All language subtitles for Mixology s01e07 Bruce & Fab.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,684 --> 00:00:08,452 Maya: This is the story of 10 strangers, 2 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:13,457 one night, and all the stupid, embarrassing, ridiculous things we do... 3 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,460 To find love. 4 00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:24,135 [Gasps] Ooh! 5 00:00:24,202 --> 00:00:26,604 - My God. - You are such an idiot. 6 00:00:26,672 --> 00:00:28,039 Ugh! 7 00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:29,473 Hold up. Hold up. 8 00:00:29,541 --> 00:00:31,208 Is this destiny? 9 00:00:31,276 --> 00:00:33,644 Nope. 10 00:00:33,712 --> 00:00:36,614 No? It seems that way. This cute little fall, 11 00:00:36,682 --> 00:00:39,383 this clear sexual chemistry we're having. 12 00:00:40,519 --> 00:00:41,986 Can I have my birth control? 13 00:00:42,054 --> 00:00:43,854 I hope you're using this. Mm. 14 00:00:43,922 --> 00:00:45,856 We met at the bar before, remember? 15 00:00:45,924 --> 00:00:47,925 Yeah, you hit on my friend Jessica. 16 00:00:47,993 --> 00:00:49,427 You said I had ratty hair. 17 00:00:49,494 --> 00:00:51,529 What? That must've been someone that looks just like me. 18 00:00:51,597 --> 00:00:54,098 I would never I'm Bruce, and I'm sure Jessica has talked all... 19 00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:55,866 No, it's never gonna happen. 20 00:00:55,934 --> 00:00:58,669 Whoa! Adi?s! 21 00:00:58,737 --> 00:01:01,672 Brucie like. 22 00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:04,469 Sync and corrected by thatjulio www.addic7ed.com 23 00:01:04,843 --> 00:01:06,344 Pardon me. 24 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,247 Hey, can we get some waters? 25 00:01:10,315 --> 00:01:11,849 How are we back in her section? 26 00:01:11,917 --> 00:01:14,285 I don't know. I really shouldn't have stood her up. 27 00:01:14,353 --> 00:01:16,988 I'm so thirsty. Do you think it's safe to drink the water in the bathroom? 28 00:01:17,055 --> 00:01:19,023 No. 29 00:01:19,091 --> 00:01:21,125 Hey. Here you go, boys. 30 00:01:21,193 --> 00:01:22,727 Hey, this isn't a mudslide. 31 00:01:22,794 --> 00:01:24,462 What's with the whipped cream? 32 00:01:24,529 --> 00:01:26,597 Oh, you must be thinking of a white Russian. They're very similar. 33 00:01:26,665 --> 00:01:30,067 [Scoffs] No, I'm thinking of a mudslide, the drink from "The Big Lebowski." 34 00:01:30,135 --> 00:01:31,869 Yeah, that's a white Russian. 35 00:01:31,937 --> 00:01:33,371 You saying I don't know "Lebowski"? 36 00:01:33,438 --> 00:01:34,939 He... he knows "Lebowski." 37 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,407 I mean, the guy watches it every morning. Every morning. 38 00:01:36,475 --> 00:01:37,742 Yeah, of course you know "Lebowski." 39 00:01:37,809 --> 00:01:39,043 Why don't you go order me the right drink 40 00:01:39,111 --> 00:01:41,012 and maybe have a hot waitress bring it back next time? 41 00:01:41,079 --> 00:01:42,113 [Both laugh] I like. 42 00:01:42,180 --> 00:01:44,548 Is there a problem here, boys? 43 00:01:44,616 --> 00:01:46,817 - Who's this? - Oh, it's a young Marlon Wayans. 44 00:01:46,885 --> 00:01:48,052 Ha. You want to go, young Marlon Wayans? 45 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,655 Oh, no, I don't want to go at all. 46 00:01:50,722 --> 00:01:52,923 I just think you should show your waitress a little more respect. 47 00:01:52,991 --> 00:01:54,925 - Oh, you do? - Well, I will just get you 48 00:01:54,993 --> 00:01:56,961 the right drinks and bring them back. 49 00:01:57,029 --> 00:01:58,663 I'm really sorry. 50 00:01:58,730 --> 00:02:00,865 It's her fault. Yeah. She'll take care of it. 51 00:02:00,932 --> 00:02:02,333 Hey, hey. Excuse me. 52 00:02:02,401 --> 00:02:03,467 Don't listen to those guys. 53 00:02:03,535 --> 00:02:05,136 You're the most beautiful girl in here. 54 00:02:06,705 --> 00:02:08,139 You okay? 55 00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:10,574 Yeah. Thanks. 56 00:02:10,642 --> 00:02:13,711 We loved you in "white chicks." 57 00:02:14,813 --> 00:02:15,813 [Laughs] 58 00:02:15,881 --> 00:02:17,915 Your kids are beautiful. Thank you. 59 00:02:17,983 --> 00:02:18,916 They're my joy. 60 00:02:18,984 --> 00:02:20,151 He was sick that day. 61 00:02:20,218 --> 00:02:21,953 Look at his little nose. Aww! 62 00:02:22,020 --> 00:02:23,921 Oh, my God! That's a man's penis! Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. 63 00:02:23,989 --> 00:02:24,989 Oh, where's Maya? 64 00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,158 Maya! Maya, look at this thing! 65 00:02:27,225 --> 00:02:29,293 Whoa! That is... 66 00:02:29,361 --> 00:02:30,661 - Wow! - Uh, who are you? Sorry. 67 00:02:30,729 --> 00:02:32,430 Oh, sorry. That's my friend Maya. 68 00:02:32,497 --> 00:02:33,998 Great to meet you. Nice wiener. 69 00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:35,433 Uh, thanks. 70 00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:38,169 I mean, usually they gross me out, but this one is... 71 00:02:38,236 --> 00:02:40,338 No, it's perfect. Yeah. 72 00:02:40,405 --> 00:02:41,572 Yeah, it's sophisticated 73 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,674 and yet... ah... it's still down-to-earth. 74 00:02:43,742 --> 00:02:46,644 Mm. I mean, if you could just put a bow tie on it, 75 00:02:46,712 --> 00:02:48,346 you could, like, take it to a gala. You could. 76 00:02:48,413 --> 00:02:51,949 Right? Unfortunately, the guy attached to it is not so perfect. 77 00:02:52,017 --> 00:02:53,084 What? 78 00:02:53,151 --> 00:02:55,119 No! Come on! Don't tell me that. 79 00:02:55,187 --> 00:02:56,554 Mm. Yeah. 80 00:02:56,622 --> 00:02:58,789 He showed up drunk at the bar and barfed in my purse. 81 00:02:58,857 --> 00:03:01,325 Oh. He's still here, actually. 82 00:03:01,393 --> 00:03:03,527 Sorry. This is still in the bar? 83 00:03:03,595 --> 00:03:04,795 Now, where is this exactly? 84 00:03:04,863 --> 00:03:06,430 Yeah, tell us now, tell us now, tell us now. 85 00:03:06,498 --> 00:03:09,400 [Laughs] No, no. A lady never tells. 86 00:03:09,468 --> 00:03:11,836 Okay, can you tell us who it isn't? 87 00:03:11,903 --> 00:03:13,838 I got to know. We're taking your phone. 88 00:03:13,906 --> 00:03:15,039 What? That's a good move. 89 00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:18,109 We're gonna solve this case. She's so smart. 90 00:03:18,176 --> 00:03:20,444 - I'm... I'm sorry. - Nice job, Maya! 91 00:03:20,512 --> 00:03:22,747 That was awesome. Honestly, it was amazing. 92 00:03:22,814 --> 00:03:24,982 It was... what? What'd I miss? 93 00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:26,684 Oh, just Cal being the hero. 94 00:03:26,752 --> 00:03:29,053 Those bald guys over there were being rude to Kacey, 95 00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:34,344 so Cal marched over there and spoke to them. 96 00:03:34,345 --> 00:03:35,929 Politely. Okay. 97 00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:38,275 And nothing really changed, but it was really exciting. 98 00:03:38,276 --> 00:03:39,750 It's not a big deal. It's over now. 99 00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:42,311 No, it's not over, Cal. Those are short, bald guys. 100 00:03:42,312 --> 00:03:44,681 Short, bald guys always want to fight. 101 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,072 What are you talking about? 102 00:03:46,073 --> 00:03:48,872 Cal, the two most important things a man must have in life 103 00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:50,430 are height and hair look at Tom and I. 104 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:54,429 And those goons have neither. They are furious about it. 105 00:03:54,430 --> 00:03:55,369 Just look at history... 106 00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:57,266 Hitler, Mao Tse-Tung, Napoleon. 107 00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:58,984 Short, bald men ruined the world. 108 00:03:58,985 --> 00:04:01,607 Hitler had hair. Hitler wore a piece, Tom. 109 00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:04,173 All I know is you guys better be ready for some action. 110 00:04:04,174 --> 00:04:05,511 I don't... I'm not a fighter. 111 00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:07,553 I don't even like emotional conflict. Tom. 112 00:04:07,554 --> 00:04:09,228 Don't look at me... the only thing these two fists 113 00:04:09,229 --> 00:04:10,680 are good for is punching myself in the wiener. 114 00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:13,768 But don't worry about it. Tommy, Cal can fight. 115 00:04:13,769 --> 00:04:15,659 Why... why, because I'm black? 116 00:04:17,327 --> 00:04:18,902 Yeah. Yeah. 117 00:04:18,903 --> 00:04:23,496 No, my racist, racist friends, I've never been in a fight in my entire life. 118 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,935 Wait a minute. Your foster father never taught you how to fistfight? 119 00:04:25,936 --> 00:04:27,131 Dude, he's my real dad. 120 00:04:27,132 --> 00:04:28,113 You've never been in a fight, 121 00:04:28,114 --> 00:04:30,867 like, at one of your break-dancing competitions that you... 122 00:04:30,868 --> 00:04:32,718 Not even rap-off or a beat-box-off? 123 00:04:32,719 --> 00:04:34,429 [Sighs] All right, whatever. I'm out of here. 124 00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:36,015 Are you leaving? Yeah. 125 00:04:36,016 --> 00:04:37,322 What are you, a coward? Yeah. 126 00:04:37,323 --> 00:04:39,628 This isn't even my fight, Cal, okay? I wasn't even at the table. 127 00:04:40,484 --> 00:04:43,462 My only advice is... use Tom as a human shield. 128 00:04:44,435 --> 00:04:46,425 Don't do that. 129 00:04:49,119 --> 00:04:51,222 Stop. 130 00:04:54,145 --> 00:04:55,604 [Cheering] 131 00:05:02,277 --> 00:05:03,544 [Sighs] 132 00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:04,511 [Zipper opens] 133 00:05:04,579 --> 00:05:05,779 What the hell, man? 134 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,947 Urinal code. 135 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,849 I'm so sorry. I'm British. 136 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,450 What are you on about? 137 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:12,686 Well, you're in America now, bro, and we leave a buffer urinal here. 138 00:05:12,754 --> 00:05:13,987 Go down one. 139 00:05:14,055 --> 00:05:15,389 Do you actually think I might be a Willy Watcher? 140 00:05:15,456 --> 00:05:18,158 Yeah, bro, you're British. You guys are all gay. 141 00:05:18,226 --> 00:05:20,360 Don't be ridiculous. That's the French. 142 00:05:20,428 --> 00:05:23,658 Plus, nobody Willy-Watches anymore, all right? 143 00:05:23,659 --> 00:05:26,377 That trend ended when they invented these handy little dividing walls. 144 00:05:26,378 --> 00:05:28,038 Move down one, dude! 145 00:05:28,039 --> 00:05:30,270 I've already cast my line. I can't just stop mid-flow. 146 00:05:30,338 --> 00:05:33,739 - I swear to God, I will fight you! - Okay, okay! Fine. 147 00:05:34,499 --> 00:05:37,147 [Grunts] 148 00:05:37,148 --> 00:05:40,074 [Sighs] 149 00:05:40,075 --> 00:05:41,601 Ah, the afterburn. 150 00:05:42,649 --> 00:05:45,773 But I can hardly see your Willy from over here. 151 00:05:47,288 --> 00:05:48,488 Here you go, babe. 152 00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:51,191 Thanks, Dom. Mmm! [Sniffs] 153 00:05:51,259 --> 00:05:53,260 [Both grunt] 154 00:05:53,327 --> 00:05:54,995 Come on! 155 00:05:55,062 --> 00:05:56,329 Ugh! 156 00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:59,899 Wait a minute. Destiny again? 157 00:05:59,967 --> 00:06:02,002 - Nope. - Ooh. Ugh. 158 00:06:02,069 --> 00:06:03,803 Can I get another pizza? 159 00:06:03,871 --> 00:06:05,171 Sorry, babe. Kitchen's closed. 160 00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,274 - Are you serious? - I'm always serious. 161 00:06:07,341 --> 00:06:09,309 Me and Jessica really wanted pizza. 162 00:06:09,377 --> 00:06:11,845 Oh, this was for Jessica? 163 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:14,080 I actually like her. 164 00:06:14,148 --> 00:06:16,349 I'm really sorry about your pizza! 165 00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:17,751 Yeah, still not gonna sleep with you! 166 00:06:17,818 --> 00:06:20,620 Yeah, I'm excited about that, too. Yeah. 167 00:06:20,688 --> 00:06:21,922 Hey, you should just go to Paglioni's... 168 00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:23,290 Right around the corner. 169 00:06:23,357 --> 00:06:24,724 It's the best pizza in the world. Oh, really? 170 00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:26,626 Have you ever been to gennaro's in Florence? 171 00:06:26,694 --> 00:06:28,361 Yes, I have. Mm. 172 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,763 And Paglioni's is better. 173 00:06:29,830 --> 00:06:31,331 You're such a liar. 174 00:06:31,399 --> 00:06:32,966 Yeah? And you're pretentious. 175 00:06:34,034 --> 00:06:36,802 Are you really eating my floor pizza? 176 00:06:36,870 --> 00:06:38,871 Yeah. It landed cheese side up, okay? 177 00:06:38,939 --> 00:06:39,939 Free game. [Sighs] 178 00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:41,707 You're disgusting. 179 00:06:41,775 --> 00:06:42,942 You know what? What? 180 00:06:43,009 --> 00:06:45,144 Why don't you come with me to Paglioni's? 181 00:06:45,212 --> 00:06:48,714 We'll get a slice, and whoever's wrong will walk home in the nude. 182 00:06:48,782 --> 00:06:50,983 So I lose both ways? 183 00:06:51,051 --> 00:06:53,085 Hmm? Why would I ever do that? 184 00:06:53,153 --> 00:06:55,521 No. No. Because you clearly want me. 185 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,289 - That's why. - [Laughs] That's... 186 00:06:57,357 --> 00:06:58,757 You think I want you? 187 00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:02,361 Unbelievably, she kind of does. 188 00:07:02,428 --> 00:07:04,363 Fab's parents fought constantly. 189 00:07:04,430 --> 00:07:06,598 They fought in private and in public. 190 00:07:06,666 --> 00:07:10,169 [Bell rings] But for some reason, they stayed together. 191 00:07:10,236 --> 00:07:11,470 And that reason was great sex. 192 00:07:11,538 --> 00:07:14,072 They were always hot for each other. 193 00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:16,742 So Fab assumed that this was how relationships worked. 194 00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:18,744 Fighting and love were one and the same. 195 00:07:18,812 --> 00:07:23,649 Needless to say, this led to a lot of weird encounters in her life. 196 00:07:23,716 --> 00:07:25,617 Get out of that car! What the hell?! 197 00:07:25,685 --> 00:07:27,619 Why did you stop in the middle of the street?! Jackass! 198 00:07:27,687 --> 00:07:29,588 Jackass?! Who are you calling a jackass?! 199 00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:31,790 - I was fixing my makeup! - Are you kidding me?! 200 00:07:31,858 --> 00:07:33,358 I'm gonna sue you! I'm gonna sue your stupid ass! 201 00:07:33,426 --> 00:07:34,760 Oh? Oh, you're gonna sue me? That's right! 202 00:07:34,828 --> 00:07:35,928 Fine! Yeah, sue me! 203 00:07:35,995 --> 00:07:37,729 Let's talk about it over dinner! 204 00:07:37,797 --> 00:07:39,765 Yeah! Yeah! Wait. What? Yeah! 205 00:07:39,833 --> 00:07:41,533 I know a great Italian place right over there! 206 00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:42,601 So give me your number! 207 00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:43,635 What, for the insurance or for... 208 00:07:43,703 --> 00:07:47,206 Fab always confused fighting with sexual attraction, 209 00:07:47,273 --> 00:07:50,742 which is why, unbelievably, she was attracted to Bruce. 210 00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:55,146 You look like a bag of oranges that's been left out too long. 211 00:07:55,214 --> 00:07:58,116 Thank God for those bangs because they cover up your face! 212 00:07:58,183 --> 00:08:00,251 Fine! Let's go get a slice! 213 00:08:00,319 --> 00:08:01,486 Oh, seriously? 214 00:08:01,553 --> 00:08:02,887 Yes! 215 00:08:02,955 --> 00:08:05,089 Ooh! 216 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,659 [Laughter] 217 00:08:08,727 --> 00:08:10,561 Just ignore them. 218 00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:11,695 Tom: What? 219 00:08:13,532 --> 00:08:15,266 - A lemon. - Come on, guys, enough! 220 00:08:17,135 --> 00:08:19,102 Oh, he's coming over here. 221 00:08:20,872 --> 00:08:23,040 You got something to say, young Marlon Wayans? 222 00:08:23,107 --> 00:08:25,642 Hey, hey, uh, fighting tall people with hair... 223 00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:27,778 It's not gonna make you any taller or hairier. 224 00:08:27,845 --> 00:08:29,479 Look, don't listen to him. He's new here. He... 225 00:08:29,547 --> 00:08:31,181 What did you just say to me? I must've mumbled. 226 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:32,783 I-I just said fighting tall people with hair... 227 00:08:32,850 --> 00:08:34,451 It's not gonna make you any taller or hairier. 228 00:08:34,519 --> 00:08:35,619 - Get up. - No, I'm good. Just... 229 00:08:35,687 --> 00:08:36,853 Get up, bro! 230 00:08:36,921 --> 00:08:38,989 - Don't get up. Don't get up. Don't get up. - O-okay. I just... 231 00:08:39,691 --> 00:08:40,824 Oh, my! 232 00:08:40,892 --> 00:08:43,260 [Crowd gasps] 233 00:08:47,365 --> 00:08:49,499 Oh, my God. Did I just murder someone? 234 00:09:04,479 --> 00:09:05,646 I just want to let you know 235 00:09:05,714 --> 00:09:07,414 I'm probably gonna smash your friend Jessica later, 236 00:09:07,482 --> 00:09:09,550 so you're basically just auditioning for my backup spot. 237 00:09:09,618 --> 00:09:11,518 Yeah, that's not gonna happen. 238 00:09:11,586 --> 00:09:13,988 But can you imagine having sex with you? 239 00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:16,123 Uh, yeah. I have sex with me every single night. 240 00:09:16,191 --> 00:09:17,157 I wear a satin glove. 241 00:09:17,225 --> 00:09:19,627 I bet it looks like a baby carrot. 242 00:09:19,694 --> 00:09:22,463 Mm. Kind of. Listen, tell me about Jess. 243 00:09:22,530 --> 00:09:23,897 [Sighs] How am I gonna smash that? 244 00:09:23,965 --> 00:09:26,355 That guy has a better chance than you. 245 00:09:26,356 --> 00:09:28,102 [Sighs] Good night. 246 00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:30,771 I don't know. Well, you're not cute or nice. 247 00:09:30,839 --> 00:09:31,839 Are you rich? 248 00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:33,874 No, but I do drive a Datsun. 249 00:09:33,942 --> 00:09:35,042 Oh. Mm-hmm. 250 00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:36,977 Well, do you have an interesting job? 251 00:09:37,045 --> 00:09:39,013 I'm kind of in between jobs right now. 252 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,481 [Chuckling] What does that mean? 253 00:09:40,548 --> 00:09:41,815 It means the market is saturated. 254 00:09:41,883 --> 00:09:43,050 I'm still fishing out there. 255 00:09:43,118 --> 00:09:44,485 [Laughing] Wait a second. 256 00:09:44,552 --> 00:09:46,620 You look like this and you have nothing else to offer? 257 00:09:46,688 --> 00:09:48,389 What is the point of you? 258 00:09:48,456 --> 00:09:49,890 Um, I know. I'm disgusting. 259 00:09:49,958 --> 00:09:53,060 But every year, you get a little bit older and more desperate, 260 00:09:53,128 --> 00:09:56,930 and one day, you'll be begging to hook up with something as gross as this. 261 00:09:56,998 --> 00:09:59,500 Breathe it in, lady. This is your future. 262 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,434 Nope! Mm-hmm. 263 00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:03,336 - I would rather be dead. - Here we are. 264 00:10:03,404 --> 00:10:04,837 Excuse me. 265 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,272 If you'd like to have sex with me, walk through this door. 266 00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:07,974 I was already through the door. That's unfair. 267 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:08,942 [Laughs] Okay. 268 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,410 Cheers! 269 00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:12,611 Bring it up 270 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,779 This shouldn't be hard. 271 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,681 Men usually look like their penises. 272 00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:17,249 Wait. Really? Yeah. 273 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,450 Look at that guy. 274 00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,954 [Gasps] I can totally see it! 275 00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,222 [Laughs] Mm-hmm. 276 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,958 - Oh, my God. Let's do more. - A nightmare. 277 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:27,292 Okay. 278 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,096 Hmm. Tom thumb, not Jewish. 279 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,831 [Chuckling] No. Hooks to the left. 280 00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,967 Mm. Never again. 281 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:36,335 Ooh. 282 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:37,703 Yeah. 283 00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:40,105 [Gasps] What about your new boyfriend? 284 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,940 Look how regal he is. 285 00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,609 Um... 286 00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:46,945 Yeah, he could be... maybe awesome. 287 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,881 I know. I was totally getting that. 288 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,850 Anyways, all right, do you see anyone who looks like this? 289 00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:56,221 Okay, we know he's blond. Mm-hmm. 290 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:59,491 Uh... huh. 291 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,426 Ron? Mm-hmm. 292 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,162 No! No, no, no way. Mm-hmm. 293 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:07,666 Well, no, they do both have a certain star quality. 294 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,602 I can't believe I let that go. 295 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,671 Oh, boy. 296 00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:14,406 God, I really hope that little bald man is okay. 297 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,241 I didn't mean to knock him unconscious, you know? 298 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,609 It's all right. It's all right, man. 299 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,577 Go. Go right ahead, buddy. 300 00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:21,045 Well, thank you, sir. 301 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:23,214 Yeah, good fight. Real good fight. 302 00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:24,249 Thanks. 303 00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:27,385 Hey, good work, huh? On the house. 304 00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:28,653 Oh, wow. 305 00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,688 How... how thoughtful. [Chuckles] 306 00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:34,158 The room has shifted, Tom. 307 00:11:34,225 --> 00:11:36,126 Everyone thinks you're Batman. 308 00:11:36,194 --> 00:11:38,796 Really? I've always wanted to be Batman. 309 00:11:38,863 --> 00:11:39,863 Do you think Maya saw me? 310 00:11:39,931 --> 00:11:42,699 Hey, we saw your fight. So hot. 311 00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:44,334 Yeah, do you fight people a lot? 312 00:11:44,402 --> 00:11:46,270 Oh, no. That was, like, my first fight ever. 313 00:11:46,337 --> 00:11:47,237 [Both laugh] 314 00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:48,639 Come on, man, use it. Use it. 315 00:11:48,706 --> 00:11:51,074 [Clears throat] Just kidding. Just kidding. 316 00:11:51,142 --> 00:11:53,177 Yeah, I get into fights all the time. 317 00:11:53,244 --> 00:11:56,246 Sometimes I have a reason. Sometimes I don't. 318 00:11:56,314 --> 00:11:58,482 Sometimes I'll just walk up to strangers at the post office, 319 00:11:58,550 --> 00:11:59,550 and I, like, beat their ass. 320 00:11:59,617 --> 00:12:01,952 You've heard of going postal? 321 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:03,420 I arrive postal. 322 00:12:03,488 --> 00:12:04,888 That's hard-core. 323 00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:06,023 Yeah. Yeah. 324 00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:07,458 Who's your friend? 325 00:12:07,525 --> 00:12:10,828 Oh, this is my limo driver, Cal. 326 00:12:11,395 --> 00:12:14,164 Hey, watch it, guy! 327 00:12:14,231 --> 00:12:17,167 He just made my list. I'm gonna fight him next. 328 00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:18,902 - You guys thirsty? - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 329 00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:22,605 Can we get some shots, maybe some steaks, bloody? 330 00:12:22,673 --> 00:12:23,907 Bruce: There we go. All right. 331 00:12:23,975 --> 00:12:26,242 Thank you. Oh, man. 332 00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:29,312 If I could have sex with any food, it would definitely be pizza. 333 00:12:29,379 --> 00:12:31,414 And then my baby would be like a half-me, half-pizza. 334 00:12:31,482 --> 00:12:33,449 [Chuckling] And then I'd definitely eat that, too. 335 00:12:33,517 --> 00:12:35,184 Mmm. 336 00:12:35,252 --> 00:12:37,253 Mmm. Huh? 337 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:38,521 What's that? 338 00:12:38,589 --> 00:12:40,056 What's what? What did I just see? 339 00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:41,023 Mm-hmm. 340 00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:42,892 Ding, ding, ding! Bruce wins! 341 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,126 What? Hmm? Hmm? 342 00:12:44,194 --> 00:12:45,094 It's fine. 343 00:12:45,162 --> 00:12:46,429 Oh, it's fine? Yeah. 344 00:12:47,497 --> 00:12:49,764 It's nowhere near as good as real Italian pizza. 345 00:12:49,832 --> 00:12:51,433 Sorry. It's not. 346 00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:52,901 You clearly love my pizza. 347 00:12:52,969 --> 00:12:54,603 It's average, at best. 348 00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:56,838 Yeah? Why are you almost done with your slice? 349 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,640 I'm gonna puke, it's so bad. 350 00:12:58,708 --> 00:13:00,075 Don't talk bad about my pizza. 351 00:13:00,142 --> 00:13:02,310 It's so disgusting. 352 00:13:02,378 --> 00:13:05,013 You say whatever you want about me or my family, 353 00:13:05,081 --> 00:13:07,215 but don't you dare denigrate my pizza! 354 00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:09,351 Why was Bruce putting up with this? 355 00:13:09,418 --> 00:13:11,553 Because he would put up with anything 356 00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:13,722 if he thought it would get him laid. 357 00:13:13,789 --> 00:13:17,125 For a long time, Bruce's most embarrassing hookup 358 00:13:17,193 --> 00:13:18,660 was the sexy librarian, 359 00:13:18,728 --> 00:13:21,196 mostly because she wasn't sexy. 360 00:13:21,264 --> 00:13:23,832 She was just a regular librarian. 361 00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,568 Yeah. Oh, you smell like old books. 362 00:13:26,636 --> 00:13:28,403 After the librarian, 363 00:13:28,471 --> 00:13:30,772 the horse-fetish girl was his next new low. 364 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,141 While he liked role playing, 365 00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:36,278 he got tired of constantly eating carrots. 366 00:13:40,582 --> 00:13:42,884 Bruce had low standards, 367 00:13:42,951 --> 00:13:45,153 or, should I say, no standards. 368 00:13:47,956 --> 00:13:49,323 As Bruce lay there 369 00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:51,893 with the toothless girl he just met on the subway, 370 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,194 he realized he was tired 371 00:13:53,262 --> 00:13:55,396 of having sex with girls he didn't like. 372 00:13:55,464 --> 00:13:58,666 And secretly, he longed for the day when he could sleep 373 00:13:58,734 --> 00:14:00,568 with someone he actually cared about. 374 00:14:00,636 --> 00:14:02,170 Aah! 375 00:14:02,237 --> 00:14:04,639 Admit you love my pizza, lady! 376 00:14:04,707 --> 00:14:07,342 - Never! - Oh, really? Really? 377 00:14:07,409 --> 00:14:09,077 Then why are you taking my... You don't deserve that. Unh-unh! 378 00:14:09,144 --> 00:14:11,346 You don't deserve your face! That doesn't make sense! 379 00:14:11,413 --> 00:14:13,247 Why were you even born?! 380 00:14:13,315 --> 00:14:15,316 To show you what good pizza tastes like! 381 00:14:18,354 --> 00:14:19,921 You're gross! 382 00:14:19,988 --> 00:14:21,889 - Oh, you're disgusting! - Oh! You're gross! 383 00:14:33,185 --> 00:14:34,719 I mean, I don't fight every day, you know. 384 00:14:34,787 --> 00:14:36,087 Sometimes I work on my motorcycle. 385 00:14:36,155 --> 00:14:37,388 I love motorcycles. 386 00:14:37,456 --> 00:14:40,158 They're so much more dangerous than cars. 387 00:14:40,225 --> 00:14:41,259 Yeah. [Chuckles] 388 00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:44,495 Is your fighting hand okay? 389 00:14:44,563 --> 00:14:47,265 - Yeah, it was nothing. - Literally nothing. 390 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:49,400 He can't stress enough how nothing it was. 391 00:14:49,468 --> 00:14:52,337 Your limo driver is rude. 392 00:14:52,404 --> 00:14:54,539 Hey, Professor! 393 00:14:54,606 --> 00:14:56,507 Did you knock out my man? 394 00:14:56,575 --> 00:14:57,875 Excuse me? 395 00:14:57,943 --> 00:14:59,377 [Crowd gasps] 396 00:14:59,445 --> 00:15:02,280 If you want to fight, fight me. 397 00:15:02,348 --> 00:15:03,848 Go ahead, Tom. 398 00:15:03,916 --> 00:15:06,284 Look, I don't fight girls, all right? 399 00:15:06,352 --> 00:15:07,418 [Groans] 400 00:15:07,486 --> 00:15:09,120 [Crowd gasps] 401 00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:11,155 Just... oh! Cal, protect me! 402 00:15:11,223 --> 00:15:12,557 Uh, raise your arms! Oh, just go limp! 403 00:15:12,625 --> 00:15:14,325 Just go limp! Just go limp! 404 00:15:14,393 --> 00:15:16,294 Will somebody please help my friend? 405 00:15:16,362 --> 00:15:17,829 Somebody please step in! 406 00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:20,765 Where are the bouncers?! Where are the bouncers?! 407 00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:23,067 [Indistinct shouting] 408 00:15:23,135 --> 00:15:26,701 You tall, hairy guys are all cowards! 409 00:15:26,702 --> 00:15:28,667 You just hide behind your height and your hair! 410 00:15:28,668 --> 00:15:31,129 - What? - I'm... nothing. 411 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,478 Dude, you just got beat up by a girl. 412 00:15:35,546 --> 00:15:37,113 I'm gonna snap a few photos. Is that okay? Tom: Yeah. 413 00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:38,982 Bruce is gonna want to see this. 414 00:15:39,049 --> 00:15:41,017 All right. [Camera shutter clicking] 415 00:15:42,286 --> 00:15:43,353 Did that just happen? 416 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,587 Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. 417 00:15:44,655 --> 00:15:46,556 Okay. [Gasps] 418 00:15:46,624 --> 00:15:48,291 Maya, Ron is going to the men's room. 419 00:15:48,359 --> 00:15:50,260 Maybe we can find out if it's actually his. 420 00:15:50,327 --> 00:15:52,362 Uh, uh, hey, hey, dude. Hey. 421 00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:53,563 Uh, can you do us a favor? 422 00:15:53,631 --> 00:15:55,598 Can you follow that guy to the restroom and check out his Johnson? 423 00:15:55,666 --> 00:15:56,966 [Laughs] Yeah. 424 00:15:57,034 --> 00:15:58,101 Yeah, yeah, I-I'm not gonna do that. 425 00:15:58,169 --> 00:15:59,569 Liv: Please? 426 00:15:59,637 --> 00:16:03,206 Look, I just met this guy, and I really, really liked him, 427 00:16:03,274 --> 00:16:05,408 but then he turned out to be kind of sketchy. 428 00:16:05,476 --> 00:16:09,546 But then I found out that he might have this. 429 00:16:09,613 --> 00:16:11,314 [Speaks Spanish] 430 00:16:11,382 --> 00:16:13,316 Yes, exactly. 431 00:16:13,384 --> 00:16:15,185 And if that is his, then, you know, 432 00:16:15,252 --> 00:16:18,021 maybe I could learn to look past his other flaws, you know what I mean? 433 00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:22,591 Look, the point is, I am not asking you to go into the men's room 434 00:16:22,659 --> 00:16:24,327 and look at a stranger's genitals. 435 00:16:24,394 --> 00:16:27,530 Well... I'm asking you to look inside my heart 436 00:16:27,597 --> 00:16:29,298 and see how confused I am right now 437 00:16:29,366 --> 00:16:32,201 and how much I need a hero. 438 00:16:32,269 --> 00:16:34,637 Will you do that, bartender? 439 00:16:35,305 --> 00:16:37,372 You're very pretty. 440 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,107 I'll do it. 441 00:16:39,175 --> 00:16:40,842 Thank you. 442 00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:42,344 [Both moaning] 443 00:16:42,412 --> 00:16:43,645 Get on the sink! 444 00:16:43,713 --> 00:16:44,780 Stop yelling! 445 00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,382 Do you think Jessica's gonna mind? 446 00:16:47,449 --> 00:16:48,383 Who cares? 447 00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:49,651 Isn't she your best friend? 448 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,252 Stop talking about Jessica. 449 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,787 I'm not. 450 00:16:52,855 --> 00:16:54,822 I don't even care about Jessica. 451 00:16:57,393 --> 00:16:59,327 And in that moment, they both realized 452 00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:01,430 how much Bruce cared about Jessica. 453 00:17:01,497 --> 00:17:03,165 So, uh, should we just call it? 454 00:17:03,232 --> 00:17:05,934 Yeah. Hand me my raccoon. 455 00:17:06,002 --> 00:17:08,370 Yeah. 456 00:17:08,938 --> 00:17:10,338 And for the first time in his life, 457 00:17:10,406 --> 00:17:12,106 Bruce said no to sex with someone he didn't like 458 00:17:12,174 --> 00:17:13,508 because he wanted something more, 459 00:17:13,576 --> 00:17:16,244 and that more was sitting right down the street. 460 00:17:16,312 --> 00:17:19,314 [Chuckles] I'll tell you what, kiddo. 461 00:17:19,381 --> 00:17:22,216 Let's never talk again. 462 00:17:22,284 --> 00:17:24,052 I'd really like that. 463 00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:27,288 Kacey: We're almost there. 464 00:17:27,356 --> 00:17:28,222 [Groans] 465 00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:29,257 Oh, I feel so terrible. 466 00:17:29,325 --> 00:17:32,093 If you hadn't stood up for me, none of this would've happened. 467 00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:33,361 Oh, those guys were jerks. 468 00:17:33,429 --> 00:17:36,731 [Grunts] No, their girlfriends were way worse. 469 00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:37,832 Oh! Ow! 470 00:17:39,501 --> 00:17:43,004 Hey, I'm sorry people talk to you like that and I can't do anything to stop them. 471 00:17:43,072 --> 00:17:44,138 Aww. That's sweet. 472 00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:47,275 And I'm sorry that I was ignoring you guys. 473 00:17:47,843 --> 00:17:50,111 And I'm sorry I stood you up. 474 00:17:50,178 --> 00:17:52,513 Yeah, why'd you do that? That really sucked. 475 00:17:52,581 --> 00:17:53,981 I don't know. 476 00:17:54,049 --> 00:17:56,784 I've rushed into a lot of relationships really fast before, 477 00:17:56,852 --> 00:17:58,719 and it felt like I was doing it again. 478 00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,722 Well... I could go slow. 479 00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:05,593 - Okay. - Okay. 480 00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,561 Tom: Seriously, you guys, I think I'm bleeding internally. 481 00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,664 We might want to call an ambulance, maybe a medevac helicopter. 482 00:18:10,732 --> 00:18:11,665 What time do you get off? 483 00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:13,467 - 2:00 A.M. - I'll be here. 484 00:18:13,535 --> 00:18:16,769 - I'll see you later. - I'll see you. 485 00:18:18,239 --> 00:18:20,507 Tom: Cal. 486 00:18:20,575 --> 00:18:23,076 Cal, will you hold my hand? I'm so cold. 487 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,779 Yeah, we're outside, buddy. 488 00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,857 I knew it. 489 00:18:37,925 --> 00:18:39,792 No buffer required, right? 490 00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:40,893 What's that now? 491 00:18:40,961 --> 00:18:42,795 Oh, it's just, just... 492 00:18:49,136 --> 00:18:50,636 Would you like to take a picture? 493 00:18:50,704 --> 00:18:51,904 No, thanks. 494 00:18:51,972 --> 00:18:53,873 [Zipper closes] I already have one. 495 00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:58,878 [Gasps] Okay. 496 00:18:58,946 --> 00:19:01,614 Well? Is it his? 497 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,115 Yes, it is. 498 00:19:03,883 --> 00:19:05,017 [Sighs] 499 00:19:05,084 --> 00:19:07,019 It's even more beautiful in real life. 500 00:19:07,086 --> 00:19:09,721 Oh, my God. I'm so glad it's his! 501 00:19:09,789 --> 00:19:11,690 Nothing will ever be the same. 502 00:19:11,758 --> 00:19:13,558 [Chuckles] Wait. Am I? 503 00:19:13,626 --> 00:19:15,193 Because on the one hand, 504 00:19:15,261 --> 00:19:18,196 - that means he has a beautiful package. - Handcrafted by God. 505 00:19:18,264 --> 00:19:20,132 But on the other hand, that means he's the kind of guy 506 00:19:20,199 --> 00:19:22,634 who sends pictures of his package to women, which is just so gross. 507 00:19:22,702 --> 00:19:25,751 No, everybody does that. Congressmen do it. 508 00:19:25,752 --> 00:19:28,072 But on the other other hand, I'm engaged to Jim, 509 00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:30,475 so this whole conversation is kind of ridiculous. 510 00:19:30,542 --> 00:19:31,776 Yeah, but that's... 511 00:19:31,844 --> 00:19:33,111 But on the fourth hand, 512 00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:35,646 I've crossed some pretty serious lines tonight. 513 00:19:35,714 --> 00:19:36,848 What's one more line? 514 00:19:36,915 --> 00:19:40,451 I'm already on the train to whoretown, USA. 515 00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:43,788 All I'm saying is maybe this is reason enough for you to leave your fianc?e. 516 00:19:43,856 --> 00:19:44,922 No. 517 00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:45,990 Hmm? 518 00:19:46,058 --> 00:19:47,058 Maybe. 519 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:49,293 [Sighs] 520 00:19:50,061 --> 00:19:52,229 It looks like it's winking at me. 521 00:19:52,297 --> 00:19:54,298 [Both laugh] 522 00:19:54,365 --> 00:19:55,232 [Gasps] 523 00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:58,535 Oh, my God, there he is. 524 00:19:58,603 --> 00:20:00,771 There's no other that Can treat me like my lover 525 00:20:00,839 --> 00:20:03,040 Who'll make me feel so right 526 00:20:03,107 --> 00:20:05,809 His love is so tender It makes me surrender 527 00:20:05,877 --> 00:20:09,480 When he squeeze and hold me tight 528 00:20:09,547 --> 00:20:12,516 I brought you something, my lady. 529 00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:15,285 Thank you. I'm starving. 530 00:20:15,353 --> 00:20:16,653 Mm-hmm. 531 00:20:16,721 --> 00:20:18,722 Hmm? Oh. 532 00:20:20,692 --> 00:20:22,759 Oh, my God. That is amazing. 533 00:20:22,827 --> 00:20:26,129 I know, right? Thank you. Thank you. 534 00:20:26,197 --> 00:20:28,732 God, if I could have sex with any food in the world, 535 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,933 it would be this pizza. 536 00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:32,769 Obviously! Yes! Mmm. 537 00:20:32,837 --> 00:20:35,272 It means so much to hear you say that to me. 538 00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:38,375 Seriously, though, thank you for bringing me this. 539 00:20:38,443 --> 00:20:40,177 It's surprisingly thoughtful. 540 00:20:40,245 --> 00:20:42,145 You want to go bang in the men's room? 541 00:20:42,213 --> 00:20:43,981 [Laughs] Come on, man, not while I'm eating. 542 00:20:44,048 --> 00:20:45,649 Okay. I'll ask again later. 543 00:20:45,717 --> 00:20:47,818 Okay. 544 00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:50,921 [Laughs] 545 00:20:59,654 --> 00:21:02,956 Maya: I can't believe Ron sent you a picture of his wiener. 546 00:21:03,024 --> 00:21:04,725 Oh, my God. You should've seen 547 00:21:04,793 --> 00:21:06,527 the picture I sent back to him, though... ooh! Oh? 548 00:21:06,594 --> 00:21:07,861 It's hard to keep a sexy face, though, 549 00:21:07,929 --> 00:21:09,363 when you're bent over the waterbed, like... 550 00:21:09,431 --> 00:21:13,033 Whoa! You put your face in a nudie pic? Yeah. 551 00:21:13,101 --> 00:21:15,202 Yeah, you're seconds away from being on the Internet. 552 00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:16,737 No, Ron wouldn't do that. 553 00:21:16,805 --> 00:21:17,938 Yeah, Ron wouldn't do that. 554 00:21:18,006 --> 00:21:20,607 Ron is someone that you met on the Internet, 555 00:21:20,675 --> 00:21:23,510 so how well do you actually know this guy, right? 556 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,841 I got to get that picture back asap. 557 00:21:27,842 --> 00:21:30,109 Sync and corrected by thatjulio www.addic7ed.com 558 00:21:30,159 --> 00:21:34,709 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40628

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