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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,750
- Come on, come on, we're going to be
late! Come on! - Come on, we're late!
2
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:07,320
Take it, take it, take the bread,
take the bread, let's go, let's go! Come on, come on, into the car!
3
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:10,590
Come on!
4
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,590
Oh, God, come on!
5
00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:16,720
You stop it!
6
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,070
Give me. Stop it!
7
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,550
Don't do that to your brother!
8
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,670
Give me the Bop-it!
9
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,000
CHILL OUT!
10
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,990
You're late! So I'm going to be late.
11
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,340
Go and find your book bag.
12
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,750
Where's the baby's
trousers and other shoe?
13
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,230
OK, one shoe's all I can manage,
14
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,160
and he said he doesn't like trousers.
15
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,630
So when am I going to meet
this Debbie woman then?
16
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,950
OK, it's not Debbie, it's Debbie-Louise,
17
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,270
and she's not a woman, she's my partner.
18
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,630
What? She went from zero
to partner in three weeks?
19
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,630
Didn't even have to climb the charts?
20
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,110
- What is she, Ed Sheeran?
- OK, well, you don't need to meet her.
21
00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,310
Course I do! She's moved in!
22
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,550
She's living in your home.
23
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,950
If my kids are going to be
using the same bathroom as her,
24
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,190
then I want to meet her.
25
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,030
- She could be a nutter.
- I don't go out with nutters.
26
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,910
What are you fucking talking about?
27
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,760
Of course you do!
28
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,760
- Hiya!
- Hi!
29
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:20,440
Morning.
30
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,150
- You got time for a coffee?
- No, sorry.
31
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,910
Couples counselling today.
32
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,430
Oh, OK. Good luck with that.
33
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,590
Oh, no, everything's fine.
34
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,230
It's just preventative.
35
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,310
We're rock solid, Jill and I.
36
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,840
Although she disagrees.
37
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,870
It's like physio or yoga.
38
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,220
We're just doing it to
keep the marriage supple.
39
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,190
Oi, Gonzalez.
40
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:44,870
- You got time for a chat?
- No, no, no.
41
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,920
I received an official
bollocking for lateness yesterday.
42
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:49,760
Whoa!
43
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,840
Who's that?
44
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:53,990
Don't touch the door.
45
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,230
It's automatic open.
46
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,190
It opens on its own. Don't touch the door.
47
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,110
- Don't touch it! - Holy shit, it's
Ann. - Why's she got all of those kids?
48
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:04,150
She's part of the car
pool now, for school drops.
49
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,030
Car pool? Car... Why
don't we have a car pool?
50
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,230
That would really help me!
51
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,790
I live right there!
52
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,590
If I spit now, I'd hit my window.
53
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,910
I don't drive. My wife does the driving.
54
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,600
I'm sans licence.
55
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,550
Thought you were late.
56
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,630
Hey! Ann!
57
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,070
Nice big car!
58
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,670
Yeah, we traded in the old
one for this flashy so-and-so.
59
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,150
It's a bit hi-tech now for me,
60
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:32,270
but I couldn't look at the Volvo
the same after I ran over the cat.
61
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,590
But anyway, it means I get
to run a car pool now, so...
62
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,910
Yeah. I'd love to talk to
you about that sometime.
63
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,350
- Hello, Claire.
- Bloody hell, Ann!
64
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,630
Nice wheels!
65
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,510
How many kids can you fit in there?
66
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,150
Safely? Nine.
67
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,430
So you might have room for a
couple more in the car pool?
68
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:48,950
Yeah, well...
69
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,480
Oh, my God! You bought it!
70
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,950
You look like a drug dealer, Ann!
71
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,510
It's actually the top-rated
people carrier on Which?, so...
72
00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:58,870
You're in my spot.
73
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,720
- Oh.
- Joking, but you are.
74
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,030
We should definitely,
definitely catch up soon.
75
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,670
- I'd love to hear more about the car pool.
- I like your hair.
76
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,310
Heidi's desperate to see Darius.
77
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,950
Do you want to come over for a play date?
78
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,870
We've just got a family
pass to Chessington.
79
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,280
Yeah, I can't talk and drive.
80
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,630
So we need to make a
new... OK, that would be...
81
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:29,830
Amanda!
82
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,680
Amanda! Amanda!
83
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,960
Amanda! Amanda!
84
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,040
Don't think she saw me. Amanda!
85
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,360
Don't think she could hear me.
86
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,870
Love, if you're hungry, just
go over and help yourself.
87
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,390
No one'll notice.
88
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:56,400
Just kick the ball by their rug
and grab a handful of crisps.
89
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,830
Right, go. Off you go! Hiya.
90
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,470
Oh, you came.
91
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:03,590
Pull up a pew.
92
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:04,830
Or a jacket.
93
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,280
You can sit on my jacket. Oh, thanks.
94
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,720
- Bubbles?
- Yeah.
95
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,440
Oh.
96
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,840
Hey, there's Ann.
97
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,910
So what's been going on?
98
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,080
Nothing much.
99
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,910
Apart from my ex, Lee,
having a new partner.
100
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,990
Not girlfriend, partner.
101
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,120
Debbie-Louise, for fuck's sake.
102
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,600
Who double-barrels two stupid names?
103
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,360
Anyway, she's welcome to him.
104
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,550
All we'd do was fight, if I'm honest.
105
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:42,840
I stabbed him once.
106
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,150
Just with a spork from
a Tesco pasta salad.
107
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,360
Just in the leg.
108
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,270
Police got involved.
109
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:52,920
I got a caution for sporking.
110
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,350
The wanker.
111
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,670
Wish I could just stay
angry with him, but...
112
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,360
he looks at me with his stupid eyes and...
113
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,030
.. I'm 20 again.
114
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,230
And I don't have two kids,
115
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,680
and it's Saturday night... Oh!
116
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,120
Julia?
117
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:13,920
What the hell?
118
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,470
Sorry, babe. Do you want
to go and get a coffee?
119
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,560
Yeah, all right.
120
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,070
We'd love to, Ann.
121
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,950
Great, I'll see you back at mine in 20.
122
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:25,990
Wicked!
123
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,190
Coffee's not too hot, is it?
124
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,710
No, no, no, it's perfect.
125
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,070
Ha!
126
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,110
- So true.
- Yeah.
127
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,430
I made that. I made all of them.
128
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,780
I got terribly into driftwood
crafting after my early menopause.
129
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,430
Oh, well, what you lost in the oestrogen
130
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,380
you definitely made up for in hobbies.
131
00:05:54,380 --> 00:05:55,050
Oh.
132
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,080
Oh, that's Claire again.
133
00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,390
Car pool business.
134
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,230
I'm terribly popular all of a sudden.
135
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:02,710
Annoying!
136
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,510
I don't know Claire at all,
137
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,830
but she's always struck
me as a bit of a user.
138
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,710
That might be unfair,
but I think it's true.
139
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,390
Turn your phone off.
140
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:11,480
Yeah.
141
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,390
Can I get you girls anything to eat?
142
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,230
- Got a hobnob? - I don't have any
hobnobs but I can get you some.
143
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:20,510
- I just meant a biscuit or...
- I'll go to the corner shop!
144
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,110
No, no, you don't need to do that.
145
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,950
Oh, it's fine, it's just two doors
down and one straight across.
146
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,680
I'll be two minutes, five
minutes. I'll take the car.
147
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,990
Come on, you can get in on it, too.
148
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,200
I live fucking opposite the school.
149
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,400
I've got to get up, my arse is numb.
150
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,710
What are you doing?
151
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:47,880
Just having a nose.
152
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,920
Trying to fill my eyes with anything
that isn't a driftwood affirmation.
153
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,230
Oh, God, that's creepy.
154
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,270
Do you think there are
others in this range?
155
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,070
What, like, you've scraped a pass?
156
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,110
Oh, I love these!
157
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,350
- What are you doing?
- I had one of these then I was little.
158
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,510
But that's her dad!
159
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:09,870
Huh?
160
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,070
That was her dead dad's face.
161
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:13,670
- Her dead dad?
- Yes.
162
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,950
It was an impression of his
face, like a death mask.
163
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,510
What do you mean? How do you know that?
164
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,670
Because they had it
like that since he died.
165
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,030
Well, that's stupid... What
are we going to do, Liz?
166
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,110
What are we going to do?
167
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,750
We have just replaced her
dead dad's face with your fist.
168
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,670
We've got to fix it. What
are we going to do, Liz?
169
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,630
Just, like, put your face in it.
170
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,990
I don't look anything like her dead dad.
171
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,080
You do a bit.
172
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,550
Scrape your hair back.
173
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,470
And put some glasses on,
he was a specs wearer.
174
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,990
I don't have my glasses with me.
175
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,240
I've got some of Charlie's. Hang on.
176
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:44,640
Give them to me.
177
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,720
You hold this. God!
178
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,160
Oh!
179
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:56,910
What are you doing?
180
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,640
Just... trying to get a
better view of your garden.
181
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,230
- Oh.
- Is that a little cat grave?
182
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,640
No. No, it's just a...
a raised flower bed.
183
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,080
The foxes dug up the cat grave.
184
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,160
- Hello, Kevin.
- Amanda!
185
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,270
- Are you lost?
- No, I was just passing.
186
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,310
- Can I...?
- Of course.
187
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:36,400
- Yes? - Oh, watch your clean
shoes on the dirty doormat.
188
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,670
I wondered if you wouldn't
mind keeping quiet about
189
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,670
seeing me at Dr Guldaguin's today.
190
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,350
Oh, so you did see me, then.
191
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,760
Of course I saw you,
Kevin. You saw I saw you.
192
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:52,880
Oh, right, yeah.
193
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:54,960
But then why...?
194
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,470
Oh, yes, of course. Yes.
195
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,830
Yeah, it's just that I'm, you know, er...
196
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,670
I don't know what the word is, kind
of... high profile. Like, locally.
197
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,230
Which is nuts, of course,
198
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,580
because I'm actually a private
person, very discreet person and...
199
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,510
.. also the type of
person that people have
200
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,750
an unhealthy interest
in. You know, like...
201
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,390
Nigella or Charday.
202
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,430
No, of course, it's going no further.
203
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,960
Jonny has huge jealousy issues.
204
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,150
You know, on the one hand he
loves having an eye-catching wife
205
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,400
but he cannot deal with
the attention I get.
206
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,200
- Mm-hm.
- And the problem is...
207
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,470
.. I bring it, every day.
208
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,110
I bring it, I never let myself
down, I always look my best and...
209
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,990
Johnny, of course, is like,
"Oh, who are you doing that for?"
210
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,190
And...
211
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:43,830
I'm like...
212
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,510
(Well, I'm doing it for me.)
213
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:46,830
Hey, hey.
214
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,120
Come on now.
215
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:50,150
Erm...
216
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,310
Johnny's...
217
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,200
Johnny's a very lucky guy.
218
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,990
And every marriage has its issues.
219
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,950
I just found out in counselling
that my wife finds me
220
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,390
less sexually attractive since
I've become a househusband.
221
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,350
- She thinks I'm emasculated...
- Kevin, I can't take on your shit right now.
222
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,720
No, yes, sorry. Of course. Sorry.
223
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:11,920
Well...
224
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,280
.. you can talk to me any time.
225
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,190
My door is always open,
226
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,400
and my mouth is always closed.
227
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,950
I'm sorry, I don't feel comfortable
with you touching me like that.
228
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,070
Said my wife.
229
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,430
Did Charlie leave his scooter here?
230
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,190
- He doesn't have a scooter.
- Yeah, he does.
231
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,590
He found one in the park,
so he has a scooter.
232
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:50,870
Well, it's not here.
233
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,430
Shit.
234
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,780
I bet someone's nicked it.
235
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,580
Where's Debbie Does Dallas?
236
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,830
It's Debbie-Louise, and she's at work.
237
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,110
Where's all the kids' stuff?
238
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,190
- What? - Where's all the
toys and mess and kiddie crap?
239
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,150
I don't know, in their rooms?
240
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,070
What's with all the cushions?
241
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,270
- I like cushions.
- Since fucking when?
242
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,990
You can't get angry at cushions, Liz.
243
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,550
You know, you can't have strong
feelings against something
244
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,910
that's designed to make your
back feel more comfortable.
245
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,190
How is that not broken?
246
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,190
How can Charlie play in here with that?
247
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,430
And what's this shit?
248
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:24,590
I don't know.
249
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,070
It's potpourri!
250
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,110
There's just bowls of
potp-fucking-rri everywhere.
251
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,230
She's turning our house
into a nursing home.
252
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,720
Yeah, well, it's my house.
253
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,870
She can't just erase all
evidence of our kids.
254
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,190
I want to meet this woman.
255
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,030
You set something up or I...
256
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,200
I swear I'll...
257
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:48,830
What's wrong with potpourri?
258
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:49,910
I rather like potpourri.
259
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,630
It's not the potpourri, it's the
principle behind the potpourri.
260
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,870
What, you don't agree with perfumed bark?
261
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:56,910
No, it...
262
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,390
Look, I don't want my
kids brought up around it.
263
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,470
Oh, there's Anne. Anne! Hi.
264
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,590
Come and sit down. Oh, there's no chair.
265
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,840
I'll get you a stool.
266
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,630
I wouldn't write off all potpourri,
there's some lovely blends.
267
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,320
Especially at Christmas.
268
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,920
Oh, there's Amanda. Can we put
a pin in this for a minute?
269
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,990
What's going on with you two?
270
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,190
Oh, I'm just helping Amanda work
through something at the moment.
271
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,870
Since when?
272
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,160
It's private. I can't.
273
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,950
You know what, I need a drink.
274
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,790
Let's go to the pub tonight, get pissed.
275
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,710
Forget about everything for a minute.
276
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,270
Oh, no, you two go ahead.
277
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:50,710
No, I'm burnt out by eight.
278
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:51,910
Can't make it to Holby City.
279
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,870
I don't do anything evening-based.
280
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,430
What, you never go out in the evening?
281
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,070
Oh, yeah, I do, I just don't... I
don't do mum stuff in the evening.
282
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,470
- Mum stuff?!
- No, I just...
283
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,600
Oh, you... You know what I meant.
284
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:04,920
Anne, hi.
285
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,960
Aw, hi, Anne.
286
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,430
Off to meet Liz, then.
287
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:13,510
Won't be a late one.
288
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,560
Hi, Amanda.
289
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,640
Yes, I can talk.
290
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,360
You all right, Amanda? I can't
really make out what you're...
291
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,350
Are you crying or laughing?
292
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,440
I can't...
293
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,760
I'm coming over.
294
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,230
You can sit down, Kevin.
295
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,830
No, I'm fine standing.
296
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,390
It's like Churchill with the Queen.
297
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,270
You haven't said anything
to Anne, have you?
298
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,950
Oh, no. God, no.
299
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,110
Jesus, no.
300
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,200
OK.
301
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:51,680
I'm just feeling a bit...
302
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,110
It's just that...
303
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,190
Johnny is on these rampages.
304
00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,990
His jealousy,
305
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,990
it just flares up sometimes.
306
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,200
Well, look, I mean...
307
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,870
.. we all have our little blips.
308
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,070
Ever since this thing with
Bobby he's been like this.
309
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,070
Well, as I said,
310
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,420
marriage is a very, erm...
311
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,000
Sorry, who's Bobby?
312
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,560
Well, he...
313
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,390
I feel like I can trust you
with this information, Kevin.
314
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,560
Of course.
315
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,830
Johnny wanted to take
control of his jealousy.
316
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,550
The thing is he's...
317
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,880
very complicated.
318
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,310
He's horribly jealous,
319
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,910
but at the same time he enjoys
watching me with another man.
320
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,390
Of course.
321
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:40,750
Wha... What?
322
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,800
So... Bobby is someone we
invited into our relationship.
323
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:46,680
On a monthly basis.
324
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,550
He's a squaddie.
325
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,280
He drives up from Aldershot.
326
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,230
And that's all I know about him.
327
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:56,480
Mmm.
328
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,320
Aldershot. Erm...
329
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,040
My mum lives in Fleet, which
is very near Aldershot.
330
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,750
Tip for that neck of the woods, erm,
331
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:15,510
there's a great tandoori, erm,
332
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,110
second to naan!
333
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,310
Oh, goodness! It's fine.
It's... It's... It's fine.
334
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,510
- I'm so sorry.
- It's fine.
335
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:22,670
Don't worry, just leave it.
336
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,550
It's fine... Kevin...
337
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,790
Er... You know, erm,
look... Look... Look...
338
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,960
Many couples have, erm...
339
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,350
I think.
340
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,830
Who am I? Erm... I mean, you look at...
341
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,870
Many... Many marriages...
342
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,450
Many couples...
343
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,040
Ow! Er...
344
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,830
I mean, the conventional...
345
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,110
I mean... Who hasn't?
346
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,200
Erm...
347
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,550
What is a marriage?
348
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,030
What is normal?
349
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,630
There isn't any... Ow! Ow!
350
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:52,980
There isn't any normal...
351
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,060
Oh, my God.
352
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,870
- It's Johnny. Er...
- Oh.
353
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,070
Kevin, would you mind just
stepping into the garden?
354
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,950
- What? Surely there's no...
- No, no, no, it's totally fine, but just...
355
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,830
Would you? If you'd just
step into the garden,
356
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,230
- it'd be so much easier for me.
- Oh... Oh, OK.
357
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,270
- Hey, honey.
- Hey. How come you're back so early?
358
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,110
Really? I do live here, you know!
359
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,510
Is it such a bad thing
for me to come home?
360
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,430
- Johnny, what's wrong?
- Well, I come home,
361
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,710
you're not pleased to see
me, there's no kiss...
362
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,950
- What are you talking about?
- What about normal couples?
363
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,350
I just said how come you're
back so early? That's all I said.
364
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,870
What's wrong with you? I
can't keep doing this...
365
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,270
- You can't keep doing this? You're exhausted?
- What is up with you?
366
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,030
I'm going outside for a cigarette.
367
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,190
What?
368
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,840
I'm having a cigarette.
369
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:44,950
Johnny, why are you smoking?
370
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,870
I'm smoking, because from the
moment I walk in the door
371
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,910
you're busting my balls. Do we
not have a lighter in this house?
372
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,640
- Oh, God! - 15,000
candles, and not one lighter!
373
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,350
Let me get the first round in.
374
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,720
No, no, no, let me get them.
375
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,070
OK, I'll have a Cava,
376
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,830
and then I'll get the next one.
377
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,230
Oh, well, let's see how we feel.
378
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,350
I mean...
379
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,030
we may find that we're fully
quenched after this one.
380
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,670
I'll just get a seat.
381
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,830
Liz!
382
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,590
I thought you didn't
do mum stuff at night.
383
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,510
No, this is...
384
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:57,390
this is strictly carpool business.
385
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,910
Kev!
386
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,080
Over here.
387
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:02,710
I got you a drink.
388
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:03,800
OK.
389
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,680
- Yes, please, another.
- Are you all right, Kevin?
390
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,360
What happened to your jeans?
391
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:25,840
I was just climbing.
392
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,670
Claire's in the house!
393
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,720
Oh! The gang's all here.
394
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:42,790
God, I love Cava.
395
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,270
It's a terrific alternative.
396
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,230
I actually think it's
nicer than champagne.
397
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,190
So do I, I love it.
398
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,230
Yeah. I don't like to drink
Cava around my husband though.
399
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,470
He had to cut it out.
400
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,020
He hasn't had a drop since
our son's christening...
401
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,470
.. which is difficult,
because he really loved Cava.
402
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,550
And his father loved Cava also.
403
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,910
His father would drink two to three
bottles of Cava a day, at his worst.
404
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,070
Which was sad,
405
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,800
but it also meant he was very
easy to buy presents for.
406
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,520
- Do you like Cava, Liz?
- No.
407
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,560
- Jesus Christ!
- What's going on?
408
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,590
- Nothing's going on.
- Yes, there is.
409
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:38,920
What's going on, Kevin?
410
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,790
I'm just dealing with some
very personal stuff right now
411
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,240
that isn't even my personal
stuff, and it's just...
412
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,390
It's too complicated,
Liz, I can't talk about it.
413
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,960
Great, I'll just be ignored
by you AND Julia then.
414
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,520
I'm in here!
415
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,550
Last orders!
416
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,310
I'd better make a move. I
have had such a fun evening.
417
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:03,150
Can we just have a chat about carpool?
418
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,230
Or back to mine for the after party?
419
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,670
- I'm afraid I can't.
- I can't either.
420
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,880
I can, actually! I'm afraid I can.
421
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,600
- Liz?
- No, thank you!
422
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,110
Right.
423
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,560
Oi!
424
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,200
Have you found the scooter?
425
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,120
OK, let's get some tunes going.
426
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,750
Shhh! Eh! My husband's
got an early shift, OK?
427
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,390
But let's get this after party started.
428
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,670
I can just stay for one, Anne.
Anne, I'm just staying for one!
429
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,750
God, this is my worst nightmare come true.
430
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,790
I'm surrounded by mums at night.
431
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,590
I could just about handle it
on the school drop, but this...
432
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,280
- Amanda.
- Hi.
433
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,670
I'm sorry, I'm in my dressing gown!
434
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,950
Well, we're on the phone,
so it doesn't really...
435
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,760
Have you got time for a chat?
436
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,190
Well, I'm not a little party at Anne's.
437
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:31,870
- It's a bit...
- What? Anne didn't mention a party.
438
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,190
That's because it's just a
little impromptu after party.
439
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,150
Anne is having an after party?
440
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,360
Pate?
441
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,510
I made it myself. It's so simple.
442
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,710
You just whizz up a liver, any old liver,
443
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,520
and then throw in a dash of Tabasco.
444
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,310
Now, where's our Cava?
445
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,360
I think I have a nice one up behind Daddy.
446
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,870
Pfft! This one, though.
447
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,560
Ah!
448
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,030
My phone was off, so I
must have missed your call
449
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,950
that you're having a party.
450
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,640
Yeah, well, it's an after party.
451
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,270
And the whole deal with an after party
452
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,720
is that you have to have
been at the party before.
453
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,870
But you mustn't have heard
your phone when I called.
454
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,040
Sorry about that, Anne!
455
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,440
For fuck's sake!
456
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,030
You left your jacket in my
kitchen, and Johnny found it,
457
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,670
and he has completely lost it.
458
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,000
What?!
459
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,920
How did he know it was my jacket?
460
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,040
Your name is stitched in it, Kevin.
461
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,680
Shit!
462
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,760
Shit, shit, shit!
463
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,160
Shit!
464
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,750
What a great night. Thanks, Anne.
465
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:40,670
God, I just really need to
switch off from work and kids
466
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,590
and school, and carpools.
467
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:46,070
Any decision on the carpool?
Would just really help me out.
468
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:48,200
God, yeah, sorry! I
gave the spot to Claire.
469
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,830
- What? - Yeah, I gave a spot to Claire,
that's why we were out for a drink.
470
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,070
Oh, right! It's just that's
also why I was out for a drink.
471
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:59,150
Oh, I thought... I mean...
472
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,350
I thought you just wanted
to go out for the fun of it.
473
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,750
Come on, Anne! I was very,
very specifically there
474
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,070
to talk about carpool, and
do you know what's more?
475
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,150
You knew that, Anne,
476
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,430
so you've actually just
been stringing me along.
477
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:13,270
You're a real carpool tease.
478
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,200
Not cool, Anne! Not cool at all.
479
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,400
Cheers, Anne.
480
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,230
- That was rude.
- What?
481
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,670
- I'm not a fan of Anne, but come on.
- Yeah, well, I'm tired.
482
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,270
No, no, you're on the
make the whole time, Julia.
483
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,190
The only reason you're here tonight
is because you wanted something.
484
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,950
- No! Well, yeah...
- Are we even friends?
485
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,430
- What? - Are we friends?
- Of course we're friends!
486
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,030
I see you every day.
487
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,350
I see more of you than I
see some of my bridesmaids.
488
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,470
Yeah, but you never ask me
to do anything with you.
489
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,630
- That's not true.
- I'm your day friend, Julia.
490
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,750
Not an evening friend. I'm a mum friend.
491
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,510
I'm a convenience.
492
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,310
I asked you to come for a drink
tonight because I needed to talk
493
00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:54,870
with a fucking mate, and instead,
494
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,520
you chose to hang out with
an emotional storm drain.
495
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,790
I'm an emotional storm drain?
496
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,630
- No.
- Shit.
497
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,070
Does anyone like me?
498
00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:06,990
Yes. People like you.
499
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,070
I like you. Liz...
500
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:10,510
Amanda likes you.
501
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:11,990
Amanda doesn't like me.
502
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,710
She doesn't give a flying poo about me.
503
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,310
She just wants people around
her who can kiss her arse.
504
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,960
And I've kissed every square
inch of that flat arse.
505
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,830
Anne, you're drunk, and
you're embarrassing yourself.
506
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,440
If I were you, I'd take myself
to bed and sleep it off.
507
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,670
I may be drunk, but at least I know
how to unclench my flipping bum hole
508
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,070
and have a good time!
509
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,750
Did you just push me?
510
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,870
- No.
- How dare you?
511
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,910
- OK, let's not get violent.
- After everything I've done for you.
512
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,790
You started this.
513
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,310
After everything I've done for you!
514
00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:58,990
I was your friend when
no-one was your friend!
515
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,760
Amanda's having threesomes
with a squaddie!
516
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,390
Right, well, I can't top that, so I'm off.
517
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,350
- Thanks for a great evening, Anne.
- Do you want to share a taxi, or...?
518
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,950
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