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1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,344
Where did you come from, flubba?
2
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,880
Hello, Hal.
3
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,717
♪ I'm so full of bacon
4
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,053
♪ My body's meant for shakin'
5
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,558
♪ And when I start to wiggle
6
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,427
♪ My nipples they will jiggle
7
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,028
♪ Ooh-ha-ooh-ha-ha
8
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,763
♪ Ooh-ha-ooh-
ha-ha ♪
9
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,532
♪ Ooh-ha-ooh-ha...
10
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:34,668
Once again, I have
to be embarrassed
for the both of us.
11
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,903
Yup.
12
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:39,507
♪ Yes, no, maybe
13
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,042
♪ I don't know
14
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:45,246
♪ Can you repeat the question?
15
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:47,515
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,917
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
17
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:52,386
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
18
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,355
♪ And you're not so big
19
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,857
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
20
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,859
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
21
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,429
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
22
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,232
♪ And you're not so big
23
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:09,237
♪ Life is unfair.
24
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,208
You go straight to your
job after school today.
25
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,709
I don't want
you to be late
26
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,811
for your first day of work,
and no excuses.
27
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,581
I don't want to hear
a lion escaped from the zoo.
28
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:23,317
Or the bus driver went insane
and refused to stop.
29
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:25,253
Francis' friend,
Richie, gave Reese
30
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,754
a job at the Circus Burger.
31
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:27,988
It's perfect.
32
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,990
Reese gets to be
bossed around all day
33
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,959
by the only guy
on the entire planet
34
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:34,328
that's dumber than he is.
35
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:35,629
This job is stupid.
36
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,131
Well, you do get
to wear a paper hat.
37
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,433
Reese, you want to drive
when you get your license,
38
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,302
you're going to pay
for your own insurance.
39
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,737
Yeah, but if everyone
else has insurance,
then why do I need it?
40
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:44,805
They've got it covered.
41
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,740
Son, it's not
as simple as that.
42
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:49,143
You see...
43
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,912
Good morning, everybody.
44
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,014
Say good morning, Charlie.
45
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:56,484
Show everyone how alive you are.
46
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,586
My parents made
a deal with Dewey.
47
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,155
If he keeps his goldfish
alive for two months,
48
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:02,523
he gets a dog.
49
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:03,991
Aren't I doing a good job?
50
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,493
You sure are.
51
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,027
How is that fish
still alive?
52
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:08,996
I don't know.
53
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:09,997
He never feeds it.
54
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,965
He leaves it out
in the sun for hours.
55
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,335
Last week, there was an old
banana peel in there.
56
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,103
I do not want a dog
in this house.
57
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,838
Well, as long as
this fish is alive
58
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,173
there's nothing
we can do about it.
59
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,841
Hal, I expect you
to take care of this.
60
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,976
What are you suggesting?
61
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,878
I'm not suggesting
anything.
62
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,548
I just want it
taken care of.
63
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,486
Class, today we begin
a new round
64
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,522
of independent
study projects.
65
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,858
Hydrostatic Equilibrium.
66
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:41,495
My God, I'm still mired in
path integral quantization.
67
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,897
My stepdad's right,
I'm useless.
68
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,999
Well, the cold hard
fact of life is
69
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,202
some are more advanced
than others.
70
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:51,171
Some even think they are more
advanced than me.
71
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,105
I never said that.
72
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:54,675
And yet you assume I'm talking
about you.
73
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,143
You're looking right at me.
74
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,645
I'm sure you're
all convinced
75
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,880
that by virtue of your
being in this class
76
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,816
your intellects tower above
those of the tiny-minded
77
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,553
plebeians wasting oxygen
in the rest of the school.
78
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:11,259
But to some, you are nothing
more than howling primates.
79
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:13,227
I am very excited
to announce today
80
00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:16,029
that we are welcoming
to our class a new student.
81
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:19,500
A young man
of unparalleled intellect.
82
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:23,571
As near as we can measure,
his IQ is over 280.
83
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,707
Those tests are
culturally biased.
84
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,908
Think what you will.
85
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,378
Your petty fears
no longer concern me.
86
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,346
I finally have
the mental clay
87
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,781
worthy of my sculpting.
88
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,450
Barton is a white-hot
comet of brilliance
89
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:39,787
blazing through our dark
little corner of ignorance.
90
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:43,291
A mind of such unfathomable
reach and enormous power.
91
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,693
Can I come in now?
92
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,262
Barton, I thought I told you
to wait until you heard
93
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,763
"a new era for man."
94
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:52,633
But there's a bee out there.
95
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:54,768
REESE:
So, assistant manager.
96
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:55,903
How'd that happen?
97
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,638
INS raid cleaned us out.
98
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:01,275
So, from 12:00 to 5:00,
Monday, Wednesday, Thursday
99
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,876
this is my domain.
100
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,479
I'm proof you don't
really need to graduate
101
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:06,780
from high school.
102
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:07,981
That's just propaganda
103
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,451
from those money-grubbing
diploma companies.
104
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,985
Sean, Doug, this is Reese.
105
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,053
Hey.
Hey, what's up?
106
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,288
Hey.
Hey.
107
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:16,123
RICHIE:
Okay, press cow for burger,
108
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,491
potato for fries,
109
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,226
and I'm not sure
what this is.
110
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,795
Does that look like
a pig or a dog to you?
111
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:24,398
Wouldn't it be easier
to put words on the keys?
112
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,066
Ah, a man of letters.
113
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,601
A word to the wise--
114
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:30,638
I wouldn't throw that
in anyone's face.
115
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,506
Once you got your total,
116
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,442
you put the money
in the drawer.
117
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,176
Except if you're making
a pocket transaction.
118
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,145
What's that?
It's kind of a morale builder.
119
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,348
Once in a while,
you take five or ten bucks.
120
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:41,415
But you don't ring it up,
121
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,651
you put it in your
pocket instead.
122
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,053
You don't have a problem
with that, do you?
123
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,956
Oh, no, that's cool.
124
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:49,957
See, Reese?
125
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,493
You've entered
the working world.
126
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,529
The world of adult
responsibility.
127
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,002
I have the key
to her locker.
128
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,204
You want to smell
her jacket later,
129
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,673
just let me know.
130
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,608
Hey, they found
the last piece of that guy.
131
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,677
Oh, man.
132
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,445
Come on, guys,
we talked about this.
133
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,514
If we're going share
a roll of toilet paper,
134
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,449
can we at least keep it
on the spindle?
135
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,118
As long as you're bringing
this kind of stuff up,
136
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,887
I got a fiancée
coming Thursday.
137
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,889
Fiancée? What are
you talking about?
138
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,290
I'm engaged.
139
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,693
There comes a time when a man
gets tired of playing the field.
140
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:26,660
What field?
141
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,895
You don't even know any women.
142
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,129
That occurred to me, too.
143
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,131
That's why I ordered one
from Russia.
144
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,500
A mail-order bride?
145
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:33,967
That actually exists?
146
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,003
Sure. In some of the more
irradiated parts
147
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,671
of the former Soviet Union,
148
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,540
there are a lot of
marriage-minded women.
149
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:41,909
That's my darling,
Svetlana.
150
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,511
Wait a second.
151
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:45,713
Yup.
152
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:48,048
Svetlana.
153
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,519
How come you're
driving us to school?
154
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,954
Because that's what
mamas do sometimes.
155
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,716
BOY:
How'd you do on the test?
156
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,753
DABNEY:
Okay...
157
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,088
you know your Tolstoy,
and your Elliot.
158
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,424
Let's see how you do
with the Bard.
159
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:34,762
"Every true man's apparel
fits your thief."
160
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,397
Measure for Measure,
Act Four, Scene Two,
161
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:38,532
Abhorson's speech to Pompey.
162
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,067
Could you hand me
my green crayon?
163
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,035
Wow, he's
right again.
164
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:45,272
Okay, Barton, let's try
Chaucer's The Shipman's Tale.
165
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,907
Should I start with
the prologue?
166
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:47,941
Please.
167
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,743
How about line 203?
168
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:53,080
"'And when your husband
has gone off to Flanders,
169
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:56,116
"I shall deliver you
from fear of slanders.'
170
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,719
"And on the word,
he caught her by the flanks
171
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,590
"and clasped her closely,
giving her a riot of kisses
172
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,459
saying softly,
'Keep things quiet.'"
173
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,360
HERKABE:
What are you doing?!
174
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,063
Chaucer?
175
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,165
I can not believe you are
polluting his mind
176
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,834
with such
pop culture drivel.
177
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,172
I apologize for them, Barton.
178
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:21,241
And I will do everything
I can to minimize these
179
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,944
annoying distractions, so
that you can concentrate
180
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,780
on the accelerated program
I've laid out for you.
181
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:30,450
Together, we are going
to astonish the world.
182
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:32,820
Would you like a Pixy Stix?
183
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,689
Thank you.
184
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,993
Having problems, Malcolm?
185
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,362
No, no, not you.
186
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,431
It's this stupid
hydrostatic equilibrium.
187
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,866
It just doesn't make any sense.
188
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,668
Well, it is awfully difficult.
189
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:48,702
But don't despair.
190
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,303
I am here for you, Malcolm
191
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,271
and I'll make sure
192
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,373
that you get the help
that you deserve.
193
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,043
To estimate the pressure
at the center of the sun,
194
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,612
just assume a constant
density of 1.41 grams
195
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,047
per cubic centimeter.
196
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,516
Am I going too fast for you?
197
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:05,352
You know, Herkabe only made you
my tutor to humiliate me.
198
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,354
I thought it was
to humiliate me.
199
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,822
I don't understand
why this is so hard.
200
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:09,957
Don't give up.
201
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,792
Remember the Little Engine
That Could?
202
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,060
You're not listening!
203
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,027
I get everything.
204
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,062
In my entire life,
205
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,731
there is nothing I haven't
been able to master.
206
00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:19,800
I took algebra
in sixth grade.
207
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,001
I taught my dad
how to rebuild
208
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,302
his transmission
when I was five.
209
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,071
I was reading
before I could walk.
210
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,006
I remember my own birth.
211
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,975
What?
212
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,710
Do you know your heart stops
213
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,879
during your mother's
contractions?
214
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,214
You seriously remember that?
215
00:08:34,246 --> 00:08:35,816
The worst was
the diaper-changing.
216
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:39,251
That was the most
degrading week of my life.
217
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:42,255
So, what's it like in there?
218
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,691
What do you mean?
219
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,358
Well, your brain?
220
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:48,395
I mean, for me,
it's like when I'm
thinking really hard,
221
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:50,831
my brain starts making
all these connections
222
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,366
and those connections
make other connections
223
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,669
and everything starts
moving really fast
224
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,404
and it feels like
a bomb's going off.
225
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:58,606
Is your brain like that?
226
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,540
It's more like a beehive
227
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:03,476
and every bee
has a brain like yours.
228
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,446
Okay, ready!
229
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,282
That is so cool!
230
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,517
I wish you had a gun
231
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,720
so we could really
test this thing out.
232
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:15,122
CRAIG:
Excuse me, could I
get some help here?
233
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,356
Hey, Craig.
234
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,391
So, I overheard
your mom talking
on the phone
235
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:19,760
and it's true:
236
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:20,761
you've got a job.
237
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,596
I applied here, once.
238
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:23,897
Didn't get it.
239
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,565
It's all politics.
240
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:26,767
I guess.
So, what do you want?
241
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,401
I want you to listen
very carefully.
242
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,137
My blood sugar
is dangerously low
243
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,706
so I don't want to
burn up any calories
repeating myself.
244
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,776
I want the Jumbo Clown Burger
with the Big-top Fries,
245
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:39,112
no pickles, a slice of onion,
make sure it's center-cut
246
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:40,380
and extra tomatoes.
247
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,915
And let's do the patty
248
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:44,652
well on one side
and medium on the other.
249
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:47,554
And make sure they open
a fresh package for my bun.
250
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,456
If it's stale, I bail.
251
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,392
Seriously.
252
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,094
REESE:
Your total's $5.45
253
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,629
and you get free
refills on the soda.
254
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,597
I've heard that one before.
255
00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:00,167
Turns out,
it's just for today.
256
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,270
What a sack.
257
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,572
RICHIE:
That's a pocket
transaction
258
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,641
if I ever saw one.
259
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:09,677
Oh.
260
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:10,844
Yeah.
261
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,513
Right.
262
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:35,502
Artie, you put together
one hell of a bachelor party.
263
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,171
I'm much obliged to you.
264
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,674
Oh, I'm just sorry
the nearest stripper
is 300 miles away.
265
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,776
Hey, how's she doing, anyway?
266
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,878
She took her top off.
267
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,213
ALL:
Oh, yeah!
268
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,850
All right, all right,
hey, listen up.
269
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:53,553
I'd like to say a few words
about my bunkmate, Pete, here
270
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,956
on account of his
upcoming nuptials.
271
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:59,226
Many's the time
when I've been feeling low
272
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:02,562
and I always knew
I could turn to Pete.
273
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,297
He'd be lying there on his bunk,
274
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,299
trimming his beard
with a lighter
275
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,902
and I'd think,
"Hell, I'm better than that."
276
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,738
To Pete, and his lucky lady.
277
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,907
To Pete.
278
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,208
ALL:
Yeah!
279
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,744
What's going on with you?
280
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,511
I just don't get
what we're celebrating.
281
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,813
I mean, it just seems wrong.
282
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,414
It's Pete's life;
if he wants to marry
283
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,183
a total stranger,
that's his business.
284
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,585
Well, what about this woman,
is anyone thinking about her?
285
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:28,388
Right now, I'm trying to keep
a topless stripper in my head.
286
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,890
I don't have room
for much else.
287
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,258
Think about it
for a second.
288
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,827
She's blindly committing
to spend the rest of her life
289
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:36,163
in this godforsaken place
with Pete as her husband.
290
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,931
I mean, what kind
of a poor creature
291
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,767
would actually go through
with this?
292
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,168
Maybe her life's
pretty awful.
293
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,335
Worse than this?
294
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,071
What? Does she live
in a slaughterhouse?
295
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,039
Is she dragged to work
by horses every day?
296
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,508
She couldn't possibly know
what she's getting into.
297
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,743
You're exaggerating, man.
298
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,111
We don't know.
299
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,345
It might work out fine.
300
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:00,420
RICHIE:
Dudes, how's business?
301
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:01,421
Where were you?
302
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,190
I was supposed to
be home for dinner
303
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,358
but you're the only one
who can cash me out.
304
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,360
Hey, I'd stay
on my good side
if I was you.
305
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:10,263
One of these days, somebody's
going to have to clean out
306
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:11,431
those bathrooms.
307
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,133
Whoa, dude,
this is way uncool.
308
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,268
Reese, man, you can't take
this much money.
309
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,603
What are you
talking about?
310
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:17,938
Your cash drawer, man.
311
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,606
It's over 400 bucks short.
312
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:20,874
Look. The whole point is
313
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,043
to take five or ten bucks,
and that's it.
314
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,812
You got to put the 400 back.
315
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,713
I didn't take it, honest.
316
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,781
Dude, it's your register.
317
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,749
Did he give his register key
to anyone today?
318
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,284
No.
Uh-uh.
319
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,252
I didn't take it.
320
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,486
I didn't take any.
321
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,489
I never even did
one of those stupid
pocket transactions.
322
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,291
What are you talking about?
I saw you yesterday.
323
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,661
No, I wanted it to look
like I was taking it,
but I didn't really.
324
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:42,996
When you guys
weren't looking,
325
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,597
I put the money back.
326
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,734
You guys didn't see it,
because I was... being
sneaky and stuff.
327
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,836
Nice, Reese.
328
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,603
Way to screw it up
for everybody.
329
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,972
I didn't take it.
330
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,274
Look, man, if you think I'm
covering for you, you're crazy.
331
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,943
When the owner comes back
tomorrow morning
332
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,777
and checks the books,
that money better be here
333
00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,479
or you're going down.
334
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,949
Oh, dude.
335
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,483
MALCOLM:
All right.
336
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,119
To change from apparent
to absolute magnitude
in all spectra,
337
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:10,190
the formula is
"A over B,
times K over D."
338
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,592
That's if K is...
339
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,828
How do they expect
you to learn all
these formulas?
340
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:16,663
Use a mnemonic device.
341
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:20,567
Like, "Anefru, Babbashar,
Kalhla, Dastra..."
342
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,603
Babylonian kings,
Third Dynasty.
343
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,172
Stop complaining.
344
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,140
I have homework, too.
345
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,142
Oh, it's a butterfly.
346
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,544
Malcolm, you got to help me.
347
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:32,512
What's going on?
348
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:33,847
It's horrible.
349
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,883
There was $400 missing
from the register
350
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,451
at the end of my shift,
and they think I took it.
351
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,187
Well, did you?
352
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,654
No. Of course not.
353
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,523
I'm Barton.
Who's this dork?
354
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,558
He's my tutor.
You're kidding me.
355
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,194
The one time I need you
to be a genius,
356
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,462
I find out you're faking
the whole smart thing?
357
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:50,397
Reese, calm down.
358
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,331
How did this happen?
359
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,866
I don't know.
My register didn't
360
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,902
total up right
at the end of the shift.
361
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,669
Who was there?
Everyone:
362
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,371
Me, Sean, Greta, Richie.
363
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,874
Richie? Why didn't you
say so in the first place?
364
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:03,676
What do you mean?
It's Richie,
he's setting you up.
365
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,845
How do you know?
Because it's Richie.
366
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,414
Come on.
367
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,184
Barton, you want to go learn
something about the real world?
368
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,286
Not really.
Too bad. You're coming.
369
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,190
Dewey, you have to cover for us.
370
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,326
Make sure it sounds like
we're all still here.
371
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,393
Got it.
372
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,329
Ow...
373
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,496
Stop it!
374
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,065
You shut up.
375
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:27,334
Stupid creeps...
376
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,202
Ow... stop it...
377
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,337
:
Did you get it?
378
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,106
Yes, I got it.
379
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,275
The pet store owner told
me it was already dead.
380
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,577
But I suspect the worst.
381
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,380
We'll switch the fish tonight
when Dewey's sleeping.
382
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,581
I don't know, Lois.
383
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,550
It seems so sneaky
and underhanded.
384
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,353
What kind of example are
we setting for the boys?
385
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,887
Oh, Hal, stop worrying.
386
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,990
The boys are fine.
387
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,228
Hey, dude, did you get
the money?
388
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,464
Yeah, you'd like another 400,
wouldn't you?
389
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,232
What are you talking about?
390
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:02,535
Wow, an entire colony
of Cryphonectria parasitica.
391
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,971
Hey, get your own pizza, Dewey.
392
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,272
His name's
not Dewey.
393
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:08,275
So, how come you've had me call
him Dewey all these years?
394
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,742
Look, we know you
took the money
395
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,878
and you're just trying
to pin it on Reese.
396
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,047
After everything
my brother's done for you.
397
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,582
All the alibis,
all the handouts,
398
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,985
all the times he's helped you
fake your death.
399
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,954
Whoa, dudes, I wasn't
even there today.
400
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,656
The only time I came in
was to cash out.
401
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:24,691
You were right there.
402
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:26,926
Yeah, but I had
a ten-minute
break at 4:30.
403
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,462
You could've snuck in
then and taken the money.
404
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,298
Well, yeah, but...
405
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,832
You want to play innocent?
406
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,502
Fine, we'll just let
the police decide.
407
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,171
Whoa, police.
408
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,640
What makes you think the cops
are going to take your side?
409
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,475
Maybe 'cause you've
already been arrested
410
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,977
like ten times
for petty theft.
411
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:47,147
Excuse me, one of
those was for arson.
412
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,850
I'm telling you, you're
making a big mistake.
413
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,519
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
414
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,988
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
415
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:56,956
He didn't do it.
416
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,458
According to
this citation,
417
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,428
Richie was stopped at 4:20 today
at 18th and Wilson
418
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,663
for urinating
from a moving vehicle.
419
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,832
So?
So, the Circus Burger is
420
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:08,535
on Walnut,
which is at least 25 miles away.
421
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,837
He couldn't have gotten there
during Reese's break.
422
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,472
Well, maybe if
the traffic
was light...
423
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,674
Yeah, and maybe
if a '78 Bonneville could go
424
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,676
300 miles an hour.
425
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,045
Otherwise, it's impossible.
426
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:20,047
Hey, hey,
way to go, Dewey!
427
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,049
Let me see that.
428
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,683
Is he right?
429
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,817
Yes.
430
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,486
He's always right.
431
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,021
Sorry, Richie.
432
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,689
Come on, Reese, let's go.
433
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,059
But I swear to God,
I didn't do it.
434
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,793
I didn't take the money.
435
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,463
Well, look, we still
have a few hours.
436
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,664
Maybe we can figure out...
437
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,132
GRETA:
Richie, I got us the DVD player
438
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,334
but we need to steal
another $600
439
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,336
if you want the surround...
440
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:45,772
...sound.
441
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:49,809
You may want to hang
on to that receipt.
442
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,411
I can't believe you lied.
443
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:52,912
We're calling the cops.
444
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,047
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
445
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,848
Maybe we can figure
out some sort of deal.
446
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:59,086
Whatever you guys
want, it's yours.
447
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,423
We get to use your place
for a party anytime we want.
448
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,592
Yeah, and we get
free burgers for life.
449
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,660
And I get to make out
with your girlfriend.
450
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,494
Forget it.
451
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,131
All right,
the beanbag chair.
452
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,439
Wow, Pete,
is that really you?
453
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:22,442
No, it's a reflection.
454
00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:24,243
Here, you can give these
to Svetlana.
455
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,445
Eric and Artie should
be back any minute
456
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,013
from Mamu with your bride.
457
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,182
I got to be honest.
458
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,084
I'm a little...
I'm a little nervous.
459
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:34,587
Well, you are about to
marry a total stranger.
460
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,190
Have you really thought
about what you're doing?
461
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,691
Oh, I've been thinking
about settling down
462
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,027
for a long, long time.
463
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,263
Yeah, but you don't know
anything about her.
464
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,198
I mean, what if
she thinks you're...
465
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,367
What if she
doesn't like you?
466
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,138
Well, I'd be sad,
but I'd reassure her
467
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,906
that I'd support her anyway,
because I made that commitment.
468
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,608
Then I guess I'd spend
469
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:58,578
the rest of my life
being sweet to her
470
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:01,414
in the hopes
of changing her mind.
471
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:04,417
Well, good luck, Pete.
472
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:05,785
Thanks.
473
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:08,288
Svetlana's here.
474
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:11,624
And she is gorgeous.
475
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,461
Oh!
476
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,163
I must have...
477
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:18,498
misread the catalog.
478
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,933
Just look how light
on her feet she is.
479
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,803
Hey, baby.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
480
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,474
Hey, guys...
481
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:33,980
Oh, hey, Pete...
482
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,315
Just get that thing out of here.
483
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:36,316
I'll take care of it.
484
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,284
I got it.
485
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,285
Why you?
486
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,752
Because I signed for it.
487
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,222
Who cares if you signed for it?
Wait a minute. Come here.
488
00:18:58,238 --> 00:18:59,439
Oh, there's our ride.
489
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,140
So nice of
Richie to drive
you to school.
490
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,809
Yeah, well,
that's just his way
491
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:05,044
of saying, "Thanks
for a job well done."
492
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,347
Good morning, everybody.
493
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,815
Now, son, don't
be disappointed.
494
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,116
Say good morning, Charlie.
495
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,985
Show everyone
how alive you are.
496
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,624
Aren't I doing
a good job?
497
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,026
Yeah, yeah, great.
498
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,401
That little monster.
499
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:31,137
He's been buying his own fish
and switching them.
500
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,406
God only knows
how many he's gone through.
501
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,874
He's going to pay for this.
502
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,175
Well, how?
503
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:39,011
If we bust him,
he'll know we've
been cheating, too.
504
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,050
Dewey,
505
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,685
your father and I are so proud
506
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,087
of the way you've taken care
of that fish.
507
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,389
Yes, we are.
508
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,758
You certainly proved to us
that you can be trusted.
509
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,660
It's so nice
to have a boy
510
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,662
who's so conscientious,
responsible
511
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,030
and honest,
and who always finds a way
512
00:19:58,064 --> 00:19:59,632
to do the right thing.
513
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,835
Before we go any further,
514
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,772
is there anything
you want to tell me?
515
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,774
I want a beagle.
516
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:10,743
Well, you're not going
to get it, you little sneak!
517
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:13,246
We know that you've been
switching fish on us
518
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,915
because I put a dead fish
in there last night.
519
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,417
That's cheating!
520
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:18,718
You're cheaters!
521
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:24,257
Well, not exactly textbook
522
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,626
but at least we're not
getting a dog.
523
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,297
I cleaned out my cubby.
524
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,899
You're sure I can't
talk you into staying?
525
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:34,901
My mom says I need
a healthier environment.
526
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,936
She thinks it's creepy
the way you're using me
527
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,538
for your own
self-aggrandizement.
528
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,872
A healthier environment?
529
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,308
That is not what you need.
530
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,543
Son, you will never
connect normally
531
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,811
with another human being.
532
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,979
People will recognize
your brilliance
533
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,615
and they will
loathe you for it.
534
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,550
The best you can hope for
is uncomprehending fear...
535
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:54,287
:
which I can channel
into great things.
536
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:56,489
Please?
537
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:58,591
Can I go now?
538
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,059
Sure.
539
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,694
Go.
540
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,598
You, my ex-wife...
541
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,635
all of my therapists,
you're all the same.
542
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:09,636
Bye, guys.
543
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:10,837
Bye, Barton.
544
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,004
Good luck at NASA.
545
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:13,105
Send us a letter
546
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,775
when you get
declassified.
547
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:21,714
Mr. Herkabe, we know this
is hard for you, so...
548
00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:26,853
It's his dad.
549
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,855
We Photoshopped
your head in.
39204
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