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1
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(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
2
00:00:03,584 --> 00:00:05,316
So, Mike and Martina,
3
00:00:05,351 --> 00:00:07,686
let's talk about why you're
seeking therapy today.
4
00:00:07,721 --> 00:00:09,387
She made me.
5
00:00:11,592 --> 00:00:13,323
- What are you writing?
- Mike.
6
00:00:13,358 --> 00:00:14,625
He's just taking notes.
7
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(CHUCKLES) He's writing about you now.
8
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You don't know that.
9
00:00:20,766 --> 00:00:22,265
Are you?
10
00:00:22,301 --> 00:00:23,801
Let's get back to why you're here.
11
00:00:23,836 --> 00:00:25,002
Yes.
12
00:00:25,037 --> 00:00:27,437
We're here about a
dilemma Mike's facing.
13
00:00:27,473 --> 00:00:30,473
It all began when I was
counseling a mother and daughter
14
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:34,110
who were having some problems
since they moved in together.
15
00:00:34,145 --> 00:00:35,511
(BRITISH ACCENT) I just
can't control her.
16
00:00:35,546 --> 00:00:37,346
Coming in at all hours,
17
00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:39,582
drinking, loud music,
18
00:00:39,618 --> 00:00:41,618
an endless parade of men.
19
00:00:44,455 --> 00:00:47,889
I'm just having a little fun.
20
00:00:47,925 --> 00:00:50,826
Well, adult parents and
children living together again
21
00:00:50,861 --> 00:00:52,794
does present a lot of challenges.
22
00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:54,596
It certainly does.
23
00:00:54,632 --> 00:00:56,898
That stupid accent!
24
00:00:58,435 --> 00:00:59,534
It's not a choice.
25
00:00:59,569 --> 00:01:01,837
You married a British man
and raised me in London.
26
00:01:01,872 --> 00:01:05,106
(IMITATING A BRITISH ACCENT)
Raised me in London.
27
00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:07,341
Who talks like that?
28
00:01:07,376 --> 00:01:09,977
Everyone in London!
29
00:01:10,013 --> 00:01:12,312
Can you even understand her?
30
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,482
Mom, major emergency.
31
00:01:15,518 --> 00:01:16,450
Stella!
32
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I'm in session.
33
00:01:17,854 --> 00:01:20,354
You know I've said not to come
in when the door is closed.
34
00:01:20,389 --> 00:01:21,621
Yeah, but you also said
35
00:01:21,657 --> 00:01:23,289
you're sad you don't
have enough patients,
36
00:01:23,324 --> 00:01:27,160
so sometimes you just come
in here to cry, so...
37
00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:29,896
Stella, whatever it is,
we'll deal with it later.
38
00:01:29,931 --> 00:01:32,132
Oh, sorry about that.
39
00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:33,900
Now, let's get back...
40
00:01:33,935 --> 00:01:35,401
Martina!
41
00:01:35,436 --> 00:01:38,637
I don't feel so good.
42
00:01:38,673 --> 00:01:40,172
Whoa, whoa.
43
00:01:40,207 --> 00:01:42,607
Yes, I was a little under the weather,
44
00:01:42,643 --> 00:01:44,877
but that is not how it happened.
45
00:01:47,447 --> 00:01:49,281
Mike, what are you doing out of bed?
46
00:01:49,316 --> 00:01:51,349
You're deathly ill.
47
00:01:51,385 --> 00:01:52,751
Yes, I am,
48
00:01:52,787 --> 00:01:55,820
but that wood isn't gonna chop itself.
49
00:01:55,855 --> 00:01:57,989
That is not how it went.
50
00:01:58,024 --> 00:02:00,892
Although I would like
you to chop that wood.
51
00:02:00,927 --> 00:02:03,594
It's a lot of work.
52
00:02:03,629 --> 00:02:05,763
Martina!
53
00:02:05,799 --> 00:02:07,031
That's my husband.
54
00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:08,532
He's not feeling well,
55
00:02:08,568 --> 00:02:10,134
and you know how men get.
56
00:02:10,170 --> 00:02:11,502
She doesn't.
57
00:02:11,537 --> 00:02:12,936
Ugh.
58
00:02:12,971 --> 00:02:14,037
This again.
59
00:02:14,073 --> 00:02:15,806
She's a virgin.
60
00:02:17,076 --> 00:02:19,076
I am not a virgin.
61
00:02:19,111 --> 00:02:20,610
It can lapse!
62
00:02:20,645 --> 00:02:23,513
Like a driver's license.
63
00:02:23,548 --> 00:02:25,381
That's ridiculous.
64
00:02:25,417 --> 00:02:28,018
I was married up until ten years ago.
65
00:02:28,053 --> 00:02:30,786
I will admit it has been a while.
66
00:02:30,822 --> 00:02:34,190
There are cobwebs down there.
67
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,728
Stop pushing me, Mother.
68
00:02:38,763 --> 00:02:40,730
I'll go out again when I'm ready.
69
00:02:40,765 --> 00:02:42,331
Look, we really don't mind
70
00:02:42,366 --> 00:02:43,899
if you need to tend to your family.
71
00:02:43,935 --> 00:02:45,967
Your daughter did say
it was an emergency.
72
00:02:46,002 --> 00:02:49,270
Well, thank you.
73
00:02:49,305 --> 00:02:52,140
I'm sure it's nothing, but
I will be right back.
74
00:02:54,677 --> 00:02:56,945
It must be nice to have a
daughter who needs you
75
00:02:56,980 --> 00:02:58,880
and wants your advice.
76
00:02:58,915 --> 00:03:01,482
You don't give me advice, just insults.
77
00:03:01,517 --> 00:03:03,183
I don't insult you.
78
00:03:03,219 --> 00:03:04,551
Just this morning you asked me
79
00:03:04,586 --> 00:03:08,355
which mortician died and
left me his clothes.
80
00:03:08,390 --> 00:03:12,092
A genuine question.
81
00:03:12,128 --> 00:03:15,028
All right, what's the big emergency?
82
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:16,696
This is tough, Mom.
83
00:03:16,732 --> 00:03:18,565
Have you ever heard of
Lou Gehrig's disease?
84
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,967
Yes. Oh, my God, Stella.
85
00:03:21,002 --> 00:03:24,771
Well, there's a play about
it, and I have an audition.
86
00:03:24,806 --> 00:03:26,906
But I told them I could
do accents, and I can't.
87
00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,440
Mom, help.
88
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:29,842
It's the first day of my internship,
89
00:03:29,878 --> 00:03:30,943
and I'm freaking out.
90
00:03:30,979 --> 00:03:32,044
Which outfit says,
91
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:33,146
"Take my seriously, damn it,
92
00:03:33,181 --> 00:03:35,214
but I'm a little fun."
93
00:03:35,250 --> 00:03:37,249
The left one.
94
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:40,218
Oh, and you, Google "accents"
and do what they say,
95
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,988
then Google "real problems"
and pay attention.
96
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:50,195
Oh, I am so sorry for that interruption.
97
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,496
Where's your mother?
98
00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:53,498
She went to help your husband.
99
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:54,999
What?
100
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,305
Is this helping you?
101
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:02,940
I'm not sure.
102
00:04:02,975 --> 00:04:06,576
It's sure helping me.
103
00:04:06,612 --> 00:04:09,280
Sandy, what are you doing in here?
104
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:13,316
She showed up and started
rubbing VapoRub on my chest.
105
00:04:13,351 --> 00:04:15,451
And...
106
00:04:15,486 --> 00:04:18,554
I just went with it.
107
00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:20,690
This is wrong. You can't be here.
108
00:04:20,725 --> 00:04:22,458
I'm your therapist.
109
00:04:22,493 --> 00:04:23,960
Oh, not anymore.
110
00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:26,662
This poor man needs me.
111
00:04:26,698 --> 00:04:28,297
That's my job.
112
00:04:28,332 --> 00:04:30,665
I think I can take care of my husband.
113
00:04:30,701 --> 00:04:32,801
So why aren't you feeding him?
114
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,269
Feed a cold;
115
00:04:34,305 --> 00:04:35,670
starve a fever.
116
00:04:35,706 --> 00:04:37,372
I could eat.
117
00:04:38,608 --> 00:04:40,843
How do chocolate chip pancakes sound?
118
00:04:40,878 --> 00:04:43,912
Could you make the chocolate
chips into a smiley face?
119
00:04:43,948 --> 00:04:46,413
With a whipped cream beard.
120
00:04:46,449 --> 00:04:47,748
That sounds good.
121
00:04:47,783 --> 00:04:50,184
Can we keep her?
122
00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:53,120
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
123
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- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
124
00:05:03,631 --> 00:05:06,299
Excuse me.
125
00:05:06,335 --> 00:05:07,400
When I was in here before,
126
00:05:07,435 --> 00:05:09,970
I noticed you do a great British accent.
127
00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:11,171
It's just how I talk.
128
00:05:11,206 --> 00:05:12,505
Okay, you don't have
129
00:05:12,540 --> 00:05:15,475
to brag about how easy it is for you.
130
00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:17,543
Anyway, I have a play audition tomorrow,
131
00:05:17,579 --> 00:05:19,211
so I could I follow you around tonight
132
00:05:19,247 --> 00:05:20,612
and learn how to talk like you?
133
00:05:20,647 --> 00:05:23,015
I mean, you don't have, like,
a date or anything, do you?
134
00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:23,983
No.
135
00:05:24,018 --> 00:05:24,984
(CHUCKLES)
136
00:05:25,019 --> 00:05:25,951
No dates for me.
137
00:05:25,987 --> 00:05:27,086
(CHUCKLES)
138
00:05:27,121 --> 00:05:30,122
It's kind of your own fault.
139
00:05:30,157 --> 00:05:32,424
You're like the girl in
a teen move who's ugly
140
00:05:32,459 --> 00:05:35,261
until she takes her glasses
off, and then she's hot.
141
00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,264
Huh...
142
00:05:39,299 --> 00:05:42,267
That must just be in the movies.
143
00:05:42,302 --> 00:05:44,135
Anyway, I can help, okay?
144
00:05:44,170 --> 00:05:45,569
You teach me to talk like a Brit,
145
00:05:45,605 --> 00:05:47,438
and I will make you over.
146
00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,974
I must say I'm intrigued.
147
00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:54,344
(IN A COCKNEY ACCENT) I
must say I'm intrigued!
148
00:05:54,380 --> 00:05:56,579
We've got a lot of work to do.
149
00:05:56,615 --> 00:05:57,948
Oh, don't put yourself down.
150
00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:00,417
You're not that unattractive.
151
00:06:00,452 --> 00:06:04,388
152
00:06:04,423 --> 00:06:07,190
Oh, these pancakes are so good.
153
00:06:07,226 --> 00:06:08,392
(MOANS)
154
00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:11,760
Even sick, you're an attractive man.
155
00:06:13,697 --> 00:06:15,298
What the hell's going on, son?
156
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,265
Son?
157
00:06:16,301 --> 00:06:18,567
So that's where you get it.
158
00:06:18,602 --> 00:06:21,971
You need to get out of bed
so we can go watch the game.
159
00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:24,206
- I got a cold.
- Typical.
160
00:06:24,242 --> 00:06:25,541
I don't get colds.
161
00:06:25,576 --> 00:06:27,575
I felt one coming on once,
but I told it to screw,
162
00:06:27,610 --> 00:06:28,876
and that was the end of it.
163
00:06:28,912 --> 00:06:30,445
I could listen to you
164
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:34,416
telling things to screw all night.
165
00:06:34,451 --> 00:06:36,351
Who is this?
166
00:06:36,386 --> 00:06:37,718
Dad, this is Sandy.
167
00:06:37,754 --> 00:06:40,855
She's a little tiny angel,
and I'm keeping her.
168
00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:42,657
Go watch the game with Alice.
169
00:06:42,692 --> 00:06:45,092
Alice is at Bible study again,
170
00:06:45,127 --> 00:06:47,494
and apparently I'm not allowed to join.
171
00:06:47,529 --> 00:06:50,831
I didn't want my husband to
go to my Bible study either.
172
00:06:50,866 --> 00:06:51,865
Why not?
173
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,767
Because I wasn't there.
174
00:06:53,802 --> 00:06:56,837
I was having an affair.
175
00:06:56,872 --> 00:06:59,306
Well, Alice is not having an affair.
176
00:06:59,342 --> 00:07:00,907
She's studying the good book.
177
00:07:00,943 --> 00:07:02,708
When she comes home from Bible study,
178
00:07:02,743 --> 00:07:04,577
she's full of the Spirit.
179
00:07:04,612 --> 00:07:07,347
Flushed and satisfied.
180
00:07:07,382 --> 00:07:08,747
Happy...
181
00:07:08,783 --> 00:07:10,683
tired...
182
00:07:10,718 --> 00:07:13,419
Good God, I have to investigate.
183
00:07:13,455 --> 00:07:16,755
I have an idea how you
can get back at her!
184
00:07:18,993 --> 00:07:21,126
He'll be back.
185
00:07:28,124 --> 00:07:30,959
Hi, I'm Shea Moore, the new intern.
186
00:07:30,994 --> 00:07:33,661
I'm Nate Johnson, the other new intern.
187
00:07:33,696 --> 00:07:35,463
Nice to meet you.
188
00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,431
Whoa... (LAUGHS)
189
00:07:37,467 --> 00:07:39,767
what are we gonna do about this?
190
00:07:39,802 --> 00:07:41,202
What "this"?
191
00:07:41,237 --> 00:07:43,804
The obvious sexual tension between us.
192
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:48,809
(GIGGLING) Well, I don't see
how it could be obvious.
193
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,544
Nice try. Your breath is shallow.
194
00:07:50,579 --> 00:07:52,179
The capillaries in your
cheeks are reddening,
195
00:07:52,214 --> 00:07:54,247
and your pupils are dilating.
196
00:07:54,283 --> 00:07:56,082
Yeah, I'm also an MD.
I was a triple major.
197
00:07:56,117 --> 00:07:57,484
They told me I couldn't do that!
198
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:58,785
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
199
00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:00,687
They told me I couldn't park
my motorcycle in my room.
200
00:08:00,722 --> 00:08:02,789
Did I listen to them? I don't know.
201
00:08:02,824 --> 00:08:04,357
Ask the grease stains on my carpet.
202
00:08:04,393 --> 00:08:05,992
(MACHINE BEEPS)
203
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:08,194
A bad boy.
204
00:08:08,229 --> 00:08:10,028
Look, let's just reduce this equation
205
00:08:10,064 --> 00:08:12,331
down to the lowest terms.
206
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:13,899
Honestly, every cell in my being
207
00:08:13,934 --> 00:08:15,568
is just screaming to make love to you.
208
00:08:15,603 --> 00:08:16,835
They are?
209
00:08:16,870 --> 00:08:18,136
I'm not gonna let that happen.
210
00:08:18,172 --> 00:08:19,605
What?
211
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,107
No, this internship's too
important to the both of us.
212
00:08:22,142 --> 00:08:23,309
We're astrophysicists.
213
00:08:23,344 --> 00:08:26,578
We're not gonna let our
biology screw this up.
214
00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:29,046
Yeah, I'm funny too. You're doomed.
215
00:08:29,082 --> 00:08:33,418
216
00:08:33,453 --> 00:08:36,554
Oh, my God! You're still here.
217
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:38,690
Why are you still here?
218
00:08:38,725 --> 00:08:41,125
Good genes, I guess.
219
00:08:43,462 --> 00:08:45,362
She's making me pie.
Don't be mad, Martina.
220
00:08:45,397 --> 00:08:46,996
She's just taking care of me.
221
00:08:47,032 --> 00:08:48,632
I take care of you.
222
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:52,168
Yeah, but then I have to
take care of you back.
223
00:08:52,204 --> 00:08:53,470
Hello, all.
224
00:08:53,505 --> 00:08:56,340
Sweetheart, how was your
first day at the new job?
225
00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:57,374
It was great,
226
00:08:57,409 --> 00:09:00,075
except there's a fellow intern who is...
227
00:09:00,111 --> 00:09:02,845
well, I don't know how to put this.
228
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,813
You want to have sex with him.
229
00:09:06,718 --> 00:09:07,550
Sandy!
230
00:09:07,585 --> 00:09:08,584
No, she's right.
231
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:13,289
Honey, workplace romances
can be really risky.
232
00:09:13,324 --> 00:09:15,490
What if he's the love of her life?
233
00:09:15,525 --> 00:09:16,658
She's 23.
234
00:09:16,693 --> 00:09:18,993
How can this guy possibly
be the love of her life?
235
00:09:19,028 --> 00:09:20,828
We got married at 23.
236
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:22,330
We had to.
237
00:09:22,366 --> 00:09:26,167
I met the love of my life at 23...
238
00:09:26,202 --> 00:09:29,937
and 47...
239
00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:33,540
and 65...
240
00:09:33,576 --> 00:09:36,610
I'm just saying be smart.
241
00:09:36,646 --> 00:09:39,413
And I'm just saying there
are other variables.
242
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:43,049
Mom, as always, your advice is spot-on,
243
00:09:43,085 --> 00:09:45,051
but this lady's advice
is a little bit better
244
00:09:45,087 --> 00:09:46,887
and seems like it might get me laid.
245
00:09:49,057 --> 00:09:50,856
And I am, sadly, only human.
246
00:09:50,892 --> 00:09:51,824
(BELL DINGS)
247
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,293
Oh, who wants pie?
248
00:09:53,328 --> 00:09:55,828
- I do.
- Pie? There's pie?
249
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,764
Okay, Sandy,
250
00:09:57,799 --> 00:09:58,864
time to go home.
251
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,367
Do you need a lift?
Should I call an Uber?
252
00:10:01,403 --> 00:10:03,035
A horse-and-buggy?
253
00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:07,005
I'm not going anywhere.
254
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:07,972
What?
255
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,442
Your family needs me.
256
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,177
I'm filling a vacuum.
257
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,212
By the way, I vacuumed.
258
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,850
I mean, obviously, as a therapist,
259
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:19,984
I could see that she was
260
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,753
projecting her relationship issues
261
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,321
with her daughter onto us.
262
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,022
Oh, stop showing off.
263
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:29,159
And since I couldn't reason with Sandy,
264
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:31,562
I decided to talk to her daughter Gwen
265
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:33,931
who had spent the day with Stella.
266
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:37,835
(IN A COCKNEY ACCENT)
'Ello, Mum, fancy a pint?
267
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,937
It's me, Stella.
268
00:10:40,972 --> 00:10:44,541
(IN A COCKNEY ACCENT)
Do I make you 'orny?
269
00:10:44,576 --> 00:10:45,675
I'm your mother.
270
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:47,577
I'm practicing my new accent.
271
00:10:47,612 --> 00:10:49,145
Gwen and I watched some British films
272
00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:50,313
about that Austin Powers guy.
273
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,248
Well, where is Gwen? I
need to talk to her.
274
00:10:52,283 --> 00:10:53,516
She's in the loo.
275
00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:55,385
That's British for toilet!
276
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:59,020
They have a word for
everything over there.
277
00:10:59,056 --> 00:11:00,989
Hello, Martina.
278
00:11:01,024 --> 00:11:03,992
Wow, you look amazing!
279
00:11:04,027 --> 00:11:05,427
I feel like a whole new woman!
280
00:11:05,463 --> 00:11:07,763
Between Stella's makeover and
not having my mum around,
281
00:11:07,798 --> 00:11:09,498
I've never been happier.
282
00:11:09,533 --> 00:11:10,599
That being said,
283
00:11:10,634 --> 00:11:12,735
wouldn't you like to
have your mom around?
284
00:11:12,770 --> 00:11:13,836
God, no.
285
00:11:13,871 --> 00:11:16,771
But she's driving me crazy.
286
00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:20,875
What I'm hearing sounds
like a you problem.
287
00:11:20,910 --> 00:11:23,310
You know, it's amazing
what not being insulted
288
00:11:23,346 --> 00:11:25,680
24 hours a day does to your self-esteem.
289
00:11:25,715 --> 00:11:28,048
Gwen, as a professional therapist,
290
00:11:28,084 --> 00:11:30,551
let me just say this is no fair!
291
00:11:30,587 --> 00:11:31,785
(PHONE CHIMES)
292
00:11:31,820 --> 00:11:33,687
Whoa, warehouse party.
293
00:11:33,722 --> 00:11:36,890
It's starting right now, and
the Snapchats are dope.
294
00:11:36,925 --> 00:11:38,057
Whatever that is,
295
00:11:38,093 --> 00:11:40,794
it sounds like exactly what I need.
296
00:11:40,829 --> 00:11:42,929
Oh, behave!
297
00:11:42,964 --> 00:11:45,131
That means we're not gonna behave.
298
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:47,333
Well, after the party,
how about you come by
299
00:11:47,369 --> 00:11:48,734
and pick up your mother?
300
00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:50,636
If you agree, walk out the door
301
00:11:50,671 --> 00:11:53,672
without saying anything!
302
00:11:53,708 --> 00:11:56,442
Oh, looks like it's time for
me to go to Bible study.
303
00:11:56,477 --> 00:11:58,010
Again?
304
00:11:58,045 --> 00:11:59,545
You just went last night.
305
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:02,014
Oh, it's a long book, Bob.
306
00:12:04,585 --> 00:12:07,485
So what have you been studying?
307
00:12:07,521 --> 00:12:09,120
Obadiah 1:9.
308
00:12:09,155 --> 00:12:10,555
Oh, come on. You made that up.
309
00:12:10,590 --> 00:12:13,024
There's no such thing as Obadiah 1:9.
310
00:12:13,059 --> 00:12:14,125
Yes, there is.
311
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,960
We read that passage at our wedding.
312
00:12:15,995 --> 00:12:19,063
Oh, yeah.
313
00:12:19,098 --> 00:12:20,998
Greatest day of my life.
314
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:22,800
Alice. Hmm?
315
00:12:22,835 --> 00:12:26,036
Whatever you do, never
forget I'm an ex-cop.
316
00:12:26,071 --> 00:12:28,505
I'm trained to see things
other men don't see.
317
00:12:28,541 --> 00:12:30,707
I notice things other men don't notice.
318
00:12:30,743 --> 00:12:33,510
I hear things other men don't hear.
319
00:12:33,546 --> 00:12:35,946
Nothing gets by me, my love.
320
00:12:35,981 --> 00:12:38,615
Nothing.
321
00:12:38,651 --> 00:12:41,884
Oh... your wedding vow!
322
00:12:44,021 --> 00:12:46,556
But really, I got to go!
323
00:12:46,591 --> 00:12:49,759
324
00:12:49,794 --> 00:12:52,695
So I say we evaluate our
potential relationship
325
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,097
as if it were any other
scientific dilemma.
326
00:12:55,132 --> 00:12:56,932
God, you're perfect.
327
00:12:56,967 --> 00:12:59,133
I'm glad you think so.
I'll factor that in.
328
00:13:02,673 --> 00:13:04,706
Well, there it is.
329
00:13:04,741 --> 00:13:07,642
49% we should act on our attraction,
330
00:13:07,678 --> 00:13:10,044
51% we shouldn't.
331
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,580
Did we factor in my new leather jacket?
332
00:13:11,615 --> 00:13:13,147
Yes, right here.
333
00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:16,416
I was hoping it would change things too.
334
00:13:19,154 --> 00:13:23,056
See you tomorrow, platonic co-worker.
335
00:13:23,092 --> 00:13:24,224
Please don't look back.
336
00:13:24,259 --> 00:13:27,094
Please don't look back.
337
00:13:27,129 --> 00:13:29,296
Damn it.
338
00:13:29,331 --> 00:13:32,665
Good-bye, bad boy.
339
00:13:32,701 --> 00:13:34,266
(SIGHS)
340
00:13:34,302 --> 00:13:35,969
Wasn't this a good idea?
341
00:13:36,004 --> 00:13:37,003
Absolutely.
342
00:13:37,038 --> 00:13:38,705
Close to the kitchen, bigger TV.
343
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:40,607
I'm feeling much better.
344
00:13:40,642 --> 00:13:42,809
It's nice to be needed.
345
00:13:42,844 --> 00:13:44,644
Let's drink our tea.
346
00:13:47,581 --> 00:13:50,348
That's whiskey.
347
00:13:50,384 --> 00:13:52,417
Is it?
348
00:13:54,121 --> 00:13:56,154
You know, my mother used
to spoil me like this
349
00:13:56,189 --> 00:13:58,624
when I was sick. Drove my dad nuts.
350
00:13:58,659 --> 00:14:00,325
She was a bit of a free spirit.
351
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,127
One time she pulled me out of school
352
00:14:02,162 --> 00:14:05,630
because it was too nice
a day to stay inside.
353
00:14:05,665 --> 00:14:07,498
Where's your mother now?
354
00:14:07,534 --> 00:14:10,200
I don't know. She left when I was a kid.
355
00:14:10,236 --> 00:14:12,202
She was more into causes and movements
356
00:14:12,238 --> 00:14:13,738
than marriage and motherhood.
357
00:14:13,773 --> 00:14:16,908
She's reached out a few times, but...
358
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:18,876
I didn't want it.
359
00:14:18,912 --> 00:14:21,878
What kind of a mother
leaves her little boy?
360
00:14:21,914 --> 00:14:23,379
Exactly.
361
00:14:25,817 --> 00:14:28,317
I feel a little tired.
362
00:14:37,696 --> 00:14:40,062
What the (BLEEP)!
363
00:14:41,732 --> 00:14:44,833
Shh. I just got him down.
364
00:14:49,131 --> 00:14:50,831
What the hell's going on here?
365
00:14:50,866 --> 00:14:53,467
What? What happened?
366
00:14:53,503 --> 00:14:56,770
The bad lady woke you up.
367
00:14:56,805 --> 00:14:57,738
That's it, Sandy.
368
00:14:57,773 --> 00:15:00,273
I cannot take this for
one second longer.
369
00:15:00,308 --> 00:15:02,909
Get out of my house!
Nobody wants you here!
370
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,145
I need to talk to Sandy.
371
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,979
Sandy, I need to talk to you.
372
00:15:07,015 --> 00:15:07,947
No, me first.
373
00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:09,382
Nate and I ran all the variables,
374
00:15:09,418 --> 00:15:10,683
and it said we shouldn't be together,
375
00:15:10,718 --> 00:15:11,851
and now I'm miserable.
376
00:15:11,886 --> 00:15:12,852
That's nothing.
377
00:15:12,887 --> 00:15:13,986
Sandy, I went to the church,
378
00:15:14,022 --> 00:15:16,022
and Alice isn't at Bible study at all!
379
00:15:16,057 --> 00:15:17,389
You know what? That's it, guys.
380
00:15:17,425 --> 00:15:18,357
Stop.
381
00:15:18,392 --> 00:15:19,891
She's mine.
382
00:15:21,762 --> 00:15:24,063
There's the adulteress.
383
00:15:24,098 --> 00:15:25,931
Shame.
384
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,533
What?
385
00:15:27,568 --> 00:15:29,401
The wife is black?
386
00:15:29,437 --> 00:15:32,604
Oh, I didn't picture that.
387
00:15:32,639 --> 00:15:34,272
What did you picture?
388
00:15:34,307 --> 00:15:35,806
Me.
389
00:15:37,810 --> 00:15:39,143
'Ello, 'ello, 'ello!
390
00:15:39,179 --> 00:15:40,744
I've got to talk to my mother.
391
00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:43,281
- Those are my suitcases.
- They are!
392
00:15:43,316 --> 00:15:46,650
I've discovered a new me, and
she's better without you.
393
00:15:46,686 --> 00:15:48,119
I always thought I'd put you in a home.
394
00:15:48,154 --> 00:15:50,920
Turns out, it's this one.
395
00:15:50,956 --> 00:15:52,889
Fine. I'll live here forever.
396
00:15:52,924 --> 00:15:54,091
That's enough.
397
00:15:54,126 --> 00:15:56,859
I am gonna take care of
all of this right now.
398
00:15:56,895 --> 00:15:59,296
First, Shea, gun to your head,
399
00:15:59,331 --> 00:16:01,198
what's the most important
thing to you right now?
400
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:04,033
Getting the gun away from my head.
401
00:16:04,069 --> 00:16:05,835
No, don't think, just react.
402
00:16:05,870 --> 00:16:06,970
Your career or this boy?
403
00:16:07,005 --> 00:16:07,936
My career.
404
00:16:07,972 --> 00:16:09,438
There's your answer.
405
00:16:09,474 --> 00:16:10,539
- Bob.
- (GRUNTS)
406
00:16:10,575 --> 00:16:12,841
Stop projecting your fears on to Alice
407
00:16:12,876 --> 00:16:14,743
and just ask her where she's been going.
408
00:16:14,778 --> 00:16:17,846
All right, Jezebel...
409
00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,648
where have you been going?
410
00:16:19,683 --> 00:16:21,883
Fine, I'll confess.
411
00:16:21,919 --> 00:16:23,319
I've been going bowling.
412
00:16:23,354 --> 00:16:24,486
Bowling!
413
00:16:24,521 --> 00:16:25,820
Yeah, I didn't want to tell you
414
00:16:25,855 --> 00:16:28,156
because the team doesn't
want you back this year.
415
00:16:28,191 --> 00:16:31,025
You yell at everybody.
You made Denise cry.
416
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,660
Well, she's a terrible player.
417
00:16:32,695 --> 00:16:36,264
She's in a wheelchair.
418
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:40,135
I thought they liked to
be treated the same!
419
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:44,438
Okay, bottom line is Alice
is not having an affair.
420
00:16:44,473 --> 00:16:46,406
Good to know. Well, enjoy my mother.
421
00:16:46,442 --> 00:16:48,175
No, no, no! Wait.
422
00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:50,277
You say you're "a new me"?
423
00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:51,612
But isn't that what your mother's
424
00:16:51,647 --> 00:16:53,180
been telling you all along?
425
00:16:53,215 --> 00:16:54,515
That you need to fix yourself up
426
00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:56,216
and get yourself out there again?
427
00:16:57,786 --> 00:16:59,318
I suppose.
428
00:16:59,354 --> 00:17:03,356
And Sandy, what do you
think of this new Gwen?
429
00:17:03,391 --> 00:17:05,324
- You look like...
- What?
430
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:06,759
A poorly dressed mannequin?
431
00:17:06,794 --> 00:17:09,162
An ad for a depressing dating website
432
00:17:09,197 --> 00:17:10,530
for the elderly divorced?
433
00:17:10,565 --> 00:17:12,465
A hooker from Cleveland?
434
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:15,867
Just say it!
435
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,802
You look beautiful
436
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,871
and happy.
437
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,674
Well, thank you.
438
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,976
You see? It's simple.
439
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:29,514
Sandy, Gwen wants to feel
supported and loved.
440
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:33,950
And Gwen, your mom wants to feel needed.
441
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:36,287
I do need you.
442
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:38,389
And I love you.
443
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,894
(PHONE CHIMES)
444
00:17:43,929 --> 00:17:45,062
Oh, my God.
445
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:46,297
Emergency, you guys.
446
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:47,631
They've changed the part.
447
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,599
It's a southern accent now.
448
00:17:51,269 --> 00:17:53,069
Stella, we really need to discuss
449
00:17:53,104 --> 00:17:54,637
the meaning of the word "emergency."
450
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:56,439
(IN A SOUTHERN ACCENT)
Stella, we really need
451
00:17:56,474 --> 00:17:59,742
to discuss the meaning
of the word emergency.
452
00:17:59,777 --> 00:18:00,910
(IN A SOUTHERN ACCENT) What?
453
00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:02,044
That's not how I sound!
454
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,045
(IMITATING HER) What?
455
00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:05,114
That's not how I sound!
456
00:18:05,149 --> 00:18:07,216
She has you nailed.
457
00:18:07,251 --> 00:18:08,517
Let's go home.
458
00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:11,886
Or we could go back to
that warehouse party.
459
00:18:11,922 --> 00:18:13,222
Lot of men there.
460
00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:14,556
Anyone my age?
461
00:18:14,592 --> 00:18:15,557
No.
462
00:18:15,593 --> 00:18:16,891
Let's hit it.
463
00:18:20,647 --> 00:18:23,182
464
00:18:23,676 --> 00:18:25,275
How you feeling?
465
00:18:25,277 --> 00:18:26,276
Physically, better,
466
00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:29,580
but I miss Sandy being here.
467
00:18:29,582 --> 00:18:31,816
It's nice having one of those
older ladies in the house
468
00:18:31,818 --> 00:18:33,784
who takes care of you.
469
00:18:33,786 --> 00:18:37,220
A mother?
470
00:18:37,222 --> 00:18:39,756
Yeah, one of those.
471
00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,825
Well, do you think maybe
what you're really missing
472
00:18:41,827 --> 00:18:43,159
is your own mother?
473
00:18:43,161 --> 00:18:44,728
Maybe.
474
00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:46,630
You could get in touch with her.
475
00:18:46,632 --> 00:18:48,898
I'm still angry.
476
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:52,301
You can be angry at someone
and still miss them.
477
00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:53,902
Like Mel Gibson.
478
00:18:57,708 --> 00:19:01,677
I'm angry at him, but I
kind of miss his movies.
479
00:19:01,679 --> 00:19:04,046
He would have been great in "Taken."
480
00:19:04,048 --> 00:19:05,781
You know what Liam Neeson's taken?
481
00:19:05,783 --> 00:19:07,516
Mel Gibson's parts.
482
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,855
Do you think maybe you're deflecting...
483
00:19:13,857 --> 00:19:16,524
to avoid talking about
something painful?
484
00:19:16,526 --> 00:19:20,995
Martina, I really don't want
to be therap-ized by you.
485
00:19:20,997 --> 00:19:23,665
So that's what brought us to you,
486
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:25,332
to discuss whether or not Mike
487
00:19:25,334 --> 00:19:26,867
should get in touch with his mother.
488
00:19:26,869 --> 00:19:27,934
I see.
489
00:19:27,936 --> 00:19:29,670
Mike, what we need to do now
490
00:19:29,672 --> 00:19:31,071
is explore all the difficult
491
00:19:31,073 --> 00:19:33,073
and contradictory feelings
that come into play
492
00:19:33,075 --> 00:19:35,876
when making such a potentially
life-changing decision.
493
00:19:35,878 --> 00:19:39,012
Yeah, I don't want to do all that.
494
00:19:39,014 --> 00:19:41,782
I'll just call her.
495
00:19:41,784 --> 00:19:44,650
496
00:19:44,652 --> 00:19:45,651
(VOICEMAIL BEEPS)
497
00:19:45,653 --> 00:19:48,120
Hey, Mom, it's Mike.
498
00:19:48,122 --> 00:19:51,223
Your son.
499
00:19:51,225 --> 00:19:52,958
It's, uh...
500
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,661
been a long time.
501
00:19:55,663 --> 00:19:57,262
Maybe too long a time.
502
00:19:57,264 --> 00:20:00,799
So if you get this,
please give me a call.
503
00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:06,504
Martina, I know you're
listening at the door.
504
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:07,505
Not listening.
505
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,741
Just here in case you need me.
506
00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:11,843
Well, what I said was...
507
00:20:11,845 --> 00:20:15,080
I heard the whole thing.
508
00:20:15,082 --> 00:20:16,848
Look, I don't know if
it was the right number
509
00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:18,648
or if I'll ever hear from her,
510
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:21,752
but I am glad that I did it, so thanks.
511
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,988
You take good care of us.
512
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,657
513
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:29,326
Well, Nate Johnson, I look forward
514
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,528
to our professional
relationship together.
515
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:33,130
So do I, Shea Moore.
516
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:43,372
It seems there's one variable
we neglected to consider,
517
00:20:43,374 --> 00:20:46,909
which is that... that was awesome.
518
00:20:46,911 --> 00:20:49,779
We should consider it again.
519
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:52,881
520
00:20:52,931 --> 00:20:57,481
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