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1
00:00:20,465 --> 00:00:23,201
?
2
00:00:25,036 --> 00:00:28,373
JEEF: Cardassian disruptor,
Klingon disruptor,
3
00:00:28,406 --> 00:00:30,375
Romulan disruptor. Why
are we throwing out
4
00:00:30,408 --> 00:00:31,708
so many disruptors?
5
00:00:31,743 --> 00:00:33,145
Orders from the Grand Nagus.
6
00:00:33,178 --> 00:00:35,413
No more arms sales.
We're going straight.
7
00:00:35,447 --> 00:00:37,549
But these are worth a fortune.
8
00:00:37,582 --> 00:00:38,650
Rom doesn't care.
9
00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:40,485
He says equality and hospitality
10
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,220
are more profitable
in the long run.
11
00:00:42,254 --> 00:00:43,955
I want to be rich now.
12
00:00:43,988 --> 00:00:45,657
What even is this thing?
13
00:00:45,690 --> 00:00:47,659
Careful! That's
a Genesis Device!
14
00:00:47,692 --> 00:00:49,494
No, it isn't. It's too small.
15
00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:51,563
It's an updated
portable version.
16
00:00:51,596 --> 00:00:53,665
These are used to
terraform planets.
17
00:00:53,698 --> 00:00:55,533
You could have
rearranged our molecules.
18
00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:57,602
We should rearrange
the captain's molecules
19
00:00:57,635 --> 00:00:59,637
for leaving so much
latinum on the table.
20
00:00:59,671 --> 00:01:02,106
We could buy a ship with
this. Maybe even a fleet.
21
00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:05,310
Gem doesn't care. He thinks
Rom is the next Lonz.
22
00:01:05,343 --> 00:01:07,645
- (alarm blares)
- We're under attack!
23
00:01:07,679 --> 00:01:10,882
(chuckles) Right on time.
24
00:01:16,654 --> 00:01:19,557
Move us away from that
ship. Full impulse.
25
00:01:19,591 --> 00:01:21,593
But, Captain, they could
be looking to trade.
26
00:01:21,626 --> 00:01:24,629
It's always good business
to know about new customers
27
00:01:24,662 --> 00:01:25,863
before they walk in your door.
28
00:01:25,897 --> 00:01:28,200
Ah, ah. Rule of
acquisition 62:
29
00:01:28,233 --> 00:01:31,068
"The riskier the road,
the greater the profit."
30
00:01:31,102 --> 00:01:32,537
Come on, get on with it.
31
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:34,806
Jeef, you're up to
something. I can smell it.
32
00:01:34,838 --> 00:01:36,540
I don't know what
you're talking about.
33
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,676
You're only here as
a favor to my cousin.
34
00:01:38,710 --> 00:01:41,045
I never trusted you.
Throw him out the airlock!
35
00:01:41,078 --> 00:01:42,647
They told me we
would make a profit.
36
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,582
GEM: I knew it!
37
00:01:44,616 --> 00:01:45,950
They're firing at us!
38
00:01:47,051 --> 00:01:49,086
(screaming)
39
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:54,826
?
40
00:02:12,109 --> 00:02:14,145
?
41
00:02:48,446 --> 00:02:50,682
?
42
00:03:01,693 --> 00:03:04,962
FREEMAN: Captain's
log, stardate 58901..
43
00:03:04,996 --> 00:03:08,099
The Cerritos has
traveled to Ferenginar.
44
00:03:08,132 --> 00:03:10,868
The Ferengi leadership is
submitting a formal application
45
00:03:10,902 --> 00:03:13,505
to begin the process of
joining the Federation...
46
00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:16,341
an alliance that could
benefit the entire quadrant.
47
00:03:16,374 --> 00:03:19,043
This may just be a first step,
48
00:03:19,076 --> 00:03:21,979
but it's still a
historic occasion.
49
00:03:22,013 --> 00:03:23,881
I hope you've been
practicing your notarizing.
50
00:03:23,915 --> 00:03:26,318
You are about to witness
the quickest signing
51
00:03:26,351 --> 00:03:27,519
in Starfleet history.
52
00:03:27,552 --> 00:03:29,153
These are the Ferengi, Admiral.
53
00:03:29,186 --> 00:03:30,855
I think we should
be prepared for...
54
00:03:30,888 --> 00:03:32,857
A cakewalk? (scoffs)
We're not dealing with
55
00:03:32,890 --> 00:03:35,192
the old Ferenginar
anymore. Rom and Leeta
56
00:03:35,226 --> 00:03:37,228
have brought so much
progressive change,
57
00:03:37,261 --> 00:03:39,564
it makes Moab IV inside the dome
58
00:03:39,597 --> 00:03:42,367
look like Moab IV
outside the dome.
59
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,302
(laughs)
60
00:03:44,336 --> 00:03:46,871
Well, you-you'd get it if
you'd ever been to Moab IV.
61
00:03:46,904 --> 00:03:49,407
Respectfully, sir, the
tenth rule of acquisition...
62
00:03:49,441 --> 00:03:51,609
Whoever's been attacking
ships across the quadrant
63
00:03:51,643 --> 00:03:53,445
has disrupted
their trade routes.
64
00:03:53,478 --> 00:03:55,580
Rom is desperate for
Federation resources.
65
00:03:55,613 --> 00:03:57,949
This is just an application.
We'll be in and out in no time.
66
00:03:57,949 --> 00:03:59,283
- (door whooshes open)
- (assistant clears throat)
67
00:03:59,283 --> 00:04:00,952
Announcing Grand Nagus Rom
68
00:04:00,985 --> 00:04:02,687
and First Clerk Leeta.
69
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,056
Welcome, Grand Nagus.
70
00:04:05,089 --> 00:04:08,259
I am honored to have
you aboard the Toronto.
71
00:04:08,292 --> 00:04:09,794
The pleasure is ours, Admiral.
72
00:04:09,827 --> 00:04:13,097
We offer you this ceremonial
bust of good fortune.
73
00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:14,165
Oh, thank you.
74
00:04:14,198 --> 00:04:16,534
The likeness is
quite flattering.
75
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:18,570
We also offer you the
ceremonial invoice
76
00:04:18,603 --> 00:04:20,137
for the bust of good fortune.
77
00:04:20,171 --> 00:04:21,639
How much is... Oh, my.
78
00:04:21,673 --> 00:04:23,040
In the spirit of unity,
79
00:04:23,074 --> 00:04:25,610
we gave you the "friends
and family" discount.
80
00:04:25,643 --> 00:04:28,646
- Um, did you bring any latinum?
- (sighs)
81
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:31,082
RUTHERFORD: See here
on the stabilizers?
82
00:04:31,082 --> 00:04:32,584
I was thinking if we
repositioned the...
83
00:04:32,584 --> 00:04:33,785
- Matrix?
- We could...
84
00:04:33,818 --> 00:04:35,152
- Beef up the dampeners?
- And...
85
00:04:35,186 --> 00:04:37,321
- Get a .005% smoother ride.
- I was gonna say
86
00:04:37,355 --> 00:04:39,857
win engineering's "most
beefed-up dampener" competition,
87
00:04:39,891 --> 00:04:41,092
but, yeah, that, too.
88
00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:43,395
- (both laughing)
- Mariner, geez.
89
00:04:43,428 --> 00:04:45,363
You've been weathering
that stem bolt for so long,
90
00:04:45,363 --> 00:04:47,765
it probably can't even
self-seal anymore. What's up?
91
00:04:47,799 --> 00:04:49,767
Nothing. I'm doing
great. Uh, Ransom
92
00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:51,569
is supportive of
everything I want to do.
93
00:04:51,603 --> 00:04:52,970
For the first time in years,
94
00:04:53,004 --> 00:04:55,106
I have total autonomy
and zero complaints.
95
00:04:55,139 --> 00:04:57,709
So, why are you sitting
here looking pissed off?
96
00:04:57,742 --> 00:04:59,243
Stop staring at me. Shut up.
97
00:04:59,276 --> 00:05:00,678
Lieutenant junior grades.
98
00:05:00,712 --> 00:05:02,146
Lieutenant juniors grade?
99
00:05:02,179 --> 00:05:03,848
Lieutenants junior
grade? Whatever.
100
00:05:03,881 --> 00:05:06,350
You four just pulled the most
coveted job at Starfleet.
101
00:05:06,384 --> 00:05:08,920
BOTH: Balancing the positron
compression chamber?!
102
00:05:08,953 --> 00:05:10,988
No. Travel guide duty!
103
00:05:11,022 --> 00:05:12,356
I thought that was a myth.
104
00:05:12,390 --> 00:05:13,958
What's travel guide duty?
105
00:05:13,991 --> 00:05:16,428
Starfleet has travel guides
for all habitable planets.
106
00:05:16,461 --> 00:05:20,164
The file for Ferenginar hasn't
been updated in years, so...
107
00:05:20,197 --> 00:05:22,800
Starfleet's gonna foot the bill
for us to go to as many bars,
108
00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:24,802
restaurants, bars,
hotels, pubs, bars,
109
00:05:24,836 --> 00:05:26,871
saloons, cantinas
and bars as we want.
110
00:05:26,904 --> 00:05:28,840
Also museums, historical sites,
111
00:05:28,873 --> 00:05:30,875
but, basically, yeah,
it's mostly bars.
112
00:05:30,908 --> 00:05:32,944
Oh. How many places do
people usually review?
113
00:05:32,976 --> 00:05:34,446
I don't know. Four or five?
114
00:05:34,479 --> 00:05:35,713
Great. I'm gonna do 40.
115
00:05:35,747 --> 00:05:37,048
I'll pack my schedule so full
116
00:05:37,081 --> 00:05:39,083
that I do everything
and enjoy nothing.
117
00:05:39,116 --> 00:05:40,652
It's not a contest, Lieutenant.
118
00:05:40,685 --> 00:05:41,952
- You can take your...
- Sir,
119
00:05:41,986 --> 00:05:43,287
I'm only a lieutenant
junior grade.
120
00:05:43,287 --> 00:05:44,789
I have everything
to prove. (gasps)
121
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,458
I need to make an itinerary!
122
00:05:46,491 --> 00:05:48,059
(whimpering)
123
00:05:48,092 --> 00:05:49,393
Does he drink a lot of coffee?
124
00:05:49,427 --> 00:05:50,528
- Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm, tons.
125
00:05:50,562 --> 00:05:51,896
We also need someone to act
126
00:05:51,929 --> 00:05:53,498
as a couple. And
since the Cerritos is
127
00:05:53,531 --> 00:05:55,900
statistically the horniest and
least romantically committed
128
00:05:55,933 --> 00:05:58,636
crew in Starfleet, we have
no married officers aboard.
129
00:05:58,670 --> 00:06:01,372
You want us to pretend to
be married and review stuff?
130
00:06:01,405 --> 00:06:03,274
- Oh, that sounds hilarious.
- (giggles)
131
00:06:03,307 --> 00:06:05,376
Yeah, we're already such a good
team, we finish each other's...
132
00:06:05,376 --> 00:06:07,512
- Diophantine equations.
- (laughing)
133
00:06:08,312 --> 00:06:10,482
Maybe I should have
Honus and Nurse Westlake
134
00:06:10,515 --> 00:06:11,816
take a crack at it.
135
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:13,785
Commander, we are an
expert science team.
136
00:06:13,818 --> 00:06:16,053
I'm pretty sure we can
handle a fake romance.
137
00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:18,523
- Let's go get packed, honey.
- (snorts)
138
00:06:18,556 --> 00:06:20,925
(laughing)
139
00:06:20,958 --> 00:06:22,226
You pulled some strings
to get us assigned
140
00:06:22,226 --> 00:06:23,628
to travel guide
duty, didn't you?
141
00:06:23,661 --> 00:06:24,996
I might have had
something to do with it.
142
00:06:24,996 --> 00:06:26,898
Ugh, why is it so
weird when you're nice?
143
00:06:26,931 --> 00:06:28,733
Because I'm also so handsome.
144
00:06:28,766 --> 00:06:30,401
Total package.
145
00:06:30,434 --> 00:06:31,836
(grumbles)
146
00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:37,174
Wow.
147
00:06:37,208 --> 00:06:39,343
- (giggles)
- (exclaims)
148
00:06:50,021 --> 00:06:52,724
Wow. Oh, it's like what
heaven would look like
149
00:06:52,757 --> 00:06:54,425
if God was stupid.
150
00:06:54,458 --> 00:06:56,260
Oh, I'm just so
excited to haggle at
151
00:06:56,293 --> 00:06:57,829
the Museum of
Gambling. (gasps)
152
00:06:57,862 --> 00:06:59,462
Oh, and gamble at the
Museum of Haggling!
153
00:06:59,463 --> 00:07:02,099
Let's go find the honeymoon
suite, pudding bear.
154
00:07:02,133 --> 00:07:03,735
Right this way, muffin skunk.
155
00:07:03,768 --> 00:07:04,869
- (laughing)
- Excellent cutesy speak.
156
00:07:04,869 --> 00:07:06,671
Yeah, just nice and natural
157
00:07:06,704 --> 00:07:07,839
and definitely the
way people talk.
158
00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:09,206
Now, if you'll excuse me,
159
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,708
I promised a friend
I'd meet up with him.
160
00:07:10,708 --> 00:07:12,209
And I have to squeeze
161
00:07:12,243 --> 00:07:14,145
an unforgiving amount of
experiences into my day.
162
00:07:14,145 --> 00:07:16,514
- We sound natural, right?
- Totally.
163
00:07:16,548 --> 00:07:18,783
We got married at a wedding.
164
00:07:20,618 --> 00:07:22,186
This way, my sweet wife.
165
00:07:22,219 --> 00:07:24,255
I'm so excited to wake
you up from a deep sleep
166
00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:26,123
whenever it sounds like
you're having a nightmare.
167
00:07:26,123 --> 00:07:28,059
And I'm excited to know how
you like your hamburgers
168
00:07:28,059 --> 00:07:29,859
so I can order them for
you and ask the waiter
169
00:07:29,861 --> 00:07:31,362
to take it back when
they've made it wrong.
170
00:07:31,362 --> 00:07:33,397
I'm not gonna feel weird
about using your toothbrush
171
00:07:33,397 --> 00:07:35,199
because our gums are
in a partnership.
172
00:07:35,232 --> 00:07:37,201
Yeah, and I'm gonna wear
your gym shorts around
173
00:07:37,234 --> 00:07:39,303
our shared quarters
with nothing up top
174
00:07:39,336 --> 00:07:42,106
because who cares about
nudity with our situation?
175
00:07:42,139 --> 00:07:45,677
- (chuckles) You-you are?
- Sure. I, uh...
176
00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:47,845
I love being married
to my husband.
177
00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:49,881
I love you, too.
178
00:07:51,248 --> 00:07:53,517
You know what, maybe we should
just go back to the ship.
179
00:07:53,551 --> 00:07:56,153
Yeah, pretending to be
married is kind of weird.
180
00:07:56,187 --> 00:07:57,521
- Let's...
- FERENGI: Ah!
181
00:07:57,555 --> 00:08:00,625
Our Starfleet VIPs.
Attention, everyone.
182
00:08:00,658 --> 00:08:03,661
These young lovers are
getting a great deal.
183
00:08:03,695 --> 00:08:05,029
(guests gasping)
184
00:08:05,897 --> 00:08:08,099
(guests cheering)
185
00:08:19,410 --> 00:08:20,612
All right. (grunts)
186
00:08:20,645 --> 00:08:24,115
Dropping bags off in hotel
room is off the list.
187
00:08:24,148 --> 00:08:26,150
We got the for-profit minibar,
the for-profit toilet,
188
00:08:26,150 --> 00:08:27,919
the machine that charges
you to pay for the toilet
189
00:08:27,919 --> 00:08:28,953
and the minibar.
190
00:08:28,986 --> 00:08:30,855
View screen works.
191
00:08:30,888 --> 00:08:32,389
That's everything.
192
00:08:32,423 --> 00:08:34,991
I give this hotel
a nine out of ten.
193
00:08:35,025 --> 00:08:37,361
Now, off to the
Museum of Bribery.
194
00:08:37,394 --> 00:08:39,163
(music playing)
195
00:08:39,196 --> 00:08:40,731
Oh, weird. A
what-you-call-it...
196
00:08:40,765 --> 00:08:42,600
a "commer-seal"?
197
00:08:42,634 --> 00:08:44,101
Ooh.
198
00:08:47,872 --> 00:08:49,907
- Aah!
- You're fired.
199
00:08:49,941 --> 00:08:52,810
ANNOUNCER: Slug-O Cola. This
happens to everyone who drinks it.
200
00:08:52,844 --> 00:08:54,846
(laughs) They just lie to you?
201
00:08:54,879 --> 00:08:56,848
Hilarious. Well,
time to head out.
202
00:08:56,881 --> 00:09:00,351
ANNOUNCER: And now, Pog
& Dar: Cop Landlords.
203
00:09:00,384 --> 00:09:02,219
- (funky music playing)
- Huh? Mm.
204
00:09:02,253 --> 00:09:04,756
This is like a holo-novel,
but way sleazier.
205
00:09:04,789 --> 00:09:06,190
(both shouting)
206
00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:09,060
POG: You're making
my partner mad.
207
00:09:09,093 --> 00:09:11,228
- Just sign the lease, dirtbag.
- MALE: No.
208
00:09:11,262 --> 00:09:13,998
(indistinct conversations)
209
00:09:16,668 --> 00:09:18,035
Hey, Quimp.
210
00:09:18,069 --> 00:09:21,205
Well, if it isn't my
favorite pathetic human.
211
00:09:21,238 --> 00:09:23,841
- Is that a new pip I see?
- Uh, yep.
212
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:26,711
- I'm an LJG again, for now.
- (laughs)
213
00:09:26,744 --> 00:09:28,545
Congratulations.
I never thought
214
00:09:28,579 --> 00:09:30,514
you'd dig your way out
of crashing that Oberth.
215
00:09:30,547 --> 00:09:33,250
Ditto. Still, being a
lieutenant kind of sucks.
216
00:09:33,284 --> 00:09:36,053
My stupid mentor won't stop
trying to make feel like
217
00:09:36,087 --> 00:09:38,055
a valued part of the team.
218
00:09:38,089 --> 00:09:40,191
Oh, sounds like
a real nightmare.
219
00:09:40,224 --> 00:09:41,625
You would hate it,
too. But whatever.
220
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:43,360
You know, I'm excited
to leave all that behind
221
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,129
- so we can hang.
- Read my mind.
222
00:09:45,162 --> 00:09:47,464
Hey, maybe some brunch?
Casual meal with some yogurt.
223
00:09:47,498 --> 00:09:49,833
Two shots of Cardassian tequila
and a dagger of the mind
224
00:09:49,867 --> 00:09:51,235
- on the rocks.
- Wow.
225
00:09:51,268 --> 00:09:53,070
That's pretty hard
for 10:00 a.m.
226
00:09:53,104 --> 00:09:55,406
It's 10:00 a.m.? Ooh,
make it three shots.
227
00:09:55,439 --> 00:09:58,575
Ha! I'll have the same.
It'll be fun to let loose.
228
00:09:58,609 --> 00:09:59,911
Uh, yeah. I need it.
229
00:09:59,944 --> 00:10:01,445
Where'd you even get that one?
230
00:10:01,478 --> 00:10:04,048
- He didn't bring the drinks yet.
- Do we care?
231
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:05,717
- (glass shatters)
- MALE: Hey!
232
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:08,720
VASSERY: Now,
Mr. Grand Nagus...
233
00:10:08,753 --> 00:10:10,955
- Just Nagus.
- Sorry. Nagus.
234
00:10:10,988 --> 00:10:13,590
Grand Nagus.
235
00:10:14,658 --> 00:10:17,194
Now that we have paid
our ceremonial invoice,
236
00:10:17,228 --> 00:10:18,796
perhaps we should focus
on the application?
237
00:10:18,796 --> 00:10:20,297
Uh, it's a boilerplate...
238
00:10:20,331 --> 00:10:23,234
Ooh! Do you still play
baseball? We should put in there
239
00:10:23,267 --> 00:10:25,036
that Ferenginar gets
to play baseball.
240
00:10:25,069 --> 00:10:26,670
I like baseball. It's fun.
241
00:10:26,704 --> 00:10:29,807
I think we can slip
that in. (chuckles)
242
00:10:29,841 --> 00:10:33,577
If that's the type of adjustment
you need to get this done.
243
00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:36,213
I'm just a former bartender,
but I was looking at the numbers
244
00:10:36,247 --> 00:10:38,816
and was wondering if
they could be different.
245
00:10:38,850 --> 00:10:41,685
Different numbers? I'm
not sure what you mean.
246
00:10:41,719 --> 00:10:43,079
- Just a moment, my love.
- (gasps)
247
00:10:43,087 --> 00:10:45,422
Oh. Baseball.
248
00:10:45,456 --> 00:10:49,160
Listen, my husband isn't
exactly a shrewd businessman.
249
00:10:49,193 --> 00:10:50,828
He just likes to feel involved.
250
00:10:50,862 --> 00:10:52,897
Ah, I think I see what you mean.
251
00:10:52,930 --> 00:10:55,232
Play ball!
252
00:10:55,266 --> 00:10:56,467
(laughs)
253
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:58,402
- Admiral, a word, please?
- Stand down, Captain.
254
00:10:58,402 --> 00:11:00,471
You were saying, First Clerk?
255
00:11:00,504 --> 00:11:02,139
If we can open up the document
256
00:11:02,173 --> 00:11:04,275
and let him shuffle around
a couple of numbers,
257
00:11:04,308 --> 00:11:05,910
he'll feel like he
accomplished something.
258
00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:08,712
- I don't see any problem with that.
- (clears throat)
259
00:11:08,746 --> 00:11:11,749
This is a classic dumb cop/
reasonable cop routine.
260
00:11:11,783 --> 00:11:14,485
The terms of the membership
application are locked,
261
00:11:14,518 --> 00:11:16,954
- but if we open them up...
- Thank you for the input, Captain,
262
00:11:16,954 --> 00:11:18,322
but we'll be fine.
263
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:19,556
- He's practically a child.
- ROM: One, two,
264
00:11:19,556 --> 00:11:20,992
- three strikes.
- (glass shatters)
265
00:11:21,025 --> 00:11:22,293
- You're out.
- VASSERY: Grand Nagus,
266
00:11:22,293 --> 00:11:23,660
I've just reopened the contract.
267
00:11:23,694 --> 00:11:25,362
Why don't you show me
some of the numbers
268
00:11:25,396 --> 00:11:27,498
that seem wrong, and
we'll fix them together?
269
00:11:28,565 --> 00:11:30,401
We'll start on page
11, subsection B,
270
00:11:30,434 --> 00:11:32,603
incentivization vis-๏ฟฝ-vis
the great Ferengi people
271
00:11:32,636 --> 00:11:35,406
and our reluctant acceptance
of your Federation.
272
00:11:35,439 --> 00:11:37,374
- She means bribes.
- Then we'll move
273
00:11:37,408 --> 00:11:39,977
to the tariffs on Ferengi
exports to outlying territories.
274
00:11:40,011 --> 00:11:42,279
DAR: Freeze! You're under
arrest for having a pet
275
00:11:42,313 --> 00:11:44,481
over 25 pounds in
one of my units.
276
00:11:44,515 --> 00:11:47,218
He was 20 pounds when I
got hi. I swear... (shouts)
277
00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:49,286
- Aah!
- Aah!
278
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,587
DAR: You just
surrendered your deposit
279
00:11:50,587 --> 00:11:53,324
- and your life.
- (Pog coughing)
280
00:11:53,357 --> 00:11:55,226
I'm not gonna make it, partner.
281
00:11:55,259 --> 00:11:56,861
Hey, you hang on
one second, buddy.
282
00:11:56,894 --> 00:11:59,496
I just need to enjoy the
crisp, refreshing taste
283
00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:01,465
- of a Slug-O Cola.
- (laughs)
284
00:12:01,498 --> 00:12:04,101
Oh, they put commercials
in the shows?
285
00:12:04,135 --> 00:12:06,303
It's like mind control.
286
00:12:06,337 --> 00:12:08,005
Transfer your latinum to me,
287
00:12:08,039 --> 00:12:10,074
or I'll tell everyone you
supported tenants' rights.
288
00:12:10,074 --> 00:12:11,909
(coughs) I'm proud
to be scammed
289
00:12:11,943 --> 00:12:15,579
by a landlord cop as
conniving as you, partner.
290
00:12:15,612 --> 00:12:17,481
(groans)
291
00:12:18,582 --> 00:12:20,551
Okay, I guess I should
finally do my...
292
00:12:20,584 --> 00:12:22,186
ANNOUNCER: Up next...
Will They, Won't They?
293
00:12:22,186 --> 00:12:23,546
The workplace sitcom
where everyone
294
00:12:23,554 --> 00:12:24,688
is secretly in love
with each other.
295
00:12:24,688 --> 00:12:25,823
I'm sorry, what?
296
00:12:25,857 --> 00:12:28,292
Oh, Blongo, I don't
know what to do.
297
00:12:28,325 --> 00:12:30,161
I'm secretly in love with Nilm,
298
00:12:30,194 --> 00:12:31,762
but she's engaged to Bok,
299
00:12:31,795 --> 00:12:33,364
- who's always extremely...
- (scoffs)
300
00:12:33,397 --> 00:12:35,266
This kind of hacky,
lowest-common-denominator
301
00:12:35,299 --> 00:12:36,901
schlock won't work on me.
302
00:12:36,934 --> 00:12:40,337
- Her flirtations with Kret.
- But I better watch
303
00:12:40,371 --> 00:12:42,673
so officers who aren't
as resilient as I am
304
00:12:42,706 --> 00:12:44,041
will know what to avoid.
305
00:12:44,075 --> 00:12:45,509
But you should go for it.
306
00:12:45,542 --> 00:12:47,979
Even though I'm secretly
in love with you.
307
00:12:48,012 --> 00:12:50,047
?
308
00:12:50,848 --> 00:12:53,017
Whew! I'm so grateful everything
is shaped like a heart,
309
00:12:53,017 --> 00:12:55,752
or else I'd forget that I'm
here for romantic reasons.
310
00:12:55,786 --> 00:12:57,188
Yeah, it's like, who
decided that hearts
311
00:12:57,188 --> 00:12:58,522
are the universal
symbol for love?
312
00:12:58,555 --> 00:13:00,324
If anything, it
should be kissy lips
313
00:13:00,357 --> 00:13:03,094
or gorgeous green
eyes. Or something.
314
00:13:03,127 --> 00:13:04,461
- What?
- (door whooshes open)
315
00:13:04,495 --> 00:13:07,631
Knock-knock! It's me,
Parth, your hug-cierge.
316
00:13:07,664 --> 00:13:09,566
It's time for your
couple's photo session.
317
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,200
- BOTH: Our what?
- Put on these outfits.
318
00:13:11,202 --> 00:13:12,469
- (chuckles nervously)
- Uh, okay.
319
00:13:12,469 --> 00:13:14,906
RUTHERFORD: Uh,
I'm almost ready.
320
00:13:14,939 --> 00:13:16,740
TENDI: (grunts) Me, too.
321
00:13:16,773 --> 00:13:18,976
- Mm...
- Uh... Aah!
322
00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:20,377
(both grumble quietly)
323
00:13:20,411 --> 00:13:23,814
(gasps) Wow. You
look so handsome.
324
00:13:23,847 --> 00:13:25,016
Thanks.
325
00:13:25,049 --> 00:13:27,251
And you look, uh... captivating?
326
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,720
Sorry, I'm trying to
make my mind come up
327
00:13:29,753 --> 00:13:30,922
with a less intense word,
328
00:13:30,955 --> 00:13:33,925
but hoo-boy, is it
extremely warm in here?
329
00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:35,292
You bet it is, soldier.
330
00:13:35,326 --> 00:13:38,129
Now, let's
commemorate your love!
331
00:13:38,162 --> 00:13:40,431
Ooh, shameless.
332
00:13:40,464 --> 00:13:41,933
Really press
yourselves together.
333
00:13:41,966 --> 00:13:43,734
Publicly display that affection.
334
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:45,202
I think that's enough.
335
00:13:45,236 --> 00:13:47,804
No problem. We'll move
on to the lingerie.
336
00:13:47,838 --> 00:13:48,940
- Aah!
- Aah!
337
00:13:48,973 --> 00:13:50,507
Sorry, can't! Late for dinner.
338
00:13:54,946 --> 00:13:56,847
?
339
00:13:58,349 --> 00:13:59,650
ALL: Dabo!
340
00:13:59,683 --> 00:14:01,552
(laughs) Damn, Quimp,
I got to admit...
341
00:14:01,585 --> 00:14:02,853
at first I was skeptical,
342
00:14:02,886 --> 00:14:05,656
but Ferengi public
libraries go hard.
343
00:14:05,689 --> 00:14:09,493
I told you, nobody's read a book
in here in a thousand years.
344
00:14:09,526 --> 00:14:11,828
(slurping) Wow.
345
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:14,831
You can still drink an alarming
amount of glowing alien liquors,
346
00:14:14,865 --> 00:14:17,701
- but I must call it.
- No, you can't take off now.
347
00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,303
We haven't even gotten
to the part of the night
348
00:14:19,303 --> 00:14:21,272
- where we regret stuff.
- Yeah, that
349
00:14:21,305 --> 00:14:23,674
- sounds fun. Oh!
- (grunts) Oh, my goodness.
350
00:14:23,707 --> 00:14:26,577
- A thousand apologies, good sir.
- Oh, not a worry at all.
351
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:28,545
Did you just spill a
drink on my friend?
352
00:14:28,579 --> 00:14:30,147
I've been a proper
fool. And, of course,
353
00:14:30,181 --> 00:14:31,448
- I'll reimburse...
- You better
354
00:14:31,482 --> 00:14:32,749
get ready to reimburse me for
355
00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:34,585
a new 'burse shirt,
too, butt-ass,
356
00:14:34,618 --> 00:14:36,853
'cause this one's about to
be soaked in your blood.
357
00:14:36,887 --> 00:14:39,957
Madam, please. I'm just
trying to enjoy an evening out
358
00:14:39,991 --> 00:14:41,792
with the rest of my biker gang.
359
00:14:41,825 --> 00:14:44,795
Sounds like this guy's
all bark and no fight!
360
00:14:44,828 --> 00:14:47,264
(grunting)
361
00:14:48,065 --> 00:14:50,034
(laughs, groans)
362
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:52,003
(shouts)
363
00:14:52,036 --> 00:14:54,238
Oh, Mariner. Ow!
364
00:14:58,742 --> 00:15:00,744
-(Rom humming tune) -VASSERY:
(sighs) So we'll adjust
365
00:15:00,744 --> 00:15:03,647
the table on page 17
concerning exchange rates.
366
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,116
That would be satisfactory.
367
00:15:05,149 --> 00:15:06,750
I believe we're
almost wrapped up.
368
00:15:06,783 --> 00:15:09,253
Ooh, I have an idea.
Let's finish at my palace.
369
00:15:09,286 --> 00:15:10,921
Much better photo
op for the signing,
370
00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:13,324
plus all my favorite
baseballs are there.
371
00:15:13,357 --> 00:15:15,292
Oh, yeah, yeah, if that's
what it takes, fine.
372
00:15:15,326 --> 00:15:16,627
(clears throat)
373
00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:18,180
He's making you feel
like you're close,
374
00:15:18,195 --> 00:15:20,531
then delaying to make
you frustrated enough
375
00:15:20,564 --> 00:15:23,234
- to sign anything.
- I can't tell the council
376
00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,369
we failed at the
simplest of tasks.
377
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,304
All Rom cares about is baseball,
378
00:15:27,338 --> 00:15:30,041
and all Leeta cares
about is fine print.
379
00:15:30,074 --> 00:15:32,576
I... I can do this.
380
00:15:33,344 --> 00:15:35,512
?
381
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:41,518
The Starfleet
Experience Bar & Grill?
382
00:15:41,552 --> 00:15:42,986
Huh. Maybe this will
feel like we're at work.
383
00:15:42,986 --> 00:15:45,422
Ooh, look! The waiter's
wearing one of those
384
00:15:45,456 --> 00:15:47,124
old velour uniforms that used
to catch fire all the time.
385
00:15:47,124 --> 00:15:48,125
(both gasp)
386
00:15:48,159 --> 00:15:51,395
Oh, good eye, muffin... top.
387
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:52,829
(both sigh)
388
00:15:52,863 --> 00:15:54,531
Do you think maybe we
could... I don't know...
389
00:15:54,531 --> 00:15:55,999
just go back to acting
like friends for a bit?
390
00:15:55,999 --> 00:15:58,502
Yes. Oh, man, I'm so
glad you said something.
391
00:15:58,535 --> 00:15:59,770
Yeah. Who knew
pretending to be
392
00:15:59,803 --> 00:16:01,805
in a relationship with
each other would be
393
00:16:01,838 --> 00:16:03,974
- more nerve-racking than sealing a radiation leak?
- Yeah.
394
00:16:03,974 --> 00:16:06,643
Let's just keep it strictly
friend stuff from now on.
395
00:16:06,677 --> 00:16:07,611
Agreed.
396
00:16:07,644 --> 00:16:08,879
- Hello, lovers.
- BOTH: Aah!
397
00:16:08,912 --> 00:16:10,047
I'm so sorry.
398
00:16:10,081 --> 00:16:11,848
The waiter gave you
the standard menus.
399
00:16:11,882 --> 00:16:13,384
- (glass shatters) - MALE: Hey!
- He didn't know you were
400
00:16:13,384 --> 00:16:15,119
here for our deluxe
romance package.
401
00:16:15,152 --> 00:16:18,089
Parth, buddy, you're a
top-notch hug-cierge,
402
00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:19,923
- but we have to come clean.
- (alarm blares)
403
00:16:19,956 --> 00:16:22,226
Just a second.
Hold that thought.
404
00:16:22,259 --> 00:16:24,228
- Well, well, well.
- (alarm stops)
405
00:16:24,261 --> 00:16:25,562
It looks like we've caught
406
00:16:25,596 --> 00:16:27,364
two people lying
about being a couple
407
00:16:27,398 --> 00:16:30,201
to defraud our company
out of a discount.
408
00:16:30,234 --> 00:16:34,238
This is, of course, one of
Ferenginar's worst felonies.
409
00:16:34,271 --> 00:16:36,039
So these two are
hereby sentenced
410
00:16:36,073 --> 00:16:40,010
to a lifetime working in
the subaquatic sulfur mines!
411
00:16:40,043 --> 00:16:41,712
(sighs) Sorry about that.
412
00:16:41,745 --> 00:16:43,814
Enforcing the law is my least
favorite part of the job,
413
00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:46,150
but one that I take
with deadly seriousness.
414
00:16:46,183 --> 00:16:47,818
Anyhoo, what were you admitting
415
00:16:47,851 --> 00:16:49,453
before I sentenced
those two liars
416
00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:51,522
to a life of misery?
417
00:16:52,356 --> 00:16:54,591
That we are more in
love than ever before!
418
00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:57,828
- That's right, smumpy.
- Oh, good.
419
00:16:57,861 --> 00:17:00,931
Now for the most
romantic meal possible.
420
00:17:00,964 --> 00:17:02,699
RUTHERFORD: Sexy
chocolate statues
421
00:17:02,733 --> 00:17:04,435
of each other for dinner?
422
00:17:04,468 --> 00:17:06,069
- Great.
- It's customary
423
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:08,104
that after every bite you
tell the whole restaurant
424
00:17:08,139 --> 00:17:10,241
something you find
attractive about each other.
425
00:17:10,274 --> 00:17:13,410
The chairs can detect if
you're lying, so be sincere.
426
00:17:14,311 --> 00:17:16,045
(cheering, whooping)
427
00:17:20,551 --> 00:17:22,652
MARINER: Oh, thanks for
bailing me out of jail.
428
00:17:22,686 --> 00:17:24,721
Do you understand how many
people I just had to bribe
429
00:17:24,721 --> 00:17:26,689
to keep your little
drunken fistfight
430
00:17:26,723 --> 00:17:28,859
from ruining Starfleet's
diplomatic mission?
431
00:17:28,892 --> 00:17:30,327
(retches)
432
00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:32,163
Hey, you know me, man.
433
00:17:32,196 --> 00:17:33,996
I'm a wild rogue, living
on the edge of chaos.
434
00:17:33,997 --> 00:17:34,898
I sit weird in chairs.
435
00:17:34,931 --> 00:17:36,300
You can't predict me. (grunts)
436
00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:37,868
Usually your chaos
means something.
437
00:17:37,901 --> 00:17:40,704
But it's weird this time.
You seem angry about nothing.
438
00:17:40,737 --> 00:17:42,806
Yeah, right. Oh, look, if
anyone's weird, it's you,
439
00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:44,675
Mr. "I Should Probably
Be Getting to Bed."
440
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:46,143
You've changed, dude.
441
00:17:46,177 --> 00:17:48,745
Yeah, I have. That's what
happens when you're not
442
00:17:48,779 --> 00:17:51,515
stuck in a perpetual state
of immature rebellion.
443
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:52,883
Wow. Immature?
444
00:17:52,916 --> 00:17:54,516
You have all the
support you ever wanted,
445
00:17:54,518 --> 00:17:56,387
nobody to scream
at or rail against,
446
00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:58,755
and look at you...
still picking fights
447
00:17:58,789 --> 00:18:00,424
to make sure you get hurt.
448
00:18:00,457 --> 00:18:03,026
What? No. That-That's
not what that was.
449
00:18:04,395 --> 00:18:06,830
I just want you to be careful.
450
00:18:06,863 --> 00:18:08,865
So you can live long
enough to pay me back.
451
00:18:08,899 --> 00:18:10,501
If I lose any more,
they'll have to
452
00:18:10,534 --> 00:18:11,935
put my account on this monument.
453
00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:14,305
- (Ferengi crying)
- MARINER: Uh, isn't this
454
00:18:14,338 --> 00:18:16,006
a memorial to the dead?
455
00:18:16,039 --> 00:18:18,375
So much lost income!
456
00:18:18,409 --> 00:18:22,078
Is there no justice
in this galaxy?
457
00:18:22,112 --> 00:18:24,948
Man, I got to give it to you,
Ferengi keep it on-brand.
458
00:18:25,716 --> 00:18:28,919
Sorry I cost you money
and got you punched.
459
00:18:28,952 --> 00:18:32,189
Mariner, I love you, but
you need to figure out
460
00:18:32,223 --> 00:18:34,725
whatever's eating you up inside.
461
00:18:41,565 --> 00:18:43,099
- (patrons applauding)
- Uh...
462
00:18:44,468 --> 00:18:47,003
Uh, Tendi's got...
463
00:18:47,037 --> 00:18:48,372
fun hair?
464
00:18:48,405 --> 00:18:50,474
(cheering)
465
00:18:50,507 --> 00:18:53,277
Uh, uh, I like your hair, too.
466
00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:55,011
PARTH: Congratulations.
467
00:18:55,045 --> 00:18:56,347
You have completed
468
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:59,550
the Ferengi all-inclusive
newlywed discount package.
469
00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:01,518
You may now consummate
your marriage.
470
00:19:01,552 --> 00:19:02,753
- What?!
- What?!
471
00:19:02,786 --> 00:19:04,655
(chuckles) Not where
we can see you.
472
00:19:04,688 --> 00:19:06,990
- (both sigh)
- You do it in the blind box,
473
00:19:07,023 --> 00:19:08,592
- where we can hear it.
- (patrons exclaim)
474
00:19:08,592 --> 00:19:10,894
(groaning)
475
00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:12,727
Please alert the chef
that I will be reviewing
476
00:19:12,729 --> 00:19:15,131
this restaurant for my planet's
official foodie archives.
477
00:19:15,165 --> 00:19:16,667
My species invented space travel
478
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:19,303
in order to seek out
strange new meals.
479
00:19:19,336 --> 00:19:20,671
D'Vana, Samanthan!
480
00:19:20,704 --> 00:19:22,773
What a coincidence.
These are, famously,
481
00:19:22,806 --> 00:19:25,576
the two closest platonic
friends on my ship.
482
00:19:25,609 --> 00:19:27,611
- Huh? Platonic?
- Hello!
483
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:29,480
- Security! - Uh...
- Um...
484
00:19:29,513 --> 00:19:33,284
- How dare you call us only friends?!
- (patrons gasp)
485
00:19:33,317 --> 00:19:36,753
You've been trying to break
up our love from the start!
486
00:19:36,787 --> 00:19:39,890
Uh, yeah. You know
we both love you.
487
00:19:39,923 --> 00:19:41,425
You do?
488
00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:43,059
Just because the Ferengi
newlywed discount
489
00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,362
can only be used by two
out of the three of us,
490
00:19:45,396 --> 00:19:47,097
you have the nerve
to come down here
491
00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:49,300
- and try to ruin our marriage?
- MIGLEEMO: Wha...
492
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,067
You guys love me?
493
00:19:51,101 --> 00:19:52,269
Of course we do.
494
00:19:52,303 --> 00:19:53,870
You're undeniably
attractive to both of us.
495
00:19:53,870 --> 00:19:56,072
But now that I see you
here, I want a divorce
496
00:19:56,106 --> 00:19:57,808
- so we can be together.
- But we can't...
497
00:19:57,841 --> 00:20:00,644
Thanks so much, Migleemo.
You ruined our marriage!
498
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,279
We'll never forgive you.
499
00:20:02,313 --> 00:20:04,080
I didn't realize. I'm sorry.
500
00:20:04,114 --> 00:20:06,617
Please don't break
up because of me.
501
00:20:06,650 --> 00:20:09,119
Security, stand down.
502
00:20:09,152 --> 00:20:10,921
RUTHERFORD: Now
that we're divorced,
503
00:20:10,954 --> 00:20:12,222
we're going back to our ship
504
00:20:12,255 --> 00:20:14,558
- and never talking again.
- That's right.
505
00:20:14,591 --> 00:20:17,494
Huh, I had no idea
they were married
506
00:20:17,528 --> 00:20:19,229
or that they both loved me.
507
00:20:19,262 --> 00:20:21,598
- Can I interest you in our homewrecker package?
- (laughs)
508
00:20:21,632 --> 00:20:24,701
You don't have to throw up in
my mouth twice. Let's do it.
509
00:20:24,735 --> 00:20:27,137
LEETA: In addition to the
contractual changes, we are now
510
00:20:27,170 --> 00:20:29,606
allowed use of any ship in
Starfleet at our discretion,
511
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,543
whether we end up joining
the Federation or not.
512
00:20:32,576 --> 00:20:34,511
And ten points on the back end
of every holo-novel program
513
00:20:34,511 --> 00:20:35,879
in perpetuity.
514
00:20:35,912 --> 00:20:38,649
(sighs) I don't think
they have back end,
515
00:20:38,682 --> 00:20:40,283
but yes, yes.
516
00:20:40,317 --> 00:20:41,885
- (whispers)
- Uh-huh.
517
00:20:41,918 --> 00:20:44,388
Also, the Nagus would
like you to dance for him.
518
00:20:44,421 --> 00:20:46,657
(sighs)
519
00:20:46,690 --> 00:20:48,759
(clears throat) I've
made those changes
520
00:20:48,792 --> 00:20:51,362
and added a billion bars
of gold-pressed latinum
521
00:20:51,395 --> 00:20:52,529
as a signing bonus.
522
00:20:52,563 --> 00:20:53,930
Wh-What? Captain!
523
00:20:53,964 --> 00:20:56,400
Keep dancing. Why
so giving, Freeman?
524
00:20:56,433 --> 00:20:59,235
I just want to wrap this
up and free the admiral
525
00:20:59,269 --> 00:21:01,705
before he signs away the
entire fleet. (chuckles)
526
00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:05,008
- He's clearly under your thumb.
- I am not!
527
00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:07,177
I don't buy it. There
has to be a catch.
528
00:21:07,210 --> 00:21:09,913
Of course. I've
added one provision.
529
00:21:09,946 --> 00:21:11,982
Here comes the other shoe.
530
00:21:12,015 --> 00:21:14,985
Before you receive any
of these signing bonuses,
531
00:21:15,018 --> 00:21:18,121
you must recruit one
other planet yourself,
532
00:21:18,154 --> 00:21:21,825
- since you're so good at it.
- What are you thinking, Carol?
533
00:21:21,858 --> 00:21:23,193
That's nothing. We
do it all the time.
534
00:21:23,193 --> 00:21:26,930
Ha! Do you realize
what just happened?
535
00:21:26,963 --> 00:21:29,199
You know how many planets
are in debt to us?
536
00:21:29,232 --> 00:21:31,568
Bringing just one
in will be nothing.
537
00:21:31,602 --> 00:21:33,504
We'll be in debt
to them forever.
538
00:21:33,537 --> 00:21:35,839
It's all right, Admiral.
They get nothing.
539
00:21:35,872 --> 00:21:37,273
- We're done here.
- (Rom laughs)
540
00:21:37,307 --> 00:21:38,942
What? What do you mean?
541
00:21:38,975 --> 00:21:40,243
You owe us a fortune.
542
00:21:40,276 --> 00:21:43,447
Yes, contingent on
bringing in a planet.
543
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,082
But I didn't say which planet.
544
00:21:46,116 --> 00:21:47,751
You might want to
read the fine print.
545
00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:49,352
(muttering)
546
00:21:49,386 --> 00:21:52,489
Qo'noS, the Klingon
homeworld? That's impossible!
547
00:21:52,523 --> 00:21:53,890
Oh, I know.
548
00:21:53,924 --> 00:21:56,059
You forgot the eighth
rule of acquisition.
549
00:21:56,092 --> 00:21:59,029
"Small print leads
to large risk."
550
00:21:59,062 --> 00:22:01,832
(gasps) You swindled
like a true Ferengi.
551
00:22:01,865 --> 00:22:03,667
I swear I had nothing
to do with this.
552
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:06,036
You're lucky she
did. As much as we're
553
00:22:06,069 --> 00:22:07,771
in favor of joining
the Federation,
554
00:22:07,804 --> 00:22:10,941
the Grand Nagus can't sign with
a bunch of suckers and rubes.
555
00:22:10,974 --> 00:22:13,309
Captain Freeman, you showed
me that there are those
556
00:22:13,343 --> 00:22:15,746
in the Federation who
respect our culture.
557
00:22:15,779 --> 00:22:18,482
Let's start over. Bring
me the standard papers.
558
00:22:18,515 --> 00:22:20,684
I'll sign.
559
00:22:25,155 --> 00:22:27,658
(sighs) Please
accept my apologies.
560
00:22:27,691 --> 00:22:29,359
I shouldn't have doubted you.
561
00:22:29,392 --> 00:22:31,795
I'll be relaying your
acuity to Command.
562
00:22:31,828 --> 00:22:34,230
Thank you, Admiral.
Happy to be of aid.
563
00:22:34,264 --> 00:22:37,634
Now, who wants to check
out my batting cages?
564
00:22:37,668 --> 00:22:41,438
FREEMAN: With the application
submitted, so begins the first step
565
00:22:41,472 --> 00:22:43,940
to the Ferengi joining
the Federation.
566
00:22:43,974 --> 00:22:45,942
There are many more
hurdles to leap,
567
00:22:45,976 --> 00:22:49,112
but today felt
like a good start.
568
00:22:50,514 --> 00:22:53,584
Well, Mariner, was guide
duty as fun as rumored?
569
00:22:53,617 --> 00:22:55,085
Uh, I had to take
out a predatory loan
570
00:22:55,085 --> 00:22:56,319
from one of my closest friends,
571
00:22:56,319 --> 00:22:57,954
apparently I get in
fights for no reason,
572
00:22:57,988 --> 00:23:00,957
and I can feel my hangover
in my entire spine.
573
00:23:00,991 --> 00:23:02,593
Why are you getting into fights?
574
00:23:02,626 --> 00:23:04,628
Ugh. You wouldn't understand.
575
00:23:04,661 --> 00:23:06,763
Okay. How about you two?
576
00:23:06,797 --> 00:23:08,031
How was the couple's retreat?
577
00:23:08,064 --> 00:23:09,866
Oh, faking a
relationship was way,
578
00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:11,401
way out of our
comfort zone, sir.
579
00:23:11,434 --> 00:23:14,137
Yeah, we just don't have
any natural chemistry.
580
00:23:14,170 --> 00:23:17,007
- Want to help me reroute that phase conduit?
- Sure.
581
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,509
Ha!
582
00:23:18,542 --> 00:23:20,911
We got to squeeze in there.
583
00:23:20,944 --> 00:23:22,879
- Hand me the spanner.
- On it.
584
00:23:22,913 --> 00:23:25,015
(sighs) Now, this makes sense.
585
00:23:25,048 --> 00:23:27,884
Wait, where's Mr. Boimler?
586
00:23:27,918 --> 00:23:29,385
(PADD rings)
587
00:23:29,419 --> 00:23:31,555
Mr. Boimler, did you
do too many locations?
588
00:23:31,588 --> 00:23:33,189
- Are you in need of aid?
- Uh, no.
589
00:23:33,223 --> 00:23:36,760
I watched eight hours straight
of Ferengi programming.
590
00:23:36,793 --> 00:23:38,862
I'm sorry I let you down, sir.
591
00:23:38,895 --> 00:23:41,097
- Honestly, I'm proud of you.
- Really?
592
00:23:41,131 --> 00:23:43,299
You've always had a problem
going with the flow,
593
00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:45,902
but today it looks like you
got out of your own way.
594
00:23:45,936 --> 00:23:47,303
Thank you, sir.
595
00:23:47,337 --> 00:23:48,605
I've authorized the
local authorities
596
00:23:48,605 --> 00:23:49,940
to drag you out of there.
597
00:23:49,973 --> 00:23:51,213
Just go limp, don't fight them.
598
00:23:51,241 --> 00:23:52,801
- (Boimler screaming)
- Get out of here!
599
00:23:53,644 --> 00:23:55,579
- (laughs)
- (screaming continues)
600
00:23:55,612 --> 00:23:57,013
I really like that lieutenant.
601
00:23:57,047 --> 00:23:58,649
- (whip cracking)
- BOIMLER: Oh! Aah!
602
00:23:58,682 --> 00:24:02,753
Oh! Oh, no. Oh, oh, no, no,
no, no, no, no! (grunts)
603
00:24:07,257 --> 00:24:10,694
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
604
00:24:57,307 --> 00:24:59,109
(man imitates weapons firing)
605
00:25:00,944 --> 00:25:03,814
Chirp.
606
00:25:03,864 --> 00:25:08,414
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