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1
00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:21,346
Good evening, fiend fans...
2
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:24,087
and welcome to my crawly crypt.
3
00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:26,152
This little drama...
4
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:29,457
is about
one of life's unexpected pleasures:
5
00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,590
Dying, that is.
6
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Most of us only get to do it once...
7
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:40,165
and it's all over
before you can really enjoy it.
8
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:44,775
But one man did get to die again.
9
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:50,011
And he liked it so much
he started doing it for a living.
10
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:56,880
This is the story of Ulric the Undying...
11
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,024
a sideshow performer...
12
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:03,290
who found death not only fun,
but profitable.
13
00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:07,763
In fact, he is dying
to put on a show for you...
14
00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:10,735
right now.
15
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,657
Come, gather round.
Come from far, come from near.
16
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,921
Gather round, folks, right over here.
17
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:11,964
Come see the show.
100% natural, nothing artificial...
18
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:15,159
guaranteed no pesticides,
but perhaps a homicide.
19
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:18,133
Tonight, a special show,
two shows in one.
20
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:21,905
The tragedy of death
and the miracle of resurrection!
21
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:28,513
Tonight, this man,
our very own Ulric the Undying...
22
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,606
will be sealed into a coffin...
23
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:34,710
and buried in a grave six feet under
to await his inevitable expiration...
24
00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,846
by the grasp of suffocation.
25
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:40,222
I call your attention to the clock,
which hangs above his grave.
26
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,285
Ulric will be buried alive
at precisely the stroke of midnight.
27
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,729
But we're not gonna let him out
until noon tomorrow...
28
00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:48,961
at which time his precious oxygen
will have been exhausted.
29
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,831
Folks, this is an escape...
30
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,100
that Houdini himself
couldn't have gotten out of.
31
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,234
I give to you Ulric the Undying!
32
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,044
Ulric!
33
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:36,473
When they dig me up, I'll be dead.
34
00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:40,418
Just like all those bastards want me to be.
35
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,379
But I won't stay that way.
36
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:48,786
I remember the day it all began.
37
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Who are you?
38
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:06,244
How would you like to be rich?
39
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,105
Get out.
40
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:12,948
Richer than you ever thought possible.
Richer than you ever dreamed of.
41
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:19,753
This money, my life's savings,
will be yours...
42
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,887
if you consent to a small experiment.
43
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,901
Yes, my friend. Come.
44
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:36,899
Wait a minute. What is it?
45
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This, you'll pardon the term, is a CAT scan.
46
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:48,844
It shows the blood flow into the brain
of a healthy house cat.
47
00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:52,650
This shows the brain of a cat near death.
48
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:54,852
Now, what's your point, Doc?
49
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:58,363
My point is that this cat didn't die,
not permanently.
50
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:01,294
An hour later, he was healthy as a kitten.
51
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:05,463
And the same thing happened
again and again until the ninth time...
52
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,665
when he finally stayed dead.
53
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,333
Different cat?
54
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,905
- What's all this got to do with me?
- Well, I...
55
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:19,577
I want to give you those nine lives,
the next best... Don't touch!
56
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:24,083
The next best thing to being immortal.
It's a simple matter, really.
57
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,990
Removing a gland from a common cat...
58
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,722
and surgically grafting it into your brain.
59
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Wait. Into my brain?
60
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:38,669
So I can die nine times.
Now you're making sense, Doc!
61
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:39,796
Precisely.
62
00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:42,602
And this is where you're going to do it?
63
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:45,172
I'm going to get your gland.
64
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,112
And these are the tools of the profession.
65
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Wait a minute.
66
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,546
If this don't work...
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00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,645
If it doesn't work,
you'll have no complaints.
68
00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,858
Holy Christ!
69
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:04,829
I've had hangovers before,
but this is terrible.
70
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,496
My head.
71
00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:10,326
Wait a minute, Doc. You didn't say
you were gonna shave my head.
72
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:13,395
- How do you feel?
- Shitty.
73
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:15,401
Doc, did it work?
74
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:19,176
Absolutely. Fabulous. Fantastic.
75
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:22,812
You now have the nine lives
of this poor cat.
76
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:26,885
Wait a minute.
77
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How do I know I've got nine lives?
78
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,160
- This ought to kill you.
- No, Doc!
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00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,577
There's no doubt about it.
80
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:03,912
No!
81
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,322
Welcome back to life, friend.
82
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:10,456
You bastard. You tried to kill me!
83
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,988
I didn't try to kill you, I did kill you.
84
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,635
Deader than Kelsey's nuts.
85
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:19,637
You can still die eight more times.
86
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:21,866
All right, if that's true...
87
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when do I get my money?
88
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As I promised, right now.
89
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:31,713
But before you stagger
into the nearest bar...
90
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,945
to slurp down your money...
91
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,551
how would you like to make
hundred times more?
92
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,614
A thousand times?
93
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:43,923
- No! What else do you want to do to me?
- Nothing, dear boy.
94
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:46,362
I just thought
perhaps your special talent...
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00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:48,366
could make us both lot of money.
96
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:52,131
Enough to finance
my years of my longevity research...
97
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:55,406
and enough, of course,
to buy you an ocean of alcohol.
98
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,772
What have I got to do?
99
00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:00,210
First thing, you shave,
and try not to cut your own throat.
100
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:04,010
Those extra lives
are too valuable to waste.
101
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:12,320
Why not? Lt'd be worth millions.
102
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:17,119
No, I'm not interested.
I've seen escape acts.
103
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The only thing that disappears
is the audience.
104
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,233
But Ulric the Undying is different.
105
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,929
You see, he doesn't escape,
he actually dies right before your eyes.
106
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:28,906
That's why we can only schedule
a limited number of performances.
107
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:30,738
- He dies?
- Yes.
108
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,275
Okay, Strangelove, I'll give it a shot.
109
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,178
I hope it works. I can use the money.
110
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My freaks need a new shoe.
111
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Gather round, gather round...
112
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as Ulric the Undying
defies the drowning chamber...
113
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a watery nightmare
from which there is no escape.
114
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:55,260
Three minutes is enough
to kill any mere mortal...
115
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,667
but Ulric will remain underwater
for a full hour...
116
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:01,571
as verified
by the eminent Dr. Manfred Mann.
117
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:04,405
- Dr. Emil Manfred.
- Whatever you say, Doc.
118
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:06,672
Ulric, are you ready?
119
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,806
- Are you ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.
120
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,509
Okay, boys. Fill her up.
121
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,253
Ladies and gentlemen,
as the water engulfs Ulric...
122
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,382
I beg you to control your emotions.
123
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:21,483
Make no move to save him!
124
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:27,122
You want to have dinner with me later?
125
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:30,134
...he was a child prodigy
who spent his early years...
126
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Dinner.
127
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:36,969
...I'll be lying.
128
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:39,978
Dinner with me later? Dinner? Eat?
129
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,649
You want to eat with me later?
130
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:48,786
After you're dead? I'll wait here, okay?
131
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,373
Speed it up.
132
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:13,836
That's it.
133
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,813
He's deader than a possum
on the Interstate.
134
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:17,371
He's deader than shit!
135
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:21,784
Don't worry, folks, we're gonna
still keep him in there for a full hour!
136
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,618
May I have the official clock?
137
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:33,526
He's dead. He is officially dead.
138
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,535
Thank you, Dr. Manfred.
139
00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:43,269
Drain the tank. This may seem
like Ulric's last performance.
140
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,875
But don't go away yet, folks.
141
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:48,209
For Ulric is a man
who lives only to die again.
142
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,078
I give you resurrection.
143
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:55,547
Resurrection!
144
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,818
- Is he gonna come back for dinner?
- Of course.
145
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:01,860
Resurrection! Doc?
146
00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:05,294
- Resurrect! Resurrection!
- You better come back!
147
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,295
Come back.
148
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:08,993
Folks, don't go away. Doc!
149
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,195
Doc, you get in trouble
in some states for this.
150
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:12,828
- Resurrection!
- Resurrection!
151
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,767
- Folks, don't go away.
- Resurrection!
152
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,173
I'd be happy to give you a rain check.
153
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:20,235
Resurrection!
154
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:23,213
Shut the fuck up. Folks, listen to me.
155
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,752
What the hell happened in there?
156
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,619
How could you let him do it?
It's your fault he's dead.
157
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:35,155
It's his fault I'm rich!
158
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:39,728
- What's your name, honey?
- Coralee.
159
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:43,162
How would you like to have
some Italian food? I'm buying.
160
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:44,259
Good.
161
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:46,827
- Doc, get me a towel.
- He's alive!
162
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,606
I'm resurrected!
163
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,148
Resurrection! He's alive!
164
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,379
Gather round!
165
00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:04,178
Just think, Doc.
166
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:07,885
$10,000 just to let them watch me drown
on the 10:00 news.
167
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:12,488
Don't forget, Ulric, that 60% goes
to continue my longevity research.
168
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,128
Doc, relax. We got a partnership...
169
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,192
and I got a date.
170
00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:18,427
Hi.
171
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:26,267
That's one thing I'll say
for old Doc Manfred.
172
00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,507
He wasted no time getting me killed again.
173
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,185
Gather round, gather round
for a little frontier justice...
174
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,813
as our own Ulric the Undying
is gonna have a little necktie party...
175
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:39,119
as he gets his neck stretched
before our very eyes.
176
00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,715
Seems like a nice day to die.
177
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:43,324
I became a sensation.
178
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:49,030
Crowds would gather from miles aroundjust to see me bite the big one.
179
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:52,363
Hey, how is it going?
Nice to come back. Seen you last time.
180
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:58,199
Ladies, gentlemen, Texans,
and other faint-hearted...
181
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,744
may want to turn your eyes away...
182
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,746
from this horrible example
of what happens...
183
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:05,181
when you do the dirty
in the dirty town of Dastardly.
184
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,952
- Pull the lever. Pull it.
- I said I don't wanna do it.
185
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:09,180
Coralee, pull the lever.
186
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,347
- You do it.
- Pull it.
187
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:13,789
There's not much riding upstairs,
but downstairs is what counts.
188
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,919
- Coralee, pull the lever.
- I don't wanna do it.
189
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,862
He's dead!
190
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:40,547
He's alive.
191
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:44,055
Coralee, the rope. Grab the rope.
I don't want to waste a life.
192
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,359
There's an awful lot of money
in dying, isn't there?
193
00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:53,193
- As long as I get my percentage.
- Doc, no problem.
194
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,233
After all, you're the guy
counting the money.
195
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,996
All I want is my share.
196
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,434
- Hi, baby.
- Hi, baby.
197
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,404
Doc, thanks a million.
198
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,900
I want to see Mr. Friendly.
199
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:08,846
I figured it was time to boost my profits.
200
00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:12,046
So I waited just for the right moment.
201
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,485
Think what a strange machine
the human body is, Ulric.
202
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:19,854
Yeah, how about that.
203
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:23,725
You can kill a man by destroying
less than 1% of his body.
204
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:27,959
- He can be 99% healthy, and dead.
- Amazing, isn't it?
205
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,763
Every human body
is like a walking chemistry set.
206
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:34,272
If anything happens
to upset that delicate balance...
207
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,867
Death.
208
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:38,808
That's why you're so amazing, Ulric.
209
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,475
Because your body fixes itself.
210
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,482
And it is going to make us both
a lot of money.
211
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:48,350
Doc, you're half right about that.
See, it's going to make me a lot of money.
212
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,479
See, I gotta breach that contract, Doc.
213
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,717
You're about to die
in a terrible car accident.
214
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:56,825
What are you talking about?
That's murder.
215
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,329
Yes, but who's gonna suspect me?
216
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,024
I mean, after all, I'll die with you.
217
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,226
But I got six lives.
218
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:05,668
- How many lives do you have?
- Wait! Slow down!
219
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,341
No hard feelings, Doc.
220
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,069
Gather round, gather round.
Tonight, a special delight.
221
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,409
This is no hoax, folks.
222
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,849
In a few minutes, our own Ulric,
the man who lives to die...
223
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,444
will be quick-fried
with a burst of electrical energy.
224
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:26,924
And one of you lucky folks
is gonna be the one to pull the switch.
225
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:30,189
Coralee, will you draw the lucky number?
226
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,688
And the lucky number is...
227
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,827
- five, two...
- That's a one, doll.
228
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:37,368
- It's a five. Five...
- That's a one.
229
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:41,964
10590!
230
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,773
That's me!
231
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,610
Come up here and claim your prize.
232
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,377
Congratulations,
you get to fry my boyfriend!
233
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,578
- Ulric, do you have any last words?
- Yes, I do.
234
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,722
I'd like to dedicate this death...
235
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:02,824
to the memory of Dr. Emil Manfred,
my dear friend...
236
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:06,292
who would have wanted me to continue...
237
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:07,957
Shut up and cook him!
238
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:14,005
- Are you ready?
- You bet your ass I'm ready.
239
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,400
I'm ready to die.
240
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:21,244
- Then nuke him.
- Go for it, Grandma.
241
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,388
Shocking, isn't it?
242
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,591
Go for the burn.
243
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:50,802
Looks like that's the end of old Ulric.
244
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,604
Shake and bake.
245
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,214
Resurrection!
246
00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:00,649
Or are you going to make a liar out of me?
247
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,152
Resurrection!
248
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,620
Okay, Ulric.
249
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:08,553
Resurrection!
250
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:11,061
Just a gag, folks. He's a kidder.
Come on, Ulric.
251
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,860
- Resurrection!
- Resurrection!
252
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:16,932
Grandma killed my boyfriend!
253
00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,969
He's going for a new world record.
254
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,809
That's one thing I hadn't figured.
255
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:28,873
Some resurrections
take longer than others.
256
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:35,218
Appreciate your business.
257
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:37,346
All right, now, first we drain the...
258
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,456
- Please, I'm trying to...
- No!
259
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:42,118
Come on, what is it?
260
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:46,653
No, you can't embalm him.
He's not really dead.
261
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:47,824
You could've fooled me.
262
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,596
Now, please excuse me,
I have a very tight schedule.
263
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:53,732
Welcome back.
264
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:59,105
- Coralee, baby, what was our take?
- $50,634.
265
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:01,643
First time for money worth dying for.
266
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,648
- I missed you while I was dead. Miss me?
- I missed you.
267
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:07,281
That one.
268
00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:09,586
That one was too close for comfort.
269
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:12,954
I mean, if this guy embalms me,
I don't know if I can come back.
270
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,253
And even if I can...
271
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:18,860
So the next time,
I made special arrangements.
272
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:22,295
Coralee was gonna get my body,
no matter what.
273
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:24,494
Gather round!
274
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:27,539
Shoot it down!
Lay the bear on the ground!
275
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,302
Now, for your pleasure,
for a limited time only...
276
00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:34,903
is a chance to kill a real, live human being.
277
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,213
Come on, I'm dying to die!
Come on, hit me.
278
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:40,447
In the heart!
279
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:43,049
Give him a heart-on as it will.
280
00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:46,814
Yes, come on up here. A man of the sea.
281
00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,292
Come on up here, son.
Come on up here, Admiral.
282
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:52,853
Come on, Navy, let's go.
Show that bimbo what you've got.
283
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,626
That will be $1,000, please.
284
00:18:56,768 --> 00:19:00,067
Come on. What's $1,000
when you get to kill a real human being?
285
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,868
Come on. What are you, afraid?
286
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:02,998
Yes?
287
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:06,034
No? Well, then, anchors away, Popeye.
Okay, move away.
288
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:09,080
Come on, let's go. Who'll be next?
Come on, what an opportunity.
289
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,945
Here's a macho man.
290
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,016
Been pumping iron, I see.
291
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,985
Yes, we do take credit cards.
292
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:16,884
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
293
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:20,088
Okay, step on up there, son.
Time is money.
294
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,217
Come on, Bonzo!
295
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,261
Don't play to the crowd, play to the bear.
296
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,762
The one you're trying to kill.
He's dying to die!
297
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,321
Come on, asshole.
298
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,663
Waiting to get that heart shot, huh?
299
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:32,532
Get the bear. One shot, you have here.
300
00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,936
Come on, boy. You can do it. I know...
301
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,407
- The bear's over there.
- I'm getting out of here.
302
00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:39,171
He's going to kill us all!
303
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:41,735
Are you ready? Aim, fire!
304
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:48,109
So near and yet so far.
As the French say, "C'est tough shit."
305
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:51,816
Who's next? Come on!
Fun for the whole family!
306
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,585
Junior's gonna give it a try.
307
00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:55,559
A father-and-son team!
308
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,456
Come on, I know you can do it.
309
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,226
- $1,000, please.
- Well worth it for my son.
310
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,598
Come on... Junior, don't be a sissy now.
311
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:06,160
- I don't want to.
- Listen to your father, son.
312
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:09,036
Come on, I'm gonna get you
a junior membership in the NRA.
313
00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:12,440
Some kids kill rabbits, you can kill people.
Put your hand up.
314
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:15,639
- I don't want to kill anybody.
- I've been killing people for years.
315
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,114
- Now it's your turn. You can line it up.
- No.
316
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,616
Steady. Now!
317
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:26,115
- You did that on purpose.
- I didn't do it, Dad.
318
00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,455
I didn't mean to hit him in the balls.
319
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:29,959
You little fat fucker.
320
00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:31,586
All right, who'll be next? Come on!
321
00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:33,756
A personal check?
Yes, we take personal checks.
322
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:36,528
I'll need two pieces of identification.
323
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:38,525
Look at this!
324
00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:41,704
"State Fair Archery Champion, 1987!"
325
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,235
If anyone can hit him, I guess he can.
326
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,610
Go get him, sir. And good luck to you.
327
00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:16,130
Sweet dreams, Ulric.
328
00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:22,844
He's dead!
329
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,978
So what do I win?
330
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,852
The lovely Coralee.
331
00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:36,490
- Congratulations, sir.
- Awesome.
332
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:45,470
I need someone
to help me move the body.
333
00:21:45,537 --> 00:21:47,630
I'm sorry, but you can't move him.
334
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:51,242
I have a special arrangement
with the deceased.
335
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,141
Doesn't make any difference.
336
00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:57,871
He told me to give you this
if there was any objection.
337
00:21:59,751 --> 00:22:03,152
Holy shit. This is more money
than I make in a year.
338
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:04,381
You're welcome.
339
00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:06,947
- Can I help you move the body?
- Yeah.
340
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,990
You made the front page.
341
00:22:13,231 --> 00:22:14,562
Shitty picture.
342
00:22:14,633 --> 00:22:16,260
How're you feeling, honey?
343
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,530
Baby, this dying shit
is taking years off my life.
344
00:22:18,603 --> 00:22:20,127
Oh, my poor baby.
345
00:22:20,205 --> 00:22:22,196
- I'll get it.
- Who is it?
346
00:22:23,775 --> 00:22:27,267
Gather round. Here we go.
80% of the box office take...
347
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,338
payola from HBO,
and some side-bet money, too.
348
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,775
You know, Ulric baby,
on a more personal note...
349
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:35,649
I want you to sincerely know how...
350
00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:39,785
$60,000.
351
00:22:40,792 --> 00:22:43,056
Remember, me carny es su carny.
352
00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:46,029
- $60,000. Coralee, baby?
- Yeah?
353
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:48,791
What do you say we take a vacation?
354
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:50,858
Go to Vegas, catch Wayne Newton's act...
355
00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:53,996
hop over to the Bahamas,
then we'll skip over to Paris.
356
00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:57,269
Did I tell you?
Polanski wants to film my life story.
357
00:22:58,110 --> 00:22:59,839
- All of them.
- Yeah?
358
00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,811
That sounds wonderful.
359
00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:06,415
But I have an even better idea.
360
00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:08,316
I'll go on vacation...
361
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,251
and you...
362
00:23:12,424 --> 00:23:14,415
can stay here!
363
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,231
Sorry.
364
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:30,975
I gotta go now.
365
00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:34,369
No hard feelings for that, okay,
'cause I'm...
366
00:23:34,446 --> 00:23:37,609
Just, you know, enjoy the rest of your...
367
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:40,813
Bye, Mr. Friendly. The rest of your lives.
368
00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:43,377
Look out, Vanna.
369
00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:52,890
That bitch double-crossed me.
370
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:57,596
She killed me
and took the money that I died for.
371
00:23:58,036 --> 00:24:00,436
Well, I still have one life left.
372
00:24:00,972 --> 00:24:03,839
And this life is going to pay me plenty.
373
00:24:04,309 --> 00:24:05,799
You want what?
374
00:24:06,311 --> 00:24:09,280
I want everything, all of the profits, 100%.
375
00:24:09,347 --> 00:24:11,645
But that'll leave me
with practically nothing.
376
00:24:11,716 --> 00:24:13,240
Look, asshole, don't you remember...
377
00:24:13,318 --> 00:24:15,650
what a shithouse this place was
before I showed up?
378
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:20,157
Besides, think what the audience will do
when their star attraction pulls a no-show.
379
00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:22,716
- That's blackmail.
- That's right.
380
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,890
- All right.
- All right, what?
381
00:24:27,732 --> 00:24:29,393
All right, 100%.
382
00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:34,564
Man, I don't know
how you can live with yourself.
383
00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,168
I don't.
384
00:24:41,346 --> 00:24:42,973
That sucker.
385
00:24:43,348 --> 00:24:47,148
If I wanted, I could have got his sharefrom those corndog concessions.
386
00:24:50,121 --> 00:24:53,648
By the old clock on my wrist,
it seems that its hour has approached.
387
00:24:53,725 --> 00:24:57,126
Come on, boys. The time has come.
Lower him down.
388
00:24:57,462 --> 00:24:59,453
Here we go. And it's lowered.
389
00:24:59,531 --> 00:25:02,091
When you get to hell, don't forget to write.
390
00:25:02,801 --> 00:25:04,928
Here's mud in your eye.
391
00:25:05,871 --> 00:25:08,499
Although I do feela little bad about the Doc.
392
00:25:08,907 --> 00:25:10,568
But what the hey!
393
00:25:10,642 --> 00:25:12,109
I'm already set for life.
394
00:25:12,978 --> 00:25:15,469
And all because of that poor little kitty.
395
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:19,249
Poor dead little kitty.
396
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,248
Too bad he had to die.
397
00:25:24,723 --> 00:25:26,213
Wait a minute.
398
00:25:27,058 --> 00:25:29,754
That cat, it died.
399
00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:33,257
If it already died once...
400
00:25:35,834 --> 00:25:37,392
it only had eight lives left.
401
00:25:39,604 --> 00:25:41,003
Oh, my God!
402
00:25:42,807 --> 00:25:44,035
I don't have nine lives.
403
00:25:45,076 --> 00:25:47,306
Hey, somebody!
404
00:25:48,146 --> 00:25:51,638
Well, he ought to be
about out of air by now.
405
00:25:52,117 --> 00:25:54,950
Are you kidding? Grow up. It's all a fake.
406
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,985
- Yeah, you think so?
- Of course.
407
00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,784
They won't let someone really die.
408
00:25:58,857 --> 00:26:02,486
Somebody wait. I don't have nine lives.
409
00:26:09,834 --> 00:26:13,770
- Did you hear something, Al?
- No, probably just a cat.
410
00:26:14,606 --> 00:26:17,404
Yeah, right. Just a cat.
411
00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:27,082
Somebody, I don't have nine lives.
412
00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:31,420
Somebody, let me out!
413
00:26:47,005 --> 00:26:51,533
There, there. Nice kitty.
414
00:26:52,544 --> 00:26:53,636
Get!
415
00:26:58,283 --> 00:27:03,220
Hope you enjoyed
our little bedtime story, kids.
416
00:27:05,557 --> 00:27:09,994
Alas, poor Ulric, missed a bet.
417
00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:15,429
Though Dying for Dollars
could have been a popular game show.
418
00:27:16,134 --> 00:27:20,298
They could have put it in
between Wheel of Misfortune...
419
00:27:20,772 --> 00:27:22,933
and the Newly Dead game.
420
00:27:25,577 --> 00:27:28,307
Unless they buried it
in the wrong time slot.
421
00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:02,804
English
32092
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