All language subtitles for Star.Trek.Lower.Decks.S01E03.BDRip.x265-ION265[eztv.re]

[Violin music playing]

[Boimler panting]

[Grunting]

That was titled "essence."
I wrote it about my mom.

This next piece is also about my mom.

- Uh, excuse me. I still...
- Wrap it up, nerd.

I don't know what this is called,
and I don't care.

Two, three, four.

[Playing loud rock music]

That's kinda loud!

What is the mean/ng of this intense bass?
Are you mock/ng me?

I don't hear it on our side.
It must be your equipment.

Eng/neer k noon, today you die.

Will someone shut that up?

[Speaker feed back]

You're welcome. [Pants]

Okay, whatever that was. [Clears throat]

Ladies and gentlemen, "requiem for a hug."

Captain says you're too loud!

Oh, god. Oh, no, no. I'm so sorry.

[Ransom]
First ofi'icer's log, stardate 57507.4.

The cerritos is en route
to cardass/a prime

for the most amazing reason.

Captain Freeman
is going to be instrumental

in brokering peace between the... um, wait.

Just reading a little message here.
Yao'a yada yada...

Oh. Oh, no.

The captain is not going to be happy
about this.

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm sor/y, captain Freeman,

but we 're moving the peace negotiations
to vulcan.

Nobody wants to go to cardassia prime.

The cardassians are creeping everyone out.

But I already prepared a speech.
I learned how to do the dance...

I'm sure you'll be in vo/ved /n the next
historic, once-in-a-iifetime summit.

For now, you'll be heading to ge/rak v

and, um, endowing them
with diplomatic trinkets.

We're delivering gifts?

Godspeed, captain.

[Freeman groans]

I spent weeks learning
how to bark out cardassian small talk.

Seems like they just changed locations.

I don't think it was a slight
on the cerritos.

Yeah, right. Nobody respects us,
because we don't demand their respect.

This ship is a joke.

Well, then we're the funniest joke
in all of starfleet...

Shut up, Jack! I'm sick of it.

We have to do something to prove
that this crew isn't a bunch of slackers.

[Rutherford grunts] Yeah.

- Okay, try it now.
- [Boimler screams]

- Field strength is at 100%.
- [Sighs]

You almost phasered me!

Calm down. It's set to...

Uh, it was... it was set to stun.

Hey, boimler, how's the field integrity
looking in there?

[Boimler screams]

[Grunts] It's good.

Okay, computer, margaritas. Frozen, salt.

Don't we have to report we're done
so we get a new task?

Don't sweat it, baby girl.
Like many things,

commanders have no idea how long it takes
to balance a phase variance.

You never admit the actual time
it takes to finish a job.

- If you did, your days would be packed.
- Isn't that lying?

No. It's creative estimating.

When you get an assignment,
you exaggerate how long it's gonna take,

then you're a hero when it's done early.

Eh. It's just a little buffer time.
No biggie.

- And you're okay with it?
- No.

If it were up to me,
we'd never take a break,

but it's lower decks tradition.

Tendi; How long will it take
to repair a biobed?

Oh, uh. That would take about five...

Hours.

Excuse me?

That's great.

Aw, tendi, look at us.
Lower decks, breaching protocol together.

Friendship.

Oh. Be sure to stroll through the ship
as slowly as possible.

It's not like we're busy exploring
the mysteries of the cosmos.

[Crew member screams]

[Laughing, chattering]

- Does no one do any work around here?
- [All gasp, groan]

Geez, there goes buffer time.

- What was that, ensign?
- Uh, nothing, captain.

[Groans]

[Scatting]

- Uh... [clears throat]
- Bndge.

Huh, cap'n. I mean, captain.

- Anything to report, ensign?
- Uh, keeping busy.

I inventoried cargo bay 4, assisted with
the baryon sweep of the warp nacelles,

skipped buffer time
and went straight to work on...

Turbolift, halt.

- What is buffer time?
- Uh...

What's up with you?
You're looking more weaselly than usual.

Well... [stammers] That's just
how my face looks. You know that.

- [Padds beep]
- [Confused clamoring]

"Effective immediately,

the lower decks scheduling deceit
will no longer be tolerated."

- What scheduling deceit?
- Wait, let me see.

"All assignments must be completed
andlogged

in exactly the time mandated by command."

Are we being timed?

"Failure to meet quotas
will not be tolerated."

Uh, this is bad. This is bad.

Oh, I thought it was tradition.
You said nobody cared.

They didn't. There's no way the captain
noticed we were padding stuff out.

Somebody ratted.

[Gasps] I bet it was delta shift.

Delta shift is the worst.
They think they're so much better than us

just because
they're so much better than us.

It doesn't matter who ratted.
We don't need buffer time.

We're starfleet.
We're the best of the best.

We can still get everything done early.

Boimler's right.
We don't need a buffer time.

- We've got this.
- Yeah. No, yeah. You're probably right.

What's one less Margarita a day?

[Crew members screaming]

Excuse me.

[Padd beeps]

Watch it.

[Commander] Rutherford I need that
diagnostic on the guidance system now.

But now is right now. [Grunts]

- Move! Move, move, move. Ah!
- Ah!

Watch where you're going.

Now I only have ten minutes
to do a 30-minute calibration.

Stop yelling!

[Grunts] Uh, sorry. Wish I could help.
I'm late for ransom's stupid away mission.

[T'an a] Ensign tendi you were supposed
to be in sickba y 20 minutes ago.

I'm coming!

Personal log: I've completed all
of today's assignments ahead of schedule,

and I've requested more.

Space, the funnest frontier?

Ooh, somebody's gotta purge
the calibration matrix. I call dibs!

Ooh, I love purging.

I purge you. I purge you. I purge you.
I purge you. A purge, purge, purge, purge.

And a "."P and an "urge."
And a "."P and an "urge."

Ooh, I love purging.

All right,
let's see a little hustle, guys.

An away mission is only routine
until it isn't.

Horned gorillas, sentient tar,

spores that make you hook up
with your best friend's sister.

All disasters I've personally experienced

on missions that should've been
a walk in the park.

Mariner, you're late.

Uh, no. I've been here the whole time.

Loading stuff,
hearing about gorillas, spores, et cetera,

that weird story
about your best friend's sister.

Get it together, mariner.
The captain has us on a strict timetable.

Then maybe you could help instead
of whatever you're doing right now.

I am helping. I'm commanding.

You're lucky your phaser accuracy
is so high,

or I'd never let you beam off this ship.

We wouldn't even be going on a mission

if the admiral hadn't downgraded
the captain to delivering gifts.

Come on. Let's bail.

No, and roll down those sleeves.
This isn't a barn.

[Ransom] The gelrakians base their entire
social structure around crystals.

When we land,

we must display the honor crystal
they gave to the first contact team

to show that we come in peace.

I should've tried that with my ex.

- Oh, yeah. [Chuckles]
- [Groans]

I'm picking up an increase
in atmospheric hydromounds.

They're called "clouds."

Just to be safe, I'll disengage autopilot
and land her manually.

That's literally what the autopilot's for.
It's an automatic pilot.

- Perfect landing, sir.
- Not even my best work, to be honest.

- We could've just beamed down.
- I didn't catch that, mariner.

I just said we should get going.

Clock is ticking...
Productivity and et cetera.

We'll go when I give the order.

Let's roll.

[Groans]

Greetings. It is an honor to...

[Clears throat]
Ensign vendome, the honor crystal.

[Gasps, screams]

- This isn't crystals.
- He's got wood. He's got wood.

Uh-oh. That doesn't sound peaceful.

- Where is the crystal, vendome?
- Uh, uh.

Sir, I loaded the wrong case.

This is a fertility totem
meant for mavok prime.

I was rushing to finish my tasks.

You dare insult us with this perverted
wooden sex charm of our sworn enemies?

This is an act of war.

- Starfleet scum!
- [Vendome grunts]

Vendome!

[Mariner grunting]

[Gelrakians grunting]

[Horn sounding]

There's too many of them! Fall back!

Come on.

Oh, god. I'm gonna die.

We live on a spaceship.
Nobody is dying from a spear wound.

- [Grunts]
- Crystals!

Ugh. Hate when this happens.

Oh! [Grunts]

Let's just stun them and get out of here.

Negative.
We just signed them into the federation.

What this calls for is
some classic Jack ransom peace brokering.

- Are you out of your mind?
- Watch and learn.

This is gonna be awesome.

Attention, gelrakians.

- I'm commander Jack... oh! [Screams]
- [Gelrakian grunts]

All right! That was awesome.

[Gelrakians grunting]

Ah, circled by Spears. This is a classic.

What am I, kirk?
Is this the 22603? All right.

- [Crew members clamoring]
- Whoa. Hey, hey.

Uh, we got acid here.

Excuse me.

[Groaning] Rutherford.

[Screams] Tendi, what the hell?

Can't talk. Gotta work. I'm compiling.

What? [Groans]

The impulse manifold
needs to be degaussed again.

I have to assist with surgery,

and I honestly can't remember
which deck sickbay is on.

Uh... 26?

Is that... do we have that many?

[Computer] Enter security code.

I'm waiting, ensign.

Sorry, captain.
Something's wrong with the console.

- Move. I'll do it myself.
- [Control panel beeps]

Lieutenant shaxs,
any word from the away team?

Captain, the sensors have picked up

gelrakian ships
approaching off the starboard bow.

What? [Groans] On screen.

[Stammers] Are we supposed to be hosting
a welcome dinner or something?

- Captain, they're locking phasers.
- [Chuckles]

Really? Raise shields.

[Control panel beeping]

- Shaxs.
- I'm trying, captain!

Something's wrong with the controls!

[Grunts] Stupid controls!

Do I have to run this whole ship myself?

[Grunts]

- They've launched boarding pods!
- Red alert!

- [Alarm blaring]
- Repel all intruders,

but do not use it as an excuse
to stop domg what you are doing.

I want to stay on track and on time.

It's called multitasking, people.
They do it on the enterprise all the time.

I don't wanna hear compla/ning.

I only want to hear repelling of intruders
and people getting work done.

[Grunting]

Swords and Spears?
How did these guys get on board?

[Mariner] Hey, guy.

Hey, guy.

Is this what you wanted to do
with your life? Just capture people?

Is that what you dreamt of
when you were a little whatever-you-are?

- Are you fulfilled by that?
- Yes.

Wow. All right. Uh...

Well, do you know what?
That means you're lame. You're a loser.

Hey, keep it down.

I'm writing a speech
that will convince them to let us go.

A speech? Seriously?
Permission to speak freely?

You always speak freely.
Nobody can stop you from speaking freely.

You know what you've got going on?

You have broad shoulders and shiny hair
and talk a good game,

but when it comes to actually doing
the job, the job, you don't have it.

I'm calling bull[Bleep]
on your whole thing here, sir.

You're so busy breaking protocol,
you never look ahead.

One of these days
you're gonna get someone killed.

With all due respect, sir,

my friends aren't trapped
in an alien prison.

Your team is.

That's not my team. It's our team.

But I guess you don't think that way.

Here we go. Showtime. [Clears throat]

We may come from different worlds,

- but on the inside we are all...
- [Gelrakian leader] Silence, starfleet!

You are being held responsible
for the lies of the federation.

Your trial will be by combat.

Yes! Now we're talking.

And by talking, of course,
I mean fighting.

One of you must face
our greatest champion, vindor.

Usually we start the battle,

and vindor steps out of the shadows,
and it's super intimidating,

but he's here, so I'm just gonna
show him to you right now.

[Loud footsteps approaching]

Vindor!

If you win, we let you go.

If you lose, you'll be dead,

and your away team will be crushed

by the adjudication geode.

Crystals.

Okay, I am looking
at a lot of blank faces here.

An adjudication geode is a special type
of constitutional crystal

we use to legally smoosh our criminals.

Here is your battle blade.

You have one hour to choose who gets
the honor of being slaughtered by vindor.

If you can't decide, we...

[Both] |'|| do it.

- Give it to me.
- Yo, I touched it first.

You realize you're fighting over who gets
to be chopped in half by vindor?

- Me! Dibs. Jack ransom. It's mine.
- No, I said me. I touched it first. No.

- [Crew members screaming]
- [Alarm blaring]

[Boimler humming]

Translation:

"Bark-hugging root-smoochers."

What the heck got these guys so wound up?

Ugh. This is totally
gonna mess up my schedule.

Don't move, human. We have you surrounded.

Yeah, but I... I have a phaser.

[Gasps, screams]

These guys are lightweights.
This is what the red alert's about?

Captain, I just phasered some...
Gelrakians?

[Blaring continues]

- Um, hello?
- Intruder! [Speaks bajoran]

[Boimler grunts]

Oh, it's just that huffy ensign.

- Sorry, brimler.
- I'm not huffy.

Why aren't you at your post?

We wouldn't even be in this situation
if you weren't slacking off.

I'm not!

Damn it! We're 15 minutes behind.

Our entire schedule is going to be off
for the month.

Wait a minute. Clocks, time, schedules.

You guys are under
the strict scheduling too?

I have to be!
I'm Manning every station on my own.

What? No, no, no, no, no.
This is all wrong. You're the captain.

I need us working harder
and faster and stricter.

[Gelrakian] Where are you hiding
your crystals?

We don't have any crystals!

I mean, we do have dilithium,
but we're not giving you those.

[Grunts, screams]

Trial by combat is my responsibility.

I'm ranking officer.
I'll be fighting vindor. End of story.

Rank means nothing right now.

[Gasps] Rank means everything always.

You know what?
I do get off on breaking protocol.

I'm good at exploring strange new worlds,

solving space mysteries and kicking asses.

Protocol is for people
that need to be told what to do,

which I don't.

See this bad boy?
Tentacle guy. Bunch of arms.

Stabbed me with a barnacle blade.

Check it out:
Magus III, nanibia prime, scottsdale.

That was a mess.

I earned every one
in high-concept fights just like this one.

So, what do you got?
Let me see your scars.

- You know I don't have any.
- Because you play it safe.

You said it.
That's our team under that geode.

Let me do what I'm good at.
Let me save them.

Sometimes you have to do what's wrong
to survive.

You're right.

[Screams] What the [bleep]? Oh, god!

You stabbed me in the foot
with a battle blade.

I'd rather die
than let you put your life on the line.

[Groans] You are such a psycho!
What are you doing? Ow! Why?

I'm the first officer of
a federation starship and your commander,

and nobody crushes my team.

Let's do this!

[Gelrakian audience] Vindor! Vindor!

Vindor! Vindor!

Vindor!

[Cheering]

- Vindor?
- Come on, big guy.

I only need my hands for this one.

[Ransom grunting]

[Chuckles]

[Groans]

[Ransom laughs, grunting]

Double-fist punch!

Whoa. That was actually kinda hot.

Ugh. Get it together, mariner.
Get it together.

You are not into this. Come on.

[Laughs] Let's see how much
those federation wood-lovers

like our crystal graffiti!

[Grunting]

I... I need to get back to comms.

- Captain, listen to me.
- Don't touch me! This is all my fault.

Thinking I belong at a peace summit
when I can't even keep my ship together.

What? Captain, no. You did nothing wrong.

Your schedules, rules... this has been
the greatest week of my life.

- You run the tightest ship in starfleet.
- Captain, we need to act now.

"Tightest ship"?
Then why is it falling apart?

Because not everyone is a boimler.

This crew has their limits.
They're only human.

Well, and vulcan. And Orion.
There's that benzite guy in tactical.

Damn it, man. If you're trying to inspire
some sort of resolution, inspire it now!

Kills me to say this, but for the good
of the ship, we have to loosen up.

Loosen up?
But then we're right back to buffer time.

Yes. When people could do whatever
they had to to get the job done.

You're a great captain.
Let them be a great crew.

You're... you're right.

I am a great captain.

Attention all decks.

As of now, I am authorizing all crew
to break any rule,

abandon any protocol and cut any corner
to defend the cerritos.

You are sta/fleet.

Do what you have to do
to take back this ship.

Buffer time!

[Screaming]

[Grunting]

[Grunts]

[Cheering]

I demand a peaceful negotiation.

I respect your sovereignty.

So ethical.

Kirk! Spock! Kirk! Spock!
Kirk! Spock! Kirk!

-[Gasps} -Boo!

Interlocked hands!

Stop, stop. I submit.

I thought you only said "vindor."

It's so the other guys think
I'm strong and dumb, but I'm not.

I love to read.

[Audience clamoring]

Ugh. All right, you're free.
You're all free.

Everybody's free.

[Cheering]

Starfleet.

I see how it is. You're gonna stab me,
but then you don't stab vindor.

What are your priorities, ransom?
I ju... whoa!

We gotta stop doing trial by combat,
or we'll never get to use the geode.

How about a regular trial with a judge?
And instead of the geode...

Ooh! We could do a death race.

Start building a crystal car.

[Groans]

[Gasps] Crystals. Cryst...

[Shaxs grunts]

[Grunts]

[Rutherford laughs]

- [Screams]
- Yes!

[Hisses]

[Cheering]

[Crew members] Whoo-hool

Hey, sorry about the whole
invading-your-ship thing, you know.

Very UN-crystal-like of us.

Don't worry about it.

I'd rather be here with you
than with those freaks on mavok prime.

Wood-worshipping freaks, right?

- Come on.
- [Laughs]

[T'Ana sighs] You'll be fine.

Want me to clean up
those disgusting scars?

[Chuckles]
No way. No. These are my trophies.

Congratulations. You look like
a [bleep]ing scratching post.

- Mariner.
- Commander.

I'd appreciate it if you give me
a heads-up before you file your report.

It would give me time to pack
my free weights. There's a ton of 'em.

- What report?
- For stabbing you with a battle blade.

That's a guaranteed court-martial.

I am not filing a report, actually.

But I thought you hated me.

You talk about yourself a little too much,
but stabbing me, breaking protocol,

that was actually pretty cool.

Sometimes I forget
what starfleet's all about,

and today, you reminded me.

Plus, this is gonna make a good scar.

A great scar.

- Take her away, boys.
- Wait. What? Why?

You ignored me when I ordered you
to roll down your sleeves.

They're against code.

The sleeve thing? You're an idiot.
[Grunts]

You just earned an extra day in the brig.

Joke's on you, man. I love the brig!

I'm going to my favorite place.

Next time,
I'm gonna let somebody kill you. [Grunts]

I'm gonna dance in your blood.

Okay, that was kinda hot.

[Door beeps]

Come.

You wanted to see me, cap'n?

It took the eyes of a child to see
what we were blind to today, boimler.

If it wasn't for you, we would still be
following every little rule in the book.

Wait, is that bad? I love rules.

We're instituting a new ship-wide mandate,
and we're calling it "the boimler effect."

- Really? I'm... I'm honored.
- You should be.

The boimler effect
is about encouraging shortcuts

and preventing people
from just blindly following the rules.

From now on, the crew can build in
buffer time whenever they deem fit.

Congratulations. Dismissed.

Oh, well, hey,
how about we add a little thing

about how important it is
to blindly follow rules?

If my name is gonna be associated with...

No! The boimler effect is
literally the opposite.

But I don't know!
I don't know how I feel about that.

[Stammers] And is it in ink?
Is it already in the system?

Wow. It's on a plaque.

Get back to your station
and do whatever you deem right.

[Groans]

I get a whole rule named after me,

and it's all about not following rules.

Don't worry about it, man.

They're always making up new rules
no one ever remembers.

I'm sure this one will fade too.

Yeah, this isn't something to worry about.
No one will remember.

Which is why the boimler effect
is something we will never forget.

So named after the laziest,

most corner-cutting officer
in starfleet history,

Brad boimler,

seen here with one of the great birds
of the galaxy.

Anyway, let's move on
to somebody even more important.

Perhaps the most important person
in starfleet history,

chief miles o'brien.

Pew pew. I pew, pew, pew! Pew pew!

Chirp.