All language subtitles for Blonde and Blonder 2008

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[spray]

[hums]

[tisk]

[metallic thuds]

[louder metallic thud]

Oh, something's
back there.

Oh.

Oh.

[laughing]
You got one, too.

Oh! Thanks.
[laughing]

You're welcome.

Oh.

Oh.

[both laugh]

[laughs stop]

Nice outfit.
I meant to tell
you back there.

Thanks.
Yours, too.

[giggles]

They think I'm crazy

to get this
for flying.

[scoffs]
Me too. Shows
what they know.

Yeah. It's
all about taste.

[giggles]
I'm Dawn.

Dee.

Cool. Dawn-Dee.
[chuckles] That's
so cute.

I guess so.

[Sighs]

Shall we
take this baby up?

Sounds good to me.

So what's next?

Uh. We start
the engine and we
take off into the sky.

Okay.
They make it
sound so easy.

(Dee)
That's how they
explained it to me.

(Dawn) Oh-uh, tell
me if I'm doing
something wrong.

Okay.
But I'm sure
you'll know first.

I'll just pay
close attention.

[giggles] Wow,
I feel like I'm
at Driver's Ed again.

[both chuckle]

Hey, great
office supplies!

Oh, thanks.

That's a cute pen.
Alright!

I want to take
some notes.

Okay. Alright.
So, seatbelt,
check.

Mirrors?

Don't see any.
Um. Blinkers?

Headlights?

I'm just gonna get
my book out. Okay.
Um. Alright.

Well, I turn on
the master switch,

then the ignition?

Okay.
Push the throttle.

[both laugh and yell]

(Both)
We're flying!

Turn! Turn!

[laughs]
I did it!

I can't believe it.

Okay. Miss St. Dom

and Miss Dee Twiddle.

We're gonna
be flying over
some incredible sce--

Amazing? Incredible scenery.

[gasps heavily]
No!

Ladies!

Ladies, stop the plane.

Ladies!
Ladies!
Uh! Oh!

Stop the plane!

[both laugh and yell]

Alright, here we go!

Up, up and today!

[both laugh]

[gasps and heaves]
Oh-- Oh, God!

What's
wrong, Frank?

Bernie's lost
his mind. He took
off without clearance.

Bernie?

That'd
be a first.

What the hell
is he thinking?

You can ask
him yourself.

[pants and chokes]

Oh my God.

[bangs door]

[pants and heaves]

They took the plane.

Who took the plane?

Two blondes.
[gasps] Blondes.

Blondes.

Blondes?

Oh my God.

[both laugh and yell]

We're flying!

I can't believe it!

Do you
always get this
excited when you fly?

Yeah. Don't you?

Sure. [giggles]

So when did
you start flying?

Well, today's
my first lesson.

Really? Me, too.

[both chuckle]

Oh, that's funny.

[both gasp and yell]

Sean Bromley
steps up to the tee,

he's an
amateur in this
Pro Am Tournament,

and as
you might see,

a par
here could tie
him for the day.

Oh my God!
We're gonna crash!

[both scream]

Look at that!
What a shot!

Right for the pin.

A hole in one?
Could it be?

[both yell]

That's pretty
freaking low.

[both yell]

Do something!

What?

(Both)
Turn it off!

[both gasp]

[both yell]

We're gonna crash!

[crowd screams]

Run for your life!

[both yell]

Look out!

[both yell]

Oh,

Oh!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the airplane has
just made a hole in one.

[thump]

[crowd murmurs]

We're going
up to the plane
right now

there are two
people inside,

They're okay!

There are two women

who just came
out of the plane.

They seem to be okay.

We come in peace.

They're blond.

Is there
a lawyer in here?

Uh, I'm a lawyer!

Yeah, me too.

I'm a lawyer.

I'm a litigation attorney.

Yeah, right here.

[both chuckle]

[thump]

So,

the bastard's
living in Vancouver.

Can you
believe the nerve?

Took an add out
using his real name.

"The Beaver
Patch Lounge."

Seems like old Louie
hasn't changed a bit.

But the Witness
Protection Program don't
know nothing about this.

They will soon enough.

Let me take
him out, boss.

It would give
me great pleasure.

No.

We need someone
to move undetected.

Too many FBl
protecting him.

In and out, in
the blink of an eye.

The Cat's eye.

The Cat?

Who better
to kill a rat?

The perfect assassin.

Still completely
unknown even by me.

A mastermind killer
with an lQ off the
scale of normal humans.

She's never failed.

Even her
victims haven't
seen her. A ghost.

She's not
completely unknown
we know she's a woman--

Don't interrupt
me! Who's the freaking
Godfather here, huh?

I'm sorry, boss.

Alright.

A ghost,

that never
leaves a trace.

Send half the kill
money to her contact.

If she nails
this one,

we'll let
her take out the
infamous Mr. Wong.

Looks like I got
another job, Kit.

Woo Hoo,
party time!

The Godfather
wants me

to take out
Lou Rimoli

at the Beaver
Patch Lounge.

I thought
you were retiring.

Let me take
this one. You
have enough kills.

I have to do
this last one, Kit.

A final favor
for the Godfather.

Besides, doing
Lou Rimoli will
be a pleasure.

I promise,

after this one
I'll turn the
claw over to you.

Meow.

I love you.

[chuckles]

For driving
without a license.

Pay a $100 fine and
we don't even have
to show up in court.

Aw, those cops
are so sweet.

I know, they
were cute, too.

I know.

Look at John Daley.
I mean, please!

Come on,
look around.
Check all this out.

250,000 tons of snow.

All for me.
For my vision.

For my picture.

When l
say "Jump" the
studio says "How high"?

Hey!

Oh!

All right! Let's
shoot this thing
before the snow melts.

Where's my
megaphone guy?

Too slow!

You're fired!

Get me a new
megaphone guy.

[sighs]
What are
we listening to?

Oh, that's
The Sound
of Music.

Oh, cool.

What's the
music called?

Move! Hey!

Nobody yells "move"
on my set. I'll tell
you when to move.

Move!

[both scream]

Oh!

Are you okay?

[gasps]
Those jerks!

Who were those
crazy blondes?

Are they trying
to get killed?

Didn't they see there
were no crosswalks? Jeez.

God! Stupid
Hill Piggies.

They'd better not
have scratched my car.

I know.

(Dee)
Are you okay?

(Dawn)
I think so.

Are you okay?

Uh, l
think so, too.

What a day.

Take a left here
and then two rights.

Wait, no. I'm sorry.
T ake a right here
and then two lefts.

Wait. Can you
say that again?

Um, I don't think so.

[mouths silently]

(Dee)
Hey, are we
going in circles?

(Dawn) [chuckles]
No, don't be silly.

Go left. Okay,
turn left and just

Here we go!

Wait, sharp right.

Woo! I'm dizzy!

(Dawn) [chuckles]
Beep! We're here!

Oh! I'm in this one.

How long have
you lived here?

Nine months.

How about you?

Not nearly that
long. About a year.

Oh. Hey,
you wanna
come see Virgil?

Is he cute?

He's really cute.

Sure!

It's so cold.

[claps and chuckles]

Are you a magician?

No, it always
does that.

Really?
Can I try?

Sure.

[Both laugh and clap]

[laughs]
I love it! Wow!

[laughs]
I got to see him.

Virgil.
Virgil.

Virgil's your dog?

No, Virgil's
not a dog.

Oh, there
he is. [sings]
Virgil's a turtle.

(Dawn)
Oh, Virgil.

(Dee)
lt'll take 'em over
a minute to get here.

He's the
one to win the
race, right Virgil?

Oh, Virgil.
I don't think you're
gonna win many races.

[chuckles]
Well, just a
figure of speech.

(Dee)
Baby, come
to mama.

Come here, baby.
He likes to kiss me.

He's so cute. Virgil.

Are we?

Go back under there.
There you go. Don't toot.

[farts]

What was that?

He has a little
gas problem.

Oh, okay.

I got him from
a turtle orphanage.

Really?
They have them?

Not enough.
That's my dream.

I want to
have my own
turtle orphanage.

And I want to dance
in a Broadway play.

That's nice.

[chuckles]
What's your dream?

My dream
is to marry the
man of my dreams.

Who is he?

I'll show you.

Wait 'till you see him.

(Dee)
Oh, that's
what that's for.

Yeah. DVDs.

At Superfly,
our destinations are
your dream vacations.

So come fly
high with us.

(Dawn)
lsn't he dreamy?

(Dee)
Yeah, he's cute.

Can you help
me land him?

Of course
you can land him.

Really?

I mean, you have
beauty and looks.

You can't lose.

Oh, thank you.
[chuckles]

So, where are you
dancing? I'd love to
come see you some time.

Oh, well, I'm kinda
between jobs right now.

Oh, me too.

Yeah, I got
fired for typos.

[gasps]
What are typos?

I have no idea.

I was working
at a talent agency,

you know, a
receptionist and
secretarial stuff,

and I have
to admit, I'm not
much of a typist.

Ah! Sh.

I love White-O.

Mr. Lean,
there's something
wrong with the computer.

[sighs]
What, what, what?

[sucks air
in sharply
and sighs]

Oh, my--

Get out! Now!

Well,

I've been working on
a little Busby Berkeley,
Gene Kelley number.

Oh, here.
Sorry about that.
[sings] Ta-ta-ra-ra.

[sings] Ta-ta-ra-ra.

Oh! Oh!

(Dawn)
[laughs]

(Dee)
[sings]
Ta-ra-ta. [crash]

Oh!

[Crashes]

[sings] T a-ta-ra-ra.
Like this. Like that.

(Dee)
Whew!

I always
do that. And then,
it's a big fat, oh!

(Dee)
Jeez. And then
it's a big Ta-ra!

(Dee)
Oh! Ow!

Wow!

Ow!

Oh!

That's it.

That's so good!

Wow! My God,
you're a really
good dancer.

You came up
with all those
moves yourself?

Uh-huh. Well,
I had inspirations.

You're really good.

Thank you.
Want to give it
a try? Give it a try.

Oh, God, no.
That's a hard act to
follow, I couldn't do that.

You can, I will
talk you through it.
Okay? Yeah, do it.

Okay.

I'll start the
music again.

Okay. Hey.

(Dawn)
Start with
the kicks.

Oh, shit.
Well, sorry.
Just, just, um.

Okay. And a one,
and a two and a three.

Flashdance!
Flashdance!
And perfect, oh!

Now one, two,
kick, kick those legs!

Kick it!

Oh my God.

Look at you.
You're so good.

Big finish!
Big finish!

Big finish?

Okay, big finish.
Big finish!

[taps with heels]

[laughs]

[whispers]
Jazz hands.

[whispers]
Jazz hands.

[whispers
and chuckles]
That's so good.

You are a natural.

"Natural", my ass.

I didn't train in
8 years for that.

A lot of good
it did me.

Because, how many
jobs really ask you
to do the splits? Zippo.

Were you a dancer?

Gymnast.
I tried out for the
National Park Olympics,

I placed 90th.

[gasps]
What happened?

Discovered boys.
[chuckles] It was
a lot more fun.

Because the
guys really do
dig my backbends,

so maybe it wasn't
a total waste. [sighs]

A waste? With your
talent, honey, you're
gonna make us stars!

Oh my God.

At last!

(Dee)
The first
thing we do is
build up your resume.

We do that by
getting your first gig.

[gasps]
Oh, look at this!

"Looking for dancers
at the Beaver Patch Lounge"

That sounds like
a nice family show.

Y eah, with animals.

Like Doctor Doolittle.

Yeah.

You're going
for this audition
and you'll get it.

With me,
you can't lose.

[gasps] You think?

You know what they
say, "Great minds do."

That's right.
I'm so excited.

"Beaver Patch
Lounge" that sounds
like a great place to work.

Alright.

[tisk]

While transporting
an alleged perpetrator
in the car,

someone passed
some very nasty gas.

And you denied
being the guilty party
and blamed the suspect,

Agent Campbell,
was it not in fact you,

who cut the cheese?

No.

Ha!

Damn!

This machine is good.

Alright, alright.
It-- it's my turn
now. It's my turn. Okay.

Last fall, someone
stole a donut,

off of my desk.
They took a bite,

and they put it back.

Was that in fact you,
Agent Gardenia?

No.

He, he.

Aw.

Okay, thi-- this machine
has got to be wacko.

Let's do one more round,
I'll give you, uh, uh,

five to one
odds on this.

Hey.

I got a new job
for you guys.

What's up,
boss? [sighs]

Rimoli blew his cover
as protected witness.

He's running a
joint called "The
Beaver Patch Lounge."

Until I can convince
him to take on a new
identity and relocate,

I want you two
to shadow him. Make
sure nobody wacks him.

Leave it to us, boss.
No one will get near
him with us watching.

[tisk]

For the past
several months

somebody's been
writing unflattering
things about me

in the
bathroom stalls.

Really?

Now, would
that be you?

Or you?

Me? No. I-- l--
can assure you, sir,

that we-- we would
never do such a thing.

We're professionals.
That's out of character.

I can assure
you we would
never do such a thing.

These machines, look,
they're so unreliable

that-- that
we're calibrating.

Just get out
of my sight

before I hook
up your family
jewels to those things.

[light chatter]

Damn. I don't
believe it.

That's a very
tasty act you
got there, my dear.

Thank you.

[knocks]

What the hell
are you doing?
I'm in an audition.

What am I doing?
Have you seen this ad?

Is the audition over?

No. Stay
upside down.

You interrupt my fun
to show me my ad?

You wrote this
in the paper? You
used your real name.

No shit. The name
Louie Rimoli used to mean
something in some places.

In powerful
organizations

it means "Kill with
extreme prejudice."

That was a long time ago.
They've probably forgotten.

Yeah, yeah.
Louie,

Louie, these
people don't forget.

[gasps]

Oh, okay.
You're hired.

[shrill laughter]

Send in the next girl.
So I can finish my lunch.

[giggles]

You know
I didn't join the Agency

to protect the
scum of the earth.

Reformed scum
of the earth.

That's what the
Witness Protection
Program is all about.

Look over there.

Tell me
what's reformed.

We're here to
protect Louie Rimoli.

Can't judge
a book by it's cover,
Agent Campbell.

This book should
have been judged
a long time ago.

My mother was right.

I should have been
a bible salesman.

What?

Bibles.

No way.

Way.

[scoffs] Well,
whatever floats
your boat, I guess.

I thought you
were a Buddhist.

What are we doing
here, Swan? We can get
in big shit for this.

This is
The Cat's job.

Don't worry, Leo,
You're gonna give
yourself a heart attack.

We won't
interfere, you know.

Just wanna
put a face to the
reputation. That's all.

Nobody knows
what she looks like.

Ah, that's why
we're here. Okay?
Now, keep your eyes peeled.

One of these
women coming
in or going out

is the infamous Cat.

You're next, doll face.

[clears throat] Hi.

Hi.

We're here
for the audition.

[all chuckle]

Aren't
we all.

[giggles]

It amazes me
the lengths people go
to to get these auditions.

I know.

I like
your shorts.

Are those
real nylon?

[clears throat
and chuckles]

Oh, excuse me,
do you guys know
what the show's about?

About?

Yeah.

Yeah. The plot.
The driving force
if you will. [chuckles]

[chuckles]

Oh! Oh,
the driving force?

Yeah, it's
about producing
erections.

[chuckles] Oh.

[gasps]

It's a musical
about architecture.

That's unusual, right?

No, not really.

Producing. Cool!

Mmm.

(Louie)
So, uh, what've
you got for me?

Surprise
of a lifetime.

Uh-huh?

It's nice.
[smirks]

You got another
surprise for me?

You like this?

[chuckles] Oh!

[crash]

Ah! Just give
uncle Louie a taste
maybe, huh? [kiss]

You know what?
Time is money.
Come with me.

Come on, show
me what you got.

There's an idea.

[chokes]

The Godfather
says goodbye.

Can I help
you girls

Mr. Ravioli?

Uh, no,
he's inside.
I'm Manny,

the Talent Manager.
What's your act?

We're a new team.

Together?

Yeah.

Well that l
would like to see.

We're excited
about producing
your erections.

[whispers]
Good one.

Are you gonna
watch us, too?

It's tempting.
Tempting,

but, uh, Louie
prefers to do his
business one on one,

but I'm sure he wouldn't
object to a two on one,
if you know what I mean.

Ha.

Hi, Mr. Ravioli.
I'm Dee and this
is my partner Dawn.

We're here
to audition
for your show.

No, no!
Don't say a word.
Don't say anything.

Just relax,
sit there, have
a drink, smoke your cigar,

and enjoy the show.

Ready Freddie?

You're gonna
like this.

You're gonna
like this.

I think
he's interested.

I'm really good
at reading people.

Definitely.

You ready, Dee?

Yeah.

Six, seven, eight,

(both)
One, two, three, four.

Six, seven, eight.
[giggles]

Sorry.

[both giggle]

Starfish!

(both)
Starfish!
Starfish!

[both laugh]

Big finish!

Oh, big finish.

Big finish.

(both)
Jazz hands!

Mr. Ravioli.

[gasps] Oh!

You killed him!

I killed him?

You threw a
stick at him.

Now he's never
gonna give us a job.

Oh my God,
you're right.

Oh, no.

I know we
didn't kill'
em. Maybe he's,

maybe he had a heart
attack from watching our
crazy moves. It happens.

Give him the
hammock remover.

The hammock remover?

[blows]

Oh!

Um, okay.

[blows]

Oh, oh!
His piece of hair!
Oh my God. oh!

Someone's here.

Hey.

[chuckles]
I'll come back later.
[clacks tongue]

Wow, some
guys get to
have all the fun.

What are we gonna do?

Just leave him
alone there.

[whispers]
Let's leave discreetly.

[both scream]

Oh my God!
Oh!

He's on fire!
Oh my God!

Oh!

Oh, no! What
have you done?

Oh God!

Hurry up!
Move it!

Oh my God.

Them?

No.

The Cat works alone.
Besides, those outfits
are way too flashy.

A good assassin
keeps a very low
profile, Leo.

You'd better
remember that.

Help! Help!
Somebody! Anybody!
There's been a murder!

Murder! Help!
Murder! Help!

Oh, crap!

Then again.

Come here!
There's been a murder!
Come on in! Come here!

Somebody help me!
My boss has been murdered!

Louie's been murdered.

I thought
you said it
wasn't them.

That's just
what she wants
you to think,

expecting to work
alone, she brings
somebody along.

instead of
blending in,
she stands out.

(driver)
She's brilliant!

The Godfather's
gonna want this Cat,

or kitties,
if you will, to take
out Mr. Wong for sure.

(Manny)
I warned him, but
he wouldn't listen.

I should've guessed
they'd use The Cat.

So you think
this was the
work of The Cat?

Oh yeah,
without a doubt.

They were
professionals.

They even
invited me in
to watch them do it.

Oh my God,
I could've
been killed, too.

Now wait,
you said "they"?

Yeah, there
were two of them.

And we got
them on the
surveillance tape.

Good. Good.
[sighs]

She's become brazen
and taken on a partner.

[both gasp]
Oh! Oh!

All things considered,

I think the audition
went really well.

It did.
Didn't it?

It did.

Well, what are
we gonna do?

Oh!

Okay, we
leave town.

Let's get
out of here.

Pack whatever
you can,

Iet's get
out of here.

No, we're innocent.
Let's go on a vacation.

We're going to die.

[knocking at the door]

Someone's
at the door.

[screams]
Oh! Okay.

Oh my God!
[gasps]

Grab something hard.

We're not home
right now.

Leave a message
after the beep.

Here's the
beep. "Beep."

Good one.

Hello. Yeah.
Oh my God.
It's Warren,

What?

You know
how they
killed Louie?

They burned
his friggen
head off.

What?

They burned
his friggen
head off!

Holy shit.

Hello,

we're friends,
ladies, uh, we're
here to offer you a job.

Oh, job. I could
really use a job.

So could l.

May we come in?

Sure.

So we were
thinking, oh.

[click]

We work for
Mr. Capella, uh,

there's no
need for violence.

Oh!

I'll be the
judge of that.

Are you
guys agents?

No, no, no,

uh, we work
for Mr. Capella,
I swear to God.

I think
I've actually
heard of him.

He runs a
big firm, right?

Yeah, that's it.

A big firm, probably
one of the biggest.

So the rumors
are true, you've
taken on a new partner?

Wow, you know,
word travels fast.

I just booked
you in today.

I know.

We won't waste any
of your time. Let's get
right to our point of view.

We're listening.

There's a guy. He
lives in Niagara Falls.
His name is Hang Wong.

We want you
to take him out.

Take him out?

I don't even
know 'em.

We're willing to pay
big bucks. Say a quarter
of a million dollars?

Wait a second.

You're want me
to take this guy
out for $25,000?

Just take him out?

250,000 dollars.

Wow. Is that more?

I think so.

Half now
and half when
you're finished.

Why me?

Why you?
[chuckles] 'Cause
you're the best, you know?

For that kind of
money I'll take him out,
take him in or all out.

I know you
guys are great,

but it's not
that easy

this guy's
well protected.

Ah, doting mom.
Don't worry,
I know the type.

Well, don't worry. I've
taken out tons and tons
of guys. Lots of guys.

I've taken
out doctors,
lawyers, actors,

musicians,
[giggles]

and don't even get
me started with the
high school boys.

Oh, woo wee!
[chuckles]

High school?
You were taking out
people in high school?

Oh yeah, only
the ones I liked.

Wait, have you
ever done any girls?

Once. I just
wanted to see
what it felt like.

Me, too.

Really?

[chuckles]

Wait, we don't have
to do this do we?

Listen, I don't care
what you do to the guy
just get the job done, okay?

Well, when is
he expecting us?

He's not.
But the sooner
the better, okay?

I think it fits
into our schedule.

Okay, we'll do it.

Okay, deal. Alright,
here's the, uh,

show of good faith.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Pleasure doing
business with you.

It's American.

(both) Woo! Woo!

We're going
to Niagara Falls!
[laughs]

Woo!

How'd it go?

Piece of cake.

Couldn't bring
yourself to turn
down one last slice, huh?

What are you
talking about?

Oh, come on. It's
all over the street.

You agreed
to take out Mr. Wong
in Niagara Falls.

You told me l'd
get the next one.

Wait,

someone hired The Cat
to hit Mr. Wong? Who?

Like you don't know.

The Godfather, for
a quarter of a million.

Well, well, well,

someone finally
decided to step
on my paws.

Fatal mistake.

Are you saying someone
is pretending to be you?

Someone's about to
get scratched. Badly.

I'm coming with you.

Tell you what,
kitten, this time,

you get to
do the honors.

I'm in.
Meow.

Have you seen
these two women?

Yeah, l
remember 'em.

Two dumb blondes,

they came in
early this morning.

Amazing.
Their cover's flawless.

Yeah, they bought
a red Minicooper from
the lot. Paid cash.

Of course,
no credit card,
no paper trail.

Continue.

That's it.
They left
their car,

said they'd
pick it up,

when they
returned from
Niagara Falls,

said they were gonna
take out a Mr. Wong
or something.

You'll never
see them again.

Hey, can l
keep their car?

No, I'm sorry,
it's evidence.

They'll probably use
it to run over
innocent babies.

Can I get out
of the rain now?

Oh, please.

Okay.

Simply brilliant.

They knew we'd
have the train station
and airport staked out.

But, we didn't.

Well, we should have.

Smart Mr. Wong.

Looks like they're
celebrating another notch
in their kill pole, Campbell.

Run up all available agents.
We're goin to Niagara Falls.

Boss, we
need to talk.

So talk.

Uh,

We did like you
said. We delivered
the money to The Cat.

And?

She's not working
alone anymore, boss,

She's hired on
another assassin.

They torched
Guido at The
Beaver Patch pretty bad.

Burned his
whole head off.

They're bad
to the bone, boss.

Yeah, he's right,

if we didn't
stand our ground when
delivering the money,

we wouldn't
be here now.

They were drooling
at the mouth.

They were crazed
with blood lust from
the hit on Louie Rimoli.

They were gonna
do some fancy high
moves of karate on us,

but we stared them
right down their eyes.

You would've
been proud of us.

Yeah, we looked
death right in the
face and we laughed.

It's right. They
knew better than
to mess with us,

finely tuned
killing machines.

What?
An apprentice?

Yeah.

But The Cat
knows better.

Any self-respecting
assassin works alone.
This is not good.

No.

Nope.

She's got
some cojones.

[puffs] You're
telling me.

Does she ever.

Yeah, she
looks good.

Boss, what
are cojones?

Yeah.

Nuts.

Teabags?

Oh, she's English.

That don't match here.

Nads.

Nothing.

She's got balls,
you idiots!

(both) Oh!

Okay, yeah.
Now I get it.

[chuckles]
So you're
telling me,

the number one
assassin in the whole
wide world, The Cat,

is a dude?

[slaps] Moron!
Don't you know
what a metaphor is?

Yeah, of course.
[chuckles]

Sort of a [clears
throat] man trapped
in a woman's body?

No.

It's when a
chick's got a dink.

No, that's--
you're an idiot.

No, it's not.

Will you two pea
brains knock it off?

Boss, is
this metaphor
thing contagious?

Never mind,
you idiots.

This could be serious.
[snaps fingers]

[mumbles]

Ah, the book.

Ah, here it is.

Chapter 9,
Subsection 4.

"Under no
circumstance
may an assassin,

"engage an
apprentice for
a contracted hit,

"without the express
written permission,

of the contractor
of said hit."

Right. You know,

when they mention
the contractor,

they're talking
about you.

Don't you
think I know
that, Einstein!

There are
reasons for rules,

and the rules
should not be broken.
This is not good.

[mouths] No.

I'll have to send
someone to make sure

that things go
according to planned.

I want Wong wacked!

Oh, [chuckles] you know,
we would love to do it,

but, I get a bit
of migraines when
I travel by air, boss.

It's bad.
He does. And
you know what?

I got a couple
of sick days coming.

Where the hell
did I find you two?!

You're turning a couple
of different shades of hue

you should calm
down, you're blood
pressure is going.

I've got the solution.

Since you
two tough guys

just finished
telling me
how you

"Faced death"
and stared
down The Cat,

[all chuckle]

you can
have the job.

You won't get
a migraine driving.

And you, can
consider this
trip to Niagara Falls

your sick days, huh?
Capische? Huh?

Boss, I don't
think it's a good idea

Enough talk!

I've spoken.

And unless
you two want
something broken,

No, no, no.
We get it, boss.
We get it, we get it.

Swan and I'll follow
'em to Niagara Falls

and make sure
Wong is wacked
good and proper.

Yes.

So I guess
we'll just--

Whew. That's
disgusting!

Sorry.

You two keep
a low profile.

Remember Louie
Rimoli was wacked
right under the nose

of the Witness
Protection Program.

The Feds are
gonna have their
brightest and their best

all over The
Cat's scent.

Yes, Godfather.

Sir.

[blows]

You freaking
imbeciles.

I can see
the headlines now.

Louie the Lip,
executed in
broad daylight

under the Witness
Protection Program.

You know what
kind of putzes
we're gonna look like?

What's a putz?

You're a putz, moron.

I think it's
redundant, sir.

Aren't they
mutually exclusive?

Enough!
Enough.

Let's go over
the facts.

Okay. At least
we have a lead
on the killer now,

we can start
to turn around
this bad publicity.

It's killers, sir.

What?

Killers.
Plural, sir.

It's true, sir.

Louie the Lip
was indeed taken
out by the infamous Cat,

but it gets worse.

Now, not only does
she have a new MO

but she has a
new partner as well.

Well, I think The Cat's
made her first mistake.

I won't be long until
the kitten leaves the roost.

Because you can't have
two cats in the same nest.

You mean
litter, sir.

We're not after
a litterbug, you idiot.

Not garbage
litter, we're
talking about cat litter.

[chuckles] Are you two
geniuses mocking me?

Because I'm getting
a very bad vibe here.

Now, maybe
we're not on
the same page.

Maybe l
should put you
back on foot patrol,

because you
seem kind of
fixated on garbage.

Well, there, there
is something else, sir.

Yeah, well?

Cat and her new partner
went to Niagara Falls

to do another hit.

Damn! We
gotta stay
on top of this.

Should we
go after them?

No. I want you to
stay here and bust
people for littering.

[sighs]

Of course
I want you two
knuckleheads to go!

You think I'll let them
flatfoot from Niagara Falls
steal our lightening?

Thunder, sir.

First you mock
me about litter,
now about lightening?

I should have
you two shot.

If you had us
shot, it would be
very difficult for us to--

It's a figment of
speech! You moron!
I'm not gonna shoot you.

Figure of speech, sir.

Get out!

Now! Just get The Cat

and if you
fail I suggest you
stay in Niagara Falls.

Do you understand?

[blows]

[giggles]
I can't believe
we bought this car!

I can't either.

Oh! Niagara Falls,
here we come!

Yeah!

Where is it?

I don't know.

Oh, we'll find it.
[chuckles]

It can't
be too far.

I don't even see
them, are we on
the right road?

(Leo)
There's only
one road, they've
gotta be up there.

(Swan)
Alright.

Did you ever have
a dream, Leo?

Yeah, it involves
you, cement socks
and a fishing trip.

What?

Well, l
have a dream.

Long time ago,
when I clutched my
first protection money,

it was a nickle, for
not thumping on a kid.

[chuckles]
You know how
old I was?

40?

No, 7.

47?

No, just 7.

Oh.

Yeah, I was a skinny
little thug back then.

[chuckles] I had a
big dream. I wanted
to be a Don someday.

A Don?

Yeah. A Don.

A Don's got it all.
Respect, women,
power, money.

But your last
name's Keith.

So?

So you'd be Don
Keith [chuckles]

Sounds like a donkey
with a lisp or something.

A friggen what?

Your enemies
would be shaking
in their boots.

Here comes Don Keith.
Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

You'd be
laughed outta town!

Forget l
mentioned it.

No, that's classic.
Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

Hee-haw!
Hee-haw!
Hee-haw!

Alright! Shut up!

(Swan)
You're distracting me,
they're gonna see us.

(Dawn)
I gotta pee again.

(Dee)
Me too.

(Gardiner)
Keep up and don't
let them see us.

(Campbell)
Alright, Jeez.

(Dawn) Hey, are
we being followed?

(Dee)
No.

(Dawn)
Okay.

(Leo)
What do you think
they'd do
if they saw us?

(Swan)
Chop our heads off

and leave us
in the desert.

Why the desert?

I saw it on CSl.

Oh, I love
that show.

Yeah.

Did you see the
one where they put
a victim in dog food?

What?

It's the best one.

[mutters] I'd put
you in dog food.

What?

Aw, never mind.
Never mind.

Do you think they know
where they're goin'?

Probably making sure
they're not followed.

Pure genius.

(Dawn)
Have you been
to Niagara Falls?

No, I saw a
movie with Marylin
Monroe called Niagara.

(Campbell)
You'd better pull
over at the next stop.

Why?

Because I gotta
take a leak.

Come on, I just
pulled over two
hours ago.

Yeah, two hours
ago, [chuckles] when
I had a large coffee.

Well, I'm
not stopping.

What am l
supposed to do?

Hold it. What
do you think?

Hold it? Yeah,
I understand "hold it"

but I think my bladder
might have another idea.

Ugh, you know,
easy with the
bumps. Okay?

You're an adult,
control your bladder.

It's mind
over matter.

Well it ain't working.
Okay? It's not working.

Hey, Gardenia,
why don't you try
controlling my bladder?

Huh? Excuse me?

Yeah, why
don't you try
controlling my bladder?

Yes, have a nice,
long conversation
with my full bladder.

You know, you could
reason with it and you can
lay some guilt trips on it.

Hey, Gardenia!

Aren't you
the Sigmund
Freud of bladders?

So that you would
know, you know,
how I was feeling

so, like, if I were
dreaming about waterfalls,

and I'm feeling
like I'm about to explode
or something like that,

Alright! Alright!
I'll pull over at
the next stop.

Thank you.

Just promise
me you won't use
that creepy voice.

The bladder voice?

Yes! Yes!

It scares me.

(Dawn)
I'm so glad we met.

(Dee)
Me too.

I'm so glad
we have a job.

(Swan)
Now we're--
we're more genius.

(Leo)
Yeah, you're
no genius.

(Swan)
[mocks] Just because
you took the test doesn't
make you a genius, Leo.

(Leo)
I missed by
one freaking
question.

What frequency is a sperm
whale's mating call measured
at? I mean, who knows that?

(Swan)
47 megahertz,
come on!

(Leo)
That was lucky.

(Swan)
So I'm a genius.

(Leo)
No, you're not
a genius, I'm an
almost genius.

(Swan)
Whatever. Okay, Leo.
Just don't lose 'em,
almost genius.

(Leo)
I'm not gonna lose
em! Wait a minute,
where did they go?

(Dee)
I think we're
getting close.

(Dawn)
You think you're
ready for Wong?

(Dee)
How can l
not be when it
feels so right!

[giggles]

[waterfall-like sound]

(Dawn)
We're here!

(Dee)
Oh, I can't wait
to get in there.

(Dawn)
Hm.

(Dawn)
Wait a second.

(Dawn)
This looks familiar.

(Dee)
What?

(Dee)
Maybe we should
ask for some help.

(Dee)
Oh! Oh!

(Dee)
Oh! Good,
here we are.

(Dawn)
Let's go.

Hi there.

Hi.

Are you ladies
staying here?

Yeah, we're not
checked in though.

No problem,
I'll have your bags,

and may l
ask you what
is on your back?

Oh, that's
Virgil.

He's a turtle.

[chuckles]
lsn't he cute?

I'm sorry we actually
have a, uh, very strict
no pet policy here.

Um.

What?

It's a
back pack.

Yeah, it's fake.
He's a turtle
backpack.

Okay! Right
this way.

Thank you.

I'll take these.

[fart]

Oh, excuse me.
Excuse me. Sorry.

Hi.

We'd like to get two
rooms with one bed.

No, wait. One
room and two beds.

That's right.
A suite.

It's called
a suite, right?

Well, we're
pretty booked up.

Let's check
the computer.

[tisk] Aw.

That was
two beds?

Oh, I'm sorry,
it seems we're
out of suites.

(Dawn)
We can just take
whatever you have
then, that's okay. Thanks.

How about
a penthouse?

There you go.
Enjoy your stay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Right this
way, ladies.

Excusie.

Here we
are, ladies.

If there's
anything else that
I can do for you.

Please don't
hesitate to ask.

Actually, there's
something you could
do for us.

Work on
your manners.

[whining indistinct]

No, that's not
a good feeling.

[gasping]

Are you okay?

Uh, yeah,
I'm just um,

trying [indistinct]

[gasps] Wow.

I wonder who's
staying there.

Wow. Probably
the Shrink of Araby.

Yeah, a Shrek.

Shrek.

(Dee)
[gasps] Wow!

(Dawn)
Wow. Look!
They have trees
in the room!

(Dee)
Oh my God!

(Dawn) I'm so excited!
Cool! Look at our room!

(Dee)
Oh! There's a pool
in the bedroom!

(Dawn) Oh, look
at the fireplace.

Wow, oh, my God!

[gasps] Wow.

Oh, Jesus.
Hey, that's
our suitcase.

Oh my God, this
must be our room.

Oh my God!
I'm so excited!
[chuckles]

Wait. This is going
to be so expensive.

No. Remember they
couldn't find us a suite
so they gave us this.

Oh.

Oh, I gotta feed Virgil.
He must be starving.

Poor little boy.

Oh.

No pesticides.

Dee, come
look at this!

Come look at this.

What? [yells]
Oh my God! Oh my
God! We're here!

(both)
We're here!
We're here!

Whoopie!

[giggles]
We're here!

(both)
We're here!

Oh, I can
see the sky!

I can see
the Big Dipper!

I can too!

Let's get you
ready, girlie.

[blows sharply]

Only one way to
accent the tushy.

Okay. Oh,
what are they?

Guess.

Uh, okay.
Miss Sixty.

No, Guess.

Oh, I like this.
Okay. Um,

Frankie B.

They're Guess.

Miss Sixty.

[chuckles]
These are Guess.

Okay, okay, just
give me a minute.

[gasps] Jay Ben.

Forget it. Hey,
check these babies out.

For your legs,
highest heels.

Oh, highest heels.

There are high, higher
and highest heels.

Try 'em on.
Huh? They're cute.

I, uh, I didn't
know you guys
would be in here.

Uh, [gasps] uh,
the sandwiches
are on the cart.

and, uh, l, uh,
the door was

Oh.

[hums] I think
this still fits you.

Yeah, let me try.

Arms up.

Okay.

[chuckles]

I can do it.

I love this clean air.
So pure, untouched.

Do you know
where we look first?

I won't have to.
She'll come to me.

We locate
Mr. Wong and we wait.

When the hit
goes down we
kill my impostor

and we carry out
the job ourselves.

Two dead, a lesson
taught, The Cat,

or I should say Kit?
is back on top.

You go get
us a room

while I make my presence
a little less known.

Why's everybody staring?

It's a good
thing, right?

Yeah.

You know what?
I'll go find Wong,
I'll be right back.

Okay.

Excuse me, Miss.

I could use
some lady luck.

Would you
mind throwing
the dice for me?

Oh, sure.

Thanks.

[spits loudly]

[chuckles]

Thanks.

Don't mention it.
[chuckles]

Excuse me.

Hey, where's the
information booth?

It's, uh, right
over there, Ma'am.

Oh, thanks.
Thank you.

No, no, no.
No, no, no.

Yes? Can
I help you?

Oh, I hope so.

I'm trying to find Hang
Wong. I think he's French.

Brilliant. I would've
thought ltalian.

Maybe.

Have you heard of him?

[gasps]
Hotel and casino.

They're doing a
Dancalicious here.

That's Dee's
favorite show. I must
tell her, I'm so excited.

You're here
to audition
for Mr. Wong?

Oh, no, we're
here to take him out.

That'll be a date
he'll never forget.

I'm sure.

[laughs]

You can find him at
the casino restaurant.

It's called the Tramonto.
He's always there before
the show starts.

The Tramonto.

Starts with a T.
I'll find it.

That's right.

Thanks so much.

Yeah? Sorry.

Dee.

Oh! Hi.

I found Wong.

He's at a
restaurant
in the hotel.

That was easy.

[chuckles]
He owns the hotel.

Oh my God.

We need
the money. No
gambling, no drinking.

Okay, okay.

Drinking's okay.
No gambling.

I don't know
how to gamble.

We'll keep
a low profile.

We're here for
one thing only,
to take out Wong.

I'll be at Tramonto.
In his restaurant.

There's a big sign that
says Tramonto and it's the
restaurant underneath it.

Okay, got it.
Have fun.

Okay.

Oh!

(crowd)
Oh!

Money plays?

[gasps]

What?

Money plays, Ma'am.

Will you let
the money play?

Uh, I don't care.

No more bets.

Thirteen black.
We have a winner.
Paying out 10, 000.

[applause]

Would you like
to let it ride, Ma'am?

What?

Would you like to
let the money ride?

Let the money ride?

Um.

(crowd)
Let it ride!

Sure.

All right,
place your bets.

[applause]

Tra, Tra, uh,
Tram, Tramonto.

Tramonto.

Hello.

Hello. Hm.

Are you
sure that's her?

Without a doubt.

I heard her partner
tell a total stranger
what she was going to do.

Almost bragging.
cold fish.

She just walks
in the front door.

Either she's
incredibly brave,

or incredibly stupid.

Come on, I want
to watch her moves,

and when she
strikes, we pounce.

(Dee)
[clears throat]

Hello.

Hi, I'm sorry,
Miss Dee, restaurant
is closed for an hour.

There's a
private party.

Oh, for Mr. Wong?

Are you with
Mr. Wong's party?

I plan to be.
[chuckles]

One moment.
Please wait here.

Thank you.

Mm.

[sucks in]

[clears throat]

Mr. Wong's
assistant will be
joining us shortly.

Don't say anything
about his eye.

Oh. Okay.

What kind of
candies are these?
They're good.

Candies?

Those are
rocks from the
Japanese rock garden.

I hate sushi. Ugh.

Oh!

What is it?

I don't know.
She hit me with
something hard.

[both gasp]

We have a
new casino record!

[applause and cheers]

This is the most
fun I've had with
my clothes on!

What's your
bet, Ma'am?

You know, I think
I'll just let it ride!

[applause and cheers]

Hello.

Are you introduced
to Mr. Wong?

Yes, um, you must
be Mr. Wong's pirate.

I mean,
ass-- ociate.

Come with me.

Where are
you taking me?

To have
a little talk.

How could she
know? I can even
think that she saw me.

Do you think
they're on to us?

No. Nobody's
that good unless
they've the sixth sense of a--

Cat.

The lady's room?

You are not
supposed to
be in here.

Neither are you.

What?

Why are you here?

Well, I'm here to see,
um, I mean, I'm looking,

Mr. Wong is busy.

I just saw him sitting
at a table, I saw him
with my own two eyes.

[whistles]

Who are you?

My name is Dee.

What's your name?

Wun Eye.

But my friends
call me Eye.

Ay, ay, ay.
[chuckles nervously]

Well, I hope you and,
I hope we can be friends.

You and, l.

Well, we can get
better acquainted.

Okay. Oh!
Jeez, not that
kind of friends.

Gosh, you know,
you should treat me
a lot better than that.

Okay, you're clean.

Oh, okay, well.

Once in the morning,
once at night.

Is Mr. Wong
expecting you?

No, it gonna be
a pleasant surprise.

Look, oh shoot,
I mean, listen,

Mr. Capellini
hired me to take
Mr. Wong out.

[Eye laughs]

That's a good
one. Alright, you
can call me Eye.

You don't think I'm
good enough for him?

Sure. You just
have to wait in line.

Oh, so he's quite
the lady killer, huh?

Oh, yeah.
He's a killer.
[chuckles]

Come on,
let's go with Mr.
Wong. He'll like you.

You couldn't have
come at a better time.

She's good,
I'll give her that.

Sweet talk your way
in and then strike.

Excellent.

Too bad l
have to kill her.

I have a friend, she
might be looking for me.

She's a really cute
blonde. Could you keep
and eye out for her?

Oops. Sorry. Um,

I forgot my purse
in the bathroom.

No. No. Stay
here. I'll get it.

Okay. Hey, do you
have a breath mint?

I have a little
bad breath.

Don't want to
meet him like that.

No.

But I have
a breath spray.

Oh, that's good,
thanks. Oh!

Stay right here.

Okay.
Okay.

Sure.

Oh!

It's that one-eyed guy.
Let's get some practice.

[applause and cheers]

Thank you.

Thanks.

Thanks, guys.

Wow!

As you are fully
aware, I do not
work for Capella.

I work for no one.

Yeah. We know.

Mr. Capella
just wanted us
to talk to you

one last time.

One last time?

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Is that a
threat, Mr. Swan?

I don't know.

Hugo and l
don't take
kindly to threats.

Whew.

It's going down.

[whispers]
It's breath spray.

[whispers]
What?

Breath spray.

It's not a gun?

Ah. Okay. Okay.
Uh. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Holy
mackerel, I thought l
lost a contact down there.

I got
astigmatism I can't
drive without them.

I know.

So, sorry.

[kisses]

Now he knows it's
not polite to interrupt
a woman in the bathroom.

Hm.

No obvious weapons.

She's better
than I thought.

My turn?

[sighs] You'll
get your turn.

Hello.

[chokes]
Hello.

Do you three
know each other?

Nope, never
seen her before.

Who is she?

Yeah. These
are the guys
that hired me to--

to, uh, just show
you a good time.

Sorry.

Oh, so you must
be Mr. Wong.

Yes, I am
Hang Wong.

[gasps] Ouch!
[chuckles]

Please, sit
down and join us.

Now, this method
I prefer much more.

Friends in
Hong Kong give
each other gifts.

You are learning.

Cheers.

Cheers. I'm
glad we're all
here together.

(both) Ah!

[chuckles]

So, you are a
professional girl?

Oh, yeah, I'm
a professional.

What is your,
uh, your specialty?

If you don't
mind me asking.

My specialty?
Well, um,

I'm a really
good dancer,
[chuckles]

and I wanna
dance on Broadway!

Oh! Haya, holy!

[chuckles]

Is that so?

Well maybe you'll
be interested in my
play Dancalicious.

Dancalicious?

You produce
Dancalicious?

I have my
hands involved
in so many operations

as I'm sure Mr.
Swan could attest.

[mutters something
while chuckling] l, uh

[gasps] My God!
Dancalicious!

You know,
I love that musical.

I know every word
and I know every lyric.

There's a
six o'clock
show tonight.

Perhaps you
could join me.

There is? How
are we gonna
get a seat?

I mean, that show
must be sold out for
at least two years!

No problem,
we'll just kill
two ticket holders.

Where did Eye
disappear to?

Well you're
right there.

Not me, Eye.

Well, I don't know
if it's proper English,

but, um, you're still
sitting right there.

[chuckles]
Hugo. Find him.

Okay.

No, no, no.
Sit down.

Go.

You just told
me to go get him.

No, I said Hugo.

Right.

No, no, no. Sit!

Um, you
just told me
to go get him.

No, not
"You go", Hugo.

[mouths Hugo]
Do you want me to stay
or do you want me to go?

I want you to stay.

Eye! Are you here?

[wham]

Who are you?

The last pretty
face you'll ever see.

[screeching]
Meow!

[chokes]
Agh!

[gags]

[more gagging]

Not bad.
A little messy.

Anyway, let's
go talk strategy.

We have a little
time. Would you like
to, uh, ride my yacht?

[chuckles]
Is that what
they're calling it now?

You can ride
my dinghy.

[laughs]

I have to go
to the bathroom.

I'm gonna freshen up.

Oh, I got blood
on my stole.

I have a
feeling tonight will
be very memorable.

[clears throat]
Oh! Sorry.

There you are.

I was wondering
who left that.

I think I'm a little
anxious about tonight.

Hot date?

Well, kinda.
Very profitable.
[chuckles]

But I think Mr.
Wong is so sweet.

You know you should
be careful on dates.

A guy might
already belong
to somebody else.

Somebody who
might get upset

if they feel
their territory
is being invaded.

You think he might
have a girlfriend?

Something like that.

Or maybe
something worse.

Jeez, everybody's
speaking in widdles tonight.

Well, it's a good
thing I'm almost
done with him.

It'll be through soon.

Maybe you're
through now.

[chatter and chuckles]

She's the luckiest
bitch that ever lived.

God, I want her now.

Why didn't
she kill 'em? She
had 'em right there.

She's toying
with 'em, waiting
for the cruelest moment,

She's good,
man, really good.

Yeah, but she
seemed so sincere,
so naive, back there.

You don't
think maybe we
got the wrong girl?

Nah.

Come on,
Kit. Let's
kill the bitch.

Oh, hello.

Hello, shall we?

Sure.

Can we check
on my friend
in the casino?

Of course.

[indistinct]

Shut up.

Whoa.

Blood.

Who's blood?

I don't know.

It's going into the
women's bathroom?

Hello?

Hey, you guys?

She's gosh darn
Charles Manson.

But she's not
after us, right?

The hell with it,
we're out of here.

Out of
the bathroom?

No, out of
the country!

Well, uh, but
we're we gonna go?

I don't know.
Korea or lraq.

Cuba! Yeah, Castro
will take care of us.

Oh, there she is!

Dee, hi!

Oh, hi,
Wong, I'm Dawn.

Hello.

[chuckles]
You'll never
believe this.

I won.

Won what?

About five pounds.

A million dollars
worth of chips.

My God,
that's great!

I know,
I'm so excited.

That's so cool!

Have fun.
Nice to meet you.

Bye.
[chuckles]

Gosh, I hope
she's hungry.

Would she
like to join us?

Hello, Mr. Wong.

Meow. Hiss.

Shall we, uh,
visit my yacht?

Oh, sure.

I don't know how
we're gonna find
them in this madhouse.

Don't worry,
I've got men
staked out

on every
hot spot in
the strip.

If they're here,
we'll find 'em.

You're damn right.
Son, have you seen
these two blondes?

Yeah, they
checked in a
couple of hours ago.

Really?
You sure?

(bell boy)
Yeah, I wouldn't
forget them,

um, she
assaulted me.

You know,
it's nothing.

I just saw one of
them, they're in the
hotel if you need them.

All units
report to
me right away.

A suspect has been
spotted in the hotel.

I repeat. A blonde
has been spotted.

Approach with
extreme caution.

Show me where.

Are they dangerous?

This looks
like trouble.

[hums]
I gotta go
find Dee.

Well, she
was just here.

Uh, I think I saw
the other blonde
with, uh, Mr. Wong.

Mr. Wong?

Yeah, he
owns the hotel.

Yes, I know
who he is. Where?

I think I saw
him go that way.

All units,
we're heading for the
front of the casino.

There goes that job.

[light chatter]

God! You're
that guy in
the commercial.

My friend
loves you!

I knew it.

Hey, you!
Stop! Police!

What? What?!

You're coming
with me. Come here.

Dawn really
loves him, I gotta
get his autograph.

This way!

Show time.

Oh, excuse me.

[whispers]
Oh my God!

It's you.

Yeah.

You're the
love of my life.

That's very sweet--
Wait a second.

2001,
Dead and Deader.

Yes, I was
an extra.

Yeah, I looked for
you after my close up.

I couldn't find you.

You did?

Oh my God.

Oh my God.
Oh my God.

Oh my God.

I'm trying to
find my friend.
She's in trouble.

Did you see her?

The cops chased
her through that door.

She did? Okay.

Is there anything--?

Yeah, can you
hold this for me?

Yeah, sure.

there's a
million dollars in
there, so be careful.

These shoes are really
uncomfortable to run in.

Thank you so
much. Thank you.

[noisy kiss]

I love you.
Thank you.

Yeah. Uh,
what's your name?

Dee! I mean, Dawn.
I'm looking for Dee.

Bye!

An autograph,
please.

Uh, yeah. Right.

Come on. Go.

Oh!

Oh God!

Where does
this elevator go?

It only goes down.

We'll take the stairs.

Um, put that
in my room.

Ladies, I love
you. I love you.
[kisses] I love you.

(All)
No, don't go!

[buzzing machines]

Why are the
police after you?

I don't know
if they're
the police.

Many people
are trying
to kill me.

They can be
killers in disguise.

If they're
cops, they can
talk to my lawyer.

All units. I'm in
pursuit of a blonde
and an unidentified male.

I want all
air, land and sea
assets on standby.

Have my
helicopter pick me up
at the west parking lot.

[Seagulls squawking]

[keyboard beeping]

Come on.

Everyone! We're
in the wharf.

[bangs]
Open up!

Get me
a helicopter.
Right away!

Go! Go!

(Dee)
Oh, Jesus,
Where are
we going?

We're taking
a little trip.

I didn't pack.

You won't
need anything.

We going
to Tahiti?

Six feet under.

Australia? I've
never been there.

Shut up,
Shut up!

If you talk to me
like that I'm not
going anywhere.

You won't
have a choice
in the matter.

Is that real?

What?

Is that real?

Yes! With real
bullets. Now move!

All right!

Okay. Action. Go.

Rolling?

It's been one year
of planning and it
all comes down to this.

Okay, no smiling,
more serious. Okay?

I'm being serious.

I know, but
don't smile, eh.

It's been one
year of planning

and it all
comes down
to this moment.

I plan to
sneak over--

Help! Help!

I must find the
yacht. My friend's
been kidnapped.

How do I get
to that yacht?

The fastest
way is probably
right there.

That boat there?

Yeah, we're
making web history--

Do you mind?
This is serious.

We're filming
Crime of Mr. Wong.

I will sneak over
that yacht, I'll climb
aboard and blend in.

Oh, what--
what's she--

Hey, no!

She's kinda hot.

No, wait!

[both yell]
Hey! Hey!

[Dawn starts engine]

[both yell]
Hey!

I'm sorry. I have
to save my friend.

I'll bring her
back, I promise!

Keep it rolling.

Trim down on the motor
or you'll drop the bow.

Come on.

Oh.

It's-- Viagra!

What?

I know what that is.

What?

You think
you'll use that
artificial stuff on me,

you might as
well shoot me now.

I'm not gonna
ride your dinghy.

What?

It's Viagara.

It's my uncle's name.
It's named after him.

I'm not gonna ride
your dinghy when you made
a promise to [indistinct]

You shut your
mouth, I promise
I won't kill you.

Go, Go. Go.

Call my lawyer.

Where is
she going?

Back to the
casino, we're
sending a helicopter.

Go! We're heading
down stream to the haven.

Move. Move. Move.

[engines]

Hey! Dawn! Dee!

I mean, Dawn!

Let me take
the wheel.

Keys.

Easy Ma'am.
I just clean 'em.

The keys!

She's all yours.

Untie us.

[engine starting]

Bon voyage!

There it is.
That's Wong's boat.

You're crazy.

Take a seat,
sweetheart.
It's show time!

[helicopter engine]

Let's move
it. Come on,
get the lead out.

There she
is. She's got
a goon with her.

That bitch! She
thinks she's gonna
waste Wong before I do.

Should l
kill her first?

Let me do it.
And you can take
your time with Wong.

You've already had
your kill today.
I want to do it.

Who the
hell are they?

I don't know.

But it looks like
they're chasing,

that boat!

This is
Agent Gardenia.

I want all available
river patrol craft

to intercept Hang
Wong's speedboat
called the Viagara.

(Gardenia)
We're headed downriver
from River Rock Casino.

Ha, ha. I love
this. Like Nam.
Woo-hoo!

What are you
gonna do when
we catch them?

I don't know.
Maybe you should
tell me what's going on.

I don't know. Some
rich guy gave us
a bunch of money

to go to
Niagara and
take Mr. Wong out.

What? Take
Wong out?

Yeah, just take
him out to have
a good time.

[bang, bang, bang]

[bang, bang]

Whose following us?

[bang]

They're
shooting at us.

Get down!
[bang, bang]

What the hell?

Hey, take
a position.

Oh! That's
my friend Dawn.

Hey, do
you know
how to swim?

I was in a
hot tub once.

Then maybe
you'd better
shut up!

Don't shoot Dawn!

Hey, it's
the blonde.

One of them. Wong
must be on to them.
He's got the other blonde.

There should
be a flare gun.

[bang]

Intercept
the speedboat

with two dark
haired women in
it. They're armed.

I got it.

Okay.

[bang]

Oh my God!

All units.
All units.
Gunfire. Gunfire.

They shot my
dream guy!

Buzz the one
with a weapon.
Come on!

(All)
Whoa!

Drop your weapons, ladies.
We have you covered.
Give it up, now!

God I hope this works.

[blast]

[engine runs down]

I don't know what
the hell's going on.
Let's go to Wong's boat.

Can you say
something, please?

Patch me
into the P.A.

Stop that boat
now. Lie it down. Stop.
Don't make us fire on you.

This is Agent
Gardenia, Wong.

Give it up. Drop
your weapons and
prepare to be boarded.

And with what
am I charged?

Oh, where
do I start, Wong?

And be warned, that
blonde that you're holding
might be the infamous Cat.

Yes, she says
she was gonna
take me out.

[sighs]
All units.
All units.

Take everybody
into custody,

we'll sort it out
back at the River
Rock Casino. Out.

I can't wait to
see this report.

Let's head back
to the casino.

You know, I was
just trying to show
you a good time.

I can't
remember when
I've had more fun.

I had some fun.
You have fun?

Look at the
camera, people.

Alright. Let's
go over this.

The two blondes
were Kit and Cat.
So we can arrest them.

The dark
haired girl
shot the actor.

So we can
arrest her.

And Wong
kidnapped Cat.

Can we arrest
him for that?

I'm not sure.

Let's go
over it again.

So--

It's cold.
[gasps]

Dee! Oh my God,
you're okay.

God, you
really love me.

[gasps]

Mwah!

Oh, Dee.
This is my
dream man.

Ken.
Meet Dee.

I'm Ken.
It's interesting
to meet you. Both.

[both giggle]

I don't
understand. Don't
you know who I am?

You can't
arrest me.
I'm Hang Wong.

Did he just
say he was
hung wrong?

Yeah, he's Wong.
That's why he's
getting arrested.

So, you're a
Navy Seal, huh?

Uh, was.

Navy Seal doesn't
sound very scary.

Maybe Navy
Shark or Navy Lion.
That's a good one.

I'll let
them know.

Thanks. [giggles]
But you're my
seal, now.

When you save
someone's life,
you're responsible for it.

It sounds
good to me.

Dawn tells
me you're a
talented dancer.

[tisk]
Well, I try.
[giggles]

A couple of
our dancers are
unable to make it

for next week's
performance.

How would
you like to be
in the show?

Oh my God,
are you serious?

Oh my-- I'd love
to. Only if Dawn
can be in it too.

I think
that can
be arranged.

[both yell and laugh]
Oh, my God! We got a job!

Let's arrest
them all.

Alright everybody,
gather round, listen up.

Officers, I want you
to arrest these two women.

This is the infamous
Cat and her protegee.

Oh yeah, I've
been following
you for six years.

They're wanted
for a string of murders
all across this country.

No, you
idiot! It's me!

You've been waiting
six years to capture me.

I'm the one responsible
for killing over 30 people
without a trace.

I'm the criminal
mastermind!

I did the Lone Shark
with a piano wire.

I snapped Louie
Rimoli's neck.

I-- I'm responsible
for blowing up the
governor's kitchen

with putting
the explosives in
his pate that day.

Me! Me! Not
these two idiots.

I want my credit,
and I want it now!

She knows
about the piano
wire and the pate.

Pate?

Arrest that woman!

Finally,
some respect.

[whining]

Well,

I guess I'm
free to go?

Oh, wrong-o wungy.

You've been charged
with kidnapping this
innocent young girl.

Cuff 'em!

What? Wait!
Hey! You can't
do this to me.

These girls
are innocent.

Free to go, ladies.

[both giggle]

Oh, shoot.

I knew it all
along. They were
using them as decoys.

Anybody can
see that.

So what do
we do now?

Spend a
million dollars.

Oh my God!
[giggles]

[both giggle]

Dream man.

Mmm.

[sighs]
Oh, Virgil.

Why were you taking
flying lessons, anyway?

Well, Dawn,
statistically,

um, flying
is safer than
driving, I read it.

For you,
definitely.

[giggles]

Hi, guys.

Hey, you all
little chitlands. Hi!

(All kids)
Hi.

Welcome to
Dee and Dawn's

Famous
Turtle Sanctuary.

One day we'll have
a lot of these turtles.

We're gonna
rescue them,

and they'll be
able to run free
and have fun.

Um, this
is Virgil.

It's Virgil. Yes.

He's my friend.

And Virgil
does a lot of
tricks. Right, Dee?

Right. Yeah.
[mumbles] Kind of.
There you go.

Come on, Virgil.

Wow, look at him.
Come on, Virgil.

He likes you guys.

[Dawn chuckles]

We only have one now,
but we're gonna have a
lot pretty soon [chuckles]

[both chuckle]

Now, turtles
can teach us a lot.

[fart]

[all children laugh]

We already know
how to do that.

[all children laugh]

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