All language subtitles for Crowded s01e04.eng

[upbeat music]

Shea, what does this say?
Alice sent me a text.

It's just tiny cartoons.

Those are emojis.

Emojis?

God, I hate new things.

Heart, bed, female cop.

Oh, that must mean Alice
is coming home in uniform.

When grandma is in her
prison guard outfit

I find her particularly enticing.

You know, Dad, I was going
to try to eat this, so...

if you would just please
never, never say that again.

- Hello.
- Hello, officer.

I'm a bad boy, bad boy.
Whatcha gonna do?

So I'll just go on a diet.

Oh, Mike, I wanted to tell you

we got an inmate request today.

A prisoner wants to meet with you.

Kyle Sullivan.

Kyle Sullivan? Kyle
Sullivan's in prison?

That is fantastic. I hope he fries.

Who is Kyle Sullivan?

He was your dad's fifth grade bully.

You had a bully, Dad?

You're like a giant.

I was small back then,

and Kyle was responsible
for the most humiliating

moment of my life.

He super glued me to my chair,

and I had to climb out of my pants

in front of the whole class.

He was standing there crying

in his little Superman underpants.

I skipped over certain
details for a reason.

You should have seen Mike back then.

Short, scrawny, glasses,

an all-you-can-eat buffet for bullies.

Well, it didn't help that you
cut my hair with a bowl.

Well, I wasn't gonna pay
five bucks for a haircut.

I'd already paid five
bucks for the bowl.

I want to see pictures.

Well, they don't exist.
I got rid of them all.

Oh, so we can get rid of
all the pictures of me

with glasses, braces, and zits.

No. Those are adorable.

You were such a sweet little mess.

It's so weird: we're sisters,

but I never needed glasses,
braces, or had zits.

What a fun point.

Weren't you a huge bully, Stella?

I wasn't a bully.

I just mocked people for their
appearance or being different.

And you know, some of those kids

lost the weight, so...

But if dad's still
upset about his bully,

then maybe some of the kids
from my class are too.

You could track them
down and make amends.

Yeah, I suppose I could.

There was this one kid I
should really say sorry to.

His name was Elliot, but
I called him "Smelliot."

And they say hot girls aren't funny.

You know, Mike, maybe that's
why Kyle contacted you.

To apologize.

It could be good to finally
bring some closure

to a time in your life that
obviously still haunts you.

Bad idea, Mike. Let the
past stay in the past.

Don't go to see Kyle.
Trust me on this one.

Well, I'm gonna go see him.

I've been dreaming about this
moment for over 30 years.

Being big and successful and married,

and looking him in the eye and saying,

"Ha ha, I won!"

Martina, I want you to come with me.

Oh, that's a great idea,

'cause you know, as a therapist,

I've helped lots of my patients

confront the people who hurt them.

Yeah, sounds good. Just
wear something super hot.

[upbeat music]

I'm still not sure about
this outfit, Mike.

I mean, I know you want to show me off,

and how taut my body is
even after two kids,

and how Pilates has kept me...

Let's bring him back in here, Martina.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm so nervous all of a sudden.

I'm a grown man.

It's perfectly normal.

When you confront someone
who hurt you as a child,

it's not unusual to feel
like that child again.

Oh, my God. There he is.

That mountain with a beard?

No, the guy behind him.

[upbeat music]

- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Oh, my God. That's Kyle?

Well...

Kyle was that size in fifth grade

plus anybody's gonna look small
next to Amish Hulk Hogan.

Thanks for the escort, Marcus.

Later I want to do some
lifting in the yard,

nothing too heavy; I'm
going for tone, not bulk.

You think I'm too bulky?

No, no, no. On you it works.

Here you go.

No, I don't smoke.

You should. It makes you look cool.

Hey, Mikey. You got rid of the bowl cut.

Good move.

Aren't you going to introduce
me to your daughter here?

Oh. [Laughs] I'm not his...

Just calm down, Martina.

This is my wife.

Enchant?, Martina.

Call me Neil Young,

'cause I wanna live
with a cinnamon girl.

I also have a big house, a great job;

I got two beautiful daughters.

So, in conclusion, ha ha, I win.

Kiss me, Martina.

Kiss me in front of him.

And I assume that you asked me
here so you could apologize.

Before you do, I would
also like to mention

that I fly a helicopter.

I defy gravity like a god.

That's incredible.

And... apologize for what, buddy?

"Buddy?"

Oh, no, we... we weren't buddies.

You... you made my life miserable,

and I'm not even talking
about the little things,

like playing keep away with my hat...

A little game...

Putting that "kick me"
sign on my back...

Classic fun...

Calling me "tiny."

True then, ironic now.

Well, all that was
nothing compared to...

the incident.

Ooh, ominous.

What incident?

He's talking about that time
you glued him to his chair.

No, I never did that.

I swear.

I called you down here
because I need your help.

I'm in here for possession,

but those drugs were planted.

Another thing you say you didn't do.

It seems to be a theme in your life.

There's security footage
that proves I'm innocent.

I remembered your dad was a cop.

I thought maybe he could help get it.

Why didn't your lawyer get the
footage and use it in court?

I got a public defender.

She game me five minutes
and told me to plead out.

You know, they're overworked,

underpaid and not nearly
as hot as they are on TV.

Kyle, it's time for lunch.

Fish sticks.

Oh! My favorite.

Listen, Mike, I got no
one else to turn to.

Please? Talk to your dad?

Hey, I never asked. What
are you in here for?

Triple homicide.

Ah, people make mistakes.

That's why pencils have erasers.

Wow, Elliot. I don't
remember you being so funny.

That's because you're
usually making me cry.

Oh, look at us with this banter.

I'll go get us some more wine.

So how's it going?

You're not going to believe this,

I'm kind of attracted to him.

I mean, he's nice,

he's smart, he's funny.

I can't believe I'm crushing on a nerd.

I think Elliot is cute.

Really?

I don't get these skinny guys.

I need a big guy I can
pretend is a firefighter.

Or a longshoreman.

Or Seattle Seahawks Defensive
End Michael Bennett.

Mm, mm, mm, mm-mm.

I don't care what Coach Carroll says.

Michael, I'm gonna need
you to crash that gap.

So, Elliot. I, Stella,
being of sound mind,

hot body, and only, like, two drinks,

would like to go on a
second date with you.

I'll give you a moment to
not believe your luck.

Yeah, I'm not interested.

Wait, what?

[slowly] But I like you.

Okay, I see what you're doing.

You're getting back at
me for bullying you.

Well played, sir. Well played.

But now that we're even...

No, it's just that, no offense,

but you're kind of shallow,

and I don't think we
have anything in common.

I don't even know what
we would talk about.

Sorry, Stella.

No, wait! We can talk about stuff.

Nerd stuff.

That wheelchair scientist
with the robot voice!

Sorry, Stel.

Oh, this isn't over.

His rejection just
made me want him more.

Give me a brain makeover.
Make me smarter.

The smart thing would be to accept

his rejection and move on.

Less smart than that.

Great.

You got Kyle's evidence box.

It's got tape on it that
says, "Do not open."

Oops! What do you know?
My knife slipped.

Is that even legal?

Calm down.

I'm friend with Joey
in the evidence room.

He knows better than to rat me out.

I know where all the bodies are buried.

In an abandoned lot next to a pawn shop.

Are those the surveillance tapes?

Yes.

Now, before we get started,

remember our deal.

If help you, you'll let this
whole Kyle thing go, right?

- Never bring it up again.
- Deal.

All right, let's pop in these bad boys

and we'll see if there's
anything useful.

Oh, this brings back memories.

You and me on a stakeout.

I even bought us black
coffee like we used to have.

Nothing an eight year
old likes more than

sitting outside a crack house
drinking black coffee.

I was just trying to toughen you up

so you wouldn't get bullied.

Well, I did get bullied.

Kyle was horrible to me. You
don't know what that's like.

No, the hell I don't.

I had a bully: my old man.

That bastard would get pissed
if I looked at him wrong.

Drove me nuts; I mean,

what's the right way to look at someone?

It's an impossible standard
to impose on a person.

But I didn't complain. I toughened up.

Now I don't feel anything.

And I wanted the same for you.

So anyway, we took credit for catching

the Cedar River Strangler,

but the truth is we don't
know what happened to him.

He died, he moved away,

maybe just got tired of strangling.

You told me that he was still out there,

and he'd get me if I
didn't brush my teeth.

Remember what I'd say?

"The Strangler hates two things:

Tooth decay and drifters."

And you never had a cavity.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

Somebody is planting
drugs in Kyle's desk.

Wow!

I have the evidence to set Kyle free...

somebody I spent my whole life
wishing would end up in jail.

Oh, it's a tough call.

I was in a similar spot once...

[phone ringing]

Oh, it's from Alice.

Hot dog, donut, explosion,

sleepy face.

I got to go!

I mean, I never thought I'd live to see

the Erdos discrepancy problem solved,

but now we know that two elements

within certain sequences
can grow without bound;

am I right?

You are so right.

Stella, I have to say,

I can't believe how
wrong I was about you.

I'm so glad you insisted
we go out again.

You're incredible.

Well, I'm delighted that you deigned

to give me another chance.

Sometimes people find my intellect...

Intimidating, so I try to hide it.

- Thanks, Grandma.
- Thanks, Grandma.

Don't repeat everything I say.

Don't repeat everything I say.

I haven't repeated anything.

Well, while I...

Do feel like the privatization
of space travel

is a step forward in the long term,

it does make me... uh...

it makes me... [clearing throat]

Nostalgic for the glory days of NASA.

Nostalgic for the glory days of NASA.

Oh, no. My phone died.

Uh...

Uh... I know.

You talk smart things for a while.

I did most of mine.

Thanks for the escort, Marcus.

And wasn't I right about the cigarettes?

Aren't you getting a
lot more compliments?

- I am.
- Okay.

And I'm sorry, Martina,

but are you getting prettier every day?

Well, that's the plan.

Just turn it off, Kyle.

Look...

I have the proof that you didn't do it.

Oh, my God, give me that...

First I want the truth
about the glue incident.

Oh, it's the old "give me what I want

and I'll give you what you want."

Popular game here in prison.

The thing is, Mike, I
rather stay in jail

than lie to you.

I didn't do it.

If you didn't do it, then who did?

No idea.

I guess at this point there's no reason

for you to lie about it.

Exactly.

Fine. Here, take it.

Thanks. I owe you one.

And you, modeling, look into it.

Oh. [laughs] Kyle...

Let's go!

What's with them?

The big guy wanted me to
admit that I glued him

to his chair in fifth grade.

Did you?

I kind of did.

I guess I was a bit of a dick back then.

So why won't you just admit it now?

I guess I'm still a bit of a dick.

So enough about science-y things.

Let's imitate dumb people
and talk about TV.

Well, I just finished
re-watching "Breaking Bad."

Have you seen it?

Of course.

And I definitely think it's a good thing

we nerds came along and made watching TV

feel more like books.

Hello, all. I'm your waitress.

I'm just trying to balance
work and pursuing my dreams.

And your drinks on my tray, of course,

because again, I'm a waitress.

Hi, waitress.

We were just talking
about "Breaking Bad."

Oh, you were in here
the other day saying

that you love "Breaking Bad."

I believe your exact words were:

"Finally a show where
people respect the power

and majesty of chemistry."

Oh, I totally agree. I
loved every second of it.

Well, except for the "Fly"
episode, of course.

Ugh, totally.

Are you kidding me?

The "Fly" episode was a
daring deconstruction

of the show's form,

boiling complex issues down

to a single primal drive.

Really? I think you mean boring.

Boring? I think you're
confusing boring with nuance.

I think you're confusing nuance

with masturbatory filmmaking.

Well, sure it's masturbatory,
but isn't that pleasurable too?

Touch?.

Why, thank you.

Uh, what's happening here?

I mean, seriously, random waitress,

you're poaching my date?

What are you talking about?
We're just talking.

Don't play dumb with me.

That's a game you'll never win.

I wasn't going to say anything,

but now that you're being weird,

obviously this is the way
this story was going to end.

I told her what to say.

It's a classic Cyrano-inspired
Comic-Con Rom-Com.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, I'm Shea."

Do you really think we live in a world

where brains are going
to trump sex appeal?

I hope we live in that world.

And clearly this is a man who respects

intelligence and substance.

Hold on a second.

Am I being fought over
by two beautiful women?

This is a new experience.

Although, throughout the animal kingdom,

it's not uncommon for a desirable male

to have more than one mate.

Dude, are you trying
to work a threesome?

Am I? I'm really new at this.

I mean, the... the concept
sounds great, but...

I have enough anxiety with one woman.

I don't think being
outnumbered would help.

You have anxiety?

Generalized, social, or panic disorder?

All of them.

Me too. What do you do for it?

I... I've tried yoga but I don't like...

Being told how to breathe.

You finished my sentence.

No girls has ever done that before.

Okay, you're right.

This is how this ends.

I don't understand all this
talking about stuff anyway.

What are your thoughts on this?
What are your thoughts on that?

Just shut up and feel me up already.

Wait, so now you think the prison guy

didn't do the glue thing?

Then who did? I don't know,

but it's making me crazy.

So how did it go with Kyle?

He still says he didn't do it.

I guess I believe him.

Well, let that be the end of it.

- No, no, no.
- New suspect: Kenny Robinson.

He ate glue, so I know he had it.

Mike, you promised you'd
let this thing go.

Let's just find out where Kenny
lives and stake him out.

I'll bring the black coffee, and you...

Mike, damn it, stop!

No good ever comes from people
digging into their pasts.

My whole career, but go on.

- Just let it go.
- Why?

- Because I said so.
- Why?

Because Kyle did it, okay?

The glue, the chair, the whole thing.

You knew all along, and
you didn't say anything.

Wow, this is some "Pretty Little Liars"

[bleep] going on here.

I can't believe this.
You knew Kyle did it.

The school called that day
and asked if I wanted

to make a formal complaint,

and I said to forget about it.

- Stella...
- Yeah, I know the drill.

You guys are gonna yell at each other.

Let me know who wins.
Good night, Grandpa.

Good night, honey. Sweet dreams.

What the hell are you
gonna yell at me for?

Because you knew about this
and you didn't tell me!

Because you could have
protected me and you didn't!

I was protecting you.

If people knew you got
Kyle into trouble,

you would have turned into that kid,

and that kid gets beat up every day.

So instead, I signed you
up for boxing lessons.

Where I got beat up every day.

But you stuck with it, and
you got big and strong.

- So you're welcome.
- You want me to thank you?

Because what I did made you stronger.

But to get there you let me
feel humiliated and alone.

Do you ever stop whining?

Do you ever stop being a mean old prick?

This is great!

both: Not now, Martina.

See how alike you two are?

both: Don't say that!

What's great is that
we're finally getting

at the core issues.

Honey, you want to pretend that
time in your life never existed,

you want some apology that's
gonna make it all seem better,

but the way to truly put it behind you

is to embrace what that time taught you

and love that scared
little boy inside you.

I don't love that little boy.

That's why there are no
pictures of that little boy.

There is one.

I've had it since you were 11.

I keep it in my wallet.

Why?

Because I did love that little boy.

Dad...

Look...

maybe I made some mistakes,

and what I did could have turned
out badly for a lot of kids,

but not you!

I mean, look how good you turned out.

And that's on you.

I guess in your... your own strange way,

I know you were looking
out for me, so...

All right, I accept your apology.

I didn't apologize.

Yes, you did.

So you don't have to deny it anymore.

You did it.

I kind of did.

Well, I'm a grown man,

and revenge is ultimately unsatisfying,

so I only ask one thing, Kyle.

Buy me a beer.

Happy to do it, buddy.

[sighs]

You glued me to the chair, didn't you?

[imitating] - I kind of did.

Revenge is ultimately unsatisfying,

but it's still fun.

You just lost yourself a
free beer, my friend!

Today would have been a terrific day

to wear underwear.

All right, people, prepare
yourself for a show

my last girlfriend called...

adequate.

- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -

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