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1
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♪soft
piano♪
2
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My mother was very
young when she had me
3
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,720
and her escape
was probably,
4
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:17,887
you know,
getting high.
5
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,512
It was a
volatile,
6
00:00:19,512 --> 00:00:21,261
violent
environment.
7
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Having a baby
is, like...
8
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,220
the only thing that I
have known in my life
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00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:27,178
that I want.
10
00:00:27,178 --> 00:00:28,470
I'm not
gonna...
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bring a child in
to fix something.
12
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[Orna]
Mm-hm.
13
00:00:31,845 --> 00:00:33,178
I view...
14
00:00:33,178 --> 00:00:33,970
sex a lot
of ways.
15
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I- I see it like, uh...
16
00:00:35,387 --> 00:00:36,887
like, eating and
like sleeping.
17
00:00:36,887 --> 00:00:38,553
I have to do
it every day.
18
00:00:38,553 --> 00:00:39,970
You don't
wanna be...
19
00:00:39,970 --> 00:00:41,804
okay with not
doing it.
20
00:00:41,804 --> 00:00:43,720
That is not a
sign of health.
21
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,136
That's sign of
something...
22
00:00:46,136 --> 00:00:47,053
-else.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
23
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[Mau] And I want
to fix that.
24
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[Annie] I get home,
it's like 9:30
25
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,011
something late
like that.
26
00:01:04,011 --> 00:01:04,470
Mm-hm.
27
00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:05,762
I- I shouldn't
have to tell you
28
00:01:05,762 --> 00:01:07,011
to do this thing...
29
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[Orna]
Thing like...?
30
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Cook.
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Like, I shouldn't say,
"Are you cooking?"
32
00:01:11,679 --> 00:01:12,095
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
33
00:01:12,845 --> 00:01:13,428
And then if I say
that, he'll say,
34
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"Do I have a choice?"
35
00:01:15,011 --> 00:01:15,887
But- and this is--
36
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it goes back
to me saying,
37
00:01:16,929 --> 00:01:18,595
"He d- he
doesn't care."
38
00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:19,303
He does not-
39
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if it does not have
a direct affect on him,
40
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he does not care.
41
00:01:23,762 --> 00:01:25,095
I'm just curious w-
42
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when exactly did
all of this happen?
43
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During the week.
44
00:01:28,762 --> 00:01:30,720
It- it- what day
during the week-
45
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,929
I don't remember.
46
00:01:31,929 --> 00:01:33,095
...did I not cook?
47
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I- because I've
been cooking.
48
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:38,595
This brings us right to
the end of last session-
49
00:01:38,595 --> 00:01:39,428
Mm-hm.
50
00:01:39,428 --> 00:01:41,929
...where you're
saying,
51
00:01:41,929 --> 00:01:43,804
"You see?
He doesn't care."
52
00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:45,845
-[Elaine] Mm-hm.
-And I said,
53
00:01:45,845 --> 00:01:47,261
"I think he's angry."
54
00:01:48,637 --> 00:01:49,553
Those are, like...
55
00:01:49,553 --> 00:01:52,136
vastly different kinds
of feelings.
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♪funky bass and
drum beat♪
57
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♪♪♪
58
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[Desean] She'll text me
throughout the day.
59
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This is one of the things
we still fight about
60
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:33,804
-all the time.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
61
00:02:35,470 --> 00:02:38,178
I screenshotted
a text exchange
62
00:02:38,178 --> 00:02:39,512
-between us.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
63
00:02:39,929 --> 00:02:41,261
She asked me
a question
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00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:43,178
and if you look
at the time,
65
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let's say it was,
you know, 3:01.
66
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:46,804
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
67
00:02:46,804 --> 00:02:47,970
And then she'll-
68
00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:50,679
she texts right
after that, 3:02,
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00:02:50,679 --> 00:02:52,428
"Why aren't yo
answering me?"
70
00:02:52,428 --> 00:02:53,720
t- one minute later.
71
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:54,679
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
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00:02:54,679 --> 00:02:55,345
I'm just curious,
73
00:02:56,261 --> 00:02:57,428
do you have any thoughts
that are not, like,
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00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,595
within it but, like,
thoughts about
75
00:02:59,595 --> 00:03:00,887
this dynamic?
76
00:03:01,762 --> 00:03:04,970
I will say that, um...
77
00:03:06,095 --> 00:03:08,220
I hold onto...
78
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,220
a feeling.
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00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:12,845
Something he did made
me feel a certain way.
80
00:03:12,845 --> 00:03:14,136
[Orna]
What's the feeling
81
00:03:14,136 --> 00:03:15,970
-that keeps coming?
-Insecure. Insecure.
82
00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:17,178
-Insecure.
-[Orna] Insecure.
83
00:03:17,178 --> 00:03:19,387
Absolutely, because
if you don't pay m-
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00:03:19,387 --> 00:03:21,095
What you keep
going back to
85
00:03:21,095 --> 00:03:23,428
that I think is
the feeling is
86
00:03:23,428 --> 00:03:25,553
-"he doesn't care."
-[Elaine] He doesn't!
87
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:26,804
Well...
88
00:03:26,804 --> 00:03:28,095
[Elaine]
I'm sorry.
89
00:03:28,095 --> 00:03:31,303
Let's not equate the
feeling with truth.
90
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,387
The feeling that you
keep going back to
91
00:03:34,387 --> 00:03:36,428
ultimately is
"he doesn't care."
92
00:03:36,428 --> 00:03:37,303
Correct.
93
00:03:37,553 --> 00:03:40,553
Right? So that kind of
colors everything.
94
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,637
Yep.
95
00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:43,637
[Orna] He's busy equals
"he doesn't care."
96
00:03:43,637 --> 00:03:46,345
He doesn't go to the gym
equals "he doesn't care."
97
00:03:46,804 --> 00:03:47,887
Right? There- there's-
98
00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:50,679
there's a deep-seeded
"he doesn't care."
99
00:03:50,679 --> 00:03:52,095
Now, I wanna
hear more.
100
00:03:52,095 --> 00:03:54,095
We just touched
a little bit...
101
00:03:54,095 --> 00:03:55,637
on your history.
102
00:03:55,929 --> 00:03:58,011
But for sure, what
you've described
103
00:03:58,011 --> 00:03:59,637
is a lot of...
104
00:03:59,637 --> 00:04:01,053
"no one cared."
105
00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:03,679
Right? And a lot
of loneliness
106
00:04:03,679 --> 00:04:05,762
and a lot of doing it
on your own.
107
00:04:05,762 --> 00:04:06,637
[sighs]
108
00:04:06,929 --> 00:04:08,261
-Mm-hm.
-[Orna] Right?
109
00:04:09,595 --> 00:04:11,095
Oh, and you're- you're
taking a deep breath.
110
00:04:11,095 --> 00:04:12,887
I'm sorry, I'm goin'
right in there.
111
00:04:13,261 --> 00:04:15,261
[breaths in and out]
112
00:04:17,929 --> 00:04:18,929
[breaths in and out]
113
00:04:18,929 --> 00:04:20,428
What's the matter?
114
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:22,470
What's the matter?
115
00:04:24,136 --> 00:04:25,053
Whoo.
[exhales]
116
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[exhales heavily]
117
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,845
-Interesting.
-Mm-hm.
118
00:04:32,303 --> 00:04:34,428
[Elaine]
Very interesting.
119
00:04:36,053 --> 00:04:36,804
[sniffs]
120
00:04:38,387 --> 00:04:40,679
Ah, do I have
raccoon eyes?
121
00:04:40,679 --> 00:04:41,887
No.
122
00:04:41,887 --> 00:04:42,845
-No?
-No.
123
00:04:42,845 --> 00:04:43,637
[softly]
Okay.
124
00:04:45,804 --> 00:04:47,095
I think...
125
00:04:47,970 --> 00:04:50,804
from a very early age...
126
00:04:51,845 --> 00:04:52,929
that was pretty much
127
00:04:52,929 --> 00:04:54,470
-the narrative.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
128
00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:58,053
[Elaine] I left my
grandmother's house
129
00:04:58,053 --> 00:04:59,303
when I was 15
130
00:04:59,303 --> 00:05:02,136
and I was free,
I was free.
131
00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:03,637
Um...
132
00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,679
-but-
-[Orna] Free, but alone.
133
00:05:05,679 --> 00:05:06,887
Free, but alone.
134
00:05:07,303 --> 00:05:08,679
Free, but alone.
135
00:05:09,553 --> 00:05:10,595
Um...
136
00:05:10,595 --> 00:05:11,970
and then...
137
00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:14,679
you know, as a-
as a young kid,
138
00:05:14,679 --> 00:05:15,804
you don't know what
you're doin', right?
139
00:05:15,804 --> 00:05:18,136
So you're gonna go back
to what feels safe.
140
00:05:18,136 --> 00:05:20,679
And so I kept goin' back
to my grandmother...
141
00:05:20,679 --> 00:05:22,261
and um...
142
00:05:22,679 --> 00:05:25,804
you know, you-
you don't think people...
143
00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:31,512
will do things...
144
00:05:32,845 --> 00:05:34,178
until you see it.
145
00:05:35,512 --> 00:05:36,679
Like, I feel like-
146
00:05:36,679 --> 00:05:38,553
Are you thinking of
something in particular
147
00:05:38,553 --> 00:05:40,178
when you're saying that?
148
00:05:40,178 --> 00:05:42,845
My grandmother and my-
my father's people
149
00:05:42,845 --> 00:05:44,512
didn't like my mother...
150
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,387
and...
151
00:05:48,887 --> 00:05:51,095
the cops were lookin'
for my mother.
152
00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:53,762
I knew where
my mother was.
153
00:05:53,762 --> 00:05:56,387
I had come in and
they were in the back,
154
00:05:56,387 --> 00:05:58,136
my grandmother
and my aunt.
155
00:05:58,136 --> 00:06:01,887
And they were plotting because
the detectives were coming,
156
00:06:01,887 --> 00:06:04,345
looking for my mother
at my grandmother's house
157
00:06:04,345 --> 00:06:05,303
And...
158
00:06:05,303 --> 00:06:07,595
they- they were
gonna say that I...
159
00:06:07,595 --> 00:06:09,887
told where my
mother was
160
00:06:09,887 --> 00:06:11,387
and the cops took
my mother.
161
00:06:11,387 --> 00:06:14,553
My mother went to jail
thinking that I told on her.
162
00:06:15,428 --> 00:06:18,387
And- and I heard
them say that.
163
00:06:19,387 --> 00:06:21,053
Like, why would
you do that?
164
00:06:21,053 --> 00:06:22,637
Why would you
do that?
165
00:06:23,804 --> 00:06:27,053
That was a major
double betrayal.
166
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,220
Yeah.
167
00:06:29,095 --> 00:06:29,970
Yeah.
168
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,220
But, you know,
169
00:06:31,220 --> 00:06:34,428
shame on me
because I gave
170
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,637
the benefit of
the doubt and...
171
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I shoulda known better.
172
00:06:38,261 --> 00:06:39,720
Um, I think-
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00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:40,679
-Can I- can I-
-[Elaine] Mm-hm.
174
00:06:40,679 --> 00:06:41,637
...just pause
for a second?
175
00:06:41,637 --> 00:06:43,595
How are you feeling
listening to this?
176
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That is... [sighs]
177
00:06:46,095 --> 00:06:48,428
messed up, man.
178
00:06:48,428 --> 00:06:50,845
That's- that's
a world of hurt.
179
00:06:50,845 --> 00:06:52,095
That...
180
00:06:52,095 --> 00:06:54,220
-A world of hurt.
-[Desean] Yeah.
181
00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:56,595
-Yeah, a world of hurt.
-[Desean] Yeah.
182
00:06:57,220 --> 00:07:00,303
[Orna] But to- to bring it
specifically into this dynamic
183
00:07:00,303 --> 00:07:02,261
that the two of you
are here with...
184
00:07:02,261 --> 00:07:05,261
the shadow of
that kind of-
185
00:07:05,261 --> 00:07:09,011
you can find it sketched
into your relationship.
186
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,720
Right? Because you go towards-
187
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,428
with Desean...
188
00:07:13,428 --> 00:07:16,345
you go towards what comes
up for you repeatedly,
189
00:07:16,345 --> 00:07:18,929
what pops up like
a hologram...
190
00:07:18,929 --> 00:07:21,512
is this feeling
of aloneness,
191
00:07:21,512 --> 00:07:23,637
of nobody cares.
192
00:07:24,929 --> 00:07:25,970
Mm.
193
00:07:27,178 --> 00:07:28,553
That's interesting.
194
00:07:31,428 --> 00:07:34,470
It's frustrating
for me, though.
195
00:07:34,804 --> 00:07:37,095
[Orna] Because you're
dealing with history.
196
00:07:37,095 --> 00:07:38,303
-Yeah.
-[Orna] You're not only dealing
197
00:07:38,303 --> 00:07:39,804
-with here and now.
-Yeah.
198
00:07:39,804 --> 00:07:42,637
I mean this kind of loneliness
that you're describing,
199
00:07:42,637 --> 00:07:44,637
I mean, you can't
make it all better.
200
00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:52,011
♪slow emotional
music♪
201
00:08:37,136 --> 00:08:39,595
ren] So 10 months before we met,
202
00:08:39,595 --> 00:08:41,887
-I started hormones.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
203
00:08:43,553 --> 00:08:46,428
And then I had, uh, my top
and bottom surgery...
204
00:08:46,428 --> 00:08:48,387
scheduled, um...
205
00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:50,387
yeah, and on
the books.
206
00:08:50,387 --> 00:08:52,387
And we talked about
that early on...
207
00:08:52,387 --> 00:08:54,720
in our relationship,
like, within
208
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,220
-the first couple weeks.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
209
00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,261
And Sarah was just like,
210
00:08:58,261 --> 00:09:00,136
"I'm going with you."
Like...
211
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,261
It was the night I told
you I love you.
212
00:09:02,261 --> 00:09:03,595
-Yeah.
-And I was like,
213
00:09:03,595 --> 00:09:06,220
"I love you," and also,
"I'm going with you."
214
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:06,887
-[laughs]
-Yeah.
215
00:09:06,887 --> 00:09:08,053
And that's was like...
216
00:09:08,053 --> 00:09:09,845
three or four weeks
after we met.
217
00:09:09,845 --> 00:09:10,720
Yeah.
218
00:09:11,470 --> 00:09:14,178
And it's an- an incredibly
big commitment.
219
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:15,387
Mm-hm.
220
00:09:15,387 --> 00:09:17,553
I was just, like, fully
in love with this person,
221
00:09:17,553 --> 00:09:18,970
and was just like,
222
00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,553
"I'm not gonna let you
go by yourself."
223
00:09:21,553 --> 00:09:22,929
I was gonna go with
my mom, but you were-
224
00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:24,261
Oh, yeah.
225
00:09:24,261 --> 00:09:26,929
But you wanted to go,
and I wanted you to be there.
226
00:09:26,929 --> 00:09:29,011
Well, and it's such
an intimate thing.
227
00:09:29,011 --> 00:09:29,804
Yeah.
228
00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:31,261
Like, nobody needs
their mom
229
00:09:31,261 --> 00:09:33,595
involved with
their genitalia, right?
230
00:09:33,595 --> 00:09:35,762
-[laughs]
-No. [laughs]
231
00:09:36,261 --> 00:09:38,178
I was...
232
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,679
so stressed out
and so scared.
233
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:41,804
Of?
234
00:09:41,804 --> 00:09:43,095
Here's this woman
that I've been dating
235
00:09:43,095 --> 00:09:44,512
for six months
236
00:09:44,512 --> 00:09:46,345
and she's going into
surgery to, like,
237
00:09:46,345 --> 00:09:48,261
completely alter
her anatomy.
238
00:09:48,261 --> 00:09:49,804
-Yeah.
-Am I gonna, like,
239
00:09:49,804 --> 00:09:51,845
-adjust to-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
240
00:09:51,845 --> 00:09:53,345
Like, you have one
set of genitalia
241
00:09:53,345 --> 00:09:54,762
and you're not- n-
242
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:57,011
now you have a new
set of genitalia, like-
243
00:09:57,011 --> 00:09:58,011
-[Orna] Right.
-What does that mean?
244
00:09:58,011 --> 00:09:59,887
Are you gonna still love
her in the same way,
245
00:09:59,887 --> 00:10:00,804
be attracted in
the same way?
246
00:10:00,804 --> 00:10:02,470
-[Sarah] Yeah.
-What's gonna happen
247
00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:04,512
-between the two of you?
-[Sarah] Yeah.
248
00:10:04,512 --> 00:10:06,470
I bet you were nervous
about that too.
249
00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:07,929
-Very much.
-[Orna] Yeah.
250
00:10:08,470 --> 00:10:10,345
-And I-
-Yeah, I had...
251
00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:12,095
no idea what it
would be like.
252
00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:12,679
[Orna]
Yeah.
253
00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:15,804
[Sarah] I was kinda thrust
into the role of caretaker.
254
00:10:15,804 --> 00:10:18,220
That is a really easy
role for me to put on.
255
00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:20,136
It's what I- how I
operated in my family.
256
00:10:20,136 --> 00:10:21,261
Mm-hm.
257
00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:23,804
And I'm worried
about...
258
00:10:23,804 --> 00:10:26,178
that and how it will
translate into, like,
259
00:10:26,178 --> 00:10:28,011
us having a baby.
260
00:10:28,303 --> 00:10:31,387
Wh- where are you on
the baby question?
261
00:10:31,387 --> 00:10:33,053
We're trying
next month.
262
00:10:33,303 --> 00:10:34,470
You're trying
next month?
263
00:10:34,470 --> 00:10:35,637
-[Sarah] Mm-hm.
-[Lauren] Yeah.
264
00:10:35,637 --> 00:10:36,637
Oh!
265
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,553
-[Lauren] Yeah.
-[Sarah] Yeah.
266
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:38,637
-Wow.
-[Sarah] Yeah.
267
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:39,428
So we're, like,
actively monitoring
268
00:10:39,428 --> 00:10:40,470
my ovulation
right now
269
00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:41,512
-for this cycle.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
270
00:10:41,512 --> 00:10:42,387
-So-
-So, okay.
271
00:10:42,387 --> 00:10:43,512
Bring me up
to speed.
272
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:44,929
Because the last
time we talked
273
00:10:44,929 --> 00:10:47,220
you were not sure
about the timing.
274
00:10:47,220 --> 00:10:48,512
-[Sarah] Mm-hm.
-[Lauren] Yeah, mm-hm.
275
00:10:48,512 --> 00:10:50,762
You were saying
that...
276
00:10:51,136 --> 00:10:52,053
it's sort of-
277
00:10:52,053 --> 00:10:53,637
it feels fast.
278
00:10:53,637 --> 00:10:54,553
[Lauren]
Mm-hm.
279
00:10:55,512 --> 00:10:57,553
I just- I think I came
to the realization that-
280
00:10:57,553 --> 00:10:59,387
that there is no
perfect time.
281
00:10:59,387 --> 00:11:00,095
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
282
00:11:00,095 --> 00:11:01,595
Suddenly,
I started...
283
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,387
like, seeing...
284
00:11:04,095 --> 00:11:06,011
-our child-
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
285
00:11:06,011 --> 00:11:07,512
Our future child...
286
00:11:07,512 --> 00:11:09,220
like, start to
occupy space.
287
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:10,053
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
288
00:11:10,053 --> 00:11:12,303
And that, like, was
over for me.
289
00:11:12,303 --> 00:11:13,053
-Like-
-[Orna] Yeah.
290
00:11:13,053 --> 00:11:13,887
[laughs]
291
00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:16,011
[Lauren] I- I-
I saved some sperm.
292
00:11:16,011 --> 00:11:16,762
Mm-hm.
293
00:11:16,762 --> 00:11:18,387
So we can
actually have
294
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:20,387
biological children,
potentially,
295
00:11:20,387 --> 00:11:21,428
which is...
296
00:11:21,428 --> 00:11:22,970
like, mind-blowing.
297
00:11:22,970 --> 00:11:23,720
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
298
00:11:24,303 --> 00:11:25,929
Is there some
sense of, like...
299
00:11:25,929 --> 00:11:28,637
speed or urgency or
wanting it now?
300
00:11:28,637 --> 00:11:29,720
Or...
301
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,345
Once both of us are
on the same page...
302
00:11:31,345 --> 00:11:32,428
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-Yeah.
303
00:11:32,428 --> 00:11:33,845
we- we get a
little, like...
304
00:11:33,845 --> 00:11:35,553
-Antsy.
-Antsy.
305
00:11:35,553 --> 00:11:38,345
Because there's a- there's
a speed at which you move.
306
00:11:38,345 --> 00:11:39,387
[Lauren]
Mm-hm.
307
00:11:39,637 --> 00:11:41,553
You know, y- w-
in three weeks,
308
00:11:41,553 --> 00:11:42,470
you're already
moving in,
309
00:11:42,470 --> 00:11:44,428
you're already,
you know...
310
00:11:44,428 --> 00:11:45,679
-in- in Arizona-
-Yeah.
311
00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,387
[Orna] doing
surgery together.
312
00:11:47,387 --> 00:11:49,387
It's, like, you
move fast.
313
00:11:49,387 --> 00:11:50,178
-Yeah.
-Mm-hm.
314
00:11:50,178 --> 00:11:50,845
[Orna]
Right?
315
00:11:50,845 --> 00:11:52,887
And one could
think-
316
00:11:52,887 --> 00:11:55,303
I mean sometimes
people move so fast...
317
00:11:55,303 --> 00:11:56,762
so they never
have to think.
318
00:11:56,762 --> 00:11:57,845
-[Sarah] Mm-hm.
-[Lauren] Mm-hm.
319
00:11:58,178 --> 00:12:01,011
This is the one thing
I am so sure of.
320
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:01,887
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
321
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,762
That I want in my life...
322
00:12:05,929 --> 00:12:08,595
that I don't- I don't
really have any, like,
323
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,345
-doubts about it.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
324
00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:13,261
Unless there is something
glaring that I don't see.
325
00:12:13,261 --> 00:12:14,553
I don't know.
326
00:12:17,387 --> 00:12:19,470
♪eerie
music♪
327
00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:21,387
[Lauren]
[inaudible]
328
00:12:38,762 --> 00:12:41,762
♪♪♪
329
00:12:55,637 --> 00:12:58,887
♪♪♪
330
00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:15,804
[inaudible]
[laughs]
331
00:13:16,887 --> 00:13:17,845
It's like a- a...
332
00:13:17,845 --> 00:13:20,470
[laughs] Please don't.
[laughs]
333
00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:22,637
It's like a Hawaiian.
334
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,303
[laughs]
335
00:13:25,303 --> 00:13:28,011
Ah, no Babe.
336
00:13:33,387 --> 00:13:35,011
[sighs]
All right.
337
00:13:35,887 --> 00:13:36,637
No.
[laughs]
338
00:13:36,637 --> 00:13:37,512
-Oh.
-[laughs] Of course.
339
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,345
Of course.
340
00:13:39,345 --> 00:13:40,970
Why does that not
surprise me?
341
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:41,595
[laughs]
342
00:13:41,595 --> 00:13:42,845
Is that what
you want?
343
00:13:44,387 --> 00:13:46,679
[laughter]
344
00:13:47,845 --> 00:13:49,929
You know, in
thinking about
345
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:52,470
the time we spent
together so far,
346
00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:54,804
I have to say
I'm still...
347
00:13:55,136 --> 00:13:56,845
not clear
348
00:13:56,845 --> 00:13:58,345
on what would
be something
349
00:13:58,345 --> 00:13:59,970
you really wanna
work on.
350
00:13:59,970 --> 00:14:01,470
I think that...
351
00:14:01,887 --> 00:14:03,136
that makes total sense
352
00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:04,679
because we're not
on the same page.
353
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:05,762
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
354
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,345
-So I know what I want.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
355
00:14:07,345 --> 00:14:08,178
What was that?
356
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:09,553
It's about that
communication piece,
357
00:14:09,553 --> 00:14:10,553
that even though...
358
00:14:10,553 --> 00:14:11,428
you're...
359
00:14:12,553 --> 00:14:13,720
super, super supportive
and the world's best husband,
360
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,261
sometimes you're
also dismissive,
361
00:14:15,261 --> 00:14:16,011
and...
362
00:14:17,053 --> 00:14:19,220
where that leaves me when
you're being dismissive.
363
00:14:20,011 --> 00:14:21,220
What do you want?
364
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,970
I want you to be happy.
365
00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:26,220
No, what do want
out of therapy?
366
00:14:26,220 --> 00:14:27,887
Babe, um...
367
00:14:27,887 --> 00:14:28,929
you have...
368
00:14:28,929 --> 00:14:32,220
such riches
of opportunity...
369
00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,970
and you use them...
370
00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:36,053
to criticize the
environment
371
00:14:36,053 --> 00:14:37,929
that provided those
riches for you.
372
00:14:37,929 --> 00:14:40,261
It- like your
statement that...
373
00:14:40,929 --> 00:14:42,720
"Even though you're
amazing,
374
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,011
sometimes you're
dismissive."
375
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,178
How is that a problem?
376
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:47,595
Like, is the goal to...
377
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,595
never be dismissive...
378
00:14:49,595 --> 00:14:51,095
like, zero percent?
379
00:14:51,428 --> 00:14:52,887
You know, Annie
has been...
380
00:14:52,887 --> 00:14:54,720
threatening in one
way or another
381
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,136
-to leave for a while.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
382
00:14:56,804 --> 00:14:58,679
It's unlikely that
I'm going to
383
00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:00,345
really dramatically
change.
384
00:15:01,679 --> 00:15:04,303
So you know, you just
have to, like, make...
385
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:05,720
a decision.
386
00:15:07,595 --> 00:15:09,178
But you're
saying that...
387
00:15:09,178 --> 00:15:11,345
the problem resides
in Annie.
388
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:13,637
If Annie just was
okay with that,
389
00:15:13,637 --> 00:15:15,095
you'd be good.
390
00:15:15,637 --> 00:15:17,553
Well, y- sh- yes.
391
00:15:17,553 --> 00:15:18,387
I think, yes,
sort of, yeah.
392
00:15:18,387 --> 00:15:19,303
That's- that's-
393
00:15:19,303 --> 00:15:21,136
I have to say
that's unusual.
394
00:15:21,136 --> 00:15:21,804
Mm-hm.
395
00:15:21,804 --> 00:15:24,261
If you had to...
396
00:15:24,261 --> 00:15:25,553
tell...
397
00:15:25,553 --> 00:15:28,095
the story of why
you're feeling...
398
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,345
dismissed,
why is that?
399
00:15:30,345 --> 00:15:33,220
I mean of course it's
difficult for everyone, but...
400
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:34,637
your story.
401
00:15:34,637 --> 00:15:36,637
Like, what- what
is it for you?
402
00:15:36,637 --> 00:15:38,261
Well I...
403
00:15:38,261 --> 00:15:40,428
I- eh- in- in a way
that hopefully
404
00:15:40,428 --> 00:15:42,136
Mau will care about.
405
00:15:42,970 --> 00:15:44,261
I've-
406
00:15:44,637 --> 00:15:47,220
I mean- I've had
my share of...
407
00:15:48,428 --> 00:15:49,679
sexual trauma.
408
00:15:49,679 --> 00:15:51,136
Can you say more?
409
00:15:52,470 --> 00:15:53,970
I grew up in
New York City.
410
00:15:53,970 --> 00:15:55,637
I grew up...you know,
commuting.
411
00:15:55,637 --> 00:15:56,637
I grew up...
412
00:15:57,178 --> 00:15:58,804
relatively independent,
413
00:15:58,804 --> 00:15:59,804
much more independent,
probably,
414
00:15:59,804 --> 00:16:01,470
than kids are allowed
to be now.
415
00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:02,303
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
416
00:16:02,303 --> 00:16:04,470
And I felt very
physically...
417
00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:05,804
vulnerable.
418
00:16:05,804 --> 00:16:08,345
And I was reminded
of that...
419
00:16:08,345 --> 00:16:10,970
physical vulnerability,
and...
420
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:11,804
um...
421
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,553
sexual physical
vulnerability...
422
00:16:14,553 --> 00:16:16,011
all the time...
423
00:16:16,011 --> 00:16:18,345
from fourth grade...
424
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,136
on.
425
00:16:19,136 --> 00:16:20,470
What happened in
fourth grade?
426
00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:22,178
I was...
427
00:16:22,178 --> 00:16:24,679
touched inappropriately,
uh...
428
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,512
multiple times.
429
00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:28,053
I mean we were-
430
00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:29,637
uh, god I feel like
and my girl-
431
00:16:29,637 --> 00:16:31,053
we were flashed...
432
00:16:31,053 --> 00:16:32,720
all the time.
433
00:16:33,095 --> 00:16:34,762
-Just like constant-
-[Annie] Constant.
434
00:16:34,762 --> 00:16:36,011
...sexual intimidation.
435
00:16:36,011 --> 00:16:38,136
-[Annie] Constant.
-Mm-hm.
436
00:16:38,136 --> 00:16:39,553
And then...
437
00:16:39,553 --> 00:16:42,303
in high school, there
was definitely,
438
00:16:42,303 --> 00:16:43,512
um...
439
00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:48,345
multiple incidences
of coercion.
440
00:16:49,303 --> 00:16:52,845
And then I was
date-raped.
441
00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:56,220
Yeah, like right
before we met.
442
00:16:57,595 --> 00:16:58,720
So like...
443
00:16:59,053 --> 00:17:01,553
you know, it's not
the most extreme,
444
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,845
but it was constant.
445
00:17:03,845 --> 00:17:05,387
[Orna] Constant
and awful.
446
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,845
Can I- I'm just wanna
check with you Mau.
447
00:17:08,845 --> 00:17:11,345
How do you feel about
what Annie's described
448
00:17:11,345 --> 00:17:13,095
in terms of her...
449
00:17:13,095 --> 00:17:15,470
history of, like,
sexual intimidation
450
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:16,553
and...
451
00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:19,637
I wasn't there to
protect you.
452
00:17:20,804 --> 00:17:23,053
I guess this is kinda
one line of reasoning
453
00:17:23,053 --> 00:17:25,303
why you would carry
a particular sensitivity
454
00:17:25,303 --> 00:17:26,637
to being...
455
00:17:26,637 --> 00:17:28,178
dismissed or...
456
00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:31,220
stepped over or disregarded.
457
00:17:31,887 --> 00:17:32,929
And you're feeling-
458
00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:35,095
your immediate response
was, "I feel protective."
459
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,553
[Mau]
Mm-hm.
460
00:17:37,553 --> 00:17:40,512
[Orna] How do we
go from that...
461
00:17:40,512 --> 00:17:42,095
to...
462
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,762
when Annie experiences
even, like,
463
00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:47,845
something similar
to that with you,
464
00:17:47,845 --> 00:17:50,095
you lose empathy.
465
00:17:50,095 --> 00:17:50,887
Hm.
466
00:17:51,762 --> 00:17:53,261
To begin with...
467
00:17:53,261 --> 00:17:55,929
the- she's never had
an experience
468
00:17:55,929 --> 00:17:57,095
with me...
469
00:17:57,095 --> 00:17:58,553
that's similar to
those experiences.
470
00:17:58,553 --> 00:17:59,845
-Obviously.
-[Mau] Right.
471
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,595
There- there...
472
00:18:01,595 --> 00:18:03,595
That's not true.
473
00:18:03,595 --> 00:18:05,178
-[Orna] Oh?
-[Mau] It is both true
474
00:18:05,178 --> 00:18:06,220
and untrue.
475
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:06,970
That's-
476
00:18:06,970 --> 00:18:08,845
okay well you
should say.
477
00:18:11,095 --> 00:18:12,261
He...
478
00:18:13,261 --> 00:18:15,595
in a beautiful way...
479
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,178
wanted me to have
480
00:18:17,178 --> 00:18:20,220
a sexual confidence that
he thought I deserved.
481
00:18:20,804 --> 00:18:21,720
And...
482
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,637
sometimes that
looked in a way...
483
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,136
that I felt like...
484
00:18:26,136 --> 00:18:29,428
was just perpetuating
this, like, objectification
485
00:18:29,428 --> 00:18:31,095
and vul- vulnerability.
486
00:18:31,095 --> 00:18:33,095
Because he didn't want me
just to wear, like,
487
00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:36,261
postage stamp-size
skirts at home,
488
00:18:36,261 --> 00:18:39,929
he wanted me to wear postage
s- stamp-size skirts...
489
00:18:40,345 --> 00:18:42,178
to the grocery store,
or out-
490
00:18:42,178 --> 00:18:43,261
-Farmers' market.
-for dinner.
491
00:18:43,261 --> 00:18:44,470
The farmers'
market, right.
492
00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:45,136
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
493
00:18:45,970 --> 00:18:46,929
And my grandmother's
house. I mean...
494
00:18:46,929 --> 00:18:48,595
But are you saying
that you felt
495
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:49,679
a certain kind
of pressure?
496
00:18:49,679 --> 00:18:50,762
Yes!
497
00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,178
-A ton of pressure.
-A ton of pressure.
498
00:18:52,178 --> 00:18:53,553
Throughout our
marriage that I have-
499
00:18:53,553 --> 00:18:54,970
[Orna] That was
supposedly-
500
00:18:54,970 --> 00:18:56,720
-Supposed...
-[Orna] on your behalf?
501
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,512
Supposedly and
supposed to be
502
00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:00,387
on my behalf.
503
00:19:01,512 --> 00:19:02,303
na] But actually your experience
of it was that it's...
504
00:19:02,303 --> 00:19:03,845
Was the opposite.
505
00:19:03,845 --> 00:19:04,929
[Orna] Okay. Di- so...
506
00:19:06,804 --> 00:19:08,428
So that's been
insulting.
507
00:19:08,428 --> 00:19:10,303
It's all internal is...
508
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:12,679
[Orna] "It" meaning- ?
509
00:19:12,679 --> 00:19:13,804
Meaning it's
all on me.
510
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:16,470
That's- Baby- [laughs]
that's not what I mean.
511
00:19:16,470 --> 00:19:18,428
I mean you're describing
your feelings.
512
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,845
What ever .
513
00:19:20,845 --> 00:19:22,095
[Mau] Sugar, I'm not
disagreeing with you.
514
00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:23,345
-[Annie] I have a picture!
-Uh-huh.
515
00:19:23,345 --> 00:19:25,178
-You- you-
-Wait, I didn't hear.
516
00:19:25,178 --> 00:19:26,136
-[Annie] I have a picture!
-Uh-huh.
517
00:19:26,136 --> 00:19:27,136
Are you disagreeing?
518
00:19:27,136 --> 00:19:28,261
-Yes.
-[Mau] Of course not [laughs]
519
00:19:28,261 --> 00:19:29,553
-He's not disagreeing.
-[Annie] He's- Yes, he is.
520
00:19:29,553 --> 00:19:31,845
He's saying that it's
all in my head.
521
00:19:31,845 --> 00:19:33,178
That's not what
I'm saying.
522
00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:34,011
[Orna] I-
I'm not sure-
523
00:19:34,011 --> 00:19:35,261
That's not what
I'm saying, Love.
524
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:36,387
-[Orna] I'm not sure.
-Okay.
525
00:19:36,387 --> 00:19:37,387
What are you saying?
526
00:19:37,387 --> 00:19:39,220
I'm saying there- there's
nothing- eh- right-
527
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,720
I'm listening to you
describe something.
528
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,595
That's what I'm doing.
529
00:19:43,595 --> 00:19:46,053
I mean it's internal in-
in the sense that
530
00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:49,178
the well spring of information
is coming out of you.
531
00:19:49,178 --> 00:19:51,887
It's- there's not an
external basis for me...
532
00:19:51,887 --> 00:19:53,220
to have an opinion.
533
00:19:53,220 --> 00:19:56,220
I'm just listening to you
describe your experience,
534
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:57,387
that's it.
535
00:19:58,136 --> 00:19:58,553
Okay.
536
00:19:59,512 --> 00:20:00,887
If we...
537
00:20:00,887 --> 00:20:03,887
got way off the topic
of how he feels
538
00:20:03,887 --> 00:20:05,220
when I feel upset...
539
00:20:05,220 --> 00:20:07,553
I think that this
actually brings us
540
00:20:07,553 --> 00:20:09,053
-right back there.
-[Orna] Right back.
541
00:20:09,053 --> 00:20:11,512
-Because if we're talking about-
-[Orna] Listen.
542
00:20:11,512 --> 00:20:12,553
-how you make me feel-
-[Mau] Mm.
543
00:20:12,553 --> 00:20:14,637
and you go, "That's in
your head," or-
544
00:20:14,637 --> 00:20:16,303
-Sugar, that...
-[Annie] "No, you can't feel
545
00:20:16,303 --> 00:20:18,387
that way because I'm
such a good husband."
546
00:20:18,387 --> 00:20:21,428
You know, I think- I-
I would like to start from
547
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,512
a place where we give Mau
548
00:20:23,512 --> 00:20:25,762
a little bit more of the
benefit of the doubt.
549
00:20:26,011 --> 00:20:27,011
[Annie]
Okay.
550
00:20:27,679 --> 00:20:29,970
[Orna] I- I- I'm not sure
I heard it that way,
551
00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:31,053
and I'd like to believe...
552
00:20:31,053 --> 00:20:33,595
I mean I've seen you
react empathically.
553
00:20:33,595 --> 00:20:33,970
Mm-hm.
554
00:20:35,095 --> 00:20:37,261
And I'd like to believe
that you've got that in you.
555
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:39,220
-So-
-Yeah,
556
00:20:39,929 --> 00:20:40,929
I'm not gonna help
you with that.
557
00:20:40,929 --> 00:20:42,720
I- I don't need to earn
anything there.
558
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,053
Right?
I have it.
559
00:20:44,053 --> 00:20:45,720
If you can't see it,
like, fuck you.
560
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,762
-[Orna] But-
-And- and I give you-
561
00:20:47,762 --> 00:20:49,428
you're not being
magnanimous.
562
00:20:49,428 --> 00:20:50,804
-Like, there-
-I'm not being magnanimous.
563
00:20:50,804 --> 00:20:52,845
I'm trying to stay
true to the truth.
564
00:20:54,178 --> 00:20:56,679
Describe anything
you want,
565
00:20:56,679 --> 00:20:59,095
but don't ascribe
motivations to me.
566
00:20:59,095 --> 00:21:01,512
that- that's just
unfair to me.
567
00:21:01,512 --> 00:21:02,512
Okay. I won't.
568
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:03,929
Okay, I don't think
it's in your head.
569
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,220
You didn't make
it up, Babe.
570
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,637
You're telling- you're telling
a story about something...
571
00:21:07,637 --> 00:21:09,178
-I'm listening to you.
-Okay.
572
00:21:09,178 --> 00:21:11,553
That I can say a word...
573
00:21:11,553 --> 00:21:13,136
and you can
take that word
574
00:21:13,136 --> 00:21:15,929
and imagine that I- I've
brewed some evil concoction,
575
00:21:15,929 --> 00:21:17,804
like, fuck you,
like, stop.
576
00:21:17,804 --> 00:21:18,970
That's the problem.
577
00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:21,512
And you're right this
does exemplify it,
578
00:21:21,512 --> 00:21:22,929
but not in the way
you imagine,
579
00:21:22,929 --> 00:21:24,679
in the way that
I imagine.
580
00:21:24,679 --> 00:21:26,553
You keep telling
the narrative as if
581
00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:28,470
I can't meet you
where you're at.
582
00:21:29,345 --> 00:21:30,845
You're not meeting
me where I'm at.
583
00:21:31,136 --> 00:21:34,345
All the time recognizing
the distance between us
584
00:21:34,345 --> 00:21:36,470
is the distance that
I'm not moving.
585
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:37,428
You're not- you're-
586
00:21:37,428 --> 00:21:39,512
it's the distance
between us.
587
00:21:39,512 --> 00:21:41,303
If you wanna close
that distance,
588
00:21:41,303 --> 00:21:42,970
start fucking walking
toward me.
589
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:44,095
Stop telling me...
590
00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:45,845
you're over there
and I need to just...
591
00:21:46,303 --> 00:21:47,345
like, get it
592
00:21:47,345 --> 00:21:48,887
because you've had
bad experiences.
593
00:21:48,887 --> 00:21:50,095
Okay, me too.
594
00:21:50,095 --> 00:21:51,011
So...
595
00:21:51,011 --> 00:21:52,804
I'm happy to
patiently sit here
596
00:21:52,804 --> 00:21:54,178
and listen to
everything.
597
00:21:54,178 --> 00:21:55,095
-And I'm empathic-
-What- what made you-
598
00:21:55,095 --> 00:21:56,845
I'm empathic...
599
00:21:56,845 --> 00:21:58,053
all the fucking time.
600
00:21:58,053 --> 00:21:59,512
That's not a problem.
601
00:21:59,512 --> 00:22:03,470
You don't have a problem of lack
of empathy in your husband.
602
00:22:03,470 --> 00:22:05,011
That's not what
you have.
603
00:22:05,011 --> 00:22:06,053
You have-
604
00:22:06,053 --> 00:22:07,720
you feel...
605
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,679
like you're not getting
something.
606
00:22:09,679 --> 00:22:10,637
You're getting it...
607
00:22:10,637 --> 00:22:12,929
and you feel like
you're not getting it.
608
00:22:12,929 --> 00:22:15,553
But I can only
give you it. Right?
609
00:22:15,553 --> 00:22:17,512
If you don't accept it,
610
00:22:17,512 --> 00:22:18,845
th- it isn't
something else.
611
00:22:18,845 --> 00:22:20,345
There's not
something else.
612
00:22:20,345 --> 00:22:22,136
There's not a magic
ingredient missing.
613
00:22:22,136 --> 00:22:23,970
The grass is not
greener.
614
00:22:23,970 --> 00:22:26,178
There-I can't-don't
want tap dancing.
615
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,553
And I bent myself
into a pretzel
616
00:22:28,553 --> 00:22:30,637
to try to figure out
whatever it is
617
00:22:30,637 --> 00:22:31,720
that you need,
618
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,470
and then be called all
sorts of fuckin' names
619
00:22:33,470 --> 00:22:34,720
in the therapist's office
620
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:35,887
because I protected you.
621
00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:37,387
That's it.
622
00:22:37,762 --> 00:22:38,553
Okay?
623
00:22:38,553 --> 00:22:39,053
-[Annie] Yes.
-All right.
624
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,178
I just wanna
check your-
625
00:22:41,178 --> 00:22:42,804
your...
626
00:22:42,804 --> 00:22:43,553
[sighs]
627
00:22:44,637 --> 00:22:48,220
What angered
you the most is
628
00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:50,220
the misread of you
629
00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:51,512
that Annie had
right now?
630
00:22:51,512 --> 00:22:52,804
It doesn't anger
me the most;
631
00:22:52,804 --> 00:22:54,762
it's just the most
disappointing.
632
00:22:54,762 --> 00:22:56,345
Like, uh, really?
633
00:22:56,345 --> 00:22:57,011
Still?
634
00:22:57,011 --> 00:22:58,929
And if you feel that way,
635
00:22:58,929 --> 00:23:00,762
Babe, I love you,
636
00:23:00,762 --> 00:23:01,595
you should leave.
637
00:23:01,595 --> 00:23:03,428
You should not
live your life...
638
00:23:03,428 --> 00:23:06,553
in this level of
consternation.
639
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,637
And if I'm the cause of it,
you shouldn't be near me.
640
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:11,220
If there's something
there, uh...
641
00:23:11,220 --> 00:23:14,470
you know, as horrible
as it will be for me,
642
00:23:14,470 --> 00:23:18,470
I r- you can't
live your life...
643
00:23:18,470 --> 00:23:20,595
this disabled.
644
00:23:25,261 --> 00:23:28,762
♪emotional
music♪
645
00:23:32,762 --> 00:23:35,136
[Orna] They told me already
that they have not lasted
646
00:23:35,136 --> 00:23:36,303
more than three sessions
647
00:23:36,303 --> 00:23:38,220
-with any couples therapist.
-[Virginia] Yeah.
648
00:23:40,762 --> 00:23:43,261
[Orna] I can't do all of
the work that I could do
649
00:23:43,261 --> 00:23:46,261
because there's always,
like, the threat of them
650
00:23:46,261 --> 00:23:47,428
jumping ship.
651
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:53,345
I have to maintain a
connection with him
652
00:23:53,345 --> 00:23:55,095
on his terms.
653
00:23:55,095 --> 00:23:57,804
I mean otherwise,
I lose them as a couple.
654
00:23:59,553 --> 00:24:02,095
Sometimes it feels like...
655
00:24:02,095 --> 00:24:04,970
in a way I have to
sacrifice Annie...
656
00:24:04,970 --> 00:24:06,929
to stay...
657
00:24:06,929 --> 00:24:09,053
tuned in in a very
particular way
658
00:24:09,053 --> 00:24:11,053
to his way of speaking,
659
00:24:11,053 --> 00:24:12,136
because he's so...
660
00:24:12,136 --> 00:24:14,136
so sensitive to any-
661
00:24:14,136 --> 00:24:16,887
any diversion from the
way he sees the world,
662
00:24:16,887 --> 00:24:19,303
he experiences it as
such a-
663
00:24:19,303 --> 00:24:21,095
-an assault.
-[Virginia] Right.
664
00:24:21,512 --> 00:24:24,553
I'm not sure if I'm,
like, indulging him.
665
00:24:24,553 --> 00:24:26,136
Could I confront more,
666
00:24:26,136 --> 00:24:28,303
could he tolerate it,
or would that...
667
00:24:28,303 --> 00:24:30,303
blow up the treatment?
668
00:24:30,303 --> 00:24:34,261
Very tight rope I'm
walking on there.
669
00:24:34,261 --> 00:24:35,512
[Virginia] Yeah.
670
00:24:36,679 --> 00:24:42,679
♪funky soul
music♪
671
00:24:46,345 --> 00:24:48,762
♪...From here
baby♪
672
00:24:50,637 --> 00:24:54,178
♪Gonna get a little rougher
before it smooths♪
673
00:24:54,178 --> 00:24:56,220
♪But if you just
hold on♪
674
00:24:56,220 --> 00:24:58,553
♪To me,
baby...♪
675
00:24:58,553 --> 00:24:59,345
[Lauren]
Do what?
676
00:24:59,345 --> 00:25:00,345
[Sarah]
[inaudible]
677
00:25:03,679 --> 00:25:07,095
♪♪♪
678
00:25:09,095 --> 00:25:11,512
♪Just give me
a little faith♪
679
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:16,720
♪Ain't much to ask
a drop of hope♪
680
00:25:18,220 --> 00:25:20,512
♪Ain't got much
goin' my way♪
681
00:25:20,512 --> 00:25:22,553
♪But I'll make
it someday♪
682
00:25:41,428 --> 00:25:43,637
♪As we travel
along♪
683
00:25:44,261 --> 00:25:45,553
♪Baby
♪
684
00:25:47,512 --> 00:25:50,595
♪We might stumble
we might fall♪
685
00:25:50,595 --> 00:25:52,679
♪But through
it all♪
686
00:25:53,178 --> 00:25:54,553
♪My
lady♪
687
00:25:56,345 --> 00:25:59,095
♪We have our love to
keep us standin' tall♪
688
00:26:01,512 --> 00:26:03,220
♪I know you're
nervous♪
689
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,428
♪I know
you're shy♪
690
00:26:06,303 --> 00:26:09,804
♪But we'll be together
walkin' side-by-side♪
691
00:26:09,804 --> 00:26:13,095
♪Take my
hand, baby♪
692
00:26:14,595 --> 00:26:17,595
♪Give us half a chance and
we'll keep our love alive♪
693
00:26:23,762 --> 00:26:26,762
♪Just give me
a little faith♪
694
00:26:27,929 --> 00:26:31,261
♪Ain't much to ask
a drop of hope♪
695
00:26:32,929 --> 00:26:35,553
♪Ain't got much
goin' my way♪
696
00:26:35,553 --> 00:26:38,970
♪But I'll make
it someday♪
697
00:26:42,387 --> 00:26:46,970
♪♪♪
46681
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