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1
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:09,487
It was the kind of night where you
could feel time flow over you like�
2
00:00:10,007 --> 00:00:12,786
�the amnesiatic waters
of the river Styx.
3
00:00:14,703 --> 00:00:16,103
That is terrible.
4
00:00:16,418 --> 00:00:18,771
"Amnesiatic"?
I don't think that's a word.
5
00:00:20,925 --> 00:00:22,521
This doesn't work, either.
6
00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:24,582
Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go.
7
00:00:27,344 --> 00:00:28,544
No.
8
00:00:35,314 --> 00:00:38,315
Oh, yeah. This is so good.
9
00:00:40,765 --> 00:00:42,165
No, it's not.
10
00:00:52,190 --> 00:00:53,590
Who am I kidding?
11
00:00:57,836 --> 00:01:00,626
-Aphrodite?
-Can't sleep, huh?
12
00:01:02,442 --> 00:01:03,853
You scared me.
13
00:01:04,485 --> 00:01:08,077
Sorry, I didn't know I had
to knock in my own temple.
14
00:01:08,741 --> 00:01:11,990
You don't, but can you just keep it
down? I don't wanna wake Xena.
15
00:01:12,919 --> 00:01:14,805
Pregnant girl
needs her rest, huh?
16
00:01:15,484 --> 00:01:18,204
I remember when Cupid
was on his way.
17
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:22,766
Doesn't a god of your obvious stature
have anything better to do�
18
00:01:22,911 --> 00:01:25,126
�than hang out here
in the middle of the night?
19
00:01:26,460 --> 00:01:28,276
What's with the attitude?
20
00:01:28,584 --> 00:01:30,706
I let you sleep in my temple�
21
00:01:30,797 --> 00:01:33,591
I show real concern
for your insomnia and�
22
00:01:33,711 --> 00:01:37,095
�you treat me like I'm
a rash where the sun don't shine.
23
00:01:37,791 --> 00:01:39,420
I didn't mean to be rude.
24
00:01:40,154 --> 00:01:42,531
I don't wanna bother you
with my troubles.
25
00:01:43,655 --> 00:01:44,955
Sweet-pea�
26
00:01:45,519 --> 00:01:49,118
I am immortal, you know?
I got nothin' but time.
27
00:01:52,838 --> 00:01:54,348
The doctor is in.
28
00:01:59,047 --> 00:02:02,001
See these?
These are my scrolls.
29
00:02:02,128 --> 00:02:04,275
I wrote them.
I wrote all of them.
30
00:02:04,534 --> 00:02:07,792
It's like a� It's like a diary
of my travels with Xena.
31
00:02:09,227 --> 00:02:12,239
When I wrote them I just�
I felt so complete�
32
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,652
I don't know why I stopped.
33
00:02:19,092 --> 00:02:22,146
Something keeps telling me
that I have to start writing again.
34
00:02:22,781 --> 00:02:25,793
-Well, why don't you?
-It's not that easy!
35
00:02:26,635 --> 00:02:29,089
I don't have time for it, for one thing.
36
00:02:29,277 --> 00:02:31,685
Tell me, how you would write
about today.
37
00:02:31,789 --> 00:02:34,790
-You mean, if I could.
-E ent�o?
38
00:02:35,445 --> 00:02:36,645
Well?
39
00:02:39,402 --> 00:02:42,008
Today� started
like any other day.
40
00:02:44,082 --> 00:02:48,264
Xena and Joxer and I� were trying
to find a name for Xena's baby.
41
00:02:49,358 --> 00:02:51,238
I came up with the best one.
42
00:02:51,537 --> 00:02:53,793
How 'bout the name
"Rochelle"?
43
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:57,273
And have her called "Roach" for short?
I don't like that.
44
00:02:57,513 --> 00:03:01,288
How do you guys know it's gonna be a girl?
Maybe it'll be a boy.
45
00:03:04,391 --> 00:03:05,591
All right.
46
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:08,832
-How 'bout "Aloysius"?
-That's not funny.
47
00:03:10,389 --> 00:03:11,709
It was a thought.
48
00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:14,972
I'm glad we're
almost to Pilos.
49
00:03:15,051 --> 00:03:16,923
I know someone
who's getting a little hungry.
50
00:03:17,004 --> 00:03:19,588
Oh� Pregnant woman's hungry.
There's news.
51
00:03:21,204 --> 00:03:23,578
-And cranky.
-Cranky?
52
00:03:25,724 --> 00:03:27,548
I haven't been cranky for years.
53
00:03:28,769 --> 00:03:30,921
Joxer, have you ever seen me cranky?
54
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,265
Tell the truth, Joxer.
55
00:03:42,547 --> 00:03:44,727
Now you listen to me, monkey-man.
56
00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:48,237
You ever do that again,
and you'll find my fist down your throat.
57
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,887
I always wanted to be an uncle.
58
00:03:51,758 --> 00:03:53,864
Hello there, little fella!
59
00:03:55,337 --> 00:03:57,687
Well, you think you can cut me down
without dropping me flat on my face?
60
00:03:58,407 --> 00:03:59,707
No.
61
00:04:04,502 --> 00:04:06,342
Rise and shine, everyone.
62
00:04:13,990 --> 00:04:15,172
So, have ya?
63
00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:18,580
No?
64
00:04:20,370 --> 00:04:21,690
Cop out.
65
00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:27,931
All right, Xena, it's not your fault,
with your condition and all.
66
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,803
You're patronizing me.
67
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,535
Gabrielle, I am in full control
of my mood swings.
68
00:04:33,263 --> 00:04:35,992
-You wanna bet?
-Anything you name.
69
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,733
How 'bout a month
of cooking and cleaning�
70
00:04:38,828 --> 00:04:41,212
�that you can't go a whole day
without losing your temper?
71
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,518
You throw in back rubs
and you got a deal.
72
00:04:43,613 --> 00:04:44,813
It's a deal.
73
00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:48,113
Doesn't count.
74
00:04:50,851 --> 00:04:54,201
That's ok. In the spirit of friendship,
I will take the horses to the river.
75
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,841
-You can have lunch in town.
-I'll help ya.
76
00:04:56,944 --> 00:04:59,747
Joxer, no, you have to stay with Xena.
Not that I don't trust you.
77
00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,531
All right, Gabrielle.
78
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:06,082
You take good care of my baby. Make
sure you rinse her down with cold water�
79
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:09,347
�and hitch her to something.
She'll probably come looking for me.
80
00:05:09,782 --> 00:05:11,430
Not that I don't trust you.
81
00:05:11,543 --> 00:05:14,559
I just don't want anything to happen
that might make me� mad.
82
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,807
It doesn't take a genius
to wash a horse.
83
00:05:17,903 --> 00:05:20,922
Well, it'll come in handy for all those
backrubs you're gonna give me�
84
00:05:22,661 --> 00:05:23,861
Come on, dummy.
85
00:05:28,399 --> 00:05:31,204
Did you hear that?
Xena telling me how to bathe you�
86
00:05:31,857 --> 00:05:33,257
What do I add? Water?
87
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,950
She must think
I'm like Joxer or something.
88
00:05:38,733 --> 00:05:41,599
Xena doesn't do any cleaning.
Have you smelled her feet lately?
89
00:05:43,267 --> 00:05:44,448
Good girl.
90
00:05:56,595 --> 00:05:57,857
What happened to you?
91
00:06:05,586 --> 00:06:08,715
In the time of ancient gods,�
92
00:06:11,173 --> 00:06:12,245
�warlords�
93
00:06:12,657 --> 00:06:13,717
�and kings�
94
00:06:14,257 --> 00:06:17,972
�a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
95
00:06:27,403 --> 00:06:29,649
She was Xena.
96
00:06:30,159 --> 00:06:31,761
A mighty princess�
97
00:06:31,831 --> 00:06:33,930
�forged in the heat of battle.
98
00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:40,098
The power�
99
00:06:41,886 --> 00:06:43,507
The passion�
100
00:06:46,621 --> 00:06:48,049
The danger�
101
00:06:53,884 --> 00:06:56,476
Her courage will change the world.
102
00:06:57,152 --> 00:07:01,206
XENA, THE WARRIOR PRINCESS
103
00:07:03,448 --> 00:07:06,439
So, you shrunk her horse!
Big deal!
104
00:07:06,567 --> 00:07:08,781
Everybody shrinks as they get older.
105
00:07:09,002 --> 00:07:11,127
That's why old people
are so short.
106
00:07:11,218 --> 00:07:12,997
Now, that's very constructive.
107
00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,170
What are you writing?
108
00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:22,820
Patient is hostile and insecure�
109
00:07:23,015 --> 00:07:26,381
Possibly masking
some latent tendencies.
110
00:07:28,897 --> 00:07:30,287
This is stupid.
111
00:07:32,424 --> 00:07:34,017
No, I'm sorry.
112
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:38,687
Look�
No more scroll, all right?
113
00:07:39,212 --> 00:07:42,592
Latent tendencies?
Where did you learn to talk like that?
114
00:07:43,412 --> 00:07:45,617
Honey, don't let the blonde hair
fool you.
115
00:07:45,874 --> 00:07:48,494
Although bombastic forms
of circumlocution�
116
00:07:48,607 --> 00:07:50,392
�should be generally avoided�
117
00:07:50,469 --> 00:07:53,489
�one mustn't shy away from big words
in the right context.
118
00:07:53,743 --> 00:07:55,395
-What?
-Nothing.
119
00:07:55,618 --> 00:07:57,636
Please, continue.
120
00:07:58,584 --> 00:08:01,369
-Where did I leave off?
-Shrunken horse?
121
00:08:02,038 --> 00:08:03,238
Right.
122
00:08:06,005 --> 00:08:07,325
What happened to you?
123
00:08:08,562 --> 00:08:10,332
Divine retribution.
124
00:08:12,888 --> 00:08:14,641
That's what happened.
125
00:08:16,218 --> 00:08:17,498
Who are you?
126
00:08:17,846 --> 00:08:20,833
Lachrymose,� god of despair.
127
00:08:22,149 --> 00:08:23,515
Can't you read?
128
00:08:26,191 --> 00:08:27,986
"Property of Lachrymose."
129
00:08:32,633 --> 00:08:35,625
You used my spring
to wash your horse.
130
00:08:35,753 --> 00:08:38,454
Next you'll be
stabling him in my temple.
131
00:08:39,122 --> 00:08:39,991
I�
132
00:08:40,029 --> 00:08:41,303
I'm so sorry.
133
00:08:43,010 --> 00:08:44,355
You gotta admit�
134
00:08:45,805 --> 00:08:47,900
�that dedication
is hard to spot.
135
00:08:49,787 --> 00:08:52,377
Ok, it was an honest mistake.
Can't you change her back?
136
00:08:52,848 --> 00:08:55,447
Please?
This isn't my horse.
137
00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:57,777
It's Xena's.
You've heard of her, right?
138
00:08:58,759 --> 00:09:01,769
She's killed thousands of men, and
with the mood she's in right now�
139
00:09:01,898 --> 00:09:03,748
�she will not think this is funny.
140
00:09:04,659 --> 00:09:09,036
So?
I've never laughed in my whole life.
141
00:09:09,537 --> 00:09:11,716
-You're kidding�
-I wish I was.
142
00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:13,553
I've never done that, either.
143
00:09:13,795 --> 00:09:17,269
I can make you laugh.
I bet I could.
144
00:09:17,940 --> 00:09:21,205
I hate puns or jokes
or riddles.
145
00:09:21,345 --> 00:09:23,841
I tell stories.
True stories.
146
00:09:23,989 --> 00:09:26,515
Let's say�
if I can make you laugh�
147
00:09:26,707 --> 00:09:28,978
�you make Argo large again.
Deal?
148
00:09:29,852 --> 00:09:33,016
Well, you can try,
but I doubt it'll work.
149
00:09:33,632 --> 00:09:35,818
All right.
Just don't underestimate me.
150
00:09:35,996 --> 00:09:37,436
Xena does that.
151
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:41,360
In fact� you're gonna love this.
152
00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:44,221
There was this time where she�
she was trying to warn me against�
153
00:09:44,340 --> 00:09:45,940
�catching this rabbit and�
154
00:09:46,626 --> 00:09:49,626
You're such a cute little rabbit.
155
00:10:18,324 --> 00:10:22,038
It's funny now, but at the time
I was just a big carrot stick.
156
00:10:26,477 --> 00:10:28,294
And that's it?
157
00:10:29,531 --> 00:10:31,717
No, no.
I'm just warming up.
158
00:10:38,489 --> 00:10:40,961
-Kid's got staying power.
-Yeah.
159
00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:46,542
-Some set of pipes, huh?
-What?
160
00:10:46,806 --> 00:10:49,297
-I said, some set 'a lungs.
-I can't hear you.
161
00:10:49,404 --> 00:10:52,786
-Some set 'a lungs!
-Oh, yeah. Swell.
162
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,849
Did that mean old
warrior princess scare you?
163
00:11:13,978 --> 00:11:15,778
-Yes, yes.
-Nice move.
164
00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:18,824
Are you kidding me?
I scared it mute.
165
00:11:19,957 --> 00:11:21,819
What kind of a mother am I gonna make?
166
00:11:21,899 --> 00:11:24,134
Oh, come on, Xena.
You're terrific with kids.
167
00:11:24,355 --> 00:11:27,582
Gabrielle never told you
about King Gregor's child, huh?
168
00:11:30,027 --> 00:11:32,241
Look, I may not be
nanny material�
169
00:11:32,336 --> 00:11:34,737
�but you try baby-sitting
through a sword fight.
170
00:11:47,529 --> 00:11:48,729
So?
171
00:11:48,781 --> 00:11:51,460
Well, so your�
method's a little unorthodox.
172
00:11:51,948 --> 00:11:54,575
It doesn't mean it's not
full of love and concern, you know?
173
00:11:54,688 --> 00:11:56,576
-You think?
-Sure.
174
00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:58,522
Well, maybe you're right, huh?
175
00:11:58,591 --> 00:12:00,634
After all, how much do kid's cry
anyway?
176
00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:09,602
That little rascal
stole all of Cupid's arrows�
177
00:12:09,709 --> 00:12:11,315
�and went on a shooting spree.
178
00:12:11,886 --> 00:12:13,569
I'm talking about baby Bliss.
179
00:12:13,641 --> 00:12:15,741
You know,
Cupid and Psyche's son.
180
00:12:16,262 --> 00:12:18,678
If you get hit
with one of those arrows�
181
00:12:18,782 --> 00:12:21,373
�you fall in love
with the first person you see.
182
00:12:26,085 --> 00:12:27,485
These are for you.
183
00:12:29,003 --> 00:12:30,422
Let go of my cow!
184
00:12:33,122 --> 00:12:34,744
Bessie� Bessie�
185
00:12:44,903 --> 00:12:46,484
I thought it was cute�
186
00:12:50,226 --> 00:12:52,224
�until I became the bull's-eye.
187
00:12:58,507 --> 00:12:59,216
Xena?
188
00:12:59,966 --> 00:13:02,059
Gabrielle?
189
00:13:03,928 --> 00:13:04,727
Xena?
190
00:13:10,443 --> 00:13:11,524
Tastes like sweat!
191
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,776
Does yours?
192
00:13:20,765 --> 00:13:23,784
Well, I guess ya�
had to be there, huh?
193
00:13:25,155 --> 00:13:26,355
All right.
194
00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:29,376
Let's find out what kind of humor
you do like.
195
00:13:29,488 --> 00:13:30,692
Slap-stick?
196
00:13:32,632 --> 00:13:34,045
Have faith.
197
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:56,260
What about� action?
Sim?
198
00:13:57,097 --> 00:13:59,314
Everybody loves
a good chase sequence.
199
00:13:59,409 --> 00:14:02,750
Like the time we went to India.
I don't get that place.
200
00:14:09,605 --> 00:14:12,881
No! Stop!
Somebody's trying to kill me?!
201
00:14:16,329 --> 00:14:18,070
No!
202
00:14:19,452 --> 00:14:22,306
Maybe that's India's way
of rolling out the red carpet.
203
00:14:23,505 --> 00:14:24,785
Moving right along.
204
00:14:25,315 --> 00:14:28,720
How about�
a little romantic comedy?
205
00:14:30,797 --> 00:14:32,409
Look! Cherries!
206
00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:36,374
I love cherries.
207
00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:40,754
Me too.
208
00:14:43,187 --> 00:14:44,976
Did I mention I'm a widow?
209
00:14:45,054 --> 00:14:46,604
There's no reason
why we can't be adults about this�
210
00:14:46,821 --> 00:14:47,997
�and have a little fun.
211
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,499
Are you suicidal?
212
00:14:53,807 --> 00:14:54,758
Oh, don't worry, Xena.
213
00:14:55,566 --> 00:14:57,329
I got just what you need.
214
00:14:57,683 --> 00:14:58,639
And plenty of it, too.
215
00:15:02,897 --> 00:15:05,537
Gaea� like Attus?
216
00:15:07,609 --> 00:15:09,809
Attus is quite a surprise!
217
00:15:09,986 --> 00:15:11,265
Here!
218
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:12,295
Put something on�
219
00:15:15,246 --> 00:15:16,738
Are you kidding?
220
00:15:16,969 --> 00:15:20,970
Honey� God or no god,
Lachrymose is still a man.
221
00:15:21,404 --> 00:15:23,431
You should've tried
a little sex appeal.
222
00:15:23,518 --> 00:15:26,213
That's the only way
to really entertain the weaker sex.
223
00:15:28,421 --> 00:15:29,673
I tried that.
224
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,604
Well, nothing quite
like a woman's touch.
225
00:15:52,915 --> 00:15:55,929
Didn't your mother ever teach you,
it's rude to stare?
226
00:15:58,896 --> 00:16:00,891
Hey, I paid for an hour.
227
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:08,731
-What is this?
-You know�
228
00:16:08,828 --> 00:16:10,512
Slumber-party mode.
229
00:16:10,585 --> 00:16:12,910
It's the only way to really talk
about sex.
230
00:16:13,009 --> 00:16:15,816
-I feel ridiculous.
-Want me to pierce your ear?
231
00:16:15,937 --> 00:16:16,547
No!
232
00:16:25,575 --> 00:16:27,172
So, let me ask you this.
233
00:16:27,427 --> 00:16:30,623
Isn't all this story-telling
an awful lot like writing?
234
00:16:30,843 --> 00:16:34,253
It's similar, but with writing�
235
00:16:34,608 --> 00:16:38,835
�it's like talking to yourself.
It's a way that you can work things out.
236
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:42,600
Of course, I know now
exactly who I am.
237
00:16:43,738 --> 00:16:46,321
So then who cares?
Why write?
238
00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:49,608
Haven't you ever had
an artistic impulse�
239
00:16:49,714 --> 00:16:51,601
�that's like a bad itch�
240
00:16:51,683 --> 00:16:54,423
�and you just have to keep working on it
until you get it out?
241
00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:58,156
Of course! Who do you think
accessorizes all these outfits?
242
00:16:58,519 --> 00:17:02,519
Someone's gotta put those shoes
with that jacket and so on.
243
00:17:03,849 --> 00:17:05,556
I'm glad you understand.
244
00:17:06,952 --> 00:17:08,352
That's what I'm here for.
245
00:17:10,078 --> 00:17:14,017
So� what did Xena do when
she found out about the horse?
246
00:17:15,696 --> 00:17:19,085
Xena and I are best friends.
There aren't any secrets between us.
247
00:17:20,571 --> 00:17:23,097
-You stalled, huh?
-Exactly.
248
00:17:25,685 --> 00:17:28,056
What is taking her so long?
249
00:17:29,904 --> 00:17:32,137
-I don't know.
-Joxer, just pay the bill.
250
00:17:32,232 --> 00:17:34,048
I can't.
Gabrielle took my money.
251
00:17:37,225 --> 00:17:39,912
-Let's get her.
-Yeah.
252
00:17:46,368 --> 00:17:47,981
Hey, watch it, woman.
253
00:17:49,574 --> 00:17:52,645
Hey, aren't you Xena,
Warrior Princess,�
254
00:17:52,777 --> 00:17:55,892
�who jailed the bloody warlord
Taylor-Taygar?
255
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:59,863
-What of it?
-Taygar's my brother.
256
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,289
Prepare to die!
257
00:18:09,247 --> 00:18:12,350
-What's with him?
-Family problems.
258
00:18:12,483 --> 00:18:13,877
I blame the parents.
259
00:18:14,725 --> 00:18:17,737
-How was your meal?
-A little too much salt.
260
00:18:19,468 --> 00:18:22,056
Unfortunately,
there's been a slight delay, Xena.
261
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,193
You're never gonna guess why.
262
00:18:24,788 --> 00:18:27,392
Let me.
First you got your nails done.
263
00:18:27,503 --> 00:18:29,313
Then you went to your ballet lesson.
264
00:18:29,558 --> 00:18:32,086
No, but you get the supplies
and meet me at the spring.
265
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,832
I'll be there, ready to go.
266
00:18:36,385 --> 00:18:39,829
Guess she must 'a just pulled free
and wandered away.
267
00:18:40,182 --> 00:18:41,382
She's gone?
268
00:18:43,032 --> 00:18:44,312
Argo's gone.
269
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:52,510
So you shrunk her horse
and then you lost him. So what?
270
00:18:52,642 --> 00:18:53,859
So what?
271
00:18:54,078 --> 00:18:57,172
Do you know how important
Argo is to Xena?
272
00:18:57,305 --> 00:19:00,298
Sometimes I think she likes that horse
more than she likes me.
273
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:17,164
I can't count the number of times
that Argo has saved Xena.
274
00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:26,073
-What are you doing?
-I don't like animals.
275
00:19:26,227 --> 00:19:28,227
They're dirty and smelly�
276
00:19:28,313 --> 00:19:30,732
�and just thinking about them
makes me want to take a bath.
277
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,533
-Do you want your own tub?
-No, I'm fine, thank you.
278
00:19:39,372 --> 00:19:40,941
What is that smell?
279
00:19:41,913 --> 00:19:43,839
It smells like chocolate.
280
00:19:45,008 --> 00:19:47,558
Essence of white chocolate,
to be exact.
281
00:19:48,275 --> 00:19:50,867
Haven't you heard
that chocolate's an aphrodisiac?
282
00:19:51,192 --> 00:19:53,005
It's one of my little secrets.
283
00:19:54,076 --> 00:19:55,276
Anyway�
284
00:19:55,711 --> 00:19:58,235
I looked for that little horse
everywhere.
285
00:19:59,723 --> 00:20:03,314
Ok. We got peanuts�
We got pickled eggs, castor oil�
286
00:20:04,163 --> 00:20:06,386
All we need now
is a sack of flour.
287
00:20:06,565 --> 00:20:07,952
Did you get prunes?
288
00:20:08,418 --> 00:20:10,232
Yeah, what's life
without prunes?
289
00:20:23,442 --> 00:20:24,093
Argo�
290
00:20:26,436 --> 00:20:28,249
Argo! Where are you?
291
00:20:31,140 --> 00:20:33,215
Bag of wheat, bag of wheat�
292
00:20:34,004 --> 00:20:36,264
Look there, the last one on the shelf.
293
00:20:37,688 --> 00:20:40,296
So� You thought you got
rid of me, huh?
294
00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:42,496
Well, better luck next time.
295
00:20:44,551 --> 00:20:46,708
Luck has nothing to do with it.
296
00:20:51,362 --> 00:20:54,545
-Nice save!
-And it's on special, huh?
297
00:20:55,015 --> 00:20:58,203
Clean up on aisle 7.
298
00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:00,780
Not so tough now,
are you, Mr. Tough Guy?
299
00:21:01,449 --> 00:21:04,230
Nah, he's just an oaf.
Here.
300
00:21:07,034 --> 00:21:09,327
See?
What I'm more concerned about is that.
301
00:21:09,426 --> 00:21:13,420
Any kid of mine is going to encounter some
pretty strange and dangerous things.
302
00:21:14,205 --> 00:21:15,405
Giants�
303
00:21:38,350 --> 00:21:40,803
You know, you should
find a different line of work.
304
00:21:40,908 --> 00:21:44,748
Like what?
I'm a blind cyclops, for crying out loud.
305
00:22:11,266 --> 00:22:12,586
Giants?
306
00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:17,403
Giants?
Hades, that's the least 'ayour problems.
307
00:22:17,732 --> 00:22:19,493
Let's see, there's�
308
00:22:19,801 --> 00:22:21,093
�dryads�
309
00:22:30,114 --> 00:22:30,867
What is it?
310
00:22:37,777 --> 00:22:38,990
Harpies�
311
00:22:50,655 --> 00:22:51,855
Bacchae�
312
00:23:00,064 --> 00:23:03,938
Oh, sure� That kid 'a yours
is gonna encounter a host of problems.
313
00:23:04,104 --> 00:23:07,917
Let's see. Pestilence, disease,
foot rot,misery,�
314
00:23:08,634 --> 00:23:10,071
�but you know what, Xena?
315
00:23:10,133 --> 00:23:13,116
That kid's got something
it couldn't get anywhere else.
316
00:23:13,244 --> 00:23:15,062
-What?
-You.
317
00:23:20,457 --> 00:23:22,259
Thank you. Thank you.
318
00:23:22,336 --> 00:23:23,136
Argo�
319
00:23:24,751 --> 00:23:25,510
Argo�
320
00:23:27,346 --> 00:23:28,706
Excuse me.
Argo!
321
00:23:30,047 --> 00:23:30,816
Argo!
322
00:23:32,529 --> 00:23:33,543
Argo!
323
00:23:39,743 --> 00:23:40,345
Argo�
324
00:23:41,248 --> 00:23:43,292
Come here.
What are you doing?
325
00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,866
Hey� You trying
to get me into trouble?
326
00:23:51,864 --> 00:23:55,454
Lachrymose, I'm so happy to see you.
You have got to change Argo back.
327
00:23:56,642 --> 00:23:59,082
You don't realize how important
she is to Xena.
328
00:23:59,582 --> 00:24:00,902
Oh, touching.
329
00:24:04,465 --> 00:24:06,464
But we had a deal, remember?
330
00:24:06,759 --> 00:24:10,551
Will you give me a break?
Unless you can't do it.
331
00:24:11,005 --> 00:24:13,077
I mean, maybe you're not god
enough to do it.
332
00:24:13,663 --> 00:24:16,473
I mean� Who's gonna ride her
the way she is now?
333
00:24:16,969 --> 00:24:19,358
-No one is that small.
-Oh, yeah?
334
00:24:38,220 --> 00:24:38,862
Argo!
335
00:24:42,917 --> 00:24:43,564
No!
336
00:24:43,787 --> 00:24:44,987
Stop, Argo!
337
00:24:45,684 --> 00:24:48,298
Hey, hey, boy!
Come on, are you trying to kill me?
338
00:24:48,987 --> 00:24:50,187
Calm down!
339
00:24:52,029 --> 00:24:52,907
Argo!
340
00:24:53,608 --> 00:24:56,101
Oh, I'm gonna die!
Argo, calm down!
341
00:24:56,318 --> 00:24:59,182
Calm down, girl!
Come on, it's me. It's Gabrielle!
342
00:25:06,571 --> 00:25:08,764
Calm down!
Yes!
343
00:25:09,034 --> 00:25:10,234
All right!
344
00:25:10,286 --> 00:25:13,676
Girl, calm down!
Yeah! That's it.
345
00:25:17,930 --> 00:25:19,325
I gotta think.
346
00:25:25,735 --> 00:25:28,910
See, you don't need to tell Gabrielle,
'cause I don't mean to be cranky.
347
00:25:29,087 --> 00:25:30,766
I just can't seem to help it.
348
00:25:30,839 --> 00:25:33,858
Hey� You're pregnant.
349
00:25:33,987 --> 00:25:35,826
That's the way pregnant women are.
350
00:25:35,905 --> 00:25:37,537
-That's right.
-Sure.
351
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,133
Though I should try to remain calm,
'cause that's what's best for the baby.
352
00:25:41,271 --> 00:25:44,170
Oh, sure.
I'll get it.
353
00:25:54,203 --> 00:25:58,215
I've learned how my actions can
have consequences for this child and�
354
00:25:58,997 --> 00:26:00,999
�I just wanna do my best.
355
00:26:01,085 --> 00:26:01,785
Xena�
356
00:26:02,370 --> 00:26:06,173
Take it from me. If anybody
can love and protect that kid�
357
00:26:06,993 --> 00:26:08,193
�it's you.
358
00:26:09,245 --> 00:26:10,434
Come here.
359
00:26:15,094 --> 00:26:16,602
All right, that's enough.
360
00:26:17,169 --> 00:26:18,369
-Let go of me.
-Ga�
361
00:26:19,985 --> 00:26:22,360
Eggs� Eggs!
362
00:26:24,504 --> 00:26:25,298
Argo�
363
00:26:30,428 --> 00:26:31,628
What?
364
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:35,078
I'll go. I'll go get the eggs.
365
00:26:35,409 --> 00:26:36,609
Excuse me.
366
00:26:36,662 --> 00:26:38,857
First you buy it, then you eat it.
367
00:26:39,877 --> 00:26:41,293
Well, that's pretty.
368
00:26:45,306 --> 00:26:46,358
Joxer!
369
00:26:51,842 --> 00:26:52,662
Gabrielle�
370
00:26:53,673 --> 00:26:54,860
What happened?
371
00:26:55,663 --> 00:26:57,741
I'll explain later.
I need your help.
372
00:26:57,997 --> 00:26:59,183
Ok.
373
00:27:00,101 --> 00:27:03,286
Wait a minute.
This is our golden opportunity.
374
00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:06,842
You are gonna be my new partner.
375
00:27:08,220 --> 00:27:12,230
Joxer and little pal.
Look. Your new sword.
376
00:27:12,401 --> 00:27:13,592
Oh, gods!
377
00:27:13,644 --> 00:27:14,369
Joxer!
378
00:27:14,719 --> 00:27:17,522
Sorry. Sorry.
I got a better idea!
379
00:27:17,767 --> 00:27:19,347
You can be a circus act!
380
00:27:19,415 --> 00:27:22,957
"Joxer and his amazing
sideshow freak."
381
00:27:29,614 --> 00:27:32,225
Joxer, I need your help
to find the god who did this�
382
00:27:32,337 --> 00:27:33,958
�to change us back.
383
00:27:34,111 --> 00:27:36,327
Ok. What am I gonna tell Xena?
384
00:27:36,748 --> 00:27:39,538
I don't know. Make something up.
Tell her anything.
385
00:27:45,476 --> 00:27:47,679
Now, what am I gonna say to a god?
386
00:28:01,390 --> 00:28:04,402
Lachromose!
God of despair!
387
00:28:04,781 --> 00:28:07,370
Hear my plea and appear!
388
00:28:08,731 --> 00:28:11,355
Just try and stay still, Argo,
please.
389
00:28:14,333 --> 00:28:16,511
Life is so awful!
390
00:28:18,227 --> 00:28:19,420
Really?
391
00:28:21,933 --> 00:28:23,504
How awful?
392
00:28:26,547 --> 00:28:27,787
You're�
393
00:28:28,050 --> 00:28:31,529
You're� the first god I've ever summoned,
you know? 'Cause�
394
00:28:33,363 --> 00:28:34,173
Joxer!
395
00:28:36,951 --> 00:28:40,138
Well� It all started
when I was a child.
396
00:28:41,883 --> 00:28:44,335
I was a happy kid�
at first.
397
00:28:45,059 --> 00:28:47,937
But then, Mom and Dad
started fighting.
398
00:28:48,936 --> 00:28:50,765
He'd get tanked
and take the chariot�
399
00:28:53,857 --> 00:28:55,572
�no matter
who tried to stop him.
400
00:28:57,711 --> 00:28:59,882
One day� he lost control of it.
401
00:29:00,849 --> 00:29:02,389
Mom took it hard�
402
00:29:03,568 --> 00:29:06,370
�and then she took a coupl'a arrows
from Dad's creditors and died.
403
00:29:09,139 --> 00:29:11,345
-It's just not fair!
-No, it's not.
404
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,640
But tell me more.
Tell me more. It must get worse.
405
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,170
You actually thought
Joxer was gonna help?
406
00:29:28,673 --> 00:29:31,189
Joxer has pulled through for us
several times.
407
00:29:31,491 --> 00:29:32,691
Really?
408
00:29:33,198 --> 00:29:34,398
Like when?
409
00:29:36,378 --> 00:29:37,158
Joxer�
410
00:29:43,856 --> 00:29:46,874
OK, forget that.
No, but Joxer, sometimes, he�
411
00:29:51,995 --> 00:29:54,035
Attus glad that over.
412
00:30:00,103 --> 00:30:03,100
Well, no, no, no, no, no,� no, no.
No, Joxer�
413
00:30:03,229 --> 00:30:04,821
He can be�
414
00:30:12,997 --> 00:30:16,338
Oh, no. Ok. Once�
There was this time that he�
415
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,157
Oh, Meg.
Gee, you got big feet for a girl.
416
00:30:26,297 --> 00:30:27,813
I always thought that the g�
417
00:30:30,115 --> 00:30:31,475
Hi, fellas.
418
00:30:32,704 --> 00:30:33,904
Ok.
419
00:30:36,407 --> 00:30:39,006
There was a time that Joxer�
420
00:30:39,326 --> 00:30:40,532
I'm Joxer, by the way.
421
00:30:40,730 --> 00:30:41,730
Gabrielle.
422
00:30:42,594 --> 00:30:43,780
Got you now!
423
00:30:46,792 --> 00:30:48,721
Ok, you win.
424
00:30:49,355 --> 00:30:52,832
But Joxer is a loyal friend,
and he's a great travelling companion.
425
00:30:52,981 --> 00:30:55,600
Don't get me wrong.
I love the poor dope.
426
00:30:59,579 --> 00:31:02,967
You know, he convinced Lachrymose
to return me to my normal size.
427
00:31:03,112 --> 00:31:06,562
Really? Joxer's pathetic life
was right up his alley, huh?
428
00:31:06,751 --> 00:31:09,512
Yeah. Not even Lachrymose was laughing.
429
00:31:11,027 --> 00:31:13,631
Oh, dear, that's terrible.
430
00:31:14,934 --> 00:31:16,720
Please, tell me it gets worse.
431
00:31:17,937 --> 00:31:19,763
Some wounds never heal.
432
00:31:34,382 --> 00:31:36,191
Watch my stuff, wouldja?
433
00:31:36,518 --> 00:31:38,522
I'm gonna go get my friend
from the tavern.
434
00:31:42,024 --> 00:31:43,544
I don't feel so good.
435
00:32:28,481 --> 00:32:31,096
All right. Anyone seen
a guy in a little pointy hat?
436
00:32:38,653 --> 00:32:42,232
Is that supposed to be funny?
437
00:32:43,538 --> 00:32:45,018
No, I just got lucky.
438
00:32:49,599 --> 00:32:50,799
Tough crowd�
439
00:32:56,776 --> 00:32:59,171
Well� No Gabrielle,
no Joxer.
440
00:33:01,807 --> 00:33:03,892
At least there's someone
who won't desert me.
441
00:33:06,573 --> 00:33:08,053
Argo, come back!
442
00:33:11,547 --> 00:33:12,834
You again?
443
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,299
Just wait till I catch you.
444
00:33:17,803 --> 00:33:18,511
No, no.
445
00:33:24,974 --> 00:33:26,701
Must be Lachrymose-intolerant.
446
00:33:26,775 --> 00:33:29,181
You know, you could find her easier
if you made her big again.
447
00:33:30,035 --> 00:33:32,467
Now, you are not as dumb
as you look.
448
00:33:32,616 --> 00:33:33,816
Well�
449
00:33:37,036 --> 00:33:38,236
Farewell.
450
00:33:46,159 --> 00:33:46,785
Joxer!
451
00:33:50,577 --> 00:33:51,839
Let's get outta here!
452
00:33:52,951 --> 00:33:54,231
Lighten up.
453
00:33:58,065 --> 00:34:00,766
Ah, now, that is devotion.
Here, girl!
454
00:34:11,326 --> 00:34:13,008
Look, a stray dog!
455
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,093
They took a dog and put
a horse head on it!
456
00:34:15,347 --> 00:34:17,211
Wow, what do you have to do?
Add water?
457
00:34:33,286 --> 00:34:37,055
Gabrielle!
458
00:34:42,610 --> 00:34:43,394
Gabrielle!
459
00:34:44,552 --> 00:34:45,752
What is that?
460
00:34:47,692 --> 00:34:48,932
I can explain.
461
00:34:50,319 --> 00:34:53,720
Look at that! Cold water!
She said "cold water"!
462
00:34:53,866 --> 00:34:56,458
Xena, now don't get mad.
It's not good for the baby.
463
00:34:57,761 --> 00:34:59,711
Ok, I� Xena!
464
00:35:00,197 --> 00:35:02,390
All we have to do
is make Lachrymose laugh.
465
00:35:02,484 --> 00:35:04,683
Then we can have Argo
back to the way she was.
466
00:35:07,718 --> 00:35:09,382
Say your prayers, Xena.
467
00:35:18,837 --> 00:35:20,345
Allelujah.
468
00:35:22,679 --> 00:35:23,879
All right.
469
00:35:25,184 --> 00:35:26,767
Ok, now, I'm not mad.
470
00:35:27,048 --> 00:35:29,052
I'm just very,
very disappointed.
471
00:35:44,737 --> 00:35:46,177
And as for you�
472
00:35:46,710 --> 00:35:47,259
No, no.
473
00:35:47,703 --> 00:35:49,572
Think about it. Think about it!
474
00:35:52,285 --> 00:35:54,005
Hey! She hit Bob!
475
00:35:55,863 --> 00:35:57,103
It was her.
476
00:35:58,730 --> 00:35:59,850
What?
477
00:36:04,117 --> 00:36:05,850
I'll take a pie, please!
478
00:36:20,503 --> 00:36:21,895
You forgot to duck!
479
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:25,840
So did you.
480
00:36:28,001 --> 00:36:29,456
Get 'em!
481
00:37:14,607 --> 00:37:17,743
Joxer� Never pie
a pregnant woman.
482
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:30,640
Heads up!
483
00:37:44,734 --> 00:37:46,321
Which one of ya threw that pie?
484
00:38:17,344 --> 00:38:18,761
Heads up, Lachrymose.
485
00:39:22,205 --> 00:39:25,289
A stupid, boring,
unfunny excuse�
486
00:39:25,421 --> 00:39:27,744
�for a pie fight
finally made him laugh?
487
00:39:27,844 --> 00:39:29,037
Go figure.
488
00:39:29,948 --> 00:39:32,284
You must 'a been aiming too high
the rest of the time.
489
00:39:32,426 --> 00:39:33,626
I guess so.
490
00:39:36,365 --> 00:39:37,564
You ok?
491
00:39:38,495 --> 00:39:41,301
-This isn't working.
-What's not working?
492
00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:43,866
I thought telling you
the Lachrymose story�
493
00:39:43,966 --> 00:39:46,573
�would somehow end
my writer's block.
494
00:39:47,115 --> 00:39:48,315
Oh, well�
495
00:39:48,367 --> 00:39:50,747
At least you got him in touch
with his inner child.
496
00:39:51,904 --> 00:39:54,466
-That's it.
-What?
497
00:39:55,788 --> 00:39:58,549
-That's the answser.
-What are you talking about?
498
00:39:59,221 --> 00:40:01,423
Ever since Xena became pregnant�
499
00:40:01,517 --> 00:40:05,618
�I have been trying to find a way
to make the world a better place.
500
00:40:06,368 --> 00:40:09,691
And I've allowed no time
for the things that make me happy�
501
00:40:10,945 --> 00:40:12,354
�like my writing.
502
00:40:13,857 --> 00:40:16,070
I think I've been
too afraid�
503
00:40:16,249 --> 00:40:19,051
�that I've lost that part of me
that's a bard.
504
00:40:20,489 --> 00:40:21,689
Anyway.
505
00:40:21,825 --> 00:40:24,027
Maybe my writing
will help Xena's baby�
506
00:40:24,121 --> 00:40:26,499
�figure out who he or she
really is.
507
00:40:28,678 --> 00:40:31,224
Well, it looks like my work here
is done.
508
00:40:32,531 --> 00:40:34,872
-Wait.
-What?
509
00:40:34,973 --> 00:40:38,495
-You got a lot of catching up to do.
-Thank you.
510
00:40:39,722 --> 00:40:41,297
Don't thank me yet.
511
00:40:42,379 --> 00:40:43,974
Wait till ya get my bill.
512
00:41:08,877 --> 00:41:10,894
And the day ended as it began.
513
00:41:11,105 --> 00:41:12,973
Alongside my friends.
514
00:41:17,154 --> 00:41:20,147
You know, I gotta tell ya,
I am feeling a whole lot better.
515
00:41:20,442 --> 00:41:22,679
I mean, life's pretty sweet
for me right now.
516
00:41:23,090 --> 00:41:25,502
I've got no cooking, no cleaning�
517
00:41:25,858 --> 00:41:27,873
�and backrubs for a month.
518
00:41:28,254 --> 00:41:30,369
Technically,
you didn't lose your temper.
519
00:41:30,460 --> 00:41:33,704
But Xena, I saw you throwing pies
in a less-than-loving manner.
520
00:41:33,843 --> 00:41:35,256
Much less.
521
00:41:36,556 --> 00:41:37,756
Loving.
522
00:41:40,148 --> 00:41:41,758
Yep, loving. That's me.
523
00:41:54,300 --> 00:41:55,905
Who threw that pie?!
524
00:42:13,412 --> 00:42:18,511
Subtitles: Marlon Rocha Lacerda
525
00:42:18,561 --> 00:42:23,111
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