01,029
IT'S NOT RINGING.
1624
01:20:01,062 --> 01:20:02,998
COME HERE
AND SIT NEXT TO ME.
1625
01:20:04,398 --> 01:20:06,001
WE'LL WAIT.
1626
01:20:16,410 --> 01:20:18,379
I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON.
1627
01:20:18,412 --> 01:20:21,249
THEY LOVE YOU.
1628
01:20:21,282 --> 01:20:23,918
PEOPLE LOVE TERRIBLE PEOPLE
ALL THE TIME.
1629
01:20:23,951 --> 01:20:26,488
THAT'S TRUE.
SOMEONE WAS MARRIED
TO POL POT.
1630
01:20:28,589 --> 01:20:30,558
ERICA WAS RIGHT.
1631
01:20:30,591 --> 01:20:33,061
I REALLY DIDN'T
THINK ABOUT THEM.
1632
01:20:33,094 --> 01:20:35,930
I MEAN,
I DID THINK ABOUT THEM.
1633
01:20:35,963 --> 01:20:38,398
IN THE BEGINNING I THOUGHT
ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME.
1634
01:20:38,432 --> 01:20:41,902
I SPENT 16 YEARS DOING
NOTHING BUT THINKING ABOUT THEM
1635
01:20:41,936 --> 01:20:44,072
AND NOW I SPENT THREE MONTHS
THINKING ABOUT MYSELF
1636
01:20:44,105 --> 01:20:47,008
AND I FEEL LIKE
I MURDERED THEM.
1637
01:20:47,041 --> 01:20:49,544
YOU HAD TO TRAVEL,
IT'S PART OF WORK.
1638
01:20:49,577 --> 01:20:52,247
LOOK, KIDS ARE HAPPY
WHEN THEIR MOTHER IS HAPPY.
1639
01:20:52,280 --> 01:20:55,250
NO, THEY'RE NOT.
EVERYONE SAYS THAT,
BUT IT'S NOT TRUE.
1640
01:20:55,283 --> 01:20:58,253
KIDS ARE HAPPY IF YOU'RE THERE.
YOU GIVE KIDS A CHOICE,
1641
01:20:58,286 --> 01:21:00,922
YOUR MOTHER IN THE NEXT ROOM
ON THE VERGE OF SUICIDE
1642
01:21:00,955 --> 01:21:03,391
VERSUS YOUR MOTHER
IN HAWAII IN ECSTASY,
1643
01:21:03,424 --> 01:21:07,028
THEY CHOOSE SUICIDE
IN THE NEXT ROOM, BELIEVE ME.
1644
01:21:15,303 --> 01:21:17,071
DID YOU EVER SEE
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE?
1645
01:21:17,104 --> 01:21:18,573
SURE.
1646
01:21:18,606 --> 01:21:21,541
IT'S ABOUT THIS
GUY WHO HAS DREAMS,
HE WANTS TO TRAVEL,
1647
01:21:21,575 --> 01:21:24,412
HE WANTS TO BUILD BRIDGES,
BUT IN THE END WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
1648
01:21:24,445 --> 01:21:27,048
BELIEVE THAT HE'S BETTER OFF
BECAUSE HE NEVER DID ANY OF IT?
1649
01:21:27,081 --> 01:21:29,918
NOW, THAT'S ALL CRAP.
IT'S CRAP.
1650
01:21:29,951 --> 01:21:32,921
I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
1651
01:21:29,951 --> 01:21:32,921
WELL, IT'S TOTAL CRAP.
1652
01:21:32,954 --> 01:21:36,924
THAT'S NOT WHAT
THAT MOVIE IS SAYING.
1653
01:21:36,958 --> 01:21:39,559
IT'S SAYING IF
A PERSON STAYS HOME,
1654
01:21:39,593 --> 01:21:42,397
THEY CAN MAKE AN ENORMOUS
DIFFERENCE IN THE PEOPLE'S LIVES
1655
01:21:42,430 --> 01:21:45,266
WHO ARE NEAR TO THEM.
1656
01:21:45,299 --> 01:21:48,069
IF IT WEREN'T FOR JIMMY STEWART,
HIS BROTHER WOULD HAVE DIED.
1657
01:21:48,102 --> 01:21:50,538
THE PHARMACIST
WOULD HAVE GONE TO JAIL,
1658
01:21:50,571 --> 01:21:53,174
HIS CHILDREN...
1659
01:21:55,977 --> 01:21:58,947
HE NEVER EVER
WOULD HAVE HAD HIS CHILDREN.
1660
01:21:58,980 --> 01:22:01,182
HIS CHILDREN
NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN.
1661
01:22:03,084 --> 01:22:05,053
WHAT PHARMACIST?
1662
01:22:05,086 --> 01:22:08,056
THERE'S A PHARMACIST.
1663
01:22:08,089 --> 01:22:11,059
I DON'T REMEMBER
ANY PHARMACIST.
1664
01:22:11,092 --> 01:22:13,161
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
1665
01:22:13,194 --> 01:22:15,597
( tires screeching )
1666
01:22:25,773 --> 01:22:28,076
DID, AH, SOMETHING HAPPEN
TO YOUR MOTHER?
1667
01:22:28,109 --> 01:22:30,278
SHE'S A COMEDIAN.
1668
01:22:30,311 --> 01:22:33,081
BUT IS SHE ALL RIGHT?
IS SHE SICK OR ANYTHING?
1669
01:22:33,114 --> 01:22:35,316
NO. SHE'S NEVER HOME.
WE NEVER SEE HER.
1670
01:22:35,349 --> 01:22:39,087
WELL, WHERE IS SHE?
1671
01:22:35,349 --> 01:22:39,087
SHE'S HOME.
1672
01:22:39,120 --> 01:22:41,756
WITH "THE MOSS".
1673
01:22:39,120 --> 01:22:41,756
OH, I'VE HEARD OF THAT.
1674
01:22:41,789 --> 01:22:44,092
ONCE YOU GET IT,
YOU CAN NEVER GET RID OF IT.
1675
01:22:44,125 --> 01:22:46,060
SHE MIGHT GET MARRIED.
1676
01:22:46,093 --> 01:22:47,729
HOW NICE.
1677
01:22:47,762 --> 01:22:51,331
SHE'S GETTING MARRIED.
AND SHE'S A COMEDIAN.
1678
01:22:51,365 --> 01:22:54,602
SHE'S A COMEDIAN?
1679
01:22:54,635 --> 01:22:57,005
YES.
1680
01:22:57,038 --> 01:23:01,442
PEOPLE PAY MONEY TO SEE HER?
THAT'S FUNNY.
1681
01:23:05,112 --> 01:23:07,615
WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT IT?
1682
01:23:07,648 --> 01:23:10,585
SHE'S BEEN ON TELEVISION.
SHE'S BEEN IN LAS VEGAS.
1683
01:23:10,618 --> 01:23:13,421
I DON'T SEE
WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT IT.
1684
01:23:13,454 --> 01:23:16,290
LOOK, I'M NOT SURPRISED
THAT DOTTIE'S RUN OFF
1685
01:23:16,323 --> 01:23:19,260
TO BE IN SHOW BUSINESS.
THAT'S ALL SHE CARED ABOUT.
1686
01:23:19,293 --> 01:23:22,730
THAT'S NOT ALL SHE CARED ABOUT.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
1687
01:23:22,763 --> 01:23:25,299
SHE DIDN'T RUN OFF.
1688
01:23:25,332 --> 01:23:27,268
SHE DIDN'T EVEN
TRY TO BECOME A COMEDIAN
1689
01:23:27,301 --> 01:23:29,737
UNTIL AUNT HARRIET DIED
AND SHE FINALLY HAD ENOUGH MONEY
1690
01:23:29,770 --> 01:23:32,207
ON TOP OF WHAT
SHE NEEDED FOR ALL OF US.
1691
01:23:35,109 --> 01:23:37,412
YOUR MOTHER AND I
DON'T GET ALONG.
1692
01:23:37,445 --> 01:23:40,748
I REMEMBER.
1693
01:23:40,781 --> 01:23:43,751
I DON'T.
I MEAN, I TRIED.
1694
01:23:43,784 --> 01:23:47,588
BUT I JUST
DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING,
EXCEPT WHEN YOU LEFT,
1695
01:23:47,621 --> 01:23:51,092
YOU SAID WE WERE
GOING TO BE FIDGETY LIKE MOM.
1696
01:23:51,125 --> 01:23:53,728
OH, MY GOD.
I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.
1697
01:23:53,761 --> 01:23:56,297
IT JUST POPPED OUT.
1698
01:23:56,330 --> 01:23:58,533
DON'T YOU REMEMBER IT,
YOU WERE THERE.
1699
01:24:03,337 --> 01:24:07,108
NORM, THEY CAME ALL THE WAY
TO ALBANY TO SEE YOU.
1700
01:24:08,642 --> 01:24:11,112
I THINK WE SHOULD GO NOW.
1701
01:24:11,145 --> 01:24:13,748
NO. STAY. I'LL MAKE YOU
SOME EGG SALAD SANDWICHES,
1702
01:24:13,781 --> 01:24:17,085
AND THEN WE'LL
PUT YOU ON THE BUS.
1703
01:24:17,118 --> 01:24:19,153
THE TRAIN.
1704
01:24:17,118 --> 01:24:19,153
THE TRAIN.
1705
01:24:19,186 --> 01:24:21,589
IT'S GATE 12.
1706
01:24:21,622 --> 01:24:24,725
YOU'RE ALL SET?
1707
01:24:24,758 --> 01:24:27,762
IS THERE ANY DIABETES?
1708
01:24:24,758 --> 01:24:27,762
WHERE?
1709
01:24:27,795 --> 01:24:31,099
ANYWHERE?
1710
01:24:27,795 --> 01:24:31,099
I DON'T THINK SO.
1711
01:24:31,132 --> 01:24:33,768
ALTHOUGH,
IT'S POSSIBLE MY...
1712
01:24:33,801 --> 01:24:36,571
NO, NO,
THAT WAS SOME OTHER THING.
1713
01:24:36,604 --> 01:24:39,574
DO YOU NEED SOME MONEY?
1714
01:24:36,604 --> 01:24:39,574
DO YOU WANT OUR ADDRESS?
1715
01:24:39,607 --> 01:24:41,776
HERE'S A 20.
1716
01:24:41,809 --> 01:24:44,445
SURE. GREAT.
I'D LIKE YOUR ADDRESS.
1717
01:24:44,478 --> 01:24:47,082
DOES ANYONE HAVE
ANYTHING TO WRITE WITH?
1718
01:24:48,816 --> 01:24:51,219
MOM. MOM ALWAYS HAS
SOMETHING TO WRITE WITH.
1719
01:24:52,786 --> 01:24:55,756
LOOK, UH, YOU GIRLS
BETTER GET ON THE TRAIN.
1720
01:24:55,789 --> 01:24:58,759
YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS,
SO SEND ME YOURS.
1721
01:24:58,792 --> 01:25:02,363
JUST, UH,
STICK IT IN THE MAIL.
1722
01:25:02,396 --> 01:25:05,433
OKAY.
1723
01:25:05,466 --> 01:25:07,202
WELL...
1724
01:25:11,605 --> 01:25:13,875
KEEP IN TOUCH.
1725
01:25:45,639 --> 01:25:48,409
HE NEVER SAID WE WERE
GOING TO BE FIDGETY LIKE MOM.
1726
01:25:48,442 --> 01:25:51,312
HE DID, TOO.
1727
01:25:51,345 --> 01:25:54,916
HE SAID WE WERE
GOING TO BE FRIGID LIKE MOM.
1728
01:25:54,949 --> 01:25:58,251
OH. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
1729
01:25:58,285 --> 01:26:00,454
COLD.
1730
01:26:00,487 --> 01:26:03,457
MOM'S NOT COLD.
1731
01:26:03,490 --> 01:26:06,794
IN BED. COLD IN BED.
1732
01:26:06,827 --> 01:26:09,230
DO YOU THINK
MOM'S COLD IN BED.
1733
01:26:11,332 --> 01:26:14,268
WITH HIM, PROBABLY.
WHO WOULDN'T BE.
1734
01:26:14,301 --> 01:26:16,871
( sobbing )
1735
01:27:12,960 --> 01:27:17,398
LOOK, IT'S MOM, ERICA!
1736
01:27:12,960 --> 01:27:17,398
HERE! HERE I AM!
1737
01:27:17,431 --> 01:27:20,934
MOM! MOM! MOM!
1738
01:27:17,431 --> 01:27:20,934
MOM! MOM! MOM!
1739
01:27:20,968 --> 01:27:24,938
I'M HERE! OH, ERICA! OH!
1740
01:27:24,972 --> 01:27:26,941
OH, MOM,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
1741
01:27:26,974 --> 01:27:29,543
I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
1742
01:27:29,576 --> 01:27:32,313
( overlapping apologies )
1743
01:27:32,346 --> 01:27:36,483
IT WAS MY FAULT.
1744
01:27:32,346 --> 01:27:36,483
NO, NO, NO, IT WAS MY FAULT.
1745
01:27:36,517 --> 01:27:40,788
♪ YOU'RE THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE ♪
1746
01:27:40,821 --> 01:27:44,725
♪ IT'S NOT AS IF
IT HAPPENED TODAY ♪
1747
01:27:44,758 --> 01:27:46,794
I LOVE YOU!
1748
01:27:46,827 --> 01:27:51,332
♪ YOU ARE THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE ♪
1749
01:27:51,365 --> 01:27:55,936
♪ THROUGH ALL THE
PLEASURE AND PAIN ♪
1750
01:27:55,969 --> 01:27:58,806
MOM, GUESS WHAT WE SAW
ON THE TRAIN?
1751
01:27:58,839 --> 01:28:00,808
WHAT DID YOU SEE,
SWEETHEART?
1752
01:28:00,841 --> 01:28:03,044
A MAN IN A HAIRNET.
1753
01:28:00,841 --> 01:28:03,044
YOU DID? SWEETHEART.
1754
01:28:05,379 --> 01:28:09,483
♪ I KNEW THAT
YOU WERE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ♪
1755
01:28:09,516 --> 01:28:13,454
♪ SIMPLY THE LOVE ♪
1756
01:28:13,487 --> 01:28:16,624
♪ OF MY LIFE ♪
1757
01:28:16,657 --> 01:28:18,826
IT WAS ONLY
A DAY, MOM.
1758
01:28:18,859 --> 01:28:21,429
...I KNOW, SWEETHEART.
THE LONGEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
1759
01:28:30,671 --> 01:28:33,107
HOW DID YOU KNOW
WHICH TRAIN WE'D BE ON?
1760
01:28:33,140 --> 01:28:35,976
NORM'S WIFE CALLED ME.
1761
01:28:33,140 --> 01:28:35,976
MARTHA CALLED YOU?
1762
01:28:36,009 --> 01:28:37,978
WELL, SHE DIDN'T
TELL ME HER NAME.
1763
01:28:38,011 --> 01:28:39,780
SHE JUST SAID
SHE WAS NORM'S WIFE.
1764
01:28:39,813 --> 01:28:42,817
SHE WAS NICE.
1765
01:28:39,813 --> 01:28:42,817
NICER THAN HIM.
1766
01:28:42,850 --> 01:28:44,919
Erica: SO WE MADE UP.
AND MOM, FOR ONCE,
1767
01:28:44,952 --> 01:28:46,821
DIDN'T MENTION LIFE LESSONS
1768
01:28:46,854 --> 01:28:49,523
THE ONE TIME
THERE PROBABLY WAS ONE.
1769
01:28:49,556 --> 01:28:52,826
I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.
1770
01:28:52,860 --> 01:28:55,963
IT WAS LIKE
I WAS SHOT INTO ORBIT.
1771
01:28:55,996 --> 01:28:59,967
THE AIR WAS THINNER.
I LOST MY MIND.
1772
01:29:00,000 --> 01:29:02,737
AND YOU KNOW,
I WISH MORE THAN ANYTHING,
1773
01:29:02,770 --> 01:29:05,473
THAT SOMEDAY,
THE SAME THING HAPPENS TO YOU.
1774
01:29:05,506 --> 01:29:08,676
ONLY I HOPE IT HAPPENS
BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN.
1775
01:29:08,709 --> 01:29:11,913
AFTERWARDS, IT'S COMPLICATED.
IT'S VERY COMPLICATED.
1776
01:29:14,715 --> 01:29:17,952
I WAS AWAY TOO MUCH.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE AWAY
SO MUCH ANYMORE, OKAY?
1777
01:29:17,985 --> 01:29:18,952
OKAY.
1778
01:29:18,986 --> 01:29:21,822
PROMISE?
1779
01:29:18,986 --> 01:29:21,822
YES. YES, I DO.
1780
01:29:21,855 --> 01:29:23,824
BUT IF SOMETHING
GREAT COMES UP?
1781
01:29:23,857 --> 01:29:26,494
I'LL DO IT.
WE'LL WORK IT OUT.
1782
01:29:26,527 --> 01:29:28,963
SOMEHOW WE'RE GOING
TO WORK THIS OUT.
1783
01:29:28,996 --> 01:29:31,632
HOW?
1784
01:29:28,996 --> 01:29:31,632
I HAVE NO IDEA.
1785
01:29:31,665 --> 01:29:34,502
COULDN'T YOU DO A TV SHOW?
1786
01:29:34,535 --> 01:29:36,971
THEN YOU COULD
STAY AT HOME.
1787
01:29:37,004 --> 01:29:39,840
YEAH, SURE. YEAH.
1788
01:29:37,004 --> 01:29:39,840
NO, REALLY. I MEAN IT.
1789
01:29:39,873 --> 01:29:41,842
WELL, IT'S POSSIBLE.
1790
01:29:41,875 --> 01:29:44,111
IT COULD BE ABOUT A WOMAN
WHO WORKS AT A MAKEUP COUNTER
1791
01:29:44,144 --> 01:29:46,480
IN QUEENS.
1792
01:29:44,144 --> 01:29:46,480
YEAH. ABSOLUTELY.
1793
01:29:46,513 --> 01:29:49,150
A SINGLE MOTHER
AND HER TWO KIDS.
1794
01:29:49,183 --> 01:29:51,652
ONLY THEY'RE NOT YOU.
1795
01:29:49,183 --> 01:29:51,652
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
1796
01:29:51,685 --> 01:29:53,954
RIGHT. I MEAN, THEY DON'T
EVEN HAVE TO BE GIRLS.
1797
01:29:53,987 --> 01:29:55,956
THEY COULD BE BOYS.
1798
01:29:53,987 --> 01:29:55,956
BOYS?
1799
01:29:55,989 --> 01:29:58,159
OH, WE DON'T
WANT TO BE BOYS.
1800
01:29:58,192 --> 01:30:00,828
NO? ALL RIGHT, WELL THEN,
THEY'RE GIRLS, THEY'RE GIRLS.
1801
01:30:00,861 --> 01:30:02,963
YOU CAN PICK THEIR NAMES.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE CALLED?
1802
01:30:02,996 --> 01:30:05,666
FELICE.
1803
01:30:02,996 --> 01:30:05,666
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
1804
01:30:05,699 --> 01:30:09,169
OKAY, CHENILLE.
1805
01:30:05,699 --> 01:30:09,169
CHENILLE? OH, GREAT.
1806
01:30:09,203 --> 01:30:12,973
I HAVE A YOUNGER DAUGHTER
NAMED CHENILLE.
1807
01:30:13,006 --> 01:30:16,177
VERONICA.
1808
01:30:16,210 --> 01:30:20,081
OH, SWEETHEART.
THAT'S WHO YOU ARE.
1809
01:30:24,551 --> 01:30:26,821
WHAT ABOUT THE MOSS?
1810
01:30:26,854 --> 01:30:29,757
MAYBE YOU'LL GET TO LIKE
THE MOSS. HE GROWS ON YOU.
1811
01:30:34,995 --> 01:30:37,064
WHAT ABOUT THE DOTS?
1812
01:30:38,999 --> 01:30:42,969
♪ YOU CAN DRIVE ME CRAZY ♪
1813
01:30:43,003 --> 01:30:48,509
♪ YOU CAN DRIVE ME
ANYWHERE ♪
1814
01:30:48,542 --> 01:30:52,513
♪ HERE ARE THE KEYS
JUST DO AS YOU PLEASE ♪
1815
01:30:52,546 --> 01:30:58,519
♪ IT MAY NOT ALWAYS BE
EASY ♪
1816
01:30:58,552 --> 01:31:01,856
♪ BUT YOU'RE THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE ♪
1817
01:31:01,889 --> 01:31:05,626
♪ IT'S NOT AS IF
IT HAPPENED TODAY ♪
1818
01:31:07,995 --> 01:31:11,965
♪ YOU ARE THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE ♪
1819
01:31:11,999 --> 01:31:17,004
♪ THROUGH ALL THE
PLEASURE AND PAIN ♪
1820
01:31:17,037 --> 01:31:22,142
♪ FROM THE MOMENT
I FIRST SAW YOU I KNEW ♪
1821
01:31:22,175 --> 01:31:25,980
♪ I KNEW IT RIGHT AWAY ♪
1822
01:31:26,013 --> 01:31:30,684
♪ I KNEW THAT YOU WERE
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ♪
1823
01:31:30,717 --> 01:31:34,655
♪ SIMPLY THE LOVE ♪
1824
01:31:34,688 --> 01:31:38,692
♪ OF MY LIFE ♪
1825
01:31:38,725 --> 01:31:41,529
♪ YOU ARE THE LOVE ♪
1826
01:31:41,562 --> 01:31:43,297
♪ THE GREAT LOVE ♪
1827
01:31:43,330 --> 01:31:46,800
♪ OF MY LIFE ♪
1828
01:31:58,011 --> 01:32:01,115
♪ SOME FOLKS
LIKE TO STAY AT HOME ♪
1829
01:32:01,148 --> 01:32:05,119
♪ SOME FOLKS
LIKE TO BE ALONE ♪
1830
01:32:05,152 --> 01:32:08,622
♪ SO WHEN THEY FINALLY
COME OUT OF THEIR NEST ♪
1831
01:32:08,655 --> 01:32:12,960
♪ I GOT TO TURN IT ON,
I'VE GOT TO BE MY BEST ♪
1832
01:32:12,993 --> 01:32:16,697
♪ THE STREETS
MAY BE SLICK WITH ICE ♪
1833
01:32:16,730 --> 01:32:20,567
♪ AND I'M
SICK WITH BUTTERFLIES ♪
1834
01:32:20,601 --> 01:32:24,170
♪ AND SOME OTHER GIRL
MAY BE THE TALK OF THE TOWN ♪
1835
01:32:24,204 --> 01:32:28,875
♪ I CAN LOSE MY VOICE
AND I CAN SPLIT MY GOWN ♪
1836
01:32:28,909 --> 01:32:32,813
♪ BUT WHEN I'M IN THE SPOTLIGHT
IT'S GOT TO BE A HOT NIGHT ♪
1837
01:32:32,846 --> 01:32:35,883
♪ EVEN WHEN I'M FEELING DOWN ♪
1838
01:32:35,916 --> 01:32:39,153
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
1839
01:32:39,186 --> 01:32:42,755
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
1840
01:32:42,789 --> 01:32:46,259
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
1841
01:32:46,293 --> 01:32:52,833
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
1842
01:32:52,866 --> 01:32:56,604
♪ I HAVE WON SOME
AND I HAVE LOST ♪
1843
01:32:56,637 --> 01:33:00,240
♪ BUT WHAT I ENJOY
THE MOST ♪
1844
01:33:00,273 --> 01:33:04,044
♪ IS NEVER KNOWING
HOW THE EVENING WILL END ♪
1845
01:33:04,077 --> 01:33:08,315
♪ WILL I BE THE JOKE
OR THE COMEDIAN? ♪
1846
01:33:08,348 --> 01:33:11,952
♪ AND WHEN I'M IN THE SPOTLIGHT
IT'S GOT TO BE A HOT NIGHT ♪
1847
01:33:11,985 --> 01:33:15,990
♪ EVEN WHEN
I'M SHIVERING COLD ♪
1848
01:33:16,023 --> 01:33:18,726
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
1849
01:33:18,759 --> 01:33:22,696
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
1850
01:33:22,729 --> 01:33:25,933
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
1851
01:33:25,966 --> 01:33:33,107
♪ THE SHOW MUST GO ON ♪
1852
01:33:33,140 --> 01:33:35,676
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