All language subtitles for Couples Therapy (2019) - S01E02 - Episode 2 (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)_track3_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,136 --> 00:00:09,762 [man humming softly] 2 00:00:17,512 --> 00:00:18,929 Babe, can you behave yourself? 3 00:00:19,428 --> 00:00:20,720 You don't get to -- you don't get to be 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:21,553 the bad guy. 5 00:00:23,220 --> 00:00:25,303 Baby, someone has to be the bad guy. 6 00:00:25,303 --> 00:00:26,303 Yeah, not -- not -- 7 00:00:26,303 --> 00:00:28,053 Otherwise, people can't define themselves. 8 00:00:28,053 --> 00:00:29,387 They'll just be lost. 9 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:30,387 [whispers] Okay. 10 00:00:31,637 --> 00:00:34,345 Please , we had one deal . 11 00:00:34,345 --> 00:00:35,387 I'll do my -- okay. 12 00:00:35,387 --> 00:00:36,512 I will, yes. 13 00:00:36,512 --> 00:00:37,387 You had a deal. 14 00:00:38,303 --> 00:00:39,053 I will try. 15 00:00:40,053 --> 00:00:41,178 ♪grooving bass and drum beat♪ 16 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,595 Up until very recently... 17 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,595 if he were to sort of tell you... 18 00:00:55,929 --> 00:00:57,387 the story of our... 19 00:00:57,762 --> 00:00:58,887 intimate life... 20 00:00:59,220 --> 00:00:59,804 Mm-hm. 21 00:01:00,637 --> 00:01:02,095 He would say that we're -- we just -- 22 00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:03,762 we're totally incompatible... 23 00:01:03,762 --> 00:01:04,929 and that we have -- 24 00:01:04,929 --> 00:01:05,929 That you're sexually incompatible? 25 00:01:05,929 --> 00:01:07,512 Yes, that we're sexually incompatible, 26 00:01:07,512 --> 00:01:09,261 especially in terms of appetite. 27 00:01:09,762 --> 00:01:10,261 Mm-hm. 28 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:11,720 And I -- 29 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:12,929 [Orna] What's the incompatibility? 30 00:01:12,929 --> 00:01:13,762 Well, like I never want it 31 00:01:13,762 --> 00:01:14,804 and he always wants it. 32 00:01:15,512 --> 00:01:17,720 I view...sex a lot of ways. 33 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:18,845 I -- I see it like, uh -- 34 00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:20,470 like eating and like sleeping. 35 00:01:20,762 --> 00:01:21,762 I have to do it every day. 36 00:01:22,095 --> 00:01:23,387 So, the idea that, like, 37 00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:24,929 you had sex yesterday... 38 00:01:25,261 --> 00:01:27,345 is sort of like saying you ate yesterday. 39 00:01:27,345 --> 00:01:28,095 I appreciate that, 40 00:01:28,095 --> 00:01:29,220 I'm glad I ate yesterday... 41 00:01:29,512 --> 00:01:30,679 but today's today. 42 00:01:31,095 --> 00:01:32,512 But I didn't...approach her like this, 43 00:01:32,512 --> 00:01:33,804 like, "Hey... 44 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:35,261 it's...schedule." 45 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,553 Like, there would be none of that. 46 00:01:36,553 --> 00:01:37,470 Yeah, you did. 47 00:01:37,929 --> 00:01:39,637 Wait, I -- I want to get to the -- 48 00:01:39,637 --> 00:01:40,553 the essence. 49 00:01:40,553 --> 00:01:41,970 -I really didn't. -Okay. 50 00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:43,553 And I don't even view it that way. 51 00:01:43,553 --> 00:01:45,345 The way I think about it is that... 52 00:01:46,136 --> 00:01:47,929 that actually just makes great sense. 53 00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:49,428 It's what you're supposed to do. 54 00:01:49,428 --> 00:01:50,303 It's what -- it -- 55 00:01:50,303 --> 00:01:52,679 it's what...my body wants to do, 56 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,804 and I am in agreement with my body. 57 00:01:54,804 --> 00:01:56,178 Like, we just -- we... 58 00:01:56,178 --> 00:01:57,470 agree on this completely. 59 00:01:57,929 --> 00:01:59,970 I don't see how anyone can disagree with that. 60 00:01:59,970 --> 00:02:01,136 Like, I don't even understand... 61 00:02:01,804 --> 00:02:03,720 the idea, like... "I don't want to." 62 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:04,887 It doesn't even make sense to me. 63 00:02:04,887 --> 00:02:05,804 -Mm-hm. -I'm like... 64 00:02:05,804 --> 00:02:07,303 something's clearly wrong with you. 65 00:02:07,303 --> 00:02:09,261 Look, there's a big part of me... 66 00:02:09,553 --> 00:02:10,845 that really... 67 00:02:11,136 --> 00:02:12,345 and has for many years, 68 00:02:12,345 --> 00:02:13,929 told him to fuck off 69 00:02:13,929 --> 00:02:15,929 and told him, like, "This is impo-- 70 00:02:15,929 --> 00:02:17,095 Yeah, you're not asking for anything, 71 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:18,679 but you're asking for sex three times a day. 72 00:02:18,679 --> 00:02:20,178 What do you mean, you're not asking for anything? 73 00:02:20,178 --> 00:02:22,720 You know, you're ask -- I'm a person ... 74 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:23,345 who has to... 75 00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:25,470 you know, uh -- [laughs] 76 00:02:25,804 --> 00:02:26,929 Whew! Anyway... 77 00:02:27,512 --> 00:02:28,303 if you had met us 78 00:02:28,303 --> 00:02:29,679 -ten years ago -- -Mm-hm. 79 00:02:29,679 --> 00:02:31,011 I would have said that I thought 80 00:02:31,011 --> 00:02:33,011 -he had a sex addiction. -Mm-hm. 81 00:02:33,011 --> 00:02:34,345 And that I thought his relationship 82 00:02:34,345 --> 00:02:36,679 to sex and sexuality was disordered. 83 00:02:36,679 --> 00:02:37,178 Mm-hm. 84 00:02:38,053 --> 00:02:39,261 I mean that's how we ended up 85 00:02:39,261 --> 00:02:41,011 -here and now. -Mm-hm. 86 00:02:41,011 --> 00:02:42,178 I thought that was, like... 87 00:02:42,178 --> 00:02:43,470 the beginning and the end of our... 88 00:02:43,470 --> 00:02:44,136 stuff. 89 00:02:44,470 --> 00:02:45,512 How do you mean? 90 00:02:45,804 --> 00:02:46,970 Like, if -- if... 91 00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:48,762 sex was good, l-- life was good, 92 00:02:48,762 --> 00:02:50,553 and if sex was bad, life was bad. 93 00:02:51,053 --> 00:02:52,303 Not coming from me, 94 00:02:52,303 --> 00:02:53,345 coming from him. 95 00:02:54,387 --> 00:02:55,845 You don't want to be... 96 00:02:55,845 --> 00:02:57,637 okay with not doing it. 97 00:02:57,637 --> 00:02:58,679 That is a... 98 00:02:59,428 --> 00:03:00,845 not a sign of health. 99 00:03:00,845 --> 00:03:02,762 That's a sign of something... 100 00:03:03,053 --> 00:03:04,303 -else. -Mm-hm. 101 00:03:04,303 --> 00:03:04,762 Um... 102 00:03:05,804 --> 00:03:07,053 and so you wanna -- you wanna -- you wanna -- 103 00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,512 and I want to fix that. 104 00:03:08,762 --> 00:03:10,553 And I want to encourage it, so... 105 00:03:11,053 --> 00:03:12,679 a lot of my encouragement... 106 00:03:13,345 --> 00:03:15,595 I'm not great at encouraging, I guess. 107 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,220 You know? It was interpreted... 108 00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:18,345 in a very different way. 109 00:03:18,679 --> 00:03:20,387 -But -- -As pressure? 110 00:03:20,387 --> 00:03:22,387 I don't think certainly as e-- easily as pressure, 111 00:03:22,387 --> 00:03:24,845 but also, it could maybe even, like, uh... 112 00:03:24,845 --> 00:03:25,887 even more than pressure, 113 00:03:25,887 --> 00:03:27,720 it could be almost viewed negatively. 114 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:31,887 Annie, you often... misinterpreted... 115 00:03:31,887 --> 00:03:34,387 gestures as... manipulation? 116 00:03:34,387 --> 00:03:35,970 -As a sexual manipulation? -Yeah. 117 00:03:36,553 --> 00:03:37,720 -Definitely. -That's what would happen? 118 00:03:38,095 --> 00:03:38,595 Yes. 119 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,470 Pressure felt like pressure felt like pressure. 120 00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:42,762 -Mm-hm. -I couldn't... 121 00:03:43,095 --> 00:03:44,261 see it as anything else. 122 00:03:44,929 --> 00:03:45,887 When we sort of... 123 00:03:45,887 --> 00:03:47,845 came to blows a couple years ago... 124 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:49,762 [Orna] Around the birthday thing? 125 00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:50,720 -Yeah. -Mm-hm. 126 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:51,887 I was just like, 127 00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:53,887 "I don't want to be fucking held responsible 128 00:03:53,887 --> 00:03:54,929 for this anymore. 129 00:03:54,929 --> 00:03:56,095 Like I don't wanna... 130 00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:57,637 I -- it's not -- 131 00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,595 I don't think it's fair to him... 132 00:04:00,095 --> 00:04:01,178 at all. 133 00:04:01,178 --> 00:04:02,929 And there was a lot of years 134 00:04:02,929 --> 00:04:03,887 where I defended myself 135 00:04:03,887 --> 00:04:05,011 and I defended my... 136 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,553 position and I... 137 00:04:06,804 --> 00:04:09,387 I accused him of all kinds of behavior... 138 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:10,387 um... 139 00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:12,303 in a very d-- 140 00:04:12,303 --> 00:04:14,011 from a very defensive... 141 00:04:14,345 --> 00:04:14,887 place. 142 00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:17,720 And I do , now, 143 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:18,845 really believe 144 00:04:18,845 --> 00:04:20,220 -his intentions. -Mh-hm. 145 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:21,095 I don't think -- 146 00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,637 I think you wanted to... 147 00:04:23,762 --> 00:04:25,261 love me up... all the time 148 00:04:25,261 --> 00:04:27,303 and be loved by me, and I -- and I... 149 00:04:28,136 --> 00:04:28,929 downright couldn't. 150 00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:29,887 Mm-hm. 151 00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:32,053 The other piece that -- that... 152 00:04:32,303 --> 00:04:34,011 really belongs here is that... 153 00:04:34,595 --> 00:04:37,637 like, my attraction to Annie was, like, biblical . 154 00:04:37,637 --> 00:04:38,929 I mean, it was -- 155 00:04:38,929 --> 00:04:40,637 it was unreal. 156 00:04:40,637 --> 00:04:42,303 W-- I had had... 157 00:04:42,303 --> 00:04:44,553 a lot of relationships before you and... 158 00:04:44,553 --> 00:04:45,637 when I saw her, like... 159 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:47,512 the world stopped. 160 00:04:47,512 --> 00:04:49,845 Like, everything stopped and I... 161 00:04:49,845 --> 00:04:50,428 I was like... 162 00:04:51,136 --> 00:04:52,178 "Oh, shit." 163 00:04:52,178 --> 00:04:53,470 Like, "Here's..." 164 00:04:54,136 --> 00:04:55,595 like, you know, it was like 165 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,178 "There's the one. That's -- 166 00:04:57,178 --> 00:04:58,553 that is the one." 167 00:04:58,553 --> 00:05:00,053 And this is gonna sound terrible. 168 00:05:00,053 --> 00:05:00,762 [Annie] I know. 169 00:05:00,762 --> 00:05:01,845 But it's like, 170 00:05:01,845 --> 00:05:03,804 "I wanna fuck that for the rest of my life. 171 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,470 Do you know what you saw? 172 00:05:06,178 --> 00:05:07,845 Yeah, I mean, like... 173 00:05:07,845 --> 00:05:08,637 she had... 174 00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,178 and still has... 175 00:05:10,845 --> 00:05:11,553 like... 176 00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:14,512 like, this incredible ... 177 00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:18,970 uh, emotional attachment to life. 178 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,512 Like, just this, like... 179 00:05:21,178 --> 00:05:22,887 The way she interacts with... 180 00:05:23,178 --> 00:05:24,512 the world is -- it -- 181 00:05:24,512 --> 00:05:25,679 I don't do it that way. 182 00:05:25,679 --> 00:05:27,011 I don't -- I don't see it that way. 183 00:05:27,470 --> 00:05:29,095 And I get to -- I get to experience it -- 184 00:05:29,095 --> 00:05:30,804 -But this capacity -- -Yeah. 185 00:05:30,804 --> 00:05:32,178 -to emotionally attach... -Oh yeah, 186 00:05:32,178 --> 00:05:32,970 to emotionally attach, 187 00:05:32,970 --> 00:05:34,011 -but -- -Yeah. 188 00:05:34,804 --> 00:05:36,178 It's almost like she's... 189 00:05:37,345 --> 00:05:39,095 you know, yeah, she's just plugged in 190 00:05:39,095 --> 00:05:40,637 on a different wavelength... 191 00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,929 that's... inaccessible to me. 192 00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:44,470 It just -- 193 00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,679 it seemed beautiful. 194 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,970 And it seemed... 195 00:05:48,387 --> 00:05:51,011 something I didn't exactly know... 196 00:05:51,011 --> 00:05:52,345 -was possible. -Mm-hm. 197 00:05:53,095 --> 00:05:54,428 It -- we're very different. 198 00:05:54,428 --> 00:05:55,929 I feel like I'm forcing everything... 199 00:05:55,929 --> 00:05:56,595 [Orna] Mm-hm. 200 00:05:57,553 --> 00:05:58,679 and that I'm holding back the tide waters. 201 00:05:58,679 --> 00:06:00,136 She looked like she was walking on top of it. 202 00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:06,136 ♪disorienting synths♪ 203 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,804 ♪♪♪ 204 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,053 Ooh, that was a salsa move. 205 00:06:30,345 --> 00:06:32,428 ♪♪♪ 206 00:06:39,345 --> 00:06:40,428 [exhales deeply] 207 00:06:42,261 --> 00:06:42,887 [whispering] Oh... 208 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:46,845 [stifles laugh] 209 00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:52,261 [Alan] You know... 210 00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:53,428 I'll be very straight-forward, 211 00:06:53,428 --> 00:06:55,845 I -- I know that she...doesn't-- 212 00:06:55,845 --> 00:06:57,428 she doesn't trust me fully. 213 00:07:00,929 --> 00:07:01,762 That's true. 214 00:07:02,595 --> 00:07:05,095 I don't fully trust him. 215 00:07:05,428 --> 00:07:07,470 It was something that...happened... 216 00:07:07,762 --> 00:07:09,804 along the way that I felt like... 217 00:07:10,261 --> 00:07:11,845 he gave me reasons to feel -- 218 00:07:11,845 --> 00:07:12,970 Mm-hm. 219 00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:14,679 like, not secure... 220 00:07:14,679 --> 00:07:16,804 in how he felt about me. 221 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:18,470 Like, um... 222 00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:20,970 how seriously he took... 223 00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:23,261 or valued our relationship. 224 00:07:23,595 --> 00:07:24,470 Um... 225 00:07:25,303 --> 00:07:26,428 You're hurt. 226 00:07:27,178 --> 00:07:28,303 Yeah, I felt -- 227 00:07:28,303 --> 00:07:29,470 I felt very hurt. 228 00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:33,637 [voice cracking] I felt very hurt. 229 00:07:35,428 --> 00:07:37,428 It kind of messed with my head, you know? 230 00:07:37,428 --> 00:07:38,178 Like... 231 00:07:39,220 --> 00:07:41,637 'Cause it made me start lookin' at myself like... 232 00:07:42,470 --> 00:07:43,970 like there was something wrong with me. 233 00:07:43,970 --> 00:07:45,178 For being upset. 234 00:07:45,178 --> 00:07:46,345 Right. 235 00:07:46,345 --> 00:07:47,804 And deep down inside, 236 00:07:47,804 --> 00:07:50,178 I felt like there was more going on 237 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,345 than he was really... 238 00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:53,053 -telling me. -Mm-hm. 239 00:07:53,679 --> 00:07:55,679 First of all, how are you feeling... 240 00:07:56,053 --> 00:07:56,845 right now? 241 00:07:58,053 --> 00:07:58,929 [softly] Annoyed. 242 00:07:58,929 --> 00:08:00,595 -I'm a little annoyed. -Mm-hm. 243 00:08:00,595 --> 00:08:01,220 Yeah. 244 00:08:02,178 --> 00:08:03,720 Th-- there's nothing, nothing happened. 245 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,679 Like, I never... cheated on her, 246 00:08:05,679 --> 00:08:07,303 I've never stepped out on her 247 00:08:07,303 --> 00:08:08,720 when we were dating. 248 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,553 Like, that's just not me. 249 00:08:10,553 --> 00:08:12,345 So what -- what... 250 00:08:12,345 --> 00:08:14,762 made Evelyn suspicious of you? 251 00:08:15,345 --> 00:08:17,220 I think she just knew that... 252 00:08:17,512 --> 00:08:18,804 the majority of... 253 00:08:19,679 --> 00:08:22,136 laughs] the employees at my job were female. 254 00:08:22,136 --> 00:08:23,011 -Mm-hm. -And... 255 00:08:23,011 --> 00:08:24,011 there was a lot of social -- 256 00:08:24,011 --> 00:08:25,136 [Orna] What kind of company? 257 00:08:25,136 --> 00:08:26,345 It was a fashion company. 258 00:08:26,345 --> 00:08:27,178 -It was a -- -Fashion. 259 00:08:27,178 --> 00:08:28,011 -Yeah. -Mm-hm. 260 00:08:28,512 --> 00:08:29,887 You know, in the course of the night, 261 00:08:29,887 --> 00:08:32,345 I made an immature decision to, like, hey... 262 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,720 not give you that call and let you know, like, 263 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,303 -I'm still out because -- -Mm-hm. 264 00:08:37,345 --> 00:08:38,553 my frame of mind was 265 00:08:38,553 --> 00:08:39,387 "I'm probably gonna hear it" 266 00:08:39,387 --> 00:08:40,553 and I didn't want to hear it. 267 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:41,720 Mm-hm. 268 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,261 I think we've gotten to the point that it's -- 269 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:44,970 it's happened so often... 270 00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:47,095 that it -- 271 00:08:47,095 --> 00:08:49,011 it made us question, like, "Hey, 272 00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:50,053 what are we doing?" 273 00:08:50,053 --> 00:08:51,512 Because I feel like... 274 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,595 what's a relationship without trust? 275 00:08:54,595 --> 00:08:55,512 -Uh-huh. -Yeah. 276 00:08:58,136 --> 00:09:01,679 ♪delicate piano♪ 277 00:09:07,053 --> 00:09:09,220 -He disappears. -Sure. 278 00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:10,345 She doesn't know where he is, 279 00:09:10,345 --> 00:09:11,387 he doesn't call back, 280 00:09:11,387 --> 00:09:12,553 he doesn't return calls, 281 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,387 and he disappears for... 282 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,804 a few hours and a whole evening... 283 00:09:17,095 --> 00:09:18,637 and she gets very upset 284 00:09:18,637 --> 00:09:21,095 and that stokes her suspicion of him. 285 00:09:21,845 --> 00:09:23,261 That he's with a woman or... 286 00:09:23,261 --> 00:09:24,303 whomever? 287 00:09:24,303 --> 00:09:25,762 [Orna] Ultimately, that he's cheating. 288 00:09:26,512 --> 00:09:28,595 That's where I, personally, feel... 289 00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:32,095 torn because... 290 00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:34,553 I got worried that I have 291 00:09:34,553 --> 00:09:36,428 too much of a personal opinion 292 00:09:36,428 --> 00:09:38,595 -about the shady thing -- -Yeah. 293 00:09:38,595 --> 00:09:40,095 and that it's not fair... 294 00:09:40,345 --> 00:09:42,762 to them as a couple for me to have this... 295 00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:44,929 -uh -- -Okay. 296 00:09:45,261 --> 00:09:46,637 So did you, um... 297 00:09:47,428 --> 00:09:49,595 you wanna take that up with yourself, then? 298 00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:52,595 How? [laughs] 299 00:09:52,970 --> 00:09:53,929 So... 300 00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:57,595 is he -- 301 00:09:57,595 --> 00:10:00,095 What is it about the shady thing 302 00:10:00,095 --> 00:10:01,720 that you have no patience for, 303 00:10:02,178 --> 00:10:04,136 -that it ignites -- -just feel like what -- 304 00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:05,261 what, uh, I... 305 00:10:08,095 --> 00:10:10,804 Like, why would people spend their life together 306 00:10:10,804 --> 00:10:12,470 if they can't be honest with each other? 307 00:10:12,470 --> 00:10:13,804 It just seems to me like... 308 00:10:14,804 --> 00:10:16,178 that, personally, I don't understand 309 00:10:16,178 --> 00:10:17,387 what's the point. [laughs] 310 00:10:18,178 --> 00:10:20,095 ♪soft piano♪ 311 00:10:20,095 --> 00:10:21,136 [Orna] They... 312 00:10:21,136 --> 00:10:22,804 stopped talking... 313 00:10:23,345 --> 00:10:24,762 because they're too afraid 314 00:10:24,762 --> 00:10:26,387 of what they have to say to each other 315 00:10:26,387 --> 00:10:27,762 or what they might hear. 316 00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,136 And then the work is to find a way 317 00:10:31,136 --> 00:10:32,720 to say and hear 318 00:10:33,136 --> 00:10:34,804 the unspeakable. 319 00:10:35,845 --> 00:10:38,178 I think it's just a bad cycle of just... 320 00:10:39,011 --> 00:10:40,595 having this mindset, like, 321 00:10:40,595 --> 00:10:41,679 "Uh, if I'm 100 percent honest, 322 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:43,512 this might backfire and... 323 00:10:44,136 --> 00:10:45,095 do I say anything 324 00:10:45,095 --> 00:10:46,053 -at all? -Yeah. 325 00:10:46,053 --> 00:10:47,679 So you're trying to control that 326 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:49,345 by not saying anything. 327 00:10:49,345 --> 00:10:50,845 -I was, and now -- -Yeah. 328 00:10:50,845 --> 00:10:51,970 I've been exploring this thing 329 00:10:51,970 --> 00:10:53,136 where I'm just gonna be upfront 330 00:10:53,136 --> 00:10:54,679 -and see how that goes. -Right. 331 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:55,387 -Yeah, yeah. -Right. 332 00:10:55,387 --> 00:10:56,303 But... 333 00:10:56,303 --> 00:10:57,845 I am still apprehensive. 334 00:10:57,845 --> 00:10:59,637 I'm not 100 percent there, but... 335 00:10:59,637 --> 00:11:00,637 -Yeah. -Yeah. 336 00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:02,720 Like, I haven't quit cold turkey yet. 337 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,345 [Orna] Right. [laughs] 338 00:11:04,345 --> 00:11:05,136 [Orna] Right. Yeah. 339 00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:06,845 I have caught him in, like, 340 00:11:06,845 --> 00:11:08,679 -little lies like that. -Mm-hm. 341 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:09,470 Or... 342 00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:10,512 -being dishonest. -But I -- 343 00:11:10,512 --> 00:11:11,970 but let's talk about the -- the -- 344 00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:12,887 the "dishonesty" 345 00:11:12,887 --> 00:11:14,136 -or the lies. -Yeah. 346 00:11:14,512 --> 00:11:16,762 You're saying that part of the reason you lie 347 00:11:16,762 --> 00:11:19,345 is you don't want to face judgement 348 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,220 and critique and conflict. 349 00:11:21,553 --> 00:11:22,303 Correct. 350 00:11:23,136 --> 00:11:24,512 Let's say you decide you don't wanna lie 351 00:11:24,512 --> 00:11:25,512 and you -- 352 00:11:25,512 --> 00:11:26,679 and you're gonna be saying something 353 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,220 that Evelyn doesn't approve of. 354 00:11:30,762 --> 00:11:32,095 You're going to be hanging out with someone 355 00:11:32,095 --> 00:11:33,553 Evelyn doesn't trust or -- 356 00:11:33,553 --> 00:11:36,512 or hanging out for seven hours at a bar. 357 00:11:38,095 --> 00:11:39,845 Your wife disapproves of you 358 00:11:39,845 --> 00:11:42,887 and you're still standing there being honest. 359 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,428 So what -- what's your alternative 360 00:11:45,428 --> 00:11:46,929 if you don't want to lie about it, 361 00:11:46,929 --> 00:11:48,887 if you want to go about it in another way? 362 00:11:51,512 --> 00:11:52,720 So you want me to play it out? 363 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:53,428 -Or...? -Mm-hm. 364 00:11:53,428 --> 00:11:55,345 Well, for example, yeah. 365 00:11:55,345 --> 00:11:56,387 What if you did that now? 366 00:11:56,387 --> 00:11:57,637 Let's see what happens. 367 00:11:58,470 --> 00:11:59,720 I don't think there's anything wrong 368 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,762 with the contact that I have... 369 00:12:02,595 --> 00:12:03,887 with people that I meet. 370 00:12:05,303 --> 00:12:07,053 It's never something that you think it is 371 00:12:07,053 --> 00:12:08,387 or fear that it might be. 372 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,345 And you need to trust that... 373 00:12:11,762 --> 00:12:13,220 because it's gonna continue to happen 374 00:12:13,220 --> 00:12:15,512 and I don't want there to be this pattern of... 375 00:12:15,512 --> 00:12:17,595 just, like, an issue everytime... 376 00:12:17,595 --> 00:12:19,428 -I meet somebody. -Wait, wait. 377 00:12:19,428 --> 00:12:21,553 What you're doing right now is different, 378 00:12:21,553 --> 00:12:22,595 because what you're doing right now 379 00:12:22,595 --> 00:12:25,095 is you're trying to manage Evelyn's... 380 00:12:25,095 --> 00:12:25,887 disappointment. 381 00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:27,762 Let her be upset. 382 00:12:27,762 --> 00:12:29,720 -Okay. -You be true to yourself... 383 00:12:30,178 --> 00:12:31,762 -and let her be. -Okay. 384 00:12:36,762 --> 00:12:37,887 I don't think there's anything wrong 385 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:38,887 with what I'm doing. 386 00:12:40,929 --> 00:12:42,261 And I would hope... 387 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:44,970 that you would f-- realize that 388 00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:47,887 so we can stop having disagreements... 389 00:12:50,011 --> 00:12:51,679 about things like this. 390 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:53,303 All right, you're still managing her. 391 00:12:53,303 --> 00:12:54,679 Yeah, I don't know. [laughs] 392 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:56,095 Yeah, just stay with yourself. 393 00:12:56,095 --> 00:12:57,595 Just stay with yourself. 394 00:12:57,970 --> 00:13:01,428 "I...don't feel like there's something wrong 395 00:13:01,428 --> 00:13:02,929 with what I'm doing. 396 00:13:03,428 --> 00:13:04,428 I see that you're upset, 397 00:13:04,428 --> 00:13:06,428 but I don't think there's anything wrong 398 00:13:06,428 --> 00:13:07,136 with what I'm doing. 399 00:13:07,136 --> 00:13:07,970 I'm okay... 400 00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:09,428 with having these contacts." 401 00:13:10,804 --> 00:13:12,303 You respond to that. 402 00:13:13,637 --> 00:13:15,387 Honestly. [Orna] Honestly. 403 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:18,970 You don't see anything wrong 404 00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:19,845 -with the contact? -[laughs] 405 00:13:19,845 --> 00:13:21,136 No, I'm not -- I'm just, like, 406 00:13:21,136 --> 00:13:22,470 trying to rethink this. 407 00:13:22,470 --> 00:13:23,470 [Orna] Mm-hm. 408 00:13:29,804 --> 00:13:31,345 I guess, initially, it would come across 409 00:13:31,345 --> 00:13:33,053 maybe, like, a little selfish. 410 00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:34,637 -Mm-hm. -You know? 411 00:13:34,637 --> 00:13:35,762 -Mm-hm. -Like, oh, okay, 412 00:13:35,762 --> 00:13:36,595 he just wants to -- 413 00:13:36,595 --> 00:13:37,512 He wants -- 414 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:38,553 do what he wants to do. 415 00:13:38,553 --> 00:13:39,929 -Mh-hm. -Right, and... 416 00:13:40,178 --> 00:13:41,178 um... 417 00:13:42,095 --> 00:13:44,470 maybe...that's more important... 418 00:13:46,512 --> 00:13:47,512 um -- 419 00:13:47,512 --> 00:13:49,053 More important than...? 420 00:13:49,345 --> 00:13:50,011 Right. 421 00:13:50,011 --> 00:13:50,845 Than... 422 00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:55,011 I guess our relationship or, um, 423 00:13:55,011 --> 00:13:56,011 my feelings. 424 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:57,929 Let's hear your feelings. 425 00:13:59,387 --> 00:14:01,011 I guess, for me, it feels like maybe 426 00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:03,220 I need to... do that more. 427 00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:04,303 [Orna] Do what you want to do. 428 00:14:04,303 --> 00:14:05,261 Right. 429 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,512 But then I feel like -- 430 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,887 then we're -- it's -- 431 00:14:07,887 --> 00:14:09,220 we might as well be living 432 00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:11,887 two different lives and just...cohabitate. 433 00:14:11,887 --> 00:14:13,387 Well, if you don't really want 434 00:14:13,387 --> 00:14:15,053 to do anything together... 435 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,720 if you -- if the honest truth is 436 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,679 you don't want to do anything together, 437 00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:22,387 well, then that's a good question. 438 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:24,887 But I think... 439 00:14:26,553 --> 00:14:30,053 if this issue of avoidance and honesty 440 00:14:30,053 --> 00:14:31,720 is, at the moment, like, the core issue 441 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,178 that you've put on the table here -- 442 00:14:33,178 --> 00:14:33,929 Mm-hm. 443 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,011 the first thing you need to do is... 444 00:14:37,303 --> 00:14:39,387 be able to bare the truth. 445 00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:42,887 Right now, you need to say the truth... 446 00:14:43,679 --> 00:14:45,887 and you need to see the truth. 447 00:14:50,762 --> 00:14:54,553 ♪emotional acoustic guitar♪ 448 00:15:05,428 --> 00:15:09,095 ♪♪♪ 449 00:15:18,261 --> 00:15:22,261 ♪♪♪ 450 00:15:26,428 --> 00:15:28,595 [Desean] We don't... really hang out 451 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,095 with other...people. 452 00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:32,428 We don't have much of a... 453 00:15:32,762 --> 00:15:34,970 uh...network of friends that we hang out -- 454 00:15:34,970 --> 00:15:36,637 -I don't hang out -- -How is that? 455 00:15:36,637 --> 00:15:37,470 How -- Yeah. 456 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,470 How is it? 457 00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,845 It sucks. 458 00:15:39,845 --> 00:15:40,679 Sucks! 459 00:15:40,679 --> 00:15:41,595 Mm-hm. 460 00:15:41,595 --> 00:15:42,595 Do you miss... 461 00:15:42,595 --> 00:15:43,845 having more friends? 462 00:15:43,845 --> 00:15:45,136 [inhales deeply] 463 00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,261 You know, um... 464 00:15:48,762 --> 00:15:51,720 I think... there is some... 465 00:15:52,178 --> 00:15:53,470 underlying resentment 466 00:15:53,470 --> 00:15:55,095 -that Desean has -- -Mm-hm. 467 00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:57,637 against me about that dynamic. 468 00:15:57,637 --> 00:15:58,970 For example...? 469 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,679 I'd like to hear this as well, yeah. 470 00:16:03,970 --> 00:16:05,470 You don't know what I'm referring to? 471 00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:06,053 [Orna] I don't. 472 00:16:06,053 --> 00:16:07,136 -Tell me. -Okay. 473 00:16:07,970 --> 00:16:09,512 I'm not much of a drinker. 474 00:16:09,804 --> 00:16:11,136 When people do that, 475 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:14,053 they lose all sense-- sensibility 476 00:16:14,053 --> 00:16:15,011 of who they are 477 00:16:15,011 --> 00:16:16,428 and who they're supposed to be. 478 00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:17,679 Why be around that? 479 00:16:17,679 --> 00:16:18,970 There -- there's nothing p-- 480 00:16:18,970 --> 00:16:22,178 there's no good... in that relationship 481 00:16:22,178 --> 00:16:25,345 if they're forcing you to lose who you are. 482 00:16:25,929 --> 00:16:26,845 How is that good? 483 00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:28,762 Can I just, uh -- 484 00:16:28,762 --> 00:16:30,637 just to understand, like, the parameters here, 485 00:16:30,637 --> 00:16:31,720 are we talking about... 486 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,845 the fact that you don't like Desean going out 487 00:16:33,845 --> 00:16:35,637 and drinking with his friends? 488 00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:38,178 Or are we talking about an alcohol problem? 489 00:16:39,887 --> 00:16:40,679 Yes. 490 00:16:40,679 --> 00:16:41,387 [Orna] Both? 491 00:16:41,387 --> 00:16:41,970 Yes. 492 00:16:42,553 --> 00:16:43,261 -Okay. -Define -- 493 00:16:43,261 --> 00:16:45,345 define "alcohol problem." 494 00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:49,804 No, because if someone hears you say 495 00:16:49,804 --> 00:16:51,553 "I think Desean has a -- a drinking problem" -- 496 00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:52,512 I didn't say that. 497 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,053 So when -- when she says 498 00:16:54,053 --> 00:16:55,679 "I'm worried because, you know, 499 00:16:55,679 --> 00:16:57,387 he might have a problem --" 500 00:16:57,387 --> 00:16:58,220 Mm-hm. 501 00:16:58,220 --> 00:16:59,387 the first thing comes to mind is 502 00:16:59,387 --> 00:17:01,679 "This person drinks all the time, every day, 503 00:17:01,679 --> 00:17:03,303 can't go without drinking." 504 00:17:03,303 --> 00:17:04,387 That's not the case. 505 00:17:04,679 --> 00:17:05,845 I don't drink -- 506 00:17:05,845 --> 00:17:07,804 like, you consume more alcohol than I do. 507 00:17:07,804 --> 00:17:09,303 You drink more wine than I do 508 00:17:09,303 --> 00:17:10,136 on a daily basis. 509 00:17:10,136 --> 00:17:11,512 -What -- what she's -- -Mm-hm. 510 00:17:11,512 --> 00:17:12,887 trying to say 511 00:17:12,887 --> 00:17:14,553 when she says I have a problem is... 512 00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:15,887 when I do go out -- 513 00:17:15,887 --> 00:17:16,929 -Mm-hm. -the rare -- 514 00:17:16,929 --> 00:17:18,845 the once a year that I go out... 515 00:17:19,261 --> 00:17:20,387 uh... 516 00:17:20,887 --> 00:17:21,887 the rare times that I go out -- 517 00:17:21,887 --> 00:17:23,095 [Orna] When you do go out. 518 00:17:23,095 --> 00:17:24,053 Yeah, uh... 519 00:17:24,053 --> 00:17:26,970 maybe, you know, uh, I'll get a little... 520 00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:27,679 sauced. 521 00:17:28,804 --> 00:17:30,136 I mean, you know -- "Sauced," like black-out hammered? 522 00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:31,512 Not blacked-out. Or...? 523 00:17:31,512 --> 00:17:33,345 But, uh, you know, I'm slurring words -- 524 00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:34,345 -Uh-huh. -And, you know -- 525 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,553 So you're getting drunk. 526 00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:36,261 Yeah, I get drunk 527 00:17:36,261 --> 00:17:37,261 and she doesn't like that. 528 00:17:37,929 --> 00:17:39,595 I feel, and believe, 529 00:17:39,595 --> 00:17:43,929 that a person who doesn't have control of -- of... 530 00:17:43,929 --> 00:17:47,011 or -- or the --or the wherewithal to know 531 00:17:47,011 --> 00:17:49,470 when they need to stop and doesn't stop 532 00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:50,428 is a problem. 533 00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:51,845 Got it. 534 00:17:51,845 --> 00:17:53,095 I feel like, you know, 535 00:17:53,095 --> 00:17:54,220 -if I had -- -Do you know -- 536 00:17:54,220 --> 00:17:55,595 do you know what concerns you 537 00:17:55,595 --> 00:17:56,512 about that? 538 00:17:57,970 --> 00:18:00,178 What's the ultimate fear for you? 539 00:18:00,178 --> 00:18:01,512 Losing self-control. 540 00:18:01,512 --> 00:18:03,220 Wh-- what's the fear there? 541 00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,011 If you lose self-control, 542 00:18:05,011 --> 00:18:05,887 you...? 543 00:18:06,804 --> 00:18:07,679 Are not conscious of what you're doing. 544 00:18:07,679 --> 00:18:08,387 And then? 545 00:18:08,762 --> 00:18:09,970 And then you can do anything. 546 00:18:09,970 --> 00:18:10,553 Like...? 547 00:18:11,428 --> 00:18:12,095 Uh... 548 00:18:13,053 --> 00:18:14,095 whatever that is. 549 00:18:14,095 --> 00:18:15,303 But what is the fear? 550 00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:16,970 It could be -- it could be... 551 00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,261 cheating, it could be... 552 00:18:18,261 --> 00:18:18,970 Cheating? 553 00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:19,929 It could be that. 554 00:18:19,929 --> 00:18:21,595 It could be... just recklessness. 555 00:18:21,887 --> 00:18:22,970 -Just -- -Wh-- what other -- 556 00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:23,887 other than cheating, 557 00:18:23,887 --> 00:18:24,887 what other recklessness? 558 00:18:24,887 --> 00:18:26,136 So now, because you're 559 00:18:26,136 --> 00:18:27,512 so used to drinking that way 560 00:18:27,512 --> 00:18:28,679 that you think you can drive. 561 00:18:28,970 --> 00:18:29,929 [Orna] Mm-hm. 562 00:18:29,929 --> 00:18:31,637 I feel like I'm saving his life. 563 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:33,303 Thank you, babe. 564 00:18:34,261 --> 00:18:35,220 I -- I really do. 565 00:18:35,512 --> 00:18:36,387 You feel like you're saving 566 00:18:36,387 --> 00:18:37,261 -his life? -Absolutely. 567 00:18:37,261 --> 00:18:39,053 -Absolutely. -And you feel like...? 568 00:18:39,053 --> 00:18:39,887 No fun. 569 00:18:39,887 --> 00:18:40,720 No fun. 570 00:18:41,011 --> 00:18:42,303 [sighs heavily] 571 00:18:42,845 --> 00:18:44,261 Yeah, no fun. 572 00:18:44,261 --> 00:18:45,136 Mm-hm. 573 00:18:47,053 --> 00:18:48,762 Y-- you strike me as... 574 00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:52,970 What would be the good way to describe it? 575 00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:54,762 As, like, very intentional about 576 00:18:54,762 --> 00:18:56,261 the way you live life. 577 00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,011 -Right? -Yes. 578 00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:58,428 -Very intentional. -Yes. 579 00:18:58,428 --> 00:18:59,637 -Yes. -Right? 580 00:18:59,637 --> 00:19:01,845 That you're kind of leading your life, 581 00:19:01,845 --> 00:19:02,970 you're driving your own life, 582 00:19:02,970 --> 00:19:04,512 you're conscious about your choices. 583 00:19:05,261 --> 00:19:06,261 But... 584 00:19:06,261 --> 00:19:08,136 you know, as a psychoanalyst, 585 00:19:08,136 --> 00:19:10,303 I always wonder in those cases, 586 00:19:10,303 --> 00:19:11,887 okay, what's -- what are you afraid of? 587 00:19:12,178 --> 00:19:13,970 What's the other side of that? 588 00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:15,637 -[laughs] -Why the need 589 00:19:15,637 --> 00:19:16,679 to drive so hard? 590 00:19:17,011 --> 00:19:18,387 -Because -- -What's the -- 591 00:19:18,387 --> 00:19:19,595 the shadow of that? 592 00:19:20,178 --> 00:19:21,845 Well, just letting things happen. 593 00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:24,011 But what -- what's your history 594 00:19:24,011 --> 00:19:25,470 with letting things happen... 595 00:19:25,762 --> 00:19:27,679 that has taught you... 596 00:19:28,178 --> 00:19:30,887 "I better drive this life really hard 597 00:19:30,887 --> 00:19:32,679 otherwise..." what? 598 00:19:34,553 --> 00:19:36,261 You know, growing up in the household 599 00:19:36,261 --> 00:19:37,637 -that I grew up in -- -Mm-hm. 600 00:19:37,637 --> 00:19:39,136 there was not a lot of... 601 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,136 control. 602 00:19:40,136 --> 00:19:40,845 Tell me. 603 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,053 My mother was very young when she had me... 604 00:19:43,345 --> 00:19:45,929 and her escape was probably, you know, 605 00:19:45,929 --> 00:19:47,261 -getting high. -Mm-hm. 606 00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:49,679 And so now you couple that with my father 607 00:19:49,679 --> 00:19:50,970 who was there at the time 608 00:19:50,970 --> 00:19:52,512 who was also getting high... [Orna] Mm-hm. 609 00:19:52,512 --> 00:19:53,970 um, who was young, also. 610 00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:55,887 [Orna] And did they stay together? 611 00:19:55,887 --> 00:19:57,136 -For a long time. -Yeah. 612 00:19:57,136 --> 00:19:59,261 But it was a volatile, violent... 613 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,929 toxic...unhealthy -- 614 00:20:01,929 --> 00:20:03,095 think of all of those adjectives. 615 00:20:03,095 --> 00:20:03,929 [Orna] Right. 616 00:20:03,929 --> 00:20:05,011 -Environment. -Right. 617 00:20:05,011 --> 00:20:07,011 So kids, they were still kids, 618 00:20:07,011 --> 00:20:08,720 -they were doing drugs. -And so -- 619 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:09,387 They're... 620 00:20:09,387 --> 00:20:10,303 -All of that. -Yeah. 621 00:20:10,303 --> 00:20:12,428 I left my -- my grandmother's house 622 00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:13,929 -when I was 15. -15. 623 00:20:13,929 --> 00:20:15,053 I rented a room. 624 00:20:15,053 --> 00:20:16,512 And they were okay with that? 625 00:20:16,512 --> 00:20:17,553 They didn't have a choice... 626 00:20:18,011 --> 00:20:18,679 because... 627 00:20:19,095 --> 00:20:20,679 -this is who I am. -Yeah. 628 00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:23,261 You know, I'm -- I'm not coming back. 629 00:20:23,887 --> 00:20:26,261 And then, I get myself pregnant... 630 00:20:26,929 --> 00:20:30,095 by a guy who...was... 631 00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:32,470 -an alcoholic who -- -Mm-hm. 632 00:20:32,470 --> 00:20:34,261 used to wake me up with a punch in the face. 633 00:20:35,512 --> 00:20:37,345 And again, me being who I am, 634 00:20:37,345 --> 00:20:38,762 -I'm a fighter, right? -Mm-hm. 635 00:20:38,762 --> 00:20:39,887 So we're fighting, right? 636 00:20:39,887 --> 00:20:41,011 And that was the life. 637 00:20:41,011 --> 00:20:41,845 Right? 638 00:20:41,845 --> 00:20:43,095 Because that's what you did, 639 00:20:43,095 --> 00:20:43,887 'cause that's what your mother did, 640 00:20:43,887 --> 00:20:44,762 -right? -Yeah. 641 00:20:44,762 --> 00:20:46,512 That's just what happens. 642 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:47,929 You know, I have my son. 643 00:20:47,929 --> 00:20:49,095 So that's your son. 644 00:20:49,095 --> 00:20:51,428 Right, I had my son, and... 645 00:20:52,762 --> 00:20:55,261 a shift happened when I had what I call 646 00:20:55,261 --> 00:20:56,970 an "out-of-body experience." 647 00:20:57,220 --> 00:20:59,845 I saw me on the floor and my son crawling... 648 00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:01,720 and me getting punched in the face 649 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,595 on the floor. 650 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,595 And that moment -- 651 00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:06,428 Wait. 652 00:21:10,053 --> 00:21:11,470 So... 653 00:21:12,595 --> 00:21:15,720 so this is a moment where your boyfriend... 654 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,053 My son's father, um... 655 00:21:18,887 --> 00:21:20,970 -uh -- -He comes home drunk? 656 00:21:20,970 --> 00:21:22,095 -He... -He -- so... 657 00:21:22,095 --> 00:21:25,220 th-- long story short, I -- I was... 658 00:21:25,512 --> 00:21:28,261 very aggressive toward him the night before... 659 00:21:28,804 --> 00:21:30,637 and he... 660 00:21:31,261 --> 00:21:32,804 I kind of threatened him with a bat... 661 00:21:34,095 --> 00:21:34,762 and -- 662 00:21:34,762 --> 00:21:35,929 Because you -- 663 00:21:35,929 --> 00:21:37,261 Because he used to wake me up with 664 00:21:37,261 --> 00:21:39,053 a punch in the face and I didn't want to... 665 00:21:39,053 --> 00:21:40,470 get punched in the face so I bought -- 666 00:21:40,470 --> 00:21:41,679 I went and I bought a bat. 667 00:21:42,136 --> 00:21:43,178 So I bought the bat 668 00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:44,303 -from Modell's... -Mm-hm. 669 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,011 and I drank coffee so I can wait up for him 670 00:21:46,011 --> 00:21:46,929 and then when he came, 671 00:21:46,929 --> 00:21:48,011 I opened the door and I was like, 672 00:21:48,011 --> 00:21:49,345 "Y-- You comin' in?" 673 00:21:50,470 --> 00:21:51,220 And... 674 00:21:51,762 --> 00:21:53,595 he looked at me, looked at the bat... 675 00:21:53,929 --> 00:21:54,845 a couple of times 676 00:21:54,845 --> 00:21:56,136 and then he turned around and he left. 677 00:21:56,512 --> 00:21:58,345 I already knew the next day 678 00:21:58,345 --> 00:22:00,720 that it was gonna be a situation because... 679 00:22:01,345 --> 00:22:03,345 it -- you know, he's a macho man... 680 00:22:03,345 --> 00:22:04,637 -Yes. -at that time. 681 00:22:05,011 --> 00:22:06,595 So you're not gonna get away with that. 682 00:22:06,595 --> 00:22:07,428 -Right. -Yeah. 683 00:22:07,428 --> 00:22:07,845 So... 684 00:22:08,178 --> 00:22:09,470 I'm kind of like... 685 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,095 -"I got a bat. -Mm-hm. 686 00:22:11,095 --> 00:22:13,303 You know, I got a bat and I'm gonna just, 687 00:22:13,303 --> 00:22:15,053 you know, do my thing with the bat." 688 00:22:15,637 --> 00:22:18,679 And, uh, he comes with his brother at the time and... 689 00:22:18,679 --> 00:22:19,553 I get hit. 690 00:22:20,512 --> 00:22:22,387 And so when he hit me, I fall to the ground 691 00:22:22,387 --> 00:22:24,470 and that's when I saw me on the floor 692 00:22:24,470 --> 00:22:26,512 and my son at that time was crawling... 693 00:22:27,053 --> 00:22:28,387 and I saw that 694 00:22:28,387 --> 00:22:30,512 and the only thought in my head was... 695 00:22:31,011 --> 00:22:34,261 "I don't want my son to think that this is life." 696 00:22:34,261 --> 00:22:35,679 I don't want my son to think 697 00:22:35,679 --> 00:22:37,053 that this is what you do. 698 00:22:37,053 --> 00:22:37,887 Mm-hm. 699 00:22:37,887 --> 00:22:39,553 And I left that night 700 00:22:39,553 --> 00:22:40,887 with a backpack and a baby. 701 00:22:41,637 --> 00:22:43,595 I will never be in a situation 702 00:22:43,595 --> 00:22:45,095 where life just goes. 703 00:22:45,095 --> 00:22:46,053 [Orna] Mm-hm. 704 00:22:46,053 --> 00:22:47,470 I will always lead that. 705 00:22:48,053 --> 00:22:49,845 This is the first time... 706 00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:51,553 that I'm not leading it. 707 00:22:52,387 --> 00:22:53,845 Well, you're having a hard time 708 00:22:53,845 --> 00:22:55,220 -not leading it. [laughs] -I am having a 709 00:22:55,220 --> 00:22:56,261 tremendous... 710 00:22:56,261 --> 00:22:57,387 -hard time -- -Yeah. 711 00:22:57,387 --> 00:22:58,804 -with that. -Yes. 712 00:22:59,387 --> 00:23:01,387 But he -- he views it different 713 00:23:01,387 --> 00:23:03,053 and I'm like, "I promise you, 714 00:23:03,053 --> 00:23:04,512 I'm saving your life. 715 00:23:05,136 --> 00:23:07,011 -Promise." -You're saving your own life. 716 00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:08,553 Well, that too. [laughs] 717 00:23:08,553 --> 00:23:09,261 That, too. 718 00:23:09,261 --> 00:23:10,053 That, too. 719 00:23:10,053 --> 00:23:11,178 I mean what's... 720 00:23:11,428 --> 00:23:14,428 ...less obvious in this kind of story 721 00:23:14,428 --> 00:23:16,929 is that you were actually kind of a kid 722 00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:19,053 and a young person going through... 723 00:23:19,595 --> 00:23:20,679 all of this... 724 00:23:22,345 --> 00:23:24,595 with not a lot of protection and... 725 00:23:24,929 --> 00:23:25,637 No. 726 00:23:26,637 --> 00:23:29,929 There's so much chaos and then violence around. 727 00:23:29,929 --> 00:23:30,762 Yeah. 728 00:23:30,762 --> 00:23:32,428 I mean, I'm -- I'm kind of... 729 00:23:32,428 --> 00:23:35,011 trying to get to that part of things, 730 00:23:35,011 --> 00:23:36,804 the more vulnerable... 731 00:23:37,595 --> 00:23:40,553 to understand where the anxiety comes from 732 00:23:40,553 --> 00:23:42,804 that then shows up later in your relationship 733 00:23:42,804 --> 00:23:45,428 in the form of, like, she's saving your life... 734 00:23:46,762 --> 00:23:47,595 ...when, in fact... 735 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:51,637 right now your life is not in danger. 736 00:23:52,804 --> 00:23:54,595 But your life was in danger. 737 00:23:55,220 --> 00:23:56,804 In -- in a matter of speaking. 738 00:23:56,804 --> 00:23:57,553 -Like I -- -Mmm... 739 00:23:57,553 --> 00:23:59,303 your life was in danger. 740 00:23:59,303 --> 00:24:00,679 An-- an-- I -- I didn't -- 741 00:24:00,679 --> 00:24:01,970 I never took it that way. 742 00:24:01,970 --> 00:24:02,970 -I took it -- -But it was. 743 00:24:03,679 --> 00:24:05,470 -I never took it that way. -Right. 744 00:24:05,470 --> 00:24:07,679 But are you hearing your own story? 745 00:24:08,637 --> 00:24:10,845 Because you left -- you left your body, 746 00:24:10,845 --> 00:24:12,303 you looked from up there, 747 00:24:12,303 --> 00:24:14,261 you didn't really pay... 748 00:24:14,679 --> 00:24:16,512 close enough attention to the fact 749 00:24:16,512 --> 00:24:18,595 that you were really struggling for your life. 750 00:24:20,970 --> 00:24:22,804 You know, I -- I've... 751 00:24:23,553 --> 00:24:24,762 conditioned myself 752 00:24:24,762 --> 00:24:26,428 -to detach. -Mm-hm. 753 00:24:27,136 --> 00:24:29,095 You know, you went through it, you lived, 754 00:24:29,095 --> 00:24:30,220 keep it movin'. 755 00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:32,470 -I -- I get that. -Mm-hm. 756 00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:33,470 That's admirable. 757 00:24:33,470 --> 00:24:35,345 One of the problems with, like, 758 00:24:35,345 --> 00:24:37,178 managing life like that... 759 00:24:37,553 --> 00:24:40,512 is that the stuff that you just detach from, 760 00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,220 that you look at from the ceiling -- 761 00:24:42,220 --> 00:24:43,178 Mm-hm. 762 00:24:43,178 --> 00:24:45,679 it continues to haunt, right? 763 00:24:45,679 --> 00:24:48,887 And it -- and it has kind of a shadow on now... 764 00:24:49,512 --> 00:24:51,845 that you might want to at least know 765 00:24:51,845 --> 00:24:54,762 it's there and feel it a little bit more 766 00:24:54,762 --> 00:24:55,762 so that you can... 767 00:24:56,428 --> 00:24:57,679 separate past... 768 00:24:58,178 --> 00:24:59,303 from present. 769 00:25:00,261 --> 00:25:01,095 Hm. 770 00:25:05,220 --> 00:25:08,136 ♪soft music♪ 771 00:25:14,553 --> 00:25:16,220 I mean between them all, uh, 772 00:25:16,220 --> 00:25:18,053 like my head is sometimes spinning. 773 00:25:18,053 --> 00:25:18,720 Yeah. 774 00:25:20,220 --> 00:25:21,637 [man] She's gotten sober. 775 00:25:21,887 --> 00:25:22,679 I've been. 776 00:25:23,887 --> 00:25:26,011 [Orna] You're day in, day out witnessing... 777 00:25:26,011 --> 00:25:26,720 a struggle. 778 00:25:27,637 --> 00:25:29,845 Bad things happen to people 779 00:25:29,845 --> 00:25:30,720 and they suffer. 780 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,220 There's a lot of suffering. 781 00:25:32,220 --> 00:25:33,345 [sighs] 782 00:25:34,637 --> 00:25:38,345 Just knowing that people are relying on you to... 783 00:25:38,762 --> 00:25:40,553 help them through... 784 00:25:41,470 --> 00:25:42,887 that's a heavy duty. 785 00:25:45,261 --> 00:25:47,136 -[kiss] -[sniffle] 786 00:25:49,428 --> 00:25:51,178 ♪Are you all good?♪ 787 00:25:52,178 --> 00:25:53,679 ♪Are you alright?♪ 788 00:25:55,178 --> 00:25:56,595 ♪I'm in your neighborhood♪ 789 00:25:58,512 --> 00:26:00,637 ♪In your darkest times♪ 790 00:26:01,303 --> 00:26:03,011 ♪Are you all good?♪ 791 00:26:04,261 --> 00:26:05,929 ♪Are you alright?♪ 792 00:26:07,095 --> 00:26:08,720 ♪I'm in your neighborhood♪ 793 00:26:10,428 --> 00:26:12,595 ♪In your darkest times♪ 794 00:26:13,261 --> 00:26:14,929 ♪Are you all good?♪ 795 00:26:16,261 --> 00:26:17,929 ♪Are you alright?♪ 796 00:26:19,261 --> 00:26:20,929 ♪I'm in your neighborhood♪ 797 00:26:22,261 --> 00:26:24,553 ♪For your darkest times♪ 798 00:26:25,261 --> 00:26:27,095 ♪Are you all good?♪ 799 00:26:28,261 --> 00:26:29,929 ♪Are you alright?♪ 800 00:26:31,220 --> 00:26:33,095 ♪I'm in your neighborhood♪ 801 00:26:34,220 --> 00:26:36,387 ♪For your darkest times♪ 802 00:26:37,261 --> 00:26:39,136 ♪Are you all good?♪ 803 00:26:40,303 --> 00:26:41,637 ♪Are you alright?♪ 804 00:26:43,095 --> 00:26:44,804 ♪I'm in your neighborhood♪ 805 00:26:46,136 --> 00:26:48,136 ♪For your darkest times♪ 806 00:26:49,261 --> 00:26:50,804 ♪Are you all good?♪ 807 00:26:52,261 --> 00:26:53,804 ♪Are you alright?♪ 808 00:26:55,053 --> 00:26:56,637 ♪I'm in your neighborhood♪ 809 00:26:58,095 --> 00:27:00,804 ♪For your darkest times♪ 810 00:27:04,470 --> 00:27:05,887 ♪When all you want♪ 811 00:27:07,261 --> 00:27:08,762 ♪Is to disappear♪ 812 00:27:10,512 --> 00:27:12,470 ♪Searchin' for wisdom♪ 813 00:27:13,470 --> 00:27:15,261 ♪But nothing's clear♪ 814 00:27:16,053 --> 00:27:17,637 ♪What will become of me♪ 815 00:27:19,553 --> 00:27:20,679 ♪If you're not here?♪ 816 00:27:22,178 --> 00:27:24,804 ♪I know life is a mental place♪ 817 00:27:25,178 --> 00:27:26,845 ♪Where there's always fear♪ 818 00:27:28,512 --> 00:27:29,845 ♪Are you all good?♪ 819 00:27:32,512 --> 00:27:34,679 ♪Now we're all alone♪ 820 00:27:35,553 --> 00:27:37,762 ♪I wanna whisper you something♪ 821 00:27:38,553 --> 00:27:40,345 ♪That you already know♪ 822 00:27:40,345 --> 00:27:41,637 ♪Are you all good?♪ 823 00:27:41,637 --> 00:27:43,804 ♪Tell me how you're feelin'♪ 824 00:27:44,887 --> 00:27:46,804 ♪Now we're all alone♪ 825 00:27:47,553 --> 00:27:49,679 ♪I wanna whisper you somethin'♪ 826 00:27:50,679 --> 00:27:52,178 ♪That you already know♪ 827 00:27:52,178 --> 00:27:53,845 ♪Are you all good♪ 54688

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