Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,984
And now, Dickie Dobbins,
2
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:03,786
with the Channel 3 Doppler 12,000
3
00:00:03,821 --> 00:00:06,238
Accu-Climate Weather-Plus forecast.
4
00:00:06,290 --> 00:00:08,457
We got more record heat movin' in.
5
00:00:08,492 --> 00:00:10,776
My guess is it's from Eurasia,
6
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,278
or even, possibly,
7
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:15,180
the dark continent.
8
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,383
That's where Miss Maisie comes from.
9
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,184
She raised me.
10
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,419
Jesus, Dickie. [Nervous chuckle]
11
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,521
It's... it's important to remember
12
00:00:22,557 --> 00:00:24,323
old Dickie comes from a different era.
13
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,457
Right, Terry?
14
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,309
Oh, that's right.
15
00:00:27,345 --> 00:00:31,180
Sometimes I forget [Tearfully]
that he's gone.
16
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:34,333
As the week-long beat wave continues...
17
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,935
beat wave? What's a beat wave?
18
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:38,404
As the heatwave... sorry... continues...
19
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,273
[sobs]
20
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:43,008
I just hate seeing Greg like this.
21
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,977
Guy's been a mess ever since Terry
22
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,346
dumped him and left
town to follow 311 on tour.
23
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,497
You know what?
24
00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:50,115
Greg needs a new man
25
00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:52,084
and I'm gonna help him find one.
26
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,285
Why?
27
00:00:53,337 --> 00:00:55,371
Because that's what you do for friends.
28
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,790
At least, that's what I do for friends.
29
00:00:57,842 --> 00:01:00,876
In high school, my
nickname was Superfriend.
30
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:04,129
Actually, it was Supermouth.
31
00:01:04,181 --> 00:01:05,547
Actually, it was Suckmachine.
32
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,100
They called me Stan the Man.
33
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:11,020
There was a girl in my class named Stan.
34
00:01:11,055 --> 00:01:13,973
[Band plays]
35
00:01:13,975 --> 00:01:16,942
Good morning, U.S.A.
36
00:01:16,978 --> 00:01:20,279
I got a feelin' that it's
gonna be a wonderful day
37
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:23,198
The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face
38
00:01:23,234 --> 00:01:26,986
And he's shinin' a
salute to the American race
39
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:32,992
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
40
00:01:33,044 --> 00:01:35,210
good morning, U.S.A.
41
00:01:35,246 --> 00:01:36,328
Aah!
42
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:41,083
Good morning, U.S.A.
43
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:43,902
[Tranquil tune plays]
44
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:46,138
Just a little more pepper.
45
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:47,589
Greg's coming up the driveway!
46
00:01:47,642 --> 00:01:49,892
Aah! Aaaaaaah!
47
00:01:49,927 --> 00:01:51,510
Now, remember.
48
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,178
We're pumping him for information
49
00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:54,980
about his perfect guy,
50
00:01:55,016 --> 00:01:57,082
so we can find
someone to set him up with.
51
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,184
It's actually the perfect temperature.
52
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,286
- Can someone toss me a tecate?
- I'll tell you
53
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,522
what my perfect man would
be, if I was gay.
54
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,258
He'd have smooth, soft skin,
55
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,526
long, shiny hair,
56
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,395
a narrow waist and wide hips,
57
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,363
forming the shape of an hourglass.
58
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,532
Pouty lips, big doe eyes.
59
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,118
A musical, high-pitched voice.
60
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:19,371
Large, supple, breast-like
pectoral muscles.
61
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:20,673
And huge balls.
62
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,374
Something you can really grab onto.
63
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,425
Stan!
64
00:02:23,461 --> 00:02:25,477
Oh, we're at dinner now.
65
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,112
Thank you so much for having me.
66
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,508
It's nice to get out of the house.
67
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:29,982
Our pleasure.
68
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,484
Now, what would you like for dessert,
69
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:36,155
a bear claw or a twink-ie?
70
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,924
Or maybe asian dessert?
71
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,459
We haven't even eaten dinner yet.
72
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,061
Okay, then, let's start with salad.
73
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:43,462
Would you like your dressing on the top
74
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,597
of your salad, or on the bottom?
75
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,332
How would you put it on the bottom?
76
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,403
Okay, what are you two up to?
77
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:53,138
All right. The truth is,
78
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,307
we were trying to figure out your type,
79
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,575
so we could set you up.
80
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,111
You just seem so
down, ever since Terry left.
81
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,647
Oh. That's sweet of you.
82
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,216
I admit, I do miss
Terry, as a life partner,
83
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,301
but, to be honest, I
miss him more, right now,
84
00:03:06,337 --> 00:03:08,353
as a work partner.
85
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,655
I'm... I'm sorry. That... that probably
86
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,323
didn't exactly warrant a spit-take.
87
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,092
Kind of jumped the gun there. Go on.
88
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,627
What makes a reporter,
journalistic integrity?
89
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,396
Ha! It's the banter!
90
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,698
But you can't just plug
anybody into that other chair.
91
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:22,434
You need chemistry and
chemistry is hard.
92
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:23,969
Tell me about it.
93
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,071
I burned down my
school in chemistry class.
94
00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:28,741
My school experience was
pretty flaming, too,
95
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,659
if you know what I mean. [Chuckle]
96
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,478
I bet you were quite the firestarter.
97
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,679
Just call me young Drew Barrymore.
98
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,581
You're not the only one who liked
99
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,416
"riding in cars with boys."
100
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,484
"Charlie's Angels"!
101
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:39,718
"Charlie's angels 2"!
102
00:03:39,754 --> 00:03:41,036
"Home fries"!
103
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:42,171
[Gasp] Francine,
104
00:03:42,206 --> 00:03:43,622
do you realize what we're doing?
105
00:03:43,674 --> 00:03:45,624
We're bantering. Crazy idea.
106
00:03:45,676 --> 00:03:47,760
Would you come fill
in in Terry's old seat?
107
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:49,762
Just until we find a
permanent replacement.
108
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,230
I don't know, Greg.
109
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,098
I'm not really up on current events.
110
00:03:53,134 --> 00:03:55,567
I get most of my news off Snapple caps.
111
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,186
Please, Francine.
112
00:03:57,221 --> 00:03:58,437
To help a friend.
113
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:02,374
Sounds like a job for Suckmachine.
114
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,143
How'd you know my high school nickname?
115
00:04:07,859 --> 00:04:09,943
Hey, check out what we
found in the basement.
116
00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:11,411
You walk in, without knocking,
117
00:04:11,446 --> 00:04:12,662
like a bunch of Duprees?
118
00:04:12,697 --> 00:04:14,364
It's my old dream phone game.
119
00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:16,649
It's so dumb. You try to figure out
120
00:04:16,685 --> 00:04:18,351
which cute boy has a crush on you.
121
00:04:18,386 --> 00:04:20,386
We thought it'd be
fun to play as a goof.
122
00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:22,355
Doesn't sound fun. Sounds lame.
123
00:04:22,390 --> 00:04:23,556
But I guess I'll do it,
124
00:04:23,591 --> 00:04:25,008
'cause I got nothing else to do.
125
00:04:25,043 --> 00:04:27,010
But it sounds
boring. I'm gonna be bored.
126
00:04:27,045 --> 00:04:29,045
I was right. This is boring.
127
00:04:29,097 --> 00:04:30,930
I'm bored. I think
I'm just about ready to...
128
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:33,466
[gasp] Who is that?!
129
00:04:33,518 --> 00:04:34,801
- [breathily] Dylan.
- [piano flouris]
130
00:04:34,836 --> 00:04:36,636
- [ring]
- Hello?
131
00:04:36,638 --> 00:04:38,554
Your crush loves pizza.
132
00:04:38,606 --> 00:04:40,106
That could be Dylan.
133
00:04:40,141 --> 00:04:41,557
We like all the same things.
134
00:04:41,609 --> 00:04:43,776
Dylan likes the mall. I like the mall.
135
00:04:43,812 --> 00:04:47,981
Oh, my god. Is he the one?
136
00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:50,450
I once wished a wish
137
00:04:50,485 --> 00:04:52,485
One day I would meet ya
138
00:04:52,487 --> 00:04:54,454
My two scoops of kisses
139
00:04:54,489 --> 00:04:56,873
With a heart shaped like pizza
140
00:04:56,908 --> 00:04:59,959
What angel or genie
141
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,694
Led me here to you?
142
00:05:01,730 --> 00:05:04,914
My telephone Romeo
143
00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:09,335
My dream come true
144
00:05:09,387 --> 00:05:12,672
My dream come true
145
00:05:12,724 --> 00:05:15,591
[moaning]
146
00:05:15,643 --> 00:05:20,713
My dream come true
147
00:05:20,749 --> 00:05:22,482
I'd sing you the second verse,
148
00:05:22,517 --> 00:05:27,453
but it gets pretty explicit.
149
00:05:27,489 --> 00:05:31,457
And remember, we are the
news of Langley Falls.
150
00:05:31,493 --> 00:05:34,560
Without us, people making
dinner won't know who's been murdered!
151
00:05:34,596 --> 00:05:36,696
152
00:05:36,731 --> 00:05:38,164
Good evening. I'm Greg Corbin.
153
00:05:38,199 --> 00:05:40,133
And I'm Francine Smith.
154
00:05:40,168 --> 00:05:41,834
Our top story tonight...
155
00:05:41,870 --> 00:05:44,537
17 alligators were set loose today
156
00:05:44,572 --> 00:05:47,874
when an oak tree fell on a
fence at the Langley Falls gator farm.
157
00:05:47,909 --> 00:05:49,442
Dickie, I bet you were around
158
00:05:49,477 --> 00:05:50,677
when that oak tree was planted.
159
00:05:50,678 --> 00:05:51,677
Huh?
160
00:05:51,713 --> 00:05:53,012
Planted?
161
00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:55,081
Dickie was around when the
oak tree was invented.
162
00:05:55,116 --> 00:05:56,816
[Chuckle] Looks like those gators
163
00:05:56,851 --> 00:05:58,051
aren't the only ones who bite.
164
00:05:58,086 --> 00:05:59,886
Chomp, chomp. [Chuckle]
165
00:05:59,921 --> 00:06:02,155
Her banter is beautiful.
166
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:06,776
She's a revelatio-o-o-
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n!
167
00:06:06,811 --> 00:06:08,094
Oh, she's good.
168
00:06:08,129 --> 00:06:09,962
Real good.
169
00:06:09,998 --> 00:06:12,498
Too good.
170
00:06:12,534 --> 00:06:15,234
This will end poorly.
171
00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,070
Raven!
172
00:06:17,105 --> 00:06:18,905
[Laughs]
173
00:06:18,957 --> 00:06:20,773
She's so raven.
174
00:06:20,809 --> 00:06:22,542
Real raven.
175
00:06:22,577 --> 00:06:24,844
Too raven.
176
00:06:24,879 --> 00:06:26,446
This will end
177
00:06:26,481 --> 00:06:27,580
poorly.
178
00:06:31,587 --> 00:06:32,803
Thank you.
179
00:06:32,838 --> 00:06:34,504
This is the first and last step
180
00:06:34,506 --> 00:06:36,223
to opening my dry cleaning business.
181
00:06:36,258 --> 00:06:39,259
So, we eat here for free?
182
00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:41,228
I never realized being the husband
183
00:06:41,263 --> 00:06:43,597
of a local news celeb would be so sweet!
184
00:06:43,649 --> 00:06:45,682
Ah, the perks are nice, but remember:
185
00:06:45,684 --> 00:06:47,684
I'm doing all this to help Greg.
186
00:06:47,736 --> 00:06:51,688
Complimentary order of
shrimp enchiladas. Mwah!
187
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:54,357
The veins in the
shrimp are... how you say?
188
00:06:54,393 --> 00:06:56,927
Bursting with turds tonight.
189
00:06:56,962 --> 00:06:59,496
That's exactly how you say it, Miguel.
190
00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:04,968
One more call, and I'll zero in
191
00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:07,471
on the identity of
the landline strangler.
192
00:07:07,506 --> 00:07:08,739
I've crafted my own narrative
193
00:07:08,774 --> 00:07:10,474
to enhance my enjoyment of the game.
194
00:07:10,509 --> 00:07:12,375
Now, talk to me, you sicko!
195
00:07:12,377 --> 00:07:13,960
Who are you talking to? Is it Dylan?
196
00:07:14,012 --> 00:07:15,879
[groaning]
197
00:07:15,881 --> 00:07:17,013
Keep your paws off him, you slut!
198
00:07:17,049 --> 00:07:18,515
[ring]
199
00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:20,016
Your crush hates the mall.
200
00:07:20,052 --> 00:07:21,685
Hates the mall? It's not Dylan.
201
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,303
- We're resetting.
- [Beep]
202
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,355
Roger, you can't just
keep resetting the game
203
00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:27,023
every time, until you get Dylan.
204
00:07:27,059 --> 00:07:29,559
I don't see why you're so
hung up on Dylan, anyway.
205
00:07:29,561 --> 00:07:32,395
Tyler is clearly the
cutest of the dream boys.
206
00:07:32,431 --> 00:07:34,397
Hell, I'd even take Wayne over Dylan.
207
00:07:34,433 --> 00:07:36,032
You have six seconds
208
00:07:36,068 --> 00:07:37,451
to suck those filthy words back
209
00:07:37,486 --> 00:07:38,735
inside your rotten little mouth.
210
00:07:38,737 --> 00:07:39,986
Damn it, Roger.
211
00:07:40,038 --> 00:07:41,788
This isn't even a real person, okay?
212
00:07:41,824 --> 00:07:44,991
This is just some model who
posed for a picture in 1994.
213
00:07:45,043 --> 00:07:46,676
It's... it's insane to have a crush
214
00:07:46,712 --> 00:07:48,712
on a fake person on a fake phone.
215
00:07:48,747 --> 00:07:50,714
[sigh] You're right.
216
00:07:50,749 --> 00:07:51,982
The sane thing to do is
217
00:07:52,017 --> 00:07:54,017
track down the model
who posed for the card
218
00:07:54,052 --> 00:07:55,469
and go on a road trip to meet him.
219
00:07:55,504 --> 00:07:56,920
Exactly.
220
00:07:56,972 --> 00:07:59,923
I'm so excited
221
00:07:59,975 --> 00:08:02,392
And I just can't hide it
222
00:08:02,427 --> 00:08:03,927
No, no, no
223
00:08:03,979 --> 00:08:05,428
I'm about to lose control
224
00:08:05,481 --> 00:08:07,481
And I think I like it
225
00:08:08,767 --> 00:08:10,684
I know I like you, Dylan.
226
00:08:15,374 --> 00:08:16,690
[laughter]
227
00:08:16,742 --> 00:08:17,991
Of course, that was
back when it was okay
228
00:08:18,026 --> 00:08:20,026
to bring a crossbow on a bus.
229
00:08:20,078 --> 00:08:23,914
This just in... Channel
3's own Dickie Dobbins has...
230
00:08:23,949 --> 00:08:25,582
Died?
231
00:08:25,617 --> 00:08:26,883
Of a stroke.
232
00:08:26,919 --> 00:08:29,085
I didn't know you could die from that.
233
00:08:29,121 --> 00:08:31,021
I thought it just made you talk funny.
234
00:08:31,056 --> 00:08:33,456
Ah, I had a stroke, see?
235
00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:35,926
We always poke fun at Dickie, sure, but,
236
00:08:35,961 --> 00:08:37,360
I never thought we'd...
237
00:08:37,396 --> 00:08:40,997
[wheels squeaking]
238
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:42,365
Lose him.
239
00:08:43,702 --> 00:08:44,801
Greg?
240
00:08:50,542 --> 00:08:52,108
Ladies and gentlemen,
241
00:08:52,144 --> 00:08:55,679
heaven just got one
hell of a weather angel.
242
00:08:55,714 --> 00:08:58,448
Or, if the
allegations that followed Dickie
243
00:08:58,483 --> 00:09:01,351
his entire life turn
out to have been true,
244
00:09:01,386 --> 00:09:05,355
hell just got one
angel of a weather demon.
245
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:08,625
And... We're... Out.
246
00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:10,460
Thank you, Francine. That...
247
00:09:10,495 --> 00:09:11,728
that was wonderful.
248
00:09:11,763 --> 00:09:13,096
You just got in the zone.
249
00:09:13,131 --> 00:09:14,731
It was like there was no
one else at the desk.
250
00:09:14,766 --> 00:09:16,032
Oh! [laughs]
251
00:09:16,068 --> 00:09:17,734
Oh, that's ridiculous.
252
00:09:17,769 --> 00:09:21,037
Who ever heard of one
person anchoring the news?
253
00:09:21,073 --> 00:09:22,472
- [laughs]
- [nervous laugh]
254
00:09:22,507 --> 00:09:24,090
[laughs]
255
00:09:24,142 --> 00:09:25,675
But do ya think?
256
00:09:25,711 --> 00:09:29,512
257
00:09:29,514 --> 00:09:31,815
So I had the
sassiest waiter the other day.
258
00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:34,851
Oh, I'll tell you how I
feel about sassy waiters.
259
00:09:34,887 --> 00:09:36,903
"Homey don't play around wit' dat."
260
00:09:36,939 --> 00:09:38,989
Remember that, the black clown?
261
00:09:39,024 --> 00:09:40,624
Anyway.
262
00:09:40,659 --> 00:09:43,793
263
00:09:44,997 --> 00:09:47,664
If I was that hang-glide instructor,
264
00:09:47,699 --> 00:09:49,950
I'd have just cut that big boy loose.
265
00:09:50,002 --> 00:09:51,585
- Well, I...
- Oh, we're gonna get calls
266
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:52,953
- on that one, aren't we?
- I-I once...
267
00:09:53,005 --> 00:09:55,538
Oh, behave, Francine.
268
00:09:55,540 --> 00:09:56,873
[laughs]
269
00:09:56,875 --> 00:10:00,093
270
00:10:03,098 --> 00:10:04,714
[music climbs]
271
00:10:07,769 --> 00:10:09,769
272
00:10:13,191 --> 00:10:15,609
Man, Francine really ain't letting you
273
00:10:15,644 --> 00:10:17,477
get a word in edgewise, is she?
274
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,729
Oh, she's just doing her
part to be helpful.
275
00:10:19,781 --> 00:10:21,398
And you know what they say...
276
00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:22,699
"there's no I in team."
277
00:10:22,734 --> 00:10:24,534
No! I don't know that,
278
00:10:24,569 --> 00:10:25,809
'cause I never learned to read!
279
00:10:25,821 --> 00:10:27,737
[sobbing]
280
00:10:27,789 --> 00:10:29,205
[hissing]
281
00:10:29,241 --> 00:10:30,640
Aah-aah!
282
00:10:30,676 --> 00:10:32,008
Why do we have this room?!
283
00:10:34,713 --> 00:10:36,079
So they've got a killer new
284
00:10:36,131 --> 00:10:38,665
verde shrimp chimichanga down at Larry's.
285
00:10:38,717 --> 00:10:40,083
I was thinking maybe you could work in
286
00:10:40,085 --> 00:10:41,501
a plug on the show today.
287
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:42,752
I'm not gonna compromise the news
288
00:10:42,804 --> 00:10:44,671
to make you a hero at Loco Larry's.
289
00:10:44,723 --> 00:10:46,589
This isn't about you.
290
00:10:46,591 --> 00:10:47,807
And it's not about me.
291
00:10:47,843 --> 00:10:49,225
It's about Greg.
292
00:10:49,261 --> 00:10:51,728
Now, I really need to
do my vocal warmups.
293
00:10:51,763 --> 00:10:54,064
Me me me me me
294
00:10:54,099 --> 00:10:55,765
Not Greg, not Greg, not Greg
295
00:10:55,817 --> 00:10:59,769
All that is his will be mine
296
00:10:59,771 --> 00:11:01,521
What's going on?
297
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:02,856
We've finally got a new weather guy
298
00:11:02,908 --> 00:11:05,508
to replace Dickie... Memphis Stormfront.
299
00:11:05,544 --> 00:11:07,193
From Channel 6 in Raleigh-Durham.
300
00:11:07,245 --> 00:11:09,112
They say he gives great banter.
301
00:11:09,164 --> 00:11:11,114
[Southern accent] And that
he's got his eye on the anchor desk.
302
00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:12,999
He might be just the guy to be Greg's
303
00:11:13,035 --> 00:11:14,484
permanent co-anchor, fool!
304
00:11:14,519 --> 00:11:15,819
Why are you doing that?
305
00:11:15,854 --> 00:11:20,173
I love gossi-i-i-p!
306
00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:23,093
[laughter]
307
00:11:23,128 --> 00:11:26,796
308
00:11:26,848 --> 00:11:29,215
We have a new member
of the Channel 3 Team
309
00:11:29,267 --> 00:11:30,717
and we're about to find out
310
00:11:30,769 --> 00:11:33,186
"weather" he's any good at his job.
311
00:11:33,221 --> 00:11:35,138
A job, by the way,
312
00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:37,807
that can be done
better by a free phone app.
313
00:11:37,809 --> 00:11:39,109
Memphis.
314
00:11:39,144 --> 00:11:42,245
"Appy" to prove you
wrong, there, Francine.
315
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:46,616
I'd also happily help you find
a phone made after 1998.
316
00:11:46,651 --> 00:11:48,051
Hey, no fair! That's just a backup
317
00:11:48,086 --> 00:11:49,753
until her beeper gets out of the shop.
318
00:11:49,788 --> 00:11:51,588
Ooh! Burn!
319
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,757
Um, uh...
320
00:11:53,792 --> 00:11:54,824
I...
321
00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,659
Ch-chimichanga.
322
00:11:56,695 --> 00:11:58,294
Turning to the five-day forecast.
323
00:11:58,330 --> 00:12:00,630
I haven't felt this kind of
on-air chemistry since Terry.
324
00:12:00,665 --> 00:12:02,632
I think he's the one. Isn't this great?
325
00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:04,250
You'll be able to go back to your
326
00:12:04,302 --> 00:12:06,622
whatever you do with your days.
327
00:12:08,673 --> 00:12:09,839
My lokey!
328
00:12:09,841 --> 00:12:12,058
I want that weather punk gone!
329
00:12:12,094 --> 00:12:16,062
I just heard you got Memphis fired?
330
00:12:16,098 --> 00:12:18,314
He was dead weight, ratings poison.
331
00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:20,150
A real Ray Donovan.
332
00:12:20,185 --> 00:12:21,818
I was looking out for ya.
333
00:12:21,853 --> 00:12:24,187
Look, you've been
such a good friend to me,
334
00:12:24,189 --> 00:12:26,573
so, speaking as your good friend,
335
00:12:26,608 --> 00:12:28,224
I think your love of the limelight
336
00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:29,826
is clouding your judgment.
337
00:12:29,861 --> 00:12:31,795
Oh. Wow!
338
00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:34,064
Thank you for helping me realize
339
00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:36,299
- [crunch]
- What an ingrate you are.
340
00:12:36,334 --> 00:12:37,901
Francine, you're hurting me!
341
00:12:37,936 --> 00:12:39,285
I get the viewers.
342
00:12:39,337 --> 00:12:41,287
- I make the news fun.
- [crunch]
343
00:12:41,339 --> 00:12:43,790
And I do it all to help you!
344
00:12:43,842 --> 00:12:44,958
Well, you're gonna have a hard time
345
00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:47,544
helping me, because me quits!
346
00:12:47,596 --> 00:12:48,628
[sobbing]
347
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,913
Wait, wait!
348
00:12:49,948 --> 00:12:51,281
Greg, come back!
349
00:12:51,316 --> 00:12:53,750
I didn't mean what I said.
350
00:12:53,785 --> 00:12:56,052
I've never seen "Ray Donovan."
351
00:12:56,088 --> 00:12:57,887
It could be a good show.
352
00:12:57,923 --> 00:13:00,356
I don't know. We don't get showtime.
353
00:13:00,392 --> 00:13:01,991
Everything else I said stands.
354
00:13:02,027 --> 00:13:03,726
[sobbing]
355
00:13:07,603 --> 00:13:10,371
Stupid, ungrateful Greg.
356
00:13:10,406 --> 00:13:13,240
I guess some friends
just don't want to be helped.
357
00:13:16,835 --> 00:13:18,370
_
358
00:13:18,557 --> 00:13:20,364
_
359
00:13:20,465 --> 00:13:21,928
_
360
00:13:27,192 --> 00:13:27,692
_
361
00:13:33,296 --> 00:13:35,162
Oh, my god!
362
00:13:35,197 --> 00:13:36,497
I was so busy,
363
00:13:36,532 --> 00:13:38,365
telling myself I was helping Greg,
364
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,668
I couldn't see how
much I was hurting him.
365
00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:43,120
Oh, we need to make this right.
366
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,823
Are you okay, losing your
Loco Larry's perks?
367
00:13:45,875 --> 00:13:47,808
Hey, helping Greg is more important
368
00:13:47,843 --> 00:13:49,627
than eating 16 burritos a day,
369
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,794
every day of the week.
370
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,162
Also, my...
371
00:13:52,214 --> 00:13:53,380
my colon came out.
372
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:54,415
What?
373
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,749
M-my colon came out.
374
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,751
I-I looked it up
online and it is reversible.
375
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,720
Greg and Memphis are so clearly
376
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,472
right for each other.
377
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,174
We need to get 'em back together.
378
00:14:04,226 --> 00:14:05,676
And back on the air.
379
00:14:05,728 --> 00:14:07,311
Easier said than done.
380
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,679
Mm-mm-mm.
381
00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:10,764
Greg's done with TV.
Runs a cake shop now.
382
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:13,734
Another interesting
tidbit: Greg might not be
383
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:16,770
the macho ladykiller we all think he is.
384
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:22,776
Greg, please.
385
00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,779
You're the one who
belongs behind that desk, not me.
386
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,781
I'm sorry. I'm not going back.
387
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,750
Even if you did get Memphis back, too.
388
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:31,452
And good luck with that.
389
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,786
He's a stormchaser now.
390
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,455
Said at least you can trust a tornado
391
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,290
not to stab you in the back.
392
00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,292
Also, you know Ashley in HR?
393
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,461
Got an abortion.
394
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,930
What do we need a
weatherman for, anyway?
395
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,598
You said it yourself.
396
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:45,799
Unless, of course, there
was some sort of
397
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,302
cataclysmic superstorm to cover.
398
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,853
But, barring that, I would get rid
399
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,388
of the snake room
400
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,140
before I brought back Greg and Memphis.
401
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,142
Ohh!
402
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,361
[munching]
403
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,313
I just know, deep down,
404
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,315
Greg wants to come back to the news.
405
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,784
If I could only get him and Memphis back
406
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,453
on the air together for one broadcast.
407
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,788
But we'd need to be able
408
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,740
to control the weather, to do that.
409
00:15:09,792 --> 00:15:12,710
Easy as pie.
410
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,745
- Stan, that's a cake.
- Oh, what would you say?
411
00:15:14,797 --> 00:15:15,963
"Piece of cake."
412
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,331
Oh, yeah, it's really easy
413
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:18,663
to come up with clever word play
414
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:19,883
when you're not holding in your butthole
415
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,502
with a piece of duct tape.
416
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,170
[ring]
417
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,756
Top-secret CIA weather-
control division. Dick speaking.
418
00:15:25,808 --> 00:15:27,424
I mean, pizza store!
419
00:15:27,476 --> 00:15:28,842
Oh, it's you, Stan.
420
00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:30,394
What kind of favor?
421
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:37,935
[warble]
422
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:45,943
[beep-buzz]
423
00:15:45,995 --> 00:15:47,828
[playing heavy metal]
424
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,447
[thunder rumbles]
425
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:56,587
[doorbell rings]
426
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,871
Can I help you?
427
00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,923
You've aged beautifully.
428
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,291
- What?
- A drink? Sure!
429
00:16:01,343 --> 00:16:02,626
I'll take a sweet tea, no ice.
430
00:16:02,678 --> 00:16:04,378
You'll have one, too. Put this in yours.
431
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,764
Come on in. Let's get
you out of those wet clothes.
432
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,516
[wind blows]
433
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,469
[thunder rumbles]
434
00:16:12,521 --> 00:16:14,388
Hello? I received an order
435
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:15,973
to deliver a cake to this lamppost.
436
00:16:16,025 --> 00:16:17,608
[tires screech]
437
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,443
I got a call saying my birth mother
438
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,311
would meet me at this lamppost.
439
00:16:21,363 --> 00:16:22,446
Greg?
440
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,648
- Memphis?
- [thunder rumbles]
441
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:27,868
Oh, my god, a category-6
subpolar tornado-cane,
442
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,870
the rarest storm in all of weather!
443
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:32,406
Don't tell us. Tell the viewers.
444
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,625
Our breaking story right now.
445
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:38,745
A weather event that I
couldn't even begin to explain.
446
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,330
Oh!
447
00:16:40,382 --> 00:16:42,299
So we're going to go live to Greg Corbin
448
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,752
and Memphis Stormfront, in
the heart of the storm.
449
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:47,754
Ohhh?!
450
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,640
I told you, I'm
done with the news, Stan.
451
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,008
I'm a cake man now!
452
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:52,726
You're a what?
453
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:53,844
[thunder rumbles]
454
00:16:53,896 --> 00:16:55,479
Goddamn it, I'm a news man!
455
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,847
Greg Corbin, here,
456
00:16:56,899 --> 00:16:58,849
live in the midst of
the storm of the century,
457
00:16:58,901 --> 00:17:01,018
with our very own Memphis Stormfront.
458
00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:03,737
Greg, we are witnessing
a once-in-a-lifetime
459
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:07,274
weather event
unleashing multiple funnel clouds.
460
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:09,493
[wind roaring]
461
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,694
[squeaking]
462
00:17:10,746 --> 00:17:12,779
The gators are gettin' spooked!
463
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:15,332
Get 'em into the barn, and quick!
464
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,583
Yah!
465
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,368
It's too late!
466
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,455
[growling]
467
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:24,341
[lightning crackles]
468
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,043
[alarm blares]
469
00:17:26,095 --> 00:17:27,711
Aaaaaaah!
470
00:17:27,763 --> 00:17:29,463
In a stunning development,
471
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:33,300
we are now in the midst of
a full-fledged gator storm.
472
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:34,468
[cheering]
473
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,970
Whoo! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!
474
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:38,939
- Aaaaaah!
- [growl]
475
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:40,107
Ah! Ah.
476
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,475
Aaaah!
477
00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:42,809
[gasping]
478
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:43,977
Aaah!
479
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,696
[whimpering]
480
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,347
Ah.
481
00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:48,615
Phew.
482
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,484
[hissing, rattling]
483
00:17:53,622 --> 00:17:55,038
By the way, great to be back on the air
484
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,373
with you, Memphis.
485
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:57,658
What have you been up to lately?
486
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,960
Well, I finally caught "Step up. All in"
487
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,663
- on cable this weekend.
- That mess?
488
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:06,550
They should've called
it "Throw up. All over."
489
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,835
They should've called it off.
490
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:10,754
[laughs]
491
00:18:10,806 --> 00:18:14,675
Even in the belly of the
storm, they banter flawlessly.
492
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,843
These are my stars!
493
00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:22,766
[gulping]
494
00:18:22,818 --> 00:18:26,403
Ahh!
495
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,655
You know, you look familiar to me.
496
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:31,525
I did do a bit of board-game modeling,
497
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,943
back in my younger days.
498
00:18:32,995 --> 00:18:34,161
Oh, yeah, maybe that's it.
499
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,436
I think I... I think I remember.
500
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:36,997
Was it, um...?
501
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,498
Oh, god, it's on the tip of my...
502
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,617
I want to say mystery phone?
503
00:18:40,669 --> 00:18:41,868
- Dream phone.
- Dream phone, dream phone.
504
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,036
Right. Now I remember. It's been...
505
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:44,671
been such a long time.
506
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,590
Is that the phone from the game
507
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,958
that you're holding right now?
508
00:18:48,010 --> 00:18:49,843
So it is.
509
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:51,511
Say, you know, I got the day free.
510
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,947
What do you say we head to the mall
511
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,048
and grab ourselves a slice of 'za?
512
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:59,553
Ugh! I try to stay
away from malls, and pizza.
513
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,054
I'm beginning to get
514
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:03,056
the distinct impression, Dylan,
515
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,025
that you are a liar.
516
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,644
Well, I wouldn't exactly call it lying,
517
00:19:07,696 --> 00:19:08,779
but, for starters,
518
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,148
my name's not actually Dylan.
519
00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:17,738
So, um, what happened back there?
520
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,489
We went to the mall and had pizza,
521
00:19:19,541 --> 00:19:22,459
because that's what Dylan likes.
522
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,711
Why is there blood on the dream phone?
523
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,630
He likes malls and pizza.
524
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:27,748
And me.
525
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,637
Roger?
526
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,088
Wh-what's in this jar?
527
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,923
Dylan was being bad.
528
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,142
And, now, we have the jar.
529
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,845
I'm so excited
530
00:19:41,897 --> 00:19:45,232
And I just can't hide it
531
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:50,020
[birds chirping]
532
00:19:50,072 --> 00:19:53,240
Well, it's
official, I'm out at Channel 3
533
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,710
and you two are back in, thanks to us.
534
00:19:56,745 --> 00:19:57,878
What do you mean, thanks to you?
535
00:19:57,913 --> 00:19:59,513
We did all of this.
536
00:19:59,548 --> 00:20:00,947
Francine got you on the air
537
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:03,750
and I abused my CIA
powers to make that superstorm.
538
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,536
You made this storm?
539
00:20:06,588 --> 00:20:08,672
Lives were destroyed.
540
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,692
But Greg's life was fixed.
541
00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:13,827
Now, you've got a new work partner
542
00:20:13,862 --> 00:20:16,596
and a new life partner.
543
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,265
Now kiss, you two lovebirds.
544
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,566
And put some mustard on it.
545
00:20:22,071 --> 00:20:23,704
Aren't you straight?
546
00:20:23,739 --> 00:20:26,006
Yes, but I'm terrified of these people.
547
00:20:26,041 --> 00:20:28,175
They can control the weather!
548
00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:30,277
Mmm.
549
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,647
- Mwah.
- Mmm.
550
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,649
You did it, baby.
551
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:36,867
We did it.
552
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,535
Because we're helpers.
553
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,070
It's just in our nature.
554
00:20:40,122 --> 00:20:42,438
We help.
555
00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:50,518
Synced and corrected by VitoSilans
- www.Addic7ed.com -
556
00:20:50,568 --> 00:20:55,118
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37528
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof