All language subtitles for Couples Therapy (2019) - S01E01 - Episode 1 (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)_track3_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,297 --> 00:00:20,338 So he has a lot of... birthday... 2 00:00:20,589 --> 00:00:21,921 stuff. 3 00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:23,505 Always has. 4 00:00:23,505 --> 00:00:24,839 I have been... 5 00:00:25,213 --> 00:00:27,880 unsuccessful (chuckles] for 20 years 6 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,213 and so two years ago, 7 00:00:29,213 --> 00:00:31,046 I was pulling out sto-- all the stops. 8 00:00:31,046 --> 00:00:33,880 Like, I had planned this huge weekend, 9 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,589 I had -- I was trying so hard, 10 00:00:36,589 --> 00:00:39,338 but in my focus on... 11 00:00:39,338 --> 00:00:40,463 -the weekend... -Mm-hm. 12 00:00:40,463 --> 00:00:41,755 I had been... 13 00:00:42,088 --> 00:00:43,630 not attentive... 14 00:00:44,171 --> 00:00:45,672 during that week leading up to it 15 00:00:45,672 --> 00:00:47,213 and he kept saying to me... 16 00:00:47,755 --> 00:00:50,171 basically, "You're barking up the wrong tree," 17 00:00:50,463 --> 00:00:51,589 and I wasn't listening. 18 00:00:51,589 --> 00:00:53,130 And I wasn't getting it. And I was like, 19 00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:54,213 "Oh, just -- just shh." 20 00:00:54,213 --> 00:00:56,255 Like, "I jus-- I gotta -- I gotta... 21 00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:58,171 Just wait 'til the weekend, just wait 'til the weekend." 22 00:00:58,171 --> 00:00:59,589 And he said... 23 00:01:00,755 --> 00:01:01,963 "Cancel everything. I don't -- 24 00:01:01,963 --> 00:01:02,921 I'm not going with you. 25 00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:03,755 I don't -- I don't -- 26 00:01:03,755 --> 00:01:05,213 I don't want anything. 27 00:01:05,213 --> 00:01:06,213 I don't want this. 28 00:01:06,213 --> 00:01:08,255 And by the way, where is my passport?" 29 00:01:09,589 --> 00:01:11,255 And he went to Italy. 30 00:01:11,255 --> 00:01:12,255 -[laughs] -[laughs] 31 00:01:13,547 --> 00:01:16,046 ♪groovy bass and drums♪ 32 00:01:23,797 --> 00:01:26,088 ♪waiting room music♪ 33 00:01:26,338 --> 00:01:28,255 [exhales deeply] 34 00:01:30,463 --> 00:01:31,921 [sighs] 35 00:01:34,171 --> 00:01:36,046 [exhaling deeply] Woo. 36 00:01:36,046 --> 00:01:37,088 Okay. 37 00:01:39,963 --> 00:01:40,839 [whispering] Don't touch me. 38 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:43,046 [laughs] [whispering] Stop it. 39 00:01:43,046 --> 00:01:44,297 [sighs] 40 00:01:49,297 --> 00:01:51,463 -[unintelligible] -Yeah. 41 00:01:51,463 --> 00:01:52,130 -Hi. -Hi. 42 00:01:52,130 --> 00:01:53,630 -Hey. -Hi. 43 00:01:55,921 --> 00:01:57,714 -Have a seat. -Okay. 44 00:01:59,130 --> 00:02:00,714 [Mau] I don't have complicated needs. 45 00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:04,213 I am utterly transparent and completely communicative 46 00:02:04,213 --> 00:02:05,547 about what it is I want. 47 00:02:05,547 --> 00:02:06,547 I'm also... 48 00:02:07,130 --> 00:02:08,630 totally consistent. 49 00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:10,714 I am the easiest person... 50 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,797 to -- to deal with. 51 00:02:11,797 --> 00:02:12,880 Says you. 52 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:13,672 Says me. 53 00:02:13,672 --> 00:02:14,963 Well, say it. 54 00:02:14,963 --> 00:02:16,213 What -- what are your wishes? 55 00:02:16,213 --> 00:02:17,672 All I want is, er... 56 00:02:17,672 --> 00:02:19,005 See, I'm gonna try to think of how to say it 57 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:20,463 so it doesn't sound terrible. 58 00:02:20,463 --> 00:02:22,005 Well, say it terrible. 59 00:02:22,797 --> 00:02:25,755 So what I want is to... 60 00:02:25,755 --> 00:02:28,005 -have zero responsibility. -Mm-hm. 61 00:02:28,005 --> 00:02:29,880 To have all the sex I want 62 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,255 without any... 63 00:02:32,755 --> 00:02:34,422 any work on my part 64 00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:35,380 of any kind. [chuckles] 65 00:02:35,380 --> 00:02:37,005 Like, zero work. 66 00:02:37,005 --> 00:02:38,839 -Zero thinking about it. -Mm-hm. 67 00:02:38,839 --> 00:02:40,589 And...not -- 68 00:02:40,589 --> 00:02:42,046 And it has to be both... 69 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,005 spectacular and enthusiastic 70 00:02:44,005 --> 00:02:45,088 and genuine. 71 00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:46,505 Um, so that -- 72 00:02:46,505 --> 00:02:48,213 But you want the -- the -- 73 00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:51,088 the birthday experience to be like that? 74 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,839 Like with -- with the birthday for example. 75 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,338 [Orna] Birthday, yeah. 76 00:02:54,338 --> 00:02:55,714 -So what happened? -She was putting in all this... 77 00:02:55,714 --> 00:02:57,338 -For you, what happened? -all -- all this effort... 78 00:02:58,463 --> 00:02:59,463 but... 79 00:02:59,463 --> 00:03:02,422 the things she was doing is the things 80 00:03:02,422 --> 00:03:05,171 that she could only imagine I would want 81 00:03:05,171 --> 00:03:06,589 if she never was paying attention. 82 00:03:06,589 --> 00:03:07,714 For example? 83 00:03:07,714 --> 00:03:09,672 For example, it was gonna be... 84 00:03:09,672 --> 00:03:11,088 a costume calendar 85 00:03:11,088 --> 00:03:12,463 and then it was a dominatrix 86 00:03:12,463 --> 00:03:13,630 -and then it was... -[chuckles] 87 00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:14,547 like -- 88 00:03:14,547 --> 00:03:15,463 She had, like... 89 00:03:15,714 --> 00:03:17,714 You know, uh, was probably, like, a threesome. 90 00:03:17,714 --> 00:03:18,921 It was like...stuff. 91 00:03:18,921 --> 00:03:20,005 Sexual events? 92 00:03:20,005 --> 00:03:21,880 -Yes. All -- all -- Yes. -Oh, yeah. 93 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:22,880 But you knew about it. 94 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:23,797 It wasn't a surprise. 95 00:03:23,797 --> 00:03:24,880 -Mmm -- -No. 96 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,547 It wasn't a complete surprise. 97 00:03:26,547 --> 00:03:28,547 You know, part of it, she was so enthusiastic about it 98 00:03:28,547 --> 00:03:30,005 she couldn't keep it to herself. 99 00:03:30,005 --> 00:03:31,463 -Okay. -And I was just like -- 100 00:03:31,463 --> 00:03:33,088 You heard these 101 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,130 potential exciting events as...? 102 00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:36,171 Mm-hm. 103 00:03:36,171 --> 00:03:37,547 Well, I didn't hear them as anything. 104 00:03:37,547 --> 00:03:39,213 I just simply observed that... 105 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,921 you're doing what you want to do... 106 00:03:43,755 --> 00:03:44,880 for me instead of 107 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,797 what I want you to do for me. 108 00:03:47,422 --> 00:03:49,088 -And -- -So to get... 109 00:03:49,088 --> 00:03:50,797 -Mm-hm. -even more into the weeds... 110 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,005 -Yeah, sure. -So, for example, 111 00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:54,463 the sexual fantasies played out 112 00:03:54,463 --> 00:03:57,088 would be Annie's sexual fantasies and not yours? 113 00:03:57,088 --> 00:03:58,755 -Well, not exactly. -Is that what we're saying? 114 00:03:58,755 --> 00:04:00,505 No, they -- they were sort of like... 115 00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:03,963 her description of what mine were 116 00:04:03,963 --> 00:04:05,422 if you never listened to me. 117 00:04:05,422 --> 00:04:06,839 I mean, they were objectively -- 118 00:04:06,839 --> 00:04:08,672 They were some... fantasy of what you want, 119 00:04:08,672 --> 00:04:09,797 -but it's not really... -Right. 120 00:04:09,797 --> 00:04:10,463 hitting the mark. 121 00:04:10,463 --> 00:04:11,255 To begin with, 122 00:04:11,255 --> 00:04:12,171 they all sound like fun. 123 00:04:12,171 --> 00:04:13,255 -Okay. -There's no problem there. 124 00:04:13,255 --> 00:04:14,672 They were all -- it was all good. 125 00:04:14,672 --> 00:04:15,505 If it had just been... 126 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,963 -a random Saturday... -Mm-hm. 127 00:04:16,963 --> 00:04:18,130 and not your birthday... 128 00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:19,297 -also... -I see. 129 00:04:19,297 --> 00:04:20,297 it may have been a little more welcome. 130 00:04:20,297 --> 00:04:22,380 -I see. -It was this pressure of... 131 00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:25,130 -his birthday. -But because it was a birthday, 132 00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:27,088 it felt particularly misattuned? 133 00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:30,088 -Is that what you're saying? -Well, y-- yeah, y-- yes. 134 00:04:30,088 --> 00:04:31,380 -I mean -- -Every year. 135 00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:32,755 It's a trap. 136 00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:33,547 If this is it, 137 00:04:33,547 --> 00:04:34,921 if this is, like, the -- 138 00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:35,797 the big hoorah, 139 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,130 this is what I -- 140 00:04:37,130 --> 00:04:38,005 I've been... 141 00:04:38,505 --> 00:04:42,297 25 years of being Mr. Amazing was... 142 00:04:42,297 --> 00:04:44,963 like, waiting, enh, and this was it? 143 00:04:44,963 --> 00:04:45,921 Then, like, no thanks. 144 00:04:45,921 --> 00:04:47,380 I'm -- I'm just not interested. 145 00:04:48,547 --> 00:04:49,422 You became... 146 00:04:49,963 --> 00:04:50,963 angry. 147 00:04:51,297 --> 00:04:52,088 I don't think angry, 148 00:04:52,088 --> 00:04:53,672 I think I'm disappointed. 149 00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:54,589 -Mm-hm. -Uh... 150 00:04:54,589 --> 00:04:56,672 I don't know what I'm doing wrong. 151 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,714 I don't know what I could do differently. 152 00:04:58,714 --> 00:05:00,672 You don't know what you're doing wrong? 153 00:05:01,422 --> 00:05:02,380 Yes. 154 00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:03,880 Like, i-- So imagine that... 155 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,797 I want her to do something differently, 156 00:05:05,797 --> 00:05:06,672 -right? -Mm-hm. 157 00:05:06,672 --> 00:05:08,171 I could get her do whatever I want. 158 00:05:08,171 --> 00:05:09,672 That's not what I want. 159 00:05:09,672 --> 00:05:11,797 What I want is for her to do whatever I want 160 00:05:11,797 --> 00:05:12,463 without me... 161 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:13,505 having to... 162 00:05:14,338 --> 00:05:15,380 make it happen. 163 00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:16,297 To just... 164 00:05:16,297 --> 00:05:18,005 You know I want a glass of water 165 00:05:18,005 --> 00:05:19,171 before I ask 166 00:05:19,171 --> 00:05:20,839 and it's there waiting. 167 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:21,630 And that -- 168 00:05:21,630 --> 00:05:23,005 C--can I ask you something? 169 00:05:23,005 --> 00:05:23,921 Of course. 170 00:05:23,921 --> 00:05:25,839 Did you ever have anybody... 171 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:26,714 take care of you like that? 172 00:05:26,963 --> 00:05:27,505 No. 173 00:05:29,171 --> 00:05:30,714 That sounds really maternal. 174 00:05:31,213 --> 00:05:33,130 That sounds like, you know, 175 00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:34,714 a mother/infant bond. 176 00:05:35,338 --> 00:05:37,797 Yes, we have our moments with lovers 177 00:05:37,797 --> 00:05:38,797 where that can... 178 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,005 happen, but I don't... 179 00:05:41,046 --> 00:05:42,213 I don't know, 180 00:05:42,213 --> 00:05:43,005 that's just what occurred to me 181 00:05:43,005 --> 00:05:44,005 when you were saying it. 182 00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:46,714 That's a pretty profound thing to say. 183 00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:47,963 Really? 184 00:05:48,463 --> 00:05:49,714 Not a fairly... 185 00:05:50,005 --> 00:05:50,797 -obvious... -[laughs] 186 00:05:50,797 --> 00:05:51,672 distracting... 187 00:05:52,171 --> 00:05:53,088 insignificant...? 188 00:05:53,505 --> 00:05:55,005 [laughing] I thought it was profound. 189 00:05:55,005 --> 00:05:56,088 What is profound about that? 190 00:05:56,088 --> 00:05:57,213 How is that profound? 191 00:05:57,213 --> 00:05:58,046 [sighs] Th-- th-- 192 00:05:58,046 --> 00:05:59,422 Drawing that parallel? 193 00:05:59,422 --> 00:06:00,714 Is it -- I mean, that's like -- 194 00:06:00,714 --> 00:06:01,880 -Like, duh? -I'm sure if you open up 195 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:02,839 one of these books, 196 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:04,338 it's on the first fuckin' page. 197 00:06:06,005 --> 00:06:07,672 I'm just wondering if you're aware 198 00:06:07,672 --> 00:06:08,505 of how... 199 00:06:08,505 --> 00:06:10,672 quickly you moved to devaluation. 200 00:06:12,630 --> 00:06:13,963 Do you know that? 201 00:06:13,963 --> 00:06:15,755 I -- I think that I don't care 202 00:06:15,755 --> 00:06:17,130 how quickly I moved to devaluation. 203 00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:18,130 Whether you care about it or not -- 204 00:06:18,130 --> 00:06:19,630 Am I -- am I aware that sometimes, 205 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,130 I move quickly to devaluation? 206 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,088 Yes. 207 00:06:22,088 --> 00:06:24,046 But I'm also noticing... 208 00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:25,255 um... 209 00:06:26,213 --> 00:06:27,921 how difficult it is to actually meet you. 210 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:30,422 I notice even in the way 211 00:06:30,422 --> 00:06:31,297 I'm talking to you... 212 00:06:31,297 --> 00:06:32,088 Mm-hm. 213 00:06:32,088 --> 00:06:33,255 that it's very hard to... 214 00:06:33,255 --> 00:06:34,046 get it right. 215 00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:36,088 Like when I try to say back to you 216 00:06:36,088 --> 00:06:37,714 what's goin' -- what I just heard... 217 00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:38,338 Mm-hm. 218 00:06:38,338 --> 00:06:39,422 it's never right. 219 00:06:40,672 --> 00:06:42,088 And when you correct me, 220 00:06:42,088 --> 00:06:43,672 I can see why you're correcting me. 221 00:06:43,672 --> 00:06:44,338 Mm-hm. 222 00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:45,589 I understand the nuance 223 00:06:45,589 --> 00:06:47,005 and where I missed the point. 224 00:06:47,005 --> 00:06:48,422 That's very frustrating for me. 225 00:06:48,755 --> 00:06:50,672 -Yes, I'm -- -What I wanna hear... 226 00:06:50,672 --> 00:06:52,255 is...why... 227 00:06:52,255 --> 00:06:54,046 is...the moment where someone 228 00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:55,797 is not just right... 229 00:06:55,797 --> 00:06:57,589 -Mh-hm. -not just right... 230 00:06:57,589 --> 00:06:59,839 why is that so devastating? 231 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,255 That's yours. 232 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,005 I don't know that it's devastating, 233 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,088 I think it's -- 234 00:07:03,088 --> 00:07:04,880 [laughing] See, you did it just then. 235 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,463 "Devastating" is not quite the right word, 236 00:07:06,463 --> 00:07:07,921 and you're going to correct the word devastating 237 00:07:07,921 --> 00:07:09,797 and you can't see that "devastating"... 238 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:10,880 might have, like... 239 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,005 Well, she's -- 240 00:07:12,005 --> 00:07:13,630 It is simply not...devastating. 241 00:07:13,630 --> 00:07:15,630 That is not a proper use of that word... 242 00:07:15,963 --> 00:07:17,297 in any other wor-- 243 00:07:17,297 --> 00:07:18,839 I mean, uh, unless you're being hyperbolic 244 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,463 and I don't know what the point of that would be. 245 00:07:20,463 --> 00:07:21,463 If the point was clearly -- 246 00:07:21,463 --> 00:07:23,046 I wasn't being hyperbolic. 247 00:07:23,046 --> 00:07:24,755 I'm actually assuming that... 248 00:07:24,755 --> 00:07:25,963 on some -- 249 00:07:25,963 --> 00:07:27,672 in some way -- 250 00:07:28,297 --> 00:07:29,963 How about "deeply inconvenient?" 251 00:07:29,963 --> 00:07:31,672 No, I don't think it's inconvenient. 252 00:07:31,672 --> 00:07:32,839 I think there's a much more -- 253 00:07:32,839 --> 00:07:33,963 -I do. -emotional... 254 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,505 um... 255 00:07:36,505 --> 00:07:37,422 [sighs] 256 00:07:37,714 --> 00:07:39,547 -under...lying... -Mm-hm. 257 00:07:39,547 --> 00:07:40,463 structure to this. 258 00:07:41,589 --> 00:07:42,005 Okay. 259 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,130 How can we quickly... 260 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,213 determine... whether that -- 261 00:07:46,213 --> 00:07:47,046 that's true or not? 262 00:07:47,046 --> 00:07:49,755 You can ask yourself if you... 263 00:07:50,505 --> 00:07:52,463 want to take something of what I'm saying 264 00:07:52,463 --> 00:07:53,880 to see if it's useful to you... 265 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:54,672 Okay. 266 00:07:54,672 --> 00:07:55,547 or if you want to spar with me. 267 00:07:55,547 --> 00:07:57,213 If you don't want to spar with me, 268 00:07:57,213 --> 00:07:58,213 we don't have to... 269 00:07:58,213 --> 00:07:59,380 discuss the accuracy, 270 00:07:59,380 --> 00:08:00,589 we just have to see... 271 00:08:00,589 --> 00:08:01,547 if it's useful... 272 00:08:01,963 --> 00:08:03,005 what I'm saying, 273 00:08:03,005 --> 00:08:04,255 whether it's accurate or not. 274 00:08:04,547 --> 00:08:05,797 I don't know how to do that. 275 00:08:06,171 --> 00:08:08,005 I don't know that I've ever been... 276 00:08:08,672 --> 00:08:11,755 devastated in any prior event 277 00:08:11,755 --> 00:08:12,797 when that occurred... 278 00:08:13,130 --> 00:08:14,213 including my birthday. 279 00:08:14,213 --> 00:08:15,380 I didn't feel devastated. 280 00:08:15,672 --> 00:08:17,005 You said "disappointed." 281 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,338 I was disappointed -- 282 00:08:18,338 --> 00:08:19,839 Okay, so go with that. 283 00:08:20,589 --> 00:08:21,088 There. 284 00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:22,463 A breakthrough. 285 00:08:23,505 --> 00:08:24,422 [sighs] 286 00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:30,547 ♪curious tense music♪ 287 00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:32,547 [unintelligible whispering] 288 00:08:32,963 --> 00:08:34,213 [whispering] All right. 289 00:08:35,005 --> 00:08:36,046 [sighs] 290 00:08:38,046 --> 00:08:39,130 What do you see? 291 00:08:40,088 --> 00:08:42,380 ♪♪♪ 292 00:08:44,380 --> 00:08:45,547 [Woman] It's a bird on a sign. 293 00:08:47,797 --> 00:08:49,547 But the sign is broken. 294 00:08:51,714 --> 00:08:53,589 I saw a bird too, 295 00:08:53,589 --> 00:08:56,213 um, but I saw that it's an axe 296 00:08:56,213 --> 00:08:57,714 trying to cut it. 297 00:08:59,213 --> 00:09:00,714 I see a person... 298 00:09:04,046 --> 00:09:06,171 over another person. 299 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:07,797 That's interesting. 300 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,213 I see a bird. 301 00:09:10,005 --> 00:09:11,088 Huh. 302 00:09:13,505 --> 00:09:16,422 ♪♪♪ 303 00:09:17,714 --> 00:09:19,630 [Orna] So we have an hour together today. 304 00:09:19,630 --> 00:09:20,297 Okay. 305 00:09:20,297 --> 00:09:21,630 Let's see what we can do. 306 00:09:21,630 --> 00:09:22,589 -Okay. -Okay? 307 00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:23,755 So tell me. 308 00:09:24,213 --> 00:09:24,880 Talk to me. 309 00:09:25,589 --> 00:09:26,380 Why are you here? 310 00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:27,755 What do you want to work on? 311 00:09:28,547 --> 00:09:30,255 We are polar opposites. 312 00:09:31,297 --> 00:09:32,380 But that... 313 00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:33,422 in the beginning... 314 00:09:33,422 --> 00:09:35,422 -was fantastic -- -Mm-hm. 315 00:09:35,422 --> 00:09:36,297 because... 316 00:09:36,589 --> 00:09:38,171 he calmed my noise 317 00:09:38,171 --> 00:09:39,297 and I woke him up. 318 00:09:39,589 --> 00:09:40,505 [laughs] 319 00:09:40,505 --> 00:09:41,797 So it worked out. 320 00:09:42,088 --> 00:09:42,921 So -- 321 00:09:42,921 --> 00:09:44,338 He calmed your noise 322 00:09:44,338 --> 00:09:45,422 and you woke him up. 323 00:09:45,422 --> 00:09:46,088 Yes. 324 00:09:46,088 --> 00:09:47,130 That's beautiful. 325 00:09:47,130 --> 00:09:48,755 -So it was perfect. -Uh-huh. 326 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,380 Um, fast-forward... 327 00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:51,130 Mm-hm. 328 00:09:52,005 --> 00:09:54,630 we -- we no longer speak the same language. 329 00:09:55,171 --> 00:09:56,297 Um... 330 00:09:56,297 --> 00:09:57,630 He misunderstands... 331 00:09:58,046 --> 00:09:59,422 me, and I... 332 00:09:59,672 --> 00:10:00,505 totally... 333 00:10:00,505 --> 00:10:01,797 misunderstand him. 334 00:10:01,797 --> 00:10:04,005 Wh-- which -- uh, in what way? 335 00:10:04,005 --> 00:10:05,839 He'll placate me most of the time 336 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,046 just so that... 337 00:10:07,046 --> 00:10:07,755 he doesn't... 338 00:10:08,255 --> 00:10:10,297 have to engage in a conversation 339 00:10:10,297 --> 00:10:11,255 because he thinks... 340 00:10:11,255 --> 00:10:12,797 I'm gonna yell or scream 341 00:10:12,797 --> 00:10:13,797 -or whatev-- -I think 342 00:10:13,797 --> 00:10:14,963 you're gonna yell and scream? 343 00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:16,797 -Or -- -I'm an intense individual 344 00:10:16,797 --> 00:10:18,130 and that's the way I speak. 345 00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:19,046 Okay. 346 00:10:19,046 --> 00:10:20,255 -Uh -- -But it usually ends up 347 00:10:20,255 --> 00:10:21,463 with you yelling and screaming. 348 00:10:21,797 --> 00:10:23,963 Maybe we should get into a couple of examples. 349 00:10:24,463 --> 00:10:26,797 A recent escalation or -- 350 00:10:26,797 --> 00:10:28,297 or some, like, uh -- 351 00:10:28,297 --> 00:10:30,297 an escalation that felt like "Ugh, 352 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,255 there we go again. 353 00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:32,963 This is us doing that thing." 354 00:10:34,088 --> 00:10:34,921 I sent him -- 355 00:10:34,921 --> 00:10:35,839 'cause I'm not allowed to call him 356 00:10:35,839 --> 00:10:36,755 while he's at work, 357 00:10:36,755 --> 00:10:37,839 so I text him... 358 00:10:38,714 --> 00:10:40,088 and I texted him, 359 00:10:40,088 --> 00:10:41,005 and I said, um -- 360 00:10:41,005 --> 00:10:42,213 Now we're getting into some -- 361 00:10:42,213 --> 00:10:43,839 Don't -- don't say it like that. 362 00:10:44,255 --> 00:10:45,171 And so -- 363 00:10:45,171 --> 00:10:46,338 'Cause if you're not allowed to call 364 00:10:46,338 --> 00:10:47,589 you break that rule. 365 00:10:48,005 --> 00:10:49,297 'Cause you call all the time. 366 00:10:50,213 --> 00:10:52,005 Give her the reason why you say that. 367 00:10:52,005 --> 00:10:53,672 Because you don't want me calling you at work -- 368 00:10:53,672 --> 00:10:55,380 Why don't I want you calling me at work? 369 00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:58,463 Because work is very important to you. 370 00:10:58,463 --> 00:11:00,213 But why is it... import-- 371 00:11:00,213 --> 00:11:02,589 Why is it...that I...say to you? 372 00:11:02,589 --> 00:11:04,130 You tell her why. 373 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,130 You tell her why. 374 00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:05,880 Because -- 375 00:11:06,672 --> 00:11:08,005 She will call 20 times a day. 376 00:11:08,005 --> 00:11:08,755 -Mm-hm. -Mm-hm. 377 00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:09,589 -Alright? -Mm. 378 00:11:09,589 --> 00:11:11,088 And she expects me to pick up 379 00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,463 -20 times. -Mm-hm. 380 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,755 And every single time, 381 00:11:13,755 --> 00:11:15,213 it's nothing important. 382 00:11:15,213 --> 00:11:16,839 And if I don't answer that phone -- 383 00:11:16,839 --> 00:11:18,422 Well, I guess that it's important 384 00:11:18,422 --> 00:11:20,672 just in the sense of establishing a connection. 385 00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:23,839 We just spoke. 386 00:11:23,839 --> 00:11:24,880 Mm-hm. 387 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,755 Well, people have different needs for, like -- 388 00:11:26,755 --> 00:11:27,714 But I'm busy. 389 00:11:27,714 --> 00:11:28,630 Yeah, yeah. 390 00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:30,213 -Mm-hm. -I-- It's not McDo-- 391 00:11:30,213 --> 00:11:31,213 I'm not working at, like, 392 00:11:31,213 --> 00:11:32,714 -Wendy's or something. -Yeah, yeah. 393 00:11:32,714 --> 00:11:34,672 Then when -- when she finally gets me... 394 00:11:35,046 --> 00:11:36,297 this is how she greets me: 395 00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:37,046 [angrily] "Where were you?" 396 00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:38,046 Mm-hm. 397 00:11:38,921 --> 00:11:40,130 [angrily] "What were you doing?" 398 00:11:40,463 --> 00:11:41,880 I'm like, "Babe, I'm at work." 399 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,547 [angrily] "Why didn't you answer the phone?" 400 00:11:43,547 --> 00:11:44,714 "All right, you got me now. 401 00:11:44,714 --> 00:11:46,046 What's the emergency?" 402 00:11:46,046 --> 00:11:46,797 [Orna] Mm-hm. 403 00:11:46,797 --> 00:11:47,839 "Why didn't you answer 404 00:11:47,839 --> 00:11:48,380 when I called?" 405 00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:49,547 "Because I was busy? 406 00:11:49,547 --> 00:11:50,547 -Maybe? -Mm-hm. 407 00:11:50,547 --> 00:11:51,505 Give me the benefit of the doubt. 408 00:11:51,505 --> 00:11:52,547 I'm at work, babe. 409 00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:55,422 Is it possible that I could have been busy? 410 00:11:55,422 --> 00:11:56,921 I'm not ignoring your calls." 411 00:11:56,921 --> 00:11:59,505 What do you think about what Desean's saying? 412 00:12:00,297 --> 00:12:02,255 I think Desean's... 413 00:12:02,672 --> 00:12:03,547 uh... 414 00:12:04,005 --> 00:12:06,338 main thing in life is work. 415 00:12:06,589 --> 00:12:07,547 Mm-hm. 416 00:12:07,547 --> 00:12:08,422 You know, it could be 9:30 417 00:12:08,422 --> 00:12:09,547 and he's on his phone. 418 00:12:09,547 --> 00:12:10,963 "What are you doing?" "Work. Email." 419 00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:11,839 Whatever. 420 00:12:11,839 --> 00:12:13,255 What do you do, Desean? 421 00:12:13,255 --> 00:12:14,422 I'm an insurance broker. 422 00:12:14,422 --> 00:12:15,255 [Orna] Mm-hm. 423 00:12:15,255 --> 00:12:16,171 You know... 424 00:12:16,171 --> 00:12:18,338 I've worked in places where... 425 00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:21,338 CEOs answer the phone for their wives. 426 00:12:21,338 --> 00:12:22,380 I'm not a CEO, 427 00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:24,380 so maybe when I become a CEO, 428 00:12:24,380 --> 00:12:26,547 -then you can start -- -My point is that... 429 00:12:26,547 --> 00:12:28,422 there are people who have... 430 00:12:28,422 --> 00:12:29,755 bigger jobs... 431 00:12:30,088 --> 00:12:30,880 who... 432 00:12:31,672 --> 00:12:32,547 -tend to their wives -- -Mm-hm. 433 00:12:32,547 --> 00:12:33,463 or their significant other 434 00:12:33,463 --> 00:12:35,547 or whatever that is, but... 435 00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:37,255 for me, he's too busy. 436 00:12:37,630 --> 00:12:39,422 We'll get up, right? 437 00:12:39,422 --> 00:12:40,463 Get ready for work. 438 00:12:41,297 --> 00:12:42,880 -I'm on the train. -Mm-hm. 439 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:43,797 Get a text. 440 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:45,338 "You know, 441 00:12:45,338 --> 00:12:47,046 I've been thinking about something." 442 00:12:47,422 --> 00:12:48,297 And this will -- 443 00:12:48,297 --> 00:12:49,505 this will carry on until we're at work. 444 00:12:49,505 --> 00:12:50,547 But she's not, I don't know, 445 00:12:50,547 --> 00:12:52,130 like, telling you her dream. 446 00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:53,630 She's -- she's talking about something 447 00:12:53,630 --> 00:12:54,630 -between the two -- -It could be that. 448 00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:55,630 It could be that. 449 00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:56,589 It could be just -- just -- 450 00:12:56,589 --> 00:12:58,005 It could be, "You know -- 451 00:12:58,005 --> 00:12:59,046 -"I want to talk to you." -I had this weird dre--" 452 00:12:59,046 --> 00:12:59,963 I had this weird dre--" Yeah. Mm-hm. 453 00:12:59,963 --> 00:13:01,297 And I'm like, "Babe, can this wait 454 00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:02,672 'til I get home?" 455 00:13:02,672 --> 00:13:05,046 I get home and n-- nothing. 456 00:13:05,046 --> 00:13:05,963 'Cause I lost interest. 457 00:13:05,963 --> 00:13:06,797 And then, I'm like -- 458 00:13:06,797 --> 00:13:07,463 I don't wanna talk to you now. 459 00:13:07,463 --> 00:13:08,547 "All of that stuff 460 00:13:08,547 --> 00:13:10,297 that you wanted to lay on me 461 00:13:10,297 --> 00:13:11,338 when I was at work 462 00:13:11,338 --> 00:13:12,797 -and I really couldn't -- -"Where is it?" 463 00:13:12,797 --> 00:13:13,589 Where is it? 464 00:13:13,589 --> 00:13:14,422 Now you have me, 465 00:13:14,422 --> 00:13:15,338 now I'm engaged, 466 00:13:15,338 --> 00:13:16,297 now I wanna... 467 00:13:16,297 --> 00:13:17,463 engage in that, 468 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,921 but you don't want to give it to me now -- 469 00:13:18,921 --> 00:13:19,755 But you're saying 470 00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,963 because you're already feeling... 471 00:13:21,963 --> 00:13:23,005 hurt by then? 472 00:13:23,505 --> 00:13:24,672 I feel like... 473 00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:26,255 the -- the... 474 00:13:27,088 --> 00:13:29,005 the thing to want to share it died. 475 00:13:29,839 --> 00:13:31,839 I think her idea of... 476 00:13:32,672 --> 00:13:33,672 -partnership... -Mm-hm. 477 00:13:33,672 --> 00:13:34,505 is... 478 00:13:34,505 --> 00:13:35,839 "Do as I say, 479 00:13:35,839 --> 00:13:37,797 when I say, how I say it. 480 00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:40,213 I wanna make her happy, but... 481 00:13:40,213 --> 00:13:41,963 I've gotten to the point where I'm just like, 482 00:13:41,963 --> 00:13:43,422 "It's impossible to make you happy." 483 00:13:45,797 --> 00:13:48,630 ♪grooving funk music♪ 484 00:13:55,422 --> 00:14:00,046 ♪speaking foreign language♪ 485 00:14:10,547 --> 00:14:12,213 [unintelligible] 486 00:14:12,213 --> 00:14:13,213 I know. 487 00:14:13,213 --> 00:14:16,046 ♪speaking foreign language♪ 488 00:14:28,547 --> 00:14:29,880 [unintelligible chatter] 489 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:30,755 [Orna] Hi. Hi. 490 00:14:30,755 --> 00:14:31,839 Hello. Hey. 491 00:14:32,255 --> 00:14:33,046 Come in. 492 00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:34,547 -Great. -Great. 493 00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:39,755 We've always talked about wanting kids. 494 00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:40,589 Yes. 495 00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:41,630 Like, since our third date 496 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:42,797 it was on the table. 497 00:14:42,797 --> 00:14:43,921 And then... 498 00:14:43,921 --> 00:14:45,921 kind of over the past few years, 499 00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:47,589 it's been very all-over-the-place 500 00:14:47,589 --> 00:14:48,797 as to the timeline. 501 00:14:48,797 --> 00:14:50,171 -And -- -For example? 502 00:14:50,171 --> 00:14:50,963 It would be... 503 00:14:50,963 --> 00:14:51,880 five years out... 504 00:14:52,589 --> 00:14:53,547 like, a couple years ago. 505 00:14:53,547 --> 00:14:55,255 -Mm-hm. -And then -- 506 00:14:55,255 --> 00:14:56,171 six months... 507 00:14:56,422 --> 00:14:57,130 later... 508 00:14:58,088 --> 00:14:58,963 Sarah would be like, "I'm ready, I want -- 509 00:14:58,963 --> 00:15:00,297 -I want kids." -Mm-hm. 510 00:15:00,297 --> 00:15:01,380 And then it would... 511 00:15:01,380 --> 00:15:02,505 change ag-- I mean... 512 00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:03,547 it went back and forth a lot. 513 00:15:03,547 --> 00:15:04,672 Inner conflict. 514 00:15:04,672 --> 00:15:06,046 -Sure. -I don't know. 515 00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:07,755 We're all wingin' it out here. 516 00:15:07,755 --> 00:15:08,714 Nobody knows. 517 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,380 [Orna] And that's, for you... 518 00:15:11,755 --> 00:15:13,921 confusing, maybe crazy-making? 519 00:15:13,921 --> 00:15:15,338 Very -- very confusing. 520 00:15:15,338 --> 00:15:16,255 [Orna] Mm-hm. 521 00:15:16,255 --> 00:15:17,547 We had had a... 522 00:15:17,547 --> 00:15:18,755 later timeline... 523 00:15:19,422 --> 00:15:20,589 and it just kind of, like... 524 00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:22,921 got accelerated... 525 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,755 it felt like, without my input. 526 00:15:26,046 --> 00:15:29,005 So, what made you wanna move faster... 527 00:15:29,297 --> 00:15:31,255 and what made you feel reluctant? 528 00:15:31,255 --> 00:15:32,088 [Lauren] Mm-hm. 529 00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:34,963 For me, that was... 530 00:15:34,963 --> 00:15:37,589 still a time period of intense... 531 00:15:37,839 --> 00:15:38,963 instability. 532 00:15:39,255 --> 00:15:40,088 Mm-hm. 533 00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:41,171 I'm trans 534 00:15:41,171 --> 00:15:42,921 and I began my transition 535 00:15:42,921 --> 00:15:45,297 -when I was 27. -Mm-hm. 536 00:15:45,547 --> 00:15:47,630 I think only over the past year 537 00:15:47,630 --> 00:15:48,963 I think I've really... 538 00:15:49,672 --> 00:15:51,046 come into my... 539 00:15:51,046 --> 00:15:52,630 -self, and -- -Mm-hm. 540 00:15:52,630 --> 00:15:54,088 have felt... stable... 541 00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:55,463 within... 542 00:15:55,963 --> 00:15:57,755 my personal identity -- 543 00:15:57,755 --> 00:15:58,963 -Yeah. -And... 544 00:15:58,963 --> 00:16:00,213 wh-- where I'm... 545 00:16:00,213 --> 00:16:02,463 -at as a human. -Mm-hm. 546 00:16:02,463 --> 00:16:03,463 And so... 547 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,921 having a baby... 548 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,046 Could destabilize that. 549 00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:08,171 Would ch-- change -- 550 00:16:08,171 --> 00:16:09,505 Suddenly, I'm a mom... 551 00:16:09,505 --> 00:16:10,672 [Orna] Mm-hm. 552 00:16:10,672 --> 00:16:13,171 And I had just... like... 553 00:16:14,380 --> 00:16:15,589 really become a woman. 554 00:16:15,589 --> 00:16:16,630 [Orna] Mm-hm. 555 00:16:17,005 --> 00:16:18,755 And... [gulps] 556 00:16:19,797 --> 00:16:21,130 that was scary. 557 00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:21,839 Yeah. 558 00:16:22,839 --> 00:16:24,422 Having a baby is, like... 559 00:16:25,213 --> 00:16:26,589 the only thing that 560 00:16:26,589 --> 00:16:27,463 I have known in my life 561 00:16:27,463 --> 00:16:28,380 that I want... 562 00:16:28,963 --> 00:16:30,380 -for sure. -Mm-hm. 563 00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:31,839 I know I want a child, 564 00:16:31,839 --> 00:16:33,130 I have known my whole life. 565 00:16:33,589 --> 00:16:36,171 And so when she brought up all of these... 566 00:16:36,921 --> 00:16:38,005 concerns... 567 00:16:39,338 --> 00:16:40,171 I... 568 00:16:42,422 --> 00:16:43,505 completely froze... 569 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,046 and I just felt 570 00:16:48,046 --> 00:16:49,672 completely devastated... 571 00:16:50,297 --> 00:16:52,213 because it felt like she was 572 00:16:52,213 --> 00:16:53,505 taking this away from me. 573 00:16:53,505 --> 00:16:54,213 Mm-hm. 574 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,505 And... 575 00:16:55,755 --> 00:16:58,839 I felt like her concerns were valid... 576 00:16:59,171 --> 00:17:00,130 but... 577 00:17:00,130 --> 00:17:02,046 they weren't important enough 578 00:17:02,046 --> 00:17:04,255 to take away the one thing that I want... 579 00:17:04,255 --> 00:17:05,130 in this life. 580 00:17:06,046 --> 00:17:08,672 And I knew -- I knew that she wasn't saying 581 00:17:08,672 --> 00:17:11,005 "No, we can't have kids." 582 00:17:11,005 --> 00:17:13,046 I knew that she was saying "Wait"... 583 00:17:13,797 --> 00:17:16,422 but her concerns felt like... 584 00:17:17,255 --> 00:17:19,338 concerns that you're gonna have forever. 585 00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,547 And if you keep letting those concerns -- 586 00:17:21,547 --> 00:17:22,505 But if -- 587 00:17:22,505 --> 00:17:24,171 But -- but in a way... 588 00:17:25,797 --> 00:17:28,422 whatever the argument you're making in your mind, 589 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:29,422 you could not -- 590 00:17:29,422 --> 00:17:31,880 because of the intensity of your wish... 591 00:17:32,630 --> 00:17:35,880 you could not hold in mind Lauren's... 592 00:17:37,171 --> 00:17:39,088 position as valid. 593 00:17:40,046 --> 00:17:42,422 It just felt too threatening to... 594 00:17:43,589 --> 00:17:45,088 your attachment to this... 595 00:17:45,338 --> 00:17:46,422 potential baby. 596 00:17:46,422 --> 00:17:48,297 Yeah, it didn't feel valid. 597 00:17:48,297 --> 00:17:50,589 Yeah, you couldn't hold her as valid. 598 00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:52,171 You said it felt selfish. 599 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:53,839 It did feel selfish 600 00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,839 and I still think it sounds selfish. [laughs] 601 00:17:56,255 --> 00:17:58,088 I think that those concerns are valid, 602 00:17:58,088 --> 00:17:59,921 but it doesn't feel valid enough to, like, 603 00:17:59,921 --> 00:18:01,171 kick it down the road... 604 00:18:01,171 --> 00:18:02,088 further. 605 00:18:03,171 --> 00:18:05,380 And so, in that fight... 606 00:18:05,714 --> 00:18:07,463 I mean it lasted like three days. 607 00:18:07,463 --> 00:18:08,839 -Mm-hm. -Yeah, it was pretty brutal. 608 00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:10,463 -And -- -Enh, look, this is -- 609 00:18:10,463 --> 00:18:13,547 this is the kind of thing that's really difficult. 610 00:18:13,547 --> 00:18:14,255 Yeah. 611 00:18:15,088 --> 00:18:16,297 I mean, these kind of different... 612 00:18:16,297 --> 00:18:17,338 timelines 613 00:18:17,338 --> 00:18:19,255 on something so important... 614 00:18:20,213 --> 00:18:21,463 that's a difficult one. 615 00:18:23,297 --> 00:18:24,547 -Yeah, it was pretty scary. -Where are you? 616 00:18:27,921 --> 00:18:30,130 [crying] Just feeling how I was feeling that day. 617 00:18:30,130 --> 00:18:31,338 [Orna] Which is... 618 00:18:31,797 --> 00:18:32,839 like all is lost? 619 00:18:32,839 --> 00:18:34,255 Like, so heartbroken. 620 00:18:35,130 --> 00:18:37,130 And, in retrospect... 621 00:18:37,839 --> 00:18:38,963 I realize, like, 622 00:18:38,963 --> 00:18:40,589 I was slipping into depression -- 623 00:18:40,589 --> 00:18:41,463 [Orna] Mm-hm. 624 00:18:41,463 --> 00:18:42,963 and I was looking for anything 625 00:18:42,963 --> 00:18:43,963 to look forward to. 626 00:18:44,338 --> 00:18:46,338 Like the baby will somehow save you 627 00:18:46,338 --> 00:18:47,589 from the depression. 628 00:18:47,921 --> 00:18:49,755 And I know that's such a cliché, 629 00:18:49,755 --> 00:18:51,130 but yeah, just planning. 630 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,380 -It's not a cliché. -Just knowing 631 00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:53,755 -that it's coming -- -Yeah. 632 00:18:53,755 --> 00:18:55,380 just knowing that I have to keep my shit together 633 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,046 so that I can be there for somebody. 634 00:18:57,046 --> 00:18:58,046 Yeah. 635 00:18:58,463 --> 00:19:00,130 And I feel like she was... 636 00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:01,963 impeding my... 637 00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:04,005 -healing. -Mm-hm. 638 00:19:04,005 --> 00:19:05,672 Felt like a huge betrayal. 639 00:19:06,839 --> 00:19:08,297 And I just felt like... 640 00:19:08,297 --> 00:19:10,505 if you're gonna stop me from moving forward... 641 00:19:11,005 --> 00:19:12,672 I don't know how this can continue. 642 00:19:14,963 --> 00:19:16,921 [sniffs] I want some tissues. 643 00:19:16,921 --> 00:19:18,463 There was a box of tissues... 644 00:19:19,839 --> 00:19:20,630 [softly] Uh-oh. 645 00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:21,380 Oh, no. 646 00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:22,130 I don't know where it is. 647 00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:23,755 Did you just make it worse? 648 00:19:23,755 --> 00:19:25,005 -Yeah. -It's fine. 649 00:19:25,005 --> 00:19:26,088 -Um... -I'm sorry. 650 00:19:26,505 --> 00:19:27,380 It's fine. 651 00:19:27,380 --> 00:19:28,171 I don't care. 652 00:19:28,171 --> 00:19:29,338 You just have lots of it on you. 653 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:33,505 What have you done? 654 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:34,755 -[laughs] [sniffles] -It's better. 655 00:19:35,088 --> 00:19:36,005 -Thank you. -There. 656 00:19:36,005 --> 00:19:37,380 How are you feeling, Lauren, 657 00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:39,046 about what Sarah is saying? 658 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,589 I mean... 659 00:19:41,422 --> 00:19:44,046 I...wasn't going to just say "Yes." 660 00:19:44,046 --> 00:19:45,547 I wasn't going to just bring... 661 00:19:45,921 --> 00:19:47,505 a child into this world... 662 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,255 to fix this. 663 00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:49,839 Right. 664 00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:51,672 I'm not gonna... 665 00:19:52,171 --> 00:19:53,714 bring a child in to fix something. 666 00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:54,547 Mm-hm. 667 00:19:57,213 --> 00:19:59,505 ♪fast acoustic strumming♪ 668 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:16,839 ♪fingerpicking intensifies♪ 669 00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:23,839 Hi, dear. 670 00:20:25,755 --> 00:20:26,213 [kiss] 671 00:20:26,463 --> 00:20:27,338 Good to see you. 672 00:20:27,338 --> 00:20:28,422 Good to see you. 673 00:20:28,921 --> 00:20:30,380 ♪♪♪ 674 00:20:31,422 --> 00:20:32,755 [Orna] I couldn't sleep last night. 675 00:20:35,005 --> 00:20:38,005 Really overwhelming sense of responsibility. 676 00:20:39,921 --> 00:20:41,672 I'm wondering more about the -- 677 00:20:42,130 --> 00:20:44,088 the state, your emotional state, 678 00:20:44,088 --> 00:20:45,380 your mental state... 679 00:20:46,463 --> 00:20:48,046 as you feel that way. 680 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:49,380 Maybe you can elaborate. 681 00:20:49,755 --> 00:20:50,921 I was thinking... 682 00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:52,630 how much is put on the... 683 00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:53,672 notion of... 684 00:20:53,672 --> 00:20:54,755 couple. 685 00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:55,921 You know, and as a couple's therapist, 686 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,130 I'm, like... 687 00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,130 I believe in it. 688 00:20:58,130 --> 00:20:59,213 I believe that, ultimately, 689 00:20:59,213 --> 00:21:01,338 it's a good thing for most people. 690 00:21:01,672 --> 00:21:02,589 -Mm-hm. -Not for everyone, 691 00:21:02,589 --> 00:21:03,422 but... 692 00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:07,380 But I'm also kind of aware of the... 693 00:21:09,005 --> 00:21:10,755 limit of... 694 00:21:10,755 --> 00:21:12,255 how much it can deliver. 695 00:21:13,547 --> 00:21:15,088 Another person will never be 696 00:21:15,088 --> 00:21:16,297 what you're fantasizing 697 00:21:16,297 --> 00:21:17,338 -them to be. -Yeah. 698 00:21:17,338 --> 00:21:18,963 The fantasy is always gonna, 699 00:21:18,963 --> 00:21:20,422 at some point, exceed... 700 00:21:20,755 --> 00:21:21,963 -what's there. -Yeah. 701 00:21:21,963 --> 00:21:22,963 [Orna] And then, there's a fight. 702 00:21:22,963 --> 00:21:24,297 ♪soft piano♪ 703 00:21:24,297 --> 00:21:26,589 And it's got nothin' to do with how I feel 704 00:21:26,589 --> 00:21:28,505 or how we are or -- 705 00:21:28,505 --> 00:21:29,547 or any -- it's like -- 706 00:21:29,963 --> 00:21:31,797 it's always about what he has to do 707 00:21:31,797 --> 00:21:32,505 and I'm... 708 00:21:32,755 --> 00:21:33,422 so fed up. 709 00:21:34,297 --> 00:21:35,046 God, I don't know why you're yelling 710 00:21:35,046 --> 00:21:35,921 and I don't know why -- 711 00:21:35,921 --> 00:21:37,297 Because it is so fuckin' frustrating. 712 00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:40,921 I am never, ever, ever, ever ... 713 00:21:40,921 --> 00:21:42,463 -going to Austin -- -Okay, we got it. 714 00:21:42,463 --> 00:21:43,171 No, we didn't, 715 00:21:43,171 --> 00:21:44,338 'cause you won't let me talk. 716 00:21:44,338 --> 00:21:45,338 Oh my, God, fuck you. 717 00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:46,880 You just said that I have to follow you 718 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,297 down every dark path 719 00:21:48,297 --> 00:21:50,338 because I trust you and I believe in you. 720 00:21:50,338 --> 00:21:51,297 -And if I trust you -- -No, I didn't. 721 00:21:51,297 --> 00:21:52,672 -Yes, you did! -Mm-hm. 722 00:21:52,672 --> 00:21:53,547 Am I to... 723 00:21:53,797 --> 00:21:54,755 never... 724 00:21:54,755 --> 00:21:56,213 do anything... 725 00:21:56,547 --> 00:21:58,839 because I've said no to you for this thing? 726 00:21:58,839 --> 00:21:59,921 That's what it feels like. 727 00:21:59,921 --> 00:22:01,505 It's ridiculous. 728 00:22:01,963 --> 00:22:05,005 ♪soft piano♪ 729 00:22:08,505 --> 00:22:11,005 [Orna] I feel like I have a lot of power over them... 730 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,046 so that's a little scary. 731 00:22:14,046 --> 00:22:15,547 -Yeah. -The amount of responsibility 732 00:22:15,547 --> 00:22:16,839 I have there. 733 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,130 Our job is to... 734 00:22:21,380 --> 00:22:23,547 deepen their understanding of their... 735 00:22:24,463 --> 00:22:25,672 -dilemma. -Mm-hm. 736 00:22:26,297 --> 00:22:27,505 And nothing more. 737 00:22:28,171 --> 00:22:29,630 It's not about should they work on it 738 00:22:29,630 --> 00:22:30,714 or should they separate. 739 00:22:33,130 --> 00:22:34,714 You have no opinion on that. 740 00:22:46,755 --> 00:22:47,171 I... 741 00:22:47,797 --> 00:22:48,672 just feel... 742 00:22:48,672 --> 00:22:49,921 fed up and frustrated 743 00:22:49,921 --> 00:22:51,046 and that I -- 744 00:22:51,046 --> 00:22:52,839 I don't want to do this anymore. 745 00:22:52,839 --> 00:22:53,505 Mm-hm. 746 00:22:54,046 --> 00:22:55,130 Deep down in my heart, like, 747 00:22:55,130 --> 00:22:56,547 maybe it was too far gone already. 748 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:57,547 Mm-hm. 749 00:22:58,422 --> 00:22:59,921 I know I'm supposed to take... 750 00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:01,213 responsibility for 751 00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:02,714 the things that I'm doing wrong, 752 00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:03,921 but, like, it's her . 753 00:23:03,921 --> 00:23:05,714 I just feel like she's never happy. 754 00:23:05,714 --> 00:23:07,213 Like, it's always something with her. 755 00:23:08,171 --> 00:23:10,297 That's your summary in your mind 756 00:23:10,297 --> 00:23:11,755 of -- of why... 757 00:23:12,297 --> 00:23:13,422 you're done? 758 00:23:14,422 --> 00:23:16,589 Because she will never be happy? 759 00:23:17,255 --> 00:23:18,380 In a nutshell, yeah. 760 00:23:19,088 --> 00:23:20,422 Where are you? 761 00:23:22,797 --> 00:23:25,213 [voice wavering] So, when he says to you... 762 00:23:26,088 --> 00:23:27,921 that, oh, it's really about 763 00:23:27,921 --> 00:23:29,463 me not being happy -- 764 00:23:29,463 --> 00:23:30,088 Mm-hm. 765 00:23:30,839 --> 00:23:32,005 there's a reason for it. 766 00:23:32,005 --> 00:23:33,547 It's not because I'm crazy. 767 00:23:33,547 --> 00:23:34,213 Mm-hm. 768 00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:36,297 It's because 769 00:23:36,297 --> 00:23:37,630 there's a foundation 770 00:23:37,630 --> 00:23:39,005 of saying one thing, 771 00:23:39,005 --> 00:23:40,338 and then doing another thing. 772 00:23:40,338 --> 00:23:40,963 Mm-hm. 773 00:23:40,963 --> 00:23:41,505 And that's... 774 00:23:42,839 --> 00:23:44,213 in a nutshell, 775 00:23:44,213 --> 00:23:45,880 how you are with me. 776 00:23:49,005 --> 00:23:50,880 I really don't feel like he... 777 00:23:52,171 --> 00:23:55,547 wants to try to change or make things better... 778 00:23:56,213 --> 00:23:57,422 and I feel like, deep down, 779 00:23:57,422 --> 00:23:58,589 he doesn't know what he wants. 780 00:24:00,297 --> 00:24:02,005 How much of this kind of... 781 00:24:02,422 --> 00:24:03,839 "maybe it's time to... 782 00:24:04,255 --> 00:24:06,088 separate," how much of that 783 00:24:06,088 --> 00:24:07,255 is true for you? 784 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,255 Do you feel like you're 100% behind that? 785 00:24:10,963 --> 00:24:11,463 Yes. 786 00:24:11,963 --> 00:24:12,630 Yes? 787 00:24:13,839 --> 00:24:14,380 Yes. 788 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:15,547 Mm-hm. 789 00:24:16,422 --> 00:24:17,046 And you? 790 00:24:18,589 --> 00:24:19,255 Yeah. 791 00:24:22,589 --> 00:24:23,297 Okay. 792 00:24:26,297 --> 00:24:27,338 -Have a good night. -Okay. 793 00:24:27,338 --> 00:24:28,422 -Good night. -Bye. 794 00:24:42,005 --> 00:24:42,839 -Hi. -Hi. 795 00:24:42,839 --> 00:24:43,921 -Hi, welcome. -How are you? 796 00:24:43,921 --> 00:24:45,672 -Hi! -Oh, hi! 797 00:24:45,672 --> 00:24:47,589 Aw, how beautiful! 798 00:24:48,422 --> 00:24:49,963 Oh, this is, like, the best surprise. 799 00:24:49,963 --> 00:24:50,839 [laughter] 800 00:24:50,839 --> 00:24:51,505 [Orna] I'm Orna. 801 00:24:51,505 --> 00:24:52,171 Nice to meet you. 802 00:24:52,171 --> 00:24:52,921 Evelyn. 803 00:24:52,921 --> 00:24:53,797 -Evelyn. -Yes. 804 00:24:54,130 --> 00:24:55,130 -Alan. -Alan. 805 00:24:55,130 --> 00:24:55,963 -Pleasure. -Hi. 806 00:24:55,963 --> 00:24:56,547 Orna. 807 00:24:56,547 --> 00:24:57,797 Come in, have a seat. 808 00:24:58,963 --> 00:25:00,005 So... 809 00:25:00,672 --> 00:25:01,297 talk to me. 810 00:25:02,714 --> 00:25:04,505 -Okay. -[laughter] 811 00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:07,797 When Alan and I got together, 812 00:25:07,797 --> 00:25:09,880 I feel like we always had, like, 813 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:10,880 the same idea... 814 00:25:11,714 --> 00:25:14,297 ♪bluesy electric guitar♪ 815 00:25:16,505 --> 00:25:20,380 ♪My ears wide open♪ 816 00:25:23,046 --> 00:25:26,171 ♪Yeah, I know you♪ 817 00:25:29,505 --> 00:25:33,046 ♪You keep on talkin'♪ 818 00:25:34,297 --> 00:25:36,046 ♪You talk about yourself♪ 819 00:25:36,046 --> 00:25:38,880 ♪Sit quietly♪ 820 00:25:40,463 --> 00:25:44,463 ♪Let's talk about me, me, me♪ 821 00:25:44,463 --> 00:25:47,088 ♪Me, me, me♪ 822 00:25:47,088 --> 00:25:51,005 ♪Let's talk about me, me, me♪ 823 00:25:51,005 --> 00:25:51,921 ♪Me ♪ 824 00:25:53,755 --> 00:25:55,380 ♪The world is my bed♪ 825 00:25:55,380 --> 00:25:57,171 ♪I'll lie in your head♪ 826 00:25:57,171 --> 00:25:58,589 ♪The kink in your neck♪ 827 00:25:58,589 --> 00:26:00,130 ♪And the pit in your chest♪ 828 00:26:00,380 --> 00:26:01,839 ♪I'm under your skin♪ 829 00:26:01,839 --> 00:26:03,422 ♪I'm makin' you sweat♪ 830 00:26:03,422 --> 00:26:04,921 ♪I'm getting what's mine♪ 831 00:26:04,921 --> 00:26:06,422 ♪Don't need to be blessed♪ 832 00:26:06,422 --> 00:26:10,505 ♪Let's talk about me, me, me♪ 833 00:26:10,505 --> 00:26:12,921 ♪Me, me, me♪ 834 00:26:12,921 --> 00:26:17,088 ♪Let's talk about me, me, me♪ 835 00:26:17,088 --> 00:26:19,213 ♪Me, me, me♪ 836 00:26:21,338 --> 00:26:24,880 ♪My eyes are open♪ 837 00:26:27,921 --> 00:26:30,921 ♪I see through you♪ 838 00:26:34,338 --> 00:26:37,921 ♪And all your problems♪ 839 00:26:39,255 --> 00:26:40,755 ♪I'm sick of all your shh♪ 840 00:26:42,255 --> 00:26:44,130 ♪It's long overdue♪ 841 00:26:45,589 --> 00:26:49,463 ♪Let's talk about me, me, me♪ 842 00:26:49,463 --> 00:26:50,255 ♪Me ♪ 843 00:26:52,171 --> 00:26:53,755 ♪The world is my bed♪ 844 00:26:53,755 --> 00:26:55,463 ♪I'll lie in your head♪ 845 00:26:55,463 --> 00:26:56,797 ♪The kink in your neck♪ 846 00:26:56,797 --> 00:26:58,630 ♪And the pit in your chest♪ 847 00:26:58,630 --> 00:27:00,297 ♪I'm under your skin♪ 848 00:27:00,297 --> 00:27:01,797 ♪I'm makin' you sweat♪ 849 00:27:01,797 --> 00:27:03,297 ♪I'm getting what's mine♪ 850 00:27:03,297 --> 00:27:04,839 ♪Don't need to be blessed♪ 851 00:27:04,839 --> 00:27:08,921 ♪Let's talk about me, me, me♪ 852 00:27:08,921 --> 00:27:11,380 ♪Me, me, me♪ 853 00:27:11,380 --> 00:27:15,338 ♪Let's talk about me, me, me♪ 854 00:27:15,338 --> 00:27:17,672 ♪Me, me, me♪ 855 00:27:19,463 --> 00:27:22,005 ♪Me, me, me♪ 856 00:27:22,005 --> 00:27:24,255 ♪Me, me, me♪ 857 00:27:26,088 --> 00:27:28,213 ♪Me, me, me♪ 858 00:27:28,213 --> 00:27:30,797 ♪Me, me, me♪ 859 00:27:31,213 --> 00:27:32,672 ♪The world is my bed♪ 860 00:27:32,672 --> 00:27:34,255 ♪I'll lie in your head♪ 861 00:27:34,255 --> 00:27:35,839 ♪The kink in your neck and the...♪ 55153

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