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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:06,703 It's good to have you back... 2 00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:09,970 you horror-hungry humans. 3 00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:14,744 You know by now who's here to feed your fear. 4 00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:18,349 It's me, the Crypt Keeper... 5 00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:21,644 with another flesh-creeping scream story... 6 00:00:21,721 --> 00:00:24,087 for your shivering pleasure. 7 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:29,025 I'm calling this bite of bitter bile: 8 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:32,693 "Lover Come Hack to Me." 9 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,297 So plump up that coffin pillow... 10 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,895 and settle back your bones. 11 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,608 We're going to take a little ride... 12 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,802 to honeymoon hell. 13 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,016 I'll go load the car, hon. 14 00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:59,490 Peggy, you'll live to regret this day. 15 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:02,951 Please don't spoil my happiness, Aunt Edith. 16 00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,497 Peggy, I'm only thinking of your happiness. 17 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:10,129 You'll live to regret this day, too. 18 00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:13,505 Why would I ever regret marrying the woman I love? 19 00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,801 You don't love her. You love the fortune that her mother left her. 20 00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:20,835 And you love her stocks and bonds and her real estate and that big house. 21 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:24,177 And you don't love any of that? Give me a break, Aunt Edith. 22 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,616 You've been sponging off of Peggy for 20 years. 23 00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:29,780 I've been protecting Peggy for 20 years from people like you. 24 00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:32,723 - And I'll continue to protect her. - We'll be back in a week. 25 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,124 Make sure you leave a forwarding address, okay? 26 00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:38,221 You're putting me out? You can't make me leave that house. 27 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,526 I was born there. 28 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,261 I guess you'll just have to find someplace else to die. 29 00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:45,203 - Are you ready, honey? - Yes. 30 00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,536 - Bye, Aunt Edith. - Bye. 31 00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:17,534 - Did you find where we are? - No. I can't read maps. 32 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:24,768 - Oh, no. - What? What is it? What's wrong? 33 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,305 Look. 34 00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:30,814 Wow. It must have been the lightning. 35 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,712 Do you think you can move it? 36 00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:39,189 In this weather? Are you crazy? Look at its size. I'll get soaking wet. 37 00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:44,021 If we turn around and go back, it will take us all night to get to the hotel. 38 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:47,891 You don't want to spend our wedding night on the road, do you? 39 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:50,765 I guess not. You got a flashlight in here? 40 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,494 Yeah. In here. 41 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,076 - Is this yours? - No. I've never seen it before. 42 00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:08,386 It must be a wedding present from old Aunt Edith. I'll take care of it. 43 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,290 Wait here. 44 00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:51,089 Shit. I'm soaked. 45 00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:54,159 We've gotta turn around. 46 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,431 Where's the key? 47 00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:02,532 I don't have them. You probably took them out with you. 48 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:06,703 Fuck. 49 00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,345 What are we going to do? 50 00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:16,248 - Hello. - Hello. 51 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:21,319 Hello? Anybody home? 52 00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,794 - I'm scared. - You're always scared, Peggy. 53 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,131 Looks like the house is all ours. 54 00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,296 Are you going to break and enter? 55 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:36,097 No, we're going to stand out here all night and catch our death of cold. 56 00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,471 Look what I found. 57 00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,585 Guess we're meant to go in. 58 00:04:58,064 --> 00:04:59,554 Charles? 59 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,661 - What? - Don't you think... 60 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:07,738 Think what? What? 61 00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:12,269 Don't you think that you should carry me over the threshold? 62 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,275 All right. 63 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,629 Welcome to the honeymoon suite. 64 00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:42,602 Look, there's a phone. Can I call AAA? 65 00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:46,600 Sure, if it works. I'll get the bags. 66 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,594 How did you know the line was dead? 67 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:05,789 Well, what'd you expect? Obviously no one's been living here. 68 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,267 - Come on. - Where? 69 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,598 We're gonna go exploring. 70 00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:27,012 It looks like nothing's been touched here for 20 years. 71 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,385 What now? 72 00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:36,360 Well, what's wrong? 73 00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:40,558 It's just a family portrait. 74 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,963 Probably someone's mother-in-law. 75 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:47,033 Get it? Mother-in-law. 76 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,604 Old battle-ax. Aunt Edith. 77 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,402 Was this put here for us? 78 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,808 - What, the axe? - No, the fire. 79 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,372 It looks like it's just been recently laid. 80 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,447 Yeah. Who cares? 81 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:08,618 I think fires are very romantic. Don't you? 82 00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:12,962 Yes, dear. Especially when they're lit. 83 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,227 - Take your clothes off. - What? 84 00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:21,396 Take off your wet clothes so they have a chance to dry. 85 00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:26,301 It's about time we saw each other naked, don't you think? 86 00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,875 After all, honey... 87 00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:34,851 - we are married now. - Yes, of course. 88 00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,579 Just let me get my bag. 89 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,886 All right. 90 00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,571 - Peggy, where are you? - Right here. 91 00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:33,475 Thank you. 92 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:46,689 I wish I had a drink. 93 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,154 Well, we have other things, you know. 94 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,555 - What? - Each other. 95 00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:56,997 Yeah, right, each other. 96 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:04,643 You're not really attracted to me, are you? 97 00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:10,010 What are you talking about? 98 00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:14,681 My aunt was right, wasn't she? 99 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,216 You did only marry me for my money. 100 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,228 Oh, honey. 101 00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:30,267 Hey now, don't be silly. 102 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,570 You know I love you. 103 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:41,940 Do you? 104 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,044 God, of course I do. 105 00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:50,812 And I want you, too. 106 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:53,286 You do? 107 00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:55,485 Yeah. 108 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:59,259 Remember how many times I tried to make love to you... 109 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,890 before we got married? 110 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:06,033 You were always the one that said no. 111 00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:09,570 That's because I wanted to keep myself perfect for this night. 112 00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:10,904 I know. 113 00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,638 No, you don't. 114 00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:16,014 You don't know how important it is for me... 115 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,947 to have this night be perfect. 116 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:22,581 - I know. It's important to me, too. - Do you mean that? 117 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,754 Yes, I do. 118 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,588 I do. 119 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,855 And I want you. 120 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,997 Honey, I want you. 121 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,269 I want you so much. 122 00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:48,371 Charles, please. Please. 123 00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:50,743 Please, Charles. Stop. 124 00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:54,276 - Stop it. Stop! - What? 125 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,854 I thought that's what you wanted. 126 00:10:57,289 --> 00:11:01,555 It is. I want it desperately, but not like this. 127 00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:06,293 What do you mean? What's wrong with this? This is perfect. 128 00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:09,698 There's a storm outside, a cheery fireplace inside. 129 00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:12,267 What's wrong? 130 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,705 In a bed, please. In a bed. 131 00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:21,969 All right, in a bed. If we can find one in here. 132 00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:23,977 Thank you. 133 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,010 Anything to please my wife. 134 00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:35,327 - This is just perfect. - Well, we can only try. 135 00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:42,324 What's with this clock ticking? 136 00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,931 It makes me feel safe. The sound. 137 00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:51,804 Jesus. 138 00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:07,853 - Peggy? - In here, Charles. 139 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,494 Isn't this so beautiful? 140 00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:22,035 Yeah, beautiful. 141 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,834 Look. This is so weird. 142 00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:28,240 The bed looks like it's just been made. 143 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,776 Look at all these candles. 144 00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:36,512 That even makes it more romantic. You light them and I'll go get changed. 145 00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,389 All right. 146 00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,641 This is perfect, isn't it? 147 00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:01,406 Absolutely, my darling. 148 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,316 Yeah, right. 149 00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:08,576 The perfect honeymoon... 150 00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:14,191 starting the perfect marriage... 151 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:23,730 with the perfect wife. 152 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,671 Are you in bed yet? 153 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,747 Yes, I'm in bed, honey. 154 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:13,451 You know, I'd do anything for you. 155 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,315 And I'd do anything for you, too. 156 00:14:19,391 --> 00:14:21,450 And your bank account. 157 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,129 This is anything. 158 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,604 I hope you like it. 159 00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:40,478 - Peggy? - Yes. 160 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,052 You do like it, don't you? 161 00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,278 Like it? I love it. 162 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,320 Good. 163 00:14:55,461 --> 00:15:00,160 Because I want this to be as perfect for you... 164 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,091 as it is for me. 165 00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:09,365 It is going to be perfect, isn't it? 166 00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:13,977 As perfect as I can make it. 167 00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:19,841 And, baby... 168 00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:24,714 I can make it perfect. 169 00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:59,615 You really are a virgin. 170 00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:01,554 Yes. 171 00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:03,725 Good. 172 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,434 We made a child. 173 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,239 I know we did. 174 00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,534 And she's only... 175 00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:04,939 this big. 176 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,348 It was perfect. 177 00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:17,919 As perfect as it will ever get. 178 00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:52,590 Peggy? 179 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,972 What the hell? 180 00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:16,886 Looks like somebody needs a little cooling off. 181 00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:20,181 - Let's do it inside. - Yeah. 182 00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:33,227 There you go, my lady, carried across the threshold. 183 00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:34,897 You're wonderful. 184 00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:38,867 I want you. I want you right now. 185 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,945 I want you, too. 186 00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:43,340 Let's go. 187 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,913 No. I don't want to do it in a bed. 188 00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,285 I want to do it somewhere special. 189 00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,352 Somewhere perfect. 190 00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,700 Get it off. Get it hard. 191 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,287 We're gonna make this one really special. 192 00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:29,458 No. We're gonna make this one really perfect. 193 00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:03,988 It's perfect. Perfect. 194 00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:22,045 She never loved me, either. 195 00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:35,656 Why did she marry me? 196 00:21:37,996 --> 00:21:39,987 It doesn't matter. 197 00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:48,935 What matters is, the marriage certificate is real. 198 00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:50,907 She is mine. 199 00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:55,107 And every goddamn penny she's got in the world... 200 00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:56,943 is mine, too. 201 00:21:57,349 --> 00:22:00,807 Allen, our love is complete now. 202 00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:03,648 Perfectly complete. 203 00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:08,590 We made a baby girl... 204 00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:12,463 and she's only this big. 205 00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:17,165 And I believed her when she said she was a virgin. 206 00:22:22,808 --> 00:22:26,300 This is the way love should always remain, my dearest. 207 00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:29,511 Clean and sweet and passionate. 208 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,913 But it doesn't. Time sours it. 209 00:22:34,419 --> 00:22:36,353 The passion cools. 210 00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:40,856 But that's not going to happen to our passionate love, my dearest. 211 00:22:41,727 --> 00:22:43,854 I'm not going to let it happen. 212 00:22:45,630 --> 00:22:48,463 I'm going to keep it just exactly as it is. 213 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,700 Preserve it for always. 214 00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:54,636 I'm not going to let time spoil our love. 215 00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,707 Where's the ax? 216 00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:00,267 Wake up, darling. 217 00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:02,341 Wake up. 218 00:23:03,949 --> 00:23:06,281 Wake up! 219 00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:09,746 Good. Now go back to sleep. 220 00:23:10,789 --> 00:23:12,279 No! 221 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:28,872 It's not Peggy. They're both ghosts. 222 00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:33,868 - You see, Allen... - Allen? 223 00:23:34,112 --> 00:23:36,512 ...I told you I'd preserve our love. 224 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:39,710 Peggy's father was named Allen. 225 00:23:40,185 --> 00:23:42,847 He died before Peggy was born. 226 00:23:45,490 --> 00:23:48,982 Peggy's mother killed her husband in this house... 227 00:23:50,662 --> 00:23:52,289 on their wedding night. 228 00:23:53,031 --> 00:23:55,795 That was the night that Peggy was conceived. 229 00:24:01,706 --> 00:24:05,608 Don't you think Peggy would be a nice name for our little girl? 230 00:24:06,745 --> 00:24:09,839 Please. Please, God! 231 00:24:09,915 --> 00:24:12,179 Please, God! Please let me be dreaming. 232 00:24:17,823 --> 00:24:20,155 Easy. 233 00:24:21,226 --> 00:24:22,818 It was just a nightmare. 234 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:27,064 I guess it was a nightmare. 235 00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:31,098 - You need a towel. - Yes. 236 00:24:31,837 --> 00:24:33,566 What were you dreaming about? 237 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,301 It was about your parents. 238 00:24:37,843 --> 00:24:41,506 I dreamt that your mother killed your father on their wedding night. 239 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:43,679 That's weird. 240 00:24:43,882 --> 00:24:47,511 That's exactly what happened on the night I was conceived. 241 00:24:47,752 --> 00:24:48,844 What? 242 00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:52,522 And I want what my mother had. 243 00:24:53,592 --> 00:24:55,423 A perfect honeymoon. 244 00:24:56,294 --> 00:24:58,387 A perfect love... 245 00:24:59,231 --> 00:25:03,327 that I can make sure that time does not spoil. 246 00:25:03,568 --> 00:25:07,800 We don't have a perfect love. I married you for your money. I've never loved you. 247 00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:08,999 That's not true. 248 00:25:09,107 --> 00:25:11,667 Yes, it is. 249 00:25:12,978 --> 00:25:14,138 See? 250 00:25:15,046 --> 00:25:18,174 Now I brought this to kill you on our wedding night. 251 00:25:19,084 --> 00:25:22,076 I was going to blame it on a burglar and inherit your money. 252 00:25:22,153 --> 00:25:24,951 But you didn't shoot me because after we made love... 253 00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:27,719 you realized that our honeymoon was perfect... 254 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,351 - and that you love me. - No. 255 00:25:31,129 --> 00:25:34,030 I'll shoot you now. I swear to God I'll shoot you right now. 256 00:25:34,232 --> 00:25:36,257 You love me too much to kill me. 257 00:25:37,168 --> 00:25:38,430 You wanna bet? 258 00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,672 See? 259 00:25:45,076 --> 00:25:49,103 Our love is perfect. That's why I'm going to preserve it... 260 00:25:49,414 --> 00:25:52,508 - for always. - No! 261 00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,533 Sleep tight, Charles. 262 00:26:23,381 --> 00:26:24,905 Aunt Edith. 263 00:26:32,624 --> 00:26:36,116 - I'm so happy you came. - I'm so glad you called. 264 00:26:37,395 --> 00:26:40,626 - How was your wedding night? - It was wonderful. 265 00:26:41,132 --> 00:26:43,498 - I'm going to have a baby girl. - Really? 266 00:26:43,735 --> 00:26:46,602 - Yes and she's only this big. - That's lovely, dear. 267 00:26:49,107 --> 00:26:52,543 - You'll love her, won't you? - Well, of course I will. 268 00:26:53,244 --> 00:26:55,769 Just as I loved your mother, as I love you. 269 00:26:57,115 --> 00:27:00,243 Only no more men, understand? 270 00:27:00,719 --> 00:27:01,981 I promise. 271 00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:06,153 Besides, I don't need one anymore, now that I have my little girl. 272 00:27:08,426 --> 00:27:11,259 But she's gonna need one, someday. 273 00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:14,929 Of course she will, dear. 274 00:27:16,334 --> 00:27:17,665 Of course she will. 275 00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:31,838 Talk about family traditions. 276 00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:35,180 All you bouncing bachelors out there... 277 00:27:35,253 --> 00:27:36,880 a word of warning: 278 00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:41,253 Before you take that matrimonial plunge... 279 00:27:41,559 --> 00:27:43,993 check out the bride's background. 280 00:27:45,263 --> 00:27:47,595 Open her closet door... 281 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:51,693 and see if any family secrets fall out. 282 00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:57,066 Beware of skeletons, unless they're yours truly. 283 00:28:33,778 --> 00:28:34,767 English 19983

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