All language subtitles for Are.You.Being.Served.S07E01.The.Junior

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew Download
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian Download
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:04,667 ("Are You Being Served Theme") 2 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,981 ♫ Ground floor for perfumery, stationery, and leather goods 3 00:00:08,981 --> 00:00:11,481 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food 4 00:00:11,481 --> 00:00:13,731 ♫ Going up 5 00:00:17,705 --> 00:00:20,593 ♫ First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits 6 00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:23,162 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes 7 00:00:23,162 --> 00:00:25,255 ♫ Going up ♫ 8 00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:26,385 - [Mr. Lucas] Cheerio Mr. Tebbs! 9 00:00:26,385 --> 00:00:27,273 All the best! 10 00:00:27,273 --> 00:00:29,715 - Don't forget to come back and see us! 11 00:00:29,715 --> 00:00:33,416 Oh I hope he's doing the right thing. 12 00:00:33,416 --> 00:00:35,392 - Well, he could have stayed another five years 13 00:00:35,392 --> 00:00:38,387 but that would only increase his pension by a pound a week. 14 00:00:38,387 --> 00:00:40,149 - Yeah, which at the present going rate would only afford 15 00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:41,244 him three loaves of bread. 16 00:00:41,244 --> 00:00:43,460 - I think he was fat enough already. 17 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:46,283 - Oh look he's left his farewell cake. 18 00:00:46,283 --> 00:00:48,299 - Oh look he's left his teeth marks in it. 19 00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:49,638 (audience laughing) 20 00:00:49,638 --> 00:00:50,653 - Isn't it marvelous? 21 00:00:50,653 --> 00:00:52,240 60 years faithful service, 22 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,154 and the only sign that he's passed this way 23 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,678 are his teeth marks in a bun. 24 00:00:56,678 --> 00:00:58,052 Makes you thinks doesn't it? 25 00:00:58,052 --> 00:00:59,010 - When you go Mr. Humphries, 26 00:00:59,010 --> 00:01:00,283 what do you think you'll leave behind? 27 00:01:00,283 --> 00:01:01,545 - Well, I haven't really thought. 28 00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:03,313 I expect my aftershave will linger 29 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,974 on my bill pad for a couple of sales. 30 00:01:05,974 --> 00:01:07,693 After that nothing. 31 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:10,134 - Oh what a depressing conversation. 32 00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:12,234 - Yes I agree, and it isn't like that. 33 00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:15,234 It isn't just teeth marks in a cake. 34 00:01:15,234 --> 00:01:19,042 Think of all the happy memories he left behind. 35 00:01:19,042 --> 00:01:21,914 - Yes, let's each think of a happy memory. 36 00:01:21,914 --> 00:01:23,539 - Well, what sort of a memory? 37 00:01:23,539 --> 00:01:25,183 - Well, anything that he did 38 00:01:25,183 --> 00:01:27,426 or said that was unforgettable. 39 00:01:27,426 --> 00:01:28,441 - Who? 40 00:01:28,441 --> 00:01:30,460 (audience laughing) 41 00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:32,217 - Mr. Tebb's, the old assistant we've just 42 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,874 given this farewell party for. 43 00:01:33,874 --> 00:01:37,363 - Ah oh him, he never said anything unforgettable. 44 00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:38,645 - Oh, he must have done. 45 00:01:38,645 --> 00:01:40,721 - Well, if he did I'm damned if I can remember it. 46 00:01:40,721 --> 00:01:42,075 (audience laughing) 47 00:01:42,075 --> 00:01:43,442 - I remember something. 48 00:01:43,442 --> 00:01:47,314 - Good, you see when you try it all comes flooding back. 49 00:01:47,314 --> 00:01:48,245 What was it? 50 00:01:48,245 --> 00:01:51,403 - He used to shovel his custard up like a bucket dredger. 51 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,944 (audience laughing) 52 00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:54,011 - Well, that's awful. 53 00:01:54,011 --> 00:01:56,052 - Here, who do you think's gonna get the job? 54 00:01:56,052 --> 00:01:59,824 - Well, names have been mentioned on the sixth floor. 55 00:01:59,824 --> 00:02:00,657 - Whose? 56 00:02:00,657 --> 00:02:02,370 - I'm not at liberty to tell. 57 00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:03,808 - You mean you don't know. 58 00:02:03,808 --> 00:02:05,738 - As senior management of course I know. 59 00:02:05,738 --> 00:02:06,796 - Well, if you don't tell us who it is, 60 00:02:06,796 --> 00:02:09,554 we'll never know whether you knew or not, will we? 61 00:02:09,554 --> 00:02:10,689 - Very well, 62 00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:14,334 but you must treat this as strictly confidential. 63 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,825 They're going to advertise for a new man. 64 00:02:16,825 --> 00:02:18,365 - Well, that's the limit. 65 00:02:18,365 --> 00:02:21,104 I've been here 16 years, man and boy. 66 00:02:21,104 --> 00:02:22,497 Mostly boy. 67 00:02:22,497 --> 00:02:23,737 (audience laughing) 68 00:02:23,737 --> 00:02:25,302 At least you'd think they'd have the courtesy 69 00:02:25,302 --> 00:02:27,403 to pay me the compliment of considering me. 70 00:02:27,403 --> 00:02:28,697 - Yes, instead of casting you aside 71 00:02:28,697 --> 00:02:30,525 like a wrinkled old tomato found 72 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,422 going moldy at the back of the fridge. 73 00:02:32,422 --> 00:02:34,285 - Mr. Lucas, there must be something else 74 00:02:34,285 --> 00:02:36,910 that's cast aside that's more attractive than that. 75 00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:41,057 - Mr. Humphries, the post they're advertising is the junior. 76 00:02:41,057 --> 00:02:43,032 - They can't do that, I'm the junior. 77 00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,292 - Well, Mr. Grace, in his wisdom, has decree 78 00:02:45,292 --> 00:02:47,835 that you will be taking over from Mr. Humphries. 79 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:48,736 - Mr. Humphries? 80 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,841 - Well, where is Mr. Humphries going? 81 00:02:50,841 --> 00:02:54,012 - Mr. Humphries is to be the new senior. 82 00:02:54,012 --> 00:02:54,845 - No. 83 00:02:54,845 --> 00:02:56,099 - Yes. 84 00:02:56,099 --> 00:02:57,061 - You're joking. 85 00:02:57,061 --> 00:02:57,894 - I'm not. 86 00:02:57,894 --> 00:02:59,843 - Cross your heart and hope to die. 87 00:02:59,843 --> 00:03:01,963 - Scout's honor. 88 00:03:01,963 --> 00:03:03,207 (sobbing) 89 00:03:03,207 --> 00:03:05,580 (audience laughing) 90 00:03:05,580 --> 00:03:07,163 - Oh, I'm so happy. 91 00:03:08,607 --> 00:03:11,615 Oh, oh, oh, it's started me leg off. 92 00:03:11,615 --> 00:03:13,229 (audience laughing) 93 00:03:13,229 --> 00:03:14,585 Oh, this hasn't happened to me since 94 00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:16,948 I was a prefect in me primary. 95 00:03:16,948 --> 00:03:18,217 - Is there anything we can do to stop it? 96 00:03:18,217 --> 00:03:20,946 - No, it's all right, it'll turn to hiccups in a minute. 97 00:03:20,946 --> 00:03:21,779 (hiccups) 98 00:03:21,779 --> 00:03:22,612 There, told you. 99 00:03:22,612 --> 00:03:24,191 - Now, what do we do? 100 00:03:24,191 --> 00:03:26,718 - Well, my teacher, Miss Haswell, 101 00:03:26,718 --> 00:03:27,946 she used to get one of the boys 102 00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:30,521 to creep up behind me, and give me a surprise. 103 00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:33,521 (audience laughing) 104 00:03:34,598 --> 00:03:35,757 - Did it work? 105 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,925 - No, but he still writes to me from Capri. 106 00:03:37,925 --> 00:03:40,925 (audience laughing) 107 00:03:42,504 --> 00:03:43,970 - Are they feeling better now? 108 00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,487 - Oh yes, they're much, much better, yes. 109 00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:49,552 You know, it always happens just before a storm. 110 00:03:49,552 --> 00:03:52,265 My brain picks up the electrical vibrations, 111 00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:54,555 and sends a message down to my bunions, 112 00:03:54,555 --> 00:03:56,037 and they start throbbing. 113 00:03:56,037 --> 00:03:57,374 - But it's a lovely day, 114 00:03:57,374 --> 00:03:58,568 the storm was last night. 115 00:03:58,568 --> 00:04:00,446 - Yeah, but it takes a long time to get 116 00:04:00,446 --> 00:04:02,627 a message to any part of my body these days. 117 00:04:02,627 --> 00:04:04,904 (audience laughing) 118 00:04:04,904 --> 00:04:06,282 - Drat! My suspender's gone. 119 00:04:06,282 --> 00:04:08,365 - [Mr. Grace] Oo! Ah! Oh! 120 00:04:09,765 --> 00:04:11,880 - That message got through quickly enough. 121 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,169 - But it didn't have so far to go, did it? 122 00:04:14,169 --> 00:04:17,251 (phone ringing) 123 00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:18,721 - Here you are. 124 00:04:18,721 --> 00:04:19,866 - Hello? 125 00:04:19,866 --> 00:04:21,365 - Rumbold here, sir. 126 00:04:21,365 --> 00:04:23,350 I'm afraid I must have a decision. 127 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,445 You were going to make up your mind 128 00:04:24,445 --> 00:04:26,009 as to whether Mr. Humphries was taking 129 00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:27,787 over as senior salesman. 130 00:04:27,787 --> 00:04:28,744 Now, the question is, 131 00:04:28,744 --> 00:04:30,748 is he or isn't he? 132 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:33,282 - People have been asking me that for years. 133 00:04:33,282 --> 00:04:36,282 (audience laughing) 134 00:04:37,756 --> 00:04:40,365 - Well, I think we should put him on probation. 135 00:04:40,365 --> 00:04:44,200 - I didn't know the case had come up. 136 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,028 Anyway, I can't stop here chatting with you, 137 00:04:46,028 --> 00:04:48,611 I'm in hot water with my nurse. 138 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,763 - Well, what do you think, sir? 139 00:04:51,763 --> 00:04:52,827 - More hot water, sir. 140 00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:54,264 - Yes. 141 00:04:54,264 --> 00:04:55,681 - Thank you, sir. 142 00:04:58,168 --> 00:04:59,835 - Here you are, sir. 143 00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:02,981 I think you'll find that's all right now. 144 00:05:02,981 --> 00:05:04,862 - Yes, would you leave now, Mr. Harman. 145 00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:07,392 I have a meeting to discuss a confidential matter. 146 00:05:07,392 --> 00:05:08,324 - Oh, I see. 147 00:05:08,324 --> 00:05:09,225 Just 'cause I'm a humble member 148 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,703 of the packing and maintenance department, 149 00:05:10,703 --> 00:05:11,762 I'm not suppose to know what 150 00:05:11,762 --> 00:05:13,448 the higher echelon is talking about. 151 00:05:13,448 --> 00:05:14,281 (knocking) 152 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,456 - Well, you could put it like that. 153 00:05:15,456 --> 00:05:16,587 - We're outside, sir. 154 00:05:16,587 --> 00:05:18,336 - People who knock usually are. 155 00:05:18,336 --> 00:05:19,404 Come in. 156 00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:22,404 (audience laughing) 157 00:05:24,607 --> 00:05:26,222 - Seeing as this is a confidential meeting, 158 00:05:26,222 --> 00:05:29,811 I shall wipe from my mind the fact that I have seen you. 159 00:05:29,811 --> 00:05:30,644 I'm sorry. 160 00:05:33,492 --> 00:05:35,587 - Now, I have some news for you regarding 161 00:05:35,587 --> 00:05:37,650 the vacancy on the men's counter. 162 00:05:37,650 --> 00:05:39,919 I have been officially authorized to offer 163 00:05:39,919 --> 00:05:42,086 the post to Mr. Humphries. 164 00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:45,149 - May I be the first to congratulate you, Mr. Humphries? 165 00:05:45,149 --> 00:05:46,029 - Thank you. 166 00:05:46,029 --> 00:05:47,475 - Yes, congratulations, indeed. 167 00:05:47,475 --> 00:05:48,308 - Thank you. 168 00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:50,147 - It's not often a man of your age gets this position. 169 00:05:50,147 --> 00:05:51,993 How does it feel? 170 00:05:51,993 --> 00:05:54,243 (mumbling) 171 00:05:58,876 --> 00:06:01,130 - He's says he's very happy. 172 00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:03,380 (mumbling) 173 00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:07,572 Could he please go and phone his mother? 174 00:06:07,572 --> 00:06:09,822 (mumbling) 175 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:12,662 - What did he say then? 176 00:06:12,662 --> 00:06:14,192 - I don't know. 177 00:06:14,192 --> 00:06:16,101 - I said, is there any more money? 178 00:06:16,101 --> 00:06:18,171 (audience laughing) 179 00:06:18,171 --> 00:06:21,472 - You will receive grade H4-B with increment 180 00:06:21,472 --> 00:06:22,572 and London weighting. 181 00:06:22,572 --> 00:06:23,474 - How much is that? 182 00:06:23,474 --> 00:06:26,115 - Oh, that is between Mr. Humphries and the management, 183 00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:29,151 but I do have the figure written down here. 184 00:06:29,151 --> 00:06:31,306 (sobbing) 185 00:06:31,306 --> 00:06:32,732 (audience laughing) 186 00:06:32,732 --> 00:06:34,957 Now, this will, of course, leave a gap 187 00:06:34,957 --> 00:06:36,314 in the men on the counter. 188 00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,108 And there have been numerous discussions, 189 00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:39,341 at boardroom level, 190 00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:41,570 as to who should takeover Mr. Humphries position. 191 00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,880 It was suggested that we should ask Mr. Humphries 192 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,214 if Mr. Lucas is capable. 193 00:06:46,214 --> 00:06:47,744 The question is, 194 00:06:47,744 --> 00:06:49,270 is he ready for it? 195 00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:50,393 - I'm ready for it. 196 00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:52,515 - We weren't asking you, Mr. Lucas. 197 00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:53,849 - Perhaps it'd be more to the point 198 00:06:53,849 --> 00:06:55,568 if you ask me what I think, 199 00:06:55,568 --> 00:06:56,876 but I don't think he's ready for it. 200 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:58,389 - Capt. Peacock, as senior assistant 201 00:06:58,389 --> 00:07:01,625 I think it's up to me to decide whether he's ready for it. 202 00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:03,506 - I entirely agree with Mr. Humphries. 203 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,339 And I don't want the fact that 204 00:07:04,339 --> 00:07:05,536 I'm Mr. Humphries best friend to influence 205 00:07:05,536 --> 00:07:07,068 him one way or the other. 206 00:07:07,068 --> 00:07:08,369 - You're not, and it won't. 207 00:07:08,369 --> 00:07:10,703 (audience laughing) 208 00:07:10,703 --> 00:07:13,172 - Well, is he ready for it? 209 00:07:13,172 --> 00:07:14,863 - Let me put it this way, 210 00:07:14,863 --> 00:07:16,836 he's as ready as he'll ever be. 211 00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:19,366 I do believe in giving youth a chance. 212 00:07:19,366 --> 00:07:21,575 - Mr. Lucas, you have the post, 213 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,742 and here is your increase. 214 00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:26,094 (sobbing) 215 00:07:26,094 --> 00:07:27,917 (audience laughing) 216 00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:29,760 - A pound is not to be sneezed at. 217 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,997 - May I ask, who will be taking Mr. Lucas's place? 218 00:07:32,997 --> 00:07:35,153 - Ah, we shall advertise in the press 219 00:07:35,153 --> 00:07:39,206 saying that we need a worthy replacement for Mr. Lucas. 220 00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:40,480 - Well, in that case, may I suggest 221 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,777 an advertisement in the agony column of the Beano. 222 00:07:43,777 --> 00:07:44,927 (audience laughing) 223 00:07:44,927 --> 00:07:47,414 (cash register tinging) 224 00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:49,582 - On behalf of the ladies' department, 225 00:07:49,582 --> 00:07:53,507 may I congratulate you on your promotion, Mr. Humphries. 226 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,511 You were always a cut above the rest. 227 00:07:55,511 --> 00:07:56,598 I'm glad you've got on. 228 00:07:56,598 --> 00:07:58,243 - Thank you, Mrs. Slocombe. 229 00:07:58,243 --> 00:08:00,164 You'll forgive me if I don't make a speech. 230 00:08:00,164 --> 00:08:03,182 It's been a very emotional morning. 231 00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:04,841 - It's not over yet, Mr. Humphries. 232 00:08:04,841 --> 00:08:06,703 You have to take your place at the counter, 233 00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,881 in the senior position. 234 00:08:08,881 --> 00:08:09,964 - Here we go. 235 00:08:11,185 --> 00:08:12,874 I feel like a bride walking down the aisle. 236 00:08:12,874 --> 00:08:16,500 (audience laughing) 237 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,018 Oh look, all the floor's worn away 238 00:08:19,018 --> 00:08:21,690 where the seniors have stood. 239 00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,217 - The handing over ceremony, Mr. Harman. 240 00:08:23,217 --> 00:08:24,300 - Your honor. 241 00:08:27,119 --> 00:08:29,452 - Your fitter's pin cushion. 242 00:08:31,141 --> 00:08:33,869 Your chalk for made-to-measure fittings. 243 00:08:33,869 --> 00:08:35,952 And of course, your tape. 244 00:08:37,426 --> 00:08:39,739 Not in the pocket, Mr. Humphries. 245 00:08:39,739 --> 00:08:42,266 The senior assistant is allowed to wear it around his neck. 246 00:08:42,266 --> 00:08:43,872 - Oh. 247 00:08:43,872 --> 00:08:47,357 (audience laughing) 248 00:08:47,357 --> 00:08:49,024 Me leg's gone again. 249 00:08:49,976 --> 00:08:53,851 - Mr. Lucas, you too have a new position to take up. 250 00:08:53,851 --> 00:08:54,851 - Of course. 251 00:08:56,113 --> 00:08:57,990 (audience laughing) 252 00:08:57,990 --> 00:09:01,501 - That's the easiest quid you've ever earned. 253 00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,002 - We expect to have some candidates 254 00:09:03,002 --> 00:09:04,956 for the new post by Thursday. 255 00:09:04,956 --> 00:09:07,204 Mr. Rumbold is most anxious that the new man 256 00:09:07,204 --> 00:09:08,811 should fit into the team, 257 00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:11,080 so he'd like us all to stay behind 258 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,006 after closing time that evening 259 00:09:12,006 --> 00:09:14,034 to interview the applicants. 260 00:09:14,034 --> 00:09:18,201 It's now time for the assistant salesman's tea break. 261 00:09:19,839 --> 00:09:21,318 Where are you going, Mr. Humphries? 262 00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:23,005 - My tea break, Capt. Peacock. 263 00:09:23,005 --> 00:09:24,916 - You're not the assistant, Mr. Humphries. 264 00:09:24,916 --> 00:09:26,660 You're the senior. 265 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:28,219 - When is the senior's tea break? 266 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,654 - An hour ago, you missed it. 267 00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:32,654 (audience laughing) 268 00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:36,277 - Not all roses at the top, is it? 269 00:09:36,277 --> 00:09:39,610 (cash register tinging) 270 00:09:41,426 --> 00:09:42,553 - Now, the candidates are all in my office, 271 00:09:42,553 --> 00:09:45,124 so Mr. Harman if you'll introduce them for us, 272 00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:46,026 we can begin. 273 00:09:46,026 --> 00:09:46,859 - Very good, sir. 274 00:09:46,859 --> 00:09:48,255 Warwick's gonna give me a hand. 275 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,399 You standing by, Warwick? 276 00:09:49,399 --> 00:09:50,805 - I'm standing by. 277 00:09:50,805 --> 00:09:52,241 - Call in Mr. Webster. 278 00:09:52,241 --> 00:09:54,074 - Call in Mr. Webster. 279 00:09:59,658 --> 00:10:02,658 (audience laughing) 280 00:10:11,191 --> 00:10:12,433 - Mr. Rodney Webster. 281 00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:15,016 26 years with Derry & Toms covering haberdashery, 282 00:10:15,016 --> 00:10:16,719 stationery, and notions. 283 00:10:16,719 --> 00:10:18,694 10 years with Pontings in fabrics. 284 00:10:18,694 --> 00:10:21,256 Two years at Gabbages in garden sheds. 285 00:10:21,256 --> 00:10:23,352 Recently working at the Bow Wow pet shop 286 00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:25,880 Tooting Broadway, temporarily unemployed. 287 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,120 (audience laughing) 288 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,258 - Mr. Webster, how old are you? 289 00:10:30,258 --> 00:10:31,374 - Eh? 290 00:10:31,374 --> 00:10:32,855 (audience laughing) 291 00:10:32,855 --> 00:10:34,798 - How old are you? 292 00:10:34,798 --> 00:10:35,631 - 48. 293 00:10:36,584 --> 00:10:40,099 (audience laughing) 294 00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:44,620 - And why did you leave your position at the pet shop? 295 00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:47,568 - I was savaged by a hamster. 296 00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,910 (audience laughing) 297 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:53,030 - You do look rather delicate, Mr. Webster. 298 00:10:53,030 --> 00:10:55,498 Do you think you're up to an eight-hour day? 299 00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:57,980 - You can't sit down, you know. 300 00:10:57,980 --> 00:11:00,838 - This is the first time I've sat down 301 00:11:00,838 --> 00:11:03,838 since I was savaged by that hamster. 302 00:11:04,757 --> 00:11:07,388 - How's your product knowledge? 303 00:11:07,388 --> 00:11:08,962 - What's that? 304 00:11:08,962 --> 00:11:10,578 - Well, can you tell me how 305 00:11:10,578 --> 00:11:12,996 the following differ one from another. 306 00:11:12,996 --> 00:11:15,746 Nylon, Orlon, Ban-Lon, and Tygon. 307 00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:21,690 - I haven't got the job, have I? 308 00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:23,858 (audience laughing) 309 00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:26,468 - Well, we do have one or two more people to see. 310 00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,790 - Well, how shall we leave it then? 311 00:11:28,790 --> 00:11:30,953 - We'll let you know. 312 00:11:30,953 --> 00:11:33,373 - Oh, God bless you, sir. 313 00:11:33,373 --> 00:11:35,782 Thank you very much. 314 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:39,282 I live in a packing case in Covent Garden. 315 00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:44,404 You can't miss it, it's got bananas written over it. 316 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:48,154 Oh yes, and it's the only one with a chimney. 317 00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:53,392 (audience clapping) 318 00:11:54,612 --> 00:11:56,956 - That could be any one of us. 319 00:11:56,956 --> 00:11:59,131 - After all those years at Derry & Toms, 320 00:11:59,131 --> 00:12:01,139 to be reduced to that. 321 00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:02,762 - Oh, go after him Mr. Harman, 322 00:12:02,762 --> 00:12:05,720 and see if he'd like a cup of tea in the canteen. 323 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,021 - He's been here since three o'clock. 324 00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:08,676 He's had four shepherd's pies, 325 00:12:08,676 --> 00:12:11,471 15 cups of tea, and an apple crumble. 326 00:12:11,471 --> 00:12:13,074 Then, he did a song and dance with spoons, 327 00:12:13,074 --> 00:12:14,237 and collected six quid. 328 00:12:14,237 --> 00:12:16,154 So, I reckon he's okay. 329 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,588 - Well, next please. 330 00:12:18,588 --> 00:12:19,421 - Very good. 331 00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:20,836 Call in Mr. Beauchamp. 332 00:12:20,836 --> 00:12:22,836 - Call in Mr. Beauchamp. 333 00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:27,130 (audience laughing) 334 00:12:29,976 --> 00:12:31,990 - Mr. Beauchamp has been employed by the following firms-- 335 00:12:31,990 --> 00:12:34,065 - It's pronounced Beecham. 336 00:12:34,065 --> 00:12:35,301 - Oh, sorry. 337 00:12:35,301 --> 00:12:37,211 - Yes, and I'll give you a resume of my career myself, 338 00:12:37,211 --> 00:12:38,278 if you don't mind. 339 00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:41,968 Well now, I've worked in simply oodles of shops, 340 00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:43,405 mostly continental. 341 00:12:43,405 --> 00:12:45,140 (audience laughing) 342 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:48,061 Including Fashion Designs of Woking, 343 00:12:48,061 --> 00:12:48,978 And then... 344 00:12:50,411 --> 00:12:53,126 then, I was at Maison Jacques of St. Albans 345 00:12:53,126 --> 00:12:55,715 for five ghastly years. 346 00:12:55,715 --> 00:12:59,548 And then, Boutique Bon Marche at Bognor Regis. 347 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:01,866 How brown we got. 348 00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:04,073 But I think I reached my peak at Harrod's 349 00:13:04,073 --> 00:13:05,526 in men's undies. 350 00:13:05,526 --> 00:13:06,793 Oh what bliss. 351 00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:10,412 The lights, the music, the security cameras, 352 00:13:10,412 --> 00:13:11,924 the tycoons with their cigars, 353 00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:15,008 the bargaining Arabs jostling with each other joyfully. 354 00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:17,323 Oh what a cosmopolitan colorful world. 355 00:13:17,323 --> 00:13:19,680 Well, I was loathed to leave it. 356 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,816 - Well, you won't find anything like that at Grace Brothers. 357 00:13:21,816 --> 00:13:23,622 Thank you, we'll let you know. 358 00:13:23,622 --> 00:13:26,622 (audience laughing) 359 00:13:28,077 --> 00:13:29,214 - I see. 360 00:13:29,214 --> 00:13:30,934 Thank you very much, indeed. 361 00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:33,934 (audience clapping) 362 00:13:39,363 --> 00:13:41,165 - Why did you get rid of him so quickly? 363 00:13:41,165 --> 00:13:43,242 - Well, we don't want people like that here. 364 00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:46,242 (audience laughing) 365 00:13:48,821 --> 00:13:50,483 - Can we have the next one, please? 366 00:13:50,483 --> 00:13:51,623 - There isn't a next. 367 00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:52,623 That was it. 368 00:13:53,785 --> 00:13:56,123 - But there were half a dozen candidates in my office. 369 00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:57,430 - Yeah, well unfortunately, 370 00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:58,740 one of them went through your drawers, 371 00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:00,824 and found your pay slip. 372 00:14:00,824 --> 00:14:02,474 And they reckon if that's how much you got, 373 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:04,257 they'd be on starvation level. 374 00:14:04,257 --> 00:14:05,772 So, they hopped it. 375 00:14:05,772 --> 00:14:08,613 - But all the ones we saw was too old for a junior. 376 00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:11,416 - Yes, well we didn't put junior in the advertisement. 377 00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:13,975 You see the word junior would've cost another four pounds, 378 00:14:13,975 --> 00:14:16,273 and young Mr. Grace has to draw the line somewhere. 379 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,904 - Oh well, we can all go home then, can't we. 380 00:14:17,904 --> 00:14:20,921 (elevator bell chimes) 381 00:14:20,921 --> 00:14:22,220 - I'm not too late, am I? 382 00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:23,530 - Well, it depends what you've come for. 383 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,669 - I've come to fulfill the vacancy, 384 00:14:26,669 --> 00:14:29,324 in reply to the advertisement. 385 00:14:29,324 --> 00:14:32,970 Oh, I see you've got plenty of applicants here already. 386 00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:34,701 (audience laughing) 387 00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:36,329 - I beg your pardon. 388 00:14:36,329 --> 00:14:37,746 We are the staff. 389 00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:40,973 - What a mistake to make. 390 00:14:40,973 --> 00:14:43,335 Before I've even started. 391 00:14:43,335 --> 00:14:44,168 Shall I go? 392 00:14:44,168 --> 00:14:45,439 - No, no, no, no, of course not. 393 00:14:45,439 --> 00:14:46,742 Please take a seat. 394 00:14:46,742 --> 00:14:47,957 - Thank you. 395 00:14:47,957 --> 00:14:51,141 - That is our senior saleslady, Mrs. Slocombe. 396 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,057 - Oh, charming. 397 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,888 It's an honor to meet you. 398 00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:55,675 - Miss Brahms, her junior. 399 00:14:55,675 --> 00:14:57,173 - Her assistant. 400 00:14:57,173 --> 00:14:58,483 - Delightful. 401 00:14:58,483 --> 00:14:59,355 - Mr. Lucas. 402 00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:00,419 - Senior assistant. 403 00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:02,001 - Smart young man. 404 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:05,109 - And Mr. Humphries, head of the men's department. 405 00:15:05,109 --> 00:15:07,026 - So high up, so young. 406 00:15:07,884 --> 00:15:09,471 - So far, so good. 407 00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:12,110 (audience laughing) 408 00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:13,458 - Finally, our floorwalker-- 409 00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:15,344 - Don't tell me. 410 00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:17,251 I know that face. 411 00:15:17,251 --> 00:15:19,718 I'm going back 35 years. 412 00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:21,135 I'm at Catterick. 413 00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,441 I walk into a Nissen hut, 414 00:15:23,441 --> 00:15:24,850 and there you are 415 00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:29,017 standing on your bed in your shirttails with you hat on. 416 00:15:30,717 --> 00:15:31,703 I've got it. 417 00:15:31,703 --> 00:15:32,536 I've got it. 418 00:15:32,536 --> 00:15:34,084 Cpl. Peacock. 419 00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:37,560 (audience laughing) 420 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,560 (audience clapping) 421 00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:47,083 - It was you, wasn't it? 422 00:15:48,944 --> 00:15:51,402 - I was at Catterick in my early days. 423 00:15:51,402 --> 00:15:55,110 Yes, and I was a corporal for a few weeks. 424 00:15:55,110 --> 00:15:56,273 - A few weeks? 425 00:15:56,273 --> 00:15:58,045 When we went to Egypt together, 426 00:15:58,045 --> 00:15:59,731 you were still a corporal. 427 00:15:59,731 --> 00:16:02,380 We both got a cushy job in the cookhouse. 428 00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:04,326 Is it coming back now? 429 00:16:04,326 --> 00:16:06,050 - I think it's going further away. 430 00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:07,517 (audience laughing) 431 00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:08,666 - You remember me? 432 00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,591 Harry Goldberg. 433 00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:11,829 - I have no recollection of ever 434 00:16:11,829 --> 00:16:14,370 seeing you in my life before. 435 00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:16,016 - Oh. 436 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,183 Oh, I'm sorry. 437 00:16:20,530 --> 00:16:23,326 The memory does play funny tricks. 438 00:16:23,326 --> 00:16:25,463 It was a long time ago. 439 00:16:25,463 --> 00:16:27,668 I've obviously made a mistake. 440 00:16:27,668 --> 00:16:29,680 - This gentleman is Capt.Peacock 441 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:33,156 who actually fought hand-to-hand with Rommel's army. 442 00:16:33,156 --> 00:16:33,989 - Oh. 443 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,726 We always wondered what he did in his spare time. 444 00:16:38,726 --> 00:16:40,781 (audience laughing) 445 00:16:40,781 --> 00:16:42,715 Capt. Peacock is it? 446 00:16:42,715 --> 00:16:43,920 Yeah. 447 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,397 No, no, this one could never have become a captain. 448 00:16:48,397 --> 00:16:49,841 No, no, no, no. 449 00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,142 Couldn't have been you, sir. 450 00:16:51,142 --> 00:16:52,770 I'm sorry. 451 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:54,302 - Well, now we've got that sorted out, 452 00:16:54,302 --> 00:16:55,923 can we get on? 453 00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:57,270 I've got to get home. 454 00:16:57,270 --> 00:17:00,313 If my pussy isn't attended to by eight o'clock, 455 00:17:00,313 --> 00:17:04,269 I shall be stroking it for the rest of the evening. 456 00:17:04,269 --> 00:17:06,153 - Have I come at an awkward moment? 457 00:17:06,153 --> 00:17:07,093 - No, indeed not. 458 00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,474 You're the last candidate. 459 00:17:08,474 --> 00:17:11,004 Perhaps we could hear your qualifications. 460 00:17:11,004 --> 00:17:13,132 - Well, I've had a lot of experience 461 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:15,412 in the retail and clothing trade. 462 00:17:15,412 --> 00:17:17,278 I'm a qualified cutter and a fitter. 463 00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:19,853 And I had my own establishment for some years. 464 00:17:19,853 --> 00:17:21,441 - Oh, why did you give it up? 465 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,806 - Perhaps the wheels fell off his barrow. 466 00:17:23,806 --> 00:17:26,602 (audience laughing) 467 00:17:26,602 --> 00:17:28,852 - Oh, great sense of humor. 468 00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:32,013 Should I be lucky enough to get the job, 469 00:17:32,013 --> 00:17:35,023 I shall enjoy working here. 470 00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:36,584 - So, you had your own place. 471 00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:37,548 Would we know it? 472 00:17:37,548 --> 00:17:38,749 - Well, I doubt it. 473 00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:41,684 It was over a fish and chip shop in Bermondsey. 474 00:17:41,684 --> 00:17:44,772 Mind you, everyone knew my suits. 475 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,668 - By the aroma of fish and chips? 476 00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:49,378 - No, by the cut. 477 00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:51,087 - Yes, but if it was so successful, 478 00:17:51,087 --> 00:17:53,334 why did you give it up? 479 00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,794 - The fat caught fire. 480 00:17:55,794 --> 00:17:58,027 There was a conflagration taking 481 00:17:58,027 --> 00:17:59,659 the whole of my stock with it. 482 00:17:59,659 --> 00:18:00,492 I was ruined. 483 00:18:00,492 --> 00:18:02,680 - Oh, when did this happen? 484 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:03,901 - Yesterday. 485 00:18:03,901 --> 00:18:05,726 (audience laughing) 486 00:18:05,726 --> 00:18:07,189 - I'm afraid that we omitted to put 487 00:18:07,189 --> 00:18:08,612 in our advertisement that the post 488 00:18:08,612 --> 00:18:10,708 on offer was that of a junior. 489 00:18:10,708 --> 00:18:11,933 - Junior, senior. 490 00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:15,943 I mean, it's such beautiful surroundings here, 491 00:18:15,943 --> 00:18:18,349 and to work among such nice people 492 00:18:18,349 --> 00:18:20,017 would be a privilege. 493 00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:22,100 - And that is the salary. 494 00:18:25,383 --> 00:18:28,028 (audience laughing) 495 00:18:28,028 --> 00:18:28,861 - A day? 496 00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:32,434 - A week. 497 00:18:32,434 --> 00:18:36,616 - Are you working for an award for fighting inflation? 498 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,962 - On top of that you do get commission. 499 00:18:38,962 --> 00:18:41,688 - And of course, it is regular. 500 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:45,107 And there are holidays, and a pension. 501 00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:46,238 - I'll take it. 502 00:18:46,238 --> 00:18:49,377 Should I be lucky enough to secure the appointment. 503 00:18:49,377 --> 00:18:50,709 - Well, if you leave your address, 504 00:18:50,709 --> 00:18:51,542 we'll let you know. 505 00:18:51,542 --> 00:18:53,228 - Oh, I have my card. 506 00:18:53,228 --> 00:18:54,061 - Oh. 507 00:18:54,061 --> 00:18:55,105 - Here we are. 508 00:18:55,105 --> 00:18:58,427 Fortunately, the letterbox is still standing. 509 00:18:58,427 --> 00:18:59,554 Good evening, everybody. 510 00:18:59,554 --> 00:19:01,221 Thank you very much. 511 00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:06,510 I'm sorry I mistook you for someone I spent four years with, 512 00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:07,952 sleeping in the same tent, 513 00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:09,270 eating the same food, 514 00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:11,187 doing the same jankers. 515 00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:15,152 Strange the tricks the mind can play. 516 00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:19,910 (audience clapping) 517 00:19:27,815 --> 00:19:30,456 - Of course, I think he's totally unsuitable. 518 00:19:30,456 --> 00:19:32,998 - It's the best we've seen so far. 519 00:19:32,998 --> 00:19:34,724 - I preferred Mr. Beauchamp. 520 00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:35,844 - You didn't, did you Mr. Humphries? 521 00:19:35,844 --> 00:19:37,928 - I most certainly did not, Mr. Lucas. 522 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,493 - Of course, it's just a personal dislike 523 00:19:39,493 --> 00:19:40,938 on Mr. Humphries part. 524 00:19:40,938 --> 00:19:42,496 Let's have a show of hands. 525 00:19:42,496 --> 00:19:45,667 Those in favor of Mr. Beauchamp. 526 00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:46,500 - Against? 527 00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,837 I'm afraid the nos have it. 528 00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:52,740 - I must say my heart went out to that 529 00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:56,226 charming old gentleman who came in first. 530 00:19:56,226 --> 00:19:57,318 - What, the one who's dossing down 531 00:19:57,318 --> 00:19:59,280 in a packing case in Covent Garden? 532 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,835 - I have never thought that a man's background 533 00:20:00,835 --> 00:20:02,468 should be held against him. 534 00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,458 I mean, he was willing. 535 00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:04,477 He had a nice smile. 536 00:20:04,477 --> 00:20:05,747 He was courteous. 537 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,740 - And he wasn't in the army. 538 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:10,309 - That has nothing to do with it. 539 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,221 - Oh well in that case, 540 00:20:11,221 --> 00:20:14,062 let's pick the last one and go home. 541 00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:15,717 - All those in favor? 542 00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:17,281 - Carried unanimously. 543 00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:19,442 - Except for Cpl. Peacock. 544 00:20:19,442 --> 00:20:22,961 (audience laughing) 545 00:20:22,961 --> 00:20:26,275 (cash register tinging) 546 00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:28,171 - [Cleaning Woman] Good morning, Capt. Peacock. 547 00:20:28,171 --> 00:20:31,647 - I know nothing that's good about Monday morning. 548 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,806 - Here, I've heard you've got a new junior. 549 00:20:34,806 --> 00:20:37,652 Is he tall, dark, handsome, and sexy? 550 00:20:37,652 --> 00:20:41,621 - No, he's shortish, stoutish, and grayish. 551 00:20:41,621 --> 00:20:43,362 - Just my type. 552 00:20:43,362 --> 00:20:45,250 Kind of think of anything's my type. 553 00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:46,371 (audience laughing) 554 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,891 Even you. 555 00:20:47,891 --> 00:20:49,316 (laughs) 556 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,212 - Good morning, Ethel. 557 00:20:51,212 --> 00:20:52,152 - [Capt. Peacock] Good morning, ladies. 558 00:20:52,152 --> 00:20:53,822 - Good morning, Capt. Peacock. 559 00:20:53,822 --> 00:20:55,363 - Morning, corporal. 560 00:20:55,363 --> 00:20:58,374 (audience laughing) 561 00:20:58,374 --> 00:21:02,296 - Miss Brahms, let's nip this in the bud right now. 562 00:21:02,296 --> 00:21:04,027 That man was mistaken. 563 00:21:04,027 --> 00:21:06,113 My title is Capt. Peacock. 564 00:21:06,113 --> 00:21:09,214 And as junior, you will continue to address me as such. 565 00:21:09,214 --> 00:21:10,858 Now, sign the book, and get to your counter. 566 00:21:10,858 --> 00:21:12,108 - Yes, captain. 567 00:21:14,820 --> 00:21:16,804 - You were quite right to admonish her. 568 00:21:16,804 --> 00:21:19,392 She gets far too familiar. 569 00:21:19,392 --> 00:21:21,735 Strictly between you and me, 570 00:21:21,735 --> 00:21:25,800 were you in the army with Mr. Goldberg? 571 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,657 - It was 35 years ago, Mrs. Slocombe. 572 00:21:28,657 --> 00:21:30,165 Can you remember who you worked with 573 00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,156 at Lyons when you were a nippy? 574 00:21:32,156 --> 00:21:35,109 (audience laughing) 575 00:21:35,109 --> 00:21:39,951 - You promised you'd never mention that to a living soul. 576 00:21:39,951 --> 00:21:41,943 Anyway, it was only four weeks, 577 00:21:41,943 --> 00:21:43,328 and I was very hard up. 578 00:21:43,328 --> 00:21:45,495 And it was a corner house. 579 00:21:46,363 --> 00:21:49,245 - What's a nippy, Mrs. Slocombe? 580 00:21:49,245 --> 00:21:50,945 (elevator bell chimes) 581 00:21:50,945 --> 00:21:52,503 - Oh, good morning, Mr. Lucas. 582 00:21:52,503 --> 00:21:53,522 - Good morning, corp 583 00:21:53,522 --> 00:21:55,315 Capt. Peacock. 584 00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,185 - I'm glad to see that your new responsibility 585 00:21:57,185 --> 00:21:58,982 has encouraged you to come in on time. 586 00:21:58,982 --> 00:22:00,505 - Yes, well with the extra pound a week I'm gettin', 587 00:22:00,505 --> 00:22:01,888 I can now afford to come on the bus 588 00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:03,124 instead of hitchhiking. 589 00:22:03,124 --> 00:22:04,611 (elevator bell chimes) 590 00:22:04,611 --> 00:22:05,664 - Morning, all. 591 00:22:05,664 --> 00:22:07,682 - [Capt. Peacock] Good morning, Mr. Humphries. 592 00:22:07,682 --> 00:22:10,078 (audience clapping) 593 00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:12,090 - Blimey, he's taking it seriously. 594 00:22:12,090 --> 00:22:14,599 He's got his senior assistant's homburg. 595 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:16,387 That must've set him back a bit. 596 00:22:16,387 --> 00:22:19,090 - You look very smart, Mr. Humphries. 597 00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:20,607 - Thank you, Mrs. Slocombe. 598 00:22:20,607 --> 00:22:21,979 As a matter of fact, my mother burst 599 00:22:21,979 --> 00:22:24,273 into tears on the doorstep this morning. 600 00:22:24,273 --> 00:22:27,167 - Oh, I expect that was because she was so proud of you. 601 00:22:27,167 --> 00:22:28,744 - Yes, coupled with the fact that 602 00:22:28,744 --> 00:22:31,563 I spent the milk money on a new hat. 603 00:22:31,563 --> 00:22:32,998 - Morning, everybody. 604 00:22:32,998 --> 00:22:34,414 - [Capt. Peacock] Good morning, Mr. Goldberg. 605 00:22:34,414 --> 00:22:35,745 - My first day. 606 00:22:35,745 --> 00:22:37,513 It's very exciting for me. 607 00:22:37,513 --> 00:22:38,971 Where should I put my coat? 608 00:22:38,971 --> 00:22:40,941 - The junior's peg. It's through that passage. 609 00:22:40,941 --> 00:22:41,774 - Thank you. 610 00:22:41,774 --> 00:22:42,655 - Here, I'll take it for you, Mr. Goldberg. 611 00:22:42,655 --> 00:22:43,632 - Call me Harry. 612 00:22:43,632 --> 00:22:46,278 - No, call him Mr. Goldberg. 613 00:22:46,278 --> 00:22:48,373 At Grace Brothers we're only on first name terms 614 00:22:48,373 --> 00:22:50,703 outside working hours. 615 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,909 And then, only after a long association. 616 00:22:52,909 --> 00:22:54,246 - That's quite correct. 617 00:22:54,246 --> 00:22:55,125 That's class. 618 00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,189 Style. 619 00:22:56,189 --> 00:22:57,662 That's how a beautiful store like this 620 00:22:57,662 --> 00:23:00,156 gets its reputation. 621 00:23:00,156 --> 00:23:01,426 Where do I stand? 622 00:23:01,426 --> 00:23:02,481 - You don't. 623 00:23:02,481 --> 00:23:03,936 You sign the book first. 624 00:23:03,936 --> 00:23:06,161 You'll find a tape, and a bill pad, in your drawer. 625 00:23:06,161 --> 00:23:08,643 You will not, however, wear the tape round your neck. 626 00:23:08,643 --> 00:23:11,019 Only Mr. Humphries is allowed that privilege. 627 00:23:11,019 --> 00:23:13,908 Mr. Humphries and Mr. Lucas will explain your duties to you. 628 00:23:13,908 --> 00:23:15,333 I have to go and see Mr. Rumbold. 629 00:23:15,333 --> 00:23:17,520 (bell ringing) 630 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,078 Ah, that's the opening bell. 631 00:23:19,078 --> 00:23:20,570 - Oh, thank heavens. 632 00:23:20,570 --> 00:23:23,324 I thought it was the fat caught alight again. 633 00:23:23,324 --> 00:23:24,675 (audience laughing) 634 00:23:24,675 --> 00:23:25,542 - Stations everyone. 635 00:23:25,542 --> 00:23:27,959 The public will be coming in. 636 00:23:29,698 --> 00:23:32,063 - He's a right tarter, isn't he? 637 00:23:32,063 --> 00:23:35,230 Mind you, so was the man who he isn't. 638 00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:37,994 - It's what authority does to people. 639 00:23:37,994 --> 00:23:39,617 - Yes, well it's not going to do it to me. 640 00:23:39,617 --> 00:23:42,820 I am going to stay the same kind, understanding 641 00:23:42,820 --> 00:23:44,629 I've never seen anything so disgraceful 642 00:23:44,629 --> 00:23:46,525 as that glove drawer, Mr. Lucas. 643 00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:48,238 Get it tidied up at once. 644 00:23:48,238 --> 00:23:49,857 - Well, I was just totalling my month's figures. 645 00:23:49,857 --> 00:23:51,623 - Well, you should've done that last week. 646 00:23:51,623 --> 00:23:53,186 - The battery on my calculator went. 647 00:23:53,186 --> 00:23:56,223 - Mr. Lucas, Mr. Lucas please, would you allow me? 648 00:23:56,223 --> 00:23:57,378 - Oh, thanks very much. 649 00:23:57,378 --> 00:23:58,346 - Thank you very much. 650 00:23:58,346 --> 00:23:59,429 There we are. 651 00:24:01,428 --> 00:24:04,602 (speaking in gibberish) 652 00:24:04,602 --> 00:24:07,602 (audience laughing) 653 00:24:15,728 --> 00:24:17,413 There we are. 654 00:24:17,413 --> 00:24:18,702 You see, simple. 655 00:24:18,702 --> 00:24:21,035 Now, I'll tidy your drawers, 656 00:24:22,832 --> 00:24:24,222 if you show me my duties. 657 00:24:24,222 --> 00:24:25,071 - There's just one thing, 658 00:24:25,071 --> 00:24:27,005 as far as the commission is concerned, 659 00:24:27,005 --> 00:24:29,156 that's calculated on our individual sales 660 00:24:29,156 --> 00:24:30,759 at the end of the week. 661 00:24:30,759 --> 00:24:32,370 So therefore, when the customers come in, 662 00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:33,382 I get first crack, 663 00:24:33,382 --> 00:24:34,551 Mr. Lucas goes second, 664 00:24:34,551 --> 00:24:35,485 and you go third. 665 00:24:35,485 --> 00:24:37,004 - Suppose they ask for me personally? 666 00:24:37,004 --> 00:24:39,753 - That won't arise until you've built up a clientele. 667 00:24:39,753 --> 00:24:42,131 - But wouldn't you rather split the commission 668 00:24:42,131 --> 00:24:43,851 three ways at the end of the week? 669 00:24:43,851 --> 00:24:44,837 - No thank you, no. 670 00:24:44,837 --> 00:24:45,994 This is the way we've always done it, 671 00:24:45,994 --> 00:24:47,337 and this is the way we're going to carry on. 672 00:24:47,337 --> 00:24:48,170 Right Mr. Lucas? 673 00:24:48,170 --> 00:24:49,401 - Entirely, Mr. Humphries. 674 00:24:49,401 --> 00:24:50,811 - So be it. 675 00:24:50,811 --> 00:24:51,644 (elevator bell chimes) 676 00:24:51,644 --> 00:24:54,148 (men yelling) 677 00:24:54,148 --> 00:24:57,148 (audience laughing) 678 00:25:00,534 --> 00:25:02,721 - Nice place, you're coming on in the world. 679 00:25:02,721 --> 00:25:04,878 - Beautiful merchandise, Harry. 680 00:25:04,878 --> 00:25:05,982 Classy material. 681 00:25:05,982 --> 00:25:07,261 - Competitive prices an' all, eh? 682 00:25:07,261 --> 00:25:10,207 Here, do you take 5% off of cash? 683 00:25:10,207 --> 00:25:11,152 - 5%? 684 00:25:11,152 --> 00:25:12,263 Here, none of that, no. 685 00:25:12,263 --> 00:25:13,964 This is strictly on the level. 686 00:25:13,964 --> 00:25:15,565 No discount. 687 00:25:15,565 --> 00:25:17,144 - Here, I heard about the fire. 688 00:25:17,144 --> 00:25:19,789 - Hey, I thought the fire wasn't until next week. 689 00:25:19,789 --> 00:25:21,056 - I brought it forward. 690 00:25:21,056 --> 00:25:22,139 - Oh. 691 00:25:22,139 --> 00:25:23,456 (audience laughing) 692 00:25:23,456 --> 00:25:25,030 - I'll have this vicuna coat. 693 00:25:25,030 --> 00:25:26,768 - That's 500 pounds. 694 00:25:26,768 --> 00:25:28,653 - Hey Harry, have you got six of these 695 00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:30,260 silk shirts in my size? 696 00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:32,731 - That makes it 650. 697 00:25:32,731 --> 00:25:34,479 - That's a classy suit. 698 00:25:34,479 --> 00:25:35,751 Just what I'm looking for. 699 00:25:35,751 --> 00:25:37,351 - That's 800 pounds. 700 00:25:37,351 --> 00:25:39,989 - Harry, I'd like a crocodile briefcase 701 00:25:39,989 --> 00:25:41,880 with matching shoes in black. 702 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,013 I'm going to a funeral. 703 00:25:43,013 --> 00:25:44,135 - Hey, that's 1200 quid. 704 00:25:44,135 --> 00:25:45,187 Think of the commission. 705 00:25:45,187 --> 00:25:46,020 - Think of his commission. 706 00:25:46,020 --> 00:25:47,460 Can we be of any assistance? 707 00:25:47,460 --> 00:25:48,833 - Start wrapping these things up 708 00:25:48,833 --> 00:25:51,016 before the Hackney mob get in. 709 00:25:51,016 --> 00:25:53,620 Now, you'll need some cuff links to go with those shirts. 710 00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:56,727 Put some cuff links with these shirts. 711 00:25:56,727 --> 00:25:58,954 And some socks, you'll need some socks 712 00:25:58,954 --> 00:26:00,722 to go with that suit. 713 00:26:00,722 --> 00:26:02,474 It's a very unusual color. 714 00:26:02,474 --> 00:26:03,997 Socks, Mr. Lucas. 715 00:26:03,997 --> 00:26:05,043 - How many? 716 00:26:05,043 --> 00:26:06,395 - How many? Two. 717 00:26:06,395 --> 00:26:08,106 How many does a person wear? 718 00:26:08,106 --> 00:26:11,439 (cash register tinging) 719 00:26:13,695 --> 00:26:15,700 - The figures have been very good, Rumbold. 720 00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,225 - They have, indeed, sir. 721 00:26:17,225 --> 00:26:19,008 Best week of the year. 722 00:26:19,008 --> 00:26:20,646 Of course this is partly due to the presence 723 00:26:20,646 --> 00:26:22,658 of our new counter hand. 724 00:26:22,658 --> 00:26:24,809 - Well, what about giving him a nice rise? 725 00:26:24,809 --> 00:26:26,976 Say, seven and six a week? 726 00:26:29,342 --> 00:26:31,064 - We'll have to do rather more than that, sir. 727 00:26:31,064 --> 00:26:33,531 In fact, he wants more money than our senior salesman, 728 00:26:33,531 --> 00:26:35,031 otherwise we're going to lose him. 729 00:26:35,031 --> 00:26:37,111 - Well, pay him. 730 00:26:37,111 --> 00:26:38,466 - Well, if I do that, sir. 731 00:26:38,466 --> 00:26:41,633 Capt. Peacock has threatened to lead a walkout. 732 00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:44,050 - Well, sort it out, Rumbold. 733 00:26:45,617 --> 00:26:48,365 (knocking) 734 00:26:48,365 --> 00:26:49,198 - Enter. 735 00:26:50,401 --> 00:26:52,976 - May we see you for a moment, Mr. Rumbold? 736 00:26:52,976 --> 00:26:54,560 - Certainly, what's the trouble? 737 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,698 - We just want to make it absolutely clear 738 00:26:56,698 --> 00:27:01,625 that we have no intention of walking out with Capt. Peacock. 739 00:27:01,625 --> 00:27:04,639 And I an unanimous in that. 740 00:27:04,639 --> 00:27:06,328 We like Mr. Goldberg. 741 00:27:06,328 --> 00:27:08,670 - Yeah, he's taking her to the pictures tonight. 742 00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:09,503 - Shut up. 743 00:27:11,626 --> 00:27:13,318 - But if I pay him the money he's asking, 744 00:27:13,318 --> 00:27:15,269 I'll have to make him senior salesman. 745 00:27:15,269 --> 00:27:16,331 - Well, I don't mind that. 746 00:27:16,331 --> 00:27:19,024 At his age, he ought to be senior salesman. 747 00:27:19,024 --> 00:27:22,526 Besides, I don't think I'm temperamentally suited for it. 748 00:27:22,526 --> 00:27:24,961 You know, I haven't slept for a week? 749 00:27:24,961 --> 00:27:27,461 I'm getting silver threads amongst the gold. 750 00:27:27,461 --> 00:27:28,672 (audience laughing) 751 00:27:28,672 --> 00:27:30,179 - We don't mind going back to our old wages, 752 00:27:30,179 --> 00:27:31,901 'cause he's sharing his commission with us. 753 00:27:31,901 --> 00:27:33,796 - But I can't promote Mr. Goldberg 754 00:27:33,796 --> 00:27:36,044 without the consent of Capt. Peacock. 755 00:27:36,044 --> 00:27:40,211 - Well, Mr. Goldberg says he might be able to arrange that. 756 00:27:43,317 --> 00:27:46,032 - I understand you won't be with us next week, Mr. Goldberg. 757 00:27:46,032 --> 00:27:47,349 Very regrettable. 758 00:27:47,349 --> 00:27:50,093 - Yes, well I would like to have stayed, 759 00:27:50,093 --> 00:27:52,734 but I gather there was some very 760 00:27:52,734 --> 00:27:56,261 strong opposition from a senior executive. 761 00:27:56,261 --> 00:27:57,825 - Indeed what a pity. 762 00:27:57,825 --> 00:27:59,851 - Yes, so I thought well I'd like to leave 763 00:27:59,851 --> 00:28:03,518 a little memento of me to the staff. 764 00:28:03,518 --> 00:28:06,631 And I was looking in an old scrapbook. 765 00:28:06,631 --> 00:28:09,260 And would you believe it, I found... 766 00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:12,415 I found this photo of me with that corporal 767 00:28:12,415 --> 00:28:14,840 I so foolishly thought was you. 768 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:15,964 - Oh yes? 769 00:28:15,964 --> 00:28:17,082 - Yeah, yeah. 770 00:28:17,082 --> 00:28:18,451 It's very interesting. 771 00:28:18,451 --> 00:28:22,618 In fact, if you looked at it through this magnifying glass 772 00:28:24,024 --> 00:28:27,377 you'll see that on Cpl. Peacock's 773 00:28:27,377 --> 00:28:31,377 right arm there's a motto, and it says a tattoo, 774 00:28:33,115 --> 00:28:36,032 and it says, death before dishonor. 775 00:28:40,340 --> 00:28:42,495 Tattoo marks are very difficult 776 00:28:42,495 --> 00:28:44,610 to get rid of Capt. Peacock. 777 00:28:44,610 --> 00:28:46,187 - Practically impossible. 778 00:28:46,187 --> 00:28:50,354 - Yes, so I thought the staff would like to have this photo, 779 00:28:52,156 --> 00:28:52,989 if I go. 780 00:28:54,284 --> 00:28:57,284 (audience laughing) 781 00:28:59,415 --> 00:29:00,582 Should I stay, 782 00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:07,357 I would like you to have it. 783 00:29:07,357 --> 00:29:08,916 - Capt. Peacock, 784 00:29:08,916 --> 00:29:10,248 may we have a word with you? 785 00:29:10,248 --> 00:29:11,923 It's about Mr. Goldberg. 786 00:29:11,923 --> 00:29:14,914 - Ah yes, well I've just been having 787 00:29:14,914 --> 00:29:16,508 a little tete a tete with him, 788 00:29:16,508 --> 00:29:19,798 and I think it would be to the advantage of us all 789 00:29:19,798 --> 00:29:21,682 if he were to stay with us. 790 00:29:21,682 --> 00:29:23,123 - Oh, splendid. 791 00:29:23,123 --> 00:29:25,371 - How can I ever thank you? 792 00:29:25,371 --> 00:29:27,936 (audience clapping) 793 00:29:27,936 --> 00:29:31,853 ("Are You Being Served Theme") 794 00:29:33,398 --> 00:29:36,331 ♫ Ground floor perfumery, stationery, and leather goods 795 00:29:36,331 --> 00:29:39,502 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food 796 00:29:39,502 --> 00:29:41,752 ♫ Going up 797 00:29:45,061 --> 00:29:47,921 ♫ First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits, 798 00:29:47,921 --> 00:29:50,517 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes 799 00:29:50,517 --> 00:29:52,767 ♫ Going up 800 00:29:56,668 --> 00:29:59,480 ♫ Second floor carpets, travel goods and bedding, 801 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,120 ♫ Material, soft furnishings, restaurant and teas 802 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,537 ♫ Going down 803 00:30:08,235 --> 00:30:11,039 ♫ First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits, 804 00:30:11,039 --> 00:30:13,627 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes 805 00:30:13,627 --> 00:30:17,460 ♫ Going up ♫ 56589

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.