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1
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,320
What makes a barrister?
2
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:11,120
- Brain of a fox, liver of an ox.
- The hugest of cocks.
3
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,400
Where do you get your fire?
'Cos you need to find that.
4
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,760
At the moment,
it's all a bit hufflepuff.
5
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,200
The most important thing is
that you be yourself.
6
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,400
- There you go! Great.
- Unless you want to apply
7
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,840
for silk gown, in which case,
you have 9 months
8
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,920
to become someone different.
9
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,520
- I'm Will's girlfriend.
- Which one?
10
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:28,920
The way it's looking,
you are lying to me.
11
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,360
I'm not lying to you.
12
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:31,920
So which do you think
is more likely,
13
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,200
that Pia was asking you
which Will you meant
14
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:35,960
or that she was telling you
to your face
15
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,360
- that I have another girlfriend?
- [ Scoffs ] I'm so sorry.
16
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,040
- All's back to normal, then?
- Looks like it.
17
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,280
I've been an unbelievable
piece of shit.
18
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,160
You have been an unbelievable
piece of shit.
19
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:59,480
I'm sorry, Ness.
[ All groan ]
20
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,400
Also, I'm sorry I thought this
place would be quieter
21
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:07,200
on a Wednesday,
but I guess the football's on.
22
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,560
Do you think it's the job?
23
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,840
It just seems
to have changed you.
24
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,280
All the indifference,
the hardness,
25
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:20,040
all the "woo-hoo
I've got a granny-basher case!"
26
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,640
What happened to you, Will?
27
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,800
You know, I'd look at other guys
and be like,
28
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,560
"Yeah, he's fit,"
or, you know,
29
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:33,520
"That one's very funny or
successful," but my Will...
30
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,600
he's just lovely.
31
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,120
And I thought we were pretty
great together, weren't we?
32
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,120
I don't know, Ness...
33
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:50,640
[ Cheering ]
34
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,840
I'm sorry...
35
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,400
I'm gonna go.
[ Sniffles ]
36
00:01:55,800 --> 00:02:02,960
♪
37
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:10,360
♪
38
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:15,560
♪ There's a storm coming ♪
39
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,760
♪ You'd better run ♪
40
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:23,800
♪ There's a storm coming ♪
41
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,880
♪ Goodbye to the Sun ♪
42
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:32,880
♪ There's a storm coming ♪
43
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:40,440
♪ You'd better run, boy, run ♪
44
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,560
♪ You'd better run ♪
45
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,560
♪ There's a ship
that's sailing ♪
46
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,000
Hey, Will!
47
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,680
Liam's wearing his lucky charm.
48
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,200
And the charm is his pants.
49
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:52,760
Infallible magic, Wills.
50
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,720
These pants were worn to victory
in the Under 15
51
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,960
Westminster Schools
High Jump competition,
52
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,480
and have been my go-to cladding,
ever since.
53
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,400
Today's the day.
First solo cases.
54
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,840
- What you got, Wills?
- Er... sentencing. Drugs.
55
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:05,880
Whoo-hoo. Drugs!
You nervous?
56
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,720
Not particularly, why?
57
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,440
Just thought maybe you're the
sort who freezes on the big day.
58
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,680
Quits, moves to the Hebrides.
Does things with yarn.
59
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,000
Cool...
good luck, guys.
60
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,200
- Alright?
- Sorry, got to go.
61
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:19,960
What's going on with him?
62
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,960
God knows, maybe his favourite
podcast crew split up.
63
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,480
Well, I'm joyful.
Second six.
64
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,000
On our feet, and we only
65
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,640
have to see
our pupil masters voluntarily.
66
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,600
Sometime this morning,
I'm going to turn around,
67
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,160
not see Ashley
and most probably orgasm.
68
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,400
- What you got?
- Plea and Mit. You?
69
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,360
Power cut-off.
95 pound, thank you very much.
70
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:38,920
- Pia what about you?
- Oh!
71
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,960
Private drink and driving trial
in the Mags.
72
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,160
- What...
- ...the fuck!
73
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:44,920
Mm-hmm.
74
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,240
I met this solicitor friend
of Miles and we connected.
75
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,200
When you say you connected?
76
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,400
Her favourite fruit is kiwis
and we both really love "Glee."
77
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,720
- Actively ignoring that.
- Yeah.
78
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,480
Just going to have
a lovely day.
79
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,040
[ Cell phone rings ]
80
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,520
- Hello?
- Caroline!
81
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,080
This is it.
You know we've been talking
82
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,160
about increasing
your public profile
83
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,280
Well,
they're having a discussion day
84
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,920
about women in the law at
the Southbank Centre tomorrow...
85
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,160
- What's the South Bank centre?
- Erm...
86
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:14,680
it's an arts centre...
87
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,520
...on the South Bank.
88
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:17,760
Of the Thames.
89
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,240
Oh yeah... that.
90
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,440
Fiona, it's really
not my sort of thing.
91
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,240
Okay. Listen.
92
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,320
It isyour sort of thing,
because you want to be a QC.
93
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,760
And you are a leader,
as a barrister and as a woman.
94
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,840
Yeah, I suppose
I am those things.
95
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:32,600
What do they want from me?
Biography?
96
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,440
War stories?
Hair tips?
97
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:36,240
- They don't want hair tips.
- They haven't seen my hair.
98
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:37,640
They want to know
what you're doing
99
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,320
to fight for women and justice.
100
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,520
- Blimey.
- I'll send you the details.
101
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,360
Bye...
102
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,160
Ah!
Here he is!
103
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,240
- Hi...
- Oh, they grow up so fast...
104
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,600
Sorry...
105
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,920
So, you've had
your difficulties.
106
00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,960
We've muddled through.
107
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,480
But now you are on your feet,
and you will be deeply,
108
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:06,160
deeply alone, until the day
you die in your wig.
109
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,240
Thank you, that is
a great pep talk.
110
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,480
You'll make mistakes.
Don't admit to them.
111
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,920
Hide your weakness.
Bury your feelings.
112
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,880
Stay clear in your mind
and cold in your heart.
113
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,840
And most importantly, tell
no one it's your first case.
114
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,040
No, I think that's all.
115
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,560
Make me proud.
116
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:34,480
♪
117
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,560
He's a bit antsy.
118
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:40,360
Hasn't had any smack
since he pleaded two days ago.
119
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,400
Doctor's meant to have brought
some methadone, but...
120
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:50,600
Sure.
Cheers, thank you.
121
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:54,680
- Hey, Gavin.
- Hey, mate!
122
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,120
- You feeling okay?
- I'm great, mate.
123
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,120
I'm great.
124
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,360
Would you mind
just moving that way a little?
125
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,840
- Come over this way?
- Yeah, bit further.
126
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,720
Yeah, keep going.
127
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,240
More to the side of the room.
128
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,080
- Is it alright if we...?
- Dude, will you move!
129
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,520
- Alright, mate. It's okay.
- I'm sorry, that was rude of me.
130
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,880
Just please get back...
131
00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:17,440
- Here?
- Turn round.
132
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,520
Just turn.
133
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:21,960
More to the left.
134
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,120
Gavin, I'm right
in the corner.
135
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:25,760
Please, mate,
I'm pleading with you here.
136
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,120
We're going to tip over, there's
too much weight on this side.
137
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,880
Gavin, you're on that side.
138
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:33,760
Yeah, but if I move,
the snakes will get me.
139
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,480
Okay, Gavin, listen to me.
140
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,000
You're hallucinating.
141
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,080
It's okay, but we need
to talk about your case.
142
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,520
- What you doing?
- It's okay, work with me.
143
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,240
- Get back in the corner!
- No, I'm going to come
144
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:45,880
round there, you're going
to take your seat, and--
145
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,360
Get back in the fucking corner!
146
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,440
Relax, let's get rid
of these snakes.
147
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:52,320
Don't need these!
148
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,160
Off they go, don't need those.
149
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:56,480
- Give me your hand.
- No...
150
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:57,680
I'm on your side,
take my hand.
151
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,960
- You're mad.
- No, no, no, no!
152
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,480
Erm...
153
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:09,000
Guard?
Guard!
154
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:12,800
Gavin.
155
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,080
I remember Gavin.
156
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:16,800
I was his probation officer
first time
157
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,280
he came out of prison.
158
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:19,880
That was just for a bit
of house theft.
159
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:21,920
But he really got into drugs
while he was on the inside.
160
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,680
Got the impression
it really changed him.
161
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,360
Yeah, I was thinking maybe he
could have
162
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:29,720
- a rehabilitation order?
- Gavin? [ Scoffs ]
163
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,640
Nah.
It's his eighth offence, love.
164
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,320
What's the point?
165
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,600
Maybe that is the point
that it's his eighth offence,
166
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,160
he's just cracked a hole in his
skull, the guy needs our help.
167
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:43,320
- Is this your first time?
- No.
168
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:47,080
Really?
'Cos you talk like it is.
169
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,080
They'll soon knock that
out of you.
170
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,400
- If I fill--
- Ain't happening.
171
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:08,720
♪
172
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,440
♪ In the morning ♪
173
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,000
♪ Shake your sleep ♪
[ Cell phone rings ]
174
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,600
♪ In the morning ♪
175
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,080
♪ Shake your sleep ♪
176
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:19,680
- Fiona!
- Ashley, listen,
177
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,600
I've got to be quick.
178
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:26,720
I've heard a strong rumour from
the QC Applications board...
179
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,680
Yeah...
180
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:34,560
Okay... thanks.
Thank you. Bye.
181
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,000
Fuck!
182
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,240
[ Quietly ] Fuck it!
183
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:49,680
♪
184
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,360
There he is!
185
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,720
The boy has become a man!
186
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,120
Come in, let me look at you.
187
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,080
See if you're any different.
188
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,120
- Ah, I can't make anything out.
- I didn't appear.
189
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,000
The guy headbutted
his cell wall.
190
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,120
- Really? Druggie was it?
- Yeah, cracked his head open.
191
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:08,520
There was blood
all over the floor.
192
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,520
[ Laughs ] You tell it well!
Sit down.
193
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,200
I'm having a bit of trouble
with this seminar.
194
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,800
Fiona's sent me a list
of questions.
195
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,520
Ask me any one.
Go!
196
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,800
Er... okay.
Why do you like your job?
197
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,000
Why do I like my job?
198
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,840
Why do I like...?
199
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,880
God, that's a toughie, isn't it?
200
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,400
- What shall I say?
- I dunno.
201
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,680
Can't you just make up some crap
about baking,
202
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:36,880
like you normally do?
203
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,920
What's wrong with you,
Pissy Elliot?
204
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,400
Nothing.
Just the usual.
205
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,440
Just a client who's in pain
and everyone too jaded
206
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,320
to give a crap,
and me trying to get on
207
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,400
with my job like it's normal,
but it's not normal, is it?
208
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:49,920
It's uncaring
and it's impersonal
209
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:51,160
and I guess it's starting
to get to me.
210
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:52,480
Oh, it's good
you got a tough one.
211
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,000
Hardens you.
Makes you a killer.
212
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,080
- Like you.
- Yes, like me.
213
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,440
Why do I like my job?
God!
214
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,320
I haven't been this stumped
since couples therapy.
215
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,400
Caroline, I don't want
to be like you.
216
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,840
What?
217
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,840
I'm sorry, I mean, no offence,
but you're kind of awful.
218
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:13,560
You've got no friends.
219
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,120
You constantly working
without any sense of purpose.
220
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:16,600
You can't even answer a simple
primary school
221
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,680
career day question like,
"why do you like your job?"
222
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,600
You've been doing this
for 16 years.
223
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,800
You're about to apply to be a QC
for the third time in a row.
224
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,760
That is an outrageous
accusation. You take that back!
225
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,600
Why is that the thing
that bothers you?
226
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,920
I've told you that someone
has cracked their skull open.
227
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,320
In case you haven't noticed,
228
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:32,800
Will, what we do
is down in the gutter.
229
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,560
And things are grey.
230
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,280
Grey like Lincolnshire.
231
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,560
Grey like Christian Grey
fucking the dog from the Artist
232
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,480
in Grey Gardens
in the grey light of dawn...
233
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,320
Oh, fuck's sake. I have a lot
of respect for you, Caroline.
234
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,480
I really do,
but if I turn out like this,
235
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,240
I'm going to consider it a
catastrophic fucking failure...
236
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:54,680
♪
237
00:10:55,080 --> 00:11:00,320
♪
238
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,640
Tom-oh. Big Tom, howdy!
239
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,840
Yeah, no good, thanks, work
has been absolutely mad, yeah.
240
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,920
So, listen,
quick question,
241
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,400
do you still living
in that place in Dalston...
242
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,920
You've moved...
to Riga?
243
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,320
Wow, that's big...
244
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:21,880
Yeah, no, I just wanted
to ask,
245
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,200
do you and Joy
still have that spare room?
246
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,680
Oh, I see, right, yeah...
247
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,720
she's already spoken to you, Nessa.
248
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,200
Hey, Danielle. It's Will, just
trying to get hold of you.
249
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,320
Give me a call back
when you get this.
250
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:39,840
Alright, cheers, bye.
251
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,840
♪
252
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:47,480
[ Music plays in background ]
253
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:53,960
♪
254
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,320
Hiya, can I get
a pint of lager, please?
255
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,680
Sure.
256
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,120
Liam?
257
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,520
Will!
258
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,920
Hey there!
259
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,480
Just having a celebratory drink.
260
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,480
- On your own?
- Sure!
261
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,120
Because I was so awesome today
that telling anyone else
262
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,160
would seem arrogant...
263
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,840
And that's the last thing
I would want.
264
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,040
- Sure.
- There you go.
265
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,800
Thank you.
266
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,200
Liam, I'm sorry to ask
but you don't have a spare room
267
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,160
I could borrow
for the night, do you?
268
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:33,360
- Sure, I've got five.
- Thanks, Liam.
269
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,440
I mean,
it's my parent's house,
270
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,680
so technically,
we've got five...
271
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,040
They've got five...
272
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,680
Liam!
Will!
273
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,800
Been in the Coach and Horses
just popped in for a nightcap.
274
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,200
You want to talk?
275
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:52,800
You look like you
might want to talk.
276
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,880
Not even sure how I ended up
doing crime.
277
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,160
Started off doing
commercial stuff.
278
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,960
Wasn't my thing.
279
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,840
Always been a bit more
street-smart than book-smart.
280
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:05,920
- You've probably noticed.
- Sure
281
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,480
God, yeah...
282
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,480
Ugh, I'm waffling on.
283
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:16,960
You two have much bigger
matters on your minds as well.
284
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,480
- You're on your feet.
- Yeah.
285
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,400
Brilliant.
Crushed it.
286
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:21,960
And you've broken up with your
girlfriend and are homeless!
287
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,360
Yep.
That's my achievement.
288
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:31,280
I froze today.
In court.
289
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,160
What?
290
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,600
I couldn't shake the thought--
291
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,320
"there is a man's liberty
depending on me."
292
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,120
Me!
293
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:46,760
Just some faintly educated guy.
294
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,240
Standing there in a suit.
295
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,960
And a 14-year old's pants...
296
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,240
I should just give it all up.
297
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,920
I'm a failure.
298
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,800
Liam, you're not a failure.
299
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,520
Okay, cards on the table.
300
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:06,120
Do you guys think
I'm a good barrister?
301
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,080
Do you think I'll ever be a QC?
302
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:16,680
Uh, we don't really see you
in court that much, Ashley.
303
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,920
No. Of course not.
304
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,600
You know who would know?
305
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,200
Danielle!
306
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,320
Danielle!
307
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:31,040
She lives here?
She's supposed to be poor.
308
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,280
Danielle!
I'm out with the laddos!
309
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:34,760
Ashley, I think you need
to quieten down.
310
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,560
- Danielle!
- Liam...
311
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,120
Look, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley.
312
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,680
You've got to shout it
in a burst, like this...
313
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,280
Danielle!
314
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:43,320
You're just shouting
at a building.
315
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:44,560
- Danielle!
- Danielle!
316
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,000
- Danielle!
- Danielle!
317
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:46,960
It sounds like
you're saying Daniel now.
318
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,640
- Danielle!
- Danielle!
319
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,240
Oh, you pissheads. Shut up!
What are you doing here?
320
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:08,280
[ Vacuum whirs ]
321
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,240
The Sisters of Our Lady
of Prompt Succour,
322
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:20,960
Kensington Branch--
323
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,200
offering bed and board
for 500 pounds a month
324
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,440
within walking distance
of Chambers.
325
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,080
They have some weird rules,
326
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,000
but I know a flipping good deal
when I see one.
327
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,200
So, Liam told me you
split up with Nessa.
328
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,360
Yep.
329
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,120
Because I cheated on her,
with the juror.
330
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,160
Oh. I thought that was just
like a one-time kiss thing.
331
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:52,640
And then I sort of
gaslit Nessa a bit, I think.
332
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,440
How much gaslight?
333
00:15:54,840 --> 00:16:00,120
We talking Victorian parlour,
or late Georgian Crescent?
334
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,200
I guess, the former.
Still bad.
335
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,480
So yeah, I sort of fucked
everything up, I think.
336
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,000
You're on your feet today.
You need to perk up.
337
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,040
Yes.
338
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,080
- How did yours go?
- Total trip.
339
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,640
Everyone looking at you.
340
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,600
Cleverest kid in the room.
341
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,320
Felt awesome.
342
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,040
That's good, man.
343
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,400
I'm not sure I deserve
to feel awesome, but hey.
344
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:35,280
Madam, my client
admits to his crimes.
345
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,240
But in mitigation,
he had a lot on at work.
346
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:41,280
And they'd been going out for,
what, like five years?
347
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,320
- Five and a half.
- Heck of a long time.
348
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,280
He's already served
six days custody
349
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,120
under the pupil's room table.
350
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:52,880
Now, for sentence, I suggest
a lifetime's community service
351
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:58,040
being a passably good barrister.
352
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,160
Passably good?
You reckon?
353
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,520
Sure.
354
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,160
If you can clamber your way
out your own asshole.
355
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:13,160
Thanks, mate.
Very wise.
356
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,320
So, how you gonna repay me?
357
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,160
Well, here's a little
sweetener for starters.
358
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:25,080
Liam completely froze in court.
He utterly shat the bed.
359
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:29,840
Oh. That will do.
That'll do.
360
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:37,440
♪
361
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:45,200
♪
362
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:53,000
♪
363
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:59,520
- Did he get his methadone?
- Just last night.
364
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:03,160
- I could try waking him.
- Never mind. It's fine.
365
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:10,240
♪
366
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:11,760
- We can do better.
- What?
367
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,400
We can do better.
368
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:14,760
We've put this guy in prison,
we've let him out,
369
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,720
and every single time
he starts using again.
370
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,560
Over and over and over.
371
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,480
Yeah. So kind of
a hopeless case innit.
372
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,240
Except we've never actually
tried the Rehabilitation order,
373
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:23,880
have we?
374
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,200
Look, Loreleye, Lorelee, sorry...
375
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:26,600
- Lorelay.
- Lorelay.
376
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,280
What did we get
into this game for?
377
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,680
Just sending people
into prison willy-nilly?
378
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,360
I don't think so.
379
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:32,560
Was that your big plan
when you got into probation
380
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,160
- all those years ago?
- Six years ago.
381
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,240
I retrained from
parking services.
382
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,280
Well, my point is I know
you are not just a drone.
383
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:41,960
I know you are a human being,
384
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,160
I know you can feel it
when injustice is happening.
385
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:45,640
I know that you believe
in giving people second chances.
386
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:46,960
And I know that you're
going to give me
387
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,640
that Rehabilitation Order.
388
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,320
Yeah, you got that wrong.
389
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,440
I am just a drone.
390
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:55,800
And I don't give
a a pair of shits
391
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,000
about what happens
to your client.
392
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,920
But sometimes someone is so
annoying it's easier to give in.
393
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,720
So congratulations
394
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,000
you just reached
that level of annoying...
395
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,200
- I'm doing it.
- You're doing it?
396
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,760
- I'm doing it.
- Thank you. Thank you.
397
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,240
- Thank you.
- What's the surname?
398
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,480
The surname is Packham.
Will Packham.
399
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,000
And I'm going to be annoying you
a lot more
400
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,680
in the future so get used to it.
401
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,840
- Gavin's surname.
- Gavin's surname is Porter.
402
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,320
Gavin Porter.
403
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:26,840
I'm really sorry
about throwing that down.
404
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,280
- I didn't mean to do it...
- It's quite alright.
405
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:29,560
- ...as hard as that.
- Go get 'em, Packham.
406
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,440
I really appreciate it,
thank you.
407
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:38,480
♪
408
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:45,520
♪
409
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:52,560
♪
410
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,400
Gavin.
I'm gonna get you a result.
411
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,760
All rise.
412
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,120
Next, Mr. Porter.
413
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,320
Yes, Madam, I am Will Packham
representing Mr. Porter.
414
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:23,000
Great. So, Mr. Porter is here
for sentencing...
415
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,600
Anything aggravating?
416
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,440
- Some elements of public menace.
- Sure, sure.
417
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,320
But I see that the probation
service has recommended
418
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,120
some sort of
Rehabilitation requirement...
419
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,520
That's correct, madam.
Recently obtained.
420
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,800
Five years ago, my client
became addicted to drugs
421
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,400
while inside prison,
422
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,200
and he has been imprisoned
by drugs ever since.
423
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,480
He's been back behind bars
a further four times,
424
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,920
and not once has he been
given the chance to recover.
425
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,160
Something needs to change.
426
00:20:54,560 --> 00:21:00,120
Gavin has had a difficult life
and he's committed a crime.
427
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,720
And as such he deserves
to be punished
428
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,520
but he also deserves
some hope...
429
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,520
a chance to leave
the drugs behind.
430
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,000
Er...
sorry, what do I deserve again?
431
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,640
Gavin.
It's okay, shh, I've gotcha.
432
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,360
Please, forgive my client,
madam, he's in withdrawal.
433
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,240
The thing is a few hundred hours
of community service
434
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,720
- alongside the requirement--
- A few hundred hours?
435
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,320
Nah, I don't want to do a few
hundred hours! It's boring.
436
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,840
- Gavin, shh.
- Yeah, well you try doing it.
437
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,440
Painting shit and gardening,
438
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:28,880
I ain't got time for that,
come on.
439
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,280
Mr. Packham,
does your client
440
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,240
really have the will
to kick the drugs?
441
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,760
Kick the drugs? No! No!
I won't.
442
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,440
Gavin, come on, mate.
443
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:38,960
You're looking at two months
inside at this rate.
444
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,720
Two months, yeah?
Is that all?
445
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:45,240
Two months in prison and then
back to the lovely drugs please!
446
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,200
He didn't mean that, Madam...
447
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:48,560
Probably
a little bit high still.
448
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,600
Mr. Packham, did your client
449
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,040
not ask you to seek
a Rehabilitation Order...
450
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,520
No, no, no!
I never asked!
451
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,400
I actually said
I didn't want it!
452
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,240
You didn't say that!
He didn't say that, madam.
453
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,680
He was saying some things
about snakes!
454
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,680
He didn't say
that he didn't want--
455
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,120
Snakes! Alright, listen I said
I didn't want it... I said...
456
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,280
Please don't put me
in Drug Camp!
457
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,000
You have no need to worry,
Mr. Porter.
458
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,600
Take a seat.
459
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,920
Mr. Packham, this is really
quite serious.
460
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,080
You're acting against the
explicit wishes of your client.
461
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,520
Your high--, not your highness,
your honour or, er,
462
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,280
Madam is what I mean.
463
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:27,000
Erm...
464
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,080
I think this is probably just
some kind of misunderstanding.
465
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,640
Your client's instructions
are not meant
466
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,120
to be misunderstood.
467
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:34,480
This is your first case
isn't it?
468
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,600
Erm... No, madam.
It isn't my first case.
469
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,680
Mr. Packham, we all know
it's your first case.
470
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,440
Your Head Clerk texted me
to watch out for you.
471
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,200
You're lying to the bench.
472
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:45,480
Sorry, no,
it is my first case.
473
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,000
Sorry I just had erm...
474
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,440
erm, my brain farted.
475
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,600
You realise that this
is contempt of court.
476
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,480
Erm... sort of...
477
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,400
I could have you put
in the cells.
478
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,000
Yes, you could, but you're not
going to do that, are you?
479
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,960
No, you're right,
it's too much.
480
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,120
- From the public gallery.
- Go on, send him down!
481
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,840
- Yeah! Go on do it!
- Haha, kill him!
482
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,760
Ah, what the hell.
Take him down!
483
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,400
- What?!
- Twenty minutes.
484
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,360
You can't do that.
485
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,520
This is my court,
I can do what the hell I want.
486
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:25,720
Well, if you can't do
the time, ya know!
487
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:29,560
- Are we really doing this?
- Yep. In you go.
488
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,800
Okay.
489
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:36,280
[ Sniffles ]
490
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,680
Welcome everyone,
and thank you, Caroline,
491
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,160
for joining us.
492
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,480
So what would you say to those
who claim
493
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,360
that even with recent
legislation the protection
494
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,400
given to child witnesses
is not enough.
495
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:52,240
Okay well, this is
a very serious matter.
496
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,400
These days when kids
are put on the stand,
497
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,480
you're very limited
in what you can ask them.
498
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,360
I mean, my nephew can't keep
his story straight
499
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,960
when he's nicked a biscuit!
[ Laughter ]
500
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:04,880
Yeah!
Exactly.
501
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,880
So imagine that when they're
explaining how Daddy hit Mummy.
502
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,480
They'd crumble like
a wet sponge. [ Laughs ]
503
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:19,480
♪
504
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,560
Is it different for women
at the bar?
505
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,680
Yes, yes, it is.
506
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,800
Actually, when I was younger,
507
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,600
a judge tried it on
with me in his rooms.
508
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,080
Very much rejected and
the silly man is very ashamed,
509
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:35,600
so let's just say that
when I'm in his court now,
510
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,680
things tend to go my way.
511
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,840
Erm... right.
512
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:42,640
Let's move on shall we?
513
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,480
♪ Better jump right in
'Cos the water's high ♪
514
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:52,640
♪
515
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:54,880
♪ Put your hands on the bar ♪
516
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:56,600
Any questions from
the audience?
517
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,760
What do you like about
being a barrister?
518
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,800
- Well, I like winning.
- Really? After 15 years?
519
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,640
Surely there's something bigger?
520
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,320
Bigger...
521
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,320
Yes, of course... erm...
522
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:25,080
Well, what I like
about law is...
523
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:29,000
Well, the law is like erm...
524
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,600
the law is...
525
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:37,920
like... like gluten.
526
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,440
You know gluten?
527
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,280
It's the protein that binds
bread and pastry together.
528
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,360
It's not very pleasant
on its own.
529
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:50,960
Kind of warty and elastic.
530
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:54,200
But once you have gluten,
you can inflate it with yeast,
531
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,960
you can suppress it with fat.
532
00:25:57,360 --> 00:26:00,240
The eggs can mingle with the
sugar or the almonds,
533
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:02,280
or the bloody
courgette if you like,
534
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:07,440
and you can be pretty sure that
everything will hold together.
535
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,040
And I think I quite like being
part of that kind of structure.
536
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,160
What we do can be ugly,
but it is needed.
537
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,200
In a way that only grey
and unpleasant things are.
538
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,560
Just like gluten
has its detractors,
539
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,000
some people are allergic to it,
540
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:24,360
and some people pretend
to be allergic
541
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,080
and they are the worst
kind of people around,
542
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:31,120
but when you do without it,
things just taste shit.
543
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,040
Well, thank you very
much Caroline.
544
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,280
That was illuminating.
545
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,000
[ Halting applause ]
546
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,800
- Well, look who it is!
- Heya. Enjoyed the speech.
547
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,280
Yeah, well, you've got to make
some bollocks up, haven't you?
548
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:14,760
Yeah...
What you doing?
549
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,000
Ahh...
550
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,160
- you've been blooded.
- Oh, right.
551
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:20,640
I was a bit
concerned last night.
552
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,080
Yeah, sorry about that.
553
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,320
It's alright,
but a mother worries.
554
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,280
Sure.
555
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,840
So, do you need somewhere to
stay? I've got a spare room.
556
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,480
Ah, that would be amazing,
thank you.
557
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,520
My back's starting to spasm
from sleeping on the floor.
558
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,040
- Take my bag anyway
- Yeah.
559
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,800
♪
560
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,280
Just got a big juicy murder
through actually,
561
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,440
probably get you
a junior brief if you fancy it?
562
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,440
God, yeah, that would be
amazing, thank you.
563
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,840
Yeah, well, I'll need
someone I can stand.
564
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:49,840
Sure.
565
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,360
Nice here, isn't it?
566
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,600
Have you been here before?
The South Bank?
567
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,000
Yeah.
Why you saying it like that?
568
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,320
- Like what?
- Like you've never heard of it.
569
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,360
South Bank.
How do you say it?
570
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,360
- It's the Southbank
- That's what I said.
571
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:08,800
♪ My faith is in the bounds
of a million tiny words ♪
572
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:14,960
♪ So I return to silence ♪
573
00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:18,600
♪ And if I see a sign in the sky
tonight ♪
574
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,240
♪ No one's gonna tell me
it's a trick of the light ♪
575
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,920
♪ May never come,
but I'm willing to wait ♪
576
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,920
♪ What can I say,
I'm a man of the faith ♪
577
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,400
♪ And there's an ocean
in my body ♪
42779
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