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1
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,906
Oscar?
2
00:00:23,974 --> 00:00:25,185
Oscar? Huh?
3
00:00:25,209 --> 00:00:26,820
Hey. Wha-What?
4
00:00:26,844 --> 00:00:27,924
Hi.
5
00:00:28,879 --> 00:00:31,246
Hi?
6
00:00:31,315 --> 00:00:32,247
What time is it?
7
00:00:32,316 --> 00:00:34,183
Almost 3:00 a.m.
8
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:35,183
What's the matter?
9
00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,263
Is the apartment on fire?
10
00:00:36,287 --> 00:00:37,218
No.
11
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:38,314
Then get out of here.
12
00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:39,682
I've got to talk to somebody.
13
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,684
I haven't been able to
sleep for three nights.
14
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,441
Neither have I.
15
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,355
I've got insomnia.
16
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,090
I'm going out of my mind.
17
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:51,460
Look at me, look
how awful I look.
18
00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,385
My face is all gray.
19
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:54,769
It's dust on the mirror.
20
00:00:54,838 --> 00:00:57,256
Don't clean my mirror or
you'll get seven years bad luck.
21
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,758
How do you get to sleep?
22
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,754
Tonight I just worked
till I was sleepy.
23
00:01:01,778 --> 00:01:03,690
And you just went to bed, huh?
24
00:01:03,714 --> 00:01:05,814
I was already in bed.
25
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,419
Astounding.
26
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,288
I had this in the army.
27
00:01:13,357 --> 00:01:15,917
I finally fell asleep
on guard duty.
28
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,488
Felix, will you get
out of here, please?
29
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,446
Turn out the light
and get out of here.
30
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:24,450
Another human
being in distress...
31
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,469
I don't know what to do.
32
00:01:27,537 --> 00:01:30,133
Sit up in bed and
stare at the wall
33
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:33,274
and stare at the ceiling.
34
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:37,278
Wander around the
house like an idiot.
35
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,258
I don't know what
to do with myself.
36
00:01:39,282 --> 00:01:41,842
I can't sleep, it's agony.
37
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,023
♪ ♪
38
00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:12,090
♪ ♪
39
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:27,539
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
40
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,985
Oscar, breakfast.
41
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:45,123
I'm here.
42
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:46,124
Let's eat.
43
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,705
Boy, are you in bad shape.
44
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,128
Eat your pancakes.
45
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:52,964
I would if I had
some silverware.
46
00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:53,965
I gave you silverware.
47
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,245
You gave me three knives, Felix.
48
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,613
What am I going to do here?
49
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:57,569
I've got three forks.
50
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:58,981
I'll raise you two spoons.
51
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,806
What do I win, the
centerpiece or something?
52
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,643
Where's the syrup?
53
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:08,313
Maybe the reason you can't
sleep is you need to be with a girl.
54
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,076
Why don't you take
Miriam out tonight?
55
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,567
I'm too tired.
56
00:04:12,636 --> 00:04:13,584
I'll get the bacon.
57
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,571
Felix, this is floor wax.
58
00:04:16,639 --> 00:04:18,640
I'll wax the floor later.
59
00:04:18,709 --> 00:04:20,136
You'll be waxing
the floors at Bellevue
60
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,237
if you don't get some sleep.
61
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,927
Look at this here.
62
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:26,331
I like my bacon a
little crisper than that.
63
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,400
I'll cook it.
64
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:29,834
I'll get it.
65
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,235
Floor wax and raw bacon.
66
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,805
It's not exactly the
breakfast of champions.
67
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,675
Hi, Mr. Unger.
68
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:37,875
Hello, Myrna.
69
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:42,146
Hi, Mr. M., I found
those clips you wanted.
70
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,216
Let him in.
71
00:04:49,006 --> 00:04:51,606
Forgot where I was going.
72
00:04:51,674 --> 00:04:53,753
You all right, Mr. Unger?
73
00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,277
You seem a little unoriented.
74
00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:56,378
Leave him alone.
75
00:04:56,446 --> 00:04:58,046
He hasn't had any
sleep for three nights.
76
00:04:58,115 --> 00:04:59,825
Oh, Mr. Unger, you
should go to bed.
77
00:04:59,849 --> 00:05:02,183
He's been to bed,
he can't sleep.
78
00:05:02,252 --> 00:05:03,568
He's got insomnia.
79
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,486
Oh, I didn't want to insult you
80
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,167
and tell you how
terrible you look,
81
00:05:07,191 --> 00:05:08,356
but now I can tell you.
82
00:05:08,425 --> 00:05:09,557
You look terrible.
83
00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:12,427
Thank you.
84
00:05:12,495 --> 00:05:13,523
Do you want some coffee?
85
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,514
Sure.
86
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:16,914
Cream and sugar?
87
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,861
Uh... no, thanks.
88
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,719
I like it orange.
89
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,633
You know, I had insomnia once.
90
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:24,806
How'd you get rid of it?
91
00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:26,174
Sleeping pills.
92
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,125
I can't take sleeping pills.
93
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,194
My body chemistry
is all cockeyed.
94
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,174
Sleeping pills make
me wide awake,
95
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:33,698
deodorants make me perspire.
96
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,266
That's funny.
97
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,669
You ought to will your
body to some university.
98
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,371
I've had offers.
99
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,839
One from me.
100
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,073
Come on, let's get to work.
101
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,209
It's the only way
I'll get some sleep.
102
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,578
Good-bye, Mr. Unger,
and good luck.
103
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,447
Gee, the things that
happened to you,
104
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,748
you could write a book...
105
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,015
and now you'll have the time.
106
00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,124
They're making jokes
107
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,494
and I'm drinking orange
juice with cream and sugar.
108
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,883
♪ And the home ♪
109
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:13,688
♪ Of the brave. ♪
110
00:06:15,425 --> 00:06:17,804
And that concludes
another broadcasting day.
111
00:06:17,828 --> 00:06:20,394
Join us when we return
to the air at 6:00 a.m.
112
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:23,176
What am I going
to do till 6:00 a.m.?
113
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,099
Let us pray.
114
00:06:25,168 --> 00:06:26,835
Let me get some sleep.
115
00:06:26,903 --> 00:06:29,403
Please let me get
some sleep tonight.
116
00:06:31,241 --> 00:06:35,109
Oh... what to do?
117
00:06:35,178 --> 00:06:36,178
Wander around?
118
00:06:36,213 --> 00:06:37,979
I need human contact.
119
00:06:38,048 --> 00:06:39,848
I need someone to talk to.
120
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:42,350
Oscar won't.
121
00:06:53,629 --> 00:06:55,563
Hello, Miriam?
122
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,884
How are you, sweetheart?
123
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,585
It's Felix.
124
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,254
Felix.
125
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,467
Listen, did you see
the late, late, late show?
126
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:05,691
Well, it was really a doozer.
127
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,503
Barton MacLane
played a good guy, see?
128
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:09,027
Yeah, it was a comedy.
129
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,796
He was Harry James' agent
130
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,176
and the band is traveling
through a small town in Idaho
131
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,867
and this gal who works in the
box office is Vera Hruba Ralston
132
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,896
and she wants to
sing with the band.
133
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,337
Well, guess how she connives
134
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:22,174
to get a chance to
sing with the band.
135
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,409
Who gives a what?
136
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,683
That's a side of her
personality I never knew.
137
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,554
Oh...
138
00:08:08,171 --> 00:08:10,838
Bo-ring!
139
00:08:22,119 --> 00:08:24,352
Come on, Oscar,
breakfast, come on.
140
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,631
I called you five minutes ago.
141
00:08:25,655 --> 00:08:26,587
Come on, let's go!
142
00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:27,588
What do you say?
143
00:08:27,657 --> 00:08:29,057
Hey, let's go!
144
00:08:29,126 --> 00:08:31,793
Attaboy, way to go,
way to go, come on.
145
00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:33,361
Hey, I got your favorite.
146
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,396
Shirred eggs, sausage, muffins.
147
00:08:35,465 --> 00:08:36,397
Come on.
148
00:08:36,466 --> 00:08:37,676
Get the sandman
out of your eyes.
149
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,178
Come on, get the
sandman out of your eyes.
150
00:08:39,202 --> 00:08:40,512
Come on. Felix, come on.
151
00:08:40,536 --> 00:08:42,849
It was very difficult
getting up this morning.
152
00:08:42,873 --> 00:08:45,706
I feel like I just went to
sleep, it was time to get up.
153
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:46,919
I don't even
remember dreaming...
154
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,376
Oh, come, come on, come on.
155
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:49,377
Up we go.
156
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,929
Come on, here we are.
157
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,932
Taste your coffee, make
you feel like a new man.
158
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:54,933
Isn't that good?
159
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,500
Sure it is. There you are.
160
00:08:56,570 --> 00:09:00,038
Funny, I don't
even need a shave.
161
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,339
What's it like outside?
162
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,378
It's dark.
163
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,763
Yeah, energy crisis.
164
00:09:08,832 --> 00:09:10,148
Never mind the energy crisis.
165
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,149
Felix, it's dark!
166
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,261
It's going to be a nice day.
167
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,302
56 degrees, wind
six miles an hour.
168
00:09:14,371 --> 00:09:15,380
It's going to be beautiful.
169
00:09:15,404 --> 00:09:16,938
What time is it?
170
00:09:17,007 --> 00:09:18,167
4:00 a.m.
171
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,468
What, what, what?
172
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,424
It's 4:00 a.m.
173
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,927
4:00 a.m. in the morning?
174
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,040
You woke me up at
4:00 in the morning?!
175
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,241
You got exactly 30 seconds
176
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,892
to put the sandman
back in my eyes.
177
00:09:26,916 --> 00:09:28,527
I thought you'd like
to pal around with me
178
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:30,330
till 6:00 a.m. when
the TV comes back on.
179
00:09:30,354 --> 00:09:31,431
Then you can go to bed.
180
00:09:31,455 --> 00:09:32,598
Think of all the
time you'll save.
181
00:09:32,622 --> 00:09:34,133
When you get up,
you'll have already eaten.
182
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,774
You're deranged.
183
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,892
Come on, relax.
Eat, read the paper.
184
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,295
Why do I have to read
the paper? I write the paper.
185
00:09:40,364 --> 00:09:42,091
Besides, it won't be here
for another three hours,
186
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,226
but when it gets here,
187
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,894
it's going to have
your obituary in it.
188
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,930
He's crying, look at this,
he's crying, look at this.
189
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,553
Knock me on the
head, knock me out!
190
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:50,555
I'm going crazy. Oh, boy.
191
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:52,302
Stop all that, will you?
192
00:09:52,326 --> 00:09:54,637
Let's try to figure
it out, please.
193
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:55,939
Now, what's bothering you?
194
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,773
There must be something
bothering you. No.
195
00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:00,265
Think.
196
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:01,366
The rug needs shampooing.
197
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,835
I wouldn't lose
any sleep over that.
198
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,402
No. What about work?
199
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,671
It's going fine, never better.
200
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,716
I just finished a big ad
campaign for a watch company.
201
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:09,007
Yes.
202
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,753
Listen, how, how many
nights haven't you slept?
203
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:11,955
What is it? Four nights.
204
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,423
Four nights, so it's
got to be something...
205
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,291
Not one wink! ...that
happened before that.
206
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,926
Four nights, not a
second. Let's go back,
207
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,761
let's go back to
four days, five days.
208
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:19,829
What happened then?
209
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,030
Think back. Nothing.
210
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,498
Think, like about Monday.
211
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,034
Monday? Yeah, start
a rundown of the day.
212
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,836
My shirts came
from the laundry. Yes.
213
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:27,993
They were in a box.
214
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,861
I like them on hangers;
that made me angry.
215
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:31,174
That wouldn't let
you lose sleep.
216
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,308
Come on now.
217
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:33,343
Got a letter. What letter?
218
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:34,510
Postage due. Yeah?
219
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,501
I had to trek all the way
back to the post office
220
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,754
What was it? Turned out to
be an ad for freckle cream.
221
00:10:39,823 --> 00:10:43,624
I gave them such
a piece of my mind.
222
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:47,095
That night I saw Gloria in the
supermarket with another man.
223
00:10:47,163 --> 00:10:50,531
Next day, Tuesday, on the
subway a disgusting wino
224
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,517
sat down next to
me. Hold on, back up.
225
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:55,002
Back it up a little... Back
it up a little bit, please!
226
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,082
What? Back it up.
227
00:10:56,106 --> 00:10:57,055
Monday,
228
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,990
my shirts... No, no, no, no, no,
229
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,004
between the freckle
cream and the wino.
230
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,510
Yeah? You said
something about Gloria?
231
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,290
Yeah. Yeah?
232
00:11:04,314 --> 00:11:05,925
Saw her in the supermarket
with another man.
233
00:11:05,949 --> 00:11:08,015
You saw your ex-wife
with another man?
234
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,519
Yeah, that doesn't...
I've completely...
235
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,020
I've completely blocked it out.
236
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,366
Of course you
blocked it out. That's it.
237
00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:15,501
Of course that's it.
238
00:11:15,525 --> 00:11:16,690
I'm jealous of the other man.
239
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,504
Sure, you know
how jealous you are.
240
00:11:18,528 --> 00:11:20,506
The last time you saw
Gloria with another man,
241
00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:22,374
you went on a hunger strike.
242
00:11:22,398 --> 00:11:25,833
You would only eat foods
that started with the letter "G."
243
00:11:25,901 --> 00:11:28,013
For three weeks, all
we ate was grapefruit,
244
00:11:28,037 --> 00:11:31,305
gizzards and garbanzo beans.
245
00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:33,552
You think that's it,
huh? I know that's it.
246
00:11:33,576 --> 00:11:35,976
Jealousy slays itself
with its own arrows.
247
00:11:36,045 --> 00:11:37,311
That's what's keeping me awake.
248
00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:39,225
All right, now that
you know what it is,
249
00:11:39,249 --> 00:11:40,326
do something
about it, talk to her...
250
00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,549
I can't talk to her.
251
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,529
She's got a perfect right
to go out with other men,
252
00:11:43,553 --> 00:11:47,355
a right she exercises at
every conceivable opportunity.
253
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:48,943
Besides, she hates
me when I'm jealous.
254
00:11:48,991 --> 00:11:50,836
And I hate you when
your eyes are open,
255
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,861
so do something about it!
256
00:11:53,929 --> 00:11:54,862
Where are you going?
257
00:11:54,930 --> 00:11:56,631
Back to bed.
258
00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:58,066
What should I do with the eggs?
259
00:12:02,506 --> 00:12:04,155
You've got a coarse mind.
260
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,157
You know that?
261
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,865
Felix, did you take care
of that thing with Gloria?
262
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:16,378
Yes. Good, I'm going to get
a beer and I'm going to go...
263
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,980
Hey! Cookies, let me have one.
264
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,315
No, no, no...
They're not for you.
265
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:20,621
What'd you make them for?
266
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:22,423
I had a brainstorm.
267
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,359
I hired a special
investigator to find out
268
00:12:24,427 --> 00:12:26,026
about that man with Gloria.
269
00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:27,707
You gonna pay
him off with cookies?
270
00:12:27,731 --> 00:12:29,764
Yeah. He's just starting out.
271
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,645
What? There he is.
272
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,769
Where?
273
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:36,604
He's letting himself
in the front door.
274
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,374
Doesn't he ring the bell? No.
275
00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:40,586
He uses his credit card.
276
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,305
Special Investigator
Greshler reporting in, sir.
277
00:12:54,373 --> 00:12:55,306
Hi, Oscar. Hi, Murray.
278
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:56,791
What do you think?
279
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,143
Do I look like Columbo?
280
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,946
You look more like Dumbo.
281
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,732
This is my plainclothes outfit.
282
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,712
You see, underneath I've
got my policeman's outfit,
283
00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:07,935
well concealed.
284
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,531
I'm sure that's the way
the force would want it.
285
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,834
Murray, what did you find out?
286
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:14,342
First, where are my cookies?
287
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:17,606
Give me the clues and
I'll give you the cookies.
288
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,031
I got the clues right here.
289
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,433
Facts, just facts.
290
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:25,135
Suspect is male,
white Caucasian,
291
00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:27,755
five-foot-ten, blue
eyes, brown hair.
292
00:13:27,824 --> 00:13:30,352
I know what he
looks like, Murray.
293
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,710
Suspect's name: Bud Herzog,
294
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:34,445
automobile insurance agent.
295
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:36,473
Talking to Gloria
about her bumpers.
296
00:13:39,336 --> 00:13:41,797
I'll kill him! I'll
kill every Herzog
297
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,498
in New York! Felix,
298
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,301
she had had a
minor traffic accident.
299
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,902
They were discussing
a settlement.
300
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,075
How'd you dig all this up?
301
00:13:48,144 --> 00:13:49,877
I asked Gloria and she told me.
302
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,531
All right, all right.
303
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:55,033
All right, listen. So what?
304
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:56,401
He cured your problem, right?
305
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,309
I'll be able to get some
sleep. Murray, thanks.
306
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,637
I'll call you anytime I
need a private nose.
307
00:14:06,296 --> 00:14:08,730
Hi, Oscar.
308
00:14:08,798 --> 00:14:09,875
Brought you some warm milk.
309
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,179
Help you get to sleep.
310
00:14:12,469 --> 00:14:15,029
You sure? Okay, I'll drink it.
311
00:14:15,972 --> 00:14:17,172
Mmm, good.
312
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,759
Just my way of saying,
"Thanks, Oscar."
313
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,044
I guess I have been
314
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,409
sort of a pain in the rump
to you these past few days.
315
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,682
But so be it.
316
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:31,347
Tell you one thing.
317
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,205
That Gloria thing has
proved to be a blind alley,
318
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,706
'cause I'm wide awake.
319
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,108
I'm up.
320
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:38,242
Up as a pup.
321
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,603
Just holler when
you're through, Barney.
322
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:01,899
Oh, boy...
323
00:15:14,196 --> 00:15:15,446
Hey, old buddy.
324
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,431
Hi.
325
00:15:19,301 --> 00:15:20,568
How are you?
326
00:15:20,636 --> 00:15:22,565
Pretty good, thanks.
How're you doing?
327
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,590
Oh... nice, nice.
328
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,760
I had a little nap today.
329
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,262
Really?
330
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:34,749
Yeah. I fainted in my darkroom.
331
00:15:34,818 --> 00:15:38,185
I overdeveloped an
entire bar mitzvah.
332
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:39,570
Well, it's all set up, Oscar.
333
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,038
Thank you very much.
334
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,485
Those playoff tickets
are yours, Barney.
335
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,487
Thanks. And good
luck with that thing.
336
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:46,778
Thank you. Thank you.
337
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,592
Who is that? I promised
you that I was going to get you
338
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,193
a good night's sleep, and
that's what I'm gonna do.
339
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,828
Keep my promise, and also,
I'm gonna get some sleep.
340
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:53,852
Who is that guy?
341
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,331
He's in used furniture, come on.
342
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,488
Used furniture? Yeah.
Will you come on?
343
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,723
What?
344
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,503
You're gonna be
so surprised. What?
345
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,805
There you go.
346
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,540
What? You don't
notice anything different?
347
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:06,642
I don't believe it.
348
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:09,333
Look at this: a water bed!
349
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,901
Huh, look at that!
350
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,871
You got me a used water bed?
351
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:17,275
The bed is old,
the water is new.
352
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,643
They threw in all new water.
353
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:20,038
Hmm... Come on.
354
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,362
You try it, you'll like it!
355
00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:22,996
Oh-ho!
356
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,510
I can't sleep on a water bed.
357
00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:25,966
I need a firm mattress.
358
00:16:26,035 --> 00:16:28,068
All right, we'll freeze it.
359
00:16:28,137 --> 00:16:29,248
Come on, will ya?
360
00:16:29,272 --> 00:16:30,349
Get in, try it.
361
00:16:30,373 --> 00:16:32,284
Oh, look at that. Go ahead.
362
00:16:32,308 --> 00:16:33,686
There you go. That's it.
363
00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:34,642
Oh. Hold on.
364
00:16:34,711 --> 00:16:35,787
There you go! Whoa.
365
00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:37,612
There, rock. Ooh.
366
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:39,391
Just relax. Boy, that's it.
367
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,982
It's like sleeping on Jell-O.
368
00:16:42,051 --> 00:16:43,662
I'm going to put
on a record, okay?
369
00:16:43,686 --> 00:16:45,331
What record? Oh,
wait till you see.
370
00:16:45,355 --> 00:16:46,920
This is a special record.
371
00:16:46,989 --> 00:16:48,556
Special sound effects, see?
372
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:50,869
When you're lying on the
water, you'll hear the rolling surf.
373
00:16:50,893 --> 00:16:53,327
Yeah. Sounds of the sea.
374
00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:57,848
What was that?
375
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,783
I put it on the wrong side,
376
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,220
auto high jinks.
377
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:03,899
Okay, go ahead.
Go back to sleep.
378
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,802
Here you go. You promise me
the sea. You nearly ran me over.
379
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,892
Okay, just relax. Yeah.
380
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,372
Here it comes.
381
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:16,734
Ahh, yes... Oh,
listen to all that water.
382
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:20,904
Ah...
383
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:24,875
Where you going?
384
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,504
I got to go to the bathroom.
385
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:31,749
Sleep, Felix, sleep.
386
00:17:33,036 --> 00:17:35,197
Oscar, let me try my plan.
387
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,387
What kind of plan is that?
388
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,167
You're gonna yawn, and
he's gonna fall asleep.
389
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,202
Yeah, it's scientifically
proven that
390
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,127
if you watch people yawn, it
makes them tired and sleepy.
391
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,795
I'm not gonna be obvious.
392
00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:46,475
I'm gonna tell
him a sleepy story
393
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,143
and slip in some yawns.
394
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,927
Shh, I think he's coming.
395
00:17:57,676 --> 00:17:58,987
Hi, Felix.
396
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,944
Five days.
397
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:02,491
What were you cleaning now?
398
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,482
My ceiling.
399
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,551
I've spent so much
time staring at it,
400
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,752
I know every
speck of dust on it.
401
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,388
It's clean now,
so don't walk on it.
402
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:13,291
Haven't lost my sense of humor.
403
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,204
Listen, Murray wants
to tell you a nice story.
404
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,894
A story? Yeah, a terrific story.
405
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,440
Go ahead, Murray, tell
him the story, will ya?
406
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:19,474
Come on, right here.
407
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:20,965
Here you go. Hi, Myrna.
408
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,677
Hi. Right here's fine.
409
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,468
That's it.
410
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,487
Pay close attention
to what I say.
411
00:18:26,556 --> 00:18:29,407
I was just out walking my beat,
412
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:32,376
and I went past this
great, big pillow factory.
413
00:18:35,999 --> 00:18:40,400
All those great, big,
soft, white pillows.
414
00:18:43,005 --> 00:18:45,372
Inside, all the men
were sawing wood.
415
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,944
Then they stopped
416
00:18:50,012 --> 00:18:53,681
and drank some nice, warm milk.
417
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,017
It was delicious.
418
00:18:58,821 --> 00:19:00,053
Then in came the sheep.
419
00:19:00,122 --> 00:19:01,539
What for?
420
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:04,275
To jump over the fence.
421
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:08,563
One... two..., three...
422
00:19:08,631 --> 00:19:09,708
How many were there?
423
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:10,915
Oh, I don't know, about 18.
424
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,918
Oh, this is not
gonna work, Murray.
425
00:19:20,109 --> 00:19:21,708
Felix, you asleep?
426
00:19:25,448 --> 00:19:27,525
Even back in your own
bed, you can't sleep.
427
00:19:27,549 --> 00:19:28,648
What you got there?
428
00:19:28,717 --> 00:19:30,195
Wait till you see,
buddy, take a look.
429
00:19:30,219 --> 00:19:33,020
Aw, look! All my old toys!
430
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,533
Yeah, I found them
down in the cellar
431
00:19:35,557 --> 00:19:37,669
with the rest of the junk that
your mother sent last year.
432
00:19:37,693 --> 00:19:39,938
You call a man's past
junk? Oh, I didn't mean that.
433
00:19:39,962 --> 00:19:41,895
My blankie.
434
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:44,831
What did you bring
this stuff up for?
435
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:47,060
Well, you always told
me when you were a kid,
436
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,696
you never had any trouble
sleeping, right? Yeah.
437
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,332
I figured all this
stuff back remind you
438
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:51,866
of your childhood, you'd
sleep like a baby again.
439
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:54,325
My bib! My mother
used to feed me...
440
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,360
Hey, you got a little spot.
441
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,956
Maybe you weren't
so neat as a kid, huh?
442
00:19:57,980 --> 00:19:59,246
My mother did that.
443
00:19:59,315 --> 00:20:01,082
She could never handle a spoon.
444
00:20:02,251 --> 00:20:06,370
Here's my favorite
teddy bear, Mr. Friend.
445
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,139
I slept with him for five years.
446
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,673
Still got his cellophane on.
447
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,108
This is the original.
448
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,442
I wanted to keep him clean.
449
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:13,989
These things
collect lint, you know.
450
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,663
Oh, I love him.
451
00:20:16,732 --> 00:20:18,365
What else do we
have? Oh, my books!
452
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,401
My stories! Everything, great!
453
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,180
All right, Felix, now,
it's time to go to bed.
454
00:20:22,204 --> 00:20:23,515
Oh, what neat stuff!
Put your toys away.
455
00:20:23,539 --> 00:20:26,206
No, no, please. No, no,
you must go to bed now.
456
00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:28,042
Just what my father used to do.
457
00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:29,321
What else did your father do?
458
00:20:29,345 --> 00:20:31,512
He'd say, "Good night, Junior."
459
00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:32,946
Good night, Junior.
460
00:20:33,015 --> 00:20:35,193
Aw, let me stay up five
more minutes. No, no.
461
00:20:35,217 --> 00:20:37,062
Please, aw, please?
Junior, you must go to bed.
462
00:20:37,086 --> 00:20:38,196
Junior! Read me a story.
463
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:39,398
Read you a story?
My father always
464
00:20:39,422 --> 00:20:41,221
read me a story
before I went to bed.
465
00:20:41,290 --> 00:20:43,223
Okay.
466
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:49,444
Is Little Red Riding Hood okay?
467
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,532
Yeah, yeah. I love
that one! I love it.
468
00:20:53,035 --> 00:20:54,246
"Once upon a time..."
469
00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:56,153
This is your favorite part,
470
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:57,471
so sit up nice and listen.
471
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:00,474
"Once upon a time..."
472
00:21:00,542 --> 00:21:02,792
Louder. He can't hear
through the cellophane.
473
00:21:05,648 --> 00:21:08,816
"Once upon a time,
there was a little..."
474
00:21:09,885 --> 00:21:12,320
"And Goldilocks
got such a fright
475
00:21:12,388 --> 00:21:14,521
"that she jumped right up
476
00:21:14,590 --> 00:21:16,006
"and ran down the stairs,
477
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,436
"out of the house
and into the forest.
478
00:21:18,460 --> 00:21:21,011
"And Goldilocks never went back
479
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,613
to that little house again."
480
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:25,416
And Mr. Friend is asleep
481
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:28,051
and Mr. Enemy is wide awake.
482
00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:32,956
You almost got me
during Rumpelstiltskin.
483
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,736
There's nothing
left to try, Felix.
484
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,038
I'm gonna check into a
hotel and sleep for 88 years.
485
00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:38,862
No, no, no, no,
come on, it's still early.
486
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:40,197
It's only 11:30, come on.
487
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:42,344
Are you out of your
mind? It's after 2:00!
488
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:43,878
No. Yes.
489
00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,153
I thought it felt kind of late.
490
00:21:46,222 --> 00:21:48,255
My watch has stopped.
491
00:21:48,324 --> 00:21:50,791
My brand-new electronic watch.
492
00:21:50,859 --> 00:21:52,587
How do you like
that, after six days?
493
00:21:52,611 --> 00:21:54,394
Six days you've had that watch?
494
00:21:54,463 --> 00:21:55,540
Yeah. Where'd you get it?
495
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,364
You know that watch ad I did.
496
00:21:57,433 --> 00:21:58,710
I told you, they
gave me a watch.
497
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,178
What did you do
with your old one?
498
00:22:00,202 --> 00:22:01,402
Gave it to my assistant.
499
00:22:01,470 --> 00:22:02,614
That's an electronic watch?
500
00:22:02,638 --> 00:22:03,715
Yeah. Does it make a noise?
501
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,439
It goes "hmm" when it works.
502
00:22:05,508 --> 00:22:06,585
And your old watch?
503
00:22:06,609 --> 00:22:08,153
My old watch goes
"tick, tick, tick."
504
00:22:08,177 --> 00:22:09,126
What kind of question
505
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:10,339
is that? Well, you'll see.
506
00:22:10,363 --> 00:22:12,340
Get into your position
when you go to sleep.
507
00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:14,009
Why? Go ahead. Do
what I tell you, go ahead.
508
00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:16,593
Will ya? Listen to Dr. Seuss.
509
00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:19,882
There it is! What?
510
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:22,451
You see the way your head's
resting when your wrist's there?
511
00:22:22,475 --> 00:22:25,275
Yeah. You miss the
ticking of the other clock.
512
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,445
Really?! I know it.
513
00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,691
Tomorrow when you get your
watch back from your assistant,
514
00:22:29,715 --> 00:22:31,760
you'll sleep like a baby.
But what about tonight?
515
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:33,784
I can't go through another
night without sleeping.
516
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:36,153
I'll lose my mind.
517
00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:38,166
All right, get into position.
518
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,623
Go ahead.
519
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:47,264
Tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick,
520
00:22:47,333 --> 00:22:49,661
Tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, tick,
521
00:22:49,685 --> 00:22:52,085
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, Tick, tick, tick, tick,
522
00:22:52,121 --> 00:22:54,098
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,
tick, Tick, tick, tick, tick,
523
00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:57,224
Tick... tick...
tick... tick... tick...
524
00:22:57,293 --> 00:23:02,563
tick... tick... tick.
525
00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:07,751
Cuckoo, cuckoo!
526
00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:29,556
Felix?
527
00:23:32,361 --> 00:23:34,295
You asleep?
528
00:23:35,998 --> 00:23:38,158
It's 5:00 in the morning.
I can't fall asleep.
529
00:23:40,102 --> 00:23:42,662
Want to cook me some breakfast?
530
00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:50,461
Okay.
36720
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