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1
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Maya: This is the story of 10 strangers,
2
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:13,457
one night, and all the stupid,
embarrassing, ridiculous things we do...
3
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,460
To find love.
4
00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:24,135
[Gasps] Ooh!
5
00:00:24,202 --> 00:00:26,604
- My God.
- You are such an idiot.
6
00:00:26,672 --> 00:00:28,039
Ugh!
7
00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:29,473
Hold up. Hold up.
8
00:00:29,541 --> 00:00:31,208
Is this destiny?
9
00:00:31,276 --> 00:00:33,644
Nope.
10
00:00:33,712 --> 00:00:36,614
No? It seems that way.
This cute little fall,
11
00:00:36,682 --> 00:00:39,383
this clear sexual chemistry we're having.
12
00:00:40,519 --> 00:00:41,986
Can I have my birth control?
13
00:00:42,054 --> 00:00:43,854
I hope you're using this. Mm.
14
00:00:43,922 --> 00:00:45,856
We met at the bar before, remember?
15
00:00:45,924 --> 00:00:47,925
Yeah, you hit on my friend Jessica.
16
00:00:47,993 --> 00:00:49,427
You said I had ratty hair.
17
00:00:49,494 --> 00:00:51,529
What? That must've been
someone that looks just like me.
18
00:00:51,597 --> 00:00:54,098
I would never I'm Bruce, and I'm
sure Jessica has talked all...
19
00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:55,866
No, it's never gonna happen.
20
00:00:55,934 --> 00:00:58,669
Whoa! Adi?s!
21
00:00:58,737 --> 00:01:01,672
Brucie like.
22
00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:04,469
Sync and corrected by thatjulio
www.addic7ed.com
23
00:01:04,843 --> 00:01:06,344
Pardon me.
24
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,247
Hey, can we get some waters?
25
00:01:10,315 --> 00:01:11,849
How are we back in her section?
26
00:01:11,917 --> 00:01:14,285
I don't know. I really
shouldn't have stood her up.
27
00:01:14,353 --> 00:01:16,988
I'm so thirsty. Do you think it's safe
to drink the water in the bathroom?
28
00:01:17,055 --> 00:01:19,023
No.
29
00:01:19,091 --> 00:01:21,125
Hey. Here you go, boys.
30
00:01:21,193 --> 00:01:22,727
Hey, this isn't a mudslide.
31
00:01:22,794 --> 00:01:24,462
What's with the whipped cream?
32
00:01:24,529 --> 00:01:26,597
Oh, you must be thinking of a
white Russian. They're very similar.
33
00:01:26,665 --> 00:01:30,067
[Scoffs] No, I'm thinking of a mudslide,
the drink from "The Big Lebowski."
34
00:01:30,135 --> 00:01:31,869
Yeah, that's a white Russian.
35
00:01:31,937 --> 00:01:33,371
You saying I don't know "Lebowski"?
36
00:01:33,438 --> 00:01:34,939
He... he knows "Lebowski."
37
00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,407
I mean, the guy watches it
every morning. Every morning.
38
00:01:36,475 --> 00:01:37,742
Yeah, of course you know "Lebowski."
39
00:01:37,809 --> 00:01:39,043
Why don't you go order me the right drink
40
00:01:39,111 --> 00:01:41,012
and maybe have a hot waitress
bring it back next time?
41
00:01:41,079 --> 00:01:42,113
[Both laugh] I like.
42
00:01:42,180 --> 00:01:44,548
Is there a problem here, boys?
43
00:01:44,616 --> 00:01:46,817
- Who's this?
- Oh, it's a young Marlon Wayans.
44
00:01:46,885 --> 00:01:48,052
Ha. You want to go, young Marlon Wayans?
45
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,655
Oh, no, I don't want to go at all.
46
00:01:50,722 --> 00:01:52,923
I just think you should show your
waitress a little more respect.
47
00:01:52,991 --> 00:01:54,925
- Oh, you do?
- Well, I will just get you
48
00:01:54,993 --> 00:01:56,961
the right drinks and bring them back.
49
00:01:57,029 --> 00:01:58,663
I'm really sorry.
50
00:01:58,730 --> 00:02:00,865
It's her fault. Yeah.
She'll take care of it.
51
00:02:00,932 --> 00:02:02,333
Hey, hey. Excuse me.
52
00:02:02,401 --> 00:02:03,467
Don't listen to those guys.
53
00:02:03,535 --> 00:02:05,136
You're the most beautiful girl in here.
54
00:02:06,705 --> 00:02:08,139
You okay?
55
00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:10,574
Yeah. Thanks.
56
00:02:10,642 --> 00:02:13,711
We loved you in "white chicks."
57
00:02:14,813 --> 00:02:15,813
[Laughs]
58
00:02:15,881 --> 00:02:17,915
Your kids are beautiful. Thank you.
59
00:02:17,983 --> 00:02:18,916
They're my joy.
60
00:02:18,984 --> 00:02:20,151
He was sick that day.
61
00:02:20,218 --> 00:02:21,953
Look at his little nose. Aww!
62
00:02:22,020 --> 00:02:23,921
Oh, my God! That's a man's
penis! Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that.
63
00:02:23,989 --> 00:02:24,989
Oh, where's Maya?
64
00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,158
Maya! Maya, look at this thing!
65
00:02:27,225 --> 00:02:29,293
Whoa! That is...
66
00:02:29,361 --> 00:02:30,661
- Wow!
- Uh, who are you? Sorry.
67
00:02:30,729 --> 00:02:32,430
Oh, sorry. That's my friend Maya.
68
00:02:32,497 --> 00:02:33,998
Great to meet you. Nice wiener.
69
00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:35,433
Uh, thanks.
70
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:38,169
I mean, usually they gross
me out, but this one is...
71
00:02:38,236 --> 00:02:40,338
No, it's perfect. Yeah.
72
00:02:40,405 --> 00:02:41,572
Yeah, it's sophisticated
73
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,674
and yet... ah... it's
still down-to-earth.
74
00:02:43,742 --> 00:02:46,644
Mm. I mean, if you could
just put a bow tie on it,
75
00:02:46,712 --> 00:02:48,346
you could, like, take
it to a gala. You could.
76
00:02:48,413 --> 00:02:51,949
Right? Unfortunately, the guy
attached to it is not so perfect.
77
00:02:52,017 --> 00:02:53,084
What?
78
00:02:53,151 --> 00:02:55,119
No! Come on! Don't tell me that.
79
00:02:55,187 --> 00:02:56,554
Mm. Yeah.
80
00:02:56,622 --> 00:02:58,789
He showed up drunk at the
bar and barfed in my purse.
81
00:02:58,857 --> 00:03:01,325
Oh. He's still here, actually.
82
00:03:01,393 --> 00:03:03,527
Sorry. This is still in the bar?
83
00:03:03,595 --> 00:03:04,795
Now, where is this exactly?
84
00:03:04,863 --> 00:03:06,430
Yeah, tell us now, tell
us now, tell us now.
85
00:03:06,498 --> 00:03:09,400
[Laughs] No, no. A lady never tells.
86
00:03:09,468 --> 00:03:11,836
Okay, can you tell us who it isn't?
87
00:03:11,903 --> 00:03:13,838
I got to know. We're taking your phone.
88
00:03:13,906 --> 00:03:15,039
What? That's a good move.
89
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:18,109
We're gonna solve this
case. She's so smart.
90
00:03:18,176 --> 00:03:20,444
- I'm... I'm sorry.
- Nice job, Maya!
91
00:03:20,512 --> 00:03:22,747
That was awesome. Honestly, it was amazing.
92
00:03:22,814 --> 00:03:24,982
It was... what? What'd I miss?
93
00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:26,684
Oh, just Cal being the hero.
94
00:03:26,752 --> 00:03:29,053
Those bald guys over there
were being rude to Kacey,
95
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:34,344
so Cal marched over
there and spoke to them.
96
00:03:34,345 --> 00:03:35,929
Politely. Okay.
97
00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:38,275
And nothing really changed,
but it was really exciting.
98
00:03:38,276 --> 00:03:39,750
It's not a big deal. It's over now.
99
00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:42,311
No, it's not over, Cal.
Those are short, bald guys.
100
00:03:42,312 --> 00:03:44,681
Short, bald guys always want to fight.
101
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,072
What are you talking about?
102
00:03:46,073 --> 00:03:48,872
Cal, the two most important
things a man must have in life
103
00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:50,430
are height and hair
look at Tom and I.
104
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:54,429
And those goons have neither.
They are furious about it.
105
00:03:54,430 --> 00:03:55,369
Just look at history...
106
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:57,266
Hitler, Mao Tse-Tung, Napoleon.
107
00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:58,984
Short, bald men ruined the world.
108
00:03:58,985 --> 00:04:01,607
Hitler had hair. Hitler wore a piece, Tom.
109
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:04,173
All I know is you guys better
be ready for some action.
110
00:04:04,174 --> 00:04:05,511
I don't... I'm not a fighter.
111
00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:07,553
I don't even like emotional conflict. Tom.
112
00:04:07,554 --> 00:04:09,228
Don't look at me... the
only thing these two fists
113
00:04:09,229 --> 00:04:10,680
are good for is punching
myself in the wiener.
114
00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:13,768
But don't worry about
it. Tommy, Cal can fight.
115
00:04:13,769 --> 00:04:15,659
Why... why,
because I'm black?
116
00:04:17,327 --> 00:04:18,902
Yeah. Yeah.
117
00:04:18,903 --> 00:04:23,496
No, my racist, racist friends, I've
never been in a fight in my entire life.
118
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,935
Wait a minute. Your foster father
never taught you how to fistfight?
119
00:04:25,936 --> 00:04:27,131
Dude, he's my real dad.
120
00:04:27,132 --> 00:04:28,113
You've never been in a fight,
121
00:04:28,114 --> 00:04:30,867
like, at one of your break-dancing
competitions that you...
122
00:04:30,868 --> 00:04:32,718
Not even rap-off
or a beat-box-off?
123
00:04:32,719 --> 00:04:34,429
[Sighs] All right,
whatever. I'm out of here.
124
00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:36,015
Are you leaving? Yeah.
125
00:04:36,016 --> 00:04:37,322
What are you, a coward? Yeah.
126
00:04:37,323 --> 00:04:39,628
This isn't even my fight, Cal,
okay? I wasn't even at the table.
127
00:04:40,484 --> 00:04:43,462
My only advice is... use
Tom as a human shield.
128
00:04:44,435 --> 00:04:46,425
Don't do that.
129
00:04:49,119 --> 00:04:51,222
Stop.
130
00:04:54,145 --> 00:04:55,604
[Cheering]
131
00:05:02,277 --> 00:05:03,544
[Sighs]
132
00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:04,511
[Zipper opens]
133
00:05:04,579 --> 00:05:05,779
What the hell, man?
134
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,947
Urinal code.
135
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,849
I'm so sorry. I'm British.
136
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,450
What are you on about?
137
00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:12,686
Well, you're in America now, bro,
and we leave a buffer urinal here.
138
00:05:12,754 --> 00:05:13,987
Go down one.
139
00:05:14,055 --> 00:05:15,389
Do you actually think I
might be a Willy Watcher?
140
00:05:15,456 --> 00:05:18,158
Yeah, bro, you're British.
You guys are all gay.
141
00:05:18,226 --> 00:05:20,360
Don't be ridiculous. That's the French.
142
00:05:20,428 --> 00:05:23,658
Plus, nobody Willy-Watches
anymore, all right?
143
00:05:23,659 --> 00:05:26,377
That trend ended when they invented
these handy little dividing walls.
144
00:05:26,378 --> 00:05:28,038
Move down one, dude!
145
00:05:28,039 --> 00:05:30,270
I've already cast my line.
I can't just stop mid-flow.
146
00:05:30,338 --> 00:05:33,739
- I swear to God, I will fight you!
- Okay, okay! Fine.
147
00:05:34,499 --> 00:05:37,147
[Grunts]
148
00:05:37,148 --> 00:05:40,074
[Sighs]
149
00:05:40,075 --> 00:05:41,601
Ah, the afterburn.
150
00:05:42,649 --> 00:05:45,773
But I can hardly see
your Willy from over here.
151
00:05:47,288 --> 00:05:48,488
Here you go, babe.
152
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:51,191
Thanks, Dom. Mmm! [Sniffs]
153
00:05:51,259 --> 00:05:53,260
[Both grunt]
154
00:05:53,327 --> 00:05:54,995
Come on!
155
00:05:55,062 --> 00:05:56,329
Ugh!
156
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:59,899
Wait a minute. Destiny again?
157
00:05:59,967 --> 00:06:02,002
- Nope.
- Ooh. Ugh.
158
00:06:02,069 --> 00:06:03,803
Can I get another pizza?
159
00:06:03,871 --> 00:06:05,171
Sorry, babe. Kitchen's closed.
160
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,274
- Are you serious?
- I'm always serious.
161
00:06:07,341 --> 00:06:09,309
Me and Jessica really wanted pizza.
162
00:06:09,377 --> 00:06:11,845
Oh, this was for Jessica?
163
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:14,080
I actually like her.
164
00:06:14,148 --> 00:06:16,349
I'm really sorry about your pizza!
165
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:17,751
Yeah, still not gonna sleep with you!
166
00:06:17,818 --> 00:06:20,620
Yeah, I'm excited about that, too. Yeah.
167
00:06:20,688 --> 00:06:21,922
Hey, you should just go to Paglioni's...
168
00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:23,290
Right around the corner.
169
00:06:23,357 --> 00:06:24,724
It's the best pizza in
the world. Oh, really?
170
00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:26,626
Have you ever been to
gennaro's in Florence?
171
00:06:26,694 --> 00:06:28,361
Yes, I have. Mm.
172
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,763
And Paglioni's is better.
173
00:06:29,830 --> 00:06:31,331
You're such a liar.
174
00:06:31,399 --> 00:06:32,966
Yeah? And you're pretentious.
175
00:06:34,034 --> 00:06:36,802
Are you really eating my floor pizza?
176
00:06:36,870 --> 00:06:38,871
Yeah. It landed cheese side up, okay?
177
00:06:38,939 --> 00:06:39,939
Free game. [Sighs]
178
00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:41,707
You're disgusting.
179
00:06:41,775 --> 00:06:42,942
You know what? What?
180
00:06:43,009 --> 00:06:45,144
Why don't you come with me to Paglioni's?
181
00:06:45,212 --> 00:06:48,714
We'll get a slice, and whoever's
wrong will walk home in the nude.
182
00:06:48,782 --> 00:06:50,983
So I lose both ways?
183
00:06:51,051 --> 00:06:53,085
Hmm? Why would I ever do that?
184
00:06:53,153 --> 00:06:55,521
No. No. Because you clearly want me.
185
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,289
- That's why.
- [Laughs] That's...
186
00:06:57,357 --> 00:06:58,757
You think I want you?
187
00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:02,361
Unbelievably, she kind of does.
188
00:07:02,428 --> 00:07:04,363
Fab's parents fought constantly.
189
00:07:04,430 --> 00:07:06,598
They fought in private and in public.
190
00:07:06,666 --> 00:07:10,169
[Bell rings] But for some
reason, they stayed together.
191
00:07:10,236 --> 00:07:11,470
And that reason was great sex.
192
00:07:11,538 --> 00:07:14,072
They were always hot for each other.
193
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:16,742
So Fab assumed that this was
how relationships worked.
194
00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:18,744
Fighting and love were one and the same.
195
00:07:18,812 --> 00:07:23,649
Needless to say, this led to a lot
of weird encounters in her life.
196
00:07:23,716 --> 00:07:25,617
Get out of that car! What the hell?!
197
00:07:25,685 --> 00:07:27,619
Why did you stop in the
middle of the street?! Jackass!
198
00:07:27,687 --> 00:07:29,588
Jackass?! Who are you calling a jackass?!
199
00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:31,790
- I was fixing my makeup!
- Are you kidding me?!
200
00:07:31,858 --> 00:07:33,358
I'm gonna sue you! I'm
gonna sue your stupid ass!
201
00:07:33,426 --> 00:07:34,760
Oh? Oh, you're gonna sue me? That's right!
202
00:07:34,828 --> 00:07:35,928
Fine! Yeah, sue me!
203
00:07:35,995 --> 00:07:37,729
Let's talk about it over dinner!
204
00:07:37,797 --> 00:07:39,765
Yeah! Yeah!
Wait. What? Yeah!
205
00:07:39,833 --> 00:07:41,533
I know a great Italian
place right over there!
206
00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:42,601
So give me your number!
207
00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:43,635
What, for the insurance or for...
208
00:07:43,703 --> 00:07:47,206
Fab always confused fighting
with sexual attraction,
209
00:07:47,273 --> 00:07:50,742
which is why, unbelievably,
she was attracted to Bruce.
210
00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:55,146
You look like a bag of oranges
that's been left out too long.
211
00:07:55,214 --> 00:07:58,116
Thank God for those bangs
because they cover up your face!
212
00:07:58,183 --> 00:08:00,251
Fine! Let's go get a slice!
213
00:08:00,319 --> 00:08:01,486
Oh, seriously?
214
00:08:01,553 --> 00:08:02,887
Yes!
215
00:08:02,955 --> 00:08:05,089
Ooh!
216
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,659
[Laughter]
217
00:08:08,727 --> 00:08:10,561
Just ignore them.
218
00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:11,695
Tom: What?
219
00:08:13,532 --> 00:08:15,266
- A lemon.
- Come on, guys, enough!
220
00:08:17,135 --> 00:08:19,102
Oh, he's coming over here.
221
00:08:20,872 --> 00:08:23,040
You got something to
say, young Marlon Wayans?
222
00:08:23,107 --> 00:08:25,642
Hey, hey, uh, fighting
tall people with hair...
223
00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:27,778
It's not gonna make you
any taller or hairier.
224
00:08:27,845 --> 00:08:29,479
Look, don't listen to
him. He's new here. He...
225
00:08:29,547 --> 00:08:31,181
What did you just say
to me? I must've mumbled.
226
00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:32,783
I-I just said fighting
tall people with hair...
227
00:08:32,850 --> 00:08:34,451
It's not gonna make you
any taller or hairier.
228
00:08:34,519 --> 00:08:35,619
- Get up.
- No, I'm good. Just...
229
00:08:35,687 --> 00:08:36,853
Get up, bro!
230
00:08:36,921 --> 00:08:38,989
- Don't get up. Don't get up. Don't get up.
- O-okay. I just...
231
00:08:39,691 --> 00:08:40,824
Oh, my!
232
00:08:40,892 --> 00:08:43,260
[Crowd gasps]
233
00:08:47,365 --> 00:08:49,499
Oh, my God. Did I just murder someone?
234
00:09:04,479 --> 00:09:05,646
I just want to let you know
235
00:09:05,714 --> 00:09:07,414
I'm probably gonna smash
your friend Jessica later,
236
00:09:07,482 --> 00:09:09,550
so you're basically just
auditioning for my backup spot.
237
00:09:09,618 --> 00:09:11,518
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
238
00:09:11,586 --> 00:09:13,988
But can you imagine having sex with you?
239
00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:16,123
Uh, yeah. I have sex with
me every single night.
240
00:09:16,191 --> 00:09:17,157
I wear a satin glove.
241
00:09:17,225 --> 00:09:19,627
I bet it looks like a baby carrot.
242
00:09:19,694 --> 00:09:22,463
Mm. Kind of. Listen, tell me about Jess.
243
00:09:22,530 --> 00:09:23,897
[Sighs] How am I gonna smash that?
244
00:09:23,965 --> 00:09:26,355
That guy has a better chance than you.
245
00:09:26,356 --> 00:09:28,102
[Sighs] Good night.
246
00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:30,771
I don't know. Well,
you're not cute or nice.
247
00:09:30,839 --> 00:09:31,839
Are you rich?
248
00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:33,874
No, but I do drive a Datsun.
249
00:09:33,942 --> 00:09:35,042
Oh. Mm-hmm.
250
00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:36,977
Well, do you have an interesting job?
251
00:09:37,045 --> 00:09:39,013
I'm kind of in between jobs right now.
252
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,481
[Chuckling] What does that mean?
253
00:09:40,548 --> 00:09:41,815
It means the market is saturated.
254
00:09:41,883 --> 00:09:43,050
I'm still fishing out there.
255
00:09:43,118 --> 00:09:44,485
[Laughing] Wait a second.
256
00:09:44,552 --> 00:09:46,620
You look like this and you
have nothing else to offer?
257
00:09:46,688 --> 00:09:48,389
What is the point of you?
258
00:09:48,456 --> 00:09:49,890
Um, I know. I'm disgusting.
259
00:09:49,958 --> 00:09:53,060
But every year, you get a little
bit older and more desperate,
260
00:09:53,128 --> 00:09:56,930
and one day, you'll be begging to hook
up with something as gross as this.
261
00:09:56,998 --> 00:09:59,500
Breathe it in, lady. This is your future.
262
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,434
Nope! Mm-hmm.
263
00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:03,336
- I would rather be dead.
- Here we are.
264
00:10:03,404 --> 00:10:04,837
Excuse me.
265
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,272
If you'd like to have sex with
me, walk through this door.
266
00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:07,974
I was already through
the door. That's unfair.
267
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:08,942
[Laughs] Okay.
268
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,410
Cheers!
269
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:12,611
Bring it up
270
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,779
This shouldn't be hard.
271
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,681
Men usually look like their penises.
272
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:17,249
Wait. Really? Yeah.
273
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,450
Look at that guy.
274
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,954
[Gasps] I can totally see it!
275
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,222
[Laughs] Mm-hmm.
276
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,958
- Oh, my God. Let's do more.
- A nightmare.
277
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:27,292
Okay.
278
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,096
Hmm. Tom thumb, not Jewish.
279
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,831
[Chuckling] No. Hooks to the left.
280
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,967
Mm. Never again.
281
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:36,335
Ooh.
282
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:37,703
Yeah.
283
00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:40,105
[Gasps] What about your new boyfriend?
284
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,940
Look how regal he is.
285
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,609
Um...
286
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:46,945
Yeah, he could be... maybe awesome.
287
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,881
I know. I was totally getting that.
288
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,850
Anyways, all right, do you
see anyone who looks like this?
289
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:56,221
Okay, we know he's blond. Mm-hmm.
290
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:59,491
Uh... huh.
291
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,426
Ron? Mm-hmm.
292
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,162
No! No, no, no way. Mm-hmm.
293
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:07,666
Well, no, they do both
have a certain star quality.
294
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,602
I can't believe I let that go.
295
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,671
Oh, boy.
296
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:14,406
God, I really hope that
little bald man is okay.
297
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,241
I didn't mean to knock
him unconscious, you know?
298
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,609
It's all right. It's all right, man.
299
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,577
Go. Go right ahead, buddy.
300
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:21,045
Well, thank you, sir.
301
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:23,214
Yeah, good fight. Real good fight.
302
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:24,249
Thanks.
303
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:27,385
Hey, good work, huh? On the house.
304
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:28,653
Oh, wow.
305
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,688
How... how thoughtful. [Chuckles]
306
00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:34,158
The room has shifted, Tom.
307
00:11:34,225 --> 00:11:36,126
Everyone thinks you're Batman.
308
00:11:36,194 --> 00:11:38,796
Really? I've always wanted to be Batman.
309
00:11:38,863 --> 00:11:39,863
Do you think Maya saw me?
310
00:11:39,931 --> 00:11:42,699
Hey, we saw your fight. So hot.
311
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:44,334
Yeah, do you fight people a lot?
312
00:11:44,402 --> 00:11:46,270
Oh, no. That was, like,
my first fight ever.
313
00:11:46,337 --> 00:11:47,237
[Both laugh]
314
00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:48,639
Come on, man, use it. Use it.
315
00:11:48,706 --> 00:11:51,074
[Clears throat] Just kidding. Just kidding.
316
00:11:51,142 --> 00:11:53,177
Yeah, I get into fights all the time.
317
00:11:53,244 --> 00:11:56,246
Sometimes I have a
reason. Sometimes I don't.
318
00:11:56,314 --> 00:11:58,482
Sometimes I'll just walk up to
strangers at the post office,
319
00:11:58,550 --> 00:11:59,550
and I, like, beat their ass.
320
00:11:59,617 --> 00:12:01,952
You've heard of going postal?
321
00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:03,420
I arrive postal.
322
00:12:03,488 --> 00:12:04,888
That's hard-core.
323
00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:06,023
Yeah. Yeah.
324
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:07,458
Who's your friend?
325
00:12:07,525 --> 00:12:10,828
Oh, this is my limo driver, Cal.
326
00:12:11,395 --> 00:12:14,164
Hey, watch it, guy!
327
00:12:14,231 --> 00:12:17,167
He just made my list.
I'm gonna fight him next.
328
00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:18,902
- You guys thirsty?
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
329
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:22,605
Can we get some shots,
maybe some steaks, bloody?
330
00:12:22,673 --> 00:12:23,907
Bruce: There we go. All right.
331
00:12:23,975 --> 00:12:26,242
Thank you. Oh, man.
332
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:29,312
If I could have sex with any
food, it would definitely be pizza.
333
00:12:29,379 --> 00:12:31,414
And then my baby would be
like a half-me, half-pizza.
334
00:12:31,482 --> 00:12:33,449
[Chuckling] And then I'd
definitely eat that, too.
335
00:12:33,517 --> 00:12:35,184
Mmm.
336
00:12:35,252 --> 00:12:37,253
Mmm. Huh?
337
00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:38,521
What's that?
338
00:12:38,589 --> 00:12:40,056
What's what? What did I just see?
339
00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:41,023
Mm-hmm.
340
00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:42,892
Ding, ding, ding! Bruce wins!
341
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,126
What? Hmm? Hmm?
342
00:12:44,194 --> 00:12:45,094
It's fine.
343
00:12:45,162 --> 00:12:46,429
Oh, it's fine? Yeah.
344
00:12:47,497 --> 00:12:49,764
It's nowhere near as good
as real Italian pizza.
345
00:12:49,832 --> 00:12:51,433
Sorry. It's not.
346
00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:52,901
You clearly love my pizza.
347
00:12:52,969 --> 00:12:54,603
It's average, at best.
348
00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:56,838
Yeah? Why are you almost
done with your slice?
349
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,640
I'm gonna puke, it's so bad.
350
00:12:58,708 --> 00:13:00,075
Don't talk bad about my pizza.
351
00:13:00,142 --> 00:13:02,310
It's so disgusting.
352
00:13:02,378 --> 00:13:05,013
You say whatever you want
about me or my family,
353
00:13:05,081 --> 00:13:07,215
but don't you dare denigrate my pizza!
354
00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:09,351
Why was Bruce putting up with this?
355
00:13:09,418 --> 00:13:11,553
Because he would put up with anything
356
00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:13,722
if he thought it would get him laid.
357
00:13:13,789 --> 00:13:17,125
For a long time, Bruce's
most embarrassing hookup
358
00:13:17,193 --> 00:13:18,660
was the sexy librarian,
359
00:13:18,728 --> 00:13:21,196
mostly because she wasn't sexy.
360
00:13:21,264 --> 00:13:23,832
She was just a regular librarian.
361
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,568
Yeah. Oh, you smell like old books.
362
00:13:26,636 --> 00:13:28,403
After the librarian,
363
00:13:28,471 --> 00:13:30,772
the horse-fetish girl
was his next new low.
364
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,141
While he liked role playing,
365
00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:36,278
he got tired of constantly eating carrots.
366
00:13:40,582 --> 00:13:42,884
Bruce had low standards,
367
00:13:42,951 --> 00:13:45,153
or, should I say, no standards.
368
00:13:47,956 --> 00:13:49,323
As Bruce lay there
369
00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:51,893
with the toothless girl
he just met on the subway,
370
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,194
he realized he was tired
371
00:13:53,262 --> 00:13:55,396
of having sex with girls he didn't like.
372
00:13:55,464 --> 00:13:58,666
And secretly, he longed for
the day when he could sleep
373
00:13:58,734 --> 00:14:00,568
with someone he actually cared about.
374
00:14:00,636 --> 00:14:02,170
Aah!
375
00:14:02,237 --> 00:14:04,639
Admit you love my pizza, lady!
376
00:14:04,707 --> 00:14:07,342
- Never!
- Oh, really? Really?
377
00:14:07,409 --> 00:14:09,077
Then why are you taking my...
You don't deserve that. Unh-unh!
378
00:14:09,144 --> 00:14:11,346
You don't deserve your face!
That doesn't make sense!
379
00:14:11,413 --> 00:14:13,247
Why were you even born?!
380
00:14:13,315 --> 00:14:15,316
To show you what good pizza tastes like!
381
00:14:18,354 --> 00:14:19,921
You're gross!
382
00:14:19,988 --> 00:14:21,889
- Oh, you're disgusting!
- Oh! You're gross!
383
00:14:33,185 --> 00:14:34,719
I mean, I don't fight every day, you know.
384
00:14:34,787 --> 00:14:36,087
Sometimes I work on my motorcycle.
385
00:14:36,155 --> 00:14:37,388
I love motorcycles.
386
00:14:37,456 --> 00:14:40,158
They're so much more dangerous than cars.
387
00:14:40,225 --> 00:14:41,259
Yeah. [Chuckles]
388
00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:44,495
Is your fighting hand okay?
389
00:14:44,563 --> 00:14:47,265
- Yeah, it was nothing.
- Literally nothing.
390
00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:49,400
He can't stress enough how nothing it was.
391
00:14:49,468 --> 00:14:52,337
Your limo driver is rude.
392
00:14:52,404 --> 00:14:54,539
Hey, Professor!
393
00:14:54,606 --> 00:14:56,507
Did you knock out my man?
394
00:14:56,575 --> 00:14:57,875
Excuse me?
395
00:14:57,943 --> 00:14:59,377
[Crowd gasps]
396
00:14:59,445 --> 00:15:02,280
If you want to fight, fight me.
397
00:15:02,348 --> 00:15:03,848
Go ahead, Tom.
398
00:15:03,916 --> 00:15:06,284
Look, I don't fight girls, all right?
399
00:15:06,352 --> 00:15:07,418
[Groans]
400
00:15:07,486 --> 00:15:09,120
[Crowd gasps]
401
00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:11,155
Just... oh!
Cal, protect me!
402
00:15:11,223 --> 00:15:12,557
Uh, raise your arms! Oh, just go limp!
403
00:15:12,625 --> 00:15:14,325
Just go limp! Just go limp!
404
00:15:14,393 --> 00:15:16,294
Will somebody please help my friend?
405
00:15:16,362 --> 00:15:17,829
Somebody please step in!
406
00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:20,765
Where are the bouncers?!
Where are the bouncers?!
407
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:23,067
[Indistinct shouting]
408
00:15:23,135 --> 00:15:26,701
You tall, hairy guys are all cowards!
409
00:15:26,702 --> 00:15:28,667
You just hide behind
your height and your hair!
410
00:15:28,668 --> 00:15:31,129
- What?
- I'm... nothing.
411
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,478
Dude, you just got beat up by a girl.
412
00:15:35,546 --> 00:15:37,113
I'm gonna snap a few photos. Is that okay?
Tom: Yeah.
413
00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:38,982
Bruce is gonna want to see this.
414
00:15:39,049 --> 00:15:41,017
All right. [Camera shutter clicking]
415
00:15:42,286 --> 00:15:43,353
Did that just happen?
416
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,587
Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.
417
00:15:44,655 --> 00:15:46,556
Okay. [Gasps]
418
00:15:46,624 --> 00:15:48,291
Maya, Ron is going to the men's room.
419
00:15:48,359 --> 00:15:50,260
Maybe we can find out if it's actually his.
420
00:15:50,327 --> 00:15:52,362
Uh, uh, hey, hey, dude. Hey.
421
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:53,563
Uh, can you do us a favor?
422
00:15:53,631 --> 00:15:55,598
Can you follow that guy to the
restroom and check out his Johnson?
423
00:15:55,666 --> 00:15:56,966
[Laughs] Yeah.
424
00:15:57,034 --> 00:15:58,101
Yeah, yeah, I-I'm not gonna do that.
425
00:15:58,169 --> 00:15:59,569
Liv: Please?
426
00:15:59,637 --> 00:16:03,206
Look, I just met this guy,
and I really, really liked him,
427
00:16:03,274 --> 00:16:05,408
but then he turned out
to be kind of sketchy.
428
00:16:05,476 --> 00:16:09,546
But then I found out
that he might have this.
429
00:16:09,613 --> 00:16:11,314
[Speaks Spanish]
430
00:16:11,382 --> 00:16:13,316
Yes, exactly.
431
00:16:13,384 --> 00:16:15,185
And if that is his, then, you know,
432
00:16:15,252 --> 00:16:18,021
maybe I could learn to look past his
other flaws, you know what I mean?
433
00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:22,591
Look, the point is, I am not
asking you to go into the men's room
434
00:16:22,659 --> 00:16:24,327
and look at a stranger's genitals.
435
00:16:24,394 --> 00:16:27,530
Well... I'm asking you
to look inside my heart
436
00:16:27,597 --> 00:16:29,298
and see how confused I am right now
437
00:16:29,366 --> 00:16:32,201
and how much I need a hero.
438
00:16:32,269 --> 00:16:34,637
Will you do that, bartender?
439
00:16:35,305 --> 00:16:37,372
You're very pretty.
440
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,107
I'll do it.
441
00:16:39,175 --> 00:16:40,842
Thank you.
442
00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:42,344
[Both moaning]
443
00:16:42,412 --> 00:16:43,645
Get on the sink!
444
00:16:43,713 --> 00:16:44,780
Stop yelling!
445
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,382
Do you think Jessica's gonna mind?
446
00:16:47,449 --> 00:16:48,383
Who cares?
447
00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:49,651
Isn't she your best friend?
448
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,252
Stop talking about Jessica.
449
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,787
I'm not.
450
00:16:52,855 --> 00:16:54,822
I don't even care about Jessica.
451
00:16:57,393 --> 00:16:59,327
And in that moment, they both realized
452
00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:01,430
how much Bruce cared about Jessica.
453
00:17:01,497 --> 00:17:03,165
So, uh, should we just call it?
454
00:17:03,232 --> 00:17:05,934
Yeah. Hand me my raccoon.
455
00:17:06,002 --> 00:17:08,370
Yeah.
456
00:17:08,938 --> 00:17:10,338
And for the first time in his life,
457
00:17:10,406 --> 00:17:12,106
Bruce said no to sex
with someone he didn't like
458
00:17:12,174 --> 00:17:13,508
because he wanted something more,
459
00:17:13,576 --> 00:17:16,244
and that more was sitting
right down the street.
460
00:17:16,312 --> 00:17:19,314
[Chuckles] I'll tell you what, kiddo.
461
00:17:19,381 --> 00:17:22,216
Let's never talk again.
462
00:17:22,284 --> 00:17:24,052
I'd really like that.
463
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:27,288
Kacey: We're almost there.
464
00:17:27,356 --> 00:17:28,222
[Groans]
465
00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:29,257
Oh, I feel so terrible.
466
00:17:29,325 --> 00:17:32,093
If you hadn't stood up for me,
none of this would've happened.
467
00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:33,361
Oh, those guys were jerks.
468
00:17:33,429 --> 00:17:36,731
[Grunts] No, their
girlfriends were way worse.
469
00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:37,832
Oh! Ow!
470
00:17:39,501 --> 00:17:43,004
Hey, I'm sorry people talk to you like
that and I can't do anything to stop them.
471
00:17:43,072 --> 00:17:44,138
Aww. That's sweet.
472
00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:47,275
And I'm sorry that I was ignoring you guys.
473
00:17:47,843 --> 00:17:50,111
And I'm sorry I stood you up.
474
00:17:50,178 --> 00:17:52,513
Yeah, why'd you do
that? That really sucked.
475
00:17:52,581 --> 00:17:53,981
I don't know.
476
00:17:54,049 --> 00:17:56,784
I've rushed into a lot of
relationships really fast before,
477
00:17:56,852 --> 00:17:58,719
and it felt like I was doing it again.
478
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,722
Well... I could go slow.
479
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:05,593
- Okay.
- Okay.
480
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,561
Tom: Seriously, you guys, I
think I'm bleeding internally.
481
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,664
We might want to call an ambulance,
maybe a medevac helicopter.
482
00:18:10,732 --> 00:18:11,665
What time do you get off?
483
00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:13,467
- 2:00 A.M.
- I'll be here.
484
00:18:13,535 --> 00:18:16,769
- I'll see you later.
- I'll see you.
485
00:18:18,239 --> 00:18:20,507
Tom: Cal.
486
00:18:20,575 --> 00:18:23,076
Cal, will you hold my hand? I'm so cold.
487
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,779
Yeah, we're outside, buddy.
488
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,857
I knew it.
489
00:18:37,925 --> 00:18:39,792
No buffer required, right?
490
00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:40,893
What's that now?
491
00:18:40,961 --> 00:18:42,795
Oh, it's just, just...
492
00:18:49,136 --> 00:18:50,636
Would you like to take a picture?
493
00:18:50,704 --> 00:18:51,904
No, thanks.
494
00:18:51,972 --> 00:18:53,873
[Zipper closes] I already have one.
495
00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:58,878
[Gasps] Okay.
496
00:18:58,946 --> 00:19:01,614
Well? Is it his?
497
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,115
Yes, it is.
498
00:19:03,883 --> 00:19:05,017
[Sighs]
499
00:19:05,084 --> 00:19:07,019
It's even more beautiful in real life.
500
00:19:07,086 --> 00:19:09,721
Oh, my God. I'm so glad it's his!
501
00:19:09,789 --> 00:19:11,690
Nothing will ever be the same.
502
00:19:11,758 --> 00:19:13,558
[Chuckles] Wait. Am I?
503
00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:15,193
Because on the one hand,
504
00:19:15,261 --> 00:19:18,196
- that means he has a beautiful package.
- Handcrafted by God.
505
00:19:18,264 --> 00:19:20,132
But on the other hand, that
means he's the kind of guy
506
00:19:20,199 --> 00:19:22,634
who sends pictures of his package
to women, which is just so gross.
507
00:19:22,702 --> 00:19:25,751
No, everybody does that. Congressmen do it.
508
00:19:25,752 --> 00:19:28,072
But on the other other
hand, I'm engaged to Jim,
509
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:30,475
so this whole conversation
is kind of ridiculous.
510
00:19:30,542 --> 00:19:31,776
Yeah, but that's...
511
00:19:31,844 --> 00:19:33,111
But on the fourth hand,
512
00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:35,646
I've crossed some pretty
serious lines tonight.
513
00:19:35,714 --> 00:19:36,848
What's one more line?
514
00:19:36,915 --> 00:19:40,451
I'm already on the train to whoretown, USA.
515
00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:43,788
All I'm saying is maybe this is reason
enough for you to leave your fianc?e.
516
00:19:43,856 --> 00:19:44,922
No.
517
00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:45,990
Hmm?
518
00:19:46,058 --> 00:19:47,058
Maybe.
519
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:49,293
[Sighs]
520
00:19:50,061 --> 00:19:52,229
It looks like it's winking at me.
521
00:19:52,297 --> 00:19:54,298
[Both laugh]
522
00:19:54,365 --> 00:19:55,232
[Gasps]
523
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:58,535
Oh, my God, there he is.
524
00:19:58,603 --> 00:20:00,771
There's no other that
Can treat me like my lover
525
00:20:00,839 --> 00:20:03,040
Who'll make me feel so right
526
00:20:03,107 --> 00:20:05,809
His love is so tender
It makes me surrender
527
00:20:05,877 --> 00:20:09,480
When he squeeze and hold me tight
528
00:20:09,547 --> 00:20:12,516
I brought you something, my lady.
529
00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:15,285
Thank you. I'm starving.
530
00:20:15,353 --> 00:20:16,653
Mm-hmm.
531
00:20:16,721 --> 00:20:18,722
Hmm? Oh.
532
00:20:20,692 --> 00:20:22,759
Oh, my God. That is amazing.
533
00:20:22,827 --> 00:20:26,129
I know, right? Thank you. Thank you.
534
00:20:26,197 --> 00:20:28,732
God, if I could have sex
with any food in the world,
535
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,933
it would be this pizza.
536
00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:32,769
Obviously! Yes! Mmm.
537
00:20:32,837 --> 00:20:35,272
It means so much to
hear you say that to me.
538
00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:38,375
Seriously, though, thank
you for bringing me this.
539
00:20:38,443 --> 00:20:40,177
It's surprisingly thoughtful.
540
00:20:40,245 --> 00:20:42,145
You want to go bang in the men's room?
541
00:20:42,213 --> 00:20:43,981
[Laughs] Come on, man,
not while I'm eating.
542
00:20:44,048 --> 00:20:45,649
Okay. I'll ask again later.
543
00:20:45,717 --> 00:20:47,818
Okay.
544
00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:50,921
[Laughs]
545
00:20:59,654 --> 00:21:02,956
Maya: I can't believe Ron sent
you a picture of his wiener.
546
00:21:03,024 --> 00:21:04,725
Oh, my God. You should've seen
547
00:21:04,793 --> 00:21:06,527
the picture I sent back
to him, though... ooh! Oh?
548
00:21:06,594 --> 00:21:07,861
It's hard to keep a sexy face, though,
549
00:21:07,929 --> 00:21:09,363
when you're bent over
the waterbed, like...
550
00:21:09,431 --> 00:21:13,033
Whoa! You put your face
in a nudie pic? Yeah.
551
00:21:13,101 --> 00:21:15,202
Yeah, you're seconds away
from being on the Internet.
552
00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:16,737
No, Ron wouldn't do that.
553
00:21:16,805 --> 00:21:17,938
Yeah, Ron wouldn't do that.
554
00:21:18,006 --> 00:21:20,607
Ron is someone that
you met on the Internet,
555
00:21:20,675 --> 00:21:23,510
so how well do you actually
know this guy, right?
556
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,841
I got to get that picture back asap.
557
00:21:27,842 --> 00:21:30,109
Sync and corrected by thatjulio
www.addic7ed.com
558
00:21:30,159 --> 00:21:34,709
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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