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1
00:00:01,413 --> 00:00:04,789
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,980 --> 00:00:08,098
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,244 --> 00:00:11,823
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,918 --> 00:00:14,398
- ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
- ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,535 --> 00:00:18,066
- ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
- ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,233 --> 00:00:19,942
- ♪ Lucky there's a man who ♪
- ♪ Lucky there's a man who ♪
7
00:00:20,026 --> 00:00:21,435
- ♪ Positively can do ♪
- ♪ Positively can do ♪
8
00:00:21,519 --> 00:00:22,987
- ♪ All the things that make us ♪
- ♪ All the things that make us ♪
9
00:00:23,071 --> 00:00:24,715
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
10
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,441
♪ He's... a... ♪
11
00:00:26,534 --> 00:00:30,660
♪ Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
*FAMILY GUY*
12
00:00:31,011 --> 00:00:32,753
*FAMILY GUY*
Season 19 Episode 14
13
00:00:32,838 --> 00:00:34,466
Episode Title: "The Marrying Kind"
Aired on: March 14, 2021
14
00:00:34,973 --> 00:00:36,263
Guys, sorry I'm late.
15
00:00:36,348 --> 00:00:38,269
I was watching The Muppet Show
with Stewie.
16
00:00:39,370 --> 00:00:41,630
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
17
00:00:41,715 --> 00:00:43,746
♪ It's time to light
the lights ♪
18
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:45,708
♪ It's time to meet
the Muppets ♪
19
00:00:45,793 --> 00:00:47,473
♪ On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
20
00:00:47,558 --> 00:00:48,691
What's that from?
21
00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:51,215
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
22
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,364
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
23
00:00:53,449 --> 00:00:55,270
♪ It's time to raise
the curtain ♪
24
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:57,280
♪ On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
25
00:00:57,519 --> 00:00:59,919
♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
26
00:01:00,004 --> 00:01:01,996
♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
27
00:01:02,081 --> 00:01:04,348
♪ It's like some kind
of torture ♪
28
00:01:04,433 --> 00:01:06,913
- ♪ To have to watch the show ♪
- ♪ To have to watch the show ♪
29
00:01:08,116 --> 00:01:10,151
- ♪ But now let's get things started ♪
- ♪ But now let's get things started ♪
30
00:01:10,235 --> 00:01:12,630
- ♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
- ♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
31
00:01:12,714 --> 00:01:14,417
♪ It's time
to get things started ♪
32
00:01:14,510 --> 00:01:16,825
- ♪ On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
- ♪ On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
33
00:01:16,909 --> 00:01:19,099
- ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
- ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
34
00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:21,792
- ♪ This is what we call ♪
- ♪ This is what we call ♪
35
00:01:21,901 --> 00:01:26,300
- ♪ The Muppet Show.
- ♪ The Muppet Show.
36
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:29,565
(blows sour note)
37
00:01:29,862 --> 00:01:31,909
Did you guys just
make that up?
38
00:01:32,081 --> 00:01:35,121
Fellas, I want to introduce you
to my fiancée Rachel.
39
00:01:35,206 --> 00:01:36,707
She's a wonderful woman,
40
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,730
and she's Madeleine Albright's
niece.
41
00:01:38,815 --> 00:01:40,410
Oh, pleasure
to meet you, Rachel.
42
00:01:40,495 --> 00:01:42,433
No! If you want
to shake hands,
43
00:01:42,517 --> 00:01:43,925
put a sheet over that thing.
44
00:01:44,018 --> 00:01:46,573
I know it's last minute,
but we got a great deal
45
00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:48,668
at CanceledBarMitzvahs.com,
46
00:01:48,753 --> 00:01:51,457
and you're all invited
to our wedding this Thursday...
47
00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:53,050
- I can't go.
- ...in New Orleans.
48
00:01:53,135 --> 00:01:54,848
By myself.
I have to bring my family.
49
00:01:54,933 --> 00:01:56,543
- I'm in! - Yes!
- Way in!
50
00:01:56,628 --> 00:02:00,285
Ah, New Orleans, combining
the luck of Puerto Rico
51
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,058
with the mosquitoes of Haiti.
52
00:02:07,917 --> 00:02:09,168
(whoops)
53
00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:10,457
New Orleans.
54
00:02:10,542 --> 00:02:12,393
I can't wait to get up
on a balcony
55
00:02:12,478 --> 00:02:13,804
and bust out the twins.
56
00:02:13,889 --> 00:02:14,629
(laughs)
57
00:02:14,714 --> 00:02:15,941
Did you hear what I said, Meg?
58
00:02:16,026 --> 00:02:17,871
I said I can't wait
to get up on a balcony
59
00:02:17,956 --> 00:02:19,948
- and bust out the...
- Yeah, I heard you.
60
00:02:21,784 --> 00:02:24,432
Feels a little "hoo-mid."
61
00:02:28,827 --> 00:02:30,669
What, what's that?
62
00:02:32,534 --> 00:02:34,501
♪
63
00:02:39,862 --> 00:02:41,832
Oh, every morning
from 7:00 to 10:00
64
00:02:41,917 --> 00:02:43,621
we serve
a complimentary breakfast.
65
00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:45,527
Complimentary breakfast?
66
00:02:45,612 --> 00:02:47,901
Imagine the possibilities.
67
00:02:48,061 --> 00:02:50,330
♪
68
00:02:50,917 --> 00:02:52,211
Wow.
69
00:02:52,487 --> 00:02:55,097
- Can I get you a cup of coffee?
- Coffee?
70
00:02:55,182 --> 00:02:57,642
Imagine the possibilities.
71
00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:00,311
♪
72
00:03:00,531 --> 00:03:01,949
Wow.
73
00:03:02,034 --> 00:03:03,481
(liquid splashing)
74
00:03:03,745 --> 00:03:05,769
♪ It's time to swim in coffee ♪
75
00:03:05,854 --> 00:03:07,911
♪ It's time to flutter kick. ♪
76
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,495
How did that Muppet song
get in my head?
77
00:03:12,607 --> 00:03:14,722
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
78
00:03:14,807 --> 00:03:16,074
♪ It's time to light... ♪
79
00:03:16,159 --> 00:03:19,018
Oh, yeah, it was playing
when we Inception-ed.
80
00:03:19,237 --> 00:03:21,615
♪
81
00:03:21,972 --> 00:03:25,043
The bride and groom
have written their own vows.
82
00:03:25,128 --> 00:03:26,551
PETER:
Oh, no.
83
00:03:26,636 --> 00:03:28,535
Rachel, I love you.
84
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:31,605
And today we merge our lives,
our hearts,
85
00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:33,707
and our fraudulent
home businesses.
86
00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:37,308
Mort, may my plantar fasciitis
act like the roots
87
00:03:37,393 --> 00:03:39,557
for our tree of love.
88
00:03:39,681 --> 00:03:41,973
We will reshape
our lives together
89
00:03:42,058 --> 00:03:44,784
just as socks reshape
my calves daily.
90
00:03:44,869 --> 00:03:49,066
I am so happy to be merging
the napkins in my pockets
91
00:03:49,151 --> 00:03:51,168
with the napkins
in your pockets.
92
00:03:51,252 --> 00:03:53,261
Rachel, with you by my side
93
00:03:53,346 --> 00:03:56,506
there is no Christmas display
that I can't sue the city over.
94
00:03:56,591 --> 00:03:59,659
I vow to keep you nourished
by filling our home
95
00:03:59,744 --> 00:04:01,440
with the worst wine
in the world
96
00:04:01,525 --> 00:04:04,278
and preparing potatoes
and applesauce.
97
00:04:04,363 --> 00:04:05,688
Just like nobody.
98
00:04:05,773 --> 00:04:07,840
And I vow to adorn our walls
99
00:04:07,925 --> 00:04:10,429
with only brown art
from the '70s.
100
00:04:10,513 --> 00:04:13,596
Mort, we're two peas in a pod.
101
00:04:13,681 --> 00:04:15,104
We just go together.
102
00:04:15,189 --> 00:04:19,018
You are the plastic covering
to my furniture.
103
00:04:19,103 --> 00:04:21,151
And you are
the little spit bubble
104
00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:22,796
in the corner of my mouth.
105
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,331
Mort, you are
my forever person.
106
00:04:26,418 --> 00:04:27,418
Aw.
107
00:04:27,502 --> 00:04:29,872
May we continue
to have no respect
108
00:04:29,957 --> 00:04:31,331
for other drivers on the road
109
00:04:31,416 --> 00:04:33,737
and view stop signs
as suggestions.
110
00:04:33,822 --> 00:04:37,650
And, Rachel,
you are my forever person.
111
00:04:37,758 --> 00:04:38,933
Aw.
112
00:04:39,018 --> 00:04:40,627
And may my dead ex-wife's
113
00:04:40,717 --> 00:04:42,802
uncle's Netflix account continue
114
00:04:42,887 --> 00:04:45,856
to be fruitful to us
for many years to come.
115
00:04:46,016 --> 00:04:47,964
Mort, do you take Rachel
116
00:04:48,056 --> 00:04:50,511
to be your wife in sickness
and in sickness?
117
00:04:50,596 --> 00:04:51,763
I Jew.
118
00:04:51,848 --> 00:04:53,549
And, Rachel, d
o you take Mort
119
00:04:53,634 --> 00:04:56,696
to be your husband
in bad times and bad?
120
00:04:56,781 --> 00:04:58,386
I Jew, too.
121
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,893
(applause)
122
00:05:03,065 --> 00:05:04,511
Stewie, what's
going on with you?
123
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,175
I just found all that
very moving.
124
00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:08,886
- Really?
- Yes, I had no idea
125
00:05:08,971 --> 00:05:10,630
marriage could be
that beautiful.
126
00:05:10,916 --> 00:05:13,236
There really is somebody
for everybody.
127
00:05:13,321 --> 00:05:15,564
Even Helen Keller
had her tailor.
128
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,486
$100, please,
blind and deaf lady!
129
00:05:28,271 --> 00:05:30,932
(sighs) Always nice coming back
to your own house, huh?
130
00:05:31,017 --> 00:05:33,181
This isn't your house.
It's my dad's.
131
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,017
I have a package
for Stewie Griffin.
132
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,836
- Day just starting or ending?
- Smack dab in the middle.
133
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,267
Oh, dude. Brutal.
134
00:05:39,352 --> 00:05:41,111
Well, welcome to the back nine.
135
00:05:45,527 --> 00:05:47,283
I can't believe this worked.
136
00:05:47,392 --> 00:05:50,353
I'm Stewie.
I'm going to be your husband.
137
00:05:50,438 --> 00:05:53,729
- Zlata.
- We're such each other's forever people.
138
00:05:53,814 --> 00:05:55,984
Brian, I'd like you
to meet my fiancée
139
00:05:56,068 --> 00:05:59,654
that I ordered from the Ukraine,
the soon-to-be Zlata Griffin.
140
00:05:59,739 --> 00:06:01,838
Is that...
Is there a dead body in there?
141
00:06:01,923 --> 00:06:03,866
Yeah, they send two
in case one dies.
142
00:06:03,951 --> 00:06:05,450
She was sister.
143
00:06:05,535 --> 00:06:07,119
Looks like her arm
was gnawed off.
144
00:06:07,204 --> 00:06:10,455
Babe, you don't have
to eat people. We got food.
145
00:06:18,642 --> 00:06:19,752
Stewie, this is crazy.
146
00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:21,956
You can't marry that woman.
You don't even know her.
147
00:06:22,041 --> 00:06:23,158
I know she can disassemble
148
00:06:23,243 --> 00:06:25,401
and reassemble a rifle
in 15 seconds.
149
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,012
- How does that matter...
- I know it's adorable
150
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:28,878
that she thinks we're gonna see
Whoopi Goldberg
151
00:06:28,962 --> 00:06:30,160
- everywhere we go.
- Stewie...
152
00:06:30,244 --> 00:06:32,666
I hear Whoopi Goldberg
out here?
153
00:06:32,758 --> 00:06:35,485
Z and Bri, my two favorites.
154
00:06:35,572 --> 00:06:36,572
I-I don't even...
155
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,979
Zlata, what...
Why would you marry a baby?
156
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:41,863
In my country,
everyone I know blows up.
157
00:06:41,947 --> 00:06:44,175
She wanted to leave,
I had 200 bucks.
158
00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:46,267
Boom, we're each other's
forever people.
159
00:06:48,095 --> 00:06:50,971
Are there any more options
for breakfast, Mom?
160
00:06:51,056 --> 00:06:53,850
Bread without whole walnuts
in it? Yuck.
161
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,705
What's going on with you two?
162
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,417
Well, it's just,
hotel living got us accustomed
163
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,265
to having multiple
breakfast options.
164
00:07:00,349 --> 00:07:03,081
Yeah, we're like when astronauts
come back from space
165
00:07:03,166 --> 00:07:06,322
and can't fit back in with
society, but with breakfasts.
166
00:07:06,407 --> 00:07:09,377
Well, I'd advise you space
cadets to come back to Earth,
167
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:11,159
because I'm only
making one thing.
168
00:07:11,244 --> 00:07:13,728
(laughs): Okay.
Meg, did you hear what I said?
169
00:07:13,813 --> 00:07:16,454
I said I'd advise
you space cadets to come back
170
00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:18,066
- to Earth because...
- Yeah, I heard you!
171
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:19,284
(shatters)
172
00:07:19,368 --> 00:07:22,354
You know, there is
a Best Western in Quahog.
173
00:07:22,439 --> 00:07:24,728
Well, yeah, but don't we need
a room key to get breakfast?
174
00:07:25,733 --> 00:07:27,818
You mean like this one?
175
00:07:28,043 --> 00:07:29,705
Oh, you dog.
176
00:07:29,790 --> 00:07:32,065
Grab your coat,
we're going to the Best Western.
177
00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:33,666
I don't need my coat;
It's hot.
178
00:07:33,751 --> 00:07:36,019
Get your (bleep) coat
now!
179
00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:43,142
That's the gatekeeper.
180
00:07:43,227 --> 00:07:45,681
We just show her the key
and we get free food.
181
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,361
Yep, just keep it simple.
182
00:07:47,446 --> 00:07:49,705
Now, if asked,
we're brothers from Sweden,
183
00:07:49,806 --> 00:07:51,307
same mom, different dad.
184
00:07:51,392 --> 00:07:52,817
Well, shouldn't it be same dad,
185
00:07:52,901 --> 00:07:54,061
- different mom?
- No, no, no.
186
00:07:54,146 --> 00:07:55,925
The Swedes have a very long
fertility window, Chris.
187
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,594
Trust me on this.
Remember, big accent.
188
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:02,151
Hey, guys, FYI, breakfast
is closing in five minutes.
189
00:08:02,236 --> 00:08:03,903
BOTH:
Ja.
190
00:08:04,291 --> 00:08:06,948
We're doing it, Chris.
Our cover story is working.
191
00:08:07,032 --> 00:08:09,167
I'm looking
for a pair of half brothers
192
00:08:09,251 --> 00:08:11,762
with different fathers
from Finland.
193
00:08:11,846 --> 00:08:13,579
BOTH:
Haloo?
194
00:08:13,663 --> 00:08:15,432
- (man groans)
- (thudding)
195
00:08:15,877 --> 00:08:17,016
It's done.
196
00:08:18,212 --> 00:08:19,917
This is why Sweden, Chris.
197
00:08:20,002 --> 00:08:22,797
- Never Finland.
- I'll never doubt you again.
198
00:08:22,881 --> 00:08:25,104
Good. Now grab a yogurt
that's way smaller
199
00:08:25,189 --> 00:08:26,610
than you knew
they made yogurts.
200
00:08:26,694 --> 00:08:29,026
And you grab an orange juice
that doesn't taste
201
00:08:29,111 --> 00:08:31,300
like orange juice,
but like someone described
202
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:34,181
the taste of orange juice
to an alien.
203
00:08:43,186 --> 00:08:46,237
- I better get going.
- Have good day at work, husband.
204
00:08:46,322 --> 00:08:48,619
Mwah. Babe,
you're too good to me.
205
00:08:52,410 --> 00:08:54,120
I just left
my car in stall four.
206
00:08:54,205 --> 00:08:56,354
- Perfect. I can take it from here.
- Okay, great.
207
00:08:56,439 --> 00:08:58,550
And I apologize,
but my son threw up in the back.
208
00:08:58,635 --> 00:09:00,605
Okay, it's no problem,
we can clean that up for you.
209
00:09:00,689 --> 00:09:02,439
Thanks, you're the best.
210
00:09:03,103 --> 00:09:06,603
Hey, Levi, we got a backseat
vomit in the maroon PT Cruiser.
211
00:09:07,592 --> 00:09:08,791
Levi?
212
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,541
Levi?
213
00:09:12,868 --> 00:09:13,935
Levi?
214
00:09:14,575 --> 00:09:15,939
(sighs)
215
00:09:22,825 --> 00:09:25,109
Hey, uh, so, I'm really sorry,
but I-I threw up
216
00:09:25,193 --> 00:09:26,900
- all over the front seat.
- Not a problem.
217
00:09:26,985 --> 00:09:28,420
Thanks, man.
Late for a flight.
218
00:09:28,783 --> 00:09:30,150
Levi?
219
00:09:31,116 --> 00:09:34,236
Levi? Levi?
220
00:09:43,962 --> 00:09:46,857
(gags)
221
00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:49,807
Hey, I accidentally barfed
in my car.
222
00:09:49,892 --> 00:09:51,207
They told me
I could leave it here?
223
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,863
- Yeah. I'll clean it.
- Thanks.
224
00:09:52,947 --> 00:09:54,353
I got to catch my flight.
225
00:09:54,853 --> 00:09:56,385
♪
226
00:10:02,647 --> 00:10:06,056
Levi? Levi?
227
00:10:12,267 --> 00:10:14,831
Uh, this one looks good.
The, uh, second cheapest one.
228
00:10:14,916 --> 00:10:16,987
I'd actually recommend
that first Cab there.
229
00:10:17,072 --> 00:10:19,175
- Sound good.
- I love Cab.
230
00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:21,057
That second cheapest
one sounds great, too.
231
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:22,392
We'll take that one.
232
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:24,893
Indulge me
in one more work story?
233
00:10:24,978 --> 00:10:27,745
So, last week I put
this nice family in a Sonata.
234
00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:29,432
Those are supposed
to be great cars.
235
00:10:29,517 --> 00:10:31,089
(chuckles):
Actually, uh, yeah...
236
00:10:31,174 --> 00:10:33,003
They're-they're not great.
They're okay.
237
00:10:33,088 --> 00:10:35,839
Anyway, he says he'll fill
the car up before he brings it back.
238
00:10:35,924 --> 00:10:37,464
He opts out of buying our gas.
239
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:41,042
Which is, like, ten percent
of less than anywhere in town.
240
00:10:41,127 --> 00:10:43,581
That's right, babe. But that's
his prerogative, as Mitch says.
241
00:10:43,666 --> 00:10:44,815
Mitch is my manager.
242
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,339
So, fast-forward
to this morning.
243
00:10:46,424 --> 00:10:48,471
I get the car back,
I check the tank.
244
00:10:48,556 --> 00:10:51,292
Three-quarters full.
Quahog, we have a problem.
245
00:10:51,377 --> 00:10:54,620
(laughs)
Stewie, you're so funny.
246
00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:55,738
It's from a movie.
247
00:10:55,861 --> 00:10:57,846
Anyway, that's a 150% markup.
248
00:10:57,931 --> 00:10:59,925
Turns out he was late
for a flight and figured
249
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:01,581
it's worth it to eat
the nine bucks.
250
00:11:01,666 --> 00:11:04,478
So, yeah, a Wednesday
I won't soon be forgetting.
251
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:07,783
- One check fine?
- $15 on this, the rest on theirs.
252
00:11:11,855 --> 00:11:13,514
- I like them.
- Hmm?
253
00:11:13,785 --> 00:11:15,783
Aaron and Shauna.
They're nice. I like them.
254
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:18,358
- Yeah.
- It's comfortable going out with people
255
00:11:18,442 --> 00:11:20,650
in the same socioeconomic class
as us, you know?
256
00:11:20,735 --> 00:11:22,853
I mean, I love the Burtons,
but I don't really like
257
00:11:22,938 --> 00:11:24,572
to go to dinner parties
in apartments.
258
00:11:24,735 --> 00:11:27,630
Apartment no worse
than room in house.
259
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,791
You're having
a lot of those tonight.
260
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:32,251
I think there's
a new This Is Us.
261
00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:34,877
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
262
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:36,421
Babe, no. Our show.
263
00:11:36,506 --> 00:11:38,190
(grunting)
264
00:11:39,938 --> 00:11:41,523
What's Kate up to this week?
265
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,346
Losing weight with Toby maybe?
266
00:11:43,431 --> 00:11:45,744
Why you not have sex with me?
267
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,197
No, I know.
I totally want to.
268
00:11:48,282 --> 00:11:50,017
It's just,
it's our show, you know?
269
00:11:50,102 --> 00:11:51,611
We watch show later.
270
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,541
Uh, and we sleep...
when?
271
00:11:53,626 --> 00:11:56,158
Uh, th-there's just
only so many hours in the day.
272
00:11:56,243 --> 00:11:58,064
- You know?
- No more putting off.
273
00:11:58,149 --> 00:11:59,642
Sex now.
274
00:11:59,968 --> 00:12:02,978
Wait, wait, wait.
Black man in glasses?
275
00:12:03,063 --> 00:12:05,236
Yes, yes.
It's a Sterling Brown episode.
276
00:12:05,321 --> 00:12:07,603
I like Black man in glasses.
277
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:14,382
Okay, now we don't have
a room key for this hotel,
278
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,486
so follow my lead.
279
00:12:15,571 --> 00:12:17,377
They didn't even ask
at the last place.
280
00:12:17,462 --> 00:12:19,418
Yeah, but we had one
and we carried ourselves
281
00:12:19,503 --> 00:12:22,174
- with key card confidence.
- So, what's the plan?
282
00:12:22,259 --> 00:12:24,219
- Let's try hello.
- Got it.
283
00:12:24,304 --> 00:12:25,892
Good morning,
how may I help you?
284
00:12:26,084 --> 00:12:27,541
Hello...
285
00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:29,803
Good morning,
I'm staying here with my son,
286
00:12:29,934 --> 00:12:32,377
the Guinness record holder
for longest hello.
287
00:12:32,462 --> 00:12:34,582
We were just wondering,
where's your breakfast buffet?
288
00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:37,056
- Just through those doors.
- Thank you.
289
00:12:37,248 --> 00:12:38,635
...o...
290
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,666
- What is it?
- Nothing, it's just...
291
00:12:42,751 --> 00:12:46,314
(chuckles)
...this job is so cool.
292
00:12:46,497 --> 00:12:48,497
♪
293
00:13:18,878 --> 00:13:20,812
♪
294
00:13:39,595 --> 00:13:42,347
My God, Chris, look.
295
00:13:42,609 --> 00:13:45,283
The crown jewel
of hotel breakfasts.
296
00:13:45,368 --> 00:13:47,783
The Suites. At The Point.
297
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,009
At The Quahog.
298
00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:50,127
At The Harbor.
299
00:13:50,212 --> 00:13:51,463
At The Promenade.
300
00:13:51,548 --> 00:13:52,849
At the goofy squirrel.
301
00:13:52,934 --> 00:13:54,884
I'm not a part of the sign.
302
00:13:54,970 --> 00:13:56,900
But I am a little nutty.
303
00:13:57,047 --> 00:13:58,220
(laughs)
304
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,775
- That's our next target.
- I don't like it.
305
00:14:00,914 --> 00:14:03,649
I hear that breakfast buffet
is like Fort Knox.
306
00:14:03,734 --> 00:14:05,134
I'll figure out a way in.
307
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:08,138
After all, I snuck into
Bryan Singer's birthday party.
308
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,454
(dance music playing)
309
00:14:09,539 --> 00:14:10,956
Excuse me, how old are you?
310
00:14:11,041 --> 00:14:13,064
Not of legal age
anywhere in the world.
311
00:14:13,165 --> 00:14:14,868
Have fun,
tell whoever you want.
312
00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:17,431
Weirdly, no one
cares about this.
313
00:14:21,291 --> 00:14:22,624
(knocking on door)
314
00:14:24,046 --> 00:14:25,568
Hey. Is Stewie around?
315
00:14:25,653 --> 00:14:28,623
- No, he's still at work.
- Cool. Cool.
316
00:14:28,751 --> 00:14:30,574
Uh, can you just let him
know I stopped by?
317
00:14:30,658 --> 00:14:32,462
You can stay
and wait for him.
318
00:14:32,547 --> 00:14:34,835
Yeah, no, I'm just...
I'm just late for my thing.
319
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,913
I hear
you are famous writer.
320
00:14:36,998 --> 00:14:38,841
I want to talk your book.
321
00:14:38,926 --> 00:14:42,069
I have Dasani water bottle
full of Rite Aid vodka.
322
00:14:42,154 --> 00:14:43,504
I could chat for a second.
323
00:14:48,098 --> 00:14:50,335
Every damn Wednesday.
324
00:14:52,713 --> 00:14:54,947
Sorry I'm so late, babe.
Levi no-showed again...
325
00:14:55,032 --> 00:14:56,032
(glass shatters)
326
00:14:56,464 --> 00:14:57,683
Uh, hey, Stewie.
327
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,529
Brian? What the hell?
328
00:14:59,614 --> 00:15:01,442
That's my wife, man.
Get off her.
329
00:15:01,564 --> 00:15:04,404
- Stewie, wait, I-I can explain.
- What's there to explain, Brian?
330
00:15:04,489 --> 00:15:06,106
- You...
- (phone ringing, vibrating)
331
00:15:06,918 --> 00:15:09,755
Hello?
Levi, where you been, man?
332
00:15:09,964 --> 00:15:11,834
Look, I already gave you
a verbal warning,
333
00:15:11,919 --> 00:15:13,403
so I'm gonna have
to write you up.
334
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:16,247
Levi, don't call me that.
Don't-don't use that word.
335
00:15:16,343 --> 00:15:17,794
Stop-stop using that word.
336
00:15:17,879 --> 00:15:19,545
I already warned you
about calling me that
337
00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:21,169
at the last staff meeting.
338
00:15:21,351 --> 00:15:23,513
Okay, now that's strike two,
Levi.
339
00:15:23,614 --> 00:15:25,106
I can, too, give strikes.
340
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:28,253
Mitch said I can give strikes.
Don't call Mitch that.
341
00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:30,216
Listen, I can't talk
about this right now.
342
00:15:30,301 --> 00:15:31,802
My dog is banging my wife.
343
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:34,113
I'm not gonna write him up.
He's the only one strong enough
344
00:15:34,197 --> 00:15:35,950
to change the water jugs.
345
00:15:41,184 --> 00:15:42,677
Look, Stewie, I'm sorry.
346
00:15:42,794 --> 00:15:44,639
I honestly didn't think
you'd care.
347
00:15:44,724 --> 00:15:46,256
It's not like
you're having sex with her.
348
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:49,235
I know, right? Once they say
"I do," they don't.
349
00:15:49,428 --> 00:15:51,179
Stewie, don't be mad.
350
00:15:51,264 --> 00:15:52,489
Don't be mad?
351
00:15:52,573 --> 00:15:53,997
I'm driving all over
New England
352
00:15:54,082 --> 00:15:56,037
picking up rigs
and scrubbing upholstery
353
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,911
so I can take you
to nice places,
354
00:15:57,996 --> 00:16:00,414
and you're in bed with my friend
pitching woo?
355
00:16:00,557 --> 00:16:03,551
I'll show you what happens
to guys who touch my wife
356
00:16:03,635 --> 00:16:06,312
with this Mike Moustakas
signature bat.
357
00:16:06,396 --> 00:16:08,130
Geez, they're getting
rather loosey-goosey
358
00:16:08,214 --> 00:16:09,649
with signature bats.
359
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,630
(yelling)
360
00:16:11,715 --> 00:16:13,646
Stewie play ball?
361
00:16:13,761 --> 00:16:15,981
- Stewie, wait.
- (laughs): Aw.
362
00:16:16,255 --> 00:16:18,560
A boy and his dog.
363
00:16:19,013 --> 00:16:21,017
You play doctor
with my wife, Bri?
364
00:16:21,102 --> 00:16:22,271
You show her yours?
365
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,114
She show you hers?
366
00:16:24,199 --> 00:16:26,231
Those are private parts.
367
00:16:26,337 --> 00:16:28,922
We don't touch private parts.
368
00:16:29,192 --> 00:16:31,579
Did you kiss butts?
Did you, Bri?
369
00:16:31,763 --> 00:16:35,082
I kiss butts with a lot of
people, but, Stewie, I'm sorry.
370
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,084
I guess I just got
carried away in the moment.
371
00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:41,371
Well, I'm getting
a little carried away right now.
372
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,481
Bad one to miss on right there.
373
00:16:43,566 --> 00:16:46,918
Do I even need to ask,
have you had your cooties shot?
374
00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:49,096
- Stewie, come on.
- Just answer me, man.
375
00:16:50,631 --> 00:16:54,193
Circle, circle, dot, dot,
now I've got the cooties shot.
376
00:16:54,277 --> 00:16:56,271
You can't get it here.
377
00:16:56,356 --> 00:16:59,638
(crying):
It has to be at school.
378
00:17:04,619 --> 00:17:06,561
Well, Dad, we did it.
379
00:17:06,646 --> 00:17:08,232
We sure did, Chris.
380
00:17:08,316 --> 00:17:10,667
What did we do again?
381
00:17:17,345 --> 00:17:19,731
- He passed him a note.
- What's it say?
382
00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:34,566
Okay, it's okay.
Just let them keep talking.
383
00:17:34,651 --> 00:17:36,310
He'll mess up...
Why is he getting up?
384
00:17:36,395 --> 00:17:38,154
Why is he getting up?
385
00:17:38,726 --> 00:17:40,028
He's on the move.
386
00:17:40,501 --> 00:17:42,310
♪
387
00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:47,246
- What do you got?
- I got nothing.
388
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:48,810
Are you kidding me?
389
00:17:48,895 --> 00:17:50,830
(wheels squeaking)
390
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,536
CHRIS:
They never did catch my dad,
391
00:17:54,487 --> 00:17:56,669
but I wasn't so lucky.
392
00:17:58,052 --> 00:17:59,989
GUARD:
That's breakfast, ladies.
393
00:18:00,817 --> 00:18:05,060
I was sentenced to 12 to 15
years for hotel breakfast crim.
394
00:18:05,153 --> 00:18:07,544
But I wouldn't snitch
on the old man.
395
00:18:08,926 --> 00:18:10,840
PETER:
Hey, give me that oatmeal.
396
00:18:12,546 --> 00:18:14,440
♪
397
00:18:14,524 --> 00:18:16,425
In the end,
Dad figured out a way
398
00:18:16,509 --> 00:18:18,519
we could keep
eating breakfast together.
399
00:18:18,603 --> 00:18:21,096
We just had to kill
a guard or two.
400
00:18:21,278 --> 00:18:23,639
Actually, we had
to kill a bunch of guards.
401
00:18:23,724 --> 00:18:24,943
It was bad.
402
00:18:25,028 --> 00:18:26,967
It became a so-so
Netflix documentary
403
00:18:27,052 --> 00:18:28,696
that Mort and Rachel
were able to watch
404
00:18:28,781 --> 00:18:31,156
with his dead wife's
uncle's password.
405
00:18:36,955 --> 00:18:39,281
Why always we come only here?
406
00:18:39,365 --> 00:18:42,130
(chuckles) Babe,
when-when you find gold,
407
00:18:42,216 --> 00:18:44,725
you don't then, like,
go looking for silver.
408
00:18:44,810 --> 00:18:46,200
Stewie, why are we here?
409
00:18:46,285 --> 00:18:48,256
Look, Brian,
you're my best friend.
410
00:18:48,341 --> 00:18:50,099
Zlata, you're my wife.
411
00:18:50,184 --> 00:18:52,725
Mistakes have been made,
but we need to move forward.
412
00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:55,732
- We all agree on that?
- So, you forgive me?
413
00:18:55,817 --> 00:18:57,646
Well, I've been thinking
about this situation,
414
00:18:57,731 --> 00:18:59,468
and I have a proposal for you.
415
00:18:59,552 --> 00:19:02,333
I want you to sleep
with my wife again.
416
00:19:02,418 --> 00:19:03,418
What?
417
00:19:03,503 --> 00:19:06,857
I want you to have
no-ties sex with my wife.
418
00:19:06,942 --> 00:19:08,977
But that's it.
If you think for one second
419
00:19:09,061 --> 00:19:11,662
that you're gonna take her
to a museum, think again.
420
00:19:11,747 --> 00:19:14,241
- You blew that chance.
- Um...
421
00:19:14,325 --> 00:19:17,027
I'm talking like, right when
you're done boning, you're gone.
422
00:19:17,111 --> 00:19:19,057
Stew Man comes in
for the cuddles.
423
00:19:19,142 --> 00:19:21,031
Stew Man cleans up wet spots.
424
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,692
You don't get to do that.
Not after what you did.
425
00:19:23,888 --> 00:19:26,115
Uh, I'm-I'm a little confused.
426
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,912
Look, together we're kind of
the perfect husband.
427
00:19:28,997 --> 00:19:31,803
While you're banging her,
I'm walking with a shoebox
428
00:19:31,888 --> 00:19:34,053
full of our receipts
to H&R Block.
429
00:19:34,138 --> 00:19:37,047
So, y-you just want
the crappy parts of marriage?
430
00:19:37,131 --> 00:19:39,311
My friend, we have
a very different idea
431
00:19:39,396 --> 00:19:40,615
of what that is.
432
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:42,764
And I'm serious,
if I catch you pulling
433
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:46,056
one hair tie from her jeans
pocket before you do laundry,
434
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,775
I'll break your arm, man.
435
00:19:47,859 --> 00:19:50,203
Okay, Stewie, I-I guess I'm in.
436
00:19:50,287 --> 00:19:52,038
- Just one thing.
- What's that?
437
00:19:52,122 --> 00:19:53,614
I'm gonna need
some more breadsticks.
438
00:19:53,698 --> 00:19:56,566
(all laughing)
439
00:19:56,650 --> 00:19:58,239
ANNOUNCER:
Macaroni Grill.
440
00:19:58,324 --> 00:20:01,005
Come arrange your cuckolding
agreement here.
441
00:20:07,161 --> 00:20:08,481
Hey, Stewie, where's Zlata?
442
00:20:08,566 --> 00:20:10,061
It's over. She left.
443
00:20:10,146 --> 00:20:11,975
I'm boxing up her underwear.
444
00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:13,271
She would just take them off
445
00:20:13,356 --> 00:20:15,084
and kick them into the corner
of the room.
446
00:20:15,169 --> 00:20:17,873
- Hey, Stewie.
- Hey, Doug.
447
00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:20,014
Oh, I heard about Splitsville.
448
00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:22,303
Uh, that's why I prefer
the bachelor life:
449
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,154
Just me, my big wheel,
450
00:20:24,239 --> 00:20:26,428
and the doll
I draw private parts on.
451
00:20:26,513 --> 00:20:27,406
I hear you.
452
00:20:27,490 --> 00:20:29,834
I like to put rocks
in cups, Stewie.
453
00:20:29,919 --> 00:20:33,350
You can't really do that with
some gnat buzzing in your ear.
454
00:20:33,435 --> 00:20:34,488
Do you shake the cup?
455
00:20:34,572 --> 00:20:38,388
Not sure what else you do
with rocks in a cup.
456
00:20:40,044 --> 00:20:42,419
God, he's so ****cool.
I hate it.
457
00:20:42,591 --> 00:20:45,330
Well, there's only one thing
left for me to do.
458
00:20:45,508 --> 00:20:48,693
- You can take this job and...
- ALL: Surprise!
459
00:20:48,778 --> 00:20:51,865
Me? Yes, yes. Thank you.
460
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:54,934
(crying): You don't know
how much I needed this today.
461
00:20:55,018 --> 00:20:56,842
You're all right, Griffin.
462
00:20:56,927 --> 00:20:59,098
- Levi...
- For a ****.
463
00:20:59,183 --> 00:21:01,034
Stop using that word.
464
00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:03,250
Sync corrections by srjanapala
32754
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