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(Crowd chatter)
2
00:00:05,462 --> 00:00:07,463
Narrator: All the Nates
down in Natesville
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liked Christmas a lot,
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00:00:09,466 --> 00:00:12,802
From its oldest old person
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00:00:12,836 --> 00:00:16,005
to its tiniest tot.
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00:00:16,039 --> 00:00:20,077
'Twas a time for good neighbors
to sip spiked radish punch,
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00:00:21,411 --> 00:00:25,881
to hang lights at high heights,
and drink eggnog for lunch.
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00:00:25,916 --> 00:00:29,785
They ate kazoo cookies till
their stomachs grew sore,
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00:00:29,820 --> 00:00:32,788
then forgot why they stopped
and ate a few more.
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00:00:32,823 --> 00:00:34,824
(Laughter)
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00:00:38,862 --> 00:00:42,898
Yes, everyone's hearts
brimmed over with holiday cheer.
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00:00:48,572 --> 00:00:51,540
Except for one, inside the man
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Who sits alone way up here.
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Stupid Christmas.
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00:00:59,283 --> 00:01:01,517
(Whistling "Deck the Halls")
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Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:06,923 --> 00:01:08,991
Narrator: You might be
asking yourself,
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00:01:09,026 --> 00:01:13,162
"What's with the sad surly man
and his Santa-like dog?
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00:01:13,196 --> 00:01:15,031
Who sapped Burt's spirits?
20
00:01:15,065 --> 00:01:16,832
Who de-yuled his log?
21
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And why is he up there?
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His family's way down below!"
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It all began on Thanksgiving,
about four weeks ago.
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(Marching band plays tune,
crowd chatter)
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Sabrina: Virginia, over here.
26
00:01:31,381 --> 00:01:35,158
It's my fault we're late.
I couldn't find my turkey-ass sweatshirt.
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00:01:35,192 --> 00:01:38,027
Without the ass,
mine's just a tacky sweatshirt.
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00:01:38,062 --> 00:01:39,596
Ooh, ooh, the mayor's float.
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Hopefully, she sobered up this year.
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Happy Thanksgiving!
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Happy Thanksgiving!
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(Laughs)
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(Ululating like a turkey)
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(Laughs)
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Oh, that looks so fun.
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I wish I had that job.
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- Mayor?
- No, mayor's husband.
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He gets to execute
the turkey every year.
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(Loud crowd chatter)
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(Turkey squawks)
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Ooh, here we go.
42
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,121
Oh, she gets me all tingly.
43
00:02:06,624 --> 00:02:08,792
Why are the drunk ones
always married?
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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
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Is that you, Virginia?
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Narrator: And right there and
then, in the crowd's full view,
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the mayor fell off the wagon
in not one way...
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...but two.
(Screams)
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(Gasps and groans)
50
00:02:26,077 --> 00:02:27,377
Whoa!
Drunk mayor down.
51
00:02:27,411 --> 00:02:28,878
Mayor Hellman!
(Groans softly)
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00:02:28,913 --> 00:02:30,146
Are you okay?
53
00:02:30,181 --> 00:02:31,981
Looks like the mayor's
going back to rehab.
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Happy Thanksgiving.
55
00:02:33,184 --> 00:02:35,318
I wonder who we'll elect
to be interim mayor this time.
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00:02:35,352 --> 00:02:36,920
If I were mayor,
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00:02:36,954 --> 00:02:39,155
I'd turn the town seal
into a shark,
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00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:41,283
so it could eat
the other towns' seals.
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00:02:41,317 --> 00:02:44,219
If I were mayor,
I would forget I was the mayor.
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00:02:44,253 --> 00:02:47,289
If I were mayor, I'd get rid
of the mandatory retirement age.
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00:02:47,323 --> 00:02:50,158
I think old people are
more capable than we realize.
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If I were mayor, I'd probably
forget I was the mayor.
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00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:56,231
I think I'd want to be mayor
so Virginia could be First Lady.
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00:02:56,266 --> 00:02:58,734
Then she could light the tree
at the town's Christmas Celebration.
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00:02:58,768 --> 00:03:00,269
That would be the best gift ever.
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00:03:00,303 --> 00:03:03,071
I usually just give her batteries
'cause I know she'll use them.
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00:03:03,106 --> 00:03:05,073
Well, everyone needs batteries.
68
00:03:05,108 --> 00:03:06,908
My two moms
go through them like crazy.
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00:03:06,943 --> 00:03:10,078
She likes batteries, but it
would be great to wow her.
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00:03:10,113 --> 00:03:12,748
She'd flip out if she could light
the Natesville Christmas tree.
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00:03:12,782 --> 00:03:15,617
You know, Burt, you being mayor
isn't the craziest idea.
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00:03:15,652 --> 00:03:17,920
I mean, why not Burt Chance?
73
00:03:17,954 --> 00:03:19,354
Narrator: Why not Burt Chance?
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00:03:19,389 --> 00:03:20,956
He made so many friends.
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00:03:20,990 --> 00:03:22,157
Hi, neighbor.
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00:03:22,191 --> 00:03:23,759
We're taking advantage
of our stop sign
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00:03:23,793 --> 00:03:26,428
to add a little friendliness
to our community and say hi to folks.
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00:03:26,462 --> 00:03:28,096
Narrator: He helped plants shed
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00:03:28,131 --> 00:03:29,598
their excessive split ends.
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00:03:29,632 --> 00:03:31,767
What are you doing
so far from home?
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00:03:31,801 --> 00:03:33,802
And you're a mess.
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00:03:33,836 --> 00:03:36,672
Nah. I'll have you
pruned up in no time.
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00:03:36,706 --> 00:03:39,708
Narrator: He kept even the smallest
of creatures in mind.
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(Insect buzzing)
I got him!
85
00:03:41,878 --> 00:03:43,478
Today, you live!
86
00:03:43,513 --> 00:03:44,713
(Buzzing)
87
00:03:44,747 --> 00:03:46,548
No!
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00:03:46,582 --> 00:03:49,618
Narrator: Once helped out
a pig who was helping the blind.
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00:03:49,652 --> 00:03:50,619
(Pig whining, horn honking)
90
00:03:51,510 --> 00:03:52,854
Good job, pig.
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00:03:52,889 --> 00:03:54,056
(Snorting)
92
00:03:54,090 --> 00:03:57,626
Yeah. Why not?
93
00:03:57,660 --> 00:04:00,529
Narrator: So Burt and Virginia,
with their usual pluck,
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00:04:00,563 --> 00:04:03,465
went out to campaign
after pimping Burt's truck.
95
00:04:03,499 --> 00:04:04,833
Burt for mayor!
96
00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:06,134
Why not Burt?
97
00:04:06,169 --> 00:04:08,003
You got anybody better?
We didn't think so.
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00:04:08,037 --> 00:04:09,304
Narrator: He spoke to vets.
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00:04:09,339 --> 00:04:11,139
Veterans are our greatest heroes.
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00:04:11,174 --> 00:04:12,874
Narrator: And people with nets.
101
00:04:12,909 --> 00:04:16,478
Butterfly collectors are
our greatest heroes.
102
00:04:16,512 --> 00:04:20,048
Narrator: He even spoke to some people
who dressed up like pets.
103
00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:23,151
I don't understand
what's going on here, but...
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00:04:23,186 --> 00:04:25,320
You seem like
our greatest heroes.
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00:04:25,355 --> 00:04:28,323
Narrator: And when they were done
with their whistle-stop rants,
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00:04:28,358 --> 00:04:30,259
all anyone could say was...
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00:04:30,293 --> 00:04:32,327
All: Why not Burt Chance?
108
00:04:32,362 --> 00:04:34,329
Why not Burt Chance?
109
00:04:34,364 --> 00:04:36,098
Why not Burt Chance?
110
00:04:36,132 --> 00:04:39,234
Why not Burt Chance?
Why not...?
111
00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:42,170
Narrator: While Virginia and
Burt campaigned very hard,
112
00:04:42,205 --> 00:04:45,507
Jimmy and Sabrina posed for
this year's Christmas card.
113
00:04:45,541 --> 00:04:47,509
Come on, Hope.
It's Santa.
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00:04:47,543 --> 00:04:48,944
You love Santa.
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00:04:48,978 --> 00:04:51,280
Narrator:
Hope's very first Christmas,
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00:04:51,314 --> 00:04:54,916
her mom's reputation
gave Hope a bad rap
117
00:04:54,951 --> 00:04:56,785
with the church congregation.
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00:04:56,819 --> 00:04:59,554
We just can't overlook the fact
that she's a murderer's baby.
119
00:04:59,589 --> 00:05:02,357
Narrator: Try as they might
to get Hope some salvation,
120
00:05:02,392 --> 00:05:05,694
her ill-equipped family
caused more irritation.
121
00:05:05,728 --> 00:05:08,697
Looks like we're not gonna
be on the news.
122
00:05:08,731 --> 00:05:11,400
And Hope's gonna still
be known as the murderer's baby.
123
00:05:11,434 --> 00:05:15,070
Narrator: One year Jimmy
got wasted, and being a dope,
124
00:05:15,104 --> 00:05:18,373
he wished for a world
where he never had Hope.
125
00:05:18,408 --> 00:05:22,044
I wish I had never
picked up Lucy in my van.
126
00:05:22,078 --> 00:05:25,047
Narrator: That silly wish
caused all kinds of strife,
127
00:05:25,081 --> 00:05:28,483
and we sort of ripped off
It's a Wonderful Life.
128
00:05:28,518 --> 00:05:30,419
Merry Christmas, dancin' dan!
129
00:05:30,453 --> 00:05:32,721
It's Christmas?
130
00:05:32,755 --> 00:05:35,057
Narrator: Christmas 2012
gave Hope a good fright
131
00:05:35,091 --> 00:05:38,894
with Virginia so sure the
Mayan Doomsday was right.
132
00:05:38,928 --> 00:05:41,897
Sabrina, you shouldn't have!
133
00:05:41,931 --> 00:05:45,400
Narrator: All in the family
seemed ripe for a fight.
134
00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:46,802
(Grunting)
135
00:05:46,836 --> 00:05:51,073
'Twas a horrible, deplorable,
spit-orable night.
136
00:05:51,107 --> 00:05:52,774
Ah, come on, Hope.
137
00:05:52,809 --> 00:05:54,443
There's nothing to be afraid of.
138
00:05:54,477 --> 00:05:55,611
Santa's our friend.
139
00:05:55,645 --> 00:05:56,979
Here, watch.
140
00:05:57,013 --> 00:05:58,714
I'll take my picture with him.
141
00:06:02,352 --> 00:06:03,585
(Sighs)
142
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:05,988
Okay, James, go on,
flip the switch.
143
00:06:06,022 --> 00:06:06,688
(Beep)
144
00:06:06,723 --> 00:06:07,990
Ho, ho, ho.
145
00:06:08,024 --> 00:06:09,524
- (Choking): Help.
- Merry Christmas!
146
00:06:09,559 --> 00:06:10,392
Help!
147
00:06:10,426 --> 00:06:11,793
- (Choking): Help.
- Ho, ho, ho.
148
00:06:11,828 --> 00:06:13,662
(Distorted): Merry Chris...
149
00:06:13,696 --> 00:06:14,930
(All exclaim)
150
00:06:14,964 --> 00:06:16,265
Merry...
151
00:06:16,299 --> 00:06:16,965
See?
152
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,200
Santa: Ho, ho...
153
00:06:21,971 --> 00:06:24,706
Welcome to interim mayor
election results.
154
00:06:24,741 --> 00:06:26,174
- Shh! It's on!
- Ooh.
155
00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:28,010
In a few minutes,
156
00:06:28,044 --> 00:06:31,113
this channel switches over
to our nightly lotto results.
157
00:06:31,148 --> 00:06:34,283
If I seem rushed, I apologize.
158
00:06:34,318 --> 00:06:38,654
In third place,
with one vote: Ralph Nader.
159
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,957
Every year I try.
160
00:06:40,991 --> 00:06:43,559
In second place, Burt Chance.
161
00:06:43,594 --> 00:06:46,395
- Oh.
- Well, you gave it your best, dad.
162
00:06:46,430 --> 00:06:49,799
And first place is:
More fresh veggies.
163
00:06:49,833 --> 00:06:51,367
But I'm thinking that's because
Howdy's collected
164
00:06:51,401 --> 00:06:54,470
These ballots in their
old suggestion box.
165
00:06:54,504 --> 00:06:57,073
So I guess Burt Chance is mayor.
166
00:06:57,107 --> 00:06:58,674
Congratulations, Mr. Ch...
167
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,977
Tonight's
winning lottery numbers are...
168
00:07:01,011 --> 00:07:02,745
Burt, you did it.
169
00:07:02,779 --> 00:07:04,080
You won!
170
00:07:04,114 --> 00:07:05,881
Natesville chose me.
171
00:07:05,916 --> 00:07:07,416
You're mayor.
172
00:07:07,451 --> 00:07:08,651
You're First Lady.
173
00:07:08,685 --> 00:07:10,820
(Gasps)
I'm First Lady!
174
00:07:10,854 --> 00:07:14,757
Narrator: Would Burt be the greatest
mayor that his town's ever had?
175
00:07:14,791 --> 00:07:18,060
You'll only find out
after watching this ad.
176
00:07:19,198 --> 00:07:20,965
Narrator: You just saw
some commercials
177
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,468
for home, health and hair,
but while you were gone,
178
00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:26,438
Burt was sworn in as mayor.
179
00:07:26,472 --> 00:07:28,706
Burt, this is amazing.
180
00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:31,276
You are the interim mayor
of Natesville.
181
00:07:31,310 --> 00:07:33,011
Power, influence.
182
00:07:33,045 --> 00:07:35,180
Plus, I think we get
all new cabinets.
183
00:07:35,214 --> 00:07:37,282
Those things are good,
but the best part is,
184
00:07:37,316 --> 00:07:39,784
This year, for Christmas,
I get to give you the gift
185
00:07:39,819 --> 00:07:41,619
of lighting the tree
at the Christmas Festival.
186
00:07:41,654 --> 00:07:43,288
Oh, it's been my dream
187
00:07:43,322 --> 00:07:45,190
since I was a little girl
to light that tree.
188
00:07:45,224 --> 00:07:46,658
And I deem it so.
189
00:07:46,692 --> 00:07:48,626
Oh, could Hope
stand in the front row
190
00:07:48,661 --> 00:07:50,528
of the Christmas choir so
I could get a good picture?
191
00:07:50,563 --> 00:07:53,398
So let it be written,
so let it be done.
192
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:54,799
Isn't that so great, Hope?
193
00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:56,167
Isn't that great?
194
00:07:56,202 --> 00:07:57,635
How about you, Jimmy?
195
00:07:57,670 --> 00:07:59,537
What's your Christmas wish?
196
00:07:59,572 --> 00:08:01,406
I sort of wish
you'd resign as mayor.
197
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,974
And, like every other
Christmas wish
198
00:08:03,008 --> 00:08:05,477
You've had since you were
five, that's not gonna happen.
199
00:08:05,511 --> 00:08:07,746
Well, you know,
it's just, in the past,
200
00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:11,549
all the other interim mayors
let the job go to their heads
201
00:08:11,584 --> 00:08:14,185
and became
power-hungry dictators.
202
00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:17,689
As interim mayor, let me
start by saying thank you.
203
00:08:17,723 --> 00:08:21,359
And let me end by saying,
I just sold the church bells
204
00:08:21,393 --> 00:08:23,495
To a delicious national taco chain.
205
00:08:23,529 --> 00:08:26,164
(Crowd booing)
206
00:08:26,198 --> 00:08:27,732
I am closing main street
207
00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:31,236
to vehicular traffic
effective immediately.
208
00:08:31,270 --> 00:08:32,437
(Crowd booing)
Woman: Why did you do that?!
209
00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:34,506
No further questions!
210
00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:36,007
I'm ending school lunch programs.
211
00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:37,342
- What?
- You suck!
212
00:08:37,376 --> 00:08:39,511
Students' meals must
now be homemade
213
00:08:39,545 --> 00:08:42,280
with groceries bought
from local stores.
214
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,915
(Crowd booing)
215
00:08:43,949 --> 00:08:45,784
On a purely coincidental note,
216
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:50,088
Brown bags and bologna are
now half off at Howdy's.
217
00:08:50,122 --> 00:08:52,090
Jimmy, I'm not like
all those other mayors.
218
00:08:52,124 --> 00:08:54,192
They took the job
with a selfish agenda.
219
00:08:54,226 --> 00:08:56,528
I just want to get some
special treats for my family.
220
00:08:56,562 --> 00:08:57,896
Yeah, Jimmy.
It's Christmas.
221
00:08:57,930 --> 00:09:00,198
Stop trying to scrooge us
out of something good.
222
00:09:00,232 --> 00:09:02,967
Excuse me.
Mayor Chance?
223
00:09:03,002 --> 00:09:05,236
Yes, minion.
224
00:09:05,271 --> 00:09:08,106
Wow. What a spectacular
inauguration party.
225
00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:09,741
Yeah.
226
00:09:09,775 --> 00:09:10,809
This is Theo.
227
00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:12,043
Oh.
(whining)
228
00:09:12,078 --> 00:09:13,378
- The mayor's dog.
- Oh.
229
00:09:13,412 --> 00:09:15,713
He's yours for the next 28 days.
230
00:09:15,748 --> 00:09:17,649
Wow, that's a lot of responsibility.
231
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,684
(Whining)
232
00:09:20,953 --> 00:09:22,720
This is what Mayor Hellman
was working on
233
00:09:22,755 --> 00:09:25,924
before she slipped back
into... exhaustion.
234
00:09:25,958 --> 00:09:28,993
"Confidential. Mayor's eyes only."
235
00:09:30,096 --> 00:09:31,730
That means you probably
shouldn't read
236
00:09:31,764 --> 00:09:33,398
the rest of it out loud.
237
00:09:33,432 --> 00:09:36,167
Oh.
238
00:09:36,202 --> 00:09:37,769
What the what?
239
00:09:40,139 --> 00:09:43,575
Narrator: Once Burt figured out
what the news that he'd seen meant,
240
00:09:43,609 --> 00:09:46,678
He went to the mayor who
had snuck out of treatment.
241
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,146
Burt?
242
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:49,848
Hi.
243
00:09:50,950 --> 00:09:52,751
(Clears her throat)
244
00:09:52,785 --> 00:09:54,419
I got to make this fast.
245
00:09:54,453 --> 00:09:57,255
Rumor is, a celebrity's coming in.
246
00:09:57,289 --> 00:09:59,924
Please be a Baldwin!
Please be a Baldwin!
247
00:09:59,959 --> 00:10:02,927
I want to thank you for agreeing
to speak to me, Your Honor.
248
00:10:02,962 --> 00:10:03,962
Look, we have a problem.
249
00:10:03,996 --> 00:10:06,667
Uh, did you bring the moisturizing
Dandruff shampoo
250
00:10:06,697 --> 00:10:07,665
- from my office shower?
- Oh, sorry.
251
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:10,468
Yeah, attaboy.
252
00:10:10,503 --> 00:10:12,337
Wow.
253
00:10:12,371 --> 00:10:14,272
That shampoo smells
a lot like tequila.
254
00:10:14,306 --> 00:10:16,674
What's your problem, Burt?
255
00:10:16,709 --> 00:10:18,610
Is it true
what it said in the file?
256
00:10:18,644 --> 00:10:20,345
You sold the pool
to a fertilizer company.
257
00:10:20,379 --> 00:10:21,846
Now we can't pay the rent.
258
00:10:21,881 --> 00:10:23,681
Now they're gonna build a
giant poop factory on top of it,
259
00:10:23,716 --> 00:10:24,716
And we'll lose the pool forever?
260
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,618
I'm afraid so.
261
00:10:26,652 --> 00:10:27,852
Rinse and repeat.
262
00:10:27,887 --> 00:10:30,288
Why did we sell
the pool in the first place?
263
00:10:30,322 --> 00:10:31,723
We sold the pool to get the money
264
00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,525
to fix the fire damage
at the power plant,
265
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:36,795
because the income from the power plant
helps us fund the fire department,
266
00:10:36,829 --> 00:10:40,065
which we need because
the power plant keeps catching on fire.
267
00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:42,200
I'm gonna run this by Virginia.
She's the money guru in our house.
268
00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:43,334
She'll think of something.
269
00:10:43,369 --> 00:10:44,502
No, no, no.
270
00:10:44,537 --> 00:10:46,004
You can't tell your wife or anyone
271
00:10:46,038 --> 00:10:47,639
how close we are
to financial apocalypse.
272
00:10:47,673 --> 00:10:49,374
We're like
a poorly-knitted sweater, Burt.
273
00:10:49,408 --> 00:10:51,142
Pull one thread,
274
00:10:51,177 --> 00:10:53,378
and you're standing
in front of a whole town
275
00:10:53,412 --> 00:10:55,046
in nothing but your custom bra
276
00:10:55,081 --> 00:10:57,982
that makes your uneven boobs
look normal.
277
00:10:58,017 --> 00:10:59,818
Or whatever
the male equivalent of that is.
278
00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:01,052
I'm gonna miss that pool.
279
00:11:01,087 --> 00:11:02,487
Yeah.
280
00:11:02,521 --> 00:11:04,389
I never knew being mayor meant
making such tough choices.
281
00:11:04,423 --> 00:11:06,591
There is one city budget item
you could cut
282
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,259
that would probably save the pool.
283
00:11:08,294 --> 00:11:12,097
But no mayor has ever
had the stones to try it.
284
00:11:12,131 --> 00:11:15,934
Narrator: While Burt was told
the mayor's pool-saving plan,
285
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:19,037
Virginia saw trees
with a tree-sawing man.
286
00:11:19,071 --> 00:11:23,208
Ooh, Dick, this one's gonna
look great in the town square.
287
00:11:23,242 --> 00:11:25,276
No, wait. This one.
288
00:11:26,278 --> 00:11:27,946
No.
289
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,347
This one!
290
00:11:29,382 --> 00:11:30,882
Yes, 100%,
291
00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:33,118
Definitely, I promise.
292
00:11:33,152 --> 00:11:35,019
Nope. Changed my mind.
293
00:11:35,054 --> 00:11:36,421
(Phone ringing)
294
00:11:36,455 --> 00:11:38,056
Hello.
295
00:11:38,090 --> 00:11:42,127
I told you the power
would go to his head! Listen!
296
00:11:42,161 --> 00:11:43,695
Once again, effective immediately,
297
00:11:43,729 --> 00:11:46,064
Natesville's Christmas Celebration
has been canceled.
298
00:11:46,098 --> 00:11:47,298
No further questions.
299
00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:48,767
I'm the mayor, and my word is law.
300
00:11:48,801 --> 00:11:50,368
(Crowd booing)
You suck!
301
00:11:50,403 --> 00:11:52,404
Narrator: Virginia thought
Jimmy was playing a trick,
302
00:11:52,438 --> 00:11:55,540
but alas, it was true,
Burt turned into a...
303
00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:57,008
(Saw buzzing)
Dick, don't cut down that tree!
304
00:11:58,519 --> 00:12:01,625
A mob chased Burt home
with hollers and hoots...
305
00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:02,470
Oh, yeah?
306
00:12:02,524 --> 00:12:04,066
Well, I'm the mayor,
and you're glue.
307
00:12:04,341 --> 00:12:06,709
Whatever I say becomes law.
308
00:12:06,744 --> 00:12:10,830
...and pelted his door
with cakes made of fruits.
309
00:12:10,865 --> 00:12:13,366
Virginia: You canceled
the Christmas Festival?!
310
00:12:13,401 --> 00:12:15,168
That's the one thing in this town
311
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,703
that every single person loves!
312
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:19,339
Uh, pretty sure everyone
loves that pool, too.
313
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:21,174
Well, sure, nothing beats the pool,
314
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,109
But the pool's
going to be around forever.
315
00:12:23,144 --> 00:12:25,845
Please tell me there's
a good reason for this.
316
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,014
There is.
There's a very good reason.
317
00:12:28,049 --> 00:12:29,783
Thank god.
What is it?
318
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,451
I took an oath.
I can't tell anyone.
319
00:12:34,388 --> 00:12:38,926
Okay. What if you
don't tell me, but I guess?
320
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,295
That could work.
321
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:44,364
Narrator: Virginia knew
all Burt's secrets,
322
00:12:44,398 --> 00:12:46,199
Even those in his toes.
323
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:50,670
Like how one twitched when he
lied, like Pinocchio's nose.
324
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:55,575
Did you cancel
the Christmas Festival
325
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:58,978
because aliens will use brightly-colored
trees as their landing beacons?
326
00:12:59,013 --> 00:13:00,980
No.
327
00:13:03,017 --> 00:13:04,217
(Sighs)
Okay.
328
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,985
Did you cancel it
329
00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:09,589
because the idea of reindeer,
candy canes and trees
330
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,624
has nothing to do with
the actual meaning of the holiday?
331
00:13:11,659 --> 00:13:14,327
No.
332
00:13:14,362 --> 00:13:18,187
All right, well.
Those were two most obvious ones.
333
00:13:18,221 --> 00:13:22,191
This is a pretty big swing.
334
00:13:22,225 --> 00:13:24,960
(Clicks her tongue)
335
00:13:24,995 --> 00:13:27,162
Is the city out of money?
336
00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:29,198
No.
337
00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:32,234
Bingo!
338
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,370
There's no money
for the Christmas Festival.
339
00:13:34,404 --> 00:13:37,206
I think my toes
have said too much already.
340
00:13:39,175 --> 00:13:42,177
Narrator: So Virginia
got a brilliant idea.
341
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:46,215
An awfully brilliant,
resilient idea.
342
00:13:46,249 --> 00:13:48,417
Grab everything Christmasy.
343
00:13:48,451 --> 00:13:50,519
If Natesville can't afford
a Christmas Festival,
344
00:13:50,554 --> 00:13:52,221
Then we're doing it ourselves.
345
00:13:52,255 --> 00:13:55,391
Narrator: So Maw Maw and Burt,
with the help of his spouse,
346
00:13:55,425 --> 00:14:00,095
grabbed bows and a card
from their pen pal in Laos.
347
00:14:01,130 --> 00:14:04,500
They took every ornament
and each candy cane,
348
00:14:04,534 --> 00:14:08,103
and also the pillow
for Maw Maw's butt pain.
349
00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:13,342
The family Chance snuck
into Howdy's with stealth
350
00:14:13,376 --> 00:14:16,345
to snatch holiday trinkets
and clear every shelf.
351
00:14:16,379 --> 00:14:20,015
They even ripped off
the security elf.
352
00:14:20,050 --> 00:14:22,785
Oh, this is going to be
such a great festival!
353
00:14:22,819 --> 00:14:24,687
It's too bad you can't be there.
354
00:14:24,721 --> 00:14:26,121
Oh, I'm gonna be there.
355
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,290
No way I'm gonna miss your mother
lighting that tree.
356
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,792
I got to see
that look on her face.
357
00:14:29,826 --> 00:14:31,527
But the whole town is mad at you.
358
00:14:31,561 --> 00:14:33,762
You might get candy-caned...
Or shot.
359
00:14:33,797 --> 00:14:36,432
They won't even know I'm
there. I'm going in disguise.
360
00:14:36,466 --> 00:14:38,100
I'll give you a hint.
361
00:14:38,134 --> 00:14:40,736
He wears a red furry suit
and says "Ho, ho, ho."
362
00:14:40,770 --> 00:14:41,971
You're going as a pimp?
363
00:14:42,005 --> 00:14:43,272
Santa Claus.
364
00:14:43,306 --> 00:14:45,040
I'll be going as Santa Claus, Jimmy.
365
00:14:45,075 --> 00:14:46,408
Narrator: There was a chance
366
00:14:46,443 --> 00:14:48,711
that the Chances
might just save the day.
367
00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:50,546
Sabrina was stacked.
368
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:53,115
Well, with wreaths, anyway.
369
00:14:55,085 --> 00:14:58,320
One fresh from the womb,
one close to the crypt.
370
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:02,291
They grabbed all the goodies
their weak hands could grip.
371
00:15:02,325 --> 00:15:06,929
While wreath after wreath
after wreath was unclipped.
372
00:15:12,435 --> 00:15:15,905
Since sugar plums, not
brains, danced in their head,
373
00:15:15,939 --> 00:15:19,909
They thought one tiny dog
could pull one giant sled.
374
00:15:19,943 --> 00:15:22,678
But try as they might,
that dog wouldn't mush,
375
00:15:22,712 --> 00:15:27,483
so Burt climbed down
and started to push.
376
00:15:27,517 --> 00:15:30,586
And in order to get
all Natesvillians to meet,
377
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:33,656
Sabrina sent out
an emergency tweet.
378
00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:36,592
(Phone chirps)
379
00:15:36,626 --> 00:15:40,529
The word of a party
soon spread far and near,
380
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:45,034
And Natesvillians came calling,
all filled with great cheer.
381
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:48,837
Yes, everyone pitched in
to make Christmas greater.
382
00:15:48,872 --> 00:15:52,741
Of course, some made decisions
they might regret later.
383
00:15:56,813 --> 00:15:58,447
Merry Christmas.
384
00:15:58,481 --> 00:16:00,449
Ho, ho, ho!
385
00:16:00,483 --> 00:16:02,218
Santa, it's working.
386
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,186
This might be the best Christmas ever.
387
00:16:04,221 --> 00:16:06,855
I know. Look,
even the Hoos are here.
388
00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:08,057
Hello, Hoos!
389
00:16:08,091 --> 00:16:10,192
Narrator:
It was all going well.
390
00:16:10,227 --> 00:16:12,161
They were feeling quite smug
391
00:16:12,195 --> 00:16:16,565
until one little Hoo
tugged a curious tug.
392
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,700
Wait a minute.
393
00:16:17,734 --> 00:16:20,970
Burt Chance is
pretending to be Santa!
394
00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:21,704
Oh.
395
00:16:21,738 --> 00:16:24,039
You can't cancel the festival,
396
00:16:24,074 --> 00:16:26,041
and then just show up
and celebrate it!
397
00:16:26,076 --> 00:16:28,177
Even if you are the mayor!
398
00:16:28,211 --> 00:16:29,879
(Booing)
399
00:16:29,913 --> 00:16:31,647
Narrator: Since the littlest Hoo
had spoiled the fun,
400
00:16:31,681 --> 00:16:35,417
Now Burt had to do
what he knew must be done.
401
00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:37,186
I'm sorry. I'm leaving.
402
00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:38,821
Narrator:
And as Burt took his lumps,
403
00:16:38,855 --> 00:16:41,523
Maybe more than his share...
404
00:16:41,558 --> 00:16:44,693
Hey! The real mayor is back.
405
00:16:44,728 --> 00:16:48,998
...The town's mood was lifted
by their now sober mayor.
406
00:16:49,032 --> 00:16:51,033
And she's 12 steps hotter.
407
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:57,215
As the mayor swooped in
to steal credit from Burt,
408
00:16:57,249 --> 00:17:00,418
There are only two words that
our hurt Burt could blurt.
409
00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:03,287
Stupid Christmas.
410
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,991
Hello, Natesvillians!
411
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:08,259
(Whoops)
412
00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:09,527
(All cheering)
Natesville!
413
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:12,764
Oh, gosh, I would like
to thank all of you
414
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:15,066
For pulling together as neighbors,
415
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:17,034
Especially Virginia Chance.
416
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,237
Without her, we wouldn't be about
417
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:21,939
To enjoy the most meaningful
Christmas Festival
418
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:23,775
in our town's history!
419
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,943
(Applause and cheering)
420
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,411
Where do I plug this in?
421
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:30,848
Uh, Mrs. Chance,
the outlet's over there.
422
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:34,519
Narrator: But just as she
could taste a victory so sweet,
423
00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:39,757
She'd fallen short of her mark
by 40 yards plus three feet.
424
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:42,393
(All sighing)
425
00:17:42,427 --> 00:17:44,028
Well, don't...
Don't look at me.
426
00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:46,397
I mean, her husband's the one
who canceled Christmas.
427
00:17:46,431 --> 00:17:48,199
I didn't do it.
428
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:51,636
Narrator: Since the lights were the
thing that made Christmas feel real,
429
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,572
without lights shining brightly,
it lost its appeal.
430
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:59,577
With no lights and no sparkle,
their Christmas felt bland,
431
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:03,948
And Virginia just stood
there, her cord in her hand.
432
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:08,052
Aw, Virginia...
You came so close.
433
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:10,087
- Merry Christmas, Burt.
- Aah!
434
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:13,925
Ah. What are you guys doing here?
435
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:16,761
As former interim mayors,
we know the deal, Burt.
436
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:20,331
We came to see what you saved
by canceling the Christmas Festival.
437
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:21,399
The community pool.
438
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:22,967
All: Oh.
439
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:24,802
I saw my first boob at that pool.
440
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,971
Oh, that's a very special place.
441
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:28,573
Thanks, Burt.
442
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,641
And thank you,
extra-springy diving board.
443
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,076
But I ruined Christmas.
444
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,578
It's not your fault.
445
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,580
Every time the mayor
has a hard choice to make,
446
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,415
She goes into rehab and leaves it
447
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,350
to the interim mayors
to take the bullet.
448
00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:41,352
It's okay, Burt.
We all know how you feel.
449
00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:43,187
After I canceled
the school lunch program,
450
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,822
nobody talked to me for a year.
451
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:48,192
They didn't know that I only
did it to pay for new flu shots
452
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:51,629
after the ones the drunk mayor bought
turned out to be jell-o shots.
453
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:54,665
And I only sold the town church bell
to pay the exterminator
454
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,034
to drive the face-eating monkeys
out of the town.
455
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,504
I never saw any face-eating monkeys.
456
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:00,705
You're welcome.
457
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:02,273
Don't worry, Burt.
458
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,108
Natesville is a very forgiving place.
459
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,110
This town will get over it.
460
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,712
Yeah, but I didn't get
to give Virginia
461
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:09,180
the gift of lighting the tree.
462
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:12,683
Now, I'll have to go back
to giving her batteries.
463
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:15,453
(Gasps)
Batteries.
464
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:19,657
Narrator: Burt ran down the hill
with all caution unheeded
465
00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:23,494
and gave to Virginia
the exact gift she needed.
466
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,496
Virginia!
467
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,198
Wait!
468
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,633
Don't go!
469
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,568
You have to open
your Christmas present first.
470
00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:32,737
Oh, Burt, can't we
just do it at home?
471
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:35,072
We have to return
all these ornaments we stole.
472
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,407
Just open this first.
473
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,042
All right.
474
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,818
It's just what I wanted.
475
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,719
Narrator: Ignoring the risk
of electrical fire,
476
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:52,990
Burt hooked up the gift
he hoped would inspire.
477
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,192
Madam First Lady,
478
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,327
Would you please fulfill
your holiday duty?
479
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,695
Doodie.
480
00:19:57,729 --> 00:20:00,231
(Both laugh)
481
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:02,333
(Electrical popping)
Oh!
482
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,902
Narrator: Her grandpa
lighting those lights
483
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,271
touched Hope's tiny heart,
484
00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:10,875
and a feeling for Christmas
had started to start.
485
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:13,611
Christmas
486
00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:15,446
Christmas
487
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:19,083
Hearing hope belt out
her sweet Christmas sound,
488
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:22,887
The grumpy Natesvillians
turned right back around.
489
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:27,024
The holiday song
from this sweet little shorty
490
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:31,896
Reached up to the mayors,
who were sharing a 40.
491
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:34,198
Christmas
492
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,101
The spirit of Christmas
erased every frown.
493
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:41,105
and the people of Natesville
helped light up their town.
494
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,141
(Quiet chatter)
495
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:45,841
Christmas
496
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:50,012
Christmas
497
00:20:53,283 --> 00:20:55,017
Yeah.
498
00:20:55,051 --> 00:20:57,519
Hanukkah
499
00:20:57,554 --> 00:21:01,156
Oh. Thank you.
500
00:21:03,193 --> 00:21:06,795
Narrator: Burt's battery plan
brought lights back to the city,
501
00:21:06,830 --> 00:21:10,032
and the town soon
forgave him for being so...
502
00:21:10,066 --> 00:21:11,700
Snow!
503
00:21:11,735 --> 00:21:14,002
(All gasping)
504
00:21:14,037 --> 00:21:16,939
It's a climate change
Christmas miracle.
505
00:21:16,973 --> 00:21:20,175
Narrator: Christmas was saved,
and the lights brightly shone.
506
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:23,479
We should probably say here,
don't try this at home.
507
00:21:23,513 --> 00:21:24,813
(Electrical popping)
508
00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:26,482
All: Oh!
509
00:21:27,848 --> 00:21:28,920
Merry Christmas, mom.
510
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,020
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511
00:21:32,070 --> 00:21:36,620
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