All language subtitles for [10096] Trail of the Pink Panther (1982)

(Muslim call to prayer)

(Pink Panther theme)

(wolf whistle)

He's going in.

(Italian opera)

Ah, Inspector!

Chief Inspector.

Chief Inspector. Hail to the chief!

Good to see you. Your disguise
is ready for the final fitting.

- I'm sure you will be pleased.
- Good.

- Inspector Clouseau is here!
- Chief Inspector Clouseau.

Chief!

I saw some very interesting noses there.

Those noses over there are for amateurs.
I have some in my private stuff.

Yes! You always did have
a nose for noses.

Our Valentine's Day stuff isn't ready yet,
but we have some beauties here for you.

Let's try this one first.
Here's a marvellous one.

Inspector?

Shall we just get that on there?

What do you think of this?

I call this one "The Way We Were".
Do you like it? It's from our Streisand line.

- Do you like it?
- Mm...

No, I don't like it either.
Sorry, I almost took your nose with that.

Let's try this one now.
I think you will like this one very much.

It's very suitable for your face.
It fits in with your lines.

What do you think of that?

We call this one "Wino and Roses".

The veins are quite lifelike.
Don't you agree?

I am particularly proud of
the enlarged pores. Look at this one here.

I wasn't crazy about it either.
We'll try something else.

Something's missing? How about that?

- That's very nice, isn't it?
- That is a nose.

You have a nose for noses.

I always can tell
immediately I see the nose.

- We call this one our "Inky Dinky Doo".
- "Inky Dinky Doo"?

What do you have to go with this?

This will keep you very warm.
This has a nice effect with that nose.

- That is too legal.
- Too legal?

I want something that is... how can I say?

Leave it to Dr Balls.

Auguste! Look what you have done.

You're a genius.

Wait. Something is missing.

Yes. I know what's missing.
Here are some teeth... on the house.

Let me see how they look.

- Perfect!
- Look at this.

You are a genius at your art.
My dear boy.

He's still inside. What do you want
us to do when he comes out?

(man) Follow him.

Martha! Come and wrap
the chief inspector's purchase, please.

(woman coughs)

I've recently been doing
something very daring in a stump.

Arm and leg.
Only 900 francs for the complete kit.

Yes. It has been my experience that, in an
emergency, a stump can get in the way.

Martha, you remember
Chief Inspector Clouseau?

I never set eyes on zis gentleman before.

Good evening, Martha.

I cannot believe my eyes!

That is because your husband
is a genius, madame. A genius!

Wrap these up, if you would, please.
And I want that nose to go with it.

- Impossible.
- Money is no object.

That is absolutely the ugliest nose
I have ever seen in my life.

It is so revolting. It is a masterpiece.

It is also Martha's own nose.

My compliments, madame. It suits you.

Thank you, Chief Inspector.

Thank you!

I will get your bill.

(blows raspberry)

(fanfare)

(Martha sighs)

My God, Auguste, what have you done?

The left heel, cleverly built up,
which gives added height and authority.

Ja? But the real secret
is in the right heel.

The lifelike club-foot look
is caused by a built-in spring

which digs into the ankle,
causing excruciating pain.

- Very realistic, don't you think?
- How soon can I have a pair?

I can have them ready for you
by Wednesday.

Again, Auguste, my sincere thanks.
And to you, madame.

Do you like the hand?
I'll pack them up with the shoes.

It will come in handy for scratching,
in case you have any hand jobs.

- We will see you soon, Inspector.
- Chief Inspector.

Goodbye. We'll see you soon.

Oh, my God!

I can't stand!

I've never been in such pain.

Shall I kiss it and make it better?

It's not that bad.

For the third time
in the memory of modern man,

the world's largest cut diamond,
the famous Pink Panther, has been stolen.

Since the reign of Akbar the Magnificent
in the early 12th century,

until the recent bloodless coup

of the former Colonel,
now President Sandover Haleesh,

the Pink Panther has been
the symbol of continuity of the Kurfilli,

the ruling family of the tiny
Middle East nation of Lugash.

(buzzer)

- Yes?
- Chief Inspector Dreyfus.

Send him right in.

I came when I got your message,
Commissioner.

I commend your promptness.

- You have heard of the theft in Lugash?
- The Pink Panther?

Yes, of course. It is in all the papers.

Soon, I imagine, they will be
sending us a request

for assistance in catching the criminals.

I have already received such a request
from the president of Lugash personally.

I see. How many men
did the president ask for?

Only one. Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

Clouseau?

- See that he's on the next plane.
- Of course.

But, um... Commissioner.

Don't you think that someone more...
conventional would, uh...

Not to take anything away
from Clouseau, you understand,

but in view of the tense
situation in the Middle East...

I am aware of the tense situation
between you and Clouseau.

However, Lugash has requested
Clouseau, and Clouseau they will have.

Your finger is in my ink.

Hm!

Mm-hm.

Merde!

(coughing)

(Clouseau) Ow!

What's he doing in there?

Hello.

Nice weather we're having.

I had hoped we'd finally laid to rest
your obsession with Inspector Clouseau.

So had I, Doctor. So had I.

And something has happened
to bring on this relapse?

No, not something.

Someone. The one.

No. No, perhaps you're right.

Some thing. He is a thing.

- Clouseau?
- Yes! Clouseau!

And your compulsion to kill Clouseau,
is it also back?

Oh, yes. Right back.

The thought of a world without Clouseau
fills me with delight.

Like a summer with a thousand Julys.

It intoxicates my soul with, uh...

- Your eyes.
- What?

"Intoxicates my soul with your eyes."

You've just lapsed into the lyrics
of "You Go to My Head".

- I did? I apologise.
- Never apologise for Cole Porter.

Besides, your subconscious has just
confirmed what we already know.

- That Clouseau has got into my head.
- Precisely.

Now, how do you suppose
you are going to get him out of there?

I don't know. I don't suppose.

You are supposed to suppose
and give me all the answers.

The commissioner wants him in Lugash.
Let the commissioner handle it!

I don't want to know.
I don't want to be there.

I want to be here with you.
(whimpers)

What are you thinking, Doctor?

It wasn't Cole Porter.

It was Gillespie and Coots.

(whimpers)

(phone rings)

- Yes?
- The deputy commissioner to see you.

The commissioner?
Send him in immediately.

Come in, Commissioner.

I want to discuss
the Pink Panther robbery.

I am at your service, Commissioner.
Allow me to offer you a small cigar.

Pay no attention to them whatsoever.
Let them just roll.

Read this carefully
and give me your opinion.

I will read my opinion
and give you yours most carefully.

Yes.

- Do you have a light?
- Yes, in the top left-hand drawer.

Aagh!

Agh!

Agh!

I'm dancing in the rice

Just dancing in the rice

What a wonderful feeling

I'm... happy in the rice

Always happy...

Oh, allow me.

(pumping)

(clears throat)

- Excuse me.
- Yes?

Clouseau called.
He wants me to take him to the airport.

Then take him. Let the president of
Lugash worry about his blood pressure.

- He's not going to Lugash.
- What?

- He's taking the 12.15 flight to London.
- To London?

He suspects the Phantom to be
responsible for the robbery.

He said that since Sir Charles
lives in England...

- Sir Charles lives in the South of France.
- Yes, sir. Shall I tell him?

Don't bother.
He would just say "I know that."

Trying to talk sense to Clouseau

is like Einstein trying
to explain relativity to a "minkey".

Does Sir Charles know you're coming?

No, I want it to remain a surprise.

- Merde.
- What's wrong?

Your pop-out lighter is refusing to pop out.

It's supposed to pop out
when it reaches a specific temperature.

What exactly is this specific temperature?

I don't know.

You should have checked with the factory.
It is obvious that this pop-out lighter

has reached its specific pop-out
temperature and is refusing to pop out.

The first rule for the car-owner -
know your automobile.

- But it is your automobile.
- I know that!

But it is not my pop-out lighter.

If it were my pop-out lighter, I would
know the specific pop-out temperature.

Clouseau was trying to fix the lighter.

He is sure that someone
planted a bomb in the car.

Yes. Someone should have...
I mean, could have done that.

He wired Scotland Yard
and said he was arriving in disguise.

Disguise?

What kind of disguise?
Disguised as what?

He didn't say.

How are we gonna tell
how to look for him?

Grazie.

This is your captain speaking.

Please return to your seat
and fasten your seat belt

as there is turbulence ahead.
Thank you.

Whoa!

- Morning, sir. Good trip?
- Yes. Thank you.

Can I help you?

Idiot!

Inspector Clouseau.
I'm Drummond from Scotland Yard.

I am André Botot,
mustard salesman from Dijon.

Oh...

- Can I give you a lift, Monsieur Botot?
- That would be very kind of you, Mr Yard.

- Drummond.
- Yes. How is Scotland these days?

- Pardon?
- Scotland.

I've some relations
who are from Scotland.

My grandmother on my father's side.
I'm quite fluent in the Gaelic, you know.

Rrrrrrrrrr.

It is the night of braw bricht moons
on the night of gladess.

Yes.

Inspector McClaren,
this is Monsieur Botot...

From Dijon. How do you do?
I was just telling Sergeant Yard

about my father-in-law's sister
on my sergeant's side.

Go round the back.

Ah...

At last. My own house.
My own swimming pool.

My own 38-23-38.

- Telegram.
- Read it to me.

"Dear Chief Commissioner.
Happy birthday."

"Hope you enjoy the 3,000lb of Jell-O."

3,000lb of Jell-O?

There must be some mistake.

Where would I put 3,000lb of Jell-O?

Besides, only Clouseau would be stupid
enough to send me 3,000lb of Jell-O.

Argh!

(phone rings)

Hello?

Argh!

This is Inspector Drummond
of Scotland Yard.

I hope I didn't wake you up.

It's quite all right.
As a matter of fact, you did me a favour.

Who is it?

- What can I do for you, Inspector?
- It's about Inspector Clouseau.

Ml5 called and reported
that Libyan agents heard a rumour

that there might be an assassination
attempt against Clouseau.

Really? Who else wants to kill him?

I mean, who is behind it?

We don't know.
But it comes from a reliable source.

We've told Clouseau
but he just laughed and said

"The moving fingair writes."

"Fingair."

When it's Clouseau,
he could mean anything.

- Do you know what time it is?
- Will you shut up?!

No, not you. Tell me, where is he now?

At his hotel. I think you should
call him and order him back to Paris.

Until we verify this rumour, under no
circumstances allow him to go to Lugash.

- Yes?
- Do you have for me the "massage"?

Oh.

- You want a massage?
- If you have one for me, yes.

Why don't you try Tokyo Lil
at the end of the block?

Ask for Passionflower Shirley,
the Yokohama Butterfly.

- Why should I do that?
- You want a massage.

Yes, but I want it from you.

Sir, I don't give massages.

- You gave me one this morning.
- You're mistaken.

Don't you try the tricks anglais
with me, monsieur.

I received a "massage" this morning from
Inspector Quinlan of the Yard of Scotland.

- The massage!
- It was you that gave it to me.

- Message. You mean message.
- I know what I mean, you lunatic.

Do you or do you not
have for me the "massage"?

No, sir. For you, there is no massage.

(phone rings)

- Grouse-Moor Hotel.
- Inspector Clouseau.

Oh.

He just went up to his room. I'll ring.

Thank you.

(phone rings)

- Yes. This is Chief Inspector Clouseau.
- (knocking)

Turn your bed down, sir.

(maid coughs)

Agh!

Yes? You were saying?

(Clouseau) Agh!

Aagh!

Now then.
What was that you were saying?

(Clouseau) Aaagh!

Your massage!

Your phone.

To the airport, my good man,
and drive like the wind.

Right, sir.

I knew that.

I don't want to hear another word about it.

Don't get involved!
When you get mixed up with Clouseau...

- That's enough!
- What are you doing?

What does it look like? I'm doing what
I've done every morning for two years.

- But you can't!
- I'm sick and tired of you telling me

- what I can do and what I can't.
- Suit yourself.

I hope you like
the new pool cover you ordered.

(Muslim call to prayer)

- I think you made a mistake, Colonel.
- Wrong.

Never call me Colonel, Colonel Bufoni. I
am now your president and I am infallible.

It says so in the new constitution.

Which you wrote
when you were still a colonel.

And you were a captain, Colonel,
which you could soon become again.

Yes, Mr President.
It's just that sending for Clouseau...

Was a stroke of genius. He found the Pink
Panther before, he will find it again.

Possibly. And then?

Then... the grateful people of Lugash
will shower me, President Haleesh,

with praise and honour...
and their daughters.

And the insurance companies,

the ones which have already paid our
government's claim of 12 million dollars

for the theft of the Pink Panther,

what will they shower you with?

Why didn't you mention this
before I sent for Clouseau?

You've only just told me
that you'd requested assistance

from somebody else's police force.

- Maybe we can withdraw the request.
- Not "we", Mr President. "You."

Only you can't. Clouseau's plane at this
very minute is winging its way to Lugash.

Well, perhaps he won't
find the Pink Panther.

Perhaps he won't reach Lugash.

- Colonel, you wouldn't...
- To save my president.

Do what you must, Colonel.

Just don't tell me about it.

A president's conscience
must be unblemished.

You understand my meaning, General?

As the hand understands the glove.

Oh, great one.

(whimpering)

(doctor) Try to get control
of yourself, my friend.

Giving in in this way is not healthy.

If I were healthy,
why would I be here, Doctor?

I was referring to your blood pressure.

I see. He's such a maniac,
such an idiot, such a fool.

And such a lucky fool.

He would fall backwards down a manhole

and wind up
in the arms of Brooke Shields.

And now London, half in ruins.

Lugash, a helpless little desert country,

- about to be devastated.
- You must get hold of yourself.

Yes, I'm trying.

You don't want to end up
at Happy Acres again.

No. But, Doctor,
until Clouseau is out of my hair,

out of my life for ever, I'm doomed.

I'll never smile again.

Frank Sinatra with
the Pied Pipers and Tommy Dorsey.

I'm falling apart and you go down
memory lane with your silly jazz!

(phone rings)

They know not to interrupt me when I'm
with a patient, unless it is an emergency.

- Allô?
- Emergency call for the inspector.

It would seem the emergency
is not mine... but yours.

Yes, Dreyfus.

- I have terrible news for you.
- What?

Inspector Clouseau's plane is missing.

- You are sure?
- Yes, positive. I'm sorry.

- I'll be right there.
- OK, Inspector.

Thank you.

Doctor Longet... goodbye!

You see before you a man reborn!

Cured. Sane. Sound as a Swiss franc.

- The phone call was good news?
- Wonderful news.

Clouseau's plane is overdue
and presumed lost, into the sea.

Lost into the sea
and out of my life for ever!

I'm going to wash that man
right out of my hair.

I know. Mary Martin, South Pacific.

(laughs)

I'm going to wash that man
right outta my hair

I'm going to wash that man
right outta my hair

Agh!

(crash)

She's here. Come in.

I think this is a mistake.
Tell her I'm out of town on a case.

- Do you think that's wise?
- Is talking to her wise?

You were his immediate superior.

"Were." You really think he's... past tense?

- It seems possible.
- It would be wonderful.

Sooner or later,
a persistent reporter, like Marie Jouvet...

But what can I say? What can I tell her?

- That I thought him an imbecile?
- No.

That I thought him the luckiest man in the
world with the brain of a retarded clam?

Of course not.

You know he was an idiot,
I know he was an idiot,

but to everyone else he was the greatest
detective since Sherlock Holmes.

- If I tell the truth...
- Then don't. He's gone.

Give them the hero they want.
It's no skin off your nose.

But is he really gone?

I've got this ghastly feeling that one
of these days - next week or tomorrow -

I'll open the trunk of my car
or my closet and "Peekaboo!"

But even so,
I really don't think you have a choice.

What if I don't bring it off? You know me
where Clouseau is concerned.

My emotions are just lurking
below the surface like a floating mine.

- Oh, God. I can't do it.
- You can do it.

I can do it? Yes, I can do it.

No, you do it.

Miss Jouvet.

Ah, Miss Jouvet. How nice of you to come.

Please, make yourself comfortable.
Pull up a clam.

How would you describe
Inspector Clouseau?

Well... I've never known a man like him.

He was... He was unique.

- (Marie) Could you be more specific?
- (Dreyfus) I could be, but...

To start with, he was...

unorthodox.

- In what way?
- In every way.

- Can you give me an example?
- An example.

For instance, to keep himself
constantly alert to any attack,

he instructed his Chinese manservant
to attack him

wherever and whenever he could.

That's not only unorthodox, it's bizarre.

- He sounds like a real nut.
- Shut up!

There were rumours
that you and he didn't get along.

Well...

I suppose we occasionally
had our little disagreements,

but when you work
with somebody for 20 years

you can't always be expected to see...

to see... I mean, to see eye to eye.

Then you think he was a good detective?

He was... I think he was...

You can't just say he was...

There are no words
to describe what he really was.

How about "genius"?

That is a word.

- Courageous?
- Courageous?

Oh, courageous.

The president twice
decorated him for bravery.

Right.

- That sounds like a courageous man.
- It certainly sounds that way.

He was reputed to be a great athlete.

(Dreyfus sniggers)

You have no idea what an athlete he was.

A karate black belt?

- A black belt?
- Expert marksman. A born leader.

Inspector, I'm so sorry.

Gee, he's crying.

- Hello?
- This is Bruno. I want a meeting.

- Who with?
- Everybody.

OK, boss.

(ripping)

Aagh!

Aaagh!

You mean it was part of your job
to attack him like that?

Oh, yes.

Well, Cato. I'm back on the case.

Ah-ha!

Now to set the trap, catch the killer

and prove to the world that
Maria Gambrelli is innocent... of murder.

We must accelerate our training.

Attack me whenever and wherever
I least expect it. Give no quarter.

- Didn't anyone ever get hurt?
- Oh, yes. Mostly me.

There was one time, however,
when the Mafia imported a ninja.

The inspector thought the ninja was me.

- (Marie) Poor ninja.
- I know just how he felt.

Now, with your boss gone,
no more sneak attacks.

You must be very relieved.

Not entirely.

Sometimes, when you do something long
enough, you miss it even if it was painful.

What do you think
happened to the inspector?

- Beats me.
- (phone rings)

Inspector Clouseau's residence.

One moment, please.

It's for you.

- Allô?
- This is Sergeant Duval speaking.

I have that information for you.

Clouseau's former assistant,
Hercule Lajoy,

is living on a river barge called The Moth.

- Hello?
- Hello.

- Hercule Lajoy?
- Who wants to know?

- Marie Jouvet. I'm a television reporter.
- I know what you are.

Can I come aboard? I want to talk to you.

- You want answers?
- Of course.

How can I give you answers?
I am taking a nap.

I'll wait until you wake up.

All right.

You're even better-looking
than you are on television.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

I don't know why, but I have the distinct
impression that I was expected.

Clouseau has disappeared.
You're a reporter.

- Elementary.
- Spoken like a true policeman.

A retired policeman.

- May I sit?
- As you choose.

You worked with Clouseau.

Yes. He was unique.

Intuitive?
A man who followed his hunches?

Who can tell what he followed? But he
was the most successful man in the force.

Everything I thought made up a proper
investigation, he did the opposite.

Facts, Hercule. Facts.

Nothing matters but the facts.

Without them, the science
of criminal investigation

is nothing more than a guessing game.

Listen to me, Hercule,
and you will learn something.

The facts in this case are:

The body of the chauffeur was found
in the bedroom of the second maid. Fact!

Cause of death:
Four bullets in the chest. Fact!

The bullets were fired at close range
from a.25 Beretta automatic. Fact!

Maria Gambrelli was discovered
with the murder weapon in her hand. Fact!

The murder weapon was registered in
the name of the deceased, Miguel Ostos,

and was kept in the glove compartment
of the Ballon Rolls-Royce.

Fact!

Members of the household staff
have testified that Miguel Ostos beat...

You fool, you've broken my pointing stick.
I've got nothing to point with now.

Have testified that Miguel Ostos
beat Maria Gambrelli frequently.

And finally comes this sworn statement
of Monsieur and Madame Ballon,

as well as all the members of the staff,
each of them with perfect alibis.

Now then, Hercule.
What is the inescapable conclusion?

Maria Gambrelli killed the chauffeur.

What? You idiot! Lmpossible.
She's protecting someone.

- How do you know that?
- Instinct!

But the facts...

You are forgetting
the most important fact - motive.

- He beat her.
- He was Spanish.

- He tore her dress off.
- Don't be ridiculous!

Would you kill somebody
who tore your dress off?

- No, I suppose not.
- Of course not.

No. There is no doubt
in my mind whatsoever, Hercule.

Maria Gambrelli is most definitely
protecting somebody.

Find that somebody
and you have found the murderer.

And I shall find the murderer
before the day is out.

Maria Gambrelli will tell me who he is.

Yet Clouseau was proved right.
Maria Gambrelli was innocent.

Clouseau was always proved right
at the end of the case.

But on the way
even he made a few miscalculations.

(operatic singing)

Agh!

(Marie) And now he is lost in the sea.

I admired his successes,
but his methods...

They made a mockery of everything
I knew of police work, so I quit.

But I have a good life.
I carry a few cargoes.

I charter to a group of tourists in August
when it gets too hot to stay in Paris.

Don't you miss it sometimes,
the excitement?

Young lady, if I missed the excitement
don't you think I would bait my hook?

Thank you, Hercule Lajoy. I like you.

I don't think you're the hard case
you make yourself out to be.

I like Hercule too, just because
he is the hard case he seems to be.

But if you really want to get
to the bottom of this Clouseau thing,

forget about us,
the ones on his side of the law.

Dig up some of the crooks
he caught, or didn't catch.

Goodbye.

- Call again when you're in the area!
- Thank you. I may do that.

They only show the top half
of you on television.

- I'm glad the bottom is just as good.
- Me too.

- How's business?
- Better.

Pickin' up.

Clouseau disappears.
Business gets better.

Sure thing, yeah.

- This Marie Jouvet is snoopin' around.
- So what?

Who knows? But I think
it's better we put a tail on her.

Luis, she's no dummy.
You pick a couple of good boys?

Done.

(man) When I first met Inspector
Clouseau, about 20 years ago, in Cortina,

I had a nasty ski accident

and unfortunately Clouseau happened
to be staying at the same hotel.

Ow!

- Ow!
- Excuse me. My leg is caught.

- You were married to the inspector?
- Yes.

Had you known Sir Charles
before Cortina?

Only casually.

I am willing to bet you 10,000 francs

that the Phantom is in Cortina at this very
moment. Even, perhaps, in this room.

How exciting.
What do you think, Mr Tucker?

I agree. Ten of his last 15 victims have
been guests at Angela Dunning's parties.

What are we all talking about?

- The notorious Phantom.
- I'm afraid I've never heard of him.

He seems to be quite a fellow.

There are few thieves
who are as clever as the Phantom.

Each theft is completely different
and unique, classic in its conception.

I thought your theory is
that he does repeat himself.

Only with regard to
Angela Dunning's parties.

However, there is one other duplication,

but that is his... trademark,
his calling card, so to speak.

- He leaves a white monogrammed glove.
- Sounds terribly theatrical.

Your Highness, if I were the Phantom,
I'd have chosen my victim already.

Really? And who would that be?

Who owns the most fabulous
diamond in the world?

- I suppose I do.
- Exactly. The Pink Panther.

Such a prize he could never resist.

He'd be disappointed.
The Pink Panther is in my safe at...

Your Highness, please.
Don't say it, not here.

Your Highness, I read there was a dispute
over the ownership of the Pink Panther.

It belongs to me.
It was a gift from my late father.

- I shall never surrender it.
- Why should you?

When this government seized power,
they claimed it belonged to the people.

There's talk of the international court
deciding the issue.

Why don't I steal the diamond,
leave that old glove behind,

- and you and I can split the insurance?
- All right.

I feel like dancing. Your Highness?

I'd love to.

- How about you, madame?
- Yes, of course.

- Your leg is better, Sir Charles?
- What?

- I say your leg is better.
- Yes. Much better. Thank you.

You know, Mr Tucker... Argh!

That's my beer.

In May 1964 you divorced
Inspector Clouseau and a year later...

I married the man of my dreams.

- Who was that, darling?
- You know.

That fellow Clouseau accused
of being the notorious Phantom.

You have to forgive her.
She's not very good on names.

- He's terribly attractive.
- But she has impeccable taste.

- Why did Clouseau think it was you?
- An anonymous phone call.

I see. Come up immediately.

Sir Charles. The Phantom.

I've really got him this time.

- But of course he was wrong.
- About what?

- About you being the Phantom.
- Of course. He was wrong.

- Wrong, but persistent.
- Persistent he was.

(Sir Charles) He was convinced that
I was planning to steal the Pink Panther.

And when Princess Dala gave
a costume ball at a villa in Rome,

Clouseau was there with his men.

- Warm.
- Yes, must be hell in there.

Bet it's not so good in there.

- Anything suspicious?
- No, nothing to worry about.

My men are everywhere. Mingling here,
mingling there, watching all the time.

How dare you drink on duty?
Who is inside there?

- Sergeant Walter.
- Sergeant Coff.

Stop that or I'll have your stripes!

- The Pink Panther was stolen that night?
- By a gorilla.

Come back! It's me!

(Sir Charles) To my dying day,

I'll never forget that old man
trying to cross the street.

(tyres squeal)

(horn)

(horn)

(horn)

- (Clouseau) Come on, faster!
- (horn)

What's the matter with you?
Can't you drive this thing faster?

(horn)

(Clouseau) This is the road
they have gone up.

(horn)

Don't argue with me!
I know where they've gone.

(horn)

(horn)

- George, how do we get out of here?
- I don't know. I've been all over this place.

- How do we get out?
- You try the high road.

I'll take the high road,
you take the low road. So long.

Ciao, George.

(horn)

- That's them!
- No, it isn't.

(tyres screech)

(crash)

(continuous horn)

For a while, it looked as though
Clouseau himself was the Phantom.

He was actually arrested for having stolen
the Pink Panther and sent to prison.

Tucker!

- But he was innocent.
- Inept, but innocent.

- Inept?
- Wouldn't you say so, darling?

Not in everything, darling.
He was a terrific sleeper.

- It's hard to believe.
- It's true.

He almost never made a serious
mistake while he was sleeping.

I mean, inept! France's greatest detective!

It does test one's reality.

- Do you think he's dead?
- I hope not.

- What do you think, Sir Charles?
- No. Men like Clouseau never die.

They're indestructible.
That's how it should be.

- Why?
- We need them.

They help us preserve
our sense of humour.

And they're living proof
that, however bad things get,

if you persevere you survive
and sometimes even win.

So you think determination
was the key to his success?

No question about it.

He was a fool but he epitomised
the 11th commandment.

- The 11th commandment?
- "Thou shalt not give up."

- I like that.
- I thought you might.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Come and see us again.
- I may do that.

The man of your dreams
is also a Machiavellian charmer.

I know that. Thank you.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

- You've just passed the hotel.
- Yes, ma'am.

- But that's where I wanted to go.
- You see that car following us?

What about it?

The two men in that car suggested
I drop you off at another address.

- What are you talking about?
- Actually, it was more like a threat.

- They threatened you?
- One of them showed me his new gun.

Who are they?

I know you'll think I'm not on the ball,
but I neglected to get their names.

- You realise this is kidnapping?
- Yeah.

I have to be honest with you.

I couldn't come up with an alternative.

You can go to prison for life
for kidnapping.

Lady, the gun he showed me
was a.38 Magnum.

I don't know anything about guns.

That gun makes enormous holes
in things.

I had a choice between kidnapping you
and getting shot with that gun.

To be perfectly frank,
I would look terrible and feel worse

with an enormous hole in me.

- Miss Jouvet, how nice of you to come.
- Did I have a choice?

Actually, no.
Let's go where we can be private.

- Do I have a choice?
- I just wanna have a talk with you.

- Watch your step.
- I always do.

- Why the drama? You could have phoned.
- Would you have come?

To see the French godfather?
Bruno, I'm a reporter.

And a terrific-lookin' one at that.
Take a swim.

Come on.
Let's make ourselves comfortable.

- Have a seat.
- Can I have a drink?

- Do I have a choice?
- Actually, no.

- How about some champagne?
- Terrific. And put a fresh peach in it.

- Champagne and put a peach in it.
- Peach?

Yes, sir.

- I never heard of a peach in champagne.
- Very sexy.

- Make that two.
- Yes, sir.

- What happens if he has no peaches?
- Something very melodramatic.

If it gets to that,
I'll settle for plain champagne.

Marie, you really are
some kinda sensational lady.

Bruno, there is an old saying.

- What's that?
- Never bullshit a bullshitter.

(laughs)

I want you to lay off
on this Clouseau thing.

- Take off your glasses.
- What for?

Then I can see what you're thinking.

I doubt that.

- Why do you want me to lay off him?
- Cos I asked you to.

- It's not a good enough reason.
- It should be.

What if I don't?

You know, Marie, when I was your age,

I used to sometimes wonder
what it would be like

if I suddenly found a whole lot of money.

- Have you ever imagined that?
- Oh, yes.

I even imagined that some day someone
might try to bribe me with a small fortune.

- What did you do?
- I was tempted.

- That's a good start.
- But I said no.

- Not very bright.
- I'm a reporter.

For better or for worse, an honest one.

Tell me why you want me
to lay off Clouseau.

Cos I prefer things the way they are.

Clouseau created a lot of problems.

A smart lady like you
could find out he's still alive.

Or dead. I might even find out
that someone killed him.

You've got a beautiful face. Why do you
want to stick it in where it doesn't belong?

Because it's my job.

What good's your job if you've gotta
do your TV show from a hospital bed?

I knew you were going to threaten me,
but I didn't know how I would react.

- I've surprised myself.
- Is that right?

Yes. Instead of scaring me,
you have made me angry.

I can't remember when I've been so angry.

I am a member of the press and I will not
be intimidated by you or by anybody else.

- Now who's being melodramatic?
- Melodramatic? Wait till I get home!

- What are you gonna do?
- Faint or throw up. Maybe both.

- Eight to five it's throw up.
- You've got a bet.

Sir?

- Gutsy lady.
- Yes, indeed, sir.

- Great ass.
- I didn't notice, sir.

Arthur, there's an old saying.

- "Never bullshit a bullshitter."
- Of course, sir.

Yes, great arse indeed.

(woman) Bruno!

Can I get out now?

Yeah.

I don't think she has such a great ass.

- What do you expect me to do?
- Arrest him.

- On what charge?
- He had me kidnapped.

- Can you prove it?
- Ask the taxi driver!

You said the taxi driver kidnapped you.

Bruno's men forced him to.
They had guns.

- Did you see the guns?
- No, but the taxi driver told me...

I'm certain that everything
you've told me is true.

But... I'm equally certain
Monsieur Langlois will deny it.

Monsieur Langlois?

- It boils down to...
- It boils down to his word against mine.

Exactly!

In certain circles, Monsieur Langlois' word
carries a lot of weight.

You are upset
so I will ignore the innuendo.

Upset or not, the innuendo stands.

Miss Jouvet, may I suggest that
you go home and forget all about this.

Excuse me.

I shall tell you exactly where I am going -
directly to my office,

to write my next broadcast
about the Mafia boss who kidnapped me

and the chief inspector
who refused to do anything about it.

In my opinion, that would be most unwise.

What it boils down to, Inspector, is,
I don't trust your opinion.

Miss Jouvet seemed a bit upset.

Miss Jouvet is turning out
to be a real pain in the a...

Aagh!

So far the incident hasn't
even been investigated.

If Bruno Langlois is in the mood
to deny the allegation,

I will be happy to repeat it
on the witness stand.

- She's talking about you.
- Yes.

Lot of guts.

I believe even the French godfather would
think twice about challenging me in court.

As for Chief Inspector Dreyfus,

if he really is the paragon of
police virtue that he purports to be,

why hasn't he found the taxi driver
and interrogated him?

- She's talking about you.
- Yes.

It's intriguing, but the more
I find out about Clouseau,

the more certain interested parties
would prefer me to drop my investigation.

So far, I haven't turned up
anything incriminating,

but obviously I'm rocking the boat
and people are getting nervous.

One thing's sure. I intend to keep on
rocking until I have an answer for you.

Good night.

(phone rings)

Clouseau's residence. Cato speaking.

I've gone to Miami Beach to spend
Chinese New Year with my grandmother.

Leave a message after the bleep.

Allô?

Avon calling!

(screams)

(yelling)

(yelling)

You!

(groans)

Regrettably.

(phone rings)

Clouseau's residence. Cato speaking.

I've gone to Miami Beach to spend
Chinese New Year with my grandmother.

Leave a message after the bleep.

- I'm sorry.
- I'm used to it.

This is Professor Auguste Balls of Paris.

You Oriental picaroon!

You can't fool me about a plane crash.
He is hiding to avoid payment.

Unless I receive 4,000 francs
by Friday, I'm suing.

You can put that in your opium pipe
and smoke it, you conniving Cantonese!

Who the hell is Professor Auguste Balls?

Inspector Clouseau's
official disguise-maker.

- What's a picaroon?
- A cheat.

- That's great.
- Being called a cheat?

Some of my best friends are picaroons.

- I'm sorry I broke in.
- That's OK. Keeps me in practice.

- Can I get you a cup of tea?
- No, thanks.

- I could use an aspirin.
- I telephoned before.

I really thought you'd gone
to visit your grandmother in Miami.

Miami Beach. She runs a bingo parlour.
She's a real picaroon.

I thought maybe I'd find something.

- Like what?
- Like this.

Oh, that!

- Do you know who these people are?
- His parents.

- Are they still alive?
- His father is.

He lives in the Château Clouseau
à Lamarque.

He's a winemaker.

Swine rabbit!

Mes chéries.

(giggling)

Beaujolais!

What are you doing?

Bon, bon, bon, bon.

- Au revoir, mes chéries.
- Au revoir, Papa.

It doesn't taste the same
since we lost Fifi.

I'm missing the great Fifi.

Fifi!

Could you tell me something
about your son?

No. After four o'clock,

I can't tell you anything about my son.

- Why not after four o'clock?
- Because, after tasting the wine all day,

after four o'clock
I can't remember my son -

let alone tell you anything about him.

It is a miracle that I remember
it is after four o'clock.

(laughs)

That felt good!

- Are you all right?
- Of course I am all right.

I was just checking that Nanna
vacuumed the rug.

Speaking of Nanna...

(whistles)

Fetch Nanna.

Nanna has been with me 61 years.

She was Jacques' nurse.

- Really?
- What?

- I said "Really?"
- I know that.

Because you said Nanna
was your son's nurse.

Mademoiselle, you don't have
to repeat what I said.

I know what I said.

Fortunately I am not too old
to have lost my memory yet.

K-nock wood.

Come in!

(laughs)

What am I laughing about?

I'm not sure I can explain it.

Nanna approaches.

(whistles)

Allez!

Apportez-moi Nanna.

Continuez.

Bon, ça va bien.

A gauche!

A gauche!

Sit.

Allez, à droite.

A droite, dog.

En bas!

A gauche!

(whistles)

(whistles)

Merci, Nanna.

(whistles)

En bas.

En bas.

- Santé.
- Santé.

(whistles)

She loves that dog.

Assis.

Regardez.

Regardez, dog.

No, Nanna.

Fifi.

(Clouseau Senior) My son Jacques
Clouseau was born September 8th 1920.

He had his mother's eyes
and his father's kidneys.

From the very beginning,

Jacques wanted to be a policeman.

He had many setbacks,

but he was always resourceful.

He was 18 when he entered the university

and fell in love.

The girl of his dreams married another.

Jacques decided
that life was not worth living.

To whom it may concern.

I find life no longer worth living.

Fortunately, there was a power failure.

Swine lights.

When the Germans invaded France,

Jacques joined the underground.

Swine plunger.

After the war, he joined the police force
and the rest is history.

Thank you.
It's been most interesting.

- It has?
- Yes. It helps to round out my tribute.

What do you mean?

Your tribute doesn't need rounding.

You have a great-looking tribute.

- He's alive, you know.
- How do you know that?

He has his mother's eyes,
but his father's fortitude.

- I thought it was his kidneys.
- That too.

A man with such fortitude and kidneys
must be alive someplace.

- I hope so.
- I knew that.

- Goodbye.
- Au revoir.

And so, after leaving
that delightful old man,

who is convinced
that his famous son is still alive,

I began to wonder "Is it possible?"

Mafia boss Bruno Langlois
seems to think it is.

Sir Charles Litton feels
that such men are indispensable

and therefore indestructible.

And Chief Inspector Dreyfus
is so obsessed with the possibility

that he's on the verge
of another nervous breakdown.

Did Inspector Clouseau really
perish in the sea, as reported?

Or, for reasons as yet unknown,
is he out there someplace,

plotting his next move, waiting
to reveal himself when the time is right?

I am reluctant to believe that misfortune
has really struck down such a great man.

Swine seagull.

(Pink Panther theme)

We must find that woman.

Here's the report.

I will apprehend this culprit
within 24 hours. Agh!

Ah!

Now we are getting somewhere.

You!

- But that's a priceless Steinway.
- Not any more.

Agh!

(phone rings)

Inspector Clouseau's residence.

- Clouseau.
- One moment, please.

For you.

He's Sir Charles Phantom,
the notorious Litton.

- The Phantom?
- Yes. One and the same.

My greedy little yellow pimp.

Ow!

There is something that I am
very interested to know. It's rumoured...

Back to town.

Follow that car.

Does your dog bite?

No.

Nice doggy.

I thought you said your dog did not bite.

That is not my dog.

Do you know the way to the Palace Hotel?

Yes.

Special delivery. A beum.
Were you expecting one?

A beum?!

You fool!
You raving Oriental idiot!

There is a time and a place
for everything, Cato.

And this is it.

And another thing.

I was known as
the Pavlova of the parallels.

Oh, yes.

Yes, it's all coming back now.

Ah, yes, I remember it...

Aagh!

Well, that felt good.

Visiontext Subtitles: Julie Clayton

ENHOH