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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:29,436 --> 00:00:33,436 www.titlovi.com 2 00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,738 The pleasure gardens of milliarcha v 3 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:43,776 made it the Jewel of the inner rim for over five centuries. 4 00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:49,048 It took nearly 48 hours for everything to change. 5 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:54,153 A great alien evil had enslaved the once peaceful planet. 6 00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:59,324 For the high council, there was only one option. 7 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:02,828 Vanguard, the infamous mercenary was dispatched 8 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,297 to face the entity responsible, 9 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,267 the kragon, the Duke of raggidi, 10 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,469 the butcher of barsa, 11 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:13,705 destroyer of worlds. 12 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:17,676 Vanguard's orders were simple. Eliminate. 13 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:44,837 Time for school. 14 00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,373 I know. 15 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:07,493 He crashed hard. Vanguard nearly broke the slave girl's fall. 16 00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:11,263 She was straddling him now. Face to face. 17 00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:35,721 Seems I didn't leave this world early enough. 18 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:51,570 The air is still breathable. Just the same. 19 00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:01,513 Neither gained much ground. They were almost evenly matched. 20 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,249 We are almost evenly matched. 21 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,817 Almost? 22 00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:17,629 I was weaned on the psychedelic gasses of raggidi prime. 23 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:22,534 I see their effect on humans is not unusual. 24 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,403 It would be a shame to waste 25 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,605 so worthy an adversary. 26 00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:35,347 The raggidi also find the gas to have a pleasing effect. 27 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:44,289 Vanguard peered into the evil lord's eyes, 28 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,925 then back to the slave girl. 29 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,494 Then those eyes. 30 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,897 Then the girl. 31 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,533 Then the eyes. And then the girl. 32 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,568 Then the... 33 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,913 It all happened so fast. 34 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,949 A flash of bodies, limbs, flesh 35 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:14,353 pressing together. Their hunger knew no bounds. 36 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,421 Suddenly all the atrocities, 37 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,357 the murderous tyrant had ever committed 38 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:21,326 were nothing more than an afterthought. 39 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:43,015 Lust was the only thing on vanguard's mind. 40 00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:45,917 Lust was all that mattered now. 41 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,587 - A toast. 42 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,555 It's my good fortune 43 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,858 to have a good fortune. 44 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,429 And I bring it all to you, 45 00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:01,600 most honorable heads of houses, prentiss and hollycotton. 46 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:05,671 And of course, your highly eligible daughters, 47 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,906 one of whom I soon intend to wed. 48 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,311 - He knew it was wrong. - -Cheers. 49 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:15,781 But why did it feel so right? 50 00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:19,318 In the throes of passion, vanguard was quickly reminded 51 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:24,823 of the debacle at the high council. 52 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:30,362 And with it, his previous conquest. 53 00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:31,697 - What's that? - Nothing. 54 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:34,633 If it's nothing, why do you care? 55 00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:37,602 It wouldn't even make sense. Really? Are you saying I'm dumb? 56 00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,604 No, there's just- there's no context. 57 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:42,407 Neil, is that a diary? 58 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,710 I don't know. Neil won't let me see it. 59 00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,946 - Let me see that. - Hey! 60 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,582 Senator zaxa approached vanguard, 61 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:54,419 his eyes set on the soldier of fortune's engorged... 62 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,554 Pelvic region? 63 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,924 Mother of fuck! 64 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:02,627 We should burn it. We don't burn books, Jessie. 65 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:10,001 Fucking disgusting. 66 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:15,407 Many taxonomic groups don't actually have separate sexes, 67 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:19,611 so hermaphroditism is a normal thing. 68 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:23,548 Now what Edward is handing out 69 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:27,519 represents the sequential hermaphrodite. 70 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,021 In this case, the slipper snail. 71 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,557 It begins its life as a male. 72 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,727 But if the female population dwindles, 73 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,497 then the largest male in the group 74 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:43,135 will spontaneously switch genders. 75 00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:45,837 I will pull your face off. 76 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:50,509 Oh, I'm shaking. 77 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,878 All right. Stand. 78 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,454 - You wrote this? - Fuck no. 79 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,991 Julia, out. 80 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,861 Now. 81 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:17,102 Okay, who's the budding d. H. Lawrence here? 82 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,171 Mr. shafer. 83 00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:21,540 Let's chat after class. 84 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,884 Where's mom? 85 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:10,856 She's at her book club thingy. 86 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:14,826 What book are they reading? -What? - At mom's book club, what book? 87 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,661 Are you autistic? Who cares? 88 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,663 Dad doesn't want to think about her stupid book club. 89 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,832 - She's exploring interests. - Fuck that. 90 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:24,669 Maybe she's with an attorney. Your mother is not with an attorney. 91 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,105 We're just figuring stuff out, okay? 92 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,774 - Like how to get divorced? - -Uh! 93 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,176 What do you even know about divorce 94 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,212 in the first place? 95 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,047 You wanna start some shit? 96 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:39,150 - Whoa, what is that? - Neil got caught with porno 97 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:42,854 and now he has to see a counselor. Porno? Like porno porno? 98 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,857 I didn't have porno, idiot. Really? 99 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:49,661 Because, oh, it says right here- lemme- lemme see that. 100 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:59,137 Oh, Jesus. I knew it was a bad idea to go there alone. 101 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,741 But my tire was low, and I couldn't make it back. 102 00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:05,777 The gas station was closed and the lights were off, 103 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:09,247 but the air compressor still took my change. 104 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,984 As I pumped new life into the flaccid tire, 105 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,186 I heard a voice behind me. 106 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:19,791 He was older, probably in his 40s, by the sound of him. 107 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,093 But I didn't dare turn around to check. 108 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,330 He pressed the pistol hard against my lower back. 109 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,033 Pushing, pushing it through my sweater 110 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,168 until it bruised my flesh. 111 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,704 He told me to get down on all fours, 112 00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:35,340 - like a dog. - Thank you, Julia, that is enough. 113 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:38,143 - I'm not finished. - Oh, you're finished. 114 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:41,346 - Have a seat. - I have three pages left. This wasn't the assignment. 115 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:44,349 Well, you assigned a confessional. This didn't happen to you. 116 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:47,252 - How do you know? - Come on. What? It could have. 117 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,255 - Not likely. 118 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,191 Mr. snow, this is a narrative writing class 119 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:57,062 and I wrote a narrative. It is not your place to condemn my subject. 120 00:09:57,064 --> 00:10:00,899 But it absolutely is my place to condemn inappropriate material. 121 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:04,803 How the hell can you call this inappropriate? You're not even qualified to judge. 122 00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,972 You're a man. So are you. 123 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,642 All right, okay, we're done here. 124 00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:21,119 I need to see the principal. Are you going to get him? 125 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,121 Sign in and sit down. 126 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:39,904 Eww. Pohl? Is that "starchild?" 127 00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:43,208 Yeah. Pohl's only halfway okay when he collaborates 128 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,809 with other writers. 129 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,913 Did you ever read "the space merchants?" 130 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,884 Mm-hmm. It's pretty good. 131 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,086 I think this one kinda sucks though. 132 00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,658 I have something for you. 133 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,330 I didn't know you wrote. 134 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,266 Oh, i- this- 135 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,703 - i didn't mean for- -i liked it. 136 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,039 Are you in trouble? 137 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,107 Yeah, I have to see a counselor. 138 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:19,444 Yeah, well, I'm here for enacting my first amendment rights. 139 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:23,214 I wrote an erotic fable. Well, it was more of a parable. 140 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,350 It's a bit more grounded than yours, but- 141 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,253 you get the idea. 142 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,854 What? 143 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:33,825 Do you write other stories, like, um- 144 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,860 like erotic literature? 145 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,129 Mm-hmm. All the time. 146 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:43,435 - It's all online. - Really? Where? 147 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,470 A riddle. 148 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,373 Eat me, drink me. 149 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:56,481 Well, good luck, young juvie. 150 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,817 Wait, you're leaving? 151 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,838 Where are they? 152 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,942 I don't think you're supposed to smoke. 153 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,777 My mom smoked when she was pregnant with me. 154 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:29,514 I don't think that's- it's not like a myth. It's a circulation thing. 155 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,915 No, it's fine. 156 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,385 We get it, shit ass! 157 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,394 All right, where to? 158 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,130 The mall! 159 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,886 His was the way of the warrior. 160 00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:19,157 Crass. Uneducated. But strong. 161 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:23,094 His abilities would prove useless in the enchanted forest. 162 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:24,562 Where the ancient inhabitants dwelled 163 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,532 and recesses of one's own mind. 164 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,101 The hunter pushed forth unaware 165 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,637 fain had been watching him from the moment he entered. 166 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:47,485 Neil! 167 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,354 It's Neil, right? 168 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:56,261 Are you watching me? No. 169 00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,229 Well, yeah. 170 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,666 No, i- I was just curious. 171 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,535 - About? - What we talked about the other day. 172 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:08,973 We talked the other day? 173 00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,208 Sorry. 174 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:12,944 Neil. 175 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:16,314 God, come back. I'm fucking with you. 176 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,585 - Um. - It's cool. I write slash, too. 177 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:24,389 Yeah, I know. I read your stuff. All of it. 178 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:27,091 Your fan fic is amazing. 179 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,993 I see you got my code. 180 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:36,100 I do like what you did with the forest guard in "midnight come lately. " 181 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,570 They're really under utilized in canon. Yeah, they're conceptually awesome, 182 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:42,040 but I feel like nobody gets it. 183 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,008 It's like they're begging us to fix 'em. 184 00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,110 You're doing what they wished they could do 185 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,112 if they didn't have to answer to the publisher. 186 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,649 Yeah, exactly. Mainstream success is for chumps. 187 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:55,119 You know, like, the wood spirit, 188 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:59,090 and pagan gods and ritual magic? 189 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,293 It's really... 190 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,029 Sexual? Yeah. 191 00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:08,566 It's so rich. Organized religion just totally nut clipped 192 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:11,569 everything that was great about traditional fertility rituals. 193 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:15,039 I mean, that's the only part about fame that I even give a shit about. 194 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,175 It's just a jumping off point. 195 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,410 It's funny that they think it's kid's stuff, 196 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:23,514 but, like, there's all this subtext. 197 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,383 I know. 198 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:29,320 I bet we're the only two kids in this entire joint 199 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,323 that know about what we know about. 200 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,693 It's kind of special. 201 00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:39,030 You wanna ditch? 202 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,264 School? 203 00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:43,067 No, I mean, you wanna dig a ditch? 204 00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,436 - Let's go. - Oh, i- I can't 205 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:49,474 I have a test in social studies next period. 206 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,642 It's on the incas. 207 00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:56,414 Well, it's not like a midterm or anything, 208 00:16:56,416 --> 00:17:01,119 so um yeah. 209 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:04,422 I let martine take my car to work, so we have to walk. 210 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:07,025 But it's just the mall. 211 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,093 Martine's crazy. 212 00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:12,030 I mean, she's pretty much best friend, 213 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,297 she's just sort of a bitch. 214 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:16,501 Is that- is that the pregnant girl? 215 00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:22,640 "At frontier's rim?" 216 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:26,277 I hate these things. They never get the book right. 217 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,546 Well, I guess I'm lucky that fain hasn't made 218 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,581 the leap to the big screen yet. 219 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:35,119 Just it pisses me off that whenever I see vanguard in my head 220 00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:38,489 - that guy... - Well, he's not your character. 221 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:42,326 I mean, that's why it's called fan fic. 222 00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:47,165 - Yeah, but. - You seen it yet? 223 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,800 Like five times. 224 00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,505 God damn it. 225 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,375 She's not getting off work until like 6. 226 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,310 Okay, I don't have anything better to do. 227 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:17,095 Will it be- smell like... 228 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,565 Will my parents be able to tell? 229 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,333 You don't have to. It's cool. 230 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,103 No, I mean, i want to, but... 231 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,225 Thank you. 232 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:50,394 Uh! Shut your door. 233 00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:54,699 - Put your seat down. - Why? 234 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,869 What, are you ashamed to be seen with me? 235 00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:00,905 I don't know. I just- I don't want to get into it. 236 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,241 There's too much backstory. 237 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:09,647 Mike holloway drove his truck 238 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,850 through my mom's marigolds when I was ten. 239 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,819 Then he gave her the finger. 240 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:24,662 I am so stoned. 241 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,752 Heads up, knob-goblin! Uh! 242 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:51,422 Hey, wake up! Let's go. Move. Move to the back. Move it! 243 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,391 - Go to the back. - Okay. 244 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,696 Ow! I'm pregnant, bitch! 245 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,699 You know, your arm's not pregnant, moron. 246 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,401 Jesus, I thought that was Mike. 247 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,637 You're really tearing through them these days. 248 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,372 Are you kidding me? 249 00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:14,278 Hi. I just don't get what you guys are doing 250 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,415 for an hour and a half in the parking lot. Were you like blowing each other? 251 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:20,551 We were talking about writing. 252 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,322 Whoa! Wait, you write that shit, too? 253 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:27,925 I should have known. Who do you have fucking? 254 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,561 Harry Potter? 255 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,965 Thomas the train engine? 256 00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,700 I just gotta know whose fictional dick 257 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:39,604 is going in whose made-up mouth. You can't even read. 258 00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:42,473 Yeah, I can read. I read all the time. 259 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,242 I read actual books for adults. 260 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,711 - Not baby books. - Okay, name one. 261 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,981 "Wuthering heights," ass blood. 262 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:54,452 - The bronte sisters wrote fan fic. - What? 263 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,254 The bronte sisters. Emily bronte, 264 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,824 of "wuthering heights," wrote erotic fan fiction. 265 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:01,592 They're like pioneers. 266 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:05,296 Wow. It's really good Mike isn't here to find out 267 00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:11,035 that you're still such a fucking geeeeeek! 268 00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:18,309 Dude, you know weed stays in your system 269 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,844 for like two weeks. 270 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:23,347 On your clothes, on your jacket. 271 00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:25,383 Leave him alone. 272 00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:29,920 Hey, tomorrow, 2:00. Let's meet in the courtyard. 273 00:21:29,922 --> 00:21:31,689 We can drive around. 274 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,594 Bye. 275 00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:04,755 Belzac and deron zaxa had been fighting for hours. 276 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,991 Sweat tinged the air of the war chamber. 277 00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:09,460 That was the first thing vanguard noticed as he entered. 278 00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:11,996 The bulge in his leather pants jumped to attention- 279 00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:14,365 erect member out of- suddenly, belzac reentered- 280 00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:16,467 his mouth, usually only engaged in ordering 281 00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:19,970 soldiers to their deaths, now found its true purpose. 282 00:22:54,606 --> 00:22:56,640 We will not stand for this. 283 00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:58,676 If the trade union continues to block us at every turn... 284 00:22:58,678 --> 00:23:01,379 Block you? Block you. 285 00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:02,880 Your armada destroyed the last- 286 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,616 - twelve. - Twelve shipments of illinium 287 00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,952 - sent to parak menom. - Only 12? 288 00:23:07,954 --> 00:23:10,654 Now 13. 289 00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:13,924 It's an embargo. A legal embargo. 290 00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:16,026 Odd definition of the word legal. 291 00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:20,631 - Actually- -oh, so that's why you brought your... 292 00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:21,999 Muscle? 293 00:23:22,001 --> 00:23:24,869 You have nothing to fear from us, deron zaxa. 294 00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:28,839 You or your muscle. 295 00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:31,509 I will not be mocked aboard my own ship. 296 00:23:31,511 --> 00:23:34,745 Hired ship. It's his freighter. 297 00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:42,486 What do I pay you for? Move! 298 00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:48,459 Whatever he pays you, we'll double it. 299 00:23:48,461 --> 00:23:51,962 Allow us to show you what we'll pay you for. 300 00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:02,773 I don't have all day. Yes, sir, very busy. 301 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,975 You have a lunch at... 302 00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:07,678 1300. 303 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,180 Christ! 304 00:24:13,685 --> 00:24:15,219 God! 305 00:24:30,235 --> 00:24:33,771 Zaxa's hand reached down- down to his zipper. 306 00:24:35,574 --> 00:24:37,041 The ambient humidity in the room 307 00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:40,177 reached a level that set off the climate klaxon. 308 00:24:40,179 --> 00:24:43,781 But zaxa couldn't... Or wouldn't... stop. 309 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,819 Hey, Neil. 310 00:25:21,821 --> 00:25:24,555 God I sucked today. 311 00:25:24,557 --> 00:25:25,890 You were really good. 312 00:25:25,892 --> 00:25:29,960 That accent is, it's out of control. 313 00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:32,263 I think it's funny when you do it like that. 314 00:25:32,265 --> 00:25:34,598 It's supposed to be a comedy, right? 315 00:25:36,902 --> 00:25:39,837 Yeah, I suppose you're right. 316 00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:42,740 See, that's why i like you, man. 317 00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:46,310 You always make me feel better. 318 00:25:51,182 --> 00:25:53,717 So you get like touched inappropriately by the doctor? 319 00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:57,187 No, he just puts goo all over your belly. -It's not a big deal. -Yeah. 320 00:25:57,189 --> 00:25:59,256 You have no clue how big a speculum is. 321 00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:02,226 It's like three adult dicks glued together. Sounds like me though. 322 00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,695 Hey, snoop dog! Come here! 323 00:26:06,731 --> 00:26:09,233 - Well, who's this? - Julia's new boyfriend. 324 00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:11,335 - Jealous? - For real? 325 00:26:13,672 --> 00:26:16,774 What's up, bro? I'm Mike. 326 00:26:16,776 --> 00:26:20,644 Ow. I'm Neil. 327 00:26:20,646 --> 00:26:23,847 - Well, I guess i owe you one, Neil. - You do? 328 00:26:23,849 --> 00:26:26,650 Yeah, for taking little miss elf quest off my hands. 329 00:26:26,652 --> 00:26:29,687 She has been up my hole like 24-7. 330 00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:34,158 Hey, fetus. 331 00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:41,332 So long, kiddies, let's ride around. 332 00:26:43,068 --> 00:26:45,636 Better not leak on my seats, martine. 333 00:26:45,638 --> 00:26:49,106 I don't leak. It all stays in me. For like another two months. 334 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,341 Gross. 335 00:26:50,343 --> 00:26:53,177 Hey, I wanna tell you about something. 336 00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:55,279 There's a con in Houston coming up. 337 00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:58,983 Like a comic con? Yes, like a comic con. 338 00:26:58,985 --> 00:27:00,618 A big one. 339 00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:02,987 The rabbit's hole is hosting a private mixer. 340 00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:05,155 - It's invite only. - Oh, yeah. 341 00:27:05,157 --> 00:27:08,258 - I think I heard of that. - Well, I got invited. 342 00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:10,661 Really? Cool. 343 00:27:10,663 --> 00:27:14,164 Yeah, there's a live read, too. I mean, that's only for rock stars, 344 00:27:14,166 --> 00:27:16,667 so, I don't wanna be presumptuous or whatever, 345 00:27:16,669 --> 00:27:21,105 but I think they might ask me. 346 00:27:21,107 --> 00:27:25,109 You can still get invited. You just need to upload your damn work. 347 00:27:25,111 --> 00:27:29,780 Yeah, but... don't you have to be 18? 348 00:27:29,782 --> 00:27:33,384 You're joking, right? I don't even know if my stuff is... 349 00:27:33,386 --> 00:27:36,754 - I don't know! - Come on, it's good. 350 00:27:36,756 --> 00:27:39,289 You barely even read any. Well, it's gotta be good. 351 00:27:39,291 --> 00:27:41,258 I mean, you're so repressed. 352 00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:43,661 That shit has gotta come out somehow. 353 00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:47,998 Drop us off at Neil's house! 354 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,967 Oh, man, I thought you were joking. 355 00:27:57,175 --> 00:27:59,910 Exactly how i imagined it. 356 00:27:59,912 --> 00:28:02,046 I guess it's pretty drab. 357 00:28:02,048 --> 00:28:05,449 My mom's been kind of away. 358 00:28:16,227 --> 00:28:19,329 Moment of truth. Crack her open. 359 00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:29,373 Julia, I didn't really mean for these to be seen by anybody. 360 00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:31,341 Yes, you did. Otherwise you wouldn't have written them. 361 00:28:35,780 --> 00:28:38,082 I can't watch. 362 00:28:47,792 --> 00:28:50,260 - I thought you couldn't watch. - Sorry. 363 00:28:55,433 --> 00:28:58,001 Oh, my god. 364 00:28:58,003 --> 00:29:00,871 Do these girls actually wear space bikinis? 365 00:29:00,873 --> 00:29:04,808 It's ceremonial. They were given- 366 00:29:04,810 --> 00:29:07,044 it's not my idea. 367 00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:09,213 Well, I just like that there's actual girls in here. 368 00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:41,845 Wow, you are one twisted fuck. 369 00:29:41,847 --> 00:29:44,114 I love it. 370 00:29:46,484 --> 00:29:50,487 - Ooh, prepare to be analized! - It's not a toy. 371 00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:53,457 It's not a toy. That's so weird. -It looks like a toy. -You're gonna break it. 372 00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:56,193 - That's crazy. - Whoa! 373 00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:58,929 Say your space prayers, sucka. 374 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:05,369 Am I interrupting? Don't you knock? 375 00:30:05,371 --> 00:30:09,540 Um, dad is working late. There's food in the fridge. 376 00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:12,876 Where are you going? Oh, my band has a show. 377 00:30:12,878 --> 00:30:14,211 What's your band? 378 00:30:14,213 --> 00:30:17,214 Dance or die. 379 00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:21,151 It sounds awesome. Yeah, well, it's pretty stupid. 380 00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:24,021 I bet you're really good. - Just get out! -All right. 381 00:30:24,023 --> 00:30:27,457 I'm off. I have to pick up Tim. It smells like sweat in here. 382 00:30:29,861 --> 00:30:32,062 What was that? 383 00:30:32,064 --> 00:30:34,865 I'm bisexual, just so you know. 384 00:30:34,867 --> 00:30:37,234 Eww, she's not even gay. 385 00:30:37,236 --> 00:30:40,571 All women are bisexual. All of them. 386 00:30:40,573 --> 00:30:43,140 My first blog, clitora majora, 387 00:30:43,142 --> 00:30:45,242 is all about it. 388 00:30:47,278 --> 00:30:52,349 - So, you ready? - No. For what? 389 00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:55,085 It's time to upload. 390 00:30:55,087 --> 00:30:56,553 I don't think I'm ready. 391 00:30:56,555 --> 00:31:00,924 Dude, they only send invites to writers who post. 392 00:31:00,926 --> 00:31:04,528 And besides, writers, real writers, 393 00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:07,965 let people read their shit. And your shit is good. 394 00:31:07,967 --> 00:31:09,600 I mean, it's not as good as mine, 395 00:31:09,602 --> 00:31:12,002 but traditionally boys don't write very good erotica. 396 00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:15,138 - So, by those standards- -okay, fine. 397 00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:18,342 Just, stop talking. 398 00:31:22,914 --> 00:31:23,947 Really? 399 00:31:36,327 --> 00:31:38,428 Oh, my god. What are you like the one person 400 00:31:38,430 --> 00:31:41,198 on the entire Internet that doesn't lie about their age? 401 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,533 - Are you a mennonite? - No. 402 00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:46,136 I just, I don't want to misrepresent myself. 403 00:31:46,138 --> 00:31:48,572 Okay. I'm gonna go out on a limb here 404 00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:51,575 and say that this is not about misrepresenting yourself. 405 00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:55,612 You don't want to do this because once you do, 406 00:31:55,614 --> 00:31:57,648 you're one of us. 407 00:31:57,650 --> 00:32:01,652 It's the final line. The last taboo. 408 00:32:10,962 --> 00:32:14,164 Well, there's no turning back, Van fan. 409 00:32:14,166 --> 00:32:16,199 It's in god's hands now. 410 00:32:24,075 --> 00:32:26,944 What? Can we just turn comments off? 411 00:32:26,946 --> 00:32:31,181 No, dude, it's part of the public record now. 412 00:32:31,183 --> 00:32:33,116 You're killing me. 413 00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:35,619 Let's talk about something else. Literally anything else. 414 00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:41,425 I like the way you eat. 415 00:32:48,566 --> 00:32:54,004 Neil, when we were horsing around, 416 00:32:54,006 --> 00:32:55,639 did you get a boner? 417 00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:59,209 - Like a little bit of a boner? - No! 418 00:32:59,211 --> 00:33:03,714 Okay. It's cool if you did. 419 00:33:03,716 --> 00:33:07,184 I thought that you were- 420 00:33:07,186 --> 00:33:10,220 what? Nothing. 421 00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:13,623 It's cool if you popped a chub. God, shut up. 422 00:33:19,631 --> 00:33:21,598 - Yo. - Where's martine? 423 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,568 I don't know. At the abortion clinic with her mom. 424 00:33:24,570 --> 00:33:27,371 Wanna grab some food? We can go to footlongers and get some subs. 425 00:33:27,373 --> 00:33:29,539 Watch "celebrity apprentice" at my place. 426 00:33:29,541 --> 00:33:32,175 And by your place you mean your mom's basement? 427 00:33:32,177 --> 00:33:34,644 Yeah, whatever. I got weed. 428 00:33:34,646 --> 00:33:36,279 You wanna come? 429 00:33:36,281 --> 00:33:39,116 Whoa! What the fuck do you think I look like? 430 00:33:39,118 --> 00:33:40,650 A fucking full service food court? 431 00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:44,755 No, that's okay. I've got math homework. 432 00:33:44,757 --> 00:33:47,724 See, he's got math homework. He's got a future. 433 00:33:47,726 --> 00:33:49,426 Fuck you. 434 00:33:55,466 --> 00:33:58,268 Neil, really great work today. 435 00:34:06,177 --> 00:34:07,778 I have you nymph. 436 00:34:07,780 --> 00:34:11,448 The hot breath is his voice in her elongated, elfin ear. 437 00:34:11,450 --> 00:34:13,683 The ear that to nymph kind, 438 00:34:13,685 --> 00:34:16,253 seconded as a highly erogenous zone. 439 00:34:16,255 --> 00:34:17,821 Fain was lost unto herself. 440 00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:21,658 His name now known to her. Michael. 441 00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:25,228 Sir Michael. My sweet Michael. 442 00:34:37,175 --> 00:34:38,809 All right, so nicklepenny comes through the door 443 00:34:38,811 --> 00:34:42,746 minus his pants. Hollycotton is surprised and crosses to I-6. 444 00:34:42,748 --> 00:34:45,082 Mr. nicklepenny! 445 00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:47,117 - I thought you were- - across the hall? 446 00:34:47,119 --> 00:34:48,819 This mansion is still quite a mystery to me. 447 00:34:48,821 --> 00:34:52,622 Oh, wait, wait, wait. That's too much. Reverse. 448 00:34:52,624 --> 00:34:55,258 No, no, that's not right either. 449 00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:57,260 Look, I have a test in 30 minutes, 450 00:34:57,262 --> 00:34:59,563 and I'm not going to fail because of your slow ass. 451 00:34:59,565 --> 00:35:01,798 And how long did we wait for you to get off-book? 452 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,735 Fuck you! I have dyslexia. Miss Lewis, this is a tech rehearsal 453 00:35:05,737 --> 00:35:09,406 and I can't put up with her anymore. I take dyslexia medication. 454 00:35:09,408 --> 00:35:11,374 Jessie, take a break. 455 00:35:11,376 --> 00:35:15,312 Neil, hey. Neil! Huh? 456 00:35:15,314 --> 00:35:18,281 Could you be so kind as to relieve miss hunt for a moment? 457 00:35:26,357 --> 00:35:28,625 I can't put up with her- 458 00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:31,495 can you imagine having to deal with her parents? 459 00:35:31,497 --> 00:35:35,765 So, Jessie tells me you're a writer. 460 00:35:35,767 --> 00:35:37,567 You really freaked her out. 461 00:35:37,569 --> 00:35:41,438 - Oh, I didn't mean to. - Dude, that needed to happen. 462 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,441 This place could use some subversion. 463 00:35:44,443 --> 00:35:48,445 Yeah, um, in ap English, we got to read Oscar wilde- 464 00:35:48,447 --> 00:35:52,782 - so you gonna let me read it? - Oh. 465 00:35:52,784 --> 00:35:54,851 Okay, let's take it from the double entendre. 466 00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:02,225 It seems that Horace has mistakenly 467 00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:04,294 taken my clothes. 468 00:36:04,296 --> 00:36:07,264 Thankfully not all of them. 469 00:36:07,266 --> 00:36:09,733 Yes, thankfully. 470 00:36:12,937 --> 00:36:16,740 Oh- it's cotton. Cotton's a very versatile fabric, 471 00:36:16,742 --> 00:36:18,775 don't you think? 472 00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:22,279 Extremely pliable to a man's touch. 473 00:36:22,281 --> 00:36:23,813 What appears course, 474 00:36:23,815 --> 00:36:27,717 now in my hands is so very, very soft. 475 00:38:56,967 --> 00:39:01,938 Oh, my god. 476 00:39:01,940 --> 00:39:04,641 Oh, listen to this, "deron zaxa, 477 00:39:04,643 --> 00:39:08,945 ever the orator, put his mouth to quite a different purpose now. " 478 00:39:11,082 --> 00:39:14,918 Dude, this deron zaxa guy is you straight up. 479 00:39:19,623 --> 00:39:23,460 - Neil. - You do know he's straight, right? 480 00:39:35,439 --> 00:39:37,040 Thanks. 481 00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:39,609 You're gonna have to drive my car. 482 00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:47,117 Are you crying? 483 00:39:47,119 --> 00:39:49,686 No. 484 00:39:49,688 --> 00:39:52,422 I'm pretty sure you're crying. 485 00:40:00,598 --> 00:40:06,469 Never drink vodka from a plastic jug with a handle. 486 00:40:06,471 --> 00:40:07,737 Okay. 487 00:40:09,807 --> 00:40:14,077 Mike holloway is pure dick cheese. 488 00:40:44,675 --> 00:40:49,512 Neil, I have something important to tell you. 489 00:40:49,514 --> 00:40:52,215 Something I've been thinking about for a while. 490 00:40:59,857 --> 00:41:02,826 I think you use too much flowery prose. 491 00:41:02,828 --> 00:41:04,494 What? 492 00:41:04,496 --> 00:41:07,630 You say things like, "he stroked his velvet rod," 493 00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:12,669 when you should be like, "he pumped his stone cock. " 494 00:41:12,671 --> 00:41:15,538 Readers respond better to direct language. 495 00:41:15,540 --> 00:41:17,140 Thanks. 496 00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:21,044 I can impart the wisdom of our one year age difference, you know? 497 00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:30,820 Um, your mom has a lot of religious stuff. 498 00:41:30,822 --> 00:41:34,891 Yeah, I think that's why my dad killed himself. 499 00:41:38,128 --> 00:41:39,896 He was gay, you know. 500 00:41:39,898 --> 00:41:45,168 My dad, he kept it to himself. 501 00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:49,706 I guess he preferred death to coming out. 502 00:41:49,708 --> 00:41:54,043 Man, do you really think being gay killed him? 503 00:41:56,947 --> 00:41:59,182 I don't wanna be here when my mom gets home. 504 00:42:08,125 --> 00:42:09,859 What? 505 00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:13,296 Mom's home. 506 00:42:13,298 --> 00:42:18,668 Stay here. 507 00:42:18,670 --> 00:42:20,837 I- I had to print something for work. 508 00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:25,275 You know we've always supported your interests. 509 00:42:25,277 --> 00:42:28,545 And the Internet is, wow, an incredible tool. 510 00:42:28,547 --> 00:42:31,648 - We don't have to do this. - I think what we're trying to say is just 'cause 511 00:42:31,650 --> 00:42:33,750 information is out there, doesn't mean it's accurate. 512 00:42:33,752 --> 00:42:36,653 We just don't want you getting particular information, you know, 513 00:42:36,655 --> 00:42:38,721 - from the wrong sources. - I'm 15. 514 00:42:38,723 --> 00:42:40,857 Hey, you can read whatever you want. We're fine with that. 515 00:42:40,859 --> 00:42:42,292 As long as you're reading. 516 00:42:42,294 --> 00:42:45,328 Uh-huh, as long as it's not "mein kampf. " 517 00:42:45,330 --> 00:42:48,598 But actually, well, "mein kampf" is actually a pretty interesting read. 518 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,834 Honey, I don't want you to feel awkward about this. 519 00:42:51,836 --> 00:42:55,305 If you want to read intelligent prose on human sexuality 520 00:42:55,307 --> 00:42:56,773 I can make you a reading list. 521 00:42:56,775 --> 00:43:00,877 Eww! No! What do you mean intelligent? 522 00:43:00,879 --> 00:43:02,912 Well, it's just whoever wrote that story on your computer, 523 00:43:02,914 --> 00:43:06,349 they obviously don't have the first clue about actual human relationships. 524 00:43:06,351 --> 00:43:09,986 It's demented. I don't think your mother's talking about 525 00:43:09,988 --> 00:43:13,089 - the homosexual content, not particularly. - Please stop. 526 00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:15,725 It's just more of a basic plotting problem. 527 00:43:15,727 --> 00:43:19,329 You're absorbing material that has some rudimentary 528 00:43:19,331 --> 00:43:22,699 grammatical errors in it. You've got sentence fragments, 529 00:43:22,701 --> 00:43:24,634 you've got dangling participles. 530 00:43:24,636 --> 00:43:27,270 I actually have been helping Neil with his writing. 531 00:43:27,272 --> 00:43:30,707 - Huh. - He's got a lot of innate talent. 532 00:43:30,709 --> 00:43:32,241 He just uses too much flowery prose. 533 00:43:32,243 --> 00:43:36,713 There's no flowery prose! 534 00:43:36,715 --> 00:43:40,083 Neil tells me you two are considering a split? 535 00:43:40,085 --> 00:43:42,018 - What? - I'm sorry. 536 00:43:42,020 --> 00:43:44,687 I just thought I could provide some insight, 537 00:43:44,689 --> 00:43:47,857 since my parents are divorced. I'm sorry to hear that. 538 00:43:47,859 --> 00:43:49,392 Open and honest dialog is key 539 00:43:49,394 --> 00:43:51,995 to maintaining a stable relationship. 540 00:43:51,997 --> 00:43:55,732 - Is it now? - Totally. I write about it all the time. 541 00:43:55,734 --> 00:43:58,835 That and be honest about one's own sexual desires. 542 00:43:58,837 --> 00:44:02,238 - It's rare that anyone ever is. - Huh. 543 00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:04,641 I edit a lit journal on women's studies. 544 00:44:04,643 --> 00:44:06,409 I plan to pursue that in college. 545 00:44:06,411 --> 00:44:09,178 - Women's studies? - Yeah, female sexuality 546 00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:13,116 in literature, specifically. Reverse gender roles in pop culture, 547 00:44:13,118 --> 00:44:16,319 sexual submissive hierarchy, rape paradigms. 548 00:44:16,321 --> 00:44:18,788 I actually wrote a 22 page thesis on the concept 549 00:44:18,790 --> 00:44:21,024 of venereal disease as a female guilt trigger. 550 00:44:21,026 --> 00:44:23,960 It's no big deal. I did a paper on monotremes, remember? 551 00:44:23,962 --> 00:44:26,763 Are monotremes a form of VD? 552 00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:29,432 Don't be embarrassed, Neil. It's natural. 553 00:44:29,434 --> 00:44:33,970 Yeah, Neil, don't be embarrassed. It's natural. 554 00:44:33,972 --> 00:44:37,006 - Do you ever read any online- -dad! 555 00:44:37,008 --> 00:44:39,776 - I actually write online - poetry. 556 00:44:39,778 --> 00:44:42,045 Online poetry. Lady poetry. 557 00:44:42,047 --> 00:44:47,016 - About strong women. - Lady poetry? 558 00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:49,786 You really need to bring friend around more often. 559 00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:51,854 Did Neil tell you guys about the convention? 560 00:44:51,856 --> 00:44:54,257 - The comic con? - It's also for writers. 561 00:44:54,259 --> 00:44:58,161 Neil, you didn't mention that. It's for regular writers! 562 00:44:58,163 --> 00:45:01,197 - Is that true? - Define regular. 563 00:45:01,199 --> 00:45:03,066 I think she means non-erotic. 564 00:45:03,068 --> 00:45:05,334 Are you guys crazy? What makes you think 565 00:45:05,336 --> 00:45:07,837 I would go to an erotic writing convention? 566 00:45:07,839 --> 00:45:10,239 I don't know! Why would you have it on your computer? 567 00:45:10,241 --> 00:45:13,076 I mean, do they have that- what was the name? 568 00:45:13,078 --> 00:45:15,812 - Uh- vang- - vanguard erotica. 569 00:45:15,814 --> 00:45:18,748 - Please stop saying "erotica" at the dinner table. - No, please don't. 570 00:45:18,750 --> 00:45:22,018 I just need to know if you're going to a place for adults. 571 00:45:22,020 --> 00:45:24,787 Yeah, mom has a strict no sex dungeon policy. 572 00:45:24,789 --> 00:45:28,324 I'm not. We're not! You don't have to lie to me, you know. 573 00:45:28,326 --> 00:45:30,827 Your mom is not as square as you think. 574 00:45:30,829 --> 00:45:34,330 I even went to a key party once. When did you go to a key party? 575 00:45:34,332 --> 00:45:37,300 I'm not lying. 576 00:45:37,302 --> 00:45:41,504 Good. 577 00:45:43,373 --> 00:45:46,309 So speaking of writing, how much do you guys know 578 00:45:46,311 --> 00:45:48,344 about the bronte sisters? 579 00:45:50,814 --> 00:45:54,150 I'm sorry about that. 580 00:45:54,152 --> 00:45:58,321 You know what, no, Neil, you have to get past this repression. 581 00:45:58,323 --> 00:46:01,991 Yeah, well, why don't I come by and give a lecture on the sexual fantasies 582 00:46:01,993 --> 00:46:04,861 of Emily bronte to your mom. 583 00:46:04,863 --> 00:46:07,497 Your parents are cool. You're lucky. 584 00:46:07,499 --> 00:46:11,067 Our situations are so different. 585 00:46:11,069 --> 00:46:14,036 - You told me that your dad killed himself. - He did. 586 00:46:14,038 --> 00:46:16,405 "Oh, hey, Neil's parents, why don't you let me 587 00:46:16,407 --> 00:46:18,941 give you some insight because my parents are divorced. " 588 00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:21,344 - You don't get it. - Yeah, I don't. 589 00:46:24,882 --> 00:46:27,884 What? 590 00:46:27,886 --> 00:46:30,052 Well, I'm picking you up tomorrow at 9 am, 591 00:46:30,054 --> 00:46:32,188 so be ready. 592 00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:09,091 - Some dinner, huh? - Sorry. 593 00:47:09,093 --> 00:47:11,561 Hey, I like her. She's a character. 594 00:47:16,133 --> 00:47:18,367 Well, lemme guess. I can't go now? 595 00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,274 Dad. I'm good. 596 00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:27,109 Take it. Take it. 597 00:47:32,082 --> 00:47:35,451 Do you remember when I used to take you to those autograph conventions? 598 00:47:35,453 --> 00:47:39,088 Yeah. Remember when you stood in line for two hours 599 00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:40,556 to try to get butch Patrick to sign 600 00:47:40,558 --> 00:47:42,458 your munsters lunch box? And then he wouldn't. 601 00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:45,628 Butch Patrick was a dick. 602 00:47:48,266 --> 00:47:50,366 All right, as far as your mom knows, 603 00:47:50,368 --> 00:47:53,436 you're staying at your cousin's, all right? 604 00:47:53,438 --> 00:47:55,872 And I'm counting on you to do the right thing. 605 00:47:55,874 --> 00:48:00,343 At least not to do, not to do the wrong thing. 606 00:48:00,345 --> 00:48:02,645 She's more mature than you. 607 00:48:02,647 --> 00:48:06,349 Huh? In some ways? 608 00:48:06,351 --> 00:48:08,351 I mean, maybe mature is not the right word. 609 00:48:08,353 --> 00:48:10,887 Dad. 610 00:48:10,889 --> 00:48:16,158 You really like this girl, don't you? 611 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,262 I liked the same type. When I was your age I did. 612 00:48:19,264 --> 00:48:23,532 But be careful, huh? These arty girls- 613 00:48:23,534 --> 00:48:28,971 I don't wanna see you get hurt, okay? 614 00:48:28,973 --> 00:48:31,974 All right, good talk, right? 615 00:48:31,976 --> 00:48:34,043 All right, I'll see you later. 616 00:51:10,801 --> 00:51:12,568 Hola! 617 00:51:17,274 --> 00:51:19,575 Neil, your friends are multiplying. 618 00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:23,079 Is that a pregnant joke? 619 00:51:23,081 --> 00:51:26,549 This shit is getting super old. We're not letting her do this again. 620 00:51:26,551 --> 00:51:29,185 You can say whatever you want about me, but I'm not a fucking flake. 621 00:51:29,187 --> 00:51:31,754 - What happened? - Mike happened. 622 00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:35,357 Fucking douchebag. It's a good thing i went by there. 623 00:51:35,359 --> 00:51:37,760 - She's not gonna go? - Oh, she's going. 624 00:51:37,762 --> 00:51:39,595 I mean, look at you. 625 00:51:39,597 --> 00:51:43,232 Look at what you do to yourself for her, dumb ass. 626 00:51:43,234 --> 00:51:46,569 That's fine. 627 00:51:46,571 --> 00:51:49,672 I feel kind of responsible for you. 628 00:51:49,674 --> 00:51:53,109 I mean, you're just like her when we first met. 629 00:51:53,111 --> 00:51:54,710 I liked her 'cause she was all smart and funny, 630 00:51:54,712 --> 00:51:56,479 and she tried so hard to be my friend. 631 00:51:56,481 --> 00:51:58,314 And she would, like, offer to do my homework and shit. 632 00:51:58,316 --> 00:52:00,182 And I would just make fun of her costumes and stuff. 633 00:52:00,184 --> 00:52:03,719 You know she used to dress like an elf, right? 634 00:52:03,721 --> 00:52:05,855 I don't know. 635 00:52:05,857 --> 00:52:09,225 I didn't think I tried to change her. 636 00:52:09,227 --> 00:52:11,727 I mean I took her out with Mike, and that was it. 637 00:52:11,729 --> 00:52:13,295 I guess he was like the first normal guy 638 00:52:13,297 --> 00:52:15,898 to ever take interest in her. 639 00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:20,369 He's normal? 640 00:52:20,371 --> 00:52:22,638 Don't change for her, dude. 641 00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,141 Don't let her be your Mike. 642 00:52:35,619 --> 00:52:38,721 - Please be quiet, okay? My mom's sleeping. - She here? 643 00:52:38,723 --> 00:52:42,558 - Yes. -Then what the fuck, dude, - what is she doing here? -I don't- 644 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:45,394 she told Neil she would take him to comic con. 645 00:52:45,396 --> 00:52:48,197 Holy shit. 646 00:52:48,199 --> 00:52:52,168 That's amazing. Dude. 647 00:52:52,170 --> 00:52:55,671 Oh, ho, dude, please get out. I need a better look at this. 648 00:52:55,673 --> 00:52:58,841 This coming from a guy in his pajamas. I'm listen- I'm not busting your balls. 649 00:52:58,843 --> 00:53:02,378 I promise you. Just come on. - I need a fucking picture. - -You're such a dick. 650 00:53:02,380 --> 00:53:03,846 I'm not the one making a scene, okay, martine? 651 00:53:03,848 --> 00:53:05,915 You're the one making a scene right now. 652 00:53:05,917 --> 00:53:09,852 Come on, get up. Give me a little, give me a little twirly twirl. 653 00:53:09,854 --> 00:53:12,855 Oh, man, I'm not nearly stoned enough for this right now. 654 00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:15,858 Oh! What the fuck! 655 00:53:17,494 --> 00:53:19,395 Jesus! 656 00:53:19,397 --> 00:53:22,965 - I only wanted a picture, freak. - You are the freak. 657 00:53:22,967 --> 00:53:26,235 You and your stupid fucking mustache. 658 00:53:26,237 --> 00:53:27,603 Ow. 659 00:53:31,308 --> 00:53:35,477 Yo, bro. 660 00:53:35,479 --> 00:53:39,248 You ever see those um- you ever see those pictures 661 00:53:39,250 --> 00:53:42,318 I took of her wearing that elf shit? 662 00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:46,589 Well, sometimes all she wore were those little ears. 663 00:53:48,491 --> 00:53:51,660 Yeah, those were my special pics. Neil! 664 00:53:51,662 --> 00:53:54,230 Get the fuck off! 665 00:53:54,232 --> 00:53:57,600 Oh, Galadriel. Babe, I knew you were a nerd. 666 00:53:57,602 --> 00:53:59,835 I didn't know you were a fucking retard. 667 00:54:02,606 --> 00:54:05,441 Whoa! Oh, shit! Oh! 668 00:54:07,377 --> 00:54:10,346 This is funny. You're fucking crazy. 669 00:54:16,886 --> 00:54:19,955 You can't be all stoic in that costume. 670 00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:22,558 It looks ridiculous. 671 00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,327 Don't worry about me. 672 00:54:25,329 --> 00:54:27,596 I am worried about driving for three hours 673 00:54:27,598 --> 00:54:31,400 with a guilt-bot programmed to guilt me to death. 674 00:54:33,737 --> 00:54:35,571 How can you hang out with that guy? 675 00:54:35,573 --> 00:54:38,974 He's like everything you pretend to hate. 676 00:54:38,976 --> 00:54:41,310 What do you mean "pretend?" 677 00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:43,545 Nothing. Just forget it. 678 00:54:47,751 --> 00:54:51,720 You are acting like a really jealous boyfriend right now. 679 00:54:51,722 --> 00:54:55,057 Well, I'm not your boyfriend. Yeah, you're not. 680 00:55:04,067 --> 00:55:07,903 Hey, I'm sorry. 681 00:55:07,905 --> 00:55:10,839 Okay, I know- i know that Mike 682 00:55:10,841 --> 00:55:12,841 brings out the worst in me. 683 00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:18,080 You have to admit, it was, like, really cool 684 00:55:18,082 --> 00:55:21,950 when you knocked him down. Fucker. 685 00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:28,057 I have to tell you something. 686 00:55:28,059 --> 00:55:30,826 About the live read. 687 00:55:30,828 --> 00:55:33,462 I know already. I saw. 688 00:55:33,464 --> 00:55:35,931 It was posted on the forum. 689 00:55:35,933 --> 00:55:39,601 Congrats. I told you it was good. 690 00:55:39,603 --> 00:55:44,907 - Did they write you? -Mm-hmm, yeah. 691 00:55:44,909 --> 00:55:49,111 They said something about the number of slots. 692 00:55:49,113 --> 00:55:51,113 Politics again. 693 00:55:51,115 --> 00:55:54,450 Politics. 694 00:55:54,452 --> 00:55:57,019 I'm really glad that you transcended all of that. 695 00:56:01,858 --> 00:56:04,126 Yeah. 696 00:56:35,091 --> 00:56:39,027 Welcome to comic con. What name is your reservation under? 697 00:56:39,029 --> 00:56:42,030 How do you know we're here for comic con? 698 00:56:42,032 --> 00:56:45,067 Emily bronte. 699 00:56:45,069 --> 00:56:47,403 All right, miss bronte, 700 00:56:47,405 --> 00:56:49,772 I have you down for a single king? 701 00:56:49,774 --> 00:56:52,541 Oh, can we get two beds? 702 00:56:52,543 --> 00:56:54,710 Unfortunately, we're at capacity. 703 00:56:54,712 --> 00:56:58,046 That's okay. We'll sleep together. 704 00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:07,489 Swanky. It's big. 705 00:57:13,463 --> 00:57:15,664 Come here. Try this out! 706 00:57:19,102 --> 00:57:21,503 I don't wanna mess up my costume. 707 00:58:02,078 --> 00:58:03,946 Did you talk to them yet? 708 00:58:03,948 --> 00:58:06,482 No, do I need to? 709 00:58:06,484 --> 00:58:09,885 You're reading tomorrow. If it were me, I would be checking up on like 710 00:58:09,887 --> 00:58:12,187 the order of the lineup and how much time I have, 711 00:58:12,189 --> 00:58:16,124 and how I'm gonna be taped and shit. Taped? Why would they tape it? 712 00:58:16,126 --> 00:58:19,561 I don't want to be on tape. That's normal, okay? You need to relax. 713 00:58:19,563 --> 00:58:22,798 You're so fucking nuts. Jesus. 714 00:58:30,707 --> 00:58:33,742 What's with you? You look like how I look when I'm trying to avoid someone. 715 00:58:38,681 --> 00:58:41,183 Okay, so we have the opening night party tonight. 716 00:58:41,185 --> 00:58:44,286 And then tomorrow we have writer evals 'til five, 717 00:58:44,288 --> 00:58:48,557 then the slash mixer, and then the live read. 718 00:58:48,559 --> 00:58:51,827 Hello! Person talking to you I.R.L. 719 00:58:51,829 --> 00:58:56,798 Sorry. Um- i have to go to the bathroom. 720 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,166 You're just going to gawk at your phone somewhere 721 00:58:58,168 --> 00:59:01,670 where I can't give you shit about it. 722 00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:04,706 - Fine, I'll leave it. - No, don't do it for me, dude. 723 00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:06,308 I'm just trying to bust you out 724 00:59:06,310 --> 00:59:09,678 of your self-induced social media prison. 725 00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,914 You've really opened my eyes. 726 00:59:11,916 --> 00:59:15,651 Throw off the shackles! Throw 'em off! 727 00:59:22,091 --> 00:59:24,960 Wizards man. Wand-on-wand action. 728 00:59:24,962 --> 00:59:27,663 That's what the readers want. It's casting a spell on my wand, 729 00:59:27,665 --> 00:59:31,333 - I'll tell you that. -Yeah. But that Harry-Draco genre, that's getting old. 730 00:59:31,335 --> 00:59:34,636 Now what I'm into is that Snape-Dumbledore fic. 731 00:59:34,638 --> 00:59:38,607 Wow, that is literally old. I didn't realize you were into octogenarians? 732 00:59:38,609 --> 00:59:42,578 Yeah, well, uh, vanguard is no spring chicken. Easy. 733 00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:44,146 Well, usually. 734 00:59:47,116 --> 00:59:48,684 Hey. 735 00:59:50,987 --> 00:59:54,723 Oh, did you read that story I sent you, "panty raid at Slytherin"? 736 00:59:54,725 --> 00:59:57,793 Oh, yeah, dude. I called my mom. I read it out loud. 737 01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:09,605 Finally. Come on. We got business to conduct. 738 01:00:19,716 --> 01:00:21,783 I think I'd rather go look at comics. 739 01:00:23,152 --> 01:00:24,853 Neil, this is toho. 740 01:00:28,257 --> 01:00:31,793 What are you drinking? I dunno. Toho? 741 01:00:31,795 --> 01:00:35,397 Uh, hmmm... is blue. 742 01:00:35,399 --> 01:00:37,399 It's blue. Works for me. 743 01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:44,640 That is a sick vanguard costume 744 01:00:44,642 --> 01:00:46,108 you've got there, bro. 745 01:00:46,110 --> 01:00:48,677 Is that from "kragon's war?" 746 01:00:48,679 --> 01:00:51,413 Anyways, so- my name is hagoff Paul 747 01:00:51,415 --> 01:00:54,783 and this is a little greeting. 748 01:00:56,119 --> 01:00:59,154 Is that? Is that LSD? 749 01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:02,024 For the party tonight, playboy. 750 01:01:02,026 --> 01:01:04,660 It's Molly. Mdma? 751 01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:08,430 - No, no. - It looks like acid. It's ecstasy. 752 01:01:08,432 --> 01:01:10,065 Have you ever done that before? 753 01:01:10,067 --> 01:01:12,668 No, but I want to. 754 01:01:12,670 --> 01:01:14,770 That stuff stays in your system forever. 755 01:01:14,772 --> 01:01:17,272 Have you ever heard of an acid flashback? 756 01:01:17,274 --> 01:01:19,074 Look, I don't want to wake up in a year 757 01:01:19,076 --> 01:01:21,677 and stab my parents to death with a kitchen knife, okay? 758 01:01:21,679 --> 01:01:24,446 Well, that makes one of us. What if it ruins the whole weekend? 759 01:01:24,448 --> 01:01:26,815 What if we miss the live reading 760 01:01:26,817 --> 01:01:29,184 because we're in the hospital getting our stomach's pumped? 761 01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:30,952 We are going to a party 762 01:01:30,954 --> 01:01:34,056 with all sorts of lights and costumes, okay? 763 01:01:34,058 --> 01:01:37,059 - Do you normally go to parties, Neil? - No. 764 01:01:37,061 --> 01:01:41,296 - Do you like to mingle? - No. 765 01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:43,865 - Open your mouth, playboy. - No... Julia. 766 01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:46,334 There we go. 767 01:01:46,336 --> 01:01:49,004 Oh, whatever you do, don't swallow. 768 01:01:49,006 --> 01:01:53,108 What will happen if I swallow it? 769 01:02:22,305 --> 01:02:24,940 I'm hallucinating! 770 01:02:24,942 --> 01:02:26,875 It's not acid! 771 01:02:35,785 --> 01:02:39,387 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold her there. Off, off, off, off. 772 01:02:41,858 --> 01:02:43,992 - I'm sick. - Okay. 773 01:02:58,341 --> 01:03:02,511 I'm so stoned. 774 01:03:02,513 --> 01:03:04,513 Stoned on acid. 775 01:03:05,848 --> 01:03:07,415 I mean, Molly- 776 01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:19,895 this must be like every day for Madonna. 777 01:03:22,398 --> 01:03:26,268 Here. Drink some water. Oh, okay. 778 01:03:29,872 --> 01:03:31,106 Oh. 779 01:03:33,176 --> 01:03:37,312 You're safe now. You're in a totally safe place. 780 01:03:49,058 --> 01:03:51,326 What? 781 01:03:51,328 --> 01:03:56,097 I don't know if I've uh... 782 01:03:56,099 --> 01:03:58,266 Ever been attracted to anyone before you. 783 01:04:02,438 --> 01:04:08,210 You mean any girl. 784 01:04:08,212 --> 01:04:10,011 Any human being. 785 01:04:16,185 --> 01:04:21,156 What are you attracted to about me? 786 01:04:21,158 --> 01:04:25,627 I'm not ashamed of myself with you. 787 01:04:39,175 --> 01:04:43,144 Should I have done that? I don't know if I should have done that. 788 01:04:50,086 --> 01:04:52,120 Pants. 789 01:05:43,940 --> 01:05:48,076 - Are you doing your homework? - No. 790 01:05:58,521 --> 01:06:01,323 "Julia tugged at his pants, 791 01:06:01,325 --> 01:06:06,461 sliding them down ever so slowly. " 792 01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:09,431 Okay, if you're gonna write about us, 793 01:06:09,433 --> 01:06:15,236 you need to use some modifiers. 794 01:06:15,238 --> 01:06:18,707 "Julia tugged at his tight pants, 795 01:06:18,709 --> 01:06:23,044 sliding them off painfully slow. 796 01:06:23,046 --> 01:06:27,549 Savoring the moment the heightened 797 01:06:27,551 --> 01:06:29,417 pleasure involved. " 798 01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:37,392 I'm glad you decided to branch out. 799 01:06:57,313 --> 01:07:01,583 You're a tough one to figure out. 800 01:07:01,585 --> 01:07:03,184 No, I'm not. 801 01:08:19,495 --> 01:08:21,796 Hi, you've reached Julia's voicemail. 802 01:08:21,798 --> 01:08:24,165 I probably don't want to talk to you. 803 01:09:03,573 --> 01:09:06,841 Hi, you've reached Julia's voicemail. I probably- 804 01:09:29,632 --> 01:09:34,335 the alliteration is good, but you use it way too much. 805 01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:37,639 Yeah, it's sort of my crutch. 806 01:09:37,641 --> 01:09:41,176 And the allegory is a bit on-the-nose. 807 01:09:41,178 --> 01:09:46,281 Oh, I actually thought it was more of a metaphor than an allegory. 808 01:09:46,283 --> 01:09:50,185 Uh, do you know what an allegory is? 809 01:09:50,187 --> 01:09:52,887 Look, you're okay. Uh, and you're female. 810 01:09:52,889 --> 01:09:54,856 We need more women in our field. 811 01:09:54,858 --> 01:09:59,894 Most of them are pretty ugly. Unlike you. 812 01:09:59,896 --> 01:10:03,831 You can have a career. Writing is more than just writing. 813 01:10:03,833 --> 01:10:05,767 There are other factors. 814 01:10:13,275 --> 01:10:15,376 Dude, I want to show you something. 815 01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:19,581 It's a- it's a Tijuana Bible. 816 01:10:19,583 --> 01:10:22,250 It's quite the important artifact. 817 01:10:22,252 --> 01:10:25,220 Mexicans are far more sexually liberated. 818 01:10:28,791 --> 01:10:30,992 What's with the look? 819 01:10:30,994 --> 01:10:33,795 You just left this morning. 820 01:10:33,797 --> 01:10:35,830 Yeah, I was getting a critique. 821 01:10:35,832 --> 01:10:39,901 I mean, that's why we're here. To meet the pros. 822 01:10:41,870 --> 01:10:45,340 I'm sorry. Hey. I have to go meet someone. 823 01:10:45,342 --> 01:10:48,876 Who? Denis? 824 01:10:48,878 --> 01:10:50,578 Sorry, I looked through your phone. 825 01:10:50,580 --> 01:10:54,549 I didn't think that you would care. 826 01:10:54,551 --> 01:10:57,552 Hey- don't! Don't do that. 827 01:10:57,554 --> 01:11:01,756 - What's your deal? - Nothing. 828 01:11:01,758 --> 01:11:06,561 Don't get all weird on me just because we messed around. 829 01:11:06,563 --> 01:11:10,331 Why did you rip up our pages? I don't know. We were zonked. 830 01:11:10,333 --> 01:11:11,766 We wrote some crazy shit, okay? 831 01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:14,669 I didn't want it just floating around. 832 01:11:14,671 --> 01:11:18,773 So last night was just the drugs? 833 01:11:18,775 --> 01:11:21,576 You have been hiding this denis guy from me. 834 01:11:21,578 --> 01:11:24,045 I didn't even think that you were straight. 835 01:11:34,923 --> 01:11:38,593 Can you hear me now? How about now? 836 01:11:38,595 --> 01:11:41,996 I'll check my bars. 837 01:11:41,998 --> 01:11:43,564 That's better. 838 01:12:00,716 --> 01:12:03,084 Oh, I'm sorry. This is age restricted. 839 01:12:07,589 --> 01:12:10,591 Hi. Oh, my god, Neil. 840 01:12:10,593 --> 01:12:12,460 Oh, I'm so sorry. 841 01:12:12,462 --> 01:12:17,765 I uh- I didn't expect you to look uh, so young. 842 01:12:17,767 --> 01:12:20,001 - Uh, do you wanna see my ID? - No, no, no, no. 843 01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:22,470 No, I'm sorry, believe me, i looked young 844 01:12:22,472 --> 01:12:26,007 when I was your age, too. Uh, when I was 18. 845 01:12:26,009 --> 01:12:29,844 - You still look young. - Oh, well, thank you. 846 01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:34,115 Oh, my god, it's just so great to uh, finally meet you, 847 01:12:34,117 --> 01:12:37,518 in the flesh, so to speak, um... 848 01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:40,722 - Yeah. - Yeah. 849 01:12:40,724 --> 01:12:44,425 - Oh, yes, of course. Shall we? - Yeah. 850 01:12:58,807 --> 01:13:01,376 You're staring. Virgins stare. 851 01:13:01,378 --> 01:13:05,713 - They do? - Yeah, well, con virgins. 852 01:13:05,715 --> 01:13:09,117 Yeah, it's just so weird now that it's all in 3-d. 853 01:13:09,119 --> 01:13:12,854 Yeah, I know. Internet rule 34. 854 01:13:12,856 --> 01:13:15,690 If it exists there's porn of it. 855 01:13:15,692 --> 01:13:18,760 Just when you think you've seen it all. 856 01:13:18,762 --> 01:13:21,562 I just discovered what a curtain fic is. 857 01:13:21,564 --> 01:13:23,030 - Curtain fic? -Mm-hmm. 858 01:13:23,032 --> 01:13:26,634 I mean, okay, so, this is aimed at older gays. 859 01:13:26,636 --> 01:13:30,438 Of course they're like post-sex, proto-nesting, domestic fetishists. 860 01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:33,775 And so normally where you'd have like kirk and Spock, 861 01:13:33,777 --> 01:13:36,177 you know, making love, 862 01:13:36,179 --> 01:13:41,516 uh, in this case, it's couples having these like lavish shopping sprees 863 01:13:41,518 --> 01:13:43,851 at pottery barn. For curtains. 864 01:13:43,853 --> 01:13:45,787 They sell curtains at pottery barn? 865 01:13:45,789 --> 01:13:48,489 They sell everything at pottery barn. 866 01:13:48,491 --> 01:13:51,159 I mean, you know, it's mostly harmless I guess, 867 01:13:51,161 --> 01:13:54,128 but not all of it is... 868 01:13:54,130 --> 01:13:56,898 And you really need to watch out for creeps, 869 01:13:56,900 --> 01:13:59,066 especially at your age. 870 01:13:59,068 --> 01:14:02,203 - But you're not a creep. - No, I'm not a creep, 871 01:14:02,205 --> 01:14:04,806 but isn't that exactly what a creep would say? 872 01:14:12,948 --> 01:14:15,049 Oh, I thought you came alone. 873 01:14:15,051 --> 01:14:17,652 Oh, Jesus, speaking of creepy. 874 01:14:17,654 --> 01:14:19,520 I came with a friend. 875 01:14:19,522 --> 01:14:22,857 Oh, and does he write slash? 876 01:14:22,859 --> 01:14:24,859 She. And yeah. 877 01:14:24,861 --> 01:14:27,228 You know, actually, i think she's in regular writing today. 878 01:14:27,230 --> 01:14:28,896 Oh, regular writing. 879 01:14:28,898 --> 01:14:32,667 - Denis. - Oh, Ronnie, hey, um, this is Neil. 880 01:14:32,669 --> 01:14:35,470 - He's one of our new writers. - Oh, yeah, I bet. 881 01:14:35,472 --> 01:14:38,239 Ronnie harwood. I'm senior writer at the rabbit's hole. 882 01:14:38,241 --> 01:14:40,541 So some of the inner circle are gonna go out 883 01:14:40,543 --> 01:14:43,211 for an early dinner before the reading. -Are you game? -Yeah. 884 01:14:43,213 --> 01:14:46,581 You can bring your new little friend. 885 01:14:48,551 --> 01:14:51,886 Everybody agrees that Batman blowing Robin 886 01:14:51,888 --> 01:14:54,121 and Robin blowing Batman is totally played out, 887 01:14:54,123 --> 01:14:56,491 but now I'm seeing Christian bale's Batman 888 01:14:56,493 --> 01:14:59,894 blowing Ben affleck as Batman. Blowing val kilmer. 889 01:14:59,896 --> 01:15:01,529 Oh, that's really hot. 890 01:15:17,179 --> 01:15:19,247 I got a cease and desist from Warner's last week, 891 01:15:19,249 --> 01:15:20,848 so obviously I'm doing something right. 892 01:15:20,850 --> 01:15:25,152 Yeah, you're moving up in the world. 893 01:15:25,154 --> 01:15:27,221 What kind of slash do you write? 894 01:15:27,223 --> 01:15:29,690 You've been to our website, it's easy enough to find. 895 01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:34,195 Right. I'm guessing this is your first con, 896 01:15:34,197 --> 01:15:37,932 since you're what, he's 18? -Mm-hmm. -Yeah, 18. 897 01:15:37,934 --> 01:15:39,934 Hmm. 898 01:15:39,936 --> 01:15:42,703 I was editing the r. P.F. Board today. 899 01:15:42,705 --> 01:15:44,305 I'll never get all the bieber fic. 900 01:15:44,307 --> 01:15:47,275 Neil, are you into Justin bieber? 901 01:15:48,844 --> 01:15:50,545 What's r. P.F.? 902 01:15:50,547 --> 01:15:53,147 R.P.F. Is real people fiction or celebrity slash. 903 01:15:53,149 --> 01:15:55,583 Slash about, you know, celebs. 904 01:15:55,585 --> 01:15:58,953 Oh, oh, like the bronte sisters. They wrote stories about Napoleon 905 01:15:58,955 --> 01:16:02,156 and the Duke of Wellington. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty old school, 906 01:16:02,158 --> 01:16:05,226 but now it's mostly just like pointless boy band orgies. 907 01:16:05,228 --> 01:16:08,696 Yeah, and juvenile regressives are popping up all over. 908 01:16:08,698 --> 01:16:11,799 Speaking of... How long have you slashed vanguard? 909 01:16:11,801 --> 01:16:14,835 Oh, vanguard is juvenile, but trek and tolkien, that's- 910 01:16:14,837 --> 01:16:16,871 it's all about audience and intent, denis. 911 01:16:16,873 --> 01:16:18,906 This is first year stuff. 912 01:16:18,908 --> 01:16:22,176 Vanguard doesn't play to the 40-plus crowd, our base. 913 01:16:22,178 --> 01:16:24,579 Besides, it's not our mission to indoctrinate children. 914 01:16:24,581 --> 01:16:26,747 It's not our mission to indoctrinate anyone. 915 01:16:26,749 --> 01:16:29,150 I read tolkien when I was eight. 916 01:16:29,152 --> 01:16:32,119 Yes, and denis loves his vanguard. 917 01:16:32,121 --> 01:16:34,121 Ronnie prefers her masturbation material 918 01:16:34,123 --> 01:16:36,591 to stem from bad '60s television. 919 01:16:36,593 --> 01:16:38,125 You ever see "the Brady bunch," dude? 920 01:16:38,127 --> 01:16:40,695 Really, Freddie? He's a child. 921 01:16:40,697 --> 01:16:43,864 Mainstream success has no bearing on our field. Never has. 922 01:16:43,866 --> 01:16:46,167 What we do know is juvenile fiction 923 01:16:46,169 --> 01:16:48,736 begets juvenile erotica. 924 01:16:48,738 --> 01:16:52,239 Let me be frank. You write sex like a 12-year-old 925 01:16:52,241 --> 01:16:55,910 and I think you know it. It's like you found all these provocative words 926 01:16:55,912 --> 01:16:59,180 and just tossed them into a text editor. Have you ever even had sex? 927 01:16:59,182 --> 01:17:02,783 I doubt half our writers have had sex. -Let me see your ID. -Ronnie. 928 01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:05,353 Well, I don't know about you, denis, but I don't want to go to jail. 929 01:17:05,355 --> 01:17:07,989 Nobody's going to jail. Jesus! 930 01:17:07,991 --> 01:17:10,157 Neil, come on. It's fine. Sit down. 931 01:17:10,159 --> 01:17:13,060 Yeah, it's fine if he ponies up an ID. 932 01:17:13,062 --> 01:17:15,029 I remember now. 933 01:17:15,031 --> 01:17:18,132 You wrote all that really gross Mike and Greg Brady fic. 934 01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:21,936 What's your point? I thought you liked sex with 12-year-olds. 935 01:17:21,938 --> 01:17:23,371 If it's written maturely. 936 01:17:29,378 --> 01:17:30,911 Nice. 937 01:17:47,696 --> 01:17:50,965 Are you really 18? 938 01:17:50,967 --> 01:17:54,201 Neil, Neil, come on, stop. Stop, stop, stop. I'm sorry. 939 01:17:54,203 --> 01:17:56,404 I'm sorry. 940 01:17:56,406 --> 01:18:01,075 Look, Ronnie, I mean, you know, she's like that with everybody. 941 01:18:01,077 --> 01:18:02,877 It's not you. 942 01:18:09,384 --> 01:18:12,920 Oh, um. 943 01:18:19,761 --> 01:18:21,228 Let's go someplace else. 944 01:18:39,214 --> 01:18:42,116 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. 945 01:18:42,118 --> 01:18:45,486 It just- this doesn't feel right. 946 01:18:45,488 --> 01:18:47,755 Why? 947 01:18:47,757 --> 01:18:52,960 Look, I'm not gonna be mad, I'm not be upset or anything. 948 01:18:52,962 --> 01:18:55,396 I need you to tell me how old you are. 949 01:18:55,398 --> 01:18:58,065 - I already told you. - I know, I know. 950 01:18:58,067 --> 01:18:59,767 Tell me again. 951 01:19:08,977 --> 01:19:12,012 -15. -15? Oh, fuck! 952 01:19:12,014 --> 01:19:14,215 I'll be 16 in November. 953 01:19:14,217 --> 01:19:20,087 - Please don't reject me. - Dude, this is wrong. 954 01:19:20,089 --> 01:19:22,823 I know it is. 955 01:19:22,825 --> 01:19:24,759 This is just the second time today. 956 01:19:24,761 --> 01:19:27,061 - I could go to jail. - I won't tell anyone. 957 01:19:27,063 --> 01:19:29,864 Did you just tell me you were 18 so you could get into the live reading? 958 01:19:29,866 --> 01:19:31,932 - No! - What do you even want from me? 959 01:19:34,169 --> 01:19:36,337 I just thought it'd be different. 960 01:19:36,339 --> 01:19:38,339 Here with you. 961 01:19:46,114 --> 01:19:47,815 I'm sorry. 962 01:19:50,118 --> 01:19:51,485 I'm sorry. 963 01:19:53,889 --> 01:19:56,857 You actually remind me a lot of myself. 964 01:20:00,095 --> 01:20:03,297 - You turned out okay. - Did I? 965 01:20:03,299 --> 01:20:05,399 I shot off a series of insane messages 966 01:20:05,401 --> 01:20:07,468 to somebody I didn't know the first thing about. 967 01:20:07,470 --> 01:20:10,471 I said things I would never say to somebody face to face. 968 01:20:10,473 --> 01:20:14,275 Ever. You know, outside of like cons, 969 01:20:14,277 --> 01:20:16,343 I have practically zero social skills. 970 01:20:16,345 --> 01:20:18,412 My mother always said it's going to get me in trouble, 971 01:20:18,414 --> 01:20:21,215 and now here I am. And yes, incidentally, i live with my mother, 972 01:20:21,217 --> 01:20:23,551 in the house where I grew up, in saginaw. 973 01:20:23,553 --> 01:20:27,888 So, you know, don't be too sure about things. 974 01:20:34,930 --> 01:20:38,265 You live with your mom? 975 01:20:52,914 --> 01:20:55,282 Stop. Stop. Stop. 976 01:20:55,284 --> 01:20:59,286 Stop. 977 01:21:10,332 --> 01:21:14,301 You said this was the second time. 978 01:21:14,303 --> 01:21:16,170 It it someone in our group? 979 01:21:19,241 --> 01:21:23,577 Was it that girl you came here with? 980 01:21:23,579 --> 01:21:27,948 Yeah, well. I thought you might be straight. 981 01:21:27,950 --> 01:21:32,152 - I might not be. - Well, this isn't the way to find out. 982 01:21:32,154 --> 01:21:35,623 You have time. You're writing. Focus on that. 983 01:21:35,625 --> 01:21:38,926 How can I focus on something I'm not even old enough to do? 984 01:21:38,928 --> 01:21:42,663 Well, what do you want to do? 985 01:21:42,665 --> 01:21:46,600 You want to be a writer? A real writer, not fan fic? 986 01:21:53,975 --> 01:21:56,410 You're good. 987 01:21:56,412 --> 01:21:58,946 Keep writing and let the rest of the stuff 988 01:21:58,948 --> 01:22:00,547 sort itself out naturally. 989 01:22:05,086 --> 01:22:07,187 I wish somebody had told me that when I was your age. 990 01:22:15,597 --> 01:22:19,466 Well, you better go. It's about time. 991 01:22:19,468 --> 01:22:21,068 I don't know what the right thing to do here is. 992 01:22:21,070 --> 01:22:24,138 I wanna make sure you're okay. 993 01:22:24,140 --> 01:22:26,941 Well, I know you have to go. 994 01:22:26,943 --> 01:22:30,177 I am the moderator. 995 01:22:30,179 --> 01:22:33,047 I mean, you don't have to worry, I'm not coming. 996 01:22:33,049 --> 01:22:35,449 I can't, not now. 997 01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:40,587 Not right now. I wish it wasn't this way. 998 01:22:40,589 --> 01:22:43,657 You know, for what it's worth, 999 01:22:43,659 --> 01:22:47,328 I think you want to be queer. 1000 01:22:47,330 --> 01:22:49,396 Why would anyone want that? 1001 01:22:49,398 --> 01:22:51,665 To fit in, 1002 01:22:51,667 --> 01:22:54,001 even some place small. 1003 01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,240 I'll see you around. 1004 01:23:20,762 --> 01:23:22,763 You came back? 1005 01:23:28,636 --> 01:23:30,471 The live read's about to start. 1006 01:23:32,407 --> 01:23:33,741 You should be there. 1007 01:23:38,513 --> 01:23:44,151 I came back for you. 1008 01:23:44,153 --> 01:23:45,619 You don't get it. 1009 01:23:45,621 --> 01:23:49,423 You submitted once and they're like, 1010 01:23:49,425 --> 01:23:52,760 "hey, come read it on stage. " 1011 01:23:52,762 --> 01:23:57,698 I have like 500 things posted up there. 1012 01:24:01,469 --> 01:24:05,406 I know. I've read every one of them. 1013 01:24:11,713 --> 01:24:16,083 It's hard caring about someone. 1014 01:24:17,352 --> 01:24:20,354 Letting them care about you. 1015 01:24:23,224 --> 01:24:25,292 It doesn't have to be hard. 1016 01:24:32,434 --> 01:24:34,435 I love you. 1017 01:24:43,378 --> 01:24:45,345 I kissed him. 1018 01:24:46,614 --> 01:24:48,449 That denis guy? 1019 01:24:53,621 --> 01:24:58,459 I'm not going to the live read. 1020 01:24:58,461 --> 01:25:01,495 - You have to. - I can't. 1021 01:25:01,497 --> 01:25:04,731 Neil, please, for both of us. 1022 01:25:04,733 --> 01:25:07,668 Fuck those crusty old assholes. 1023 01:25:10,438 --> 01:25:13,507 I followed you into the restaurant 1024 01:25:13,509 --> 01:25:16,577 when you weren't answering my calls. 1025 01:25:16,579 --> 01:25:20,147 I'm sorry that lady is such an asshole. 1026 01:25:23,518 --> 01:25:28,622 Look, they only win if you let them. 1027 01:25:28,624 --> 01:25:31,859 You are a featured fucking story, dude. 1028 01:25:31,861 --> 01:25:34,161 You made it! 1029 01:25:34,163 --> 01:25:37,464 We're doing this. You and me together. 1030 01:25:37,466 --> 01:25:40,767 I am your goddamn coach. 1031 01:25:43,138 --> 01:25:45,372 Okay? 1032 01:25:47,175 --> 01:25:49,209 As they entered the nexiverse, 1033 01:25:49,211 --> 01:25:52,880 Gandalf, his penis now longer than his staff, 1034 01:25:52,882 --> 01:25:56,717 tuned- turned to Dumbledore, 1035 01:25:56,719 --> 01:25:59,620 "Dumbledore," he said to Dumbledore, 1036 01:25:59,622 --> 01:26:03,357 "only the energy of our mutual orgasm, 1037 01:26:03,359 --> 01:26:05,859 combined with unbroken eye contact 1038 01:26:05,861 --> 01:26:09,863 can close the door to the nexiverse, 1039 01:26:09,865 --> 01:26:14,434 thus stopping the combined armies of Sauron and Voldemort. 1040 01:26:14,436 --> 01:26:17,771 Without a moment's thought, Dumbledore selflessly 1041 01:26:17,773 --> 01:26:20,641 gave of his own manhood, 1042 01:26:20,643 --> 01:26:23,777 placing the head of his pounding penis 1043 01:26:23,779 --> 01:26:28,916 against that of the wise old wizard from alt middle earth, 1044 01:26:28,918 --> 01:26:33,387 like in ghostbusters. 1045 01:26:33,389 --> 01:26:36,423 - End of chapter seven. 1046 01:26:40,695 --> 01:26:43,397 Okay, that was gan-dum 69 1047 01:26:43,399 --> 01:26:46,867 with "hole pluggers of the nexiverse. " 1048 01:26:46,869 --> 01:26:50,671 And who doesn't like some good old-fashioned wizard-on-wizard action? 1049 01:26:50,673 --> 01:26:53,440 One more time for her, gan-dum 69. 1050 01:26:59,280 --> 01:27:01,348 Um... 1051 01:27:01,350 --> 01:27:03,750 So-uh, I think everybody knows my feelings 1052 01:27:03,752 --> 01:27:07,354 about what we do and the purpose it serves. 1053 01:27:07,356 --> 01:27:11,225 Often we're treated like freaks. 1054 01:27:11,227 --> 01:27:13,660 Especially those of us who are a little bit older. 1055 01:27:13,662 --> 01:27:16,997 - And uh, still doing this. 1056 01:27:16,999 --> 01:27:20,834 Um... and when we're away from this little community 1057 01:27:20,836 --> 01:27:23,570 that we've created for ourselves, 1058 01:27:23,572 --> 01:27:26,506 you know, we're outsiders, and we're weirdoes, 1059 01:27:26,508 --> 01:27:31,445 and we're sexual deviants, 1060 01:27:31,447 --> 01:27:34,514 but not here. 1061 01:27:34,516 --> 01:27:38,018 Our next reader is a young man 1062 01:27:38,020 --> 01:27:41,355 that I have been following with much interest. 1063 01:27:41,357 --> 01:27:44,725 And not just because he writes vanguard. 1064 01:27:44,727 --> 01:27:48,262 Please welcome to the stage, Van fan 42. 1065 01:28:12,287 --> 01:28:15,589 Um, this is called... 1066 01:28:17,625 --> 01:28:20,427 "Shore leave on dreenan four. " 1067 01:28:23,865 --> 01:28:25,766 "The balmy tropic weather patterns 1068 01:28:25,768 --> 01:28:30,304 of dreenan four gave cause for the indigenous proxans 1069 01:28:30,306 --> 01:28:33,607 to wear very little in the way of attire. 1070 01:28:33,609 --> 01:28:36,943 This year with the elliptical orbit pulling them closer 1071 01:28:36,945 --> 01:28:38,612 than ever to dreenan prime, 1072 01:28:38,614 --> 01:28:42,649 clothing was more a hardship than an option. 1073 01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:44,985 Vanguard found himself unarmored 1074 01:28:44,987 --> 01:28:46,987 on the beaches of the zaraug 1075 01:28:46,989 --> 01:28:49,790 during what seemed to be a religious mating ritual. 1076 01:28:49,792 --> 01:28:52,392 'Do you happen to know where they keep the towels?' 1077 01:28:52,394 --> 01:28:55,729 a lean, naked proxon inquired. 1078 01:28:55,731 --> 01:28:58,398 His supple manhood stood proud 1079 01:28:58,400 --> 01:29:00,967 against the harsh light of dreenan prime. 1080 01:29:06,941 --> 01:29:10,344 The proxon boy repeated himself, 1081 01:29:10,346 --> 01:29:12,579 'well, do you?' 1082 01:29:12,581 --> 01:29:16,049 vanguard's hand now pumped his stone cock. " 1083 01:29:16,051 --> 01:29:19,052 He's 15. 1084 01:29:23,791 --> 01:29:25,759 You're outsiders. 1085 01:29:25,761 --> 01:29:29,363 You were supposed to support other outsiders. 1086 01:29:29,365 --> 01:29:32,566 I mean, you guys write ninja turtle bondage porn 1087 01:29:32,568 --> 01:29:34,601 and you're judging? 1088 01:29:34,603 --> 01:29:37,604 He just poured out his sad, pathetic heart 1089 01:29:37,606 --> 01:29:40,440 to you philistines! 1090 01:29:40,442 --> 01:29:43,443 And I think it's beautiful. 1091 01:29:43,445 --> 01:29:46,847 Let him read. No. 1092 01:29:50,852 --> 01:29:54,588 I may be 15, 1093 01:29:54,590 --> 01:29:56,690 but you're an asshole. 1094 01:29:56,692 --> 01:29:59,092 I'll be 16 in a few months. 1095 01:30:04,031 --> 01:30:08,168 All right, everybody, that is my fault. 1096 01:30:08,170 --> 01:30:12,005 I'm the one who broke the rules. Don't blame him. 1097 01:30:17,044 --> 01:30:21,815 So you're not- mad at me anymore, right? 1098 01:30:21,817 --> 01:30:25,852 I'd only be mad if you stopped writing because of this. 1099 01:30:25,854 --> 01:30:29,089 Me? No. I've got my body armor on. 1100 01:30:32,994 --> 01:30:36,062 Hey, I love you, too. 1101 01:30:38,933 --> 01:30:40,834 Well, duh. 1102 01:30:46,974 --> 01:30:48,475 I gotta tell you something. 1103 01:30:48,477 --> 01:30:52,779 I think I may be a lesbian. 1104 01:30:52,781 --> 01:30:55,015 The way I figure it... 1105 01:30:55,017 --> 01:30:58,485 If I'm lesbian and you're gay, then we can be a gay couple, 1106 01:30:58,487 --> 01:31:00,487 and it sort of cancels each other out. 1107 01:31:00,489 --> 01:31:03,557 Cause I'm more mannish and you're like a girl. 1108 01:31:03,559 --> 01:31:07,027 Wait, what... I'm like a girl? 1109 01:31:46,968 --> 01:31:50,103 I'm sorry, Neil. I'm sorry I said you were gay. 1110 01:31:50,105 --> 01:31:53,073 I don't know why I said that. I don't care what you are. 1111 01:31:53,075 --> 01:31:58,745 That's the only thing that I don't care about. 1112 01:31:58,747 --> 01:32:04,584 I told them you were 16. 1113 01:32:04,586 --> 01:32:06,920 What? 1114 01:32:06,922 --> 01:32:09,756 I'm the reason you didn't get into the live read. 1115 01:32:09,758 --> 01:32:11,558 It was my fault. 1116 01:32:11,560 --> 01:32:13,860 It was down to you and me, 1117 01:32:13,862 --> 01:32:16,563 and I told them that I was 18, 1118 01:32:16,565 --> 01:32:22,002 and you were 16. 1119 01:32:22,004 --> 01:32:25,138 That editor, Ronnie, loves your writing. 1120 01:32:25,140 --> 01:32:29,175 It's not about that. It never was, 1121 01:32:29,177 --> 01:32:34,014 so you have to keep writing. 1122 01:32:34,016 --> 01:32:37,951 I thought you didn't care about the reading. 1123 01:32:37,953 --> 01:32:41,988 I'm sorry. 1124 01:32:41,990 --> 01:32:45,892 Yeah. 1125 01:32:59,206 --> 01:33:01,241 I really do love you. 1126 01:33:20,294 --> 01:33:25,999 It's not so crazy they believed you were 18. 1127 01:33:26,001 --> 01:33:27,867 You do look older now. 1128 01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:56,062 Jesus! Mom knows you stayed with her. 1129 01:33:56,064 --> 01:33:59,766 What? -Mom's around? -Mm-hmm. 1130 01:33:59,768 --> 01:34:02,035 - How bad is it? - It's bad. 1131 01:34:02,037 --> 01:34:04,904 Dad took a bullet for you. That girl's mom called. 1132 01:34:04,906 --> 01:34:08,675 Did you guys steal her credit card? 1133 01:34:08,677 --> 01:34:11,277 I hope you lost your cherry, neily bopper. 1134 01:34:11,279 --> 01:34:12,846 'Cause from the sound of it, 1135 01:34:12,848 --> 01:34:15,682 you might not be seeing much of her for a while. 1136 01:35:20,948 --> 01:35:24,918 Let me see that. What, do you think I'm too dumb? 1137 01:35:33,127 --> 01:35:35,228 Don't worry, man, she'll come around. 1138 01:35:48,275 --> 01:35:49,876 Seasons end, 1139 01:35:49,878 --> 01:35:52,479 even on milliarcha v, where nuclear winter 1140 01:35:52,481 --> 01:35:55,415 was slowly giving way to bright spring. 1141 01:36:01,388 --> 01:36:06,126 Vanguard felt it. And he knew his own season was now at a close. 1142 01:36:06,128 --> 01:36:09,529 Be it burial in the cold vacuum of space, 1143 01:36:09,531 --> 01:36:12,832 or a quaint domestic cabin on the frontier's rim, 1144 01:36:12,834 --> 01:36:14,501 everyone retires. 1145 01:36:14,503 --> 01:36:18,938 Things, people... Come into your life suddenly, 1146 01:36:18,940 --> 01:36:21,441 and then are just as suddenly gone. 1147 01:36:21,443 --> 01:36:23,910 But their season shapes you. 1148 01:36:23,912 --> 01:36:26,813 Makes you dare things you hadn't previously even dreamt. 1149 01:36:33,554 --> 01:36:39,125 And for that, and for my friend, this author is happy. 1150 01:36:42,125 --> 01:36:46,125 Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com 87624

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