All language subtitles for Ive.Got.You.Youve.Got.Me.By.The.Chin.Hairs.1979.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Hello, car 22.

Car 22, inspector Chodaque! Chodaque!

Answer, are you sleeping?

I read you loud and clear.

The predator attacked
another woman in Neuilly.

Go patrol the sector and check on
all the kids out on their own.

-Got it?
-Consider it done.

This neighborhood isn't safe.

Stand up, you bastard! Police!

So am I!

At least help me up!

I'm sorry, I've been sent
by the Special Brigade

to investigate the predator.

Yes, of course.

And again headquarters
doesn't trust in the local police.

Well, if they're flirting with women,
instead of chasing down scum.

No need to exaggerate.
It's these little things…

-Hey, you!
-That's the predator!

Free me! Give me the keys!

-They're in the bag!
-Damn! Come on!

Move, damn it!

It's locked!

God damn.

-I'll get that guy.
-What happened?

-Is this your doing?
-Please tone it down, sir.

-Excuse me?
-I said, please tone it down, sir!

Hey, I'm a police officer,
don't talk to me in this tone.

Ah, you're a police officer?
And you would like me to chauffeur you?

To a local precinct? Dirty, lousy, grubby?

Listen,
you've already got two infractions.

Illegal parking and interference.

Don't add insult
or I'll have to take you in.

This isn't San Francisco.
You watch too much TV.

I'm taking you in.

No, you don't. This is crazy!

I'm Mrs. Boucher-Blancheau!

My husband is the chief of
all the police in France!

I demand to be let go immediately.
And also, I want to make a call.

Fine, I have nothing more to do here.
I'll return to headquarters.

-Yeah…
-Let me go!

I want to leave!

I'm sorry about earlier,
I made you miss a good shot.

Don't worry, we'll find him again.

-I'm Mrs. Blancheau!
-Don't worry.

-You're a good police officer.
-Thank you.

Let me go!

Don't you think you could release her?
After all, she's done nothing bad.

You're a good police officer,
but you're not part of this precinct.

Go share your opinions at headquarters.

Ma'am! I assure you I'm Mrs. Blancheau!

Do something! For me, for my little dog!

He'll get fleas!
I'm Mrs. Boucher-Blancheau!

Sergeant, you must know who
Mr. Boucher-Blancheau is! I'm his wife!

-What's this commotion?
-I'm Mrs. Boucher-Blancheau!

-I'm Mrs. Boucher-Blancheau.
-Mr. Blancheau?

Do you know
that's the wife of the CID's director?

I don't see a reason
to give her a free pass.

Armand! Get me out of here! Immediately!

Hello, Mr. Director. I offer my apologies.

-What happened?
-I'm confused.

Alright, I'll explain it to you.

I have an inspector who's… a good guy.

Chodaque, the director
wants to talk to you.

Sir.

Leave us.

Good job, my man! Bravo and thank you!

The bitch. Now she knows who's in charge.
My compliments, my man.

Vigorous, huh? And incorruptible.
I like that.

They say you're just
wasting away in this precinct.

But that's going to change.
Fargeau told me your story.

I will make sure that the injustices you
have suffered will be compensated for.

You'll be sure to become
at least deputy director.

I shall personally see to your promotion.

That bitch.

But there's one condition:
You must be insistent.

Keep your course, resist all pressure.
Even mine.

Do you understand?
I want Lucienne to get a proper lesson.

The whole shebang!

Twenty four hours custody, complaint,
prints, the whole nine yards.

I'm counting on you.

Great!

Gentlemen, a toast
to the new commissioner.

This nomination, my dear Chodaque,

which affirms your conscience
and your efficiency

honors the police in general
and in particular…

-What happened?
-They kidnapped Patrice Rengain.

Shit, first it was bankers,
industrialists, and now celebrities.

It was just a matter of time.

He arrived at 2 pm for rehearsal.
The valet saw him pull up.

They waited for him all day on set.

At first, his assistant thought
he's in a dressing room with a girl.

After two hours they went searching.

Last night he didn't come home
and this morning he didn't show up.

They're still with the journalists.
discretion is required.

-For the sake of discretion…
-Which idiot did they send?

I know nothing,
but get him off my back quick.

I'll go to the director. Mr. Brucheloir.

What are you doing?

Get going!

No, not here! Here! Go! Hide.

The boss can't see you when he leaves.

If you've never heard him shout,
you sure will then, boys. Go!

This is a catastrophe.

Without Patrice Rengain we're done,
slaughtered by our competition.

Five years he hosted
and produced these shows.

Most total viewers.
Do you know what they call him?

"The man that made France sing!"

The commotion this will create!

-Where?
-At the Élysée!

For a TV host.

You don't know the guy.
He cares about everything.

Go!

Do you know who could have
a grudge against Rengain?

Nobody, detective! He has
nothing but friends in the industry!

I don't believe it!
Is it true what they say in the street?

Someone kidnapped that bastard Rengain?
Tell me it's not a joke!

Do you have a problem with Rengain?

I can see you're not of the house, sir.

Or you'd know,
that that fag does everything

to keep my artists off his show.

Mr. Larsen is a music producer.

-Rengain is a fag?
-No!

-You were saying…
-Yes, but no…

Here, fag means
dubious, shabby, questionable.

And what do you call fags?

Homosexuals… What kind of bumpkin are you?

This gentleman is from the police.

They say you didn't like Rengain.

I couldn't stand him, sir. But who could?

No one on this floor.
Fifty people would wish him dead.

This film about solitude,
people who become lonely

after their love ends,

allowed us an intimate look

of a suburban teacher who after
having spent years with an engineer…

-No, not here! There!
-…met a Polish archaeologist.

As Maurice Varlot said,

"A story that doesn't say anything

can help us discover a lot more
then the one filled with people

that says a lot less."

So, after

this report, a program…

Rengain was a simple
prop manager here for eight years.

When you climb the ladder that fast,

you might step over
some bodies on the way.

You'll have problems with Bastien.
He's screwing everything up.

-He's angry.
-It's a mess!

Where are the cops?

-Who's this guy?
-Detective Chodaque, CID.

No point in hiding behind the boss

to support and excuse your incompetence.

If the cops aren't on my set
in ten minutes,

you know what I'm capable of.

Is that clear?

But my dear Bastien, your cops…
your agents have been called.

I assure you, they're still in the hall
with the other extras.

I'm coming from the hall!
They're not there!

My last scene is on hold!

Because of the mess that is constantly
going on in this shit hole.

Yesterday the guns were missing.

The day before the decor wasn't finished.

Every day there's a problem.

But the variety shows are covered.
Mr. Rengain gets everything he wants.

It's enough for him to raise his pinky.
The disco always works.

But the dramas, the cop show,
no one could care less.

We told you we requested them!

We've always presented
our information without bias.

The intrusion of the police
the moment our journal is beginning…

There are your cops, at least the extras.

We will not be silenced.

Ladies and gentlemen,
there will be no more news.

OUR PROGRAM WILL CONTINUE SHORTLY

Heart burn.

Gerbastop, the lozenge that doesn't work
unless you suck it.

THANK YOU, GERBASTOP

My family has problems.
Everybody has smelly feet.

Podospray deodorant!

For toes and teeth alike!

You're in your kitchen,

your guests are arriving,
the food is ready.

And at the last moment,
an unfortunate move.

Luckily, there's 3,14116,
the miracle stain remover.

3,14116!

A distinguished way of being less grubby.

Oh yes, this is great!

This is Ulas Morgenson,
the star you all admire.

Anna Magdalena!

Like 19 out of 20 stars,
Ulas Morgenson eats onions.

Like 19 stars out of 20, eat onions.

Onions are great.

TV ADVERTISING AGENCY

Good, you're here, this just arrived.

URGENT AND IMPORTANT CONCERNING RENGAIN

And in there?

-Who dropped it off?
-No one knows anything.

Don't you see, it's a finger?

Yes, that's a finger.

Is it Rengain's finger?

That's definitely his finger.

So, can we watch this?

Yes, come with me.

In our series of men, events and ideas,

Gaby Schumayer and Jacques Utrican

paint the picture of a self-employed man.

Tonight, Maxime Deloulou.

The two biggest works by Deloulou
that every one of us remembers forever…

It's about

a young woman lying close to a seated man

and of a young man standing close
to an old woman squatting,

were rejected at the May fair. It is said…

-Do you mind? Would you play this for us?
-Play this.

I was kidnapped
by a group of revolutionaries

Vengeance and Liberty is its name.

I was made to publicly admit
my essential participation

in the effort to dumb down
the working public

organized by imperialist, capitalist and

and bourgeois powers.

This reel shall be broadcast in the news
at 1 pm. and 8 pm.

without any kind of cropping.

Otherwise, I will be cropped.

They will cut off
another one of my fingers.

As stated by the commando
of Vengeance and Liberty

I've done nothing to elevate my peers.

I've spent most of my time numbing them
with tasteless songs

and nonsensical shows of bad taste.

But if my life is still worth anything

in the eyes of the directors of the AF4

these are the conditions:
ten million Francs.

One billion cents
in used 200 Francs bills.

This is the amount of the ransom.

Another tape will specify
the conditions for retrieval of this sum.

That's it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the entire team

of kidnappers wishes you
a pleasant rest of your evening at AF4.

Poor Rengain! This is an atrocity.

Well, this is serious stuff.

There is no question
about handing over the billion,

that would affirm the criminals.

Doing nothing means
letting Rengain be killed.

We will do everything to save him.

When I say "we", I mean the police.

If in spite of their efforts

Rengain is killed
by these blood-thirsty nut jobs--

Then we would lose our star host.

And we will surely find another one,
Mr. director.

As the person in charge
of financial services,

it is my duty to tell you
that we cannot pay a billion.

Which will add to our corporate tax.

-A ransom is not deductible as an expense.
-Yes, yes.

But Rengain is irreplaceable.

He made it possible
for us to battle A3, TR1 and FR2.

I remain convinced that his assistant
could very well do what he's been doing.

That's not the problem.
Paying the ransom is necessary.

-With what?
-Exactly.

Our financial situation is not the best.

Why?

That is due to many things. Above all…

Above all because of instructions
coming from up top.

We have fewer liquid assets as management

required us to create simple,
popular programs.

Game shows.

After a simple,
or let's say, a bit primitive show…

-Completely idiotic, yes.
-I beg your pardon.

Well, after a simple show
early in the evening,

the viewer is more relaxed,
more indulgent,

more receptive
for, say, political messages.

It is known that games shows are made
to dumb down the population.

How's this tied to
your financial situation?

Well, since we make these primitive shows,

as the director said, everybody wins.

That's it, boredom. Our three main shows…

-Are dumb as the moon.
-That's enough, Bergeron.

Our three main shows, Chicken on a wall,

Eenie, Meenie, Miny, Moe,
and the Itsy Bitsy Spider,

already cost us more than a billion.

-The entirety of the available budget.
-One billion?

And our flagship show
I've got your chin, you've got mine

alone cost 800 million Francs.

We can't drop Rengain.
We need to find that billion!

Yes, we need to.

We need to, as it's the only way
to trap the kidnappers

and capture them when they try
to get hold of ransom.

Maybe the police can provide the billion!

Certainly.

I believe it won't be difficult
for you to find the money.

You often do shows to raise funds.

For victims, the elderly,
the fight against cancer,

hunger, baby seals, oil spills.

What a stroke of genius, detective!

Damn, is there nothing to drink?

In the US, cops have vending machines
for water, coffee.

And there, cops eat lollipops.
Would you like one?

Lollipop…

I'm not twelve,
to be sucking on a lollipop.

They've all been interrogated:
the Black Proletariat

the Clandestine Revolutionary Forces,
Ben Zafari,

Mousmous Yalatala,
Sanchez Confortino, Ouachouki.

Everybody!
For once the FBI isn't getting in our way.

It's official, nobody has heard
of Vengeance and Liberty.

Either way, if it exists,

it would have chosen someone
more representative.

He's still a star.

A star!

If so, a billion isn't enough.

They would have asked for more.
This is an amateur ransom.

Right, that's what I'm saying.

Or someone wants to kill Rengain,

and he kidnapped the host to murder him

while blaming it on
a political organization.

Let's think about this.
This guy lives alone, without a family

and he lives for the show.

At the station, lots of people
dislike him, but not enough to off him.

Or it's a real kidnapping
motivated by a demand for ransom

and then there's a whole line of suspects.

Because bank statements would show

that in this industry,
people have a lot of debt.

Well, I would say
we need to let our friends spread out.

So happy that we have
decided to investigate AF4.

Because that is
where we will find the key.

The only thing is

they know us there.
They will recognize us.

We need a spy.

A spy that no one would suspect.

I think I've got our guy.

Yes! Yes!

That's enough girls! Listen real quick.

Number two comes to me.
Then I pick up my microphone here.

Number three, same thing, thank you.

So what's happening?

-Get me a driver.
-A driver?

I'm asking you if you have a driver.

No, but I can drive you.

Where did she come from?

A driver for the show!

Who brought her here?

Who's this nit-wit?

I'm dreaming, what is this?

Your spy is in trouble,
I'll take care of it.

Who brought her in?

How can I work here?
How can anybody work here?

No money, no time,
incompetence everywhere…

Great job, I brought you in
to not be noticed,

and now you've been chewed out
in front of everybody.

It's the best way to pass unnoticed.

Everybody here is entitled.
He won't stop screaming.

And that outfit?
You just can't be discrete, can you?

Would you prefer a white collar
and patent leather shoes?

Have a look around the room.

Alright, positions!

Get used to it, you're more
out of place here, detective.

The Bonnot Gang and the
Tiger Brigades are over.

Good job, girls! That's perfect!

Hot shit!

I'll take a quick break and do just that.
OK? Perfect.

Everything's set.

The show is looking great
and all the stars said "yes".

There's no other way.
This is to save your friend.

How will this go?

Grumet will make the calls from the table

and between the calls,
there will be show numbers.

Sir! You over there! Are you sleeping?

So you're not sleeping, come here.
Thank you. So…

You, why are you looking at me
like a dunce?

No reason, you were busy
putting people in place.

Thank you.

The chase ends here.

He's annoyed being
Rengain's assistant for five years,

this is the first time he's doing
everything. He decided to go all out.

Do you want me to come up there?
Go on, from the top.

Still no reaction
after the airing of the tapes?

Yes, the number of
public contracts has doubled.

Well…

Us women know exactly how to seduce men.

With Starcroc,

the toothpaste of the stars,
I can be sure of my breath.

Yes, we know well how to seduce men.

STARCROC, TO SEDUCE MEN

Every evening at dinner time
it's the same thing.

The kids like it extra rare
and my husband likes it medium,

while I like it well done.

But I've found the solution.

Beefgood, the roast beef in cans.

Rare, medium, well done.

Beefgood,
the roast beef of the happy family.

THE ROAST BEEF OF THE HAPPY FAMILY

101 Fahrenheit.

Thermovit, the fastest thermometer
in the world.

THERMOVIT
ADVANCED FRENCH TECHNOLOGY

-Alright, where are we at?
-3:18 pm.

We're not moving, huh.
I would like to see Grumet now.

Is Grumet around?

Five, four, three, two, one.
Ladies and Gentlemen, my dear friends.

-Does that work? Do you read me?
-Yes, yes.

Alright, then let's go.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my dear friends…

Tonight's show won't be like the others.

The circumstances
that are calling to our consciences

and our hearts are tragic.

Why is there a shadow? Loulou!

Can't you do it better?

Give me a shutter, cap number 23!

Our friend, your friend
Patrice Rengain has been kidnapped.

Oh, no, shit, what is this?

Guys, you are distorting.

Is it my fault no one gets it?

-Figure it out, dude.
-But they don't get it!

Is it my fault no one gets it?
Also Loulou signaled.

So, if no one gets it,
I thought that-- You get it?

Let's go, Grumet.

But get it sorted out now.

Like ourselves, you've been
devastated by this new hideous act.

Like us, you are appalled by
the injustice knocking…

He can't stand Rengain.

-And you love him loads, don't you?
-Yes, but not like you.

-I don't make a secret of it.
-We're all a big family, dear uncle.

By the way, are you going to
take care of your nieces?

Yes, as soon as that idiot
gets his tears out.

For us it's fine? Good.

Jean-Marcel, would you like to continue?

No, I'm good.

Either way, I'm not wrong.
You throw it my way and I put my time in.

-You're right. You're the better guy.
-I know.

How're you?

-Your little protegees are here.
-Yes, yes.

Alright. Listen real quick.
This is what's going to happen.

Hi beautiful, happy to see you.
How are you?

All good? I was a bit tied up.
Tell me about it, I'm starting now.

No, that's not possible!

-I need to start now.
-What? Fine, OK.

-I've got problems with--
-No, that's fine.

He's starting now!
Just like that, so he's got it done!

Stop, he's starting now.

You're so kind.

-He'll go first!
-Thank you. Start the playback.

Hurry up!

You're letting that bastard singer
go through with this?

Does that shock you, detective?

Listen what he's doing in the song.

"Les petits bateaux"
and "Dansons la capucine" are done.

You don't find it bold?
This won't shock anybody.

No! He's already sold
a million and a half of this.

If he watches and sees this…

-Who exactly?
-The director.

If we cut,
we'll have the unions on our back.

Yes, and more shit.

There you go, Mr. Larsen.

Yes, that's fine.

Very good, very good.

Yes, OK. Very good.

-They're cute.
-Go on!

-Where's Betty?
-A catastrophe!

-What now?
-Her boyfriend did this to her last night.

We'll try to cover it,
but there's not much we can do.

Damn. For once Rengain isn't here
to give me a hard time.

It'll be gone in two days,
I'll apply cream.

-It'll heal.
-The show will be over.

You'll be back to hair-washer,
which you should have never stopped being!

Take her away
or I'll give her one on the other side.

I'll put some cucumber on it,
that'll make it better.

Come one, next!

We're not screwed. Not screwed.

It's just shaking,
we can find another one.

-I know, but where!
-That girl that's dancing up there?

-I don't like her ass. Not her.
-And there's that, obviously.

That's cute. That's fresh and disco.

-Good stuff, huh?
-Yes, that's one there?

-I'm the first assistant…
-A real dunce.

-You like it, huh?
-Yeah!

Do you like to sing?

Great. Getting hit on
by the producer, that's new.

Do you think I'm flirting?

But no, miss, this is a serious matter.

Did you see that girl?

I saw the delicate way
you chucked her out.

Listen, delicacy and efficacy
are two different teats,

two different breasts.

I bought four singers for this show,

now I have three.

Want to be the fourth?

I've never done that!

You've got good curves. If you want
to dance, that's all I'm asking.

Yes, you just have to move your lips
to the playback of the song.

The day I'd do that,

it would be with my own legs
and my own voice.

We'll see.

And I'll tell you again,

tonight will be different
from other nights.

That's all I'll tell you.

Let's return to Jean-Marcel Grumet,
who will give us

I've got your chin, you've got mine.

Grumet, go!

Must I remind you
of the rules of our game?

I've got your chin, you've got mine.

It's of childlike simplicity.

I've got your chin, you've got mine.

The first of us to laugh is a fag.

I'll remind you that our current star,
Mr. Drouillard, is in his fifth week.

He's already defeated 20 opponents.
If he triumphs today

over the four adversaries
that challenge him,

his account will amount to…

120 million Francs.

A pretty penny.

But obviously, you will need to win,
dear Mr. Drouillard.

Maybe today you will encounter someone
stronger than yourself.

Have you trained this week?

No, today I will be content with
meditating and focusing.

I don't need
any more training not to laugh.

Life isn't that funny.

I remind you that our candidate,
Mr. Drouillard,

is a censor at the high school of
Saint Laurent des Foies.

-De la Foi!
-Saint Laurent de la Foi, yes.

Dear Mr. Drouillard, please take a seat.

You know the goal of the game.

Take your seat.
I will call your first opponent,

that will be Miss or Misses…

Mrs. Pourmieux,
who has a beautiful first name!

Karine Anastasia!
She is an assistant accountant in…

-Narbonne.
-In Narbonne.

-Do you have stage fright?
-Not at all.

Great! Mr. Drouillard is a formidable
and also brave man.

If you'd like to take a seat,
our little game will begin.

Take your positions, please.

Ready?

The countdown begins!

I've got your chin
You've got mine

First one of us to let a laugh, is a fag

Oh! Mrs. Pourmieux, you fought valiantly.

But our friend is a tough opponent.

However, you take our game with you

for some great laughs at home.

But that's insane! Insane!

A national quest for ransom money
on a state-owned channel.

It's almost like acknowledging that
kidnapping is part of our institutions.

You're on site. You can't stop this?

Well, I say this because… from higher up…

Apologies, Ma'am!

And congratulations.
I'll call Mr. Alain Pia!

Good, alright, let's hope for the best.

The bastard, he made me laugh!

-He really had me!
-Yes, he had you.

He got you, good job.

-That guy, he got me!
-He got you, thank you!

Fantastic, extraordinary,
prodigious Mr. Drouillard,

who has won his sixth victory!

Great job, Mr. Drouillard, great job.

You know that you can laugh,
you have the right.

No, thanks, you're very kind,
but no thank you.

You've won…

120 million Francs.

An acquired sum.
But having to fight four candidates,

you have the right to attempt the jackpot!

In this jackpot
there is a certain amount of money.

You have to evaluate this sum exactly
at a glance.

If you guess correctly, it is all yours.

Mr. Drouillard, you have ten seconds
to name the sum.

Sixteen thousand two hundred seventy six.

-You've lost, you've lost!
-Oh, Mr Drouillard.

You have not won the jackpot.

But you remain in possession
of the sum of…

120 million Francs.

We will see you again next week.

Good night and great job!

Ladies, gentlemen, dear friends…

this evening, like every Saturday,

you look forward to seeing Disco City,
the show by our dear Patrice Rengain.

You won't see it, and for a good reason.

The newspapers have told you about
the tragic event that has taken place.

I ask you all to be in front of your
televisions this evening at 8.30 pm.

As your friend Patrice Rengain needs you.

I won't tell you how,
but be sure that in exactly 44 minutes

a formidable adventure will unfold,

in which you, ladies and gentlemen,

will be the heroes.

I will see you again after the news
for this exceptional program.

You will be extraordinary,
of this I am certain.

Roll credits.

Alright, done. Thank you.

Should I hold this thing forever?

Service!

Well!

-That was great! I liked it!
-It's coming together nicely.

-Great, great.
-Did I ask you?

I said all is coming along well
because normally…

This is the exact
reproduction of a life-sized stomach.

Digestive tract, pancreas.

Every evening, a normal person

has a small drink, an appetizer.

Another drink, then he goes to eat.

An hors-d'oeuvre: green beans,
foie gras, mushrooms.

A little bit of Bordeaux.

A bit of lightly creamy fish.

A little more Bordeaux,
some chicken, vegetables.

A bit of Bordeaux.

Salad, cheese…

A bit of Bordeaux with cheese.

A bit of desert, coffee, liqueur.

Are you going to sleep
with all that in your stomach?

Lucky for you there is…

Digestiquick!

Digestiquick! Digestion in distinction.

TRAVOLSEX PROTECTION
FOR SATURDAY NIGHT

Listen, you're on your own!
I've got other problems here.

-Going live in thirty seconds!
-Oh, the comedians up there!

When you're done dancing,
there's work down here.

You're talking about Mickey.

Going live in twenty seconds.

-I'm missing one.
-Poor guy.

-I had five and now just four.
-Going live in ten seconds.

I'll manage… easy to say!

-You don't know where she is?
-No, I don't.

-Going live.
-Going live, role intro.

Number two, closer.

Grumet, go.

Ladies, gentlemen,

my dear friends,

tonight's show is not like the others.

The circumstance
that are speaking to our conscience,

and our heart…

He replaced four teeth of mine. I wanted
them on pins, but he didn't want to.

He gave me hooks instead.

Same for me. It's the back teeth.

It's on the last one at the back.

-It's hooked on the side. Look.
-I don't see anything.

It's sensitive. It hurts when you chew.

…who spent his life
entertaining the world.

To bring to every living room
a bit of forgetfulness and happiness.

Tonight, France is sad.

The happy songs he gave us…

Sir, no smoking in here.

-All the time, I--
-Shush!

The air waves are silent.
Struck with stupor and anguish.

But in some matters, bad is good.

What?

Get going!

What a dick!
The bigger they are, the more so.

-Did you take it?
-No, I think Grumet has it.

…of Patrice Rengain, a free man!

In this very moment, driving around Paris

and around every municipality in France

are buses in the colors of AF4.

In every bus there is a big singing star.

These buses and these stars are waiting
for your contribution.

If you want to smoke, please go outside.

…collecting the large sum for ransom.

-I keep saying it.
-One billion Francs.

One billion!

I'm calling the bus near the Notre Dame.

On board is the singer Sarah Goldstein!

Sarah, can you hear me?

Barely five minutes
and already two bricks.

-People are such dicks.
-I'm giving nothing for this.

-I'm missing one!
-All the same to me.

Very good. Thanks, Sarah Goldstein.

Let's move on. Shalom, Sarah!

I'm calling the second bus,
on Trocadero square,

where we find Sélim Azabadjian!

Salam aleikoum, Sélim!

For me that's even worse.
It goes behind the eyes.

It gives you the feeling
your eyes will fall out.

-And the pain is there, behind.
-Yeah, yeah.

It's sensitive.
I told you, it's sensitive.

Oh no, even you now?
The cigarette, I'm saying it all the time.

And we, who are trying to save
our friend Patrice Rengain,

we need to be aware of this.

And that the show
he loved so much continues!

Patrice did everything
for disco in our country.

On his tour, disco will help him.

A homage to Patrice,

and as they say in the USA:

She's got to be here somewhere.

Look for her, but discretely.
Don't call her up on the PA.

-Can I help?
-No, my assistant disappeared.

-Kidnapped?
-No, no.

Who would pay a ransom for that loser?

She must be talking about disco somewhere.
She's in the show somewhere.

But she'll hear me.

Thank you to Village People.

For location four

I call Helmut Friederzhoffen!

We already have ten million! That's great!

-I'm very happy!
-Danke schön, Helmut!

In location number five
we find our great friend,

Renata Consolini!

Renata is so talented! Au revoir.

Location seven at the Champs-Élysées,

someone who revives French singing!

Thos Von Orobeckté,
Polo De Rosa and Mitzi Ols!

Have you seen how much I have?
Fifteen million already!

That's fantastic!
I'll be staying the whole evening.

I'm telling you, it's extraordinary.
Paris, oh my god, this is beautiful.

896 709 324 Francs!

Outstanding!
The billion is not far away!

It will save Patrice and his great talent.

Sir, if you want to smoke,
please take it outside.

If I want to smoke, I go in the hallway.

Patrice Rengain helps and loves
the newcomers in show business.

Novelty, youth, disco!
Here is Mimi Boogie Lady!

Sorry! Excuse me, I'm super annoyed,
I'm missing one.

God will bring one to you, my son.

I don't know if you realize! 992 million!

You were extraordinary, fantastic!

Done with slave wages,
done with bread crumbs!

Done with all of it!
Girl, to your dressing room.

He can't be saved anymore!

Annoying if we reach the goal
and I'm short!

-Figure it out.
-Yes?

Figure it out!

Shush!

-He doesn't make you cry?
-Be quiet, I'm writing a check any minute.

Shut up, we know you're cute.

-Do we still need buses?
-No, we don't have the time.

-Should we pack up the gear?
-Yes.

We won! Our friend Rengain,

friend of singing,
friend of our friend singing…

He's starting to get tired, that grandpa.

…that he would like to hear.
If he was among us.

Our friend Ladislas Colère!

Ladislas Colère!

I keep telling them:
"Smoke in the hallway."

I say it all the time.

Alright, I've got to get back.

Take this, buddy.

Damn.

Dear, French people, thank you and bravo!

You are fantastic!

We can consider Patrice Rengain saved!
He's saved!

Yes, he's saved, our friend Rengain.

I don't give a shit if he's saved.

They cut off his finger?
I couldn't care less.

They could give him a bullet hole!

Cut the sound.

I care about my song.
This is the last time--

Denise! We'll fix everything.

Fantastic, this evening is great.
Disco night!

Number two on Grumet!

In the smallest town as in the capitals,

everyone will know
the meaning of the word solidarity.

It is 9.23 pm.,
we will be late for the broadcast.

-He isn't done.
-He'll never finish.

We've got the money, who cares.
Cut him off.

The heart that beats in unison
to let the world know…

Attention, credits ready…

To let the world know…

Role credits.

How awful!

You've barely left your country house
before the termites attack your furniture.

Tubet's, the insecticide
that rises… that rises…

TUBET'S, THE INSECTICIDE
THAT RISES… THAT RISES…

Podospray deodorant.
For toes and teeth alike.

I'd like Travelot, please.

Travelot, please.

I'd like one as well.

Thank you.

-Travelot, please.
-You're too young to buy this.

-It's not for me, it's for my dad.
-Travelot!

The magazine for men
who didn't forget they are also a woman.

-No one' can come in.
-I see.

Miss Mimi Boogie Lady is resting.

I see, she's resting.

Am I dreaming or what?

Piss off.
If I need you, I'll call for a biker.

Bravo,
I guess you're pleased with yourself

and that you have an explanation?

An explanation for what?

For tonight's show,
as ridiculous as it was misplaced.

My mission consisted of getting in

without raising suspicion.
I believe I achieved this.

You stretch your sense of professionalism.

We will see what headquarters says.
I'll write a report.

I'll tell you now.

I'm nothing more than a deputy cop,
making 2580 bucks a month.

Then I resign. Do you hear me, detective?

My re-sig-nat-ion.

Alright then, it's all here.

Besides the money from the province,
which hasn't arrived yet.

I've never seen this much cash.

And there's even more.

After all, they didn't ask
for more than a billion.

The show of Frédéric Monténégrin,

Our brothers, the animals,
allow us to make acquaintance

with two birds,
very curious about wildlife, so to speak.

I'm talking about
the salt and pepper toucan

and the scarlet "ropetassu",

also referred to as
the hooked "sivoulafouè".

Detective!
They just delivered a second one!

I've been awaiting this for a while.

-No fingers?
-No, no fingers.

That's just it.

-Are we good to go?
-Yes, we can go.

Ten minute break, we stop everything.
We have something to look at.

Can you play it?

I followed last night's show
with the group Vengeance and Liberty.

I confirm that I am a sinister puppet,

a pathetic product of consumer society

that can't be saved but through money.

This is my last appearance.

From here,
Vengeance and Liberty will discuss

by telephone with the director of AF4

the conditions of the ransom pick up.

You can tell the police,

it won't be able to do anything
against my kidnappers.

In fact, if things go wrong,

I will be executed.

I beg you!

Make them spare me!

What do you think of it?

It's too contrasted.
They put too much light on the face.

It looks old-fashioned.
Like it's from the '50s.

The black and white are not flattering.

Yes, his chin is too big.
It needs to be massaged a bit.

I like it.

-Without a doubt, it's great.
-It's better than Rengain.

-Younger.
-Yes, more dynamic.

Yes, more up-to-date.

We need to see that Rengain
was starting to lose it.

It's true that
he lacked spark the last time.

Meaning, if he didn't return,
that would suit you.

Detective! That's in poor taste!

-No need to exaggerate.
-No one said that.

-But his succession is certain.
-Change can't be stopped.

Without saying that it would cost less.

It would cost less?

My dear,
you saw the estimate for the series.

-My dear…
-My dear…

Probably yes. It would cost less.

Yeah…

Cost less?

We might not be very useful--

Yes. Because we're waiting here…

Yes, if it's not an inconvenience--

You can all get out of here.

-Mr. Director.
-Gentlemen.

In fact, I'll leave myself.

No point in waiting. Nothing suggests
that they will call tonight.

You can have me notified
at the switchboard if anything comes up.

Very well.

Go rest. And put that in a safe place.

-Good night.
-Good night.

If they call, do you think
we should call the police?

Well, of course!

Of course…

Of course.

Let's go.

I must be dreaming! Are you stupid?
Are you trying to mess with me?

Bunch of brutes!
You'll see where it gets you.

You'll end up in a cell!
I'll send you to the slums!

The headline for tonight's news:

The kidnapping of our colleague
Patrice Rengain.

The kidnappers have gotten in touch
with our director last night.

They have picked up the ransom
of one billion pennies.

The police headquarters
is making no comment.

Sorry, Chodaque,
you wanted to work on your own.

I let you do your thing,
but you didn't keep the deal.

The minister
wanted the kidnappers arrested

before the retrieval of the ransom.

Listen, the higher-ups--

I know, but the people don't have
confidence in the police.

I will try the impossible.

Oh, no, it's too late.

I already delivered you to the press.

I announced
you've been taken off the case.

And your demotion won't be far away.

Alright, don't bother,
I hand in my resignation.

-As you wish.
-I'll say two things.

I've had enough of this idiot police.
Got it?

You won't resign like this.
I'll chase you! I'll fire you!

Get out of here!

Perfect, I'm firing you.

Congratulations.

You do it like your soap operas
you air on your stupid channel.

Do you want to find your host alone?
Then you find him on your own.

Do you know detective Brunot,
who will replace you?

Great, thank you.
That's it for today, thanks a lot!

Thank you, folks.

Great, see you tomorrow morning?

-Good night.
-Good night.

So, my little detective,
I hear whispers you're in trouble.

Not whispers, shouts.

But I did it like you.
I handed in my resignation.

I just don't know how to lift my legs.

I can't recycle myself into show business.
I'm unemployed.

Sign up for The Chin.

You don't laugh much,
you have a chance to win the big prize.

If you're interested, it's easy.

If you want to sign up,
there are no challengers.

-Right, Mr. Grumet?
-Yes, that'd be great.

I'm interested,
anything to mess with the chief.

Ah yes, go for it, mess with him! Right?

Yes, let's mess with him.
Let's sign you up.

Mess with him!

From now on it's necessary
to stay undercover.

Yes, yes, you'll train me.

United States: Currency stabilized.

Africa: Situation increasingly oppressive.

Middle East: Trouble, but hope.

Security: Enforce new means and methods.

Social: Nothing is possible anymore
between the parties.

Rengain Affair: Still nothing.

We return to tonight's headlines.

Let us first speak of the Rengain affair.

Two weeks have passed

since the deposit of the ransom
in the specified place

and neither us nor anyone
has anything new.

At the same time,
there is talk of the disco star

Mimi Boogie Lady.

Her success is closely tied
to the Rengain affair.

It can be said now
that Mimi was a police officer

and under this title
she entered the studio,

on our AF4 stage.

Mimi Boogie Lady,
you handed in your resignation

and you're making a career for yourself.

How come a police officer
is also so perfectly disco?

It's very simple.

Last year I took an internship at the
police academy in Los Angeles.

And a police officer never
let themselves be surprised,

whatever the circumstances.

We were trained in
pursuit by vehicle, gunnery, karate.

And since it is necessary to be at ease
everywhere, including discotheques,

we were trained in disco.

POLICE OFFICER

Thanks a lot, Mimi. See you soon.

We return to current events.

In the Middle East the situation
that seemed to relax recently

finally changed in a way
that was not foreseen by experts.

All but a few announced,
that the strong trend would prevail.

-Is that my bag?
-Yes.

Please leave it there.

Thank you. Til tomorrow, like always.
At five.

Here are two diapers,
one more absorbent than the other.

If it's good for me,
it's good for my baby.

My family has problems.
Everybody has smelly feet.

Podospray, the bilingual deodorant!

Salopin, the sophisticated tissue.

-They let you go?
-He let himself go.

Really? Great.

That's to say he kidnapped himself.

What now?

He insisted on seeing you,
so I brought him to you.

Alright, yes… So.

-Detective…
-I'm no longer a detective.

Oh really?

That's irrelevant.
Either way, I still need to talk to you.

I need to tell you something. Right.

I have to tell you that I don't like
neither dancing nor music.

I've always done my shows
sincerely and honestly.

But everyone hates me in this crab basket.
On the day of my kidnapping--

Yes… well… the day of my disappearance…

I was depressed. I didn't know what to do.

I was at the end of my rope.

I had parked my car
in the lot of the station

and in closing the door…

At the time, it didn't hurt.

And then I told myself

that I couldn't play the piano anymore.

Unless we go
to the US to get me a bionic finger.

But this requires money.

That's when I had the idea

to record myself on a tape
which I sent to Brucheloir.

Here are the explanations I owe you.

In the end, you don't owe me
an explanation.

On the contrary,
you owe one to the viewers.

Certainly to those who gave money
for your phony ransom.

Phony ransom, sure.
But I didn't hurt anybody!

-Brucheloir brought you the money.
-No! Never!

I knew the ransom had been paid.
before I could specify the handover spot.

What do you think of this, detective?

A dishonest director
of a television channel…

unheard of.

-That's why I came. What can I do?
-How so?

Well, to get my money back.

The public paid because they love me.
I don't want to be robbed.

You've got a lot of nerve.

You tried to squander a billion,
that's not okay.

-You're not pressing charges?
-Well, what can I do?

You have to tell them
that you've been freed.

Since everyone thinks
the kidnappers took the money.

Should I gift the billion to Brucheloir?

That is also not very ethical.

Yeah… all I can do is help you…

Certainly to take action so Brucheloir
doesn't profit from the billion.

-And so he'll give it back to me.
-Let's not push it.

No, he…

He won't give it to you,
but he won't keep it either.

That wouldn't be very fun,
but at least it would be ethical.

Well, my…

Oh, that. A small finger of whiskey?

Dear viewers, good evening!

You will see
an exceptional show of The Chin tonight.

The magnificent Mr. Drouillard
is arriving today

in his tenth round!

That is to say,
he's faced 32 opponents already

and hasn't laughed once.

This also means that if he defeats
his four adversaries tonight,

he could end the game,
as the rules permit, with…

Two hundred million Francs!

Two hundred million Francs!
Twenty million cents!

Mr. Drouillard…

Good evening, dear Mr. Drouillard.

Remember that Mr. Drouillard

is censor at the high school
of Saint Laurent des Foies.

-De la Foi!
-De la Foi, my apologies.

Mister Drouillard,
the press is full of praise for you.

God knows the number of titles

used to refer to you
in the world of game shows.

I cite: "The colossally imperturbable."

"The man with the foggy mask."

"The great marble face."

"The Parsifal of frozen zygomata."

And many more.

You're being challenged
by four competitors.

As you are accustomed.
The first will be Mr. Chodaque.

Hello, Mr. Chodaque, welcome to our show.

-By profession you are…
-Former public servant.

Former public servant.
And you are on leave.

Kind of.

Our little game begins. Positions, please.

Ready? Timer starts now.

I've got your chin
You've got mine

The first to laugh is a fag

This is a true clash of titans.

Without a doubt one of the
big moments of I've got your chin.

What's going on? Are you crazy?

Come on, come on!

Eliminated! Mr. Drouillard is eliminated!

-I don't know!
-Neither do I.

Dear Mr. Drouillard.

How wisely you withdrew in the ninth week!

Not all is lost.
Here is the game The Chin,

that will entertain you and your family.

Goodbye, Mr. Drouillard.

It's the tobacco.
I'm telling them all the time.

What shit! Such shit!

Put number four on Grumet.

You're putting the four on Grumet?

Lower your voice.
We're not at your wife's place.

-It's all good.
-It's all good, he's done.

Number four on Grumet.

You've eliminated the toughest contestant

that The Chin has ever seen.

Your next opponent…

Fabulous, Mr. Chodaque!

You win in your first week.

-You've won a sum of…
-20 millions Francs!

Twenty million! And you have the right

to participate in our giant super jackpot!

So, Mr. Chodaque,
how much is in the jackpot?

You have to give me the exact amount.

That's very easy.
It is exactly one billion.

That might be a lot.

I'm sure of it.
Director Brucheloir will agree.

We will see.

OK.

PODOSPRAY
FOR FEET AND TEETH ALIKE

Podospray.

Gaston!

CRAKPAS
THE PAPER OF THE THIRD AGE

Subtitle translation by: Adrian Iselin