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1
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:06,840
[Cheering]
2
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,263
[Cheering continues]
3
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:18,101
The lizard men will no longer be subject
to rat oppression.
4
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,686
[Cheering]
5
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,813
Ah, they're not oppressed.
We raise them as food.
6
00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,233
- They... they like it.
- Well, we are delicious.
7
00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:27,319
No, you should be free
to do whatever you want.
8
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:28,695
What do lizards like to do?
9
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:29,696
Hmm, bask.
10
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,574
Okay, then you should bask
without fear of being eaten.
11
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:35,410
- Oh, that does sound nice.
- [Groans] This will not stand!
12
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,621
Buddy, my captain's on the way right now.
13
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:40,123
It's funny. Normally,
I'm a huge disappointment to her,
14
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:43,252
but this time she's gonna be pumped
that I rooted out injustice.
15
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,546
And here comes the praise in five...
16
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:46,630
Attention, everyone.
17
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,925
- My ensign has made a huge mistake.
- What?
18
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:53,178
Starfleet is forbidden from interfering
in your planetary politics.
19
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:56,932
You will be free to determine your future
without our influence.
20
00:00:57,015 --> 00:01:00,018
What? How could you... [stammers]
Screw the prime directive.
21
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,102
[Groans]
22
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,855
Hey, you are way out of bounds here.
23
00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:06,233
They're eating those guys.
What am I supposed to do?
24
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,734
Report it to me.
25
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,487
Now I have to explain
why there's an interspecies war
26
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,656
on a planet that was peaceful yesterday.
27
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,866
Oh, so, you're yelling at me
for spreading freedom
28
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:17,119
because you don't feel
like filing a report?
29
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,203
[Grunts]
30
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:22,124
Mariner, I swear if you weren't
my daughter, you'd be off the cerr/z'os.
31
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,927
If I wasn't your daughter,
you wouldn't be such a bitch all the time.
32
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:28,005
That's it! When we get back to the ship,
you are going straight to...
33
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,382
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Straight to the brig. Shocker.
34
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:34,303
Oh, you're not going to the brig.
You're going to therapy.
35
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:38,056
What? You think I need therapy?
Wha... that's... no!
36
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,976
Ifsthe'8os, dude.
We don't have psychiatric problems.
37
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,352
You're a loose Cannon.
38
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:46,440
I don't care how many lizards you save.
You need professional help.
39
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:49,484
Doctor migleemo? [Groans]
He's the worst counselor in the fleet.
40
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,862
He just tosses out nonstop food metaphors.
41
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,530
That's an order, ensign.
42
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,490
Freeman to cerf/ms, one to beam up.
43
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,159
[Groans] I don't need therapy!
44
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,996
Okay, look.
Will you stop eating these guys
45
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,581
if we give you food replicators?
46
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,767
[Scoffs] I don't know.
Can they make nutrient pellets?
47
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:05,959
[Scoffs] Yes.
48
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,907
[Tuts] Mariner,
49
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:22,411
this report is a veritable
fruit salad of insubordination.
50
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,264
I don't wanna be here. I broke the rules.
I'm supposed to be in the brig.
51
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:28,542
Sorry. Captain's orders.
She wants us to meet every week.
52
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,335
Cooking up some healthy strategies
53
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:33,463
to marinate you
into the officer she knows you can be.
54
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,589
I don't want your help.
55
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,468
I want to show the captain she's wrong
and then get put in the brig.
56
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,970
Full stop, Beckett.
57
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,347
We need to find an outlet
for all that rage.
58
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,231
- [Snaps fingers]
- Have you ever made paella?
59
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,350
[Grunts]
60
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:46,852
[Gunshofl
61
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,395
nice shot, Da Vinci.
62
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,479
Grazia!
63
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,332
Hey, guys. Do you mind
if I take over the deck?
64
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,668
I've got a big evaluation
with captain Freeman this afternoon.
65
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:56,862
She's selecting eager-to-please candidates
for her advanced diplomacy workshop.
66
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,947
Problem is,
I don't know how eager to please.
67
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,323
[Groans] I gotta practice.
68
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,784
Computer, load program "boimler seven."
69
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,703
- Ciao, Da Vinci.
- Ciao, tendi.
70
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,500
Ugh, you simulated the crew?
71
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,879
Yeah. That way I can pre-interview,
so I don't make mistakes when it's real.
72
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,965
I uploaded seven years of entries
from the entire crew's private logs.
73
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,049
Aren't those private?
74
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:21,928
And it algorithmically created a perfect
simulation of everyone on the cerf/105.
75
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,389
They'll respond exactly the way they would
in real life.
76
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,515
Ah!
77
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,077
- Hey, buddy. How's it going?
- Don't talk to me! I'm pissed off!
78
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,062
Whoa! Amazing. We had
that exact same conversation an hour ago.
79
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:32,147
Yeah. [Sighs]
80
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,232
All I gotta do is feed it a scenario,
81
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,568
then the simulated crew
fills in the blanks.
82
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,279
It will give me an edge in my interview.
[Clears throat]
83
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,281
- [Smacks lips] Ahoy, cap'n!
- Ahoy?
84
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,158
See? I just learned not to say that.
85
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:47,037
Congrats on the brownnosing program,
butt-kisser. Only you would... wait.
86
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,331
This is a perfect simulation?
87
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,957
[Snickers]
88
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,459
What was that? What are you doing?
89
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,669
"Interior. Rickety metal catwalk - night"?
90
00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,505
You can't write that about the captain.
91
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,507
Why waste this
on some dumb interview prep?
92
00:04:58,590 --> 00:04:59,901
I'm putting in my own parameters.
93
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,778
If Freeman sees this,
you'll get court-martialed.
94
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,696
- What did she do to you?
- You say I need therapy?
95
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,223
- Okay, I'll go to therapy.
- Mariner, don't touch my code.
96
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,059
- Don't touch my...
- Therapy!
97
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,145
What the hell?
What did you do to my program?
98
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:15,774
I made it into an awesome movie.
Oh, I'm gonna work some [bleep] out.
99
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,484
- [Chuckles]
- [Gasps}
100
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,278
- [mariner] All right!
- [Rutherford] Ooh. Nice font.
101
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,489
What are you talking about? A movie?
102
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,450
What, you wrote out a whole script
in two seconds? [Grunts]
103
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,536
I just hit the act breaks,
couple set pieces.
104
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:28,620
Set pieces?
105
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,581
The computer's filling in the rest.
I made parts for the crew and us.
106
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,584
- It's gonna be great.
- I don't want to do a movie!
107
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,588
That's okay. You were kind of a xon.
You weren't gonna make the final cut.
108
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,339
- Who's xon?
- Exactly.
109
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,062
Ooh, I've always wanted to be in a movie.
110
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,635
[Gasps] Can I be the voice of the ship?
"Red alert. Red alert."
111
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,947
No, I got the perfect part for you.
You're gonna love it.
112
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:49,766
Guys, this is an important work tool.
Not a fun thing to have a good time with.
113
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,650
Boimler! Pipe down. Shh.
Come on. The credits!
114
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,020
[Grunts] I don't want this.
I just wanna prep.
115
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,064
Well, tough.
You just have to wait till it's over.
116
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,816
Come on. Let's get into costume.
117
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,025
- Okeydokey!
- [Tendi] Whoo!
118
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:02,445
I'm not getting in anything!
Mariner, I want these credits gone now!
119
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,030
Hmm.
120
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,991
Wha... [screams]
121
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:09,494
[Laughing]
122
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,996
- [Shaxs] Yeah! [Laughs]
- Whoo!
123
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,205
Happy birthday, captain!
124
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,957
I might be getting up in years,
125
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,502
but I still hold the hydroscoot
speed record back at the academy.
126
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,462
- Captain out!
- [Screams]
127
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,881
[Freeman chuckles]
128
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:24,009
- [T'Ana] Get 'em, captain!
- Shut up. I'll kill you! I... I...
129
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,094
Oh, I can't stay mad.
130
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,013
[Laughs]
131
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,472
Good one, cap'n.
132
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,617
I don't remember giving you permission
to scoot with us.
133
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,144
Actually, I need to borrow the cap'n
for a quick interview.
134
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,227
It's her birthday!
135
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,063
Um, can I at least ask
what she likes more?
136
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,441
When bridge officers arrive early
or stay late?
137
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:43,153
A question like that makes me think
you're asking the wrong questions.
138
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,739
Good to know.
Sorry to interrupt your vacation.
139
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:49,409
This isn't a vacation.
It's important scientific research.
140
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,745
Hmm. Vacation's over.
141
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:55,016
[Vassery] Sorry for the short notice,
captain Freeman.
142
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,125
Not a problem at all, admiral.
How can we help?
143
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,878
We've received a bizarre message
from the leaders of idlocana vi.
144
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,923
Their president wanted to thank us
for a wonderful second contact
145
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,507
with the crew of the San clemente.
146
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:05,884
So, what's wrong with that?
147
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,970
Starfleet doesn't have a San clemente.
148
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,515
Whoever second-contacted them
wasn't our ship.
149
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,975
[Gasps] What a mystery.
150
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,518
[Stammers] Uh, whose boy is this?
151
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,647
Ensign Brad boimler, sir. Here to learn.
152
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:22,233
This impostor,
you want the cerf/105 to investigate?
153
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,277
Get in, get me intel, then get out.
154
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,613
And, Freeman, stick to the plan this time.
155
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,383
If this was actually happening,
[Chuckling] They'd send the enterprise.
156
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,909
But, you know, artistic license.
157
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,870
Luckily, the cerr/tos
just went through some upgrades.
158
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,665
We should be more than suitable
for the task.
159
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,586
The cern'tos is ready to launch
whenever you are.
160
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,129
[Gasping] Oh!
161
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,714
There she is.
162
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:43,189
She never fails to take my breath away.
163
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,483
- I wish I could kiss her and squeeze her.
- Excuse me?
164
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:48,570
Uh. Uh, the cerf/toe is a handsome lady.
165
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,697
You're damn right about that, boimler.
166
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:54,534
[Gasps] Call the ship a handsome lady.
167
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:04,919
Mmm.
168
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,799
Captain, we're ready for your command.
169
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:15,764
Hmm. Time to take this puppy
off its leash. Warp me!
170
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,948
The selenium rings
are disrupting the sensors.
171
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:37,494
I'm not detecting any federation...
Hold on.
172
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,454
- Enemy vessel decloaking!
- Raise shields.
173
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,418
[Laughs maniacally]
174
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:50,548
Like a rat to the bait, Freeman.
Predictable as always. [Laughs maniacally]
175
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,717
- Who is this marauder, captain?
- I don't know.
176
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:56,304
I am I/indicta. Vengeance personified.
177
00:09:56,387 --> 00:10:00,350
At last, Freeman,
lw/ll bathe in your blood.
178
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,602
Oh, boy.
Somebody's really laying it on thick.
179
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:07,524
Behold! Ll/ly three henchmen of the apo...
Uh, of the vin-pocalypse.
180
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,777
Tendl; My savage warrior queen,
181
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:15,406
who comes from a long line
of thieving Orion pirates.
182
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,909
[Clears throat] Yeah,
nobody messes with orions.
183
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,829
I'll steal from anyone
and ne ver give it back. Theft
184
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:23,748
and, uh, bionic 5.
185
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:29,129
Half man meat, half robot meat.
All pain. 700% pain.
186
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:33,091
Tremble at the s/ght
of the great I/indicta/
187
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,843
and shempol
188
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:38,012
I'm shempo.
I was supposed to be played by boimler.
189
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,806
Okay, come on. I don't sound like that.
190
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,433
I love my captain,
and I don't want to be doing this.
191
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,435
All right, that's not too far off.
192
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:46,437
You're posing as starfleet. Why?
193
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:49,274
Because ldo whatl want.
Ugh. You're a jerk, Freeman.
194
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,442
You're nothing
but a propped-up errand girl,
195
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:55,238
blindly licking Stan'leet's boot
and begging for heel.
196
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,906
Oh! I/mdicta got your ass.
197
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,325
Look, there's no need for theatrics,
all right?
198
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:02,412
- I'm sure you're a reasonable...
- Shempo got you tea, master.
199
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,706
[Slurps, spits] This is cofi'ee!
200
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,541
I was shempo.
201
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,126
- [All gasp]
- That poor shempo.
202
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,503
You didn't have to do that.
Are you out of your mind?
203
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:15,175
Freeman, you disgust me.
You're a co ward who hides behind rank.
204
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:18,344
You can't even appreciate
your most valuable, creative thinkers.
205
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,346
I am I/indicta. Today you die.
206
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,557
This vindicta is all over the place.
207
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,642
”Hell is empty,
and all the de v/ls are here.
208
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,936
Our re vels now are ended"
209
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,938
wait, is she quoting the tempest?
210
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,069
”Hell is empty, and all the devils are... ”
211
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,154
”Hell is empty, and... ”
212
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,240
Wait, this is a recording.
It's a distraction.
213
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,658
[Gasps] Winger!
214
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:44,954
Hi. I'm lieutenant lemonts.
Your one-man show took my breath away.
215
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,223
- Thank you. Thank...
- [Rumbling]
216
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,290
[Screams]
217
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:50,835
[Cackles]
218
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:51,919
[Screams]
219
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,339
Freeman! Bring me free...
220
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,967
God, these stupid capes. So much fabric.
221
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,844
[Alarm blaring]
222
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:00,929
[Grunting]
223
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,349
Bring me Freeman and I'll let you live.
224
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,683
Never, bitch!
225
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:06,768
[Grunting]
226
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:11,606
Wow. Boimler did a good job.
Chief Lundy's accent was spot on.
227
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,274
And the way his face was all blotchy.
228
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,735
- Wait, do you think billups is in here?
- Yeah, probably.
229
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:20,531
So, I can say whatever I want to my boss
with no consequences?
230
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,116
- [Laughs]
- [Blaring continues]
231
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,743
Hey! Wait, we have to hench!
232
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,204
Tendi, come on! Pirate it up.
Take some slaves!
233
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:29,499
Ooh, ah, you know the whole
orions-taking-slaves thing?
234
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,417
[Stammers] It's not something
I'd like to...
235
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,128
- [Spits] Dirty Orion.
- [Gasps] Lundy!
236
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,339
- [Screams]
- [Cackling]
237
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,925
Give me Freeman!
238
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,093
[Cackling continues]
239
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,595
[Grunts] Attack formation raptor.
240
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,806
This isn't my first
overpowered space warlord,
241
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,182
and it won't be my last.
242
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,433
[Grunting]
243
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,728
[Chuckles] Ransom,
you think you're better than me?
244
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,814
Better at being
the captain's little dick wig!
245
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,983
You can talk the talk,
but can you... [screams]
246
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,901
She walked the walk!
She can do both. [Cries]
247
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,587
- She's walking and talking!
- Sir, quick!
248
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,822
- What's the captain's favorite cookie?
- What?
249
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,615
Tell me before you succumb to the pain.
250
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,285
If I were to bake her cookies,
what would be my best bet?
251
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,495
[Coughs, grunts]
Captain's got a sweet tooth.
252
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:09,789
Cookies are a good move.
I've done it myself.
253
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,500
But watch out.
She's allergic to... [screams]
254
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,751
[Cackles]
255
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:17,880
Allergic to what?
Ransom! [Crying] Allergic to what?
256
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,633
At your stations, people!
This is not a drill.
257
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,553
- [Alarm blaring]
- Billups, show yourself!
258
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,762
Sir, get down!
259
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:26,347
[Gasps, pants]
260
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,059
- [Grunts]
- Engineering, evacuate!
261
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:38,026
Andy billups! You think you're
the best engineer in the fleet.
262
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:41,237
Well, I've wanted to say something to you
for a long time.
263
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,449
- You are the best in the fleet!
- Huh?
264
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:48,161
I love how you program subroutines.
It's breathtaking!
265
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,787
[Sighs] It feels so good to say it.
266
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,789
[Computer] Warning.
Hydron levels critical.
267
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,583
Damn it! We don't have much time.
268
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,668
Rerouting the vent system
would take a whole team!
269
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:59,714
If we bypass the indicontrols and suppress
the sativents, it should function as a...
270
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,550
[Together] Rudimentary plasma filter!
271
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:06,763
Wow, for a random space marauder, you
really know your way around a starship.
272
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,097
Aw, thanks.
273
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,433
[Shaxs] Intruder!
274
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:15,229
When you get to hell, tell the pah-wraiths
that shaxs sent you!
275
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,982
Special delivery straight from bajor!
276
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,151
Eh, shut up.
277
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,076
[Grunts]
278
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,078
[Screams] Borg head?
279
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,372
Designation: Explosive.
280
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:36,209
- [Groans, laughs]
- [Whimpers]
281
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:40,171
Ooh, look! Ugh, shaxs's earring.
You have to wear it. Come here. Come here.
282
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,965
Uh, I don't know. Isn't there,
like, religious significance?
283
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,249
Some of his ear's still on it.
284
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,220
Come on, dude! Orions are pirates!
Pillaging is your whole thing.
285
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:50,098
Okay, stop! It is not my whole thing.
286
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:54,018
And for your information, many orions
haven't been pirates for over five years!
287
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:57,605
Okay. Sorry. Look, you can just be
my generic warrior henchman.
288
00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,983
Come on! Let's go torture the cat doctor.
Really torture the hell out of her...
289
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,777
Her name is doctor t'Ana!
290
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,196
You're way too into this.
This is messed up!
291
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,115
[Mariner] It's a holodeck. It's not real.
292
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,492
- [Male officers scream]
- Die! Die!
293
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,868
[Grunting]
294
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,830
What is with you today?
This is not healthy.
295
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:14,997
Can we stop the movie?
296
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,166
No! No, I'm fine.
This is feeling good. Come on.
297
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,377
Let me take down the captain,
then we can grab tacos.
298
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,254
I don't wanna watch you
phaser the captain.
299
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,381
Phaser? [Cackles]
300
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,342
Oh, it's going to be way worse than that.
301
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,636
[Stammers] I am out of here! Arch!
302
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,596
[Mariner] Hey! Come on.
303
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,223
This isn't you.
304
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:33,641
It is too!
305
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,145
[Screams]
306
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:40,022
Ransom? Shaxs? Anyone, come in!
307
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:41,566
[Screams]
308
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:47,488
[Chuckling] No one left to hide behind,
captain. It's just me and you.
309
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,906
And then these guys.
310
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:50,783
[Grunts]
311
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,202
[Snickers]
312
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,704
You'll never take my ship.
313
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,539
I don't want your ship.
314
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,876
I want you to stop treating me
like I'm the bad guy all the time.
315
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,169
You are the bad guy.
316
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:03,796
No, I'm not!
Why don't you ever side with me?
317
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,256
I don't even know you!
318
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:06,841
Exactly!
319
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,510
Oh, my god. You're... you're crazy!
320
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,971
- No. This is crazy!
- [Beeping]
321
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,055
[Beeping intensifies]
322
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,558
Sir, her ship.
The warp core's gone critical!
323
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,934
Brace for impact!
324
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,604
[Cackles]
325
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,384
[Alarm blaring]
326
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:54,347
[Computer] Warn/ng. Warn/ng.
The ship has crashed. Warning.
327
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,681
[Groans]
328
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,689
[Groans, grunts] Oh, damn it!
329
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:09,946
[Groans] All surviving crew,
emergency evacuation protocol delta echo.
330
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:13,241
I'll keep systems functional
for as long as possible.
331
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:17,119
You can do this. We can do this.
Cerritos strong! [Grunts]
332
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:20,331
Oh, when are you going to give up
the loving-captain act?
333
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:23,000
It's not an act.
I'm overflowing with love and affection.
334
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,919
- Oh, shut up!
- You shut up!
335
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:27,255
[Grunting]
336
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:28,881
Sir, are you okay?
337
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,300
I'll live. But the rest of the crew...
338
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,635
Will be fine.
339
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:35,513
I initiated a rapid repeating
emergency transport sequence
340
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,431
and beamed the entire crew
before we crashed.
341
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:38,891
What? But that's not possible.
342
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,495
It's a movie. You can beam whatever...
343
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,287
You can do all sorts of beaming stuff
in a movie.
344
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:43,771
What? That is amazing!
345
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,065
- I learned it from you, sir.
- Uh, okay.
346
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,400
[Grunting]
347
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,362
[Cackles]
348
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,447
[Grunting continues]
349
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,159
What is your problem?
350
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,913
You've been a jerk since I was eight!
Why do you have to be so hard on me?
351
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,999
What? I don't know you.
352
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,126
- [Mariner strains]
- [Grunts]
353
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,044
[Growls]
354
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:10,590
[Grunting]
355
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:25,646
[Cackles]
356
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,111
Get off my mom, you bitch!
357
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,571
[Both grunt]
358
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:37,742
Ugh, boimler, you simulated me
in here too? Not cool, man!
359
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,744
I got private stuff in those logs.
360
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:42,622
- [Combadge chimes]
- Emergency transport on signal now.
361
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:43,998
Beckett, no!
362
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,293
Oh, great. Well, now it's just us.
363
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:50,838
Yeah, thanks for ruining the awesome
captain-murder this was all building to.
364
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,090
We were supposed to fight
on a rickety metal catwalk.
365
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,635
Oh, let me make it up to you.
Double punch! [Grunts]
366
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:56,761
Double block!
367
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,096
- Whoa! How did you...
- I know all your moves
368
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,806
and everything about you. [Grunts]
369
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,225
I know you dressed up like Toby targ
every Halloween.
370
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,603
- Even when you were too old.
- [Grunts]
371
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,355
- [Cackles]
- [Grunting continues]
372
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:09,815
And I know
you actually love the warp core.
373
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,609
Take that back! The warp core's lame!
374
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,943
[Strains, grunts]
375
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:18,407
You only break rules because you know
that's what everyone expects you to do.
376
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,284
If you really were a badass,
377
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,579
you'd do the hard thing
and just be a good officer.
378
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,540
[Groans, sighs]
379
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,335
They're not casting you as the villain.
You are.
380
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,128
[Grunts]
381
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,594
Hey. I know you might be
a psychotic space raider
382
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,429
whose boss just destroyed my ship,
383
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,349
but you... [chuckles]
Are all right in my book.
384
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,351
That's a book I'd read cover to cover.
385
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:50,523
Sir, you're the only person who could see
past my mask and knows deep down,
386
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:54,193
I just want to replace the toranium
ops module with ionizing sub-circuits.
387
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:57,405
[Sighs] I know this is crazy, but you
wanna just, I dunno, run away together?
388
00:19:57,488 --> 00:20:00,241
We could get our own ship,
and we can buffer the phase coil
389
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,660
whenever we want or realign the matrix...
390
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,996
We can fix the warp engines on our time.
391
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,748
[Softly] It would be an honor, sir.
392
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:12,253
Godspeed, you crazy [bleep].
393
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,922
Ugh. Cap'n,
I know you've been through a lot,
394
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,651
but I made you chocolate-chip cookies,
and I wanna know what you think
395
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:20,237
before I give it to the real you
in real life, so if you... [screams]
396
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,264
The captain's allergic to chocolate.
Assassin!
397
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,099
- [Grunts]
- Great work, jet.
398
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:28,310
That's the kind of assassin-tackling
that'll land you a promotion.
399
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,979
[Crewman] Oh, hell yeah, jet!
400
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,815
Wait, cap'n, where do you want me
to see myself in five years?
401
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,067
Don't answer that.
He's playing mind games.
402
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:36,402
You're the man, jet.
403
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,903
- Get him outta here.
- Let's go.
404
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,990
How can I be the man, cap'n?
I wanna be the man.
405
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:43,909
[Grunts, sighs]
406
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,454
[Grunts, snickers]
407
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:47,955
- [Groans]
- [Grunts]
408
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,207
[Chuckles, coughs]
409
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,042
That's it. Keep up the act.
410
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:57,339
Oh, you know so much about me,
but you missed one big thing.
411
00:20:57,423 --> 00:21:00,259
Oh, yeah. Here we go.
Time for one of your snarky jokes.
412
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:04,013
[Coughs] Yeah, I may hate protocol,
but I don't hate this ship.
413
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,682
[Coughs] I don't hate the crew.
I work with my best friends.
414
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,351
The captain's my mom.
I would do anything for her.
415
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,479
Oh, come on. No, you hate the captain.
416
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:13,939
You complain about her nonstop.
It's your whole thing.
417
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,691
Yeah, I mean, she's hard on me. Right?
418
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,693
She's the captain,
and I'm a pain in the ass.
419
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,946
But if she kicked me off the cerritos,
[Coughs] I'd be done in starfleet.
420
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:23,365
She's watching out for me
the only way she knows how,
421
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,493
in a [bleep]-up, overbearing-mom way.
422
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:28,579
Oh, please. The only person
you care about is yourself.
423
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,456
[Laughs] Whoo!
424
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:32,476
[Chuckling] Okay,
then why did I let you kick my ass
425
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,543
to buy time for everyone
to get off the ship
426
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,879
before the self-destruct timer went off?
427
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,256
- Wait, what?
- [Laughs]
428
00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:45,596
No, no, no, no.
429
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,515
[Screams] Whoa!
430
00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:48,599
[Fihuds]
431
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:55,564
Wow, I can't believe I just got
my ass kicked by myself and just...
432
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,275
Wait. I guess I like working
on the ship, and...
433
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,529
Oh, my god. Therapy works.
Guys, therapy works!
434
00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:08,077
Honestly, that was way more therapeutic
than I thought it would be.
435
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,453
I worked through a lot.
436
00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:10,704
I feel great too.
437
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:12,974
I just wish I could tell the real billups
how I feel about him.
438
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,478
Why don't you, man? He's right there.
439
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:17,837
Nah, I wouldn't wanna bother him.
I mean, look at him.
440
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,381
Dude's a stone-cold badass.
441
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:21,549
[Slurping]
442
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:24,552
Hey, t. I owe you an apology.
443
00:22:24,635 --> 00:22:26,345
The whole orions-pirate thing.
444
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,931
I... I feel really bad.
I'm sorry if I put you in a weird spot.
445
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:30,307
Thanks. I appreciate it.
446
00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:33,477
And the truth is,
a lot of orions are capitalist,
447
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:37,398
hyper-libertarian, gangster pirates,
just not this one. That's why I'm here.
448
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:40,526
Aw, well, thanks for having my back
in there. I owe you one.
449
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:43,654
Um, so do you wanna maybe go sit
and look at the warp core with me?
450
00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:45,698
Wow. So lame. Yes, let's do it.
451
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:48,200
We talkin' warp core? Whoo, baby, I'm in.
452
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,494
[All laughing]
453
00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:53,455
- Mariner.
- Hey, cap.
454
00:22:53,539 --> 00:22:54,832
Sorry about earlier today.
455
00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:57,042
I was way outta line.
Thanks for iookin' out.
456
00:22:58,294 --> 00:22:59,295
Later, skater.
457
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:02,590
"Later, skater?"
458
00:23:02,673 --> 00:23:04,967
I know she's up to something.
What did she tell you?
459
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:08,012
Captain. You know I can't share
what your crew tells me.
460
00:23:08,095 --> 00:23:09,972
That'd be a real ethical pickle.
461
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:12,975
What? If she's planning something,
I have a right to know...
462
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:15,394
Carol, you're being a pineapple right now.
463
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,730
Ugh! Stop referencing foods.
464
00:23:19,273 --> 00:23:20,608
Okay. No more distractions.
465
00:23:20,691 --> 00:23:22,878
I just need to know what to wear
to the interview. [Clears throat]
466
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,153
Computer, continue program.
467
00:23:25,154 --> 00:23:27,698
Hey, cap'n. Do you like turtlenecks
or just standard uniform...
468
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,901
Oh, sorry, you got something
going on here. I'll wait.
469
00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:32,620
[Freeman] As captain,
it was an honor serving beside her.
470
00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:36,165
As a mother, it was a privilege
to call mariner my daughter.
471
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,249
Wait, what?
472
00:23:37,333 --> 00:23:40,044
That's right.
Mariner was my daughter the whole time.
473
00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:42,171
It's a secret
we didn't want anyone to know.
474
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:45,674
And if someone had ever
found out she was my baby girl,
475
00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:47,444
[chuckling] I don't know
what I would've done.
476
00:23:47,468 --> 00:23:48,820
Probably kicked them off the ship,
477
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:51,004
maybe even court-martialed them
right out of starfleet.
478
00:23:51,055 --> 00:23:52,681
[Chuckles] I was being crazy.
479
00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:55,392
- [Whimpers]
- Thank goodness nobody ever found out.
480
00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:56,977
Computer, end program!
481
00:23:57,061 --> 00:23:59,104
[Pants]
482
00:23:59,188 --> 00:24:01,190
[Exhales, screams]
483
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,793
Hey, nerd. We're going to go stare
at the warp core. You wanna... whoa.
484
00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:04,818
You okay?
485
00:24:05,611 --> 00:24:07,255
- [High-pitched] Yeah.
- All right, whatevs.
486
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,424
Hey, good luck with the interview.
You're gonna do great.
487
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,284
[Breathes heavily]
488
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:15,454
So, you're interested in
the advanced diplomacy workshop?
489
00:24:15,537 --> 00:24:18,165
Where do you see yourself
negotiating peace in five years?
490
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:20,209
[Straining] I...
491
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:23,128
Just take a breath and say the first thing
that comes to mind.
492
00:24:23,212 --> 00:24:24,880
- Mariner.
- Mariner what?
493
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:26,840
Uh, is hot?
494
00:24:26,924 --> 00:24:28,550
- Excuse me?
- Uh, I don't know.
495
00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:29,927
She's not hot. She's nasty.
496
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:31,011
[Hyperventilates]
497
00:24:31,095 --> 00:24:33,222
[Screams, cries]
498
00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:35,057
[Door opens, closes]
499
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:36,141
Ensign boimler.
500
00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:39,186
Didn't bother to prepare
for interview. Terrible.
501
00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:53,993
Revenge!
502
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:55,076
[Grunts]
503
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:59,123
Not today. Not on Da Vinci's watch.
[Blows]
504
00:26:19,369 --> 00:26:20,788
Pew pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew pew!
505
00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:23,832
Chirp.
38116
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