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1
00:00:02,559 --> 00:00:04,359
Morning.
2
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:05,912
[TOASTER DINGS]
3
00:00:06,083 --> 00:00:08,077
Oh, who'd call us at this hour?
4
00:00:08,245 --> 00:00:11,925
Oh, we have to send our magic in
for its 25-year overhaul.
5
00:00:12,089 --> 00:00:13,206
Consumer Reports says
6
00:00:13,371 --> 00:00:15,251
be careful where
you tune up your magic.
7
00:00:15,413 --> 00:00:16,974
You could get ripped off.
8
00:00:17,135 --> 00:00:18,935
Well, it's gonna
take me a couple of weeks
9
00:00:19,097 --> 00:00:20,373
to clear off my magic to-do list.
10
00:00:20,539 --> 00:00:22,817
When do we have to send it in?
11
00:00:23,142 --> 00:00:24,179
Today.
12
00:00:24,343 --> 00:00:27,464
Hilda, is it possible
13
00:00:27,627 --> 00:00:31,545
that you forgot to mention
a previous warning?
14
00:00:31,751 --> 00:00:33,426
- Or three.
- Three?
15
00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:38,634
Zellie, you wouldn't hurt
an unarmed girl, would you?
16
00:00:42,683 --> 00:00:43,755
So how about that weather?
17
00:00:43,925 --> 00:00:45,964
Is it seasonal, or what?
18
00:00:46,127 --> 00:00:47,688
Morning.
19
00:00:47,849 --> 00:00:49,843
Well, Sabrina,
thanks to the incompetence
20
00:00:50,011 --> 00:00:53,213
of your Aunt Hilda, the two of us
are going to be without magic
21
00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:54,731
for a couple of days.
22
00:00:54,897 --> 00:00:56,970
Wow, that sort of makes me
the most powerful woman
23
00:00:57,139 --> 00:00:59,020
- in the household.
- In a way.
24
00:00:59,182 --> 00:01:02,782
What would the most powerful woman
in the household have for breakfast?
25
00:01:02,986 --> 00:01:04,422
I know, ice cream.
26
00:01:05,829 --> 00:01:08,222
Long live the teen.
27
00:01:24,730 --> 00:01:27,248
Tonight's show will bowl you over.
28
00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:37,220
Why do we have to look
for the Family Secret Board now?
29
00:01:37,424 --> 00:01:40,580
Because Sabrina's at school,
and I wanna surprise her with it.
30
00:01:40,748 --> 00:01:41,739
Oh, yeah.
31
00:01:41,909 --> 00:01:44,302
I can't wait to see the look of
indifference on her face. Oh!
32
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:45,908
SALEM:
Didn't you get the memo?
33
00:01:46,074 --> 00:01:47,510
This is my fort.
34
00:01:47,676 --> 00:01:49,191
Salem, what are you doing here?
35
00:01:49,358 --> 00:01:50,873
Looking for something to play with.
36
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,270
All my toys have developed
37
00:01:52,441 --> 00:01:54,720
an unfortunate patina of spit.
38
00:01:54,884 --> 00:01:56,525
Have you seen
the Family Secret Board?
39
00:01:56,686 --> 00:01:59,204
No, but it might help
if I knew what it was.
40
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,690
It's an ancient heirloom.
41
00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:03,733
Sabrina will use it to display
the clues to the family secret,
42
00:02:03,934 --> 00:02:05,529
so she can decipher them
and solve it.
43
00:02:05,696 --> 00:02:07,212
- There.
- See it?
44
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:09,941
No, but I believe that's an old
shoe I haven't had my way with.
45
00:02:10,101 --> 00:02:13,940
- Wait. I think I found something.
- In the rodent family? Please, God.
46
00:02:14,145 --> 00:02:16,663
One priceless antique.
47
00:02:16,828 --> 00:02:18,549
Oh, wonderful.
48
00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:20,665
And three pirates.
49
00:02:20,953 --> 00:02:22,594
Uh-oh.
50
00:02:23,356 --> 00:02:26,910
Hilda, you were supposed to
free these men a hundred years ago.
51
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,757
I blame the McKinley
administration. Sorry.
52
00:02:29,923 --> 00:02:30,960
- Oh.
- That's okay.
53
00:02:31,164 --> 00:02:34,366
Well, the Witches' Council
isn't going to be happy about this.
54
00:02:34,568 --> 00:02:36,961
Housing prisoners is a sacred duty.
55
00:02:37,131 --> 00:02:39,569
Almost as sacred as letting them go.
56
00:02:39,734 --> 00:02:42,650
Excuse me.
May we have some water?
57
00:02:42,817 --> 00:02:44,891
And maybe some oxygen?
58
00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,097
Oh, yeah.
59
00:02:46,261 --> 00:02:47,412
ZELDA:
Yes, of course.
60
00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:49,577
[PIRATES GRUNTING, MUTTERING]
61
00:02:51,066 --> 00:02:53,026
And maybe a bath.
62
00:02:53,229 --> 00:02:57,147
SALEM:
Oh-ho. Ho-ho-ho.
63
00:02:57,313 --> 00:02:58,385
Tassels.
64
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,750
Oh, y-- Oh, y-- Oh, yes!
65
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,398
Hey, where'd Hilda and Zelda go?
66
00:03:05,563 --> 00:03:07,636
Oh, well. Tassels.
67
00:03:07,925 --> 00:03:09,920
Guys, the new club on Grover
68
00:03:10,128 --> 00:03:11,928
is opening tonight,
and we have to go.
69
00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:13,890
I can't. I've gotta go to the library.
70
00:03:14,052 --> 00:03:15,886
I promised my mom
I'd research car seats
71
00:03:16,054 --> 00:03:17,456
to find the safest kind.
72
00:03:17,616 --> 00:03:20,214
Apparently, the ones they used
for us were death-traps.
73
00:03:20,379 --> 00:03:21,416
See you later.
74
00:03:21,581 --> 00:03:23,939
We have to go to this club.
It's an over-18 club.
75
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,905
That means people there are driving,
getting ready to go to college
76
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,981
and maybe even have
part-time jobs.
77
00:03:29,149 --> 00:03:34,708
- Valerie, you just described us.
- Yeah, but they're all over 18.
78
00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:38,190
Oh, don't you tickle me,
you little stringy thingy,
79
00:03:38,359 --> 00:03:40,193
because I'm the boss, and I-- No!
80
00:03:40,361 --> 00:03:41,592
[CLATTERING]
81
00:03:41,803 --> 00:03:44,196
The Family Secret Board.
82
00:03:44,366 --> 00:03:48,046
Well, needless to say,
Uh-oh. "SpaghettiOs."
83
00:03:49,171 --> 00:03:51,211
So, what did
the Witches' Council say?
84
00:03:51,414 --> 00:03:53,408
[PIRATES GRUNTING]
85
00:03:54,577 --> 00:03:58,417
"Since their release is so--"
And "so" is underlined.
86
00:03:58,582 --> 00:04:00,894
"--overdue,"
we have to rehabilitate them
87
00:04:01,065 --> 00:04:02,865
before the council
will restore their magic
88
00:04:03,027 --> 00:04:04,986
and return them
to polite witch society.
89
00:04:05,189 --> 00:04:06,591
Well, that shouldn't be so hard.
90
00:04:06,751 --> 00:04:08,631
They seem to respond well to food.
91
00:04:10,515 --> 00:04:12,908
Sit. See?
92
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,069
[MUTTERING]
93
00:04:16,402 --> 00:04:19,398
You know, I've said this a lot
over the last few hundred years,
94
00:04:19,565 --> 00:04:21,160
but I'm going to say it again-- Oh.
95
00:04:22,528 --> 00:04:25,252
This is all your fault.
96
00:04:25,412 --> 00:04:28,328
I can't pick a diaper service.
It's too hard.
97
00:04:28,495 --> 00:04:31,617
You said the same thing when your
parents asked you to do their taxes.
98
00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:33,932
I found out the club has
a great band playing tonight.
99
00:04:34,101 --> 00:04:35,856
Listen, Valerie, I'm not in the mood,
100
00:04:36,024 --> 00:04:37,618
Harvey's busy, we're not 18.
101
00:04:37,826 --> 00:04:40,184
- It's 'N Sync.
- And that changes everything.
102
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:42,343
[VALERIE GIGGLING]
103
00:04:43,472 --> 00:04:44,748
"Tidy Diaper"?
104
00:04:44,913 --> 00:04:46,554
"Dr. Doodie"?
105
00:04:46,715 --> 00:04:49,313
Why couldn't my parents
just get a dog?
106
00:04:49,559 --> 00:04:51,314
"Heirloom: A family item
107
00:04:51,521 --> 00:04:53,321
passed from
one generation to the next.
108
00:04:53,523 --> 00:04:55,198
Usually irreplaceable."
109
00:04:55,365 --> 00:04:57,120
Shoot.
110
00:04:57,327 --> 00:04:59,207
I guess I gotta fix that board,
111
00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:02,605
or find a more forgiving dictionary.
112
00:05:02,773 --> 00:05:04,972
Let's try it again.
113
00:05:05,136 --> 00:05:07,973
Walk through the living room
like gentlemen.
114
00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:10,374
[MUTTERING]
115
00:05:10,862 --> 00:05:12,344
[ALL SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
116
00:05:13,585 --> 00:05:15,146
Whoo-hoo!
117
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:20,470
- Big improvement.
- Yes, much better than last time,
118
00:05:20,633 --> 00:05:22,753
when you got liquored up
and set the couch on fire.
119
00:05:22,916 --> 00:05:24,033
[PIRATES CHEERING]
120
00:05:24,197 --> 00:05:25,314
Hi. I've gotta hurry.
121
00:05:25,479 --> 00:05:27,552
I've gotta wait in line
to see a cool band.
122
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,436
The club's on Grover, the Mineshaft.
123
00:05:29,603 --> 00:05:31,996
Valerie'll be there.
I'll be home by curfew.
124
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,157
Love you both.
125
00:05:34,809 --> 00:05:36,928
Why are there pirates
in the living room?
126
00:05:37,092 --> 00:05:38,652
- Hello.
- Ha-ha-ha.
127
00:05:43,899 --> 00:05:45,016
What we're doing is not bad.
128
00:05:45,181 --> 00:05:47,779
No. It's not close to bad.
It's...not bad.
129
00:05:47,944 --> 00:05:49,699
- We're practically 18.
- It's a just number.
130
00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:51,541
- We won't smoke or drink.
- I won't curse.
131
00:05:51,708 --> 00:05:54,180
We'll tell them our friends are inside,
and they have our ID's.
132
00:05:54,351 --> 00:05:56,231
Sail in like we've been here
a million times.
133
00:05:56,393 --> 00:05:57,670
- ID's?
- We don't have any.
134
00:05:57,835 --> 00:05:59,156
We're only 17.
135
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:01,150
Maybe we should've rehearsed
a little bit more.
136
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:02,310
Yeah.
137
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:06,042
Deh. There. That's one.
138
00:06:06,204 --> 00:06:09,166
Only about a million more pieces
of this heirloom to go.
139
00:06:10,409 --> 00:06:12,084
[CRYING]
Maybe it's time to start exploring
140
00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:14,643
the options
in running away from home.
141
00:06:14,814 --> 00:06:18,015
I'm looking forward to cringing every
time I think about what just happened.
142
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:19,818
Sabrina, Valerie.
I saw what happened.
143
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:22,338
Here's a place where
you can get fake ID's fast.
144
00:06:22,502 --> 00:06:24,701
- Tear it up. We're not going there.
- You're right.
145
00:06:24,865 --> 00:06:27,428
Let's hurry it up. 'N Sync is starting.
146
00:06:29,670 --> 00:06:31,584
This doesn't seem like
a very good neighbourhood.
147
00:06:31,753 --> 00:06:33,826
Yeah, the place where
I commit my other crimes
148
00:06:33,995 --> 00:06:35,317
is usually much more upscale.
149
00:06:36,838 --> 00:06:38,832
- Yeah?
- Actually...
150
00:06:39,001 --> 00:06:40,960
- ID's? Twenty bucks.
- Yeah.
151
00:06:41,123 --> 00:06:42,240
Come on.
152
00:06:43,205 --> 00:06:44,196
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
153
00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:45,961
Heh-heh. Here.
154
00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:48,611
Can you see the picture?
155
00:06:48,772 --> 00:06:51,449
Urban decay doesn't make
for the best light.
156
00:06:51,655 --> 00:06:54,218
- We're not doing anything wrong.
- No, absolutely nothing wrong.
157
00:06:54,378 --> 00:06:55,369
[SIREN WAILING]
158
00:06:55,539 --> 00:06:57,339
I feel very proud-- Cops!
159
00:06:58,422 --> 00:07:00,462
[SIGHS THEN PANTS]
160
00:07:00,625 --> 00:07:02,425
You know what would
make this go faster?
161
00:07:02,587 --> 00:07:05,742
Hands, and a work ethic.
162
00:07:05,911 --> 00:07:09,066
You're at a dinner party
and there are ladies present.
163
00:07:09,234 --> 00:07:10,272
- Oh!
- Ladies.
164
00:07:10,436 --> 00:07:12,907
- So you...?
- I know.
165
00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:14,959
- Excellent.
- There you go, milady.
166
00:07:15,121 --> 00:07:16,112
Good.
167
00:07:16,282 --> 00:07:20,361
Now the ladies are seated.
And then you...?
168
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,886
[MUTTERING]
169
00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:25,927
- Hilda!
- What?
170
00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:28,605
We're just minutes
away from being deaf.
171
00:07:31,179 --> 00:07:33,093
- Out.
- What happened?
172
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,067
I think I see the problem.
173
00:07:38,227 --> 00:07:39,787
I'm not a cross-eyed redhead,
174
00:07:39,949 --> 00:07:42,261
and you're not
a middle-aged black man.
175
00:07:42,912 --> 00:07:45,145
Now, Hilda's going to pretend
to be a salesman.
176
00:07:47,357 --> 00:07:49,920
- Let's review.
- No running.
177
00:07:50,881 --> 00:07:52,202
- Or screaming.
- Right.
178
00:07:52,362 --> 00:07:53,639
Good, good.
179
00:07:53,844 --> 00:07:54,835
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
180
00:07:55,966 --> 00:07:57,322
- Hello there.
- Ha, ha!
181
00:07:57,728 --> 00:07:58,846
[PIRATES LAUGHING]
182
00:08:01,813 --> 00:08:03,488
Okay, no.
183
00:08:03,695 --> 00:08:05,689
You don't greet a guest
by stabbing them.
184
00:08:06,138 --> 00:08:08,450
- Oops.
- This bumbling-idiot thing,
185
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,694
it's really starting to wear thin.
186
00:08:10,863 --> 00:08:12,219
Sabrina, you're home early.
187
00:08:12,385 --> 00:08:14,026
Yeah, it hasn't been a good night.
188
00:08:14,187 --> 00:08:17,308
Sorry. Mine hasn't exactly been
stellar either. Would you mind?
189
00:08:17,511 --> 00:08:19,709
Okay, this once.
190
00:08:24,799 --> 00:08:26,154
If I start leaking bile, mister,
191
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,315
someone's getting a time-out.
192
00:08:28,763 --> 00:08:31,759
Meh. Finally, the last piece.
193
00:08:31,927 --> 00:08:34,524
Now all I have to do is put
the whole thing back together,
194
00:08:34,730 --> 00:08:36,405
or I could tell
Hilda and Zelda the truth
195
00:08:36,572 --> 00:08:38,531
and take my punishment like a man.
196
00:08:38,694 --> 00:08:40,733
Where's the hot glue gun?
197
00:08:41,017 --> 00:08:44,901
Uhn! What are you doing home
in your room?
198
00:08:45,061 --> 00:08:47,420
'N Sync was playing at the Mineshaft,
but I couldn't get in,
199
00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:49,384
because I'm not
completely old enough.
200
00:08:49,546 --> 00:08:50,743
You should get a fake ID.
201
00:08:50,908 --> 00:08:52,389
What kind of person
do you think I am?
202
00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:55,021
A person who should be
out of the house on a Friday night.
203
00:08:55,193 --> 00:08:56,753
Especially out of her room.
204
00:08:56,914 --> 00:08:59,307
You know, the Other Realm
has excellent fake ID's.
205
00:08:59,477 --> 00:09:01,949
Really? The Other Realm?
206
00:09:03,362 --> 00:09:07,839
- What is this, a fake ID franchise?
- Evening. Fake ID?
207
00:09:08,087 --> 00:09:09,842
Two, please. One for me
and my friend Valerie.
208
00:09:10,009 --> 00:09:11,445
- She looks like--
- No problem.
209
00:09:13,173 --> 00:09:14,528
Huh. These are great.
210
00:09:14,694 --> 00:09:17,166
I especially like my evening gown.
But do you think my hair...?
211
00:09:17,337 --> 00:09:18,328
[SIREN WAILING]
212
00:09:18,499 --> 00:09:19,775
Cops!
213
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,749
First, I'll get
all the edge pieces together.
214
00:09:27,909 --> 00:09:29,664
Let's see... Hmm.
215
00:09:29,871 --> 00:09:31,227
A tassel.
216
00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:33,188
Don't toy with me, you saucy minx.
217
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,589
Oh-ho-ho. Ha-ha.
218
00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:37,239
VALERIE:
I can't believe how good these are.
219
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,320
- Where'd you get them?
- Oh, the same place.
220
00:09:39,482 --> 00:09:42,478
I just complained to the manager,
and they made everything right.
221
00:09:42,685 --> 00:09:44,201
I never think to do things like that.
222
00:09:45,128 --> 00:09:46,723
ID's?
223
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,804
They're not fake,
if that's what you're thinking.
224
00:09:48,972 --> 00:09:51,365
- Not that you would be thinking--
- She's just very excited.
225
00:09:51,535 --> 00:09:53,415
You know, us being able
to vote and everything.
226
00:09:53,578 --> 00:09:54,615
Go in.
227
00:09:54,899 --> 00:09:56,540
Whoo-hoo!
228
00:09:58,343 --> 00:10:00,781
- Hey, I'm an organ donor.
- Ha-ha.
229
00:10:01,026 --> 00:10:04,501
Now, there's soda, and there's rum.
230
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:06,391
Which would you like to drink?
231
00:10:06,592 --> 00:10:08,347
Now, remember, you're on parole.
232
00:10:08,554 --> 00:10:10,867
- Oh.
- Exactly.
233
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,194
[BREAKING BOTTLES]
234
00:10:12,359 --> 00:10:13,840
HILDA:
Gentlemen!
235
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,482
- Go for the jugular!
- Hilda!
236
00:10:15,642 --> 00:10:17,522
I am sorry, but they're
getting on my nerves.
237
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,200
Come on! Come on!
238
00:10:19,406 --> 00:10:20,842
[CROWD CHEERING]
239
00:10:21,008 --> 00:10:24,244
[SINGING]
Baby, I don't understand
240
00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:28,934
Just why we can't be lovers
241
00:10:29,097 --> 00:10:31,296
Things are getting
Out of hand
242
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:33,579
Coming to this club
was the best idea I've ever had.
243
00:10:33,742 --> 00:10:36,305
- God bless fake ID's.
- Whoo!
244
00:10:36,465 --> 00:10:40,065
But, baby, we can win
245
00:10:40,230 --> 00:10:42,303
Let it go
246
00:10:42,472 --> 00:10:46,265
If you want me, girl
Let me know
247
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,237
I am down
248
00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:50,632
On my knees
249
00:10:50,841 --> 00:10:54,840
I can't take it anymore
250
00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:56,840
It's tearin' up my heart
251
00:10:57,008 --> 00:10:58,923
When I'm with you
252
00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:01,244
But when we are apart
253
00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:03,408
I feel it too
254
00:11:03,576 --> 00:11:07,415
And no matter what I do
255
00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:11,739
Nah! It took all evening,
but I put the board together.
256
00:11:12,065 --> 00:11:15,301
Man, 18-year-olds have fun.
257
00:11:15,589 --> 00:11:16,785
[HEIRLOOM BREAKING]
258
00:11:16,951 --> 00:11:19,422
- What was that?
- Candy wrappers.
259
00:11:20,354 --> 00:11:21,710
Boy, am I beat.
260
00:11:21,876 --> 00:11:24,029
I'm going to put this away
the magical way.
261
00:11:27,082 --> 00:11:29,201
Excellent.
262
00:11:29,364 --> 00:11:30,356
- Hey!
SALEM: Huh?
263
00:11:30,526 --> 00:11:33,442
Sorry, sweetie, but now that
you have an Other Realm fake ID,
264
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:35,489
your magic is also fake.
265
00:11:36,292 --> 00:11:37,728
My magic is fake?
266
00:11:37,894 --> 00:11:41,653
Why can't they just outlaw
all the illegal stuff?
267
00:11:44,221 --> 00:11:46,614
Okay, I'm not gonna panic.
Maybe it's just certain types
268
00:11:46,784 --> 00:11:50,019
of magic that are fake. I'll just
put myself over there by the window.
269
00:11:53,311 --> 00:11:54,542
Good.
270
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,228
Okay, now I'm queasy.
271
00:11:56,395 --> 00:11:58,275
Try seeing that
with cat food in your stomach.
272
00:11:58,437 --> 00:12:00,237
FAKE SABRINA:
Your magic is now just an illusion.
273
00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:02,673
It may look real,
but when you examine it closer,
274
00:12:02,842 --> 00:12:04,517
you see it's really fake.
275
00:12:04,684 --> 00:12:06,005
Gotta get rid of this thing.
276
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,129
Stupid lamination.
277
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:20,655
Maybe your aunts can help.
278
00:12:20,822 --> 00:12:22,383
Good idea.
They always get a kick out of
279
00:12:22,544 --> 00:12:24,583
"Sabrina defying authority" stories.
280
00:12:24,746 --> 00:12:27,059
- If told with puppets.
- I just have to avoid them
281
00:12:27,229 --> 00:12:28,870
until I can figure this all out.
282
00:12:29,031 --> 00:12:30,990
ZELDA:
Sabrina! Hurry!
283
00:12:31,153 --> 00:12:32,794
- Stupid.
- I just asked:
284
00:12:32,955 --> 00:12:35,109
"What do you do
when a lady comes in the room?"
285
00:12:35,278 --> 00:12:38,353
- He got it wrong.
- Could you help, please?
286
00:12:38,722 --> 00:12:39,713
Sure.
287
00:12:40,964 --> 00:12:41,955
[SIGHS]
288
00:12:44,248 --> 00:12:47,723
- Odd.
- Oh, I think my finger's tired.
289
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,533
Have you tried this?
290
00:12:49,814 --> 00:12:50,931
Yow.
291
00:12:51,536 --> 00:12:55,329
- Gotta go.
- I'll just keep this for a while, mister.
292
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:59,619
Aha. It says here, "If more than one ID
was procured, all must be returned."
293
00:12:59,785 --> 00:13:01,301
That's the answer.
294
00:13:01,467 --> 00:13:03,860
One a.m.
Too late to visit Valerie?
295
00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:06,389
Not if you don't mind an arrest report
on your record.
296
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:07,704
You're right.
297
00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:10,113
I'll just get it from her
first thing tomorrow.
298
00:13:10,277 --> 00:13:12,271
[CLINKING]
299
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,961
What are these hard pieces
in my bed?
300
00:13:15,122 --> 00:13:18,403
The broken shards of my future.
301
00:13:18,686 --> 00:13:20,486
- Very nice.
- Ho-ho-ho.
302
00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:23,808
- Fine.
- I'm fine. Heh.
303
00:13:25,214 --> 00:13:27,812
- Have you been gutting fish again?
- Well, just...
304
00:13:27,977 --> 00:13:30,973
I've gotta go. Early Bible study.
305
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:32,735
Could you zap in breakfast
before you go?
306
00:13:32,902 --> 00:13:35,579
No time. First prayer's
always the best.
307
00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:39,539
- Okay, well, I guess it's Tang again.
- Oh, Tang. No.
308
00:13:40,631 --> 00:13:41,748
HARVEY:
Hey, Sabrina.
309
00:13:41,912 --> 00:13:43,667
My mom liked
the changing table I picked out.
310
00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:45,390
- Oh, terrific.
- It's brown.
311
00:13:45,556 --> 00:13:48,199
- Wanna see a picture?
- Sure.
312
00:13:48,359 --> 00:13:50,513
Valerie, I need to get
that ID back from you.
313
00:13:50,682 --> 00:13:52,916
- My mom has it.
- Why did you give it to her?
314
00:13:53,085 --> 00:13:55,363
She found it,
but luckily she was lenient.
315
00:13:55,527 --> 00:13:58,444
I'm just not allowed
to have any fun ever again.
316
00:13:59,612 --> 00:14:02,494
So would it be a problem
to steal it back from her?
317
00:14:02,695 --> 00:14:03,892
I know I've said it before,
318
00:14:04,057 --> 00:14:06,130
but the pirates being here
is all your fault.
319
00:14:06,299 --> 00:14:08,692
Oh, pipe down and help me
find the cattle prod.
320
00:14:08,862 --> 00:14:10,617
ZELDA: What is this?
- Toast.
321
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:13,256
Oh, yeah. You got a message
from the Other Realm.
322
00:14:13,427 --> 00:14:15,820
- Got stuck in my sourdough.
- Do you remember what it said?
323
00:14:15,990 --> 00:14:17,551
"Your magic is ready
to be picked up."
324
00:14:17,712 --> 00:14:19,114
Give or take a butter stain or two.
325
00:14:19,274 --> 00:14:20,550
- Finally.
- Yes!
326
00:14:20,716 --> 00:14:22,390
Now when those barbarians
go to kiss us,
327
00:14:22,558 --> 00:14:24,836
we can remove their lips. Let's go.
328
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,037
Wait, wait, wait.
329
00:14:26,202 --> 00:14:27,877
We can't just leave
the pirates here alone.
330
00:14:28,044 --> 00:14:30,163
- They're sleeping.
- Yes, but for how long?
331
00:14:30,326 --> 00:14:32,719
You don't know how hard
you hit them with that vase.
332
00:14:32,889 --> 00:14:34,119
SABRINA:
I'm home.
333
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:35,442
[IN UNISON]
Sabrina.
334
00:14:35,612 --> 00:14:37,526
Dear, would you mind
keeping an eye on the pirates
335
00:14:37,694 --> 00:14:39,016
while we run to the Other Realm?
336
00:14:39,176 --> 00:14:40,167
You can handle them.
337
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,375
- You've got magic.
- But--
338
00:14:41,539 --> 00:14:43,020
They're sleeping in the dining room.
339
00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:44,855
Don't ask.
340
00:14:45,824 --> 00:14:47,498
Okay, I can handle this. No problem.
341
00:14:47,666 --> 00:14:50,309
I'll just tiptoe
so they don't wake up.
342
00:14:50,549 --> 00:14:52,383
[PHONE RINGS]
343
00:14:52,551 --> 00:14:53,588
Hello.
344
00:14:53,752 --> 00:14:55,632
Sabrina, my parents
are freaking out.
345
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,073
- The ID is talking.
- What?
346
00:14:58,237 --> 00:15:00,277
Oh, that's just a security device.
347
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,274
I'm the only one
who knows how to turn it off.
348
00:15:02,442 --> 00:15:04,515
- I'll bring it right over.
- Good.
349
00:15:04,685 --> 00:15:06,405
- No! Pirates!
- Pirates?
350
00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:09,768
I didn't say pirates. I said, by gum.
351
00:15:09,930 --> 00:15:12,813
By gum, don't come here.
We'll meet halfway.
352
00:15:12,974 --> 00:15:14,569
At school.
353
00:15:16,057 --> 00:15:17,778
What if they wake up?
354
00:15:19,021 --> 00:15:21,015
There. That should hold them.
355
00:15:22,184 --> 00:15:25,704
There. One crisis averted, one to go.
356
00:15:31,835 --> 00:15:33,270
[IN UNISON]
Aah!
357
00:15:34,598 --> 00:15:36,239
[ALL LAUGHING]
358
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,994
So our magic is being delivered
to our house.
359
00:15:39,163 --> 00:15:41,122
And, as usual,
Salem got it wrong.
360
00:15:41,285 --> 00:15:43,085
And as usual the Magic
Maintenance Department
361
00:15:43,248 --> 00:15:44,968
- was rude about it.
- At least Sabrina's
362
00:15:45,130 --> 00:15:46,451
keeping an eye on the pirates.
363
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:47,683
[ALL LAUGHING]
364
00:15:47,853 --> 00:15:51,054
I hope that was just fiction
about pirates eating cats.
365
00:15:51,256 --> 00:15:52,248
Whoo! Ha-ha.
366
00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:54,890
Oh, not the board.
Anything but the board! Oh!
367
00:15:55,061 --> 00:15:56,462
Or the cat.
368
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,263
[DOORBELL RINGS]
369
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,987
[MUTTERING, YELLING]
370
00:16:03,110 --> 00:16:04,625
Shh.
371
00:16:09,196 --> 00:16:10,188
[THUNDER CRASHING]
372
00:16:10,358 --> 00:16:12,397
We got magic.
373
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,595
[CHUCKLING]
374
00:16:15,363 --> 00:16:16,354
[SALEM SOBS]
375
00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:18,280
- I love magic.
- Ha-ha-ha!
376
00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:20,681
[SOBBING]
377
00:16:21,210 --> 00:16:22,406
I'm so sorry.
378
00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:24,246
I never should've gotten
the talking ID's.
379
00:16:24,413 --> 00:16:26,294
- I saw the lips move.
- Oh.
380
00:16:26,456 --> 00:16:28,814
Hologram. You know criminals.
They're always a step ahead.
381
00:16:29,019 --> 00:16:30,659
Yeah, but it was yelling at me.
382
00:16:30,821 --> 00:16:34,341
Oh, hey! I think I see your parents.
Aren't you grounded?
383
00:16:34,505 --> 00:16:37,228
- I'll crawl back through the sewers.
- Okay.
384
00:16:38,870 --> 00:16:40,146
Two of two ID's do I wield
385
00:16:40,311 --> 00:16:41,827
Take them back
So my magic will be real
386
00:16:43,595 --> 00:16:45,475
Yes. Pirates!
387
00:16:47,399 --> 00:16:49,633
Oh, thank heavens they're still here.
388
00:16:49,802 --> 00:16:51,796
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
389
00:16:54,687 --> 00:16:55,724
What do the words
390
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,769
"stay home and watch
the pirates" mean to you?
391
00:16:57,931 --> 00:17:01,645
- Sorry. I'll free you.
- You can't. We're magically tied.
392
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,612
- How? The pirates don't--
- The pirates got our magic. Don't ask.
393
00:17:04,778 --> 00:17:05,816
[RUMBLING]
394
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:08,213
- Please, do something to stop them.
- Sure.
395
00:17:08,382 --> 00:17:10,581
You should just know
that I only left
396
00:17:10,745 --> 00:17:12,818
to help someone in trouble: Me.
397
00:17:13,028 --> 00:17:15,022
[PIRATES LAUGHING, YELLING]
398
00:17:22,238 --> 00:17:24,232
[EXPLOSIONS]
399
00:17:25,081 --> 00:17:28,203
Thank goodness I have magic.
400
00:17:28,365 --> 00:17:30,359
Which witch should we kill first?
401
00:17:30,848 --> 00:17:32,363
PIRATE 1:
Ha-ha!
402
00:17:32,569 --> 00:17:36,853
- It's Peter Pan!
- You're all codfishes.
403
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,769
- We're doomed.
SABRINA: Oh!
404
00:17:41,259 --> 00:17:45,816
A wire? I was flying by wire?
It was an illusion?
405
00:17:45,984 --> 00:17:47,022
Gotta go.
406
00:17:47,186 --> 00:17:50,500
Ah. I'll never bat a tassel again.
407
00:17:51,631 --> 00:17:54,194
I sent back both ID's.
Why is my magic still fake?
408
00:17:54,354 --> 00:17:57,395
They said you had to return all ID's.
They didn't say that would fix things.
409
00:17:57,557 --> 00:17:59,995
You know, I'm getting a little
tired of these technicalities.
410
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,074
ZELDA: Sabrina!
- And that!
411
00:18:02,243 --> 00:18:04,123
Please let this be good news.
412
00:18:04,325 --> 00:18:05,807
[CHUCKLES]
413
00:18:05,967 --> 00:18:09,931
- Oh, could be worse.
- Sabrina, there are sharks!
414
00:18:12,053 --> 00:18:13,171
- Help!
- Okay,
415
00:18:13,335 --> 00:18:14,930
this may not be the best
time to tell you,
416
00:18:15,097 --> 00:18:16,692
but I got a fake ID
from the Other Realm
417
00:18:16,859 --> 00:18:19,582
- and now my magic is no longer real.
- Just point!
418
00:18:20,783 --> 00:18:21,935
Oh!
419
00:18:22,145 --> 00:18:23,866
You couldn't have replaced it
with pillows?
420
00:18:24,027 --> 00:18:26,750
Get up fast. The tank's gonna
come back. It's just an illusion.
421
00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:28,824
You're fine now.
Get our magic back.
422
00:18:29,153 --> 00:18:31,147
[GRUNTING]
423
00:18:33,117 --> 00:18:34,438
Why did my magic come back?
424
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,354
To get rid of fake magic
caused by a fake ID,
425
00:18:37,522 --> 00:18:39,197
you have to confess
to the adults in charge
426
00:18:39,364 --> 00:18:41,597
and accept their punishment.
Get my magic!
427
00:18:46,412 --> 00:18:48,053
[SALEM GRUNTS THEN SIGHS]
428
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,490
[PANTING]
All I-- All I have to do
429
00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:53,255
is get the board down to the basement,
and no one will ever know.
430
00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:54,650
What the--?
431
00:18:54,861 --> 00:18:57,584
[GRUNTING, SCREAMING]
432
00:18:57,784 --> 00:18:58,776
What's my punishment?
433
00:18:58,946 --> 00:19:01,258
We'll let you know
pending our survival.
434
00:19:01,429 --> 00:19:03,023
- Look out!
- Aah!
435
00:19:03,231 --> 00:19:04,825
[GROWLING]
436
00:19:07,475 --> 00:19:08,466
Ho-ho!
437
00:19:09,117 --> 00:19:11,111
[GRUNTING]
438
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,395
Thank you.
439
00:19:15,965 --> 00:19:18,483
- Aah!
- No, it's going for my magic.
440
00:19:27,978 --> 00:19:29,539
[SALEM SOBS]
441
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:31,295
Freeze.
442
00:19:31,662 --> 00:19:33,223
You fought a good fight.
443
00:19:33,384 --> 00:19:35,105
Thanks. Man, it was tough.
444
00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:37,420
Like a real test, you know?
445
00:19:37,589 --> 00:19:40,426
- Almost like a punishment, I'd say.
- And yet, it wasn't.
446
00:19:40,632 --> 00:19:44,232
- No. We had something else in mind.
- Taking down the boat.
447
00:19:44,396 --> 00:19:45,388
By hand.
448
00:19:46,239 --> 00:19:47,356
[SOBS]
449
00:19:49,002 --> 00:19:51,235
Ow! I got another splinter.
450
00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:53,683
Why couldn't the pirates
have conjured a sanded boat?
451
00:19:53,847 --> 00:19:55,488
How ever you decide
to handle that wound,
452
00:19:55,649 --> 00:19:58,326
do not, I repeat,
do not chew your hand off.
453
00:19:58,492 --> 00:20:00,805
I had a cat friend
who learned that the hard way.
454
00:20:01,856 --> 00:20:04,009
This seems
to be coming along well.
455
00:20:04,179 --> 00:20:05,216
I got a splinter.
456
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,101
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
tell it to Child Services.
457
00:20:07,903 --> 00:20:11,503
- What about Valerie?
- I told her parents I got the ID's.
458
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:13,626
Expect a phone call
from them berating you.
459
00:20:13,789 --> 00:20:15,544
Well, this whole pirate ordeal started
460
00:20:15,711 --> 00:20:17,466
because we were looking
for the board you need
461
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,989
to decode the family secret.
462
00:20:19,155 --> 00:20:20,955
I see.
So the punishment continues?
463
00:20:22,159 --> 00:20:24,802
- Salem!
SALEM: I tried so hard.
464
00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:26,796
I'm not a puzzle person.
465
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:29,083
It's okay. It's the effort that counts.
466
00:20:30,368 --> 00:20:31,439
Were you drunk?
467
00:20:31,609 --> 00:20:33,204
We'll just have
to use the other board.
468
00:20:33,371 --> 00:20:35,444
Th--? There's another board?
469
00:20:36,014 --> 00:20:37,450
Duh-heh.
470
00:20:40,018 --> 00:20:42,981
Okay, these are my clues
to the family secret.
471
00:20:45,465 --> 00:20:47,139
Which relative gave me
a picture of fire?
472
00:20:47,307 --> 00:20:49,585
SALEM: One of the pirates.
- I'm related to them?
473
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:50,867
It involves a third cousin
474
00:20:51,031 --> 00:20:53,229
and a crazy night
in Kingston, Jamaica.
475
00:20:53,393 --> 00:20:56,356
You know, with all the clues
nicely displayed like that,
476
00:20:56,517 --> 00:20:58,556
I still can't begin
to figure out the family secret.
477
00:20:58,719 --> 00:21:00,440
Think it has something
to do with manure?
478
00:21:00,601 --> 00:21:04,441
- Where do you get that?
- I just like saying manure.
479
00:21:04,606 --> 00:21:07,283
[PIRATES YELLING]
480
00:21:07,489 --> 00:21:09,244
- Please?
- I've got an idea.
481
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:13,532
Enjoy the show. No ID required.
482
00:21:13,696 --> 00:21:16,852
ALL [SINGING]:
Your love is like a river
483
00:21:17,060 --> 00:21:19,099
Peaceful and deep
484
00:21:19,262 --> 00:21:22,019
Your soul is like a secret
485
00:21:22,186 --> 00:21:25,739
That I never could keep
486
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,063
When I look into your eyes
487
00:21:28,272 --> 00:21:30,995
I know that it's true
488
00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:34,038
God must have spent
489
00:21:34,199 --> 00:21:37,799
A little more time on you
490
00:21:37,849 --> 00:21:42,399
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