All language subtitles for Children.Ruin.Everything.S01E04.720p.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

- He's coming.

- Okay. Are you playing games
on my phone?

- I don't think I was.
- Mm-hmm.

- Stop picking on Felix!

- I'm not picking on Felix.
I want him to tell me the truth.

- Let's go, Felix.

- Hey.

What's going on with you?

I mean, I told you not to play
on my phone.

The second my back's turned

and I'm cleaning the kitchen,
you take my phone.

- I smell chocolate.

Did you have chocolate?

When you have kids,

your relationship
with lying changes.

They're not ready
for every truth.

- This is chocolate-scented
cleaning spray.

Sometimes,
it's just easier to lie,

because they're so gullible.

And because
it's so useful.

You lie so that they hate you,
or to avoid a fight.

Or because life is harsh enough.

Listen, buddy,
you gotta be honest with me.

'Cause there's gonna be times
where telling me the truth

is gonna save your life.

- Like what?

- No, you got nightmares
from watching Ponyo.

I'm not gonna start listing
all the ways you could die.

Just tell me the truth.

Always.
- Okay.

- Okay.

- I like it better
when Mom puts me to bed.

- There. Was that so hard?

- Ah! I missed you guys!

- I made this one.
Felix and me.

- That's beautiful.

- We saw a skunk
in the backyard,

and we named him
Fart Captain.

- Uh, we?

I named him Fart Captain.

- I have a wiggly tooth.
- What?

No, you gotta keep that in.

I wanna be there
when the Tooth Fairy comes.

- Mm.

- Okay, speaking of teeth,
let's brush ours.

Right? Say goodbye to Mommy.
- Bye, Mommy.

- Bye, Mommy.
- Bye.

- Okay, let's go.
- I'll be back from

work training tomorrow night.

Hey! Hey, remember me!

- So, tell me, how's the preview
of your new job?

- Yesterday, I was all,
"The analytics modeling

for waste management
doesn't allow

for the city's growth
from now to 2026, dummies!"

- Sounds like
you're crushing it.

And maybe being a bit mean.

- Yeah, it's a real, um, "cool
girl back of the class" vibe

that I'm cultivating.
Everybody loves it!

- So, um...

I think Felix is done
with the Tooth Fairy.

- How could you let that happen?

- I don't know what to tell you.

He knows his teeth
are worthless.

But if we don't get in front of
it, I think he's gonna tell Viv.

- Okay, well, I wanna be there
for that conversation.

That's huge.
- I agree. When you get back,

we'll take him out
for ice cream,

maybe on a long drive.

- Sounds like we're having him
put down.

- Mm. We'll see.
Everything's on the table.

- Daddy!
- Okay. Bye, my love. Gotta go.

- She's not happy, huh?

- I'm so sorry, she's teething.

- No, don't be sorry.
We all need teeth.

- You know, if you--
if you leave that spoon

in ice water for a bit,

it'll feel really good
on her gums.

Hot tip. Cold tip.

- You've done this before.

- Two times.

Maybe three, but, you know,
life's so busy already,

but I just, when I see a baby,
I just, I love you, I love you!

Um, let me get you some
ice water. You stay here.

- Hmm, good, good.

I needed a bigger terrarium
for my scorpion.

- They grow up so fast.
Am I early for a meeting?

- Blowing past the small talk

and getting down to business,
good!

- Let's do our jobs!

- Okay.

Jeff Trombley, Gero's Grocery,
VP of Operations, is dead.

- Oh, my God!

He bought me a muffin once.
I never really thanked him.

- I mean, retiring.
- I see.

So, people either work here
or they're dead.

- His absence has created
a gaping leadership hole.

And we are jumping
into that hole, James.

I have suggested that you become
Regional Manager

for our four new locations,

while Trombley's successor
is found.

- Okay, what does that mean?

Do I get-- Is that a raise?
Do I get a raise?

Do you hear
that sound, James?

I just scratched your back.

- Oh. It's not my favorite
sound, but I'm very grateful.

- I need a favor.
- Yes.

- Currently, we are opening
four new franchises.

But what if it were five?

- Yes, any fool could see
that that's more,

but how do we? How?

- I need you to figure out
the distribution logistics

for a potential franchise in
Gatineau for Monday morning.

- Mon-- Okay, today is Friday.

- So, you have two days.

Scratch my back, James.

- Okay.

- Hey. Would you drink
a gin cocktail out of a can?

- Depends how it got in there.

- My cousin is marketing these.
They're called Gin Destructible.

All the names are dad jokes.

You got Cruel Gintentions,
Five Star Gineral--

- Why do dads have
to take the hit for puns?

Why can't it be sportscasters
and weathermen?

- They're the dads
of the broadcast world.

- I can't deal with this
right now.

Marla is making me
Regional Manager.

It's a lot of extra work.

- Hey, you're moving up!

Wait, wait, d-don't leave me
here alone, okay?

Who am I gonna talk to?

Simon? I don't even know
if his name is Simon.

We've just been calling him
Simon. Hey, Simon!

- I'm not going anywhere, okay?

I'm just trying to
build a career, I guess.

To make some extra cash.

- Well, you're
a real Ginspiration.

Hey, I'm emailing that
to my cousin.

- Let me ask you something.

When did you figure out
the Tooth Fairy?

- I was ten.

I really believed.
- Oh, boy, I made a mistake.

- My mother used to leave little
footprints made of glitter

and write little notes.

It was magical.
I've never forgiven her!

I defended the Tooth Fairy so
hard, we had to change schools.

And I had to get a new haircut
for a litany of reasons.

- Yeah, I think Felix is
starting to doubt

that there's a fairy
walking around with cash

collecting billions of teeth
a year.

- Then you gotta do your son
a favor

and rip the Band-Aid off.

I can still hear Todd Westerland
calling me a baby idiot.

A baby idiot.

- Mm. They're in
here meditating.

Breathe in.

- Oh, looks like a very peaceful
double homicide.

- Daddy!
- Hey, Wonder Girl!

Yeah!

- Has the Tooth Fairy come yet?
- No, sweetie.

Tooth Fairy only comes at night
when everyone's asleep.

Oh, where'd my daughter go?

There she is.
- Like Fart Captain!

- Yeah...
- Like Fart Captain!

Do you wanna do me a favor
and get your shoes on for me?

Thank you.

- Mm.

- The, uh... The Fart, that was,
that's not--

Uh, we saw a skunk.

Felix named him.

- That's wonderful.
I love humor.

- If you can't laugh at life,
you'll probably cry.

Both are healthy.

- So, any plans for the weekend
while the cat's away?

I'm referring to Astrid.

- Uh, no big plans, just friends
coming over tomorrow night

to watch the basketball game.
- You should invite Bo.

- Mm-hmm. Um...

Bo.

- Mm-hmm?

- Do you wanna, uh, come over
and watch the basketball game?

- Me? I would absolutely
love that, thank you!

I'll go pack.

- Huh? No, no. Hey, Bo, Bo, Bo.
It's tomorrow night.

- I know. I hate doing
anything last minute.

- Mm. Mm-hmm.

- So, is he-- Mm-hmm.
Okay.

What are you drawing there,
Wonder Girl?

- This is the Tooth Fairy.
And her knife!

- Okay, why does she
have a knife?

- The knife cuts the hole
so the Tooth Fairy can get in.

- No, she's magical. She uses
magic to get in the house.

- A magical knife?
- Yeah. Uh...

Ooh, it's a beautiful one!

The carbon footprint
of a parent is massive.

Kids use up a lot of stuff.

Every toy is packaged

in ten layers of plastic,
and cardboard.

Entire forests have been leveled
to make coloring books

that kids scribble in
and chuck.

They waste food,
they leave taps running,

they gobble up batteries,
not literally.

Well, once, almost.

And, of course,
you wanna use less and recycle,

and care for the planet.

But also, sometimes, you want,
like, 15 minutes. Sorry, Earth.

- Thank you, I'm not gonna
put this one in the gallery.

- ♪ Snacks and fun
And snacks and fun ♪

♪ And bonding with
my brother-in-law ♪

Just made that up.
- Hi, Bo.

- Yeah. They're clean.

- You are, no exaggeration,
seven hours early.

- I need some extra time
to prepare the snacks.

Hey, Vivi.
- Hi.

- Filo pastry parcel

stuffed with goat cheese
and cranberry compote.

- Hmm. We're just watching
a basketball game,

we're not, you know,
entertaining the Mayor.

I don't get to do this
very often, James.

In basketball terms,
I'm a roo-kie.

- It's pronounced rookie.

But listen, I'm really glad
that you're here.

- Me, too!

- Because I need to work.

I need to get some stuff done
before Ennis comes,

so can you watch the kids
for me, please?

- James.

I recognize a man
whose work's a succubus,

drinking his life away.

That was me,
before I broke down.

- I can handle a little bit
of homework

if it means getting a raise,
okay?

- Yeah, but that's how
it starts.

A raise, work on the weekends,

higher stress,
less time for family.

One day, you light your tie
on fire and walk to wealth!

Daddy, daddy.

- Hey, there he is.
What's--

- It came out!

- Oh, that's exciting, right?

- The Tooth Fairy's
gonna come tonight,

and cut a hole in our house!

- Magic! She magics
into the house

and takes our teeth for
her own mysterious purposes!

Right, Uncle Bo?

- Perhaps, she grinds them into
a powder, then makes a paste

that she can mold like clay
into beautiful sculptures.

- No! No! She--
- She's--

We'll never know
the real reason, but not that!

- I wanna see the Tooth Fairy.

- Oh! But, buddy, she only comes
after we're asleep.

What are you gonna do?

- I can record her on my iPad.
- Mm.

- I wanna see what her deal is.
- Yes!

- Yeah, it's a super-smart idea,
buddy!

I'm gonna start cooking.

♪ Snacks and fun ♪

- Hey! So, you're not getting
hammered on the golf course

with the World Cup Committee?

- No, but I drank a beer
in the tub.

- Like a cowboy!

So, it was a good day?
- Yeah.

Chuck wants me to come back
next month

instead of in the fall.

'Cause they're obviously nothing
without my muscular brain.

- And I might get
a new job title and pay bump.

Wait, are we--

Are we a power couple?

- Well, for dinner, I ordered a
room service burger with bacon,

so, you tell me.

- Mm. You know I would,

but I'm too busy looking
at $30 million homes

on the Bridle Path, so...

- I should actually go,
because Chuck wants me

to go over something
for tomorrow.

But, hey!

Congrats on
your "maybe" promotion.

- Mm. Thank you.

- I remember when you started
working at Gero's,

you said you wouldn't last
two years.

Now, look at you.

- Totally.
- Love you. Bye!

You're not
gonna get me!

Yes, I...

- What time is it?
It's game time!

- Hey, come on,
come on, come on!

- Are your kids here
or can I do voices?

- They live here.
Also, they're asleep.

- Okay. Let's keep
our voices down.

I don't wanna have to say hi.

Do you want
a Gin Destructible?

We got, uh,
Ginsane in the Membrane,

and Gint of Lime.

Some of these names,
they need work, still.

- Hello, Ennis.

I hope you brought your mouth?

- I don't feel safe.
Who's this?

- This is my brother-in-law Bo.

He's gonna watch the game
with us. It'll be great.

- Excuse me.

Tonight's line-up of snacks
will be very vegetable-full,

but I can adjust
for any food allergies.

- Okay, I'm gonna go.
- Hey, no, no, no, come on.

There's booze and there's snacks
and there's a game.

What more do you need?

- Mm.

You're lucky
these are divine. Mm.

Help yourself to any
gin flavored beverage.

- I don't drink,
but I do like to indulge

when I feel my mood darken.

Homemade edibles!

Yeah, just helps me relax.

Mm.

James?

It's mild.

- How mild?

- So mild.

It's nothing.

See, the thing about guys is,

we know where to buy
stuff like technology,

and running shoes,
but where do we go

when we're in the market
for organic surf apparel

or a simple crocheted vest?

- You're exactly right.
I wouldn't know where to begin.

Hey, I think the second half
of the game's started.

- Oh, no, it's been over
for a while now.

We're watching
a nature documentary

and Bo's telling us
his business idea.

- Oh, I see what happened.

- So, I created GoBo.

It's like Etsy, for men.

- So, would this be like
sneakers designed by rappers?

Or is it stuff made
out of antlers?

- Exactly!

And I have startup capital.

All I need is
someone like James.

- What? Someone like me?

- Yeah, someone
who's good at logistics

and distribution and workflow.

I mean, to balance out
my pure creative energy.

- What?

I have to be the Tooth Fairy.

And Felix set up a camera
in his room to catch you.

- Yes. Mm.
- Means he's on to you.

You gotta end this.

- No, look, it's not about
Felix, it's about Viv.

You only get so much magic
in your life,

I don't want Felix
to ruin that for her.

- Okay, let's do it.
You changed my mind fast.

Bo, these are not mild.

- So, about half an inch.
- Okay.

- This is for her body.

- James, you're doing amazing.
- Thanks, buddy.

- Do you think she's a blonde
with brunette lowlights

or a brunette
with blonde highlights?

Twist.
- Twist 'em around?

On it.

- Awesome.
- We're good.

- Bam, that's it.

Some more string
for the hair.

Here's an idea
for a final touch: perfume.

- She's done.

Bo,
this is really great.

- Yeah, she's really pretty.

- This might be the weed gummy
or the Gindiscretion talking,

but you guys are great friends.

- She's bold and powerful.

But she has a secret.

I'd never
tell a soul.

- Okay, guys, we gotta be
very quiet

so we don't wake Viv or Felix.

- Oh, I don't wanna
see your kids,

I just came up here
because I'm scared to be alone.

- Do you expect the fairy to put
the money under the pillow,

or to take the tooth?

- I didn't actually think about
either of those things

because I'm too messed up
on your weed gummy!

It sounds counter-intuitive,
but have another.

I did!

- Bo, you army-crawl
behind the iPad,

I'm gonna fly the Tooth Fairy
right in front of the camera,

you turn off the iPad.

- Hey, careful with her!
She's delicate.

But she has a wisdom, you know.

- Stop creeping
on the Tooth Fairy.

Let her do her job, please?

- We can do this.

- Ennis, you watch Viv's door,
make sure she doesn't come out.

- I'm gonna hold on
to the doorknob

so that she can't get out.

- That's-- Okay.

Bo.

Here we go.
Let's do it.

That's just like
in the army.

Where'd you find this guy?

Slide it out,
like an eel.

- That's great.
- There we go.

Slide--
- Hey, James.

- Yeah.

- We should get
an apartment together.

- Let's-- We'll table that.
- Okay.

- All right, fairy's coming in.
Hurry up.

Bo. Bo. Bo!

- Bo.
- Bo!

- Bo!
- Bover!

- Bo!
- What's the matter with him?

- Oh, he fell asleep.

That's actually not a bad idea.

My cab's been waiting outside
for about ten minutes.

Super-fun night.

Oh. Will you text me later

to let me know
that I got home safe?

Okay, okay, okay,
we got this, we got this.

Daddy!

Daddy!
- Hello.

- Felix's iPad made a movie
of the Tooth Fairy!

- What? Let me see.

She turned off my iPad,

and gave me $10 dollars.

- $10, not five, huh?

She must have, uh, yeah,
confused the bills in the dark.

Lucky you!

- This is weird.
- Hmm. What do you think, Viv?

- She came!

She cut a hole in the house
and left money!

- Yeah, so fun, right?

- I'm hungry.

- Okay, we've moved on.

Uh, yeah, just help yourself
to some breakfast, guys,

get started.

- Working on Sunday.
- Okay. Hi.

- I don't miss that.

Doesn't have to be that way.

GoBo is always there for you.

- I'm gonna work on something
that exists, so...

Oh.

Can I borrow that clean pair
of underwear I brought back?

- I gotta take this.

No, it's actually a great idea
because the new franchise

could, uh, restock from
the two existing depots-- Okay.

And, um, yeah, it would save us
about 15%.

So, I can get started on that,
uh, on Monday?

When...

Yeah, no, or I could
have it done by Monday.

Both work great!

- You lied to me!

- I gotta go.

- You tricked me.

- Yeah. I know, buddy.
I'm sorry.

- I feel dumb.

- No, hey, hey, hey.
No, no, no.

Stop, you're not dumb.

I just wanted you to believe
and have fun!

- Why do grown-ups
trick kids so much?

- Okay, look.

The Tooth Fairy is just a game

that makes losing a tooth
less scary.

- You said to always be honest.

- Yeah.

Ahem... And you should.

Most of the time.

But, sometimes,

lying can be useful.

It can get you out of danger.

It can help you spare
somebody's feelings.

It can keep your sister
believing in the Tooth Fairy.

- You want me to lie to Viv?

- Uh, no, I, I want you to be
part of

the longest-running and weirdest
conspiracy in the world.

And I want Viv to have fun.

- She can have my tooth
to put under her pillow.

- That's cool of you, buddy.

Unfortunately, I can't allow it.

It's against Tooth Fairy rules.
No swapsies.

- That's a lie!

- Mm.

- I'm gonna delete all
your games on your phone.

- Um, that's a terrible lie.

Can I just give you
a couple of notes?

What you wanna do is,
you wanna make eye contact,

you wanna exhale,
look at me, ready? Like this.

I'm not...

gonna bop you on the head
with this pillow! Bop!

- Oh.
- See?

If you're a parent,
you gotta lie sometimes.

Get over it.

You don't want
your kids terrified

o f a local serial killer,

or knowing where
the chocolate stash is.

Hold up. Where's
the chocolate stash?

Oh,
it's above the dryer.

Smart.

You gotta reveal the complex

and garbage-y parts of the world
slowly.

This sucks!
- Mm-hmm.

Right? I had one yesterday.

Gin there, done that.
Tastes like pennies.

Unlike with your partner,

where it's best to lob the truth
like a grenade.

What's up?
- Screw Chuck.

- Wait, what?
What happened?

- He offered me a sweet job,

a job that I'm clearly made for,

with a two-year contract.
- Oh, that dirty--

I don't know why we're angry.
Why are we angry?

- If we decide
we wanna have a baby...

-Yeah.
- ...I can't wait two years.

And then, if I take mat leave
partway through,

who's to say that
I have a job to come back to?

- Yeah, have you tried
asking him about it?

- I don't want to have to
ask Chuck

if I'm allowed to have a baby!

Men have it so much easier.
- Yeah.

I hate my job.

- What?
- Yeah.

I... I hate my job.

I'm not trying to trump your
very real and sexist dilemma,

but I hate it and I'm...
it makes me feel depressed

and unfulfilled.

- I'm sorry. Thank you
for telling me

and for having your soul crushed
for us.

Yeah.

- Yuck.
- Oh.

- There's the layering
and the texture, there.

- Yeah, it's there.
- All right.

Faye Dunaway,
eat your heart out.

- It's moving the glitter glue
around.

- Bo, I'm blowing it.
I'm tryin' to...

- Don't put your fingers on it!

- But I'm... I'm not. I'm...
I'm making it drier faster.

With my mouth breath.

- Hey, what's your favorite
Tony Shalhoub show?

Mine's Wings.

She's a blonde, but she's got
sort of brunette lowlights.

- I'm not sure
about the lowlights.

- When it's darker.
- So, you have brown hair,

and then you have highlights
that are blonde.

But if your hair is blonde, and
you put brunette streaks in it,

then they're lowlights.

It's what they call them
when it's darker.

Should have gone blonde for
a while, I missed my chance.

James, would you pass me
the purple glitter paint?

Just take a little hit
of purple sparkle.

- No, no. No, no.
- No, no, no!

- What? It's just
a little purple sparkle.

No, no!