All language subtitles for Il solco di pesca (1976)

How do I look?

It's too early to say.
We'll look at the blow ups later.

Touch ups are always necessary,
but nothing major.

- What's your name?
- Davide, and yours?

- Vivian.
- Oh, sure. How stupid of me!

It's not very polite to forget
your model's name.

Sorry. I remember faces
but I easily forget names.

Why don't you give me a name
that's less banal?

Maybe I'm banal.

Putting up a front
to make me curious?

Here we are.

I think this is one of the best.

Why do you always take
photographs like these?

No particular reason,
I just love beauty.

You don't mean

that all the women who pose for you
have a behind like mine?

Rarely, but some do.

Even an old posterior
can have charm and personality.

This is a 16-year old, not yet ripe.

She didn't want to,
but then she agreed.

- And who's that?
- The 16-years old's mother.

- And that one?
- That's me.

A self-portrait.

I wanted to see
if I was photogenic.

You're photogenic and cute.

It's not enough to make me happy.

- Want me to praise you?
- Yes, please.

I don't have much self esteem.

Your behind is very sexy,
but don't you have other ambitions?

Displaying the backside
is a sign of defiance.

The butt of the protest!

You want to daze me
with complications?

Kiss me.

What about your childhood?

When I was little
I envied women's genitals.

Then everything changed,
of course.

In fact, I'll compete with other men
as long as I can.

And you, are you happy?

No, I'm not.

At first, yes.
It was all lovely.

We got married because
we were in love.

We made love all the time,
we never got tired.

It was wonderful!

He said he only had to look at me
to get aroused.

Damn you!

Here.

Damn you!
We're under fire, let's go.

"She gloved his puppet
so it wouldn't get cold..."

"and he opened the pages
of that posterior missal

and marked them with his mentula."

- What's a mentula?
- The male member in Latin.

- And the female one?
- Cunnus, a masculine noun.

So, why do modern day Romans
say "cazzo"?

That comes from akatios,
the ship's mast.

How bestial!

That's what Aretino would say.
Right, Davide?

Come on, let's go!

There's a free place down there,
if you want.

- Come on, let's go.
- You can't do that here.

There are kids playing,
the football pitch...

Leave them alone.
Can't you see they're decent folk?

Can't you shove off?

- Let's go, this place is a nuthouse.
- What did I tell you?

- Is he any good?
- He used to be wonderful in bed.

- He had a... mentula?
- Yes, mentula.

He had a mentula this long.

I called him "Monsieur dix fois"

because he'd make love to me
ten times every night.

- Really?
- Yes, ten times.

It gave me fantastic skin.

Then nine, eight, seven...

six, five, four...

- Three, two, one...
- Zero. Everything cancelled!

- And then?
- I took on an accountant.

- What are they like?
- They can only manage five times.

It's him.

The ex "dix fois"
or the accountant?

It's my husband.

Who's calling?

Ah, it's you!

Yes, everything's fine.

A big audience? Big applause?

What have I done?

I had lunch with Davide.

He took some wonderful
photos of me.

No, I only pose nude for you.

He was very professional.

He's very nice
and speaks highly of you.

He say's you're a great actor.

Bye for now.

- He wants me to say I love him.
- Say it.

But husbands and wives
don't say these things.

All right, I love you. Bye.

- Why did you make me say it?
- So he'll work and earn money.

He's mysteriously rich!

He acts to give a sense
of purpose to his life,

- but he's a ham.
- And you put mustard on him.

Are you rich?

Yes... very mysteriously!

I'm very nervous.

Calm down,
nervousness plays nasty tricks.

I'm not "Mr Ten Times",
or even an accountant.

I like you like this,
with your little mentula.

If you don't feel like it now,
we'll do it some other time.

Where's the library?

At the end of the corridor.

The library?

Yes. Reading helps
at times like these.

Take the torch.

Don't make a noise.

Thanks.

This happens when
I want it too much.

Who is it?

Is it you, sir?

Are you here for me,
or the lady of the house?

Is it really you, sir?

Is that all right?

Now run to your wife.

What a miracle!

"He light and I pushed upward,

we were able to ascend
from jag to jag."

- Dante's "Inferno".
- The appropriate verse.

My husband only likes Chekov.

Chekov's no good
for my "ship's mast".

Literature's very important
for you.

Yes.

The master was acting weird
last night.

He must be upset.

He can't cut it anymore.

Yes... what manners!

I'm coming, Tonina.

Here's breakfast.

But it's not the master, it's a man!

And what a man!

- Sorry, I didn't realize.
- Turn round, my dear.

- May I?
- Of course, he's a friend.

Haven't we already met?

Don't tell me
that Dante's jags are hers!

It's the first time I've laid eyes
on Tonina's bottom

but it shows character and
it's assured of a great future.

And mine?

Yours is different: Strong-willed,
unpredictable, volatile.

Tonina's is on the launch pad.

- Will you be back?
- Why?

I wanted to know
if you like this breakfast?

Yes.

- I have to make a phone call.
- The telephone's through there.

- Who are you calling?
- My wife.

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

- He's married!
- So?

"I've got a nice ass," she says.

But my little dick
is as floppy as a jellyfish.

I thank God if I manage
to get it up once a week.

My charm hasn't matured yet,

I've got to wait until
my lines get deeper.

But in the meantime
death applies the first touches.

Here I am,
one of Canova's angels

on the tomb of the Stuarts
at St. Peters.

"Where there is sorrow,
there is holy ground." Oscar Wilde.

Sometimes it hardly takes anything
to ruin a marriage.

This furrow, for example.

A bottom weighed down
by sadness.

I dreamt you were caressing me

and you're actually here.

I don't love you anymore since
they took my tonsils out.

- I was dreaming.
- Carry on dreaming.

Tomorrow I'll be far away.

Have a nice trip.
Don't come back.

You rogue, I'll show you!

Pervert! Exploiting the confessional
for masturbation!

100 "Hail Mary's"
and 100 "Our Fathers".

What are you doing here?

- I've got a problem, uncle.
- Money or women?

I want to divorce my wife.
She's already left me.

- You neglected her too much.
- No, I stopped loving her.

Even Socrates and Xanthippe
argued constantly.

You married an intellectual,
a nuisance.

Yes, but that's not the point.

Remember, the tree of knowledge
isn't the tree of life.

I'm having a moral crisis, uncle.

They drop off my head,
but grow out of my nose.

Nothing is sweeter than knowing all.
Spit it out.

I'm not interested in women
as they are.

- You want them with three butts?
- No, what are you talking about?

- One's already too much.
- Look, Davide...

I don't want pederasts in the family.

Sin is the flavour of life.

The church was the first
to understand that.

Vice versus virtue
from birth to death.

Never a dull moment.

Without the Council of Trent, we
wouldn't know the joys of eroticism.

Great literature, great art?
All our own work.

Freud? All our own work too.

Flagellation? All our own work.

The Inquisition, burnings at
the stake? All our own work.

Joy and punishment.

Sin has created man's
concern for salvation.

God created sin for
man's own good

and God's glory increases
with sin.

But when I'm in bed with
a woman, I don't feel like a sinner.

That's what happens
when shame is abolished!

Permissiveness is a disaster.

Modern comradely
between man and woman

has robbed sex
of its divine mystery.

Desire is only born
of deprivation.

You're tired of that fact that
women spread their legs too easily?

So what?

If one only sins at home,

one always rise to the occasion!

This Bordeaux is from64.
Vivian says it's a good year.

- What's your opinion?
- I think it's excellent?

Don't agitate it.

Madame!

I've repeatedly told you
not to wear my panties.

This scenario is acted out
every time we have guests.

I appreciate the fun in it,

but I'm astounded by my wife's
lack of imagination.

Tonina has a nice bottom,
it puts people in a good mood.

Give me your plate.

Especially when there's a killjoy
like you at the table.

You must have noticed
that our marriage is on the rocks.

All morning in the kitchen...
Come closer, please.

Let's hope it's turned out well.

- There you are, served.
- Your wife treats you very well.

Yes, but I've put on 10 kilos
since I got married.

You don't look very fat to me.

French women
are noted for two things...

- cooking being one of them.
- And the other?

Use your imagination, my dear!

Vivian is an extraordinary woman,
in every sense.

- What do you think?
- Bewitching.

This Bordeaux
comes straight from Bordeaux.

My mother makes it.

- She's a wine producer?
- No, she's a teacher.

But she's got a few vineyards.

My husband hates her.

She gets on my nerves,
she's such a nationalist.

Me too, but you still put up with me.

So what? I go to bed with you.

And you still enjoy it,
after all these years?

Marriage is
an unnatural institution.

St. Paul said that
he who loves his wife, loves himself.

If one finds a good wife,
one is happy.

Otherwise one is philosophical.

You should be happy then.

I'm no longer attractive,
but she still is.

- Are you attracted?
- Yes, very.

The cheese.

- Did you take off my panties?
- Yes.

Good girl.

We only talk about panties in this
house. They've made me hate them!

I can't stand bras, corsets,
stockings... fetishes!

Vivian's "juices are flowing",
as Aretino would say.

Sex plays an important part
everywhere.

But here, the only one that matters
is my wife's.

I bet you've never heard of
neurones.

- Neurones?
- Ever heard of them?

Yes.

- How old are you?
- 32.

You've been losing them
for two years.

From age 30 onwards, we lose
100,000 neurones a day.

I'm losing them too,
but I'm an actor

and while they lose neurones,
artists gain neutrons.

They gather the positive and negative
forces of the universe.

Are you listening?

Are you capable of gathering
the forces of the universe?

- No, I'm not.
- I'm very capable.

All I have to do is concentrate
and I can feel them.

An actor is a witch doctor.

Remember the Middle Ages?

Actors were burned alive
as witches, as heretics.

Ever thought of being an actor?

- No.
- You're missing out!

An actor can fall in love with
his grandmother, his daughter,

he can become Napoleon,
the Marquis de Sade...

Are you listening?

Davide...

The master's left.
Madame took him to the station.

- Am I to wait for her?
- I don't know.

- Are you alone in the house?
- Yes.

There's only me.

What a strange sculpture!

It's from France.
It's called, "it's all there".

- Is it a male or female behind?
- Unisex, it's all the rage.

- What's yours like?
- You've seen it, haven't you?

- Look, I'm still a virgin.
- Want to stay that way?

Yes.

I appreciate your feelings.

Be gentle, sir.

Lord, forgive me
for having forced sin upon

a maiden who was still a virgin,

but sin fills me with
an enthusiasm for virtue

that makes me desire purity.

My sexuality is spiritual,
not earthly.

Forgive me.

A return to childhood is always
a torturous escape from reality.

At the seminary, I was reassured
by the peaceful dormitories,

the refectories and, why not,

by my bottom being
furtively groped.

The past and the future hide God
from our sight.

Throw them both on the fire.

It's as if I'm separated from
these feelings by a cane thicket.

Where are you, angel-like woman?

Davide, my darling,
how do I look?

You're beautiful.

- Are you all mine?
- Yes, I'm all yours.

- And mine alone, right?
- Yours alone.

- Do you mean it?
- Yes, I do.

- You care about me, right?
- Yes, really.

Hold me tight!

Not going to touch me?

- Must I touch you then?
- Of course.

- Where?
- What a question!

My husband doesn't like
being touched anymore.

- He's hiding the truth from you.
- What truth?

That sex has become
a problem for him.

Poor thing!
It used to be his calling card.

You women live on
human flesh and salad.

"Get behind me!"

Yes, Satan!

Kiss me.

Natural law is that which

nature has instilled
in all animals.

In fact, this law is not
exclusive to humans,

but pertains to all animals

who receive life in the sky,
the earth and the sea.

From here springs the union
of male and female

that we call marriage.

From here springs
the procreation of children,

their education.

Civil law must be distinguished
from the law of the people,

since of all the peoples who
are governed by rules and customs,

some obey their own
personal law,

whilst others obey a law
common to other men.

I'll be right there!

I'm just as you like me, unwashed.

Animal!

My husband's in the bathroom,
come on!

Did you hurt yourself?

Go!

- What about a bang?
- Get dressed!

No panties today either?

Only in the house.
That's how Madame likes it.

- You're forcing me to stay.
- What if the master sees us?

He'll think I'm here for you,
not her.

Bloody hell!

That whore!

Still not satisfied?

You can have my warm place in bed...

not just my body...

Davide's watch is cold

and it's stopped.

Hello, Davide?

Is that you?

My husband knows everything.

He knows you were in his bed.
He's furious!

He found your watch in the bathroom.

I left it there?
I was sure I'd lost it for good.

He can keep it, it's a cheap one.

Your watch is no use to him!

Give it to me next time.

He wants to throw me out,
he's gone crazy!

You said it was all over
between the two of you.

You said he wasn't jealous.

Yes, but we soiled his bed.

- The family's sacred for him.
- With or without Tonina?

She's got nothing to do with it.

Come over right away, darling.

Here.

Come right over!

Wow, what a car!

- Where do you want to go?
- Down the road. I'll tell you when.

Now I'll show you
something special.

Look at that great ass.

- And what do you do with it?
- I go to bed.

- With that girl?
- No, with the photo.

How does it make you feel?

I feel stronger. I want to run
and do somersaults.

- It makes you love life.
- Does it do that to you too?

- Sometimes.
- Well, we're alike then.

Almost.

Pull over, we're here.

Do you think my girlfriend
will show it to me?

- What?
- Her backside.

If you pass this year.

You ought to know
that the only advantage of marriage

is that it makes a life of reciprocal
deceit more agreeable.

- But I'm the only cuckold here.
- Why, you never cheated on me?

All the time,
but you never found out.

You've sullied my house.

To cheat on me with a man
who'd wear a watch like this!

Being married to you
makes me sick!

Look at how fat you are,
how you've let yourself go!

You disgust me!

And then, to come back unexpectedly
like a Sicilian husband...

I need to let off steam
sometimes too.

Of course, you're no good
at anything.

It's him.
Talk to him without quoting Chekov.

And give me that stupid watch!

Come on.

Yes, very nice.

- Are you wearing panties?
- Yes.

Go and calm him down.

A woman's hatred for
her cuckolded husband runs deep.

I even disgust her.

Don't take it so hard, I'm here.

You've brought owers?
Boxing gloves would be better!

- He's really angry, eh?
- No...

We've got to find another den.
We're a pair of sensual monsters.

Be careful, he could hurt you too.
Go on.

How kind.

Ah, it's you.

Always you.
You're at home here now.

I come here often.
Maybe too often?

No, your presence is
very pleasing to my wife.

Vivian adores sex

and you're the platonic gigolo
she's making use of...

at the moment.

"Fickle woman,
always like a leaf in the wind."

Giovanni Boccaccio, "Filostrato".

I could say:
"An enchanting creature

who, with the same ease,
slips off her gloves and heart."

- Honoré de Balzac, right?
- Exactly.

- "Frailty, thy name is woman."
- Easy. "Hamlet", Act 1.

"Go amongst women
and do not forget the whip."

- Who said that?
- Friedrich Nietzsche.

You're so clever,
you even speak German!

He mustn't come here again
either by day or night.

You profaned by bed
and my bathroom.

For a man of culture,
the bathroom is a sanctuary.

"Adultery is a trinity
without mystery."

When you quote,
always name the source.

Excuse me.

Don't tell me you're not wearing
any panties!

I am sir,
I know you're in a bad mood today.

Of course, Tonina will stay with me.

She won't want for anything
with us.

I must look after her.
You two are lustful monsters.

What a sordid betrayal!

I should have suspected, guessed.

Not to know the truth,
like a truly cuckolded husband.

I should have read the betrayal
in my wife's eyes.

And you're absent-minded.

Absent-minded
and without feelings.

- Who said so?
- Me.

Him.

We'll start with this.

Bloody hell, this ass is heavy!

- There's one where I'm lying down.
- So, it is yours!

I told you. I've got a good eye.

This one here.

It's a big deal getting your ass
photographed.

Well, it's a novelty.
What did your husband say?

- He wanted me to do it.
- Did he take the shots?

No, a famous photographer.
And this one, there.

Why so many?

Because they make up
a body of poetic images.

- Fuckin' hell!
- There's a lady present...

Sorry, ma'am, it's your lovely ass.

How do you know
these buns really are hers?

- Are they mine or not?
- Sure!

Where shall I put this one?

There.

- Don't get any dirty thoughts.
- I'm going to be a photographer.

Fine.

- Are you very religious?
- Yes.

Always have been.

Who was the first girl to show you
the delights of love?

A hooker.

You've liked women
since you were a child?

I was disgusted
by their bodily functions.

- Peeing and pooping?
- Yes.

You're very romantic!

Excuse me a moment.

The more sex I'm offered,
the closer I feel

to the threshold of death.

- And didn't he object?
- No.

He said that I'm cruel
in defending my virginity.

And he was always touching
your bottom?

He's very sad

and very depressed.

What was he doing at home
without me?

He's getting a new show ready.

"In der Grund".

My husband's so committed.

Please do not make
vulgar comments.

If you want to talk of intimate
relations between man and woman,

please use expressions like:
"The cord in the ring",

"The needle in the coryphaeus".

"The leek in the vegetable patch".

"The key in the lock".

"The pestle in the mortar".

"The nightingale in the nest".

"The shoot in the furrow".

"The inflator in the sweetbread".

"The cornstalk in the guava".

"The vademecum mecum in the for example".

"The pastern in the parsnip".

"The cock up the arse", right?

- What's wrong?
- I was dreaming.

- Was it a nightmare?
- Always the same one.

- You mean backsides again?
- Yes.

A marvelous butt.

- Mine?
- No, Tonina's.

First you make me feel indispensable,

then as soon as I move in with you
everything changes.

But it's only a dream.

Did you dream about me
before we lived together?

No, I didn't.

You should have said so.
You wouldn't have ruined a marriage.

Good night.

I'll try and dream about you.
Good night.

Softer.
Look over here, like that.

Lower your eyes a little.

Look over here.

Look up.

Lower your head more.

They need to be updated.

- What does?
- The photos.

Time goes by.

You mean my buttocks
aren't like that anymore?

- To someone with a trained eye.
- And you've got a trained eye?

Well, let's take a look.

- Now?
- Yes.

- But dinner's ready.
- As you wish.

All right.

- Something's changed.
- What?

Time changes everything.
Is our love always the same?

What's my backside got to do
with it? Has it aged?

See this line?

It's more noticeable today. The furrow
in the peach has sagged slightly.

It's evening, I'm tired.
I've been on my feet all day.

What kind of remark is that?

Even your backside can't escape
the passing of time.

And remember,
I'm younger than you.

Come and look.

Look at the perfection
of these buttocks.

- Who is it?
- What do you mean?

Is it you?

Of course it is.

- Who took the shots?
- A famous photographer.

And what did you tell him?

That you wanted them
to show to your friends.

Time passes more quickly for a woman
than for a man.

- And he thought it was normal?
- That you asked me? Of course.

Do I have to show them
to my friends?

If it makes you happy.

What will this Bernardino do?

He'll rejuvenate
Madame's backside.

Why did she marry that man?

Because he had a "thing"
that took her to Paradise.

- You know French women...
- And Roman women?

They're more serious
because the Pope's in Rome.

You know what the master said?

What did that orang-utan say?

That Michelangelo was mad at the Pope
for covering up his nudes.

What else did that
sea monster tell you?

That Michelangelo
argued with Raphael

and Raphael died young because
he screwed La Fornarina too much.

Poor thing!

What else did you learn
at night school?

That hidalgo means
"son of something"

to distinguish it from hijo di puta
which means "son of a bitch".

- Do you know what a hooker is?
- A woman like my mistress.

Would you like to be a hooker?

- I wouldn't know how.
- Of course you would...

- Would you like to do it with me?
- I don't know.

- You should try it.
- Let's try it then!

I felt old.
How could he say that?

I haven't noticed
any signs of aging.

In fact, it looks
absolutely fine to me.

- What do you think?
- It's just as good as mine.

How can he say
that my bottom's in decline?

It's perfect.
If only there were more like it!

My lifestyle's too sedentary.

You can't compare
his backside with yours.

- You know Davide's ass?
- Of course, we're friends!

If my boyfriend did
what Davide did to Vivian,

I'd dump him right away.

Maybe he wants to leave me.

Next time we'll play Vivaldi.

It's less painful.

What if he grabs me?

He'll get agitated,
but he won't do anything to you.

Why do you want the errand boy
to see me almost naked?

- Aren't you jealous?
- Yes, I am.

Bloody hell, she's hot stuff!
You can see everything!

- You took your time.
- Actually I rushed.

Listen,
what do you like about women?

Their eyes.

Their eyes? Darling!

- And do you like the rest?
- Yes, very much.

Well, touch me then.

Kiss me here.

Now here.

That's enough.

Totally crazy, but totally hot!

Did you like that?

What a good little whore!

- The sea monster!
- How are you, doll?

- I'm fine, but Madame...
- What's Davide been doing to her?

He sends her onto the roof naked,
shows her off at the window...

- He offers her to delivery boys!
- How awful!

Failure to achieve erection, no.

- Insufficient erection?
- Insufficient erection, no.

- Erection without ejaculation?
- Erection without ejaculation, no.

- Premature ejaculation?
- No, not that.

- Oedipus complex?
- Oedipus complex, no.

- Denial of affection?
- Denial of affection, no.

- Infantile regression?
- No, not that.

Well, he's not a faggot then.

But there are always
the "black men" lurking about.

- Black in what way?
- Black black...

- Black black black?
- Black black black.

Racist!

He's a sadomasochist.

He's a hopeless case.

- Did he ever ask you to whip him?
- Yes, often.

I knew it. Has he whipped you?

No, he just talks about weird things
when we're making love.

- Tell me one of them.
- It's always the same.

Naked in the summer heat,
he goes down onto the rocks.

Three young blacks show up,
turned on.

- How black are they?
- Not very, dark-skinned.

- How turned on are they?
- They're turned on.

- How are you when you're turned on?
- I see.

They stop him going back
to his boat,

surround him and immobilize him.

It always ends at that point.

- How come?
- Because then the pleasure arrives.

Next time I want to know more.

The rocks burn the soles
of my feet.

I try to get away

but the three of them hold me.

I throw myself at one
to open an escape route.

They immobilize me.

They immobilize me!

- Didn't you hear anything?
- He came.

You think I don't know?
He was in my pussy.

Hell's bells!

Two women in the house
and he makes love to a cushion!

He's a dreamer.

Yes, but it's too easy
to screw in dreams.

We need to face reality.

Can I go back to bed?

- Tonina... go and get screwed!
- Now?

What is it Vivian?

- He didn't say.
- Who?

Who? Davide.

He didn't say what
the black men did to him.

They raped him.
What's wrong with them being black?

Bitch!

Who are you?

Vivian Didier.

Davide's concubine.

Davide is my boyfriend.

- Feminist, of course.
- Yes, but with reservations.

We gave the world its first feminist:
The Virgin Mary,

the only woman who conceived
without the help of a man.

I always keep up to date
on everything.

Follow me.

You have erred.

You have subjugated Davide to love,
overwhelming him with your favors.

After all, he's only
flesh and blood.

But that's how God made us.

But God wanted man and woman
to be free

so he could give them his laws.

What's that got to do with Davide?

You two have broken
the rule of continence.

But I love him.

We must not nourish a love
that we cannot master.

Our desires must obey us,
not enslave us.

We must be able to ignite
and extinguish them at will.

- But I'm suffering so much!
- Don't be ashamed of suffering.

Break the pact with love,
banish it!

Feel one pain today and avoid
a thousand tomorrow.

Obstacles make up
the constancy of love.

Eternal saturation and
satisfied passion must be excluded.

So, I must deny myself.

Yes.

I'm denying, I'm denying...

But how can I?

Remember to be sensual,

wiggle your hips gently.

You must be exciting. Go on.

What's new at the convent today?
Bless my soul! Who are you?

This house is full of
gorgeous women!

Here she comes... what'll I do?

Fooled you!

She'd disgust Satan,
she's incorruptible.

Tonina, make me a coffee.

How do you find me?

Bonula in Latin.

"Hot" today.

But you won't always remain so.

How unkind!

Turn around.

There, I knew it.

Your panties have been sucked
into the furrow of the peach.

- What furrow?
- Do not feign innocence.

Shame on you!

Only the devil could have invented
these panties.

- All women are wearing them.
- Yes, to be easily available.

And so one can sense
the shape of the "loaves".

- What loaves?
- The ass, as you call it.

Why did you sell yourself
to the merchants?

Once you were the part
that never saw the sun,

now you are brought down
by lascivious eyes and sinful hands.

You were referred to with respect
and called: "The woman's charms".

And now what have you become?

A horrible receptacle of impurity.

What do you want?

That you respect this Holy Place
with chaste underwear like mine.

What's that horn for?

In my condition
it's the only protection.

Only an intellect fogged by desire
would find you beautiful.

- Boor!
- Whore!

Blasphemer!

Davide, free yourself
from this woman.

Dear Tonina, I need you.

Ask me anything you like.

- Anything?
- I owe you a lot and I like you.

Would you be prepared
to save my love?

- Which one?
- The one for David!

What can I do? I could talk to him,
but I don't know what to say.

But you're a woman.

I think so!

- Sorbole!
- What does "sorbole" mean?

- Davide likes you.
- I think so.

But you don't want me to steal him,
I wouldn't manage it.

If you give up your virginity,
he'll never leave you.

- But I won't give it up!
- But we're talking about Davide!

You have to ask me this,
of all people!

- David's good in bed.
- I know.

- You did it with him.
- No, he did it to me.

- So, you're not a virgin anymore.
- I swear that I am.

When did it happen?

That day with your husband.

He didn't waste any time!

And couldn't you resist?

Nice friend!

You wanted me
to show him my backside.

Don't say that because of that you
offered your ass to all our guests!

What? No, nobody else. Only him.

- Who else?
- Only once...

- Who?
- Your husband.

He said it was fine by you.
I had to turn him on.

Excite him for my benefit.
But if you take my place...

I messed everything up.

But you're still a virgin?

Yes.

Good girl.

Well done.

Excellent.

Marvelous.

Stupendous!

Perfect!

I don't like this business.

I do.

- I think there's a way out.
- What?

I asked you a question.

- Does she have an effect on you?
- No...

Even though
I find her very charming.

- How do you find the gentleman?
- Funny.

- See, she likes you.
- You must leave that man.

- But I love him.
- A dangerous infatuation.

Should I go back to my husband?

- And those panties?
- Don't you recognize them?

- Are they mine?
- Yes.

I need them for
my solitary pleasures.

- I wish it were a sin.
- What?

This ice cream.

How can people write such stuff?

"Disillusioned on the doorstep, I see
the dog and bitch vent their passion.

I think of you always, little bitch.
Bernardino."

"I hope I'll soon be at it like a dog
in a cornfield.

Who'll be my bitch?
Love and bow wows, Bernardino."

He's already called twice,
I told him you were sleeping.

- It's him.
- Give it to me.

Hello?

No, I don't need any permission.

I'm free to please myself.

This evening? Wait.

- He wants to take me to dinner.
- Go ahead, cheat on me.

- Your love makes me unhappy.
- And what will you do?

All right.
What time will you pick me up?

Now I feel strong.

Passion needs an obstacle.

Who knows...
I might fall in love with her.

Provided that she cheats on me.
I don't think she's capable.

I'm proud of myself,
I'm a powerful spirit.

"I renounce happiness
for the love of freedom."

Corneille, "Place Royale".

- Why don't you massage me?
- I can't.

- What's changed?
- I can't touch you anymore.

I'm in love.

- So you can't massage me?
- No.

Because I love you!

What's he like?

Handsome.

How handsome?

Handsome and strong.

Like who?

Like...

Like... Paul Newman.

- Slut! You did it with him!
- Yes.

- How many times?
- Lots... lots!

- You'll pay for this!
- Yes.

- I'll make you my slave.
- How?

What a nice tummy!
It tastes of field balm.

No, please.

Behave, Tonina.

Turn over.

She's no good.

She can't even cook.

- Why did you take her on?
- She took me.

Foreign women destroy men.
They always want to make love.

Why, don't you like it?

- There are other things.
- Like what?

I don't know...
science, politics, poetry.

Who told you about that?

My dad, in Bologna.

- You're from Bologna.
- No, Casalecchio.

- And who's this?
- The fresh behind of a virgin.

- Cellulite under the make up.
- What's cellulite?

A fossil.

I know Tonina's backside
better than you.

- Something's going on between you.
- What?

I brought Tonina up like a sister.

Hurry up, dinner's nearly ready.

It's ready.

Hello. Is that you?

I've been calling for days,
why didn't you answer?

- What happened?
- I was confined.

By that monster?
I'll be right over.

Why did he confine you?

He hit me and tortured me too...

- beat me.
- Why didn't you call me?

I couldn't.

And all because of you.

Unheard of! I'll right over.

- I'll break down the door!
- He's banned everything.

I've been reduced to a servant.

Davide even forces me
to take baths with Tonina.

It's wonderful!

I've earned his love.

And believe me, "Bow Wow",
I'm very happy.

Good morning.

- Don't you work in the theater?
- Yes, sir.

- Didn't you play Ivanov?
- Yes, exactly.

I enjoyed it.

Why didn't you show me
at the theater?

I clapped.

- I only heard boos.
- No, really. I clapped.

- Are you an impresario?
- No.

- Well then?
- Your wife ran off, right?

- Bad news travels fast.
- I know she regrets it.

She wants to come back to me?
With Tonina?

- She's confined.
- She always liked that.

When we made love,
she often made me mistreat her.

Now she's found someone
to torture and whip her.

- She must be very happy.
- I want to free her.

- You want to torture her too?
- I want to snatch her from that man.

She'll never fall for you,
your ass is too insignificant.

- What makes you think that?
- Your face.

Women don't care much
about men's backsides.

I surmise that you've not yet
been intimate with my wife.

I want to marry her first.

Why should I free her from one man
and give her to another?

And love is like luck,

it doesn't want us to run after it.
Remember that.

Help me.

Fight it.

Your buns are saggy.

Come on, Augusto!

Give me the ball!

Come on!

Bastard!

No, I won't do that for you.
I can't.

He gets turned on by my voice.
What should I do?

Keep talking to him.

Why must I say these obscenities?
I don't know you.

One does them,
one doesn't talk about them.

Who do you take me for?

Don't go overboard
just because I was nice to you once.

- I can't do it like this.
- The devil in the convent!

- What does that mean?
- You made a monk happy.

But wasn't it
a leading TV director?

No, a monk who received
a photo of your pretty little ass.

Your voice
must have made him reach orgasm.

- He'll add a saint to the calendar.
- You're crazy!

What you did is unforgivable.

You besmirched a soul.

You used audiovisual means
to spread perversion.

Uncle, I truly repent.

You know what you
did to that poor monk?

A hopeless case. We confined him
because he propositioned the nuns.

If you fell prey to Satan,
you could have confessed to me.

If you want to save yourself,
you know what you must do.

To master a woman's soul
is an an'.

But to free yourself
from a genuine spiritual crisis

is a masterpiece.

I want to regain
the peace I remember.

Because of your obsession with
virginity you made me lose Davide.

- Davide won't be coming anymore?
- No.

- I was expecting you.
- Good morning, prior.

Your uncle told me
you were coming.

I hope you gave much consideration
to your choice.

Davide...

We want you
to be happy amongst us.

Your uncle told me
that you have suffered greatly.

Moral, not material suffering,
of course.

This bitch
is always on the phone!

Hello?

- Found the right man?
- Yes, Bernardino.

That idiot, Tonina,
would never consent to him.

She does what I tell her.

Tonina's virginity
gets on my nerves.

She keeps it hot like dinner.

She didn't even want
to give it to Davide.

If you want, I'll give it to Davide.

He's joined a monks' order.

Want to get your revenge?

You take care
of Tonina's punishment.

What's this for?
I'm not superstitious.

- Your uncle is.
- Fine, but I'm not.

Put your hand on your heart.

Give me the other hand.

Relax, that's it.

Unveil your soul.

Now we'll exorcise the devil.

Give me the whip.

Out, devil!

Out, devil!

Out!

Let's expel the devil
from this body!

Out, devil!

Out!

Let's expel the devil
from this body!

Now I liberate you from the devil!

There, you're ready.

Here I am.

Hold the whip.

Give me your hands, that's it.

How wonderful!

Oh. Go on!

Now you're fired.

You didn't understand a thing.

Good morning.

These are my references.

Thank you.

Fine.

- I wanted to know if you're...
- Yes, I'm a virgin.

Good.

Where are you, beloved young woman,
so highly sought after?

The god who created man
had a good sense of humor.

Identify! Who said that?

Who said that?