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("Are You Being Served Theme")
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♫ Ground floor for perfumery,
stationery, and leather goods
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♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food
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♫ Going up
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♫ First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits
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♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear and shoes
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♫ Going up ♫
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- [Mr. Lucas] Cheerio Mr. Tebbs!
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All the best!
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- Don't forget to come back and see us!
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Oh I hope he's doing the right thing.
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- Well, he could have
stayed another five years
13
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but that would only increase
his pension by a pound a week.
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- Yeah, which at the present
going rate would only afford
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him three loaves of bread.
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- I think he was fat enough already.
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- Oh look he's left his farewell cake.
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- Oh look he's left his teeth marks in it.
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(audience laughing)
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- Isn't it marvelous?
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60 years faithful service,
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and the only sign that
he's passed this way
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are his teeth marks in a bun.
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Makes you thinks doesn't it?
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- When you go Mr. Humphries,
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what do you think you'll leave behind?
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- Well, I haven't really thought.
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I expect my aftershave will linger
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on my bill pad for a couple of sales.
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After that nothing.
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- Oh what a depressing conversation.
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- Yes I agree, and it isn't like that.
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It isn't just teeth marks in a cake.
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Think of all the happy
memories he left behind.
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- Yes, let's each think of a happy memory.
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- Well, what sort of a memory?
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- Well, anything that he did
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or said that was unforgettable.
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- Who?
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(audience laughing)
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- Mr. Tebb's, the old assistant we've just
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given this farewell party for.
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- Ah oh him, he never said
anything unforgettable.
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- Oh, he must have done.
45
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- Well, if he did I'm
damned if I can remember it.
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(audience laughing)
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- I remember something.
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- Good, you see when you try
it all comes flooding back.
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What was it?
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- He used to shovel his custard
up like a bucket dredger.
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(audience laughing)
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- Well, that's awful.
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- Here, who do you
think's gonna get the job?
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- Well, names have been
mentioned on the sixth floor.
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- Whose?
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- I'm not at liberty to tell.
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- You mean you don't know.
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- As senior management of course I know.
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- Well, if you don't tell us who it is,
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we'll never know whether
you knew or not, will we?
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- Very well,
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but you must treat this
as strictly confidential.
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They're going to advertise for a new man.
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- Well, that's the limit.
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I've been here 16 years, man and boy.
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Mostly boy.
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(audience laughing)
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At least you'd think
they'd have the courtesy
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to pay me the compliment
of considering me.
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- Yes, instead of casting you aside
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like a wrinkled old tomato found
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going moldy at the back of the fridge.
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- Mr. Lucas, there must be something else
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that's cast aside that's
more attractive than that.
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- Mr. Humphries, the post they're
advertising is the junior.
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- They can't do that, I'm the junior.
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- Well, Mr. Grace, in
his wisdom, has decree
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that you will be taking
over from Mr. Humphries.
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- Mr. Humphries?
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- Well, where is Mr. Humphries going?
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- Mr. Humphries is to be the new senior.
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- No.
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- Yes.
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- You're joking.
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- I'm not.
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- Cross your heart and hope to die.
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- Scout's honor.
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(sobbing)
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(audience laughing)
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- Oh, I'm so happy.
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Oh, oh, oh, it's started me leg off.
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(audience laughing)
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Oh, this hasn't happened to me since
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I was a prefect in me primary.
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00:03:16,948 --> 00:03:18,217
- Is there anything we can do to stop it?
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- No, it's all right, it'll
turn to hiccups in a minute.
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(hiccups)
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There, told you.
99
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- Now, what do we do?
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- Well, my teacher, Miss Haswell,
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she used to get one of the boys
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to creep up behind me,
and give me a surprise.
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(audience laughing)
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- Did it work?
105
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- No, but he still
writes to me from Capri.
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(audience laughing)
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- Are they feeling better now?
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- Oh yes, they're much, much better, yes.
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You know, it always happens
just before a storm.
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My brain picks up the
electrical vibrations,
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and sends a message down to my bunions,
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and they start throbbing.
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- But it's a lovely day,
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the storm was last night.
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- Yeah, but it takes a long time to get
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a message to any part
of my body these days.
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(audience laughing)
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- Drat! My suspender's gone.
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- [Mr. Grace] Oo! Ah! Oh!
120
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- That message got through quickly enough.
121
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- But it didn't have so far to go, did it?
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(phone ringing)
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- Here you are.
124
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- Hello?
125
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- Rumbold here, sir.
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I'm afraid I must have a decision.
127
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You were going to make up your mind
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00:04:24,445 --> 00:04:26,009
as to whether Mr. Humphries was taking
129
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over as senior salesman.
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Now, the question is,
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is he or isn't he?
132
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- People have been
asking me that for years.
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(audience laughing)
134
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- Well, I think we should
put him on probation.
135
00:04:40,365 --> 00:04:44,200
- I didn't know the case had come up.
136
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,028
Anyway, I can't stop
here chatting with you,
137
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I'm in hot water with my nurse.
138
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- Well, what do you think, sir?
139
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- More hot water, sir.
140
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- Yes.
141
00:04:54,264 --> 00:04:55,681
- Thank you, sir.
142
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- Here you are, sir.
143
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I think you'll find that's all right now.
144
00:05:02,981 --> 00:05:04,862
- Yes, would you leave now, Mr. Harman.
145
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:07,392
I have a meeting to discuss
a confidential matter.
146
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- Oh, I see.
147
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Just 'cause I'm a humble member
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of the packing and maintenance department,
149
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I'm not suppose to know what
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the higher echelon is talking about.
151
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(knocking)
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- Well, you could put it like that.
153
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- We're outside, sir.
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- People who knock usually are.
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Come in.
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(audience laughing)
157
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- Seeing as this is a
confidential meeting,
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I shall wipe from my mind the
fact that I have seen you.
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I'm sorry.
160
00:05:33,492 --> 00:05:35,587
- Now, I have some news for you regarding
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00:05:35,587 --> 00:05:37,650
the vacancy on the men's counter.
162
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I have been officially authorized to offer
163
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the post to Mr. Humphries.
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- May I be the first to
congratulate you, Mr. Humphries?
165
00:05:45,149 --> 00:05:46,029
- Thank you.
166
00:05:46,029 --> 00:05:47,475
- Yes, congratulations, indeed.
167
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- Thank you.
168
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- It's not often a man of
your age gets this position.
169
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How does it feel?
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(mumbling)
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- He's says he's very happy.
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00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:03,380
(mumbling)
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Could he please go and phone his mother?
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(mumbling)
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- What did he say then?
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- I don't know.
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- I said, is there any more money?
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(audience laughing)
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- You will receive grade
H4-B with increment
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00:06:21,472 --> 00:06:22,572
and London weighting.
181
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- How much is that?
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00:06:23,474 --> 00:06:26,115
- Oh, that is between Mr.
Humphries and the management,
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00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:29,151
but I do have the figure
written down here.
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(sobbing)
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00:06:31,306 --> 00:06:32,732
(audience laughing)
186
00:06:32,732 --> 00:06:34,957
Now, this will, of course, leave a gap
187
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in the men on the counter.
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00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,108
And there have been numerous discussions,
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at boardroom level,
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00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:41,570
as to who should takeover
Mr. Humphries position.
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It was suggested that we
should ask Mr. Humphries
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if Mr. Lucas is capable.
193
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The question is,
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is he ready for it?
195
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- I'm ready for it.
196
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- We weren't asking you, Mr. Lucas.
197
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- Perhaps it'd be more to the point
198
00:06:53,849 --> 00:06:55,568
if you ask me what I think,
199
00:06:55,568 --> 00:06:56,876
but I don't think he's ready for it.
200
00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:58,389
- Capt. Peacock, as senior assistant
201
00:06:58,389 --> 00:07:01,625
I think it's up to me to decide
whether he's ready for it.
202
00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:03,506
- I entirely agree with Mr. Humphries.
203
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,339
And I don't want the fact that
204
00:07:04,339 --> 00:07:05,536
I'm Mr. Humphries best friend to influence
205
00:07:05,536 --> 00:07:07,068
him one way or the other.
206
00:07:07,068 --> 00:07:08,369
- You're not, and it won't.
207
00:07:08,369 --> 00:07:10,703
(audience laughing)
208
00:07:10,703 --> 00:07:13,172
- Well, is he ready for it?
209
00:07:13,172 --> 00:07:14,863
- Let me put it this way,
210
00:07:14,863 --> 00:07:16,836
he's as ready as he'll ever be.
211
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:19,366
I do believe in giving youth a chance.
212
00:07:19,366 --> 00:07:21,575
- Mr. Lucas, you have the post,
213
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,742
and here is your increase.
214
00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:26,094
(sobbing)
215
00:07:26,094 --> 00:07:27,917
(audience laughing)
216
00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:29,760
- A pound is not to be sneezed at.
217
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,997
- May I ask, who will be
taking Mr. Lucas's place?
218
00:07:32,997 --> 00:07:35,153
- Ah, we shall advertise in the press
219
00:07:35,153 --> 00:07:39,206
saying that we need a worthy
replacement for Mr. Lucas.
220
00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:40,480
- Well, in that case, may I suggest
221
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,777
an advertisement in the
agony column of the Beano.
222
00:07:43,777 --> 00:07:44,927
(audience laughing)
223
00:07:44,927 --> 00:07:47,414
(cash register tinging)
224
00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:49,582
- On behalf of the ladies' department,
225
00:07:49,582 --> 00:07:53,507
may I congratulate you on
your promotion, Mr. Humphries.
226
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,511
You were always a cut above the rest.
227
00:07:55,511 --> 00:07:56,598
I'm glad you've got on.
228
00:07:56,598 --> 00:07:58,243
- Thank you, Mrs. Slocombe.
229
00:07:58,243 --> 00:08:00,164
You'll forgive me if
I don't make a speech.
230
00:08:00,164 --> 00:08:03,182
It's been a very emotional morning.
231
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:04,841
- It's not over yet, Mr. Humphries.
232
00:08:04,841 --> 00:08:06,703
You have to take your
place at the counter,
233
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,881
in the senior position.
234
00:08:08,881 --> 00:08:09,964
- Here we go.
235
00:08:11,185 --> 00:08:12,874
I feel like a bride
walking down the aisle.
236
00:08:12,874 --> 00:08:16,500
(audience laughing)
237
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,018
Oh look, all the floor's worn away
238
00:08:19,018 --> 00:08:21,690
where the seniors have stood.
239
00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,217
- The handing over ceremony, Mr. Harman.
240
00:08:23,217 --> 00:08:24,300
- Your honor.
241
00:08:27,119 --> 00:08:29,452
- Your fitter's pin cushion.
242
00:08:31,141 --> 00:08:33,869
Your chalk for made-to-measure fittings.
243
00:08:33,869 --> 00:08:35,952
And of course, your tape.
244
00:08:37,426 --> 00:08:39,739
Not in the pocket, Mr. Humphries.
245
00:08:39,739 --> 00:08:42,266
The senior assistant is allowed
to wear it around his neck.
246
00:08:42,266 --> 00:08:43,872
- Oh.
247
00:08:43,872 --> 00:08:47,357
(audience laughing)
248
00:08:47,357 --> 00:08:49,024
Me leg's gone again.
249
00:08:49,976 --> 00:08:53,851
- Mr. Lucas, you too have
a new position to take up.
250
00:08:53,851 --> 00:08:54,851
- Of course.
251
00:08:56,113 --> 00:08:57,990
(audience laughing)
252
00:08:57,990 --> 00:09:01,501
- That's the easiest
quid you've ever earned.
253
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,002
- We expect to have some candidates
254
00:09:03,002 --> 00:09:04,956
for the new post by Thursday.
255
00:09:04,956 --> 00:09:07,204
Mr. Rumbold is most
anxious that the new man
256
00:09:07,204 --> 00:09:08,811
should fit into the team,
257
00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:11,080
so he'd like us all to stay behind
258
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,006
after closing time that evening
259
00:09:12,006 --> 00:09:14,034
to interview the applicants.
260
00:09:14,034 --> 00:09:18,201
It's now time for the
assistant salesman's tea break.
261
00:09:19,839 --> 00:09:21,318
Where are you going, Mr. Humphries?
262
00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:23,005
- My tea break, Capt. Peacock.
263
00:09:23,005 --> 00:09:24,916
- You're not the assistant, Mr. Humphries.
264
00:09:24,916 --> 00:09:26,660
You're the senior.
265
00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:28,219
- When is the senior's tea break?
266
00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,654
- An hour ago, you missed it.
267
00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:32,654
(audience laughing)
268
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:36,277
- Not all roses at the top, is it?
269
00:09:36,277 --> 00:09:39,610
(cash register tinging)
270
00:09:41,426 --> 00:09:42,553
- Now, the candidates
are all in my office,
271
00:09:42,553 --> 00:09:45,124
so Mr. Harman if you'll
introduce them for us,
272
00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:46,026
we can begin.
273
00:09:46,026 --> 00:09:46,859
- Very good, sir.
274
00:09:46,859 --> 00:09:48,255
Warwick's gonna give me a hand.
275
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,399
You standing by, Warwick?
276
00:09:49,399 --> 00:09:50,805
- I'm standing by.
277
00:09:50,805 --> 00:09:52,241
- Call in Mr. Webster.
278
00:09:52,241 --> 00:09:54,074
- Call in Mr. Webster.
279
00:09:59,658 --> 00:10:02,658
(audience laughing)
280
00:10:11,191 --> 00:10:12,433
- Mr. Rodney Webster.
281
00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:15,016
26 years with Derry & Toms
covering haberdashery,
282
00:10:15,016 --> 00:10:16,719
stationery, and notions.
283
00:10:16,719 --> 00:10:18,694
10 years with Pontings in fabrics.
284
00:10:18,694 --> 00:10:21,256
Two years at Gabbages in garden sheds.
285
00:10:21,256 --> 00:10:23,352
Recently working at the Bow Wow pet shop
286
00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:25,880
Tooting Broadway, temporarily unemployed.
287
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,120
(audience laughing)
288
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,258
- Mr. Webster, how old are you?
289
00:10:30,258 --> 00:10:31,374
- Eh?
290
00:10:31,374 --> 00:10:32,855
(audience laughing)
291
00:10:32,855 --> 00:10:34,798
- How old are you?
292
00:10:34,798 --> 00:10:35,631
- 48.
293
00:10:36,584 --> 00:10:40,099
(audience laughing)
294
00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:44,620
- And why did you leave your
position at the pet shop?
295
00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:47,568
- I was savaged by a hamster.
296
00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,910
(audience laughing)
297
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:53,030
- You do look rather
delicate, Mr. Webster.
298
00:10:53,030 --> 00:10:55,498
Do you think you're up
to an eight-hour day?
299
00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:57,980
- You can't sit down, you know.
300
00:10:57,980 --> 00:11:00,838
- This is the first time I've sat down
301
00:11:00,838 --> 00:11:03,838
since I was savaged by that hamster.
302
00:11:04,757 --> 00:11:07,388
- How's your product knowledge?
303
00:11:07,388 --> 00:11:08,962
- What's that?
304
00:11:08,962 --> 00:11:10,578
- Well, can you tell me how
305
00:11:10,578 --> 00:11:12,996
the following differ one from another.
306
00:11:12,996 --> 00:11:15,746
Nylon, Orlon, Ban-Lon, and Tygon.
307
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:21,690
- I haven't got the job, have I?
308
00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:23,858
(audience laughing)
309
00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:26,468
- Well, we do have one or
two more people to see.
310
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,790
- Well, how shall we leave it then?
311
00:11:28,790 --> 00:11:30,953
- We'll let you know.
312
00:11:30,953 --> 00:11:33,373
- Oh, God bless you, sir.
313
00:11:33,373 --> 00:11:35,782
Thank you very much.
314
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:39,282
I live in a packing case in Covent Garden.
315
00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:44,404
You can't miss it, it's got
bananas written over it.
316
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:48,154
Oh yes, and it's the
only one with a chimney.
317
00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:53,392
(audience clapping)
318
00:11:54,612 --> 00:11:56,956
- That could be any one of us.
319
00:11:56,956 --> 00:11:59,131
- After all those years at Derry & Toms,
320
00:11:59,131 --> 00:12:01,139
to be reduced to that.
321
00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:02,762
- Oh, go after him Mr. Harman,
322
00:12:02,762 --> 00:12:05,720
and see if he'd like a
cup of tea in the canteen.
323
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,021
- He's been here since three o'clock.
324
00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:08,676
He's had four shepherd's pies,
325
00:12:08,676 --> 00:12:11,471
15 cups of tea, and an apple crumble.
326
00:12:11,471 --> 00:12:13,074
Then, he did a song and dance with spoons,
327
00:12:13,074 --> 00:12:14,237
and collected six quid.
328
00:12:14,237 --> 00:12:16,154
So, I reckon he's okay.
329
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,588
- Well, next please.
330
00:12:18,588 --> 00:12:19,421
- Very good.
331
00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:20,836
Call in Mr. Beauchamp.
332
00:12:20,836 --> 00:12:22,836
- Call in Mr. Beauchamp.
333
00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:27,130
(audience laughing)
334
00:12:29,976 --> 00:12:31,990
- Mr. Beauchamp has been
employed by the following firms--
335
00:12:31,990 --> 00:12:34,065
- It's pronounced Beecham.
336
00:12:34,065 --> 00:12:35,301
- Oh, sorry.
337
00:12:35,301 --> 00:12:37,211
- Yes, and I'll give you a
resume of my career myself,
338
00:12:37,211 --> 00:12:38,278
if you don't mind.
339
00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:41,968
Well now, I've worked in
simply oodles of shops,
340
00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:43,405
mostly continental.
341
00:12:43,405 --> 00:12:45,140
(audience laughing)
342
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:48,061
Including Fashion Designs of Woking,
343
00:12:48,061 --> 00:12:48,978
And then...
344
00:12:50,411 --> 00:12:53,126
then, I was at Maison
Jacques of St. Albans
345
00:12:53,126 --> 00:12:55,715
for five ghastly years.
346
00:12:55,715 --> 00:12:59,548
And then, Boutique Bon
Marche at Bognor Regis.
347
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:01,866
How brown we got.
348
00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:04,073
But I think I reached my peak at Harrod's
349
00:13:04,073 --> 00:13:05,526
in men's undies.
350
00:13:05,526 --> 00:13:06,793
Oh what bliss.
351
00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:10,412
The lights, the music,
the security cameras,
352
00:13:10,412 --> 00:13:11,924
the tycoons with their cigars,
353
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:15,008
the bargaining Arabs jostling
with each other joyfully.
354
00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:17,323
Oh what a cosmopolitan colorful world.
355
00:13:17,323 --> 00:13:19,680
Well, I was loathed to leave it.
356
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,816
- Well, you won't find anything
like that at Grace Brothers.
357
00:13:21,816 --> 00:13:23,622
Thank you, we'll let you know.
358
00:13:23,622 --> 00:13:26,622
(audience laughing)
359
00:13:28,077 --> 00:13:29,214
- I see.
360
00:13:29,214 --> 00:13:30,934
Thank you very much, indeed.
361
00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:33,934
(audience clapping)
362
00:13:39,363 --> 00:13:41,165
- Why did you get rid of him so quickly?
363
00:13:41,165 --> 00:13:43,242
- Well, we don't want
people like that here.
364
00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:46,242
(audience laughing)
365
00:13:48,821 --> 00:13:50,483
- Can we have the next one, please?
366
00:13:50,483 --> 00:13:51,623
- There isn't a next.
367
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:52,623
That was it.
368
00:13:53,785 --> 00:13:56,123
- But there were half a dozen
candidates in my office.
369
00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:57,430
- Yeah, well unfortunately,
370
00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:58,740
one of them went through your drawers,
371
00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:00,824
and found your pay slip.
372
00:14:00,824 --> 00:14:02,474
And they reckon if
that's how much you got,
373
00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:04,257
they'd be on starvation level.
374
00:14:04,257 --> 00:14:05,772
So, they hopped it.
375
00:14:05,772 --> 00:14:08,613
- But all the ones we saw
was too old for a junior.
376
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:11,416
- Yes, well we didn't put
junior in the advertisement.
377
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:13,975
You see the word junior would've
cost another four pounds,
378
00:14:13,975 --> 00:14:16,273
and young Mr. Grace has to
draw the line somewhere.
379
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,904
- Oh well, we can all
go home then, can't we.
380
00:14:17,904 --> 00:14:20,921
(elevator bell chimes)
381
00:14:20,921 --> 00:14:22,220
- I'm not too late, am I?
382
00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:23,530
- Well, it depends what you've come for.
383
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,669
- I've come to fulfill the vacancy,
384
00:14:26,669 --> 00:14:29,324
in reply to the advertisement.
385
00:14:29,324 --> 00:14:32,970
Oh, I see you've got plenty
of applicants here already.
386
00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:34,701
(audience laughing)
387
00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:36,329
- I beg your pardon.
388
00:14:36,329 --> 00:14:37,746
We are the staff.
389
00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:40,973
- What a mistake to make.
390
00:14:40,973 --> 00:14:43,335
Before I've even started.
391
00:14:43,335 --> 00:14:44,168
Shall I go?
392
00:14:44,168 --> 00:14:45,439
- No, no, no, no, of course not.
393
00:14:45,439 --> 00:14:46,742
Please take a seat.
394
00:14:46,742 --> 00:14:47,957
- Thank you.
395
00:14:47,957 --> 00:14:51,141
- That is our senior
saleslady, Mrs. Slocombe.
396
00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,057
- Oh, charming.
397
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,888
It's an honor to meet you.
398
00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:55,675
- Miss Brahms, her junior.
399
00:14:55,675 --> 00:14:57,173
- Her assistant.
400
00:14:57,173 --> 00:14:58,483
- Delightful.
401
00:14:58,483 --> 00:14:59,355
- Mr. Lucas.
402
00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:00,419
- Senior assistant.
403
00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:02,001
- Smart young man.
404
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:05,109
- And Mr. Humphries, head
of the men's department.
405
00:15:05,109 --> 00:15:07,026
- So high up, so young.
406
00:15:07,884 --> 00:15:09,471
- So far, so good.
407
00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:12,110
(audience laughing)
408
00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:13,458
- Finally, our floorwalker--
409
00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:15,344
- Don't tell me.
410
00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:17,251
I know that face.
411
00:15:17,251 --> 00:15:19,718
I'm going back 35 years.
412
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:21,135
I'm at Catterick.
413
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,441
I walk into a Nissen hut,
414
00:15:23,441 --> 00:15:24,850
and there you are
415
00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:29,017
standing on your bed in your
shirttails with you hat on.
416
00:15:30,717 --> 00:15:31,703
I've got it.
417
00:15:31,703 --> 00:15:32,536
I've got it.
418
00:15:32,536 --> 00:15:34,084
Cpl. Peacock.
419
00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:37,560
(audience laughing)
420
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,560
(audience clapping)
421
00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:47,083
- It was you, wasn't it?
422
00:15:48,944 --> 00:15:51,402
- I was at Catterick in my early days.
423
00:15:51,402 --> 00:15:55,110
Yes, and I was a corporal for a few weeks.
424
00:15:55,110 --> 00:15:56,273
- A few weeks?
425
00:15:56,273 --> 00:15:58,045
When we went to Egypt together,
426
00:15:58,045 --> 00:15:59,731
you were still a corporal.
427
00:15:59,731 --> 00:16:02,380
We both got a cushy job in the cookhouse.
428
00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:04,326
Is it coming back now?
429
00:16:04,326 --> 00:16:06,050
- I think it's going further away.
430
00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:07,517
(audience laughing)
431
00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:08,666
- You remember me?
432
00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,591
Harry Goldberg.
433
00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:11,829
- I have no recollection of ever
434
00:16:11,829 --> 00:16:14,370
seeing you in my life before.
435
00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:16,016
- Oh.
436
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,183
Oh, I'm sorry.
437
00:16:20,530 --> 00:16:23,326
The memory does play funny tricks.
438
00:16:23,326 --> 00:16:25,463
It was a long time ago.
439
00:16:25,463 --> 00:16:27,668
I've obviously made a mistake.
440
00:16:27,668 --> 00:16:29,680
- This gentleman is Capt.Peacock
441
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:33,156
who actually fought
hand-to-hand with Rommel's army.
442
00:16:33,156 --> 00:16:33,989
- Oh.
443
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,726
We always wondered what
he did in his spare time.
444
00:16:38,726 --> 00:16:40,781
(audience laughing)
445
00:16:40,781 --> 00:16:42,715
Capt. Peacock is it?
446
00:16:42,715 --> 00:16:43,920
Yeah.
447
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,397
No, no, this one could
never have become a captain.
448
00:16:48,397 --> 00:16:49,841
No, no, no, no.
449
00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,142
Couldn't have been you, sir.
450
00:16:51,142 --> 00:16:52,770
I'm sorry.
451
00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:54,302
- Well, now we've got that sorted out,
452
00:16:54,302 --> 00:16:55,923
can we get on?
453
00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:57,270
I've got to get home.
454
00:16:57,270 --> 00:17:00,313
If my pussy isn't attended
to by eight o'clock,
455
00:17:00,313 --> 00:17:04,269
I shall be stroking it for
the rest of the evening.
456
00:17:04,269 --> 00:17:06,153
- Have I come at an awkward moment?
457
00:17:06,153 --> 00:17:07,093
- No, indeed not.
458
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,474
You're the last candidate.
459
00:17:08,474 --> 00:17:11,004
Perhaps we could hear your qualifications.
460
00:17:11,004 --> 00:17:13,132
- Well, I've had a lot of experience
461
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:15,412
in the retail and clothing trade.
462
00:17:15,412 --> 00:17:17,278
I'm a qualified cutter and a fitter.
463
00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:19,853
And I had my own
establishment for some years.
464
00:17:19,853 --> 00:17:21,441
- Oh, why did you give it up?
465
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,806
- Perhaps the wheels fell off his barrow.
466
00:17:23,806 --> 00:17:26,602
(audience laughing)
467
00:17:26,602 --> 00:17:28,852
- Oh, great sense of humor.
468
00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:32,013
Should I be lucky enough to get the job,
469
00:17:32,013 --> 00:17:35,023
I shall enjoy working here.
470
00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:36,584
- So, you had your own place.
471
00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:37,548
Would we know it?
472
00:17:37,548 --> 00:17:38,749
- Well, I doubt it.
473
00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:41,684
It was over a fish and
chip shop in Bermondsey.
474
00:17:41,684 --> 00:17:44,772
Mind you, everyone knew my suits.
475
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,668
- By the aroma of fish and chips?
476
00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:49,378
- No, by the cut.
477
00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:51,087
- Yes, but if it was so successful,
478
00:17:51,087 --> 00:17:53,334
why did you give it up?
479
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,794
- The fat caught fire.
480
00:17:55,794 --> 00:17:58,027
There was a conflagration taking
481
00:17:58,027 --> 00:17:59,659
the whole of my stock with it.
482
00:17:59,659 --> 00:18:00,492
I was ruined.
483
00:18:00,492 --> 00:18:02,680
- Oh, when did this happen?
484
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:03,901
- Yesterday.
485
00:18:03,901 --> 00:18:05,726
(audience laughing)
486
00:18:05,726 --> 00:18:07,189
- I'm afraid that we omitted to put
487
00:18:07,189 --> 00:18:08,612
in our advertisement that the post
488
00:18:08,612 --> 00:18:10,708
on offer was that of a junior.
489
00:18:10,708 --> 00:18:11,933
- Junior, senior.
490
00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:15,943
I mean, it's such beautiful
surroundings here,
491
00:18:15,943 --> 00:18:18,349
and to work among such nice people
492
00:18:18,349 --> 00:18:20,017
would be a privilege.
493
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:22,100
- And that is the salary.
494
00:18:25,383 --> 00:18:28,028
(audience laughing)
495
00:18:28,028 --> 00:18:28,861
- A day?
496
00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:32,434
- A week.
497
00:18:32,434 --> 00:18:36,616
- Are you working for an
award for fighting inflation?
498
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,962
- On top of that you do get commission.
499
00:18:38,962 --> 00:18:41,688
- And of course, it is regular.
500
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:45,107
And there are holidays, and a pension.
501
00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:46,238
- I'll take it.
502
00:18:46,238 --> 00:18:49,377
Should I be lucky enough
to secure the appointment.
503
00:18:49,377 --> 00:18:50,709
- Well, if you leave your address,
504
00:18:50,709 --> 00:18:51,542
we'll let you know.
505
00:18:51,542 --> 00:18:53,228
- Oh, I have my card.
506
00:18:53,228 --> 00:18:54,061
- Oh.
507
00:18:54,061 --> 00:18:55,105
- Here we are.
508
00:18:55,105 --> 00:18:58,427
Fortunately, the letterbox
is still standing.
509
00:18:58,427 --> 00:18:59,554
Good evening, everybody.
510
00:18:59,554 --> 00:19:01,221
Thank you very much.
511
00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:06,510
I'm sorry I mistook you for
someone I spent four years with,
512
00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:07,952
sleeping in the same tent,
513
00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:09,270
eating the same food,
514
00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:11,187
doing the same jankers.
515
00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:15,152
Strange the tricks the mind can play.
516
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:19,910
(audience clapping)
517
00:19:27,815 --> 00:19:30,456
- Of course, I think
he's totally unsuitable.
518
00:19:30,456 --> 00:19:32,998
- It's the best we've seen so far.
519
00:19:32,998 --> 00:19:34,724
- I preferred Mr. Beauchamp.
520
00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:35,844
- You didn't, did you Mr. Humphries?
521
00:19:35,844 --> 00:19:37,928
- I most certainly did not, Mr. Lucas.
522
00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,493
- Of course, it's just a personal dislike
523
00:19:39,493 --> 00:19:40,938
on Mr. Humphries part.
524
00:19:40,938 --> 00:19:42,496
Let's have a show of hands.
525
00:19:42,496 --> 00:19:45,667
Those in favor of Mr. Beauchamp.
526
00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:46,500
- Against?
527
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,837
I'm afraid the nos have it.
528
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:52,740
- I must say my heart went out to that
529
00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:56,226
charming old gentleman who came in first.
530
00:19:56,226 --> 00:19:57,318
- What, the one who's dossing down
531
00:19:57,318 --> 00:19:59,280
in a packing case in Covent Garden?
532
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,835
- I have never thought
that a man's background
533
00:20:00,835 --> 00:20:02,468
should be held against him.
534
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,458
I mean, he was willing.
535
00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:04,477
He had a nice smile.
536
00:20:04,477 --> 00:20:05,747
He was courteous.
537
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,740
- And he wasn't in the army.
538
00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:10,309
- That has nothing to do with it.
539
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,221
- Oh well in that case,
540
00:20:11,221 --> 00:20:14,062
let's pick the last one and go home.
541
00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:15,717
- All those in favor?
542
00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:17,281
- Carried unanimously.
543
00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:19,442
- Except for Cpl. Peacock.
544
00:20:19,442 --> 00:20:22,961
(audience laughing)
545
00:20:22,961 --> 00:20:26,275
(cash register tinging)
546
00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:28,171
- [Cleaning Woman] Good
morning, Capt. Peacock.
547
00:20:28,171 --> 00:20:31,647
- I know nothing that's
good about Monday morning.
548
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,806
- Here, I've heard
you've got a new junior.
549
00:20:34,806 --> 00:20:37,652
Is he tall, dark, handsome, and sexy?
550
00:20:37,652 --> 00:20:41,621
- No, he's shortish,
stoutish, and grayish.
551
00:20:41,621 --> 00:20:43,362
- Just my type.
552
00:20:43,362 --> 00:20:45,250
Kind of think of anything's my type.
553
00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:46,371
(audience laughing)
554
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,891
Even you.
555
00:20:47,891 --> 00:20:49,316
(laughs)
556
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,212
- Good morning, Ethel.
557
00:20:51,212 --> 00:20:52,152
- [Capt. Peacock] Good morning, ladies.
558
00:20:52,152 --> 00:20:53,822
- Good morning, Capt. Peacock.
559
00:20:53,822 --> 00:20:55,363
- Morning, corporal.
560
00:20:55,363 --> 00:20:58,374
(audience laughing)
561
00:20:58,374 --> 00:21:02,296
- Miss Brahms, let's nip
this in the bud right now.
562
00:21:02,296 --> 00:21:04,027
That man was mistaken.
563
00:21:04,027 --> 00:21:06,113
My title is Capt. Peacock.
564
00:21:06,113 --> 00:21:09,214
And as junior, you will
continue to address me as such.
565
00:21:09,214 --> 00:21:10,858
Now, sign the book, and
get to your counter.
566
00:21:10,858 --> 00:21:12,108
- Yes, captain.
567
00:21:14,820 --> 00:21:16,804
- You were quite right to admonish her.
568
00:21:16,804 --> 00:21:19,392
She gets far too familiar.
569
00:21:19,392 --> 00:21:21,735
Strictly between you and me,
570
00:21:21,735 --> 00:21:25,800
were you in the army with Mr. Goldberg?
571
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,657
- It was 35 years ago, Mrs. Slocombe.
572
00:21:28,657 --> 00:21:30,165
Can you remember who you worked with
573
00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,156
at Lyons when you were a nippy?
574
00:21:32,156 --> 00:21:35,109
(audience laughing)
575
00:21:35,109 --> 00:21:39,951
- You promised you'd never
mention that to a living soul.
576
00:21:39,951 --> 00:21:41,943
Anyway, it was only four weeks,
577
00:21:41,943 --> 00:21:43,328
and I was very hard up.
578
00:21:43,328 --> 00:21:45,495
And it was a corner house.
579
00:21:46,363 --> 00:21:49,245
- What's a nippy, Mrs. Slocombe?
580
00:21:49,245 --> 00:21:50,945
(elevator bell chimes)
581
00:21:50,945 --> 00:21:52,503
- Oh, good morning, Mr. Lucas.
582
00:21:52,503 --> 00:21:53,522
- Good morning, corp
583
00:21:53,522 --> 00:21:55,315
Capt. Peacock.
584
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,185
- I'm glad to see that
your new responsibility
585
00:21:57,185 --> 00:21:58,982
has encouraged you to come in on time.
586
00:21:58,982 --> 00:22:00,505
- Yes, well with the extra
pound a week I'm gettin',
587
00:22:00,505 --> 00:22:01,888
I can now afford to come on the bus
588
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:03,124
instead of hitchhiking.
589
00:22:03,124 --> 00:22:04,611
(elevator bell chimes)
590
00:22:04,611 --> 00:22:05,664
- Morning, all.
591
00:22:05,664 --> 00:22:07,682
- [Capt. Peacock] Good
morning, Mr. Humphries.
592
00:22:07,682 --> 00:22:10,078
(audience clapping)
593
00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:12,090
- Blimey, he's taking it seriously.
594
00:22:12,090 --> 00:22:14,599
He's got his senior assistant's homburg.
595
00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:16,387
That must've set him back a bit.
596
00:22:16,387 --> 00:22:19,090
- You look very smart, Mr. Humphries.
597
00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:20,607
- Thank you, Mrs. Slocombe.
598
00:22:20,607 --> 00:22:21,979
As a matter of fact, my mother burst
599
00:22:21,979 --> 00:22:24,273
into tears on the doorstep this morning.
600
00:22:24,273 --> 00:22:27,167
- Oh, I expect that was because
she was so proud of you.
601
00:22:27,167 --> 00:22:28,744
- Yes, coupled with the fact that
602
00:22:28,744 --> 00:22:31,563
I spent the milk money on a new hat.
603
00:22:31,563 --> 00:22:32,998
- Morning, everybody.
604
00:22:32,998 --> 00:22:34,414
- [Capt. Peacock] Good
morning, Mr. Goldberg.
605
00:22:34,414 --> 00:22:35,745
- My first day.
606
00:22:35,745 --> 00:22:37,513
It's very exciting for me.
607
00:22:37,513 --> 00:22:38,971
Where should I put my coat?
608
00:22:38,971 --> 00:22:40,941
- The junior's peg. It's
through that passage.
609
00:22:40,941 --> 00:22:41,774
- Thank you.
610
00:22:41,774 --> 00:22:42,655
- Here, I'll take it
for you, Mr. Goldberg.
611
00:22:42,655 --> 00:22:43,632
- Call me Harry.
612
00:22:43,632 --> 00:22:46,278
- No, call him Mr. Goldberg.
613
00:22:46,278 --> 00:22:48,373
At Grace Brothers we're
only on first name terms
614
00:22:48,373 --> 00:22:50,703
outside working hours.
615
00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,909
And then, only after a long association.
616
00:22:52,909 --> 00:22:54,246
- That's quite correct.
617
00:22:54,246 --> 00:22:55,125
That's class.
618
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,189
Style.
619
00:22:56,189 --> 00:22:57,662
That's how a beautiful store like this
620
00:22:57,662 --> 00:23:00,156
gets its reputation.
621
00:23:00,156 --> 00:23:01,426
Where do I stand?
622
00:23:01,426 --> 00:23:02,481
- You don't.
623
00:23:02,481 --> 00:23:03,936
You sign the book first.
624
00:23:03,936 --> 00:23:06,161
You'll find a tape, and a
bill pad, in your drawer.
625
00:23:06,161 --> 00:23:08,643
You will not, however, wear
the tape round your neck.
626
00:23:08,643 --> 00:23:11,019
Only Mr. Humphries is
allowed that privilege.
627
00:23:11,019 --> 00:23:13,908
Mr. Humphries and Mr. Lucas
will explain your duties to you.
628
00:23:13,908 --> 00:23:15,333
I have to go and see Mr. Rumbold.
629
00:23:15,333 --> 00:23:17,520
(bell ringing)
630
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,078
Ah, that's the opening bell.
631
00:23:19,078 --> 00:23:20,570
- Oh, thank heavens.
632
00:23:20,570 --> 00:23:23,324
I thought it was the
fat caught alight again.
633
00:23:23,324 --> 00:23:24,675
(audience laughing)
634
00:23:24,675 --> 00:23:25,542
- Stations everyone.
635
00:23:25,542 --> 00:23:27,959
The public will be coming in.
636
00:23:29,698 --> 00:23:32,063
- He's a right tarter, isn't he?
637
00:23:32,063 --> 00:23:35,230
Mind you, so was the man who he isn't.
638
00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:37,994
- It's what authority does to people.
639
00:23:37,994 --> 00:23:39,617
- Yes, well it's not going to do it to me.
640
00:23:39,617 --> 00:23:42,820
I am going to stay the
same kind, understanding
641
00:23:42,820 --> 00:23:44,629
I've never seen anything so disgraceful
642
00:23:44,629 --> 00:23:46,525
as that glove drawer, Mr. Lucas.
643
00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:48,238
Get it tidied up at once.
644
00:23:48,238 --> 00:23:49,857
- Well, I was just totalling
my month's figures.
645
00:23:49,857 --> 00:23:51,623
- Well, you should've done that last week.
646
00:23:51,623 --> 00:23:53,186
- The battery on my calculator went.
647
00:23:53,186 --> 00:23:56,223
- Mr. Lucas, Mr. Lucas
please, would you allow me?
648
00:23:56,223 --> 00:23:57,378
- Oh, thanks very much.
649
00:23:57,378 --> 00:23:58,346
- Thank you very much.
650
00:23:58,346 --> 00:23:59,429
There we are.
651
00:24:01,428 --> 00:24:04,602
(speaking in gibberish)
652
00:24:04,602 --> 00:24:07,602
(audience laughing)
653
00:24:15,728 --> 00:24:17,413
There we are.
654
00:24:17,413 --> 00:24:18,702
You see, simple.
655
00:24:18,702 --> 00:24:21,035
Now, I'll tidy your drawers,
656
00:24:22,832 --> 00:24:24,222
if you show me my duties.
657
00:24:24,222 --> 00:24:25,071
- There's just one thing,
658
00:24:25,071 --> 00:24:27,005
as far as the commission is concerned,
659
00:24:27,005 --> 00:24:29,156
that's calculated on our individual sales
660
00:24:29,156 --> 00:24:30,759
at the end of the week.
661
00:24:30,759 --> 00:24:32,370
So therefore, when the customers come in,
662
00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:33,382
I get first crack,
663
00:24:33,382 --> 00:24:34,551
Mr. Lucas goes second,
664
00:24:34,551 --> 00:24:35,485
and you go third.
665
00:24:35,485 --> 00:24:37,004
- Suppose they ask for me personally?
666
00:24:37,004 --> 00:24:39,753
- That won't arise until
you've built up a clientele.
667
00:24:39,753 --> 00:24:42,131
- But wouldn't you rather
split the commission
668
00:24:42,131 --> 00:24:43,851
three ways at the end of the week?
669
00:24:43,851 --> 00:24:44,837
- No thank you, no.
670
00:24:44,837 --> 00:24:45,994
This is the way we've always done it,
671
00:24:45,994 --> 00:24:47,337
and this is the way
we're going to carry on.
672
00:24:47,337 --> 00:24:48,170
Right Mr. Lucas?
673
00:24:48,170 --> 00:24:49,401
- Entirely, Mr. Humphries.
674
00:24:49,401 --> 00:24:50,811
- So be it.
675
00:24:50,811 --> 00:24:51,644
(elevator bell chimes)
676
00:24:51,644 --> 00:24:54,148
(men yelling)
677
00:24:54,148 --> 00:24:57,148
(audience laughing)
678
00:25:00,534 --> 00:25:02,721
- Nice place, you're
coming on in the world.
679
00:25:02,721 --> 00:25:04,878
- Beautiful merchandise, Harry.
680
00:25:04,878 --> 00:25:05,982
Classy material.
681
00:25:05,982 --> 00:25:07,261
- Competitive prices an' all, eh?
682
00:25:07,261 --> 00:25:10,207
Here, do you take 5% off of cash?
683
00:25:10,207 --> 00:25:11,152
- 5%?
684
00:25:11,152 --> 00:25:12,263
Here, none of that, no.
685
00:25:12,263 --> 00:25:13,964
This is strictly on the level.
686
00:25:13,964 --> 00:25:15,565
No discount.
687
00:25:15,565 --> 00:25:17,144
- Here, I heard about the fire.
688
00:25:17,144 --> 00:25:19,789
- Hey, I thought the fire
wasn't until next week.
689
00:25:19,789 --> 00:25:21,056
- I brought it forward.
690
00:25:21,056 --> 00:25:22,139
- Oh.
691
00:25:22,139 --> 00:25:23,456
(audience laughing)
692
00:25:23,456 --> 00:25:25,030
- I'll have this vicuna coat.
693
00:25:25,030 --> 00:25:26,768
- That's 500 pounds.
694
00:25:26,768 --> 00:25:28,653
- Hey Harry, have you got six of these
695
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:30,260
silk shirts in my size?
696
00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:32,731
- That makes it 650.
697
00:25:32,731 --> 00:25:34,479
- That's a classy suit.
698
00:25:34,479 --> 00:25:35,751
Just what I'm looking for.
699
00:25:35,751 --> 00:25:37,351
- That's 800 pounds.
700
00:25:37,351 --> 00:25:39,989
- Harry, I'd like a crocodile briefcase
701
00:25:39,989 --> 00:25:41,880
with matching shoes in black.
702
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,013
I'm going to a funeral.
703
00:25:43,013 --> 00:25:44,135
- Hey, that's 1200 quid.
704
00:25:44,135 --> 00:25:45,187
Think of the commission.
705
00:25:45,187 --> 00:25:46,020
- Think of his commission.
706
00:25:46,020 --> 00:25:47,460
Can we be of any assistance?
707
00:25:47,460 --> 00:25:48,833
- Start wrapping these things up
708
00:25:48,833 --> 00:25:51,016
before the Hackney mob get in.
709
00:25:51,016 --> 00:25:53,620
Now, you'll need some cuff
links to go with those shirts.
710
00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:56,727
Put some cuff links with these shirts.
711
00:25:56,727 --> 00:25:58,954
And some socks, you'll need some socks
712
00:25:58,954 --> 00:26:00,722
to go with that suit.
713
00:26:00,722 --> 00:26:02,474
It's a very unusual color.
714
00:26:02,474 --> 00:26:03,997
Socks, Mr. Lucas.
715
00:26:03,997 --> 00:26:05,043
- How many?
716
00:26:05,043 --> 00:26:06,395
- How many? Two.
717
00:26:06,395 --> 00:26:08,106
How many does a person wear?
718
00:26:08,106 --> 00:26:11,439
(cash register tinging)
719
00:26:13,695 --> 00:26:15,700
- The figures have been
very good, Rumbold.
720
00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,225
- They have, indeed, sir.
721
00:26:17,225 --> 00:26:19,008
Best week of the year.
722
00:26:19,008 --> 00:26:20,646
Of course this is partly
due to the presence
723
00:26:20,646 --> 00:26:22,658
of our new counter hand.
724
00:26:22,658 --> 00:26:24,809
- Well, what about giving him a nice rise?
725
00:26:24,809 --> 00:26:26,976
Say, seven and six a week?
726
00:26:29,342 --> 00:26:31,064
- We'll have to do rather
more than that, sir.
727
00:26:31,064 --> 00:26:33,531
In fact, he wants more money
than our senior salesman,
728
00:26:33,531 --> 00:26:35,031
otherwise we're going to lose him.
729
00:26:35,031 --> 00:26:37,111
- Well, pay him.
730
00:26:37,111 --> 00:26:38,466
- Well, if I do that, sir.
731
00:26:38,466 --> 00:26:41,633
Capt. Peacock has threatened
to lead a walkout.
732
00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:44,050
- Well, sort it out, Rumbold.
733
00:26:45,617 --> 00:26:48,365
(knocking)
734
00:26:48,365 --> 00:26:49,198
- Enter.
735
00:26:50,401 --> 00:26:52,976
- May we see you for
a moment, Mr. Rumbold?
736
00:26:52,976 --> 00:26:54,560
- Certainly, what's the trouble?
737
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,698
- We just want to make it absolutely clear
738
00:26:56,698 --> 00:27:01,625
that we have no intention of
walking out with Capt. Peacock.
739
00:27:01,625 --> 00:27:04,639
And I an unanimous in that.
740
00:27:04,639 --> 00:27:06,328
We like Mr. Goldberg.
741
00:27:06,328 --> 00:27:08,670
- Yeah, he's taking her
to the pictures tonight.
742
00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:09,503
- Shut up.
743
00:27:11,626 --> 00:27:13,318
- But if I pay him the money he's asking,
744
00:27:13,318 --> 00:27:15,269
I'll have to make him senior salesman.
745
00:27:15,269 --> 00:27:16,331
- Well, I don't mind that.
746
00:27:16,331 --> 00:27:19,024
At his age, he ought
to be senior salesman.
747
00:27:19,024 --> 00:27:22,526
Besides, I don't think I'm
temperamentally suited for it.
748
00:27:22,526 --> 00:27:24,961
You know, I haven't slept for a week?
749
00:27:24,961 --> 00:27:27,461
I'm getting silver
threads amongst the gold.
750
00:27:27,461 --> 00:27:28,672
(audience laughing)
751
00:27:28,672 --> 00:27:30,179
- We don't mind going
back to our old wages,
752
00:27:30,179 --> 00:27:31,901
'cause he's sharing
his commission with us.
753
00:27:31,901 --> 00:27:33,796
- But I can't promote Mr. Goldberg
754
00:27:33,796 --> 00:27:36,044
without the consent of Capt. Peacock.
755
00:27:36,044 --> 00:27:40,211
- Well, Mr. Goldberg says he
might be able to arrange that.
756
00:27:43,317 --> 00:27:46,032
- I understand you won't be
with us next week, Mr. Goldberg.
757
00:27:46,032 --> 00:27:47,349
Very regrettable.
758
00:27:47,349 --> 00:27:50,093
- Yes, well I would like to have stayed,
759
00:27:50,093 --> 00:27:52,734
but I gather there was some very
760
00:27:52,734 --> 00:27:56,261
strong opposition from a senior executive.
761
00:27:56,261 --> 00:27:57,825
- Indeed what a pity.
762
00:27:57,825 --> 00:27:59,851
- Yes, so I thought well I'd like to leave
763
00:27:59,851 --> 00:28:03,518
a little memento of me to the staff.
764
00:28:03,518 --> 00:28:06,631
And I was looking in an old scrapbook.
765
00:28:06,631 --> 00:28:09,260
And would you believe it, I found...
766
00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:12,415
I found this photo of
me with that corporal
767
00:28:12,415 --> 00:28:14,840
I so foolishly thought was you.
768
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:15,964
- Oh yes?
769
00:28:15,964 --> 00:28:17,082
- Yeah, yeah.
770
00:28:17,082 --> 00:28:18,451
It's very interesting.
771
00:28:18,451 --> 00:28:22,618
In fact, if you looked at it
through this magnifying glass
772
00:28:24,024 --> 00:28:27,377
you'll see that on Cpl. Peacock's
773
00:28:27,377 --> 00:28:31,377
right arm there's a motto,
and it says a tattoo,
774
00:28:33,115 --> 00:28:36,032
and it says, death before dishonor.
775
00:28:40,340 --> 00:28:42,495
Tattoo marks are very difficult
776
00:28:42,495 --> 00:28:44,610
to get rid of Capt. Peacock.
777
00:28:44,610 --> 00:28:46,187
- Practically impossible.
778
00:28:46,187 --> 00:28:50,354
- Yes, so I thought the staff
would like to have this photo,
779
00:28:52,156 --> 00:28:52,989
if I go.
780
00:28:54,284 --> 00:28:57,284
(audience laughing)
781
00:28:59,415 --> 00:29:00,582
Should I stay,
782
00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:07,357
I would like you to have it.
783
00:29:07,357 --> 00:29:08,916
- Capt. Peacock,
784
00:29:08,916 --> 00:29:10,248
may we have a word with you?
785
00:29:10,248 --> 00:29:11,923
It's about Mr. Goldberg.
786
00:29:11,923 --> 00:29:14,914
- Ah yes, well I've just been having
787
00:29:14,914 --> 00:29:16,508
a little tete a tete with him,
788
00:29:16,508 --> 00:29:19,798
and I think it would be
to the advantage of us all
789
00:29:19,798 --> 00:29:21,682
if he were to stay with us.
790
00:29:21,682 --> 00:29:23,123
- Oh, splendid.
791
00:29:23,123 --> 00:29:25,371
- How can I ever thank you?
792
00:29:25,371 --> 00:29:27,936
(audience clapping)
793
00:29:27,936 --> 00:29:31,853
("Are You Being Served Theme")
794
00:29:33,398 --> 00:29:36,331
♫ Ground floor perfumery,
stationery, and leather goods
795
00:29:36,331 --> 00:29:39,502
♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food
796
00:29:39,502 --> 00:29:41,752
♫ Going up
797
00:29:45,061 --> 00:29:47,921
♫ First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits,
798
00:29:47,921 --> 00:29:50,517
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear and shoes
799
00:29:50,517 --> 00:29:52,767
♫ Going up
800
00:29:56,668 --> 00:29:59,480
♫ Second floor carpets,
travel goods and bedding,
801
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,120
♫ Material, soft furnishings,
restaurant and teas
802
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,537
♫ Going down
803
00:30:08,235 --> 00:30:11,039
♫ First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits,
804
00:30:11,039 --> 00:30:13,627
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear and shoes
805
00:30:13,627 --> 00:30:17,460
♫ Going up ♫
56589
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