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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,600 I went to the cupboard and I'd run out of tea, 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,840 so I went to the shop up there and they didn't have the one that 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,200 I normally get, so I thought, "It's all right, doesn't matter. 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,080 "I'll just get..." You know, whatever it was, 5 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,520 Tetley's, PG Tips - I can't remember! 6 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,720 Was it Tetley's? 7 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:16,680 No, it was... 8 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:20,320 Yes, it was! It was, it was Tetley... No. 9 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,120 - This is a really boring story, isn't it? - It's not great. 10 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,560 SHE CHUCKLES Oh, dear! 11 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:31,080 - Michael's here. - All right, Michael? 12 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,720 - Yeah. You? - Yeah. 13 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,040 - Nice hat. - Thank you. 14 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,800 So, I went online to see what tea I could get online... 15 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,640 - Are you still going on about the tea? - I haven't told Michael yet! - Hey, Reg. 16 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,720 You see these idiots, 17 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,800 going for their runs and giving up smoking 18 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,280 and cutting down on the booze, 19 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:57,560 and all for an extra ten years of living like that. 20 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,160 I mean, honestly, what's the point? 21 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:11,160 So...that's...40p a box less. 22 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,720 120 tea bags per box. 23 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,080 So, per tea bag, that's... 24 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,760 Take off the noughts... 25 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:24,000 - No idea! - That's a third of a penny. 26 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,320 - That was a really bad story, wasn't it? - Terrible, completely terrible. 27 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,160 - You had a good week? - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 28 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,440 Cleaned my car. 29 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,920 HE CHUCKLES GENTLY 30 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,360 - Mm! - SHE CHUCKLES 31 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,400 - How's your mum? - She's fine. 32 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,040 She got an e-mail from a Nigerian prince. 33 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,960 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 34 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,120 All she's got to do is send him her bank details 35 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,240 and he'll give her �100 million. 36 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,600 - SHE LAUGHS Stroke of luck! - I know. 37 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,960 So, erm, did you get my e-mail? 38 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,160 - DOOR SLAMS - Cathy! 39 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,280 - I got the barbecue out! - Oh. 40 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,760 Barbecues get so dirty, don't they? 41 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,240 They're worse than ovens! 42 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:19,160 You-You've got a bit of black on your, erm... 43 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,720 - Gone? - I think you better pop upstairs, love, 44 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,920 and wash it properly. 45 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,000 Hi. You found the barbecue, then? 46 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,400 THEY GIGGLE 47 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,000 - No, stop touching it, love! - Sorry! 48 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,760 STILL LAUGHING 49 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,080 Oh, no! 50 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,800 - He's an estate agent - he's lying. - He's not lying. 51 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,960 He's a nice person. 52 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,960 He puts smiley faces at the ends of his e-mails. 53 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,440 Oh, sorry! 54 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,080 - Does that actually fit you? - Yeah. 55 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,560 Aw! 56 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,760 SHE GIGGLES 57 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,040 Ooh! 58 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,960 Why would an estate agent lie? 59 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,360 Because estate agents aren't like you and me, babe, 60 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,960 they're really, really horrible people. 61 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:11,520 - Oh, I didn't see that arrive. - Oh, that's strange. - Yeah! Yeah. 62 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,000 Cathy, erm... 63 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,680 No, it's, erm, it's sort of like a garden centre, erm, 64 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,640 this link that I sent you in the e-mail, 65 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,320 but it's lots of other things. 66 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,680 - I mean, they've got a nice big cafe, and... - Yeah. 67 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,520 ..and I just wondered if you'd heard of it, nothing else. 68 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:30,360 I was thinking it might do me good, erm, to get out a bit. 69 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,800 - Yeah, absolutely, uh, I just... - No, it doesn't matter. 70 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,800 It doesn't matter. It's, erm... 71 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,320 No. It...doesn't matter. Er... 72 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,160 This might be the tea! 73 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,360 God knows how long it's been there! 74 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,160 SHE SIGHS 75 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:00,920 # I got my ticket for the long way round 76 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,880 # Two bottle o' whisky for the way 77 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,920 # And I sure would like some sweet company 78 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,480 # Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say? 79 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,680 - # When I'm gone - When I'm gone 80 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,960 - # When I'm gone - When I'm gone 81 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,920 # You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 82 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,840 # You're gonna miss me by my hair 83 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,480 # You're gonna miss me everywhere 84 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,600 # You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 85 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,960 # I got my ticket for the long way round 86 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,200 # The one with the prettiest view 87 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,160 # It's got mountains it's got rivers 88 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,120 # It's got woods that'll give you shivers 89 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,440 # But it sure would be prettier with you 90 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,600 - # When I'm gone - When I'm gone 91 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,720 - # When I'm gone - When I'm gone 92 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,040 ? You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. ? 93 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:54,120 This programme contains some strong language. 94 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,000 Well, it's exciting about this flat. 95 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:03,440 - We both got one! - Lovely. 96 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,680 They were made by mountain people. 97 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,960 - That's nice to know. - Mm! 98 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,280 HE CHORTLES 99 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,360 - PUTTING ON SCOTTISH ACCENT - "Your mum"! 100 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:15,680 HE CHUCKLES 101 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,840 It's the way you say it, mate! 102 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:19,600 "How's your mum?" 103 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,640 "Do you think she needs to get out a bit more?" 104 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,600 No, but how is she, is she OK? 105 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:30,680 "Is she OK?" 106 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,400 Can you do an impression of me? 107 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,440 - No! - No! - No. 108 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,520 - STILL IMITATING MICHAEL - I don't mind! 109 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:47,040 - IN SILLY ENGLISH ACCENT - Hello, I'm Jason! 110 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,800 That's nothing like me! 111 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,320 - STILL IN SCOTTISH ACCENT - Say something else! 112 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,560 Hello, I'm Jason, and... 113 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:58,960 JASON LAUGHING 114 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,000 I'm wearing a silly 'at! 115 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,720 BOTH CHUCKLING 116 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,680 What d'you mean? 117 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,600 You excited about this flat, then? 118 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,840 Yeah. 119 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,800 It'll be like... 120 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,840 It'll be nice doing our, like, own thing, and we won't have 121 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:21,640 to worry about, like, waking anyone up in the morning. 122 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,440 Oh, I don't mind. I'm always up. 123 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,360 Or, like, hurrying in the shower. 124 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,000 You don't have to hurry, there's plenty of hot water. 125 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,920 Or, like, not using the toilet sometimes 126 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,880 because someone's done a really smelly poo. 127 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,520 - Put that down, love. - Yes. 128 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,360 Jason's sorting out the barbecue, 129 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,640 but I've got some dips here to keep you going. 130 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,280 - Dips? - Yeah. 131 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,960 - What's she saying now? - She's got dips! - She's got what? 132 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:58,040 - Dips. - Dips? - Dips! 133 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,720 - What's dips?! - Oh, you know, we've had them here before, 134 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,400 it's, like, different sauces and you dip your crisps in them. 135 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,960 It's like a what? 136 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,680 It's like sauces. 137 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,840 Dips? 138 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:12,160 - Never heard of it. - No, you've had them here before, Maureen. 139 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:15,360 - You put your crisps in it. - What crisps? 140 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,560 They're not fucking crisps! 141 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,920 Is there anything else I can get for you? 142 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,560 - You got raisins, Cathy? - Raisins? Erm.... 143 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:23,880 Oh, forget it. 144 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,840 - Has she got any raisins? - Don't ask. 145 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,800 Imagine a house without raisins! 146 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,200 Ah, no. 147 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,520 Eurgh! 148 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,640 Try that. 149 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:49,880 Oh! 150 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,920 What is it? 151 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,680 It's...dips. 152 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:54,720 THEY SIGH 153 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,800 Oh...it's revolting. 154 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,960 Oh, Jesus. 155 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,640 Oh. Everything all right out there? 156 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:17,120 - Yeah. No, erm, your e-mail... - Yeah. 157 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,960 - Very nice. - Thanks! 158 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,720 No, it's nice, that garden centre. 159 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,160 - Yeah, I-I thought it looked, you know... - It sounds... 160 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,400 ..pathetic, but... 161 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:40,160 Do you remember when me and Abi were getting divorced, 162 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:43,120 and...there was a guy... 163 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,200 DOOR SLAMS 164 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,080 - Fire's going. - Ah. 165 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,600 Babe? 166 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,520 JASON CHUCKLES 167 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,960 - I'll get the beers. - Oh, thanks, mate. 168 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,160 They were made by mountain people. 169 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,520 - Yeah. - Yeah, they've actually got the name of the person 170 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,280 - who made them on the label. - Mm. 171 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,120 I think mine was made by a child, because the handwriting's terrible. 172 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,640 - Aw, that's cute. - DOORBELL RINGS 173 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:07,680 Yeah! 174 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,400 That'll be from the swimming. 175 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:14,640 Yeah, could be. 176 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,240 - They reckon it gets sunny later. - Mm. 177 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,720 - Does my hair look OK? - Yes, it's fantastic. 178 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,000 They might be round the back. 179 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,920 - Hello! - Hello! Come in, come in! 180 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:44,440 - Nice day? - Yeah, we took Danielle to the golf club, didn't we? - Yes. 181 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,360 Oh! Hello, love. 182 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,040 - I like your hair. - Thanks. 183 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,640 - And...she's had her tongue pierced. - Oh! - Come on, Dan. 184 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,560 Oh, ouch! 185 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:57,600 - We took her to have it done, didn't we? - Yes. - Hello, Dan! 186 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,680 - You look amazing! - Go in and say hello, go on. 187 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,560 Hi, Jason. 188 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,960 - She's just different. - Yeah. - Isn't she? 189 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,000 Oh, she's very different. Yes. 190 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,240 This is Derek's daughter, Danielle. 191 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,280 - Jesus! - What the fuck is that? 192 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,200 These are my dad's parents. 193 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,960 What, Derek's got a daughter? 194 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,960 - Is it all right if Danielle uses your loo? - Derek's got a daughter?! 195 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,000 Yeah, go ahead, love. You don't need to ask. 196 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,280 Derek's got a daughter?! 197 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,840 Since when did Derek have a daughter?! 198 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,720 I think some of the older people 199 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,040 find it hard to deal with the punk attitude. 200 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,160 Yeah, course they do. It's anarchic. 201 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,440 - SPEAKING LOUDLY - He's got three kids, Nan! You've met them! 202 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,320 - Who are the mothers? - Oh, God knows. 203 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,120 - Some cheap tarts who couldn't keep their legs shut. - Yeah. 204 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,360 HE GRUMBLES 205 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,600 Why did Derek have to have kids? 206 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,000 Of all the people to make more of, 207 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,880 why did they have to make more of Derek? 208 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,040 I'm too hot. 209 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,520 There are all these ugly people out there, having ugly sex 210 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:09,880 with each other, 211 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,720 - bringing their ugly kids into the world. - HE SCOFFS 212 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,600 It's a tragedy. 213 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,480 It's not fair on the rest of us. 214 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,680 I mean, what are they thinking?! 215 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,280 - Family barbecue? - Yeah! - Oof. 216 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,040 I bet that reminds you of your dead husband. 217 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,360 It's nice of you to take Danielle to the golf club this morning. 218 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:31,920 You got vodka? 219 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,160 - Yes, and tonic, Coke... - Oh, I won't be needing that. 220 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,960 - Men round a barbecue! - Yes! 221 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,600 I feel like we should be talking about, like, football or cars 222 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,360 - or something, like Dave used to. - Mm. 223 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,240 Or, like, er, what's your favourite sexual position and that. 224 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,720 Yeah... 225 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,040 Well, I'll start. 226 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,960 Woman on top, because you get to see her knockers. 227 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,360 That's pretty normal, isn't it? 228 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,160 - Yeah. - Yeah. 229 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:25,920 Jason? 230 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,560 Are we all doing it? 231 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,400 Looks like it. 232 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,520 OK. Well... 233 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,240 I know it's not very la-di-da, 234 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,160 but I think there's a lot to be said for the missionary position. 235 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,160 You know where you are with it. 236 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,720 You're in and out, there's no theatrics, 237 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,040 you don't get cramp. 238 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,880 And also, you get to maintain eye contact throughout. 239 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,280 Yeah. 240 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,160 Michael? Favourite sexual position? 241 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,480 It's been so long, I've forgotten most of them! 242 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,000 Er... 243 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,000 Oh, I'd probably be just as happy with a cuddle. 244 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,960 I'd give you a cuddle. 245 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,680 I know you would, mate. 246 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,680 Wouldn't be the same though, would it? 247 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,120 Nah. 248 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,360 - Well, that felt good! - Yeah. 249 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,480 Yeah, but I'm really excited. 250 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:38,200 I can't wait to have the space to unpack some of my crates, 251 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:39,600 get all my stuff out. 252 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,760 Put out my clowns, on, like, a sideboard or something. 253 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,160 Sorry, love, erm... 254 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,120 I've got a collection of clowns. 255 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:51,960 Right! 256 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:58,480 Most of them are really small, but some of them are absolutely massive. 257 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,760 But can you two keep a secret? 258 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,600 Yeah. Course we can, can't we? 259 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,200 - I'll be in there. - Right. 260 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,120 - SHE SNORTS - How funny. 261 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,680 I've just had a text message from O2 262 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:31,240 saying they want to offer me an upgrade. 263 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,600 Nice. 264 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,080 They're desperate to keep me. 265 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,200 You going to get one? 266 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,000 No, but Jason's being weird. 267 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,400 About us moving out. 268 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,080 - I think he just doesn't trust this estate agent... - No, it's... 269 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:57,560 - Oh! - Sorry! 270 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,160 I just touched your bosom! 271 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:04,680 - Yeah! - I don't know if this is an inappropriate thing to say 272 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,680 to your boyfriend's mum, but you've got really lovely bosoms! 273 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,120 Have another feel. 274 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,000 I'm joking. 275 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,080 Thank God for that! 276 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,040 Because I actually had this dream where you had this... 277 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,920 Yeah, are you sure you should be telling me? 278 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,840 No. 279 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,240 I'm glad I took her to the golf club, because it's nice for her 280 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,960 - to see how well her dad's doing. - Yeah. 281 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,080 And while Pauline was in the loo, I actually introduced Danielle 282 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,280 to Sir Nicholas, who chairs the committee. 283 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,880 You did what? 284 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,000 Yeah! We showed him her piercing. 285 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,360 - You did fucking what?! - DOOR SLAMS 286 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,920 - The burgers are going on. - Great. 287 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:53,000 Dave always used to put them on first, because... 288 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,560 Because everyone gets hungry, don't they, 289 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,080 waiting for the chicken to cook? 290 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,360 That sounds like a saying, doesn't it?! 291 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,000 There's a lot of truth in that. 292 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,000 I'm sorry about the e-mail. 293 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,400 No! Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 294 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,840 It's just me. 295 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,400 Just me being...pathetic. 296 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,120 It's just...that guy still works there. 297 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,920 Oh, God. Yeah. 298 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,160 Some places get sort of... 299 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,160 - poisoned by memories. - Yeah. 300 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,400 By our age, you can barely go anywhere. 301 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,120 It's been 11 years! 302 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,360 Yeah, but that doesn't stop you feeling something. 303 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,920 No. No, no, it doesn't. 304 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:35,600 But you were just sending me a link to a garden centre. 305 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,400 - Yeah, yeah, it's just a link, that's all. - Right. 306 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,560 You didn't want me to come, or...? 307 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,480 - No, no, no, of course not, no. - No? 308 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,320 I wouldn't want to put you out. 309 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,840 No. Of course. Great. 310 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,320 I'll just go, er... 311 00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,880 If my kid looked like that, Derek, 312 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:03,080 I'd either, A, lock her in a cupboard, 313 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,480 or, B, choke her to death. 314 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,880 - Reg! - That's a bit harsh! - Well... 315 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,800 You shouldn't judge women on their appearance. 316 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,960 Well, you've got to judge them on something. 317 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,440 - Can I put that in the bin? - Ah! Now... 318 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,400 - That goes in the bin, yeah? - Yeah. 319 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,200 Right. Excuse me. 320 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,720 Pauline? 321 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:28,920 Pauline? 322 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,560 < Finished with the crisps, Reg? 323 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,200 Pauline! 324 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,520 HE CHUCKLES 325 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,960 - You all right, darling? You seen Pauline? - I think she's out there. 326 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,120 - Um, look at this. - One minute, Dan. 327 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,040 Right, Pauline. 328 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,560 This is a plastic tray of dips 329 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,600 and I've - well, we've all had some, 330 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,160 but it's finished - and Cathy takes it off me, 331 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,040 - and she says she's going to put it in the bin. - OK. 332 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,000 A piece of hard plastic, in the bin. 333 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,680 - Yes? - Because, the other night, 334 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,360 you said hard plastic goes in the recycling. 335 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,680 - I said it goes in the bin. - No, you didn't! 336 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,880 - You said it goes in the recycling! - No, Derek, 337 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,560 YOU said it goes in the recycling, because it was me that had to 338 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,840 take it out of the recycling and put it in the bin. 339 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,280 Oh, yeah. 340 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:27,880 - QUIETLY: - Bollocks. 341 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,920 Hey, Dad, look at this. 342 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,120 - Yeah, that's great, love. - The singer's in my class. 343 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,920 - You all right, Derek? - Yeah. Really good, yeah. 344 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,240 - Top of the world, mate. - Hm! 345 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,240 - You OK? What was all that about? - Oh, nothing, no. 346 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,200 - Just wanted to put it in the bin for you. - Oh, thanks. 347 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,440 He also recycles his toothbrushes. 348 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,560 I mean, honestly. I wonder why I put up with him. 349 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,760 Oh, God! Shit! No, Pauline! 350 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,800 - Satan? - Yeah. 351 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,240 But why would you want to be the bride of Satan? 352 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,480 He'd be, like, the worst husband ever. 353 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,880 I just hate all humans. 354 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,280 No! 355 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,400 Yeah. 356 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,080 - Blimey. - Yeah. 357 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,240 That's so many people, though. 358 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,240 They're all scum. 359 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,760 What about your mum and dad? 360 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,440 Well, I definitely hate my mum, 361 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,360 because she's basically a bitch. 362 00:19:58,520 --> 00:19:59,920 Well, when you're older, 363 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,320 you can show your mum and move into your own place. 364 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,480 - PAULINE: - Derek! - Yeah. 365 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,600 - Do you like... - Derek! 366 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,920 Oh, I'm just trying to think of someone that's impossible to hate. 367 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,400 Do you like... 368 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,600 ..Holly Willoughby? 369 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,640 I hate her. 370 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,120 Shut up! 371 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,480 - I didn't break it. - No, she didn't. 372 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,400 - It broke beneath her. - No. - No. 373 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,080 Broken for years. 374 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,440 - Yes. - God, I'm so sorry, Pauline. 375 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,360 - It isn't an excuse to touch me. - Sorry. 376 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,240 You might want to get yourself to the garden centre, Cath, 377 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:37,520 get some new chairs. 378 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:41,360 - Oh, OK, yeah. - Come on, then, babe, let's sit you down. 379 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,000 - Don't call me babe. - Sorry, angel. 380 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,080 Oh, for God's sake, Derek, I've got a name. 381 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,920 - They all right? - Um... 382 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,280 One of my chairs broke and Pauline went flying. 383 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,440 - I'd liked to have seen that. - Me too! 384 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,240 Here, you might want this. 385 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,360 - It's a good offer. - Oh, yeah! Yeah, thanks. Thank you. Er... 386 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,280 Yeah, it's funny, that. They're... 387 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:15,600 ..saying I should go to a garden centre and get some new chairs! 388 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,640 - Yeah? - Yeah! 389 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,840 Well, I mean, maybe they're right. 390 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,880 I mean, maybe it would be good to get some new chairs. 391 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,600 I mean, that's still the stuff that me and Dave got, 392 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,880 when we moved in, so... 393 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,120 Do you fancy, erm... 394 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,320 You fancy helping? 395 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,120 Yeah. 396 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:45,440 - I mean, we-we wouldn't have to go to that one. - No, no. - Yeah! 397 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,000 We could grab a bite to eat, you know, 398 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,000 if we happen to be there at lunchtime, and... 399 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:57,600 - Yeah, OK. - And if we don't find any decent furniture on the first go, 400 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:01,200 I mean, there's plenty of different garden centres, aren't there? 401 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,480 Well, obviously, I'd have to... 402 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,280 - check my diary. - Oh, yeah. No, me too, obviously. 403 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,880 Make sure I'm not supposed to be... 404 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,040 sitting on the sofa or looking in the fridge. 405 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,880 I don't know if we should tell anyone. 406 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:26,760 No. 407 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,680 No. 408 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,880 - I mean, it's just... It's just going to a garden centre, isn't it? - Yeah! 409 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,240 - It's just a garden centre! - Yeah! 410 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:37,880 DOOR OPENS 411 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,160 - Burgers are ready! - Oh. 412 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,040 - You put the burgers on first and you eat them. - OK. 413 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,640 So you're not getting hungry 414 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,240 while you're waiting for the chicken to cook. 415 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,760 - Blowing my mind. - And your dad thought of that himself? - Yeah. 416 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,200 - That's who you get your brains from. - That guy was a genius. 417 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,400 - Oh, that's my one. - Oh, sorry. 418 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,600 I was just telling them about Dad's barbecue tactics. 419 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,680 - Oh, yeah, he used to put the burgers... - Shut up a minute. 420 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,960 He put the burgers on first... 421 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,920 They're talking about David. 422 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,640 - Whassat? - Outside. 423 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,960 They're talking about David. 424 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,440 - He loved a barbecue. - Yeah! 425 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,080 Yeah. 426 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,000 You going outside? 427 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,640 No. 428 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,400 I hate burgers. 429 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:58,160 Aren't you going to go outside? 430 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,320 You've dropped a stitch. 431 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:29,800 Have I? 432 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:36,880 Here. 433 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:44,160 And then - and only then - he put the chicken on. 434 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,960 - Yeah, I remember. - It's beautiful. 435 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,920 - Yeah. - Take a seat, mate. - Cheers. 436 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,040 - And he was the king of the barbecue banter. - Mm. 437 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,200 - You and him had some great banter, didn't you? - Yeah, yeah. 438 00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:00,240 - His impressions of Michael were legendary. Weren't they, Mum? - Yeah! 439 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,800 New question. 440 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,280 - At what point did he put the sausages on? - Oh. 441 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,240 - The sausages, now, that's a whole other story. - Oh, fantastic! 442 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,200 I can't wait to hear this! 443 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,360 My dad, your grandad, he was a legend at cooking sausages. 444 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:15,520 - Was he? - Oh, he was a master at it. 445 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,280 - He knew all the tricks. - My dad, 446 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,040 he was all about the regularity of the heat. 447 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,080 - Oh, it is all about the heat, definitely. - Yeah. 448 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,240 - But it's also about the cold. - Go on. 449 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,200 SPEECH FADES 450 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,320 # I got my ticket for the long way round 451 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,480 # Two bottle of whisky for the way 452 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,000 # And I sure would like some sweet company 453 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,320 # And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say? 454 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:50,200 # When I'm gone When I'm gone 455 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,080 # You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 456 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,040 # You're gonna miss me by my hair 457 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,440 # You're gonna miss me everywhere 458 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,480 ? You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. ? 459 00:26:00,530 --> 00:26:05,080 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33885

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