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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:03,050 - God! It's meh! - I could imagine it. 2 00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:04,850 It wasn't that bad. -- You just opened it up. 3 00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:07,610 What! You had to lift that up everytime you wanted to play a song(?) 4 00:00:07,660 --> 00:00:08,860 Yeah. 5 00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:11,690 - It's amazing to think that was normal. - Yeah. 6 00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:15,450 Then you put your LP on, and if you were anything like your dad, 7 00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:18,610 you had to make sure there wasn't any dust on his record, 8 00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:21,060 because it affected the stylus. 9 00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:24,370 You needed a degree just to put a song on! 10 00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:28,130 - How did they find the time to lift the lid, do the dusting... - I know! 11 00:00:28,180 --> 00:00:31,120 Was it anything to do with all the paedos? 12 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:33,170 What does that mean, love? 13 00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:35,930 It just occurred to me there might be a link between how hard it was 14 00:00:35,980 --> 00:00:39,410 to put a song on in the '70s and the fact everyone was a paedo. 15 00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,650 I... I don't think there's a link. 16 00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:42,690 OK, then. 17 00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:46,290 Also, not everyone who was alive in the '70s was a paedophile. 18 00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:47,810 We'll see. 19 00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:52,490 - Could I ask you another question about your record player? - Shall we move on? - Yeah. 20 00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:54,770 We could take these to Australia, Kell. 21 00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:56,770 Oh! 22 00:00:56,820 --> 00:01:00,410 Amazing! God! I can't wait! 23 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,700 That's a great idea, yeah. 24 00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:06,730 - Was that convincing? - Almost. 25 00:01:06,780 --> 00:01:10,170 Right, so your mum's going to come and take that little fridge, 26 00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:12,730 isn't she? Is she going to want anything else? 27 00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,650 Oh, I'm sure, yeah. 28 00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:18,450 I mean, who wouldn't want some of your clear-out? 29 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,850 Looks like you've got some really great stuff here, Cathy. 30 00:01:23,220 --> 00:01:25,610 Well, people can just take what they want, can't they, 31 00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:27,850 and then we'll chuck the rest or take it to Scope. 32 00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,130 I bet they'll be pleased. 33 00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:31,290 Yeah, with the money they've raised from this lot, 34 00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:33,690 they'll be able to give loads of people loads more... 35 00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:36,280 Scope, or whatever it is they do. 36 00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:39,850 I'm taking the mickey! 37 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,370 No...(!) 38 00:01:42,420 --> 00:01:45,090 - I'm taking the mickey out of your clear-out! - No(!) 39 00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:46,730 Yeah! I'm so sorry! 40 00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:48,330 But you seemed so serious. 41 00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:50,130 I know, it was all fake! 42 00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:51,210 - No! - Yeah! 43 00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:53,210 Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so mean. 44 00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:55,570 We have such a lot of fun, don't we? 45 00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:57,560 Yeah. It's orgasmic. 46 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:00,370 Cathy! 47 00:02:03,980 --> 00:02:05,250 Mum. 48 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,100 Look what I found. 49 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:09,810 Oh! 50 00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:11,060 Aww! 51 00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,650 Oh, wow! 52 00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:16,250 Ahh... 53 00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:19,600 Well, I really liked Teddy Sheringham, didn't I? 54 00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:21,330 Did you think it was weird? 55 00:02:21,380 --> 00:02:22,920 Little bit. 56 00:02:23,420 --> 00:02:24,650 Mum! 57 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:27,330 No, what was really worrying was that T-shirt you made. 58 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,290 - Oh... - Oh, no! 59 00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,490 What... 60 00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:31,940 this one? 61 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,290 - It's raining! - Oh, shit. 62 00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:38,250 Get the fridge! 63 00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:40,410 Cathy! 64 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:41,850 Kelly, calm down, love! 65 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:45,130 I got my ticket for the long way round 66 00:02:45,180 --> 00:02:48,050 Two bottle whiskey for the way 67 00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:51,850 And I sure would like some sweet company 68 00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:55,490 Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow What do you say? 69 00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:57,610 - When I'm gone - When I'm gone 70 00:02:57,660 --> 00:03:00,090 - When I'm gone - When I'm gone 71 00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:03,130 You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 72 00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:05,330 You're gonna miss me by my hair 73 00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,610 You're gonna miss me everywhere 74 00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:10,450 You're gonna miss me when I'm gone... 75 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,490 That's it, in you go! 76 00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:16,490 I got my ticket for the long way round 77 00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:19,090 The one with the prettiest view 78 00:03:19,140 --> 00:03:21,130 It's got mountains It's got rivers 79 00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:22,890 It's got woods that'd give you shivers 80 00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:26,210 But it sure would be prettier with you 81 00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:28,650 - When I'm gone - When I'm gone 82 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,690 - When I'm gone - When I'm gone 83 00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:35,380 You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. 84 00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:46,250 Carol? 85 00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:48,650 Oh, hello. 86 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:51,010 - I'm Cathy. Nice to meet you at last. - Hello! Yeah. 87 00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:52,600 Cathy, yeah. 88 00:03:53,620 --> 00:03:56,930 Yeah, take anything you want. I want to get it all cleared out today, so... 89 00:03:56,980 --> 00:04:00,530 - Oh, no, I'll definitely take a lot of this. - Oh, good! - Yeah. 90 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,450 I'm taking the piss, you silly bitch. 91 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,640 It's a load of old crap. 92 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:08,290 - Hi, Mum! - Hi, Carol. - Do you hear that, Kell? 93 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:10,850 She was like, "I'm having a clear-out, take what you want," 94 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,770 and I was like, "As if, you silly bitch!" 95 00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:16,540 Like I'd want any of that crap! 96 00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,650 My mum's so funny, isn't she? 97 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:19,900 Yeah. 98 00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:22,570 Let me take that for you. 99 00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:24,890 Where you going to take it? 100 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:29,490 Yeah. I'll, um... Yeah, probably just put it on the, um... 101 00:04:29,540 --> 00:04:31,250 Who's that? 102 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,640 My dad. 103 00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:34,980 Fit. 104 00:04:36,220 --> 00:04:37,730 Good. 105 00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:39,530 I've... I've put the fridge out front, 106 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,490 but feel free to look in the garage, and take whatever you want. 107 00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:44,530 I want to get rid of as much as I can, so... 108 00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:47,330 Yeah, no, I was sorry to hear about your husband, Cathy. 109 00:04:47,380 --> 00:04:48,410 Um... 110 00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:50,930 - Dave. - Yeah. That's right. 111 00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:52,290 Very sad. 112 00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:54,080 Thank you. Yeah. 113 00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:57,250 Yeah, it's not been easy, the past couple of years. 114 00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:59,240 You seen that, Kell? 115 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,580 Oh, yeah. 116 00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:03,850 What do you keep in there? 117 00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:05,100 Tea. 118 00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:10,450 You heard about Kelly's new job, Cathy? 119 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,170 No. 120 00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,560 She's been headhunted by MI5. 121 00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:16,250 Mum! 122 00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,810 I'm joking. 123 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:20,130 She's been poached by NASA. 124 00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:21,490 Mum! 125 00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:23,850 No, I'm joking. I'm sorry, Kell. 126 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,610 She has got a new job, Cathy. 127 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:28,130 She's writing the questions on Mastermind. 128 00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:31,770 She didn't want to make a thing of it as it's not been confirmed yet, 129 00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:33,130 but... 130 00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:36,050 she's 90 per cent certain that she's got the job in Sainsbury's. 131 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:38,130 Well done, love! That's great. 132 00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:39,930 My daughter working in Sainsbury's. 133 00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:41,920 I feel like dancing. 134 00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:45,010 Oh, I see what you've done. 135 00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,130 You knocked it through. 136 00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:53,890 Basically, if she says something horrible to me, 137 00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:57,130 or, like, if she says something to me that's true and I wish it wasn't 138 00:05:57,180 --> 00:06:00,210 and it makes me want to cry, what I do is, I just laugh. 139 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,860 Great. 140 00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:08,180 Well, this is going to be fun. 141 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,490 - What's that? - Kelly's mum's here. 142 00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:13,890 Oh, God. How is she? 143 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:17,140 I'm not sure, but I think she might be the worst person I've ever met. 144 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:20,450 - Worcester sauce. - I'll pass. 145 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,250 Jason nicks all the good flavours. 146 00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:24,290 So... how's it going? 147 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,090 Yeah, good, good. Yeah. 148 00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:28,300 Oh, wow. That's massive. 149 00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:30,850 Shall I do it in one? 150 00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:32,570 Give it a try. 151 00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:40,650 Yeah. Congratulations. That was very pleasant to watch. 152 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,170 Thank you. 153 00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:45,650 No, no. It's all coming along. It's all coming along. Yeah. 154 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,530 Everything's under control. You know, all pretty simple. 155 00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,650 Basically you put the brackets to the telly, and... 156 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:54,100 fix the telly to the wall. Mmm? 157 00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:57,010 I won't bore you with all the details. Er... 158 00:06:57,060 --> 00:06:59,610 I'm actually supposed to be somewhere, so I'm just going to go 159 00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:02,530 - and check I've got all the bits... - OK. - .. and just get on with it. - Yeah. 160 00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:04,050 If I have to watch Jason and Kelly 161 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,850 canoodling on the sofa one more time, 162 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:08,130 I think I might dig my eyes out with a spoon. 163 00:07:08,180 --> 00:07:10,570 Almost makes me want them to go to Australia. 164 00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:11,850 They call each other "babe". 165 00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:15,010 Oh, God. My Nikki calls her boyfriend "babylips". 166 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,690 Sorry. 167 00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,570 - Babylips? - Babylips. 168 00:07:18,620 --> 00:07:20,250 Has he got lips like a baby? 169 00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:22,210 He does, actually. 170 00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:24,170 I can talk. 171 00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:27,810 When Dave and I were their age, we used to call each other "pet". 172 00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:29,860 Yeah, I remember that. 173 00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:35,250 - Can I stay up here? - No. Bugger off. 174 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,970 - Oh, come on. - No, go on. Go, go. 175 00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:40,050 Bugger off and let me finish putting up this telly. 176 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,210 Please? 177 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,400 Go. 178 00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:10,570 Come in, come in! 179 00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,370 Oh, thanks! 180 00:08:12,420 --> 00:08:13,690 It's big, isn't it? 181 00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:16,010 The steam cleaner or Derek's penis? 182 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,900 - She's had a glass of wine. - Right. 183 00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:22,290 So, how was the golf? 184 00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,290 It was good. Wasn't it? 185 00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:26,610 Yeah, no, it was something different, yeah. 186 00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:29,770 I shouldn't laugh, but Derek kept using the nine-iron. 187 00:08:29,820 --> 00:08:31,490 The nine-iron. 188 00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:34,890 - Sorry, I don't know what that is. - It's the stick thing. 189 00:08:34,940 --> 00:08:36,930 The "stick thing"? It's called a club. 190 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:39,690 Yeah, I know it is. I know it is. I was joking. 191 00:08:39,740 --> 00:08:42,210 He was in the bunker for ages. Everyone was watching. 192 00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:44,050 I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. 193 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,610 - She did both. - Right. 194 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,850 So... So the golf was OK? 195 00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,010 Yeah, no, it was good. 196 00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:52,490 - I mean, it's more about the social side, isn't it? - Yeah. 197 00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:55,050 - I met a millionaire. - Oh! OK. - Yeah. 198 00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,370 - Was he nice? - Yeah, he was lovely. 199 00:08:57,420 --> 00:09:00,020 - Let me carry his clubs. - Great! 200 00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:05,170 Er, so... Carol, do you want to have a look in the garage, then? 201 00:09:05,220 --> 00:09:07,410 You can help yourself to anything you want. 202 00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,890 OK. Thanks, Cathy. That's lovely. Yeah. 203 00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,170 Amazing. 204 00:09:11,220 --> 00:09:13,930 Like I'd want any of her crap, Kell. Do you know what I mean? 205 00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:16,210 Yeah, I know! She's full of bullshit. 206 00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:17,690 I know! 207 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,930 I'm so, so, sorry. I don't mean a word of it. 208 00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:22,330 - Don't worry. It's fine. - Oh, thanks. 209 00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:24,720 Yeah, such a rotten old slag. 210 00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:28,860 Mum! Nan and Grandad are here! 211 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,650 You've got fat. 212 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,010 Thanks, Maureen. 213 00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:38,210 I barely recognised you. 214 00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:40,410 I don't think I've put on any weight, actually. 215 00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:43,050 Oh, you have. You're ginormous! 216 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,410 OK! 217 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,130 - All right, Nan? - You all right? 218 00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:48,370 Oh... 219 00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:49,570 Everything hurts. 220 00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:52,370 - OK. - I'm going blind in one eye. 221 00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:53,490 Oh, no! 222 00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:56,730 If I'd known when I met her she'd end up like this... 223 00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:59,180 Honestly, I'd have run a mile. 224 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,890 - "Hello, Deepak"? - Are you kidding me? 225 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:04,690 - I don't know. - "Hello, Deepak"? Have you lost your mind? 226 00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:07,850 - I don't know! - Have you no idea how to text a millionaire? 227 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,610 Course I know how to text a millionaire. 228 00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:13,370 Course I do. You've just got to be, like, humble, and use big words. 229 00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:15,820 Oh, Derek. You're such a brute. 230 00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,610 Hello, Reg. 231 00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:22,330 You all right? 232 00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:25,010 Why are you dressed like a poof? 233 00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:27,770 Reg! They've been playing golf. 234 00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,370 - Golf? - Yeah. 235 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,890 Why are they dressed like poofs? 236 00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:33,090 Maureen! 237 00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,050 They've been playing golf. 238 00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,170 Olf? 239 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,570 Golf. 240 00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:38,890 What's olf? 241 00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:40,380 GOLF! 242 00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:44,170 His outfit cost him ?575. 243 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,050 Well, it's breathable polyester, so... 244 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,050 that's the kind of price you have to pay 245 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,640 if you want breathable polyester. 246 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:56,300 I know I shouldn't laugh, but Derek kept trying to use a nine-iron. 247 00:10:58,140 --> 00:11:00,940 He was in the bunker using a nine-iron. 248 00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:05,170 - He was stood in the bunker... - I wouldn't bother. - Yes. 249 00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,210 We've put the rugs in the boot, Maureen. 250 00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:09,930 Help yourself to anything else you want, OK? 251 00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:12,170 Can we have her telly? 252 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,330 Nan. This is Carol. Kelly's mum. 253 00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:16,850 Who? 254 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:18,370 Kelly's mum! 255 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,220 Nice to meet you! 256 00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:23,400 Who's Kelly? 257 00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:26,010 How's it going up there? 258 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,690 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 259 00:11:27,740 --> 00:11:29,530 Yeah, I just need one more bit, I think, 260 00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:31,410 and I can hang it up properly. 261 00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:35,220 So, Pauline is trying to get Derek into golf... 262 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:40,850 .. and his golf... uniform... outfit thing cost... 263 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,450 Get ready for this... 264 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,820 ?575! 265 00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:48,050 - No! - Yeah! 266 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,570 That's almost as much as my car. 267 00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:53,620 How much did your outfit cost? 268 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,900 20 quid. 269 00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:57,730 That include the shoes? 270 00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,170 Yeah. 271 00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:00,530 Charity shop. 272 00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:02,380 You'd never know. 273 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,690 Oh, look. 274 00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,880 Have a look what I found. 275 00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:10,320 Bognor. 276 00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:12,980 Oh... 277 00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:16,530 - Do you remember taking it? - Yeah! 278 00:12:16,580 --> 00:12:19,980 Well, I was trying to think why Dave wasn't there. 279 00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:22,570 He'd missed the train, hadn't he? 280 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:25,410 Yeah, so we made the journey, just the two of us. 281 00:12:25,460 --> 00:12:28,250 Drinking the beer your dad used to make. 282 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,050 And then we got there... 283 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:33,170 got bored waiting for him... 284 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,490 then we went for a little walk together on the beach. 285 00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:37,890 God! 286 00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:40,280 I'd forgotten all about that. 287 00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:43,650 Pair of bloody idiots. 288 00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:45,570 Speak for yourself. 289 00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:49,650 And he's going for tennis lessons on Sundays. 290 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:50,770 What's that? 291 00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:51,850 Tennis lessons. 292 00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,440 Bit of luck. 293 00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:55,970 Mondays and Fridays is yoga. 294 00:12:56,020 --> 00:12:57,010 Yoga. 295 00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:59,290 Why is she telling us this? 296 00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:00,490 I don't know. 297 00:13:00,540 --> 00:13:02,290 Tuesdays, we'll go to the theatre. 298 00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,690 He's never seen a play. 299 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,740 I saw Blood Brothers. 300 00:13:06,260 --> 00:13:08,260 Yes, I know you did. 301 00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:14,410 Are you expecting something? 302 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,660 Yes. We're expecting a text from a millionaire. 303 00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:19,810 Well? 304 00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:22,330 All together, that's 12 texts from my mum, 305 00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,530 and not one of them makes any sense. 306 00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:26,410 Oh, wow. 307 00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:28,650 I gave her my old phone. 308 00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:32,000 - How's that going? - Biggest mistake of my life. 309 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:35,890 Oh, I got an e-mail from Emiliana... 310 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,890 who wants to hook me up with some sexy sluts from my area. 311 00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:42,690 - That's nice of her. - Yeah. Good of her to think of me. - Yeah. 312 00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:45,690 I got an e-mail the other day offering to make my penis bigger. 313 00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,810 Oh, great. Yeah, it's about time you did something about that. 314 00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,740 That's really good! 315 00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:54,740 How's Kelly's mum? 316 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:59,610 She's like, "Oh, my God, Mum, I've got a job in Sainsbury's!" 317 00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:02,690 I'm such a dumbo! I'm such a knob! 318 00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:04,370 Where you going, Kell? 319 00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:06,690 No, I'm just laughing. It's funny. 320 00:14:06,740 --> 00:14:09,940 I'm going inside to have a good laugh about it. 321 00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:13,530 Seriously, though, Derek. My daughter, working in Sainsbury's... 322 00:14:13,580 --> 00:14:14,720 Oh! 323 00:14:17,140 --> 00:14:18,880 See what I mean? 324 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,410 Oh, is that your friend? 325 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,610 Yeah. 326 00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:26,760 You'd better get going. You don't want to keep them waiting. 327 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,970 All right, Michael? I met a millionaire. 328 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:32,490 Oh, good. 329 00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:34,010 How's it going, love? 330 00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:37,050 Oh, yeah, it's all good. All good. 331 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,970 I just thought I'd come inside 332 00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:41,850 and try and clear up a load of old bits and pieces. 333 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:43,780 Oh, OK. Thanks. 334 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,440 Oh. 335 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:54,140 Oh! 336 00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,380 - Sorry. - Don't worry. 337 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,340 Sorry. 338 00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:06,500 - I wasn't really paying attention when I put it all in. - That's OK. 339 00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:14,010 - Lovely set of clubs, wasn't it? - Oh, yeah, top of the range. 340 00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,730 Did he let you have a look at them? 341 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,970 Look at them? I was carrying them. 342 00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:21,810 - No! - Yeah. He was very gracious, wasn't he? 343 00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:25,250 Oh, he was much more polite than he needed to be to someone like Derek. 344 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,530 That's nice. 345 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:28,580 Have you played this? 346 00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:32,970 Derek's just sent our millionaire friend a text, didn't you? 347 00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,770 Yeah. It's, er, sort of borderline racist. 348 00:15:35,820 --> 00:15:37,490 - But in a funny way. - Oh, yeah. 349 00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:39,340 Well, that's good. 350 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,810 Where are we going to put that? 351 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,860 Next to the armchair. 352 00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:52,530 Oh, come on. It'll be nice for me to have something to sit on. 353 00:15:54,340 --> 00:15:55,880 It's like... 354 00:15:57,140 --> 00:16:01,650 Like, I know it's only Sainsbury's and it's going to be hard. 355 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:04,980 Some mornings I'm going to have to get up at half past eight. 356 00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:08,330 But I'm getting all excited about it, 357 00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:12,370 about, like, working my way up to being a Sainsbury's manager 358 00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:16,050 and maybe one day -- I don't want to get ahead of myself -- 359 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,770 but, like, maybe becoming the owner? 360 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,730 That's not too much to ask, is it? 361 00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:24,130 No, of course not. 362 00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:28,570 But Jason's like, he wants me to go Australia 363 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:31,700 and my mum just makes everything... 364 00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:34,620 I don't know. 365 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:38,930 I just think it's hard for me cos my mum's so hilarious. 366 00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:40,530 Yeah. 367 00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:44,340 Whereas Jason's fine, isn't he? Cos you never say anything funny. 368 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:25,930 Fucking prick. 369 00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:32,930 It's Deepak. Shit. 370 00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:35,090 Shit, shit, shit, sh... 371 00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:37,090 - Well, answer it! - What do I say? 372 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,450 Just answer it. 373 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:41,660 For God's sake, Derek, don't keep him waiting. He's a millionaire. 374 00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,800 Hello, Deepak, mate! 375 00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,090 Derek. 376 00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:48,410 Derek. 377 00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:52,000 We met today at golf. Derek Evans. 378 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:56,290 The fella with the nine iron. 379 00:17:56,340 --> 00:17:58,210 Yeah! 380 00:17:58,260 --> 00:17:59,810 Uh, well, I, er... 381 00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:02,690 Y-You had your cards in one of the pockets of your bag, 382 00:18:02,740 --> 00:18:06,040 so I sort of took one so we could stay in touch. 383 00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:09,770 Oh. 384 00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:11,530 Yeah. No problem. 385 00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:12,730 Tell him who my husband is. 386 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:15,530 - Tell him about the divorce settlement! - Well, I... 387 00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:18,250 It wasn't actually racist, Deepak. 388 00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,050 Oh, come on! 389 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,770 It was playful. 390 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,570 It's only a turban. 391 00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,210 No... 392 00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,490 Yeah... 393 00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:33,090 I do understand. 394 00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:35,370 I can sort of see, now you put it like that, 395 00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:37,890 how offensive it would be. Yeah. 396 00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:43,170 OK. Bye, Deepak. 397 00:18:43,220 --> 00:18:45,020 Sorry again, mate. 398 00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:47,060 Bye. 399 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:58,450 It was nice of him to call. 400 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,500 - What's this? - Michael's going on a date. 401 00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:04,500 - Poor cow! - Jason! 402 00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:08,410 Well, what does she do? What does she look like? 403 00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:10,370 Tell me all about her. 404 00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:12,570 Well, her name's Lisa. 405 00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:14,890 She's sort of petite, brunette, 406 00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:17,210 and she's an administrator for the council. 407 00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:19,330 How many dates you been on? 408 00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:21,980 Well, one last week and... 409 00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:25,170 .. one last night. 410 00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:26,850 And...? 411 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,370 She wanted to go clubbing. 412 00:19:28,420 --> 00:19:31,010 - No! - It was her idea. 413 00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:34,210 - I bet you looked ridiculous! - Jason! 414 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,370 Didn't get in till three in the morning. 415 00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:40,090 Michael Callum Roberts! No wonder you look tired! 416 00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,610 I'm absolutely bloody knackered! 417 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,450 How old is she? 418 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,850 45. 419 00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:50,490 - Oh! - You dirty old sod! 420 00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:52,370 Got a 13-year-old son. 421 00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:55,570 Well, that's going to be fun, bringing up a teenager. 422 00:19:55,620 --> 00:19:57,930 You're such a funny old man. 423 00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:59,890 Oh, thank you, Jason. 424 00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:02,130 Why didn't you tell me about her? 425 00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:04,650 Well, it's embarrassing, isn't it? 426 00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:07,900 No! Why? I don't care who you go on dates with. 427 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,700 No, I know you don't. 428 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:16,250 Sorry... 429 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:19,090 Laughing at you. It's a bit mean. 430 00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:21,610 Um... She sounds really lovely. 431 00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:24,260 She is. She's really sweet. She is. 432 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,370 Well, you'd better get going. I'll make you even later! 433 00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:30,330 We're going to get on with the garage, 434 00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:33,130 I want to get it all done before Jason and Kelly go. 435 00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:35,370 I think I'll going to be doing the shed on my own, 436 00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:38,010 which I was a bit sad about at first, but then I realised 437 00:20:38,060 --> 00:20:41,810 that I could charge up Dave's radio and listen to 5 Live. 438 00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:43,690 I mean, that's sad, isn't it? 439 00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:48,010 Me, on my own, in my shed, listening to 5 Live while you're on a date. 440 00:20:48,060 --> 00:20:50,330 I mean, what's become of me? 441 00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:53,810 Well, it is a bit worrying. 442 00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:56,970 Well, you'd better get going. 443 00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:59,650 See Lisa and leave me to my shed. 444 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:01,810 I've taken the fridge, Cathy. 445 00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:05,530 Are you going to introduce me to your fancy man? 446 00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:08,250 That's Michael. He's an old, old friend of ours. 447 00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,330 He was best man at our wedding. 448 00:21:10,380 --> 00:21:11,850 Don't be shy, Cathy. 449 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:14,770 It must be nice to get a bit at your age. 450 00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:17,690 Hello. Nice to meet you. 451 00:21:17,740 --> 00:21:20,820 And you. I'm just going to... 452 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,500 Hi, Lisa? 453 00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:33,490 Hm. Er, sorry, something's come up with my mum. 454 00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:35,650 You work in a school, is that right, Cathy? 455 00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:37,450 Yeah, I'm one of the support staff. 456 00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:39,810 So is that like a teacher, but... 457 00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:41,170 - Yeah. - .. worse? 458 00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:45,100 - Um... - Or not, like, worse, but... unqualified. 459 00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:49,450 - H&M. - Nice. 460 00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,890 No, I help the teachers and look after the kids who have 461 00:21:52,940 --> 00:21:55,530 different needs or need a bit more attention. 462 00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:58,450 No wonder you get on so well with Kelly! 463 00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:02,810 You must be retiring soon. How old are you now? 464 00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:04,570 Oh, no, I'm only 59. 465 00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:08,140 Aww! Sounds so much younger than 60, doesn't it? 466 00:22:11,180 --> 00:22:13,170 The thing is, when you phone a millionaire, 467 00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:15,490 - you expect a bit of rough and tumble. - Yeah. 468 00:22:15,540 --> 00:22:18,450 And, to be honest, when would Deepak ever speak to someone like Derek? 469 00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,450 - Exactly. - Only if he was getting his car fixed. 470 00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:22,450 - Yeah. - Or his drains unblocked. 471 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,090 - Yeah. - Or if he was at some traffic lights 472 00:22:25,140 --> 00:22:27,170 and they were trying to wash his windscreen. 473 00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,360 Come on, I did that ONCE. 474 00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:33,290 - Is that all right? - Yeah. 475 00:22:33,340 --> 00:22:36,050 I like apples. I'm like my mum. She liked apples. 476 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:38,730 It's great, I love it. I'm the same with cider. 477 00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:41,250 Get that down me, no-one's safe! 478 00:22:47,380 --> 00:22:49,690 I was going to say, Carol, um... 479 00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:52,010 It's going to be difficult, isn't it, 480 00:22:52,060 --> 00:22:54,090 if Jason and Kelly move to Australia? 481 00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,010 Pardon?! 482 00:22:56,060 --> 00:22:59,530 No, I mean, you know, I know we can't stop them, 483 00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:02,250 but if both our kids are going to move to Australia, 484 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,090 maybe it's something we should get together about. 485 00:23:05,140 --> 00:23:06,650 What do you mean? 486 00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,300 Oh, sorry, I thought you knew. 487 00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:12,610 Jason's looking for a job there. 488 00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:14,660 No, he's not. 489 00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:20,130 I think Kelly would've mentioned it to me, Cathy. She's my daughter. 490 00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:23,210 No offence, but I think she would've talked to me about something 491 00:23:23,260 --> 00:23:26,610 as big as that before she talked to you about it, you silly old cow. 492 00:23:26,660 --> 00:23:30,360 Well, maybe she's worried you're going to laugh at her. 493 00:23:31,620 --> 00:23:32,890 What do you mean? 494 00:23:32,940 --> 00:23:35,290 Well, you do laugh at her quite a lot, don't you? 495 00:23:35,340 --> 00:23:37,250 She finds it funny. 496 00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:39,060 OK... 497 00:23:40,180 --> 00:23:42,890 Maybe she just hasn't got round to telling you yet. 498 00:23:42,940 --> 00:23:45,850 It's what we do. I take the piss out of her. 499 00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:47,570 - It's funny. - Yeah, OK. 500 00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:49,220 Mum! 501 00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,850 - Mum! - Yeah? 502 00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:55,970 Is that Jason? 503 00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:59,530 Oh, yes! Isn't he gorgeous? 504 00:23:59,580 --> 00:24:01,740 Reg, look at that. 505 00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:05,010 Ugh! What an ugly baby. 506 00:24:06,340 --> 00:24:08,610 - No! - Grandad! - What's that?! 507 00:24:08,660 --> 00:24:11,060 What was Jason like as a baby? 508 00:24:11,940 --> 00:24:13,530 He was fucking ugly! 509 00:24:13,580 --> 00:24:15,450 Stop swearing! 510 00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:17,170 - Why? - Because it's not becoming 511 00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:19,690 for a woman to be stood in the street swearing. 512 00:24:19,740 --> 00:24:22,940 Oh, shut your face, you silly old man! 513 00:24:24,460 --> 00:24:25,690 That's me told. 514 00:24:25,740 --> 00:24:27,690 Oh, no. He was lovely. 515 00:24:27,740 --> 00:24:30,090 Apart from when he used to bite on my boobs. 516 00:24:30,140 --> 00:24:31,890 Oh, Mum! 517 00:24:31,940 --> 00:24:34,680 He breast-fed until he was 18 months. 518 00:24:35,660 --> 00:24:39,490 Oh, my God! No wonder he spends so long on mine! 519 00:24:39,540 --> 00:24:41,130 Oh, my! That's enough! 520 00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:43,650 Well, you should see Derek on me. 521 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:46,100 He's like a wolf on a carcass. 522 00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:51,170 I like the feel of them on my face. 523 00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:53,730 What was Kelly like as a baby? 524 00:24:53,780 --> 00:24:55,570 Oh, my God, I tell you what... 525 00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:58,010 I was a silly, ugly, little thing, wasn't I? 526 00:24:58,060 --> 00:25:02,570 I was a right idiot. Dumbo baby, that's me! 527 00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:05,130 Yeah. I was probably the stupidest baby... 528 00:25:05,180 --> 00:25:07,970 - Are you not going? - No. No, no. She cancelled. 529 00:25:08,020 --> 00:25:10,290 Oh. Sorry. Sorry to hear that. 530 00:25:10,340 --> 00:25:13,370 No, it's all right. Means I can help out in the shed. 531 00:25:13,420 --> 00:25:17,090 Though I don't want to interrupt your exciting 5 Live moment. 532 00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:18,690 Don't worry about that! 533 00:25:18,740 --> 00:25:20,930 Ugly little Kelly's sitting there, like, 534 00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:24,490 "I want to work in Sainsbury's." Is that what it was like, Mum? 535 00:25:24,540 --> 00:25:26,690 Go on. Tell everyone what a knob I was. 536 00:25:26,740 --> 00:25:29,890 No, Kell. You were... 537 00:25:29,940 --> 00:25:33,490 You were the most beautiful, silly, little thing I'd ever seen. 538 00:25:37,180 --> 00:25:39,010 I've changed now, though, haven't I? 539 00:25:39,060 --> 00:25:40,170 Ugly bitch! 540 00:25:40,220 --> 00:25:42,570 Yeah! Look at the state of me now! 541 00:25:42,620 --> 00:25:44,450 My arse is so big... 542 00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:47,020 Come on, Kell. As if. 543 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:51,180 You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 544 00:25:53,460 --> 00:25:56,810 - Are you taking the mickey out of me? - No, of course I'm not. 545 00:25:56,860 --> 00:25:58,530 You're my Kell. 546 00:26:01,420 --> 00:26:03,850 Oh, my God, Mum, you're going to make me cry! 547 00:26:03,900 --> 00:26:05,970 Oh, Jesus, don't do that! 548 00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:08,770 - I know! - Don't cry, for God's sake! You'll never stop! 549 00:26:08,820 --> 00:26:11,130 I don't know what's wrong with me! 550 00:26:11,180 --> 00:26:14,330 Let's all just calm down and have a cup of tea! 551 00:26:14,380 --> 00:26:17,380 That's if we can work out which tin it's in! 552 00:26:20,700 --> 00:26:22,890 The label on her tin of tea! 553 00:26:22,940 --> 00:26:25,570 That's such a Cathy thing to do. 554 00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:27,570 Have you seen what she's wearing? 555 00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:31,210 - I know! - Yeah. She dresses like that all the time! 556 00:26:31,260 --> 00:26:34,010 You should've seen what she was wearing on her birthday! 557 00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:35,730 All right, Kelly. That's enough. 558 00:26:35,780 --> 00:26:39,530 Oh, no! I don't mean it, you great big hullabaloo! 559 00:26:39,580 --> 00:26:41,010 - Ow! - Come here! 560 00:26:41,060 --> 00:26:42,210 Sorry! 561 00:26:42,260 --> 00:26:46,130 I've got my ticket for the long way round 562 00:26:46,180 --> 00:26:49,250 Two bottle of whiskey for the way 563 00:26:49,300 --> 00:26:51,210 And I sure would like 564 00:26:51,260 --> 00:26:52,850 Some sweet company 565 00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:54,770 And I'm leaving tomorrow 566 00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:56,850 What do you say? 567 00:26:56,900 --> 00:26:58,450 When I'm gone 568 00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:00,690 When I'm gone 569 00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:03,890 You're going to miss me when I'm gone 570 00:27:03,940 --> 00:27:06,130 You're going to miss me by my hair 571 00:27:06,180 --> 00:27:08,210 You're going to miss me everywhere 572 00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:10,340 You're going to miss me when I'm gone. 573 00:27:10,390 --> 00:27:14,940 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41419

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