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(BIRDSONG)
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(CLOCK TICKING) (DOG
BARKS IN DISTANCE)
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(ALARM BLARING)
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00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,280
♪ ROBOCOBRA QUARTET: Wellness
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00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,839
♪ It's 7:00am
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♪ I wake after
having had on average
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♪ Seven hours and
41 minutes sleep
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00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,519
♪ I've analysed my
sleep over the years
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00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,120
♪ And found this is the
perfect amount for me
10
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,039
♪ I often got to Hyde
Park, take off my shoes
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♪ And stare at the
sun for 20 minutes
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00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,279
♪ Being barefoot grounds me
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00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,759
♪ And I receive
electrons from the Earth
14
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,919
♪ I sun-stare because the UV
rays aren't toxic in my eyes
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00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,679
♪ The first hour after sunrise
16
00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,920
♪ And it resets my
circadian rhythms
17
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,239
♪ 8:30 (BIKE BELL DINGS)
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00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,239
♪ Turn on my human charger
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00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,999
♪ A device that shines light into
my ear and gives me energy...
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Big day today? Yep!
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♪ At some point between meetings
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♪ I try to have a shot
of activated charcoal
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♪ They sell it out of Pret now
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00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,240
♪ Mm, we're so blessed
in Britain Cheers buddy.
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I love you! Seamus!
NDIDI: Seamus!
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Hey you. Seamus?
27
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I just wanted to say a quick hello-
Oh yeah! Sure, let's do this.
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Ok, here we go... Smile!
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(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
Have a good day, you.
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Seamus! Hey, buddy.
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There's lots of-
WOMAN: Sorry...
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(PHONE RINGING) Seamus.
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MAN: They said we've got
to have it out by Thursday.
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TIM: Seamus! Hey, Tim!
35
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Seamus! Ah-ha-ha!
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(BOTH CHUCKLING, GROWLING)
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Ndidi. Hi.
38
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,639
Uh, have you two already met?
39
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Sort of. I'm Ndidi.
40
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,079
Your producer. Oh, hi!
41
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God. I'm sorry, I
thought you were a...
42
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,239
I thought you were a
fan! Oh no, I am a fan!
43
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But I'm-I'm also
a producer! Agh!
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I feel like a dick!
(ALL CHUCKLING)
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Right, come on! Yeah, yeah.
46
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That's it so far. Seamus
O'Hannigan's TV show.
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(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) It's fucking
amazing! When can I tweet about it?
48
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We're officially announcing at
noon. And there's been a change
49
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,199
in location too. I don't know
if your agent's told you.
50
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,279
No? We're broadcasting
from somewhere
51
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,719
a bit different from the
norm. It's really exciting.
52
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,360
Somewhere you know very
well. Begins with an I.
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Islington! Woo! I won't
even need a driver!
54
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No, no, no, no Ireland.
Northern Ireland.
55
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Belfast, to be precise.
56
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,199
Belfast? We thought
you'd be happy.
57
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,399
Isn't that where
you're from? Um...
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00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,759
Well, my-my mum
was, yeah, but I...
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(INHALES) I haven't
been back for years.
60
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,359
It's not ideal, but you only have
to be there one or two days a week.
61
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,159
We're under pressure to produce
more content from outside London.
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It was Belfast or Cardiff, so
we thought with your background-
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This is good. I'm...
No, I'm-I'm happy.
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(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Give me a chance to...
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(IN A BAD IRISH ACCENT) "get
back in touch wit' me roots".
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♪ YOUNG SPENCER:
Straight Outta Belfast
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♪ Straight out of Belfast
and I'm bringing the boys
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♪ I got on Luca on the beat,
we're bringing the noise
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00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,599
♪ In the north, west,
south, and the east
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00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,399
♪ I've reds, blues,
orange and greens
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00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,359
♪ In the Woodvale,
Oldpark, GC, BS
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♪ Screaming skulls and the SRD
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♪ Ah, in the west,
Poleglass and Twinbrook
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♪ Ah, down Divis that
be spinning the wheels
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♪ Ain't no ah can do what we do
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♪ Bombing MD... Fuck it.
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♪ ..Keeper lit ya cunt, yee. ♪
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(SIGHS)
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Damaged goods.
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(TILLS BEEPING)
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PHILIP: Janet?
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I'll keep this brief, Janet.
You'll keep what brief?
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What I'm about to say to you.
What are you about to say?
84
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,999
I'm about to say it if
you'll let me speak-
85
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,799
Oh, I wouldn't call
this brief. Stop it!
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00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,599
Stop everything you're doing.
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00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,839
The swearing, lateness,
stealing- I don't swear.
88
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,039
You swore at Jason.
He provoked me.
89
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,840
Why, what did he
say? "Good morning"
90
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:32,240
So, he said "good
morning" and you said...
91
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,999
"Suck a fucking dick"? Who
says "good morning" anyway?
92
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,639
I mean, what does he think he
is? A fucking Disney princess?!
93
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,599
He's lucky I didn't punch him.
Janet, I do not enjoy firing people.
94
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,159
But if you keep going like this-
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll stop it.
95
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,079
I'll stop everything. Yeah.
Take the rest of the day off.
96
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,640
Come in tomorrow with a new
attitude. I'll do it tonight.
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Do what?
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00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,119
How's your mental
health these days?
99
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,080
(SCOFFS) Suck a
fucking dick, Philip.
100
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,799
The issue of setting up a truth
and Reconciliation Commission...
101
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,559
The visiting group of senators
will be talking to the leaders
102
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,439
of all the main parties to
try to find a way forward...
103
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:18,639
Join me, Seamus O'Hannigan, for
a brand-new current affairs show
104
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,039
broadcasting live from
Belfast this Sunday.
105
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,119
This Sunday with
Seamus O'Hannigan.
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We'll be talking to the UK's
leading politicians and asking them
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00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,559
the questions you want answered.
So join us this Sunday for
108
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:36,640
This Sunday with Seamus O'Hannigan,
with me, Seamus O'Hannigan.
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NDIDI: Cut! It's a bit
repetitive isn't it?
110
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,839
Yeah... A few too
many "This Sundays".
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00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,079
Yeah. And too many
"Seamus O'Hannigans"?
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(BIRDSONG)
113
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Yeah. Yeah.
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Yeah, maybe.
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00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,520
(TILLS BEEPING)
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(UPTEMPO ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
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00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,239
Ndidi. Yeah?
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00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,879
Ndidi? Yeah.
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00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,920
Er... Sorry. Thanks.
120
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,799
Are these... Are
these new pages?
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00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,279
I thought you'd missed - some important points.
- Yeah.
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00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:20,239
Let's not bring up
suicide, shall we?
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00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,479
We don't want to lose our
audience in the first week.
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00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,439
Northern Ireland has one of the
highest suicide rates in the UK.
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I thought we should at least-
Look, I get it Ndidi. You're...
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00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,399
keen to make a
mark. But, um, hey,
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00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,880
I've been doing this a long time.
So, let me try something, OK?
128
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,520
What is unemployment?
129
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:45,759
Wikipedia defines unemployment
as "the situation of actively
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00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:49,480
looking for employment whilst
not currently being employed".
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Like these "lads" you
see standing next me.
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00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,439
Here, in this divided
city, still reeling
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00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,919
from the collective
national trauma
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00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,639
of the conflict known
as "The Troubles".
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00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,919
You can sense the
legacy of violence
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00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,719
still resting on
their young shoulders.
137
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,719
Now, to you or I they
may seem desperate,
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00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,240
dangerous, criminal, even.
139
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,839
- Hello!
- Fuck off. These young men...
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Dickhead. Seek
only one thing...
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00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,880
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) Hope.
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00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,159
Jesus fucking Christ! Who
are you calling dangerous?
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00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,479
I wasn't actually calling
you- God! Everyone calm down.
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00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,439
No! Stop it!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
145
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:30,959
We have permission
to film! Blah!
146
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,759
Help! Jesus!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
147
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,120
Please, get off him!
Call the police!
148
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,599
Leave me alone! Leave me alone!
149
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,919
(CAMERAMAN GROANS) Help!
150
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,079
Seamus!
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(UPTEMPO ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
152
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(PANTING) There he
is! Get after him!
153
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,040
Fuck. (PANTING)
154
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,119
Little shits! Come
here! Come back!
155
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,200
We only want to talk to
you about your TV show.
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00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,720
(PANTING, WHIMPERING)
157
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,960
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
158
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(DOG GROWLING, BARKING) Fuck!
159
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,919
(BOYS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
160
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,320
Grab those legs!
161
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,880
(SOBBING)
162
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:42,719
Help me! (DOG BARKING)
163
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,800
(GUNSHOT) (BOYS
SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
164
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,400
(PANTING) (DOG
BARKING IN DISTANCE)
165
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,440
(PANTING)
166
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,120
You saved my life.
167
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,199
You saved mine.
168
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,399
Fucking prick! They
took my phone. Wait!
169
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,239
Can I just come in and, um...
170
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,239
Please, er, can I call a taxi?
171
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,680
Can a girl not kill
herself in peace today?!
172
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,280
(DOOR CLOSES)
173
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:30,479
REPORTER: (ON TV) And as we enter
this year's marching season,
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00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,599
tensions are rising
throughout the province...
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00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,599
BOY: I'm fucking drenched.
176
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,759
Fucking all over you.
Look at the state of yous.
177
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,479
(ALL LAUGHING)
Fuckin' all over me.
178
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,479
Of parades but as yet
no consensus has been...
179
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,319
fighting this battle
for... starting to hot up,
180
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,519
but the red team
and the blue team
181
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,559
are trying to make a
profit of their own.
182
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,279
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
183
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,320
Hello. Hi.
184
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,159
Um, listen, would you... would
you mind if I wait inside?
185
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,399
It's just there's
still some rather...
186
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,279
unsavoury characters
out there and, um...
187
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,080
Do you wanna watch TV?
188
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,119
Y-Y-Yeah, yeah?
189
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,160
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV)
190
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,079
(CLEARS THROAT)
191
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,120
(BED SQUEAKS)
192
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,599
(CLEARS THROAT)
193
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,640
(CHANNEL CHANGES)
194
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,800
(TV TURNS OFF)
195
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,840
There's nothing on. Oh?
196
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,960
Oh! Shit my phone!
197
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,399
How long did they say
they'd be? The taxi?
198
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,760
Yeah. Um... Oh, er, about...
199
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:01,280
20 minutes, so not long.
200
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,479
No.
201
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,519
Not long at all.
202
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,600
(SIRENS BLARE IN
DISTANCE) You hungry?
203
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,559
It's just toast. (INHALES)
204
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,039
I wasn't planning on
having dinner tonight.
205
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,040
(KNIFE SCRAPING ON TOAST)
206
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,280
So... why do you want
to kill yourself?
207
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,879
What brings you to
Belfast? Oh, um...
208
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,359
I'm, uh, presenting a TV series.
209
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:30,799
You're presenting? Yes.
210
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,319
A TV series? Yes.
211
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,799
You're presenting? Yes.
212
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,279
A TV series? Yes.
213
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,359
Are you a TV presenter? Yeah.
214
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,279
Fuck off! That was
quite sore actually.
215
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,479
Are you famous?
Er, well kind of.
216
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,559
Ow. Could you stop
hitting me please?
217
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,999
Fuck! A famous TV presenter!
218
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,039
In my kitchen! (SNIFFS)
219
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:52,200
Do you really not
know who I am? No.
220
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,839
I thought you did the way you
were looking at me in the bedroom.
221
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,799
I wasn't looking at you - in the bedroom.
- You were.
222
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,879
You were looking at me - in the mirror.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
223
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,079
If anything, you were looking
at me. How would you know
224
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,479
I was looking at you unless
you were looking at me?
225
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,079
What's your TV show
called? Uh, it's called
226
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,679
This Sunday with Seamus O'Hannigan.
Who's Seamus O'Hannigan?
227
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,240
Well, I am. Oh.
228
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,279
What other TV shows - have you presented?
- Uh...
229
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,319
Well... Well, technically...
230
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,919
OK, I came from radio- You're
not actually a TV presenter.
231
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,839
Well, I mean I've
guest presented things.
232
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,879
I've been a panellist
on other shows.
233
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,879
What kind of shows?
The Politics Hour.
234
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,719
Never heard of it.
Politics Today?
235
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,279
Nope. The Political Notebook?
236
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,879
I don't really follow politics. That's
probably why you haven't heard of me.
237
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,359
Probably cos you're not really - famous.
- But I am quite famous.
238
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,559
But not famous like Charlotte Crosby - or Stacey Solomon.
- Who are they?
239
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,639
Geordie Shore?
Who's Geordie Shore?
240
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,279
Oh no, don't worry, don't
worry, I-I'll look them up.
241
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,320
Oh, fucking hell, my phone!
242
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,879
How do you not know
who Stacey Solomon is?
243
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,279
X Factor? I'm a Celebrity?
Celebrity Juice?
244
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,679
Celebrity Gogglebox? Oh
jeez, you mean Reality TV?
245
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,479
Jesus Christ, no. I mean,
that's just for ignorant morons
246
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,000
who'd be better off shooting
themselves in the fucking face.
247
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,320
No offence. (CAR HORN HONKING)
248
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,240
(SIGHS) That'll be your taxi.
249
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,920
(PLATE CLINKS) Yeah...
250
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,640
(SIGHS)
251
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,800
Uh... Listen, are
you gonna be ok?
252
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,000
(SCOFFS)
253
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,760
(CAR HORN HONKS)
254
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,880
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
255
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,840
(SIRENS BLARING)
256
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,640
Fuck!
257
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,760
Oh fuck! Oh shit!
258
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,359
Fuck, fuck, oh fuck.
259
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,239
Fuck, oh shit.
260
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,280
Oh? Oh fuck!
261
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,399
Oh.
262
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,839
(GRUNTS) Fucking hell!
263
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,239
(BOTH SCREAM)
264
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,439
What are you doing here?
265
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,679
I thought you were trying
to kill yourself again.
266
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,480
I'm eating a bar of chocolate.
267
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,840
Would you mind calling
me a taxi? Again?
268
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,920
Please?
269
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,639
Er, no, that's dead on.
I'll try someone else.
270
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,280
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(MOTORBIKES REVVING)
271
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,560
(TYRES SCREECHING) (CHEERING)
272
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,519
I've rang every taxi
firm in East Belfast.
273
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,839
They're all booked up. You
won't get a cab for hours.
274
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,919
Oh... fuck.
275
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,159
Is-Is there no one else you can
try? Look, mate, I'm not doing this
276
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,279
all night! Sorry, yeah.
Ok. Well, thanks...
277
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,119
I can walk, I suppose.
278
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,480
Thanks for trying.
(MOTORBIKES REVVING)
279
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,039
You're welcome to stay
the night. Oh. Uh, well...
280
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,319
Obviously, I don't mean-
No, I know, no I mean I-
281
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,199
It's just it's late, you know- I
didn't think you meant anything.
282
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,039
Anyway, the offer's
there. I appreciate it.
283
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,439
It's not an offer of anything - more than a bed.
- Right. Right.
284
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,439
Oh and when I say bed, you know,
I don't mean, fucking-Gotcha.
285
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,719
(CLEARS THROAT)
(BOTTLE CLINKS)
286
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,760
(BOTH INHALE) (GROANS)
287
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,559
You can sleep on
the sofa. Thanks.
288
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,600
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
289
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,000
(MOTORBIKE REVVING)
BOY: Woo-hoo!
290
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,759
Yeah! (MOTORBIKE REVVING)
291
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,240
(GLASS SMASHES)
292
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:12,579
(SEAMUS HUMMING)
293
00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:15,019
So, do I have to worry
about an irate husband
294
00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:19,099
coming home and finding a
strange man on his sofa?
295
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:21,499
My husband's dead.
296
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,940
Oh. Sorry.
297
00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:27,860
He died two months
ago. (SIGHS)
298
00:17:28,620 --> 00:17:31,059
Is that why you're depressed?
Who said I was depressed?
299
00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:33,619
Oh, um, well you were...
300
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:37,059
You were trying to ki... Uh...
301
00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:39,100
I'd prefer not to
talk about it. OK.
302
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:45,340
It's just, it-it's good to talk
about these things. You know.
303
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:50,180
It's good to... It can be helpful
to get them off your chest.
304
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:53,260
And I'm-I'm a very
good listener.
305
00:17:54,580 --> 00:17:57,579
Well, actually- In fact,
I-I-I once interviewed
306
00:17:57,580 --> 00:18:01,580
the former Archbishop of Canterbury,
Rowan Williams, and he said...
307
00:18:02,260 --> 00:18:06,019
he said, it was the best interview
he's ever done because...
308
00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:08,060
because I'm such
a good listener.
309
00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:11,299
Yeah, it might be good - to talk about it, actually.
- Yeah.
310
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,340
Yeah...
311
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,699
So, how did he
die? I killed him.
312
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:28,539
What?
313
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,580
I murdered him. Oh...
314
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,300
It was a sex game gone wrong.
315
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:37,660
I was dominating him
and I took it too far.
316
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,659
I shoved a... what
do you call it?
317
00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:45,699
It's like a... it's like
a vibrator, but it...
318
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,619
it doesn't vibrate. A dildo?
319
00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:49,259
- Dildo?
- Yeah. Yeah, a dildo.
320
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:52,060
Yeah, I shoved a dildo down
his throat and he, um...
321
00:18:54,980 --> 00:18:56,780
he choked on it.
322
00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:01,140
He choked on a dildo.
323
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,180
Mm.
324
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:10,699
(SIGHS) (STIFFLED LAUGHTER)
325
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,139
(LAUGHS)
326
00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:15,219
I'm joking. (LAUGHS)
327
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,220
Fu... (LAUGHING)
328
00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,940
He left me for another woman.
329
00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:33,620
Sleep tight.
330
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,300
(CHUCKLING)
331
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:43,619
(SIRENS BLARE)
332
00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:45,939
(CLOCK TICKING)
333
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:48,500
(MOTORBIKE REVVING)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
334
00:19:49,460 --> 00:19:51,460
(SIRENS BLARING)
335
00:19:53,220 --> 00:19:55,220
(BOYS LAUGHING)
336
00:19:57,620 --> 00:19:59,500
(FOX SCREECHES)
337
00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:03,540
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
338
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:11,340
(URINE SPLASHING) (SIGHS)
339
00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:20,379
Hi. Jesus Christ!
340
00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:23,179
I couldn't sleep in my room
because of the broken window.
341
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,220
Yeah. It's too cold.
342
00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:27,420
(SIGHS)
343
00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:31,780
(FOX SCREECHES) (SNORING)
344
00:20:46,820 --> 00:20:48,820
(MOANS)
345
00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:52,020
(GRUNTS)
346
00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:06,260
(GENTLE MUSIC)
347
00:21:07,780 --> 00:21:10,220
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
348
00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:17,380
(INHALES) (BIRDSONG)
349
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:30,020
(GRUNTS)
350
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:35,900
(SIGHS)
351
00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:51,180
Hiya.
352
00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:54,100
Hi.
353
00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:04,180
Better get ready
for work. (SIGHS)
354
00:22:05,860 --> 00:22:07,899
(SIGHS)
355
00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:10,299
'This Sunday with...' (SIGHS)
356
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:12,699
'Hello and welcome to the
very first... very first...
357
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:15,859
Oh shit. Come on. This
Sunday with Seamus...
358
00:22:15,860 --> 00:22:17,899
Hello we're in
Belfast live for...'
359
00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:20,700
(BREATHING SHAKILY) Morning.
360
00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:25,699
(EXHALES) You alright?
361
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:28,659
Yeah, just... just a bit
nervous. (CLEARS THROAT)
362
00:22:28,660 --> 00:22:30,739
About this interview.
What interview?
363
00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:33,139
I'm interviewing the, uh...
364
00:22:33,140 --> 00:22:36,140
the Secretary of State
for Work and Pensions.
365
00:22:37,620 --> 00:22:40,139
You know, when I'm
nervous I sing.
366
00:22:40,140 --> 00:22:42,139
Sorry, you what? I
made up this wee song
367
00:22:42,140 --> 00:22:44,780
and I sing it to myself
whenever I feel nervous.
368
00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:48,379
Come on, let's hear it then.
369
00:22:48,380 --> 00:22:50,539
No, I don't think so.
Come on sing the song.
370
00:22:50,540 --> 00:22:52,619
No, I'm not singing it.
Please sing the song.
371
00:22:52,620 --> 00:22:55,099
I'm not singing it. It
really... I wanna hear-
372
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:59,059
(SINGING) Don't be nervous.
Nerves are for dickheads.
373
00:22:59,060 --> 00:23:02,819
So, if you're nervous
that makes you a dickhead
374
00:23:02,820 --> 00:23:07,339
So, don't be...
375
00:23:07,340 --> 00:23:09,380
fucking nervous.
376
00:23:11,020 --> 00:23:13,139
- Wow!
- I knew you wouldn't fucking appreciate it.
377
00:23:13,140 --> 00:23:15,139
No, no, it's not that,
it's just, it's like,
378
00:23:15,140 --> 00:23:18,019
let's be honest, - it doesn't rhyme at all.
- So?
379
00:23:18,020 --> 00:23:19,859
Well, I mean, there's no tune.
380
00:23:19,860 --> 00:23:22,340
I mean, you couldn't
categorise it as a song.
381
00:23:23,460 --> 00:23:27,060
Well, it's worked
though, hasn't it? How?
382
00:23:28,260 --> 00:23:30,860
It's... You're not
worrying anymore.
383
00:23:32,940 --> 00:23:34,940
(SCOFFS)
384
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:42,460
(CAR HORN HONKS)
385
00:23:47,140 --> 00:23:48,819
Yeah.
386
00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:50,979
♪ RYAN MCMULLAN: RUTHLESS CUPID
387
00:23:50,980 --> 00:23:53,500
♪ Don't wanna leave
but I gotta go home
388
00:23:54,380 --> 00:23:57,259
♪ Where'd you come
from, where did you go?
389
00:23:57,260 --> 00:24:00,619
♪ I don't recall
ever feeling so low
390
00:24:00,620 --> 00:24:04,379
♪ Washed up and burned
out, 30 years old
391
00:24:04,380 --> 00:24:07,099
♪ I'm holding out
for a little romance
392
00:24:07,100 --> 00:24:10,219
♪ But nobody's ever
said "shut up and dance"
393
00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:13,499
♪ Like the way that you did babe
394
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:18,020
♪ Yeah, you made
me feel something
395
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:22,899
(MOUTHS) What? ♪
Oh, honey come back
396
00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:25,100
♪ You never told me your name
397
00:24:27,860 --> 00:24:31,259
♪ What kind of game
have you got me in?
398
00:24:31,260 --> 00:24:34,139
♪ Whatever it is,
I'd let you win
399
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:37,579
♪ Oh, now I see you
with some other guy
400
00:24:37,580 --> 00:24:40,179
♪ Washed up and pissed off...
If you can't stand the heat,
401
00:24:40,180 --> 00:24:42,499
then get out of the kitchen.
I hope you've enjoyed
402
00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:44,539
this first show
as much as I have.
403
00:24:44,540 --> 00:24:46,979
Thanks for joining us.
See you next Sunday.
404
00:24:46,980 --> 00:24:49,380
(CHUCKLES) (APPLAUSE)
405
00:24:50,340 --> 00:24:53,499
MAN: Keep her lit, Seamus.
406
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,899
WOMAN: Well done Seamus,
that was brilliant.
407
00:24:55,900 --> 00:24:58,459
MAN: We love you Seamus!
408
00:24:58,460 --> 00:25:01,859
WOMAN: Get on Seamus. (LAUGHS)
409
00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:05,100
♪ Oh, honey come back, you
never told me your name
410
00:25:06,700 --> 00:25:08,659
Good morning.
411
00:25:08,660 --> 00:25:14,139
♪ I should've known it
would always end up this way
412
00:25:14,140 --> 00:25:17,579
♪ Oh, Cupid, you're ruthless
413
00:25:17,580 --> 00:25:20,899
♪ Oh, Cupid, I'm just stupid
414
00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:25,020
♪ But Cupid, this goose
chase ain't over yet. ♪
415
00:25:33,660 --> 00:25:35,660
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
416
00:25:37,380 --> 00:25:39,619
(BABY WAILING) AIR STEWARD:
Ladies and Gentlemen,
417
00:25:39,620 --> 00:25:42,259
we are experiencing a little
turbulence coming into London.
418
00:25:42,260 --> 00:25:44,179
Please remain in your
seats as the captain has
419
00:25:44,180 --> 00:25:45,899
put on the fasten
your seatbelt sign.
420
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:47,940
(WIND WHISTLING)
421
00:25:54,340 --> 00:25:56,979
(SINGING) Don't be nervous.
422
00:25:56,980 --> 00:25:58,780
Nerves are for dickheads.
423
00:26:01,140 --> 00:26:04,299
So, if you're nervous,
it makes you a dickhead.
424
00:26:04,300 --> 00:26:07,819
(CLEARS THROAT) So, don't be...
425
00:26:07,820 --> 00:26:09,860
fucking nervous.
426
00:26:16,540 --> 00:26:18,540
(WOMAN COUGHS)
427
00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:21,779
Huh.
428
00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:23,820
(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)
429
00:26:35,140 --> 00:26:37,579
Seamus? I thought you
were still in Ireland.
430
00:26:37,580 --> 00:26:39,579
I just got back.
431
00:26:39,580 --> 00:26:41,299
Oh my God, what
happened to your face?
432
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,739
I was attacked by a gang
of thugs in Belfast.
433
00:26:43,740 --> 00:26:46,180
Why didn't you call me?
They stole my phone.
434
00:26:46,860 --> 00:26:48,860
Hi. Hi.
435
00:26:51,380 --> 00:26:54,059
Did-Did you still do the
show? Didn't you watch it?
436
00:26:54,060 --> 00:26:56,539
Sorry, I actually was
filming all night.
437
00:26:56,540 --> 00:26:58,660
Did you see my interview
in The Observer?
438
00:27:03,060 --> 00:27:05,060
(SLURPS)
439
00:27:16,780 --> 00:27:19,180
(REVERSING ALARM BEEPING)
440
00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:30,460
(BREATHING SHAKILY)
441
00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:35,619
They mentioned you a lot.
Me? It's not about me.
442
00:27:35,620 --> 00:27:39,139
You're a totally brilliant
actor in your own right.
443
00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:41,740
I'm so sick of this
patriarchal bullshit!
444
00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:47,580
Shall we go for dinner?
445
00:27:49,100 --> 00:27:51,099
(SIGHS)
446
00:27:51,100 --> 00:27:53,140
♪ THE VACCINES: If You Wanna
447
00:28:10,860 --> 00:28:13,779
♪ Well, I don't want to
wake up in the morning
448
00:28:13,780 --> 00:28:17,219
♪ But I've got to face the day
449
00:28:17,220 --> 00:28:19,099
♪ That's what all the friends
450
00:28:19,100 --> 00:28:23,660
♪ I do not like
as much as you say
451
00:28:24,340 --> 00:28:27,299
♪ I don't want to do
things independently
452
00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:30,259
♪ But I can't make you stay
453
00:28:30,260 --> 00:28:32,219
♪ That's what all the friends
454
00:28:32,220 --> 00:28:36,540
♪ I do not like
as much as you say
455
00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:43,019
♪ But if you wanna come back
it's alright, it's alright
456
00:28:43,020 --> 00:28:46,019
♪ It's alright if
you wanna come back
457
00:28:46,020 --> 00:28:49,299
♪ Do you wanna come back?
It's alright, it's alright
458
00:28:49,300 --> 00:28:53,220
♪ It's alright if you
wanna come back to me
459
00:28:57,220 --> 00:28:59,899
♪ Alone
460
00:28:59,900 --> 00:29:02,860
♪ All alone
461
00:29:03,740 --> 00:29:09,139
♪ I, I am on my own
462
00:29:09,140 --> 00:29:11,579
♪ Alone
463
00:29:11,580 --> 00:29:15,339
♪ All alone
464
00:29:15,340 --> 00:29:20,579
♪ I, I am on my own
465
00:29:20,580 --> 00:29:24,099
♪ But if you wanna come back
it's alright, it's alright
466
00:29:24,100 --> 00:29:26,659
♪ It's alright if
you wanna come back
467
00:29:26,660 --> 00:29:29,819
♪ Do you wanna come back?
It's alright, it's alright
468
00:29:29,820 --> 00:29:33,140
♪ It's alright if you
wanna come back to me
469
00:29:43,780 --> 00:29:47,339
♪ But do you wanna come back?
It's alright, it's alright
470
00:29:47,340 --> 00:29:49,899
♪ It's alright if
you wanna come back
471
00:29:49,900 --> 00:29:53,059
♪ Do you wanna come back?
It's alright, it's alright
472
00:29:53,060 --> 00:29:55,659
♪ It's alright if
you wanna come back
473
00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:58,899
♪ Do you wanna come back?
It's alright, it's alright
474
00:29:58,900 --> 00:30:01,419
♪ It's alright if
you wanna come back
475
00:30:01,420 --> 00:30:04,739
♪ Do you wanna come back?
It's alright, it's alright
476
00:30:04,740 --> 00:30:08,620
♪ It's alright if you
wanna come back to me. ♪
477
00:30:12,820 --> 00:30:14,820
(MARCHING BAND MUSIC)
478
00:30:41,260 --> 00:30:44,540
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