All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S01E15.6.Hollywood.Royalty.The.Caper.The.Eyes.of.Love.Masquerade.Part.1.1080p.PMTP.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

[theme music]

THEME SONG: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it float, it
floats back to you.

The Love Boat soon will
be making another run.

The Love Boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[theme music]

[reporters clamoring]

Thanks.

All right, everybod-- All right,
everybody, just one more shot

and that's it, all right?

Yes.

After all, this is supposed to
be just a quiet little vacation

for two.

William and I were trying
to slip away unnoticed.

REPORTERS: [gasping]

[female reporter] Miss Rogers,
is it true the Star of Kashmir

cost $1.2 million?

Well, actually, originally
it cost a million and a half.

But you see, my sister
works at Tiffany's, so she

got an employee's discount.

[laughter]

Ah, thank you, my good man.

Here you are, my dear.

Careful.

There we are.

All right, have
you got everything?

Yeah.

All right.

One final word.

Once we're on the ship, we all
act like ordinary passengers.

Oh, I thought we were
here to steal the diamond.

Ox, you promised not
to think this month.

I am not sailing
with that moron.

Elwood, you can't talk
about Taffy like that.

Ox, will you put him down!

Hey, down is that way.

Cossack!

Three steps.

Now, this is our
purser's lobby, Jenny.

It's big.

Mhm.

Where do the stairs lead to?

The Promenade Deck.

How did you know that?

[laughs]

It sounds big, and I
can hear the people

walking up and down the stairs.

That's amazing.

If you show me around
the ship once, Gopher,

I won't have to
bother you anymore.

OK.

And then I'll let you
show me around the ship.

I keep getting lost.

Come on, let's check with Julie
and see if she's got your table

assignment for dinner.

JULIE: You're in Cabin
330 on the Fiesta Deck.

Thanks very much.

And you know I'll be getting
off at Puerto Vallarta, right?

JULIE: Right.
- OK.

Steve?

Steve, is that you?

Jenny?

Yes.

What are you doing here?

I'm going to Puerto Vallarta.

Steve, I can't
believe you're here.

Steve and I went to the
same school for the blind.

Oh?

Uh-- well, Jenny, this is Julie
McCoy, our cruise director.

This is Jenny Lang.

JULIE: Oh, how do you do?
- Hello.

JULIE: It's nice to meet you.

I think that it's wonderful
that you guys know each other.

Why don't I put you at
the same table for dinner?

Steve, what table
did I give you?

I think it was 14.

Well, I guess that's
my lucky number.

I'll see you at dinner.

I've got to change.

Would you like to have
a cocktail before dinner?

You're on.

GOPHER: Richard, um,
this is Miss Lang.

Would you show her
to her cabin, please?

It's Promenade 352.

Right.

Thank you.

JENNY: Later.

[sighs]

It's actually the first
time I've ever seen her.

I was born blind.

We met at the school.

She had her vision until she
was 14, and then she lost it.

But now you can see.

Yeah.

A couple of years
ago I underwent

a series of operations.

Oh, that's fantastic.

I just couldn't blurt it out.

She hasn't been as fortunate.

Oh, hey, we understand that.

STEVE: I'm gonna
tell her, later.

There are lot of
things I'm gonna

tell her, like she's beautiful.

Welcome aboard,
I'm Captain Stubing.

Enjoy your cruise.

Hello, I'm Captain Stubing.

How do you do, sir?

Vernon Crowler's my name.

And my staff.

[snaps]

Oh, how do you do?

I'm Taffy Martino.

Well, it's my pleasure.

[giggles]

Elwood Riggs.

How do you do?

I'm Ox.

Yes, well, welcome aboard.

I understand you'll be
dining at my table tonight.

I look forward to it.

As do I, sir.

Well, until then, uh--

enjoy your cruise.

I'm sure we will, Captain.

Hi, welcome aboard.

I hope you enjoy your cruise.

We will, we will.

Allow me to take this.

Allow me.

She's gonna allow me--

I can help you
much, much better.

Gentlemen, perhaps I can
resolve your difficulty.

Thank you.

Miss Martino, business
before pleasure.

With you, everything
is heist, heist, heist.

I still can't get over it.

This cruise is such a surprise.

[CHUCKLING] Yeah,
well, us lawyers

know how to keep a secret.

I rather wish you hadn't
kept quite such a secret.

But I had a heck of a time
rearranging my schedule.

This is the busy season
for us designers, you know.

Well, th-- that's it.

We need to get
away from business,

and, uh, what could be nicer?

Sun, Mexico, you and me.

Is it still just you and
me after all these years?

What a question.

You never answer
that question, though.

You always say,
"What a question."

Uh, look.

Why-- why don't you-- why
don't you go to the boat

and, uh, go down to the
cabin, and, uh, freshen up

a little bit.

I have to take care
of some business.

What business?

You just said--

I just want to call the
office and, uh, tell them not

to bother me with any business.

Alan, what's going on?

[stammering]

I know, "What a question."

Yes.

Oh, darling, I'm
sorry I'm late.

Cathy, what are
you doing here?

Didn't you get my telegram?

What telegram?

I wired you last night.

My wife found the tickets.

She thinks they're for her.

She's here.

So I get left
high and dry again?

Darling, I'm really sorry.

I really am, but you can't come.

I'm coming.

Look, Alan, I'll
buy my own ticket.

[chuckling nervously]

No, you-- you don't mean that.

I'm staying, Alan.

I think it's about
time you decided.

Who's it going to be--

Barbara or me.

What a question.

[ship foghorn blaring]

That's a wrap.
That's a wrap.

I'll see you when I get back.

We, when we get back.

All right?

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

BILL: Bye-bye.

ROZ: Bye.

Hi, Julie.

What are you doing?

Ah, just getting
some fresh air.

I think I'll join you.

Me too.

They're not here yet.

BOTH: Who?

Them!

Hi!

I'm Julie McCroy--
McCruise, your Coy Director.

Hello.

How are you?

Please excuse Julie.

She's just never
seen stars before.

So I hope you
enjoyed your cruise.

Please sail with us again.

DOC: Uh, excuse me,
I'm the ship's doctor.

Would you mind?

It's for a patient.

Oh.

What's the patient's name?

Adam Bricker.

There you go, Adam.

Thank you.

Come on, now.

Come on.

I'm sure the Teagues want to
go to their suite and relax.

I'm Captain Merrill Stubing.

- How do you do, Captain?
- Hello.

May I show you the way?

Sure.

I'm sorry about that.

My crew just seems to
be a little starstruck.

Do you mind?

[camera clicks]

Thank you.

Right this way, please.

[theme music]

[ship foghorn blaring]

[cheering]

I can't believe it.

Do you know who's on this ship?
- Who?

Who?
- Roz and Bill.

Oh, wonderful.

I think, you know, this time
our marriage is gonna work out.

We just have to be a little
more careful, you know,

not to step on each
other's sensitive ego.

That's right.

I'm a star and you have to live
with that, and you were a star

and I have to live with that.

Were a star?

You know what I mean.

Aw.

Hm-hm.

Why don't we go back
to the suite and, uh--

have a little nap?

I haven't slept with
a star in a long time.

I never have.

Except you.

Let's go.

CROWLER: Has Ox finished
putting the bugs

in Roz and Bill's cabin yet?

[splash]

[flushing]

You'll never believe
where he put the last one.

He flushed it down the toilet.

Why couldn't we get
someone with half a brain?

We did.

Alan, for heaven's sake.

We're here for the sun.

I'm going to go back
bronzed and beautiful,

and you're going to go back
looking like a dead fish.

[seagulls squawking]

Or a dead duck.

Uh, I gotta go call the office.

Now, listen,
sit down and relax

and forget about business.

Nobody's indispensable.

Remember, we can
all be replaced.

Alan.

And you must be Barbara Danver.

No, you-- you must have
us confused with some

other Alan and Barbara Danver.

I mean, I don't remember ever--

But, Alan, you made me the
happiest woman in the world.

Barbara, I swear to
you, I have no idea

what she's talking about.

I'm talking about my divorce.

Alan handled my case.

Oh, well, I've got
so many clients, I--

Now, you must
excuse my husband.

He's overworked and overtired.

Been burning the
candle at both ends.

That's old Alan.

I'm Cathy Randall.

Oh, hello.

You're not-- you're
not "the" Cathy

Randall who designs separates
for Coquette Casuals, are you?

Yes.

Are you in fashion?

Yes, I design
fabrics for Wildweave.

Wildweave?

This is spooky.

Did you see what I did
with your Mad Plaids?

Did I?

I flipped over them.

Well, why don't you sit down
and join us for a drink?

Well--

Come on, it'd be
nice to somebody

to talk to who's
in the business.

Alan here thinks chenille
is married to the captain.

[laughter]

I heard they broke up.

Boy, if that's a movie
they're rehearsing,

it's going to be X-rated.

The bugs are working, huh?

Right.

Ah.

All right.

Now, all we have to do
is keep tabs on them.

And at the right moment,
it's into the vault

and we make the switch.

Boy, that looks
like the real thing.

Good going, boss.

You already got it.

[theme music]

STEVE: Are you having fun?

JENNY: Fun?

It's-- it's fabulous.

It's a sunset, isn't it?

I can feel it.

STEVE: Yeah.

JENNY: Oh, Steve, you've
never seen a sunset.

Put your hand on
the railing, and let

me tell you about
some of the sunsets

I remember seeing, all right?

OK.

Now, look out there.

I don't know if
I can do a really

beautiful sunset justice.

If you've never
been able to see,

and you thought you'd seen
every lovely, exquisite,

and magnificent
color in the world,

it's as if God then said to you,
"You think that's something.

Take a look at this."

Can you see it?

Yes, I see it.

Do you really?

Yes, Jenny, I see the sunset.

I see two sunsets.

I see the sunset that's
actually out there now,

and I see an even
more dazzling sunset

that you've just helped me see.

I don't understand, Steve.

Jenny, I had an operation
after I left school.

I have my sight.

Steve, that's fantastic.

I'm so happy for you.

But why didn't
I tell you before?

I don't know.

It's just that--

Steve, you of all people.

You're not feeling
sorry for me, are you?

Are you kidding?

Because I don't
feel sorry for myself.

I'm-- I'm just glad to be here.

To be part of a
world where there

really are miracles
like that sunset,

and your being able to see it.

[theme music]

Isn't she beautiful?

Oh, yes.

Well, hey, what's
holding you up?

Why don't you go over
and sit with her?

Oh, come on, Julie.

You saw what happened today.

Doc's got eyes for her.

I can't compete with that.

Gopher, Doc doesn't
have a patent on charm.

You're pretty terrific
yourself, you know.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

I mean, look at that face.

With that cute smile and
those warm, brown eyes.

And that hair that
any girl would love

to run her fingers through.

Well, Gopher, you're
one of the most charming

officers on board this ship.

Well, gee, if you
put it that way.

No.

Come on.

Give it your best shot.

Go ahead.

Good evening.

Hi.

Hi.

How would you like to have
dinner with one of the most

charming officers on the ship?

Sure.

Thanks for the introduction.

Go comb your hair.

I'm sure you'll enjoy
Puerto Vallarta, Mr. Crowler.

I find it fascinating.

I look forward to it.

Mhm.

JULIE: [gasps]

Oh, Mr. And Mrs. Teague, hello.

BILL: Hello.

ROZ: Julie.

Oh, I'm so glad this is
one of your casual nights.

I just didn't feel like
dressing up this evening.

Where's our table, dear?

JULIE: Oh.

ROZ: Just an intimate
table for two

where Bill and I can hold hands
and whisper sweet nothings.

BILL: Uh, yes.

JULIE: Like you did in "The
Vain and the Vengeful" right

before you shot him.

Oh, I'm not packing
a gun tonight.

Right.

Um-- right.

Excuse me.

You're table's right over here.

All right.

The, uh, bread's at 4 o'clock.

The wine's at 5 o'clock.

The salt and
pepper, 7:30, about.

You're showing me
the ropes again, Steve,

just like when we first met
when I was a scared little kid.

You're not a kid anymore.

No.

You know, you were
pretty rough on me

in school, letting me walk
into walls and everything.

But I want to thank you for it.

I don't do it anymore.

I've noticed.

You know, my
brother is probably

sitting at home right this
very minute worried that I've

strolled off the stern.

There's a rose on the
table, isn't there?

Uh-huh.

Rose is my favorite flower.

Oh.

Thank you.

You know, I-- I've
I've missed you.

Have you?

Of course.

How could a girl
forget the first boy

to let her walk into a wall?

It's, uh, much more memorable
than her first kiss, though.

I guess I'm too late
for first kiss, huh?

I'm afraid so.

A boy named Bobby
Hoffmeyer beat you to it.

Oh.

Is Bobby a good kisser?

Well, let me put
it to you this way.

He'll never earn a living at it.

[laughs]

I just don't see why you
had to invite her to dinner.

Because I like her.

We have a lot in common.

- Hello, Barbara.
- Hi.

Alan.

Oh, hi.

Won't you sit down.

Thank you.

You know, it's probably
none of my business, but, uh--

why is a great-looking girl
like you on this cruise alone?

Well, the truth
of the matter is,

I was going to have company,
but his wife found the ticket.

[coughing]

Excuse me.

A little cork in the ripple.

So he's stuck at home
with her and you're here

having the time of your life.

Something like that.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

You know, we've been on
this ship for five hours

and we haven't had a fight.

Huh?

And they said
it wouldn't last.

Do you know what I'd
like to do after dinner?

Oh.

What?

I'd like go back
to our cabin and--

Yes?

--take a good look
at the new script.

But-- Oh, honey, not tonight.

Sweetness, you
have to read it soon.

We start shooting in a month.

I know.

I know.

But tonight, honey,
let it just be us.

Yes.

You're right.

You're right.

You know, I'm glad to be here.

I-- I really am.

You know, away from Hollywood,
that world of make-believe

we live in.

It's great to-- to be just
plain folks for a few days.

Yes, it's-- it's
really wonderful.

Oh, honey, by the way,
where's the wine steward?

The wine st--

Oh, he's over there,
behind those extras there.

Those are people, Bill.

Hm?

People.

Oh, yes.

Of course.

To the start of a
beautiful relationship.

[giggles]

You're gonna break your arms.

Miss Martino, might I
have a moment of your time?

Sure.

Just a moment.

Excuse us.

Excuse me.

Huh?

Ditch the doctor.

But--

The captain told me
the assistant purser

is in charge of the vault.

Oh, the cute one
with the messy hair?

Gotcha.

Toodles, Doc.

Thanks for a lovely evening.

Hi, mind if I join you?

Not at all, I
was just leaving.

Excuse me.

[QUIETLY] Comb your hair.

No, don't change
your hair for me.

Not if you care for me.

[giggles]

Listen, Baker, you gotta
do me this one favor, please.

See, I really dig
this blonde, and she

goes for me too, you know?

So all I'm asking you to do is
just take my shift for tonight

OK?
[click]

[dial tone]

Is that a yes or a no?

Oh, Miss Rogers, Mr.
Teague, good evening.

Good evening.

Enjoy your dinner?

Oh, it was divine.

Now, all I want is bed.

Ah, yes.

Nothing like a
good night's sleep.

Oh, that too.

Allow me, darling.

Mm.

Will you please put
this in the vault?

Yes, sir.

[whistles]

Will you come this way, please?

Oh.

They're putting
it in the vault now.

They're putting
it in the vault.

Excellent.

Excellent.

[snapping]

Not exactly Fort Knox,
but not exactly your average

piggy bank either.

BILL: Uh-huh.

Well, I'm sure it'll be safe.

But if not, back to Tiffany's.

BILL: [chuckles]

Yeah.

There we go.

There you are, sir, right in
your box, Promenade Suite 242.

Safe and sound for the night.

Well, I hope so.

Because if it gets
lost, it's going

to come out of your salary.

Then you better
hope I live to be 194.

[laughter]

[door closes]

Good night.

Good night.

ROZ: Ciao.

It's in the safe.

Give me 10 minutes to
take care of the purser.

All set.

All right,
gentlemen, let's go.

Hey!

Is the cruise over already?

Kind of warm for this
time of the year, isn't it?

OK, all set?

Right.

Now, you-- you remember
what you're supposed to do?

You stay out here and
don't let anybody in.

You can count on me, boss.

[suspenseful music playing]

Boy, it's hot in here.

Yeah.

Let me see if I
can turn this off.

[grunts]

It's stuck.

Never mind.

Ox!

Ox!

[sighs]

Phew.

Boy, it's hot in here.

Turn that thing off.

[creaking]

It's off.

Give me that.

I'll wait outside.

There you are, cutie-pie.

Whatcha doing behind
this big, silly desk?

Oh, I-- I-- um--

I have to work.

Look at that
face, that tension.

And those shoulders.

Hey, you know what you need?

A good massage.

Come on, let Taffy
take care of you.

[giggles]

Now, why don't you park
your old bod right here

and let me work on it.

GOPHER: [chuckles]

Roll over on your tummy.

Oh.

There.

Good.

[click]

[static and beeping]

Oh.

Just relax.

Oh, yes.

Right.

You're gonna feel like a
new man once I get started.

Oh, I'm sure I will.

Go.

[whirring]

[groaning]

When you've had
enough, just say stop.

Stop, stop.

What for?

She said stop.

[groans]

I mean, I guess you
want me to keep going.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Go.

[whirring]

BOTH: [sighing]

Uh-- Goher?

Yeah?

Do you like to dance?

Yeah.

Wait, you mean with you?

Yeah.

Oh, dancing is my life.

Great.

BOTH: Da rump dum
dum dum, da da da da.

Da rump dum dum dum--

[whirring]

How's it coming?

Just a little more, but
the drill is overheating.

Don't stop.

[whirring]

[zap]

[buzzing]

What happened?

The drill burnt out.

But we got it.

Clean as a whistle.

OK, now to get the diamond
and make the switch.

I wouldn't trade this
night for a million dollars.

A million point two.

[clicking and buzzing]

[beeping]

[clicking and buzzing]

[beeping]

I gotta stop, boss.

Elwood, what's wrong?

I can't take this heat.

[beeping]

Help me, boss.
- All right.

Grab that.

[beeping]

[suspenseful music playing]

Got it.

Wonderful.

Wonderful, Elwood.

No more worries.

From now on, we're lying on
the beach, basking in the sun.

Don't count on me.

I'm going to Iceland.

Oh, come on, you
sweet thing, you.

Come to Daddy.

[dramatic music playing]

Attababy.

Come on.

[clinking]

Oh, boss, the
hole's not big enough,

and the diamond is too large.

Well, we'll have to
drill another hole.

With what?

With one of the other ones.

You had four special
drills made, didn't you?

That's right.

They're in Ox's bag.

Well, then, get
them from Ox's bag.

OK, but if I'm not
back in a hurry, it's--

it's not my fault.

Hm?

Ox left his bag
in Los Angeles.

Of course he did.

[theme music]

Good morning.

Oh, hi.

Well, we were just
gonna go play ping pong.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Alan.

Oh, I wanted to show you
the sketches for my fall line.

Oh, I'd love to see them.

Are you sure you don't
want to go play ping pong?

Well, not now, Alan.

No.

Oh.

Well, I guess I'll
just go play ping.

Just one picture, to
prove to my brother I

didn't fall overboard.

Ha.

OK.

There you go.

Smile.

[camera clicks]

That's it.

Thanks.

How about one of me?

Well, how the heck
am I gonna do that?

Come over here.

That's it, turnaround.

Uh-- here, take the camera.

Hold it up like this,
and, here, I'll do this.

And aim a little to the right,
and, uh, press this button

to take the picture.

Are we taking pictures
or fooling around here?

I didn't know I had a choice.

[chuckles]

I just want to make sure
you got one of me smiling.

OK.

Is-- is that all right?

Yeah.

[camera clicks]

BOTH: [chuckling]

Hey, Jenny.

Oh, hi, Doc.

Jenny Lang, Captain Stubing.

- Steve Hollis.
- Hello.

- How do you do?
- Hello, Steve.

Adam Bricker.
- Hi, how are you?

It's uh, very
nice to meet you.

Oh, you're very tall.

About 6'1"?

Um-- blue eyes?

Your sideburns are graying.

[chuckles]

JENNY: And, uh-- about 240.

That's remarkable.

You can tell all that
just by touching my face?

No, Doc described
you to me yesterday.

[chuckling]

240?

210?

It's close enough.

CROWLER: Hand me
that padding, Cathy.

Are you decent?

Ox, he hasn't been
decent in years.

What's he doing in there?

Plan A didn't work, so
he's working on Plan B.

CROWLER: Patience, my friend.

Momentarily you
will see the results

of my remarkable genius.

Genius, huh.

So how come we don't
have the diamond?

Oh, relax, Elwood.

You'll live longer.

Is that all you ever
do, fix your face?

I think she's beautiful.

Thanks, Ox.

You're welcome.

Hmph.

CROWLER: Ladies and
gentlemen, introducing Plan B.

It's incredible.

You really are a genius

Hi, Captain Stubing.

Did you see Mr. Crowler
in the bathroom?

This is Crowler, you ox.

It's fantastic!

It's perfect.

Of course.

I made it.

[chuckling]

Now I'll go down and get
them to open the vault.

You think the purser
will do it for you, huh?

Of course.

I'm the captain.

Oh, wow.

CROWLER: Taffy, you've got
to keep Captain Stubing busy.

If he's the captain,
where's Crowler?

Hiya, honey.

Oh, hi, Alan.

You haven't seen
Cathy, have you?

Me?

Why should I have seen Cathy?

Well, we were
supposed to meet.

Oh.

You know, you spend an
awful lot of time together.

What do you find to talk about?

[chuckles]

Well, we're two women
in the same business.

What would you expect
us to talk about, men?

Well, I think I better
go and find her.

Uh, do you mind
if I, uh, tag along?

Maybe the three of us could
find something to do together.

Well, OK, but we're going
to the beauty shop for a wash

and set.

Oh.

Well, I guess I'll just stand
up here and watch my hair curl.

How about another lap?

Oh, not me.

I've had it.

You always were a
better swimmer than me.

What did you say?

I said you always were--

[groans]

[giggles]

STEVE: You rat!

You heard what I said.

You just wanted
to keep me talking

so you could zero in on me.

Aha.

Oh.

Ah, there you go.

Oh, thanks.

I'm having fun.

I'm not exactly
in pain either.

I've got some suntan lotion.

Do you want to put
some on my back?

Sure.

Are you worried about burning?

No, I-- I don't burn.

Huh.

You just want to
deepen your tan.

Oh, I couldn't care
less about a tan.

Oh.

Uh-- then, uh, what
am I doing this for?

Oh, that's why.

[laughs]

Gopher, where
were you last night?

We missed your money
at the poker game.

Oh, Taffy and I were just
tripping the light fantastic.

I've seen you dance.

"Tripping" is the right word.

Hey, don't be a
sore loser, Doc.

Taffy just happens to
dig my animal magnetism.

[growls]

She probably just
wanted some comedy relief.

[laughter]

Unfortunately, I don't
have enough time to show

you the ship, Miss Martino.

Just call me Taffy, Merrill.

[chuckles]

Well, I gotta go back to work.

You two keep fighting it
out for second and third.

BILL: I just know you're
gonna love this script.

It has everything.

It has warmth, heart,
sensitivity, comedy, drama.

Well, does it have
something in it for you?

Well, is it good?

Now, listen, they're
guaranteeing us $1 million

a piece.

Each of us.

I mean, how much
gooder can it get?

All right, here we go.

All right, boss.

Good luck.

[HOARSELY] Thanks.

Hi, Captain.

Mr. Smith.

Captain.

Boy, that was a short tour.

Yes.

All she did was talk about you.

Oh, really?

What's the matter
with your voice?

Laryngitis.

Just got it.

Oh.

Well, it's kind of nice, sir.

It makes you sound like Robert
Redford, with laryngitis.

Uh, look, uh-- a
passenger asked me to put

this in the vault for her.

Will you open it for me, please?

Before I open
the vault, can you

prove you're Captain Stubing?

Uh-- open the vault
or you're fired!

That's good enough for me.

[clears throat]

Good morning, Miss McCoy.

JULIE: Good morning, sir.

Gopher?

Gopher?

Weren't you just behind me?

What do you mean,
just behind you?

I finally got rid
of Miss Martino.

I told her I was going
up to the bridge.

Lord, how I hate
those guided tours.

Hey, your voice is better.

Better than what?

Well, I mean, your laryngitis.

It's gone.

I never had laryngitis.

Not even as a kid?

Mr. Smith, what is going on?

Well, sir, excuse me.

I'm a little confused.

Didn't you just ask me
to open the vault so you

could put a jewelry box in it?

No.

Vault?

GOPHER: Now, sir, you
asked me to come in here--

STUBING: Yes.

GOPHER: --and open
the vault. [HOARSELY]

And you were talking like this.

STUBING: [SOFTLY] I
was talking like that?

GOPHER: [HOARSELY]
No, like this.

There can be only
one explanation.

Gopher, you're working too hard.

No, there's got to be
another explanation.

[phone ringing]

GOPHER: [sighs]

[suspenseful music playing]

Captain Stubing, I've been
looking for you all day.

Not now!

Well, sir, what's the--

Dismissed!

Yes, sir.

Hi, Captain.

Oh, Isaac, uh, have you
seen me around here recently?

Uh, not until now.

Yes, well, if you do see
me, let me know immediately.

Sure, you'll be the
first to know, sir.

All right.

Hey.

Isaac, have you seen
Captain Stubing today?

Yeah, and he's
acting kind of strange.

Oh, I'm glad I'm not the
only one who thinks so.

[suspenseful music playing]

[sighs]

Captain Stubing.

Yeah.

Well-- well, it's a
beautiful day, isn't it?

Yeah, uh, beautiful.

I say, Captain--

Hm?

You better be careful.

It sounds like you're
coming down with laryngitis.

[sighs]

Good morning.

Hi.

Hello, Jenny, it's Julie.

Where's Steve?

He went to get some postcards.

Ah.

Julie, do you have a minute?

I could use some girl talk.

Well, sure.

Of course.

Fire away.

Does Steve look
as nice as he is?

Oh.

Well, that depends
on your taste.

He's OK if you
like guys about six

feet tall, dark hair,
incredible hazel

eyes, and the perfect smile.

A real uggo, huh?

Yeah.

But, you know,
it's your problem.

You picked him, not me.

[laughs]

And you make sure you don't.

He's my uggo.

I promise.
I promise.

See you later.
Bye-bye.

OK.
Bye-bye.

So what do you think?

It's so sad, so tragic.

Yeah?

To think, they
killed a tree for this.

See, I'm the first one
to admit it needs work.

It needs a burial.

Oh, William, do we have
to do this picture?

Isn't it enough that
we're back together again?

Listen, love, we
owe it to our art.

We owe it to our public.

We owe it to our industry.

And trust me, we owe
it to our jeweler.

Well, if I'm going to
do it, we'll just have

to rewrite the opening scene.

No!

It's very powerful.

Now, just visualize it, huh?

We open with a big close-up
of you as an old hag.

Then we cut to me, a young,
handsome, cavalry officer

riding a white stallion.

I fight a few battles,
have a few love

affairs, a couple
of soliloquies.

And then back to you.

A big close-up of your
hand, your fingers tapping,

tapping nervously as
you think about me.

Then a tight angle
of your ear as you

listen to me galloping,
galloping away into the sunset.

Huh?

And then a close-up of my
foot as I kick you in the rear.

Please, dear, don't
be of a closed mind.

Oh, Bill.

[laughs]

Look, why-- why don't we just--
let's leave it to the director,

OK?

That's good thinking.

Who is the director?

Well, funny you should ask.

Not you?

And why not?

I think I have a pretty good
idea where to put a camera.

I have one suggestion.

Honey, honey.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Why do you always have to
let your ego get in the way?

My ego?

You have the biggest part,
you are the director,

and you hired the writer.

I did not!

Oh.

I wrote it.

I should've known.

You spelled my name wrong.

You, a young cavalry officer?

Who's gonna play
your kid brother?

Buddy Epson?

I happen to have the
body of a 20-year-old.

We'll get to her later.

Now, that's beneath you.

Now, that's really beneath you.

Besides, that's an old joke.

It takes one to know one.

I see.

That's the thanks
I get for trying

to revive your sagging career.

That does it.

Listen, sweetheart.

I think we are fighting.

[laughing]

You call this fighting, honey?

Oh, this isn't
fighting, snookums.

This is fighting.

[rip]

[whistling]

[rip]

[theme music]

STUBING: I tell you, it's
frightening to look up and see

your own face like that.

Of course, it's more
frightening for some of us

than others, sir.

Now, why would someone
pretend they're me?

Maybe they wanted
to yell at me.

JULIE: Well, sir, we are
having a masquerade party

tomorrow night.

My guess is somebody's
trying out their costume.

Yeah, some people
don't care how crazy

they look at those things.

No, no, it's more than that.

GOPHER: You know something, sir?

I knew something was
fishy when you came down

to the vault and had laryngitis,
and then a second later,

you didn't.

The vault. That's it.

Someone is trying to
steal the Star of Kashmir.

Hey, I never thought of that.

That's why I'm the captain.

I want security tightened
around that vault. Nobody gets

in without a darn good reason.

Right.

I went a guard placed
on Miss Rogers' door.

Right.

I want all of you to
keep your ears open in case

we get a line on that thief.

Right.

And whenever Miss Rogers
wears that necklace,

I want somebody on top of her.

Right.

Just don't let the passengers
know what's happening.

I don't to tip the thief
that we're on to him.

ALL: Right.

Well, Mr. Smith.

Oh, hi, Mr. Crowler.

Hi, Taffy.

Hi there.

You seem to have a
purposefulness of stride,

a certain gleam in your eye.

It looks as if you're
about to do battle.

Well, frankly, sir, I am.

Um, between you
and me, we believe

that there's a thief on board
after Miss Rogers' diamond.

No.

Really?

But don't worry, sir, uh, he
won't get past our defenses.

Bye.

Toodles.

Boss, ain't that
a coincidence?

There's another man aboard this
ship trying to heist that rock.

Well, it looks as if they're
gonna make our endeavor

slightly more complicated.

I think we should
move on to Plan C.

Which one is that?

It's the one right after B.

OX: Right.

Thanks, Taffy.

Think nothing of it.

[giggles]

[theme music]

[slow jazz music playing]

I forgot you were
such a good dancer.

It all depends on
who I'm dancing with.

Steve?

Mm?

I'm sorry you're getting
off at Puerto Vallarta.

Me too.

I'm sorry you reminded me.

Will you call me when
you get back to LA?

Well, that all depends.

Is your, uh, brother
bigger than me?

[laughs]

Yes, he is.

Well, uh--

I'll have to think about it.

[chuckles]

You know, they're showing
a movie in 10 minutes.

Should we go?

What's the film?

"An Affair to Remember."

[chokes]

Are you all right, Alan?

Uh, I just
swallowed the olive.

Sorry.

I think I'll pass on the movie.

Well, come on, Cathy.

No, thanks.

I've seen it

Well, I guess you two are just
gonna be stuck with each other.

See you later.

[sighs]

Very smooth.

You'll give away
your whole show.

Me?

How about you parking
yourself under her nose

for 24 hours a day?

Alan, I know it seems strange,
but when I came on this ship

I thought of Barbara
as the enemy.

Now that I know her, I
really like her for a friend.

Yeah, well she's a great girl.

I don't understand.

If you feel that way about her,
why did you start up with me?

Hm?

Well, you're a great girl too.

I see.

The more the merrier.

No, no.

It's just, something's been
missing with Barbara and me.

It's been missing
for a long time.

Sex rears its ugly head.

No.

I mean-- I mean--

I mean, just sitting around and
talking, hanging out together.

I've been married to
Barbara for seven years,

and I don't know who she is.

Do you have any idea who I am?

You are a sweet, warm,
wonderful person who

listens and gives and cares.

No.

I'm your ex-mistress.

It's lovely, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Who wants you to?

I have a cabin full of
nothing but privacy.

Jenny, I--

I--

Oh, Steve, would
it help if I say

it doesn't have to be forever?

I know, you-- you have your
sight now, and why should

you be saddled with a blind--

Come on!

That's a terrible thing to say.

It's true, isn't it?

No!

Jenny, I love you.

Now, there's a coincidence.

But--

But it has to do with
Puerto Vallarta, doesn't it?

You're seeing a girl there.

I'm engaged to her.

But that was before
this happened.

Steve, this never happened.

Jenny.

Jenny.

Let me walk into my own walls.

[theme music]

[horn blowing]

STUBING [ON PA]:
Guided tours of Puerto

Vallarta will be leaving off
the port side in 10 minutes.

ISAAC: Here you go, gentlemen,
two more eye-opener specials.

Oops, almost forgot.

Hm.

You know, I always wondered they
put celery in Bloody Mary's.

Yeah, why do they?

Because lettuce
would wilt. Hey.

Well, I guess I better go
open up some more eyes.

Just don't let anybody
open those curtains.

My eyes will fall out.

You know, for a big
star, you're not a bad guy.

Yeah, you go downstairs
and tell my wife that.

I've got wife
problems of my own.

Oh?

That, uh, brunette I
saw you with last night?

No.

She's my mistress.

The blonde is my wife.

[laughing]

They're both aboard?

They're both-- And they say
Hollywood people are wild, huh?

It's not my idea.

I'm just a simple guy trying
to make both ends not meet.

Look, I, uh--

I don't want to give you
any advice, but, uh--

well, I've-- I've had my
share of women and, uh--

From what I've read,
you've had everybody's share.

Maybe so.

But you know, at this stage in
my life I've learned something.

If you're lucky enough to
find someone who loves you,

you know, who'll stick by you
for more than a night here,

a weekend there, try
your best to work it out.

That's pretty good advice.

Yes, it is.

And I'm gonna follow it.

I'll see you around, huh?

Hello, Jenny, it's Julie.

Steve was looking for you.

I know, um--

I'm trying to stay
away from him.

Well, he wanted
to say goodbye.

We said our
goodbyes last night.

I'm sorry.

I'm not.

It was great while it lasted.

Uh-- he asked me
to give this to you.

Are you gonna be OK?

I'm gonna go now.

Bye-bye.

[melancholy music playing]

[seagulls squawking]

Roz, darling?

Where are you, sweetheart?

ROZ: Taking a bath,
if you don't mind.

I brought you
a peace offering.

Is it your head on a plate?

[chuckles]

A rose.

A flower of faultless beauty,
second only to your own.

It symbolizes my undying
devotion for you.

"The Sick and the
Sordid," Scene 23.

[laughing]

But the thought is lovely.

Mind if I join you?

Only if you bring
your rubber ducky.

[theme music]

STUBING [ON PA]:
We hope you enjoyed

your stay in Puerto Vallarta.

We'll be arriving at Cabo San
Lucas at 0800 tomorrow morning.

OK, they're in the
bathtub together.

Now is our chance.

Well, I don't know.

Do you think we
have enough time?

How long does it
take to have a bath?

Believe me, boss, they
don't care how long it takes.

[knocking]

JENNY: Come in.

Jenny.

Why did you come back?

I broke my engagement
to that girl.

You made a mistake.

The only mistake I
made was getting engaged

to her in the first place.

You're crazy.

You could have a normal,
happy marriage with that girl.

Well, what makes you
think that marrying

a girl who can see
guarantees a happy marriage?

How come millions of couples
with 20/20 vision get divorces?

[sighs]

Besides, I love you.

[sighs]

I don't love you.

I like you very much,
but I don't love you.

If I believed
that, do you think

I would have come back here?

I know you love me.

It-- it couldn't work, Steve.

Now, goodbye.

Jenny.

Goodbye, Steve.

[crying]

I knew you loved me.

That's a cheap trick.

Marry me.

No.

You just think I need you more
than that other girl needs you.

You want to take care of me.

You want to make me
stop walking into walls.

Is that what you really think?

Yes.

Then to hell with you.

What do I have to do to
prove that I love you,

go blind again?

[crying]

[theme music]

All quiet with
the Teagues, Doc?

Yeah.

To think, I spent eight years
in college and medical school,

and I could be replaced
by a German shepherd.

Well, there'll be an extra
Milk-Bone in your pay envelope.

[chuckles]
- Oh.

No, we all appreciate it.

Just don't lower your
guard for any reason.

Yes, sir.

Hi, Doc.

Well, hello there.

Not for any
reason, Dr. Bricker.

Right, right.

Hey, whatcha doing?

Oh, just, uh--

hanging out.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

How'd you like to hang
out in the moonlight?

But it's the middle
of the morning.

Why wait till the last minute?

Hm.

Hey, did I ever tell you
you're the most attractive

man on this entire ship?

You have excellent taste.

Mm-hmm.

You know, my cabin is just
down on the next deck.

Come on, I'll race you.

Well, I'd love to, but--

I'll take care of
that for you, ma'am.

Gopher, take over
for me, will you?

Sure.

No, no, that's
not what I meant.

Uh-- watch the door.

Why?

I'll just watch the door.

Which way did you
say your cabin was?

[groans]

Hey, did I ever tell you I
think you're the most attractive

man on this entire ship?

[laughter]

ROZ: Oh, you little--

BILL: Don't do that to me.

ROZ: Oh.

[giggling]

[clatter]

[suspenseful music playing]

[giggling]

BILL: Now it's your turn.

[thudding]

What was that?

My heart.

CROWLER: Ox, don't forget
to leave the fake diamond.

[thudding]

[laughter]

BILL: It's your turn
to look for the soap.

ROZ: Oh.

[giggling]

[clatter]

Everything all right?

I can't hear you.

Is everything all right?

They're still playing
Mr. and Mrs. Clean.

Ox, what were you
doing down there?

It sounded like you
were wrecking the place.

He dropped me
on my head, twice.

Well, it could only help.

It sure couldn't hurt you.

Listen, now don't start--

All right, all right.

Give us the necklace.

Sure, boss.

You left the copy, didn't you?

Oh, sure.

I didn't give it to
you already, did I?

No.

Now, you take your time, Ox.

Take your time.

[chuckling]

Isn't it magnificent?

Oh, I got to
hand it to, Vernon,

you really pulled
it off this time.

And no one is the wiser.

[laughter]

Who are you?

What do you want?

I'm sorry.

I must have the wrong room.

It's all right, honey.

It's a mistake
anybody could make.

I count off the paces.

I sometimes goof, though.

I can't balance my
checkbook either.

Well, uh--

I'm looking for 352.

Oh, yeah, that's
right down the, uh--

Oh, gee, it's next door.

Can I give you a hand?

No, I'm fine.

I'm sorry, again.

All right.

Toodles.

This time, lock the door.

Right.

Sure.

Look how it shines.

Look how it sparkles.

Here in my hand, friends,
a bauble that will make

four people's lives secure.

A ruby has fire, an
emerald has depth,

but a diamond
outshines them all.

Pure, brilliant, hard.

Hard enough to cut glass.

Watch as I put my signature
to the end of a perfect crime.

[scratching]

[crumbles]

You fool!

You left the real diamond
and brought back the fake!

Maybe you used
the wrong mirror.

Oh, Ox, it's people like you
that give crime a bad name.

[theme music]

Well, are you all set
for the masquerade party?

Mm-hmm.

What are you wearing?

I'm going as Mary Antoinette.

Let them eat cake.

BOTH: [giggling]

Maybe I'll go as Eve.

Let them eat their hearts out.

BOTH: [giggling]

Do you need a lighter?

Yes.

Wait a minute.

I think I've got one
in here somewhere.

Oh, is that you?

Yes, it is you.

And my husband.

Barbara?

[melancholy music playing]

Barbara?

Barbara, I'm sorry.

I'm the one.

I'm the one who found the
tickets to the cruise, right?

Right.

But I never intended--

Oh, how could I be so dumb?

That-- that picture, that was
taken in Hawaii, wasn't it?

He asked me to go
with him, but I was--

I was too busy
with my fall line.

Were you-- were you in New York
with him at the convention,

too?

[sighs]

[sighs]

Oh.

What shall I do?

Well, I guess I'll divorce him
or maybe I'll kill him first.

You don't want to divorce him.

BARBARA: What shall
we do, share him?

I'll take him alternate
weekends and--

and Wednesday and Tuesday
nights, and you take him--

Barbara, I'm not
taking anything.

It's over between Alan and me.

Look, I was lonely
after my divorce.

Alan was very kind.

You were working a lot.

He needed someone to talk to.

And to go to bed with?

It's all part
of the same thing.

Did you love him?

I needed him.

He needed me.

But it's you he wants.

It's you he's always wanted.

If I could believe that or
if I thought it were true,

but how could I--

how could I take
lying in his arms

and wondering if he's
thinking about you?

[sighs]

It's funny.

All the time we were
together I had the feeling

he was thinking about you.

How can I be sure?

How can anyone be
sure of anything?

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know.

There is a way you could
find out how he really feels.

It's kind of sneaky, but
it might do the trick.

Well, what is it?

Come on.

Cabo San Lucas is
beautiful, isn't it?

Everything is gold.

Sure.

At least you didn't
say the water

is sparkling like diamonds.

Mm.

Sorry.

[seagulls squawking]

Hey.

You know that
actress, Roz Rogers?

Are you kidding?

Well, she was out
by the pool, asleep.

So I snuck up on her,
and guess what I took?

What?

Oh, Ox.

Her picture!

You know, boss, she was
wearing that diamond.

I could have reached
right out and grabbed it.

Let's drown him.

No, sir.

Don't be ridiculous, Elwood.

Ox just came up with Plan D.

[knocking]

Hi, Jenny, it's Julie.

And Isaac.
- Hi, Jenny.

- And Gopher.
- Hi, Jenny.

- And Doc.
- Hi, Jenny.

And, boy, have we
got something for you.

Roses, I know.

Not just roses.

Every rose in Cabo San Lucas.

Steve?

Uh-huh.

Does this mean it's your
birthday or something?

No, I-- it means
he doesn't really

care if I walk into walls.

[knocking]

Come in.

Jenny.

Steve.

Um-- please listen to
what I have to say.

Last night I acted like a fool.

I was wrong.

Uh-- I love you, and
I know you love me.

I-- I do want to marry you.

And if you still
feel the same way,

I'll be waiting in my cabin.

Uh-- I'm going now.

Jenny, you're crazy.

[laughing]

How come that cheap
trick didn't work for me?

[theme music]

STUBING [ON PA]: The Masquerade
Ball is now in progress

in the Coral Dining Room.

Will you smile?

Marie Antoinette wasn't
unhappy until after they

cut off her head.

The worst I could do is
bite you on the neck.

Uh, honey, I forgot my purse.

Oh.

You go ahead and join
Cathy, and I'll be--

I'll be right there.
- Well, wait a minute.

How am I gonna find her?

What's she wearing?

Oh, you can't miss her.

She's dressed as a clown.

A clown?

Like Marcel Marceau.

Marcel Marceau.

In that case, I'll
bite her on the neck.

What can she say?

[growls]

[upbeat jazz music]

[chattering]

Are you really
dressed as a rabbit,

or have I had too many already?

No.

I am the white rabbit.

Or as we call him,
the honky rabbit.

[quick footsteps]

[SPANISH ACCENT]
Valentino lives.

Not in that body.

You are looking at the
world's greatest lover.

You don't know nothing
about us rabbits.

Cleo, you look beautiful.

Thank you.

And by the way, good luck
tonight, Prince Charming.

Oh, I can't miss.

One size fits all.

Hey, rabbit.

Hey, uh-- what's up, Doc?

[laughing]

Well, what do you think?

Very novel.

You're the only one who
came as a shoe salesman.

Uh, check you dipstick.

I think you're down a quart.

[crunching]

I must say, this has been
a delightful cruise, captain.

Tonight, you don't
have to call me captain.

A simple "Your Majesty" will do.

[laughter]

Happy?

Uh-huh.

Keep your eyes
on that diamond.

I want no trouble tonight
or heads will roll.

Who was that?

Hi, Cathy.

[laughing]

[growls]

Did he see you?

I made sure of it.

Good luck, Barbara.

Thank you.

[clinking]

At 11 o'clock,
we kill the lights.

Boss, you said there
wasn't gonna be any killing.

Hey, Cathy, it's fantastic.

Well, wait till
Barbara sees you.

Uh, she left her
purse in the cabin.

She'll be back in a minute.

Oh, why don't we wait
till Barbara gets back?

What's going on?

Cathy, would you cut it out?

What's with you anyway?

If Barb sees this, she'll--

OK, OK, just for a minute.

Wait till I get my teeth.

All right, Cathy, you
can cut the mime now.

Well, if you insist.

Look, I thought you said
it was over between us?

Cathy, I've been doing a lot
of thinking on this cruise.

I don't want to hurt you.

You're a wonderful girl,
but I think I love Barbara.

I know I love Barbara.

I couldn't stand to lose her.

She's my wife, and
she's my life I'm sorry,

but it is over with us.

No, I'm serious.

I mean, I knew there were
things wrong with the marriage,

but I should have talked
it over with Barbara.

I guess I was scared
she wouldn't listen,

so I never gave her the chance.

I mean, how is she
supposed to know what

I need if I never tell her?

I'm doing it again.

Things I'm telling you,
I should be telling her.

You are.

Barbara?

Yep.

It is you.

Yep.

Then you, uh--

know about everything.

Yes, Alan.

Barbara, I've
been such a jerk.

Yes.

And so have I. And dressing
up like this was crazy,

but at least I finally
got to know you.

Barbara, can you
ever forgive me?

Let me tell you in mime.

[theme music]

Oh, you guys have
great costumes.

Jenny's Justice
and I'm her prisoner.

Prisoner of love, eh?

Come on, I saved you a table.

It's right here.

OK.

Here you go.

Have a good time.

Oh, thanks, Julie.

Here you go.

Sit right down here and, uh,
I'll go get us some drinks.

I'll be right back.

[laughter]

Happy?

Oh, yes.

What else can I buy you?

Oh, you know what I think?

Yeah?

I think we ought to
buy a ship like this--

much smaller, of course--
with a crew of about 50.

BILL: Hey, that's
a wonderful idea.

We can sail all over the world.

We can even stop in
Cannes for the festival.

ROZ: Oh, but we don't
have a house in Cannes.

BILL: So we buy one.

Oh, honey, you're
so sweet to me.

Well, what is
love all about, huh?

Here's a ginger ale.

You're an expensive date.

[chuckles]

Are you OK?

Yes.

But I just heard the
saddest conversation.

A man and his wife, and
all he could talk about

was what he was going
to buy for her--

yachts and houses.

It's what they thought
love is all about.

[sighs]

Promise me we won't
ever be like that.

STEVE: Not much of a
chance on my salary.

[laughter]

To us.

[glasses clink]

Do you know, I've
never liked John Wayne?

BOTH: Taffy's waiving at me.

[clinking]

It's a beautiful watch.

It's time!

What are you doing?

[jazz music playing]

Excuse me.

Who is that girl
sitting over there?

Oh, that's Jenny Lang.

She's quite a girl.

It's a shame she's blind.

I think she sees
better than we do.

[QUIETLY] Meet me on the
fantail in five minutes.

[QUIETLY] Meet me on the
fantail in five minutes.

Well, I think I'd, uh--

I think I'd like to get a drink.

I'll get some air.

[QUIETLY] Miss McCoy.

I told them the stay
with Miss Rogers.

Now, someone has got to see that
nothing happens to that jewel.

Miss Rogers, how
nice to see you.

Captain.

[screaming]

BILL: What are you doing?

STUBING: Put the lights on!

This is the captain speaking.

Engineer, report the lights.

Put the lights on!

Oh, no.

Who stole my medallion?

TAFFY: Look, here they come.

CROWLER: Get ready, my
friends, to feast your eyes.

Ooh!

No!

No!

Nice going, genius.

Oh, Elwood, go take a swim.

The pool is closed.

I didn't have
the pool in mind.

Go file your nails.

Go file your face.

Why are you all upset?

I think it's beautiful.

Mm.

[sighs]

Thinking what I'm thinking?

Yes, that blind girl.

We need a character
like that in the movie.

A touch of reality.

It's not the movie
that needs reality.

It's us.

Yes, I'm afraid you're right.

What are we doing
this movie for anyway?

We have all the money
we'll ever need,

all the material possessions.

We have so much and she has--

Ooh.

Nothing?

Everything.

Everything that matters.

Humanity, warmth, love.

We could have love,
Bill, if all these things

didn't get in the way.

I don't want things.

I want us.

What are you going
to do with that?

Throw it in the ocean.

Let me do it.

[dramatic music playing]

Oh!

[gasps]

[romantic music playing]

Hey, Doc, you know what?

Huh?

I don't think
she's gonna show up.

Let's give her
another five minutes.

[theme music]

[ship foghorn blaring]

[no audible dialogue]

It worked, Cathy, just
the way you said it would.

How can I ever thank you?

By holding on to him.

He's a pretty nice guy.
- [giggles]

You're not so bad
yourself, you know.

All set.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

Keep in touch.

Goodbye, Cathy.

Bye, Cathy.

Bye-bye.

[sighs]

Well, I never thought I'd
be saying this, but, uh--

you have terrific
taste in women.

And even better
taste in wives.

ISAAC: Hi, folks.

I hope you enjoyed your trip.

It was a real thrill.

Yeah, a real thrill

I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

Well, uh, different
strokes for different folks.

Wait a minute.

Where's Ox?

Oh, you mean, your--
your big friend?

Yeah.

Oh, he's gone already.

His chauffeur came
on board and picked

up his luggage first thing.

His chauffeur?

Yeah.

Well, I remember because
he couldn't figure out

whether to go to
his Malibu beach

house, the penthouse in town,
or to take his jet to the ranch.

TAFFY: Ox is rich?

He's loaded!

Plan E.

Yeah.

Plan E?

It's the one right after D.

JULIE: Goodbye.
- Very enjoyable.

Oh, I'm glad.

Bye-bye.

Hi.

Oh, hello, Steve.

Hi, Jenny.

Hello.

Julie, you'll never
guess what happened.

Uh, Steve proposed, you
accepted, and the two of you

are getting married.

No.

No?

Jenny proposed, I accepted,
and we're gonna get married.

Oh, I think that's wonderful!

Congratulations.

Terrific.
See you later.

STEVE: Bye-bye.

JENNY: Bye.

Can you, um-- live without
me for a couple of hours?

No longer.

[chuckles]

Well, it was wonderful
having you aboard.

Thank you.

And I didn't mind losing
my shirt to save your jewel.

Oh, the diamond?

We threw that overboard.

What?

It was a fake.

The real one is in
the vault in our bank.

We couldn't take a chance
of having it stolen.

Oh, I don't blame you.

If I owned a rock like that, I'd
hold onto it with both hands.

[laughter]

I used to think that
too, but holding on to it

really doesn't give you
that much happiness.

It's a bigger kick to let it go.

That's right.

We're donating it to charity.

I understand there's
a school for the blind

that does wonderful work.

Well, goodbye, Julie.

Captain.
- Bye.

Goodbye.

I hope to see you again.

Goodbye, Captain.

STUBING: Bye.

See you in the movies.

Bye.

Bye.

You know, those
two really are stars.

[theme music]