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1
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Hi, it's me. Message to myself.
2
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A few things: uh, put extra money in Ritchie's lunch for snack,
3
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buy milk, buy wine,
4
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find weird smell in living room.
5
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Botox, maybe. I don't know.
6
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Stop taking NyQuil. I think it's keeping you up.
7
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Okay, yeah, that's it. Thank you very much.
8
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You know what? No, no Botox. That's gross.
9
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Who are you? Learn to love yourself, for God sakes.
10
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Okay, yeah, that's it. Um, have a good night.
11
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Sent today at 2:57 a.m.:
12
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Yeah, hi, fix sprinklers, put pictures in photo album,
13
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stop eating sugar.
14
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It's no replacement for love.
15
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Buy more NyQuil. That's it. Thank you very much.
16
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Why do you always thank yourself?
17
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Because sometimes there are whole days when I'm the only one who's polite to me.
18
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Oh, sad.
19
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Yeah. It is.
20
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So, it's an exciting day.
21
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Exciting new school.
22
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Are you excited?
23
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No.
24
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Oh, don't say no. You are excited. It's very exciting.
25
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300 kids applied to your school. Only two got in, and you're one of them.
26
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Why?
27
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Why? Honey, because you're smart and you're friendly
28
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and if anyone asks, you're one-sixteenth Native American.
29
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I don't want to go to a private school.
30
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I want to stay in school with Julian.
31
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Oh, come on, pal. This is a great opportunity.
32
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Going to a school we can't afford with people we've never met.
33
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It'll... i-it's better.
34
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I don't want to be better than Julian.
35
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Well, that's not what I'm saying, Ritchie.
36
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I'm saying that the school is better, not you.
37
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And I don't want to catch you turning into a snob either, all right?
38
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You're not better than anyone.
39
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What about murderers?
40
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What?
41
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Am I better than murderers?
42
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Well, yeah, honey, of course, you're better than murderers, but nobody else.
43
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- What about racists?
- All right...
44
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you're better than racists, and you're better than murderers, but that's it.
45
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I heard "racist." You talking about Grandpa?
46
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No, Uncle Matthew. We're talking about Ritchie's new school
47
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and how much fun it's going to be because they've got a brand-new gym,
48
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and they have a music program and they have a science lab.
49
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And a giant wall to keep out the poor people.
50
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And a snack bar!
51
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Okay, go upstairs, put your uniform on, okay, sweetie?
52
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Daddy's going to meet us at school, and then he's coming over for pizza tonight,
53
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and maybe we'll watch a movie.
54
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Cool.
55
00:03:00,905 --> 00:03:02,646
You and Richard have a weird divorce.
56
00:03:02,647 --> 00:03:05,483
It's not weird. It's great.
57
00:03:05,532 --> 00:03:08,149
My divorce is better than most people's marriages.
58
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We get along, we spend time together as a family.
59
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Nothing's really changed.
60
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Then why didn't you just stay married?
61
00:03:14,898 --> 00:03:17,095
Because, Matthew, it's complicated.
62
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:24,044
My marriage was like a game of hide-and-seek where both of us hid and nobody seeked.
63
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Sought.
64
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Slept together.
65
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Nothing's really changed.
66
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Why is everyone's car so much bigger than ours?
67
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Because they don't believe in themselves.
68
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Do we believe in ourselves?
69
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Look at our car.
70
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Okay...
71
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Well, this is nice.
72
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Nice desks.
73
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Look at nice artwork.
74
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- Where are the black kids?
- Shh!
75
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Don't, don't say that. There was one in the brochure.
76
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I'm sure he's around here somewhere.
77
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Hello.
78
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Hi.
79
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I don't know you.
80
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Ah... we're new. Hi, I'm Christine Campbell.
81
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Hi. Marly Ehrhardt. Ashley third, Nicky first.
82
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Lindsay. Kelsey third, Sammy fourth, Jackson pre-K.
83
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I, uh, I don't know what you're saying to me.
84
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I'm Marly. I'm the room parent for this class.
85
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So I will be, you know, collecting for holiday parties
86
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and hitting you up for volunteer assignments.
87
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Just basically being your general pain in the b-u-t-t.
88
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I'll say.
89
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:05,677
And, um... and I'm Lindsay.
90
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:09,304
I was room parent last year, but my Sammy just got ranked in junior tennis,
91
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so I'm short on time this year.
92
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:14,638
Good for you. You got "ranked in tennis" in the first sentence.
93
00:05:15,392 --> 00:05:18,045
Well, he is. He's ranked. I can't help it.
94
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Anyway, welcome to Westbridge.
95
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Thank you.
96
00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:25,629
Now, we would say the best way to get involved would be by volunteering
97
00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:27,737
and spending as much time at the school as possible.
98
00:05:27,738 --> 00:05:30,466
But, um, we hear that you work.
99
00:05:32,036 --> 00:05:34,676
I... uh... yes.
100
00:05:35,261 --> 00:05:36,482
What do you do?
101
00:05:36,483 --> 00:05:39,338
Um... I own a gym.
102
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:44,879
It's, um, one in a chain of women-only, 30-minute workout places.
103
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Who would want a 30-minute workout?
104
00:05:46,997 --> 00:05:49,132
What would I do with the rest of my day?
105
00:05:50,281 --> 00:05:54,677
Oh, there's Richard's dad so I'm going to get out of here.
106
00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:58,552
Hey, little. How's my third grader?
107
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I look like a dork in this uniform.
108
00:06:00,222 --> 00:06:02,372
- Yeah, you kinda do.
- No, no, no.
109
00:06:02,373 --> 00:06:04,457
Richard! Don't say that. That doesn't help me.
110
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Sorry. Cool pants. What are those, rayon?
111
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- Hi.
- Hi. Hey.
112
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Why are you so dressed up?
113
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Why are you wearing that sweatshirt?
114
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It's my day off. Plus, I wanted everyone to know I went to Lake Tahoe.
115
00:06:21,544 --> 00:06:25,942
Oh, no, presents? We were supposed to bring presents?
116
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We didn't bring a present.
117
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I'm sure it doesn't matter.
118
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Well, of course it matters, Richard.
119
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He's new. I work. We're divorced.
120
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They're already looking at us like we're the project family the church sent over.
121
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All right, you know what? Stay here. I'm gonna fix this.
122
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- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know. I'll probably lie.
123
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Don't ever lie.
124
00:06:49,589 --> 00:06:52,151
Um, hi. You must be Mrs. Belt?
125
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Yes.
126
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Hi, I'm Christine Campbell. I'm Richard Campbell's mom.
127
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- Oh, yes.
- Yeah.
128
00:06:59,073 --> 00:07:06,776
Um, I have to apologize, because your gift... has been delayed.
129
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Delayed?
130
00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:16,039
Well, yes. Um, it's just that it was, um... so big, that it had to be shipped.
131
00:07:16,065 --> 00:07:19,598
And you should have heard me scream at these people, because I...
132
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- You know, Mrs. Campbell?
- Yes?
133
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Parents lavish me with all sorts of presents, and one thing always seems to be true:
134
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The nicer the present, the meaner the child.
135
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God bless you, Mrs. Belt.
136
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Okay.
137
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- Excuse me.
- Okay.
138
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All right, parents, I need you to say good-bye to your students now.
139
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It's time to start the third grade.
140
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Oh, God. I am so proud of you already. I really am.
141
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- Okay, come on, come on.
- Bye, Mom.
142
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Bye-bye. Have fun. I love you.
143
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You know what? I'm going to give you one more little kiss.
144
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Okay, okay, okay, okay.
145
00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:12,657
- Bye. I love you.
- Bye.
146
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,950
- Have fun. Have fun.
- Bye-bye.
147
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:24,316
Oh, my God. You want to have breakfast?
148
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I already ate.
149
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Stopped at Denny's. Had their Moons Over My Hammy.
150
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And I've got errands, so I'll call you later.
151
00:08:33,392 --> 00:08:34,430
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
152
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,175
- Bye. See ya.
- Bye.
153
00:08:44,504 --> 00:08:46,144
Your ex seems sweet.
154
00:08:46,145 --> 00:08:48,371
How long has it been since he divorced you?
155
00:08:48,885 --> 00:08:52,553
Uh, going on two years. But it was mutual.
156
00:08:55,054 --> 00:08:56,929
And you know, I mean, it's great, actually.
157
00:08:56,930 --> 00:09:00,364
We get along, we spend time together as a family, you know.
158
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It's better than most people's marriages. Nothing's really changed.
159
00:09:03,996 --> 00:09:06,412
And where does his girlfriend fit into that?
160
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Excuse me?
161
00:09:07,656 --> 00:09:11,151
Yeah, we just met her out in the parking lot. He had the poor thing waiting in the car.
162
00:09:12,472 --> 00:09:13,961
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
163
00:09:13,962 --> 00:09:16,819
You did know he was seeing someone, didn't you?
164
00:09:18,064 --> 00:09:21,598
Oh, yes, yes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
165
00:09:21,599 --> 00:09:24,664
Of course. Yes, I knew that. Yes, that is something that...
166
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:28,292
I certainly did know of that.
167
00:09:28,946 --> 00:09:30,893
Good, good.
168
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,302
So, is it hard that she's so young?
169
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,909
And of course, she has to be adorable, right?
170
00:09:37,914 --> 00:09:40,896
Well, what good is young without adorable?
171
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I would think the weirdest part would be that her name is Christine.
172
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Say what?
173
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Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like she's the new Christine.
174
00:09:55,982 --> 00:10:00,061
Which, I guess, would make you the, uh... old Christine.
175
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- Old Christine.
- Old Christine.
176
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Oh, I would die.
177
00:10:38,191 --> 00:10:39,051
Hey!
178
00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:41,151
What the hell are you doing?!
179
00:10:41,152 --> 00:10:44,247
What am I doing? What are you doing?
180
00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:49,249
Oh. Oh, yeah, oh, man. Well, I guess you're meeting.
181
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,551
Um, Christine, this is Christine.
182
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:55,796
Hi, Christine. I know, same name.
183
00:10:55,797 --> 00:10:58,899
You can call me Chrissy so it doesn't get confusing.
184
00:10:58,938 --> 00:11:03,435
Yeah, thanks. I probably won't get confused about my own name.
185
00:11:03,436 --> 00:11:04,971
I'm sorry you had to meet like this.
186
00:11:04,972 --> 00:11:07,119
Oh, you mean here, in front of our son's new school,
187
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,793
where I'm trying to make a good impression and not get kicked out in the first week
188
00:11:10,794 --> 00:11:15,647
because my ex is whoring around in the parking lot in his Chevy?
189
00:11:15,648 --> 00:11:19,427
Oh, no, no, no, don't be silly. This is an absolutely ideal way to meet.
190
00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:22,743
I'm also really sorry about this. I've heard so much about you.
191
00:11:22,744 --> 00:11:26,132
I mean, Richard just goes on and on about what a great mom you are.
192
00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:28,566
I don't care.
193
00:11:29,979 --> 00:11:35,293
Richard, it would be so nice if once you would put our son's needs ahead of your own.
194
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:36,359
Oh, like you?
195
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,989
Excuse me? What in the living hell is that supposed to mean?
196
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,909
I think this school is a lot more for the well-being of your ego than for little Richard's future.
197
00:11:43,910 --> 00:11:45,410
What? What?!
198
00:11:45,411 --> 00:11:47,816
I think this school is a lot more for the well-being of your ego...
199
00:11:47,817 --> 00:11:49,426
I heard you, Richard.
200
00:11:49,427 --> 00:11:51,924
Look, I needed to move on.
201
00:11:51,925 --> 00:11:54,349
I think it's time for you to move on, too.
202
00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:58,944
For your information, Richard, I have moved on.
203
00:11:58,945 --> 00:12:02,696
I have had a boyfriend now forever-- Joe.
204
00:12:02,697 --> 00:12:03,905
What's he do?
205
00:12:03,969 --> 00:12:05,493
He's, uh...
206
00:12:07,362 --> 00:12:09,150
He's a lumberjack...
207
00:12:10,235 --> 00:12:11,564
by trade.
208
00:12:12,749 --> 00:12:14,790
And he has brown hair...
209
00:12:16,581 --> 00:12:18,036
And he's rich.
210
00:12:20,962 --> 00:12:22,498
He sounds great.
211
00:12:22,763 --> 00:12:25,560
I have to go... now.
212
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- It was nice to meet you.
- I don't care.
213
00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,299
Damn it!
214
00:12:55,804 --> 00:12:57,323
Am I getting fired?
215
00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:02,387
Not if you answer this question correctly.
216
00:13:02,736 --> 00:13:09,075
Do you think that I put Richard in Westbridge School for him or for me?
217
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:10,802
For you.
218
00:13:10,803 --> 00:13:12,627
No, no, for him!
219
00:13:12,882 --> 00:13:14,755
Uh, for you?
220
00:13:14,756 --> 00:13:17,778
Oh... I don't know. This job is so hard.
221
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,726
You hand out towels.
222
00:13:21,721 --> 00:13:24,599
Oh, damn, the towels.
223
00:13:32,347 --> 00:13:34,499
Don't stop. You've only got 30 minutes.
224
00:13:37,624 --> 00:13:39,141
Can I talk to you for a minute?
225
00:13:42,199 --> 00:13:43,563
What? What do you want?
226
00:13:43,564 --> 00:13:46,328
Look, she had to wait in the car this morning because we had a breakfast date,
227
00:13:46,329 --> 00:13:49,197
but then you called and I wanted to come to little's first day of school.
228
00:13:49,198 --> 00:13:50,557
- Yes, of course.
- And... Can I finish?
229
00:13:50,558 --> 00:13:51,383
- Can I finish?
- But I just...
230
00:13:51,384 --> 00:13:52,816
- But I just...
- Can I finish?
231
00:13:54,085 --> 00:13:59,645
And it was too late to cancel plans with new... young... my...
232
00:13:59,646 --> 00:14:01,429
- There's no good version.
- No.
233
00:14:04,356 --> 00:14:07,038
I didn't want you to find out about her like that.
234
00:14:07,039 --> 00:14:10,491
And the thing I said about little's school and your ego, that wasn't fair.
235
00:14:10,492 --> 00:14:12,364
I knew you're doing what you think is best for him.
236
00:14:12,365 --> 00:14:15,553
I just... You sort of accused me of being a bad dad.
237
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:21,893
Well... because... you were making out in the parking lot!
238
00:14:24,366 --> 00:14:25,866
She started it.
239
00:14:28,464 --> 00:14:30,086
Christine thinks you're nice.
240
00:14:30,087 --> 00:14:34,388
Nice? God, I did everything but bite her.
241
00:14:34,389 --> 00:14:37,106
Well, she's nice. Maybe she got confused.
242
00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:41,328
You okay?
243
00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:43,292
Me? Oh, yeah.
244
00:14:43,293 --> 00:14:44,879
Are you kidding me? I'm fine.
245
00:14:44,929 --> 00:14:48,729
You know. I got my own guy, so...
246
00:14:48,895 --> 00:14:50,476
The lumberjack.
247
00:14:52,269 --> 00:14:55,574
Yeah. Man, is he into me.
248
00:14:56,157 --> 00:15:00,156
I'll tell ya, when a lumberjack loves ya, he loves ya.
249
00:15:05,068 --> 00:15:06,622
- What?
- What?
250
00:15:07,985 --> 00:15:11,333
Yeah, okay, there's no lumberjack.
251
00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:15,445
Really? Man, it's so hard to tell when you're lying.
252
00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:20,770
I haven't even considered dating yet.
253
00:15:21,418 --> 00:15:24,124
I'm still wearing my maternity underwear.
254
00:15:26,324 --> 00:15:27,440
You're kidding.
255
00:15:27,441 --> 00:15:29,419
They're very comfortable.
256
00:15:30,870 --> 00:15:32,741
What are you waiting for, Christine?
257
00:15:32,742 --> 00:15:33,938
Oh, wait.
258
00:15:34,165 --> 00:15:35,226
What?
259
00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:37,810
It's me.
260
00:15:39,135 --> 00:15:41,559
I'm still in there, aren't I?
261
00:15:43,657 --> 00:15:45,761
Oh, my God!
262
00:15:46,816 --> 00:15:49,666
Did you... did you just say that?
263
00:15:49,671 --> 00:15:54,311
No, no. No, I mean, I'm-I'm sorry.
264
00:15:54,312 --> 00:15:57,013
But no offense, but honey, no.
265
00:15:57,573 --> 00:16:00,916
Seriously, the best thing that I can say about being married to you
266
00:16:00,917 --> 00:16:04,441
is that you are a fantastic ex-husband.
267
00:16:04,710 --> 00:16:07,060
Baby, you got to let me go.
268
00:16:08,854 --> 00:16:14,316
And... dating is such a horrifying thought, you know?
269
00:16:14,317 --> 00:16:18,469
I mean, the small talk, and the nudity.
270
00:16:20,328 --> 00:16:23,768
I have to stand on my head to make my boobs look good.
271
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,115
Why do you have to fool around with somebody so young?
272
00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:30,765
It doesn't help me.
273
00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:32,315
Kinda helps me.
274
00:16:32,761 --> 00:16:35,019
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
275
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,677
But Christine, I'm not fooling around.
276
00:16:40,305 --> 00:16:42,211
I'm serious about her.
277
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:45,036
Oh, you're serious.
278
00:16:47,645 --> 00:16:51,070
Well, that's... that's good.
279
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,222
Because I'm serious with my boyfriend, too.
280
00:16:56,961 --> 00:16:59,272
I thought we just established you didn't have a boyfriend.
281
00:16:59,273 --> 00:17:00,896
Yeah, I'm back on him.
282
00:17:04,146 --> 00:17:08,943
Just for the record, your boobs are fantastic upright.
283
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,408
You wish.
284
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,583
I don't even know what that means.
285
00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:25,622
Richard, help her find the door, for God sakes!
286
00:17:28,776 --> 00:17:32,358
You know, I'm trying really hard to be cool, but it's hot in that car.
287
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,508
And I don't really get what your relationship is,
288
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:38,607
because you kind of spend a lot of time together for divorced people.
289
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,990
I mean, my parents were divorced, and the only way they communicated
290
00:17:40,991 --> 00:17:43,395
was by putting notes in my lunchbox.
291
00:17:44,172 --> 00:17:46,793
So is there something going on between you?
292
00:17:46,928 --> 00:17:49,922
Oh, no, no. There's nothing going on here.
293
00:17:50,388 --> 00:17:52,784
Oh, okay.
294
00:17:53,353 --> 00:17:55,267
Yeah, that's what I thought.
295
00:17:56,226 --> 00:18:01,072
Uh, listen, I have to apologize for my behavior this morning.
296
00:18:01,073 --> 00:18:03,254
I was very rude.
297
00:18:03,255 --> 00:18:05,553
Oh, really? I thought you were nice.
298
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,470
Okay.
299
00:18:11,432 --> 00:18:14,034
Well, I'm going to go... I'll wait in the car.
300
00:18:23,584 --> 00:18:25,513
Are we done here?
301
00:18:26,261 --> 00:18:27,645
Looks like.
302
00:18:31,221 --> 00:18:32,694
So I'll see you tomorrow at the soccer game?
303
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,209
- I'll save you a seat.
- Yeah.
304
00:18:37,645 --> 00:18:39,132
What are those?
305
00:18:39,296 --> 00:18:40,729
Underwear.
306
00:18:40,898 --> 00:18:42,712
For how many people?
307
00:18:46,971 --> 00:18:48,564
Are you okay?
308
00:18:48,687 --> 00:18:49,773
Why?
309
00:18:49,972 --> 00:18:52,144
Well, when I see someone throwing out their underwear,
310
00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:57,060
it's either a cry for help or a desperate Valentine for the garbage man.
311
00:18:57,942 --> 00:19:00,204
Is anyone going to want to go out with me?
312
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:02,449
Are you kidding me? You've got nothing to worry about.
313
00:19:02,450 --> 00:19:03,735
Oh, thanks, Matthew.
314
00:19:03,736 --> 00:19:06,829
No, no. Come on. We'll scare up someone for you.
315
00:19:07,585 --> 00:19:09,950
Hey, you know my friend, Ugly Larry?
316
00:19:10,754 --> 00:19:14,446
Is that that weird guy who used to follow me around in high school?
317
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,717
Yeah, he can call me.
318
00:19:30,195 --> 00:19:34,032
Ritchie, you don't have to go to this school if you hate it.
319
00:19:34,033 --> 00:19:37,986
I mean, I know you miss Julian and black people.
320
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:43,156
And even though I thought I was really pushing this whole private school thing for you,
321
00:19:43,157 --> 00:19:46,067
I might have actually been sort of over-investing in your life
322
00:19:46,068 --> 00:19:48,964
so that I wouldn't have to start my own, which is completely wrong.
323
00:19:48,965 --> 00:19:52,796
It's not what a mom is supposed to do. So if you really do hate it...
324
00:19:52,797 --> 00:19:56,808
Honey, Ritchie, Ritchie, do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
325
00:19:57,054 --> 00:19:58,613
PMS?
326
00:19:59,069 --> 00:20:03,403
No, not PMS. I should never have told you about PMS,
327
00:20:03,404 --> 00:20:06,911
because now you think that's the reason for everything. It's not.
328
00:20:07,805 --> 00:20:12,353
Well, it's the reason for a lot of things, but not everything.
329
00:20:14,194 --> 00:20:17,712
Honey, I'm trying to tell you something.
330
00:20:20,096 --> 00:20:22,869
I'm trying to tell you that I'm sorry, okay?
331
00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:27,260
And, um, you know, I'm just doing the best I can here.
332
00:20:27,668 --> 00:20:28,817
Okay.
333
00:20:30,315 --> 00:20:31,419
Okay.
334
00:20:37,439 --> 00:20:39,440
I get to learn an instrument.
335
00:20:39,816 --> 00:20:41,627
I'm picking the saxophone.
336
00:20:42,326 --> 00:20:45,810
Riley picked the trumpet, so we might be a band.
337
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,632
Riley? Who's Riley?
338
00:20:47,633 --> 00:20:50,775
My friend. My other friends are Cole and Jack.
339
00:20:50,776 --> 00:20:52,776
Friends? You have friends?
340
00:20:52,777 --> 00:20:54,004
Yeah.
341
00:20:54,576 --> 00:20:57,467
Yeah? So, what else?
342
00:20:57,468 --> 00:20:59,652
Well, I thought I would be behind in math.
343
00:20:59,653 --> 00:21:00,376
Right.
344
00:21:00,377 --> 00:21:02,505
But they haven't even done their sevens yet.
345
00:21:02,506 --> 00:21:03,419
What?
346
00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:05,790
So Mrs. Belt let me write them on the board.
347
00:21:05,791 --> 00:21:07,215
She's nice.
348
00:21:07,691 --> 00:21:09,880
- She is?
- Yeah.
349
00:21:11,057 --> 00:21:13,246
So, honey, was it okay?
350
00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:14,886
I like it.
351
00:21:27,323 --> 00:21:31,203
Transcript: Raceman - Synchro: Amariss
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352
00:21:31,253 --> 00:21:35,803
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