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♪ambient
synths♪
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00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:14,053
[Orna] Where are you
on the baby...
3
00:00:14,053 --> 00:00:15,887
-question?
-We're trying next month.
4
00:00:15,887 --> 00:00:17,011
[Orna]
Oh!
5
00:00:17,011 --> 00:00:19,178
[Elaine] If I say to
him, "Let's go out.
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00:00:19,178 --> 00:00:20,095
Let's do something,
7
00:00:20,095 --> 00:00:21,720
let's go to brunch
or something," he'll-
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00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,970
He- he- he
won't do it
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00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:25,387
But, we hang out.
10
00:00:25,387 --> 00:00:26,220
-When?
-On the weekend.
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00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:27,053
Name it.
12
00:00:27,053 --> 00:00:28,553
Name it.
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00:00:28,553 --> 00:00:30,595
So while he was
away, I felt...
14
00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:31,553
almost like-
[exhales]
15
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:34,053
like, almost like
a relief.
16
00:00:35,095 --> 00:00:36,345
'Cause I feel like
I didn't have
17
00:00:36,345 --> 00:00:38,470
to worry about
anything.
18
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,762
[Desean]
She..
19
00:00:54,762 --> 00:00:57,095
absolutely is a
controlling person
20
00:00:57,095 --> 00:00:59,220
and not in a negative
connotation.
21
00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:00,345
I understand.
22
00:01:01,136 --> 00:01:02,136
But she...
23
00:01:02,136 --> 00:01:03,679
-as a woman-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
24
00:01:03,679 --> 00:01:06,095
-also wants her husband-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
25
00:01:06,095 --> 00:01:08,261
-to have some-
-[Elaine] Backbone.
26
00:01:08,261 --> 00:01:10,387
-you know, be the man-
-[Elaine] Yes.
27
00:01:10,387 --> 00:01:11,470
-in the situation.
-Yeah.
28
00:01:11,470 --> 00:01:12,762
You know, in
truest sense.
29
00:01:12,762 --> 00:01:15,136
I le- I want the
debate...
30
00:01:15,595 --> 00:01:17,345
and this is gonna sound
a little bizarre,
31
00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:18,595
but I don't like
to be challenged.
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00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:21,595
[laughter]
33
00:01:21,595 --> 00:01:23,929
-[Orna] It sounds contradictory-
-I know.
34
00:01:23,929 --> 00:01:26,136
-[Orna] as it is.
-[laughter]
35
00:01:26,136 --> 00:01:28,136
[Elaine] It's- it's
it's a weird thing.
36
00:01:28,136 --> 00:01:29,136
I'm glad the two of
you are laughing,
37
00:01:29,136 --> 00:01:30,512
but let's do another
piece of work here.
38
00:01:30,762 --> 00:01:33,178
What's it like
to be...
39
00:01:33,178 --> 00:01:37,220
invited to take on
a masculine role...
40
00:01:37,220 --> 00:01:40,303
and then controlled
and told no?
41
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,553
Wow.
42
00:01:45,136 --> 00:01:47,136
You're right, I do
need more help.
43
00:01:47,136 --> 00:01:48,970
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-[laughter]
44
00:01:48,970 --> 00:01:50,553
-[Orna] 'Cause you don't know.
-Wow.
45
00:01:50,553 --> 00:01:52,970
No, I- it's- that's
not a good feeling.
46
00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:56,136
I would assume that
it's a familiar feeling.
47
00:01:58,679 --> 00:01:59,887
[burst of air]
48
00:02:01,804 --> 00:02:06,261
♪groovy bass
and drum beat♪
49
00:02:11,470 --> 00:02:13,762
[Desean] I'm very proud of
where I come from.
50
00:02:13,762 --> 00:02:14,762
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
51
00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:20,178
[Desean] But I'm not the
way I am when I'm here...
52
00:02:20,553 --> 00:02:22,345
in the corporate
setting.
53
00:02:23,595 --> 00:02:26,387
[Orna] So you find a
way to move between
54
00:02:26,387 --> 00:02:27,887
-these different identities?
-[Desean] Yeah.
55
00:02:27,887 --> 00:02:30,261
[Desean] I think I get
along with everyone.
56
00:02:38,220 --> 00:02:40,595
When I suggest
we should go out,
57
00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:41,845
he'll say, "Okay, tell me
when and where,
58
00:02:41,845 --> 00:02:43,470
and I'll be there."
Like...
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00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:46,679
I'm asking you
to take me out...
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00:02:46,679 --> 00:02:49,387
so if I have to plan it,
you're not taking me out.
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00:02:50,345 --> 00:02:53,011
[Desean] She likes these-
these fancy restaurants,
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00:02:53,011 --> 00:02:55,595
all right? And very
expensive plates.
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00:02:55,595 --> 00:02:58,679
I get treated very badly
in a lot of these places.
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00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,345
[Orna]
How so?
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00:03:00,345 --> 00:03:01,345
It's never happened?
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00:03:01,345 --> 00:03:02,553
A couple of times?
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00:03:02,553 --> 00:03:03,512
[Orna]
What is this?
68
00:03:03,512 --> 00:03:04,512
-You dont recall-
-What-
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00:03:04,512 --> 00:03:05,845
-a couple of instances?
-[Orna] You get-
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00:03:05,845 --> 00:03:07,011
Explain it.
Remind me.
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00:03:07,011 --> 00:03:07,595
[Orna] Help me
understand.
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00:03:08,387 --> 00:03:09,220
You get treated
badly because
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00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:10,220
these are like snooty
waiters?
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00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:11,178
[Desean] Yeah,
yeah.
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00:03:11,178 --> 00:03:12,428
Because they treat
everyone badly?
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00:03:12,428 --> 00:03:13,637
-[Desean] No.
-They treat you badly
77
00:03:13,637 --> 00:03:14,887
because you're black?
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00:03:14,887 --> 00:03:17,053
Um, I- I- I- I think
on one or two-
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00:03:17,053 --> 00:03:18,053
[Orna] Is that what
you're saying?
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00:03:18,053 --> 00:03:19,470
I think on one
or two occasions,
81
00:03:19,470 --> 00:03:21,553
-I felt that way very strongly.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
82
00:03:21,553 --> 00:03:22,679
-Yeah.
-Mm-hm.
83
00:03:22,679 --> 00:03:23,428
Very strongly.
84
00:03:24,512 --> 00:03:25,887
We were the only people
of color in these places.
85
00:03:25,887 --> 00:03:27,220
You don't
remember this?
86
00:03:28,762 --> 00:03:30,220
I feel like...
87
00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:33,512
one of the biggest things
that Desean has issue with
88
00:03:33,512 --> 00:03:36,428
is...that whenever
we go out,
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00:03:36,428 --> 00:03:39,970
people will approach me
rather than approach him
90
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,136
And so I tell
Desean...
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00:03:42,136 --> 00:03:43,970
"If you sit there
with a face
92
00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:45,720
that makes
people feel like
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00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,428
-you're not approachable-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
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00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,970
you're not gonna
be approached.
95
00:03:48,970 --> 00:03:51,970
You...have to-
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00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:52,970
[Desean]
I have to what?
97
00:03:52,970 --> 00:03:54,512
Go in a little
bit more open.
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00:03:54,512 --> 00:03:56,512
[Desean] You- I don't
think I go in
99
00:03:56,512 --> 00:03:57,387
-any other way.
-If you feel
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00:03:57,387 --> 00:03:58,261
that they're snooty,
101
00:03:58,261 --> 00:03:59,553
and you walk in
feeling like,
102
00:03:59,553 --> 00:04:00,553
"Oh, this place is
so snooty,
103
00:04:00,553 --> 00:04:02,303
and I'm the only black
person here,"
104
00:04:02,303 --> 00:04:03,095
like, who cares?
105
00:04:03,095 --> 00:04:05,512
Be the only black
person there.
106
00:04:05,762 --> 00:04:06,887
Wor- flaunt that.
107
00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:07,887
Like, you know?
108
00:04:07,887 --> 00:04:09,595
Like, who cares?
109
00:04:10,053 --> 00:04:10,970
Who cares?
110
00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:13,095
Like, why is that
an issue for you?
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00:04:14,011 --> 00:04:15,345
Honestly.
112
00:04:15,970 --> 00:04:17,261
Other than the
fact that they-
113
00:04:17,261 --> 00:04:18,553
Are- are you asking,
114
00:04:18,553 --> 00:04:19,762
or are you
challenging?
115
00:04:19,762 --> 00:04:21,261
It's-it's an-
it's a little-
116
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,178
it's- it's a
real question.
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00:04:23,178 --> 00:04:24,637
It's a real
question.
118
00:04:24,637 --> 00:04:25,512
Can you say?
119
00:04:26,011 --> 00:04:28,679
It's not a good
feeling to...
120
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:32,970
be in a situation
where you're...
121
00:04:32,970 --> 00:04:36,470
made to feel like...
you know...
122
00:04:37,178 --> 00:04:39,470
that people...
don't like you.
123
00:04:40,303 --> 00:04:41,970
[Orna] Don't like you
or scared of you.
124
00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:44,345
-Or scared of you or-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
125
00:04:44,345 --> 00:04:47,512
[Desean] Or intimidated
for some reason or...
126
00:04:48,178 --> 00:04:50,595
I've been taken off
accounts at work.
127
00:04:51,053 --> 00:04:54,303
Uh, they won't
tell you why,
128
00:04:54,303 --> 00:04:56,512
but, uh, I've been in
meetings where, you know-
129
00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:58,512
And- and you chalk
it up at work like,
130
00:04:58,512 --> 00:05:00,261
"Listen, this is
business."
131
00:05:00,261 --> 00:05:03,804
But if someone
doesn't like you...
132
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,679
for no particular
reason,
133
00:05:05,679 --> 00:05:06,637
-you know-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
134
00:05:06,637 --> 00:05:08,387
Never mind how
capable you are,
135
00:05:08,387 --> 00:05:10,011
how much experience
you have-
136
00:05:10,011 --> 00:05:10,887
[Orna]
Yeah.
137
00:05:10,887 --> 00:05:12,512
You know what
the - the deal is.
138
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:13,470
[Orna]
Yeah.
139
00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:14,428
And you, you know,
I keep it moving.
140
00:05:14,428 --> 00:05:16,178
I'm like, you
know, I-
141
00:05:16,178 --> 00:05:17,679
you know, what
am I gonna do?
142
00:05:17,679 --> 00:05:20,387
You're always- it's something
in the back of your mind...
143
00:05:20,804 --> 00:05:23,387
you know, where you
just feel like...
144
00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:26,553
"Am I gonna be
treated...fairly
145
00:05:26,553 --> 00:05:29,178
-in this- this exchange?"
-[Orna] Yeah.
146
00:05:29,178 --> 00:05:31,220
You- you understand
that.
147
00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,178
[Elaine] I- it saddens
me that that-
148
00:05:33,178 --> 00:05:35,345
-that he goes through that, um-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
149
00:05:37,428 --> 00:05:39,220
We always talk
about...
150
00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:41,095
how much attention
you get.
151
00:05:41,095 --> 00:05:42,136
[Elaine]
Mm-hm.
152
00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:44,762
And I ask you, "How
does that make you feel?"
153
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:47,136
How much attention you
get as a woman.
154
00:05:47,136 --> 00:05:47,845
Mm-hm.
155
00:05:48,512 --> 00:05:49,470
That's different.
156
00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:50,887
[Orna] But what
do you say?
157
00:05:52,261 --> 00:05:53,637
-Dirty.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
158
00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:54,595
Like I need to go home
and take a sh-
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00:05:54,595 --> 00:05:56,512
[Desean] Doesn't
make you feel good.
160
00:05:56,512 --> 00:05:57,595
-You have to take a shower.
-[Orna] Doesn't feel good.
161
00:05:57,595 --> 00:05:58,970
-You have to take a shower.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
162
00:05:58,970 --> 00:05:59,595
Yeah.
163
00:06:00,053 --> 00:06:02,053
And, you know,
um-
164
00:06:02,053 --> 00:06:03,053
But why is
that different?
165
00:06:03,053 --> 00:06:04,553
Why is that
different?
166
00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:09,512
When I s- when I
think about it,
167
00:06:09,512 --> 00:06:11,053
it's kind of the
same, right?
168
00:06:11,053 --> 00:06:13,387
Like, I'm rewinding
my answer,
169
00:06:13,387 --> 00:06:15,220
and as I'm saying
my answer,
170
00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:16,887
-it's the same.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
171
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,887
'Cause I was gonna
say, I can't help-
172
00:06:19,887 --> 00:06:21,553
I can't help
being a woman,
173
00:06:21,553 --> 00:06:23,095
but he can't help
being a black man.
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00:06:23,095 --> 00:06:23,970
[Orna]
Right.
175
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:25,387
Right? So it's
like I'm-
176
00:06:25,387 --> 00:06:27,512
I'm trying to argue my
point, and I can't, so-
177
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,679
And there's different
kinds of risks involved,
178
00:06:29,679 --> 00:06:31,011
but they're risks.
179
00:06:31,679 --> 00:06:33,512
I guess how we
approach it is-
180
00:06:33,512 --> 00:06:35,095
is what makes
it different.
181
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,261
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-Um...
182
00:06:36,595 --> 00:06:39,220
you know, I'm a little bit
more aggressive than he is.
183
00:06:39,220 --> 00:06:40,845
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-Um...
184
00:06:41,303 --> 00:06:43,470
-I w-
-I c- I- it's not a good idea
185
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:44,428
-for me to be aggressive.
-[Orna] He cannot afford
186
00:06:44,428 --> 00:06:45,679
-to be aggressive.
-Right. [laughter]
187
00:06:45,679 --> 00:06:47,512
-[Orna] Like-
-Right, right.
188
00:06:47,512 --> 00:06:49,470
Th- and this doesn't
make me right
189
00:06:49,470 --> 00:06:52,095
and it doesn't make
me right either, right?
190
00:06:52,095 --> 00:06:53,595
I'm working on
that as well.
191
00:06:53,595 --> 00:06:56,637
But this is not only a purely
psychological difference.
192
00:06:56,637 --> 00:06:58,637
It's a real difference
in terms of th-
193
00:06:58,637 --> 00:07:00,929
the real risks you
take in the world.
194
00:07:00,929 --> 00:07:02,220
-Yeah.
-It's real life-
195
00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:03,428
-[Orna] Yeah.
-Yeah.
196
00:07:03,428 --> 00:07:05,261
-Life or death.
-[Orna] Life or death for real.
197
00:07:05,261 --> 00:07:06,428
-Yeah.
-Mm-hm.
198
00:07:06,428 --> 00:07:08,303
[Orna] I mean for women
too, in other ways,
199
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,428
-but-
-[Elaine] Mm-hm, mm-hm.
200
00:07:09,845 --> 00:07:10,637
Mm.
201
00:07:10,637 --> 00:07:12,095
I'm sorry you
go through that.
202
00:07:13,136 --> 00:07:14,637
I- I...
203
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:19,970
I...never really...
204
00:07:20,345 --> 00:07:22,637
thought about it
in those terms.
205
00:07:22,637 --> 00:07:23,595
[Desean]
I know.
206
00:07:23,595 --> 00:07:25,595
The two of you do
not talk about it?
207
00:07:26,136 --> 00:07:29,053
[Elaine] We do,
but not so in depth.
208
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,804
You know, I- I
asked you about,
209
00:07:31,804 --> 00:07:33,303
"How do you
identify..."
210
00:07:33,303 --> 00:07:35,303
you know, "wh-
where you're from?"
211
00:07:35,303 --> 00:07:37,387
And you say,
you know-
212
00:07:37,387 --> 00:07:38,428
"From Brooklyn."
213
00:07:38,428 --> 00:07:39,220
Right.
214
00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:41,679
But I mean your
ethnicity.
215
00:07:42,303 --> 00:07:43,887
-But-
-[Orna] How do you identify?
216
00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:46,178
I'm Puerto-
I'm Puerto Rican.
217
00:07:46,178 --> 00:07:47,887
Like my- I'm
Puerto Rican.
218
00:07:48,512 --> 00:07:49,804
I'm gonna probably
come across
219
00:07:49,804 --> 00:07:52,011
as very selfish when I
finish this sentence.
220
00:07:52,011 --> 00:07:54,011
-Go ahead.
-[Elaine] [laughs]
221
00:07:54,011 --> 00:07:55,929
Everybody has
their own battle.
222
00:07:55,929 --> 00:07:57,261
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-I can't fight everybody's
223
00:07:57,261 --> 00:07:58,178
-battle.
-[Orna] Right.
224
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,178
So you were
saying y- y-
225
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:00,345
that's not your
battle.
226
00:08:00,345 --> 00:08:02,220
-It's not my battle.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
227
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:03,470
Everybody has
their own stuff.
228
00:08:03,470 --> 00:08:04,637
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-I can't add more-
229
00:08:04,637 --> 00:08:05,762
I can't-
I'm a- I-
230
00:08:05,762 --> 00:08:07,345
-I got a load of my own.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
231
00:08:07,345 --> 00:08:09,345
-I can't carry yours, too.
-[Orna] Yeah.
232
00:08:10,637 --> 00:08:12,804
We all control
our story...
233
00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:15,387
-and I feel like-
-Right.
234
00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:17,303
-how-
-So if I choose to not...
235
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:20,845
give those establishments
my hard-earned money,
236
00:08:20,845 --> 00:08:21,970
that should
be my choice
237
00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:23,637
without being
made to feel like,
238
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,136
"Get over yourself."
239
00:08:26,261 --> 00:08:27,053
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
240
00:08:27,053 --> 00:08:28,178
Yeah.
241
00:08:28,178 --> 00:08:29,261
I guess.
242
00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:31,470
Then you wouldn't be
able to go anywhere.
243
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,428
Not true.
244
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,220
There's plenty of
places I can go.
245
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:35,762
Yeah, I don't want
to go to a dive bar.
246
00:08:36,095 --> 00:08:37,178
There we go.
247
00:08:37,178 --> 00:08:38,220
Now we've come back.
248
00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:39,261
-We're full circle.
-[Orna] [laughs]
249
00:08:39,261 --> 00:08:40,303
I- I- I'm not
doing that.
250
00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:41,470
-Like-
-Now were full circle.
251
00:08:41,470 --> 00:08:43,011
I don't-
yeah, no.
252
00:08:44,387 --> 00:08:46,053
Do you have any thoughts
about what it's like
253
00:08:46,053 --> 00:08:47,887
to see a white
therapist?
254
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,220
Like, what's that like?
255
00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:51,929
[laughs] I didn't
even- it-
256
00:08:51,929 --> 00:08:52,970
See...
257
00:08:53,470 --> 00:08:54,845
and again, this is
where ignorance-
258
00:08:54,845 --> 00:08:55,845
I- I- I don't
understand.
259
00:08:55,845 --> 00:08:57,720
The fact that it- that
it's a white therapist-
260
00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,595
-[Orna] Well, sorta white-
-You're gonna put us-
261
00:08:59,595 --> 00:09:01,220
you're gonna put me
in The Sunken Place?
262
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:02,720
[laughter]
263
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,387
-[Orna] Did you see Get Out?
-[Elaine] Yes!
264
00:09:04,387 --> 00:09:05,261
-[Desean] [laughs]
-[Orna] Oh, my God-
265
00:09:05,261 --> 00:09:06,387
[Elaine]
Yes.
266
00:09:06,387 --> 00:09:08,095
-[Orna] I mean, the- that film-
-[laughs]
267
00:09:08,095 --> 00:09:10,679
[laughter]
268
00:09:12,053 --> 00:09:13,553
If I see you
with a teacup
269
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,261
-and a spoon-
-[Orna] With a teacup.
270
00:09:15,261 --> 00:09:16,553
We're gonna
have a problem.
271
00:09:16,553 --> 00:09:18,929
[laughter]
272
00:09:18,929 --> 00:09:20,553
Right.
273
00:09:23,261 --> 00:09:25,470
It was both fascinating,
but a-
274
00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:28,595
actually incredibly
upsetting.
275
00:09:28,595 --> 00:09:31,679
Very complicated
discussion about race.
276
00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:34,762
It feels like we
have to stop here
277
00:09:34,762 --> 00:09:38,845
and talk about, like, American
history and talk about...
278
00:09:39,303 --> 00:09:40,637
If you were
telling me
279
00:09:40,637 --> 00:09:44,220
"There's a false truth
that he's living under
280
00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:46,679
that needs to
be unpacked..."
281
00:09:47,345 --> 00:09:48,595
that would be
one thing.
282
00:09:48,595 --> 00:09:50,804
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-[Virginia] But he's reporting
283
00:09:50,804 --> 00:09:53,762
the vicious facts
of life
284
00:09:53,762 --> 00:09:54,970
as lived by him.
285
00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:57,804
He doesn't sound as if
he's one inch confused.
286
00:10:00,345 --> 00:10:02,637
[Orna] No, he's
not confused.
287
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:06,720
He's muted.
288
00:10:07,553 --> 00:10:08,929
He's not confused,
he's muted.
289
00:10:08,929 --> 00:10:09,970
Yeah.
290
00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:13,303
I really admire
your ambitions
291
00:10:13,303 --> 00:10:15,053
for these sessions...
292
00:10:15,053 --> 00:10:16,762
but I think...
293
00:10:16,762 --> 00:10:19,970
you're not r-
getting that...
294
00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:23,428
it is one session,
a session, in time.
295
00:10:23,428 --> 00:10:24,303
Mm-hm.
296
00:10:24,303 --> 00:10:26,428
And not everything
can happen-
297
00:10:26,428 --> 00:10:28,136
-[Orna] Yeah.
-That-
298
00:10:28,136 --> 00:10:29,845
and you- I know
you know that,
299
00:10:29,845 --> 00:10:33,428
but you're left with a feeling
like "not good enough."
300
00:10:33,428 --> 00:10:34,470
Yeah.
301
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:40,470
♪slow acoustic
picking♪
302
00:11:24,261 --> 00:11:26,011
We're kind of waiting...
303
00:11:26,011 --> 00:11:28,595
-to hear the results-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
304
00:11:28,595 --> 00:11:30,762
-Of-
-[Orna] When's your test?
305
00:11:30,762 --> 00:11:31,553
-Next week?
-Monday.
306
00:11:31,553 --> 00:11:32,595
[Orna]
Oh, Monday.
307
00:11:32,595 --> 00:11:35,303
I will be shocked if
I'm not pregnant
308
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:36,887
because I feel...
309
00:11:36,887 --> 00:11:37,887
insane.
310
00:11:37,887 --> 00:11:39,887
Like, I just feel...
311
00:11:40,929 --> 00:11:42,595
-I don't feel good. [laughs]
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
312
00:11:42,595 --> 00:11:44,220
[Sarah] But now,
this week, I'm like,
313
00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:46,804
getting waves
of nausea and
314
00:11:46,804 --> 00:11:49,553
feeling super tired,
super hungry.
315
00:11:49,553 --> 00:11:52,512
The mood swings
are insane.
316
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:53,595
I'm-
317
00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:54,720
[Orna] And you're not
taking anything?
318
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:55,845
You're not taking
any hormones-
319
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:56,970
No, I never took
any hormones.
320
00:11:56,970 --> 00:11:57,887
[Orna] Progesterone,
nothing?
321
00:11:57,887 --> 00:11:59,720
The first week,
I bloated.
322
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,845
Like, my stomach
bloated where I looked
323
00:12:01,845 --> 00:12:03,261
like four or five
months pregnant.
324
00:12:03,261 --> 00:12:04,929
-Yeah.
-And that was bizarre.
325
00:12:04,929 --> 00:12:07,595
Like, I feel like I
know I'm pregnant.
326
00:12:07,595 --> 00:12:09,553
-[Orna] Yeah.
-But...
327
00:12:10,762 --> 00:12:13,095
But I'm scared to,
like, trust that.
328
00:12:13,095 --> 00:12:13,804
Do you know
what I mean?
329
00:12:13,804 --> 00:12:14,762
[Orna]
Yes.
330
00:12:14,762 --> 00:12:15,845
Because the doctor
literally told us
331
00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:17,595
it's like a zero
percent chance.
332
00:12:17,929 --> 00:12:18,929
What?
333
00:12:18,929 --> 00:12:21,470
[Sarah] Because Lauren's
sperm was, like,
334
00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:22,929
not super
high-quality...
335
00:12:22,929 --> 00:12:23,679
Uh-huh.
336
00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:25,595
And then,
the day of-
337
00:12:25,595 --> 00:12:27,762
I mean the individual
sperm are probably pretty-
338
00:12:27,762 --> 00:12:29,053
-Okay, the...
-I mean there's probably
339
00:12:29,053 --> 00:12:30,720
some pretty high-quality
ones in there-
340
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,679
-Oh my god, really?
-that are gonna make it.
341
00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:35,095
But yeah, there
wasn't mu-
342
00:12:35,095 --> 00:12:38,679
there wasn't enough,
and they weren't, uh...
343
00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:39,387
-[Orna] Super mobile.
-Mobile.
344
00:12:39,387 --> 00:12:40,929
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-Enough.
345
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:44,011
So how do you guys
feel about that?
346
00:12:44,387 --> 00:12:47,011
It was disappointing,
but...
347
00:12:47,011 --> 00:12:48,470
I...
348
00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:52,136
-feel it pretty intensely.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
349
00:12:52,136 --> 00:12:54,970
And I don't,
like- [laughs]
350
00:12:54,970 --> 00:12:56,637
now I'm like,
351
00:12:56,637 --> 00:12:59,136
"Oh, shit, like, maybe I...
really am pregnant."
352
00:12:59,136 --> 00:13:00,679
And I keep having
this moment of like,
353
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:02,178
"Fuck, what am I
gonna do?" [laughs]
354
00:13:02,178 --> 00:13:03,637
And just like,
355
00:13:03,637 --> 00:13:05,887
"No, no, I want to
have a baby.
356
00:13:05,887 --> 00:13:08,136
They're just so much
work. [laughs]
357
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:09,512
-Mm-hm, yeah.
-And, like...
358
00:13:09,512 --> 00:13:11,053
I'm ready
for it...
359
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:15,136
but... I'm really...
360
00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:17,595
yeah, I don't know.
361
00:13:18,095 --> 00:13:21,095
As a baby, they're
just gonna cry
362
00:13:21,095 --> 00:13:23,553
-and need my body.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
363
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,929
I think I'm, like,
freaking out a little bit
364
00:13:25,929 --> 00:13:28,095
about how much this
baby needs my body.
365
00:13:28,095 --> 00:13:29,178
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
366
00:13:29,178 --> 00:13:31,845
Like the breastfeeding,
I'm nervous about that
367
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,220
'cause I'm nervous
about just giving, like-
368
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:36,136
-my body being on-demand.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
369
00:13:36,136 --> 00:13:37,845
It's starting to
feel very real.
370
00:13:37,845 --> 00:13:40,762
The caretaking,
being on-demand,
371
00:13:40,762 --> 00:13:43,303
the body, the
physicality of it?
372
00:13:43,303 --> 00:13:44,679
-[Sarah] Yeah.
-Mm-hm.
373
00:13:45,261 --> 00:13:46,679
It's gonna be fine.
374
00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:48,303
I can feel her
freaking out.
375
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:49,929
[Orna]
Tell me.
376
00:13:50,512 --> 00:13:53,428
It- it- it is freaking
me out a little bit.
377
00:13:53,887 --> 00:13:55,553
-You told me you were, like-
-[Sarah] I know.
378
00:13:55,553 --> 00:13:57,136
So...
379
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:59,845
-10 million percent-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
380
00:13:59,845 --> 00:14:01,679
"It needs to be now,"
381
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:03,345
and like this is
what you want.
382
00:14:03,345 --> 00:14:04,595
And then now
it's like,
383
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,553
"Uh...is it?"
384
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:08,387
-Mm-hm.
-[Lauren] And...
385
00:14:08,387 --> 00:14:09,595
-once we're on this train-
-[Sarah] No, that's-
386
00:14:09,595 --> 00:14:11,053
it's not,
"Um, is it?"
387
00:14:11,804 --> 00:14:13,136
-Okay.
-It's not, "Um,
388
00:14:13,136 --> 00:14:14,470
is this what I want?"
389
00:14:14,845 --> 00:14:16,470
-[Lauren] Yeah.
-Like, this is what I want.
390
00:14:16,470 --> 00:14:17,553
It's just like...
391
00:14:17,553 --> 00:14:19,387
"Ohh, shit."
392
00:14:19,387 --> 00:14:20,845
It's like the kitchen,
393
00:14:20,845 --> 00:14:21,970
how we were like,
394
00:14:21,970 --> 00:14:24,053
"Oh my god, this kitchen
is gonna be amazing,"
395
00:14:24,053 --> 00:14:26,345
and then we tore
everything out
396
00:14:26,345 --> 00:14:27,220
and we were like,
397
00:14:27,220 --> 00:14:29,136
"Fuck, we just
gutted our kitchen."
398
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,762
-Yeah, I mean it feels-
-And at that moment-
399
00:14:32,762 --> 00:14:34,553
Bring it back
from the analogy.
400
00:14:34,553 --> 00:14:35,845
-It's-
-[Sarah] That moment
401
00:14:35,845 --> 00:14:37,220
of being like...
402
00:14:37,970 --> 00:14:40,345
"Ah, I want this
thing so bad,
403
00:14:40,345 --> 00:14:44,387
and the price to pay is,
like, high." [laughs]
404
00:14:44,387 --> 00:14:46,679
And I'm gonna pay
it, obviously,
405
00:14:46,679 --> 00:14:47,887
because this is
what I want-"
406
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,095
[Orna]
The price being...?
407
00:14:49,095 --> 00:14:51,178
The price being
my body.
408
00:14:51,178 --> 00:14:52,637
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
409
00:14:52,637 --> 00:14:53,679
And I'm a little
bit resentful.
410
00:14:53,679 --> 00:14:55,261
Like, why my body?
411
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,804
-Why?
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
412
00:14:56,804 --> 00:14:59,512
Why can't your
body do this?
413
00:14:59,512 --> 00:15:00,679
'Cause it can't.
414
00:15:00,679 --> 00:15:02,178
I know, but, like, I think
that's, like, something
415
00:15:02,178 --> 00:15:04,970
that you maybe don't
wrap your head around...
416
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,845
of like, yes-
417
00:15:06,845 --> 00:15:09,762
Just like the kitchen, like,
I can't plan the kitchen.
418
00:15:09,762 --> 00:15:11,720
I don't understand
that shit.
419
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:12,929
I couldn't have done
everything that you've done.
420
00:15:12,929 --> 00:15:13,929
It's a bit different.
421
00:15:13,929 --> 00:15:15,095
It- kind of.
422
00:15:15,095 --> 00:15:16,136
No, not kind of.
423
00:15:16,136 --> 00:15:18,387
I can't do what
you've done.
424
00:15:18,929 --> 00:15:21,261
No, you- you could
do what I've done
425
00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:22,220
with proper research.
426
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:24,095
I, in no way,
shape, or form,
427
00:15:24,095 --> 00:15:29,595
can with any m- medical
marvel in current time
428
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,970
do what you're
about to do.
429
00:15:34,679 --> 00:15:38,136
♪slow acoustic
picking♪
430
00:15:47,470 --> 00:15:48,929
[Orna] I mean you have
to sometimes get lost
431
00:15:48,929 --> 00:15:50,970
in the process to know
what's going on,
432
00:15:50,970 --> 00:15:52,720
to feel it from within.
433
00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:57,679
I sometimes have
dreams that are...
434
00:15:57,679 --> 00:16:00,970
related to dreams that
my patients brought in.
435
00:16:03,845 --> 00:16:05,261
Like my dream is
continuing their dream
436
00:16:05,261 --> 00:16:07,220
'cause it meant
something to me.
437
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,970
I just see
incredible, like,
438
00:16:13,970 --> 00:16:16,220
pressures on them
and, like, trauma
439
00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:17,762
-from which they come-
-[Virginia] Absolutely.
440
00:16:17,762 --> 00:16:19,053
That are, like...
441
00:16:19,053 --> 00:16:20,136
-circulating-
-[Virginia] And all those hopes
442
00:16:20,136 --> 00:16:22,845
laid on something
called...
443
00:16:22,845 --> 00:16:24,261
"a middle-class
marriage."
444
00:16:24,261 --> 00:16:25,637
-Yeah.
-[Virginia] Yeah.
445
00:16:26,095 --> 00:16:29,428
Will my partner
be able to...
446
00:16:29,428 --> 00:16:33,053
compensate for everything
that didn't happen for me...
447
00:16:33,053 --> 00:16:36,679
or for all my agita
or for all my sorrows
448
00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:39,011
or, um...
449
00:16:40,136 --> 00:16:43,345
And if they're not doing
it, am I not loveable?
450
00:16:45,345 --> 00:16:47,178
Am I bad?
Are they bad?
451
00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:48,470
I- it's just like...
452
00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:51,011
-[Virginia] Mm-hm.
-It's really extraordinary,
453
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:54,720
like h- how much, like,
the relationship has to bear.
454
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:55,720
[Virginia]
Right.
455
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,220
Um...
456
00:16:58,929 --> 00:17:01,053
a- and I feel
for them all
457
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:02,553
-in that.
-[Virginia] Yeah.
458
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:07,220
♪emotional acoustic
strumming♪
459
00:17:53,553 --> 00:17:54,720
[Orna]
So...
460
00:17:55,053 --> 00:17:56,762
how are you two?
461
00:17:56,762 --> 00:18:00,679
We left on an interesting
note last week.
462
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:03,095
The last week
has been, like...
463
00:18:03,845 --> 00:18:05,261
not so great.
464
00:18:05,762 --> 00:18:07,428
-Agreed.
-Mm.
465
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,845
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
466
00:18:09,929 --> 00:18:12,011
Really didn't talk to each
other much [laughs]
467
00:18:12,011 --> 00:18:13,345
for the last seven days.
468
00:18:13,345 --> 00:18:14,261
[Orna]
Okay.
469
00:18:18,345 --> 00:18:21,637
[Alan] In the last week, I feel
more further away from her.
470
00:18:21,637 --> 00:18:23,470
But what's going
on in your mind?
471
00:18:25,011 --> 00:18:27,637
Just feel fed up
and frustrated
472
00:18:27,637 --> 00:18:28,637
and that I-
473
00:18:28,637 --> 00:18:30,428
I don't want to
do this anymore.
474
00:18:30,428 --> 00:18:31,470
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
475
00:18:31,470 --> 00:18:32,970
I- I just feel like we're
kind of having, like,
476
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:35,178
a re-awakening on who
we are as individuals.
477
00:18:35,178 --> 00:18:35,929
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
478
00:18:35,929 --> 00:18:37,970
And they may
not align...
479
00:18:39,303 --> 00:18:41,637
as far as a relationship,
a marriage is concerned.
480
00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:42,470
And, like...
481
00:18:43,303 --> 00:18:44,470
I know it's supposed
to be, like,
482
00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:46,303
I'm supposed
to take...
483
00:18:47,178 --> 00:18:49,303
uh, responsibility
for the things
484
00:18:49,303 --> 00:18:50,387
that I'm doing wrong.
485
00:18:50,387 --> 00:18:53,136
But, like, my thing is-
is like it's her.
486
00:18:53,136 --> 00:18:55,136
I just feel like
she's never happy.
487
00:18:55,136 --> 00:18:56,804
Like, it's always
something with her.
488
00:19:01,261 --> 00:19:04,011
But that's your summary
in your mind of-
489
00:19:04,011 --> 00:19:06,845
of why...you're done?
490
00:19:07,887 --> 00:19:10,011
Because she will
never be happy?
491
00:19:11,387 --> 00:19:13,178
In a nutshell, yeah.
492
00:19:15,845 --> 00:19:17,345
Where are you?
493
00:19:19,053 --> 00:19:20,553
I don't know if we
mentioned this to you,
494
00:19:20,553 --> 00:19:21,637
but...
495
00:19:23,512 --> 00:19:24,845
we had...
496
00:19:24,845 --> 00:19:26,845
bought a- another car.
497
00:19:26,845 --> 00:19:28,428
It's a convertible.
498
00:19:28,679 --> 00:19:30,011
In the summertime,
499
00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:32,220
Alan started kind of
bringing it up.
500
00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:34,679
Like, "It would be a great
chance for you and I
501
00:19:34,679 --> 00:19:35,762
to, like...
502
00:19:36,053 --> 00:19:38,053
make our first
purchase together
503
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,053
and kind of, like, start
building on that."
504
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:42,762
And long story short, he
ended up buying the car
505
00:19:42,762 --> 00:19:44,220
on his own...
506
00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:45,470
for himself...
507
00:19:45,762 --> 00:19:48,345
and...told me that...
508
00:19:48,345 --> 00:19:49,595
"It's for the both of us."
509
00:19:49,595 --> 00:19:52,095
Like, he just wanted
to get it and...
510
00:19:52,095 --> 00:19:53,679
get the paperwork done
and this and that,
511
00:19:53,679 --> 00:19:55,345
but it was for
the both of us.
512
00:19:55,679 --> 00:19:57,345
When Alan went away,
513
00:19:57,345 --> 00:20:01,011
he took the keys of the garage
where the- we keep the car
514
00:20:01,011 --> 00:20:03,053
'cause he didn't
want me to drive it.
515
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:07,303
And the reason I'm bringing
this up is because
516
00:20:07,303 --> 00:20:10,095
it's a repetitiveness
of, like,
517
00:20:10,095 --> 00:20:13,178
saying one thing and
doing the total opposite.
518
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,512
And that's been, like,
519
00:20:14,512 --> 00:20:17,261
a recurring pattern
in our marriage,
520
00:20:17,261 --> 00:20:19,679
-in our relationship.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
521
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:23,095
So when he
says to you...
522
00:20:23,595 --> 00:20:27,011
that, "Oh, it's really about
me not being happy-"
523
00:20:27,011 --> 00:20:28,011
[Orna] Mm-hm.
524
00:20:28,303 --> 00:20:31,428
there's really a root
of those things.
525
00:20:31,428 --> 00:20:32,720
There's a reason for it.
526
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,303
It's not because
I'm crazy.
527
00:20:34,303 --> 00:20:35,387
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
528
00:20:36,136 --> 00:20:39,428
It's because there's a
foundation of that,
529
00:20:39,428 --> 00:20:42,136
like, saying one thing and
then doing another thing.
530
00:20:42,136 --> 00:20:43,512
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-And that's...
531
00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:46,428
And that's, in
a nutshell,
532
00:20:46,428 --> 00:20:47,804
what it has been...
533
00:20:48,178 --> 00:20:50,720
and how you
are with me.
534
00:20:52,887 --> 00:20:55,011
[Orna] Right, of course
you're not crazy.
535
00:20:56,011 --> 00:20:57,428
Neither of you are crazy.
536
00:20:57,929 --> 00:21:01,428
But you're each kind of
entrenched in your own...
537
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:02,261
pattern.
538
00:21:04,762 --> 00:21:06,011
[Orna] What do the two
of you want to do
539
00:21:06,011 --> 00:21:07,303
with your relationship?
540
00:21:14,136 --> 00:21:16,845
We know we're-
we're growing apart
541
00:21:16,845 --> 00:21:18,470
and, like, this was...
542
00:21:19,136 --> 00:21:20,637
like a-
543
00:21:20,637 --> 00:21:23,220
like a last effort to try
to figure things out.
544
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:24,136
-And-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
545
00:21:24,512 --> 00:21:26,512
I just feel like
maybe...
546
00:21:26,929 --> 00:21:28,970
the more layers
we pull back...
547
00:21:28,970 --> 00:21:31,387
the more I realize,
like...
548
00:21:34,804 --> 00:21:36,679
It's just I- I-
I don't f-
549
00:21:36,679 --> 00:21:38,804
I don't even feel like
I have the want
550
00:21:38,804 --> 00:21:41,303
-to pursue that anymore.
-[Orna] Yeah.
551
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:45,804
That's a, um...
552
00:21:47,261 --> 00:21:50,512
difficult moment
of truth-
553
00:21:50,512 --> 00:21:52,929
-[Evelyn] Yeah.
-that you're both expressing.
554
00:21:57,845 --> 00:21:59,679
How much of
this kind of...
555
00:21:59,679 --> 00:22:01,595
"maybe it's time to...
556
00:22:01,595 --> 00:22:05,095
separate," how much of
that is true for you?
557
00:22:05,387 --> 00:22:07,679
Do you feel like you're
100 percent behind that?
558
00:22:08,345 --> 00:22:09,303
Yes.
559
00:22:09,303 --> 00:22:10,178
[Orna]
Yes?
560
00:22:11,053 --> 00:22:11,804
Yes.
561
00:22:12,095 --> 00:22:13,303
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
562
00:22:13,845 --> 00:22:14,679
And you?
563
00:22:15,845 --> 00:22:16,595
Yeah.
564
00:22:18,011 --> 00:22:20,804
I- I don't- I don't
know what-
565
00:22:20,804 --> 00:22:22,470
what else to do.
566
00:22:22,762 --> 00:22:24,095
Like, I don't know...
567
00:22:24,887 --> 00:22:27,512
if there's any cure for-
568
00:22:28,637 --> 00:22:30,553
for it, because I just
feel like there's-
569
00:22:30,553 --> 00:22:31,887
-It's not a disease.
-Huh?
570
00:22:31,887 --> 00:22:33,261
It's not a disease.
571
00:22:33,261 --> 00:22:35,303
Wanting to separate
or reaching an end
572
00:22:35,303 --> 00:22:37,136
of a relationship is
not a disease.
573
00:22:37,136 --> 00:22:40,261
But how do you know?
574
00:22:40,261 --> 00:22:42,261
Like, are there tell-tale
things that it's it?
575
00:22:42,261 --> 00:22:45,136
Is it- is it...based
on ea- every couple?
576
00:22:45,136 --> 00:22:46,470
Every couple's different?
Like, h-
577
00:22:46,470 --> 00:22:48,470
How do you know if
this is an end
578
00:22:48,470 --> 00:22:50,553
that needs to happen
as opposed to just
579
00:22:50,553 --> 00:22:52,011
running away from
something?
580
00:22:52,553 --> 00:22:54,220
Is that what
you're asking?
581
00:22:54,220 --> 00:22:55,428
No, I think he's asking,
582
00:22:55,428 --> 00:22:56,553
"How do you know this-
583
00:22:56,553 --> 00:22:59,387
like, whether these are
signs of it being the end,"
584
00:22:59,387 --> 00:23:00,553
-kind of thing.
-Like, is there any,
585
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:02,303
like, textbook...
586
00:23:02,303 --> 00:23:03,553
signs that we're
showing?
587
00:23:03,553 --> 00:23:04,845
Like, "Yeah, maybe they
should probably, like,
588
00:23:04,845 --> 00:23:06,387
-throw in the towel"?
-You're asking me
589
00:23:06,387 --> 00:23:08,845
do you look like a couple
that's reached an end?
590
00:23:08,845 --> 00:23:10,929
[Alan] Or from what
we've communicated to you.
591
00:23:10,929 --> 00:23:11,970
-Like, uh-
-Um-
592
00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:13,261
Or do you just feel like
we just stopped trying
593
00:23:13,261 --> 00:23:14,762
and we're not even
trying anymore?
594
00:23:14,762 --> 00:23:17,095
I'd have to spend a lot
more time with you
595
00:23:17,095 --> 00:23:19,178
to really answer that...
596
00:23:19,178 --> 00:23:20,595
fully, but...
597
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:22,553
um...
598
00:23:22,553 --> 00:23:26,804
it takes, first of all, a
lot of love and want...
599
00:23:26,804 --> 00:23:28,470
to change.
600
00:23:28,470 --> 00:23:30,720
And you also have to...
601
00:23:31,428 --> 00:23:33,261
want it enough that
you'd be willing
602
00:23:33,261 --> 00:23:34,845
to change something
in yourself,
603
00:23:34,845 --> 00:23:36,637
something
fundamental.
604
00:23:37,178 --> 00:23:39,387
And that's a very
difficult thing to do.
605
00:23:39,387 --> 00:23:41,595
You have to really
want the relationship
606
00:23:41,595 --> 00:23:44,595
and love your partner in a
way that moves you
607
00:23:44,595 --> 00:23:46,261
to transcend yourself.
608
00:23:48,845 --> 00:23:51,845
♪ambient
synths♪
609
00:23:52,553 --> 00:23:54,637
You know, everyone
hopes that, "Oh...
610
00:23:54,637 --> 00:23:57,345
if I could just change
something in my partner,
611
00:23:57,345 --> 00:23:59,804
if they were just this
way or that way,
612
00:23:59,804 --> 00:24:01,261
it would be better."
613
00:24:06,428 --> 00:24:08,261
But really, the only
change that happens
614
00:24:08,261 --> 00:24:09,804
is if you- you-
you...
615
00:24:09,804 --> 00:24:12,470
crave the relationship,
love the person enough
616
00:24:12,470 --> 00:24:16,470
that you're gonna move
beyond something in yourself.
617
00:24:17,470 --> 00:24:22,553
♪dark
synths♪
618
00:24:43,929 --> 00:24:46,887
Why don't you
sit with...
619
00:24:46,887 --> 00:24:48,762
what was said
here today?
620
00:24:51,970 --> 00:24:54,428
And come back,
621
00:24:54,428 --> 00:24:56,595
and let's see where
you're at.
622
00:24:57,887 --> 00:25:01,679
♪♪♪
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